The Nateland Podcast - #3 The Money Episode

Episode Date: July 15, 2020

This episode, we discuss important topics like if Nate could write a hit song, does Brad Pitt cut his own grass, if Aaron could invent a xylophone that fits in his pants, and mistakes Sadam Hussein would make at a Jeff Bezos dinner party.    Podcast produced by Nate & Laura Bargatze Recording & Editing by Genovations Media https://www.natebargatze.com https://www.allthingscomedy.com https://www.genovationsmedia.com Email - [e-mail]

what's up everybody welcome to episode this is the third episode of nateland we're we're on to something uh we're rolling i uh thank you for everybody you know this is the first podcast we've done where we've actually the episodes have been out uh we've seen how you know the response and i mean it's been good you know we it's everybody's been positive i think right like uh so thank you for everybody that's been watching and there has been everybody gets that we're you know i imagine beginning of every podcast is uh to you got to figure out what you're doing the system how we're going to do it and uh i think we're figuring out we've kind of stumbled on an idea like it's almost like the theme of a podcast you know it's tough to because it's like what are you gonna do like there's interviews there's whatever. And then so we have a new formula that we're trying this time.

And it's Krispy Kreme donuts. We have a lot of papers. I like papers. I'm a fan. You really feel like you're getting something done. Yeah. It feels like when you stack them, it feels nice. We have this new sticker that we put on the table.

See if that... We just try stuff. Yeah. We just put stuff out there, man, and see if it works. We met a fan yesterday. You met a fan? We did. We did.

Remember when we were at lunch and the guy... Hey, listen to the podcast. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Where was it? Oh, yes. The guy we met yesterday. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Where was it? Oh, yes. The guy we met yesterday. Yeah.

Yeah. Sorry. I'm not a big, I don't like talking to the fans out in the public now. Yeah. Very nice guy. Yeah. Didn't know my name, but. Yeah.

He called him Matt. Called Brian Matt. He said, Nate and Matt? Yeah. Wasn't sure. And went with Matt. And so, I don't feel like he looked like a Matt. I was going to say,

that's a pretty good guess. He said, I don't know why I thought your name was Matt. And they said, well, we got an Aaron. He said, oh yeah, I know Aaron. I love Aaron.

Yeah. But his name was Ben. I know him. But then when he left, he's like, what was your name one more time? Oh, man. Yeah.

I should have said Worf. He was very nice. See if he's a real fan of the you know does he dive deep like did you go out back to episode one you're one of those real fans like are you just a new guy that shot showed up at episode two uh yeah it was uh yeah he was very nice and uh what's satco uh go the San Antonio taco they've out outdoor eating yeah spread out spread out and I'm a huge San Antonio taco thing really yeah I'm a it's my favorite I would go we'd always go to after Vandy football

game because it's right by the campus there right yeah I used to work right around the corner from there we go there for lunch all the time oh really yeah where'd you work it? On Music Row. Oh, yeah? Just doing music stuff? Just doing big. It's very vague. Yeah, you know, Music Row.

I worked at a company that had nothing to do with music, but we were on Music Row. So would y'all make everybody furious that y'all were on Music Row? Well, we would get, this is true, like once a week somebody would walk in thinking we were a music place. Yeah. And like some guy would show up. He's like, I'm from Texas. This is my CD. Like somebody would walk in thinking we were a music place. Yeah. And some guy would show up. He's like, I'm from Texas. This is my CD. I drove all the way here trying to make it.

He's already off to the wrong start. Exactly. I guess he just thinks you just walk in random places and give them your music. Yeah. We would take it. We'd be like, all right, we'll see what we can do. Yeah. We had nothing to do with music.

Yeah. What was the company called it was called 16 digital it was a i mean oh i'd believe that yeah i would think that's and what did y'all do we were a social media company oh yeah all right but you just think music row they're all studios you know yeah i'll just show up and somebody will buy i mean it's got to be all day long those guys are just and people are driving in just going like, this is my dream. I typed in, you know, I'm from, I drove from Texas, typed in Music Row. Yeah.

And then just drove. Which one of these looks like a 16 digital? That sounds like the place I need to be. The guy's like, I'll go there because that's positively music. Yeah. And then I'll, the other ones, I'm not sure. Yeah. My dentist is on Music, I think it's Music Row. I don't other ones I'm not sure yeah uh my dentist is on music I think it's music

row I don't know I never know I got another thing that I go there I went I still give them my cd uh when I go in there was I there's they have a music thing in like across the hall from them from the dentist and uh they do uh i saw i saw people in there yesterday talking about music and i thought about it i think i can write a song i think i and i think it's super insult i'm not trying to be insulting to the music writers but i think but it can't be as comedians we write jokes we're writers i've written shows i, like, I know how to write, so like, why could we not write a song? A song is a story,

right? Like, that's all. The lyrics to a song? You say you could write the lyrics. The lyrics that I don't listen to. I'm not, I'm not saying I'm good, but so that's why it even makes me think

I could do it even more. I think I could write the lyrics. I think I could write a song. But no musical element to it, just the lyrics. I can't sing. I played the trumpet when I was in seventh grade, so I might throw some trumpet in there.

I might, whatever. When I would give my song to people, I would just be like, there's just one thing. I would like a little trumpet. And then I would see it, and they'd be like, oh, I don't know, man. That would be the deal breaker for them, is that I would be like like I played trumpet very briefly and

don't even really care about the trumpet you know why I played the trumpet I wanted to play the saxophone saxophone when I was in high school saxophone was the instrument it was the one to do it was so cool but it was expensive and my parents can afford it so they could only afford a trumpet and then they got all their friends then we had a friend that played the trumpet and they had him come give me a big talk about how cool the trumpet is so like they're just trying to trick me into being like he's like i played the trumpet and it was i mean it was a cool and i was like yeah maybe it was cool like and the saxophone was cool but my parents couldn't afford it so why was the saxophone cool? Was that when Bill Clinton was playing it?

Yeah, it would have been, yeah, it would have been 90s. Get on Arsenio. Seventh grade. Yeah. Saxophone was just cool. It's still pretty cool. Saxophone's still pretty cool. Trumpet's up there now.

Trumpet's cool. What do you play? I played the xylophone in high school. I know, but you play a lot of instruments, don't you? Drums, guitar, piano. So if he wrote the lyrics, you could put the music together. He can't be that good. I feel like I've never heard him play.

I think we've got something right here. I know, but I've never heard him play. Well, I've never heard you write a poem. But I have written jokes. That's true. But now that you're like, well, I can play everything, you seem like that makes me worry. I'm not great at anything.

I'm pretty good at a lot of different stuff. Well, he's a great songwriter. I'm a great songwriter. You've never written a joke that rhymed. I mean, the dead horse joke is a beautiful song. Yeah, it's iambic pentameter. It's written in, yeah. Yeah.

All right. Well, it might even be the new song for this show. You going to write a theme song for it? No, I'm just saying maybe you do a little bit of everything. Do you have all those instruments at your house? I don't have a xylophone at the house. You have everything else? We've got a guitar and a keyboard.

Did you bail on the xylophone? I never got good at the xylophone because I could never practice at home. I don't know. Who has a xylophone in their house? What is a xylophone? Yeah, it was technically a marimba where it's just wooden blocks. It's like a piano, but you hit it with it. Burma.

He's got a joke about it. It's a prop comic. He plays it on his phone. You bring it out. Have you ever done it on stage? No. Do you want to? If I had a...

No, I wouldn't. But I've never done a show where a xylophone is around. Yeah. But if you walked in... I've done shows. I've done a show at a high school where they would have all this stuff. If they had a trumpet nearby, would you pull it out? No, I couldn't do the trumpet now.

