The Luke and Pete Show - The Legend of Bones

Episode Date: December 7, 2023

Introducing Pete’s new golfing alter ego, Wentworth Bones. Wentworth Bones’ personality traits are just as unpredictable and chaotic as you might expect…Once the meet and greet is over, Luke then tells Pete all about how he got revenge over one of his fellow passengers on his flight back from America. Plus, Pete explains why he had to wear surgical gloves while putting up his Christmas lights at the weekend.Want to get in touch with the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow.We're also now on Tiktok! Follow us @thelukeandpeteshow. Subscribe to our YouTube HERE.***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

That was a very, um... That was a particularly lo-fi song, that one. I like it. I like it to recall. I actually really love his record, Sea Change. Is that the one with, uh... Yes, it is, yeah. Is that a cover? It's a cover, isn't it?

Nah. Baby, I'm a lost cause. Lost cause, that's cool. Looking for a lost cause. I can't believe that album's 2002. Fucking hell. I'm thinking of Everybody's Gonna Learn Sometimes.

That cover he did for Eternal Sunshine. The best songs on that record, I was looking it up now, are Lost Cause, Guess I'm Doing Fine, and Round the Bend. That's fucking brilliant, Round the Bend. I think it's a concept album about a man

who killed himself by walking into a sea. Yeah. Into the sea, I think. I think it's a fucking brilliant album. I think Beck is a fantastic musical recording artist. I like Mellow Gold Odelay Mutations Midnight Vultures Sea Change

Guero and The Information and Morning Phase as well remember Midnight they are good aren't they remember Midnight Vultures where it was like

he suddenly decided he was going to sing very high he's a proper artist I have a I remember him doing a gig and he was going

I have a seven octave range or something like that he's singing about his range and he was going, I have a seven octave range or something like that. He's a proper artist, Pete. He's singing about his range. And he takes risks, and those risks don't always come off. Yeah. Scientologist.

Yeah. What do you think about that? I think his family were into it, so he's not necessarily one of those nouveau Scientology-ist person. Yeah, it's not for me, that. Not for me, Clive. It's not for me, Clive. But listen, I support whatever they want to do

because they might be listening. Good on them. We're ready, mate. We're rolling, by the way. Are we? It's the Luke and Pete show. I'm Pete Donaldson. We're just talking about how much we love

the recording artist Beck. Do you know that there's definitely, in every glass of water you drink, there's definitely one water molecule in it that has been around since the dinosaurs. I like that. I like that a lot, to be honest. So do you reckon it's sort of a bit of rain floored off of Diplodocus's, what do they call those things, on a Diplodocus? A tail?

No, I'm thinking the Stegosaurus ones with the sort of like keratin kind of horns on the back. The classics that you were given as kids. Pterodactyl. Big long back head. That's your catch-all flying dinosaur. Yeah. Your Stegosaurus is. Mm-hmm.

Your Triceratops is of this world. Yeah. Your T-Rex is obviously. Yeah. That's the MVP right there. And then Raptors came in with Jurassic Park. Yeah, but before that, the one with the big strong head.

Oh, Triceratops. Triceratops. No, I already said Triceratops. Oh, sorry. It's got three spikes. Yeah. the one with the big, strong head. Oh, Triceratops. No, I already said Triceratops. Oh, sorry. It's got three spikes. Yeah. The one with the fucking head like a boulder. Which one's that one?

Oh, you weren't even involved. It just sounds like you don't know what it is. The two lesser known classic dinosaurs from our childhood. That one and the one with the tail

with the spikes on it. What about the one with the long neck? Oh, yeah, Brontosaurus. Brontosaurus. Yeah. Big long neck. The interesting thing

about that is that um you know people say oh yeah it's all about those dinosaurs then and now it's about different ones because they're still discovering them right so the first dinosaur wasn't actually discovered ever no one knew this is the thing that blows my mind when yeah when was the proof when was the when was the dinosaur it was 1830 or something? If you think about, I always think about it because I'm a nerd. Think about the writing of the American Constitution. That was written by the founding fathers of the United States.

