The Nateland Podcast - 252: #252 The Army featuring Greg Warren

Episode Date: May 14, 2025

This week, Aaron visits a trampoline park, Brian gets harrassed at a kids' party, and Dusty receives an honor from a former employer. Plus, the guys are joined by their old friend Greg Warren to talk about the U.S. Army. Greg shares stories of his time at West Point, Dusty talks about his short time as an army recruit, and Brian gives the history of the KISS Army. This episode is sponsored by Better Help- BetterHelp.com/Nate We’re all better with help. Visit BetterHelp.com/NATE to get 10% off your first month. #ad Cremo: Target.com You can find Cremo’s new line of antiperspirants and deodorants at Target or Target.com Chubbies: chubbiesshorts.com/nate Your new wardrobe awaits! Get 20% off @chubbies with the code nate at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/[nate #chubbiespod #ad Chime: Chime.com/Nate Make progress towards a better financial future with Chime. Open your account in 2 minutes at chime.com/Nate. That’s chime.com/Nate. Chime. Feels like progress 

Hello folks and hey bear good to see everyone. So pumped to be here. You had asked me to get some photos and then I'm getting them. So I'm sorry. As always I'm Brian Bates, sometimes Dusty Slay and occasionally Aaron Weber. And sitting in for Nate, the wonderful Greg Warren. All right. Hey guys.

Here he is. Good to see you. Good to see you. Good to see you. It's nice to be back. Yeah. Last time I saw you, I was on the consumers. Um, you did a was on the consumers.

You did a great job, man. I'm kind of what you call in the podcast, a fixer. I come into underperforming podcasts and I boost the ratings. Adrian asked me to come do the consumers. This was Adrian's thing? Yeah. You're going to do that for us anytime soon or just other podcasts? Well, I'm going to get you guys, so it's tough. But anyway, I had a great time with you. Yeah, you did a, see you did a fantastic job.

The, the people, the, the Coterie members loved you. It was a, that's what we call our listeners, the Coterie. The diaper brand? No, that's, um, that's part of the reason why people don't like it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I think Coterie diapers. Yeah. Coterie means like a, I don't know, our guy, um, that's part of the reason why people don't like it. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I think coterie diapers.

Yeah. Coterie means like a, I don't know, our guy, Sean has like a word of the week and one of the times it was coated. It's like an assembly. It's like a group of people. Oh, okay. I like it. Doing some.

It's a small, often exclusive group of people who share a common interest or purpose. Yeah. Yeah. With our fans, it's very exclusive and small, but it's, uh, it's tough to get in. It's tough to become a fan. It's not. It's really not. If they let you watch the podcast.

Sorry, guys. I sent those to you. I text them to you. I could not airdrop them. Okay. Oh, hey, Dusty. Brian asked me about photos. He goes, you got those photos? And then I started getting them and he goes, hey, Bear, hello, folks.

And I wasn't ready. Well, I asked you for them last night. I know. So I thought maybe 12 hours would suffice. But I got them though. Thank you. Thank you. Well, it was good.

It was fun because you do the research on the consumers. Yeah. I just got to sit back and do what these guys do is nothing and just crack jokes. So it was fun. You spent an inordinate amount of time insulting me on my own podcast. I remember. Well, that was fun as well.

Yeah. You seemed to enjoy it quite a bit. Yeah. Well, you're a good sport. You can take it. I'm so excited to hear quick some announcements. Nate, he's all over the place. He's out there promoting big dumb eyes. The book is out. It's funny the way he said that he's out there promoting big dumb eyes. Well, that's what it is.

Yeah. His eyes are big and they're dumb and everyone seems to be loving the book. Yeah. Great feedback. Um, so he's out there doing that. Uh, his tour kicked off in Duluth, Minnesota. Aria broke the attendance record. Uh, we'll talk about that a

little bit more. And he just had a third show in Denver in September. I think he's going to make it. I think he's going to. He's doing pretty well. Things are heading in the right direction. And now he's on set for his first feature film with Columbia TriStar, The Bread Winner. How about that? Opposite Mandy Moore, from what I understand. Very opposite, yes, I would say. About as opposite as you can get. So, he is, yeah, he's on location filming. It's crazy.

We've been hearing about it for a while and they're shooting it now, so it's a new chapter. Yeah. Also some Nate Land merch has dropped, now available at natebargetzi.com. Just click shop at the top, check out the site for, for new items there. And if you're coming to a show, come find us at the merch table. You won't find Chase anymore, but, uh, there'll be somebody there. Just click shop at the top.

You almost have to put shop at the, if you put it at the bottom. It's no rhyme. Yeah. You're really missing out. Yeah. You gotta put it at the bottom. It's no rhyme. Yeah. You're really missing out. Yeah. You gotta put it at the top. I think, I think the rhyme came first and then they were like, we should sell some stuff.

Yeah. Somebody was saying shop at the top and they were like, we've got to get some shirts made. Yeah. I got to need land news. I'm not quite selling as well in New York city. I have a show this weekend on Saturday, May 17th, New York City, the town hall. I need people to go. Okay. And other Nate Lenny is get that in. That's awesome.

May 17th, go see Dusty. Yeah. Uh, before my birthday. When is it? May 17th. I'm going to miss it. Yeah, I'm going to miss it. I was, I'm going to New York tonight, but. I'm gonna miss it. Yeah. I'm gonna miss it. I'm going to New York tonight, but I'm gonna miss it. Sorry. June 22nd, 23rd, and 24th, we're back for season three of Nate Land Presents The Showcase. Tickets are on sale now.

If you want to be part of this taping right here in Nashville, those are so much fun. You did a pop-in guest set the last taping. That was a ball. Yeah, that was a great night. You were on that show, Dale Jones, remember that? That was a great show. It was a fun night.

Yeah. What show? Nate Land Presents. Oh yeah, yeah, that was a good one. Yeah, I think you hosted that one. Yeah. Yep. Probably so.

Check out the Consumers every Tuesday. Don't make me come back there every Thursday. Nate Land has a handful of great specials from Aaron Weber. I think you're over 450,000 now. Big time. We're cooking. Killing it, man. We're cooking.

Yeah. It's a great special too. I watched it. It is a great special. Thank you, man. Nick Thune has a great special. Steve Rogers has a great special out. But the biggest news of the day, Greg Warren's brand new hour special,

The Champ, premieres this Friday, May 16th on the Nate Land YouTube channel. That's awesome. Yeah, thanks man. Hour special like a real special. Not just some... He's trying to pit us against each other. I'm not gonna be part of that. Well, I don't know what you're talking about. Is this where the fishing bed is? Yeah. The fishing bed's so good. Thanks buddy. It is. Such a good bet. Yeah, it's, I think we put a trailer out and it's got the highlights of the fishing bit. I want to turn it into like a five minute bit. Okay, love that. Yeah, thanks, man. It is great.

Pretty excited about it. It's great. Well, welcome. Yeah, thanks, buddy. Is there any other dates you wanted to mention? Well, I have so many, but no, May 17th is really, I mean, the 16th I'm in Portland, Maine, but yeah, I've never done my own show in New York City. That's fantastic.

And I don't know that I appeal to a New York City so much. No, you do, you do. I mean, if they come, they're gonna love the show, but I don't think people in New York look at me and go, oh, that's a guy we'd like to go see, but it's a great show. Yeah, go see that show, man. I mean, it's, from what I understand,

it's the hardest place to sell tickets to. Yeah, there's a lot of options. It's not like they're in New York going, what can I do? No, they got a lot of stuff going on. Oh, I forgot to mention this. They just added another show at Madison Square Garden. All right, guys, go ahead.

What were we saying? That seems like he's taking a shot at you. Yeah, he loves doing that. I got some of that on my own podcast. He loves doing that. I flew him in, I went and picked him up from the airport, took him to barbecue, and he sat down and spent, oh, right around 90 minutes just with the Greg Warren roast. Yeah, Brian takes shots at us, the whole podcast, and then the comments go, everybody's so mean to Brian. Yeah. Yeah. He did take me to barbecue and Sunny Gray was pitching that day for the Cardinals.

Yep. Grew by Cardinal Stadium. I was like, oh man. And then we sit down at the restaurant. I'm like, there's Sunny Gray. He's been on our podcast. First pitch, Grand Slam. The Bates Jinks got to Sunday gray through the television. And then he died. Yeah. Well, that took a turn, but the Cardinals won that day. Yeah, they did. They did. They did. I, um, I had it rough after that. I don't know if

I told you it, cause you got to ride home from, uh, Sean and, uh, I was in a hurry and I went and picked up about $200 worth of barbecue for my family. We're gonna have a family. I was like, I'm gonna get everybody together. And it was raining pretty bad and I drove through, it was like kind of flooding, you know? So I drove through it and didn't realize I just smashed into the curb, smashed into the curb.

And you know how they tell you when you get a flat tire, you're not supposed to drive on it? Yeah. They say that. You're not, you're not. Like I went on the freeway with it and yeah, it was terrible. I don't know that they give that advice in St. Louis though. Yeah.

Keep going. Yeah. I mean, it's not like that. And then figure it out. I know you think it's like that cause that show we did with Nate, we stayed in the bad neighborhood, but it's, it's fine. But it was, it was, uh, yeah, I tore it to shreds. I tore it to shreds.

Yeah. It was, and I bent the wheel, had to get it, had to get in the wheel. And then, um, yeah, I was in the, I had, I had to get a towed. So the tow truck's there, I was on, I think I was on with Adrian or somebody about the special. It was like one of those things where it's like critical phone call and I'm on the phone and the tow truck driver shows up after like two hours.

My barbecue's going bad. And I'm like, hey, here you go, man. Here's my AAA card or whatever. And he's like, and he hooks the car up. I'm on the phone and he comes back and he goes, Hey man, like you can't ride back here. Like, like you have to be up in the cab with the tow truck. Like you're not allowed to like be in your car. Like, yeah. He was like, you can't, the dream come true. Yeah. You can't do that. So yeah, two things I learned. You can't ride in the

back and you really shouldn't drive on a flat tire. I thought it was like a old wives tale, you know, like you can't go swimming until an hour after you eat or something like that, but no, you really can't. Like you can't, you should not drive on a flat tire. I've done that. And then I try to go to the tire place and go, can you plug this?

And the guy goes, no, you drove on this. You've really ruined this. It's ripped to shreds. All right. That makes me feel a little bit, cause you remember there was really bad weather coming through and you said, man, I just hope you make it. If you, if you don't, you know, just call me, text me, we'll come get you. And there was, my flight was delayed.

We had to go around flooding, all this stuff. And I texted you finally made it. And it was just dead silence. Cause you had your own issues going on. I had that going on. And then that was the night I found out I had black mold in my house. Yes. Yeah.

So Brian did the podcast and then your life fell apart. Yes, man. Yeah. Everything went wrong. Yeah. Yeah. I had black mold. At least the Cardinals won.

Yeah. And then you left two days later for Europe. I did. I went to. I had black mold. At least the Cardinals won. Yeah. Yeah. And then you left two days later for Europe. I did. I went to, uh, it was pretty awesome. Went to, uh, Europe with Nate. He bought my lunch. Yeah. And then I said, Hey, let me return the favor when he come to Nashville. So I text him and say, Hey, can I take your lunch? He's like, ah, I'm too busy, man. I got stuff to do. I did. And then I show up like, how'd it go? He's like, ah, all that stuff got canceled. It didn't. I didn't say all that stuff got canceled. I didn't. I didn't say all that stuff got canceled. I didn't say all that stuff. He can't afford another lunch with you. From a, from a finance standpoint and a time standpoint.

Yeah. I mean, I went to lunch with him in Orlando seven hours later, you know, after I take him across town. And just the health of your soul, you need to worry about. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All fair points.

Uh, you want to get into our Yeah. Yeah. All fair points. You want to get into our weekend? Let's get into it, man. You may go first. Yes, sir. All right. Oh, Tuesday, I had a show in McMinnville, Tennessee, home of Dusty Slay. All right.

It was a fundraiser for FC Boyd Christian School. Had a great time. Folks came out. They gave me a big gift basket. There was a dish towel, said McMinnville on it. I regifted it to Dusty and went and checked out all his go-to stomping grounds in McMinnville. I mentioned Tammy's on the show. No one seemed like they'd ever been there. That's shocking to me. Tammy's is the second best restaurant in McMinnville. Oh, I should have mentioned the best. What's the best?

Begonia's. Begonia's, okay. Well, I mentioned Tammy's and they all looked at me like, what? No, but anyway. That's tough. What do you think you have a great local reference and it just gets nothing?

Yeah. Maybe I'm hanging out with a different crew of people in McMinnville than you are. Well, you know, things change too, man. Some of these places get under new management. Yeah. Yeah. Go the wrong direction. You should have stayed at the cabin. Should have. I'm sure my wife would have been great with that. Honey, I know I'm an hour and a half away, but I'm crashing here tonight. Yeah.

That was Tuesday. Then Thursday, I was in my hometown of Lebanon, Tennessee, doing another fundraiser for New Leash on Life Animal Rescue. And a guy at the show said, Hey, were you in the consumers podcast? Yeah. I was like, yeah, he's like, I'm a big fan of Greg Warren. I followed his career. This is amazing. And I was like, well, I'm also on the Nate land podcast. He's like, I know, but I, I'm a fan of of Greg Warren. I followed his career. Well, this is amazing. And I was like, well, I'm also on the Nate land podcast. He's like, I know, but I, I'm a fan of Greg. Wow. So this is, he tried to get Greg for that gig.