I mean, I could barely do it in seventh grade. If they were like, we need a songwriter, anybody would you like? I'm a marine biologist. I would say I could be a songwriter. I would be like, I think if they needed a songwriter immediately and there's no songwriters, I think I would be in big demand as at least being a writer. I've written.

I would tell them that. I've written stuff before. That's what I would stand up. Hello. I've wrote things in the past. And they would be like, oh, that's good enough. And then I would go up there and I would just do my act. I would just do like a tonight show set, like a five minute.

Which the dad whore story is five minutes long. I did it all in one Tonight Show. So that's... I mean, how long is the song? Four and a half minutes. Three and a half minutes. So I cut some stuff out. Throw some rhymes in.

Dead Horse, I say divorce in Dead Horse. Those rhyme in the thing. I mean, I don't know how this is not going to be a song. There's one. Yeah. There's one there's one yeah there's one rhyme yeah it's a journey uh all right uh so uh one thing we we we did watch something and uh it's we all watched i don't know if anybody, if people at home have seen The Perfect Bid. The price, it's on, I think, is it on Netflix or no? It's on YouTube and Amazon Prime.

And Amazon Prime. And two sponsors. No. We get big sponsors. Amazon Prime is our sponsor of the show. So The Perfect Bid is a great documentary about i think it's on netflix dude it's a great documentary about a guy uh that was a prices was right contestant and they thought he was cheating because he knew all the prices he just like was a guy because you know when you

watch that show when you watch prices right i mean it's like a can of beans how much is it and then you know it's like i mean you think people would be great at it or like how much a couch is or something but they're not but this guy was like a photogenic right is that photogenic well he was just that way is that how you say that photographic now what do you say he was very photogenic this guy was a looker yeah photogenic's not he was not looker. Yeah, photogenic's not his. He was not that photogenic, but I want to throw that out there. What's the memory thing? Photographic memory?

Photographic memory. There you go. Photogenic memory. Yeah. This guy was not photogenic, so therefore he had a lot of free time to memorize prices, and he kept it like a spreadsheet. Yeah. And he just memorized them all, and then he caused a lot of

trouble for them he wasn't doing anything illegally um just was too good at his job basically that's how i look at like counting cards with casinos yeah like that where they get mad like it's not illegal i've always thought that yeah why is why is i'm just too i'm just good at the game yeah i don't know. They don't like it. And it's like you've created a system. It's a problem for these casinos. But, like, I don't, like, why couldn't you just go in and go, I am counting cards.

In my head, I'm not touching the cards. I'm just counting them. And what are you going to do? I feel like if you walked into a casino and had, like, a camera crew with you, like, you know, and you're like, we're going to, I'm counting cards, and I you going to do I feel like if you walked into a casino and had a camera crew and you're like I'm counting cards and I'm going to do it and it's not illegal and then just see what they do

as you get murdered but casinos maybe still do that take people in back rooms I don't know if that really goes on I don't know now would be the perfect time to do it because you can't do stuff like that that's how i bet they still do it though

what i bet you got to go to the right casino yeah you're gonna go to some casino down the down the way down the strip at the other end you don't go count cards there they're like yeah we still do that stuff you got to go to mgm the win like go to a nice one that's like we can't afford to do this to you but yeah i never understood why don't they let them like why is it not like just just say it it's almost like being sneaky is the problem with it versus if you walked in and go i am counting cards. I'm doing something legal. I agree. I'm going to do it. Do you think they'd be fine with it if you were just up front?

I'm saying it gives you a better chance. When you're sneaky is when they go, what else are you doing? If you just come in and go, I'm a card counter and that's what I'm doing. I'm going to see if I can beat the game by counting. How's that not a strategy? You just tell the dealer when you sit down, just letting you know,

I'm counting. Just heads up. How you doing, everybody? I'm counting cards. You got a little slower than normal. I appreciate it. I'm new. It's my first time.

We'll try this. First time we'll try. Are you good at it? I don't know. We're going to find out. Hang on. What was that before you throw it back? What was that?

The Price is Right guy, it couldn't happen now, right? Because he, back in the day, because once something aired on television, it didn't air again for a week, they would reuse prizes on The Price is Right. And they don't do that anymore because of this guy. Right? Wasn't that part of it? This and DVR. Yeah.

So this guy had a big spreadsheet, kept track of everything. Yeah. Just dominated. So the final thing is, he's not even up there, but another guy is doing the Showcase Showdown, and he yells out the exact right amount. It's like 20-something thousand. He's figured it out. And the guy nails it.

And I feel bad because the woman that he's competed against she came within 400 and something dollars of getting hers right hers was 30 000 that's an incredible bid and she knew she probably had it and then this guy gets exactly right well people wouldn't listen to him and then they some of them would figure out too like to like listen to this guy because that was where he was the most damaged to the game it wasn't him playing the game, right? It was him yelling this stuff out. And once people realized that like,

Oh, you should be listening to this guy. This guy knows. Cause everybody just yells all these crazy things. And this guy was just yelling the exact amount. And once like you would see some people like catch onto it and be like, that guy knows what he's doing. And then they would listen to him.

How do you think you would do Price is Right? Do you know the price of milk? No. Would you listen to your wife if she was yelling? How much is milk? $3? I used to think, you know, my iced coffee with milk joke, one part of it that came from

an old way, I would say milk was not, milk is not in your life unless a woman is in your life. You have milk growing up because your mom always makes you drink all this milk. And then you go to college and you live on your own. You never buy milk. Milk's just gone. And then you get married again and milk is right back into your life. Like, guys just tend to not do milk.

You just don't think to buy it, I think. Oh, I don't think that at all. Well, you're a 50-year-old, 100-year-old man. I think single guys eat cereal three meals a day. Cereal's the only thing, but I don't know what they do. I think they eat breakfast, you know, I just debunk that joke.

No, it's jokes. It stands to this day. It's still good. It was good in the eighties. It's still good. Uh, yeah,

it's, it's, it's, I don't know. I don't know how I would do on Price is Right. I, I, you know,

I don't, I mean, it's, I know you, it seems like a simple game, but it's like, how much are these beans? I mean, no one knows. No one's paying that much.

It's not like it's a rich or poor problem. It's not like there's poor people on it. They're like, I know all the prices of these. It's all weird things. You know, it's funny. These two people, remember, who was that guy we met that won a car? That's right. His name was Kramer.

His name was Kramer, which is unbelievable. His real name's Kramer. Yeah. And he was like a Kramer from Seinfeld. Yeah, he was. He was the manager at the time at Stardome in Birmingham. Okay. And he was taking us around for media, and he was like, yeah, I won on the Price is Right.

Well, we were walking back to the car, and he's like, look at my license plate. And it had a Price is Right thing, and he said, I won that that on the price is right and he won the whole thing won the whole thing showcase showdown wow yeah how long ago it's been a few years but it's on youtube i looked it up okay he because he talked about too like when those guys win you have to pay taxes and stuff like so people have big trouble trouble if they win the money or if they win these prizes on Precious Right. I mean, some people have to just sell the car, I guess, or they have to.

You can buy it. But it's kind of interesting to think, oh, this person's won all this stuff, and then maybe they don't even get to get it because they can't afford. I had someone else. I talked to my neighbor about it. My neighbor's saying on that home makeover show that they used to do,

they would redo someone's house, and then after they left, they would go reappraise the home, and then their taxes would go up. And then people would be, now I didn't look it up to see if that was true or not. I'd heard that too. Yeah. That's pretty crazy to be like, you think, oh, I'm going to get this free. Like nothing's – you know when people get cash on – some game shows, like you win $100 cash and they never would get the actual cash?

