The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 79: Johnny Eggs

Episode Date: July 9, 2018

We think it's episode 79, but we're not sure, and Pete is still sunburnt. It's his own fault. It's sent him a bit mad, and one minute we're discussing new show ideas, and the next we're talking about ...bringing a different animal into the studio every week. Heady stuff.On today's show we solve the great Cadbury's discontinued chocolate bar riddle, find out about eggs that haven't had a shell formed around them, waste pipes, Two Fat Ladies, and a horrible shit who almost blew up his entire school. It wasn't big, but it was actually quite clever in a way.Participate: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Rise. All right. Rise. Doesn't he say that in Star Wars? He says rise. Rise. Rise Lord Vader. Yeah, doesn't he?
Starting point is 00:00:24 I don't know, to be honest. I've been giving away, on the radio, I've been giving away tickets to Rise Festival. So I've been saying rise. But now I kind of realise that maybe my rise doesn't even make any sense. Welcome to the Luke of Peachtree. Well, you have the chance to win
Starting point is 00:00:41 Rise Festival tickets in Chelmsford. You don't. Featuring Noel Gallagher, Rag and Born Man, James Bay, anyone? We don't give away any prizes on this show. Do you want to know why? Oh, is our show not enough? Yeah. For free, you dickheads.
Starting point is 00:00:58 Yeah. Is work rate a reason? Because we're putting it in over here. We are putting it in. You shouldn't be putting it in. How have you been, Luke Moore? You had a good week? We've been kind of seeing a lot of each other because the worldie yeah you're the sort of person peter you are the sort of man who doesn't like spending more than like a couple of hours in anyone's company and we've established that we've been through that on the show and i won't repeat it at the risk of boring all our listeners so i
Starting point is 00:01:23 imagine this period of time we've done so many shows because of the world cup because of this because of that and because of the other that you're finding it very tough to the point of where you almost sabotaged your own body by falling asleep on purpose in high park and giving yourself and i make no bones about this the most horrific sunburn i've seen in the uk ever. Five words for you, Luke. I have my own friends and I... I'll just check that. He's drifting off.
Starting point is 00:01:50 I did it under the table with my hands so you wouldn't see. Yeah, I did fall asleep on a deck chair and give myself horrific burns. And where were your friends then? They were next to me. Yeah, I thought I'll tear my top off get a bit of sun and the problem is I'd kind of got a bit
Starting point is 00:02:08 of sun the weekend before and I'd started peeling in a very specific part of my body the sternum the sternum the solar plexus
Starting point is 00:02:16 the solar plexus and the sun attacked it rather heavily and I'm in all kinds of trouble this week to be honest it's gone all scabby
Starting point is 00:02:22 it went all blistery then it went all scabby we've talked a bit about sun before but you're still suffering so I haven't been able to hug anyone all weekend and I'm a double this week, to be honest. It's gone all scabby. It went all blistery, then it went all scabby. We've talked a bit about some before, but you're still suffering. I haven't been able to hug anyone all weekend, and I'm a hugger. Who knows I'm a hugger? You're a hugger, not a fighter. Now, listen, we have another... Regular listeners to the show will realise this is an issue
Starting point is 00:02:37 that rears its considerably uglier head than normal. Like a bad poo. Yeah, exactly. It is the thorny issue of what episode number we're fucking on. Well, somebody... You don't want to be... So you've washed your hands of it.
Starting point is 00:02:52 So you won't have any contribution to the episode number issue. No, but I did not. Because you didn't want them to be numbered in the first place. I didn't. That was a year ago, but you're sticking with it.
Starting point is 00:02:59 I noticed, yeah, apathy goes a long way. True. I think... Yeah, I think it's 70... I think we're on 73 now, because I know for a fact that the person who uploads the show, not me, I'd like to point out,
Starting point is 00:03:12 got the numbers wrong at one point. Yeah, you're insane. We're on 79 now. Are we? Yeah. I believe we're on 79. I misnumbered two as 76. Right.