They didn't know dinosaurs existed. Yeah, they should have put something in. I mean, so it's not covered. Dinosaurs aren't covered in the Constitution. They didn't write it in the Bible either. There's no second amendment to cover dinosaurs. It's guns. Those bones were put there to test us. It didn't say you're allowed to either. There's no second amendment to cover dinosaurs. It's guns. Those bones were put there to test us.

It didn't say you're allowed to have a well-regulated militia. No. In case of dinosaurs coming. It said because of the government. Yeah, they should have... Dinosaur bones are put there to test us. And it's God's will. I can't even bother to fucking finish that. I saw a man called Bones Highland

who is a basketball player and I thought that was his real name and I was very interested in this man and then I found out his name is Nashawn Lee Bones Highland it was a nickname but it's just annoying Tiger Woods is a nickname isn't it yes I think so Eldrick Tiger Woods

I reckon if you got to the age of about 50, so for us in about seven or eight years' time, and you genuinely and organically achieved the nickname Bones, that's fucking good. What is that for? It's either good or bad, isn't it? Yeah.

Yeah. Because you know you've got like John Bones. Bones is like a UFC fighter who's a bad, bad man. Right. Because you know, you've got like John Bones Jones, he's like a UFC fighter who's a bad, bad man. Right. And there's a famous caddy,

I think caddy, taking it back to golf again, caddy for Phil Mickelson called Bones. Right. As well. Because he's always getting bones out of his,

do they call him Bones? The golf clubs. Ben Bones. Pass us my bone. Pass us the bone. Pass us the five wood bone. I'd love to see you rock up. Give us my bone. You know how they call basketballs the rock? Give me the rock. Give me the bones.word bone, please. I'd love to see you rock up. Give me my bone.

You know how they call basketballs the rock? Give me the rock. Give me the bones. Do you know what I'd love you to do? As you are now, lost a lot of weight, you look great. As you are now, maybe with a jacket on,

one of your jackets, and you've got some good shoes on, go to a really posh golf club, right? Give me the bones! Called Bones. Yeah. This is Bones. Bones McKenzie.

You refer to the golf clubs as Bones. Yeah. And you say, give me that bone there. Yeah. Yeah. This is bones. Bones McKenzie. You refer to the golf clubs as bones. Yeah. And you say, give me that bone there. Yeah. Which one? That bone. You pick it out. Yeah.

You hit a hole in one. Yeah. Right? You wet yourself. Yeah. Wow. And you just walk off. Just taking a turn.

And you just walk off. Just taking a turn. And no one ever sees you again. Yeah. And it's like the legend of bones. It's like Pagavans. The legends of bones. But Wentworth.

Wentworth bones. What I'd have to do is I'd have to turn up at different kind of links courses. But I'd have to, obviously, 9900 million times out of whatever that is, out of whatever plus one that is. Just dump it. I'd dump it. So I would run out of golf places, I think, quite quickly, I think. Golf places.

Golf places. Your golf alter ego should be called Wentworth Bones. I'd love that. I'd absolutely love it. A hole in Don. A hole in Don. Peter Hole in Don Donaldson. Absolutely right.

That would be cold. Peter, how are you anyway? What's been going on? What's new? I'm all right. I woke you up this morning to an offensive... Well, it wasn't offensive. It was just a man's been caught with an astonishing amount

of child pornography on his computer 10 something like 47 terabytes or something and I texted him I said I had no idea

like it's unconscionable obviously it is but just the amount of child pornography that was found on a man's computer was just

absolutely astonishing yeah and I my issue with it is the obvious stuff horrific the obvious stuff horrific crime you'll go down for a long time

rightly so dangers to society etc etc I don't know why you have to send me that stuff I just thought it was interesting before 7am on a Monday morning I just

I just I don't want to wake up to that I thought it was interesting some of my friends some of my friends on whatsapp groups I'm in they'll send a message saying have a great week guys

morning chaps. How you doing? Did they? Yeah. Wow. That's admin. That's first thing on a Monday. It's not admin because they naturally feel it.

