The Luke and Pete Show - Too fast not furious

Episode Date: November 23, 2023

Luke's been caught speeding. Sounds bad, but we quickly learn that Pete's traffic crimes are much worse.The lads then put on their tinfoil hats and question the legitimacy of bus lanes and damp meters. Plus, we discover that Pete can do an excellent impression of a mafia boss. That probably explains all the traffic crimes...Want to get in touch with the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow.We're also now on Tiktok! Follow us @thelukeandpeteshow. Subscribe to our YouTube HERE. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. It's the Luke and Pete show. I'm Pete Donaldson, and it is a... There's no two ways about it, Lukey, man.

It's Thursday the 23rd of November. I don't know about you, but we are hurtled towards the denouement, the crescendo, the apex of another bloody year. You are? I said of our lives. Of our lives. And everyone else's lives as well.

And we are. I have no idea what I'm doing for Christmas, what presents I'm getting for people. And it's just going to get more and more intense, this pressure, until my head explodes. You are someone who starts your Christmas list for what you're going to buy people on about 4pm Christmas Eve. I have bought things Christmas Eve before. I have when I was younger.

No, that's the sort of thing that I sort of imagine bad dads do. I got caught speeding the other day. You got a subpoena? I got caught speeding. You got caught speeding. Yes, join the club. I am rapidly approaching a ban, I think. I think I got caught speeding just because people realised

that I'm associating with you now. Yeah. And so they're like, he's probably speeding, give him a ticket. Oh, I'm so sorry, Luke. It's literally my own fault. How many points on your license now? Is it now then? Well, I've just sent off the form.

I don't know. That's the first time it's ever happened. It's the first time it's ever happened? Yeah. Well, that's astonishing because I've had a few. Oh, actually, no. To tell a lie, here's one for you. It's the second time it's ever happened,

but I have been driving since 1998. Yeah. Right? Okay. So it's the second time it's ever happened, and the first time it 1998 yeah right okay so it's the second time it's ever happened and the first time it happened i may have told you about this it's quite boring but i'll try and make it sound interesting um my sister who's five and a half years younger than me was desperately going to this party for some reason i don't know right she's just

real fast yeah some boy there or whatever i don't know I was obviously older brother I think I was about 23 at the time so she would have been 17 and um she said it's in Southampton um uh so I need you to drive me there and it's about a 45 minute drive or whatever yeah so I drove and um and she was like we gotta get there we used to be here by a certain time so I was driving fast than I should have done. Under duress, I may have to say, like under duress, right, from her. Got a ticket. She refused to make any contribution towards the speeding ticket. Right.

But presumably speeding tickets are, the peril for me is not the financial outgoing because I'd pay them all the time if I could. It's the points on your license. That's the thing that worries me. Do you definitely get points if you do your old speed awareness course, though? The first time you can get away with a speed awareness course, but after that, you just get points on your license. Yeah, well, stop driving too fast then. I like it, though.

It's exciting. That's the problem about it, isn't it? I like it though it's exciting that's the problem about it isn't it the problem the problem with like

people who sort of have a very proud of their no points record I always think well there's never been more cameras on the road

there's never been more kind of like flashy flashy speed cameras on the road and there's never been more opportunities to

go over the limit like my last one was 47 and a 40 in a road that goes 50, 40, 50, 40, 50, 40 all the way down. That's what I get, yeah. Which is annoying.

Luke, it's annoying. So on my first speeding ticket, without saying to Dick Cheney, do you remember when Dick Cheney got caught busted for shooting his mate in the face? Yes.

Yeah, what he said and his apology was amazing. It was like, I was the man who had the thought that made the action that pulled the finger that hit the trigger

that fired the gun that shot the guy and the bullet unfortunately hit him in the face just so you shot him right yeah it was like that

or the lady who hit the fly yeah with my speed ticket mine was the foot on the accelerator but I want the government or the local council to understand

the mitigating circumstances and the pressure I was under that saw me go about 77 in the 70 on the motorway. Right. And they didn't and I had to pay the fine. Anyway, the most recent one, 82 on the motorway on a stretch of the M4, which I don't think is particularly hazardous. It's not like I was outside of school or something. And look at our German cousins who drive as fast as you want. At the Autobahn. Yeah.