Probably. Well, he wasn't booked in it, but I'm sure, I'm sure they did. He called me up as this feels more like a baits gig. This is a, they told me, they said, uh, Jeff Allen was out of our price range. So we reached out to you. If they'd like to let me know, I'm never their first choice. Yeah, man, they really don't have a lot of tact when it comes to. Uh, and then Friday I was in, uh, Madisonville, Kentucky, doing, uh, show

another fundraiser for Otter Lake conservatory. Tell you what you're doing more good. Hey, I love helping out these charities as long as they pay me well. Yeah. I'll go anywhere. We're not talking Jeff Allen money. Yeah.

Yeah. Just so you know. I got a Satanist convention next week. You can get it. Like he's gettable. If the money's right. You would do it. But that was great as well.

They sent us all gift bags. Um, a fan gave me this hat. This is the Madisonville miners. They are a miners with an E. Uh, that's what you're looking for. I'm glad you clarified that. Yeah. If you're listening,

the Nashville predators versus the Madisonville Miners. Now it's Miners with an E. Hold on a second. That's genius. The Predators against the Miners. That's outstanding, Bates. Thank you. Thank you. They are a summer, a college baseball summer league. Oh, nice. So all the NCAA rules, except they play with wooden bats. That's good. Oh, wow. Yeah. So, anyway, had a great time in Madisonville and just a lot of base hits. Yeah.

What? No, no power in that game. Yeah. I guess there's get them ready for the next level. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Fundamental a lot of fundamental baseball. Yeah. And then Saturday, I attended a birthday party for Daisy Slay. And it was going well. And then I don't know what I, I mean, basically I got attacked by a group of street thugs, is all I know to say. And it was demoralizing.

That's my son. That's my son and daughter. Well, that's Daisy and Sam. That's my daughter, Eleanor. And then that's my niece over there. And, um, it wasn't fun. They, uh, they came out, there's them chasing. There's Dusty.

They're not doing anything to help. I'm like, get his wallet, get his wallet. They chased me for some time around the yard, didn't they, Dusty? They did. Yeah, they did. And they ganged up on me. You see that, those garden beds though? Look at how good that garden bed is.

Yeah, it does look nice. Is that a QT hat you got on there? Yeah. Will get you that? No, me and Will collabed on a, on a video on my Instagram and QT sent me a bunch of merch and. Really? Yeah. And they're, so I got a hat for Will too. collabed on a video on my Instagram and QT sent me a bunch of merch. And yeah, and they're, uh, so I got a hat for Will too. You guys get, I mean, Aaron does one joke about Tums in his act.

Like it's a good joke. Okay. I saw it's actually an embarrassing percentage of my special is about Tums. If you do, I did it. I mean, it's 13% of the 30 minutes. It's still, it's, it's, it's a joke. I mean, it's a good joke. And he gets Toms and they send him also. I spent a lifetime talking about Jif where I worked, where, where I worked, the guy that runs that company, okay,

Smockers, it took them two years to send me anything. He's one of my best friends. They said they'd nothing, nothing and you and you're getting QT merch just for doing a joke one day. Stupid video with Will. I mean, come on. Brazzi finally came through, but not even it was more. It was driven by the uncrustables. Yeah, Brazzi. Yeah, that dude. Yeah. Do you got a Walgreens stuff on this next specialist coming out? I got a lot of Walgreens up in there. I got to send me anything. You don't think so? No, dude. It's not. It's derogatory.

But I think they know what they are and they lean into it. Oh, you know what? I got a Cracker Barrel commercial off my Cracker Barrel jail. You got a national TV show. A national TV show. I have a Cracker Barrel. I got, I, you think I shouldn't be doing a Jif commercial? Are you kidding me? Jif is missing an opportunity. I did a Jif commercial. It was called The Salesman.

It was an hour. Yeah. I did it. They're like, we don't even need to send this guy anything. I haven't seen that Cracker Barrel commercial, but I was going to congratulate you. That's huge, man. I've been hearing all about it.

It's 15 seconds. It goes quick, but it's cool. They put my name on there. I'm not playing just a character there. Yeah. You're you. You're a spokesman at this point. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm trying to be the flow of Cracker Barrel. Well, last week- Be careful, man. You could be that. And I don't know if she, you know, I want your career to be a little more broad than that. I don't know.

I mean, I'll take it. You know what I mean? Does he have six fingers? What are you sipping on on this career to be a little more broad than that. I don't know. I mean, I'll take it. You know what I mean? Do you have six fingers? What are you sipping on on this? That's a Coke. That's a Coke. It was a small one though, an eight ounce Coke. Oh yeah. Dangerous road you're driving down, Dusty.

I will be honest with you. I sip a Coke once in a while. It's good. I don't drink a lot of them, but a canned Coke really can't be. Not a diet Coke, a straight up straight. Oh, if you're going to have it go full strength. Yeah. Yeah. Dusty, you picked up pepperoni pizzas.

Be pepperoni. I don't know. Actually, what's the logic behind figured if you're going to rob a bank, you might as well kill everybody. No, no, I don't trust the diet chemicals. I know. Even relabeled aspartame. Just go sugar, man.

My grandma said, it'll scramble your brains, is what she said about aspartame. Your grandma gets it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Beef pepperoni. Yeah, beef pepperoni.

I got a pizza place, my part of town, in Hermitage called Salvo's all beef products. They said they have no pork products in the building. So that's pretty nice. Yeah. We used to call Salvation Army Salvo's. Really? Yeah.

That was like the cool, cool thing to call it. Well, that's what this pizza place feels like to me. This pizza place feels like a Salvation Army, a salvation army of pizza for me. Like I finally can eat free in there. There is a, you know, I worked at Procter and Gamble and there was apparently a laundry product back in the day called Salvo. And it was like a tablet, like basically like a, a

tablet and the first job you would get, they called it field advertising back then you would go, um, that was your job out of college is you take samples and you'd go door to door and hang these samples on people's doors. So they, this guy told me this old guy, he said, yeah, we were putting salvo tablets on, you know, going through this neighborhood door to door and he said, this guy came up to him and he was foaming at the mouth and he was like, it was like a, he was like a crazy person.

Wait, what did he think they were? I don't know what he thought it was. Salvo sounds like you hate it. He was foaming at the mouth and he was talking to Jim Beard about it. Salvo, saliva sounds very, yeah. Salvo was launched in the mid 1960s. It was not successful. Do at least in part to the failure of the discs

to entirely dissolve was discontinued in 1974. This sounds like a hatchet job. Dissolved in his mouth. This Wikipedia entry. Yeah, it sounds like a hatchet job. They were coming after us. This was Unilever wrote this. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, it sounds exactly like them. Guys, it's mental health awareness month. So let's encourage everyone to take care of their well-being and break the stigma. The world is better when people are healthy and happy. You agree with that, right? I do agree. Yeah. Mental health awareness is growing, but there's still progress to be made. Do you know that 26% of Americans who participated in a recent survey said they have avoided seeking mental health support due to fear of judgment? When people hesitate to get help, it doesn't just affect them, it can impact families,

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Great ad read. All right, wait, well that was my weekend. Some shows and a birthday party and getting roughed up. But what about you? I was at the Grove in Fayetteville, Arkansas. Lowell to be. Yeah, Lowell. Yeah. I think your picture's on, Arkansas. Lowell to be. Lowell, yeah, Lowell. Yeah.

I think your picture's on the wall. Yeah, it is. They painted his portrait on the outside of the club. Yeah. Yours too? No, I'm saying it's Dusty's. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's really cool. Is there anyone else there

that's also painted on the wall here at Zany's? Any other comics on the wall there? No. So you might be the only comic in the country that has two murals. That's true, man. Yeah. Yeah, it's Linda Stagner Yeah, she's great Greg Morton. Yep, and

Stuart Huff. Oh Stuart. There is some cowboy there. I don't I don't think he's a comic though. Is that cowboy Bill Martin? That's what I thought. I don't think so. I don't think so Interesting choices those those guys are all great. They're all yeah, I know Linda real well. She's just one of the nicest people I've met. And I know Stuart too. And Greg. That's a wild set that is so funny and entertaining.

Oh my God. He's, it's the Star Wars stuff. He can do all the different Star Wars characters. Great voices and impressions and stuff, yeah. High energy, yeah. Greg Morton is really great. Yeah. He's Canadian, I think, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's, he's, uh, Greg Morton is really great. Yeah. He's Canadian.

I think. Right. Yeah. Yeah. High energy. So you were at, uh, yeah, I was at, uh, I was at the Grove and, um, yeah, I mean, it was one of those sort of in and out pretty quick. They'll take it to the pizza place. You go over there to the, No, I don't really eat dairy. Um, but he did get some ribs brought in for her. All right. Bill will hook it up.

Bill, he called me. He'll hook it up, but a day later. He called me, he's like, we got barbecue for you, man. Just come on. So Thursday night, I was like, hey, Sean, don't eat, man. Bill's got barbecue for us. And I walk in, he's like, we got barbecue coming tomorrow for you. And he did.

And it was good. He got some ribs and then he made some pulled pork. It he did. And it was good. He got, he got some, he got some ribs and then he made some pulled pork. Yeah. It was outstanding. And I really enjoy Bill on that club. Yeah. It's great. Northwest Arkansas.

I've said it before, most underrated part of the country, I think. Boomtown. It's hot there. Awesome up there. It is, it is like Nashville on its way. Like it's, it's boomtown. Rest of Arkansas, not a lot going on. Beautifultown rest of Arkansas not a lot going on beautiful state Yes, not a lot going a lot a lot to look at. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

They have built. Yeah, I mean, yeah that whole Northwest Arkansas great the NWA as they call it. They really go Yeah, that's fun. I think that's it. That may be the name of the airport right or the abbreviation. Oh, that would make sense Yeah, and then yeah bill Oh, that would make sense. Yeah. And then yeah, Bill, Bill famously, I guess he did it to you and like, he's got this joke about Magic Johnson that goes on for, it's about 13 minutes and there is not a payoff. Did he host? No, he didn't host this time.

There was a girl, Marissa out of Dallas that was very funny. But Bill, he told me he had another joke, you know, and now I called him on it one day. I was like, Bill, it's a terrible joke. Like, and I'm going to tell you why, and I'm going to tell you, and, and, uh, you know, maybe I won't work here again, but I need to tell you, it's not, it's not that magic Johnson joke. There's, there's, there's nothing there, buddy. And, uh, so now whenever anybody goes there for the first time, Aaron will text me and be like, hey, Bill told me you really liked his Magic Johnson joke

or something like that. It's, yeah, it goes for a while. And you're like, well, I'm gonna be nice. And then I'll get a little reward at the end. It's nothing. It goes down at the end, yeah. It's one of those jokes where you don't know if it's done or not. So you're like, it's done, man.

That joke, you don't know when to laugh. You're like, there's no time. There's not a place to laugh. Yeah. You can't. I've not heard it. You don't want to hear it. I think you probably guess.

It's a mix of poorly constructed and even a little offensive. It's offensive. Yeah, no doubt about it. There's a lot of the bad ones. Something to do with an immune disease? Yes, that's in there. Safe bet. Yeah, yeah. This is why Greg's not on the wall but Dusty. Yeah, if I got to get on that wall by listening to that magic Johnson joke again, I'm, I'm, I'm just going to stay off the wall. And I love Bill. I love it. And I actually think I've seen Bill get on stage and, and, you know, he's kind of funny. Like he's a funny personality. He can't, I've seen him construct some jokes there, you know, if he'd work at it, I'd be like, yeah, he's got a really good Freddie Mercury bit. Yes. I mean, if you know,

Bill, Bill really, what are those two have in common? I'm trying to think, cause cause magic, Johnson, magic, magic Johnson wasn't in a rock and roll band. Bill really gets into it. Not being good though. Like I bet that's why he likes the magic Johnson joke. Like he's putting you through pain and that makes him happy. Dusty, I think he's, I think he thinks he's sitting on gold with this magic Johnson joke. Okay, I gotta call him. I think you gotta keep digging and I think it's there. No, this is horribly-

I'm calling when this podcast is over and I'm finding out that Jeff. Yeah, and then two hours later you'll be driving home and you'll be like, I should've listened to Gray. I'm there at the end of August. I'll report back. Yeah, if you- I think by the end of August, this is gonna be his hot pocket bit.

I think it's coming. I gotta tell you, I disagree. It's gonna be Flute Man all over again. You're going to try to compare Flute Man with that Magic Johnson. By the end of August? Well, I haven't heard it. I have not heard it. Flute Man I'm probably not going to, you know, not trying to congratulate myself,

but you don't build Flute Man in four months. Okay. That was a lifetime. Prepared for flute man. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, that's great. Uh, well that's awesome. That's awesome.

Yeah, it was great. Yeah. I was, uh, out with Nate this weekend. First, uh, first part of his big dumb eyes tour, Duluth, Minnesota, Green Bay, Wisconsin, Peoria, Illinois, and then we were in Fort Wayne, Indiana last night. The first night Nate broke Elton John's attendance record at the arena. He'll have the jokers on Elton John.

