The Mel Robbins Podcast - Live a Healthier, Happier, and Longer Life: The Secrets to Feeling Young Forever

Episode Date: May 20, 2024

Today, an absolute powerhouse is here to give you the key to living a longer, happier, healthier, and more meaningful life. “I’m 86, but I look and feel 57,” says Mel’s mother-in-law, Judie Robbins. Judie is the most happy, alive, vibrant, and well-connected person Mel knows. She’s back on the podcast and is sharing her best life advice and all new secrets for longevity, vitality, and how to create a long and happy life that you actually enjoy. You’ll also learn the crucial life lessons that most people learn too late, but you won’t after what you hear today.After today’s episode, you’ll know one thing for sure:No matter your age, the best years of your life are ahead of you.For more resources, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked this episode, here’s one you should listen to next: 5 Small Habits That Will Change Your Life Forever.To hear Judie Robbins’ first appearance on The Mel Robbins Podcast, which focuses on her daily routines, listen here: This 85-Year-Old Badass Does More Than You & Me (Steal Her 7 Amazing Secrets)Connect with Mel: Watch the episodes on YouTubeFollow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast InstagramMel's TikTok Sign up for Mel’s newsletter Disclaimer

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so awesomely excited. That's not even a word. That's how excited I am that you are here with me today. We are going to have so much fun. It is always an honor to spend time with you. And I want to acknowledge you, first of all, for choosing to listen to something that is going to help you create a better life that is so great that you take time for yourself. If you are a new listener, if somebody forwarded this episode to you and was like, you got to listen to this, I want to personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. I am Mel Robbins, and I'm on a mission to empower and inspire you with tools and the

expert resources that you need and that you deserve that are going to help you create a more meaningful life. And have you noticed the word longevity is literally everywhere? I mean, it's like every time you turn around, people are talking about longevity, longevity, longevity. And if I stop and think about the word longevity, it's not just about living a long time,

it's about living a life where you are connected to people that you love, where you're healthy enough so that you can keep doing the things that you love. I mean, I personally do not want to slow down. I don't want to become one of these statistics where you are isolated and alone and you're disconnected from everybody. I don't want to be living a life where I can't pick up my own suitcase and put it in the car because I want to be going on trips. I don't wanna be living a life where I can't pick up my own suitcase and put it in the car because I wanna be going on trips. I know you do too. I know you want to live a long life

and to feel energized. You wanna laugh, you wanna be surrounded by friends and family all the way to the end, right? Of course you do. You wanna be connected to your loved ones. You wanna travel around the world and maybe even be more active than you've ever been because you're not working.

And so when you think about that vision for yourself and longevity, don't you want to learn the secrets from someone who's living their life that way? Well today, holy cow, I have a very special and unique person to introduce you to. And it took me a long time to get on her calendar because the woman is so busy, so let me tell you a little bit about her. From skydiving to getting a tattoo to traveling the world to rocking bikinis, dabbling in psychedelic guided therapy, walking a minimum of 10,000 steps a day. These are just some of the things in the day of a life

of the woman that you're about to meet. And I'm talking about my 86 year old mother-in-law, Judy Robbins. And one of the things that I find so inspiring about Judy is that she became a widow at the age of 67 when her husband of 40 years died of esophageal cancer. And I have watched her completely create a whole new life for herself over these last 19 years.

And she is without a doubt the most happy, alive, well-connected person that I know. And she's got a busier life than any 25, 35, 45, or 56-year-old woman like me that I know. And today, Judy is here sharing every single one of her secrets for longevity, and more importantly, how you can create a long and happy life that you actually enjoy. And after listening to today's episode,

you're not gonna be afraid of aging. You'll embrace the opportunity and you'll learn the crucial life lessons that people learn too late. Hey, it's your friend Mel. And today you and I are spending time with one of the smallest, bad-ass-est women I know. I know again, another word that doesn't really make sense, but you know what I mean.

I'm talking about the pint-sized powerhouse, my mother-in-law, Judy Robbins. Now she clocks in at 4 foot 11 and that's with heels. She is smart, she's entertaining, she's loving, she's fun, and she's almost 87 years old. But she's not even close to being done with life. In fact, Judy does more before 10 a.m. most mornings than I do. And today she's back on the podcast taking your questions. Because when she was here about a year ago, you almost broke the internet with the amount of questions that you sent in.

You wanted more from Judy. And so I got a stack of them right here. I have no idea what she is about to say, which is part of the fun. So pull up a chair because I invite you to join this deeply fun and profound conversation with me and my mother-in-law, Judy Robbins. And I have no doubt you are gonna love her as much as I do.

So please join me in welcoming back the one and only Judy Robbins. Yeah. I'm so glad you're back. It's good to be back, Mel. We have so many questions from listeners around the world from your last appearance on the Mel Robbins podcast. Oh, I mean, you have been a fan favorite. Does that surprise you?

