The Magnus Archives - The Magnus Protocol 10 –Saturday Night

Episode Date: March 14, 2024

A reminder that the Magnus Protocol will go on a short hiatus until 11 April 2024 (9 April 2024 for early access Patreons and Kickstarter Backers)CAT1RB2275-06082021-09032024Mascot (kids) -/- murder [TV interview]Incident Elements:· Psychological torment· Clowns· SFX – creepy music (yes, seriously), distorted voices· Mentions of – murder, serial killersTranscripts: https://shorturl.at/gzF15This Episode is dedicated to Talia Lindner, thank you for your generous support! You can a complete list of our Kickstarter backers https://rustyquill.com/the-magnus-protocol-supporter-wall/Created by Jonathan Sims and Alexander J NewallDirected by Alexander J NewallWritten by Jonathan SimsScript Edited with additional material by Alexander J NewallExecutive Producers April Sumner, Alexander J Newall, Jonathan Sims, Dani McDonough, Linn Ci, and Samantha F.G. HamiltonAssociate Producers Jordan L. Hawk, Taylor Michaels, Nicole Perlman, Cetius d’Raven, and Megan NiceProduced by April Sumner Featuring (in order of appearance) Catherine Luff as Geraldine HardySteve Newman as Nigel DickersonLowri Ann Davies as Celia RipleyRyan Hopevere-Anderson as Colin BecherShahan Hamza as Samama KhalidBillie Hindle as Alice DyerAnusia Battersby as Gwendolyn BouchardUncredited as Mr. BonzoIntroducing Beth Eyre as [Error]Dialogue Editor – Lowri Ann DaviesSound Designer – Tessa Vroom Mastering Editor - Catherine RinellaMusic by Sam Jones (orchestral mix by Jake Jackson)Art by April SumnerSFX from previously credited artists.Support us on Patreon at https://patreon.com/rustyquill Check out our merchandise available at https://www.redbubble.com/people/RustyQuill/shop and https://www.teepublic.com/stores/rusty-quillJoin our community: WEBSITE: rustyquill.com FACEBOOK: facebook.com/therustyquill TWITTER: @therustyquill REDDIT: reddit.com/r/RustyQuill EMAIL: [e-mail] Magnus Protocol is a derivative product of the Magnus Archives, created by Rusty Quill Ltd. and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial Share alike 4.0 International Licence. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is dedicated to Talia Lindner. This is dedicated to my friends and family for listening to me talk about the Magnus Archives for far longer than could be considered reasonable. I apologise in advance for what Magnus Protocol will do to me. You are the real heroes. Rusty Quill Presents The Magnus Protocol Episode 10

Saturday Night. I'm sure I don't need to tell anyone what that little blast of 90s nostalgia was. Mr Bonzo's on his way, which topped charts for over 11 weeks. Twelve. Twelve weeks. Smashing the record for TV time music and launching a merchandise empire. Well, today I'm here with the creator of Mr Bonzo and former host of Saturday on 6, Nigel Dickerson. It's an absolute pleasure to be

here Geraldine. Nice to be on TV again. It has been a while hasn't it? I've kept busy. So 25 years since Mr Bonzo's debut, why don't you tell us a little bit about how it all started? I mean it started as a joke. Channel Six approached me in 94 to be the host and frontman of their Saturday night variety show. It was a risky move back then, of course. Channel 6 had only existed for a year, and I wasn't exactly a household name. I mean, I was part of the BBC's family programming, but I was hardly top of anyone's list. Still, Nigel Dickinson Presents Saturdays on 6, or Nigel's SOS as they started calling it, really took off. I mean, at the end of the day, it was still the same sort of variety show that BBC and ITV were running on Saturday primetime.

Skits, music, interviews, some on location features. What marked us out, though, is that we didn't take ourselves nearly as seriously as them. The whole conceit was that the set was built like an enormous comedy dungeon, and I'd been imprisoned by Mr Six. Mr Six? Oh, he was our fictional head of Channel Six, and I had to do a good show so I'd be released. Oh, of course. Yeah, we had a lot of fun with him. At the top of each show, I'd get a phone call from Mr Six, who was always very angry, and he'd say he'd gotten a complaint from some busybody writing in with a name like Mrs Salpuck or Mr Smallprick and then