Just a crazy weekend, man. The shows are so big that it's kind of like comical how large. What were the tittest numbers? The shows are, I don't know, what'd he do, like 20,000 in Fort Wayne last night? Unbelievable. Yeah. Yeah, they're just massive. So it was me, Stephen Rogers, Keith Alberstadt, and Julie McCullough. Hot shell. That's a show right there, man. Yeah, it was great, dude. Keith Alberstadt's so McCullough. Hotshell. That's a show right there.

Yeah, it was great, dude. Keith Alberstadt's so funny. He is so good, man. Steve and Julian have done Nate Land before. The listeners know them, but Keith hasn't been on here before yet, right? Keith's one of the best. Yep. I mean, he's so good.

Yeah, he's so polished and it was just fun to watch him every night. Yeah, he has a, you know, they're very different comics, but he has a little Nate in him and that he doesn't push hard at all. You know, neither they sort of let, they have a lot of confidence in what they're saying and they let the audience come to them. He'll just sit in it. He'll sit in something. Yeah, he will just...

He's got a joke where he says it and then he just kind of looks at the crowd for a while and it's just, cause I'm up there, those big shows. I'm like freaking out every second. I don't have the confidence to just stand there and sit in it, but we had a fun weekend. And Nate rented out a trampoline park in Peoria, Illinois. So after the shows, we all went over there and just played dodge ball and jumped on the trampoline. I'm still sore. I mean, that is a workout. When was the last time you really jumped on a trampoline? It had been a while. Actually all the time. I have a trampoline at home and we go to the trampoline park. And the first time I went, I was like that for me. I was so, my entire body was sore. It'll take it at it.

They have like a American Ninja warrior kind of course that you could, you could run through. They had like a American Ninja warrior kind of course that you could, you could run through and stuff. So just a fun weekend. Uh, those shows were, they're great. I was telling, uh, the other comics, it's like, you know, you're, you get off stage and you're like, how are they, you know, and you're like, well, they're, it's just degrees of unbelievable. How's the 18,000 people at 3 PM?

They're pretty good. Yeah. It was about 750, not listening too close, but the other, yeah, 16,000. That's true, man. If you, if you can mask that you can mask, you can mask 4,000 people that don't care for you. Yeah. Yeah.

It's amazing. But it was great. So that's where I was. So. Awesome. Well, I was off again. I've had a, uh, had a great birthday. Um, I was off. I don't think your birthday was next week. Well, I was off again. I've had a, uh, had a great birthday. Um, I was off.

I don't think your birthday was next week. No, I mean, birthday party for my daughter. We had a great, uh, great party and, uh, it was great, but I'm back. I met a woman there. She said she met Dusty at the trampoline park. So he does go a lot. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I mean, we got a membership to the one in our school and we go, I mean, it's, and then we got a trampoline for the Yeah. I mean, we've got a membership to the one and, oh, that's cool. And we go, I mean, it's, and then we got a trampoline for the kids.

I mean, I want them to be doing stuff. Yeah. You know what I mean? They need to be moving. So I had a trampoline as a kid with no barriers, nothing over the springs. And then this one has a whole fence around it and you can't even see the springs. And it's, I remember when the fences around the trampoline started to show up. Yeah.

Like that's, I felt like half the fun was jumping from the trampoline to somewhere else. Yeah. Or from, I remember my cousin and his house in Montgomery, Alabama, they had two trampolines somehow. I think they like grabbed one off the side of the street and you could climb to the roof of their

house and jump to one trampoline and then another trampoline. And then they had a basketball goal. That's amazing. You could dunk on. You could, you could dunk on me after two trampolines. You're pretty high in the air. Yeah.

We had our trampoline at my dad's house was right up next to a deck and a big walnut tree. So we could get in the walnut tree, jump out onto the trampoline. Land on the deck. Uh, well, yeah, I mean, you could, my stepbrothers were bigger than me and they could really do some pretty impressive. They could jump up into from the trampoline into the tree and grab a limb.

Oh yeah. But, uh, you get double bounced on it. But at, yeah. Oh yeah. But as a parent, I'm all about the fence on the side. Yeah. I always made fun of kids wearing helmets, but as a parent or my kids are riding their little bikes out on the street. I'm like, let's get a helmet on Yeah, I don't want you crushing your head out here. Mm-hmm. I grew up on a dirt road. It's a little less

you know a little less painful than a Asphalt right? Yeah, I went to trampoline park with my buddy and when when his kids were a little and I was in Rampoline Park with my buddy when his kids were little. My gig there is I would get like, they'd do like a move and I'd be like, hey, can you show me how to do that? Kids like four or five would be like,

and he'd show me and then I'd do it. And on purpose I'd get it wrong and then I'd just throw it, temper tantrum. I'm stupid, I'm a loser, I'm a loser. My buddy would be like, you're not, man. It's hard. It'm a loser. My buddy, like, you're not man. It's hard. Like it's too hard. Show me again. You know, is somebody watching this from afar? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I think

there's kids go home and they go adults are really sure. Yeah. This one guy, mom, he had some real losers. Recently, I had to pick up some body care stuff, but the scents were all so boring. You know what I mean? Men's products need more variety. It's the same stuff, same bland smells. Boring.

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It smells great. It's an amazing sponsor because they care about men's- I wanna leave my wife for you right now. They care about men's grooming needs. And let's face wife for you right now. I care about men's grooming needs and let's face it, we deserve grooming products from a company with high standards. I agree. Head to Target or target.com to find Cremos new line of antiperspirants and deodorants in the Italian bergamot and

Palo Santo scents. Once again, that's Target or Target.com. Should we get into these comments? Yes. All right. Comments come from Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Apple podcast reviews, and Nate land at Nate bar, got see.com. You can give them to Greg on the road too.

If you see him. Yep. Oh yeah. I don't, uh, I don't bet these. Don't do that. I was just kidding. I'll take them. Okay.

All right. I have no idea what these are. I don't, I don't bet them. So we'll just, we'll just see. All right. Uh, Jay rinsing this episode was so good. I was laughing so hard and then found myself crying at the end between Dusty's song list

and you three talking about your moms and wives. It was so touching. You all seriously have the best podcast. Thanks for another great episode and for touching this mom's heart. All right. Well, thank you. Thank you, Jay.

Thank you, Jay. I was told I missed a bunch of songs that were on the list. Yep. Garth Brooks. Well, hold on, hold on. Before you read these, you didn't miss any because the list was your favorite song. That is true. Garth Brooks is not on Spotify, so he's never gonna be on any of these lists. It's a shame. Shenandoah, Mama Knows. I wish I had, I love Shenandoah. I'm not a Taylor Swift fan or a Morgan Wallen fan, so they'll never be on the list.

Those are, what's the Taylor Swift song? Taylor Swift, The Best Day. Great song. It's a great song, but it's also about her dad and her brother. Yeah. But the Morgan Wallen song is great. You'd like it.

Dan Seals, Everything Glitters Is Not Gold, is such a good song. And I never thought about is such a good song. And I never thought about it being a mom song because, you know, I guess it's a bad mom that left the family. And I know Fancy is too, technically speaking, depending on how you look at it. But I'm not sure there's a way to look at Fancy and make her into a good mom. I was just saying that.

In the end, Fancy turns out to be pretty rich and fancy. I think her mom was like, listen, you have to make some compromises out here. There ain't no man coming to marry ya. And I don't know how to show you anything. Kid's gonna starve to death. Yeah, he had a problem with Forrest Gump's mom, at least she stepped up and did the things. Once you guys schooled me on it,

I agreed with you. Yeah, I think she had the best interest of her. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And I guess, I guess so did Fancy's mom. Yeah, if Fancy's mom in the end, if Fancy's mom was also rich in the end, I would say bad mom.

But she died like she said she was gonna do. Right. And. Yeah. So, you know, it's a different time. Yeah, you're right. OnlyFans wasn't around, it was a different time. Yeah, I shouldn't sit here and judge fans.

One thing I love to do, Greg, on social media is you share, is it essays or letters your mom wrote to a newspaper? Oh, no, my mom wasn't an author. She's a columnist for a paper. A columnist for the St. Louis newspaper? It was, it's called the Kirkwood-Epser-Times. It was, you know, like a smaller for the St. Louis newspaper? It's called the Kirkwood After Times. It was a smaller newspaper within St. Louis. And then she reviewed books for the main St. Louis

paper for 20 years. But yeah, thanks for reading that. My mom was a columnist and it was a humor column and I try every Mother's Day and her birthday I try to share one of her columns. Yeah, I didn't know it was just those days because I know I occasionally share it and they're great. She's very funny. Yeah, she was a great writer. And I feel, I was, I didn't appreciate that part of her when I was growing. You know, I read way more of the columns when I'm older, but yeah, they are pretty cool. Yeah. She was really good. Yeah. Dylan Burke, Dusty and Aaron should let breakfast talk from time to time. Oh, this is awkward. Again, I haven't vetted these well

You know Dylan we'd love to but when he does talk he just insults us It's hurtful, isn't it? We have to keep talking just to keep our confidence up Brian we'll let you go for a bit. Let's see all this Don't you have fun for the next few minutes let Let us know what you want us to tap in. Go ahead, funny man. Oh, it's getting hot in here. All right, you make a fair point, Aaron. Dylan will be like, cut him off.

Daniel Johnson, as a person who trapped 11 skunks- Dusty, what did you, I'm just kidding. Perfectly. My mic works as well as you guys. Right. So I can speak up anytime I want. Nobody's keeping me from talking. Your cough sometimes.

A little accountability. That was a good impression. Yeah. I heard it from over there. I thought it was okay. Daniel Johnson as a person who trapped 11 skunks in his backyard last summer, it sounds like you got your own problems, Daniel. 11?

I can't understand why bad smell baits wouldn't let Dusty set some traps. Sounds like Dusty is not only the wisest one, but also the best friend of the bunch. Dusty, thank you for bringing knowledge and friendship to the pod. Cheers, Dan. Daniel gets it, man. I don't get the point of, what do you mean? Well, it just is showering me with compliments. You wouldn't let Dusty sit? Oh. Dusty offered-

Oh, he offered to come over and set some traps for you. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that is a very nice thing to do. Yeah. Why didn't you want him to do that? Well, I don't really want Dusty at my house if I can help. I saw his traps at his house. Yeah. Underneath the house.

I got a raccoon. I got a trap. I'm just because it keeps getting in my trash. The raccoon lifts the lid, gets in there, and throws my trash all over their yard. Yeah. Yeah. They're wild. Dusty is a good friend. Thanks, Daniel Johnson. Thanks for bringing it up. Hey, man. I got to say something real quick. Oh, sure. I'm going to get hammered by people that listen to this podcast and my podcast,

The Consumers. I said I was a man of the people and that's Sean. He goes by, the listeners make him the man of the people and I'm stealing his, and they're gonna, and they tend to just, they're gonna not leave it alone. Man of the people, working man, it seems like you just take all the things. I got hammered on that working man. I remember working man. Your thing there though was so funny.

I got hammered on that hard. What did they say? I told them I was working man, I was a dusty slate. I'm a working man, I'm a working man! I'm a working man! I'm a working man! I'm a working man! I'm a working man! I'm a working man! I'm a working man! I'm a working man!

I'm a working man! I'm a working man! I'm a working man! I'm a working man! I'm a working man! I'm a working man! I'm a working man! I'm a working man! I'm a working man! I'm a working man! I'm a working man! I'm a working man! I'm a working man! I'm a working man! Brian, you're probably getting all kinds of advice on your skunk problem, but I would be glad to share what I did. If you have a way to send talk radio or a podcast loudly under the house, it should drive the animals away.

I set an amp very close to the vent that runs under the house and left it on while we were at work. Well, I love this idea. All I got to do is just run an amp underneath there, turn on our podcast, maybe my standup set. Do your standup set. This podcast is pretty good. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Hang around. Yeah. Just do a easy out playing over and over on the loop. I can get old bill to record his magic Johnson. You will not have record problems. You won't have a wife or a family, but, uh, either.

Well, I do have somebody out there, professionals out there. They've been there all day today. Nice. They did find baby skunks underneath. Wow. What'd they do with them? Well, they're still there. You're going to keep any? Pets. Yeah, have the spray removed. De-gland them, whatever it's called. Yeah. I mean, originally he was like, we'll trap skunk in the trap, be done. And then he came back and he's like well We got a problem. We got babies underneath there and they're not gonna come out and get in the trap So we're gonna have to manually go under and get them and there's a chance they're gonna spray So I'm glad you didn't let me do it. Yeah, that's what we said

So that's what's the latest I Thought I was bad with the black mold. You're like good luck with all that. Yeah. Baby skunks. Yeah. Under my HVAC. They're not going to, you're not going to kill them are they?

I don't want to know what they're going to do with them. I'm going to just think that they relocate them into a nice wooded area. Maybe they take them out to the woods. Yeah. Yeah. Take them on a trip to Belize. You know what I mean? There are guidelines,

the Tennessee Wildlife Resource Association. You can't just. You can't kill a skunk? I don't think so. What? I don't know, I don't know. I mean, that'd be top of the list of things. It's like, all right, you can kill them if you need to. I don't know.