I did one, a game show. I forget who. I want to say Jeff D die hosted it on mtv and we would tell people would go into stores and it was on mtv and see how long they could stay in there before they got kicked out and so you would tell them to do crazy things yeah you would tell them to do crazy things and then if they could do if they would do them all if they said no then they're out of the game and if they do them then they get money and you'd always say like oh you get like 100 bucks cash but they would never get the cash

and it was like always like so you're like just give them the cat like the whole point of this game is like they can walk away and be like i got this cash instead of like being some weird instead of 100 bucks they get 63 dollars you know and it's a check, and it comes later. But I remember I had my funniest moment on there was we went to this candy store, and I told this girl, I had her go around asking people, because she wasn't 18, to buy her the candy cigarettes. So anybody else that she would go in, she would go up to adults and go, I can't afford to buy these. Will you buy these cigarettes for me and they're like i mean they're candy like anybody can buy them and they're like i'm not i'm not i'm not 18 so can you buy me these cigarettes

and so she would ask everybody it's kind of fun yeah and i had her do the milk joke uh i go hey tell this milk thing workshop this i go try this that guy seems like he would get this milk thing uh so you don't think it's a rich poor thing on price right you think celebrities like they have Workshop this for me. I go, try this. That guy seems like he would get this milk thing. So you don't think it's a rich, poor thing on Price is Right? You think celebrities, like they have celebrity who wants to be a millionaire or family fee. You think celebrities would do just as well on Price is Right? I don't know if they would do just as well. I'm just saying it's not like there's a mom on Price is Right that's buying milk every day, being like, I'm just crushing it. She goes shopping or something, and then she knows all the prices.

I don't think it's that. Isn't that used as a litmus test for politicians for how relatable they are? Yeah. I feel like that's used all the time. You don't even know what a gallon of milk costs. Right. Yeah. And most people are like, I don't know what a gallon.

Yeah. When you think, I mean, because you're not ever going to, I'm sure there's a time where you see how much milk. I mean, there is some people that I think get mad when milk goes up. Like they notice that. Like milk is $5 or whatever. How much is milk? Do you know how much milk is?

I don't know how much milk is. How much is milk? $3.79. Oh, you asked the woman? I get like oat milk, $3. Oat milk? $3.79. Oh, you asked the woman? I get like oat milk, $3. Oat milk is $3. I don't know what oat milk is. What about gas?

Do you notice gas prices? I do. You know what gas? I remember, what's the cheapest you've ever seen gas? I remember seeing gas for 69 cents. Wow. It was the cheapest I ever saw gas, and I was driving. The guy just hadn't put the two up yet?

Yeah, it was way more than it seemed. But I remember putting, I would put $5 in my car. That's all you would put, and it'd be half a tank. Ten was a full tank. And that was, you know, you put $5. And that was in high school. I mean, it sounds, now it sounds like I grew up in the 30s. But it was, I remember it being 69 cents, and I just remember thinking, man.

Because it was always under a dollar, I think, was what it was. And then, but 69 cents, I was like, it was in Murfreesboro. And I saw it, and I went and filled up, because I was like it was in murphsboro and i saw it and i went and filled up because i was like you you're like you have to but that's when you're now i fill my car up that's a very adult thing versus a kid thing is like adult is like you just always fill your car up and then when you're in high school or in college i mean you're just putting in the basically enough to get you to the next gas station. It's like you're never

really throwing all your money in it. I think you're always hoping your parents somehow drive you or something happens where they give you gas money somehow. But I remember, what's the cheapest you, do you remember? 32 cents. Really? No.

I don't really, I don't know the cheapest. I don't really I don't know If the cheapest I don't think I notice it Until it gets below Like $2 Because now sometimes You know It's pretty cheap right now

There's places like Lebanon $1.87 $1.87 Yeah I There's a There's a gas station

In LA And my buddy Travis Had always pointed out It's like right in it's kind of Beverly Hills but it's kind of it's in the middle kind of on its own and it's he's always like $5

he's always maybe $2 above everybody else and it's so like you're almost like the audacity of this guy he just doesn't care because it's like you could just drive a little bit more and it would not it's unreasonable how expensive this is and you see people there because i think he's just like he's in beverly hills he's like look these people don't know how much gas costs and they so he just puts it up for more and then it's it's a i think it's a bp or mapco or

something and it's i always see it. When Travis pointed it out to me, I noticed it. I was like, God, that's so funny that this dude is just like, whatever, man. I'm just charging more. I don't really understand price gouging, but I remember when I worked at the TV station

and prices went way up for gas, people would call complaining like, there's a guy selling it for $3.29 and everywhere else around it, across the street, it's 80 cents cheaper. I don't think that's price gouging. Like, why wouldn't you just go to those other places? I think price gouging is when you have no other choice. Yes. I'm looking at...

Yeah, well, I remember seeing gas stations would be more expensive to be across the street, and then you would still see people over there. Like, so, you know, it might be, like, $3.29, and then across the street would be, like, be across the street. And then you would still see people over there. So it might be like $3.29, and then across the street would be like $3.19. And so you'd be like, well, why would you not just go to $3.19? And then people would still be at the $3.29 because I don't know if they would even notice

or they would even care. What would make you choose the one that's slightly more expensive? Is there anything about the gas station that would make you go, I'm willing to pay? If his wife told him to go to the cheaper one. Yeah, that's slightly more expensive. Is there anything about the gas station that would make you go, I'm willing to pay? If his wife told him to go to the cheaper one. Yeah, that's what she would want.

But mine would be, if I feel like I'm getting duped, that's when I don't do it. So if I saw them across the street from each other and say it's the same kind of gas station, I would be like, well, I'm going to the cheaper one just because I'm not an idiot and I feel like you're making me feel like an idiot. I get very like, if I feel like you're duping me on purpose,

then I go to the other one. You would feel like an idiot if you spent one more cent a gallon? Not one more cent, like 10 cents. Oh, 10 cents. 10 cents is his idiot cup. 10 cents is like, what am I? Eight, I don't know, man. That could go either way. Come on. Who do you think I am, dude? 10 cents oh 10 cents yeah 10 cents this is idiot yeah 10 cents is like what i don't know man that could go in the way come on who do you think i am dude 10 cents more that adds up the gallons i can never tell anybody what gallon numbers like how many they ask your car they're like uh how

many gallons you get like a mile and i'm like i don't know man like they're like how many gallons is in your in your car and i'm like i have i don't know, man. They're like, how many gallons is in your car? And I'm like, I don't know. I've never known that kind of mileage. If a car is like, this gets this many miles to the gallon, that never regs. They should come up with a better way. They should just be like, this car costs $40 to fill up. That's how they should sell cars.

And you'd be like, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. I don't think they want you even thinking about you got to spend money on gas. Yeah. Yeah, so they do it. They break it down. What about a rental car? I've started doing, when I would rent with Avis, they do a, I try to rent Avis when I rent cars.

I rented cars 10 years ago when you could actually go out in public. But when I did Avis, you can do a thing where you prepay to fill it up and you just have to have it empty for it to be worth it. But I like that. I always loved that.

So you don't have to, because you're trying to find a gas station somewhere else. But I mean, they charge, if you don't fill your car up and you return it, they will be like, it's like $7 a gallon. It's like something that's ridiculous. Where it's more than the car that you're like, I forgot. They're like, ah.

They're like, some guy walks out with a cigar and tuxedo. He's like, ah. He's been making a living which is so crazy why do they charge why is it that much more i have no idea you know what's the system with that let's look to the bottom of that and investigating series of nate land where we go excuse me avis uh you were talking about celebrities could they here's what i i uh a joke idea that I had that I thought with celebrities making money. I was thinking like Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise lives in a – by the way, I've been going through Mission Impossible.