Starting point is 00:03:22 But I think I've got us back in sync now, and I'm fairly certain this is 79. Regardless, But I think I've got us back in sync now and I'm fairly certain this is 79. Regardless, it doesn't actually matter. Well, we didn't make a point of the 69 one so I'm very disappointed at that.
Starting point is 00:03:31 We could have done a sex special. No, that was when you bought your first real six string, wasn't it? At the five and nine. Yeah. Listen, previously
Starting point is 00:03:39 on the Luke and Pete show, which it doesn't matter what number it is. It doesn't matter. It looks uniform on the iTunes or wherever you get your products. That's all I care about. Previously, we talked about
Starting point is 00:03:47 a beer flood in the 19th century. Do you want to hear a little previously thing? Okay. Last time on Dragon Ball Z. We talked about Sunburn, something we've done again today. Fighting in PE class,
Starting point is 00:03:58 inclusive of teachers. Yes. I don't remember that much. The teacher headbutted, the PE teacher headbutted a child and then was never seen again that's right yeah maybe he just got a taste for it
Starting point is 00:04:08 and just decided to headbutt all the children in the world yeah a mystery child headbutter and then headbutt the headteacher yeah then headbutt the police officer it's like the video game school days
Starting point is 00:04:17 then headbutt the judge we also talked a bit about bungee jumping because you did one did one yeah bungee jumping jumped off the thing and that old favourite something there for everyone
Starting point is 00:04:25 Christopher Lambert being legally blind oh yeah he's always hurting himself with swords and stuff he is this week around I
Starting point is 00:04:33 this time around this week around this week around sounds like a Green Day song I watched so I've got this thing and I know you're going to hate this but just work with me
Starting point is 00:04:42 go with me when because we're in this weird sort of hinterland where there's just always football on TV at the moment I'm not really watching anything at all
Starting point is 00:04:50 other than football right so what I've taken to doing in the group stage there was like half an hour between each game or whatever before the coverage
Starting point is 00:04:57 started again and now it's a bit longer God knows what I'm going to do next week but anyway I'll take each day at a time but I've gone to the Sky Planner pretty one match a day. I'll take each day at a time.
Starting point is 00:05:08 But I've gone to the Sky Planner pretty much every day and just flicked on channel 133, which is the good food channel. Okay. It's relaxing, background type stuff. It's interesting. I know you hate the sort of fetishisation of food. Is there any man versus food, or is this more like a Gordon Ramsay kitchen nightmare? No, it's actually a bit more gentle than that.
Starting point is 00:05:23 It's more stuff like Rick Stein and the Hairy Bikers and that kind of stuff. I quite like the Hairy Bikers. So do I. They seem quite genuine. So do I. And anyway,
Starting point is 00:05:31 the other day I flicked on and I'd completely forgotten about this and I was stunned as to how mad it is. Like ridiculous. Is that show
Starting point is 00:05:43 Two Fat Ladies? Oh yes. With Clarissa Dixon-Wright and Jennifer Patterson. One of them's passed away. No, both of them have passed away. Oh, have they?
Starting point is 00:05:50 They've all gone. So we won't speak of the dead. God rest them and all that. But the show itself, Pete, is, it reminds me of a even more mad, but more up-to-date
Starting point is 00:06:02 Keith Floyd. Yeah, it's, if you look at those two, somebody... Stop doing the drinky-drinky motion. I don't know how that show came to be. They were big for quite a while, which is quite surprising. If any American or foreign listeners dip their toe in... It only ran for four years, that show.
Starting point is 00:06:22 Really? 96 to 99, inclusive. Right. They were just two eccentric... Like proper British, really? 96 to 99 inclusive. Yeah. They were just two eccentric, like proper British eccentrics, weren't they? Yeah. And to give you a bit of meat on the bones,
Starting point is 00:06:32 pun intended, about why this episode was so mad, right? So neither of them are presenters. No. So they just stand there talking to each other and they are filmed doing so. Yes. The food is of the Keith Floyd variety. It's a bit rich. We haven't even got food to offer people no yeah it's true but listen to this though pete the
Starting point is 00:06:49 episode i saw one of them is making one of them just stands there and cuts out a really bad looking dog in pastry to put on top of the pie that the other one's making which is basically a load of venison fried off a bottle of port and pastry on top and put the little dog on it and put it in the oven. And get this, this is the kicker. They don't even finish the show by taking out the oven. They go to some sort of air display, right? Talk to a pilot and the show finishes.
