The Neighborhood Listen - A Yawn Of A Time with Mitch Silpa
Episode Date: June 25, 2024Season 6 concludes with Joan giving the latest update on her one-woman show, Burnt sharing a Phallsmacy regular's secret, and Doug getting ready for the big race. Later, Priscilla (Mitch Silp...a) joins the show in the hopes of helping her son avoid eviction.Can't wait for next season? Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus plan to unlock access to all seasons ad-free, as well as exclusive monthly BONUS ROOM episodes adventuring deeper into Dignity Falls!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins.
And I'm Nicole Parker.
On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood
networking website.
Occasionally, we change the names of some streets.
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And now, please enjoy this episode of...
The Neighborhood Listen!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen! Knock knock!
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Your neighbor!
Good!
In Dignity Falls, you're never alone
You've got the Neighbor Half App and us!
Bert
And Joan!
From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell
We'll cover it all
And meet new neighbors as well
We'll chat about any posts you're missing
So just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen. Jigabidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bidu-bid I have an idea. Now I know it works. The final blessing.
I mean, I don't know.
I'm not a sound guy, but it must be a thing.
I'm not sure.
You almost turned into one.
Yeah, you did.
Welcome once again to The Neighborhood Listen,
the podcast that explores
the neighborhood of Dignity Falls.
We are your tour guides.
I am burnt me a payday.
And I'm Jo Pedestrian. You know I love the tour guides bit. I know you love the tour guides bit. It's my favorite. I am burnt me a payday. And I'm Jo Pedestrian.
You know I love the tour guides bit.
I know you love the tour guides bit.
It's my favorite. I love it.
What is it about tour guides that are so alluring to you?
Because I told you this because back in the day that was...
Okay, well then, let's skip it.
It's not, again, you always think I'm mad.
No, I don't think you're mad.
And maybe it's just the way I say things.
I don't think you're mad.
I think it's just the way I say things.
No, no, Joan, it's not that I think you're mad.
It's that you said you told me and I thought you know what that's on me
Let's stop talking about it because the listener will have heard it twice
No, that's why I was saying it for the listener not for you
I was just saying because I know the listeners are gonna be like you told us this already
That's what I'm trying to then you were proceeding to tell me again. Yes, but I was just good
I was just recapping I was recapping for our listeners
But I was also not wanting to be a reader
repeater for our listeners.
Reader repeater.
You never heard that phrase?
No, I haven't.
Oh, yeah. It's a great one.
It happens enough that there's a phrase for it.
Yes. You know, it's a fun way of just saying, you know, I don't want to be a
it's like Debbie Downer, right?
You know, that's the concept.
I didn't think. But you're saying that there's there's a type of person that repeats things enough that's that phrase. I understood the concept. I didn't think.
But you're saying that there's a type of person that repeats things enough that they call,
they say she's a real reader.
Yes.
Wow, I didn't realize that.
My friend, Mae Mernie says it.
And it's just a thing that she says.
You know what?
I have heard her say that.
Oh, you have.
But I didn't realize that's what she was saying.
I didn't know you knew Mae Mernie.
Well, she's come into the pharmacy, of course. Oh, okay. You don't need to say what for because that's what she was saying. I didn't know you knew me Ernie. Well, she's coming to the pharmacy, of course
Oh, okay. You don't need to say what for because that's probably personal
I'll tell you what it is
Listening oh it's not oh then that's okay
She has a secret love of
Ferrero Rocher
Oh, I think you're gonna say a secret love at the pharmacy like someone who works there and that she's having an affair there
Oh, I hope I didn't now start.
Might be happening now that I think about it.
So wait, she just when you say she's OK, when you say it like it's a secret,
but isn't it just her going and buying Ferrero Rocher?
Yes. But then coming back for it.
What does she how often does she come every single day, every single day?
Come on. And buys one.
She buys a six pack of Ferrero Rocher.
She is eating six Ferrero Rocher's each day.
I don't know if she's eating them each day.
She's buying them each day,
but she might be stockpiling them like a nut.
A scroll of nuts.
Yeah, because all I can picture is a golden pile of treasure.
I mean, that would be very boring, wouldn't it?
I guess so.
A big pile of Ferrero Rocher's.
But she-
Her reader repeater.
But she's not a reader repeater. Well, she's the one who always says, I don't mean to be a reader repeater. She's's not a reader repeater.
Well, she's the one who always says, I don't mean to be a reader repeater.
She's the one who, I would like to say she's the one who coined the phrase.
When she would say that, I had no idea what she was saying and I would just nod and smile.
And I thought she was making a reference to the movie, The Reader.
Oh, Kate Winslet?
Yes.
Okay, well, what would that mean then in the context of anything?
Well, I don't know. Who's seen the reader?
I have. Have you really?
Of course I did. I'll see Kate Winslet in anything.
Wow. You know me. You know how I turned Mayor of Easttown into a musical.
That's true. With two videos on TikTok.
I guess I should get back to that project this summer maybe.
For sure. Oh, for sure. Yeah, absolutely.
Don't let that language.
I really can't.
Now that people are coming.
It's like people rediscovering the Sopranos.
People are now just, the timeline is accelerating.
I know.
I know.
But she buys the Ferrara Rocher when she picks it up
off of the shelf.
She catches my eye and she says, not a word to anyone.
Oh, she does?
Yes.
See, I feel like if you had, if she didn't say that to you,
you wouldn't think anything of it, right?
It's just a woman picking up some candy.
Yeah, why would I talk about it?
And it's weird that she's always around when you,
you're always around when she comes in to buy it.
Cause it sounds like she says that to you every time.
Yeah, well, I'm there almost seven days a week.
Well, that is true.
You know, you are chief.
Six.
I am the pharmacist in chief.
And so I do have to be there a lot.
Yes.
And, but here's why I feel okay talking about it.
Okay.
And sharing her secret.
Okay.
Is because the last time she did it,
I could tell when she turned around, she was laughing.
Laughing?
So she's making it like it's a big deal.
She's just having a little fun then I think
Yeah, that's what I'm telling you
That just means I'm under I'm understanding what you're saying
Boy it's almost like we've never done the show before we're just getting to know each other
I think it was the way you said I think is if you were you were explaining it to me
I think it was the way you said, I think, is if you were explaining it to me.
That was for our listeners, again.
I wish our listeners were smarter.
But you can't pick your audience.
No, you can't.
Anyway, Joan, how are you doing?
Well, I'm doing okay.
Here's what I decided.
Yes, please.
So I've been workshopping,
actually just shopping basically.
And shopping is work.
You said it.
And I am doing a one-woman show called based on Hamlet.
It's a one-woman hammer called Hurl-It.
Based on Hamlet.
It's not based on Hamlet.
It is Hamlet.
Well, I cut out all the parts that are, you know.
But you also included a tap break, I believe.
I did include a tap break because instead of a sword fight, it's a tap break.
Yes.
And so I called it Herlit.
I did a Southern Illinois tour of it.
And then I was trying to find another place
to try to have town.
I also considered doing it in the theater
that we built here in my house.
Yes.
The one that is just mostly staged
and has one row of audience.
Yeah. Correct.
But you know what I realized?
What am I thinking?
Herlit should be a musical.
Joan, I can't believe you didn't think that
at the beginning.
Well, I mean, there's so many songs.
So many songs.
There's so many moments for songs.
Yes.
How has there not been a to be or not to be song yet?
You know what I mean?
Can I say this now?
I might call it to sing or not to sing.
I'm just remembering something.
Thanks, babe. Doug liked that one. You know, oh, that Can I say this now? I might call it to sing or not to sing. I'm just remembering something. Thanks, babe.
That's Doug like that one.
You know, oh, that's Doug, our producer, our engineer.
Where are you, babe?
I'm in the driveway today.
Why are you in the driveway, Doug?
You're recording in the driveway?
Oh, yeah.
Well, we say it like that is just the most normal thing
in the world.
I'm just finishing my soapbox car.
Just now? Yeah, cause the race is next week.
Soapbox is next week. Yes. Everyone wears their big hats.
And yeah, putting the final touches. It looks like a giant version of my face.
It does. Wow. I'm driving my head. He's driving his He's driving his head. That's wild.
I'm trying to picture that.
It's very-
Well, it's actually, isn't it like sort of a bobble?
It's almost like the Mercedes symbol
on the front of a car, right?
It's just big in the front.
Is that right?
No, the whole thing looks like-
The whole thing looks like your head.
Oh, I guess I haven't seen the finished product yet.
And so where do you sit?
How high out of the head does your head come?
I'm kind of in it.
You know, the, you know, like the apple cars.
Oh, you mean like, it's almost like a parade float.
If you're going to be inside motor, like driving it.
I'm sorry. Do you mean like the lowly worm?
Yeah.
Busy town?
Yes, exactly.
Busy town. Oh, I love those.
You said the apple cars.
The apple car.
That's a working vehicle that's on the road.
And I think he's the only one who has that model.
I think so.
Am I correct?
I don't believe anyone else has an Apple car.
None of the pigs are riding around in it.
No, it belongs only to Lowly.
Oh, you know what?
I think it was a lowly worm.
You think what was lowly worm?
Oh, wait, what?
I'm thinking of that Apple car.
Yes, that's what, again, what? I'm thinking of that apple car.
Yes, that's what-
That's what I'm saying.
Again, it's like we've never talked.
It's like none of us have ever spoken
or had a conversation.
That is confusing.
What a thing for our season finale.
Have we mentioned that yet, that this is our finale?
We haven't.
This is our season six finale.
Yes.
And what a great season it's been.
And I'm so glad that we got to spend more time together
and sharing our neighborhood with the listeners.
And yeah.
And we have, we're running out of things to say.
And that's why I can't do our last season.
I was thinking, do we go back to Doug's head car?
Yeah, and you decided no, I think.
I wasn't sure, I ran out of steam
as I was thinking about it.
I think when you said yeah, I think what you meant was sure, I ran out of steam as I was thinking about it. I think what you said, yeah, I think what you meant was no.
Yeah.
I have a question.
Sometimes yes means no.
So anyways, oh dear, let's not, let's not go with that.
Is it Rita repeater or is it reader repeater?
You're putting too much of an emphasis on the T, Rita,
although Rita repeater, Rita repeater,
that's a good tongue twister, speaking of tongue twisters.