I'm going through them all. Okay. Back through them all. They're great. He does all his own stunts. I watched a whole YouTube video on that. It's pretty crazy, the stunts he's willing to do. I mean, this guy is basically a walking Walmart. His name's on a movie, and it's going to make a

billion dollars. So it's like he has to be protected. And I mean, Tom Cruise, you think about how famous he's been. I mean, his whole life he's been famous. I mean, there's no reality he lives in. Like, you know, and I'm not saying, I think you always hear he's a great guy. I think he's a nice guy. Like, from all the stuff you see, everybody says he's, anybody I've met that knew him, or people I know that have met him, they're always like, he's amazing, dude.

Like, someone met him, and the guy told him, he's like, just so you know, when you meet him, you're going to be like, oh, we're best friends, and he's the greatest guy ever. Because he's that much engaged with you. When he talks to you, he really looks at you and remembers you. He's just got a wonderful, just a wonderful person. But he can't. If he goes into 7-eleven and buy gum and they're like it's two dollars like i don't know if he's gonna even know like what it means

you know like if he's gonna be like oh it's two dollars like i think if he walked in you could be like it's 27 for gum and and then he might be like oh it's a little bit cheaper than it was but like oh it's gone down like i don't think he would even would he even know 20 is like is he gonna like his cash and maybe he is maybe he's into money like maybe he thinks about money but i mean that's someone that's like i don't know if you would ever even see the money coming in or out like would you you're you're never seeing like here's your paycheck for this it's just money gets put in he has you know business people money gets put in and then money's getting taken out like where you know i don't know does he have any inkling of there's a scene in rain man where he asked dustin Dustin Hoffman how much a candy bar is. I think the doctor

asked and he says about $100. Tom Cruise probably didn't even get why that was funny. He's probably like, I don't get this, but sure, it's in the line. Yeah, it's in the line. $100? Even back then? I mean, probably back then. I mean, dude, he's been famous

my whole life. I'm 41. And so yeah, probably my whole life. I'm 41. And so, yeah, probably my whole life. Been mega famous. So you're saying he's just so far removed from a normal life. He's like a corporation at this point. I think he is a corporation. All the money coming in and out. He's not even seeing it.

He's not doing his own shopping. He's not going to. He can't. Yeah. You know, like Last Dance, they talk about Jordan. Jordan would call a grocery store and they'd stay open for him

so he could come shop alone. I mean, it's that. Like, it's like, Tom Cruise is that. Where, like, those guys, they can't go out. They can't go by themselves. It's too insane.

You would see, if someone sees Tom Cruise if you have a celebrity sees Tom Cruise they're gonna be nervous like someone else that's famous would be like oh my gosh it's Tom Cruise you just can't be above that just because that guy has been in your face on everything for 30 years 40 years like so there there's no way he can buy anything, dude. I mean, he can't. He's not going to the store. Like, he's not.

That should be the next Mission Impossible. Tom Cruise shopping. A shopping list. Can he do it? Here's your shopping list. You have to make dinner for four. Do you accept this? Do you accept this mission?

And he's like, oh. And then they go, your note will explode and he's like i gotta memorize the whole list i think you just say no he says i can't do it it's the first one i'm not taking that would be a good show to have super rich people and have them go have them go buy do regular things that's the thing that i don't understand like when you know like when celebrities like people like listen to celebrities for like things that are important like advice or whatever and to me it's like that's why i don't get it like people need to realize you're like they don't live in your world like they don't understand some of them get so far removed

that they're they're nothing they do is normal nothing and it's not i'm not even blaming them i mean some of them can't go out in public without getting my like that's got to be exhausting to like always just everywhere you go is just people you know taylor swift just gets she wants to go to the store she can't she's got to just they get like our you know brad pitt like would watch uh he watched Tom Segura's special. And I heard that. I was talking to Tom about it. Someone found out.

He's like, I'm a big fan of Tom Segura. And they're like, why aren't you watching stand-up? And he's like, well, I can't go anywhere. So I just watch Netflix all day. And you're like, yeah, because he can't do anything. I mean, Brad Pitt's another one. Like, Brad Pitt's, you know, and I'm not saying these guys are not even normal guys. I think there are good, nice guys.

But I'm saying there's just things that they would never even... He doesn't know how to... Like, if his water bill is paid. Like, you know what I mean? Like, he's not going to even know, like, what? You think those guys mow their own lawn? Do you think any of them are like... I bet you could find someone that randomly like is just like

i want to do something that's normal yeah and then they maybe choose to do it but i mean i think they asked the guy that mows their lawn can i mow it today like i don't think it's gonna push that yeah he's like do you mind if i do a little bit of it and the guy's like sure and like you know i'm i think the guy that mows it is there and watches the kid watches brad Brad Pitt mow the grass, and then he puts the stuff away. He lets him drive, and he's behind him? Yeah, he sits in his lap, and Brad Pitt's in a guy's lap. Now turn now, turn, turn, turn.

Turn, turn. I mean, yeah, I don't think they're doing – I mean, it would be very interesting. I mean, look, I've been around... Here we go. I know, here we go. Let me tell you something. I have a lot of money.

I'm a billionaire. Now, I've been around billionaires. I knew Paul Allen, who's a wonderful, wonderful person who invented computers. I knew him, like, I did a show for him show for like you'd meet because we get do these shows and these shows are crazy so you'd be around paul like and i mean paul's was like just like a in like a world i did this crazy cruise where i did a show uh which i think here i always never know if i'm you were it was like the thing that I had to like sign a thing. You couldn't talk about it that I did it, but Quincy Jones was on it and then he talked about it in a Rolling Stone

interview. So it's out. But, so I did this cruise where I, uh, I got hired just to be a comedian in this cruise and Paul Allen was put together. He wanted to do a, uh, this kind of cruise that whereas like basically people that are super famous and a lot of them wealthy they can't take normal vacations and he any any guy it was like a group of very awesome people that got together it was people that were you know tech people and there were celebrities on it and i was hired just to be honest so it was in, we flew to Vietnam, my wife went, and we got on a cruise ship that he rented out.

So it was like 200 people on this cruise ship. And he just rented, and they told us he wanted to invest, like the Wi-Fi. I watched, you know, when North Carolina and Villanova, play Villanova won the championship, I watched that in the South China Sea. And we, they had it on Wi-Fi. And their Wi-Fi was not great. So he just invested in the company and then upgraded their Wi-Fi. So it's like stuff like that. You know what I mean?

Where their brain doesn't think, I wish the Wi-Fi was better. And they try to do something. He's like, I'll make it better. And I'll just get into your company and uh paul was an i mean it was an amazing dude like you know the the little bit that i was around him and knew him was very nice was into like love like would talk to me about comedy would like talk with jokes he loved musicians like he played too he's like you probably did not as much as not as talented as you are because you did everything and then uh so but we would meet all these crazy you know just crazy people dude like that was and i remember doing i did this show and it was like a crazy show

to do because i i was so nervous with like because we're in the south and everybody in that i'm performing for is just famous or wealthy. It's just, and you are a little worried that you're like, I'm going to be, how are you going to be relatable to these people?

But it worked out, and it was great. I mean, Joe Walsh from the Eagles was on it. Super fun dude. Very funny. He's very, and he loves comedy. I mean, there's a, I don't know if I'd be naming it.

Like, there's a ton of people that was on it. It wasn't Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise. No, they were not on it. I wish they were. But it was an amazing, Quincy Jones, like he's on it. Like, talk to him a little bit. I mean, he's like, you know, super old, but like you're like doing that. And then we ended up staying the whole time on the cruise.

