The Luke and Pete Show - Scampi surprise

Episode Date: November 27, 2023

Have you ever wondered what happens if you eat scampi fries that are three years out of date? Unfortunately, one of our listeners has found out.Today, we hear all about that and Pete tells us about the time he made a major faux pas while presenting a Battle of the Bands competition in the Hard Rock Cafe. Donny really has led a glamorous life...Want to get in touch with the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow.We're also now on Tiktok! Follow us @thelukeandpeteshow. Subscribe to our YouTube HERE. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. It's the Luke and Peter. I'm Pete Donaldson, and I am joined by Luke Merr on a Monday.

How are you doing? Did you have a lovely weekend? I mean, I guess technically we are pre-recording this because you are about to embark on what can only be described as the WWE-sanctioned plane ride from hell. I don't think it's going to be like that. No, it's going to be fine. Because the thing about planes is they're fucking loud. And so I've never understood why people complain about Ben's making any noise at all.

Because fundamentally, it's never as loud as the plane. It's never as loud as the plane. It's never as loud as the plane. I've never understood. I think it's just become like a bit of a trope for boring people to talk about. So planes are really loud, you're right, and that'll serve as white noise to help babies go to sleep and all that kind of thing.

But also I find it's really interesting how people are able to have proper altercations on planes, as in like fights and stuff, because it's so inconvenient and so loud it's like how can you be bothered like trying to hang a wallpaper in a in a victorian house the i would say with um with like on planes whenever you see it on like um on television and like succession was quite bad for this helicopters fairly whispery... You have to have headphones and a mic, don't you? Well, fairly whispery conversations

on helicopters and in planes and stuff. You just don't get... You really have to shout or lean in really close to talk. When was the last time you were on a helicopter? Never been on a helicopter. Never want to. Yeah. Feels dangerous. Whenever I say a helicopter, because

we live right next to south and airport we play football um right next to the the the the takeoff route for a lot of them and so like most of the most of the planes are like world war ii kind of mad mad jobs kind of patched together sort of thing and i'm never worried about them coming down um in a in a in a hail of fire uh but every time I see a helicopter, I don't know, maybe growing up with, you know, was it Corby Bryan who died? That was about two years ago. I was not growing

up with it. Well, growing up and the Leicester thing as well. Colin McRae. Yeah, true. So the Leicester City chairman. Didn't we have a long argument about Sarah Green's Mike Green? Yeah.

You do a pretty good line in, for no reason, imagining someone from the 80s is now dead. Yeah. It's good, isn't it? It's quite partridge. Yeah. Speaking of that, did you see how much trouble Noel Edmonds has been getting up to in New Zealand?

So he's opened a pub in a quiet little island in New Zealand and ruined everything. Describe to our American listeners, of which we have several, just describe Noel Edmonds to them if you can. I mean, I guess you've got to go like, who did Deal on No Deal in America, US host. But he's been around for a long old time. You know what?

Absolutely bang on. No, not Howie Mandel. Who's the guy with the moustache who does Family Fortunes in America who's a bit of a prick? Oh, yeah. He's funny, though. Is he a prick?

Yeah, he's a dick. I was going to basically say, look, Alex Trebek, who did Sally Didenop. No, not Trebek. No, he's the black guy with the moustache. That's not him, I know, but he did Jeopardy. I know who you mean. He's called Steve someone. Steve, yeah. Steve. No, he's the black guy with the mustache. That's not him, I know, but he did Jeopardy. The handlebar with the mustache. I know who you mean.

He's called Steve someone. Steve, yeah. Steve. Steve mustache. He presents Family Feud, doesn't he? Family Feud. Same thing, I don't know. Family Fortunes, Family Feud.

Same concept. Someone's getting paid out on that one. But yeah, he's a bit of a dickhead. Steve Harvey he's called. Steve Harvey, that's all. I know nothing about him. He's a bit like Steve Harvey, but British, and

with no discernible talent at all, really. And absolutely baffling. He had a massive family show in the 90s called Noel's House Party, which is really... Big on radio. He was a Radio 1 stalwart. He was kind of like Voice of Youth. And he...

He's just the worst kind of brit a nimby little prick who stomps around who thinks that immigrants have ruined the country he's got a terrible he's got some terrible terribly problematic shit as well like he was like he would sell like do you ever got in trouble for um selling an electromagnetic device which cost about two grand and he claimed it slowed aging, reduced pain, lifts depression and tackles cancer. Yeah, absolute disgrace.

And he was like tweeting like actual cancer sufferers on Twitter like claiming all this stuff and then obviously he got busted for that and so he had to stop doing it. But it's just that kind of bloke. Yeah.

