The Neighborhood Listen - Any Single Places with Mitch Silpa

Episode Date: December 24, 2024

On the last episode of Season Steven, it's Christmas Eve in Dignity Falls! Burnt shares some memories from his college days and Joan pours some holiday cheer, while Doug is busy decorating the house for Christmas.Joining them later is Ray, who is wondering where a 62 year old man can find love these days.Want more TNL? Can't wait for next season? Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus plan to unlock access to all seasons ad-free, as well as brand new exclusive BONUS ROOM episodes adventuring deeper into Dignity Falls! New bonus rooms will continue every month!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Lights are going up, snow is falling down, there's a feeling of goodwill around town. It could only mean one thing, McRib is here. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere, stockings hung up by the chimney with care. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here. At participating McDonald's for a limited time. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker.

On this podcast, we improvise and character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of The Bonus Room, go to CBBWorld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership. And now, please enjoy this episode of... The Neighborhood Listen!

Knock, knock! Who's there? Your neighbor! Good! In Dignity Falls, you're never alone. You've got the Neighbor half-app and us! Burn. And Joan!

From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell. We'll cover it all with a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of In Dignity Falls, you're never alone. You've got the Neighbor Half App and us, Burn, and Joan. From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell. We'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing. So just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen. Welcome once more to the Neighborhood Listen. Joan, you can laugh. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again.

I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again.

I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again.

I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I'm back again. I hollow out a candy cane, and it's a straw that you drink it through. It's really fantastic. It's fun. It is fun.

It's fun. Mary Martinis. Yes, and you have, instead of vermouth, you're using Baileys. Yes, I am. Oh, I love Baileys. Oh, Baileys and vodka. So good. Irish milkshake.

And then put some mint in there with the candy cane. Oh, I thought you said put some mint in there. I was like, hey-o. What? Mint. It sounded like you said put some mint in there. It's raining, man, oh, what? It sounded like you said put some men in there. It's raining man. That song.

Of course I do. The weather girls. That's right. The weather girls. And then the spice girls redid it. Or maybe it was just ginger spice, Jerry Hallowell. Nope, that's not the name. Yeah, it is. Jerry Hallowell.

Were you thinking that was somebody else? You said it so confidently. No, I was. Is that a scientist? Was Jerry Hallowell a prime minister? If you want full honesty, do you want full honesty? I do. Please. At Christmas, you tell the truth as we learned from love actually. And you sing and cry to Joni Mitchell. I thought, oh no, was that the name of like some woman that a politician slept with in a scandal?

For whatever reason, that's what it sounded like, right? Correct, it's now, yeah, Jessica Hahn. It sounded like that, yes. Jessica Hahn. Remember Jessica Hahn? I do, Fawn, what's her name? There was a Fawn. Yes, there was, can't remember the Fawn.

Fawn Hall. Oh, Fawn Hall. Fawn Hall. So anyways, Jerry Halliwell, yes, I remember that. Fawn Hall, that was my dormitory at a pharmacy college. Pharmacy college. I stayed in Fawn Hall. Yes, that's right. And like you guys were, I mean, it was almost like a,

like a Hogwarts thing where you were really proud of being a Fawn. Exactly. And what were the other ones? It was Fawn, Fawn Hall, Fox Hall. Yes. Was it Warthog? It was, it was just Hog, Hog Hall.

Hog Hall, that's what it was. And what was the last one? Scorpion Hall. And I remember the guys from Scorpion Hall, just something was off about them. They were not good guys. Also, at night you could see just like big experiments and green like flashes.

It's like, what are they doing over there? They were like trying to figure out, they were trying to do actual magic. How can we put more pills in this bottle? I love that. That the pharmacy school you went to was really that fantastical. Did you wear robes? This was a pharmacy school, pharmacists, not for pharmacology. What Doug?

That's Doug, our engineer. And what is he talking about? Let's find out together. You're learning how to, how're learning how to work in a pharmacy rather than the science. What am I not? You're talking about like getting the actual- What am I not doing right? Do you think that a pharmacist essentially is like a retail sort of clerk?

I think he's talking about like, is it two separate things? Do you have to be trained in the store how to just basically do, basically almost like a cashier. Yeah. I think he's talking about like, is it two separate things? Do you have to be trained in the store or how to just basically do, basically almost like you train like a cashier. Yeah, that happens in the store. You don't go to college for that.