It's an organic thing. They care about me. It just feels like it's just, I don't know, man. It's like... Everything you do when it comes to me feels like admin to you. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, I've got to do another show with you. Oh, no. You're going to get annoyed with me if you no no no just talk it no just talk like sending a message like that it's so open-ended you're like i've got to think of something to reply now you know what i mean no it isn't morning mate yeah morning how you doing that's it it's too open-ended i need them to know that i've spent some time thinking about it so when i worked in an office of a larger company, where I didn't really know, or I suppose care,

because I didn't know them, a load of people, but we shared a massive communal kitchen, there's like an unwritten rule. It's exactly the kind of unwritten rule that you wouldn't know about because your brain doesn't work in that way. Well, you walk into the kitchen

first thing in the morning on a Monday or whatever. Small talk. Cup of tea. It's small talk. It's small talk time. But I'm very firm. Right. I'm polite, but firm. Right. I'm making a cup of tea. A small talk time. A small talk time. But I'm very firm. Right. I'm polite, but firm.

Right. I'm making a cup of tea. How you doing? Good morning. Yeah, good morning. How was your weekend? Yeah, great, thanks. And then out.

I say it in a tone that essentially politely, but nevertheless firmly... Says no more chat. We're stopping here. I'm busy. We're stopping here. I've got things to do. And if they don't acknowledge it... I'm cooking me salmon.

Yeah, I'm getting some tuna it I'm cooking me salmon yeah I'm getting some tuna and I'm putting it right in that microwave I'm cooking me mackerel but yeah 58 terabytes

it's not good it's too much they're always caught with a lot but 58 terabytes is as the person who tweeted it throw him in a volcano

I just think Pete this is a low percentage 5 hours of HD footage bringing this up as a conversation sorry 5 days 5 years 5 years 5 years in a volcano. I just think, Pete, this is a low percentage. Five hours of HD footage. Bringing this up as a conversation. Sorry, five days. Five years.

Five years. Five years. You're making it confusing. Yeah. This is a low percentage conversation. How is there that much in existence?

It's incredible. It's obviously a compulsion the man has. He needs to be punished. He needs to be put away and he needs to be given the help that he needs that society should provide him.

But ultimately, that man is a danger to society. He's not drinking another cup of tea without pissing it. That's just as simple as that. Simple as that. Can I talk about something a little bit more traditional? For an entertainment show. Festive.

For an entertainment show. No, I want to tell you that I travelled to the United States of America for Thanksgiving with my family, my wife and my young son. And my son slept the entirety of both flights. I thought you were going to say for the entire 10 days. Yeah, imagine that. He's very well behaved. He can do anything, yeah.

Always giving him volume. Yeah. And the reason this is of particular interest to me and hopefully to you guys is that um we got on the plane night flight home i think take wheels up was like 8 30 or something and we arrived back in the uk 7 30 uk time a.m of course so we're flying overnight we get into the we flew premium just a bit more space with the baby yeah and um there was a really posh girl and a posh mother um in the same row as us but not posh enough to actually you know um sit in business right

we just yeah yeah that's always that's all but they're the worst ones they always say that um first class aren't the issue business or premium economy is always the issue. I'm the issue. I'm very polite to people like that, as you know, because I've worked in many, many public-facing jobs, so I understand it. Anyway, so they're annoying. And the reason I knew it was going to be a problem because she was one of these people who,

at the gate, ready to get on the plane, she was huffing and sighing and complaining. It's just a different breed of people who do this. And she's travelling,

she's about 25, she's travelling in comfort with her mother who presumably has paid for the ticket, right? And there's nothing to complain about.

And then she sits down on the thing and she's saying to her mum, Get yourself a heel and calm down. She's saying, sit outside and have a banana.

Have a heel. She's going, oh, and have a banana. Have a huel. She's going, oh, I just don't like people. People are so annoying. Irony being that she's the only annoying person the whole plan was her, right? So she looks over. Yeah.