They asked me to do another set because I was supposed, we were supposed to fly off. But it like when the show went good and Paul's like, oh, why don't you and your wife stay? Because it was like a nine day thing. And then, so now we're staying. Now it's, now it's fun. You're kind of talking to everybody. It's like normal. And you're doing all this stuff quentin tarantino was on it uh he was very fun he after i did my second set i saw him right when i got off and uh he just went to me he goes oh how'd it go and i was like oh it was good and he was like i'm just kidding man i watched it it was great like it was like he's like very fun like that uh but they um it was like this amazing uh

group of people but it's a group of people that don't like no i heard paul talk about someone he told someone it was like a french director like someone that's huge and he's telling him like he goes oh i uh i says he goes my nfl team i have the seattle seahawks i own an nfl he's like explaining it to him and it's so funny just to hear it like i've like you know like the draft was about to happen i'm like trying to ask him questions about the draft like what are they going to do and uh and he's like explaining to someone like oh well i have a team an nfl team and so we play football and he's like explaining the guys like oh okay well how's that like and he's just like and the guys like truly interested in like it would be like my

daughter plays softball and i are plays baseball and i uh i run the team i sponsor the it would be something like that but he's talking about the Seahawks, and you're just sitting there watching them just be like, oh, okay. It was, I don't know. I don't know what this story might be. Anyway, it was an amazing, but being around those guys like that, he's in a different world, man. He's not, obviously, he's a billionaire. I mean, he's in another, it's just a different world, man. Like he's not, obviously, he's a billionaire.

I mean, he's in another, it's just, I don't know, money is just not, the meaning of money is not the same to them, you know. But I think it means something to them. They do want the money, but their money comes in. Like you got to think, like if you get a check for, if you make $1,000 a week, I mean, they make, you know, Patrick Mahomes, they broke down his thing. at a check for if you make a thousand dollars a week i mean they make you know patrick mahomes they broke down his thing he's going to make like a million dollars a week or something like

for his new contract like that's like so a check comes in for one million dollars every week there's a point they get used to seeing that money you get used to seeing a million dollars a week so you're not even like wow i can't believe this is another million. You know, you're like, whatever. You could have one that you forgot to cash. Like, you could have one. Can you imagine having a million dollar check and you're like, did we put that in? And then if you

lose it, you're like, I don't know. I might have lost a couple million here. If you have, you know. We're talking about Jeff Bezos. What's his debt worth? It fluctuates. Let's pull it up here. $150 billion?

Well, according to Forbes, I guess it depends on the stock market. Let's see here. A couple days ago, it was at $196 billion is what they had as net worth. Now it has $181. I think it's based on how Amazon's doing. He had a tough day. He lost $18 billion is net worth now it has 181 i think it's based on i see how amazon's doing he had a tough day he lost 18 billion dollars in net worth who's bernard all right let's find out so i think we all know the other three here yeah what does this guy do oh he owns louis vuitton sephora he owns a a bunch of luxury brands like that. Yeah, yeah.

And he bought Tiffany & Company. First ring I ever bought my wife was at Tiffany & Company. It was a $200. I went in and bought the cheapest ring they had. Did you ask for the cheapest ring? And I was, I mean, I gave the vibe off of this guy. They didn't walk me over to some other counters i was waiting tables in chicago when i started comedy and uh i bought i think she still has the ring and i bought her a tiffany

because i heard she i you know where you hear like your girl mentioned something and uh my wife's not into like super materialistic she doesn't really care about stuff but i just heard her like it was i knew it was a nice thing and and I think I heard her say something. And I bought a ring at Tiffany Company. So I'm part of that $110 billion is what I'm saying. $200 of it. And he would be like, I appreciate it, man. Like, you know, if I told him that, how you doing, Mr. Arnott and your family?

I would love to. And your family. And your family. I'm a part of the Tiffany family. I bought a $200 ring from you in 2003, I believe. Maybe 2004. I don't know. You guys can look that up.

But I'm excited for your success. You're welcome. Yeah, you're welcome. And he's like, oh, man, I really appreciate it. That means a lot. That's how we get where we get is about $200 at a time. And then his security tasers me, and I go down. So these guys are all in the top three for $100 billion.

over a hundred billion uh i mean like so a a billion dollars yeah is you know like for you to live a life of that you can do whatever you want i don't know what you need like you know he's got a lot of instruments so yeah you got a lot of money to fly out the door uh like if you got 10 million dollars if someone gave you 10 million dollars is that enough like it if you're 30 years old is 10 million enough to be like you're good you don't have to work because what people don't realize too is like you're what you're the way you live goes up like the way you you go buy a nicer house you live in a different neighborhood you have a different car like so like people think like if you're like guy's in an apartment by himself, he's like, dude, I could live off $10 million easy.

And then you're like, well, you're not going to stay in the, yeah, if you stayed in that apartment, you could. Like, but if you, I mean, you could live off more than $10 million, not that. But, you know, but if you go buy a million-dollar home, if someone gives you $10 million, you're probably buying a $2 million home. Well, now you're down to $8 million. And then milk is probably going to go crazy. Gas. You're only going to that one expensive gas place because you can afford it.

And out of reason, I go to the one that's $5. And everybody's like, why would you not do the $3 one? And it's like, because I have $10 million. And spend time with a bunch of plebes down at the BP. Yeah. What I got to get. Someone trying to sell me cigarettes in the parking lot. I go to the real deal.

I saw this on Reddit yesterday about a visualization of the difference between a million and a billion dollars. I'm always fascinated by these. If you took one million one dollar bills and you stacked them up and you laid them down on their side, that stack of one million one dollar

bills would be about 120 yards long. So it would take you a minute and a half. I thought you were going to say the length of this table. I mean, I was expected to be like, it's like this. And you're like, is it? It's a $1,000,001 bill.

I'm just saying with my head. If you would have gave me a second, I would never have said 120 yards. I was thinking you were going to be like, a little more than this table. And I would be like, wow, okay. and i would believe that so that that's impressive i thought you were setting us up just about how small it would be no okay well now let's say we have a so it takes about a how long to walk 120 yards maybe a minute and a half depends who's walking if you took 1 billion one dollar bills and stacked those up and laid it down on its side, how long do you think that stack would be?

I mean, it's got to be 1,000 yards or something. 68 miles. 68 miles? 68 miles long. So a little over 1,000 yards. I'd think a little bit over, yeah. It'd take you an hour to drive to the end of it. An hour.

Okay, so that's the difference. You go from walking a minute and a. It takes you an hour to drive to the end of it. An hour. Okay, so that's the difference. You go from walking a minute and a half to driving for an hour. That's the difference between a million and a billion. If you go to a trillion, which people are talking about Jeff Bezos being a trillionaire, then that's 68,000 miles, which is like two and a half times around the circumference of the earth. That's how long that stack of money is. Of dollars. Of $1 bills, yeah.

Pretty crazy. I mean, yeah, it would be all the dollar bills. Would dollar bills just be gone? If a trillionaire is like, I want all my money in dollar bills. Singles, please. Yeah, and what are you going to say? No, and he's a trillionaire. He's like the I want all my money in dollar bills. Singles, please. Yeah. And what are you going to say? No? I mean, he's a trillionaire.

He's like the first one, obviously. And you can't. He's like, no, I control money. And so all our dollar bills are out of circuit. You just see everything you have to buy in dollar bills. You're like, why are we having to pay in dollar bills now? Because this. Jeff Bezos has all the ones. Jeff Bezos has all the ones.

He wanted to stack them up. It's a power move. There's no more change. You pay $5, you get $5 back because they can't break it. They just have to go, just keep the $5. Kroger just announced that.

They're not giving change back anymore. Really? Yeah, they don't have it. The whole system falls apart. Kroger just announced that. They're not giving you change back anymore. Really? Yeah, they don't have it. The Federal Reserve's not printing it. Unless you go through self-checkout, which makes me think they just won't. It's a way to get you to go through self-checkout. Well, they don't want COVID, I would think, not to touch. Does it have to do with coronavirus?

