The Mel Robbins Podcast - You’ve Got Money All Wrong: A Step by Step Guide to Living a Rich Life

Episode Date: April 27, 2023

You can be rich.(Don’t roll your eyes at me; I’m serious.)This is not what you think.This episode today is so digestible. So counterintuitive. One of the most enlightening conversations I’ve had with anybody. If I had a nickel for every epiphany I had during this episode, I’d be rich.Most of us have been thinking about money all wrong.It turns out that the amount of money you have in the bank (or don’t have in the bank) is only a small part of your relationship with money.I didn’t realize this until I got to sit down with the incredible Ramit Sethi.He’s a NYT best-selling author and finance advisor with a brand new, top-ranked Netflix series called How to Be Rich, where he coaches real people about how to take control of their financial lives.He says you’ve been thinking about money all wrong. This is one of my favorite conversations ever.It changed the way I think about money.If you were told that you need to create a budget and stick to it, Ramit calls BS.Instead, you’ll learn about your money dials, the only four numbers that matter, the 85% Rule, why the 10 Year Bucket List is so important, the one thing you should NEVER say about yourself, and best of all, what it means to live a Rich Life.Today’s episode is going to change the way you SEE money, because when you see it differently, you’ll treat it differently.If you’re feeling crushed by debt, you’re trying to save for a new home, you can’t stop spending, or you’re constantly getting into arguments with your partner over money issues, you need to hear this episode today.You have to learn to feel confident around money, and Ramit has the practical tools and resources to teach you how.And if you’re looking for another zero-cost resource to help you change your mindset around finances, I’ve got just the thing.Sign up for my free training called Take Control with Mel Robbins.  You’ll be joining a quarter million other students who’ve signed up already and you’ll get 3 incredible video trainings plus a 21-page workbook that will help you get the clarity you’re looking for to change the direction of your life. All you have to do is sign up here. Xo Mel  In this episode, you’ll learn: 6:05: Just like me, Ramit has his own story of big-time money loss. 11:20: Assignment #1: Think back to your 20’s and ask yourself this question. 12:45: How do your childhood influences impact your beliefs around money?19:30: This is a truth bomb about money that you need to hear. 20:15: If you want to live a rich life, you need to do two things.22:30: My favorite thing to spend money on might seem ridiculous.24:45: Wondering what most people love to spend money on? 30:00: Why is it important to come up with a fun vision around money?33:30: How do you define your “rich life”?34:30: What is a rich life for someone living in debt?37:45: I think everyone listening needs to do this fun activity.40:30: Especially if life is hard right now, THIS is what you have to do..45:30: Here’s how you step your way closer to your rich life.47:00: How can you feel in control of something if you don’t understand the details?48:30: The four numbers everyone should know to stop feeling overwhelmed by money.56:00: NEVER say this about yourself because it will create your reality.59:00: We have a bad relationship with money in this country.50:00: Use this tool to figure out how long it will pay off your debt.1:06:30: The two areas most people spend too much money on.1:10:00: Ramit lays down the bottom line about changing your mindset around money. 1:13:00: Here’s your new money mantra to play on repeat.  Disclaimer 

Hey, it's your friend Mel. And today's episode of the Mel Robbins Podcast is rich with tools and strategies to help you make more money. Let's do this thing. Okay, I have been counting down the days for this particular episode because today I have somebody on the show that I have admired from afar for a very long time. I don't know if there are people that you follow online that you're just like, gosh, I would just love to meet this person in real life one day.

Well, today is that day for you and for me to meet one of the most inspiring experts and human beings out there when it comes to being rich. And not just rich with money, but rich with experiences and happiness and building a life that you just love. This is a guy that is a New York Times best-selling author. Millions of people come to him to help them change the way they think about money, to get out of debt,

to start businesses, to retire early, and most importantly, to imagine, design, and create a rich life. He has a brand new Netflix series, How to Get Rich, where he is coaching six people just like you and me on these exact things. Who am I talking about? I'm talking about none other than Remi Sati. He has a simple step-by-step process that he's going to walk us through at zero cost today

for how you can change the way you think about money, how you can design a completely different type of life, and the four simple things that you need to pay attention to in order to make it a reality. I've got sweaty palms. I'm so excited to talk to this guy. So let's just jump into it. Do we have them here? Rameet! Oh my gosh! I'm so excited that you're here, Rameet! Thank you for being here. Thanks for having me. It is so exciting to meet you. I have been a fan of your work for so long. I have stalked your website because it is amazing. I can't believe we haven't met until now. Why is it? I'm trying to figure it out myself, but regardless, I'm excited that we get a chance to do it today. Me too,

me too. And I'm really excited for everybody to hear what you're about to teach us because when I think about somebody who could fundamentally change the way that a person thinks about money and the way they use money to live and experience what you call a rich life, you're the one person on the planet that can do it. I mean, they're not just passing out Netflix shows to everybody. Well, thank you. I love talking about this. It's kind of weird. Usually, you don't think about someone actually loving talking about money.

It's actually, okay, listen, I've written a book about Roth IRAs and automation and all that stuff. Oh, my God, I'm already asleep. Do we not talk about that? Exactly. Hey, me too. And I'm the one who wrote the book on it. So what I'm much more excited to talk about now is how to actually apply that money so you can live your rich life.

And to me, this is that beautiful tapestry of life of I love eating out or I love travel and to be able to go deeper on that and to use money to do it. What could be more exciting? Oh my gosh. And you know what else I love travel and to be able to go deeper on that and to use money to do it? What could be more exciting? Oh my gosh, and you know what else I love about you? I love that you come at this after fucking things up with money. And so I would love to have you take us all the way back to 2004

where you are a student at Stanford. But when you get your first scholarship check, you do something fucking stupid with it. Well, I didn't think it was stupid at the time. I thought it was a genius. So here I am in high school. It's like late 99 2000. And I grew up the son of Indian immigrant parents.

And they came from India, built their life here, my dad worked, my mom stayed home with us. And when it came time for college, they told us, you know, of course you're going to college, but we don't have money. So you've got to find scholarships for it. They just told us point blank. And we may not have had a lot of money. For us eating out was a thing we did once every six to eight weeks, always with a coupon. We would never buy enough drinks for the whole family. We'd have two and we would share it. But they taught us how to work. And they taught us this idea that if you work hard enough, usually the money stuff will take care of itself. So culturally, we grew up knowing education is important. And personally I love systems. I love building a system and doing the work once so I don't have to do it again. That's why I don't

like budgets. I don't have a budget. I don't think anybody should have a budget for that matter. And we can talk about that. Because who wants to track the price of apples for the rest of your life? It sounds like hell. Does anybody other than a CPA or a controller for a company actually track a budget? Can we use traffic? No, and in fact, some of the very people who tell America to keep budgets don't even keep a budget themselves. Wow. So let's just get real.

Okay. So here I am. I applied for 65 scholarships and I built this system so I ended up doing it pretty rapidly. You know, by the end, it was taking me like an hour and application. I started to get scholarships and now many of the 65 did you land? I probably got 10 to 12. That's amazing. Maybe 15. Yeah, somewhere small, somewhere like $1,000. Some were extremely large, which ended up paying undergrad in grad school. Wow.

Yeah, so I was very fortunate. But again, you know, if I hadn't gotten all those scholarships, I still had Plan B, Plan C, Plan D. And I think we all should have a Plan B, because life doesn't always work out the way we think it's going to. That's true. Here I am. I get this scholarship check. And they wrote the check to me.

