The Luke and Pete Show - I miss my mum
Episode Date: November 17, 2022Pete places us right in the middle of the True Geordie vs Andrew Tate beef on today’s episode. Would you expect anything else?We also discuss the bizarre phenomenon that is Matt Hancock in the jungl...e and Pete shares a typically niche idea for a documentary - brace yourselves.Want to contact the show? Email: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Oh, I miss me mum.
This is the Luke Capitio.
This is the Luke Capitio.
I'm Pete Donaldson.
I'm joined by Luke Moore.
Oh, I miss me mum.
Oh my God. That's actually quite hard for you.
We'd like to apologise
for
the things we've done
over the past few days on social
media, on other podcasts,
on YouTube, etc.
We've had some pretty forthright opinions and
they were poorly thought out opinions.
Well, you have and I've got Rory to edit a lot
of them out.
So we would like to just take the opportunity to say...
Oh, I miss my mum.
Are you
planting yourself,
planting your flag right in the middle
of the lightning hot
True Geordie versus Andrew Tate
beef?
I saw that
kickboxing
fucking nut jobs
got involved, but I didn't
actually watch what he actually had to say
for himself, but PokerStars,
we have terminated our contract
with Drew Geordie with immediate effect.
We are committed to making poker
as inclusive and accessible as possible.
They've clearly not watched the apology video.
Luke. No, but I think you've clearly not watched the apology video, Luke.
No, but I think you've watched a super cut of it, haven't you?
Okay, right, yeah.
Yeah, fine.
You've watched a comedy cut of it to make it seem funnier than it was.
I mean, it was already quite funny, but that's what your base is on.
I think Gymshark have parted ways as well.
Are people listening to this going to know who we're talking about, by the way?
Do you want to describe it?
Oh, through Geordie.
Every man in a Fred Perry shirt in Biker on a Saturday night.
Like, every man.
Yeah.
Do you want to explain that now?
Holding a bottle of Budweiser.
Big fella.
Big sort of gym bloke who basically
got his career shouting about
Newcastle United being shit.
He, yeah,
basically angry men on the internet just
made hair while his son
shone at Arsenal Fan TV, etc.
for a very long time.
Branched out.
And all the people like that.
And made a lot of money doing podcasts, doing YouTubes.
And it may come from a section of bitterness from our particular parish.
Not from me.
I would say that you get what you pay for.
I simply know.
He's a content creator.
He's quite funny to us just for everything he says and does, I suppose.
I only really know him
as the worst human being
to ever be in our office.
So that's really all
I've got to say on the matter.
What I'm trying to say is
most people come into our studio
as guests
and we have quite a few come in
and they're different profiles
and most of them,
and I make a point if I'm in
to go and say hello
and all the rest of it,
make them feel welcome. That's important. And 99% of them and i make a point if i'm in to go and say hello and all the rest of it make them feel welcome that's important and 99 of them are super lovely no matter what
preconception you've got about them as human beings before they come in you meet them in
person they're normally very nice there's an exception to that and he's very much that
exception and so i have no um i don't as Alan Partridge said about Noel Edmonds
I wish him
no ill will
particularly
I also would not
like to see him
do well
so anyway
he apologised
for some things
he said
some actually
quite hateful
comments about
the religion of Islam
and was forced
to do an apology
about it
to save the sponsors
which he's now lost
anyway by the sounds
of it
and it descended into the fact that he started crying
because he misses his mum.
Pete finds that funny
because Pete's also quite a hateful person.
No, I found that little supercut very funny
because it was just like,
where's that from?
It's artfully done.
It was artfully done.
But we wish everyone well.
Well, we literally had just said we don't.
We like Lawrence. We like Lawrence.
I like Lawrence.
I think he's great.
I get the feeling that Lawrence doesn't trust himself as being the non-straight man.
So he needs to find someone quite successful who's the idiot and he can be the straight man again.
I think there's a reasonable chance that Lawrence...
Phone's on, mate.