I'd be told I had to do the whole show without I don't know using the words up next or standing on one leg or something and people loved it they really loved it. And where did Mr Bonzo come into it? loved it. They really loved it. And where did Mr Bonzo come into it? Yes, Mr Bonzo, of course. Well, one of our big things was pranks. We had a whole section called You Got Buried, where we'd invite some serious public figure and make them look a bit silly, like get a famous footballer to do a bunch of kick-ups, but we'd weighted the ball. And at the end, I'd come out and say, say you've got buried and give them this big golden raspberry trophy it was all in fact no guests were hurt so one day my producer rich had this fantastic idea we do the whole shtick of inviting a famous person on someone really serious and we tell them we're going to have them do a segment with a popular children's entertainer

now obviously these folks won't have any idea about what kids are actually watching so we could come up with the most horrendous thing, claim kids loved it and see how long it took for the guests to realise they were the joke, that they'd been buried. So I came up with this awful clown character, this big bulbous splotchy suit running around screaming his own name and generally being a nightmare. Who came up with the name Mr Bonzo? You know what, I honestly don't remember. I know it wasn't me or Rich, but at some point someone said it and the name just stuck. I don't really know what else to say about it. His name is Mr Bonzo. I remember the first show we used him.

name is Mr Bonzo. I remember the first show we used him. We'd invited Gotthard Rimbaud the chef. He was very big at the time, lots of TV appearances, a cooking column in The Times, but I think he was looking to soften his public image after the mirror ran a story on him. I don't quite remember. Britain's snootiest chef. Ah, that was it, yeah. So after that he agreed to do a segment on our show teaching children how to cook. He's obviously never seen the show and was completely oblivious to kids' culture. He was absolutely perfect. When Mr Bonzo emerged out of the pantry, the effect was incredible.

Rimbaud's face went white and he looked like he was about to scream. I'll be honest, I'd seen the suit already, but I hadn't seen it moving, and it was even freaking me out a bit. Rimbo tried to keep it together. As far as he knew, all the kids did love Mr. Bonzo. But when that big rubbery clown started knocking over pans and smashing eggs all over the studio kitchen, the snooty chef actually tried to hide behind the shelving unit.

And finally, when Mr Bonzo went in for a cuddle, Rimbaud genuinely attacked him with a frying pan. He actually broke the arm of the guy wearing it, which I took as my cue to enter with the golden berry. And this was on live TV, don't forget. Sounds like a disaster. I thought so too. But according to our audience it was the

best thing we'd ever done. Over the next week we got literally hundreds of letters demanding more Mr Bonzo. Even with a broken arm? Well there was a different man in the suit of course. There were a few of them over the years. It was very physically demanding and that wasn't the only injury we had with it. It actually became a sort of ritual. The newest member of the production crew wore Mr Bonzo until someone else joined. Or until they got hit by a pan. Yes, of course, the joke couldn't last. The problem with a surprise prank is that doing it on Saturday night prime time means pretty soon everyone knows about it and the guests knew it was coming

a couple even requested it so the prank part of it sort of died and he just became an sos mascot one of the many tormentors in the dungeon by the end we'd even retired mr six and it was all bonzo clearly it was the right decision the kids certainly liked him it turned out they really did think he was hilarious well the ones who didn't wet themselves anyway there was a pretty stark dividing line between the two soon it was bonzo mania merch sales were going through the roof undeserving number one hit single actually did become a number one hit single. And we even started construction on a small Bonzoland theme park at one point. It was... It was a good time.

And then? And then we all know what happened. People... stopped liking Mr Bonzo. If you don't feel comfortable discussing Terence Menke, we can move on to... No, no, that's fine. You know it was only the last one, right?

The one where he was caught? The police said there were 11 bodies in total, and his wardrobe was full of all sorts of homemade costumes. Who knows what he wore for the rest, but no. Because he was caught dressed as Mr Bonzo, that's all people remember. The... The Bonzo Butcher. The Bonzo Butcher. The Bonzo Butcher.

Ridiculous tabloid garbage. It didn't even look like him. He got the colours backwards. But they still splashed the image all over the front page. Complete overreaction. An overreaction? No. I mean, it was inappropriate.

To show the public, I mean. It certainly had a profound effect on the Mr Bonzo brand. Bonzo Land halted construction shortly afterwards, and the suits decided it was best to temporarily halt production on SOS. And how about you personally? Well, of course, I got death threats. We had nothing to do with it, obviously. But people can be very stupid about this sort of thing. Anyway, that was that. In the minds of the public, Mr Bonzo had been completely changed.