But maybe. Can you see kill him if you need to. I don't know. But, uh, maybe you can see the hearing on that. Yeah. Maybe. All right. Well, what did he do? They'd probably read off some scientific name in the trial. Yeah. That way the judge wouldn't know that it was a skunk. And then, yeah. He'd figured out. Yeah. Hold on a second. The Mephitis, Mephitis. And then if the skunk is at the trial, they're going to start, if they'd been listening to all this talk radio, they're going to have some very, very distinct views on the American

political issues. It comes in like Alex Jones. Putting chemicals in the water. There's nothing funnier to me than an Alex Jones rage clip. I mean. Of him just being mad. I follow an Instagram channel. It's just Alex Jones yelling and I think it's hilarious. No. I love to watch I don't.

I love to watch the guy yell. I'll send you some. No! I'll change it. No, do not, you will not change me. I'm not saying you're gonna like him. No, I am not gonna like him. The raging is pretty funny.

Do you think Pippi LaPue would fly today? Do you think that would? No. Yeah. I was just thinking about- Because it was, Derage it think that would? No. Yeah. I was just thinking about- Because it was directed towards the French? No. Or the womanizing?

Toward the cat. He was aggressive towards Clemen. The womanizing? Yeah, yeah, he was, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. No, I don't think that's probably gonna. I need something like that to get the TWA on my side.

I need to go take a look. Yeah. Yeah. You see what he's doing to my cat. I got a video right here. Bjorn Johnson. I think it's. Born? What? Bjorn. What are Johnson's on the list?

Bjorn, not Bjorn. Not Bjorn. Yeah, Bjorn. You were kidding around, right? I wouldn't know how to pronounce it, but Bjorn was definitely not right. Yeah, Bjorn. You were kidding around, right? I wouldn't know how to pronounce it, but Bjorn was definitely not right. Yeah. Well, I'll wait. I looked immediately at Aaron to see if that was right. He didn't respond. I think he thought that's so bad. I took the bait. I took the bait, man. He's just letting you fly. No, I was serious. Yeah, you're right. He's letting me do my thing. I'm hanging myself here. Had the genuine pleasure of seeing Aaron and Nate in Duluth, Minnesota. Aaron, you absolutely killed it.

Yes, sir. Nate killed it. Got to see Dusty in St. Paul, Minnesota and he crushed as well. Hot show. Waiting for Biscuit Bates to come here. Well, keep waiting. Where's that? Uh, Minnesota.

Minnesota. There's gotta be some sort of benefit for somebody. There's a lot of lakes out there, right? Somebody for something. There's gotta be an orphanage in Minnesota. Kirby Puckett Foundation something. Let me ask you this, is there a difference between crushing and killing? Well, I heard it and as you were reading it, I like to think that maybe

he just wanted to switch it up. Yeah. But I did the Moon Tower. Good writing. Yeah. The Moon Tower Comedy Festival at Austin. The first night I was on a showcase called The Killers. Yeah.

And then the next night they took me off a showcase called The Crushers. Oh. After I did there. It's like, I think we found your ceiling. You can kill. Yeah. You can't quite crush.

Yeah. You think there was a meeting, like a committee was like, well, I mean, he's definitely a killer. I will say, crush your killer. That St. Paul. Crush your killer. That St.

Paul show I did recently. It was hot. I had two locals, Eli Hino, and now I can't think of the other guy's name. And I hate that I've even said Eli Hino now. But he's so good. It was so funny. Such a great show. That guy.

I'm blanking on his name and I hate that I'm doing it. But this is live. We're doing it live. Yeah, man. That's what happens. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

Well, where do you go, Eric? Killing it. It's the 17 year anniversary of that clip what happens. Yeah. All right. Well, way to go, Eric. Killing it. It's the 17 year anniversary of that clip, by the way. Today. We'll do it live. The Bill O'Reilly classic clip. Yeah. Another great clip of a guy freaking out.

He lost it. Yeah, he got mad. We'll do it live. We'll do it live. We'll do it live. Yeah. I think Casey Kasem lost his mind on one too. Oh, I haven't seen that.

Oh, that's a good one. Oh yeah. Chris Berman had a great one. Oh really? During the NFL draft. Tommy Lasorda had my favorite one. What is that? Dave, I cannot.

Okay. Yeah. I mean, it's, yeah. Yeah. Just basically they asked, Dave Kingman hit, I think he hit three home runs and they asked him, some guy was like, uh, what'd you think of Dave Kingman? What'd I think of hit three home runs and they asked him, some guy was like, what'd you think of Dave Kingman? What'd I think of Dave Kingman? Guy hit three, you know,

exploitive home runs. And then he just wouldn't like it. Guy asked me what I think of Dave Kingman. I'll tell you what I think about Dave Kingman. Guy hit three home runs. I mean, Dave Kingman. Three home runs. Guy hit three home runs on us.

That's what I think of Dave Kingman. He hit three home runs. The guy hit three home runs on us. That's what I think of Dave Kingman. He hit three home runs. James Stanley, sorry. I hit three home runs. Send me those pictures. Yeah. Remember at the beginning? I'd already sent them.

I know, I was kidding. Oh, okay. Cause you were behind on them. Well, James Stanley in St. Paul, Minnesota, Minneapolis. Very funny comic. I didn't want to not have it say his name. I'm sorry. Dave Kingman, great home run hitter. Struck out a lot, but, Minneapolis. Very funny comic. I didn't want to not have it say his name. I'm sorry. Dave Kingman, great home run hitter.

Struck out a lot, but he could hit some monster shots. He was, yeah, probably hit about 220. Well, yeah, like, actually now he probably, back then he probably was like 240 or 250, which now is not so bad. But yeah, he was the first guy that was just. All power. All power, strike out all the time. Played on a bunch of different teams Mets mostly right?

Yeah, but he was the cup. All right, we'll move on but Seems important to me. Yeah That's all these guys like so happens when me and dusty sit out for a bit start digging through Dave Kingman's there the back of Dave Kingman's baseball card and And I'll tell you the baseball card stats aren't even the most interesting. Yeah. Yeah. The other stuff, that's when you really get into the, the metrics, the new metrics.

Yeah. That's a podcast right there. I'll tell you what. What's his OPS Plus? Let's get into that. The advanced metrics is where it really gets interesting. Brooke McLeod Smith. I love that Roll Tide commercial. I think it's pretty accurate when you're wearing

a Bama hat or shirt. For as long as I can remember, my dad always said, Roll Tide to anyone wearing anything Bama. I now say it too, if I see someone wearing something representing Bama. See, I agree. I agree, but what I was saying was I think everybody was doing it before the commercial.

And then when the commercial came out, like more people were doing it. And I think it's like when you have a cool thing and then it gets overexposed. It's now. Yeah. Now it's a thing you're doing because you saw the commercial. They're doing it ironically because of the commercial. Yeah, but it is, it is funny though. Like the commercial, it's you're right. It got like that hump day commercial where the camel was like, that was funny. And then I think it got to where everybody was like, they people were doing too much of it. Now, Aaron, we both point out a commercial last week that we hated. And we were saying maybe it was AT&T. I think it was All State.

Oh, so it's usually okay with commercials. What a good hand people. Or is that the mayhem? Is that the mayhem man? That's Allstate stand. Oh yeah. Are you in good hands? That guy. The guy from, yeah.

I like the mayhem man. Yeah, he's great. I always thought the mayhem man should be a super villain in a comic book movie. He was in Oz, I think, a prison show on HBO. The actor, not as the Allstate Mayhem. No, they had him as the Mayhem Man in Oz. Typecast.

It was a very, very serious prison drama. I'm your prison roommate. Keeps breaking everybody out of jail. It's causing mayhem. It was later seasons. It's just causing mayhem. It was later seasons. It definitely took a turn. I don't like that.

You're going to think it's because I have a problem with the peanut butter people, but Reese's, that guy that's like the voice, what does he say? It's that does like, uh, he's like real sarcastic, but there's no, there's no writing underneath it. He just says, think things like Reese's. I haven't seen that. Uh, you've seen it. Have you seen those Cracker Barrel commercials lately? Yeah, last week, he said, who watches commercials? So now every time I turn on the TV, he's on. 15 seconds is the new length.

That's where it's at. ESPN shows it a lot. That's what you want. Yeah. You don't have to share this with me and maybe you're not allowed to, but you getting any perks from Cracker Barrel? Well, I, you know, the manager of Cracker Barrel that we filmed it at was already a fan.

I mean, I think, you know, that's already my demographic. I think we're interested in bigger things than that. I'm saying you, yeah, I don't care about, let me be honest, I don't care one bit about friendship. I'm saying like, D'are they letting me eat free? Biscuits, yeah. Did you get a free ball with a weasel tail attached to it?

Something like that. Couple items, checkers, corn muffins. Rock candy. They paid well, and I feel like they were like, you buy all the stuff you want with this money from our store. You buy all the Amy Grant compilations that you want.

Yeah. But I- I mean, they got a lot in that store. I mean, I want them to let me do a commercial where I just talk about how good their chicken and dumplings is. I mean, that's what I'm into. The corn muffins, I would say is for me,

the best thing going over there. I think you get chicken and dumplings with a side of hash brown casserole and the corn muffins. There is a decent stretch. 20-20. Green beans are awful good. Yeah. You know?

Anything about the game, the Peg game? You guys? Well, we did a little social media. I think there's going to be some of those coming out. We, the peg game? You guys? Well, we did a little, a social media. I think there's going to be some of those coming out. We played the peg game. I competed with someone. We tied. Is that commercial show,

showed as much in Maine as it is in Tennessee? I don't know how many Cracker Barrels are in Maine. But is it based on that's what I'm asking. I don't know. Yeah. I'm just curious. You'd have to talk to a media buyer or something like that. Well, Florida, I bet you Florida has more Cracker Barrels anywhere.

I mean, zero Cracker Barrels in Maine. I can tell you what, a lot of people from Opelika have been texting me about the Cracker Barrel commercial. No, this one is the same. By 2022, there's one in Maine, zero in Vermont, Wyoming, Washington, Alaska, and Hawaii. Well, I'm about to go to Vermont soon in a couple of weeks. I'll talk to them. You got there.

Is that Florida? Florida's in the lead? Yeah. Florida's in the lead with 60. Yeah. 51 in Tennessee. We're, we're, we got good numbers. The headquarters is right here.

Right. My hometown of Lebanon. I, uh, my little league baseball team's got a benefit down there, I think. Yeah, I've done shows there. My doctor just changed my contact prescription because I couldn't, you know, I was very, was a very nearsighted.

And she said, all right, we'll fix that and make it better. But your farsightedness is going to reverse. So that I can read that those numbers, but not easily. Now I used to last week, I could have read that easily. And now I can't. I need to confess something. Um, I've been looking at, uh, Aaron's laptop and didn't occur to me that it was up there.

The big TV. I've been, I've been trying to, that's why I was asking how many in Florida. Cause I probably got a better view right here than. No, that's beautiful. That's real nice. And I'm getting glasses. Can you get bifocal content? Yeah, it's man.

There's a way you got to put them in. Yeah. It's not easy. It's not. I may start wearing glasses in the pot. You know, invented a bifocal. Benjamin Franklin. Yeah. Yeah. It's not easy. It's all I may start wearing glasses in the pot. You know, invented by folks Benjamin Franklin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, you know who was able to make the office chair swivel Thomas Jefferson. How'd you know that? I've seen the Patriot. Is that what it was in? I don't remember. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. He's Mel Gibson's trying to

build a chair at the beginning. And then I think I looked it up and Thomas Jefferson invented the swivel. Yeah. Is that crazy? How about that? Smart guy. Yeah. I've been trying to work that into a bit. So they say, right? Does he, do you have like a chunk that would exist? Yeah. I got them doing some chair stuff. I'm going to build a thing on it. I got a lot of chair stuff. You wait, you wait. You wait to see to my next special, the chairman or whatever. I like that, the chairman.

You wait, man, you wait. I believe you. I got about five minutes on chairs right now. I believe. And it is hot. There's three of it that's hot, two. There's two minutes that are- Once you figure out the Thomas Jefferson job. In development. Oh, I figured out the Jefferson job. Oh, okay. That's one of it that's hot too. There's two minutes that are in development.

Oh, I figured out the Jefferson joke. That's one of the hot parts. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Got any Magic Johnson jokes? No, Bill's got, he cornered the market on those Magic Johnson jokes. Yeah. Are you going to bring in Cracker Barrel rocking chairs just to bring it back to what we were talking about? I am now.

Yeah. That's a great idea. I feel like that's one of the more iconic American chairs. It is, it is. And I've never walked by one of those chairs and thought I wouldn't like to have one. Yeah. I want to learn how to crochet.

Just so I can sit on one. Just so you have a reason to be in that rocking chair? Yes. Yeah. I can whittle in a rocking chair. Yeah. You could do that. You could do that.

Yeah. Is it, when you're whittling? Is it just making a stick smaller or are you building something? I think it depends on your skill level I mean, I think if you can't just whittle for the sake of whittling, but you're saying somebody's like hey I've been whittling and I made this I Carved a figurine a flute or something like that. I think it'll be like a figurine that you would put on the mantle okay yeah yeah chess piece or something yeah yeah maybe a whole chess set yeah that's a lot of whittling didn't Shawshank yeah remember no yeah Brandon Burnett Bates is the only reason I

double-b Nate land The consumers is no different. Oh, well thank you, Brandon. Wow. Well, wait a minute, Bates has only been on. Wow. Brandon Burnett. I actually pulled this from the consumers' comments. You're cherry picking comments like that?