Mr. Ramit Saiti, high school kid in 1999 when all I was reading was these thick magazines about text docs. I go, cool. I'm going to invest this scholarship money because I'm a genius. Oh, 1999? Yeah. Yeah. Wasn't that the time.

Wasn't that the year that everything crashed? Well, it hadn't crashed when I invested. It crashed right after I invested. Oh, okay. So I learned some really valuable lessons. First of all, I lost half my money immediately. And that humbled me. And I think when these things happen,

it gives us a chance to choose which path we want to take. For me, I could have been like investing is a scam, and I'm never doing it again. A lot of us feel that way. Luckily, I will say I was so fortunate that my parents, especially my dad, really encouraged me, hey, try to figure out what happened. Look, learn.

And also in the grand scheme, losing that money, while a lot of money at the time ended up being a little bit of money in the grand scheme, losing that money while a lot of money at the time ended up being a little bit of money in the grand scheme. So here I was at Stanford now. I'm studying social psychology, human behavior, persuasion, and I'm reading all the books about personal finance, investing, compound interest, asset allocation. And I'm looking around and I'm going, the emperor has no clothes. All the advice that we get about money. Tell me if this sounds familiar to anybody listening.

Don't spend money on lattes. Don't buy new jeans. Don't go on vacation. In fact, hoard your money in a little cave. And then one day when you're 93 years old, maybe just maybe society will give you permission to go enjoy it. What kind of horrible life is that?

And here I am, you know, young guy in college, I want to go out with my friends. My dream at the time was to be able to buy around the drinks for my friends. Not worry about it. That was a rich life. With that coupon. Not a coupon, exactly.

And so just, I love that you said that because as I got a little older and I graduated, you know what my rich life was in my early 20s? No. It was literally to be able to go to a restaurant and order an appetizer without worrying about the price because when we were a kid we couldn't afford to do it. And what is that? 10 bucks?

Maybe 15 bucks? And it felt incredible. So in fact, let me ask you, when you think about your early formative 20s, what was a thing for you that you were just like, that feels almost irrationally amazing to be able to do? I guess to go on a vacation, somewhere warm,

that I could pay for with my friends. Like I saw not pay for them, meaning like you see all these kids go to spring break. And I worked during college, but I needed my parents to spot me the money, or I needed the invitation from another person's parents who were going to take their daughter somewhere and she got to bring a friend. And so for me, I think a, quote, rich life, which we're going to unpack for everybody so they understand what you're talking about, was like, wow, it would be pretty incredible if I could have my own money, not for textbooks, not for gas, but to actually buy a plane ticket and go to a hotel

and be on one of those spring break things that I see. I love that. Each one of us has something, and it usually is in a formative age for us that we vividly remember. I remember sitting in the back of a taxi in New York, and back then those taxi ticker things used to tick up every quarter mile, eighth mile.

And sometimes you're just going, oh my God, like how high is this gonna go before I get there? And of course, I don't think about that now, but back then, part of a rich life for me was to be able to not have to worry about taking a taxi, especially on a hot, August day, walking out of the subway, going to a meeting and dripping in sweat. Okay. So I kind of love this idea of where we all start

from. It's, it's usually something modest and ultra specific and we can smell it. We can remember exactly what the people around us look like and we're saying. And that really informs where we came from, which is, can also inform what our rich life is today and we're saying. And that really informs where we came from, which is can also inform what our rich life is today and possibly even tomorrow. I would love for you to talk to the person listening and guide them through the process of locating this core memory so that they have that with them as we move forward and you help us define this philosophy that you've created called a rich life. I love it.

Let's do it. Okay. We're going to start in your early 20s. Okay. And we're going to zigzag throughout our conversation today. We're going to go back to childhood and we're going to go to the future. We'll do it all because that's what money is about. It's about understanding the seasons of life and how money interacts.

Oh, I fucking love this. Okay. So in my, you know, in my 20s, again, that irrational joy came from being able to buy appetizers. And for everybody here, I want you to think about, you may have been in college. You may have been working at your first job. What was the thing where you said to yourself, I wish I could do that? Or am I ever going to be able to do that? And remember, it's not usually a big thing. It's not, I want to take around the world trip and stay in all these fancy places. It's

often an appetizer. It's being able to pay for your own vacation. It might, you know, a lot of people joke about getting the guac at Chipotle. It might actually be that. There's nothing shameful about a small, vivid aspiration that you had. How do you think everyone listening is going along with this journey so far, Mel? I think good. My producers like, okay, good.

We got, I think we're all right there. I have a question to ask you to go a little deeper in this. I would love to ask you about the way in which your formative years as a child and what you experienced as your parents' emotion or conversation around money, how that impacts your mindset around it. And I'm asking that because I feel like it must be somehow related to this core memory of, I just wish I could go and take myself in occasion. I wish I could buy the guacamole. I wish I didn't have to worry about the needle on the tank of gas getting to empty and not

being able to fill it up. And so for me personally, my father was the first person in his family to go to college and he had to pay for it. And my mother also went to college and had to pay for it, and she ended up dropping out to have me. And then my dad got into medical school, and my mom worked nights for the IRS, and we lived in public housing, while he was a medical student

and when he was a resident in Dayton, Ohio. I was in fourth grade when my parents were able to purchase their first home, and my dad did not pay off his medical school loans until late into his thirties. But here's the interesting thing about it. Even though we struggled, we never went out to eat when I was a kid.

Not until middle school anyway. And I never remember my parents being stressed out about money. What do you remember them saying about money? Nothing. I don't remember them talking about it. I just had this sense because there is this like ease about it. That if you need something, you figure out how to get it. That there wasn't a lot of griping or complaint.

I know they were trying to make the ends meet. They come from very blue collar, modest families, hard working. They were very hard working. And so I just kind of got this thing like, money's there when you work for it. And you don't need to worry about it. Not like I was spoiled or anything. That was not it at all. But they didn't pass on the stress to me.

Now Chris's family had plenty of money, but there was this huge dialogue. You don't deserve that. We don't have it. You're not gonna be spoiled. And so his butt is so clenched when it comes to money. Like the guys, like, how much does the guacamole cost? Am I dude?

Have you seen our checking account? You could afford it. Like he literally adopted this kind of gripping mentality. How does that impact the mindset that you have? Your early childhood years. So you just gave us a fantastic journey into your childhood. And if you don't mind, I'm gonna dive a little bit deep

and kind of shine a light on what you just told me. Okay. So a lot of this comes from my work on my podcast and of course on the Netflix show with individuals and couples. And many people believe that money is simply about numbers. And of course, the numbers are a very small part of how we experience money. So,

when you say your family never really talked about money, but there was a sort of ease about it. I'm listening. I'm going, okay. And then it clicks when you tell me they were blue collar and they taught us that if you work hard, money will come. Okay. That's a cohesive us that if you work hard, money will come. Okay, that's a cohesive belief, I totally agree. Sometimes I speak to couples where one person in the couple grew up, let's say white collar, maybe upper middle class, and the other grew up working class, blue collar. Their beliefs conflict and they can't figure out why, right?