Phone's on, Lawrence. Let's make something beautiful, mate. There's a reasonable chance that Lawrence... Phone's on, man. Phone's on, Lawrence.
Let's make something beautiful, man.
There's a reasonable chance that...
I can spout some absolute shite.
No one with their right mind would question that.
There's a reasonable chance Lawrence will listen to this.
He's a consumer of our stuff.
He's a fan of ours.
We're a fan of his.
Lawrence, if you are listening,
we obviously respect you a great deal.
You've done a great job.
And we have no beef with you of course but what I would say is this to change the subject ever so
slightly speaking of tragic figures Matt Hancock in the jungle come on that's great stuff that's
right in the Elon bracket he was doing he, somebody posted a picture, a video of him in the jungle doing, the man can't laugh.
Has he ever had an honest laugh in his life?
I am the king of awkward laughs on podcasts.
Goodness me.
Goodness me.
Ha ha ha.
I'm brilliant at them.
Absolutely brilliant.
Spotless, in fact.
And when I'm nervous, I do them more.
Matt Hancock has never laughed himself. He's never laughed honestly honestly yeah honestly and the reason
i say it's in the elon bracket is because it's just more of the same isn't it you've you've
you've chosen look whatever you think about matt hancock i happen to think he's a fucking idiot
but if you don't that's perfectly fine what we have to accept is that he's chosen a field he's been successful in that field
he's risen really i mean you know health secretary in a pandemic that's big potatoes right he wouldn't
have chosen that though would he he wouldn't have been the health secretary generally is a you know
it's a big deal um yeah imagine how many people want to imagine how much luster has been lost
uh over the past like year even
like that used to
mean something
nowadays
like we're all
getting called up
you know what I mean
it's mad
yeah it's a shit show now
and I'm not saying
he did a good job
many people think
he didn't do a good job
that's fine
my point is just this
him rising to the
very top of his profession
having a public profile
having success
having money
having all the things
he presumably wanted
again not enough for him is it he just wants to what he wants to do literally i mean literally
break it down to the component parts he wants to go to australia live rough with some other you
know let's be honest a mixed bag of celebrities and he wants to he knows he knows full well because
he would have been briefed he's probably going to have to eat a kangaroo penis on telly and he's thinking yeah that's a
bit of me because i want people to see all i care about is i want people to know that i think i'm a
good bloke and that if you really got to know me you'd also think i am he said it himself he said
the reason he's going in and this is a direct quote i want people to see the human side of the guy behind the podium yeah it's it's like it's it's almost as if that the modern
conservative party are just their kind they think it's some kind of wrestling match and you can be a
heel or you can be a face but as long as the crowd are watching you know you can cover yourself in human shit you can be the bloke who's on in the tv show the word before the adverts rolls
in the sandwich yeah yeah at least you're watching hey yeah got their attention didn't they got the
attention where is he now the pubes sandwich it's not matt hancock is it the pubes sandwich
it could be imagine if like what i've got i've got two uh i did have a like a fun idea a fun idea a very boring
idea i've spoken before uh about uh in our computer systems at school on the bbc micros
when i was like nine uh you could press f8 and a picture of bob hoskins would appear
for some reason the acorn econet thing it just can't be true it can't be true it is true it is to explain that
again smile every time i think about it you used you went over the computer and they were connected
by a rudimentary kind of uh lan uh network sort of educational um local area network basically
that shared resources basically around a lot of computers very very revolutionary at the time
not sort of thing that people would do back in the day uh they would um you you went to any computer
and if you pressed f8 or f9 uh you'd get a picture of bob hoskins it was basically just a
demonstration if you pressed f2 you'd get a little game of uh like an arkanoid kind of clone like a
bat and ball game if you pressed f5 it'd be granny's garden or i remember granny's garden
but bob hos, that's unbelievable.
Who's thought of that? Yellow Brick Royale. Well, I think
they were just sort of saying, look at the great graphics, the
Acorn Electron and the
BBC Micro. What year are we talking? Put a year on it.