It does. Yes, it does. I'm not surprised, and here's why. It's one thing to hear the research and the strategies and the recommendations from a medical doctor or somebody who researches it. It's another thing to hear the secrets of an 86, 86? 86-year-old woman. 87 in September. 87-year-old woman who is scaling mountains and jumping out of airplanes and wearing bikinis and exercising every day, having a glass of wine, laughing your way through life, and

you just have this remarkable attitude. And so you are an expert in longevity with lived experience, and you're demonstrating something that people want. And so we got so many questions as a follow-up to our conversation about your secret to life. And where I want to go is just dive into some specific things about your daily routine, exercising, the fact that you're so mobile and strong. And a lot of

people want to know, you're 86, soon to be 87. When did you start working out? How old were you? I started running, I think, when I was about 33, 34. Okay. Why did you start running at 33? Because my husband was running. Oh, you're trying to keep up with him? Yeah. Hardly since he's 6'2".

But he decided to start running for whatever reason. I think running was becoming kind of the thing to do. You probably don't remember way back, Jim Fix. No idea who that is. No. Well, he was like the first runner. And it just became kind of the thing to do, I Fix. No idea who that is. No. Well, he was like the first runner. And it just became kind of the thing to do, I guess. Gotcha. So that would be well over 50 years ago.

So we're talking the early 70s, if I'm doing my math right. Yeah. So in the early 70s, you were in your mid 30s, you started working out. And also people, and then were you just consistently working out all the time? Once you started running? Well, it's interesting because I have the same pattern today that I did back then in that Ken and I had these

books on tape which you could order them from this company and they came in a box, a whole book, and they were the cassettes. And we would put the cassette and I would listen to history and things that I wasn't going to read. But then when I started to get into books like novels and things like that, I wanted to get up every morning so I could listen to the next chapter. Oh, that's a good little hack. And so you said you still do the same thing over 50 years later. What does that mean?

I listen to a book every time I walk and I also read a book. So I always have two books going. A lot of listeners around the world want to know, now that you're 86, what's your exact routine when it comes to exercising your body? Oh, well, I walk every day, four miles anyhow. And how do you know it's four miles? Because I look at my Apple Watch. Gotcha.

And does it have to be four miles? No, it can be five, but it can't be less. I love that you said, no, it can be more, but it can't be less. No. Why can't it be less than four miles a day? I don't know. Then I get guilt, you know. Then I have to walk someplace else to make it up to be that.

Okay, so for sure you are out there walking four miles a day. And then I try and do yoga at least once, maybe twice, because I think it's really important if you're a walker or a runner to do something like yoga. And you mean once or twice a week? Yeah. Okay, so once or twice a week you're going to a workout class and then every single day you try to get four miles in. Yeah. Do you ever work out with friends?

No, not really. I mean, I'll walk with friends, yeah. Definitely. If somebody wants to take a walk, I'll walk. Okay. As long as they walk as far as I do. Okay. And do you find in your 80s that you have a lot of friends that will walk four miles

with you or not really? Well, I think one of the perks that I have is that I have a lot of younger friends. So I would say most of my friends are in their 70s. I love that you're saying my younger friends in their 70s. Well, I have you. And I have my grandchildren. But I mean my friends, you know, that I hang out with are probably in their 70s. I don't have any friends my age who are walking.

Got it. And the friends your age, were they not walking back in their 70s either? I don't think so. I mean I think that's the whole thing about exercise. There's so many people my age, men and women, men in particular, where I will encourage them to exercise. And you know if they haven't been doing it they're not going to start now. I mean like their attitude is why. Yeah. I'm fine without. so why would I start? Well, what would you say to somebody who is older and who has never made it part of their daily routine to get outside and even just get in a couple mile walk? What would you say to them when they're like, eh, why?

Because first of all, you aren't as tired. So I would say that would be the impetus more than anything else that gives you more energy. I mean no doubt about it we all want to take a snooze you know like at 3-34 o'clock in the afternoon if we can. But I think overall it creates energy rather than dissipates and I think that older people think that if I'm going to do that I'm going to be more tired. Do you know what I mean? But it's not.

It's the opposite. I think that's a great point because you're right. If you have never made it part of your routine to just get out, take a walk, a couple miles, you do think it takes a lot of energy and it's going to drain you. But you're right. It's the exact opposite. No, because your endorphins, you're building on your endorphins. When you come home from a walk, you don't want to put your feet up and take a nap.

That's true. You want to do something, you know? I love this wisdom because I've known you now for 30 years. And, you know, I've always thought about you as somebody who is the most energetic person in the world. And you have always gone out for four mile, not less, walk. Every day since I've ever met you, rain, shine, you'll put on a little snow suit with little spiky things on your shoes and go marching out into the Vermont winter. And I'd always heard people kind of refer to you almost like a little Energizer bunny. And I think a lot of times people have given, like they've given credit to the fact that you are a petite person.

But I think it's because you've prioritized making this get outside, get your body moving, and go for a walk every day for decades as a source of your energy. Well, I think also in fairness, when you start anything, it becomes a habit. I don't care whether it's having one or two glasses of wine at night or whether it's getting up in the morning and running. It becomes a habit. And you miss it if you don't do it. That's true.

And I love that there's a couple tips already, which is get an audio book, because it will help you want to get out the door and listen to it. Definitely. And only listen to it when you're walking, that way it's that motivator. You know, people do say, Judy, how do you stay motivated?