Isn't there like, on your driving licence, doesn't it sort of say something about the Nürburgring? Or would that burn your driving licence? I swear there's something that when you first get your licence now, it starts talking about the nurburgring because it's the only part of the um thing where you can exceed 100 miles an hour or something it's definitely mentioned for some reason weirdly on british documents pertaining to your um to your uh to your driving life people need to get in touch about that i have no idea

what you're talking about um that will happen three or four times per show. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com to tell us about that. I just feel like what I should have done, and this would annoy me, in the first two years, if you get six points on your license, you've got to retake. That's life in jail.

That's life in jail. It would have been easier for me, someone who is approaching six, to have just taken that hit then and just taken my test approaching six approaching rather than worrying about it because you know me i'm a worrier not worried enough to to to uh you know observe the speed limit but i'm worried you know that i'm gonna have to i'm six months away from driving i mean it's insanity yeah I think there's an element of this where it's slightly different, isn't it? Because for me, I think if I get three points

on the old licence for speeding, the feeling is I was trying to get away with something. I was being impatient. I'm a bit of a dick. With you, it's almost there should be mitigation because you don't know what you're doing. It's very much every time I've been caught it's always been like huh yeah and that shouldn't be that's not me trying to get a lot of signs to remember being a speed demon yeah that's me going

there's 50 40 50 so as 50 so and i drive it in london a lot so it's 50 40 30 20 20 30 40 just too many numbers yeah just average it out and I'll drive at 45 all the way. The whole time. In a hospital car park. In a hospital car park. All the speed bumps at Tesco's. There's also some, I'll tell you what, there's a running joke in our family that when Mimi and I were up in,

the wife I have access to and I were up in Scotland, we went to Fort William because we wanted to have a look at Ben Nevis. And it turned out we couldn't climb Ben Nevis in the end because the weather was too bad. But we stayed in Fort William, which is the base of it. And we were driving to go somewhere. I can't remember where we were going. But anyway, we left late.

We were running really late. And it's obviously very rural around there. And on the road that looked like the last road in history to have a speed bump on it right it did have one and it was a severe one and we were in a rental car and i went over it must be about 70 right both of us um banged our heads on the roof of the car yes it was bad and uh every time anyone maybe ever sees a sign for Fort William or Fort William on the telly or whatever, she'd always make some kind of acerbic comment, Peter,

about how I tried to launch us into orbit from there. I'm imagining a fruit market trolley just getting knocked over. Yeah. It was like a really shit version of that scene in Casino Royale, Joe's Bond, where the chase happens. But I was going to say, on the old car road signs thing, there's a couple of them that are a bit naughty, I think. So I don't know if you're aware, and I won't do too much on this

because I understand it's a bit dull for people. Certainly for non-drivers, who I was part of their number about two years ago. Well, you should still know the rules of the road. I know. If anyone should know, it should be me. There's a sign, which is a white background with a red outline. It has a picture of a car and a picture of a motorbike on it, right? Right. It doesn't have a line through it, a strikethrough, or any kind of other information.

It just has that. Now, I think, particularly if you were someone from here on holiday or whatever driving, you would never know that means no cars no motorbikes right yeah it looks like it means cars and motorbikes only and i got caught on that once as well i took a shortcut not far from where i live because the bus had broken down the main road drove through there it said had that sign momentarily i couldn't remember what it was it looks like it means you're permitting cars and motorbikes on that street. And I got a fucking 60 pounder. Well, when I drove in Japan, I had to sort of do a little kind of,

not test, but like I had to sort of bone up on some of the signs. But like some of the signs, they're absolutely, well, most of them in Japanese anyway. Rude, isn't it? Rude, inconsiderate. But a lot of them are like, you're allowed to drive in this bus lane between 5pm and 10pm.