Right. But here's the thing. I would say this about Noel. With that kind of box that he claimed tackles cancer, it's not that he's like a fly-by-night proper con man. No. It's that he's so arrogant, he thinks that he's right, even though he's got no medical training whatsoever.

Well, he's just very big into manifestation. And remember, he used to draw little symbols on his hands and stuff. But this guy, he just had big TV shows in the 90s, and he was a big radio guy in the 80s. Anyway, so he's moved to New Zealand now, hasn't he? But he's moved to New Zealand now because he's got a shitload of money. He holds a deal or no deal in the UK, and that was a huge show for a long time.

He's a steady hand when it comes to quiz shows but everything else Do you actually think he's good? No but I think he's a steady hand. Right yeah and he also gave do you remember the uh laughing at the disabled child

by accident they tried to style it out by the way that went out that's pre-recorded that show say again that's pre-recorded that deal no they do about six episodes a day pre-rec and that's gone out that's still gone out so so so a woman shows noel edmonds for some reason i don't know why this is part of deal or no deal but no trying to bring these because he tries to get to know the contestants don't they yeah? That's what he does. So this woman's brought in a picture of her and her brothers, I think. And it's just a baby photo.

And Nor starts laughing and pointing at one of the kids in the picture. Look at this guy. He's a funny little fella. And she went, oh, that's my brother or whatever. He's actually disabled or handicapped, I think she said. And Noel could not tuck his testicles back into his body quick enough. And he starts to try and style it out in the most embarrassing way possible. A lovely face, such an expression face, beautiful, beautiful smile.

What would you have done? I'll start a double dune. A lovely face, such an expression face, beautiful, beautiful smile. What would you have done? I'll start a double doon. Double doon. Goodness me. Buy some a bit of time. Goodness me. Yeah, goodness me, buy some down. I'd knock one of the boxes on the floor to distract.

That's probably not going to make the edit. Well, exactly. And it shouldn't have a deal or no deal. He styled it out. So then the editors thought, look, he styled it out. He met us halfway I'm going to keep it in I remember

I had somebody that I used to know used to do children's television and if he ever messed up he'd just shout the F word because he can't use that cut oh right

nice that's a good idea so I'll tell you what should have happened he should have said I'm terribly sorry I had no idea that's inappropriate

I hope I didn't cause any offence everyone we'll pick up here and we'll do that again. And no one would have known anything on this mistake, but he can't because he's arrogant. It also happened

in a slightly different way to Chris Tarrant on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Right. And that made the edit as well, which is surprising because that's also pre-recorded, of course.

What did he do? So someone used to phone a friend right and i think the way they might do the phone of friends and i'm lifting the lifting the curtain on tv here for some people i know i reckon they might drop it in after so i i think on certain parts of it because he says um you know we've got john here and he's on 64 000 pounds and he wants to ask it and the next voice you'll hear will be john's and he's going to give you 30 seconds to try and help you ask this question but before and that's kind of feels like it's a standalone cut before that you know they have all the kind of phone ringing thing and it's obviously dropped it in post because there's

no way he's going to go oh oh, I want to call Dave. And every single time, if you watch back on the show, they always answer after like three rings. They know who it is. So it's always already pre-reqed, right? So I think Chris Tarrant then lays his bits over the top for the show. Do you know what I mean?

I just think they take five and do it. They take five and do it. And producers will have phoned up the person beforehand, wouldn't they? Right. So anyway, what Chris does is he says what he always says. Hello, Dave. I've got John here.

How are you doing? Good. John, Dave, let's hear a bit about you. What do you do? And they'll say, I'm an accountant. And Chris will go, that's fantastic. You know, great stuff. Anyway, what actually happened on that one was he went,

I've got Dave here. Dave, I've got John here. Dave, tell us a bit about yourself. What do you do for a living? And he went, I've got Dave here. Dave, I've got John here. Dave, tell us a bit about yourself. What do you do for a living? And he goes, I'm disabled. And Chris goes, that's absolutely fantastic. John, the next voice we hear will be John's. And no one really says anything.

