The Mel Robbins Podcast - 5 Essential Hacks I’m Using to Make New Habits Stick

Episode Date: January 16, 2023

In this episode, you’re about to learn how to make your new habits stick. If you’ve struggled to be consistent with behavior change, you’re not alone. It’s easy to talk about habits. It’s a whole different thing to apply the science to your life. You are not the problem. The problem, when it comes to habits, is the lack of systems and hacks that help you stay consistent. There are 5 very specific, simple systems backed by science that you have to have in place if you want to make your new habits stick for good. It doesn’t matter if you’ve already bailed on your New Year’s resolutions or if the only habit you think you’re successful at is failing at habits. I’ve got you. If your treadmill just became the most expensive laundry hanger you’ve ever purchased, then this episode is for you. I’ll say it again:  It’s not you; it’s your lack of systems. Stop relying on willpower to get you through. That’s not what you need. The research says you need systems. Today, I’ll teach you 5 essential ones. Let’s go, because your behavior toolkit masterclass series continues. Xo Mel  For full show notes, including all research mentioned in the episode, go to melrobbins.com/podcast. For a free workbook that dives deeper into the topic of habits and helps you apply what you learn, click here. This episode works together with the episode “The Ultimate Toolkit for Creating New Habits.” After you finish this one, check out that episode here. This episode, you’ll learn:1:36: Why it’s important to understand how to make habits stick4:50: The 75-day challenge I’ve taken on this year 9:30: The honest conversation you need to have with yourself before any change13:35: What to do if you don’t even know where to start with habits15:55: The five systems that will help you finally stick to your habits24:00: A simple hack from Harvard Business School to help you make better decisions28:25: The simple trick that helped people be twice as successful at quitting smoking32:40: The M&M experiment that proves decision fatigue is a real thing38:24: Why tracking your progress is non-negotiable 49:30: The plan that will save your promises to yourself51:35: The “keys to the kingdom” – establish this habit and others will follow more easily   Disclaimer

Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to a practical, tactical, tool-packed episode of the Mel Robbins podcast. I am so excited for today's episode. I didn't even take the time to take a shower, wash my face, or change out of my gym clothes. I exercise this morning and I race right up here to the microphone because I have got so many cool things to share with you. And for those of you that have been here for a while,

check it out, you are going to freaking love this. Love it. It's everything that you love. It's hilarious stories, it's science-backed tools. You are going to be inspired and inaction before this thing is over. That's how jam-packed our conversation is going to be today. That's why I had to wear running tights because we're going to be running fast, running through

this. Okay. And for those of you that are new, welcome. I'm so glad you're here, but get ready because this is a doozy. We're talking takeaway city, we're talking proven hacks. Heck, I'm even teaching you today. How to use a post-it note to make your new habit stick. That's right.

I'm Mel Robbins. I'm a New York Times bestselling author and one of the most trusted experts in the world on behavior change and motivation. So here's the reason why I'm so excited. It's because I know that our conversation today is going to be relevant to your life because we just released an episode

about the science of habits and we covered all the basic foundational science. Everything you need to know. And you know what's happened? I've now been flooded with questions from listeners who are trying to make a big change like this one from a listener named Eric. Hi, Mel. My name's Eric. How do I create habits that I'll stick?

So once I keep going, I'll stay with it. I want to make it easier. Eric, I'm so glad you asked, because you know what? I don't want that new treadmill that you just invested in to become the most expensive code hanger in your house. And the truth is, there are simple, fun, and easy ways that will help you stick with the

new habits that you're trying to create. And look, I want to say something right up front. I'm not exactly the expert in this. I'm applying the same tools that you're going to learn in this episode. I'll tell you a quick story because I'm in the same boat as you. I signed up this year to do this 75 day mental toughness challenge that is requiring me to do a bunch of brand new behaviors every single day. So I am in the habit formation soup with everybody. And I have a confession to make. This is the second attempt that I am making

at completing this 75-day challenge. Because I failed last time I did it. I signed up last year and this challenge was so hard I bailed within a week. So if you've gotten started and you're rolling along with your keto diet or dry January, you're trying to stick to that budget and now the wheels are about to fall off. Maybe they already have. Don't you worry, today's episode is dedicated to you and it's dedicated to me because you and I are going to get the science-backed hacks that we both need in order to stay consistent when we are making these changes in our lives. And I'm also going to give you five little fun strategies that you can use to make all

the new changes that you're working so hard on. Stick. How cool is that? And one final thing. This is part of a month-long series that we're doing here on the Mel Robbins podcast about the foundational skills and research that you can use to create a better life. And so, let's jump in. Now, for the purposes of our conversation, I assume that you have a goal or a habit that you're trying to make stick, but just in case you don't, I want to call your attention to something. We released an episode just before this one called the Ultimate Toolkit

for creating new habits, And it covers the foundational science that teaches you the three required parts that every habit needs. And this is an incredible episode. And it also comes with a free workbook that you can download that acts as a companion guide that will help you apply the science from that episode to defining your habits.

If you haven't listened to that, I just wanted to highlight it as a resource for you. Make sure you take a listen after you finish this one because these two episodes, they work beautifully together. And it doesn't matter what order you listen in. You can get that workbook at melrobbins.com slash habits. Okay, so I want you to keep the new habit in mind

because you're gonna be able to take absolutely everything you learn today and apply it to the new habit that mind because you're going to be able to take absolutely everything you learn today and apply it to the new habit that you want to make stick. And this is all going to make it so much easier and frankly a lot more fun because the stuff I'm about to share with you are the things I'm using so that I don't fail this time because it would be awful if I failed again at this thing. And so here's how this episode is going to roll. I'm going to explain the new daily habits that I'm trying to learn and stick with and manage. And as I do that, I want you to think right now about the change that you're trying to make, okay? Because I want this to be relevant to you. That way it's not only going to be valuable for you to

listen to this, but it's going to make the change that you want to make easier. So I'll start first. So I've committed to do this 75-day challenge, and here is what the challenge says I have to do for 75 days. No alcohol. I have to eat a healthy diet, which for me I've decided I'm going to just eat a normal diet because I'm a healthy eater, but I'm'm not gonna have any gluten or dairy for 75 days. I gotta work out twice a day, and one of those workouts has to be outside.