Starting point is 00:07:19 They don't even show you the cooked food. All right, well, maybe that's not the focus. Clearly isn't. They're just two doddery old lasses having a good time. Get it in the oven and get these two out of here. Get them out of my sight.
Starting point is 00:07:30 Get them to an airfield immediately. Get them out of my sight. Did any of them have any grounding in cooking or were they just kind of like good old like British cooking
Starting point is 00:07:39 that women of a certain age seem to think they're good at? Clarissa Dixon Wright's dad was the surgeon to the royal family. Oh, okay. Yeah. And Jennifer Patterson, I'm not sure. I know.
Starting point is 00:07:52 Somebody I know's dad is the royal doctor. He's quite good. Following in the footsteps of Mr. Dixon Wright. He went blind briefly, like Christopher Lambert. Briefly? Yeah. Lambert still blind, right? Came back eventually
Starting point is 00:08:05 oh guys no actually having said that having said that I don't know about Jennifer Patterson but Clarissa Dixon Wright had an amazing life right listen to
Starting point is 00:08:13 this as a as a write-up write-up in her bio right she's an English celebrity chef television personality writer businesswoman and former barrister the
Starting point is 00:08:23 youngest person called to the bar at the time uh and it's an accredited cricket umpire and one of only two women ever to become a guild butcher come on she's fit a lot in i yeah it's one of the things that's like around the drinking it's like uh two like two people have had who've lived a good life and they're having a lovely time put them on telly because they are just incredibly good value. They've seen life. And if you're listening,
Starting point is 00:08:48 TV producers, and commissioning editors. We've done nothing. I could probably, no, you've, I could probably carry us through, I think. I could hold it up. Carry us through?
Starting point is 00:08:56 What are you talking about? I could, you, you. Boring shit about, I don't know, space or rocks. Yeah. I'll be going, let's talk about shit.
Starting point is 00:09:03 Let's talk about human shit and the depths we can all go to because that's where you find shit about life that's what you find about yourself when you're covering your own shit that's someone else's that's what you think of yourself the other day when we had a whatsapp conversation about potential future shows we could do you replied saying i don't want to do anything about rocks space or animals yeah what's wrong with animals it's just it's just it's just a bit QI. It's just a bit BBC. You know that the aye-aye monkey has big ears
Starting point is 00:09:31 and a little finger to get termites out of holes. But if I said to you, Pete, let's do a show where you and I do exactly what we do now once a week. We sit in the studio, but here's the X factor. There's an aye-aye in the room. Every week, one of us brings a different animal in and we just watch it do stuff. Watch it do. in the studio but here's the here's the X factor there's an aye aye in the room every week one of us brings
Starting point is 00:09:45 a different animal in and we just watch it do stuff watch it do yeah but then we're just describing think about it we'll have to paint
Starting point is 00:09:52 pictures don't answer now it'll just be us going I've got to buy a new fucking USB cable yeah
Starting point is 00:09:58 hello at lucanpicture.com if you would like that to happen or you would like to get in touch with us for any reason at all
Starting point is 00:10:04 it's a dog whistle for people who want to mug me off. Which is everyone. Isn't this show just that anyway? We were talking about you being... I feel like I'm your sidekick on this show, but you are traditionally. You've carved out quite the niche for yourself
Starting point is 00:10:17 as an audio-based sidekick. Is that fair? It's not really a niche when you make no money out of it. Well, I spotted a gap in the market, but it turned out the market didn't exist. Yeah, I think so. Fair enough.
Starting point is 00:10:28 Don't blame yourself for that. You're a talented chap. It just doesn't always come across. Anyway, shall we have a... Quit getting in my niche, mate. Shall we have a break and then do some emails? The emails this week, by the way, are absolutely fantastic. Well...