Absolutely. From a couple episodes ago. No, it's Rita repeater, Rita repeater. That's a good tongue twister, speaking of tongue twisters. Absolutely.
From a couple episodes ago.
No, it's Rita repeater.
It's not reader.
It's as if her name is Rita and she repeats everything.
So it is Rita.
It is Rita, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
And so.
That was my question.
Okay, should we have that all squared away?
I guess my second question would have been
pronouncing the word Rita.
You said Rita repeater.
Oh, and it's lovely Rita meter made
in case you were confused on that one.
I see.
I thought that was reader.
No.
Okay.
Their accents always get me.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So anyways, that's what I'm going to be working on.
I'm going to be working on finding places for songs
to turn- Oh, here's what I wanted to tell you.
Oh, what?
Oh, what?
There is a musical version of Hamlet. No! Already?
Somebody did it many years ago and you'll never guess where.
Oh, no. Please don't say Fargo.
No.
Oh, okay.
On the television program, Gilligan's Island.
No.
There was an episode, I remember this from when I was a child.
Phil Sil's plays a
theatrical producer named Harold Hecuba. I get it that's a reference to
Shakespeare. He washes up onshore on Gilligan's Island. Of course as they as
people did in and out throughout the years. And one thing leads to another and
they mount a musical version of Hamlet. Wow. This has to be several seasons in.
Using existing songs.
Existing songs?
Yes, and they just change the lyrics.
Oh, no.
And so Gilligan plays Hamlet, of course.
Of course.
The Melancholy Dane.
And he sings,
I ask to be or not to be.
And that is the question that I ask of me.
And that's an existing song?
Yes.
I forget.
Who sings that?
It's like an old opera song or something.
Really?
Yes.
Weird.
I've never heard of it.
I can sort of do the melody if I don't try to sing it,
but I just do like little da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Oh, that's from Carmen.
Carmen.
There we go.
Oh, I see.
There are more than one note in that.
Oh, you're right.
No, but if I do it like little noises like that,
oh, I can do it.
But I have to put space between them.
Staccato.
As we...
Pfft.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Which do you like more, Gelato or Staccato?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Doug loves musical dynamic terms, just loves them.
That's a good one.
Although I thought it was staccato, babe.
It's not staccato?
No, it's like bruschetta.
A lot of people say bruschetta.
Right, I think, okay.
But is it an Asian staccato?
Well, you would know because you grew up in Medium Italy,
as everyone knows.
That's right.
Which is just a tiny part of town in Divinity Falls. In Medium Italy, you would pronounce that you grew up in media, middle as everyone knows. That's right. Which is just a tiny part of town.
Media, middle, you pronounce that word.
That's right.
Isn't it?
But people refer to it as meatily, right?
That's the combo.
OK, yeah, meatily.
But we almost sued Mario Batali.
That's him, right?
I think so.
Really?
Oh, who's to say?
But now this makes me think that I've been scooped
and that this has already been done
and the to be or not to be song.
Oh, the other thing I wanted to say is Bert,
your range really has grown a little in the last year.
If you listen to some of the episodes
and you sing some songs, you've got more than one note.
You're starting to get more than one note.
It's very great.
Here are the songs I can sing.
Okay, yes.
Barbra Ann. Yep.
Keys on Van Nuys.
Correct, which is basically the same song.
Yeah.
People don't realize.
People don't realize they didn't.
They didn't put two and two together.
Wait, there was another one, I forget.
No, it was, I want my baby back.
That was from, wait what?
The one part of Baby Back Ribs.
Yeah, the one part of Baby Back Ribs.
I just thought of a perfect song for you.
Crash Us Dummies.
How's that go?
Mmm.
Well, but that's three, Gabe.
Actually, that goes up, yeah.
Yeah.
I wish.
You could do the first part.
I wish.
Mmm.
How do I do?
Ha ha ha ha. I wish. You could do the first part. I wish. How do I do? But I think that your range is growing.
Oh, ba-wha-ta-ba.
I can also do that.
Oh yeah. Wait, what is that?
Ba-wha-ta-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba.
Oh, that's right.
That's right.
You really could have been a greaser back in the day.
You really been a, what is it?
Sean Anah?
You could have done that.
You could have been that guy.
Oh, Sean. Bowser, was that a thing? Get a job. See, you really been, what is it? Sean and I, you could have done that. You could have been that guy. Oh, Sean. Bowser, was that his name?
Get in the job.
Oh, see, you just did two tones.
Maybe I can only go down.
Oh, maybe it's only down.
I started here.
Can you do the Jaws theme?
I go down.
Now that just go, da, da.
Da, da, no, because I can't go,
it goes up. You can't go up.
So you can do da, da, da, da, da, da.
Here comes a shark, but it's backwards.. Here comes a shark but it's backwards.
Here comes a shark but it's backwards.
Less scary.
Da da da da da da.
But then da da da da.
Oh shit.
Da da da.
Oh, it's not so bad.
It's just his tail.
The other one sounds kind of like fun.
Yes.
Da da da da da.
Shark wearing a striped vest or a bowtie. It's called fun. Yes. Okay.
It's called Swage.
Or Swage. That would be Jaws backwards.
I'm sorry. That's what I was going for.
Anyways, the point is
back to Herlitt.
I'm now thinking
maybe it should be, cause you know what sells better
is Jukebox musicals or like musicals
with like you just said found
music. And I'm just sitting here thinking she's just came out with that poets one.
I wonder, I bet I could do her with all Taylor Swift music. Oh, I was going to say who came out
with the poets one. It was Taylor Swift. Yes. You put it together. The, uh, the tortured poets.
Yeah. Tortured poets department. Oh, that's hard to say. Tortured Poets Department. The Tortured Poets Department. The poets are tortured in that department.
So maybe that would be a good idea.
So maybe I'll sit down and take a look at that because I like her music.
It's easy to sing.
Absolutely.
And you know what?
You could also do just public domain songs, rewrite the lyrics.
I could.
It could be like, to be or not to be,
to be or not to be.
Happy birthday?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
To be Mr. President.
Okay, well we wouldn't sing that in hurl it.
That makes no sense.
I can also do the beginning of Happy Birthday.
Happy.
I have weird feelings for my mother,
to be or not to be.
Now that's Hamlet.
Anyways.
Oh!
It's a tape.
It's trying to be crazy.
Now this is the second time.
Bert just, we're outside again.
Bert just mentioned I have a bug on me,
but he just kept whispering it or mouthing it.
And I thought that I'd done something wrong
and it's still on my finger.
Get it away.
And it wasn't-
Are you uncomfortable?
Okay.
I brought it to your attention
because I don't want it to be there.
You know, weirdly I'm not, well, bugged by bugs.
I'm really not.
I'm just not bugged by bugs.
Remember, it was just our last episode
where I caught that d June bug for our guest.
It like flew right, it flew into your face.
It flew into my face.
And we were inside.
I immediately battered it out of the way.
You have to admire my, I almost Obama like reflexes.
When he caught that fly remember?
Yeah.
And I smacked it out of the way.
Obama best reflexes.
Of any person.
You know what though?
George W. Bush when they threw the shoe at him. Pretty good.
Pretty fast.
Pretty fast.
He had a little smile on his face.
He was like, throw the other one.
He was.
Let's do this.
Let's do more of this and less questions.
Can you imagine caring so little about anything?
You're the president of the United States, somebody throws a shoe at you and he smiles.
He was just something he did right.
It was in a question.
It was in a question. Now, now I. Yes. It was just something he did right. It wasn't a question, it wasn't a question he had to answer.
Yeah, it was like now, now I'm like, oh.
Throw more things.
Yeah, exactly.
Throw shoes, not questions.
So now what's going on with you, Bert?
What are your plans?
Do you have any plans for the break?
You know, Gabby and I were thinking about
going to Red Rocks to see some shows.
Oh, fun.
I think Sarah McLaughlin is doing a tour. about going to Red Rocks to see some shows. Oh, fun!
I think Sarah McLaughlin is doing a tour. Are you gonna go catch her?
Maybe, although, you know,
terrible association with those commercials.
I know, it's just the one song.
Everybody needs to give her a break.
But you know she's going to do it.
I don't know that she would,
and I bet you she's clever enough
to make a joke about it, You know, maybe she you think oh
I think that would be bad idea
Well, I just I think it's sad that she has such a wonderful body of work and she's only known for a sad dog commercial
She's got beautiful. I don't I'm not trying to say she's only known for that
I'm kind of feeling like it you're not the only person to say that when her name comes up
You do think of those sad wet looking dogs I don't. I think of building a mystery.
Oh, and I'm taking right back.
I forgot about that one. See?
That one song has eclipsed everything in my mind.
Fumbling towards ecstasy. That's what I think about it.
Adjective toward a noun. That's what I think of.
Here's what I...
Barreling near sadness.
Can you barrel near something? I guess you can. Here's what I... Barreling near sadness.
Can you barrel near something? I guess you can.
He barreled right next to me.
He came out of nowhere.
I...
He's a real boris barreler.
But you know...
I'm sorry.
That was inappropriate. That was uncalled for. It was uncalled for.
That's what it was. It was uncalled for.
Uncalled for, uncalled for. It was unappropriate though.
Do you know what I also associate her with is wearing a dress over pants.
Really?
Yes. That was that era.
Are you sure it wasn't tights?
No, it was not tights.
What kind of pants?
Do you remember that era?
Like Lilith Fair era. Like you know all the ladies.
Yes, women were wearing, all the ladies were wearing...
I don't remember this.
...dresses over jeans or slacks. No, it was not tight. What kind of pants? Do you remember that era? Like Lilith Fair era, like you know, all the ladies. Yes, women were wearing, all the ladies were wearing.
I don't remember this.
Dresses over jeans or slacks.
You're talking about like a little baby doll dress.
That's what you're talking about maybe, right?
Those cute little flowery.
No, sometimes it would go like mid-thigh or knee length.
Oh, I never did that.
I could never imagine, I couldn't imagine.
It was strange.
Yeah, that's too many layers.
Yeah.
Especially back then when you were trying to look slim, why would you put some chunky
pants underneath the dress?
Do you know who else did that?
Is of course Steve Bannon wearing multiple shirts.
Oh yeah, that's right.
The male equivalent.