I have to drink a gallon of water, I have to take a progress photo every day, and I have to read 10 pages of nonfiction every single day. And the way that this challenge works, and this challenge is really like, bro, it's like, whoo, whoo, like a bunch of dudes created this thing very, like discipline oriented because here's one of the rules. If you miss any one of those things that I just listed, you have to go back to day one period. That's how the challenge works.

But I want to be clear about something, and I'm going to do the challenge based on the rules, okay? But the 75-Hard Challenge is completely at odds with what habit research actually says. See, habit research says that if you miss a day, you don't default back to day zero. You don't lose progress by missing a day. And so I want to be very clear upfront that you can still be successful in seeing a change through if you miss a day or two days or a week. And so I want to be clear that the 75 hard challenge that I'm doing that punishes you for missing a day is not the reality when it comes to neuroscience biology and all the research around habits.

And I know you're concerned about this because I'm getting a lot of questions about, well, what do I do if I fall off? Like this one from Zoe. Hi, Mal, it's Zoe. And I am wondering, how do you not let your setbacks keep you from getting back and trying again? On New Year's day, I was dissolving not to eat sweets and literally,

the first thing I ate was some chocolate birthday cake. And by noon, it was all over. So thoughts, any suggestions, any tips? Thanks. Happy New Year. Great job, male and all your crew. Oh, Zoe, we love you. So for Zoe, and every one of you listening, we're not robots, we're human beings. And habit research says that screwing up does not impact your progress or your ability to make habit stick. In life, unlike this challenge, 75-hard that I'm doing, if you miss a day, all you do is miss a day and then move forward, that's it. And research shows the new neuro-ath ways that you create Zoey.

Once you start the new habit of trying to remove sugar from your diet, they're still there. And we know this based on research from Dr. Philip O'Lalley at the University College of London. And there's something else. It's called the What the Hell Effect. IE Cake? What the hell? I guess I'm just screwed up.

The what the hell effect is the tendency to just give up. You screw up once. And, you know, these researchers, I love that they're tapping into common sense because we've all experienced the what the hell effect, right? You sign up for the gym or you commit to eating healthy. You go twice to the gym, you skip a few days, and then you find yourself saying,

nah, what the hell? I'll skip another day. I'll have another beer, I'll take another bite. I've already fucked it up, so I might as well keep going. You know, I think we should call it, I already fucked up effect, but researchers don't like to drop F-bombs in academic papers, so they stuck with the title, What the Hell Effect. And so we're going to roll with it, because this comes from Duke researcher Dan Arieli. Now, he writes about this a lot, and you wanna know what's funny, Zoe, is that even in Dan's writing and research,

you wanna know what he's quoting. He's quoting the situation where you have one slice of cake when your goal is to have no sugar. And even more than writing about it, if you research him, he has video modules that show somebody who is trying to cut out sugar, struggling around a piece of cake. I swear to God, that's the example that he used, Zoe, when he was researching the what the hell effect. And I'm raising this. Before I teach you the five simple systems that you can use to make habit stick because

I want you guys to go into these five simple systems, knowing that if you screw up one day, you go a couple days, you go a week, you can still get right back on track, okay? I need you to think that failing is not a big deal. You can recover, period. So Zoe, once you eat that piece of cake, just appreciate how delicious it was, save for the moment, and then get up, walk around the house, shake it off so that you don't eat another slice,

recognize, oh, here's that, what the hell effect, I'm not going to fall for it, and then get right back to your promise. Cut yourself some slack and keep going. That's all you need to do, Zoe. And there's one final thing I want to say to Zoe, though, in any one of you who has made a promise and within four hours, you broke it. Let's have an honest conversation here. Do you actually want to give up sugar?

Do you actually want to exercise every day? Do you really mean it that this is the year that you're going to start that business? And I'm saying that to you as a friend. We just did an episode on the Science of Goal setting. I want you to go back and listen for real. If you're somebody who chronically makes these resolutions or goals for yourself and then within the first day or two, it's out the window. And the reason why I'm asking you to go back and relisten

to the episode we did on the Science of Goal Setting is because if this is like a chronic pattern for you, I suspect that you're not in touch with why you want to stop eating sugar. Because remember in our goal setting episode in order for a goal to be achieved, it has to have two components to it, the will and the way.

And the will means that this goal is personally relevant. You want to do it. And so I suspect Zoe that if you're already in cake four hours into this thing, you're missing the will. And that's not willpower, by the way. This has to do with intrinsic motivation. The reason why you're quitting so fast is because you're not in touch with why you want to quit sugar.

So go back there. If you set goals and you don't have any why, you're gonna fail before you start. And so that now brings me back to why on earth am I doing something called 75 Heart? What is my why? Why am I doing something so challenge? Because identifying that is important, no, it's critical. To me not bailing within a week this time.

And I want you to think about your why, whether that's eating keto or saving money or finishing the manuscript or becoming more organized or getting back out there and finding somebody to share life with. Whatever it is, get in touch with your why. And it's important that you do that before I tell you these five science-based systems and hacks. And I'll tell you why I decided to do this mental fitness challenge. It's really simple.

I'm doing this because this year I want to play an even bigger game in life and in business, and I want to have a breakthrough in personal discipline. So you might be thinking, Mal, you already do so much. So how the heck does taking on even more in life make you more successful with the stuff that you already have to do? I'll tell you why. Have you ever heard the saying, if you want something done, ask a busy person, that's because a busy person is already a state of flow.

They are busy. They got stuff going on. They got things to do. They're not sitting around on the couch, scrolling through social media. They don't have a lot of resistance built up inside of them because they procrastinate all the time. And so if you hand them one more thing, boom, they'll just throw it right on the list that they're already driving through. So even though I'm kicking ass and I'm taking names, there are areas where I am still slacken off and wasting time and I want to reclaim that time. I want to amp up my discipline and I want to put it to better use. And that's why I'm still slacken off in wasting time and I want to reclaim that time. I want to amp up my discipline

and I want to put it to better use. And that's why I'm adding a challenge that levels up my own discipline. This challenge gives me a reason to get out of bed even earlier. And if I can begin my day by checking off a few boxes of personal discipline, check, I got my workout in. Check, I drank my mason jar full of water already,

check, I read my 10 pages of nonfiction. I'm rolling into my day with an amazing sense of momentum. And when you have a sense of momentum, you know it's not present, friction. When you're already rolling, you're not gonna procrastinate. When you are up to something and you feel this sense of fulfillment that comes from just making a promise to yourself and checking the box and seeing yourself do it, it's pretty incredible.