Wow, and they make me look good. Brandon Burnett having two Bs and Brian Bates having two Bs. There's something there. I couldn't think of anything else. That's suspicious. You're going to do a fake comment, at least come up with a better name. Get some new initials.

Yeah, that's fair. Leah Malonez. I've never written in before, but I had to let her know I think we had the same Uber lift driver. Last February, I was in Nashville and took an Uber downtown. When we got in the car, the smell was disorienting. The worst smell I've ever experienced in my life. To make matters worse, I was five months pregnant so my sense of smell was heightened. From Aaron's description, it sounds like the same driver. So this guy's keeping a job because nobody will give him a bad review. You got to negatively review that guy. Yeah.

Serious question. Do you think you leave him a bad review or do you think you say something to him in person? I think you leave a review five stars. Yeah. But in that comment section, you go, this guy smells really bad and somebody needs to tell him. But I don't think you're given that option in any of these apps. I always get the comments. You can really comment and lift. Yeah. Okay. I've never seen that, but I do it. Just go, hey, five stars, but. He drove well, he's a good driver, but it's also was blinded by the smell.

My vision was blurry, that's how bad it smells. Five stars, safe driver. It's not enough to stand in the shower. You gotta do stuff. You have to use soap, get some crema, you know? Do something. Crem-o. So it to use soap get some crema. You know, yeah do something cremo. So it was Yeah, the coffee shop either way put something on there. It wasn't just the car It was him. It was it was

He was becoming the car and the car was becoming him it was this I think I would just criticize the car singular. No, no I had no for the car. Singularity. No, no. I think he'd go for the guy. It was him. He'd go for the... Because if his car smells bad and he doesn't know it, it's because he smells bad. I remember the old urban legend about the guy who became... Oh, that was true.

Wasn't it, Dusty? ...chemically fused with his couch. Oh, yeah. I think that is true. No. Bed sores. Yeah. Bed sores. So many bed sores and as your body starts to heal, it just kind of.

So like, where's the line between the couch and the, and the guy. Yeah. That's kind of how it was. You like grew into the couch. Yeah. He was there so long that he became chemically fused with it. They had to be surgically separated. Should have had linen.

You can't, that won't happen with linen. Apparently you don't get bed sores with linen. I think if you weigh 1800 pounds and you don't leave for a year, I think you're still gonna soak into some linen. Yeah. I think it's just like, I don't think it was the- 1800 pounds?

I don't know how big he was. Yeah. Yeah. I think he was, he was a biggin'. That's for sure. That's world record time stuff I think. Yeah. That's Guinness. Yeah. When you guys are in grade school, did you look up? Oh yeah. World's fattest man. Yeah. We had the Rick Lee's Believe It or Not book and then the, the Guinness book. Yeah. Great. The guy with the

longest fingernails. I remember that. They curled up. Yeah. Yeah. And the world's tallest man. Yeah. Bermuda triangle stuff. He's from Missouri. I had all kinds of books like that. He was? Flake Sauer, Illinois. You had Bermuda, you were looking- Yeah, I had a bunch of conspiracy books when I was a kid. Bermuda Triangle, Bigfoot, Aliens. You know, before you could just Google it.

The Yeti? Yeah. You mean the Yeti stuff? Yeah. Dall- Ahem. Ahem. Ahem.

Excuse me. Guys, let Brian talk more. His voice is wearing out. Sound like an old car starting up. Dallas Delight. I'm in a country rock band and have some experience in the industry. When Dusty says the label works with the stations, that's 100% true, and it's why you don't hear any up and comers on country radio.

If you think any songs were chosen by popularity or what fans want, you're wrong. It's all money as usual. Yeah. All right, was that what we were arguing? Yeah, a little bit. That songs are, what does that mean, songs are chosen by popularity?

The labels take an artist and they go, we're gonna, you know, we're going to make you popular and they just put it out there and then they just make artists. Can they do like what comedy did and just like go right to the people on the, on YouTube or something, YouTube and tick tock and stuff like that does allow for people to do that. And that's, that's why those things are huge. Right.

Because you can start to make your own way finally, rather than, you know, the labels owning everything. Yeah, I mean, when I got into comedy, it was kind of, it wasn't labels, there wasn't, but it was more like, you know, there's some people that just sort of made decisions. Yeah, the internet has really opened it up for people to make their own way.

A lot of people just put, you know, they just go right to YouTube with their specials because you just can get the views right away and then people can just reach you and it's great. But comedy is not the same as music. Right. They really have a stranglehold on music. That's why it's like, there's so many country artists

that I like, but I never could turn on country radio and hear them. And if they played them, people would like it. Jesse Colbeth, Aaron can't judge Nate for not watching Shawshank. What do you, you're like arguing, we're not- No, I was thinking, man. No one's disagreeing with you.

I was thinking actually, you made me think. Yeah. I feel bad for these guys. Yeah. There's music, there's musicians that are very popular that have no money. I do. I mean, you try to. They have no money. You get to go right to the people. There's some country musician that's as good as you are in comedy and then nobody knows who he is.

You're right. And then, and then if you, sometimes you get signed with a label, they give you a big deal upfront and then you blow through that money and now you're like, you just owe the label. They're like in debt, even though they're very popular. Now, you know, obviously we should be better at managing our money, but you know, you're young, you moved to Nashville, you go, oh, I got a hit. I can just got this money. I'm going to go, I'm big time now.

There is that thing, man, that a few times in my career, I was like, well, I don't need to save this money, I'm gonna be huge. It's never gonna stop. I'm gonna be big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was like, looking in the mirror one day, I'm like, I may not be huge.

I know. I really need that 300 bucks. I need to go, I need to start saving some of this money. That's why I'm like, this could end at any time. I gotta hang on. I gotta start, I gotta figure out how I can take care of my family, even if this ends. Yeah, it's not gonna end, man.

But I'm just saying, I like to, you know, you like to plan ahead. Who knows? There's some record label listening right now and being like, we gotta shut that guy down. He knows too much. Yeah. Me and Dallas Dwight out here. Blowing the whole thing open.

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Jesse Colbeth, Aaron can't judge Nate for not watching Shawshank if he's never watched Karate Kid. That's true. Yeah. I always say two best movies Shawshank Redemption. Everybody's top two. Yeah. I was watching it the other night. It was on TV.

No, Karate Kid. Okay. And I, I still love, I think it, I feel like it the other night. It was on TV. It's Shawshank. No, Karate Kid. Okay. And I still love it. I feel like it holds up. Yeah. But I told Ruth, I said, if I had never, I grew up with it though, so I don't know if I'm tainted.

Like if I just saw it down for the first time, but I think this is dumb. I would be curious. If you want to say one is very good. What's your favorite part? What's your favorite quote? Well, obviously it's when he, well, I don't know if it's so much of a

quote, but it's that moment where, you know, Daniel has been told to wax on wax off this whole time. He's painting the deck. He's sanding the deck and he finally becomes frustrating. He's like, I'm just doing your work out here. And then Mr. Miyagi doesn't put his hands up and he goes, you know, wax on wax off. And as he's's doing it he's throwing punches so he's blocking him and in that moment he realizes whoa this guy's been teaching me karate the whole time and it I got chills right now telling you about it. Wouldn't it be great if Daniel just still didn't get it? Yeah. But what about the work I've been doing? Yeah but I've been doing all this, I still want to learn some moves. It's a great moment where you're like, I just, it's like the music kicks in and it's just like,

it's amazing. I think my favorite part is when, you have just things that stick in your head. Maybe it's not my favorite part, but when he was asking him when he could learn something and he was like, after. He goes, after what? was like, uh, after he goes, he goes, after what he goes after, after.

Yeah. I mean, Pat Morales, is that the guy Pat Morales or Pat Morabito or something? Pat Morito. Yeah. He's great. Happy days. I was watching an episode of Colombo. He was in that.

It's just like, I think he won an Oscar for that role, didn't he? For Mr. Miyagi. Maybe he did. He was in a movie with Jay Leno. Yeah, there were cops, right? Yeah. It was Pat Murray and Jay Leno. Yeah. But you already know, although you've heard the wax on, it's kind of like part of our pop culture. It's in the zeitgeist, as we like to say. It is worth one watch. Yeah, I'm sure it's great but you don't have to do two and three and then the Hillary swank one and then all of Cobra Kai I don't know I think yeah I'm sure it's great but I think Jesse's being a little facetious but you would have known you think Shawshank and

karate kid or even in the same. Yeah. Conversation. When I mean Karate Kid is based. I mean, I had, I mean, Pat Murray, basically all spy kids. Pat Morito is basically Morgan Freeman of his time. Yeah. Everybody's always saying, everybody's always saying Daniel LaRusso is practically, uh, whatever that tall guy. Tim, uh, yeah.

But you would have known Aaron, if you watch that maybe first time, you would have seen it coming that the whole wax on all that stuff he's doing is training him because now I feel like there's been other movies have kind of, I didn't see it coming. No, we didn't in 1984, but it's in the Zeitgeist. Like I said, are you kidding me? I think when Nate, if you ever watch a show, Shane, I think he'll see the big reveal

coming three steps ahead. Cause it probably gotten this. I don't think so. I don't think so either with Yeah. I think he'll see the big reveal. This guy's three steps ahead. Probably gotten this. I don't think so. I don't think so either. With Josh, I don't think so. I don't think he's going to have a clue. I think he's going to go in completely blind. I just feel like there's I don't think

he knows it's a prison movie. OK. So it's like I'm excited to see him watch it. It's a beautiful movie. So it is. It is a fantastic. So good. Yeah. It is. It's the best movie I've ever made. It is a fantastic movie. So good, so good. It is a...

It's the karate kid of the 90s. You did a video one time where they, where they put the classical music on for everybody to play. You did something else there. Oh yeah. I was with you. I changed the music. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What was the music that you did? I don't remember exactly. It was a great video. I remember exactly what we did. You used the footage from Shawshank and the... Yeah, I used to make a lot of... I went through a phase where I was like editing movies, just like alternate and...

Yeah, it was so funny. That's great. It was really great. Let's do one more. Mike Terry. Oh, Mike Terry. You know Mike? Well, every time Mike Terry comes up, we read a lot of his comments.

Mike Terry does announcing at the Grand Old Opry and he also runs a radio station on Sirius XM. Oh, so every time this name, this is not him. Oh, but every time it comes up, I go, oh, Mike Terry. He said I'm not that guy. Yeah. But we've read a lot of Mike Terry quotes on here. In Utah, the game jackpot is known as flies up. We're talking about the game. Well, I think that's a great what's jackpot. That's what I said. I never heard it in my air played it Playground game you have a ball you throw it in the air You assign a point value to the ball when you throw it and then it's like first person to get to 5,000 or whatever

It's just a game you play on the playground. Is the person throwing the ball neutral? Or is that one of the competitors? Does it rotate? If you get the, whatever the amount is, then you become the guy that throws it. It's just, there's no real winner. It's just like, you're basically just throwing the ball and trying to catch it. Yeah. But sometimes, sometimes you'd call bankrupt and then they catch it.

They lose all their points. Why would they catch it? Because maybe they're not paying, you know, they're just saying a lot of second. Yeah. Or everybody likes to catch the ball. Why does anyone lose it? Simon says it's like you get swept up in it.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, flies up. It's flies up. That sounds like a zipper. I love it. And I'll be at wise guys, May 16th and 17th. So, all right. This week, a a few weeks ago we talked about the Revolutionary War we talked about the

first army continental army led by George Washington and next month is the 250th anniversary of the US Army being created next month. Wow. So let's talk a little bit about the army. Let's do it. But Greg, you've got a little background in the Army. I do. Yeah. And Desti, you do as well. I joined the Army. Did you? Yeah. Yeah. How long? But I got arrested before I got to go in. Oh really? But I did join. And took the physical. Did you just just go to a recruiter's office or did he recruit you? Yeah I went. I was like trying to get out of my hometown. I was trying to do anything just go to a recruiter's office or did he recruit you? Yeah, I went, I was like trying to get out of my hometown. I was trying to do anything just to have a different life for, you know, and, uh,

yeah, went in, I go, Hey, I want to join the army. Was it be all you can be? Was that the motto back then? Oh yeah. I was working at Western Sutherland and a guy, an older guy came in there and he just started, he wasn't a recruiter. He was a construction worker, but he just kept telling me these stories of all this fun stuff he did overseas in the army.

And I was like, that sounds fun. It was pre 9 11. It was 2001, early in the year, there was no war, at least what they were telling us. Yeah. And I thought, this is great. I'm like American sniper. That's what got him to go. Well, he saw the war.

And the, yeah, I think it's completely different motivations. This is great. You're like American sniper. That's what got him to go. Well, he saw the war and the- Yeah. I think it's completely different motivations. Mine was I'm going to get free college, a little bit of money, and we're never going to go to war because who's going to mess with America. That was my mentality. Yeah.

If you'd have gone, what do you think you'd be doing now? I don't know. You know, I had a plan. I was going to be a cook. And so my idea kind of was I'd get a little money, get a a plan. I was going to be a cook. And, uh, so my idea kind of was I get a little money, get a little college. I learned to cook and then I get out. Maybe I become a chef and open my own restaurant.