It's got to be, I mean,
it's post Who Framed Roger Rabbit because it was
a picture from Roger Rabbit, so
do it like that. But it was after Who Framed
Roger Rabbit. So it's 88 then,
he's big in the game then. Yeah, so it would have been near enough like that. But it was after Roger Rabbit. He's big in the game then.
Yeah, so it would have been near enough the 90s.
In between Who Framed Roger Rabbit
and Mermaids, probably. And Hook. Probably just before
Hook. Yeah, well before.
He was great in Hook.
Yeah, he really was.
So I want somewhere
on an unloved and well-forgotten
hard drive or
probably floppy disk somewhere
in the great nation of the United Kingdom.
Is it a nation?
It's not.
It's a collection of nations, isn't it?
I don't know.
I don't think that matters.
Doesn't matter.
They'll let anyone join the union these days.
Yeah.
I don't know what that means.
Anyway, somewhere in the UK,
there will be a floppy disk or some collection of data a file on a server
somewhere that contains that exact entity this one kilobyte file of bob hoskins yeah that someone
lovingly digitized and made available on the econ econet And I don't know how I would even begin to find that,
but it would be a lovely little documentary
searching for Bob,
and it would be me going around ex-IT professionals
in the educational sector of the 1990s
saying, where's Bob?
Where is he?
Where is Bob?
Searching for Bob.
Searching for Bob.
What's this got to do with Matt Hancock?
Bob a job.
Oh.
I had a...
No.
Forgot.
Gone.
Completely forgotten.
It's gone.
It's gone.
That's fine.
What was the lead in?
What was my lead in line?
I can't remember, Pete.
If you can't remember, nobody can remember.
No, but I don't think it's my responsibility to remember at this point.
I think that's not really my role in that specific moment.
That's the fourth time.
You talk about me not having a bum about 50 times a podcast.
I talk about Bob Hoskins on the BBC Electron.
If anyone's got a lead, by the way, I would actually quite like to do that.
If anyone shares that experience of exactly as you've described it
in their computer system at school growing up, hello at lucanpeach.com let's start a community let's start a support group um it can
be like it can be like the incest support group that larry goes to and curb your enthusiasm
it was just a picture of bob on the wall um yeah exactly but i would just say this that
the the point i just really wanted to make about old matt hancock is that the overpowering need
to be liked
has trumped every other decision
that he could have made in that situation.
I think that, again,
like I said about Elon a couple of shows ago,
you should take inspiration from that.
You should say,
these kind of people,
they're tremendously successful
on generally most accepted terms,
and they're still fucking tragic losers.
Like, they're total losers.
And so if they can do it,
anyone can do it. And it's the same about donald trump he's exactly the same you know far bigger scale just desperately needy desperate to be liked will say anything for
attention and when you start talking about the kind of what's the political philosophy of like
donald trump it's the politics of grievance right it's yeah complaining about anything that fucking
went wrong and how it
wasn't your fault and how you you find try and think of the next thing to say that keeps you
in the public eye it keeps attention it's the same principle that's why elon musk boat bought
twitter that's why matt hancock's going to the jungle that's why donald trump wants to be present
i mean he wants to be president now because he's you know indicted for several crimes but at the
start it was because of that.
And if you start to make sense of that,
you can understand,
you know what, you're not so bad yourself.
You're a pretty good person in comparison,
so fair enough.
You're not doing too bad.
Yeah.
But most of all, let's find Bob.
Let's find Bob.
Someone must have a lead.
Someone must have gone to a school in Hartlepool
or the surrounding areas that had a BBC system.
And you could have seen...
If you ever played, like, Magic...
Was it Teapot?
Tea Shop.
Tea Shop.
It was basically a sim game
where you could run a tea, basically, cafe, effectively.
And you could select how much you would want people to pay
for the cakes and the teas and stuff like that.
And it was basically just a little business management system.
I remember that, yeah.
For kids, yeah.
It was a lot of fun.
And every time you would try and put the tea or coffee price up
to like three quid, it would say,
it's cheaper on British Rail.
Like proper retro little reference there.
That's nice.
Fantastic.
Fine, Bob.
