The Luke and Pete Show - Lovestruck Romeo
Episode Date: March 2, 2023Pete's a renaissance man. Or is he a Tudor? Who bloody cares?! Either way, he tells us all about his most recent role-playing exploits on today's episode.We also hear about his quite bizarre and ...utterly on brand journey to Wembley and Luke explains why a previously unknown elderly gentleman has been dancing around his house. It's just another Thursday really. Join us!Want to contact the show? Email: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I've just gone into a bit of a Jerusalem there
I always get confused
Yeah, local hero, daydream
Pete, anyway
What you gonna do about it?
Romeo, I used to have a scene with him.
Juliet.
It was about...
Hello, it's the Luke and Pete show.
We're talking about Mark Knopfler,
him with the bandana and the...
Did he play Telecaster?
I think he might have played Telecaster.
I'll tell you a nice bit of trivia about Mark Knopfler.
Never uses a plectrum, doesn't he?
Is that right?
Never uses a pick, baby.
Never uses a pick.
Not cool.
Is it cool?
It's not cool.
There's nothing really that cool about Mark Knopfler generally, is there?
I think he's one of those artists a little bit like, who sang American Girl?
Tom Petty.
I think he will be appraised more favourably the older he gets
and the time that he shuffles off this model.
I think Tom Petty's cooler than Mark Knopfler.
He's very much a two bald men fought over a comb.
I mean, Knopfler is very much a man fighting over a bandana.
To cover his baldness, one would suggest.
A.k.a. the Keith Richards.
Exactly, yeah.
But, yeah, it was...
He used to go out with some kind of...
I think she was like a socialite
or like one of those VJs from back in the day.
Right.
And I think someone asked her about Mark Knopfler
and she went,
yeah, I used to have a scene with him.
How rude.
Yeah, that is rude.
How rude.
Does he deserve better?
I don't know. It depends on what he did, I suppose. Yeah. Depends on how he conducted himself in the relationship.
He's a big Newcastle United fan, though. He's a big Newcastle United fan. Yeah. I'm sure
everyone had a lovely day out at the weekend, as did I. Fantastic. Yeah, I mean, it could
have been better. I mean, it could have been, I think it could have been it could have been I think it could have been marginally better but the enjoyment I had
took me to 80%
I only needed another 20%
to get over the
the jizzometer
so to speak
I really want to contextualise this
because there'll be plenty of people
listening to this
who don't like football
and particularly
our American listeners
and
I know that you only think
that people who listen to this
listen to the Ramblin' as well
but that cannot be the case because we make so much round the
content I just wouldn't be able to the other people anyway yeah you went to see
Newcastle United play Manchester United in the League Cup final on Sunday just
gone at time of recording but that's not the interesting bit everyone the
interesting bit is that when Pete embarkeded upon this journey to wembley stadium you know the home of football
um you woke up in somerset a little town in somerset in the west country so a good few
hundred miles away from london dressed as a tudor yes and as a tud A Tudor. And it would be great to know why that was the case
and why you double booked
such two disparate social affairs.
It was my partner's mates,
our mates,
murder mystery night.
It was their birthday.
A girl called Erica was 40
and she wanted a murder mystery night
and so another mutual friend had some kind of,
he's like an actor and he kind of created this kind of bespoke murder mystery
night featuring the characters from all of Shakespeare's plays.
And I was Romeo and Sarah decided to dress up like the Baz Luhrmann version of
Juliet.
Nice.
And I,
oh shit,
I've just remembered I've got to take the costume back today.
Oh, you haven't done it?
Oh yeah, I've not done it yet.
Gee, oh good, I'm so glad we talked about this.
Where'd you get it from?
And I, a lovely little shop down the road
that I'm going to have to apologise to
because I lost the rough,
that has, it's a basically dress-up shop that has...
I don't think an apology's going to cut it.
I don't, it's money, it's going to be money. Yeah. A dress-up shop that has... I don't think an apology is going to cut it. I don't, it's money, it's got to be money.
Yeah.
A dress-up shop down the road
that has the most horrific 1980s dirty
Danger Mouse costume in the front window.
Wow, and you didn't get that?
A character that no one really remembers,
and that costume will have existed since the 80s.