And she sees my wife and son. Yeah. And obviously thinks, oh, fucking hell. There's a baby, yeah. I might fuck with a baby, right? I would love to see, I bet you were licking your lips

at this opportunity at that point I didn't know what the baby was going to do right I was kind of hoping he'd wake up

but anyway he slept the whole flight as I've already said and it was delicious and normally Pete obviously these kind of stories I do are tedious

and they end up with me needless to say I had the last laugh but this is the beauty of it this story Pete it goes in the direction you don't expect because

another woman who was hitherto unmentioned in this story a deus ex machina as you were if you like a twist

a Shy Milan twist at the end of the flight we're in the morning everyone's a bit tired but you know the plane shuts down because obviously you sometimes forget planes are know the plane shuts down because obviously you sometimes forget

planes are very noisy plane shuts down went to deboard the plane and you can hear everything that's being said and this woman leant over leant over the posh girl

and went to my wife your son what an angel I don't think anyone on the flight would have even known he was here

and I just looked over and happened to catch the posh girl's eye didn't say anything just just left all right do you know why because the best revenge the best revenge is living well is living well are you living well no but in that moment very milky tea in that roman emperor in that moment she had no choice but to think yeah we were a fantastic family. Yeah, exactly. And the dad wasn't problematic.

Did I tell you about the angry Scottish man on the EasyJet flight from Madeira a couple of weeks ago? I didn't even know you were in Madeira. I was in Madeira. There you go. But I'm coming back and there was a man who I think had been made promises about being able to sit together with his partner and his son. You're on EasyJet, his son you're on easy jet you're on easy jet you didn't

you didn't pay any extra so you know Donaldson and Champion are on in the exit seats unfortunately so you can get as upset as you like

and this guy Donnie was in the exit seat was he? I was in the exit seat I pumped the extra 20 quid a few weeks ago pump it it's like a hip hop video

I pumped it for granted and he was unbelievably babyish to the point where I genuinely thought, you're going to get met by fucking security. Oh, was he that bad? Yeah, he was that bad. Like proper, like flipping around,

just treating the people with utter disrespect. Every time the light came on to sit down because there was a load of turbulence, he was up and about and she was telling him to sit down. Describe what he looked like. How old was he? Long, Scottish, about 50, I reckon. came on to sit down because there was a load of turbulence he was up and about and she was telling him to sit down describe what he looked like how old

long Scottish about 50 I reckon and he was just long just a big bellend and I don't know I have this real kind of

warm place in my heart for the Scottish I think they're just the best of us same but this guy was very much wrong against that tie

because he was very very he wrong against that tie because he was very very he was just fucking angry man he was so angry but I managed to catch what he was watching on his

YouTube that he downloaded for the flight and it was like one of those blogs I scanned the title

and I was like I want to watch that later and I fucking did and it's basically like one of those guys who tests the first amendment

who just goes around fucking filming policemen in America and just being an absolute and he's watching that and he's watching that going yeah yeah yeah

they didn't know the rules the police did not know the rules about what you can do and what you can't and the police are going alright mate like you know

thumb through their fucking belt clip going alright okay yeah yeah yeah I can tell you my name yeah that's absolutely fine. All right, yeah.

What's the badge number? Okay. Yeah, okay, good. It makes you on the side with the police. I know,

I know. Especially in America. The great thing is, like, in the US, right, you can do all that stuff, right?

Yeah. You're still going in the back of the van and you get a nightstick in the back of the head and guess what? 42 police officers are going to deny it.

Yeah. Yeah. So did he actually get... Something you can only do when you wait. Yeah, basically. That's pretty much how it works. Did he get accosted at the end of the flight? No, he didn't.

But he was just stomping and stomping. He was just being a prize piece. What made me laugh was that, and to his credit, he did take it in good grace. In a flight of bad grace, one of the stewards did tip water on him.