I think the folklore
of Luke and Pete shows
says, you know,
you've got to send batteries in.
You've got to try and find
Bob Hoskins.
You've also possibly
got to try and find
the original copy
of the HeroQuest game
that gave you
your first ejaculation.
Oh.
I mean,
well, you can.
It's just the Amiga version
of HeroQuest.
Well, it's still,
I mean,
they're everywhere, are they?
Everyone's got that, is it?
What the fuck are you talking about?
Oh, yeah, every house has got one of them.
What's that?
It's the original Amiga version of HeroQuest.
No one ever says that.
That doesn't exist now.
Don't talk to me like it's fucking Common or Garden.
You may have six copies of it in your house,
but most people haven't.
It's a video game version of the HeroQuest tabletop little game.
I love that game. I like anything that's kind of like is Quest tabletop little game. I love that game.
I like anything that's kind of like
isometric, turn-based.
The people who made Hitman made a version
of Hitman, but it's called Hitman Go.
Hitman Go for the
iPad. That was very good.
Recommended. It's the game of the week
on the Luke and Pete show. And did you
like playing the board game version as well?
Because I used to really like playing Space Crusade and Hero hero quest they seem to come as a pair for some reason
yeah it was kind of hard to because the only people who would actually play those kind of
games with me were the sort of people who were into quite hardcore uh role playing anywhere
not in the modern sense of it but like like in the uh they would very much be into uh you know
sitting in the back of peak computers doing a um doing a proper bit of games
mastery and kind of thing so i did that a few times and i really enjoyed it but uh and i had a
lot of fun but uh i imagine the people who played with me probably didn't no i think you'd be i'll
tell you what you know what you know you know um dungeons and dragons it's become a big resurgence
in stranger things right that kind of role-playing game type vibe um yeah there's
in the local pub it's about four or five pubs near me obviously local pubs and the best one
um is run by a landlord who's a bit of a character and he loves um that it's dungeons and dragons
right i'm not i'm not fucked it there it's called that in it where you do like a term based thing
and it's like a role play thing yeah he does that right and he's a big into
it he's a he's a he's a what's it called a i can't remember the fucking word it's like a dungeon
master or whatever um and he runs the game and there's a bit of a scene down there and one of
our neighbors is into it and all this stuff and actually the wife i have access to in principle
is really into it as well although she doesn't involve herself in that particular game
anyway the guy was
saying that they meet
every Tuesday night
and the particular game
they're in the middle
of at the moment
that he's the leader of
with a team of like
four or five
it's been going for
six years
bloody hell
they're still going
on this quest
yeah
that's a hell of a
proper quest
right
I mean it's amazing
really to stick it out for so long but I guess if it's a hobby that you do kind of a proper quest right i mean it's amazing really to stick it out
for so long but i guess if it's a hobby that you do kind of every week it's no listen it's no
different to the old uh the famous uh luke aron moore pub g twitch stream is it exactly that could
be going for six years that's every monday night i've now been invited to be a twitch affiliate on
that peter good stuff that means um that means you can make a bit of but a coin i think i don't
imagine i'll be I don't imagine
I don't imagine
I'll be making any money off it
to be honest
it's basically just me going
can everyone hear me
to be fair
that was the Ramble stream
last week
for some reason
no the Ramble stream
was good last week
I fucking enjoyed it
the Ramble stream was good
I definitely recommend it
but for the first two minutes
it was just me
having a conversation
with Marcus and Vish
not realising that Marcus and Vish was down so it's just me going hey boys yeah fancy this
game yeah let me go in yeah but we started out we started out and now we know for next time i invaded
it i invaded that stream and i bloody enjoyed watching you guys i love watching you guys watch
the football it was cool it was it was an interesting little kind of it's it's quite hard
to do and i think you know twitch
streaming is quite hard to do because you kind of have to balance doing stuff with talking with
talking to people with giving your own opinion about stuff that's why i said it before that's
why it's remarkable i get so many wins on pub g when i'm streaming because it's hard when you've
got to look at the chat as well but i've had the last two weeks i've had two out of three i play three games each week i've had two out of three wins
last two weeks do you not think that it's um yeah do you not think that pub g is a perfect game for
that because you are uh you spend a lot of your time hiding well yeah there's if it's if it's a
particular round where um you drop in and there's no action for a while because each game if you win a game
you're probably going to
be on the mat
for like 30 minutes
yeah it's perfect for that
but in one of the games
I had to take out
a whole squad on my own
and I was not looking
at the chat
while I was doing that
because I was actually
being a trained killer
so I had no time
for chit chat
you were taking on
man after man
I was
to exhaustion
hot man on man action for
some big weapons. Endless man action.