Dusty's. Yeah, something. I mean, that's what I was thinking. That was my future plan. Oh, speaking of restaurants, you want to mention your old place, Hyman's? Oh yeah. Well, uh, yeah, Hyman's where I used to work in

Charleston, South Carolina, Hyman's seafood. They put my name plaque on the table that says Ducks, because they always, when famous people come in and eat there, they would put their name down. It says so and so ate here. Yeah. And I'm told mine is on a table with Limp Bizkit and Hulk Hogan. Whoa. So it's very fun. I mean, all of Limp Bizkit are just Fred Durst. I don't know. I wasn't there when it happened, but you know, they put me down and we all joked that they could have put this plate in the weight station by the trash can. They could have put it on the food running line anywhere because I ate all over the restaurant. But that's fun. And they also did a thing, another thing where they put up my picture

on the wall. They do this for people that came in. And so they got a QR code there where you can go watch my waiting tables video on YouTube. And they just took these pictures from my Instagram. This was my last day and anybody working there, I just took a picture with them. But a few of the people like the guy, you know, second to the bottom on the right, guy, uh, you know, second to the bottom on the right, uh, far right is Ed. Uh, Oh, I'm sorry. Gosh.

Left, far left. Second from the bottom. Uh, Ed, yeah, he was the chef for a long time. I don't know if he's still there, but this guy, you know, Heimans has a gigantic menu and, but Ed could cook anything. Ed was the best. If you ever get Ed to make you an off menu item that he just created, it would blow your mind. Uh, but yeah, it's a, it's

a hotspot. So that's, that's quite an honor. Congratulations. It is. You know, just to be recognized. It's huge. I spent 10 years in, uh, in Charleston, almost 10 of that at Hyman's. And, uh, yeah. So it's fun. That's awesome. Congratulations. A little recognition from from, you know, my second hometown. Yeah. You know, some of these people I don't know and I don't need a couple of the people here I still keep in contact with but. Yeah, you told me just in Colorado last week you got together some friends from Hyman's.

Well, I just mean these pictures in particular, but Heimans people are now all over the country. I see Heimans people all over. I was in Denver, my friend Jessica, she came out with her husband. They're both lawyers now and they, you know, came to my show and we hung out. Yeah. It's a bit like the army. They did their time. Yeah, exactly.

Now they're out in the country. We had cigars at a place in Denver called the Brown Palace which apparently was a very fancy You know place at one point in time very old And it was great. Hmm. Let me tell you this the smallest steps forward can make a big difference in your financial future enter chime When you open a chime checking account you're one step closer to a better financial future with no maintenance fees Chime checking account, you're one step closer to a better financial future with no maintenance fees, fee-free overdraft up to $200 or getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit, making progress has never been easier.

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joined the army you would probably be a chef now. You know my uncle, fought in Vietnam, he got drafted and he was a cook and he still to this day Does the cooking around the house? Wow, you know they taught him that yeah So but then how long after you signed up? Did you get arrested? Well, I went to The physical and You know, I don't know entirely what I can say on the podcast, but when I got back from my physical, my recruiter was like, he goes, I probably shouldn't tell you this,

but I know there's a particular extracurricular activity that you enjoy. And so you're gonna get another test in 30 days. So if you wanna do that, do it tonight. And that night I got arrested. And so my court- He went home, he's like, no badminton for 30 days. Yeah.

So- I read you loud and clear. No trampolines. My court date came after my ship off date. So I couldn't go, I could have went, my lawyer was working out this thing where I could go kind of in lieu of probation and all that stuff.

But I just, one day I just had this weird kind of epiphany and I went kind of busted into my lawyer's office and I was like, I don't want to go to the army. I don't want to go to the army. So I ended up with a lot of penalties for my arrest. I get quite a bit of probation, quite a bit of suspended license, a lot of fees. I really got hammered. Yeah.

Had you been training for bootcamp up until that point? Yeah. Yeah. I quit smoking cigarettes and I was running and I was getting in shape. I was learning my Greek alphabet and. Are you still good at that? When? No, I don't remember. No, I don't know any.

When you say a number. I was learning the ranks. I don't know anything now, but I was learning all that stuff. I mean, that this was, you know, over 20 years ago, but I was into it. I mean, I was ready to go. I was, even when we went and did the physical, it's like a lot of the guys were like drinking and partying the night before.

And I was like, I'm not doing that. I'm done with that. And then, so then I got arrested for really a pretty small thing. There was no reason to get arrested for this. He could have very easily just called my parents, had them come pick me up, but it said I got arrested and then, you know, was an alcoholic for 10 years. So, you know, he could have, you know, he could have spared me some.

Yeah. So is that how your went? Mine went a little different. Yeah. I spent the first year of college at the United States Military Academy at West Point. Wow. Yeah. I went to West Point and did the whole first year, the whole plebe year, and it was the most difficult thing I've ever been. It was crazy. Well, it's really hard to get into, right?

Yeah. Now I was recruited to wrestle there, But I think I would have got in. I mean, I had pretty good grades and I had all the other extracurricular stuff. It always blows my mind when there's a comic that's very good at comedy, but also very good at a sport. Yeah, I was good. And not golf.

Yeah. Golf is a counterman. Yeah, or Ultimate Frisbee or something. Yeah. I can see some comics being good at that. But uh. I understand golf's hard, but I'm just mean, a real physical activity.

Yeah, so I, you know, I went and it was, I mean, you're in the army. You're, you are in the army. Basically, I graduated in June and by late June, I was going through basic training up there. And then the whole, I mean, I don't remember a lot about it, but the whole plebe year, the whole freshman year is- What's plebe mean?

Plebeian? Yeah, plebeian, yeah, from the Greeks. Oh, that helps. Roman, yeah. You're like a freshman. Like the lowest level of citizen. Okay. Yeah.

A member of the common people, that's what it meant in ancient Rome. Yeah, yeah. And West Point, it meant that you were gonna get hazed every day. Oh yeah. And it wasn't like funny hazing, like in a fraternity. It was like serious, just you had to,

I mean, I can't even remember half of it, but I know like you had the standard formation three, four times a day. And when you're standing in formation, you're just standing at attention, you know, basically like this and there. And then all the upperclassmen just go around and they inspect your shoes to see if they're polished. They inspect your brass to see if it's polished. And they quiz you on all, and you have to know all this stuff.

You have to know, you have to know the New York, front page of the New York Times every day, like, and the front page of the sports in the New York Times. And you at least be conversant in it. And you can't just tell them. It was like, had to be reported in a format. Like Warren, what happened in the news today? Sir, today in the New York Times, it was reported that Ronald Reagan,

Ronald Warren, Ronald, are you on a first name basis with the commander in chief, Warren? No, sir. Sir, did I tell you to start over, Warren? No, sir, you know? And then, so you had to do that, and then you had to, you had to know all the menus, and you had to say them in a certain way.

What menus? For what, for every meal, you know, the whole core ate together in these giant- Oh, the Cracker Barrel menu down the street. Yeah, no, you didn't have to have Cracker Barrel. And then you had to, like, there was all, like, every now and then you had what they, like, days duty or the days. So they would, they would warn, give me the days. And you'd be like, sir. And there was like 30 of them. duty or the days. So they were, Warren, give me the days.

You'd be like, sir, and there was like 30 of them. Sir, the days, there are 300 days until graduation. There are 230 days until ring weekend. There are 110 days until Army beats Navy at Veterans Memorial Stadium in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Pittsburgh, Warren, Pittsburgh, did they move Veterans Memorial Stadium from Philadelphia to Pittsburgh, Warren, Pittsburgh, did they move Veterans Memorial Stadium from Philadelphia to Pittsburgh, Warren?

Did they? Who authorized that? Was it your buddy Ronnie? Is that who did that, Warren? Like, just... It sounds like a nightmare, but also it feels like that's how you really create a team.

Yeah, it is... You all go through the same torment. They know what they're doing. Yes, they have... Yeah, you are just miserable and the only people you have to lean on are your classmates. And they've all gone through the same torment. They know what they're doing. Yes, they have, yeah, you are just miserable and the only people you have to lean on are your classmates. And they've all gone through it too or are going through it right now.

Yeah, and it is like, and there is humor. They are funny and it didn't seem funny at all when you're going through it. But everything I look back on, and some of them are really funny. Like I remember one time, you know, you're supposed to look straight ahead. Like you're staying in attention, you look straight ahead.

And every now and then if you're just standing there for 10 minutes, she was like looking around. So I'm like kind of looking around, and this guy sneaks up behind and goes, you looking to buy this place, Warren? Yeah. And then you had to walk along the walls. You could not walk down the center of the hallway and you had to walk 120 steps per minute. It's called pinging. And you can't just like round a corner. You have to square. I can still square the corner actually. Yeah. You have to square your corners. And then it's also a hard school. Like, you know, you're taking 18 hours and everybody gets a minor in engineering. You're

taking a lot of math and science. So much math and science that when I transferred to Missouri, I never had to take one more math and science class for, you know, to get my degree. Yeah. And then, you know, you're just, you're always in trouble and it doesn't feel like, like fake trouble. You feel like I'm, you know,. You feel like I'm in real trouble here. And then you would get, you know, your life, you're just so sleep deprived. And your life is just all about when can I go to sleep? And it's all controlled until, I think, Saturday at noon,

they stop messing with you. And basically you couldn't leave, but you could do little activities on the base, you know. If you're an upperclassman, you could maybe go to New York or something like that or whatever. But from about noon Saturday till, you know, five o'clock or seven o'clock Sunday night, you could kind of do some stuff and they didn't mess with you. Unless you got in trouble, like I did, and then you had to just walk back and forth on, it's called area duty, you just walk back

and march back and forth on the area, and they'd do a whole nother inspection and yell at you. What did you do to get in trouble? Like, this is what was crazy, like talking online, or so like, you know, like, you know, I knew what my friends in real college were doing and not getting in trouble, and I was in trouble for talking online, you know, like, you know, I, I knew what my friends in real college were doing and not getting in trouble. And I was in trouble for talking online, you know,

or something like that. Or talking in line, like information, you know, talking to somebody. I like a chat room. Yeah, not, not. That you did make it sound like you were in a chat room. Yeah, it was weird. You were like, get me out of here.

Yeah. What's the problem? I need to be, I need to clear that it was 87. Yeah. When I was there or 86, 86 and 87. So yeah, I went and I wrestled there too. Then I, and I always talk about how hard it is, but I forget that I had like, my back was messing with me

and I was a little crazy about it. And I think I spent like six, six weeks or a long time just in the hospital and they couldn't figure out and it wasn't, and it was like, that was the greatest six weeks ever that that had to do anything I figured, I figured out a way to order pizzas to, yeah, it was like, so I did get a break. Lieutenant Dan ice cream. Ice cream. Yeah, it was basically like that, man.

I've talked to Will O'Donnell, our friend in comic, and me and Will are the exact same age. And right out of high school, he went to the Marines. So we had this whole conversation about how we basically did everything in the opposite. And then he had his first daughter at like 19. We had this whole conversation about how we basically did everything in the opposite. Then he had his first daughter at like 19. Now he has grown kids, he's retired from the military, and he's basically relaxing. I didn't go and I wasted a bunch of time and now I have very young children. We just went the opposite direction. He didn't retire from the military though. Did he not retire? No.

I mean he I think he did six. He draw some money though. I don't know man. I don't think so. Like he he's got to work. I got he didn't do the full 20 or whatever. He told me during basic training you would go to bed really early but you're so tired that you can easily go to sleep. Oh, yeah. And then when they wake you up at 430 or whatever in the morning, when just your eyes open, you're like, oh, you got to start again. Like just waking up when you realize the day started. He said he loves Sundays because church, they wouldn't mess with you at church.

You could go to, you know. But I mean, he's the Marines and so not, it's not the army, but man, the stuff he was telling me that he went through, like not even hazing, just training is like, oh gosh, man, that's awful. Yeah, that, that's, uh, yeah, the Marines is a whole nother level, I think. I mean, what we did, it was a lot of, it wasn't as much physical hazing as I think that you, you get as an enlisted guy in the Marines, but it was, I remember the, the summer basic training, I was pretty quickly

identified as a screw up. Like, and there was this guy, Cadet Pohlford, that, uh, he was a senior and, and his, he, he took a special dislike to me or a special interest in me. And he was like always riding me, and everybody like in the whole battalion knew like, yeah, Warren is always like, he's always screwing up. And then you start over in the academic thing.