And I guess back then, you'd have a pretty good,
you know, you have a pretty good kind of like idea that that would have been made bespoke.
Nowadays, you can buy massive costumes that look like all of the other costumes in there, like Despicable Me and SpongeBob SquarePants.
They're all off the peg Smithy's jobs.
Yeah.
But at least back then, good, honest English soulmanship sewed together a horrific image of Danger Mouse
or what he could have been.
And I think, for one, your star has fallen considerably
if you are not going to make a special trip to Somerset
for a Tudor murder mystery weekend dressed as Danger Mouse.
What? A Danger Mouse?
They had mice in Tudor times?
Exactly, yeah.
They had more mice probably.
Probably a very unhygienic time compared to now.
And that's why it's covered in dirt, because it's old.
Yeah, Sarah went as the Baz Luhrmann version of Juliet,
and I just went,
can you just give me a loosely Renaissance slash whatever costume?
And she said, I've got Tudor.
I went, that'll do.
Nobody cares.
Presumably because you were hiring
such a costume
you were in full character
at all times in the shop. Excuse me
wench.
I'm passing through.
What do you say wench?
I think the amount of times people say wench
in television and in literature
I think is much higher than
anyone actually said uh you know it's like if you listen to rap lyrics and then tried learning
english as a second language and you can't everyone bitches and stuff i just think it really
sort of works no i mean but you would know more about this than me because you're the one that
goes into your local asking for a flagon of the foaming ale it's's a quaff. You're that kind of guy, right?
It was just, I mean, I was, I was laughing anyway, to be honest.
Exactly.
I probably would have had more costume.
So actually, how did, who ended up committing the murder and the murder mystery?
Well, I was a secret detective, Luke.
So that, my, my shit just got cooler and cooler right throughout the night.
Yeah.
But I think it might have been Lysander I think maybe
well you should know
if you were the detective
yeah I can't remember
did you solve the case
or not
well I wasn't
I wasn't
so Shakespeare got blown up
by an exploding
codpiece
a little bit of
bawdy humour
oh that is a bit of
blue for the dads
right there
a bit of blue for the dads
a bit of blue for the dads
and it's a bit like
Jim Davidson's
Cinderella
show Cinderella with an S with an S got blown up with a gold Blue for the Dads. And it's a bit like Jim Davidson's... Cinderella?
Cinderella.
With an S.
Got blown up with a gold codpiece.
But I was investigating the death of Philip Marlowe some years ago.
So a man I believe to be behind all of Shakespeare's... Don't you mean Christopher Marlowe?
Christopher Marlowe.
There you go.
He's a Philip Marlowe.
The worst detective in all of Tudor England.
One of the Marlowe's. Right, we're investigating the murder a Philip Marlowe. The worst detective in all of Tudor England. One of the Marlowe's.
Right, we're investigating the murder of Philip Marlowe.
Christopher Marlowe.
Sorry to his family.
Christopher.
We meant Christopher.
We did the press conference with the Met.
Oh, dear.
Who's Philip Marlowe, then?
Why have I got that name in my head?
Well, Philip Marlowe is absolutely not the guy behind...
Get on your computer, because you can type silently.
I've got a loud mechanical keyboard I can't type on.
Philip Marlowe is a fictional character
created by Raymond Chandler at some point in the 20th century.
My dad was a big Chandler fan.
Oh, is that where you got it from?
I think so.
So Christopher Marlowe, I think,
spent a lot of his time near where I grew up,
and as a result, Shakespeare visited there.
Right, ripped him off
a lot of people well it's quite an interesting thing because a lot of people think that some of
the knowledge that shakespeare had given his background was quite remarkable so for example
the inner workings of a court right he would have no way of knowing that so so yeah so that's where a lot of it comes from
there's a really interesting
there's a slight diversion
to be semi-serious for a moment
if you're listening to this
and you are aware of a Radio 4 series
called In Our Time
there's a really
it's presented by Lord Melvin Bragg
who's brilliant
because he just gets really pissed off
with all his guests
you know you get to that point
where you've been at the BBC
so long
and you're a white man
of say 70 something
yeah
Paxman has done it loads
probably a bit younger
than 70
but they just have
disdain for everyone
who's on their show
so in our time
what this now
can I just do it myself
no
but seriously
like
and it's a remarkable
programme in our time
because Melvin Brad
presents every single one.