Let's have a break Peter.
By the way, people are desperate for you
to join my stream. So
we've got to work it out. Maybe on Monday next
week or something you've got to come on
and play.
Okay, cool. Are you up for it?
I'll do it. I won't be
funny but you will bump up my followers so that's what I want. Let's have a break. When we come back I'll do it and I won't be funny but you will bump up
my followers
so that's what I want
let's have a break
when we come back
we'll do batteries
because that's the
name of the game
it's a Thursday
we're back with
a look at Pete Shaw
and because it's a Thursday
we are of course
talking all things
batteries
batteries you've found
in remote controls
big ones
small ones
ones as big as your head
not ones as big as your head we Not ones as big as your head.
We've made it very clear
that's not allowed.
Yeah, true.
No car batteries.
No.
Crying out loud.
No car batteries.
We've got a message from,
where are the battery brands here?
I'm trying to find them.
Scroll down.
There we go, yeah.
We've got a message from Chris.
So here I am
in the north woods of Wisconsin
early November
trying to plug in my Bluetooth meat thermometers
And no luck
Upon opening the back to replace the battery
What do I find but these AAA beauties
Now not sure if these are A, new players
Or B, if AAA are allowable
They are
But I'm hoping I've cracked the code
All key AAA
A-L-L-K-E-Y
Please give me some good news
In other news,
the pork tenderloin and chicken thighs
turned out amazing.
Wish you were here.
We wish we were here too.
That looks absolutely lovely.
Great stuff.
And you would have been to,
did he say north coast of Wisconsin?
Wisconsin.
North woods of Wisconsin.
I don't know where that is.
Okay, you've been to Milwaukee though,
haven't you, right?
Milwaukee.
Is that the north woods of Wisconsin?
North woods of...
Okay. Forest, Langlade, Lincoln. Milwaukee is that the north woods of forest
Langlade
Lincoln
they're all
the north woods
apparently
what do you think
of Milwaukee
did you like it
I did
I liked it
had a good
barcade
very snowy
very snowy
yeah can be
as you can imagine
okay
so thank you very much
Chris for sending them in
thanks for including
the picture of your
beautiful looking
meat on the grill
as well.
Very enjoyable stuff.
Sadly, you are the second person to send all key batteries in.
Our friend Adam sent them in back at the start of 2018, can you believe?
But he also sent them in from Toronto, so not too far from that part of the world.
So maybe it's a bit of a hotbed for all key batteries,
but you are the second person to send them in, so not a new player.
Okie dokie. Well, never mind've had a second person to send them in, so not a new player. Okey-dokey.
Well, never mind.
Let's move on to the next one.
Glenn.
Glenn McGrawty.
Hello, Luke and Pete.
I, like most listeners of the pod,
have gotten into the furious habit of opening up
everything that I think might have a battery in it.
Up until now, I've been left disappointed with the usuals,
but today I got a little bit excited
when I opened up the back of my book light thingy.
You know, the little clip lights that go on a book so you can read in the dark.
Yeah, I've got one.
The battery is the Super Force.
And he's even included a little emoji that signifies the little bit of design
that is inside the lightning bolt that's in between Super and Force.
Hope this is a new player.
But if not, I will continue my quest to find the rarest of batteries.
Luke Moore, Super Lightning Bolt Force.
Yeah, thanks for including the emoji in your email, Glenn, because that
makes it really easy to search for it in the fucking inbox.