Starting point is 00:10:42 She's going to report me for saying bugger, you know. Oh, just wait till I see your mother. You're in real trouble. Oh, I say, what if she's going to report me for saying bugger, you know. Oh, just wait till I see your mother. You're in real trouble. Oh, I say, what if she's going to go and see you? Then tell her this bugger-shaped fuck-shaped fucking sphincter. Is that Brian Blessett? Yeah. Excellent.
Starting point is 00:10:55 Fucking sphincter. That is absolutely outrageous. Yeah. It is true, though. If somebody says they're going to tell on you for doing one thing, you may as well do it a bit more. Are you all right over there? Yeah, I just spilled some water on myself.
Starting point is 00:11:05 You didn't just spill water. It went on my leg. Did it? It went on the eye I brought in the studio's head. Listen, you're a psychic. Feel weird for a second. Well, it's exactly the psychics don't have to do that. The best thing about being a psychic is you don't have any responsibilities.
Starting point is 00:11:18 You can just turn up, just waffle on when you can, and the other person has to kind of take it to the break or take it to some music. It's brilliant. Yeah. Love being a sidekick. I've dried off now. Emails time.
Starting point is 00:11:29 So, Pete, what do you want to start with? I've got man obsesses over gadgets. I've got a welcome return to egg chat. I've got man damages balls on bollard. I've got men take arduous journey. And I've got man saves balls with burrito. A I've got Man Saves Balls with Burrito. A lot of balls trapped this week. I know, a couple of balls in there.
Starting point is 00:11:49 Well, let's save the balls trapped to the ball section. Gadgets, you probably want, don't you? Let's have egg chat. Oh, egg chat, okay. Egg chat, please. All right, I'll start off with some egg chat. This is from Rick, who is in Lancashire. Ricky!
Starting point is 00:12:03 You might quite like this. He says, I'm a recent subscriber working my way through the episodes. I'm up to episode 50 and it's been some time since long eggs were last mentioned. That was my favourite bit of the podcast other than the poo bread. What was poo bread? Was that the joke needing a poo or something? No, it was that guy who was going around wiping the bread on the toilet seat and eating it. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:25 He says, I thought you and your listeners might like to know that I have some awful memories from when I worked at a battery hen farm in Southport in the late 1980s. What a depressing sentence. Can you imagine? What a depressing sentence. They used to be in the work bank in Leicester, which is a university-sponsored or certainly mandated kind of temp agency
Starting point is 00:12:46 on campus. I got a few alright jobs on there mainly factory work but there were some good ones. One of the jobs that you would occasionally come up with was a chicken
Starting point is 00:12:57 rendering plant or whatever and that was the worst job you could possibly do but you made really good money doing it. Did you do it? No, I didn't do it but a couple of friends did. Well, Rick was on 90p an hour Saturday and Sunday
Starting point is 00:13:07 as he was still at school. He says, the stench was awful. Thousands and thousands of chickens in small wire cages in huge sheds on stilts. Awful. The shit would fall through the wire into the area below the shed, but the wire floor would catch the eggs, and they'd roll into a tray to be collected by my colleagues and I.