I'm given to understand he's still got some fans in the edgier parts of the internet. There's a meme. Yes, I was going to ask. Mr Bonzo merchandise is still on sale via your own website. Do you feel at all uneasy about that? About what? The fact that a few sales might be from people trying to be edgy? A man's got to make a living Geraldine and it's not like I can tell if someone's buying a t-shirt ironically. Besides, people think of Nigel Dickinson and Mr Bonzo as never far behind.

So it's not like it's changing my reputation. In a lot of ways I'm more his prisoner now than I ever was on my show. And how do you respond to the more recent rumours? Excuse me? The witness statements from three murders over the last five years became a person in a Mr Bonzo costume as a disabled... This interview is over! Do you think there could be a copycat?

Don't contact us again! Us? It was a joke, alright? Mr Bonzo was meant to be funny! Make people laugh! Is that so wrong? Why am I still trapped dealing with all this? Why won't he let me go?

Why? Hmm... dealing with all this. Why won't he let me go? Hello? Colin? Sorry, don't let me interrupt. It's fine. Just stuck the kettle on. You want a cup? No, thanks. I'm cutting back on caffeine. Celia. Celia, thanks. I'm cutting back on caffeine. Celia.

Celia. Right. Sorry. No problem. I'm still new. Where is everyone? Gwen's on assignment, whatever that means, and Alice and Sam are following up something from a case. Right. Shame. I wanted Alice's thoughts on something. You know anything about computers?

Not really. When did you all leave? For my brain? Yeah. Didn't work. Talked to three therapists. None of them even knew what a logic gate is. What the hell use is that going to be? I don't know. I was just sat there twiddling my thumbs.

Best thing for me is figuring this out. Right. So the others are all gone out, right? Yeah, but... Great. I'll make things easier. Maybe don't tell them I've been on their terminals. They'll only get the wrong idea. Sure. Cool.

Well, I think that was the kettle, so I'll probably just leave you to it. Yeah. Oh, and Celia? Hmm? If Lena asks, I wasn't here. Sure. I can't show us the ass then. Send me a... Hey! Careful.

Yeah, well, that'd be easier if I wasn't digging through a crumbling, rotten ruin in the rain. And it'd be even easier if you stopped moaning and got on with actually looking around you. Touché. Although, I'll point out, I still don't have any idea what we're even looking for. Is it bad vibes? Because I think I've found them. Oh, no. False alarm. Just a dead rat. Lovely.

I'll know it when I see it. Will you? Because that sounds very suspiciously like the kind of line someone says when they don't know what they're looking for. I honestly don't know what you expect. It's a ruin. Burned wood, collapsed rooms, rubble. It's not exactly a treasure trove. If you're that bothered, you can head home. Don't let me keep you.

Sam, there is honestly nowhere I'd rather be than here with you. And to be clear, I mean that in a profoundly depressing way. Like it's Saturday night and I'm choosing to hang out in a hole with you. A wet hole. And not the good kind either. Well, thanks then, I guess. Well, you're welcome then, I guess. Hang on. What was that? What? Turn back. Shine your light over.

Yes. Wait, are you serious? We're getting excited over that. It'll be empty, and even if it isn't, it's rusted shut. Which means I should be able to break the lock. And find a peer-reviewed paper on all the tetanus you're going to get. You're going to cut yourself up for mulch. Got it. for for mulch so any life-changing revelations or not mulch that's right you alright I'm fine Oh look Sam you asked me to come, and I came. I'm sorry that this isn't the closure or whatever it was you were searching for,

but I think you're wasting your time. We're just lucky this place hasn't already collapsed on us. I don't feel lucky. That makes two of us. Look, I get it, okay? It has some weird bits, I'll grant you. That carved floor in the big atrium, I don't know what's going on with that. But whatever ghosts you're hoping to bust, I don't think they're here.

Sam? Fine. Fine, it's... Seriously? I literally just talked you into leaving. Please don't now tell me you've actually found something. It's a key. Oh, yeah? And you know what that means?

Someone's gym bag is getting really grim trapped in a locker somewhere. Dallas! Fine. Ten more minutes. And I'm keeping the umbrella. All right. I'm coming. What? Uh, Nigel Dickerson.

Do you know what time it is? I'm here on behalf of the Office of Incident Assessment and Response. Oh? I have a message for you. I was told to deliver it personally. Here. I can't. My instructions were very clear.