Do you even need motivation at this point? You mean motivation to exercise or motivation? Yeah, motivation to exercise. Yeah, I do. I mean, I think that probably I'll fall apart if I don't. So, it's sort of the negative consequence. I don't want to be tired and low energy, so I better get my rear end out there and march so I have energy for today.

A lot of listeners, Judy, are curious. What do you eat? Can you walk us through what do you have for breakfast, then what do you have for lunch, and then what do you have for dinner? And just to put it in perspective, if you didn't know, what are you, 4'11"? How tall are you?

4'11"? Okay, so she's a very petite person, and I want you to just put that in context. So what do you typically have for breakfast? Well, I hate to say this since you've already told everybody that you shouldn't have your cup of coffee for 90 minutes. Guess what? I do.

Okay. I get up in the morning and turn on my sauna and I get back in bed and I have a cup of coffee. Wonderful. I'm really not a breakfast eater. Okay. So I'm not really hungry. I mean, after I've had my vitamin C, then I will exercise.

When I come back, then I'll have a smoothie. Okay. And everybody's going to want to know, what is in Judy Robbins' smoothie? Okay. I put in ice, metrics, a whole package of metrics. So, meaning the protein brand of metrics. Yes. Is there a flavor you like?

Vanilla. Okay, vanilla metrics. I love that you're taking a bodybuilder protein mix and pouring it in as an 86, soon to be 87-year-old woman. I didn't know it was. Is that what it is, the bodybuilder? I think so. I've been taking metrics for years. Okay, so you have a protein smoothie. What do you put in there? Kale.

Kale. And if I can, sprouts. Okay. I love sprouts. And I can get them fresh when I'm in Florida, which is great. And then blueberries and strawberries. Yum. And coconut water. Okay. Then you blend that sucker up. All right, great. So then what do you have for lunch?

I graze. Okay. Wait, wait a minute. This is not that healthy. Okay. What do you mean you graze? I, you know, if I have some chicken salad, I take it out. So are you like a stand up in front of the fridge with a fork in it?

Yeah. Same. I'm a little like that too. I am not a sit down, have lunch. Okay. Yeah. Like John. Okay am not a sit down, have lunch. Okay. Yeah, like John. Okay, John would be her boyfriend everybody. Always breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Yes. I am not like that. And he puts a napkin on his lap. That is, John is a very proper, well-mannered, well-read, wonderful human being, but I can see that. Three squares no matter what. What's three squares mean? You've never heard that expression?

No. Three square meals. Oh, three square meals. Okay. What's three squares mean? You've never heard that expression? No. Three square meals. Oh, three square meals, okay. That's not me. Well, that's why you guys are such a great couple, because Judy's standing there in her jogging shorts and her hokas, shoveling chicken salad in her mouth, while John has a napkin on his lap,

and a collared shirt, and he's sitting there eating a sandwich off a piece of china plate, yes. Oh, I have one other thing to add. Tell me. With my smoothies, I I have one other thing to add. Tell me. With my smoothies, I always have at least four ginger snaps. Who? Ginger snaps. Like cookies?

Yeah. This is not a health episode, everybody. Nabisco ginger snaps. What? My brother is the same way. Every morning he has a metric smoothie and we are addicted to ginger snaps. I don't know where it started, obviously, in our youth. What, four?

Well, sometimes more, but... Oh, my God! Oh, my God, you're so funny. See, this is why you enjoy your life. Well, yeah. I mean, why not? That's true. That's true. Judy, I freaking love you. We got to take a short break.

But when we come back, we're going to keep talking about how to enjoy life, even if you haven't reached the age of 86. We're also going to talk about how you stay connected to your friends. Why exactly? Got a lot of questions about this one. You decided to try skydiving and bungee jumping at the age of 80. Now I can't wait for you to hear Judy tell you the story, but I also know you're thinking about somebody in your life

that you hope Judy's gonna inspire, maybe to get active or take that walk. So make sure you share this with them. And don't you dare go anywhere because that pint-sized powerhouse of motivation, Judy Robbins, is just getting wound up. And boy, when she gets going, there's no stopping her. Stay with us. Welcome back. It's your buddy Mel Robbins. And you and I are here today with my 86-year-old

mother-in-law, Judy Robbins, and we are talking about exercising and eating. And Judy, I have to say, you have always enjoyed yourself. And as you're listening to her, can't you really pick up on that? Like, she's giggling through this whole thing and laughing at herself and having fun. And I think it's a really important thing in life that we often overlook.

Because we get into these zones, I think, especially when you're, you know, your grandkids age and then I think about myself and I'm in my 50s and Sawyer's in her mid-20s and we're always like, on to the next exercise and doing the fast and doing this thing. And you've always just enjoyed yourself. I think that's a really important thing, like since I've known you, at least in terms of you're never on some weird-ass diet or like restricting yourself in any way. At least it doesn't seem like it.