Right, right. For college, so babe, the answer is for the science aspect. You learn pharmacology. Yes, so there you go. He did ask that, to be fair. You used the word pharmacology. It was good, you did good. That's what I thought.

I say pharmacy college because it's easier than saying pharmacological college. What was the name? Did you say the name of the school? I did not say the name of the school. Okay, right. We just had the names of the halls. Did you want to know the name? I would love to. It was called Mount Olympils. It was the Mount Olympils College of Pharmacology. So great. And it is a beautiful area. It's a beautiful area. It actually is a hilly area.

Yes, it is. And some people that live there worship ancient gods. Now, speaking of old gods, it is Christmas Eve. It is. And we're gathered around the kitchen island. You put up decorations in the kitchen. Yeah, I was going to have us gather around the fireplace, which as you know, if you've been listening,

is actually in the laundry room because I wanted a central chimney. It had to be in the dead center of the house, which happened to be where the laundry room was. Yeah. But I'm doing too many clothes. You have like a Game of Thrones style fireplace. Yes, hearth.

Walk-in fireplace, yes. Yeah, I know, you wanted to say hearth. You heard him. Last time we talked about it, he said hearth. I love the word hearth. He loves the word hearth. You heard him. Last time we talked about it, he said hearth. And he wanted to do, he loves the word hearth. But I just said it, especially in Christmas. Especially in Christmas. We all agree, especially in Christmas.

And in Christmas you tell the truth. And also, so what I did is I just have like, you know, kind of like a tiny little, um, uh, set up here in the middle where we can roast marshmallows, just like a teeny little grill, teeny little fire. Classic Christmas activity. Yes, it really is. You know, um, I, listen, I like to, no one makes roasted chestnuts.

Have you ever actually had those? No, the smell, I'll be honest with you. Yeah. Uh, the, cause I've walked past, you know, little carts that are doing them a Christmas. Sure. Yes. And they always smell better than they taste. The smell at first smells so nice. Amazing.

Then very quickly it becomes the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. Yes. Yes. And also just the texture. It's so fast. It's so fast. So yeah. It's like, ah, ah. Listen, a lot, that was, wow, it was amazing.

It was almost like your Santa impression. What do you mean? It's just terrible. It's just so, you just, I mean, it's been a couple of years now. No, you're further. You're colder. Cold, very cold. You hear that kid? Santa's coming. You're nearly adult children you're saying this to? Yeah. Yeah. I still, you know, I still get wrapped up in the story.

Doug loves it so much. I love Christmas. He still eats the, you know, what's crazy is the boys found out quickly that like, you know, it was Doug doing it, but they would buy a pound of carrots, right? A pound of carrots? Literally just buy like a whole bag of them, right? And then leave them on the thing.

And Doug, because he loves it, he would eat every single one of those. And I mean, they left out an entire carton of milk one night and he had to drink that. Ew. Wait, he had to drink the entire carton? Yeah. He did, he said, I have to do it,

it has to be authentic. Was there even a glass? They said it's impossible. They say it's impossible to drink a gallon of milk. They were beat. Well, in one go. Who's they? It's not like over the course of your life. You're the same. Is it the same? Is it the same day? And they say,

I only hear what I want. The original lyrics, they say you should make this more personal. So yes, he always did that because he loves it. And the reason I did the marshmallows is because of course my boys loved fire and this was a nice way to contain it, to put it in like a teeny little sort of like a mini little barbecue or whatnot. And then we would just roast the marshmallows and they loved it. My twins, of course, I'm talking about my twins, Matt and- Thelonious. And Thelonious.

That's right. And so this is, I understand that some people have their own Christmas traditions. I get it, that s'mores and roast marshmallows are not generally what people sing about. But neither do they sing about actually, or tell ghost stories, which is a lyric that is just designed to rhyme with glories

of Christmases long, long ago. To say there'll be scary ghost stories and tales, they're not, when have you ever told a scary ghost story at Christmas? The only one that I can think of that did it was Charles Dickens. Oh, and speaking of which, can I segue? I wish you would.

Well, it's weird because I'm doing my final performance of A Christmas Comma Carol. Great segue, Jo. Thank you, which is my one woman Christmas Carol. How's it been going? Uh, it's been going fine. I, um, you know, it's a Mitch McNutt has a terrible flu and I don't think he's going to make it. I know. I don't think he's going to make it to review this. Oh, I thought, I thought you mean he's not going to make it out of the flu. I got so excited. I thought, Oh, finally he's going to die.