And of course, he's got researchers and producers and stuff.
But it will be from one week to the next,
it will be the historicity of Jesus Christ
followed by the accuracy of Shakespeare's sonnets.
And then the next week, it will be the formation of the moon or whatever.
And he's on every single show.
And he introduces every show by saying,
and joining me today are Professor Emeritus of of you know pembroke college cambridge uh so and so from
wherever and they're all like leading experts in their fields yeah and every so often when they're
explaining something that's slightly different to what he's asked just to give a bit of context
for people listening he's like we're not interested in that at the moment. No, we're not interested
in that.
So can you please
just get back on
to the subject
of the question I asked?
We weren't talking about that.
Thank you.
It's nice.
You can't imagine
ever being so rude,
having that kind of confidence
to say that to a dean
at one of the world's
best universities.
Just let me go with it.
I would.
That is interesting.
The one about the veracity
of Shakespeare's plays
and sonnets and stuff is really very fucking interesting
and I'd recommend it.
And Christopher Marlowe does pop up every so often
as being a guy who might have lent his hand, perhaps.
But I don't think it's a mainstream historical opinion
at this point.
Right, okay.
People think Shakespeare was the main guy.
Yeah. Much like you were the main guy. Yeah.
Much like you were the main guy
at Murder Mystery Weekend.
So basically, you were traipsing across Somerset
trying to get a train to London.
You'd changed out of your gear at that point?
Changed out of my gear at that point
because I thought...
Anyone notice?
I thought, well, Club Wembley might not allow...
They don't allow colours,
but I don't know how historical those colours go back,
to be honest.
But you had a Club Wembley ticket, did you?
Yeah, I mean, we didn't know what we were buying
because I bought it from a ticket reseller,
as discussed on the Ramble.
But my friend bought...
I think he spent nearly nine grand.
Holy fuck.
On four tickets.
And he didn't know it was Club Wembley
they said it wasn't Club Wembley
and so he turned up with all of his shirts
and his scarves and his hats
brandishing the
Newcastle United logo
and indeed stripage
and he
got a uniclor to
redress his entire family
for the trip
it's good stuff if you're already nine grand And he had to go to Uniqlo to redress his entire family for the trip. Shit.
It's good stuff.
It's good stuff.
I mean, if you're already nine grand in the hole.
You're already in nine grand, yeah.
You don't really want to toss good money after bad.
But, yeah, I think it was probably money well spent at that point.
He's like, well, you know, in for a penny.
Remind us.
Yeah, exactly.
You're done then.
Otherwise, remind us how much you spent for your ticket.
It's not important. It's not important.
It's not important, but it was a considerable amount of money.
Just nod.
Just nod or shake your head when I give you parameters of an amount.
Okay?
Right, okay.
And I'll translate to this.
If you think I'm going to allow Rory to have that video footage after I've done that,
you've got another thing coming, Luke Miller.
I know exactly what your game is
let me just
let me just say
don't you know
when you're doing
like a survey
where it says
are you aged
between 0 and 16
17 and 20
we'll do that
and I'll be able
to tell just by
your reaction
what the amount is
okay
so was it
between 100
and 200 pounds
no it wasn't.
Definitely not.
Was it over £500?
Yes, it was.
You dirty boy.
You absolutely dirty boy.
They got pumped as well.
Yeah.
It was a good day out.
It was a fun day out.
No, but you've made yourself believe it was a fun day out.
You've convinced yourself that it has to be a good
day. It's not when people pay loads of money to go to Glastonbury
and it fucking pisses it down and rain all weekend.
We will be having a good time. It's the
fair weather fan tax.
If you've got a
season ticket, and to be honest
the season ticket people didn't even get in. It was the people
who attended early rounds of the
Carabao Cup.
They're the ones who got priority that took you
over a particular uh a particular pointage uh so yeah it was um yeah i wasn't ever going to get a
ticket unless i um paid a tout effectively not i'm not proud about it but you know it's better
content isn't it but after 15 years of doing a football show you surely got some good contacts
in the game you could probably leverage those no well i? Well, I did. Yeah, I did. I mean, I got sorted out eventually,
but it was, you know, the day of,
and so it managed to get sorted out.