Go to the home of Nigel Dickerson and hand over this envelope. It's not for me. Come in. And wipe your feet. I'm sorry about this. What? Oh, my God! Try not to stare.

He doesn't like it when people stare. Mr Bonzo, meet. I didn't actually get your name. Probably for the best. Oh, I said don't stare. Looks like they've got another one for you. Give it to him. Like what?

Hey, undress. Tell him where to go. But what? I don't... No one told me anything. Who's in there? What are you talking about? The envelope. Just give him the envelope! can he read? just do it! thank God that nearly went very badly! I don't... Tell the people who sent you, you're welcome. Again. Okay. Now, get out of his house. You literally just saw me try. I believed you couldn't open it.

That's not the same thing as being locked. Here we go again with the ickle baby shrimp samrabeen. A, I have never called you a baby shrimp, but thanks for the idea. B, shut up and try the key. Well, we tried. Come on. Hang on. The wood is pretty rotten. I think. Suck it. Maybe. Come here. So much for your key.

We're here, aren't we? And where is here, exactly? Someone's office, I guess. Looks like it held up better than the rest. Who do you reckon Archie was? Huh? I found one of those old-timey name-blog things. Uh, Archipelago? I'm sorry, what?

What? You're just going to skip straight to Archipelago. No, I don't know. Architect. Archive. I mean, there are books, I suppose. There were books, anyway. Nice chair. I could look real ominous swivelling in that thing. I wouldn't risk it.

Not unless you want woodworms up your butt. Ew. That explains the pattern on the floor. Oh, yeah. What is that? Worm tracks. Or, you know, symbols of ancient otherworldly power. One or the other.

Look, you can be creeped out or sarcastic, but not both. Watch me. Careful. Oh, thank goodness you said that, otherwise I would have jumped up and down on the dangerous... Shit!

I dropped the key What was that? Because it sounded a lot like I'm sorry Alice, you were right We should head back now before I get myself killed Falling into a soggy pit Gosh you're sexy, here's a twenty for your trouble We can't

This is the first clue we found Clue? What clue? It's a hole, Sam. It's a dark and manky hole in a dark and manky office in a dark and manky building riddled with bugs and God knows what else. I'm sorry, but enough. This isn't some grand clue to your childhood. It's a hole. Time to go, Sam.

I am sorry. I know you got your hopes up. No, you're right. I don't know what I'm looking for. I have... I have memories of weird stuff I saw here No, you're right. I don't know what I'm looking for. I have... I have memories of weird stuff I saw here, with no context. I want to know what was happening.

Why they chose us. Why they didn't choose me. Maybe find the bit where everything started to go wrong. But... It's too late. And now... I find the bit where everything started to go wrong. But... It's too late. And now... I'm the only one left who cares.

I care. Not a lot, mind. Don't flatter yourself. But the truth is, closures for movies, mate... All we get is manky holes. Those are for movies, mate. All we get is monkey holes. You know there's a cream for that. There's my baby shrimp. Come on, let's get out of here before we fall into what I'm starting to think might be a cesspit. Oh, I thought that was you. I figured you'd messed yourself when you fell. Oh, darling.

I calls it as I smells it. Now, as fun as it is being moments away from getting our own creepy case, I could be with you with a drink. Ja, det er bra. Nettopp, vi har en viss utsida. Nettopp, vi har en viss utsida. Nettopp, vi har en viss utsida. Nettopp, vi har en viss utsida. Nettopp, vi har en viss utsida. I'm sorry. The Magnus Protocol is a podcast distributed by Rusty Quill and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial Sharealike 4.0 International License.

The series is created by Jonathan Sims and Alexander J. Newell and directed by Alexander J. Newell. This episode was written by Jonathan Sims and edited with additional materials by Alexander J. Newell. With vocal edits by Lorianne Davis, soundscaping by Tessa Vroom and mastering by Catherine Rinella

with music by Sam Jones. It featured Billy Hindle as Alistair, Shahan Hamza as Samama Khalid, Anusha Battersby as Gwen Bouchard, Ryan Hopevere-Anderson as Colin Becker, Laurie-Anne Davis as Celia Ripley. The Magnus Protocol is produced by April Sumner, with executive producers Alexander J. Newell, Danny McDonough, Lynn C., and Samantha F.G. Hamilton, and associate producers Jordan L. Hawke, Taylor Michaels, Nicole Perlman, Cetius the Raven, and Megan Nice.

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