Wouldn't that be wonderful if he died? Well, I get, I don't want to say those things. On Christmas? Oh, what a Christmas gift to us all. If he were to die, ah, heart. So I think that I've had a really, I've had a wonderful time. I'm sorry you didn't come. I thought that you would. I had a chair taped off that said burnt for you every single performance and it was just always empty. I'm very sorry that I couldn't make it. Obviously stuff at the falls, Massey.

By the way, my name is Bernie. I'm a pharmacist here at Dignity Falls. This show is called The Neighborhood Listen and we are in the neighborhood of Dignity Falls and that's what we're talking about. I am Joan Pedestrian. I am a realtor and a local actress in the Dignity Falls theater community. That's now the company line that I say. That's the company line? That's the company line.

And you are talking about your show, your one woman show, A Christmas. Carol? A Christmas, Carol, because her name is Carol. And she's sort of a top of CEO of like top 100, money-making business women. And she's lost touch with her life and she's lost touch with Christmas and the meaning of it.

And she's visited by three ghosts, but they're sort of figures in her life. touch with Christmas and the meaning of it. And she's visited by three ghosts, you know, but they're sort of figures in her life. One is her dad. The current one is a guy in the copy room who is in love with her. And she didn't even realize that. And then the future one is what... There's something very sad about a ghost coming back saying, you didn't know when I was always alone with you. That's brutal. That's his unfinished business. Well, I go and I have this great thing where I wake up and I realize that I have it, Miss Christmas,

and there's a Christmas party at the office. Where does Carol work? She works at, she has her own hedge fund. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Normally the whole audience goes, yeah. When you say close, right? Well, there's a lot of break, I'm a narrator. There's a lot of breaking the fourth wall. We have to be. I have to play every part. And I say to them, I mean, you can come tonight.

I've got your seat roped off still. I've gotten used to just sitting by your empty seat. Doug has seen every show. I think people start to think I'm kind of like a Clint Eastwood type, like talking to my imaginary friend. Cause I always say, my friend's coming. What reference is that? Does Clint Eastwood have like talking to my imaginary friend. Cause I always say my friends coming. What reference is that? Does Clint Eastwood have an imaginary friend?

He did that at the 2012 RNC, the Republican National Convention. Oh, I remember, he talked to a chair. Talked to a chair, pretended it was Obama. Wow, remember when those were things to talk about anyway. I have to admire the guts of it to say, you know what, just give me a chair. I know what to do. Just give me a chair that's as high as my pants. I know what

to do. But you know, Doug, what it puts me in mind of is when you see those, uh, uh, pictures of like a dog sleeping on the grave of its owner. Oh dear. You know, I'm not going to be there, but you sit next to my chair. Sometimes I do say, get a load of this man. You do a fake elbow of a bird that's not there. That's very flattering. I really appreciate that. I'm touched by that.

It's fun. Now, so anyways, the point is, so she runs the office and she's, and also she's like, we're not doing a Christmas party. I'm not going to spend any money on it. No one can sing karaoke and it's terrible. And then of course she wakes up and- She makes that point. It's not just too much money,

but I don't like the way you sing. You're all bad at singing. I told you she's lost touch with everything. Right, she's real Scrooge. She's real Scrooge. And so she does the whole thing where she wakes up and then she like, I mean, it's not really the same. She's in a high rise. So she basically just goes,

she runs down to the lobby and she sees a janitor mopping up, you know, the floor. It's not a little boy. And she says, Hey man, you know, and, Hey man, cause he's a grown man. He's a grown man. Did you say, see the bang Oleson phone in the, in the front store window? And he goes, the one is big as me. And I say, go get it. And I say, did you see the Bang Olufsen phone in the front store window? And he goes, the one is big as me. And I say, go get it. And I say, go get 20 for my employees.

Well, she's still rich and out of touch. She thinks everyone wants a Bang Olufsen phone. Like a landline. And then she takes it to the Christmas party and everyone's surprised and she walked right straight across the room to the copy guy and she lays a big kiss on him and it's lovely. And then she starts. So he's alive. Yes.