Well, when I try, you know, I get these guilt things because you guys all do these restrictions. Christopher does, you know, 75 hard. And I said to Christopher, maybe I should stop drinking. And Christopher says, well, at 86, I wouldn't stop. I said, okay, guess what, I won't. I've already chilled the wine for tonight, Jude. What do you have for dinner? I usually have chicken or fish. I'm not much of a meat eater. How come? Gives you gas?

No. I just, more and more when I wasn't eating meat, I started to think about the animals, I guess. And if I go to your house for dinner and you serve meat, I will eat it. But I won't order it at a restaurant and I prefer not to cook it. Every now and then I will. What about dessert? What's your feelings on dessert? Well, I like cookies. So I'll have a cookie.

You've established that. A different kind of cookie maybe. But most of the time I don't eat much dessert. Gotcha. And you also don't eat a ton of food. So you know what I mean? But you eat healthy like you... In all fairness, when you get to be older, you're just not that hungry.

Oh, is that something that happens? Yes. Really? And I'm sure that the people that are listening to this have parents and they'll notice that they're just, they're not eating like they used to. And it isn't because they're worried about their weight or anything. It's just you don't have that. I mean, when John and I go out to dinner, we'll often split a main course rather than

each have one because we realize that we don't finish it. Yeah. So other than eating four ginger snaps with your smoothie, do you have other health secrets? So we've covered that walking every single day is an absolute must. So is a yoga class or Pilates class a couple times a week. What about water? How much water do you drink? Not enough. What? Judy is the anti-health expert.

You want to live a long life? Drink a lot? Don't drink a lot of water. Start with coffee, skip breakfast, go for a walk, have some ginger snaps with your snooze smoothie. You know, the one thing I do do, I do have kombucha, apple cider vinegar, and a fresh orange. Gotcha. So I think to myself, you know, that's liquid. It's also sort of like nature's dreino. So when you have, you know, what is commonly referred to

as farmer's switchel, which my grandmother also drank, Grandma Eileen also started every single day on the farm with warm water, lemon juice, apple cider vinegar, and a little bit of honey. And I, honest to God, man, she went out kicking and screaming, like close to 100 years old, tough as nails. Maybe the secret is in that apple cider vinegar. They say it cures everything, including toe fungus. Do you have toe fungus?

Like, should we be worried about this? No. Awesome. So what would you say to someone who's listening or who has forwarded this to their loved one who's getting a little older? So they're listening at the recommendation maybe of their daughter or their son or somebody who cares about them. They haven't been as active as you have. They feel inspired.

How would you recommend that they start if they don't know where or what to start with to get active again even though they're, you know, a little older? Well, I think it depends on if they're a social person. If they like to be with people, they can always find a gym class. And I would, you know, if they like to be with people and they've never done anything, find a gym class and go to it. Be with other people and see what they're doing, whether it's yoga or whether it's a yoga bar or something.

Yeah. And if you're more sedentary or happy with yourself, then just go out and take a walk. It's so true. You know, on a beautiful day. If it's yourself, then just go out and take a walk on a beautiful day. If it's raining, then don't. You know, you're one of the most social people I know, and you seem to have fun wherever you go. How do you keep such an active social life?

Well, it's important that you reach out, because you can't sit home and wait for people to call you. And I really learned that from you. After Ken died and I went to Florida and I had nothing on my calendar, you said to me, well, before you go to Florida, make sure you call somebody so you have something on your calendar. And that was such good advice, Mel. And so, I stay active. If somebody doesn't call me or I want to have a dinner party and nothing's going on, then I create a dinner party. And, you know, more and more as you read about longevity, it used to be the Mediterranean diet, exercise. But now, the more I read, social is becoming first.

Then comes the diet and the exercise. Because I think being lonely or being by yourself causes depression. And it also, you start to doubt yourself. When you're around people, you get built up. People tell you you look attractive or they want to be with you. And so you feel good about yourself. You know, it's interesting. You have always made an effort. How long have you been a widow? 18, 19 years.

19 years? This year. Ken's been gone 19 years? Is that right? 20, 206, that was six? Holy, that's incredible. I know. And I remember that you always made an effort and always kept up and always reached out and always were planning things. And that advice that I gave you about putting something in the calendar was just this thing that I've always felt, which is when I look at a blank calendar, I feel like a loser. I start to spiral, as you said.

I start to panic like I don't have anything to do. And then I start to feel like everybody's got plans but me. And so making an effort to have something in the calendar that you can look forward to even if it's two weeks from now. Exactly. Like helps you from that spiral. But you recently moved to a community where there's a lot of programming and it's more of a retirement community.

What has been the difference that you've seen in putting yourself in a community where the whole point of it is to be with people that are retired and that are older and to be in a community where there's stuff going on? Well, first of all, you know, as my grandchildren call me, it's a FOMO. Yes. You're a FOMO. Yeah, I am a FOMO. And when my friends started moving to this community. Yes. You're a FOMO. I am a FOMO. And when my friends started moving to this community,

I mean, after a dinner party with one of my friends and she said she was going, I woke up the next morning and I said, I'm coming. I think a lot of people look at those retirement communities and are like, oh, I don't want to me in one of those. And I watched my grandmother, when my grandfather died, move into one and all of a sudden it was like, like retirement camp. I couldn't believe how busy she was and happy she wasn't. So what have you noticed as somebody who was actually already crazy busy?