And I was like, whoa, this one's going to fucking go. What are the chances of that happening? Do you know, she went, oh,

I'm so sorry, do you want a handkerchief? He goes, water is the least of my troubles on this flight. He's been such a fucking baby. He's been so fucking theatrical.

It was brilliant. The difference between American cabin crew and European cabin crew is quite stark as well. The American ones are really kind of matter of fact and actually can be quite rude.

Particularly in like... Portuguese ones, it seemed a lot more chill than they fucking needed to be. It normally tends to be a very patient, polite woman or essentially quite a camp man, right?

That's what it tends to be. Yeah, I guess so. That's a general rule. Yeah, I guess so. But if you get an American airline, they're very stern. I think they've just been trained in a slightly different way, maybe.

I just think a lot of people are very, or fear with flying, and they seem to know their rights, and they exercise those rights to the nth degree. So they almost have to be like security officers and cabin crew. That's almost how they approach it. They're almost like members of security. And also, I mean, if you work in an airport or around an airport,

there is a certain sort of God complex that you know so as a friend of a mutual friend of ours who i won't name for to protect the uh to protect the privacy but they um a chap of our age very british um in these sensibilities and was sitting in an emergency exit row on a flight from new york with an American cabin crew. And the woman, the woman came down, the cabin crew came down and said to him, sir,

do you know you're in an emergency exit role? And he was like, yes. In the, in the case of an emergency, would you be confident opening the emergency exit door and leaving the aircraft? And this friend went in a British way, like a Hugh Grant,

like, well, yeah, I'll do my very best. And she just shouted, sir, I'm going to do a yes or a no! Is that right, the whole plane? Lord. And he was just like, yes! There is no need for it, I think. There is just no need for it. I often sort of wonder whether people who are in the exit rows,

are they allowed to get blasted drunk? Because presumably not. You shouldn't be, I think if you have the exit row, you shouldn't be allowed to drink.

Me and John were in the exit row flying to South Africa and we got battered. You did get battered. No one said anything. You did get battered. Can I also say, on the flight back,

it was all fun and games when you were up there as soon as you landed. Hangovers are horrific. It's horrible. That was in 2010. I've never drunk on a plane since. No.

On the flight back, so it was a partner, it was American Airlines, and we flew out British Airways, back American Airlines, and I thought this was absolutely remarkable. Let me know what you think about this, right? So on the flight out of British Airways,

you're waiting to take off, and the pilot comes over. Welcome aboard this aircraft, ladies and gentlemen. We're flying it 38,000 feet, flight time of British Airways you know you're waiting to take off and the pilot comes over welcome aboard this aircraft ladies and gentlemen we're flying it 38,000 feet flight time of 7 hours 10 minutes sit back enjoy the flight

you know get some rest if the seatbelt signs come on it's a bit of unexpected turbulence we'll do our best to get the seatbelt signs off as soon as possible enjoy the relaxed flight

any questions fucking Fiona and the cabin crew will help you probably British actually. You use your stuff, right? The American pilot of a night flight home from Boston literally came on the fucking PA

and went, flying to London, flight time six hours, five minutes, enjoy the turbulence. That's all he said? Right. That seems unprofessional. That's all right, fucking ma seems unprofessional that's alright

fucking maverick enjoy the town there's probably now the spy is on the flight see if you can keep up yeah it's like why are you saying that you fucking knob

penis do you know what it's one of those things where and this is how pathetic I am I was travelling with like a young family

it's quite stressful anyway I was thinking do you know what I'm going to fucking complain about that cunt and then you're like I don't have time I don't have time

could be asked busy took me two hours to drive back from Heathrow no sleep by the time I got home I was thinking, do you know what, I'm going to fucking complain about that cunt. And then you're like, I don't have time. I don't have time. I couldn't be arsed. I'm busy, yeah. It took me two hours to drive back from Heathrow. Yeah. No sleep. By the time I got home, I couldn't be arsed. I couldn't even remember.