Just, just so you know, in, in like normal stories, it's usually not someone who's actually dead. It's not, it does not have to be normally someone who's, who's dead. It can just be the spirit of Christmas present. You're explaining normal stories to me? Is that what's going on? I'm explaining different Christmas Carol interpretations.

Oh, I see, I see, I see. A lot of times it is a spirit that's almost from their present that appears to them in different iterations. Right, right, right, right. He's not really dead, you know. Right, okay. And then the future of her is just,

well, it looks like the end of the substance. It's basically just her. Monstro Melissa suit? You're like, what's you're going to look like? Yes. She's like, no God, anything but that. And so that's how she turns it around, you know, but it has been great. I did all my workouts. Like I told you, I was going to be training.

I did all my characters while running on a treadmill and Doug would just hand me the hats and the wigs and I would just switch them. And that's why I have the turntable. I just stand next to the turntable and the turntable just rotates with the wigs and the hats and stuff like that. That's fun.

Like a lazy Susan. You said it like it's not. No, I'm picturing it. And look, Joan, I apologize that I have not been able to make it. I don't know if you remember a while back, I told you that I was in danger of getting fired at the falls. Oh yes, you did.

There was some little punk that was spreading rumors about me. That's right. What were the rumors again? The owner, he was saying I was deliberately putting either too many pills or too few pills. Well, at the mere threat of me being fired, several of my coworkers, the gang, walked out in solidarity. They quit.

How amazing. What a special moment. And so I have been covering, even though I- Oh, but wait, now you're back. They didn't come back. They have not come back yet. Well, that's strange. You're back. I mean, it should be- They keep getting mixed information, I think from the same young punk. Probably. Who's telling him, no, no, no, he got refired.

Refired? Yeah. Yeah. So they stay at home. And I've been scrambling like crazy, you know, working double shifts, triple shifts sometimes. Well, and this is a really busy time of year. Everyone, people like to get pills for Christmas.

They love to get pills for Christmas. Also, what would be wrong? Everybody's getting their Christmas pills. What would be wrong with throwing a couple extra pills in there? It's like a donut. You should know, that's big. Like a donut.

Like a donut. Like donut holes. You know when they throw in an extra one? It is not the same thing. It is not at all. Doug, we're friends, so I'll pretend I didn't hear you ask that question. I did.

Hey, why don't we, why do we, whoa. I didn't mean to. Babe, why don't we switch it up and we, whoa. I didn't mean to. Babe, why don't we switch it up and you tell me where you are today. Where's the final- Great question, Joan. Where's the final, what's the final room of C's and Steven? Building the gingerbread spiral staircase.

The what? Scarecase sounds about right. That's not, you can't walk. I mean Doug, that sounds very unsafe. It's not a scare case, it is a staircase. I misspoke. Is it made, it's like one to one scale? This is like an actual scare case? Yeah, that sounds very unsafe. It's not a staircase. It is a staircase. I misspoke. Is it made, it's like one to one scale? This is like an actual staircase.

Yeah, we can use it. The whole idea is to use it. Will I actually be able to walk on it? Is it edible? Oh, that doesn't sound safe to me. It's fully edible. Oh, fully edible. Yep.

You shouldn't be able to eat stairs. I don't, I really don't think so. Well, you can eat them on your way up as long as you're eating. How can you, so you get a spiral staircase. The stairs would long as you're eating. How can you, that's why you get a spiral staircase. The stairs would disappear as you're walking. So you eat the stairs that you've already walked on. No, you can't eat those.

If you eat the ones in front of you, then there's nowhere stairs to walk on. Exactly, if you eat the ones in front of you, you can't go up any further. If you eat the ones behind you, you can't go back. You can't go down, and you've also walked, you've already eaten things you've walked on. There's other ways down.

This is a scare case. There's other ways down. This is a scare case. There's other ways down. Oh, like what, a slide? Gingerbread fireplace pole, fireman pole, fireplace pole. Fireplace pole, now you misspoke. Oh, Doug's getting saucy on Christmas Eve. No, I'm not saucy.

I've had only a couple of the holiday things. Merry martinis. Such pleasure. Now you misspoke. Ah! Where I once was, you are now. Okay, now he's Yoda. You know what? I don't want to relitigate Yoda on this podcast. No, it does seem like another podcast.