And if you know that you can rely on yourself to keep your promises because you're practicing this every day, you're getting up when the alarm rings, you're high five in the mirror, you're making your bed, you're putting on your exercise clothes, you're getting your body movement in, you're journaling, you're practicing your mindset. All before you start looking social media or checking email, you're journaling, you're practicing your minds at all before you start looking social media or checking email. You can do that, you can commit to playing a bigger game in life and in business. You may look at something like training for a marathon or doing whole 30 or dry January for a month and go, I don't have room for that. The truth is, you have plenty of room to add a challenge in, because when you get laser

focused about what matters to you and about how you're going to focus on your time, you're going to reclaim it, you're going to be amazed at how much time you actually have. And you're also going to find this surge of power, because for me, taking on 75 hard and just checking the boxes every day, I'm only a few days into this, and I am already so proud of myself. I'm all of a sudden looking at the year I had them like, I'm going to write another book this year. We're opening up offices in Boston in two months, and they're going to be freaking awesome. Heck, I'm now inspired to build a tech platform, and just last night I thought to myself, I am so into mocktails, I am seeing the

benefits of not drinking. Why don't I do something in the space? Because there's not as many options as I would like. And this is a problem that I would love to solve in an area that I could get really creative. And so when you make room for something that creates discipline in your life that allows you to make promises to yourself. It expands the way that you think about what's possible and what you're capable of in ways that are just outrageous. It's that simple.

That's my why. Plus, a bunch of my family members are doing it this year, and I really wanted to be a part of it. The why is critical. So stop and think, why am I doing this thing? The goal that I want to have Mel's help sticking with this habit that I really don't want to bail on. Why is this important? Now 75 hard for me, I should be calling it 75 brutal. Because the truth is, I have not gone 75 days without having an alcoholic beverage since I started drinking

when I was 16 years old. And when I think about cutting out dairy and gluten, which is something I want to do because I get a lot of sinus congestion, and so I'm curious to see if dairy or gluten is the reason, but cutting it out for 75 days, I mean, that's what I eat for breakfast. Hello, cereal. Hello oatmeal. Hello cereal, hello oatmeal, hello coffee with cream and sugar, hello sourdough toast. Now I'm starting to wonder why on earth

did I make myself do this? Oh yeah, that's right. Because I'm tired of having sinus issues and I'm tired of having my gut feel funky. And so here's what I figure. If I can make these thick things, exercising twice a day, no alcohol, sticking to this diet, reading, water for 75 days,

you wanna know what? I could fucking do anything. And that leads me to yet another takeaway. If you feel stuck right now, if you feel like you're in a rut, if you just got dumped or fired or you're going through a divorce or you put on more weight than you've ever had or you're just feeling kind of lost in life, you have no clue what you want to do. Here's a tip from your friend Mel Robbins. If you don't know what to do in that

situation, sign up for something challenging. Train for a marathon. Commit to doing something that feels hard as hell and that pushes you outside of your comfort zone. Something that forces you to add something new to your life. Like a training run every single day or a class where you're gonna learn something or a meditation challenger. Hell, 75 harder. How about this one? If you don't know how to swim and you're an adult, it'd be pretty confronting to go to your local why and sign up for an adult beginner swim class and learn how to swim, which is a life-saving skill.

Or maybe you want to sign up for tango lessons. You've always thought about how fun it would be to dance in competitions. See, what's interesting about a challenge of something scary and hard is it forces you to level up every area of your life Let's see what's interesting about a challenge of something scary and hard. Is it forces you to level up every area of your life because you won't be successful adding this challenge into your life and completing the goal? If you don't change your life and your habits and the systems of your day-to-day life in order to be a person who can achieve this goal, it literally shocks you to your core

when you sign up for a challenge. And it reminds you, I'm more powerful than I think. I'm not stuck in this situation or this shitty relationship or this dead end job. I'm more powerful than I think, and just trying this online challenge or training for this marathon or this, you know, road race or this walking

thing or whatever. It's getting me back in touch with me. Okay. I'm off of the lecture mail and this brings me to the fun part. All right. I got these new habits. Please, Mel, give me the five hacks. How the hell do I make these new habits stick? How do I create structure, discipline and order in my life? Well, it's very simple. You're going to use simple hacks. That's all you're going to do. You can call them systems, you can call them triggers, you can call them cues, you can call them structure, you can call them whatever you want to be. My friend Amy, who you've heard on this podcast has this term that I laugh about so much. It makes me think of belly buttons, but she basically says,

there are two kinds of people in this world. There are people that are any organizers, and then there are people who are Audi organizers. Any organizers are people who manage everything in their head. That used to be me. Think about it all the time. Audi organizers, you folks get your to-do lists out of your heads and your smart because you use systems outside your brain to keep you successful. Visual reminders, alarms, notes to-do lists, we call these visual cues in habit research. You don't manage change in your head, you use external systems out of your head to help you stay on track. Now, I used to be an any organizer.

And I also have an any belly button in case you're wondering. I know that's a little bit too much information. I don't know why, but it's kind of, it is kind of intimate to share whether you have an any or an outy belly button, but I have an any. You can blame that on the doctor who tied your imbilical cord.

Yep. I often tell myself that if only the doctor who tied my imbilical cord, who happened to me, my father, who was a medical resident at the time, I blame my father for the fact that it doesn't matter how much I exercise. I have a hamburger bun, belly button. Like it's like a flat line. And I say to myself, if he had only tied the knot tighter, I would have one of those amazing round, like belly buttons that are like the size of a nickel that some people have.

I've always wanted one of those. No, I'm not getting surgery. But so I have an any flat hamburger, but belly button. That's not what I was supposed to be talking to you about. An any organizer is somebody who tries to stay organized in their head. You have to be an Audi organizer. That's what you have to be when it comes to habits.