First of all, there's so much to choose from, to do physically. I mean, they have pickleball on grass. Now, is that brilliant? Why don't more people have pickleball on grass? But anyway, it's also a great feeling of security because I have a lot of friends that live around me and I've met people. When I moved in the second day, I had orchids that were delivered from, you know, across the

street, she walked across the street, hi, my name is Mary Hale and blah, blah, blah. If I didn't come out of my house for four or five hours, somebody would come and check on me. That's how it feels. Living here now in your house, on 25 acres, where I used to live, I mean, I could have been here for days. And where I used to live in Florida, even though I lived in a community, everybody did their own business, you know. I could have been flat out for a couple days and no one would have known the difference. It's very different when you're

in a community like I'm in now. I love you so much, Judy, and you're just dropping the wisdom. I knew you would. I'm so glad you're here. And I'm not even halfway through the stack of questions that people sent in, so we're gonna take a short break so we can hear a word from our sponsors,

but please stay with us. There is so much more that we're gonna cover, and I know you're gonna love it. So we'll be waiting for you after sponsors, but please stay with us. There is so much more that we're gonna cover, and I know you're gonna love it. So we'll be waiting for you after a short break. Stay with us. ["The Daily Show"] Welcome back, it's your friend Mel Robbins, and you and I are here today with Judy Robbins,

my 86-year-old mother-in-law. She's giving us so much amazing women, wisdom about living a long and healthy and energized life. So Judy, let's talk about friendship. What advice do you have for keeping friendship so strong? Reaching out to them. And I do think that the older you get, the more you realize the people you really want to be with. So you don't feel compelled if, you know, Mary invites you for dinner and,

Mary's okay, but she's not one of your favorites. I used to say, okay, sure, I'll come. Now I don't. How come? Because I don't want to feel that I have to have Mary back to my house. Oh. I mean, I have some wonderful friends and those are the people I want to spend the most time with. And I have a lot of friends.

So are you saying that the older that you get, if you can not fill your calendar with the obligatory things, but take that same time and be intentional about picking up the phone and calling people, whether it's family or it's people that you really, really love hanging out with. That's going to keep them strong. I mean, I used to have dinner parties all the time for eight, ten people. Now, six is like the perfect number. Why is six people over the perfect number? Because six really talk to each other all together.

You know, you don't have two people talking over here and two over here. So by the end of the evening, you really feel so satisfied because you've really been with these people. It's true. It's true. You know? So, you've had a lot of adventure in your life. And I think there's a lot of questions that people have about it.

Can you talk about what you did after your husband, Ken, died? Because I think this is advice that is relevant not only when you lose somebody that you love, but also if you go through a divorce or you have some major change that happens in your life that makes you start to wonder who you are or what your next chapter is going to be. So why don't you tell everybody what you did and how it changed your life after Ken died? Well, the first thing I did was I rented an apartment for three months in New York. Oh, my God. It was so lonely. Because you realize that when you're in New York City and everybody's going one place or another and you have no

place to go. So, I signed up for art classes at the Art Students League. So, I had a reason to go someplace and come home or go to the movies. And then I took myself on a bike trip to New Zealand. You know, one way that you've stayed active, Jude, is you plan these trips, like bike trips with guides and with friends, like through your 70s and 80s. You just have to make yourself be around other people. You can't stay home and feel sorry for yourself because nobody else is feeling sorry for you.

Can you tell us a little bit about why, especially after Ken died, you started spending your winters in Cambodia and volunteering there? Well, I went there on a bike trip. Yep, but this is where it gets interesting. You decide that the next year you're going to go back to Cambodia and you created an experience on your own where you reached out to an elementary school and you arranged to become a tutor to teach English to elementary school students. Yes. And I just said, you know, I'm going to come back and teach English. Even though

I wasn't a teacher, I knew how to talk. And the other thing that I learned and asked was how to make a fool out of yourself. If you can make a fool out of yourself, you can teach English even though you've never been a teacher. So then you reached out to this NGO, Cambodian Living Arts, to say you'd like to get involved. And you get on a plane and you fly to Cambodia and you're in your late 70s and you've never done anything like this before and you're gonna live there. What was it like to land in a foreign country knowing you were going to live there? Because everybody that knew you were like, you're crazy. What if something happens? What if you have a heart attack? You're going to

be halfway across the world. You're going to do this on your own. How's this going to work? I mean, were you ever scared? Like, did you land and go, what the hell am I doing? I don't think I was scared. I think I was excited. I love adventure. I love new things. And I mean, what else was I gonna do? Stay at home, hang around? I mean, do the same thing? It's just, this was something different and new.