He's problematic, right?
I think we found that out.
Great shoes though.
I think so.
I think we found that out.
Steve Bannon, right?
He seemed great. Wait, did you say Madden? Bannon. Oh that out. Yeah. Steve Madden, right? He seemed great.
Wait, did you say Madden?
Bannon.
Oh, I thought you said Steve Madden.
The shoe guy?
Yes, but I think he's also problematic.
But wow, you must have thought I was crazy
to question if the other one was.
I did think that it was not.
It seemed like a gradual thing
where we found out Steve Bannon was problematic.
No, that what we knew. Steve Madden took a. No, that's what we knew.
Steve Bannon took a little longer, I think.
What was his... Why would I ask?
Yeah, why would we ask?
Probably the usual, right?
Yep!
Oh, boy, oh, boy.
Well, let's see. Have we been talking...
How long has it been, babe?
And I know you're outside on the driveway. That begins the process of looking at the time.
Are you recording sitting inside the soapbox?
Absolutely.
Okay.
Wouldn't you?
A laugh followed by absolutely.
I wonder if Doug should switch to a laptop
because if I'm working on a laptop
and I need to look at the time,
up in the top, there's a little clock there.
It's just right there.
And even if the screen is not dark, you just touch it.
But yet it's always about five, what about 45 seconds?
Something like that, yeah.
40 seconds to get the answer from him.
On my laptop, I can see the time in, I think,
less than half a minute.
That's right.
But you don't record on a laptop, do you, babe?
No, but it's funny.
I actually had the time totally ready,
and then you guys talked about how long it takes for me to have the time. is that true? Yeah. Well, we can't see him. So who knows? He could
be telling the truth. So what is it? Well, now I have to get it. Of course. It goes away.
20 minutes. 20 minutes. Perfect. Perfect. All right. Well, we're gonna take a break, and when we return,
we will have more of The Neighborhood Listen
with a special guest.
["The Neighborhood Listen"]
Hi, this is Constantine.
I am selling AirPods, Macs, empty box, $15.
I kinda just wanted to see for fun
if anybody's gonna buy this, okay?
It's just an empty box.
I'm charging $15 for it.
I'm such an asshole.
And welcome back.
Yes, Joan, you've done it.
You did it.
That was fantastic.
We locked eyes and I was like, I'm going for it.
I said that with my eyes.
I could tell.
You know what, over the break,
I thought of another one you could do,
but in another song.
Sure.
I just can't get enough.
I just can't get enough.
And again.
I just can't get enough.
See, we're really getting a whole concert together.
Also, Mr. Brice side.
Wait.
Coming out of my shell,
I'm having to adjust my.
That's good. Hey Doug, I mean. There's more than we thought, wait. Coming out of my jail, I'm having to adjust my... That's good.
Hey, Doug, I mean...
There's more than we thought, really.
At this point, can I audition for Rhubarb Cabra- Cabraband?
Oh.
Cabaret?
That's the other one.
I told us there's...
Cabaret?
Wait, there's a Rhubarb Cabaret?
Cabaret?
There is now, yeah.
I can't believe they took that name.
Oh, I see.
Oh, it's a rival band.
Oh, I thought it was like...
It's a Cabaret. I thought it was Rhubarb I see. Oh, it's a rival band.
Oh, I thought it was like Rue Barbe Caravan doing something.
Yes, yes.
But you're saying there's a rival dad band.
Oh, wow.
Mom band?
Mom band.
I don't like that look because it sounds like they took the elusive mom band, not as big as the dad band.
I don't like that then they took that part of your name.
I also don't like that they didn't ask me
to be a part of it anyway.
And their stage show is just way more alluring
than ours could ever be.
Really?
Yeah, they're just getting a lot of gigs.
I mean, I'm not-
It's no fault of theirs, I guess, but-
I'm already not allowed in the under 50 choir for women.
That's right.
But only in the, what is it, the 40s, 60s.
Over 40.
Yeah, that's right.
I don't like being excluded.
But wait, so they're not like in one fixed place.
They play various venues, the rhubarb cabaret?
Yeah.
Yeah, they play all around town.
Wow.
But it's a cabaret style show.
Are they doing like show tunes?
Are they doing like old, like old,
just like old covers of-
Show tunes and a lot of kicking and a lot of like-
I love kicking.
What's that word I'm thinking of?
A kick line?
The Rockettes?
A chorus line.
What are you thinking of?
Barge.
They're kind of like-
I think maybe it's more show related, Bert.
Oh, okay.
I was thinking of the word barge yesterday.
See? I wasn't that far off.
It was driving him crazy.
It'll come to me. It's kind of an adults only type of show.
Oh boy. Burlesque?
Burlesque.
Oh, there it was.
Is that the word?
That is the word.
Remember that movie with Christina Aguilera and Cher?
I remember that it happened.
And she'd say, wheelbarrow watusi.
She says something like that.
I love that voice.
Wagon wheel watusi.
That's what she says.
I can't remember the context.
Listen.
That's the voice you tell me when breakfast is ready.
I love it.
Breakfast is ready, babe.
It's ready, babe.
I got breakfast is ready. I love it. Breakfast is ready, babe. It's ready, babe.
I got breakfast, babe.
Oh, I can do that one part, babe.
Oh yeah.
Then somebody else will have to take over.
Collective soul.
Don't know.
Yeah.
Okay, we need more, babe.
We need more, babe.
It's like, da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. Oh, I know. Oh yeah. Yeah. Okay, we need more, babe. We need more, babe. Because like, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
Oh, I know.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
I know the song.
I don't know that song.
Well, so far-
We don't have another Darude situation on our hands, do we?
So class.
So, wait, where are we just at?
Oh yeah, Cabaret.
Burlesque, that's a crazy movie.
Yeah, that movie is crazy, but it's fun to watch.
Might be a fun one. That might be a fun one to watch.
Oh, okay, I've never seen it.
Oh, it is, well it imagines that there is a Burlesque bar
on Hollywood Sunset Boulevard,
and it's like Showgirls for Los Angeles,
but like not as, I don't believe as much nudity,
but there's as much ridiculousness.
You know, I saw Showgirls, I feel like a couple years ago,
for some reason.
Gabby wanted to watch it, and we watched it,
and it's really a filthy movie.
People gathered to watch it, it really is.
Like it's seedy.
Oh, it is.
It's a seedy movie.
You feel, yeah, you need to take a shower afterwards.
It's grimy.
Yeah, for sure.
It's a grimy film.
They captured the essence.
They truly did.
They truly did.
All right, well, we have to get to our very special guest
for our final episode.
And I'm going to read this.
Is there anything more grotesque than that one lady
who has this trick dress?
Wait, I can't remember that.
When I hear showgirls,
all I can think of is Naomi thrashing around in the pool
with Kyle McLaughlin in the most ridiculous manner.
Okay, go on.
The lady, she's sort of the comedic relief in the show.
Oh, sure.
In the burlap, in the, you know, whatever show real show.
And she does this thing where she, like, flaps her arm like that and it makes her dress fall
down on the front.
I forgot about that.
And she has this insane expression on her face.
Well, this poster might have had an insane expression on her face when she posted this.
Oh wait wait wait, just tell people, this is what we do on the Neighborhood List.
Oh yeah, here's what we do.
Is we scour the NeighborHap, the social networking platform for neighborhoods.
We look for interesting posts so we can invite the people on to discuss their posts or if
they're the subject of the post sometimes.
And if you see a post that we've missed, you think it's interesting, screenshot it and send it to us at burtandjohn at gmail.com. Okay.
Okay. So this post comes from Priscilla. And this was actually sent to us by Sheree Faff. So thank
you so much, Sheree Faff for that. We really appreciate that. Also send us, oh, you just said that. It really is like I've never done this show today.
Okay, Priscilla says, my 63 year old son, wow,
has 27 cats that he needs to get rid of.
This is his last resort.
Can anyone please help?
He loves the cats, but he's going to get evicted if he can't find homes for them.
Any suggestions?
And here today we have Priscilla.
Hi Priscilla.
Oh, hi.
Hi.
Priscilla, I have so many questions.
Thank you first of all for coming on the show.
Oh, thank you for having me on your show.
And I'm an older, older woman.
No, we can not talking about you.
I normally wouldn't start off a podcast interview this way,
but could we ask how young a lady are you?
Oh dear.
How many years are you?
You can call me old.
I've lived long enough.
How old are you?
103.
Wow.
You look terrific.
You look amazing.
Oh, it's because I yawn every morning.
I get up and I give myself a big yawn.
That's all it is?
That's the secret.
All the air comes in my mouth.
Your eyes are almost closed.
They're so tiny and crinkled and cute.
They're very adorable.
But my mouth is open when I yawn.
Your mouth is very big.
Mouth very big.
We see just the twinkling in those tiny little cavities,
like LED lights. I have frightened many children.
Yes.
Many.
I don't try to, but they're called.
Like a creature in the forest.
Almost Jawa-like.
Yes, a dream.
Yes, that's it.
That's burnt.
That's exactly it.
Jawa-like.
Can't lose.
Can't.
Parker Lewis.
I remember that.
Parker Lewis can't lose. Priscilla went a different way with that one, Byrne.
I loved it.
She sure did.
I can't help what pops in my head.
So, now let me just tell you.
Can I ask you a question about your son?
Sorry, what did you say?
I said I've had a long life.
You have had a long life.
I have two questions for you.
I hope more.
Oh, there will be many more, Priscilla.
I first want to know what this is his last resort means.
Is it in reference to the eviction?
And can you talk about the nature of the eviction and is it due to the cats or is there something
else going on?
Oh, darling, that was more than two questions.
I know. I'm sorry. That happened some time.
Yes, it's the last resort. He's going to be evicted.
His landlady is... Do you know Clementine?
Oh, I do know Clementine.
She's a nasty woman.
Yes.
Clementine Peeler?
Peeler!
Yes, Clementine.
She is a nasty woman.
Mieler Peeler.
Mieler Peeler.
Oh, she's a real Mieler Peeler.
Real Mieler Peeler.
I don't either.
Think about it. She's on the phone,er peeler. Oh, she's a real meal-er peeler. Real meal-er peeler.
I don't either.
Think about it.
She's on the phone three.
It's our fault, Burn.
We need to think harder about it.
Oh, I get it.