You have to use systems, post it notes, alarms on your phone, a notebook that you carry around, a chart that you create and hang on the wall. If you are serious about making change stick, get it out of your head and stick it in front of your face. Why? Well, remember, in the episode we just released on the Science of Habits, there are only three parts to a habit based on all of the research inhabits.

Science has never changed. The Q, the behavior pattern, and the trigger. That's it. You have to figure out systems to have the Q or the trigger outside of you. And when you start to figure out how to get the cue, the thing that signals the new behavior outside of you, get it out of your any head and get it out into the world. When you start to do that, that's the secret to making behavior stick. And what you're going to learn is going to blow your mind because I know that when you're trying

to change any, your head, you keep it all in your head and you're not using systems outside of you. You're frustrated like Anna's. Hi, Mallet's Ann and here's my question. I'm wondering why it is that I find it so hard to break through some daily habits and do things differently. Why I can't stay consistent in my daily tasks, I just feel so frustrated with myself.

I'll tell you why you're frustrated. The same reason why every any organizer is frustrated, because you are trying to stay consistent in your head and you are not using simple systems and simple physical cues to keep you organized and to keep these changes top of mind. That's it. I used to be like that too, not anymore.

I used systems because I'll be damned if I do not complete the 75-hard challenge, especially since I'm doing it with my husband who's doing it now for the third time. Andy's leading a group of people from around the world through it. My daughter's also in. Her boyfriend is in, and so is my brother. There is no fucking way I'm letting myself fail, and I will fail if I do it like I did last time, and I rely on my own mind,

and I do this like an any organizer. Not doing that, so I am getting out of my head, and I'm getting into my systems, and so are you. Okay, we're gonna take a short break. We're gonna hear a word from our sponsors, and then I'm getting into my systems and so are you. Okay, we're going to take a short break. We're going to hear a word from our sponsors and then I'm going to come right back and I'm going to teach you the five simple systems that I'm using right now. Okay, welcome back. So we are talking about the five simple systems that are going to help you make new behavior change stick.

Okay? So system number one, and this is the MAC daddy of Audi organizing. Ready? Make it visible. And by make it visible, I mean put it in front of your fricking face. Okay? Because here's the cool thing. Instead of rearranging your mind and your mental to-do-less, rearrange your house and your environment to support you in remembering your goals and achieving your habits. Okay? that's how you make the stick. You make it visible.

You make it obvious. So, let me give you a list of some of the things that I've done. So, first, I have the list of all of the things that I need to accomplish in this challenge, tape to my mirror above my bathroom sink. Why is it there? It's the first thing that I see in the morning, and it's the last thing that I see at night. Here's another example of a way to make the habit or the goal visible. My water bottle and the nonfiction book that I'm reading,

I put that by the coffee maker every single night. It is sitting there in the morning. Why? Because I can't miss it. I mean, it's obvious. I walk in. I go to make my coffee boom. There it is. It's like, Hey, bitch, don't forget to drink the water. Hey, read that book. Don't pick up the phone. Like, do you see how much easier I made that on myself? Instead of having to go in my head, me like doing mental gymnastics with my don't pick up the phone. You remember, you gotta read the book. I don't want to read the book. It's like sitting right there out of me.

I can't ignore it. Here's another way to make things visible. To support yourself. We have this little beverage fridge, right? And normally it's got a ton of beer and wine in it. You know what's in it right now? Not beer and wine. It's now stocked with kombucha, non-alcoholic beer,

and awesome non-alcoholic spirits, and awesome non-alcoholic spirits, and all kinds of spindrits and celtars and topochicos, and all that kind of non-alcoholic stuff that I love to drink. Why? Because then when I feel a little craving, and I go to open up the little beverage fridge because I'm going to sneak, because I'm sneaky, and I'm a rebel, and I only made it a week through the challenge last time, so God knows I'm gonna wanna sneak it sometime. What do I have?

The stuff that I don't wanna drink. But the thing that I need to drink is right there. It's visible. Here's another way that I make the habit visible. Every night before I go to bed, I lay out my exercise clothes on the floor. It is a giant middle finger to myself because you want to know what? When I wake up in the morning, do I want to work out?

Do I want to have to work out outside? Hell no! It's 37 degrees in raining in Vermont right now. Who in the right mind wants to go outside? But when I wake up, it's visible. It's outside of my head. It's in my face. It is reminding me, oh, there's that promise that you regret that you made, Mel.

And then I have to remind me of my why, as I'm pulling on my tights. The question is, why does this work? Well, let's turn to research from Harvard Business School. Because this research from Harvard Business School shows that when we make decisions for our future selves, we make better decisions. So let me unpack this for you. When you wake up in the morning and you got all your habits and goals in your head, it's

the old you. And you got a decision to make in the morning, right? Do I feel like exercising? Do I even remember I need to exercise? It's leading horizontal, disgusting 37 degree rain outside. Do I feel like exercising? If you are in your head making a decision in real time, you are likely going to make a bad decision, right? I don't want to exercise, so I'm not going to. I'll do it later. But when you make decisions

for your future self, and that's what you're doing when you literally take the time to put a post-it note on a mirror, that's what you're doing when you take the time to pull all of the booze out of the fridge and stock it instead with better choices. That's what I'm doing when I put the clothes on the floor. I am making a decision as my future self. I am saying I know Mel Robbins well enough to know at some point this woman is going to have no willpower. She is going to be weak.