I couldn't remember until about a week later. Yeah. Anyway, there we go. Shall we have a quick break? Yeah, let's get out of here. We've got to do batteries and then we've got a couple of good emails as well, so maybe we'll try and squeeze them in as well.

Peter, get your admin ready ahead of the break. Right. What for? So you can do the batteries. Oh yeah, okay, I can admin ready ahead of the break. Right. What for? So you can do the batteries. Oh, yeah, okay. I can do that. That's fine. Go back to school with Rogers

and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. We're back with a look at Patreon.

I've been Donald Sunderland, Mr. Lukey Moore, and I hope you enjoyed those adverts. Lukey, I put up the Christmas lights at the weekend in my clothes, in my street, and I only had bought half the lights. I had 50 meters.

I needed 100 meters at least, and I muffed it all up up so I had to run to the DIY shop. Unfortunately, I don't own any woolen gloves. I don't own any gloves that make my hands warm. And so I put on two blue surgical

gloves on per hand. And so I am in... Fucking pervert! There's probably kids around And so I am in. Fucking pervert. There's probably kids around. So I'm in. It's just because it was really cold. It cuts down some of the wind chill if you provide a barrier.

I'm describing how gloves work. I didn't really do that. But I would say that when I went to the DIY store and I bought some fairy lights and I also needed a new hacksaw, I think I'd forgotten that I was still wearing the blue gloves. So I have blue surgical gloves and I'm buying a hacksaw in the DIY shop.

I'm going on a list, aren't I? I think you've raised a few alarm bells. Yeah. He came in wearing blue gloves, buying a saw. It's not a good look. I feel like I...

I'll not make mayor. No, you won't. No. Mayor of what? Your street? Mayor of my look. I feel like I... I'll not make mayor. No, you won't. No. Mayor of what? Your street? Mayor of my street. I think I might have contributed to this confusion

because you just said to me a while back on this show that you've bought 2,000 lights, and I said, that's way too many. No, not enough. Turns out it's not even enough. Not enough. There's enough lights there, but they're just very densely packed.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, anyway, batteries. All right, then, batteries. Evan says, hello, boys. New battery entry, yeah. All right, anyway, batteries. All right, then, batteries. Evan says, hello, boys. New battery entry, the Signature Select Alkaline AA. Not sure how many listeners there are who shop at Safeway in California, but these are their generic battery brand pulled from my thermostat.

There could have been loads of people who sent these in, but just wanted to get involved, you know? I mean, surely, Safeway in California, these batteries have been seen before. What's the brand? Safeway. Just Safeway, I, these batteries have been seen before. What's the brand? Safeway. Just Safeway, I think. Signature Select, sorry. Signature Select Alkaline.

They are brand new players. Right, okay. No one's sent them in before. Wow. So congratulations to you, Evan. You've even used Signature Select in, like, what do you call it? Inverter Commons.

Not Inverter Commons, what do they call it? I have. Quotation marks. Wow. Look at my search. And there's nothing there's nothing there it's really surprising

and Evans also what I like about Evans dedication to this is that he sent these in a week ago and then four days later he sent another email saying I forgot to

attach the photo and he put the photo in so he is therefore eligible so he saved it he made an admin error but he saved it and he's ended up

with some new players so good for him and you really have to detail the name of them in the body of your email or in the title

so that makes otherwise you can't search them exactly dear so good Pete this is Dave long time as a fairly frequent battery provider

been sorting through the items on the house clearance and the in-laws and have dug up a battery for your consideration a D cell allowable, yes, found in a classic Ever-Ready bike light from the 70s or 80s.

I'm all yours if you have enjoyed these beauties that gave bragging rights over these, though still using dynamos. Surely can't be new. Hyundai, is it Hyundai these days? Hyundai, I think. Hyundai, super heavy duty. Fingers crossed these can find their way into the Battery Daddy,

now available in Costco, Southampton. Dave's off to Hong Kong for a five-week stint, starting an anaerobic digestion plant on Saturday. Starting one? Wow. What? I don't understand what that means. Anaerobic digestion plant.