And it's become a bit of a viral thing since then. So maybe it's just these types, man. They just get into autopilot, don't really know what they're doing, and that's how it goes. Vine did one quite recently with a trans woman called Vivian, I soon recall. it's just these types, man. They just don't, they just get into autopilot, don't really know what they're doing and that's how it goes. Vine was, Vine did one quite recently with a trans woman called Vivian,

I soon recall. Don't see, don't hear, he was on the phone and he said, Jeremy Vine? Jeremy Vine, yeah. Don't hear,

don't hear a lot of, don't hear from a lot of male Vivians and she said, well, I'm trans. And he went, oh good,

oh good to hear. That's live as well, isn't it? so oh god um but uh these things happen so let's just enjoy them you could have put an actual hot potato on his hands and he would react to these the same way exactly the same way i did that once i was um judging about i wasn't judging i was hosting a battle of the bands competition in the Hard Rock Cafe, in the bowels of the Hard Rock Cafe. Your life is so glamorous. So glamorous. So glamorous. And I got up on stage and I didn't look behind me,

so I didn't know. I could see the rest of the band that I was about to introduce. And I went, and again, just terrible uh male uh provocation for thinking that um drummers would be male i don't know as well poor presenter as well and poor presenter and bad at my job a bad confidence low confidence probably all right are we ready to go and then um the drummer she uh drums out a little paradiddle i went that's not a paradiddle all right paradiddle is a isn't it

left right left left right left right left left it's like four beats anyway it doesn't matter alright fine either way little Phil either way

a little Phil a little Phil to lighten the mood I said he's ready it wasn't I hadn't seen who was behind the drums

and I just assumed it was an all male group. I just presumed that on the drums would be a man and that's terrible from me. So yeah,

he's ready. Somebody went, ugh. Did you dwell on it or not? One of their mates went, ugh. Did he really? Did you dwell on it

or did you put it behind you? Oh yeah, I'm mentioning it now and I'm thinking about it every day of my life. Because you know the best people don't let it affect them. Honestly, Luke, if I could just forget about it, if I do one bad thing a day and if I could just get through without just sort of just focusing on it, just absolutely focusing on it.

Yeah, I'm kind of the same. I've got a good i don't think you are you get too much stuff done that's true but let me just clarify that i i'm i feel quite good at forcing myself back up on the horse right like i refuse to stop but i do still think about it and you know what i actually someone that we we both know that will remain nameless because it's not appropriate i remember remember they, I remember seeing them on TV years ago doing actually a

really bad job on live TV and it was embarrassing and I needed to speak to them a couple of days later or the next day or something that was already scheduled in. So I called them and they were honestly exactly the same as if they had been doing a brilliant job. And I remember at the time it being really noticeable, thinking,

fucking hell, that's so robust. I can't believe that. Because they were getting hammered online and everything. They just didn't care. And that's the key. That is the key. That's how your Linekers get away with it. Speaking of that, by the way, before we go to a quick break,

did you see that Peter Crouch brought out Wayne Lineker to his live podcast? Yeah, it was a few weeks ago now, but the video clips have definitely endured, haven't they? It is amazing. The fact that... I think it's even more exciting that Lineker addressed it, got upset about it. Because I guess in the sort of company that he keeps...

So tell people what happened first, because it's a big old crowd. Big old crowd big old crowd probably like the o2 indigo or something you know a good no i think i think there's 12 000 people there mate 12 000 people because crouch does a massive live thing every year and it's really really worth it right it's like a little kind of like festival isn't it it's like crouch fest or something so anyway so um they're on stage and they're doing their own podcast or whatever and for some reason um they to bring out Wayne Lineker. That's bloody in itself.

And what ensues is just the entire crowd. Sounds like 12,000 people. Is it 12,000 people? Honestly, mate. In one room? I think he's done like Wembley Arena. Good God. Anyway, this makes you sick.

Makes you sick. But they get Wayne Lineker on and just... It is Wembley Arena, this makes you sick. Makes you sick. But they get Wembley Arena and just It is Wembley Arena, I've just checked. And the whole crowd from the front to the back, that's where I was at, they're just all chanting P-Door, P-Door,

P-Door at one of your guests. Now, when you are choosing guests, when you're booking, when you're organising Addison organizing addison lee's taxis through town um i i you just don't imagine that 12 000 people are going to be screaming pedo at one of your guests that you've booked i think and also the the bad thing for me it's easy for me to say and i've not been in that situation although i have been up on stage in front of people and this can be tricky obviously i think the worst thing for me to say and I've not been in that situation although I have been up on stage in front of people and it can be tricky obviously I think the worst thing for me is that they have no plan

how to deal with it and they obviously haven't predicted it's possible to happen but how can you though? no but it's a weird book anyway Wayne Licker's not even in football he's not a football guy he's basically the brother of a guy who is in football that's it and he's well known among among a generation or a particular group of people

for having this night this kind of open air nightclub thing in in club in um in in ibiza right ocean yeah so he's got a reputation anyway no one is suggesting that you know anything untoward but he has a reputation of a type. I don't think they've thought through the booking, and I think what they try and do is the worst thing you can do, which is not acknowledge it and try and press on. No one's answering the questions. There's no response from the crowd

because they're just charting this thing. They're not flirty presenters like us, Luke. They couldn't pull spin gold out of this turd string. If it was you and I, though, Pete, right, we would just sit there and laugh. There's nothing else you can do. Well, it's funny because they are, because he obviously inhabits a world where... But Waylon Nicker even says Pete.