But yeah, it was stressful.
It was needlessly stressful.
But yeah, you can't rely on who you know.
You've got to, you know,
I believe in securing the bag,
as the children say.
Yeah.
You were threatened to climb through the sewers at one point.
I was.
Are you tired?
Have you had no sleep today?
You've had a couple of yawns, a couple of very public yawns.
What's going on?
What's happened?
Tell Daddy Donnie.
I stayed up watching the cricket.
Now, is that growing up on a day you've got to be bright as a button?
It's embarrassing, isn't it?
It's embarrassing.
What happened with the cricket?
You're just trying to impress Vish again.
They lost by one run
did they
it was one of the best
finishes
to a test match
of all time
I didn't see any of it
oh that's fun
oh you dozed off
yeah
at the point in which
you dozed off
were England losing
or winning
or was it kind of just
it's really in the balance
I mean it's really
very as exciting
as cricket gets
still firstly
yeah
and you still firstly
probably should learn
the lesson shouldn't i really i just learned a lesson i'm just simply not that interested in it
or my brain doesn't by the way on the um did you wear it so you didn't wear a newcastle shirt to
the game last weekend i didn't i wore a coat that could be loosely interpreted as supporting
pinning my colors to the mast so to to speak. Oh, you're so alternative.
So alternative. Did you see the shirt that Matt Hancock was wearing?
Absolutely dreadful.
So he is genuinely a Newcastle United fan though, right?
One can only presume.
He's got the shirt.
He's got the signed Shearer shirt that he wears.
Did you see, like, somebody pointed out that...
Someone was saying that he was supposed to walk from here.
Exactly.
Like, that's lovely.
It's not only embarrassing that he's supposed to auction it. Exactly. Like, that's lovely.
It's not only embarrassing that he's wearing a San Yacasa shirt just, you know, to film a TikTok.
He's also...
He was also supposed to auction it ages ago for the NHS.
Incredible.
That is obviously appalling.
So that aside,
did we feel comfortable about people gatekeeping
which people are allowed to like football teams and which ones aren't?
In this case, yeah, definitely.
And I think
you agree with that, really.
You're playing devil's advocate there.
And I appreciate you. I'm not.
I'm not. I would just like to say
that I don't know if Matt Hancock
being authentically
a fan of football
and a team is a debate that should exercise
some quite well-known and respected broadsheet journalists.
Oh, were people up in arms?
People would have a problem about it.
He might be a complete dickhead
who isn't of the political persuasion that you like.
It doesn't mean he can't like football, does it?
No, and also he might just really
like Saudi money
that might really
excite him
he's come up the wood
but I'm before this now
before it was local
business
I didn't have much money
I'm not bothered about that
I'm well up for this now
yeah
there we go
it sounds like you had
a nice weekend anyway Peter
it sounds like you know
you offset the
mainstream activity
of supporting a football team
by doing some customary, quite odd stuff that we know and love you for.
So well done for you for ticking all those boxes.
Any dramas travelling from Somerset on our illustrious train network back to London?
Or was it all okay?
It chucked us off at Reading.
The train was late.
How much was it?
The train was, compared to what I pay from my house every day, cheaper.
Right, that's good.
But from Somerset to London was cheaper than my journey from Messick every morning.
But the driver said, yeah, sorry about that.
We are running 20 minutes late.
So Control have decided to terminate at Reading.
It's like, so hang on, you're late and now you're terminating at Reading because you're so late
so I've just got to get off
and find another train
from Reading.
It's a mad attitude,
isn't it?
Oh, by the way,
sorry, sir,
this surgery's taking
quite a long time
compared to what we thought
so we're just going to stop.
We'll just leave you
without a liver.
Yeah.
I know this is supposed
to be a transfer,
you know,
supposed to be swapping it over
but we're just probably
going to leave you
with no liver.
Transplant, you look.
Yeah, I was thinking transmission. Swapping it over. I'm tired, Luke. Swapping it over. I've received.'re swapping it over, but we're just probably going to leave you with no liver. Transplant, you look. Yeah, I was thinking transmission.
Swapping it over.
I'm tired,
Luke.
Swapping it over.
I've received.
We'll swap it over.
Luke,
I've received a new puppy yesterday.