I don't know. I just read the headline. Yeah. Let's move on. Yeah. I think it was you can they can you have two options you can donate that change to charity that they would have given you or they put it on your croat you're like your loyalty card yeah that's but that's insane they do the charity them asking

people ask for charity these uh it's infuriating everywhere you you go. You know what? I don't give to anything. No, I give stuff. We give stuff privately. You just give your things that you give, and you make sure that you give what you, I mean, you try to do the right thing. And then, but like when you go to like any regular store,

and they're like, do you want to give this money? Hey, some of them, you're like, I don't, like who are you giving this to? Is it to go somewhere like i've always thought with charity there's a weird i have a weird thing with some charity like cancer all this money's gone to cancer they haven't solved any of it like they haven't i mean dude how much money's raised look steve have you look how much money's been raised for cancer i don't even want to i mean is it a trillion dollars? I feel icky even doing this.

And they have it. There's not like, we've got, you know, we're close. You'd be like, we're close. We're near cancer. Near cancer. We're got, like, I mean, there's a head start. If you get toe cancer, it's not even a problem anymore. Like, there should be something.

How much money is raised each year for cancer research so in 2018 the i mean the government paid 39 billion for uh i don't really have any idea i'm looking i don't know why i started to read that real confidently i think they're making some advances on cancer there's's a lot of cancers, though. I know, but solve one. We're all giving money to cancer. Have one be fixed. Why do we keep giving all this money to cancer, and we're getting nowhere? What do they need? $70 billion will be the one that sends us over.

Give it to one. Look, I don't know how science works, but i imagine let's write a check to one guy that's that's the best guy and be like here's all the money go solve the can't all right there it is right there look where the where the cancer money's going oh breast cancer why is it how's breast cancer is the most funded cancer research by a factor of two. Look, we might have my mom had kidney cancer

and she's alright. She caught it very early. A lot of money went to it. She actually got a check for $20 million so I didn't know where that came from. But now I see. I'm just look do I believe in can't no that starts it i just it never made sense to me to think like we donate all this does that make sense we donate all this

money to something and you're like i feel like we're nowhere with cancer like it's it's still just brutal on everybody and like you would think one of the cancers should be like, we got it. We figured it out. Like, it's, you know, I mean, how many people are working on this cancer? Like, they're doing, like, COVID vaccines. They're, like, getting somewhere because, I mean, they put, like, all the money. Like, everybody wants this COVID vaccine. So they're at least, like, you're seeing, like, all right, we right, we're almost at least some kind of a vaccine.

And so with cancer, we've been raising money for cancer for 50 years. As long as Tom Cruise has been. It's been Tom Cruise's first movie. He's been just giving money to cancer. I mean, I just feel like we should be. Maybe we are. I think we are. You don't feel like we're any better off than we were 50 years ago with cancer? I think we are, but it's been 50 years of just maybe billions and billions of dollars being thrown at the research.

I mean, you don't think there should be like it's all like... This says, currently there's no cure for cancer, but recent advances in medicine and technology are helping move us closer than ever to a cure. Wow. There you go. There you go. Nice little statement for $100 trillion. Just to be like, we're getting there.

Maybe we are getting there. What do I know, man? But I'm just saying. If you gave me a billion dollars, I feel like I'd figure it out. If it said, Aaron,

here's a billion dollars. You cure cancer, here's a billion dollars. I would figure something out. Can you make the xylophone more... Can people move it around easier can you figure a way yeah to have people travel with it i could do it in their pocket in their

pocket for one billion dollars yeah you think you could do it probably yeah would you make the instrument smaller pants bigger you have a billion dollars so you could go two different ways how do you attack the problem do you go instruments small because I don't know if you really can see then maybe you dive into the pant world that's which is something a billionaire does is they they think outside the box and you go and they go oh how'd you make it that small you go I didn't I didn't even touch the instrument. But have you seen pants lately?

Their pockets are gigantic. Their pockets are enormous. Problem solved. Here we go. That's hilarious. It's a billion-dollar idea right there. So, I don't know. We got a cancer.

Cancer solved. Here's someone that we looked at that was interesting. Pablo Escobar was on the Forbes list. Which if anybody watches Narcos, I'm an enormous Narcos fan. Narcos is unbelievable on Netflix. I love like cartel. I don't know. I'm obsessed with like cartels. It don't know. I'm obsessed with cartels.

It's just so crazy to me. I think it feels like... It always stuck with me. I remember a long time ago, I was near the Mexican border, near Juarez. I was in, I think it's Arizona or New Mexico, whatever backs up to it. We were close to Juarez. You could go there. This is like... I was probably, I think it's Arizona or New Mexico, whatever backs up to it. And we were close to the Juarez board.

Like, you could go there. And this is like, you know, I was probably 20 years old. And I remember seeing the news in my hotel room, and they said, no one go to Juarez. It's a lawless place right now. And I remember just seeing that in the news, and I was like, that's crazy, dude. Like, I've never heard, like, that. And it was like, that was 20 years ago. And it was just always like, dude like i mean i've never heard like that and it was like that was 20 years ago and it was just always like i don't know i always think about that but

then you start now seeing these cartels and like the way it is down there it's it's unbelievable i mean there was a a guy that did not narcos that was like a scout like a location scout guy was killed by the cartel like how crazy is that for he makes it's a netflix show it's not like they were doing some weird documentary it's a netflix show that guy was killed by the guard like it's like you just can't go do anything there uh but escobar so what do you he was in 2019 he was his if he were, his net worth would have been equivalent to $59 billion. So look at this list of who else he'd be right up there with. Michael Bloomberg is currently worth $60 billion.

Mackenzie Bezos, Jeff Bezos' ex-wife, is $59.9. That's crazy. She got $60 billion. She got, I think, $36 billion in she already made and then she already had a billion i guess she had some stock in amazon or something i don't know dude how imagine that divorce is that is that bothering you get a divorce and she gets and you're worth 200 billion dollars so she gets her so she gets half of his hundred-something billion dollars. I told my wife, I go, look, if we ever get a divorce, you're out of your mind if you think you're getting some of my billion dollars.

Her argument is we don't have even nowhere near $1 billion. But I said, if I do get there, you're not getting half of the billion. Like, does it not feel half of the billion. Yeah. Like, does it not feel – but she made a good point to be like, look, if you have 50 grand and you get a divorce, they get 25 grand. And I'm a – if they've been there from the – like, if they've been there from the get-go, like, I get it. Like, my wife's been with me before I ever started comedy.

So she deserves half of whatever I have, which is close to $4 billion. I'm not against, but there's a point. If a guy's got $120 billion, don't they just go, well, that's kind of ridiculous for you to get $60 billion. Do they not say, that's insane. We will give you, I don't know, $1 billion or $500 million or $1 billion. You should put a cap on it somewhere. They should go, there should be a cap in the divorce court to go,

if you have more money than the state you're getting divorced in, you don't, the wife gets $1 billion. She doesn't get. Who do you think has more of a right to their $59 billion? Mackenzie Bezos or Pablo Escobar? I mean, Pablo worked. I mean, he built that. I don't know what she's done.

I'm kidding. Oh, you're. Yeah. Oh, you're. I was saying one acquired it through a divorce, the other one acquired it through... Murder. Yeah.

Building a... He's taking it back. A drug empire. I don't know, man. It's a tough one. I'm not on board with either. You know what's interesting? I think Pablo took the harder route.

That's for sure. Yeah. I mean, he was burying his money. See, that's for sure. Yeah. I mean, he was burying his money. See, that's the thing. The cartel, I mean, they probably have more money liquid than any of these people. Because, you know, I don't know what it's like being this rich, but imagine most of their net worth is tied up. It's like having a lot of instruments at your house.