I see it now.
I will reflect on that.
It's an old fashioned phrase.
I see.
Priscilla, do you know read-a-repeater?
Do you know that phrase?
Oh, yes, darling.
Oh, there you go.
But when you say my day, we called it Ruby Repeater. Oh, Ruby Repeater.
That was a more popular name, huh?
Oh, that was a big name when I was a child.
It was a big name.
My parents wanted me to be named Ruby.
Oh.
But they changed their mind.
Why?
They never told me.
But I do have a sin.
Well, then how did you know they were going to name you Ruby?
They just provided that information.
We almost named you Ruby.
That's so strange.
You said, why didn't you?
And they said, no more questions.
Great question.
I found out, because in the will, they left me everything,
and they said, by the way.
Wow.
We wanted to name you Ruby, but we didn't.
But they didn't say why.
That's so out of character for Will and Testament language,
you know, just to say, by the way.
My parents were very interesting people.
My mother was a flapper.
Oh, you're kidding.
That's exciting.
She never wore any undergarments in the whole decade
of the 1920s.
Good for her.
Oh, yeah.
She called it her Hoover.
The Hooverville. Wow, that's what she called her undercarriage?
The Hooverville?
My mother was interesting is all I'll say.
She did provide you that information,
but would not tell you why they did not name you that.
I wonder if we'll figure it out today.
When you say they left you everything,
did they have a lot of money?
What do you mean by everything?
They, they had, they were very wealthy.
Okay, why? What did they do?
My father was in stocks.
Oh yes.
When the, when the, when the crash.
Priscilla, are you okay? Your eyes are starting to get even tinier.
Can I get you some water?
I didn't think it was possible.
I'm okay.
I'm all right.
Maybe take a yawn.
Yaw.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Wait.
Yaw.
Yaw.
Like a she lion on the plains of the Serengeti.
See, it's interesting what happens to your body
when you make it past one hundred.
I can't imagine.
I really can't.
I hope you can.
Well, I hope I get to.
Now, we're your, so your dad was in stocks. your mom was under pantsless flapper, and did you have
any siblings?
Oh yes, I had four sisters.
And had.
Are you the only one living?
Oh no, they're still alive.
Amazing!
Wow!
Did I use the wrong verb?
Well, now I would imagine they're younger than you.
No!
What?
I was the baby.
The baby lived there.
How old is your oldest sibling?
My oldest one, oh, Teresa's 114.
Wow.
Lisa is 111.
11?
Barbara and Trudy are twins.
They're both 107 and eight,
because today's their birthday.
One was born a few hours.
Do you know what?
I had the same thing with my twins
cause I had my first one one day.
We didn't even know the other one was in there
the entire time I was pregnant.
And so my twins, Matt and.
Papicciere.
Papicciere.
Papicciere.
Papicciere.
Well, Bert actually helped me name them because he doesn't realize this, but I didn't
know him at the time.
What?
I didn't know you at the time, but you were still at the CVS pharmacy back then.
And I was in there for terrible acid reflux when I was pregnant.
And I said, I don't know what to name these.
I don't know what to name my kids.
My kid, because I didn't know there was going to be twins.
I said, I think I'm having a boy.
And he said, oh, I'm from medium Italy. I'm my kid because I didn't know there was going to be twins. I said, I think I'm having a boy. And he said, Oh, I'm from medium Italy.
I'm from Italy. And Papicciere is a very good name for, um, it means boy,
boy, you don't know how to name. And Italian, I believe.
Boy with no name is the, is the closest translation.
This is way before.
But then the first one came out and he just looked like a mat.
Do you know what I mean? And I was like, bummer, I don't get to use papechiere.
And then the next day out popped papechiere.
What a gift.
There he is.
What a gift.
It was a real gift.
A surprise and a gift.
It was a surprise and a gift.
I want to, I'm fascinated by your life of course, but I do want to go back to.
Yeah, we need to get back to the sun.
What is your son's name?
My son's name is Bernard.
Okay.
Yes.
How did he get to 27 caps?
That is a high number.
Slowly but surely.
I mean, because to me, I would say once you got to five.
I was gonna say five.
I was gonna say five.
That's concerning.
That's when you go, that's the breaking point.
That's like really, that's when you round the corner,
I would say.
Bernard has had very bad luck in his life,
and I think the cat.
Bad luck somehow led to him having 27 cats.
And feel better.
As a child, my husband was,
that sentence made no sense.
When your husband was a child?
No, I meant as a child for Bernard,
then I included my husband,
so that sentence, forgive my age.
Oh, of course we will.
Of course we will.
Thank you.
I think it's incredible to be here with you
and you're so interesting.
Oh yeah, you're just learning about me, but thank you.
Thank you.
It's true.
Oh no.
Oh, are you okay?
Do you need some water?
Just, there's,
Oh, I didn't realize I was dying.
All of her teeth shake when she does that.
It's quite unsettling.
It looked like they were in super fast motion.
Yes.
Kind of like the kind you wind up.
I'm, it's called rattle teeth.
Oh, there it is.
It happens when you get on to rattle teeth.
Yeah, rattle teeth.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or you could do it at will. What a good party trick it. It happens when you get all the rattle teeth. Yeah, rattle teeth. So you can do it at will.
What a good party trick.
Thank you.
You should be able to have some fun when you're 103.
Okay.
So do you, have you both lived, you and your son,
your family, born and raised in Dignity Falls?
Oh, my life.
My parents were here.
Okay, great.
So then wait, so then you have, you have Bernard,
did you have any other children?
Yes.
Okay, well you say it as if I should have known that.
Oh, I'm so sorry, darling.
I'm old and sometimes yeses come out really harsh.
Really angry, okay, I get it.
Angry.
Okay, I'll just go with harsh.
I have another son named Anson.
Anson?
What?
I'm just repeating. Why did you only question me?
We said it at the exact same time.
I thought she said Anson and you said Ransom.
No, I was saying the same thing that Joan was saying.
She's old, she's old.
But that would be fun if my son was a kidnapper
to call him Ransom Anson.
Wait, is his name Anson or Ansom? Yeah, Anson. Is his name Anson or Ansem?
Yeah, Anson or Ansem.
Anson.
Anson.
Sorry, my rattle teeth.
Like Berndt and Sons, but it's just Anson.
Right.
Anson.
Thank you for including me in the example.
It's the first male name I could think of if you really want to know the truth.
You know, the common name of birthday.
Okay.
So what does Anson do?
He's a cruise ship driver.
So a captain.
Captain.
Okay.
A boat captain.
They might call him driver.
I don't know what you do.
You know, I don't know what the term is.
Like that show, The Love Boat.
Oh, I loved The Love Boat.
It all made sense.
It all made sense. So many wonderful celebrities, guests. The very I loved the love boat. It all made sense. It all made sense.
So many wonderful celebrities, guests.
The very beginning of the theme song.
Let's hear it.
Love.
Oh, yes you can.
I can do a couple more words.
Oh, go for it, Priscilla.
Exciting and new.
Very good.
Come aboard.
Race where you new.
Oh.
And Doug with the chorus.
A love boat. Oh my god. Perfect. Doug has never seen one episode. A love boat. Perfect.
Doug has never seen one episode of the love boat.
Perfect. Sharp turn.
The love boat.
The love boat was great. They had three stories on it once.
And they all wrapped up.
Charo was off and in there.
Why was Charo always there?
She's a delight. She is delightful.
She wins awards for guitar playing.
Did she? Yes, she's. She wins awards for guitar playing.
Oh, did she?
Yes, she's an amazing flamenco guitarist.
Good for her.
So, Anson, it sounds like he's doing pretty well for himself.
He's out and about.
So then how does it happen that Bernard ends up here?
Does he have a job?
Well, you might know Bernard.
He has run for mayor of Dignity Falls. Here, does he have a job? Well, you might know Bernard. Oh, boy.
He has run for mayor of Dignity Falls.
I don't even know how many years and always do.
Bernard in the yard?
Bernard in the yard, yes.
He was your son.
Oh, man, these commercials are quite famous.
They're everyone's favorite.
I helped him with the commercial.
You did?
Yes.
Oh, oh, you're the voice in the back going, enough! Enough! I helped him with the commercial. You did? Yes.
Oh, oh you're the voice in the back going, enough, enough.
You want to hear me do it?
Yes, well let me, I'll recreate it, we'll recreate it together.
I'll do Bernard's part.
Okay.
And then you chime in when your part comes.
Okay, okay, okay.
Action.
Are you tired of the way Dignity Falls is being taxed to death?
Me too!
I'm Bernard and I'm in the yard.
In the yard for you.
What's the yard?
The yard is politics.
And that's where I am.
I'm Bernard.
ENOUGH!
And then the commercial abruptly cuts off.
I wrote it that way.
Oh, you wrote it!
You did.
Now let me ask, why not do a different commercial every year?
Why not try something new?
Cause this is what it is and has been for like a decade.
Yes, but it would be reshot every four years.
Right, it would be reshot.
He does get older.
Yes, same dialogue, he does get older.
I remember after he lost,
that's the voice of Doug, our engineer.
Oh yeah, you can't see him, he's old. Sorry, I heard a voice in my ear. And's the voice of Doug our engineer. Oh, yeah
I heard a voice in my ear And you had a delayed reaction to it
I was hoping to cut off that exact moment that exact situation, but I was
I thought it was the Lord
Oh dear that is a rough sound to hear
He got in legal trouble for that commercial just cutting off right there
And he had to release the second commercial that said paid for by that last commercial
was paid for by Bernard.
That's right.
Bernard the yard.
That's right.
So your side is Bernard in the yard.
I wouldn't know.
No, no, no, honey, darling, Bernard the yard.
I'm sorry.
Oh, Bernard the yard.
Okay.
Well, he says Bernard in the yard.
Yeah, in the yard.
That's what all the signs said too. Oh, did they? I told him to change it. But this is like, this is like in the yard. In the yard. Oh. That's what all the signs said too.
Oh, did they?
I told him to change it.
But this is like,
This is like avoid the noise.
Is that what this is?
Avoid the noise.
Do you remember that?
Yes, of course I do.
What was that?
The dominoes?
It was dominoes, yes.
I don't know.
But maybe that's why he's been using.
So this is like it became his nickname,
Bernard the yard.