Sometimes he talks fine. If you could do that, do that the whole time. What are the rules? Come on, man. I wonder if it was one of those things where they only came up with it halfway through. So they just, you know, they shot it out of order and they were like, should we go back in and fix all that? No, it's fine. That's fine.

What if he was written by that character was written solely by someone who grew up speaking romance languages. And so, you know, with a lot of languages where it's like surprise at the end, this is what the set was about. Do they ever actually? Gotcha. Do they ever actually? Gotcha. Do they ever actually say in Star Wars,

yeah, that's how they speak. No, but that would be ridiculous. So they don't actually. Yeah, Yoda's just like that. He's just like. You're going to meet Yoda, just so you know. Confused you will be. Yeah.

He starts to talk, it's going to drive you nuts. I don't blame them for that. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. Great Jedi teacher. Unquestionable. But just please don't call attention to it. Oh.

Now, are you and Gabby gonna celebrate tomorrow? I don't know if she's religious or if she even observed Christmas, but. We are going to, we're gonna go to her family's house. And they have moved, her parents have moved to Wyoming. I've never been to Wyoming. Oh wow. And so they do like a real rugged outdoorsy Christmas

where, you know, because she- What does that mean? Well, they- You camping for Christmas? Kind of, yeah. Oh no. What happens is, you know, because she, she's a smoke jumper and her parents are smoke jumpers.

Of course. That's for a long line of smoke jumpers. And what they do is they set a huge fire. They jump into it, put it out, and then we camp there. Whoa, jump into it? That's what they do. I didn't know they jumped directly into it. That's well not, I mean, there's gonna be- You said jump into it. That's what they do. I didn't know they jumped directly into it. That's well not. I mean, there's going to be, there's going to be a space.

Okay, Joan, there's going to be a space. Specifics you must learn. There's going to be an area in which to jump. Oh God, that's kind of funny. You nervous to do that? Oh yeah, I'm very nervous. I've never jumped out of an airplane before. Well, yes, you've only landed in lava on an airplane

and scrambled to the top of it and survived. That's right, yeah. So this we knew. And it's a helicopter really, because that's the only way you can have the precision. Wait, so, Brent, this sounds like you're recreating what happened to you at the beginning of this season. No.

Yes, again, this is the last episode, I'm going to reiterate that this summer, Bernd and Gabby went to Mykonos on their flight back, they hardly got far at all before one of the volcano exploded, that's Mount Etna erupted, and they had to do a lava landing, an emergency, but she tells me is very common. And they scrambled at the top of the plane.

They were rescued by swarm of helicopters and they had amazing sex afterwards. And then for a while you believed you were immortal. And you guys were trying to actually do damage to yourself. There was a few weeks there where we thought we were immortal. Yeah, so now then you even doubt, now it sounds like you're adding helicopters, you're adding fire.

This sounds very similar. I understand why you would think that. Thank you. Well, you're welcome. But because I'm with Gabby, this is something she does all the time. I feel very safe in her hands. Okay, all right.

And her parents' hands. Okay, great. By the way, she looks exactly like her mother. Okay. All right. And her parents' hands. Okay. Great. By the way, she looks exactly like her mother. Oh, wow. And her father. Oh, like the three of them look exactly the same. Oh, that's strange. It is. And I mean, they do, her parents do a blood test every year to make sure they're not related. They think it would, what would change in a year since she's already out of the body? They feel like, okay, we gotta, let's just make sure. It's, I think it would, what would change in a year since she's already out of the person's body? They feel like, okay, we gotta, let's just make sure.

I think it's a romantic thing for them now. Oh, is it? Okay, well that's sweet. Listen, I'm not gonna knock their traditions. Yeah. Okay. Well, is it time to get our guest on, babe? I know, put the gingerbread down for a second and check out how long we've been talking for.

I'll check it out. 21. Oh, that's perfect. Ooh, sweet. Really? Blackjack. What? Blackjack indeed. 21, yes. I'll check it out 21. Oh sweet really blackjack Jack indeed Alright, alright. Well, we should take a break. You know, we want to wish

Too many martinis too many martoonies. That's how you know when you're drunk when you say Martuni anyway, it's hard to use these candy cane straws. You have to get under the candy. I know. I did make the mistake of, I should have just cut off the curved part. I just broke off the crook. Is that allowed? The crook. The crook.