Starting point is 00:13:25 So far, so horrific, but straightforward. But Rick goes on to say, What sticks in my mind most isn't the appalling conditions, it was the phenomenon which we called Johnny Eggs. Johnny Eggs. Where hens would frequently lay eggs which didn't have a hard shell. It was like a yolk and albumen in a condom, hence the name Johnny Egg. They were quite dry
Starting point is 00:13:45 and not unpleasant to touch, but just looked badly wrong. Something I wouldn't dream of eating. Such eggs were not placed in trays like the others. They would be placed in buckets. The soft Johnny skins were quite durable and a bucket would be filled most days. Oh no, that's horrible. Well, there was a kitchen on the egg farm
Starting point is 00:14:01 and one day I was working in the kitchen when I asked what happened to the Johnny Eggs. I was disgusted to find out they were blended with the skin still on and sold to a local cake shop. That's... Now, this cake shop was long gone, but it was very popular, and they put these Johnny Eggs into their cakes. I was about 15 at the time,
Starting point is 00:14:18 and I regularly had been treated to cakes from this establishment, so must have consumed hundreds of Johnny Eggs over the years. Please find attached a picture of a Johnny Egg Johnny Eggs over the years. Please find attached a picture of a Johnny Egg I found on the internet. You guys can use
Starting point is 00:14:28 your imagination. It looks exactly as you'd imagine. He says, thanks for taking the time to read it. Rick, now in Lancashire and no longer working
Starting point is 00:14:34 at an egg farm. Just relentlessly sorry because the thing with eggs is you can clean an egg or you don't. You crack an egg and it kind of, you know,
Starting point is 00:14:41 but the Johnny Egg blending the, which I presume without the hard kind of, you know, but the Johnny egg blending the, um, which I presume without the, um, hard kind of protein on the outside, you just got the inner bit, like the soft kind of whitey sort of stuff. And it's just, yeah. How does that rank alongside a long egg for you?
Starting point is 00:14:57 Um, long eggs are weirdly more appetizing. I don't really get, I still don't understand how a long egg is made. Well, the man who we, when we started the Little Peter Show talking about a man who was obsessed with making a long egg, which is basically a normal egg, a boiled egg, but extruded. So you get like a big sausage, a white outer layer, and then the yellow yolk in the middle. It's a mystery to me.
Starting point is 00:15:20 It's very mysterious, but this man has spent ages trying to make it. A not confident food presenter, let's say. Yeah, yeah. Slash blogger. Vlogger, if you will. But he gets more and more confident as he goes through, which I really like, but he's still very charmingly nervous,
Starting point is 00:15:35 and he makes this long egg with what he readily admits is a waste pipe. He uses a waste pipe to, presumably never used in a plumbing situation, but still. None of this is particularly savoury, is it? No, it's not, is it? Why don't you do an email now, Peter? But the long scotch eggy made once was very savoury,
Starting point is 00:15:50 has to be said. Definitely. Speaking of waste pipes, I want to say a big hello to... Who have we got here? Who have we got here? Can you fill for a second while I find the... Yeah, do you want me to give you a quick update
Starting point is 00:16:02 about Cadbury's chocolate bar update? Secrets! Yes. Well, you've just done it, so you don't need me to give you a quick update about Cadbury's chocolate bar update secrets yes well you've just done it so you didn't need me to well we got so many messages about this
Starting point is 00:16:09 the chocolate bar that I was trying to think of which was like a nest with a kind of mallow centre Cadbury's secret
Starting point is 00:16:15 thanks to you and Simon and many others who got in touch with the secret info Ian I'll read his
Starting point is 00:16:22 email just randomly he said I believe the chocolate nest with marshmallow filling bar you were talking about was the secret. Picture attached. I actually sent Cadbury's an email about it. Saying, look, are there any plans to bring
Starting point is 00:16:32 it back? P.S. Can I please have a look around your studio? Actually, factory, sorry. And they said, hi, thanks for contacting us. We receive a large number of requests seeking tours of our facilities. I'm sure you can appreciate
Starting point is 00:16:46 as a food manufacturer we are limited regarding such visits. Unfortunately, we are unable to support your request for a site visit this time. I'm sorry we are unable to respond more positively. Thanks again.
Starting point is 00:16:57 I didn't even cover the secret issue. I mean, you're clearly on a blacklist. It's not a no, is it? It's not a no. You're clearly on a food manufacturer's blacklist. Do not let this man in the factory because he will jump
Starting point is 00:17:06 in the pipes like Augustus Gloop. Normally I don't call ahead, just turn up. You just appear through a waste pipe. Hello.
Starting point is 00:17:14 Right, this one comes from Sam speaking of waste pipes and that's how I introduced this. He's been listening to the entire Register Corner
Starting point is 00:17:23 portfolio. Thank you for that. And also, recently rated multiple shows on iTunes after about eight years. Thanks for the memory. So, yeah, get involved. Review us on iTunes. It really does help. Don't take eight years to review us.