I'm going to
say that it's a new player.
It's a new player.
There's no one else who's sent him in, so I'm
pretty sure it's a new player.
Right, okay. Well done
to that man. Jack,
hello to...
No, that was Glenn. That last previous one was Glenn, Jack. Hello to... No, that was... That was Glenn.
The last previous one was Glenn, sorry.
Jack has come up with this one.
Hi, Luke and Pete.
Listening to your show,
the battery section is starting to feel
like all these late-stage comic book movies,
all about the origin story.
Seemingly every battery sent in by listeners
is either found dramatically
in a piece of life-saving equipment
or on some ancient, obscure piece of tech
falling from space
or in a far-flung hotel's tv
remote well living in berlin i thought i'd try my luck by simply walking around the corner to my
local supermarket uh basically german equivalent to sinsbury's and checking out the battery section
so here i present to you in all its glory the supermarket own brand offering, the YAR battery. That is amazing. That is amazing. Face the German food.
Yes, right?
Yeah.
J-A, exclamation mark.
Jobs are good.
YAR.
Has anyone had the genius and or laziness to enter this hallowed competition,
sneaking in a new player with a really underwhelming bog-standard store brand battery?
Thanks for all the years of absolute nonsense, Jack.
I can exclusively reveal, although I've just, while you've been reading that out,
had to sort through all the emails
about Ja Rule and Fyre Fest.
Yes, good.
This is a new player.
I mean, no one's done it, Jack.
No one's had the idea.
Perhaps we don't have that many listeners in Germany.
I'm not sure.
But Jack, you have landed yourself
a new player in your own words,
the laziest way possible,
and it still counts.
So congratulations to you
we enjoyed it we enjoyed it uh and so we've cut the end of another uh another battery section
shall we stick in a couple of emails before we chip off yeah i was going to talk about master
chefs to professionals but i think you might find that a bit boring so let's do an email instead
go on then give us master chef and professionals is anyone particularly i just really like it
i've been watching a food thing recently.
All right.
But I'll tell you about it after you finish about the Masterchef thing.
You go ahead.
People will rather hear from you.
Go ahead.
The Bear.
Oh, it's brilliant.
I'm two episodes in.
It's really good.
I, the guy who plays the Bear, man, he is, I think he's going to be in a wrestling show,
a wrestling show,
a wrestling film about the Von Eriks
with that man who's in everything,
who's got very muscular.
You mean Jeremy Allen White,
is that his name?
Jeremy Allen White.
And I think the bloke,
and I think the dad is being played by the bloke
who was in Mindhunter slash Ghost in the Shell,
which will mean not a lot to anyone.
But that looks really good.
But I wonder why he had massive guns on him.
It's probably because he's just kind of working out to become a wrestler.
By the way, have you seen how big Zac Efron's pumped up to play a wrestler?
But yeah, he looks like a...
Because people were saying, how's he going to look like a wrestler?
He fucking looks like a wrestler there.
He looks amazing. He looks absolutely amazing. As sort of saying how's he going to look like a wrestler he fucking looks like a wrestler there he looks amazing
he looks absolutely
amazing
as one of the
Von Erichs
it's the same film
right
yeah even the
Von Erich that
he's playing
he was never that
big so he's gone
over and above
but we are
but the bear was
really good
I thought it was
really fun
people were actually
saying though at the
start right
I'd never seen it
before and two separate people,
who I usually respect the opinion of, said,
this is shaping up to be better than The Wire.
I was like, what are you talking about?
Like, I watched it,
and I was expecting it to be even better than it was.
It was good.
It was fine.
Stop trying to get attention.
Stop trying to get attention.
I've probably studied The Wire more than most,
and I would say that's
a bit of a stretch uh look what i would say about the bear i haven't watched it to its finish yet
so um i have to reserve judgment to an extent but the first episode i would give it this credit and
say it's the most interestingly shot probably first episode of a show i can remember seeing it's so claustrophobic and so
it does such a good job of getting across the stress of a professional kitchen in a way that
i've never seen before now a lot of i said that to a few people a lot must actually boiling point
with steven graham does that really well as well but i haven't seen that um yeah but i really like
the um the brutality of it the act it's really the act. It's almost like an American kitchen sink type thing, isn't it?