They think it's about, oh, she spends too much at target or his truck is too expensive. But really, there's this belief, particularly with different class structures, which we never really talk about in America, which is if something's hard, let's just grind harder. And you can grind harder, there's no doubt about that. But there's a certain point where grinding a little harder

just doesn't work. You have to change the way you think about money. For example, did your parents talk about investing, IRAs, compound interest when you were growing up? Oh my God, no. Exactly. And so some of the folks who I speak to, they said we were talking about investing at age five

around the dinner table. Here's what happens if you put a quarter in the bank. Now imagine if a couple is meeting and one of them is talking about investing since age five and the other has never talked about investment. That's what we discover when we peel back the curtain and we see how beliefs affect us. So if you're listening, the question I would ask you is, what conversations do you remember your family having when you were young about money? What phrases? Here's

some examples that might sound familiar. We can't afford it. We don't talk about money in this family. We're not like those people. We don't need a fancy car vacation eating out. Any of these sound, you heard these, are your friends heard these? Mel? I'm noting because I'm like, this is exactly what people need to hear, at least I need to hear this. I mean, my jaw is already on the floor.

We have to hear a quick word from our sponsors, but I cannot wait to continue this conversation. And everybody, stay with us because when we come back, I want to ask for me, what are the consequences of growing up in a household where you constantly hear the words we can't afford this? Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins. I am so loving today's episode. I am here with Rameet Saiti. He's a New York Times best-selling author. His book is called I Will Teach You, How to Be Rich.

And his new Netflix show is How to Get Rich. Now he was just starting to dive deep into the topic of your money psychology and how to change it. And for me, you had just said that you hate it when parents say we can't afford that. You want them to stop saying that why. Exactly. Here's the consequence of that.

So you hear the most common one is we can't afford it. Parents just say this like it just comes out of their mouth. Parents, you got to stop because let me tell you what happens. They end up 40 years later talking to me and they heard we can't afford it. 10,000 times growing up just reflexively. Oh, I want shoes, we can't afford it. I want a trapper keeper, we can't afford it. And then this person, hopefully they end up in a pretty nice job. They set up some investments.

Maybe they've done well. They have some decent amount of money, they come to me to go, why do I still feel guilty ordering a salad when I eat out? And my partner is saying, we have the money, look at our checking account, why? Well, trace it all the way back to conversations you had starting at age six, we can't afford it,

and it really shows this key principle of money, which is the way you feel about money is highly uncorrelated to how much you've got in the bank. I'll say it again. I'll say that again. Yeah, the way you feel about money is highly uncorrelated to how much you've got in the bank. Most of us believe if I have $5,000 more,

or $50,000 more, $500,000, finally, I'll feel safe. And I'm here to deliver some unfortunate news, which is that's never gonna happen. Now, you can change the way you feel about money, you can, but a number in the bank is never gonna change your feelings about it it because it's uncorrelated. You've got to work. If you want to live a rich life, you got to do two things at the same time. One, you got to understand the numbers, the basic numbers of finance. You've got to know

your savings rate. You've got to understand the rule of 72. This stuff is actually not complicated. It's really fun. We can talk about them. I'll give you a couple of ratios. It's easy stuff. It's like a sixth grader could put it in. I'm already zoning out on that. We'll get to that. Well, first I want to hear the second part of it. The second one is you've got to simultaneously work on improving your money psychology. You've got to put a practice into place to start feeling good about money because so much of society tries to get us to feel bad. You do this.

You're gonna be doing very well. I love this because whether you're listening right now and you've got millions of dollars in the bank or you are nearly a million dollars in debt like my husband and I used to be over a decade ago. Starting with changing your psychology around money, changes absolutely everything. Bermude's going to teach us how to change our psychology. So where exactly do we start?

Yeah, let's imagine that it's the first day and you've decided to join the soccer team. Okay, people come with some people have fancy shoes, some people have no shoes. Some people are really physically fit, others haven't run at all in years. Yep. And for this metaphor, I'll be the coach. Okay. And what I'm gonna say is, we're all in this together, and we're all gonna start on the same page.

Okay. So, I like to start from a place of, we're gonna have fun with this. I'll tell you what we're not gonna do. I'm not gonna say, pull out this 46 part spreadsheet and let's go through all your spending. Nah, everyone's gonna leave. And I don't even wanna, no one, it's irrelevant.

Instead, I wanna do something and exercise together with you, me, and everybody listening about what I call your money dials. So I'm going to ask you, let's do this together and everybody listening, I want you to follow along. So Mel, if I asked you, what is something you love to spend money on? Not like, but truly love. Look at that smile. What would it be? Oh, I love buying dessert. I like now that I've started, you know, I've gotten out of debt. I make a lot of money. My favorite thing and I always joke that this is my version of a Lamborghini. Uh-huh. When I go out with a group of people,

I order every dessert on the menu. Okay. What does that get you? Tell me about that. Why? Um, it feels really decadent and fun. Yeah. And it allows me to sample things without committing.

Yeah. And it's a way to take care of everybody at the table, because everybody kinda secretly wished that somebody would order one of the desserts. And it's a way to relax kind of that grip. Like, oh, I'm only allowed one dessert, so I gotta pick the one. It's just like a playful way that's kind of ridiculous,

but every time I do it, everyone's like, oh my God, that's so fun. And so I just love doing that, and I'm also a massive gift giver. So I love spending my money on other people and orchestrating gifts and creating experiences for people. Okay. Those are my two big things.

I love it. I hear so many things that I'm so thankful I get to highlight some of the things I just heard. So it sounds like what I would call a money dial, the thing you love is either gifting or eating out desserts. Would that be fair? Okay. Pick one. Which is the one that gets you really excited? Gosh, I don't know. I kind of think it's desserts

because you spend like 10 minutes talking about desserts. Okay, desserts, desserts. Yeah, it's usually very obvious. Like people light up when they talk about third and third. Well, because I also feel like it is a gift. It is a gift for themselves. Okay. And it's ridiculous.

Why would you order all the desserts knowing everyone's gonna take one bite? Because we can. And because it's fun. It's very abundant. Yeah, it makes you feel like a kid almost. Okay, I love it. So here we have Mel in like a Willy Wonka chocolate factory

just like we get to get it all. And it's very abundant. So for everybody listening, the most common money dial or thing you love to spend money on is eating out. Number two, most common is travel. Number three is health and wellness. Number four is convenience, which happens to be my money dial. And there's a variety of others, you know, you can search online. Okay, so that's great. For everybody listening, you should identify the thing you love

and go into that detail. If you're doing it with a partner, notice how I asked her, why, tell me what, what does it mean to you? Get curious. And then the second question I have for you, Mel, is if you were able to quadruple your spend on your money dial,

what would that look like and feel like for you? I'd send those desserts to everybody in the restaurant. Whoa, tell me more. Just kind of spreading that exuberance and joy and this kind of psychologically, it's not financially extravagant. If you can afford to do it. Like, it's not like you went out and spent $200,000 on a car. But there's this level of surprise and exuberance and extravagance.

There's delight, there's surprise, there's the fact that it tastes good, that if I spread that through a whole restaurant, I think the positive vibes that would go out and the positive energy that would swell in that space would be freaking unbelievable. Amazing, okay. I'm gonna ask you to take that and extend it even more. Oh, okay.

Because I know you're very successful. So, you know, let's say you eat out once a month, you could do that, no problem. It wouldn't even affect your bottom line. Let's turn it up even more, not quadruple, let's 10X it. Think expansively, think beyond the confines of a restaurant. Well, the first thing that came to mind

was the Ben and Jerry's free cone day. Okay. That they celebrate the, it was this year their 40th anniversary by having a day where they give everybody a free ice cream cone if they show up. How would you do that? And they typically support a charity, right? Yeah. I think that's pretty cool.