Starting point is 00:17:36 Review us straight away and give us five. Review us now, for crying out loud, and give us five. And remember what your mum used to say. If you've got nothing nice to say, don't say anything. I have a school story. Good. I'm sorry if this is a bit long, like an egg. I added that bit.
Starting point is 00:17:47 Sodium, school, explosion. I went to Quilly School in Hampshire, Eastleigh. It was our final year, and my peers and myself were a particularly brutal group of students. And you really are, mate. I mean, you seem to have no conscience. Is this bad, is it? In a science lesson prior to our final GCSE exams, our teacher decided it was important to touch
Starting point is 00:18:05 on the subject of sodium. I don't know all the details about what sodium is, or what sodium it was, rather, but it was in block format stored in oil. Do you remember those? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:14 Do you remember sodium was always like that silvery sodium was always stored in oil, like a really yellowy oil? Presumably because it reacts with air and water and stuff. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:21 It fucks you up. The reason he doesn't know what sodium does now is because I can tell already he's clearly the sort of student who didn't listen. Our little cabal decided we would acquire
Starting point is 00:18:29 some of the said sodium for a little after-lesson experiment. Good. Thinking on your fate. The lesson finished. We had three blocks of sodium and it was the end of the school day. We bundled en masse
Starting point is 00:18:38 to the toilets on the ground floor and we dished out these improvised explosives to each faction member and my pal made the first move. The first chunk was just thrown into the toilet and not a lot happened initially we peered into the toilet and there was an almighty explosion and smoke began to below bellow from the pan hysterically laughing we made a move for the next two lavatories my friend throwing the next chunk
Starting point is 00:18:56 into his bog and me with the largest chunk about the size of your palm good god throwing it into the porcelain and flushing this dangerous substance to travel through the water network. There was an astronomical bang. The second toilet lost its toilet seat. My toilet, the one of which I flushed, quite literally exploded. Porcelain cracked. The soil pipe split. Smoke filled in the mail ground floor toilet. And with water everywhere, the crowd
Starting point is 00:19:18 that had gathered were in total shock. I mean, that's gone too far, Pete. It's gone way too far now. They couldn't have known what was going to happen, but I think they had a pretty good idea. We split while cackling like a bunch of old witches. The crowd that gathered were in total shock. We didn't give it much thought in the evening that followed for it wasn't clear to us the scale of what we had done.
Starting point is 00:19:34 We returned to school the next day, toilets on lockdown. We knew for sure that a new toilet was required, but it was clearly something of greater magnitude. We entered our tutor group room to be met by the head teacher, a fireman, a policeman, a chemicals expert, our science teacher, and the feeling that we'd really dropped a bollock this time.
Starting point is 00:19:50 Wow, now that has gone way too far. I'd be absolutely shitting myself. Ironically, because there's no toilets left. Yeah, can't do it. To cut a long story short, the fallout of what we had done meant that the toilets needed to be replaced. Electricity had to be shut off for the entirety of the evening
Starting point is 00:20:03 because the smoke was actually fused from the chemical reaction, which were flammable. So any lights turned on could have caused an explosion, which filled the entire block. The entire water system and drains had to be cleaned by specialist teams to avoid contamination, and the police were involved because it had become a public safety issue. We'd effectively created a chemical spill in the middle of Eastleigh
Starting point is 00:20:21 with these three sodium bricks that specialists from the fire service, military and police were involved in to maintain public safety and to ensure there was no ongoing health risk. Needless to say, the three of us were suspended until our exams. The cost for the work and clean-up reached around £130,000 worth of public funds. Criminal prosecution was thankfully dropped, and the only reason we got rumbled was because we made the schoolboy error of running directly
Starting point is 00:20:45 past a CCTV camera while smoke bellowed out behind us. The video footage looked like something from Stars in Their Eyes. On reflection, it was a silly thing to do.