She is going to be desperate. She is going to be desperate. She is going to be emotional. And so I need to make a decision for the future Mel Robbins. The Mel Robbins at once to change. And when you think from that point of view and you set yourself up for success by making these things visible, you fricking win. Because according to Harvard Business School, you make better decisions when you think about who is the future you and what would that person do? So the night before, plan out as many decisions as you can. And that means put the water bottle by the coffee maker, set the journal out where you're going to see it, lay out the clothes, put the phone in a different room so that it's not

there to look at first thing in the morning. These are things that you can do as the future you. What would the person who already lives this lifestyle be doing? Act like that version of you. When you set yourself up and make all this stuff visual, here's the other cool thing that happens. You reduce what's called decision fatigue the very next day. You're taking advantage of this planning for your

future self. And you know what? There's a third benefit. I love this. It lowers activation energy. So we talked about this in the episode called Motivation is Garbage. Activation energy is just a fancy term that means how much fuel or energy does it take you to get started on something? Activation energy is the force that you need to apply to doing something. So I'll go back to the example. It is so much easier for me to get going when my exercise tights are on the floor next to my bed. Duh! It is so much easier for me to get my water consumption done to drink that big first

thing of water if it's sitting out waiting for me. Duh, because it takes a lot more energy, right? A lot more force, a lot more fuel for me to not only haul my ass out of bed, but to remember I need to put on exercise sites and to pull open the drawer and to figure out which pair to wear and then to pull them on and then to look at the jog bras and then to decide if I need a sweatshirt or I need a this or I've had to like burn through fuel just to figure out what freaking outfit to put on. By making decisions for my future self and making it visible, boom, shock, a lot of people, this is easy.

I am setting myself up for success. Here's another powerful way to make things visible. Use the alarm on your phone. Seriously, this is a genius hack. Put the alarm on your phone to use to help you be your future self. It's like a reminder from the future, okay? Kakes done, get up, go check on it. No, seriously. So every single

smartphone has the ability to set an alarm. And on the alarm, when you go to set the time, there's a label. Right now, it says alarm. You can literally change the label to help you remember anything. And here's what's super cool about a simple alarm on your phone. Research has found that twice as many people who received quit smoking messages, quit smoking over a six month period.

So these little systems like setting an alarm on your phone, whether you're reminding yourself to take the vitamins that you want to be taking or you're reminding yourself to get outside for the run or you're reminding yourself to spend 30 minutes working on a project that you wanted to get done. They're going to make you based on the research twice as successful, twice more likely. This simple stuff works and it's not that hard, not that hard to put a post at note on the mirror, not that hard to set an alarm in your phone's not that hard, not that hard to put a post at note on the mirror, not that hard

to set an alarm in your phone, not that hard to set the water bottle out, but you got to do it. Okay. Simple systems work because your life is complicated enough. And if you can put that post it note up, you are setting yourself up for success. I'm telling you, it's true. And that leads me to system number two. And this is the one that Mel Robbins has to use even more than like stick it in your face. And this is the opposite. Get it. The fuck out of here. Okay. Remove the temptation from your site. Get it out of here. Out of sight. Out of mind. I wish that were true. Because a lot of times you're going to find that even when you say, okay, that's it, I'm not going to eat gluten, I'm not going to eat sugar, I'm not going to eat dairy, still going to be on your mind, which is why it needs to be out of sight.

So the things that you don't want to do, the bad habits that you have, the little addictions like your phone, let's make it harder for you to just slip into those things, okay? So let me give you some examples. If you if you want more sleep, here's what you need to do. Get your phone out of the bedroom. This one simple system, remove the phone from your bedroom. We'll change your life because it won't be there. You won't look at it in the middle of the night.

You won't lay in bed and look at it. Get it out of your bedroom. You wanna know why? You can't be trusted. Neither can I. And I'm gonna give you a really harsh example of this. Let's say the person you love the most has a really bad addiction.

Like, let's just put it out there. They're addicted to cocaine, okay? You love them. They're trying. They out there. They're addicted to cocaine, okay? You love them. They're trying. They're recovering. They're doing great. Would you ever put an ape all on the bedside tape? Of course not.

You are more addicted to your phone than people who are addicted to cocaine. I'm not kidding about this. The research is very clear. And so anything that you have a problem regulating yourself with, get it out of your site, it's an addiction. I'm dead serious about this because I am in that category when it comes to the phone. I know this intellectually, any my head, I know that I shouldn't be looking at my phone,

which is why I got to get it atta my bedroom so that I don't look at it. I'll give you another example. I for the next 75 days, gluten-free, dairy-free. Why on earth would I stock my fridge with the cheeses that I love? I'm not going to because it would be torture and look, if you can't remove it from your fridge because you have kids who drink milk or your roommates are all drinking alcohol, you can certainly stick the milk in the back of the fridge. You are within your rights to ask your roommates if they could just store the alcohol in the cupboard instead of on the counter, so it's not like they're in your face.

And here's what's so cool about removing it. The research shows that when you hack your environment this way, right, this is just a simple system. Get it the fuck out of here, okay? Out of here. You only have to have that temptation, a tiny bit more inconvenient to have this system work. They did this really interesting study at Google

where they used to keep M&Ms in open bowls at Google and they were curious in the Google offices. What if we just like switched up the system here? And instead of having M&Ms in open bowls, what if we put them in bowls that had lids on them? The candies are still there. You want to know what happened? Employees ate three million less M&Ms over the course of a year.

Why? Because out of sight, out of mind, making it just a tiny bit more inconvenient to get the candy had people often pass on it, and the candy wasn't so tempting because they couldn't see it. And this also proves what you've already learned. Decision fatigue is a real thing. Simply having to consider lifting off the lid before you reach the M&Ms, created enough friction for people, enough of a pause that it made them not do it, just like you having to pull open the drawer and pick out your exercise

tights, often has you walk right past that drawer and not do it at all. So if you want to do it, stick it in front of your face if you don't get it out of your sight Because I promise you there is gonna be a moment where you are gonna get desperate and you are gonna be wondering why Did I agree to do this thing? You're gonna be Zoe standing there at a lunch wanting to eat cake or you're gonna be like Eric and standing there at a lunch, wanting to eat cake, or you're gonna be like Eric, and instead of turning that treadmill on, you're gonna wanna take your coat

and launch it right on top of that treadmill, or you're gonna be like me. This morning, as I am standing there in the kitchen, and I'm making a cup of coffee, and I'm pouring this plant-based creamer, whew! into my coffee, and I'm thinking I would kill another human being for whole milk right now.

I even scrounged around in the fridge to see if there was any in there. I'm not gonna lie. Not gonna lie. I'm not proud of that moment. It's a weak moment for Mel Robbins. I am way more addicted to my whole milk than I thought. Sadly, there wasn't, but you know what, not sadly,

thankfully, there wasn't any in there. I had no choice because I got it the fuck out of there because I know myself well enough that if I have an option to be a revelant cheat, I will likely take it. And so I'm glad, I'm glad I choked down the plant-based creamer, and I got 69 more days to go. Okay, now let's go to another question.