And it's like, right, that's all in Japanese. That's all. Bus lanes should just be bus lanes. Don't worry about it. That's the same in London though, Peter. Is it? What, you can drive in bus lanes outside at certain times? We've started to drill down to the nub of the problem here aren't we so do you know

what's finding life very difficult at the moment finally we'll get on to that in a minute but finally for now on the driver thing and I saw a report on the BBC literally last week of an investigative reporter for the BBC who he was got busted for driving in the bus lane, right? Yeah. And it was an 80 quid fine, whatever it is. And I think if you don't pay it in good order, it's like well over 100

quid, right? Yeah. It's a pretty innocuous offence, I would suggest. Anyway, he drives into this bus lane momentarily, gets this big fine, and he thinks, do you know what? I don't actually remember driving into that bus lane.

I'm going to have a look into it. And because he's an investigative reporter, he starts pulling on the strings. This is a perfectly true story, and it was in Greenwich, under Greenwich Borough Council in southeast London. So if you want to look it up, you can Google it. What he said is he looked into the legally mandated,

publishable information online about what constitutes a bus lane and what doesn't and it said you have to have a dash line leading to a solid line and a clear sign to say bus lane with a different color or something and he saw with the photograph of where he was driving in this bus lane this one didn't have that so he appealed it and he appealed it and he instantly got the fine cancelled and he thought that's a bit weird like that's really quick maybe they know right maybe they it's something dodgy going on here and they know they fucked it and they just they don't question it so he starts pulling the string a bit more he finds out it's a totally illegal bus lane in the middle of fucking

london right not only that he does a freedom of information request and finds out this was last week so this is like from um i think it was from the start of 2022 to october 2023 so over 18 months he sees from freedom of information request that every single person that appealed that bus lane fine got it instantly cancelled right then he pulls in a bit more and asks for more information. Turns out, the department at the council is so understaffed,

they haven't got any people to provide any evidence to challenge anything at all. And no one, no one in the whole of Greenwich has ever had a fine not cancelled when they instantly appeal.

Ha ha ha, yes! The upshot now though, is that now he's like public enemy number one because he's raised their awareness of it and now they've hired two people and you can't do it anymore. Right. I mean, you think that that now he's like public enemy number one because he's raised their awareness of it, and now they've hired two people and you can't do it anymore. Right.

I mean, they're still taking, presumably the people who don't cancel their fines, they're still taking the money from those people, aren't they? Exactly. And I told that entire story to my wife and thought, I said to her, isn't it interesting how thin the value of civility is and all this stuff? And she was like, what?

I wasn't really listening I tuned out that sounds like the sort of story that you would tell to get out of being told off for doing something

not easy you haven't fed the baby isn't the line between Civility I haven't fed the baby no but put your coat on take you to a little bus lane

down the bottom of the street so all I'm saying is guys you know challenge the mainstream you know do your own thing well that's the thing though but with these kind of things i was doing that i'll be for it but like with these speed things i saw like you can't really challenge speed stuff because it's kind of like well you either did it or you didn't but the only thing you can challenge is

like the whether you've whether you've um had the camera looked at recently which is funny and if you challenge it they go you get i don't believe which is funny. And if you challenge it, they go... I don't believe this is fair, because if you challenge it, they can give you more points, which seems... Right. Like when Rio Ferdinand challenged his ban

in the Premier League and he got an F. A little bit, yeah. But that seemed a bit annoying. That does seem a bit annoying, and I understand that people don't want to... You don't want people constantly just challenging, challenging, challenging. But they're not punitive because challenging, challenging. But they're not

punitive because you're challenging. They're punitive because you broke the law on the speed limit. So, I don't know. Yeah, I think maybe it's almost a bit, is it not a bit like a variation of the thing that if you plead guilty to an offence, you get a lighter sentence, though? Yeah, okay. It just seems a bit belligerent to be challenging. I mean, to be fair, they've probably thought about it. I'm illegally

breaking the law, so it's very much my problem, very much not theirs. The only other thing that happened to me is I also got busted for the old fine. Because you know you have to pay to drop people off at an airport now. Yes, you do. And I knew that when I dropped them off. And you have 24 hours to pay. And I didn't do that.