It's really raw, like super raw, the way it's made.
Right.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
I think the way it's filmed, it reminds me of Uncut Jams.
It's very intense and it never lets up.
Never lets up, yeah.
And I've never understood
why anyone would want to work in it.
I mean, you work in a kitchen
for certain reasons,
but people who really like food,
it doesn't seem like the most...
It must be very satisfying,
but it's a very sort of quick dopamine hit
because you're just constantly
fucking fighting fires
and plates spinning
for fucking 10 hours a day
and then you just collapse at the end of it.
It's no wonder everyone would fucking crank.
I get it.
I actually get it.
I don't think I'm...
Obviously, I'm of the age now
where it's never going to happen for me,
but I don't think
I'd necessarily be good enough
to do it,
but I totally get
the attraction of it.
If you're a young,
single person
who really wants
to make something for themselves
and really wants to feel
a sense of accomplishment,
the idea of that brigade
where it's like you as a little kind of crack army unit almost against
the world and it's a really hot kind of intense environment i can see why people get addicted to
that totally um and it becomes a very seductive thing if you read um if you've read bourdain's
kitchen confidential he kind of articulates that very well um it's not for everyone of course and
i'm probably wouldn't last five minutes if i tried it but i can see the attraction of it for sure like people who are
the adrenaline must be incredible the pace of it and stuff i totally get that i think just having
joel mchale whispering to you that you're worthless yeah that's see that that that's
particularly brutal in that show that i mean that's i mean it's obviously cartoonish but
it's absolutely brutal that those shitty little tattoos i tattoos. I do have shitty little tattoos, actually.
They're there by design, thank you.
Some people like...
And yes, I've put chocolate on this.
Some people like to be talked to like that.
Yeah, exactly.
Can I just...
I mean, the bear is fantastic.
I certainly agree.
And I would absolutely recommend it as well.
He looks like my mate, Al.
He does, actually.
He does look...
Italian hair.
He does look a bit like him, yeah.
Al's very happy to get that comparison, presumably.
Well, my partner reckons that man's not handsome.
I think he's more sexy than handsome.
He's got something about him.
He's got those kind of sleepy boy band eyes,
a big old conk and thick hair.
I think he looks great.
I've got a big old conk and thick hair.
You never saw that about me.
You need to work on your dreamy eyes.
I do, I do.
I just wanted to say about master chef the professionals is that when people talk about the best tv and talk about because tv
is amazing i mean people who say they don't like tv and you know i've got no time for that
it depends what type of tv you like to watch and you can always find something that's really good
so i don't think i don't understand why you're trying to try and sound clever um you know by
saying you don't like tv but anyway when people talk about the best tv they almost exclusively talk about um drama right
or high budget drama or kind of fictional stuff you know i understand that i've i've said in the
show before that i actually think that some of the best tv ever made is of the documentary slash
almost almost not quite reality but fly on the wall type stuff right
right and um and i would i would always use ramsay's kitchen nightmare as the original british
version of that is a genuine like amazing piece of tv if you go back and watch it now it's so
compelling it's incredible i don't think it should be treated as inferior because it's not
a drama or a comedy or whatever if you look at master chefs are professionals if you look at
the um the thing they do in the first round which is the skills test where they basically get a chef
to come in completely blind in front of marcus waring's one of the best chefs in the uk um
anna hall who's the new judge on there who's obviously quite a tough character and really
well respected and say you've got 20 minutes cook that in front of us with all the cameras and
everything and see how they react to that pressure is incredibly
insightful and addictive TV.
I honestly think that particular mechanic is some of the most interesting TV
you'll see anywhere.
And that's what I want to say
about Marsha to Professions.
It's just such a good idea.
It's like, it's a great idea
because it's so simple
and so unalloyed and so raw
that you see how people deal with that pressure.