Which is kind of a weird, I don't know.
If you're called a yard, what is that even,
this is not like Hank the Tank or like,
what does Bernard the yard convey?
I mean, is Bernard now a verb?
You have to Bernard the yard.
Oh, you have to Bernard the yard.
Yeah, the yard is our town and I'm Bernard.
Okay.
You're both very young, but you don't know the dignity...
You're welcome.
Dignity Falls before it was called Dignity Farm...
Falls?
This was called Dignity Farms?
Sorry.
Petridge Farms, remember?
Did you say Petridge Farms?
I did.
Petridge Farms.
I absolutely did.
That's because it's a lot like how we only have a Trader Joe here.
We don't have Trader Joe. It's very off-brand. We have a Petridge Farms.
Remember, the Dignity Falls used to just be called the yard.
You know what? I did not know that and only she would be old enough to know that.
Because it was just a yard. And then it was a mile.
What does that? Oh, okay.
So it was just three feet long.
Oh, you're talking a unit measurement.
Yes.
The founder of the tribe was only three feet long.
What an expansion.
Wow.
Over time.
That's pretty incredible.
Well, they did find a very bloody war for it with the town next door.
That's true.
Bloody war of the yard.
Yeah, the yard war.
The yard war.
The yard wars it was called. They called it the great yard war. That's right. Bloody War of the Yard. Yeah, the yard war. The yard war. Of the yard wars it was called.
They call it the Great Yard War.
Great Yard.
That's right.
Wow, I mean it is amazing to listen to you talk about history.
Nobody died in it.
There was a bloody war.
There was blood.
There was a bloody war, but there was-
There was bloody noses.
People just fell down.
Oh, they were just wounded.
There were bloody noses.
There were lots of bloody noses.
Their knees is, their knees got stuck in.
Their knees is.
They fought it in Spoon. Yes, they fought fought in the fifth season of Spoon, of course, which we experienced between May
and June and it's brought on by carnivorous pollen, pollen flowers.
Before I forget, I did see the movie Burlesque.
I heard you talking about it.
Oh, you did?
Wow.
You know what was weird about that movie to me?
Priscilla's got some thoughts on it.
Stanley Tucci played a gay man in the exact same way
he did in the Devil Wears Prada.
And it was very confusing.
And also he took off a sturd and I said,
my God, that man works out.
You don't expect that from Stanley Tucci.
You don't expect it from Stanley Tucci.
Especially he's eaten his way through Italy the way he
does.
Did he find it?
He keeps himself fit.
He is still looking for it.
Actually, the show ends once he finds it.
So I guess he has to still be.
I mean, that's got to be your series finale.
Right.
He finds it.
Oh, boy, what a genius idea for a show.
I'll just go to Italy and eat.
Wonderful.
I would love that.
Great.
So you want to hear how I used to I made my money. Oh, yeah, I thought you inherited it. But I would love that. You want to hear how I used to, I made my money from, of course I did.
I thought you inherited it, but I would love to know.
Well I had money from my parents, but I invested, I had my own store for many years.
You did?
Yes.
What was it?
It was called, it was the morning store.
The morning store.
It was only opening in the morning.
OK.
That's a good name then.
And it sold all morning items.
Such as?
Eggs.
OK.
Toothpaste.
Oh.
OK.
Glass of milk.
Glass?
No, who wants a glass?
We like jumped to individual glasses of milk.
Hugs.
We give hugs.
Everybody wants a morning hug.
A yawn.
How about that?
You would sell a yawn.
How would you sell a yawn?
Give me a nickel.
Urgh.
Urgh.
Oh, and it would make me yawn.
I see.
It does make you yawn if someone else yawns.
And I can see how your yawn would really.
Did people, did that sell a lot?
Did people want to yawn?
Can I know what your best,
what was your best selling item?
Oh, besides the yawn?
Yes.
Oh dear, my best selling item was my morning song.
Oh, could we please hear it?
I would love to hear the morning song.
It's been a while.
I know you got it in you.
Oh, they're gonna repeat again.
Is that the song?
Who would be the song by Sting?
It's warming up, warming up.
C-h-h-h-h-h-h. Oh dear, I'm sorry repeat again. Is that the song? Who would be the song by Sting? Warming up, warming up.
Oh, dear, I'm sorry I asked.
Ready here. One, two, three.
Oh, it's morning, it's morning, it's morning,
and it's the forties and it's fifties and it's nineteen forty five.
It's forties and it's fifties and it's nineteen forty five.
At first I thought he was doing the temperature.
I thought it was right.
But I believe he was taking us through the decades.
Absolutely.
Through two and then back to a specific year.
And then ended on a very specific year of 1940s.
Can I explain?
Oh, please do.
Absolutely.
I wrote the memories of flooding.
Oh, my god.
I wrote that song in 1945.
Well, that makes a lot of sense.
Anticipating the 50s.
Well, and then the 60s happened,
and it changed to the 60s.
Oh, OK.
Oh, I see.
The morning song would change.
But it always went back to 1945.
I see. Oh, that's funny. What a great year. Well, I see, the morning song would change. It was back to 1945. I see, oh, that's funny.
What a great year.
Well, I wouldn't know, but I imagine it was.
That was the first year I had a cigarette.
Oh, okay.
Wow.
Do you still smoke?
Constantly.
Oh dear, okay, maybe that would explain the color
of the skin, she's very, very good.
Go ahead, Gray.
Ashen.
Your fingers are a lovely gold color, though.
Yeah, what's that about?
Just those two right there.
It's the Midas Touch.
My whole family, all that, we're called Gold, the Goldfingers.
I did not know that.
Because you all smoked so much?
No, these are natural.
You just had actual golden fingers.
That color between your two fingers is a natural.
Some sort of naturally occurring pigment that is of a metallic nature.
Both my sons have it.
Anson has it when he's driving the boat.
Wow.
Yeah, Captain Goldfinger.
He's called Captain Goldfinger.
Captain Goldfinger.
Wow.
Okay, so this is all fascinating.
Let's get back to Bernard and his 27 cats?
Is that how many?
I hate to ask this, but what are their names?
Oh no, don't hate to ask anything. I'm ready are their names? Oh, no don't hate to ask anything
I'm ready to tell you
Okay, okay
Herman feathers
Feathers the cat ears Oh
Flap flap, okay. Hey look at that's fine
Nurse Betty.
Oh!
Ear muffs.
Whisker head.
What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what,
what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what,
what, what, what, what, what, what,
what, what, what, what, what, what, what,
what, what, what, what, what, what,
what, what, what, what, what, what,
what, what, what, what, what, what, what,
what, what, what, what, what, what, what,
what, what, what, what, what, what, what,
what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what,
what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, overhead and with your head. That's two more. It's so confusing when you have to call them for their milk. For sure.
That's right.
For their milk.
Okay, go on.
Am I a chair?
That's 10.
I was assuming that's a name.
Lady.
Good, cute.
Lady fingers.
Okay.
Lady good-eye-ver.
Okay, we're in a theme here.
Heaven.
Hell.
That's 15.
Purgatory. Downtown L. Hell. That's 15. Purgatory.
Downtown L.A.
What are we up to?
70.
Only 10 more to go.
Rapid.
Okay.
Slow.
Good.
Fine.
That's 20.
Really fine.
Double chocolate. Fine that's 20 really fine. Hmm double chocolate
Rent free. Oh, okay Brent free
No, it's a 24 24 that was one of Bernards
How many do you?
Just three more.
Violet, red, and blue.
Oh my goodness.
There we go.
Priscilla, I'm so impressed that she could remember
all of those at 103.
That's incredible.
I have to.
My son makes me say hello to them every morning.
Oh, that's exhausting.
That's exhausting.
Oh my goodness.
How big of an apartment does this apartment have?
Oh, good question, Bert. Just a studio. Oh my goodness. How big of an apartment does this apartment have?
Oh, good question, Bert.
Just a studio.
Oh no, you can't mean this.
No, the lit...
You can't mean this.
I mean what I say.
It's got so many litter boxes.
Can you imagine?
Oh no.
Do they each have their own litter box?
Everybody's got their own litter box.
27 litter boxes.
Side by side? Like, are they...
How would you walk in there?
This isn't surprising places.
Does this really look like one big litter box?
I wanted to say that, but I didn't have to hide.
Oh no.
My son's apartment looks like one big litter box.
So then I'm imagining, how did the complaints start? Like the smell or?
Yeah, the sounds, the talking, the meow-ish.
The talking.
The meow-ing must be.
The talking, the meow-ing.
Wait, the talking, you mean Bernard talking?
But Bernard talking to the cats.
Quiet!
Oh, he's just always staying quiet.
Quiet!
One of the cats is always talking.
Wait, what do you mean talking?
Just meow.
Meow, meow.
Meow, meow.
You've heard a cat talk?
Well, I've heard a cat meow, sure.
That's talking.
That's their talking, I guess.
Yeah, the dogs talk, they bark.
Sure.
Yeah, cows talk moo.
Very true.
Cows talk moo.
Cows talk moo.
Cows talk moo.
That's my favorite children's story.
Cows talk moo.
Is that one you would read to Bernard and Nelson?
Cows talk moo.
Owls hoot hoot.
My parents read it to me.
But you know what's weird?
What?
Whenever they read it to me, they called me Ruby.
That is weird.
You're just remembering this.
Yes.
And interesting that they'd say your name a lot while they were reading you a book.
How did it come up?
They're just like, okay, Ruby, next page.
Yeah, exactly, you're my mother.
No, definitely not.
Another great children's book.
You're my mother.
Sad story, though.
It is a little sad.
It's about a child who goes up to everyone
and asks, are you my mother?
He's a duck.
But animals, that couldn't possibly be his mother.
It's like absolutely, absolutely.
Talking to a cement mixer.
Yes.
Come on.
This duck has problems. What duck thinks a cement mixer
is their mother? More problems than being lost. Do you know that that was the original
title of the book? This duck has problems. This duck. What was the point of that book
now that we're talking about? To help children who are lost and to just encourage them to just go around and ask everybody
until they find their mom again?
I don't know.
You know, a child being lost is a horror story.
It's a horrifying thing.
It's horrifying.
And then if you could, I don't think the answer is to go up to a stranger and say, are you
my mother?
It's a terrible thing to do.
Yes.