So you would do that. Like a day of, let's say outside of school or something or some charity, you're just going to get an ice cream truck and rent it and do that. Like a day of, let's say, outside of school or something or some charity, you're just going to get an ice cream truck and rent it and do that. How does that come to you? Well, when you said school, I was like, how cool would it be if everybody got deserted school for free? Okay. You know, I love your answers. There is a cohesive thread that goes through them. It's generosity,

it's surprise, it's delight, and it just happens to be around food, but I'm willing to bet in your life there's a bunch of other things like that. Okay. So, for everybody listening, take this example we just heard and apply it to yourself. Let me give you some examples that will help.

So please, for most people, like I said, eating out is their number one money dial. And when I ask them to quadruple it, they almost always say the same, like, PG rated joke. They go, well, I'd probably have to watch what I eat because I'd be eating out four times a week. I go, and then I go, all right, listen, that's very linear thinking. The fact that you eat out once, so you're going to quadruple, you're just going to eat out four times. That's linear.

Like, okay, you could eat out four times a week, but are you gonna eat at the same place? And people pause, they start thinking, oh, wait a minute. Okay, so if it's like Chipotle or whatever it is that you eat at, wow, okay. And I remember this young man in DC, I was speaking there, and he said the same joke,

and I had the same unamused response, and I go, where would you eat? And he thought for a second, and he said the same joke and I had the same unamused response and I go, where would you eat? And he thought for a second and he goes, you know what, I have a list of every Michelin star restaurant in DC. Young guy, I go, wow, okay, cool. You like food. He goes, yeah, I love it. I go, who would you take with you?

And he got really quiet, the entire audience, pin drop science. And he goes, I would take my family. Why? Because they could never afford to eat at places like that. Now that is a money dial. That is a vision of what you love today, and it could be modest, right? Buying dessert for your friends, that's very generous.

Also pretty modest. But when you understand, hey, where could I go with this? Could I turn my dial up to X4X10X? What would it look like? It wouldn't just be more of the same. I might change the quality. I might change the frequency. If I love clothes as a young woman in Pasadena did,

I asked her, you're gonna still shop at the same place? H&M, she goes, no. And when we really explored and played, we came up with this idea that one day she could fly to Italy with her mom and they could get something custom made together in Italy. Now she can't do that today, she can't do it tomorrow. But now she has a vision of what excites her with money. That's how we get started. Why is it important to start with a vision that's exciting? Because money is such a drag for most of us. When you think of money, what are the first words that come to mind?

Dead. Yep. Restriction, overwhelming. Am I too late? Mistake? It sucks. So are we surprised that Americans have terrible financial behavior? Well, I'm not really surprised

when everything around us basically tells us, don't pay attention to this until it's too late. I mean, it's more exciting to talk about flossing than it is to talk about money. It sucks, but if we start talking about, oh my God, I love to eat. I'm unapologetic about spending extravagantly on the things I love, as long as I cut costs mercilessly

on the things I don't. Well, suddenly, it's a lot more fun to talk about. It really is, because I think there's so much shame that we carry about money, Because there's all these expectations that you have about how much you should have, how much you should have by now, what you should have done with it. If only I had vested back in the day in Apple,

like I missed these opportunities, I should have done this, I should have done that. And that sort of negative story that you keep reinforcing to yourself, that then has you go, I can't buy the guacamole, I better not get a latte, fuck, fuck, fuck. It keeps you stuck in that story. But when you allow somebody to play and dream again because money, it's not only psychology, it's sort of a vehicle to do those things.

Exactly. Yeah. I love what you said about the guacamole example, is that because we feel shame, because we feel like it's too late, our field of vision narrows, almost like if you've ever felt like you're about to faint, everything shrinks, and we shrink our own desires. So I'll often ask people, what is your rich life? And you know what they always say to me? They always go, I want to do what I want, when I want.

I go, oh God, okay, here we go. And then I go, wow, that's so interesting. I never heard that one, except for the eight million times I heard it. I go, so what do you want? And they are stumped because we never actually thought about what our rich life is. And so then I, you know, I'm gentle.

I want them to come to it, but I also want to have a little fun with them. I want to have fun with it too, Remy. So could you walk us through exactly how you answered that question? What is your rich life? Yeah. Okay, good. So let's hear a short word from our sponsors and Remy, you're going to walk us through that

when we come back. Hey, welcome back. I'm Mill Robbins and I am loving the conversation today with Rameet Saiti, right? He's helped millions of people create rich lives and his new Netflix series is called How to Get Rich. And he was just asking you and me to define for ourselves, what is your rich life? Remy, how do most people even answer that question? Yeah, they'll say something like, well, I guess like, you know, it would be cool

if I had a beach house one day, but it doesn't have to be a big beach house. It could be small, it could be a shack, it would be cool if I had a beach house one day, but it doesn't have to be a big beach house. It could be small, it could be a shack, it could be dilapidated. I don't even need anything. I go, what the hell? We're talking about your rich life and you already shrunk your desires in five seconds.

Ah, I don't allow that. I go dream bigger and then let's figure out if your finances support it, what investments you need to make, and hey, maybe you're not gonna get a nine bedroom place in the Hamptons, but maybe you could get a beautiful place, rent it for a week, or buy it in 10 years, etc, etc. So we minimize ourselves unnecessarily. And then that cuts off our inspiration. Yeah.

Nobody's inspired by a tiny vision. Nobody's inspired by the idea like, ooh, I could say 5% on coffee. Who cares? That's not exciting. It's so true. I want to ask you a question on behalf of anyone that's listening. That is up to their eyeballs in debt and is having trouble dreaming, and is trying to make ends meet, what is the concept of a rich life? Because we've covered the money dials, but I wanna just get a flat definition from you

of what a rich life is, and what are the steps you walk somebody through regardless of where they are, to creating one. A rich life is when you look at your life and you go, wow, this feels amazing. Now, you can have a rich life and still be in debt. You can have a rich life and not be exactly where you want to be ultimately,

but a rich life can be traveling two months a year. It can be buying a beautiful cashmere coat, a rich life can be picking up your kids from school every afternoon. The key is that your rich life is yours. It's not mine, it's not your friends, not your parents, it's yours. And in fact, the more you carefully define your rich life and really turn those dials up and down, the more bew carefully define your rich life and really turn those dials up and down, the more bewildering your rich life will be to other people. I'll give you an example from my own life.

My rich life is really weird to other people and that's exactly what it should be. I love spending extravagantly on travel. I'm a hotel guy, I love, I have a list of hotels in all parts of the world. I know the exact room I want to stay in. Like I love it. I'm obsessed, that's my thing.

I also love clothes. I love them. I spend a lot on it. And so those things are things I spend extravagantly on. On the other hand, my car is not that important to me. And to give you a point of comparison, I've spent more in one year on travel than I spent in 20 years on all of my car expenses added together.

Wow. So that's crazy. That's bewildered. It makes no sense to somebody listening. And that's exactly how it should be. If you love camping, maybe you turn that dial up, you find a way to have a smaller cost for your rent or mortgage, and instead you're going camping,

I don't know, X weeks per year. You've got some place you go that nobody else knows about, some equipment that's amazing. You take friends with you, amazing. Not my thing. I've got a reader of mine who told me he retired in his 30s with his wife. They travel around the country in an RV.