And it wasn't real hardship. I mean, I was staying in a hotel. It's not like I was camping out in the streets. That's true. So. Yeah, but I just wanna say that it took some balls. It did. To do something like that. It did. It takes a lot to get on a plane

and fly halfway around the world and just go, I'm gonna go live in Cambodia for three months and I'm gonna create my own volunteer program. And I'm gonna just do that and not really know anybody. And I'm going to figure it out. And then next thing you know, you have a whole community there. Well, you know, it's so interesting that you asked this question because actually I put this down in a journal the other day. I think I had a very difficult childhood. And it gave me courage that I would not have had

if my childhood had been all roses. So I only went two years to college, and there wasn't any money to send me beyond that. And I even, when I was writing my journal, I questioned how I did it. I just moved into Chicago at age 19 and got a job at American Airlines answering phones. And then after I was there for a while, I went upstairs and interviewed to the number one advertising agency at the time and got a job as a receptionist. And then when I was there, I decided I'd go to secretarial school. And then after a year there, I decided to move to San Francisco. So you know, when I was in high school, they had only boy cheerleaders for 100 years.

I decided we should have girls. I somehow got the petition going and created, and we had girl cheerleaders. From then on, New Tray High School has had girl cheerleaders. So I've always been pushing myself into something that's a little scary. AMT – I love that. I think we all need a little of that. Call this – JJ – Push. Just a little push.

Yeah, a little J.J. go-getter. Yeah. What's your message to someone who's really lonely and lost, especially after they've suddenly lost somebody that they love? Well, they should, first of all, I should reach out to their closest friends if they can, if you can volunteer. I think volunteering is probably one of the more gratifying things that you can do. You won't be alone, and you are going to be with people that probably aren't as well off

as you. So you come away saying, hmm, you know, things aren't so bad. Look at who I just was with in hospice. She's not even going to be around in another year. So, I think volunteering, even if it's little kids or if it's hospice or anything that you can do to take yourself out of yourself. Incredible. You went skydiving for the first time at the age of 80.

How did that happen? I don't know. I can't remember. One of the boys, was it Christopher? So FOMO, you're basically saying one of your sons was going to skydive and you're like, I'm in! Oh, I know. It's because when I was in New Zealand on that bike trip, Heath had bungee jumped. And so I decided that if he's gonna bungee jump, I'm gonna bungee jump. You're insane.

Okay. So I don't know. Did you like bungee jumping? Oh, I loved it. You did? Oh, that was so great. What was so great about it? Well, it's kind of scary What was so great about it?

Well, it's kind of scary when you really decide to go, you know, and then they start counting and you take off. But I like things that kind of scare me. I don't like things that make me dizzy. Okay. But I kind of like scary things. You got your first tattoo at 85. Can you tell us the story and what did you get?

Yeah, that's a nice story. So my really, really close friend in Florida was dying last March. And so I went and saw her because I knew I wasn't going to see her again because I was leaving. And I said to Diane, I said, Diana, do you believe in life after death? She said, oh yeah. I said, really, what? What do you believe in? She said, oh, I'm going to be a star. And I thought, that is the most brilliant thing I've ever heard. I mean, I'm not particularly religious. We all wonder what's going to happen.

And I thought, it makes so much sense that we're all going to be stars. That's why there's billions of stars. And then, of course, I took it a step further. I thought, well, if I'm a star, I can go and visit my husband, I can see my parents, I can move around. Right. Shooting star. So I said to Sawyer, I said Sawyer, yeah, I said to Sawyer. Who's my daughter and your granddaughter. I said, you know, I'm not one into tattoos, but I think I'm going to get a little tattoo

with a star. And Sawyer said, well, then I'm going to get one. And then we were like, well, then we're going to get one. And then Sawyer said, then Kendall wanted one. And next thing, your whole family said, well, we're all going to get one. So, I got one and I have a little one on my, it's very small, I mean, you really have to look for it, but it's there. And it's basically a picture of a planet and it has three stars and it has one as my husband, Diane is at the top, and the last one is John, who I'm with now, who will be the last star.

Oh, that's beautiful. You did a psychedelic journey in a therapeutic setting with me and my husband, or your son Chris, my husband, and Sawyer and Kendall. At the age of 85, what did you learn from that MDMA guided journey? I learned, first of all, that my granddaughters loved me so much that that was pretty amazing. I think, I mean, they say it's a love drug, which I didn't even realize, but wow. I mean, I really felt it. It was probably the most, it's the word, reinforcing of who I was and that, you know, I'm not alone

and that I'm very much loved. What are some of your top life lessons that you've learned in 86 years? Well, I think I've learned a lot more as I got older because I've always been energetic, but I think I've always kind of wanted to be the center of attention. And now at my age, and I think I probably started this a couple years ago, I'm much more patient. I'm much more interested in listening to what somebody else has to say. Whereas before, I would barely let you finish whatever your subject was before I had something to tell you about me. So tell me what was the question again? Sure.

Some of the life lessons you've learned in your 86 years. I think listening is probably one of the most incredible things that if you can learn to listen to other people and listen to yourself, that you'll be content. And now that you're 86 years old, what have you stopped caring about? Well, I still care about what I look like. I mean, I don't go to the grocery store without makeup on. Really? No.