I find it absolutely fascinating.
So I would say don't dismiss TV
that's not, you know,
fucking The Wire or House of the Dragon
or whatever, all of which I love as well
because you can find some really good stuff in shows like that i would say yeah i you said the
same about soccer am you said so about you go see people do skills on soccer am you love all that
stuff right it's the same principle i do i love watching i love watching professional footballers
do drills i could watch that for fucking days because it's real because it's fascinating
because it's like something you can't do right yeah well i study, mate, that was a bit disrespectful to a man of your talent.
I played football at the weekend, got another man of the match performance in bins.
Why are you in bins?
Because I'm not good enough.
You're such a people pleaser.
I know, because we need someone in bins.
I said, all right, yeah, cool, I'll go in.
Because we're down two goalkeepers.
And yeah, I played all right.
Played all right.
Got covered in mud.
What did take off the shine was the person who rounded me
and put it in the net last.
I was 59 years old.
I was like, I thought I played very well.
He absolutely rinsed me and put it past me.
59.
He said that as he was running back with the ball under his arm.
I'm 59.
When I was talking to him
on the way back,
I went,
you know,
he's got a good sense of scrimmage
and I was chatting
and I was like,
how long have you played
for this team?
He went,
oh,
I've just joined from another team.
I just want to keep playing
because I'm nearly 60.
I was like,
what?
What?
Do you know what?
I think seeing you in bins
in a veterans league,
to me personally, if you'd indulge me with an analogy, I think it's... Fucking Veterans League. Do you know what? I think seeing you in bins in a Veterans League, to me personally,
if you'd indulge me with an analogy,
I think it's like going to the uncharted parts of Papua New Guinea,
finding a beautiful bird of paradise,
and putting it in a cage.
Is it going to sing us sweetly?
I would argue no.
Get Donaldson, get him out on the wing,
get him hugging that touchline, and watch him go. sweetly? I would argue no. Get Donaldson, get him out on the wing,
get him hugging that touchline and watch him go.
That's what I would say.
Who's banging the big symbol tonight?
Is it Slash from Guns N' Roses?
Yeah, exactly.
Rubbish.
What a waste.
Slash is on triangle.
I don't come here for that.
Outrageous.
Oh, what's that?
You've got Peek Al Pacino
and you're giving him a walk-on part
in the background. What? Do what big ass big ass great ass i um i remember once being
a kid playing for a team must be about 15 or 16 a new kid came along to play and um he um is before
a training session and um he got introduced to the team
and obviously it's a bit difficult
because you're 16
it's a little bit kind of
you know whatever
you're just teenage boys right
and so it can be a bit clicky
and all the rest of the stuff
that it was
and I'm sure I was
by far the worst
the worst kind of
culprit
but seriously
this kid was so
so
high on confidence
like
coming to a new team
we'd never met anyone before
and the manager introduced him and everything
and then went
so yeah
where do you
where do you play
what's your position
you know
so we can get training underway
and he literally said
to the manager
in front of everyone else
just watch me go
just watch me go
and he was shit as well
like he wasn't even a good player
yeah
it's always fun with that
because you
because you
because when I joined this team
they went
where do you play
I went
just put me anywhere
I mean just put me
anywhere
and they went
centre back
I went well not there
I'm tiny
look at me
I'm happy to be here
but I'm not going
centre back
I'm not that happy
yeah
you won't be happy
when this happens
but yeah
so I've just been
playing left back
enjoyed it
good
I don't want to see
you in goal anymore
I think I'll speak
on behalf of everyone
when I say that
I don't want to see it alright anyway let's go think I'll speak on behalf of everyone when I say that. Don't want to see me in bench. Don't want to see it.
All right.
Anyway, let's go.
Let's get out of here.
We'll be back on Monday with more of this.
59.
59 years old.
I hope I'm not doing this one on 59.
I miss me mum.
Right.
We'll be back.
We'll be back on Monday.
See you later.
Ta-ta.
Sorry about all the nasty racism.
Bye.
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