I go, that sounds like hell. To me. Yeah, me too. No way. But I love that it's their rich life. Yes. So are there particular questions other than the money dial that you would want us to ask ourselves or answer in order

to start to really define it because I agree with you. Most people when you ask them for real, what do you want? It's like, it's hard. It's a really big question. So, what we can do is we can zoom in and out to help people create some context around it. I'm going to give you a few exercises that are really helpful. Let's start big picture and then we'll zoom

really tight down to day to day. Okay. So this is a fun exercise. I did this one with my wife. We sat down and we said, let's create a 10 year bucket list. So in our, in the next 10 years, what do we wanna do that would make this an amazing

and rich 10 years, okay? So we took two separate piece of paper. We spent a few minutes We wrote it down and then we came back and compared it and this is a really cool opportunity to recalibrate the way you talk about money Because it's dreamy. It's fun. You don't have to commit to anything So you want to get curious. You know one of us is like oh, I want to learn Spanish and the other one goes Oh cool. You want to do that online or like would you want to go to Mexico City and do an immersion? The other one, you know, for one of my things was I want to write a book at a hotel. Makes perfect sense. I, well, I don't necessarily love writing, but if I'm going to write a book,

I'm going to write it in an amazing luxury hotel that I love. Okay, cool. Now, if you're single, or you're're newly divorced or you've just graduated from college, do you recommend that you grab a friend or a sibling or somebody or is this something? No, you can do it solo. You can do it solo. Okay. You totally do it solo So you come up with a list of things and it's things that are exciting That you would look back on and be like wow, that was a really cool 10 years. I remember that's memorable.

So the two of you have, if you're in a partnership, you've asked each other if you're solo, you're looking at them, and you're picking one that really jumps out at you. Don't overthink it. It's the one that you go, I want to do that above all others. In the next 10 years, I gotta go to Australia for a month.

In the next 10 years, I'm not saying that's mine, but I'm just saying. Yeah. Like what are some of the things you've seen from the millions of people that you've helped? Um, we want to take a family trip to Italy. Super common. Everybody wants to go to Italy. Like it's like, and I just, I love hearing it because I then get to help them dimensionalyze it. Like Italy alone is just a word. I wanna know what seat on the airplane are you flying? What season are you going? What are you wearing? Where are you eating?

I wanna know every detail to the point where we can almost smell it. Because then it becomes vivid and aspirational. Okay. So that's what we're doing in this first process. This is actually really fun. Oh my God. We get to go on a pizza tour, whatever. Then you pick that one and solo or together, you go,

all right, let's actually make it happen. When do I want to do this? In our case, we wanted, we decided we want to have an amazing 10 year wedding anniversary. We were inspired by some friends of ours who did it and we were like, what? People actually do that. And then we're like, well, who cares if people do it? We wanna do it. And so we said, that's it. We happen to know the exact date we wanna do it

and the location. If you wanna go to Italy or wherever, you gotta pick a specific month and year. It's got to now start getting specific. And then you got two more steps and then you're good to go. What Rumi is teaching you to do is to dream again and to attach very positive emotion with what a rich life would feel like. And I think so many of you are gonna have trouble even getting past this part and giving yourself

permission to do it because of the amount of mistakes that you made. And I'll just say, remeat when Chris's restaurant business was really struggling and we had leans on the house and couldn't pay for groceries at times. And I had lost my job. Dreaming seemed impossible,

but it was actually a lifeline because it made me feel like this was gonna be temporary that we would figure out a way through this. And so I just wanna underscore that if you're like got crushing student debt right now, if you've gone through a divorce and you're in financial ruin, this is actually exactly what you need to do. Because if you continue to stare at the debt,

you're going to feel disempowered, which means your actions will be disempowered. If we can give you a beacon out on the distance to get you feeling inspired against something to work toward, that we know based on the research, that's your big why when it comes to a goal. And so I love what you're doing here because it's the exact opposite of what a financial advisor would tell you, which is you'd sit down, you'd go through the numbers, you'd feel like an imbecile, You'd basically get somebody politely telling you, you're fucked, and you shouldn't buy coffee out, and you shouldn't enjoy yourself until you get your debt

under control and you pay this off. And that can come. But let's first get the conversation fun and exciting again, because when you're in that kind of mood, you're gonna be more motivated to do the tedious bullshit that any financial advisor can tell you, correct? Correct, 100%. And thank you for slowing us down and really providing

the context behind why we are doing it this way. I don't want us to shrink our world to a spreadsheet. That's not going to help you. That's not going to help anybody That's not gonna help anybody. Instead, what I wanna do is expand our vision, even if it feels impossible to dream. And to say, look, just in this moment on this piece of paper, let's dream for a second.

We may not be able to even see how we can get there today, but we've got time. And if we put the intention behind it, and we marshal our resources, I think we can do this. Yeah. That's beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. So you've got one powerful vision of what you want to accomplish in the next 10 years. I say powerful because it's not like eating at a restaurant. That's not powerful enough. I had a guy once tell me his rich life is coffee. And I just sat there and then I said, that's boring.

I just told him point blank and he was shocked. Oh, somebody's telling me my rich life is, but I was like, yeah, that's boring. You can't just say coffee. I go, okay, if you love coffee, then tell me you want to go to Guatemala and take a behind the scenes tour of a farm. Tell me you wanna go to the National Barista competition and bring somebody.

Tell me something beyond I want to order an extra Dunkin' Donuts coffee ship to my house. No, that's not acceptable. So sometimes I have to challenge people to think bigger. You got something big, it could be skydiving, it could be a trip, whatever. All right, you know the date, specifically the month and- So in the next 10 years, you gotta pick a date, the month and the year.

Yep, you gotta be specific. Then this is the hardest part, but it should take no more than five minutes. Okay. Approximate the cost. So if you're going to Italy, people, they start to freak out, because they, any time you start talking about it.

Yeah, it's like we revert back to seventh grade math and we're like, oh, gotta do the quadratic equation and get it perfect. Listen, you don't need any decimal points, okay? In fact, you could approximate on the back of a napkin. How much is a flight gonna cost approximately? You know, add 15% because you forgot about tax and all that stuff. What's a hotel gonna cost? I don't know, Google,% because you forgot about tax and all that stuff.

What's a hotel gonna cost? I don't know, Google, hotel, Italy, Rome, whatever. Okay, let's double the price because maybe we want to stay in a nice hotel. All right, fine. That's the level that we're talking about here. Okay. My wife and I had two completely different numbers. Mine was way bigger.

And my rule is, if you got two numbers, go with the bigger one. Got it? Go with the bigger one. And so now you've got a beautiful vision, you've got a month and year, you've got the approximate amount it's going to cost. The last step is to make it a reality. How do you do that? Let's say that it's 10 years away, it's going to cost $10,000.

I'm just making it up. That means you need to be saving $1,000 a year, or roughly, you know, $100 a month. Rough. Okay, we could do that. Suddenly you start to understand a little concept of like time and money and you set up an automatic savings from your checking account to your savings account

for $100 a month and you call it Dream Trip 2030. Boom. Every month that you are talking about money in what I call a Rich Life review, it's like a video game. You see, we're getting 3% closer and that is a joy. Okay, so can I just ask one more question about this? Of course. And I know I'm beating a dead horse, but having been somebody that was in a scary place financially just over a decade ago, I want you to explain what will happen to somebody with crushing student debt or who's having trouble just making the

ends meet right now. How will doing this exercise change their psychology about money starting today? Yes, thank you for asking this because if you are in large amounts of debt, whether student loan, credit card, even mortgage for some people. Some of this can sound really airy, fairy. And so what I wanna emphasize to people is that we often have this belief that we're overwhelmed with money. Okay, it's easy to feel that way. But when I ask people, show me your spending.