Oh,
this is great.
No,
let's not do it.
Let's have a break.
When we come back,
we'll do the puppy,
because that's actually really good news.
So let's have a quick break.
Give people a little rest from this nonsense.
Yeah.
Listen to some adverts.
Don't fucking fast forward them.
And the other side. Oh, dude, just don't fucking fast forward them and the other side
oh do
just don't do them
on any place
we can get stats
about it
yeah exactly
the other side
of this
we'll talk about
Pete's new puppy
Sammy Amiobi
great stuff
see you in a minute
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We're back with Luke Ed, Pete Shaw,
on Thursday the 2nd of March.
How are you doing, Luke?
You all right, you all right, you all right?
I'm all right, yeah.
Yeah, you all right? Getting together?
House back in, you're back in your house after your paint-a-getting?
Yeah, paint-a-getting's over now.
Yeah.
As I left the house this morning, they were just doing the final touch-ups
because the carpet guys came in and...
Scoffed it.
Yeah.
I mean, the carpet fitters were good, and I liked them,
and I liked the carpets.
I've got no general complaint.
I mean, we'll get on to Pete's dog in a minute, by the way.
But the one thing I would say is
the decorators did a really good job of painting
our house, did say, have a word with the carpet
guys and say that you've just had stuff painted
and you want to be careful, so I will
and I don't think the carpet
fitters had any time for
that to be honest, I thought they had already
decided they were going to do the job as quick as
they could, what they're going to do the job as quick as they could. What they're going to do, right.
And then the guy
at one point went to me, I understand
what you're saying, mate, but you're going to have absolute murders
with this carpet. And I was like, why?
And he said, oh, because
you've got to put it on the stairs, you've got to get it flashed.
He kept saying, you're going to have absolute murders.
And the other guy went,
don't get me wrong, we're not a demolition squad.
I was like, yeah, why say that in someone's house wow it's like mr positive and mr negative i'll say that
yeah um and it's good because we used like a quite a good carpet company and the third guy
was actually very posh which i think is always interesting when you get a tradesman in your house
yeah it's good it's good like he has like a pencil behind his ear yes old school he didn't drop any
of his t's yeah okay nice and it made me feel like it made me feel like he was like a real this is
by the way i am a working class person so i understand this is terrible snobbery by me
of my own kind but it did make me feel like oh he's this will be great because he's obviously
very clever and i hated myself for thinking that because he spoke nicer
yeah
mad innit
we still have these
we like to think
that we are
precluded from that
behaviour
like that kind of
oh it's got a nice accent
respecting that
level of accents
we're being judged
every day
by the fucking
those horse fuckers
you know
at the posh end
of the spectrum
yeah mad innit those chinless wonders I was thinking to myself Those horse fuckers, you know, at the posh end of the spectrum.
Yeah.
Mad, isn't it?
Those chinless wonders.
I was thinking to myself.
That one will text in again.
Yeah.
I was thinking to myself, I hope I'm not being judged every single day of my life.
Like, I myself am judging this man now.
Because that would be unacceptable.
That would suck.
That would absolutely suck. That would be awful prejudice.
Well, I'm glad your carpets
wasn't there a man in your house
who was jumping around
like a little elf
oh yeah
that's a story
that is a story
so
we'll do my dog next week
because we've got batteries
to get on with
we'll do dog again next week
and then we'll want to hear
about the man
who jumps around your house
bounces around your house
like a crazy man
dog on Monday
dog on Monday
bouncy man now yeah so the bouncy man thing's interesting so Bounce around your house. Bounce around your house like a crazy man. Dog on Monday. Dog on Monday.
Bouncy man now.
Yeah, so the bouncy man thing's interesting.
So when I had the carpet,
the guy came around and measured the carpets,
all that kind of stuff done.
Bigger boy.
That was actually the posh guy as well.
So he came around and he measured it all up.
And it was fine.
And I always think to myself,
oh God, the house is a state.
But obviously they're used to doing,
some of them are used to doing mansions.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah. It's like a real pain in the ass.
And to be fair to them,
I said they work quite fast
and it was a little bit,
it's cost me an extra half a day of painting
to get it sorted again,
but I kind of budgeted for that,
so I understand.
That's fine.
That's fine.