And I was like, all right, man, just, it's gonna be my start over fresh. I'm gonna keep a low profile. Nobody's gonna know who I am, you know? And cadet Pulford was in my new academic thing. And he, I think he even was like, I'm going to, you know, Warren's getting a fresh start. So the first day you, you, you had to deliver

the upperclassmen's laundry, you know, they're dry cleaning their uniforms. And I was delivering his dry cleaning. I guess I was dragging his shirt on the floor or something. And he stood in the middle of the hallway. He was like, Warren! Like, just, just at that moment, everybody in the whole company knew my, and they were like, man, this guy, this kid is already a, has a reputation. How do you make somebody that mad that quick? You know? So. And you got to think in your situation, at some point, you're like, you guys recruited me

There's no talking back. There's none of that. None of that like I mean, I thought a lot But you did there even like if you did that you're a dead man for six months Like you don't see guys do that though. I saw this guy Lissick one time just like give kind of a look Yeah to one of the guys and his life was miserable for like three weeks like like give kind of a look to one of the guys. And his life was miserable for like three weeks, like a different kind of miserable. It was, your life was gonna be miserable the whole time. But yeah, from what I understand,

they've changed quite a bit of it. It's a lot of it was, a lot of it was, I think maybe unnecessary, because it's especially for an entire year, because it's not that the regular army is not like that. There's a lot of discipline and a lot, but there's, you gotta do a lot of stuff, but it's not, it's more like a job,

the regular army, I think. But yeah, that was. So the goal of West Point is you're becoming officers, and you'll eventually oversee the Dustys. Yeah, I'd have been, you know, ordering Dusty around. Yeah. Slay! Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You come out a second lieutenant. So you go for four years and then you owe the government five years after that. You owe them five years. And you can quit, when I was there at least, you can quit anytime up to the first day of school, your junior year. And I remember the first day of school

that they were doing their announcements up front and they're like, you know, juniors welcome to a career in the military. Isn't it like, Oh, cause like you're in it now. You're in, you can't leave. If you do leave or you flunk out or you quit, you're going to do dusty.

You're, you're going to the regular army. You're not an officer anymore. Like you're going to pay us one way. You probably have to retroactively pay the tuition and everything too, right? I don't drop out. I don't know about that. And it was like, I got a salary. Like you were, you not only were like, they paid for everything and your books and uniforms and everything, but they, I got, you know, you got a little bit of a, a little bit of money.

And I L deal. You ever see the movie, uh, officer and a gentleman. Yeah. That's one of my favorite movies. Yeah. Uh, yeah. Richardere. I got nowhere else to go. And Lou Gossett Jr. That's one of my favorite movies. It's a great movie. So if you had to stay, what was your career plans? It's funny, I think about why did I go? And honestly, I mean, there's a few reasons. I think it was like I went to a high school, it was a public high school, but a lot of my friends were pretty smart, well off, and they were all like going to these upper crust Eastern colleges, you know? And I was lazy and just never really did it. I was focused on wrestling. So I was like, and I never thought about where I was going to go to school until

wrestling season was over my senior year. But I was getting all these calls from West Point, a couple other places, but West Point, I was like, well, this is, and I'd tell people that, and every adult, everybody that you tell about it is like West Point, that is. You know, and so as a kid, I'm 17 years old, I'm like, well, this is, I win, I beat everybody, this is, I didn't think about

whether I wanted to do it or not. The thing I've, I was like, Liz Miller was the prettiest girl in our high school and we were sitting next to each other in journalism and I said, uh, hey, Liz, I got a call from the, the, the coach at West Point and they want me to go to West Point. She was like, that's cool. That's why I went like that. We didn't go out.

Like we didn't. We did it for Liz Miller. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like to think that this is the first time you've told that part of the story and Liz Miller's watching right now going, you did that for me, Greg? Yeah.

I've met her husband, you know. Oh, really? Yeah. Bobby. They came out to a show. But she doesn't know this detail though. Yeah. I don't think it's gonna change anything,

Dusty. Yeah, she's a surgeon, like a renowned surgeon. Whoa. Yeah, yeah. She did real well and her husband's a good looking guy. She should have went to West Point. Yeah, it all worked out for Liz. Thank God for her this happened. Yeah, she's, yeah. And Liz is watching like, I said that? She's, yeah. Liz is watching like, I said that? Yeah, yeah. I don't remember saying that. Yeah, she- You're leaving? Cool.

Yeah, yeah. Why did you leave there? I mean, I think it's weird. One, I just didn't, I think when you're that young, I was doing the math. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna get out of here when I'm what? 21, I'm gonna graduate. Then I have five more years. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna get out of here when I'm what? 21, I'm gonna graduate. Then I have five more years, I'll be 26 years old.

That's most of my life. I don't wanna commit to my whole life. I mean, I was just thinking, I can't commit to anything for this long. I also, you know, probably wanted, I lived a pretty strict lifestyle. My dad was pretty strict. I was wrestling.

Like, you know, it wasn't crazy strict, but I wanted to party a little bit. I also thought I wanted to be a comedian back then. I really did. I remember doing impressions of the upperclassmen. I was like, and I chickened out. I got home and I got home from West Point and they were like, what do you want to do? I'm like, I think I'm going to go to Los Angeles and be a comedian. I was, I think I don't think I was 18 yet or I don't know what. And I was, my dad was like, my dad was not, he was like, yeah, all right. Well, yeah, okay. You know, I'll give you this amount of money that much.

And then I sort of got scared. And two days after I got out of the military, the coach from Missouri came to my house and was like, Hey, he had dinner with us. And he was like, I want to offer you a scholarship to Missouri. And I sort of like, my dad didn't force me in that direction, but he sort of was like, hey, if you go this other way to LA, like, are you, and I wasn't done. I still thought I could be good in college and wrestling too, but yeah, it kind of chickened out a little bit. Yeah. But I remember like when you quit West Point, you have to go, like you have to tell your squad leader and then you have to tell your platoon

leader and these are all like college kids and then you have to tell that. And then you have to go to the real, the officers, the, you know, the guys in the army and you can tell them like I had to go through like nine people and they'd all talk to me and they'd be like, well, you know, we think you're doing okay. You had some, your grades are good. You screwed up a few times, but I think you can be a good soldier. And I'd be like, yeah, man. Yeah. And they'd be like, all right. I'd be like, I still want to quit though. You know, and then I'd have to go to the next guy. Yeah. Yeah. That stuff's hard. I thought I was letting my country down. I was, I wanted to quit football. I was only playing one year of football, wanted to quit in eighth grade.

And I came out of the, I had all my stuff and my mom goes, what are you doing? I go, I'm quitting. And she was like, go tell your coach. And then I just went and put my stuff back in the locker and played the rest of the year. Yeah. It's hard to be like, I'm quitting. Yeah. And for you to have, and I know just from the physical, you have to go, you had to go

through so many people talking to them about, you know, substances you might've done and you had to deny them no matter what. So you would go through several and then they even, they would have like a real mean guy, a real cool guy, a real cool hot chick who was like, kind of like, hey, you know, it's no big deal, you know, whatever, you mess around with some stuff, you know, just tell us. But I love a man in uniform. Yeah, but you have to just go, no, I've never done it. No, I've never done it.

You must've looked like a real dirt bag because I didn't get any of this. Like, they, yeah, they look at that guy. Yeah. Because I didn't have to do any of that. Yeah, I did. Like they tested me for color blindness and I lied a lot. It did.

I lied a lot. I looked at the army recruitment website for basic training. It's very tool. You can't go in the army, but you're doing good with comics. I mean, you're doing a good research. I think we're hard up right now. Yeah, your career is going well. You have these benefits?

Oh man, dude, if I'm getting drafted, things are bad. We're not going to get drafted. Y'all should go to Dusty's Bunker. If I'm getting drafted, things are not good. But there's an online quiz you can take to see if you want to do it, what you would be best suited for, which you could do on there if you'd like But it's very interesting. They They know the stereotypes about the army and they address them

They're like is it like the movies where the drill sergeants making us blah blah blah And and then they'll be like no, it's not like that. It is they yell at you a lot. Well, yeah I know I'm sure they're just trying to get you in but but I think it didn't you just say it's probably died down Some from what it was the West Point has I mean West Point is not I mean, it's still it's the whole Freshman get hazed. I think if it goes on it doesn't go on for an entire year. There's some stat out there I couldn't quote it at all, but it's something like a large percentage of People military age are like not physically fit to be able to go to the army.

It's like, Oh, I did. I remember, uh, the college fair and a high school, the guys at the air force booth and I walked up, I go, just be honest with me. I don't have any interest in joining the air force. Just looking at me. Do I qualify physically? And he goes, no. Do I qualify physically? And he goes, no. I was like, I appreciate it. They had like a little pull-up bar that you could, I'm not, I'm not doing that. Just ballpark it. This is why you're going to be a, uh, like a big time commu, like I, I don't

remember having that sort of sense of humor about myself when I was 18 years old. I think I was already accepted into college. I was just kind of walking around. I think I took myself way too seriously back then. That's awesome. Well, you were the jock. You were that guy. You were that letterman jacket.

Yeah. I mean, I was good at one sport. Did you hold kids upside down, lunch money and stuff? No. Were you bullied? That thing has become big on the consumers. Those guys say that I shove people in the lockers and people got warranted I, uh, I mean, there's stuff that we did that I'm not proud of. Yeah, of course. But I think I was pretty nice. Mostly.

You were talking about quitting football. There might've been a story. This kid, this kid that was kind of a not very nice guy, he came to spring training in football one year. And dude, we were halfway through. We haven't even started stretches yet. Before stretches, we get in a line and run, you do like high knees for 10 yards and then like, we called him karaoke for 10 yards, but like, this is the pre stretch and he's not having fun. Oh yeah.

And he goes, he goes to the coach. This is the first day spring traded. We haven't even got the jumping jacks yet. Hey, he goes, man, it goes, man, I forgot my cleats. He's wearing cleats. He goes, you forgot your cleats? You forgot my cleats in the locker room, man. He goes, all right, we'll go get them.

Never came back. Never saw them again. That's exactly what I wanted to do. That's great. But this is what did it for me. Opel Ica is good at football. I mean, we're like a good football school, you know? And this is middle school, but they hitting drills, they line you up like

10 yards away from each other. And then you just run at each other and hit. The first time we did it, I was like, that's pretty cool. I like that. But then I got paired up with a guy that was rocking me and I'm like, I, I'm not into this, I want to catch the ball and run a little bit. I'm not trying to ram other guys. You know what I mean?

Hey, yeah. I just want to score touchdowns. I am not into this. Yeah. We call it a meat grinder. Yeah. Two, two, and then one with the ball and you just ran at him. Bull in the ring was banned before I got the high school football.

I don't know what that is, but it sounds like it ought to be banned. The whole team would circle up and there's one guy in the middle and they call a number and that number would run at the guy in the middle and just kind of. Yeah. Bull in the ring, that got banned. Yeah, it should be banned. Because kids were, kids were getting hit. Anyway, not to compare.

Look, closest thing I have to the army. No, I, I mean, I remember when you could, there was a time when you couldn't quit. You could not quit. I think it was at some point in basic training, maybe the whole thing. And, um, and I remember there was a day in some point in basic training, maybe the whole thing. And I remember there was a day in the middle of basic training where you're allowed to quit. Now some guys quit before that and they didn't really go after them.

They like tied bedsheets together and literally snuck out you know, that kind of thing and left. But you could quit and then it was like, oh, you can quit. And then you just march by and you're out marching, doing everything and there's all these guys lined up for out processing. You just see them. And man, this is a cadence that this guy called

as you're walking by, he goes, you're left, you're left, your buddy just left. They were funny. They were fun man. The army it has a it's a that sort of gallows humor but it is they were very funny. Yeah. Has any famous comedians served in the army? Shane Gillis went to West Point but only for like I think a week. He was there one of those guys that quit early. I don't know if he yeah but he went to West Point. I don't know Shane. I met him like briefly once, but yeah, he, he went for a little while and I think he played football too. He went there to play football. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I, there's a guy

named, he, his stage name was Eddie Strange. His name is Ross. Uh, and he was before, he was way before me, very funny guy, a New York comic. And he did basically what I did, I think. His name's Ross? Yeah. But he went by Eddie Strange? I think for a while he went by Eddie Strange. Ross Bennett? Ross Bennett.

Ross Bennett. Yeah, Ross Bennett went to West Point, like maybe even a little longer than I did. He might have gone in, he may have gone, there he is, yeah, yeah, he's a really funny comic, man. Yeah, he's still around. Not a guest. Yeah, I know. Yeah, it does not look at all like, yeah, but very bright guy, very funny comic. Well, I can talk about some other, did you want to do the recruitment, Aaron, or are you out? I just went through it. I'm already out. Question one, I was out. So what's your favorite form of physical fitness? Strength training, cardio, cross training or yoga? I put yoga. And then it's just, how long can you hold a plank?

Oh, you like how begs the plank? You two minutes a plank? No, exactly. Well, this is like a quiz about it's like a test yeah, there were a couple one of them was about which one You seems like you're lying on some of this stuff. I'm lying I mean, this is the army. I don't care if you're just even mess around. You can't be lying to the army. You're right You're right. Yeah, I'm sorry. There's three Three components the US Army the regular army and two reserves,

the army national guard and the army reserve. So that's just a few weeks a year. Right? Yeah. Well, I mean, until your country invades Iraq and that was a problem with the reserves is like, you know, who went over there at first was reserve units. So these guys are like, hey man, yeah, I'm in for two, you know, like two weekends a month or something and one week a year and I do this. And then they're like, you're going to Iraq for 18 months. And these were, most of them, I went over there and did shows one time

and it's their reserve units over there. That's crazy. That freaked out a lot of people. Yeah, cause for me, I want to say I had a three year active duty and I want to say it was five years in active duty. So basically it was like, you're in for three years. And then if we need you within that five, then you'll be reactivated.