What percentage of your income is going to housing or investments? I would say 99% of people do not know. Okay, so how can we- I don't know. Yeah, and so- I literally don't know. Yeah, totally. It's very common. And so how can we feel in control of something if we don't understand the basic mechanics of it? Even when we drive a car, we got to know how to turn the ignition on, you know, reverse. So we go through life in this very transactional way of like, okay, this bill came in.

I'm going to pay it. This bill came in. That feels really bad. It's transactional. It's reactive. And what I'm encouraging you to do is to go from defense to offense with your money. That means once you set the intention of an Italy trip, if you're in crushing debt, you may go, Hey, Rumi, I actually cannot afford to put $100 a month away. I go, Okay, well, why don't we write that down? $100 a month towards Italy,

but you can't do that today. That's totally fine. Next, we're going to go through your four key numbers in the conscious spending plan. Let's make sure you understand your numbers, and you will be quite surprised that a lot of people discover they have more money than they actually realized once they go on offense with their personal finances. Oh wow. Okay. So what are the four things that we all need to go through?

Everybody needs these four numbers. This is what I use instead of a budget. I don't keep a budget. You think I'm going to sit around tracking the price of asparagus for the rest of my life. Hell no. Okay. I don't want to live that kind of life. I don't want to live that kind of life either.

Okay. Yeah. All right. So four numbers that you should know, these are all part of my conscious spending plan. The first is your fixed costs. So that would include your rent or mortgage, your utilities, car payment, gas, insurance,

anything that's fixed, even groceries every month, that goes there. And your fixed... And what about the minimum debt payment, or is that part of another category? Yeah, that counts there exactly. Thank you. Okay. And that number, you should try to get it between 50 to 60% of your take home pay. Okay. Let me run through these all and then I'll tell you what they mean. 50 to 60% of your take home pay for fixed costs. Next up, your savings. How much money are you saving every month?

This should be roughly 5 to 10% of your take home. And savings would be an emergency fund or money you don't need for at least one to five years. Things like a down payment for a house, et cetera. Next up would be investments. Roughly five to 10% of take home, although I like to see it higher because investing early in life pays dividends later. And then, final.

A little shame for Mel Robbins did not invest early in life. I'm just gonna let that one go and focus on my dream list. Okay, just wanna acknowledge that when you said that, because you know, not everybody's- You know, you don't say that, I'm like, fuck, I didn't do that. Well, I wish I started deadlifting when I was 13 years old, but I didn't even know what that was, you know?

So we all start from the place we start at. Okay, that's true. The last category is my favorite one of all. It's guilt-free spending, and this is 20 to 35% of take home pay. What? Yeah, that's right. Desserts, Mel, go get them. Beautiful cashmere coat, that's for me, go get them.

You wanna go, you wanna get roller skates, you wanna go to your gym, 20 to 35% of take home. Now, let me tell you why I love this and why I'm getting excited about four numbers. I've thought about this. Okay, so many of us shrink our lives and we agonize over some stupid $5 purchase. You really think coffee is gonna change your life.

It's irrelevant. It does not matter how much coffee you buy. So please stop thinking about that. The same people who agonize, oh, I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know anything. I go, what's your savings rate? They go, what's that? How much are you investing? Well, I go, oh, I'm so overwhelmed, I don't know anything. I go, what's your savings rate? They go, what's that? How much are you investing?

Well, I try, but I don't really know. Okay, how are you supposed to feel not overwhelmed if you don't know any key numbers? So know the four numbers, and you will suddenly feel totally in control. Some of you aren't gonna be able to hit these numbers. That's okay. At least we can work with it.

We got the puzzle pieces on the table. Now we can start assembling your rich life. Wow. I think I can do this. Yeah. So you just like carve out some time on the weekend and get your arms around these four things. Yeah, which should take 15 minutes. Do not overthink it. It's going to take me a while. Really? It takes 15 minutes. Yeah, here's what here's what people do. How do you do it? Because the biggest challenge is people don't have the right logins. So they're logins or spread all, they got their fidelity account or some old 401k or whatever. So I would recommend breaking it up into two days.

The first day is just get all your stuff assembled, right? Well, it's like cleaning the garage. And the second day, 15 minutes and done. Do not overthink it. We're going for approximate numbers. That's okay. I love you. I love you, love you, love you.

You have that. What is it the 85% that will get 85% of this right? You're good. Yeah, get on with your life. You don't need to sit there and optimize everything. It's a waste of time. I also love this because like it can feel so insurmountable when you've made major financial mistakes in your life.

That this gives you a place to start, that you can then start to get better from. And I just actually had a huge wake up moment. I realized that one of the great things about growing up with parents who were very like just I didn't ever see any concern about money. And I didn't see them talking about it. Actually, that's not true. I would see my mother sitting at her desk with one of those little calculators with the tapes. Okay. She's balancing her checkbook. Hey, that's a really important thing that you saw. You saw a woman taking control of money and obviously being capable and competent. That is a very valuable lesson to learn as a child.

That obviously has come through for you. That's amazing. Oh yeah, and she then went on to open her own retail store. And all the women like my grandmother is a farmer and ran the money and she had a calculator with the tape. Amazing. And my other grandmother, my grandparents had a bakery and she had the thing with the tape. But what's interesting is that I think the, oh, it's chill aspect has gotten two hands off for me. The fact that I can't answer those numbers like that

at this stage in my life. For me, it used to be because of fear and shame and how bad the numbers were. I used to be one of those people that the bills would arrive and I would just not open them. Yeah, common. Because it was confronting to see the debt and confronting to see how much I had spent because I was, you know, basically shopping to escape my life with money

that I didn't have. And then you'd open up the bills and be like, fuck. Yeah, I guess I spent that much. Yeah, I don't have that money. Yeah. And so it used to be that, but I think now that I've paid off all the debt maniacally saving, I don't look at it at all still. Okay, no. Let's talk about a couple things that are so interesting about what you just said. I love the honesty. All of us have something in our lives that we feel like we should be doing better. And we kind of push the envelopes away. And I deeply understand this because for me it was fitness. And I grew

up half joking, calling myself a skinny Indian guy. And I really wish I had not said that because it became part of my identity. And you you know, if any of us say something like, I'm bad with money, I would gently encourage you to not say that. Maybe reframe it and say, gosh, I haven't learned the skills of money yet, but I'm changing that now. This is so important. Yeah.

If you just heard Remete say, I'm bad with money. I want you to pay attention loud and clear because he's absolutely right. Or if you say, I don't understand, it's overwhelming. I'm not good with math. I'm not good with math. What are other things that your students say Remete that really crystallize a terrible psychology around money? My family's never been good with money. We're all bad. I'm never going to get out of this debt.

We always fight about money. And I'm just an overspender. Or my husband took care of the finances. Oh, classic. Oh, that drives me insane. Hold on, I'm getting mad, but I'm getting mad at multiple things right now. So let me take them each and turn. Okay, first off, what you said about not opening envelopes and then now as you've become much more financially successful, it's almost swung the other way is totally common.

In my experience, once people start earning around $150,000, they stop really paying attention to the numbers because they basically make enough to not have to really pay attention. And actually, I'm a little okay with that. I don't want people agonizing over the price of groceries if they're making $150,000, but what I do want and what I do for myself is I spend one hour per month on my finances.