I mean, I don't put eyeliner on or anything like that, but I do put, I go for a walk and this stuff that I put on my face, you know, it has sunblock and it has color in it. Okay, what do you put on your face? Everyone's going to want to know. Oh, it's called CC. I have no idea CC. It's their letter CC You can get it at Ulta. Okay, and it has 50 in it Okay, and you just put it on it has color in it. You can get all different colors. Yeah, and Right away, you don't look like okay. You know what? Okay. So you haven't away you don't look like you know what. Okay. So you haven't stopped caring what you look like.

No, I haven't. I mean, that's a good thing because you take care of yourself. I do. But what else have you, what have you stopped caring about now that you're 86, that maybe you really cared about when you were younger? I really don't care what people think about me. And I think that for years and years and years and years it was very important what people thought about me. And I think that for years and years and years and years it was very important what people thought about me. And I probably went overboard to get people to have good thoughts about me or like me. When I was little I was an incredible liar. And I think I lied because I had these wonderful tales to tell.

And I think that if I told them, they would like me better. And now I've created who I am. And, you know, the package is done and wrapped up. Do you remember, like, a moment or some, because I know nobody wants to worry about what other people think about them, and yet it's a hard thing to teach yourself to really care more about what you think of yourself than what other people think of you. Is there any advice that you have about how somebody who is in that stage of people-pleasing or lying or feeling really insecure about who they are, how they could really learn how to care more about how they feel about themselves.

They could listen to some of your podcasts. Oh, Judy. I'm serious. It would help. I'm serious. Or some of your books. I mean, read some of these books about yourself or how to make yourself a better person. Yeah. That's true because when you start to prioritize your health and you start to give back to other people and you start to really spend time doing some of the things that you've always thought about doing, whether it's taking a painting class or taking up a journaling practice or seeing yourself getting out and walking every day,

you do become proud of yourself. And when you're so busy trying to impress other people, I think deep down, you're not really proud of yourself. And so that's one way that you can stop caring so much about other people is really do invest the time in bettering yourself and your health and learning more and giving back and you'll start to notice you're proud of yourself. For sure.

You know, what do you wish you knew when you were younger that you know now? Oh, I certainly wish that I had concentrated about learning in school. I never cared about learning. I just cared about having a good time. All through grammar school, high school, right through college. And now I think that's why I read so much, because I never did when I was young. And it's such wasted time that I, I mean I went to such a good high school

and all I did was have a good time. What is your biggest regret now that you're 86? That's probably it. Is not learning all the things that I, I mean I'm very street smart. Hmm, definitely. But I'm very street smart. Hmm, definitely. But I'm not book smart. I think that's a story you tell yourself. You are one of the most well-read people I know.

I know, but... Judy, you tell this story that you're not, that you're not, like, street smart, book smart, I think you're very smart. I wish you would change that story. I know. Well, I know other people have said that too, but I live in my own shell, so. I know what I know and what I don't know. Okay. Well, you're very humble in that regard, but you are one of the most well-read people I

know. You forward me more New York Times articles than the New York Times does to read, so yes, you are very well read. Could you speak directly to the person who's listening to you right now? And maybe they feel like the best days of their life are behind them. What would you say to them?

I would say that when you wake up in the morning, you say to yourself, I am so grateful that my eyes opened and that I can swallow and I can get out of bed, brush my teeth, and start a day. How lucky am I? I don't care whether you have to reach for a cane or a walker or anything, the fact that you have the privilege to still be alive, I am very, very grateful for that. And how about somebody who feels like they're really behind in life? You know, you've got three sons and they've been in various stages in their careers and

you've got all these grandkids. And so you've seen not only in your own life, but you've seen in the lives of family members and people that you care about that people can start to feel like, you know, I'm not as successful as I should be or I'm not my marriages or whatever it may be. I'm not where I should be. What's your advice when you see somebody who feels behind in life? I would start probably looking at books about how to better yourself emotionally.

You know, not necessarily you don't have to learn another language or anything like that. But there's so much out there that you can learn by just reading about little things that you can tweak about yourself. So there are going to be so many listeners around the world, Judy, that not only fall in love with you but are now like thinking about their grandparents or their parents, right? And I know they are going to forward this episode as a little nudge, like, come on now, you could have more energy.

I really want you to feel more connected. You know, I'm worried about you being so lonely. Maybe you should volunteer. They're gonna be kind of wanting to prod them along a little bit. What advice would you have for someone who wants to really inspire their loved ones to find more energy and meaning in their life, even into their 80s, 90s, and 100?

Well, I think if I, if they could encourage their parents or their grandparents, they could say something like, you know, why don't we take a walk together? Rather than, oh, you know, young people tend to want to tell their parents or their grandparents to do this, do that, do that. But how about saying, you know what, let's do this together. You know, if you don't live close by, get on a plane or drive there. You want to take a walk around the block, you want to take a walk. Don't always make it up to them to have to do it all by themselves.