And this one comes from Jack. Hey, Mel, it's Jack. I've got a quick question for you. If I start setting goals, how do I know if I'm going to be successful? What's kind of the biggest indicator or way for me to know that I'm on track? Jack, great question. It brings me to system number three, and I got to tell you to brace yourself because this is going to sound redundulously obvious. But the only way to know that you're on track is to track.

Period. That's system number three. You have to track your progress. Again, let's go back to any organization versus Audi organization. You are no longer allowed to track your progress casually in your mind. You need to get it outside your mind, which means you need a system for tracking progress. And so back to 75 hard, I'm gonna share with you my daughter's system, which I've stolen, what she did is she created this amazing grid on the wall using Post-it notes.

And so for every single day of the 75 days, she wrote one through 75 and then created this giant square grid on the wall. And every single evening when she finishes the day, she pulls a post-it note off. And pulling that post-it note off, that is like, that's like a rip, that's like a yes, that's that that that gives you the dopamine. that is like a box check. If you are a to-do list, I love my boxes check. I love my things in or you will love checking boxes and keeping track. Another example of this tracking the miles you run on an app like Strava or maybe you

can just like make a grid on your computer and print it off or find one on Google and print it off online. Checking boxes either on something you've printed off or on a habit tracker, I personally prefer paper because I'm 54 and I, well, my husband's 53 today. So I had to like think about, okay, wait, how old am I? I robbed the cradle.

He's 17 months younger than me. It really works. Okay. So I sometimes forget to log on to apps. You got to understand yourself. You have to make these systems work for you. An app may be the best damn thing that's ever happened to you. For me, when it comes to tracking myself, it's got to be paper. I got to see it right in front of my face, which is why I use my bathroom mirror. I will also use the wall in front of my computer or the refrigerator places that I know that I'm going to bump into it. For you, you may be fine doing it on your phone, on a computer, but that system doesn't

work for me. That's the other thing. Kind of be flexible with this. Try things out. See what feels right for me. And so that's the other thing. Kind of be flexible with this. Try things out. See what feels right for you. But tracking your progress, this is not negotiable. Get it out of your head. Because there is foundational research here. See, you start to get addicted to keeping a streak. Think about Snapchat. Oh, we got a streak. I don't want to break the streak.

If you ever notice that you're out now, everybody's all addicted to be real. And the second that that notification goes off, people are like, we got to do our be real today. I didn't do my be real today. This is about streaks and not breaking the chain of progress. And so in apps and social media apps,

they've gamified this natural tendency in psychology. And so you can do the same. Create a system that's fun for trekking yourself. And remember what I said at the very beginning, Zoe, my cake eaters, my sugar cutter outers, my people who keep making promises that they don't know why they're doing it, get clear about your why. And remember, if you're doing a grid and you have a day off, first

of all, you will know that it's a day off. Shake it off and try to get back on track tomorrow. Okay? We don't really want to see two or three days off in a row, but if you're tracking your progress, this is the other magic of tracking it outside your mind, you see it. And you're empowered to get back on track the next day so you can check that box. Love it. And look, I think it's obvious, but also there's research that's proven. That the more often that you track your progress, the greater the likelihood that you're going to succeed.

And the chances of your success are even more likely if you report your progress publicly or you physically recorded. This comes from Dr. Benjamin Harkin of the University of Sheffield, published this in the Journal of Psychological Bulletin, Harkin and his colleagues. This is not like some one-off study. They conducted a meta-analysis of 138 studies. And you know what that means to us real people here? It means that he took 138 studies on goal setting. And when they combined it all and crunched the data, they found that monitoring

your progress toward a goal, no questions asked. Increase the likelihood that you would achieve the goal. There's like no arguing with me on this one, okay? We got two more systems to cover, but first I have to take a quick break We got to monitor our sponsors listen in let's hear what they have to say and then when we come back We're talking system number four and system number five. I'll see you in a minute All right, welcome back. So happy you're here. See, I'm monitoring your progress. You came back. Check.

So we've talked about the first three Audi systems. Make it visible, like right in front of your face. Get it out of your head, put it in front of your face. Number two, whatever you're not supposed to do, get it the fuck out of here. Okay, let's just remove all temptation. You and I are friends. We know we're kind of rebels.

We know we can't be trusted until we can be trusted. So let's just get it out of here. Number three, monitor your progress. Okay, we are serious about change around here, which means you gotta get it out of your head. Get it on paper, get it in an app and get public about it. Okay, super important about this. Let's talk about system number four. This is another way to get out of your head. Okay, create a plan. I'm going to say that again, create a plan. We are not talking kindergarten, habit, here, people. We are talking college level, PhD, habit, sticking systems.

We're not screwing around. If you want a freestyle in your mind, you are not going to be successful. This is not jazz, we're not like just going off the rails here. We are following the music score to the tee. You need to plan people. This comes from studies, okay? You know, I'm throwing the science at you because a lot of times you know when the stuff is common sense, you know, you need to plan, you know, yeah, well then why aren't you doing it? So let me tell you the research at UT Austin, they found you're gonna be more likely to succeed at behavior change

if you make specific plans to implement it. Now, I don't mean to insult your intelligence because I think this is obvious. But when you unpack an example of this, it becomes very obvious why you're failing if you fail to plan. So let's go back to 75 hard and my promise and commitment to complete two workouts every single day, one of which has to be outside. It is critical that I plan ahead. Critical. I am fucked if I don't plan because I travel for work.

And so I'm looking at flights right now for a 16-day business trip. And as I'm looking at flights, you know what I'm thinking? How the hell am I going to get an outside workout, an indoor workout in? And I got to still fly from San Diego back to Boston, or here's another way that I'm planning. Tomorrow in southern Vermont, we're going to have four inches of snow on the ground. And when am I going to work out? And what am I going to wear?

And do I need the grippy things on my feet because the driveway is like a looser on right now. And what time of day am I going to? Like, am I gonna get this done before four o'clock, which is when winter comes and the death eaters are here and it's dark as hell and based on my schedule, like I gotta plan this stuff because you know what? If I don't and I just start my day, here's what's going to happen.