He's already cut in. But the first thing he says off mic, if you watch the video, to Peter Crouch, I think it is, is they're chanting pedo. That's what he says. So they can hear it. They know what's happening. No, they said Peter, Peter. Yeah. Oh dear. What a shame. It's a funny watch. I've not got a huge amount of sympathy for Waylon

because I'm not going to shed a tear for the man, but it's worth watching. But it's older men in a young space and you and much like me at the indie club, you've got to take the punches. You just have to take the punches. Not in Darwin, though. I'm not going to let that one.

He's approaching 62 years old. It's worth remembering that. Anyway, let's have a break. When we come back, we've got some good emails actually, Peter. A couple of them are about the supermarket Asda. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most

reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. Welcome back to the Look at Pitch Show. We got you. Rogers. Welcome back to the Lookapitch Show. We got emails.

You've been sending them. Hello at lookapitchshow.com. If you'd like to get in touch, look your mirror. You've got your eyes on a cool email about Asda, I believe. Yeah, do you want to do the Asda one or do you want to do a different one? We can do the Asda one another time. I'm just giving you an example. All right, let's do the Asda one.

Come on. All right. There's loads of Asda ones. I'll do one of them. This is a good one so here we go it's from joe hello to you joe he says hi to luke and pete listening to your recent episode uh entitled the gaviscon cartel i mean rory deserves a pay rise he's got some good um i've just realized it'll be us giving him it he doesn't deserve a pay rise um but he's got some good episode titles, hasn't he? The Gaviscon Cartel is a great title for an episode.

And it makes me feel bad for calling them a cheb earlier because he was late for the recording. He said, sorry I wasn't there. I got lost in an edit. But, yeah. He was lost in music. He's the producer. He's dedicated, isn't he?

He's dedicated. He's producing some hits. He's a bit of a musician, is R music. He's the producer. He's dedicated, isn't he? He's dedicated. He's producing some hits. He's a bit of a musician, is Rory. Back in the lab. Back in the lab. He's not a musician, is he? What, bagpipes?

He does mixing and stuff, doesn't he? I don't know. I think he's a producer. He does events. He's interested. Oh, is he? Right, I thought he did.

Why don't you take an interest in our colleagues? Anyway. He DJs. Yeah, he does DJ. Does that make you a musician? These days it does. Thank you very much. You can't say. DJs. Yeah, he does DJ. Does that make you a musician? These days it does. Thank you very much.

You can't say anything these days. I'm not saying anything. The Gaviscon Cartel. Job says, I was reminded of my own foray into the world of antacids as well as experiences with Asda supermarkets.

This show has become a show about everyday life through the lens of two like middle-aged men now, isn't it? Antacids have been hanging around for weeks now. Yeah.

He says, as a man in my mid-30s, I dabbled now isn't it antacids have been hanging around for weeks now yeah um he says as a man in my mid-30s i dabbled in the world of antacids but found stopping drinking stopping drinking like it was a competition getting some exercise eating better has helped hugely however this was all to change come 2020 and the onset of the pandemic when i got the invite for my first vaccination i was a little surprised to find the location was the Asda on the old Kent Road. Do you know that Asda? Are you familiar with that specific Asda, Peter? There was a massive Sainsbury's

at the start of the old Kent Road, New Crossgate side. I seem to recall that. That was a big vibe for a long time. But not the Asda specifically. Not the Asda. I don't know a bit of the Asda. For those who don't know,

the Old Kent Road's a big, a massive main road in South East London. You might recognise it from the Monopoly board, actually. Anyway, he says, it was hardly glamour personified, but if anything, it was a bit grotty,

but I was keen to get jabbed, so I went along. They had cordoned off a corner of the store for the purpose, and all went well. The issue for me came after having the jab being rightly excited to be out of the immediate vicinity of my flat and with a big supermarket at my fingertips i grabbed a basket and set out to do some shopping that's a great move by asta volunteering to have the old vaccination done there in there thinking about it yeah got a lot of shoppers ready to go. Get some loo roll. Hold some loo roll in the way.