That's breathing, isn't it? So anaerobic. Anaerobic is non-aerobic isn't it yeah oh right so anaerobic exercise would be like

um weight lifting or something okay right it's not something you have to breathe and breathe and breathe I don't understand what it means Dave you need to clarify that um

in the meantime my friend lovely retro light as well has to be said it's a great that's going to be munching through those d-cells oh my dad used to have one of those. He used to have it on his bike.

Hyundai Super Heavy Duty, you are the second person to send those in after our friend Matt. Matt Rattle sent those in back in 2018. Matt Rattle. They've not been seen since. Yeah. But they have been sent in before.

Matt emailed us to tell us about the Emu War. The great Emu War in Australia in 1932 but he also included those batteries, he's the second person to send them in I'm afraid but thank you anyway Dave you're a regular contributor and we appreciate it Brilliant, alright let's move on to Chris's one to round us off, morning chaps no interesting story about finding a golden remote

within the jungles of Vietnam unfortunately I present these energy paintball batteries to you, for judgement from the battery daddies themselves, they're quite a niche product as they're specifically made for using paintball batteries to you. For judgment from the battery daddies themselves, they're quite a niche product as they're specifically made for using paintball guns and loaders, the weird thing that attaches to the top. So I'm hoping that that's enough to earn new player status.

As a cheeky bonus, there's a pack of Varta batteries. However, I assume they've been submitted before. I'm telling you now they have. Well, Varta is the biggest manufacturer of batteries in Europe. Yeah, so chances are they've been entered. But I should probably get back to work now. Big old thanks to both of you for making my mornings much more pleasurable with the pod. Do you reckon we've got like 67 odd terabytes of battery content in our emails?

Probably could have. The questions have to be asked. It's great to see a battery brand of energy paintball AA. Yeah, you'd think that it would just be way too niche for crying out loud. The questions have to be asked. It's great to see a battery brand of energy paintball AA. Yeah, you'd think that it would just be way too niche for crying out loud. But, I mean, if you're saying that there's a secret formula in there, I'm calling foul on that one. Do you want to know what I think happens?

Right. I think a company, say you're a company that, in this case, makes paintball guns that need batteries. You put an order in with a battery manufacturer and you say, I need a million batteries, right? And they go, you know what? We may as well brand them up for you. Brand them up for you. An extra 100 quid past that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's what happens. Don't you reckon? It does give you more assurance that this is a proper company, not a fly-by-night sort of Chinese dropshipper. What? Than if you've got a picture of a man with a helmet and a paintball gun on the side of your batteries

that's running your bloody paintball gun. What format would you have to send the image in for the battery brand to be applied to the battery? PSD? What do you mean? I was saying, I think a big old JPEG.

I mean, it doesn't look particularly high res. I'd want to go PSD just do it properly. Do it properly? Yeah, but PSD couldn't look like shit. Layered,

not if it's layered. Why would you need to layer it? It's just on a map, it's on a flat background, isn't it? Imagine you saw a battery and the imagery on the battery was so high res

you'd think fucking hell I paid loads am I looking into a tiny world it's great anyway so two new players this week congratulations to both Chris and to Evan name of my brother-in-law Evan by the way you don't see many Evans around these days,

so it's good to see. It's good to see that Chris has sent us a picture of the batteries. One in front of a, I think, Dell computer and also a Die More

label writer, which we all enjoy. You've got a label writer, haven't you? Have I got a label writer? Stack's got a label writer. You brought one in, didn't you?

I've had a fiddle with. There was a time at Stack where certain people in this building... Loved putting stickers on stuff. ...wanted us to have a label writer and a laminator. So we didn't fucking use that shit. We never used a laminator, to be fair. Nah. Nah.

I've never used a label writer. It's not my vibe. Not my... I'm much more chaotic than that. I've got no cause to use it. I would say that if Chris is doing paintball this deep into winter, good on you, Chris. Yeah.