Hippos for Pablo. Yeah, he had hippos. But I would say Pablo Esco, he probably had more cash than any of these people, like actual cash. Actual cash, yeah. But it was buried. He forgot, and then it would get messed up.

Some of it, they stay still buried. When I did shows for the troupe, we went to Saddam's palace. And then we, so going to his palace, I feel I feel like you're looking like you're my dumb story I've done a lot of things anyone about like what do you want me to do I'm sorry why don't y'all talk about performing in Nashville locally more so there's I've done a lot I've done I've been Iraq Iraq multiple times. Did show for Pablo's people. I did think I once,

when I went to the Astro, the World Series Astros game when I was in town and I bought a ticket and I sat down and I think I sat next down to a cartel member, but that's a complete judgment

because he bought, it was him and his whole family and I just pictured, but that's completely probably not true. I hope it's true. But it was like his grandfather, and it just looked like they could have been a family. They're a big Astro fan. They're sneaking in the U.S. just to go to Game 3?

I didn't say they were sneaking in the U.S. That's you. So I said they legally came in and then... You just said cancer wasn't real and... This is a lot. And women should not get any money. Yeah, this is... Can we repeat what we talked about? All right, Pablo Escobar, Saddam Hussein.

Those are the role models of what we need to be looked at. Cancer's not real, everybody. Check out Nate Land Podcast. Make sure you subscribe. Click the links. Leave a comment. So I performed at, when we did Suffer the Troops, we would stay in Saddam's palace. And so it was unbelievable.

And so you go around. The interesting thing about Saddam's palace is he would make everything was painted gold. So it wasn't like real gold. So when you would see it, it was was painted gold. So it wasn't like real gold. So when you would see it, it was all painted gold because he had palaces everywhere. And so that way when people would see it, it just looks like it's gold. And people would be like, man, he's our leader.

Look how rich he is. And people right outside the gate didn't have water. I mean, it's the difference. So when the soldiers took over uh his palace they uh i mean i went to his son's palaces were on that property too like we saw where they the bomb i came through his palace the son's house but they he had lions and tigers and like all this stuff so the like our our troops like go in and they have to like fight people and then also lions like because they would just be there and they would have to like can you imagine like you're just in this in iraq and you just had him at his house he just had him

at his house just like he had a safari yeah and so they had to go and do that and uh is he a billionaire he probably yeah i mean some of those guys have crazy like i thought that would be the richest guys the guys like this old money like some of them they have like stupid money that's what they are the ones that like end up like paying for beyonce to come seeing to them for one million that's like nothing like they don't you know but i don't i forget know But I figure, yeah Yeah, he was a billionaire Two billion dollars

At the time of his death, two billion I mean, good night They're like, Jeff Bezos Like, ugh If he's sitting at his table, he's like He goes, hey guys, Saddam's Coming over And Saddam walks in with a bottle of wine

And he's like, I got this for you. And they're like, ugh. Because I feel like you're that rich, you don't bring anything to a party. But he's only got $2 billion. So he's like, here's a bottle of ice. It's like Boone's Farm. And they're like, oh, yeah, we'll keep it. They roll when they open a window and just throw it out.

They're like, thanks, man. And then we'll give that to the hippos like to drink wine. So we'll use that for them. Give it to Pablo. Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos. Jeff Bezos' wife's there. And he's like, oh, that's embarrassing. So how's it going, Saddam?

I mean, you getting by, buddy? And he's like, I flew commercial over here. And you're like, oh, God. He probably has COVID. Oh, God. they check his temperature at the door can we check do you mind if we um but i just read this saddam's dead been dead for a while wow uh that's how i just find oh yeah we got him that joke went nowhere. So, all right, we've got to be close. What are we at?

Just over an hour. All right. Man, time's flying by. We did see a story where it said once you make 75 grand, you're no more happier. Yeah, this is a 2010 study by Princeton University. Basically said... Who's doing these studies? I'll go down.

They just... You never see a study that's done by Volunteer State Community College and you're like, oh, I don't hear what that guy has to say. They just...

It's always one of these fancy school words. Ball State would be like, we hear if you get to 75 you're gonna be better off yeah can't prove it dreams come to ball state we had a guy make 75 grand one time they can't even find anybody to ask they can't even like you went to ball state just i went to Vol State. Did you graduate from there? One day I'll make $75,000. No. I didn't graduate from anywhere.

Serial killer went there too. Do you know that? Really? Yeah. Who? Paul Reed. Who's Paul Reed? What did he do?

He killed a bunch of fast food workers here in Nashville area in the 90s. Are you serious? A friend of mine had classes with him at Ball State. Yeah, and when he finally got arrested, he killed, this is very morbid, but two people at Captain D's, two people at McDonald's in Hermitage. Three?

For the record, guys, I'm not condoning anything that's been said of this. Well, Captain D's, but the other ones. This sounds so made up. No, this is real. And then some employees up in Clarksville. So then one of the workers at McDonald's played dead, and he lived. So he testified to the guy, and they arrested him.

And when he went through night court for the first time, we're finally seeing this guy. He's wearing a Vol State shirt. Really? And you know Vol State must have just been like, oh, no. Yeah. Yeah, I had a friend of mine. A friend of mine had a class with him. Was he killing him through the drive-thru? He's wearing a Vol State shirt Really? And you know Vol State must have just been like Oh no Yeah Yeah, I had a friend of mine A friend of mine had a class with him

Was he killing them through the drive-thru? Like, he would How was he doing it? Were they at work? I don't know if they had a drive-thru No, he was doing it inside there I think Oh, he was actually going in

Yeah Wow I figured he'd just do it through the drive-thru It was like I feel like three different fast food murders. That's crazy. Yeah. That's crazy your buddy had a class with him.

Like, did he say, you know? Did she have any signs? Oh, yeah. Yeah, did she like, you know? I think she remembers him. Did she see, like, was he always making a list? Like, you know, like, was he always like? He brought Captain D's to class every day.

He looked real mad about it. Yeah. He was, oh, was uh stupid he was one day one day i'll show him and they're like what's that paul he goes nothing nothing paul reed wow yeah man look him up uh go ahead nate uh anyway so i brought got it brought on stage one time. It was like a weird story. They introduced me. They gave a car to a vet that had no legs.

They gave him a car. The whole audience was crying. He had no idea. His name was Nate. I swear to you, they give him a car, everybody's crying, can't believe it and they go alright everybody please welcome Nate Bargettsy and then I come out and like

guys my wife's so crazy I'm like that's my complaints it's like you ever guys take your kids to Disney World when they're two, this guy doesn't have legs he's not even off the stage yet with no legs and like I just bombed for five minutes Disney World when they're two. This guy doesn't have legs. He's not even off the stage yet with no legs.

He can't even use the car. I just bombed for five minutes. No, he is. Was it a special? Oh, okay. No, yeah, he's fine. Yeah, dude. There's Paul Reed, by the way.

He still runs. He's faster running. There's Paul Reed? Oh, Paul Dennis Reed. You got to throw in the. Yeah, my bad. That sounds way more like a serial killer. All the three names. Yeah. Paul Dennis Reed. You got to throw in the... That sounds way more like a serial killer. All the three names.

Paul Dennis Reed. The second you start killing people serially, they start saying your middle name. Here's my reference to Vol State. How'd you hear about us? I go, watching the news in the 90s. And just said, oh, I'll go there.