It was far from structured shopping as I basically was gleefully throwing any old random stuff into my basket desperate to introduce anything from the outside of the norm into my small Covid world. Like many people, I was missing the pub massively at this time. The beers, the sights, the sounds,

the smells and tastes. Not sure many people, the sights, the sounds, the smells and tastes. Not sure many people miss the smell of a pub, do they? I miss the smoking. Yeah, it's just farts and Red Bull, isn't it? Red Bull. That gives us a great indicator of the bars you're going to. It always smells of Red Bull.

Doesn't matter how clean it is, it always smells of bloody Red Bull. Seeing a promotional clip strip of off-brand scampi fries i threw them into the basket without hesitation pete you know what a clip strip is no it's like you know when you see in the aisle of a supermarket they're hanging on like a plastic oh yeah uh park scratchings and fuses yeah yeah yeah yeah so so joe's got some off-brand scampi fries here. And he said, you know what?

I thought they might bring a little bit of the pub into my home later that day. Because they're obviously a famous pub snack. When I finally got around to breaking them open, I gleefully grabbed three and shoved them in my mouth in one go. Immediately, I thought they tasted a bit funny, but put it down to them being off-brand, as well as forgetting how weird the actual flavor of a scampi fry is. And that's a fair point. I perused the bag as I carried on chewing and swallowing and i turned my eyes to the best before

date they expired in june 2018 and it was march 2021 nearly three years these fishy flavored snacks were out of date the good news is it didn't make me throw up or shit myself inside out, but it did give me the worst acid of my life. So much so that I had to upgrade from the entry-level Rennies to necking Gaviscon straight from the bottle. I do that almost daily. Do not feel bad about that. You probably should both feel bad about that.

Nothing has been the same since with my internal acid levels. Upon complaining to Asda and having to convince them I was not lying and I didn't take my receipt, they eventually relented and sent me a £10 voucher. Here you go. For the guts. Get a new colon. It remains unused to this day as I will not eat anything from their store.

I have since been back to that Asda store just once for a shit on the way to my own stag party. Cheers, Joe. I think that's fair. I think that's absolutely fair to sneak in for a shit because they've done so much damage to you physically and set you on the road of antacidness. That could have given

you a bit of PTSD type response, that Pete, I reckon. Yeah. Out of date food, stomach acid. I remember sort of watching Gordon Ramsay on Hot Ones just absolutely necking a full bottle of Pepto-Bismol and I sort of neck Gaviscon with the same gusto sometimes.

But I don't think I should be doing that. Remember when medicines came in spoons? Is there any downside to having that much Gaviscon? I think probably it makes you poop your pants, but not in my case. Definitely a

nice match when it comes to me.'s all i'm saying um all right well that's look we have got one more as the email but we'll do it another time we'll do it another time there's always time for as the emails i think hello thanks for that for that uh thanks for that joe he's got an email here from matt got an email from gary got some stuff from kyle from anthony's loads of good stuff so we'll get stuck into it as soon as we can um let's wrap up though peter take us out of here please yeah I think I'm trying to think that I'm trying to think

I think there was an Asda I think Asda in Hartlepool I think somebody chopped his penis I don't know what? doesn't matter no it doesn't matter

explore it explore it I know I can't remember he chopped his own penis off or something outside Hartlepool Asda that was a big story

in Hartlepool for a few weeks very disrespectful in every no amount of Gaviscon is going to help you with that penis off or something outside Hartlepool Asda. That was a big story in Hartlepool for a few weeks. Very disrespectful in every stretch. No amount of Gaviscon is going to help you with that. Is it? Put it in the bottom of Gaviscon

and get it straight to the hospital. They'll reattach it. Well, milk in it, yeah. I don't know. I don't know whether that would help or not. Don't put anything in milk to preserve it.

Why? Teeth? A tooth. A tooth, that's it. Fingers. You want to put a finger, a severed finger needs to go in ice. Yeah. And you Teeth? A tooth. A tooth, that's it. Fingers! You want to put your finger, a finger, a severed finger needs to go in ice. And you need to get there quick. A mini milk?

A box of mini milks. Yeah, a mini milk would be good. Ideal. Just put the stick into the bottom of the finger and you've got a finger mini milk. You've got a finger mini milk. If they can't sew it back on, you can nibble on that on the way home. Yeah. While you're having a nice cry about changes in your life. Right, hellolingwithpeter.com if you want to get interested in the show. We're on TikTok, we're Yeah. While you're having a nice cry about changes in your life. Right, hellolingwithpitcher.com

if you want to get interested in the show. We're on TikTok, we're on Instagram, we're on Twitter, YouTube, all kinds of things. And yeah,

Rory will be editing and stuff and putting it up there. But do get interested in the show. We'll be back on Thursday. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network.