Yeah.
He said,
oh,
because you've got an old house,
we'll get a guy around
and he'll check all the floorboards, the squeaky ones
and he'll fix them.
And all you do is just pay him direct. So he comes
around, you turn up the day before
and he'll
do your floorboards for you.
I actually want them done anyway and we've got
a downstairs neighbour and it's probably not ideal for them
having the squeakiness and all that kind of stuff.
So, crack a door
on the day before the carpets came,
doorbell goes, Wi-Fi of access to is at work.
I answer the door and it's this guy, small fella, older.
I don't want to be rude about him because he was a very, very nice man.
And he was like, hello, I hear you've got some squeakers.
And I just cracked up laughing at himself.
And then he came up into the house,
cut all the carpets out,
and then just spent the next hour
like dancing around my house,
literally dancing.
And every time he felt a squeaky floorboard,
he put a pencil cross on it.
Right.
And then he carried on dancing again.
He was like, yeah, it keeps me fit.
I love a glass of water.
Yeah, I love a coffee.
It keeps me fit.
And he was basically saying,
because he was quite a small man,
he needed to dance on them to hear the squeaks.
Right, okay.
So he had to give it a good old...
So did he just sort of do a piece of footwork per floorboard,
or was he just kind of testing each one repeatedly,
different parts of it?
So it seemed to me like he started from the centre of the rooms,
because that's where people walk the most.
He danced on every single floorboard
at one point
and if it squeaked
I think
I don't know this
because I didn't
actually speak to him
too much about it
but I think
if it squeaked
he definitely put
a pencil mark on it
and then later on
he fixed the ones
he could
but I guess
there's probably
some that have got
pipes under them
or whatever
so he couldn't
screw in
so he basically
replaced it
for a new one
right ok so he pulled those ones up that's amazing so he brought his screw in so he basically replaced it for a new one right okay
so he pulled those ones up that's amazing
so he brought his own floorboards effectively
he had all the stuff with him yeah
he also he said
look I will probably miss one or two of these
but it's just the nature of the business
and so
minimal squeakers I will provide
you with minimal squeakers what a lovely job
though you just walk into someone's house
and just run around
it was very charming
and he's been doing it
since 1962
so you can work out
the maths
okay
long time
he was an old fella
yeah
older guy
and he put his
he put his
he put his
his longevity
down to the fact
that he's only ever drunk alcohol four times in his life.
Nice.
Okay, good.
21st birthday, stag night, wedding night, and the day he came out of jail.
That's what he said.
And I think that was a long time ago, to be fair to him.
And yeah, that was it.
And he was good as gold.
And actually, do you know what he also did?
What did you get arrested for?
Stealing pipes.
Yeah Robin Howard.
You haven't got no pipes
no more
stolen there.
And then do you know
what he actually did as well?
What?
He said
and this is a fucking
great bit of service
I tell you this is brilliant
the carpets got fitted
the next day
and it all went well
apart from
one of the carpets
there was no clearance
there wasn't enough clearance for the door.
And we checked all the doors, and there should have been,
but what that has to do is have to put a little ramp in.
Anyway, cut long, still short, the door didn't close.
Without me even needing to call the carpet place,
the floorboard guy texts me saying,
oh, I heard from my colleague that you've got a problem with one of the doors.
I'll pop around on Saturday, and because you're so nice to me
and you looked after me, I'll pop round on Saturday, and because you were so nice to me and you looked after me,
I'll do the door for free.
And he turned up,
and he took the door off the hinges,
he trimmed it with a circular saw to get it right,
and put it all back on,
and did it free of charge.
Lovely.
So he didn't take off the door.
What a lovely chap.
He didn't take off the door like I did
and try and plane the bottom off it.
Planing just takes a long time.
I would like to think he didn't do anything that you've done.
Although, I have to say, followers on our social media accounts
will be able to testify to this.
The work you did on your own home around the damp issue,
I can only speak as to what I've seen on photos or on the surface.
It's like the Scottish issue.
I mean, that is very much, it's like the Scottish issue.