Starting point is 00:20:54 That said, we did make the front page of the Daily Echo and nobody was hurt. Completely unrepentant. If I can have an instant reaction to that, it would be that
Starting point is 00:21:02 I am pleased no one was hurt. Yes. I think that's gone way too far though. If I can have an instant reaction to that, it would be that I am pleased no one was hurt. Yes. I think that's gone way too far, though. If that was me, I can't imagine what my parents would have done if I had done that. No.
Starting point is 00:21:12 Sorry, I can't imagine what my parents would have done had I been caught doing that. Yeah, I'm sure you have listeners who also attended Quilly who have similar stories. A giant penis painted on the roof that could be seen on Google Maps. Also our handiwork. This guy's a shit.
Starting point is 00:21:25 He's a shit, this guy. What's his name? Sam. Sam. Sam, you are a certified shit. I mean, on one level, it's good. Certified shit. Yeah, but get your jingle out.
Starting point is 00:21:33 On one level, it's good, but on another level, it's also, I mean, horrendous. Yeah. I mean, £130,000 of public money. I hope you're happy about that. Unbelievable. Well, good email, anyway. public money. I hope you're happy about that. Unbelievable. Well, good email anyway. Good email.
Starting point is 00:21:48 And the sort of behaviour we do endorse on this show. I want to go back to the email I thought you would go for first up, Pete, which I've titled Man Obsesses Over Gadgets. I like this email because it's... Got distracted by condom eggs, didn't I?
Starting point is 00:22:03 Yeah, you did. And that always happens. I like this email because it's from Kesa and she sends this email because it's... Got distracted by condom eggs, didn't I? Yeah, you did. And that always happens. I like this email because it's from Kesa. And she sends this email in a tone that I recognize because that tone I would describe as a wife exasperated by a husband. Something I live every single day. As a husband, not a wife.
Starting point is 00:22:20 Kesa says, Gentlemen, I'd like to throw a new topic into the mix, if I may. I wonder if any of your listeners have made some ridiculous gadget purchases in this age of gizmo abundance now pete this is your specialist subject and there will be time for you to respond um she says my husband is an overzealous apparatus accumulator and some of his dust gathering possessions now include and there's a list number one a heart rate, which seems to have soothed his heart attack paranoia by simply sitting on our shelf. Number two, a security camera rigged to spy
Starting point is 00:22:51 on the pigeons living on our balcony. My husband would then tune in from his new job and inevitably became known around the office as the pigeon guy. And from then on would only receive pigeon-related gifts from his secret Santas. Number three, a blood pressure gauge. Used only once when unboxing it with a friend.
Starting point is 00:23:08 Both were satisfied with normal blood pressure levels. Number four... It's good to keep an eye out. Look, men's health is important. We don't got the doctors enough, so we need these gadgets. Go to the doctor now. No. You're banned.
Starting point is 00:23:19 I'm banned. Say, well, I'm banned from the cavernous fracture. You're banned from the doctor. Number four, one of those ridiculous and seemingly dangerous electric abtoning belts that Ronaldo hilariously advertises used twice before he heard that someone had died from using one. This guy's a wreck. I'm loving it. Number five, a stupid electric fly zapper the shape of a tennis racket
Starting point is 00:23:39 which only serves to temporarily stun flies if you should be so lucky as to actually hit one. The latest contraption I mentioned there comes with sourcing for you batteries which I don't think we've heard from before.
Starting point is 00:23:49 As the list goes on, I wonder what you and your listeners would consider your worst, most useless gadget purchases. Now, if you're listening, hello at lukeandpeatshow.com for that.
Starting point is 00:23:58 Pete, take it away. It's probably that keyboard that's got like an e-ink display and it's not connected to anything so you don't get distracted so you purchased that when you were writing our book yeah
Starting point is 00:24:10 I used it once to write the book but it was mainly just for tapping down notes every now and again when I famously got locked in your flat for longer than I'd wish something we've covered extensively on a number of our shows
Starting point is 00:24:24 there were more gadgets in the house than there was food automatons longer than I'd wish. Something we've covered extensively on a number of our shows. There were more gadgets in the house than there was food. Automatones. What's that? Automatones is, you know, that sperm-shaped kind of musical crotchet note? Yes. Oh, yes!