That's it. Just one hour. I review the CSP, my wife and I talk about money. Hold on, the CSP was that conscious spending plan of the four things. Correct. The category I love the most. Guilt free fucking spending. There you go.

Wow, I love it. You added the F word. That's so good. I gotta add that. That's beautiful. It is exciting. Okay. So all those things, when you have money carved out for guilt-free spending, it is literally defined so that if you want to eat and get an extra cheesecake or you want to go to

the movies, like you don't have to feel guilty because you know my debt is being paid off, my rent or mortgage is being covered. I'm even saving money. I'm not trying to save money just like I don't try to brush my teeth. It is happening automatically. It's even better than brushing. If you're listening, I hope that's a sense of relief

that you don't have to feel bad about having debt. You do not have to track a gazillion numbers that you don't even care about. You do, and I would highly encourage you to focus on four key numbers that will totally transform your life. I love how easy you're making this. Thank you for that. It's absolutely my pleasure. I don't want to spend time doing that either. I don't want anyone else to waste their time on it.

So these four pillars of the conscious spending plan. And again, I come from the lived experience of crushing debt. Yeah. Where you feel that unless you can get to zero balance, you don't deserve guilt-free spending. Yeah. That somehow you're cheating on your goal to get out of debt, which is whatever financial advisor pounds into your head. Yeah. And you feel like that latte robs you of the opportunity to be out of debt. You feel like spending to go on a trip with your friends robs you of the ability to be out of debt. And what you're saying is, no, no, no, no, no, you can start right now by figuring out these four things and

allocating incoming to those things. Correct. We have a very unhealthy relationship with money in this country. On one hand, we have a puritanical strain that tells us do not buy anything and you're a bad person for having debt and you should live in a monastery until that debt is paid off. And then maybe you can go buy a packet gum. Okay, on the other hand, we're like,

okay, hold on, let me look at Instagram. Oh, my friends in Bora Bora on Tuesday. Ooh, I think I'm gonna go take a trip even though I don't even know how much I have in the bank. What a two paradoxical beliefs and usually usually it's the consumers one that wins, but we still feel guilty. We love to feel guilty in this country. Yes. When it comes to having debt, here's my belief. Number one, you need to know how much you owe. 90% of people I talk to who are in debt do not even know how much debt they owe that's number one

You've got to know your numbers number two You've got to know the exact month and year your debt will be paid off 95% of people in debt do not know their debt payoff plan easy way to do it literally go on Google type debt payoff calculator Plug your numbers in and you will see and don't worry if it seems depressing. Oh, it's gonna take 28 years. What I want you to do is just plug the number in and sit with it for a day. And later you will learn things like, wow, if I add an extra $50 a month,

it can shave off three years from my debt. But that comes later. I just want you to actually- And you know what else I also love that you're saying? Is I love that you're saying, it's okay to have it. Like most rich people actually finance a lot of things. Yeah. Go ahead.

You're the expert. I don't know why the hell I'm talking about money. Go ahead. Well, first of all, whether it's okay or not, a lot of people have debt. So let's just accept us for who we are. That's the fact of life. Now, I do want you to get smarter with debt.

So when I look at people, I always look at the snapshot of their finances and I talk about all these numbers on the podcast, by the way. We have folks who come on $800,000 of debt. They're not even, really? Are you serious? Well, that was me over a decade ago, yeah, when we went into that.

Wow. Okay. So no college savings, no 401k, credit cards maxed out, home equity line maxed out, plowed it all into my husband's restaurant business, did not go according to plan. I lost my job, lean sit the house, he hadn't been paid in six months, friends and family had invested, holy fucking hell. That was my life. Okay.

So this, so you really know what it's like. Yeah, it's not joke. It's like, you think about it every day of your life when you're in it. Yes. Nobody is broken with money. Nobody. There are ways for you to get informed about money,

so you know the basic language of money, which anybody can do, you do not have to be a math genius. I'm not. And second, to work on improving your money psychology. You know, I spoke to a couple on my podcast and they were in a lot of financial trouble and they think about it every day and they were so stressed out.

I said, okay, you're a new parent. She was a mom. I think her baby was about like six months old. I said, when you first had your baby, did you know how to hold her? She goes, no. Did you know how to feed her? No.

Did you just wing it? Did you just tried your best? No, I got help, the nurses, my mom. I read a bunch of books, and on and on and on. And that is so normal. There are things in life we don't know, that's okay. But we do have to say, hey, this is important to me. My rich life is important. I deserve to dream bigger than a box of pickles.

And therefore, I'm going to prioritize learning and also improving my psychology. I'm gonna read your book. I've never read a financial book. Oh, okay, I love it. You know, there's a audio version too. I just did it, I'm just admitting it. I love your honesty.

It's so good. I've read a financial book in my entire life. I have read plenty of blogs and listened to podcasts. I've never read a book. And the truth is I am intimidated by investing. And the irony of this is that this is the one area of my life where I have goals and I want to get more into investing and also investing in startups as an angel investor. And I don't know the first fucking thing about it. And there is this, I don't know, like self-doubt or whatever that's I realize and talking to you is keeping me from starting.

And yet one of the things that if I make that 10-year list that you're talking about of dreams, it is to have advised, invested in and nurtured a number of startup companies, particularly by underrepresented founders in spaces and categories that I deeply care about. What I just realized is doing that would help me fulfill in an amazing way that ripple effect of sending desserts to people. There you go. That is the money dial. The deserts are beautiful, but they are such a small example. You are so much bigger than a table full of deserts. That is it. Yeah. Yeah. That, like, I connected the dots between those two. You know, you've

given us so much to do, and so much to think about, is there something else that we haven't talked about? I would love for people to have an answer to this question. I spend extravagantly on blank and I cut costs mercilessly on blank. And that really is the capstone of a lot of what we've talked about. You spend extravagantly on tipping or on clothes or whatever it is to be able to write that down and be unapologetic about it. Oh, you're really standing in who you are.

And that's okay. Not everybody has to agree with it. And it also means you have to be honest about what you are willing to cut cost mercilessly on. You know, maybe I'm actually overspending on my house. Maybe I didn't know about the 28% rule, and maybe I didn't know about 28, 36, and all these different things that you can learn over time. But you have to be willing to also say,

if I wanna live my rich life, then what am I willing to say, this is not part of my rich life? What are some of the things that you typically see with the people that you work with? That they, well, why can't we pronounce that word? They mercilessly cut. I'll tell you what they overspend on. Tell me. It's always the same. The number one area that people overspend on is housing costs. A good guideline is that your housing cost should roughly be 28% of your gross income. Now, I will tell you that that's really hard number, especially because housing has gotten

so expensive. Yeah. Especially if you live in New York, LA, et cetera. So if people come and they go, hey, mine's like 31%. I go, okay, we can approximate. It's like adding a little more salt to your dish. Fine. But sometimes they look at it and it's 42%.

Now I'm gonna tell you what that means. Because, again, most of us do not have the full picture of our finances. We simply pay the bill that comes in. And they're wondering, why do we keep fighting about target? Why doesn't my husband or my wife want to go out to dinner once a year? I'm so annoyed. I go, well, I could tell you right now, I has nothing to do with target, nothing to do with dinner out. It's that your housing cost is 42% of gross. And because you're spending all your money up there, there's nothing left trickling

down the waterfall. You can't save, you can't invest, you can't go out. And when they realize that, then suddenly, they have the knowledge and they can go, okay, do we actually love this house? Do we need to live here? Fine then, what are we gonna cut back on? Or do we actually need to live here?