I think that's amazing. So one of my best friends, Jodi, moved from Santa Barbara back home to Michigan. And she, part of the impetus was just kind of feeling like, I don't know how much time I'm gonna have with them. And going, I wanna be there and go on the walk with them. And I wanna, and I love that thing. Like, don't give them the advice. Sign up for the class with them. And she and her dad,

she was just explaining this the other night. She was like, I said, what are you doing this week? She said, well, I found a opportunity to judge a bass fishing competition. So I signed my dad and I up and we're gonna go. And I have no idea how to judge a bass fishing competition, but he's so excited. And I thought, what a beautiful thing

that you weren't just prodding him to do something, that you found something and that you are doing it with him. So many people write in and say they wish their life was more purposeful. How have you found a sense of purpose in your life now that you're 86? Just staying connected. You know, or, you know, I think that so many people think, you know, I should have a hobby. I think that's full of, you don't have to have a hobby. You just have to have a reason why you want to get up.

And that reason is that you're so lucky that you can. That, you know, you can do something. I mean, I just called my best friend from high school who I haven't spoken to in, oh my god I don't know when, just to see if she's alive because she's the same age as I am. Was she? Yes, but not in great mind I don't think. In terms of Alzheimer's or dementia?

I don't know. I think so. I mean, she usually would ask me about myself or my kids, and it was a little flat. Yeah. A little like, I just assumed, get off the phone. Gotcha. But I'm glad I called her, and then after that, last week I just called another friend, and I did connect with her. So that I could find out, you know, high school was, you know We graduated in 1955. Wow So you make an effort like you literally it sounds like there's two things

first of all you practice this profound sense of gratitude that you even woke up and The second thing is you make it a point to reach out to people every day. That that connection, whether it is reciprocated or not, is something that gives your life meaning. Yes, and I think what's really important is don't expect to have a feedback. Like we have this chain called the Robbins Gang, and I send out, you know, pictures. It's a multi-generational family group chat that everybody's on, that Judy created.

And so I'll send out, you know, a picture, which I just did last week. Literally two people will heart it. Yeah, maybe. Maybe no one. There's 18 of us on there. I get nothing. And so, you know, maybe I'll send it out again

and I still don't get anything. Well, I don't harbor. I don't think like, oh my God, they don't love me or they're not, they're busy. But at least I'm making them aware that I'm still around. I think that's a really important part because it is so easy to put something out, whether it's I always invite or I always call or I'm always the one putting something in the family group chat and nobody's reciprocating. It's very, very easy to start to get resentful and to then pull back.

You don't do that. Well, everybody's busy. I know that. It's my way of saying, don't forget about me. I'm still around. It is amazing. It's not so of saying, don't forget about me. I'm still around. It is amazing. It's not so easy to do. If the person listening, Jude, takes just one action based on everything that you spoke about today, what do you think the most important thing

to do is? Is it the ginger snaps with the smoothie? The most important. Because everybody's busy and they're going to listen and really laugh with you and forward this to somebody that they love to inspire them to start walking or connecting or feeling more grateful or realizing that the best days aren't behind you. Because the days are what you make of them. And the people that you care about are still there. And there are people that you know that are still there. And you can reach out. And so there's a lot that you've given people to think about, whether it's jumping out of airplanes or getting a tattoo or, you know, your just philosophy of staying active and

why even reading and walking every day gives more energy to your life. So there's a lot. And I love to have the person listening know what you think the singular most important thing is. Like, they're not going to remember everything. So what's the most important thing in your mind if they were only to follow one piece of your advice that would make the biggest difference? To reach out to your friends, to stay connected. Stay connected so you don't feel alone. That would be the most important. Because loneliness will just bring you down, and that brings sickness, taking meds that

you probably don't even need. One thing leads to another. If you stay connected, if you have a problem, pick up the phone and be honest with your friend. If you cry, cry. Say, you know, I'm lonely. Can I come over and see you? So you know, we don't have a lot of time in this world.

So I think you reach for the golden ring when you can still see it. Ooh, that's beautiful. What are your parting words? Stay in love. Stay in love. What does that mean? Just love your being. Love yourself.

Love your friends. Love your being. Love yourself. Love your friends. Love your life. You just never know when it's going to end. And believe me, when you get to be my age, you think a lot more about the fact that you have a lot of friends who aren't here anymore. I wonder you're the most popular expert we have on the Mel Robbins podcast. Thank you, Mel. No, thank you. I love you. You are such a gift to all of us. But to me in particular, I just love you so much. I love you.

And I love your podcast. Thank you. And for you being here with us, I also just want to say I love you too. And I believe in you. And I bet Judy does too. I do. And I believe in your ability to create a better life. Now you listen to this 86-year-old and go do it.

Get your rear end out for a walk and then call your friends. You can thank us later. I'll talk to you in a few days. I don't feel that same level of guilt when we're here at home only because we buy from a local farmer down the road. And so I feel... Still an animal. Okay. So you don't feel bad for the chickens, Judy?

No, I don't. And now you're like guilt tripping me on the cows? Wow. Okay. Is that dad telling us dinner's ready? He's downstairs. I hope it's downstairs. I hope it's good. I sort of made it up.

It smells delicious. Roasted chicken, celery, onions, wine, butter, honey, rosemary, I mean, what couldn't be good about that, right? What are your parting words? Stay in love. Stay in love? With the world, your friends. Oh, wow.

Judy, I'm like, wow, John. Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified

professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode. ["Stycher Theme Song"] Stitcher.