When did you go to Vol State? and just said, oh, I'll go there. Yeah. When did you go to Ball State? 90, when I graduated high school in 97, so 98. Oh, you just missed him then because he was doing his, well, maybe he did his murders in 97. Oh, he got the death sentence. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah Yeah Anyway So You were saying 75 grand doesn't make you happy I don't know if I'll believe that Anyway I mean clearly And the lottery

Doesn't Yeah People that get lucky Well let's cut to Because we're going to be running out of time We want Some of these game shows That I did find interesting

Was like The Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Was another one Where people frauded and, uh, where guy won by having his audience cough. Have you seen it? Let's,

uh, just play the cough. All right. What if I told you, you just need to watch a whole ad. All right, here we go. Oh, wow, he started at the beginning here. Let me get ahead to where it's...

Let me get ahead. Should we explain what's going on? All right, so... So this guy, he went to court about this. He was having another contestant and his wife cough whenever he would read the answers out loud like he's trying to decide and then they would cough

whenever he would say the right answer. And he won the whole million. This is in Britain. You know, it's like, why didn't just the other person play the game? The other person tried. They do the fastest finger at the

beginning to try to get up there and the other guy just didn't make it and maybe they had a deal where this guy if he didn't get up there he would help him yeah but can you hear the call yeah a little bit here there is right there I think he does it again here that's they increased the volume of the cough for this documentary. But it was just somebody sitting in the crowd. That's crazy. But this guy, he would be about to say an answer, and then somebody would cough, and he would change his answer.

Yeah. You just walked to him. And then somebody would cough, and he would change his answer. Yeah. So, I mean, it's funny that you don't think that no one picked up on that. No one's like. It's so obvious now. It's so obvious now. I guess you. You know what was suspicious is he has to say all four answers. Yeah.

So he's like deliberating out loud. So he's like, ah, it could be A. Or it could be B. But then again, C. And then there'd be a coffee. Some guy, there's a hiccup guy. He's like, that's what they should have picked on. He's like, I'm going to do just a bunch of different stuff.

Just, I'll do it. So in the trial, the guy's defense was, I've had allergies and hay fever my whole life, so I've just always been a big cougher. Okay, that's fair. That's what they tend to do. All right, that makes sense. My grandmother had hay fever.

When were you born, sir? The 1900s? Is hay fever still? Did they solve hay fever? Probably have that solved. That's one of the, whenever you hear a correct answer. They probably gave 75 grand to hay fever still did they solve hay fever probably have that solved that's one of the whenever you hear a correct answer they probably gave 75 grand to hay fever and they knocked that out like that's how that's all it cost uh i don't know what hay fever is uh do the other one too so one of the coolest ones i remember watching this one this thing was unbelievable.

This guy wins, and he's not used a lifeline at all. And then he finally uses one lifeline on the last question. I like to call my parents right now. Sure. Use my lifeline, call my parents. What are their names? My father. I'll, call my parents. What are their names? My father. I'll talk to my father. Hi, Dad.

Hi. I don't really need your help. I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to win the million dollars. How awesome is that? Yeah. You really got to get it right

after that. Yeah. I mean, I don't't think He got it wrong That's the No he He nailed it He's I mean it's unbelievable

It's like I remember watching it Like in This was when I mean That show was enormous Yeah And

It was just so It was like such a good Yeah the confidence of that Is crazy But like such a cool thing to be like, you know. I mean, he's just that positive that he did it. All right, for us to wrap up, what game show do you think you would be the best at?

I think Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Really? Yeah. Are you serious? Yeah. Would Nate be one of your lifeline calls no no hello who is this he'd hang up on you you know they changed it now but harper wants to talk to you and then he's the whole 30 seconds is like who's this bob ripples that's what my daughter calls

my daughter and niece all the kids now call brian bob ripple pants they made that name up which is a great name i don't know where it came from but bob ripple pants and then they call that is very funny uh there's no way he wants to be a millionaire well what is it then what's my answer i just don't think it's you want to know all the answers like that's like jeopardy dude like you know but the difference in Jeopardy, I wouldn't be fast enough to ever bring in. Oh, that's a good point. But on here, if I can look at it...

You can stall. I feel like for Jeopardy, you would have realized at the end of it you've been grabbing the wrong remote the whole time. You're like, you've just been... You're like, no, dude, that's the thing that holds the pen. And you're like, ah. You're like holding that pen that you have to write.

You're like, dude, I was not getting anything. You're just like been the whole time. And they're like, I don't know. Broke even. Broke even. Well, what is yours, Mr. Smart Guy? What's your big? I'm smart enough not to say the one

that we have to answer questions. It would be. Love connection? Yeah. I mean, I would probably be You know deal or no deal Where you're just guessing Like strategically trying to guess

That kind of stuff It's going to be something like that That's going to be my best chance There's a lot of math involved in that No there's no math It's literally just a game of math It's statistics, probability He doesn't know what the show is But you just pick a it's literally just a game of math it's statistics probability he doesn't know what the show yeah yeah but you just pick a case and then you're picking it based on the probability

that it contains a good amount of money right yes but i don't think there's no there's no like strategy to it as as much as i think there's a strategy no because they used to people you know they could pick the prettiest girls or something. Honestly, they would do stuff like that. Are those people winning it? I don't know. I don't know if that's even true. Yeah.

I think you'd go on Family Feud and get in a feud with your wife while up there. Like, why did you? Are you kidding me right now? Like, that's your answer? Deal or no deal. It'd be something like that Okay Where it's not knowledge based

It's not like a trivia Yeah I'd say are you smarter than a 5th grader I think that's tough That's a tough I don't know I watched the show When I got every answer right

Just playing along with it The only way I could Kids Jeopardy I was pretty good at. When they let kids go on. Like the really young kids. The really young kids. Not the college kids. No, no.

It's when they let like... When it's like eight-year-olds. Yeah. I'm like... College Harper? I'm like decent. Eight. And so I'm like...

I do pretty good. I love it. I'm like... I always get that. So I would do good at eight-year-old Jeopardy. I'm saying, I don't think y'all are smart enough to do what they are saying. I think y'all would get crushed. Are you smarter than a fifth grader?

I think I would have a fighting chance on mine. I think you get crushed on who wants to be a millionaire is at least a little bit of a guess. I'm pretty good at multiple choice yeah okay who would you call if you were on who wants to be a millionaire who would be your lifeline could be Ryan Malone my buddy Ryan

I grew up with him he's super super smart Felix my neighbor just knows a ton of stuff and is an unbelievably smart guy probably Felix actually because just knows a ton of stuff and is an unbelievably smart guy. Probably Felix, actually. Because Ryan knows a lot of stuff. Felix, his business is, I think, he knows a lot of things, a lot of different things, and very good at games.

Wouldn't be anybody here, I'll tell you that. I'd call the guy from the Price is Right game that we talked about at the beginning. He actually could be a good guy to call. Yeah. He just knows. Yeah, but he knows everything.

I would, if I was on it, I would get ahold of him and say, hey, I'm about to go on this game. Can you start putting your focus into this game? And then I would like, you know,

and be like, because that kind of energy, this guy figured out Price is Right, I think you can shove that guy in any direction of any game, and he could go. He'd be all in. And he'd be all in. Yeah, he's committed. He's committed.

All right. All right. Well, we did it. We did it. So, yeah, I don't know. We're going to figure a way to end these better. But, you know, that was it. That was a new format.

That one, you know, was pretty good. We kind of stick on one topic, and I like it. That's what we're doing now. Maybe it's not good, but you know what, guys? These are not all going to be good. uh all right that's it for us thank you guys for listening nate land subscribe do all that stuff we appreciate it uh leave comments ask questions if you have to we're trying to get some of those you can follow us on uh baits runs all the social media on there so make sure if you have any questions you want to ask, you can send to him on there. And yeah, that's it.

We'll see you next time. Thanks, everybody, for listening to the Nate Land Podcast. Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And please remember to leave us a rating or a comment. Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network.

Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovation's Consulting and Partnership with Center Street Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land Podcast.