Starting point is 00:24:37 You've got about four of those. I've got four of those. Every time I go to Japan, I buy a new one. Describe it to our listeners because they won't know what it is. Well, it looks like probably about a foot long. A 3D musical note, like a crotchet.
Starting point is 00:24:48 Yeah, like a crotchet, but it's got a face on the bell of it, I suppose. It's got a face. On the bell end. On the bell end. It looks like a little
Starting point is 00:24:53 saxophone sort of thing. It's got a sliding kind of key, keyboards kind of motif on the neck of the sperm-y sort of thing. And you press the,
Starting point is 00:25:02 it's a bit like a stylophone, I suppose, but with a kind of, like a valve that opens and it opens and shuts the mouth and varies the sound a little bit. I would describe it as a cartoon brass instrument.
Starting point is 00:25:13 Yeah, I'd have that. Yeah, a cartoon brass instrument and I bought so many of them. How much are they? It's ridiculous. They're 30 quid.
Starting point is 00:25:20 Are they big in Japan, are they? They are big. Just every time I go to Japan, I buy one and I'm always disappointed because they always die on me are they they are big just every time I go to Japan I buy one and I'm always disappointed because they always die can they be played
Starting point is 00:25:29 like by people who know how to play them very well and sound good well I'll get up a little I'll get up a little YouTube if you fancy it
Starting point is 00:25:35 yeah sounds good if the broadband in here feels like working okay can you hear that no I can't hear anything Pete
Starting point is 00:25:43 hang on hang on hang on hang on, hang on. This is loads of them playing at the same time. I mean, they don't always sound like that. They don't even sound that good then. No. The drum's really kind of quite high in the mix on that one.
Starting point is 00:26:30 But yeah, they're basically these kind of like little squeaky little buggers. And what are they called? They're called automatons. And I buy one every time I go to Japan, sometimes two or three. They're great little gifts. If you've just been deafened by that, you've been deafened by an automaton. Not many people can say that. You can't buy them in the UK.
Starting point is 00:26:44 Remember when I brought one, we had to do Ramble Live one of our first I think at the Prince Charles cinema and it was working backstage and then I went on stage and basically announced that I was pleased because they
Starting point is 00:26:52 could now be counted as tax deductible because I was doing it for work and it didn't work because Doc Brown the stand up had broken it
Starting point is 00:26:59 he'd broken it backstage that was a live show we did with my mother got so drunk she kept shouting out in the middle of the show yes that's what mums are for Oh, okay. He broke it backstage. That was a live show we did with my mother. I got so drunk. She kept shouting out in the middle of the show. Yes!
Starting point is 00:27:09 That's what mums are for. That's what mums are for. It's the home of The Room, that Prince Charles cinema, famously. Right, okay. And so they do screenings. That famously really bad film that's become so bad, but it's essentially become so bad it's good. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:27:25 And yeah, there's a scene where there's spoons and the whole crowd throws plastic spoons. You get given a plastic spoon on the way in. And so I looked behind the screen and there's just loads of plastic spoons, like so many plastic spoons that they hadn't cleaned up. That sounds wacky to me. That sounds well wacky. It's where they do sing-along film experiences.
Starting point is 00:27:41 Yeah, like Sound of Music and that kind of stuff. It's a good idea. It's quite good for a day. You've got to innovate Music and that kind of stuff. It's a good idea. It's quite good for that. You've got to innovate in this world of home cinema. You've got to innovate. You've got to do experiences. You've got to do secret cinema, Blade Runner, stuff like that. You've got to do it.
Starting point is 00:27:53 I'm talking diversify. I'm talking diversify. All right, that's good. That's enough from us. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com if you want to get in touch. If you think you can muster an email of equivalent or even greater quality than the ones you've heard today, by all means, get in touch.
Starting point is 00:28:08 Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com. We would love to hear from you. Say goodbye, Peter. We'll see you later in the week. Have a good one. Condom egg. Hãy subscribe cho kênh Ghiền Mì Gõ Để không bỏ lỡ những video hấp dẫn

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