Right. The Scottish issue, the Brexit issue. mean that is very much it's like the Scottish issue right
the Scottish issue
the Brexit issue
right
the damp issue
what
yeah but what about it
why is it like that
I'm just saying
it just sounds bigger than it is
no but you did it
I just wanted to say
you did a very good job
oh thank you Lewis
for kind of
it looks amazing
you've done brilliantly
I could never do anything
like that
on the surface
that's the thing though
it's on the surface isn't it
so like
dig a little deeper
I've fucked it
I'll fucked it.
I'll cover it up.
It's just all you've put in there is just cooked egg noodles.
That's what you see a lot on, like, Chinese TikTok, don't you?
Like, people use ramen.
It looks good, but I can't believe it's practical.
Ramen, and I imagine it's quite brittle, quite inflexible.
People just use ramen to fill in a hole in a bit of wood and they fill it with super glue, which is interesting.
So it's super glue and ramen together at last
and then they sort of shave it off and paint it.
Yeah, it looks really good, but nothing,
and I do mean nothing has ever been made better
by putting cooked noodles in it.
No, I mean, I think it's uncooked noodles.
But it will be cooked as soon as it fucking rains.
Well, you don't be a pain in the neck before that happens, I guess.
No one's ever said that.
No one's ever said, tell you what, I'll sort that out for you.
Noodles.
Ramen.
It won't work.
Anyway, let's do the batteries.
Let's do the batteries.
New dog on Monday.
Batteries now, please. Okay, cool. Got a message from Nick C. it won't work anyway let's do the batteries we did new dog on monday batteries now please okay
cool uh got a message from nick c oh nick i've already uh i'm already sort of shaking my head
at this one here are two double a's that i came across on my trip to italy last year
gp super get out ansman get out i mean gp super you can get out GP Super is the isn't the Samsung brand
is that the GP Super
I think it might be
GP Ultra yeah
and Ansman
Ansman rather
hopefully at least
if he's a new player
I started listening in 2020
and I have to say
the show definitely
helped me get through
some tough COVID times
keep up the great work
Nick C
we live to serve
I feel bad for saying
you need to get out now
you said the show
has helped you through
some tough times
sorry about that
Ansman listen GP Super you might as well say I think I've to serve. I feel bad for saying to get out now that you said the show has helped you through some tough times. Sorry about that. Hansman!
Listen, GP Super,
you might as well say I think I've spotted
a brand new car
no one's ever seen before
and it's a Ford Fiesta.
Hansman,
I mean,
to be fair to you, Nick,
Hansman,
you're only the second person
to send Hansman in.
Well, that's not bad, is it?
Yeah, our friend Fergus
sent them in
in November of last year.
So you're not too far behind the curve on that one.
I'm afraid there's no new player for you there.
David Nutt.
Not the David Nutt.
David Nutt from Brighton.
Not currently the Edmund J. Safra Professor of Neuropsychopharmacology
and the Director of Neuropsychopharmacology Unit
in the Division of brain sciences
at a particular university,
Imperial College,
which is one of the
best scientific universities
in the world.
I fucking hope not.
Do you know what,
you must,
no, we're not moving on
because I want to ask you this.
Do you know what
Dr. David Nutt is famous for?
I don't know,
but I hope it's
squirrel related.
I really do, Luke.
So I can have a little chuckle
because you brought this in and the fact, better, like, give us some entertainment I don't know, but I hope it's squirrel related. I really do, Luke. It's not a squirrel. So I'm going to have a little chuckle.
Because you brought this in, and the fact,
better give us some entertainment.
And if it doesn't, you're off the iJump, sunshine.
Well, I'm paraphrasing here,
and I think you will remember this incident.
I'm going to paraphrase it just to make it easier,
and hopefully that's boring for everyone listening.
Dr. David Nutt was dismissed from a position as, I think,
a drug advisor from the Labour government under Home Secretary Alan Johnson
because he came out with a really
at the time, controversial opinion
about the harm that recreational drugs
causes. And he was like saying, look,
what the fuck are we doing here? This is a health issue,
not a crime issue. All that kind of stuff.
And the Labour government
binned him.
And before and since,
he's been a very, very well-respected pharmacologist,
very, very well-known.
Right.
As I just said,
he's head of a number of different units at Imperial College,
one of the best scientific universities in the world.
David Nutt was a big story under the Labour government
probably about 20 years ago.
Was he pro having a bifter or anti it?
I don't want to besmirch his reputation.