Because what if the stranger says, I am your mother?
Exactly.
I mean, you'd hope that the child would be like, no,
you're not.
Why can't the child be asking the fire hydrant,
have you seen my mother?
That's what it should have been called,
have you seen my mother?
Yeah.
Why doesn't the child know what his mother looks like?
That's what I was asking.
Was it just born?
That was the impression.
I kind of got the impression.
It was just born.
That it was just born.
Oh.
And it could talk.
And somehow got so far away from that born. It was just born. Oh
From that egg and learned how to talk immediately ducks are smart
Well, I took it. I took it that the book was translated for us into English
From duck. Oh god, I got it. Yeah, this all makes sense So, okay
So you've got how much how what what is the amount of days that your son has been given
to find other cats?
And I also want to know, have you,
have you heard from anybody that would like
to take some of the cats?
Thank you for those questions.
You're welcome.
Number one, he has three days left.
Oh no.
He's going to move out.
Three days.
I'm telling you, she's a mean woman.
And has she said that is the only requirement
that he needs to get rid of all the cats and he can stay?
Yes, that's it.
Now she's had enough.
Well, listen, I could understand.
That's a lot of cats.
I know, but this is what brings him comfort
from losing lections.
Oh, I know.
I just wish he had another hobby.
Or does he even have a job?
Oh, Lord, I hope.
Does he have any income?
No, he lives on his own.
Do you support him, Priscilla?
Oh, dear.
I'm not very kind, I'll admit, he have any income? No, he lives on his own. Do you support him, Priscilla? Oh dear. I'm not very kind, I'll admit,
because if I really cared more,
I'd give him a better apartment.
Oh, you gave him that apartment?
Yeah, I was hoping that,
I was hoping to light a fire under him,
but he didn't do it.
He's 63 now.
That's right, I mean, yeah.
I have to ask you this too,
but you say that this is your last resort.
Is posting on the NeighborHap and I guess coming on the show.
But what other things have been tried
to get rid of these 27 cats?
Yes.
Oh, that's great.
I, I've had endless talks with him.
That's one thing we did.
Okay, endless talks.
I had his brother call him from the, endless.
Endless.
And his brother called him from the ship many times.
Okay, that was nice for him to try.
It was very nice, but they got into a fight.
Oh no.
And Anson almost hit an iceberg.
Oh no.
An iceberg, I didn't even know
that was still a problem these days.
Yes, it's becoming less and less of a problem.
Oh yikes, yes it is.
Did you think that Anson calling from the ship would have more of a weight to it?
That he's taking time out of his work day.
Well, I wish his father was still alive, but he's not.
I'm sorry.
How long ago did he pass? I'm sorry.
Oh, he died in 1975. Oh wow. Long time ago. It was sad because
we were decorating for the bicentennial and then he didn't make it. Oh, he didn't get
to see the bicentennial. No, he never saw the bicentennial. Oh, that's too bad. Or Rocky.
He didn't get to see the film Rocky. No.
That's the real tragedy.
Oh boy.
Never saw Network.
He missed all the great cinema of the 70s.
He missed all the great cinema of the 70s.
He never saw Kramer vs. E. Kramer.
That is a real shame.
Did he manage to see Jaws?
Such good performances.
He did see Jaws.
Let me ask you this.
Is this, we know this is scary.
Dun-ah, dun-ah.
But what about dun-ah, dun-ah, dun-ah.
That sounds like a shark going backwards.
That's what I said.
Dun-ah, dun-ah.
Dun-ah, dun-ah.
Dun-ah, dun-ah.
Dun-ah, dun-ah. Dun-ah, dun-ah. Dun-ah, dun-ah. Dun-ah, dun-ah. Dun-ah, dun-ah. But what about? Dun-ah, dun-ah, dun-ah.
That sounds like a shark going backwards.
That's what I said.
Gosh.
Did he ever hear the song 70s, 80s, 1975?
Oh, of course he did.
Well, no, Doug, it would always come back to 1945.
Oh, I see.
No matter what.
He did, he did.
So wait, Bernard, I'm trying to figure out,
I'm trying to do some math I won't be able to do
to find out how young Bernard was when his father died.
He must have been quite young.
I think so.
Yes.
75, this is, it's 50 years ago, right?
It's more than 50 years.
I think so, yeah.
75 is more than, no, no, no.
It's less than 50 years ago.
It is about less than 50 years ago, just shy.
49 years ago?
49, that's like 50 years ago. It is about less than 50 years ago. Just shy. 49 years ago? 49, that's like 50 years ago.
Oh.
Like.
It's like it.
Like it.
Yeah, so I mean, he was just like kinda in puberty
when his dad died.
He was just, he was.
Very formative time.
Terrible to lose a father at that point.
And it was right after that that he was like,
he became very important to him to become the mayor.
Oh.
After he lost his father, he's like,
I have to be in charge, I have to be the man.
He wanted to be the man of the house
and the man of the city.
Who was the first cat he got,
and what started getting a cat?
Who was the first?
Which one?
Was it violet, was it red, was it late,
was it nurse Betty?
No, he got, he got cat, in his twenties he started, none of them are still alive.
Oh, wait, what? I guess, I guess that doesn't see his sixty-seven, he got cat, he started getting cats right away?
Yes, his first cat was named Peter.
Okay, so simple.
Oh yes, start simple. Start simple for sure. simple. Yeah. Oh yes.
Start simple.
Start simple for sure.
Like a yard.
Oh yes.
And then a town grows.
That's right.
Okay, but here's the thing.
I feel like, so you didn't answer my second question first of all, which was, have you
heard from anybody?
You're not going to squirm out of this or something.
That's okay, you're not in trouble.
No, I want to know if you've heard from anybody who wants the cats.
Where's the question?
Have you heard from anyone who wants the cats? You have three days left. Have you had any takers if you've heard from anybody who wants the cats. What is the question? Have you heard from anyone who wants the cats?
You have three days left.
Have you met any takers?
I've heard from one.
Okay.
Weird Henry.
Weird Henry?
Weird Henry.
You all know Weird Henry.
She does expect us to know everybody, but she forgets that we're not as old as she is.
Weird Henry, he lives behind that,
God damn it, I know words.
You're doing great Priscilla.
The church.
The Episcopal Church is the Presbyterian Church.
The Episcopal.
The Episcopal.
Wait, I didn't know his name.
That's the guy who pretends to be Joseph
in the Nativity City.
That's the one.
But all year long.
Yes, all year. He's like, look at my coat. Oh, that's the other Joseph pretends to be Joseph in the Nativity scene. That's the one! But all year long. Yes, all year.
He's like, look at my coat.
Oh, that's the other Joseph.
The other Joseph.
He does say, look at my coat sometimes.
He has a nice coat.
He's weird too.
He's weird.
Yeah, he's dressed as Joseph from the Holy Family,
but with a beautiful leather jacket.
And he also thinks, he really, he thinks he's all Josephs
that have ever been famous.
I see.
He thinks he's so, okay. Joe Jonas been famous. I see. He thinks he's so, okay.
Joe Jonas.
Joe DiMaggio.
Oh, I thought it was just Joseph,
but we're doing Joe as well.
St. Joseph, Joe Josiwa.
St. Joseph aspirin.
That's right.
Is that an aspirin?
Yeah, it is, of course.
Delicious aspirin.
Oh, it is a tasty.
It's a delicious baby aspirin.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's on pie with Flintstones.
Absolutely.
You know, I keep a bottle of Flintstones.
Oh, Doug.
Of St. Joseph's Aspirin behind the counter.
Oh, you do?
Just for once in a while, pop one in.
Good for you.
You need to live.
I bet you'll live longer than me.
No, Priscilla.
I'm not sure about that.
I can't imagine.
I can't.
Being alive at that age, I would hate it.
Your eyes are already better than mine.
I still get Doug Flintstone's vitamins.
It's his favorite.
Doesn't want anything else.
Love him.
Got a particular shape that you enjoy the most?
Fred.
Got a classic.
Got a little Fred.
Fred, Fred, you get the most.
Yeah.
You really do.
You get a lot of vitamins.
The Wilma's a waste of time.
That chalky sweetness.
Oh, the Wilma's, forget about it.
Forget about it.
Forget about it.
So you had one, Weird Henry.
What's Weird Henry gonna do with a cat?
I don't know, but I'm scared to give it to him
and so is Bernard.
He's gonna put the cat in the manger
is what he's gonna do. For sure.
And make it be the baby Jesus.
But because right now he's our only hope.
And you're trying to get rid of these cats
one at a time, is that correct?
Or all of the time if somebody wants them.
I don't know that anyone's gonna wanna take
27 cats all in one go.
You never know. Ooh. one go. You never know.
You do?
You never know.
What?
I mean, have you thought about...
I mean, you still have some money, some...
Oh, yeah.
What's your suggestion?
What if you were to open a cat cafe?
Those are very popular all over the world.
Do they work?
They do, actually.
They work?
They work.
And you know what? I have to start a new business in 103? Yes, you had the morning store. You know how They do actually. They work. They work. And you know what?
I have to start a new business in 103?
You had the morning store.
You know how to do that.
I sure do.
It would give Bernard something to do.
Yes, he could be there and he could work there.
He could get people coffee and tea and the cats just live on shelves and couches and
they come and people pet them.
I think we'll have a performance night and I'll have weird Henry come.
So you've gone from, I have to start a new business, oh no, to we're going to have a performance night.
She's already booking rhubarb cabaret.
Monday night is weird Henry telling stories.
Telling stories?
Yes, about Joseph.
I can already see the flyer.
Every Monday it's a new Joseph.
Absolutely.
Every Monday a different Joseph. Joseph. Every Monday, a different Joseph.
Joseph Smith.
Joseph Smith.
Joseph Campbell.
Joseph Campbell.
I think you should start with Joseph Campbell.
That's the one.
To set up the story.
That's right.
Joseph.
Absolutely.
To set up a hero.
Yeah, we kind of covered him.
I thank God this is all being recorded.
I never would remember.
These ideas are great.
Oh, and I wonder if this would help Bernard be
mayor run for mayor next time. I think he needs to have a platform because he always
ran and just said, you'll see. It'll be great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Show us all those debates.
You'll see. Any question. Yeah. I told him to be more specific, but he's just like, you'll see.