I am literally going to go, oh, do it later. And then it'll be eight o'clock at night. I got to tell you a quick story about my husband, Chris, because this is when it occurred to me that I might be married to either a robot or to the world's most disciplined person on the planet. So Chris started 75 hard for the third time well over a month ago. And so it was December 21st, and we had woken up in New York because we go there every year during the holidays to see a show with the kids, just one of our traditions. And Chris did his first workout in the hotel gym in New York.

We then drove to Connecticut, we had lunch with his brother, and then we drove up to Boston, where we were going to stay with his oldest brother, and we were gonna go to a holiday party. Now, as we're driving to Boston, the weather gets supremely crappy, and we are driving in horizontal rain.

You can barely see it as foggy as hell. And I'm looking at the time and I'm thinking, we are going to arrive 30 minutes after this big party has started. This party with all of our old friends where we used to live in Boston, I was so excited to go to this party. And I'm thinking in my mind,

Chris hasn't gotten his outdoor workout yet. Could he maybe just stick his head out the window and like do some face exercises? Like, you know, do something. You're like, could I, like, what do we get it? Like, I want to go to the party. I'll tell you what, this is impressive. I thought you what? This is impressive. The man said, I have to get this done. I'm like, but you're, it is raining horizontal outside.

It is dark. You don't know the neighborhood we're going to. There are no streets. He's like, I don't care, I'm doing it. We decided to go to his oldest brother's house because he was getting this done. He said he would do this and bad planning fucked him, but he was not going to let bad planning break a promise that he had made

to himself. This is what integrity looks like. So we go not to the party, but we go to his brother's house and I sat inside because there was no way I was going to go to that party without him while I knew he was walking in the pouring horizontal rain. And he borrowed a pair of sweatpants from his brother, which were cotton, by the way. Not we're not talking performance gear here. And just this big old coat and the man left and walked for 45 minutes at 7.30 at night in the horizontal 40 degree rain. And then he came in,

tiled off, changed his clothes, and we drove to the party. In 26 years of being married to Christopher Robbins, I have never been more attracted to the man that I was in that moment. There is nothing sexier than a person who keeps their word no matter what. And the way that you make it easier to keep your word is by planning ahead. Planning ahead is about looking at the week ahead. And if you're going to eat healthy, figure out what you're cooking

for the week every night. And then go to the grocery store. And if you're not going to be eating dairy or gluten like I am, this is new for me. I don't normally cook without dairy or gluten. This is requiring a lot of planning so that I don't just open up the fridge and hope that somehow this has magically happened that I'm gonna be successful.

Making a plan is a piece that's super obvious but it's completely overlooked. that somehow this has magically happened that I'm going to be successful. Making a plan is a piece that's super obvious, but it's completely overlooked. You're thinking about what you need to do. Again, you're an any organizer rather than getting out of your head and creating a plan out in the real world on paper. And the most basic plan at all is look at your fucking schedule. Look at the weather. Look at what's in at your fucking schedule. Look at the weather. Look at what's in your fridge.

Look at what your commitments are. You know, I'll tell you another quick story. It has to do with exercise. Day four, 75 hard. Just like Chris, I didn't make a plan. I exercise first thing in the morning, but I didn't make a plan for the second one. So, APM rolls around.

And Chris is like, when are you doing your second workout? And of course, I'm looking at the man that walks in torrential rainstorms like without blinking an eye. And I'm like, oh, I already did my outside workout. I think I will stretch in front of the TV while we're watching Jack Ryan. How's that sound? He put his hands on his hips. My daughter was sitting there too. And he's like, get on the treadmill. Go on. Well, wait. When I tell you, in 28 years of being with a man,

I don't think I've ever wanted to kill him more than in that moment. But he was right. Failing to plan is planning to fail. So let's go back to Zoe. Hi, Zoe. Slice a cake. Four hours in.

Don't make yourself wrong. You know what went wrong there? Either you really don't want to give up sugar. Or you just failed to plan. So if you're planning on cutting out sugar, what's your plan when you go to a party or a restaurant and cake is being served? This is what's called if then planning, and it's researched by Heidi Halverson who wrote about this in the Columbia University researcher, and if then planning is a way to keep yourself on task by creating a

back-up plan if your current plan doesn't work. And here's what's really cool about if then planning is a way to keep yourself on task by creating a backup plan if your current plan doesn't work. And here's what's really cool about if then planning. If then planning boosts your ability to stick to goals from 39% success to 91% success. If it rains, then I'll do this. If I miss my flight, then I'll do that. If I'm going to a party and I've committed to dry January, then I'm just going to bring it on alcoholic beverage.

If a friend invites me over for dinner, then I'm going to email our Texan back and say, I'd love to, but I'm trying to cut out gluten, and I don't want to be a pain in the ass and have you have to fuss about me. So can I bring something that's gluten-free to supplement what you're already making? Because let's face it, if you don't plan ahead,

if you don't make an if-then plan, you feel embarrassed. And then you either push your food around your plate like some weirdo or you eat and you break the promise to yourself. So if I don't get exercise done tonight, then I'm not gonna binge watch TV tonight, I'm gonna get my exercise done instead. If you didn't give yourself enough time to get that side project done this morning, then you're going to finish it at 7.45 tonight after you put the kids to bed.

Bada bing, bada bong. Pretty cool, right? All right, now let's get to system number five. Do it in the morning. There you go. Do it in the morning. There you go. Do it in the morning. It's that simple. As much as you may want a bitch about being a morning person or getting up earlier, getting up earlier, getting the most important stuff done in the morning, this is the keys to the kingdom.