I love it when they said the press conference.
Hang on.
Sorry, David.
Dr. Nutt, sorry.
Thanks for all that.
Are you pro bifter or against bifter?
Yeah.
Dr. David, do you want to be taken to our dealer or not?
I think he's pro bifter.
I think that was the problem.
I think that was the problem.
I think that was the problem.
Nice.
Anyway, David Nutt, who probably isn't that David Nutt.
Maybe he would be pro.
What's that nut?
I had it sometime.
That nutty chew.
Cat.
Cat.
Is that cat?
K-H-A-T, isn't it?
Yes, I think so. I had some in Taiwan.
Munch, munch, munch.
You see the boys down Ridley Road Market always munching on it.
In Dalston.
That's what I remember it for.
Hi, chaps.
How do?
Very long-time listener.
First-time battery emailer.
Legalize it.
Upon checking into our Mombasa Beach Hotel.
Legalize it.
Of course he's in a Mombasa Beach Hotel.
Come on.
Party time.
What's the first thing to...
Mombasa Beach Hotel?
That's fucking great.
What's the first thing to do?
Rip open the aircon remote control
obviously
don't need an aircon when you're
smoking that icky sticky weed
hoping to get a new player
with us
Penelika
batteries
fingers crossed
Dave Nutt
from Brighton
the most liberal council
in the UK
legalise it
legalise it Legalise it.
Legalise it.
Legalise it.
Dr David Nutt,
probably not.
He has sent in Penanica batteries,
right?
Is that what you said?
I got lost among all the...
I said Penanica,
but I just gave it
a little Italian flair.
New player.
Nice!
New player.
You should celebrate David Nt by relaxing 420 yeah
nice oh wee a sneak dog would say
there we go oh dear have we got any more i think we've only got two there
oh yeah there we are that's just a message. I didn't realise that was a message.
This is from Neil.
I'll bash through this nice and quick.
Your man in Red Beach, New Zealand here.
We've had some horrific storms here, including a bloody cyclone.
Wasn't like this when you were here, Luke.
Saw had a bit of tidy up and needed to give the house a wash down
to remove debris and salt water from the ocean spray.
Oh, that would, I mean, that would rankle with the wood, wouldn't it?
That would annoy the wood.
Bought some 30-second
outdoor cleaner,
which is basically bleach
from the smell of it.
Should have used needles.
It came with this
applicator thing,
which worked reasonably well,
but it was a used-once
throwaway device,
which really annoyed me.
I decided to take it apart
to see what batteries it had,
just for you guys,
and lo and behold,
four Modic Max AA's,
or Modic Max AA's.
I should be complaining to the company about the wastage from this product
and the landfill that's produced.
Yes, I bought it, but the store was out of alternatives,
and I was interested in the gadget.
Anyway, pulp are excellent, so leave them alone,
and talk more about computer games.
Love the show, and keep away from the ocean, Pete.
Neil.
I'll keep away from the ocean.
I'll keep away from the ocean spray.
Oh, so it's like a little such a little device you would usually uh have this in like a a weed uh
killer it looks like an electric toothbrush you would usually have like a hand pump a hand crank
to get the get the fluid out onto your um onto your dandelions but here they've sort of yeah
they've created a little sort of um hand pump little hand pump that's powered by some Ultra Energy Morditch Max batteries,
which is very exciting.
I like that.
Yeah, and what's even more exciting is they're also a new player.
Lovely stuff.
Two out of three, baby.
It's the first time we've featured some Ocean Spray Defending House Cleaner
and also some of these batteries.
Good to see, though.
Fantastic stuff, Neil.
Well done, my friend.
Still getting two out of three new players
in the battery game after all this time.
It does beg a belief, but it's absolutely true.
Yeah.
Is it two out of three bad?
Was that the song from Meatloaf?
There ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you,
but don't be sad.
Don't be sad, because two out of three ain't bad.
Yeah, I'll have my review of Battle of Hell.
It's absolutely fucking remarkable that this show's free.
Isn't it?
I just think to myself, you fucking do a turn at the end of it like that,
and it's free
yeah
unbelievable
see you later
see you on Monday
we'll be back on Monday
ta ta
email us
hello at lukepaintshow.com
bye The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack production
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