She didn't do it. No, same. And don't you think they've probably got the ability now, because they know so much about you, to just automatically take it out of your account? Sign up to something, and they'll take it out of your account. They make it difficult on purpose, don't they? I think there must be some pretty lofty European human rights,

bank rights sort of vibe for me. I think them just automatically taking payments out of your account would be problematic, wouldn't it? I suppose so. In summary, Peter, just answer... What a regime we'd run, eh? I know. On that note...

The government stealing money out of your bank account, no bus lanes. Brilliant. Answer this question honestly, genuinely. Should you be on the road? Well, until they catch me from things I've done. But do you believe you should be on the road? Well, until they catch me from things I've done. But do you believe you should be on the road? Well, no, I think I'm not an angry driver.

I've just got a car that's too powerful. It just accelerates too quickly on roads that go 40, 50, 40, 50. Should the arterial road going to the south end for environmental purposes be at a 50? Maybe it should be a 70. Maybe we'd all get there a bit quicker. Yeah, that's how it works. That's how it works, isn't it?

Well, they reduced it to 50. Every time you see a 50 on a motorway, it's because of environmental targets that haven't been met elsewhere, isn't it? Is it? Yeah, because it's a congestion, not a congestion, an emissions target. So if you reduce the amount of speed...

Right, because 50 is about the most efficient speed, right? Bloody hell. Tell you what, putting the traffic, the driving world to rights. In the middle of that, Pete, you said everything's going wrong for you at the moment or a variation of that. What's got you down?

Actually, no, nothing is really going wrong. Is that just your main disposition is it I think just getting into the studio is quite chaotic for me this morning so I think it's just one of those things

isn't it I think we're fine I think we're broadly fine I had an inordinate amount of stress earlier when I had to check in for a flight for the family and then the British

Airways website was down right unhelpful because they're the only ones that can do that yeah there's no there's no B option for checking into a flight other than the company that sold you the ticket yeah and you do it at the

airport and then you feel like realize you lost your seat and everything and luckily i managed to get it sorted because i was a pervert for it and set a little reminder on my phone um so i was there right on it so i still got in there ahead of everyone else but um isn't it more stressful it needs to be i think i mean you're travelling with a young baby. It's stressful anyway. You don't want that kind of needless... Do you sort of worry that, like, you haven't got brought the thing that you need?

I mean, what do kids need? Spoons? I said this. I think we're going away for about 10 days. He's six months old. Probably needs one spare nappy. Don't need a toothbrush. Hasn't got any teeth one spare night

uh um one of those little glow worms you used to get in the 80s yeah just choose one toy pair of socks in his pocket and off we go well to be fair um he'll no doubt be showered by with goodwill and presents when he gets there so don't think we're buying nappies as a present though yeah again i'm bad at buying. I've got adult nappies for people. But you would, but the thing is Pete, if I said to you,

go out and get nappies for my son, there's only, that's the only information I gave you. Yeah. You would be, have your mind blown

as soon as you went into that department of the supermarket because there's about 40 different sizes. Yeah. I mean, I don't know.

I think I watched, I think I said on the last link, which I watched a video of a six-year-old, six-month-old child doing his thing. And I was just surprised how much they slept

and how much they sort of like, what they're up to, basically. So I don't really know. I can't size a six-month-old. I wouldn't even know where to begin. Especially like, because you're a tall man. So presumably,

your Ben's going to be quite tall. Yeah, he's 5'6". He's 5'6". Approaching Donaldson level. Donaldson, what's your published wrestling height? My published, oh yeah, 5'11", 5'11 in lifts, yeah. And what is your actual height, 5'6"? I've got the old presidential nominee lifts in. What are you, 5'6 or 5'7"? I'm 5'8". lifts, yeah. And what is your actual height? 5'6? I've got the old presidential nominee lifts in. What are you, 5'6 or 5'7?

I'm 5'8. Don't be rude. Still not average. Have you seen the deep dive that someone did on Ron DeSantis' lifts in his shoes? Who's the... No, it wasn't Ron DeSantis. I'm thinking of someone else who was caught buying,

with campaign funds, big for OnlyFans. Bloody hell. It's good stuff. It is good stuff. Anyway, someone basically got a load of screenshots of his feet and the position they're in. Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah.