So I thought, well, I was just so weird about how America was that I was like, oh, they're just so weird about how America was that I was like, oh, they're never gonna need me. What's gonna happen? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and it might've been 10 years, but I think it was five in active duty. I think when you get out of West Point, if you leave after five years, you know,

do your five years, you have some reserve. Yeah. I think they can call you up for a long time. Mm-hmm. They didn't for a lot of my friends though, that got out after five years. So Army recruitment slogans, we've already talked about the big one,

be all you can be. That was from 1980 to 2001. Was there a jingle attached to that too? You remember how it went? Be all that you can be in the Army. That's right. That doesn't sound right. No, he's right. At first I thought he was... It's got to be a deeper voice than that though. Oh yeah. No, it's... It sounded like a cheerleader.

We're gonna drop a bomb on you if you drop the gun. It sounds like Greg Warren's bit. Be patient. Be patient. It's a little... And in that commercial, the guy would say, we do more before 9am. That's the one I was in before. Then you do all day. Yeah. Then you don't. And that's what made me say, I do not want to. I don't get up till 10 30. We do more all day before you. We do more before 9am than most people do all day. Yeah. I remember that one. Yeah.

Bed night hitter. We got a good army at the army. Yeah. I think the singer was more masculine. Bed not hit up. We got a good army at the army. Yeah. I think the, the, the singer was more masculine. I see. Wow. I nailed it. You did nail it. Mine's deeper in this guy. Apology accepted. Who is this? Billy Joel. It's getting me fired up though, man. He's totally got it. I gotta say something. I'm sorry.

I got a, maybe the biggest retraction I've ever made on this podcast. I want to completely apologize. Yeah, me too. Damage done guys, but okay. No, that you, that you. I mean, it was higher than you were. No, I think he might've actually been the guy. That's a younger version of it.

1982. I remember the Marines had the, the God smack song. It was like, uh, I don't know. It was good. All right. So, but it was. All right. So that was singing it baits the God smack thing.

That was till 2001 from 2001, 2006, Army of one. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty weak compared to be all you can be. Be all you can be is. 2006, 2018. I'm loving it. Army strong.

Army strong. Army strong, still not be all you can be. Yeah, it's not being good. 2018 to 2023, started off as Warriors one and then they changed it to what's your warrior. Yeah. Yeah. Still, man.

This is getting, and then now they're like, come on guys. Now they're back to be all you can be. Come on guys. Come on guys. Just join. No, just join though. We need you. The Harvey, please.

Yeah, they're just, they're just resorting. A war to start. We need you to get in there. I'm loving it. No guys, you can't do that one. Is there a, Greg, is there a movie about West Point or set at West Point? Man, there was a movie called Dress Grey. I believe that was not about West Point,

but it was about, like, it was like about a, there's these- Military school? Yeah, about a military school. Was it a mini series? Oh, but it was about, like, it was like about a, there's these- Military school? Yeah, about a military school. Was it a mini series? Oh, was it? Alec Baldwin, Hal Holbrook. Is that Lloyd Bridges? Yeah, Lloyd Bridges.

Hal Holbrook's like one of my favorite- The program about a cadet at a West Point-like military academy. Yeah. So, I remember that, watching that, and like when I had already, it came out after, right? Well, okay. 86. So the year I was there, but I remember watching it at some point, maybe a rerun with my mom, and my mom was like, I'm so glad you're not there anymore.

Yeah. Yeah. And you were like, mom, this is pretty light. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, and then, so to get in the army, to be an officer, you can either be ROTC, okay, or you can be West Point, or you can go to these other military academies that you pay to go to, like VMI. And then what's

the one in Charleston? The Citadel? The Citadel. Oh, yeah. You pay to go to school there. Wow. I knew a lot of Citadel cadets. We were always amazed. But like these kids are paying to get hazed. Like, like, that's what the guys in the fraternities are doing too. Yeah. There was a bar in Charleston called big John's tavern and they used to have on the wall, they used to have tons of Citadel cadet bat name plates on there. Yeah. And then all the Hyman's people started putting our name tag

because we were like a little Hyman's army out there. Yeah. And then all the Heimans people started putting our name tag. Because we were like a little Heimans army out there. Now that even that Big Johns looks good. I mean, they they revamped it. I mean, it was when I started going there, you could smoke cigarettes inside. I mean, it was your one year there. No windows at all at Big Johns. Your one year there. Did you go to the Army Navy game? Yeah, no, I was my back. You can't remember?

I was, I was. The coffee was sporting. My back. I was in the hospital. I was, I didn't go. Or pizza. It's a big deal. I did go to football games and you have to stand

the entire game as like, if you're cadet, you have to stand the whole game and you're in uniform. And yeah, those are. And you're losing. That would stink if you're 55 to nothing service academies. No, they, they weren't the, I mean, they, you know, they played other teams that weren't all that they want. Sure. Sure. Yeah. Uh, a few other armies. We already talked about salvation army,

but mentioned them earlier. Uh, kiss army kiss army. Are you a member of Kiss Army? I wasn't. The band? Yeah. Yeah, you all heard that? Yeah. The fans from Yellow Vineyard, baby.

That's the best one. You saw me. I saw Kiss at Bridgestone. Unbelievable shit. Yeah. So I didn't think I'd know many of their songs. They were like, this guy's got some hits. I was made for Yellow Vineyard, it's a great song.

It's maybe the only kiss song I really like. Beth was the ballad. Yeah. Yeah. Rock and roll. No, uh, this is how that started January, 1975, two guys, two teenage kiss fans from Terre Haute, Indiana began calling the local radio station, hounding them to get kiss kiss music played after being turned down over and over. They begin calling claiming they're

the part of the Kiss Army and they threatened to blow up the station. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. So they began to play Kiss songs and then the fan club just- I'm not calling for that. Just grew from that, from this Kiss Army. And in 2008, Condoleezza Rice, then Secretary of State, enlisted in the Kiss Army. She did? Wow. Condi Rice, the KISS Army. When I was a kid in Vacation Bible School and we would sing the song, I'm in the Lord's Army. Have you ever heard that? No.

I like it though. It goes, I may never march with the infantry, shoot the artillery, ride with the cavalry, but I'm in the Lord's army. Pete Slauson His Lord's army song was more masculine than the Be All You Can Be song. Pete Slauson That's when I was eight. Pete Slauson Yeah. Pete Slauson All right.

Pete Slauson Well, should we mention before we go, I mean, it's been a running joke on this podcast for years about me, about me being a candidate for Pope. And then we get a new Pope and he's about as close to me as I ever thought we would get. Born in Chicago. Crazy. Can't overstate the surprise and just what a wild story that is. So nobody saw that coming. He was on a couple short lists towards the end there, but like nobody was putting money on him. And there's a lot of money being, I was, I was checking the markets and not a lot of people were putting money on this guy. So it's a, it's a crazy thing. I mean, we've all seen the videos on a white socks game. What if like,

wild is, does Vegas really have odds? Yeah, Yeah. For sure. What if one of the card Vegas got caught? You go to one of those Catholic, uh, church picnics. Yeah. There's a ton of, there's a ton of gambling at those things, man. What are the cardinals though? They helped decide like got caught placing a major bet and then maybe, but, uh, it's, it's just, it's crazy to see the Pope speak English. Yeah. I know that sounds like such a small thing, but I've, I've never seen a Pope and like they, he's the, he would watch the Chicago Bulls. He's a White Sox fan. He's a White Sox fan. I mean, he spent like, he's a missionary in Peru. So he, I, I guess I saw some Cardinals say like, he wasn't even really thought of as a, as an American, but he is American. He was joint

citizenship Peru and the US. He did a lot in Peru though. Like they, they claim him. Right. I heard some guys. Yeah. I mean, he spent the probably the bulk of his like life as a priest, priest over there, but just a guy from Chicago, the interviews with his brothers are so great. And I don't know if you've seen them. They're like, they were texting them the night before, like, do you watch Conclave? And then they're watching them and he walks out.

That's crazy. Imagine your brother walking out like, Oh my God, Rob. Did they have to address him now as Pope Leo? They kept getting asked about that. They're like, he's always going to be robbed of me. And they asked the older brother, like, what are you going to do when you see him? He goes, I'm going to do it. The same thing I've always done.

I'm going to, I'm going to put them in a headlock and say, Rob, you dummy, what have you done? It's crazy, dude. As well. Man, I just realized I've been slouching the whole podcast. We all do that. I know. I just said crack. I don't know if you heard that. All right. Let's get into some shows we're doing. Yep. This weekend, I will be in Salt Lake

City, Utah. Wise Guys Comedy Club. Saturday show's getting close to be a sellout. So, oh, look at that. If you wait the last minute, you might not get tickets, but then come to check and come to Friday show. But Friday Saturday I love wise guys I love Salt Lake City it's gonna be a great city it's a fantastic club yeah yes that's where I'm fun yeah great people can I just can I just plug the special and yeah yeah can I do that you both yeah I got, I got a comedy special out this Friday on Nate Land. It's my second special with Nate.

It's called The Champ and pretty happy about it. Yeah. How long has it been since the first? Prequel to the chairman. Yeah. Yeah. Prequel to the chairman. How long has it been since the...

You laugh it up, man. Wait till you see some of these chair jokes, man. I believe it. How long has it been since The Salesman? Awesome. Yeah. Now, how long has it been since the Salesman? Awesome. Yeah. Now how long has it been since your last? Oh, right about two years. Okay. That's pretty great. Right about two years. Yeah. Two years later. Well, Nate's putting them out every six weeks. He's about every two years. No, he's about every two years. Yeah. But it's... That's awesome. Yeah.

It's... Well, the first one's beloved by beloved by the Nate land world and you're everybody's favorite guest and, uh, we're excited to see the special. Bates was, uh, on the consumers saying that, uh, uh, Reno Collier, uh, pass me up and I'm a big Reno fan and I, you know, I'm okay with that. Reno's great. Yep. He's pretty awesome. Fair to you.

It was one appearance by Reno. That's right. Several. So there's more to judge. Yeah. Let's see. Let's brought it like nine times. Yeah. Let's see what Reno does on his seventh. I love Reno, but I'm just trying to be fair to you here. You've had a lot of appearances.

Reno's hilarious. People loved me on my first appearance, but now there's a dump dusting. Well, Greg, you were on- Dude, that guy was, he was on you the first episode. Yeah. You were on episode 99, peanut butter and potato chips. Yeah, that was a fun episode. People still often say, my favorite episode ever.

And then the next week, number 100 is when we announced Dusty is the newest. Oh yeah, man. And we have him covered up. So there were some people like, is it Greg? Is it Greg? Yeah. But- And then they were pleasantly surprised. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, guys. Yeah. That was sincerity. I like what we're doing. Yeah.

Uh, so yeah, I got a special out. Yeah. That's awesome. Thanks to Nate, that Nate produced the whole thing, Nate and Adrienne and Abigail. And, uh, thanks to And thanks to all of them. It took a lot of work and I'm pretty excited about it. Shot in Columbus? Columbus, Ohio.

Yeah. And what shows you got coming up? Oh, you know what? I'll be at the Irvine Improv on May 21st. That's in Orange County. Nice. So I think it's a Thursday night, maybe a Wednesday night, Wednesday night.

Aaron Weber here this weekend, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania at the live casino. One show only, one night only. Come on out if you're in the Pittsburgh area. And then later this month, I'm doing two shows in South Bend, Indiana. One of them's almost sold out. We added the second show. That one not even close to resembling sold out. So two shows in South

Bend. You come see me and then Fort Wayne, Indiana Summit City Comedy Club, June 1st. Okay. Friday night. I'm in Portland, Maine. My second time only going to Portland, Maine, but I got a show selling pretty well, pretty excited about it. And then Saturday in New York City, my first official show in New York City. I've been there many times to do late night, but my first- And Netflix special.

And a Netflix special, yes. Oh, you shot that in- Well, no, my half hour for the stand-ups. Okay. I shot in New York. A bit of COVID-y time. So it was a weird time. I was there.

It was wild. Yeah. But this is my first official show at the town hall. So I'm talking about it not being sold well, but to me, I'm excited that the amount of tickets that we've sold already, that we've sold them, because who would ever thought I'd be doing a theater in New York City?

So it's amazing. Yeah, man, you're playing in New York City, man. So I'm very excited. So I don't, if nobody else buys tickets, those people that bought tickets, we're gonna have a great time. Yeah, right. I don't think other people on my team

will be as happy about it, but, but I'm very, I'm very happy. I'd like to see a few more of you, you know, come on out. Yeah, come on out, man. Yeah, but I, you know, I'm very happy. I'd like to see a few more of you, you know, come on out. Yeah. Come on out, man. Yeah. But I, you know, I'm just, I've done comedy shows for much less people than have already

bought tickets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. You stayed in like a pretty sweet hotel in New York City? I just, you know, I stay right around the hotel and I are right around the venue and I'm, I like a, I'm a courtyard Marriott guy. Yeah. I like.

They're nice. Stayed in one a couple of nights ago. I don't try to get fancy with a hotel. I'd like to see you get a little fancy in New York city next time, man. Like do it all. Yeah. Yeah. It's New York city, man. Yeah.

But I'm just there one night. So it's like, maybe stay in extra night or something. You know? Yeah. Yeah. It's New York city. Well, Greg, thanks for coming, man. Oh, thanks a lot guys guys. Thanks for everything.

It's a lot of fun. Everyone out there, be all you can be. Be, be. That was six octaves lower than you sang it. Yeah, it was. Be all you can be. Like a GI Joe, GI Joe. Like a boy band or something. Yeah, and BJ's out here. All right, guys. Thanks. See you next week. Hey!