So I went paintballing just the once, and I enjoyed it. And I told you about the time. Actually, that's twice the like. I did it in Prague and jumped off a big speaker. My friend ran full-blown as fast as he could into a stationary tank and knocked himself out because his glasses were steamed up. Did he think it was like did he think it was like

Call of Duty? You just run it and press F? It was Jimmy. It was the fruitarium. Well, he's just high on sugar, isn't he? He's just very,

very nervous. Skittish. Yeah, exactly that. As soon as he went out of the safe zone and he was in the theatre of conflict, he just legged it as fast as he could. Bang the safe zone and he was in the theatre of conflict he just legged it

as fast as he could bang straight into a tank war I think people don't talk enough about the the thing of war

you know what I mean the god you know what I mean it's not like it's not like you know a tough guy is doing tough things

it's like you know in shit you know in Breaking Bad when Ted Benecke runs away from the guys no but yes he's a basic guy like that yeah I think Shit! You know in Breaking Bad when Ted Benecke runs away from the guys and knocks them.

No, but yes. Knocks them. It's basically like that. Okay. Yeah, I think it's the good thing about paintball is that it genuinely does hurt to get shot.

That's why you don't want to be. No. Because if it didn't hurt you wouldn't give a shit. If it's just like laser tag. The thing about laser tag is there's no jeopardy. If you get

I remember being paintballing once with my mate Rob Reason. Rob Reason? That's his name Everyone calls him Razor as well Good Anyway I was

it was in a semi-urban environment and I was in a first floor window Yeah For our American friends that's a second floor window Oh a double layered a double levelled paintball stage

arena and I was looking out onto the courtyard and what they'd done is they'd adapted and customised the whole area so basically A double-leveled paintball stage, arena. And I was looking out onto the courtyard, and what they'd done is they'd adapted and customised the whole area. So basically, they'd put fun things out of the windows, and one of them had a slide coming out of it. That's pretty rock and roll. It was cool.

So you could jump out the window and slide down. My friend Rob Reason, who, of course, I didn't know it was him at the time, because he had the full mask and everything on, and he just had the enemy colours on reason is this? Enemy colours on. Yeah. Right? He didn't know I was in there. Right.

So he started climbing up the slide the wrong way, and I just put the gun out, point blank range. Pow. Right on top of his head. Right. Bonked him. That's going to make a lump. Oh, he fell down like an absolute sack of shit. Yes, he fell down the slide.

And I knew it was him him because I could hear his voice and he just sort of limped off but it was actually so satisfying have you ever pleasing to reason exactly and my friend the other highlight of him paintball that time was my friend Duncan

someone threw a paint grenade through the window what's that then it just explodes it just explodes paint everywhere so you're out you can spend extra money on

paint grenades. Can you? What if you just got absolutely tooled up and pay to play it? There are some

people like that. What if it just has like just caches, bags. Smoke grenades, everything. Anyway, this

guy, whoever it was, threw a paint grenade through the window and my friend Duncan jumped on it. Like it blew

up under him. But I mean, as incendiary devices go, it's still got something in it to damage it. It was just a pop, really. It wasn't... He was fine.

I mean, actually, he has quite a few stomach problems. It might have something to do with that. Just keeps emitting paint. Yeah. But anyway, it's a paintball and it can be fun, but I haven't done it for a long old time. Look out. Look after yourselves.

It was fun when I was about 19, when I could actually run and move around. I can't do that at all now. I just don't do a lot of kneeling these days, if I can help it. Yeah, absolutely. Anyway,'t do that at all now. I just don't do a lot of kneeling these days if I can help it. Absolutely. Anyway, that's about it for us. We'll be back on Monday

for more cracking chat about paintball, child pornography, and also flying. Could I just say that there's a big movement and one I support to actually rephrase that term. Yeah, because pornography sounds

almost consensual, doesn't it? Yes, it should be child abuse. Yes. It should be child abuse. But that's a cheery note to end on. But child abuse is too catch-all. You need the records of child abuse. Videos of...

We'll see you on Monday. Ha ha! The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network.