He's been absolutely exposed as someone who clearly wears lifts. But Donald Trump also, despite being quite tall himself, has also been accused of wearing lifts. So I think they're all at it, personally. I think Donald Trump is officially the second tallest president in history. Yeah.

Behind Abraham Lincoln, weirdly enough. And Simon Cowell was the one who used to get dogged with that kind of rumour for a long, long time, wasn't he? Right, okay. Which is kind of weird, because, like, does it actually matter for someone like Simon Cowell? I just think that, like, mainly because, like, I think you can sort of do so much with camera angles

and you can do so much with, like, no one really spoke about Tom Cruise's height for the longest time. When you're on telly, it's a completely different vibe. Most Hollywood actors are like 5'8", 5'9", aren't they? They're not tall. Yeah, I think what was always surprising to me was that when you'd first see footballers in real life,

not all of them, but some of them would be far smaller than you think. You reckon? I always think that even the average footballer is taller than you, bigger and taller than you realise. Maybe now. I'm talking about way back in the day. Oh, yeah, you could get some absolute shot arses. Maybe now. I'm talking about way back in the day. Like you'd go,

for example. Oh yeah, you could get some absolute short arses. Yeah, so I would go, what I mean is. Rawly, poorly short arses.

You'd go, you'd watch a big, so you'd watch an England game on TV and you'd watch 90% of them on TV. And when I was like 15 or whatever, I went to go and see England for the first time at Wembley Stadium. And you see them coming out of the tunnel

and you're like, bloody hell. You expect to be a lot bigger than that. Because I guess they're so big in your own mind. It's a funny, weird, it's a weird thing though because when I was growing up, there was a family across the street and the mum of the family

was the real matriarch of the street, right? She was like dominant. She was like loud. She was amazing. She's like an amazing woman. She like basically ran everything on the street and made sure everyone was looked after, knew all the kids. She was an amazing woman. She basically ran everything on the street and made sure everyone was looked after, knew all the kids.

She was an amazing woman, right? And she was the mother of one of my really good friends. And she passed away, sadly, a couple of years ago. And obviously, we were invited to send our condolences and all the rest of it, which we did. And as a result, we got some of the photos out. And in my mind, this woman was fucking six foot tall, right? Yeah, because you were just...

Because I was small and she was an amazing character, right? Honestly, in the photos, I'd be surprised if she was north of five foot. It was amazing the tricks. You build someone up in your mind, don't you? You do, you really do. And that's why in your mind, I'm about eight feet tall.

Just colossal. Yeah, nightmarish vision feet tall. Just colossal. Yeah. Nightmarish vision. Slender man. I witness every single evening. It was George Santos before we go to the break. Oh yeah. He's an absolute wrong.

Accused of spending campaign cash on Botox, Sephora and OnlyFans. You couldn't, you couldn't find a less kind of eligible person to be in any kind of political life than him. Yeah. He really is the new breed of fucking witless being a thief. He's a genuine criminal.

Just like a genuine criminal. And not even in like a cool way. But if you were like a bent senator from like some fucking town somewhere, you must be looking at him and going i can't believe i can't believe you're so bad at this you know what i mean yeah i can't believe i worried about what my um what my political exposure was when this guy's spending money on sephora i um i also um felt that when fabio perotici got busted at spurs for this

corruption stuff in italy i'm not going to say too much. It would be seen as xenophobic or disrespectful, but got caught doing that in Italy. That's all I'll say. That's all I'll say. I think that's fair. I think that's all right. Yeah, I think just people are getting...

I think the age of the craftsman has gone. You know what I mean? I do know what you mean. As a craftsman myself, I totally know what you mean. Yeah a craftsman myself, I totally know what you mean. Yeah, people can't even be bent properly. Do you know what?

Let's take a quick break and when we come back I want to talk about that because I recently watched that Netflix documentary series Get Gotti. Oh, nice. Cool.