You know what, can I say it almost worked on me?
It did?
Yes, the more he said you'll see,
the more intrigued I became,
and I was like, I gotta see.
I gotta see what happens.
I mean, it was interesting.
It did get some people, you know,
riled up just to simply say you'll see.
And it's like, what's gotta be better than anything?
Can I, at this moment, get a promise
for both of you to vote for him?
No.
Why?
This is terrible.
No, listen, listen.
I want to see my son become mayor before I go off into the ether.
Why are you encouraging this though?
Because I think now with the cat cafe you have something to do.
Priscilla, I really think the cat cafe, that was a fantastic idea that Burton had.
I think you should really sit down and think about this.
And I think you should take a few big yawns.
And I think that's where you get your rest.
I didn't mean right now.
We've had enough of that.
But I think this is a wonderful idea.
There's a couple of storefronts
that just opened up downtown.
And I think you should go in the books.
Businesses are failing all over the place.
Oh, this can help dignity.
This not only can help us.
That's right, it can help the economy.
Yes, the economy of dignity files.
That's right.
And do you know, running a cat cafe.
Cat-fay.
Cat-fay.
Cafe.
Cat-fay.
Cafe.
The cat-fay.
It's sort of like being a mayor because the cats are his constituents that they have to
look out for.
It's true.
I don't know if that's the same thing.
The people that come in there, the tourists.
Yep.
And you know, and that way they can see that he can handle a cat economy, right?
And so if he can handle that, he can handle maybe the town.
But let's just set that aside.
Let's make the cat cafe a success first.
Yeah.
And I'll think about what we can serve there.
Oh, sure.
The cat cafe,
because you just can't have a bunch of kitty cats
running around.
No, that's not all it is.
Like I said, it's usually,
a cafe usually indicates coffee, tea,
you know, some, some, some brew.
How is it pronounced?
Bruce-getta, how is it pronounced?
Bruss-gett-tches.
Oh, oh, okay.
Bresch-get-a.
Okay.
Apple, can we, apples?
I mean, sure.
I don't know why not.
You can have some fruit.
Yeah, absolutely.
I don't know if you heard, but you could serve yawns.
Yawns, oh everybody.
I don't know if you heard.
I don't know if you want that.
But you can serve yawns.
It's a morning yawn.
And you know what would be so cute?
It could be called the morning yawn.
Yes, absolutely.
That's cute, the morning yawn. And, it's so cute. The morning yawn.
And you could do foam art and you could do little cats.
Do what?
Foam art?
What do they call it?
Oh, foam art.
Yeah, what do you think I said?
Foam art.
Foam art?
I thought that was one word.
Foam art.
And I didn't know what that meant.
Foam art.
Like fear of missing out.
Foam art? Like F-A-U-X. What would it missing out. Kmart. Fo-mart.
Like F-A-U-S.
What would it be?
Fear of missing.
Oh.
Don't do real mart.
That's too expensive.
Fo-mart.
Fo-mart.
I think the Morning Yon Cat Cafe, I would come visit.
You know what I mean?
Thank you.
I think that is a great, I think that's really great.
I love it when I feel like we kind of come up with a solution.
And he can still live in his place.
Yes.
Yes, he can still live in his place,
but I would almost burn that place down, to be honest.
What if he had the realtor?
Collect the insurance and get rid of it.
I'm going to give I'm going to get him out of that place.
I think he should.
I think they should just I don't want to go in there.
I don't think he's learned his lesson.
No, I think he also needs to get away from that place
to recover from his toxoplasmosis.
Oh, indeed, indeed.
One more thing, I thought of another name for the cafe.
What?
Ruby's.
Oh, now that is so beautiful.
Cat Cafe.
Oh my goodness, that is so great.
Come to Ruby's Cat Cafe.
You'll have the yarn of a time. Meow. Meow the yawn of a time.
Me, yow.
Me, yow.
A yawn of a time.
I haven't heard that phrase since Mitch McNutt
reviewed my Death of a Salesman.
Oh, I loved your Death of a Salesman.
Oh, you saw that?
I see all the theaters.
Oh, thank you so much.
Oh, you're welcome.
Yes, I changed it to, you know.
Why can't it be a saleswoman? Yeah, her name is Willa Lohman. And Oh, I're welcome. Yes, I changed it to, you know, why can't it be a saleswoman?
Yeah, her name is Willa Lohman.
And I have to say to everybody that's not watching but only listening, Priscilla's eyes
grew three times when she sang that song.
They got so much bigger and brighter.
And I saw the excitement in your eyes.
I'm so excited.
You look like you were 95 years old.
95!
That was a wonderful year for me. I
Ran a marathon
What a delight you thank you for coming on the show thank you so much you solved everything
Well, let's hope I mean none of it has been done yet. No, it's true. And you have only three days
I'm gonna you know what? I'm gonna talk to Aunt San and I'm gonna get you
free tickets on the cruise ship.
Wow!
Which cruise ship is this exactly?
The Johnson Factory Parade Cruise Ship.
Ahoy!
Is ahoy part of the name?
No, no, no, ahoy is like hoy!
Johnson Factory Parade Cruise Ship. Johnson Factory Parade Cruise Ship.
Johnson Factory Parade Cruise Ship.
What is the Johnson Factory Parade Cruise Ship?
I guess asking questions would be just not necessary at this point.
I know what you're saying.
They take you where icebergs are, wherever you want to go.
They take you where icebergs are.
Or wherever you want to go.
OK.
Where? It's like an Uber but a cruise ship?
Yes!
Very much so.
Is it one of those things where they don't know where they're going to go until they
show up?
Fun.
You get on the cruise ship and you're like, where to?
And you're like, icebergs, Italy.
Icebergs, Italy.
Or Catalina.
Or Catalina?
Yeah.
Okay. Well, thank you for that. I bet Doug
would love to go on that cruise. Doug has always wanted to go on a cruise. Take him. He says.
Okay, we will take those tickets. As we always say, best of luck to you, Priscilla. Best of luck,
Priscilla. Thank you so much. And I can't wait to visit Ruby's Cat Cafe. Mmm. It's a yawn of a time.
It's a yawn of a time!
Okay, we will have more when The Neighbor Listen returns.
It's Tyson.
Hello. Selling some Blu-rays, five dollars each. Now. What do we got here?
Okay, the Steve McQueen classic bullet car chases a pound
Hollywood legend Steve McQueen and bullet great blue ray
Now we get into sequel territory
Clear and present danger with Harrison Ford. He was the second Jack Ryan I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.'s back Uh, let's see. We got tom crew special impossible fallout. I honestly can't remember where
This lies in the series. Was this the second one? Was it the fourth one?
Is it the next one? I don't know
five dollars
uh blade runner 2049 a sequel to the
Clad the hit the hit
cult classic Blade Runner.
And I don't know if I even saw this one.
Terminator 2, Judgment Day, when the judgment happened.
Then, oh boy, then we got Rocky himself, Sylvester Stallone,
in the Rambo five film collection
That's all five Rambo films that exist in one collection watch them all in a day
Watch the hours fly by
And then this one I honestly don't know if I can part with this this is
Charles Bronson
in the classic
Death Wish well, that's not the movie that I'm
selling, the Blu-ray that I'm selling, this is the three sequels, Death
Wish 2, 3, and 4. The original Death Wish not part of this collection and I'm
keeping the original Death Wish and I don't know if I can part with the
collection because I know it's out there.
If I have the original, then the following three are just floating around somewhere.
I don't know if I can live with myself.
Should I charge $15 for that one?
Alright, the rest of them for sale.
Death wish I'm keeping.
And welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen.
Well, Priscilla.
You know, somehow we managed to always get
such an interesting lady for our final episode of the season.
How do we do it?
I don't know.
We're just lucky, I guess.
They're always different.
They're always charming.
Yes.
A little bit odd.
I'll be honest. Eccentric, let's say.
Eccentric, yep, yep.
But she was a delight.
And I really hope that cat can be,
Bernd, that was a fantastic idea.
I mean, what else can you do?
It was inspired.
Well, thank you.
Maybe it's just my desire for Dignity Falls
to have a cat cafe.
You just want one.
You know what?
We really should.
We have everything else.
We have a crosswalk, just for animals, for God's sake.
There's a lizard cafe here.
There's a lizard cafe here. There's a lizard cafe.
There's a lizard cafe here. There is a lizard cafe here.
How are they still busy?
After all of them were on, remember we had that whole like on Fillmore, they were all
covered.
Yes.
Which is when Doug here made the reference about Fillmore, right? About lizard. That's
right. You said Lizard Fillmore.
Lizard Fillmore.
Because you thought of a president that had Ard.
That's right, and I wanna say, was there not a Edward
or a Richard? Richard Nixon.
That's right, I feel like we didn't come up with many
in that time at that moment.
We really didn't. We really didn't.
And we thought we'd cracked, we thought we solved it.
We thought it was case closed, just the one.
Do you remember that worm cafe? Oh my God, the worm cafe. It was, it truly was a dirt floor.
It was disgusting. It was a dirt floor and you had to watch where you stepped.
My god, it was such a pain in the butt. It was like, watch out, watch out.
Yeah. Just constantly. It's a worm cafe. How am I supposed to get in here?
Exactly. And they finally just built swings and that's what we sat in.
Yeah, that's right.
Remember the guy?
That's what you got from place to place.
You had to grab, there were bars on the ceiling.
It was like a ropes course.
By the end it was a ropes course.
That's right.
Remember the owner of the Worm Cafe telling us,
he always tells us, you know,
these worms have the IQ of a four year old child.
Oh yeah.
I said, there's no way that's true.
It's absolutely not.
Also, it's not sandwich.
I have one final post for us.
Yes, okay, let's do it.
Close out the season.
This is in the crime and safety section.
This is from, the poster's name is Jeremy.
This was submitted by one of our neighbors, Eric Postlethwait.
Thank you very much.
What a name. Like Pete Postlethwait. Thank you very much. What a name.
Like Pete Postlethwait, that's the only time.
It's gotta, there's gotta be a relationship.
How are there lots of Postlethwaits?
He was an actor.
Yes, he was in In the Name of the Father
with Daniel Day-Lewis.
He was in Jurassic Park 2.
Oh, that's right.
He was in The Usual Suspects.