It really is true. Being an early riser is like a first domino that falls. And once that domino falls, you've gotten yourself out of bed, an hour, a half an hour earlier, all these other dominoes fall in your life. And I get it, it's hard to do. And one huge way that's gonna make a big difference,

and you hear me talk about this all the time, and it's because this is one of these domino habits, you do this, and it triggers a whole, like, of change. Get your phone out of your bedroom, period. It's a huge way to hack this. And you know what, and another way to get up early, get a puppy, because they'll wake you up. They need to be let out. And I've learned this one. You get

a puppy and you'll be a morning person. Another one, marry somebody, date somebody, sleep with somebody who gets out of bed early, live with somebody who has a great morning routine. And look, it's not just common sense, it's science. Number one, your willpower is the highest in the morning. Number two, your speed of processing, highest in the morning. Your ability to focus, highest in the morning for the first four hours of the day. And by the way, it's likely to be the time of day

that you have to yourself, the time that you can actually control before other people, little people, furry people, and all the commitments at work start taking up your attention and your time. And yeah, I get it. You've got toddlers. Well, that means if you're serious about this, you are going to have to get up a half an hour earlier before they get up, which means you're going to have to go to bed a half an

hour earlier. But aren't these new habits and a better lifestyle and feeling and control of your life? Isn't that worth it? That's your why. Because if you can get an extra hour every morning, you can get everything done. You can do all the little things that the future you put in place for you. You can read the post-it note on the mirror. You can drink the bottle of water that you set out.

You can write in your journal that you put in place on the table in the kitchen. You can pull on those exercise tights that you laid out. You can spend an hour getting things done. If this sounds great, but you're sitting and going, but, Mel, I'm not married to or dating or living with anybody. That's a morning person and I have not seen a morning routine Sense high school when I was forced to get out of bed because of my parents. Don't you worry? Your friend Mel Robbins is here to help you. I believe so much in the power of to help you. I believe so much in the power of mastering your mornings, of being able to get out of bed, that I want to help you do this. How about for five days in a row, you and I wake up together. How about I support you in getting up and not hitting the snooze button, getting up and feeling more energized,

getting up and getting the 30 minutes, the hour that you deserve to start chipping away at these changes that you want to make to put these systems in place. You do not have to do this alone. And so here's how I want to support you. I want to be there for you for the next five days because for the next five days, I want you to put this advice that you've just listened to into action. This is not a listening podcast. This is a doing podcast.

So let's do something together. Go to MelRobbins.com slash wake up. That's MelRobbins.com slash wake up. I have a five day free challenge where I will show up in your inbox as soon as you sign up for this. And for five days in a row, I am going to coach you, support you, could you and kick your ass out of that bed every single morning so that you can have the time and the energy that you deserve to make these changes happen in your life. That's what I want to do. This is free. You deserve this. You're going to love it. You're going to join tens of thousands of people who are going through it right now and I cannot wait to wake up with you starting tomorrow morning. Okay? Good.

And honestly, getting up earlier so that I could get organized, this has been the secret to my second attempt at 75 hard. And look, I get it. I'm only six days in. I'm working these systems that I just shared with you like a mother. Let me tell you. But getting up earlier, getting organized, getting a start on the day, this has been the secret because six days in last time was about when I quit stirred on the day, this has been the secret

because six days in last time was about when I quit. I'm like, this is too, I can't do, I can't fit this in, I'm want to bat, it did it, yeah, yeah. Six days in, this feels not easy, but it feels like, okay, I got this, I got my systems, I got my head down, I'm just gonna keep on plugging away at this. I'm getting the photo done, I'm getting the outside of the exercise done. I'm getting that done

in the morning. And look, it's not a cake walk, but it's getting done. And here's one more bonus that I want to give you. Okay. You want to supersize all this. Really want to get outside of yourself. You really want to be an out of your organizer when it comes to changing habits. Holy cow, could you please stop doing this in your head alone and get out there and get a friend and do this with whether you are texting somebody every day to check in or you're jumping on peloton and you're high five in people or you're in a Facebook group, I gotta tell you, the power of a community of people, whether it's your sisters or your high school friends, or it's your neighbors, or it's a group of strangers that are organizing themselves on a text chain,

it's incredible. So Chris is doing 75 hard for now the third time. It's not even like a challenge for him. This is just his core habits. And he is leading a huge group of people through this from around the world. And he has this amazing text chain going on WhatsApp from people around the world. So every single day when I wake up after I look in the mirror and I give myself a high five and I check the list and I start checking things off when I finally look at my phone and I see what's going on in this WhatsApp group.

It's freaking unbelievable. It is so motivating to see other people outside me, outside of my little tiny town here in Southern Vermont, outside of my own little brain, outside of my own little bullshit, seeing all these other people out there doing it. In fact, just two days ago, there was a woman in Iran on this WhatsApp

text chain with a video on her morning walk out in a park in Iran, like just talking about how motivating it is, especially with what's going on in her country with women's rights, to be focused on behavior changes that she can make to tap into the power in herself. So when I'm sitting here in the pouring rain in Vermont bitching about stupid things, it's sort of like, oh, for God's sake, smell, get over yourself, get your ass out there, stop churping about the stupid stuff that, you know, give me a break. Doing it with people in an online group, doing it with friends in a text group chat, doing it with family members.

That's what it's all about. The encouragement of people outside of you will tap into the crazy, awesome, intrinsic motivation inside of you for why you're doing this. I know you're welcome. It's so good, isn't it? Super simple, six simple systems to make you an Audi organizer. And with simple systems, you're gonna learn very quickly. Oh my God, I'm not the problem.

The issue was, I was in my head. And once I got out of my head and I got all the bullshit I'm not supposed to do out of my house and out of my vision and I put it right in front of my face and I got one or two or three or a hundred other people to do this with me. I feel fucking awesome. And I love that for you because you deserve to feel awesome. And so do I. So how about we make each other a promise?

Let's just keep chipping away at this day by day. Let's focus on some systems. If you have great ideas for systems, would you share them? Please tag the podcast online, share about what you're learning online. I would love to hear. I would love to learn from you in terms of my own arsenal of systems

because you're probably way more creative than I am. So you got everything you need. I want you to try these systems. I want you to let me know how they're going. Do not forget that I am going to be there to wake up with you five days in a row if you go to MelRobins.com slash wake up and get your butt into this challenge so I can challenge you to be your best. And one more thing, in case nobody else tells you,

I wanna tell you, I love you, I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to get out of your fucking head and to create these systems, to support the changes that you wanna make, because you fucking deserve that, that's right. You heard me say that, you fucking deserve that. All right, go do it. I love you. Oh, one more thing.

It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.