Yeah. We're back with a look at Pete Shaw and we're talking all things Teamsters, Unions fucking gangsters

do this whole section in that voice I'll be brilliant so I watched Get Got It it's on Netflix it's on the TV it's a multi

actually I've changed my mind you can watch it while eating a big fucking pizza pie cheese bread salami what's not to fucking love oh man so i watched get gotty which is a multi-part documentary series about john gotty who um obviously ordered the hit of paul castellano in um in the 80s in new york city he was ahead in the words of the fun of criminals king of new

york man the King of New York. Well, that's the thing. So that's going to be a central point of what I'm going to say. Like I said, it's called Get Gotti. It's on Netflix. You should watch it. It's interesting.

But the premise is that, you know, Gotti becomes the head of the Gambino crime family because he orders this hit. It's quite a famous hit. And up until that point, mafia figures in New York City were kind of known, but they were old and not very glamorous and a bit kind of you know it's a bit you know people didn't want to be around them

and obviously john gotty changed all that because he is so glamorous he's almost like a frank sinatra type character and he loves being photographed he's always out in public and he's really brazen and all the rest of it and um it actually put into start contrast that King in New York song by Fun, Love and Criminals, you know, lully, lully, free John Gotti, the King in New York, because everyone loved him. He's like a proper celebrity. Right.

And obviously the FBI and the Organized Crime Squad are all trying to take him down. But what's really interesting about it is that so in the first episode, they give you all this premise. And I won't give away everything that happens elsewhere but what they try and do is they try and get a wire up in gotti's members club it's really interesting how they um how they do it it's called the bergen hunting fish club

and they know they need to get up in there because the only place he'll speak freely so they leave a a small little detective so here's what i do so they run an undercover project where they have a couple of fbi agents driving a um a garbage truck uh outside the um the club every week and another delivery truck that drops a load of empty boxes on the street outside the club so the delivery truck comes along puts the boxes there the garbage truck comes along the next day and takes them away and so people start to associate that's just what the routine is and no one questions it then one night the delivery truck comes up drops a big fridge freezer box outside the club there's's a FBI agent in it.

He's the best lock picker in the FBI. Right. He opens a flap around the back of the box, shuffles his way along, picks the lock, right? Then the garbage truck comes and takes him away. No one notices the lock is undone,

obviously, and they all pile in there. Right. And put a wire in there. It's amazing. It's fucking amazing. And you hear John Gotti talk, and he talks there and put a wire in there. It's amazing. It's fucking amazing. And you hear John Gotti talk and he talks exactly

like you were just doing there. These fucking big fridge box. Who the fuck is this guy thinking fucking this? Who the fuck left the big fucking fridge box outside the fucking door?

He doesn't know about the fridge box but he's swearing and slagging everyone off basically. It's an amazing documentary. If you like, you see what it's got? It's got a bit of the old Grand Theft Auto 80s feel to it yeah well that's i mean i think that probably

the reasons why he was so um revered or so um i'm not saying love but like so revered um because it um for men and mainly men presumably of a certain age he kind of of brought back a bit of kind of like nostalgia for harder, for some people, easier times for others. It's just a bit of like, you know, it's just more kind of when men were men kind of nostalgia really, isn't it? So that's why he was so popular in the middle to late part of that century. I think there's definitely part of that, the kind of reclaiming of masculinity, which is one of my specialist subjects, ironically, is that um there's another really funny uh interesting part of it is that um

preposterously when john got his coming up as like a lower level captain in the gambino crime family right he gets involved in this altercation with just a bloke on the street about a parking space and the guy really wants to go because he doesn't know who he is and he starts fighting him and they manage to nick Gotti, right? Because he's out of sight. For this really innocuous offence

and then of course the guy, they get to the guy so he refuses to testify. So they put him in the dock and he refuses to point out who he is. It's like proper The Wire stuff. It's's really good it's a really interesting documentary series you definitely watch it it's really really fascinating anyway um before we get out of here pete we should

do our thursday battery shouldn't we yes we should yeah let's get let's bash these um we got a message from uh ben uh afternoon chaps recently ordered a damp meter from a popular online retailer and was delighted to discover what may be a new battery brand, Super Lawn Life. Also, I was listening to Monday's chat about Gaviscon while in my local chemist looking for flu meds. The idea of Antacis being a gateway drug has some merit,