Oh, Bert, you are nailing it with the Postlethwait trivia.
I've reached the end of my Pete Postal Thwee Trivia.
OK, this is so the poster's name is Jeremy.
And Jeremy says,
this is the headline. OK.
Keep your sheets close. Oh.
Mail walking up and down Truman Street, peering through my window at 1145,
backwards, black ball cap and shorts currently around Ball Field and Rue Bar.
Current screaming at Ball Field.
I know the cops don't care.
Yeah, well, you know that baseball field that's across from the kangaroo themed bar
where you have to enter through a big, like sort of mucusy pocket.
It's disgusting. It's so gross.
And they have boxing matches there.
They have boxing matches.
You can box.
They actually have a machine.
You put a quarter in.
It's a kangaroo.
You box the kangaroo.
And the bar stools go up and down and they never stop.
It is so annoying.
I mean, when you get on them, it's fun.
It's fun for two seconds.
But to get on them is a real chore.
People forget about getting off of them.
People lose their lunch every time.
They do lose their lunch.
OK, so go on.
They all go over to her floor.
Across the street.
Great lunch, though.
So he was yelling at the ball field.
And this is across from hop shots.
Yes.
Okay.
What do you think keep your sheets close means?
Oh my God, is this person never heard of a curtain?
Is that what he means?
Like put sheets on the window, get a curtain,
get shades, get blinds.
I keep thinking and keep your pillows closer.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Babe, that was funny.
That was very funny.
That was funny.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha. That means really funny, funny. That was very funny. That was funny. That means really funny. Funny.
Funny.
Sometimes I do look back to my mom voice of how I say things to a small child.
That's what happens.
Do you know, I could not think of what keep your sheets close means.
Not at all.
But then you saying the thing about curtains. That's what I think.
It makes me think of like when you're just starting out as a bachelor. Yes. And you're
like, I know this. And you have a mattress on the floor. You have a mattress on the floor.
You have nothing in the refrigerator. Scarface poster. Scarface poster. We've done this.
And then. Oh well, cause it's like bachelor town. Yes. Which is of course a small neighborhood
in our town. Yeah. And then you're tired of being awakened by the sun every day when you're
on your floor mattress. And every day. And you're like, I gotta do town. And then you're tired of being awakened by the sun every day when you're on your floor mattress.
And every day, you get your one Eckhart Toll book out of
your milk crate shelf turned on its side.
That's right.
And you say, well.
What you do have is five remotes and three Playstations.
100%.
That's what you do have.
And you say, well, the garbage bags, I'm past that point.
I'm not going to put garbage bags on the window.
And who needs a dry towel?
Always damp. You have your towel.
Always damp? You have your towel.
Might be always damp, that's okay.
Always damp, but never washed.
Always damp, but never washed.
Bachelor town, always damp, but never washed.
What a revelation that was as a young man
when you realized, oh, you do have to wash the towel.
Sure, yeah, every once in a while.
Yeah, your body being clean
and wiping the oyster off of that,
that doesn't clean the towel.
In your little porch outside the window,
sliding glass door is just a metal chair
and an ashtray on the ground.
That's right.
Oh, I remember those apartments.
The ashtray was stolen from a bar.
We had to sneak out of the shower
and just step on a Maxim for your bath mat.
There's one Maxim on the floor.
And it's very, and it's twice as thick
cause it's also wet.
That's right.
It's expanded to the size of a Sears catalog.
That's right.
So, okay.
So yes, I know these bachelor days
and that it's probably why, what's this person's name?
Jeremy.
Yeah, Jeremy's a bachelor.
And so maybe that's just what he's thinking.
And so it's his fault that he has just open windows,
you know, that you can see right through.
Because older people, civilized people,
have curtains, blinds, shades, beveled glass.
I don't know. What is it called when it's...
Oh, like that sort of pebbly glass?
Yes, yes. I don't remember what the name of that is,
and I'm a realtor, and that's embarrassing.
But I also once called it skylight of sunroof.
That's true. But when I see that kind of glass,
it reminds me of like the glass in the door
of a private detective from an old law.
Oh yes, sure.
She came in with legs as long as Minnesota.
Legs as long as Minnesota.
I don't know.
Remember, I'm not good at impromptu.
That's true.
I'm very bad.
And I apologize, I didn't mean to call that out.
That's true. I'm very bad. And I apologize. I didn't mean to call that out. That's okay.
That's okay.
You know what?
That made sense to someone.
I guarantee you.
Absolutely.
It made sense to someone.
Maybe a Minnesota.
That was for someone.
It's pretty long here.
I'd rather be for one person than no one.
That's a great way.
I'd rather be for one person than no one.
That's right.
Than not have said it.
I guess that's what I should.
Oh, I see, I see.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yes.
And you know what?
I'll defend to the,
I may not have understood what you said,
but I will defend to the death.
You're right to say it.
It's also, thank you.
It's also interesting that it's Jeremy,
because I really can't think of the last time
that a man was bothered by just another dude
walking outside like, oh, cover your, cover, cover up.
Well, he was peering through the window.
Sure, but he- And he was also screaming at the ball field.
That's right.
You know what?
I think I got hung up on ball field.
And then we were thinking about the King of our.
Can you read the second the back half, please?
I've got to go coming at you.
Backwards black ball cap and shorts currently around ball
field and rhubarb.
Current screaming at ball field.
I know the cops don't care.
Current screaming above us.
So OK, so Jeremy's also not got all his words together yet.
OK, all right. He doesn't have curtains that he doesn't have.
He doesn't have adverbs is what he doesn't have.
He may have been in a hurry to type this.
I'm sure he was. He was in a hurry. Yeah.
That's exactly right. Yeah.
But here's the other thing.
I feel like I remember the name, the street rhubarb, and I'm kind of wondering if that's
like where the ladies got their rhubarb.
I don't know.
I'm just trying to think of ways that the ladies did not steal rhubarb cabaret.
Oh, rhubarb cabaret.
Is it rhubarb or is it rhubarb?
Are you sure it's rhubarb?
Yeah, is it the street or rhubarb?
Well, the street's not rhubarb. The bar is rhubarb or is it rhubarb? Yeah, is it a street or rhubarb? The street's not rhubarb. The bar is rhubarb.
Oh!
We don't have a rhubarb street.
That's right.
I'm now... That's right.
You remember the Buca-Cedric's?
I know I do. And then I said Hop Shots because I forgot it was named rhubarb.
Well, they give hot shots in the bar.
Hop Shots.
Yes, that's right. That's what I said.
And Hop Shots is that bar next door
where they only serve beer in shot glasses.
That's right.
When you said it at first, it sounded like,
wait, say that again.
What?
Say what you just said.
Oh, hop shots is the bar next door to Rue Bar
that sells beer only in shot glasses.
I was very, very confused.
They always say how hoppy it is.
Like that's a good thing.
And they make you drink one shot a minute.
If I hear one more person who runs over
and we talk about the hops one more time, I'm moving.
What about the yeast?
What about the yeast?
The yeast?
The barley.
The yeast.
The barley.
The barley.
Little Peaky Blinders there.
I love that ball field though.
It's a great ball field. It's a great ball field.
It's too bad we're not allowed to use it.
It's true. It's true.
It's beautiful.
It just has a ball in the middle of it.
Yeah. Nobody can get to it.
No. For whatever reason, they say it's protected and I don't know why.
I think it's, I mean, first my question is always, is it haunted?
But I think there's one, one time I asked someone who was working
for the city council, there was one species
that is, that's out there.
And that's it.
Like literally only one, one ant,
like one organism out there.
One ant?
Yeah, I think it's an ant.
I think it's one ant.
Oh, did you get an answer?
I got an answer.
Oh, Joan, you're just on fire.
I'm sorry. You know what? Season finale is always time for puns. Oh, Joan, you're just on fire.
I'm sorry.
You know what?
Season finale is always time for puns.
Oh, it's fun.
It's fun.
Funny.
Funny.
That's how he used to say it when the twins were four.
So OK, so hang on a second.
I got confused because I was hearing things.
But here's what I really do think.
Hearing things?
No, because when I'm hearing things as I was reading them, do you know what I really do think. Hearing things? No, because when I'm... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Because when I'm hearing things,
I'm supposed to be reading them,
do you know what I mean?
Right.
I just forgot and thought,
oh wait, it was from our street
and I had to process, processing issues.
But I do think that in the end,
it's still strange that,
sure, you can report suspicious activity,
but putting up sheets isn't gonna stop that.
That's more like if you're worried
about a peeping Tom or something.
And that's just generally something
a person named Jeremy is not concerned about.
But if I had to speak to Jeremy,
I would say, it's so easy to go get shades.
It's so easy to go get, because a sheet on the window,
what are you doing?
What are you doing?
Yeah, I mean, it's better than nothing, I suppose.
Also don't take what's basically like a Moroccan,
maybe print handkerchief and just pin it up on the wall
like it's a piece of art.
Don't do that.
Do not do that.
Don't get dog-struck.
And if you do, don't bring a lady back there.
No, you absolutely mustn't.
You absolutely mustn't.
The hubris.
Yes.
All right, well that does it for this season of
The New York Listen.
This season, but you know, we'll be back.
We'll be back.
We'll definitely be back and to tide you over of course, we will release our monthly bonus room episodes.
That's right.
If you would like access to those, you can go to CBBWorld.com and sign up on the Maximus
tier, and that will give you access to ad-free episodes of The Neighborhood Listen, as well
as our bonus room episodes, which are a lot of fun.
And there you go.
It's been a great season.
It's been a great season.
It's been such a great season.
Thank you, we love our listeners.
We had so much fun this year.
And I can't wait for more.
Oh God.
Oh no, is it rolling?
Is it going?
Are you in?
I'm out, I'm out.
It's working.
Do you have brakes?
Did you put brakes on the thing?
No.
Oh well, we'll be back next season.
I gotta go.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
All of the posts used in this episode were real.
Only some geographical specifics have been changed.
The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced
by me, Paul F. Tompkins.
And me, Nicole Barker.
And me, Brett Morris.
This episode's guest was played by Mitch Silpup.
The Neighborhood Listener's production
of Comedy Bang Bang World.
Go to cbbworld.com to unlock the entire history of the show,
ad-free, as well as brand new full-length bonus room episodes
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["City of the Dead"]