Could we downsize, could we move? Do we have options? Could we rent out ADU in the back if we've got it, et cetera, et cetera? That's number one, number two, overspending his cars. I get this all the time, and I always get mad at them and then everyone gets mad at me because in America, we love trucks.

So I have nothing against trucks, but what I really have a problem with is somebody making $75,000 who buys an $80,000 truck because their buddy, Chet, at the dealer told him $75,000 who buys an $80,000 truck because their buddy Chet at the dealer told him, oh, you can afford the monthly payment. And then they forget to factor in what I call TCO total cost of ownership, that $80,000 truck

actually cost you 120 grand. Once you factor in insurance, tax, gas, and on and on and on. They can't afford it. So I asked one guy, he comes on the show, you know, they're struggling with money. They're like, oh, we tried everything. We buy generic. We buy generic macaroni and cheese.

I go, I don't care about macaroni. Tell me about your car. They go, we have this big, nice truck. I go, oh, okay, that's so interesting. By the way, why do you have a truck? And he looks at me like I'm crazy. He goes, to pull the trailer. I go, what?

You can't afford any of this. So, anyway, those are the two areas people overspend on. It's house and car. And if you can just avoid that, if you can just get your numbers in line and fit your fixed costs, the rest of your life will be so much easier. Wow. You have a truck mail? My husband drives a pickup truck, yeah. What kind? I think it's a Chevy.

Well, I don't really mind because I know you can afford it, but let's assume you and your husband made like one tenth of what you made now and you had that Chevy. What do you think about that? I would be, it costs $125,000. That's a lot of money. Well, it's just another thing. Everybody.

I'm gas. But I also live in Vermont, and I would not be able to get up my driveway that's a quarter mile long during mud season if we can have a pickup truck. We literally have to shuttle people up and down this driveway. I drive a nine year old car that just shit the bed. Okay. I drove it in to get repaired and was told it needs to be towed out somewhere to be sold. So I am currently without a car. Okay. This is very timely, but I'm not a big car person. Well, good. I like that you know that. See now, what I want to hear is that and it could be car. I don't need a fancy house. I don't need fancy clothes. Fine. But I also want to hear is that, and it could be car. I don't need a fancy house, I don't need fancy clothes.

Fine, but I also want to know what you are into. And once people start to define those two things, that really helps create the dimensions of their rich life. I really want to make sure people leave with a paradigm shift. Yeah. If you think about the people that came on the Netflix show or any of the millions

of students that come to your website every month, what is the current mindset that most people have? The mindset that most of us have is what I would equate to being at work and getting one email after another and simply being an order taker. Okay, this person emailed me, oh, I gotta get back to that person, and that is life. And that is most people's lives forever when it comes to money. I got this bill, we gotta get diapers, uh oh, the car broke down, oh, how are we gonna respond to it?

Yeah. Just one problem after another. Cars break down, sometimes we go into debt, that's life. Instead, I want to give you a whole new way of looking at them, which is to say, agonizing over, you know, some tiny thing at the grocery store is actually never going to change your life. And you could spend the rest of your life worrying about it. And in my paradigm, that's a tragedy. What a tragedy to live a smaller life than you have to. What a tragedy to defer the rich life until some mythical day, which you don't even know when it's going to happen, instead, we're going to define it right now. What is our rich life?

What are my money dials? What do I wanna spend extravagantly on and therefore cut costs mercilessly on? And am I comfortable saying to myself and perhaps other people? I'm gonna live my rich life today and an even richer life tomorrow. That's the vision I want to leave everybody with.

I freaking love that. Oh my God, you're amazing. Thank you. I love doing. I love seeing people's lives change when they see money in a different way. Fantastic, because when you see it in a different way, you act differently with it. And that's why this matters. Yeah. I never was saying think about a rich life and all of this will be a million dollars. No,

it's not affirmations. No, no, no, no, you got to be competent. You got to know your numbers. But when most people think about money, they see stress and overwhelm and debt. And when I look at numbers, I see a trip to Disneyland with your kids. I see an amazing food tour in India. I see the ability to never have to look at the price when you're at a restaurant. And that is what you can get when you understand how to use money.

For those people that have a mindset, I'm terrible with money, I'm bad with money, I'm never gonna get out of debt. Please tell them what they should start saying to themselves all day long about money instead. The new phrase that I want you to use is, I haven't always been great with money, but now I'm learning. It's so simple, such a simple reframe. Nobody's expecting you to become multi-millionaire overnight.

We don't even need that. But day by day, you put a little bit of time and attention into reframing your identity. I haven't always been good, but I'm starting to learn about money now. That can be listening to this episode, listening to my podcast, watching the Netflix show, having some conversations with a partner, maybe saying,

you know what? I realized that when we talk about money, we're always stressed out. And I don't want that for us. I actually want us to feel good about money. And I realize I've got some work to do, but I'd love to do it together with you. Would you be willing to do that together? That's how you reframe it. Solo and with a partner. I love that. I used to be stressed about my money, but now I'm learning how to enjoy it. So good.

I love that you add that positive emotion. Deep down, most of us don't need the fancy villa, but we do wanna feel good day-to-day with our money. We wanna know that if our kids ask us for something for school, we can get it. We want to know that if a friend comes into town and they say, Hey, would you like to meet for lunch? Yeah, we can go, we don't even have to think about the numbers. That's a rich life.

To not have to always be tight and restrictive, but to be fluid and accepting. And I love the way you put that enjoy money. That is so good. Well, and here's the other thing that I love if I had to put this all full circle. Is that one of the things that we talk about all the time in this podcast, and you talk about it too, is the fact that we're all obsessed with getting to someplace place. I gotta get that beach house. I gotta get out of debt because we presume that we're gonna feel a certain way

when we achieve it. And what you're offering is a very clear, simple step-by-step roadmap that helps you change how you feel about money and how you think about money. So that, as you're creating this rich life and as you're taking responsibility, you feel more freedom. Yeah, you feel it starts today. It starts today. Yeah, that is what we really want to create a rich life today and a richer life tomorrow. Amazing. Thank you so much. Congratulations on all your success and all the people whose lives you've made richer and more enjoyable.

I really appreciate you taking the time today to hang with us. And I hope this is the beginning. Day one, Rameet, of our rich new friendship. I hope exactly the same thing. Thank you for having me. This was a blast. Awesome. All right, we'll talk soon.

Thanks. Awesome. All right. We'll talk soon. Thanks. Wow. I cannot wait to hear your feedback on this episode. And I also want to remind you that there is another zero-cost resource for you to help you take control. If you go to MelRobins.com slash take control, I have a three- part free training with a workbook and now that you're inspired to create a rich life,

I know that Mel Robbins.com slash take control is gonna help with that too. In case nobody else tells you today, I wanted to tell you that I love you. I believe in you. And I believe in your ability to forget the balance sheet for just a minute. And create that bucket list.

Remete gave you and I this huge gift. He's taken everything that we've learned in other areas of our lives, and he's applied it in a financial roadmap. And I love that getting out of debt and enjoying your financial life begins with dreaming and with aligning it with what really makes you come alive. And there is no doubt in my mind when you and I both tap into that, the sky is the fricking limit baby. Alrighty, I love you.

I'll talk to you in a few days. Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional. Stitcher.