as I found myself sat in the car with a pack of Gaviscon, hacking up a lung, as I'd neglected the Lemsip for the chalky, minty joy of Gaviscon and had to go back in for the meds. Ben, God bless you for being so suggestible. Please direct your attention to the

adverts that will follow this podcast. There's no taste like it, the chalky goodness of an antacid. Use code RAMBLE for all of your Gaviscon. I wish that would be, that would be great. It's not a new player. Super long life's been around since God was a boy. He's the 25th person to send those in, so sadly you're nowhere not a new player. Super long life's been around since God was a boy. He's the 25th person to send those in.

So sadly, you're nowhere near a new player. Never mind, Ben. Well, I hope you're feeling better now. Presumably you are, because this email would have come in a little earlier on. I would say that, yeah. Just a quick one on that one. The damp meter.

I don't think they work. I think they've been discounted as quack science by some people I think. Because I had to use a damp meter and I bought it and to be fair it seemed to basically it's just two prongs that test the electrical resistance along the two and the wetter the surface is

obviously the more conductive it is so it figures out that way. But I'm fairly certain I read that it's all quack science and it doesn't really help. But it shouldn't be too difficult, should it, to be able to work out the amount of moisture in the air? Yeah, but it's not really in the air. I think you sort of jam the

prongs into a bit of plaster and it figures it out. But I was as annoyed as you might be, Ben, that's all I'm saying, because I'm also someone who bought a damp meter and then I read that they might not be that effective. But be willing to prove us wrong. meter enthusiast damp meter creators let us know maybe we can get a look peach or branded battery in the uh listen if you put man on the moon they should be able to work that out yeah why isn't it why is no battery brand never got in touch with

the stack and so let's have a let's have a stack battery or a lucan peach or battery honestly hello the looking pizza zach uh after being recommended the Luke and Pete show earlier this year, I've subsequently consumed the entire back catalogue. Good God. And I'm now up to date. I'm hoping my battery submissions of SupraBeam will be worthy of inclusion on the Hallowed Battery Daddy. My quest is to find a new player

and it's left no remote control unopened or any battery-powered electronic devices at work undisturbed. Thanks for keeping me occupied during the week. All the best, Zach. Originally from Herefordshire, now living in Augsburg in Germany. Nice.

Great move. It's a great move for you, Zach. Great move. Super Beam are a brand new player, so congratulations to you, Zach. Zachary, you be out. Stick that on your CV, mate. Incredible achievement. Get it in the battery, Daddy, and thank you for the picture

next to an ominous hole. Martin, I recently made the final steps necessary to allow me to graduate from feckless man-child to full man-adult. I am, of course, referring to the purchase

of a laser distance meter. Now we're talking. I think they're pretty... Is that quack science as well? Sound science, science-wise. While I'm foremost and doubtless proud to have metamorphosed to become a serious and productive member of DIY society, upon unboxing the device,

I confess that I found myself distracted by the inclusion of two mysterious Taywell Cell AAA batteries. Could this be a new player? I've attached a photo of the batteries in question and await your appraisal and adjudication. It might be my imagination, but T-Waysell, T-Waysell, T-Waysell, T-Waysell, T-Waysell. Do it like a New Yorker. T-Waysell.

I put him in my fucking phone. And then I fried the fucking Hudson. Because I'm in my fucking phone. It's easier for you. And then I fly in the fucking Hudson. It's easier for you. Because I'm a gangster. As the suspiciously northeast ring to it, is Peter gaming the system somehow? Martin Shrewsbury, to where, Sal? To where, man? Fourth time they've come.

So not a new player, but thank you. They're not very common. I mean, it's nice to see them. It's always nice to get a little mention for them. But you are indeed the fourth person to send them in, Martin. I mean, our friend Josh, Oliver and David have all sent them in before now. I might get this off a little laser spirit level.

They're just a bit more versatile than your normal spirit. But it does mean that your house has to be not wonky. I've found that when you measure something with a spirit level, with a little bubble, the walls aren't always you know playing ball so some things can look a bit wonky sometimes so you know that um i think i told you we had the kitchen done here in this house and the guys who did it were fucking amazing chiefly because he was a bit of a character one of the main guy and he was like look come and look at this this

is the challenge of working in london first all, we've got no space, nowhere to work really, because the houses are small. Secondly, check this out. He was using a laser thing, so you knew his laser was straight. And there'd be like two or three inches difference from one side of the room to the other. So you've got to put kitchen cabinets in

and make them look good. You know what I mean? So when we had, and in actual fact, when we had our own wallpaper done in the hallway, we've got so much nice patterned wallpaper. That has to be vertical. We have to level the ceiling.

And they had to do a new ceiling. Wow, what, just for the wallpaper? Yeah. Wowzers. Well, they didn't have to. We chose to, yeah. What, so they actually sort of farted about what? They took the plasterboard down and then re-plastered it.

So they put a frame. So basicallyastered it. So they put a frame so basically they measured it all out put a frame built a frame for the ceiling so you lost about half an inch off the ceiling height. You can't afford that as a tall man. Victorian house actually so it's not too bad. Oh right okay. And then they

levelled the whole ceiling and put plasterboards on and then obviously. So they just put like another timber frame affixed to the original... It's not timber. It's like a metal frame. Fascinating. It's good. So you've got like a little...

So you know that your ceiling is a lie. Well, when they... Yeah. When they pulled the old one, when they did what they did with the old one because my wife was pregnant

at the time, we had to get out of the house because of all the dust. I was secretly a bit gutted because I'd like to have seen them do it. Fascinating. But by the way, speaking on the phone thing and the laser thing this is like you'd be

interested you're the only person i know who would actually like this um i was um i don't know why i did it i think it was something to do with my son sleeping quietly but i managed to turn my phone into a pretty accurate decibel meter oh nice okay yeah and it's so accurate it's unbelievable so look as i'm talking here yeah you see that it going up and down yeah um it's so good it's a free app as well i was well i was well impressed by it and i was being so tedious the other day walking around trying to work out which room was the quietest which one can you fart yeah i i am i was able to see how loud it is when i blow my nose. It was great. I learned a lot about the decibel scale as well.

Lovely stuff. Maybe you can work on the old Aircast adverts. Yeah, I should gift it to someone at ACAR. I didn't know this, but there's a reference chart on it. So at the moment when I'm talking, it's saying it's giving me the 70 decibel normal conversation reading, which is pleasing. Yeah.

Anything below 20 decibels, humans can't really hear, which I was surprised to hear. You know, the loudest possible reading on a decibel meter is actually 194 decibels. I thought it would just go up to infinity or whatever. Oh, it has to stop some time. The loudest possible tone is 194 decibels, which surprised me. I guess it must hit the limits of energy dissipation or something, because I don't really know how that works. You just made that up, haven't you?

I just made that up. It sounded good, though, actually. Yeah, but I'm on the internet. If you said that with confidence, you'd be as big as Jordan Peterson. Yeah, exactly. I've certainly got the suits. That's the reason that we're as big as them

because we do come out with preposterous stuff like them but we haven't got the confidence. So people question it with us. They don't question it with us. Exactly, we don't sit

with confidence. Yeah. I imagine Jordan Peterson has got quite a lot of speeding tickets. He gets really angry about it. Not when he's on Valium. He's a load of bees.

Not when he's on Valium all day. He's on the Benzos. He'll be like, ooh, I'm going so fast he's carily slow he'll be getting tickets for going too slow you imagine him being

pulled over for driving 8 miles an hour and when they pull him over and put the wheel to the day he's got a mouth full of raw minced beef just the whole car stinks of farts

right let's get out of here we've been the Luke and Pete show you've been wonderful do give us a message give us some battery brands you found some batteries in the machine

let us know about it hello at lukeandicture.com. We're on Twitter. We're on TikTok. We are on social media on Instagram. Join us over there, and we'll be back on Monday. Ta-ta. Ta-ta. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack Production

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