Never even thought of saying it that way. Think of it. Oh, I did. And I have. Why don't we say it more? What? Why don't we say it more, crook? Why do we say what? Oh, I thought you just said- Why don't we say it more? What? Why don't we say it more? Why do we say what?

Oh, I thought you said- Why don't we say it more? I say it at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos-

at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the phos- at the ph This is a real locked, locked the doors. Lock the gates. When people, when people come in, they want a cane. I say, check those out. Let me know if you want a crook or not. Because sometimes it's just, well, I guess even just a handle of a crook.

All right. Yeah. Do you ever form the crook yourself? How would you do that? No, I'm not a woodworker. Cane worker. I'm not a cane worker. Well, I imagine they start off straight

and then somebody has to make it grow. With the strength of what man is gonna just take the wood and bend it in front. Do you know, I have a friend who's not good with money and he one time got a targeted ad on social media about getting a custom cane. And so he did that. No.

And then the cane people will not leave him alone. Did he actually get a cane? He did get a cane. And there's no amount of send to spam, block, whatever. These emails and texts get through every single time. And I don't know how many canes one person can have in their lifetime, but the cane company seems to think it's in the hundreds.

I gotta see this custom cane. Do not you dare reach out to those people. Do not you dare do that. Do not you dare do that. Let's go to a break. We're drunk. Babe, nothing I would think of it. Yeah, we're definitely drunk.

We'll be right back with a guest. More with the Neighborhood Listeners. Sup, it's Taylor. Scene UFO. I mean, I've seen it. It was a flying object, could not identify it, and I've seen it. This is Taylor by the way, I don't know if I said that already but I'm Taylor And See me UFO Look, I know lots of people are named Taylor

but if you see me on the street and You know I go what's your name and you say your name whatever it is and Then if you go and what's your name? And I go Taylor Then you can say to me seen UFO And I'll stand and I'll say yeah Scene UFO

I'm Taylor Seeing UFO. Welcome back to the Neighborhood Listen. It's Christmas Eve and we're hanging out here and we're having, it's a real party atmosphere. Even though it's just two of us in one room. Well, soon to be joined by another. That's true once she's finished with the gingerbread spiral staircase. Oh, I'm talking about by another. That's true. Once she's finished with the gingerbread spiral.

I guess. Oh, you know what, Joan? Good catch. Thank you. We do have a guest here. And what we do on the show is we scour the neighbor app, the social networking application for neighborhoods. And we look for some of our neighbors who have something interesting to say. And we invite them on the show to say more.

And this episode is no different. But let me tell you something, if you see a post that perhaps we've missed on the neighbor app, why don't you screenshot it and send it to us at bernandjohn at gmail.com. We've got a lot of great submissions and we really appreciate that from our listeners. We never say fans. We're careful not to. We're careful not to say fans. We do know that there we have listeners. We do not know if we have fans. So thank you for that. And this guest is here with us now. Joan, would you like to read the post? Yes, this comes from Ray.

It says, hi neighbors, just wondering where a 62 year old man can find love these days. He has a great big heart, very honest and loving. He's not well off financially, but never lets a woman pay for anything. Any single places he can go to in Dignity Falls, thank you. And I believe with us here today is Ray. Hi. Who wrote this post about this person. Yes. Okay. He. He, it is about, who is it about? It's my husband. What? Yes. Wait a minute.

Just follow along. Okay. We're going to, Ray. I'm getting ready to follow along. Let's strap it. Merry Christmas. Oh, what's going on? Merry Christmas. Thanks for coming on the Christmas Eve. I've got to solve this before Christmas, really. Oh, wow.

This sounds like a Christmas emergency. It's a Christmas miracle. Oh, hopefully. And your house looks wonderful. Oh, thank you so much. I really do go a little crazy with all the decorations. A few more toonies. That's what you call it. That's right. Oh, yeah. My Mary Martoonies. Would you like one? Oh, why not? Here you go. Right down the hatch. Why drink slowly is my motto. Okay. You're going to be fun. I can tell.

I am fun. All right. So why in the world are you talking about your husband? My husband and I have been married for a good 35 years. Okay. Can I ask you his name? And what is his name? Yeah. We're on the same page. My name is Ray. Yes. We've established that. Ray Phipps.

Oh, okay. Last name. What was that? No, usually do last names. Oh, sorry. My name is Ray. That's not my last name. What's your husband's name? My, is, is Brenda. Is Brenda.

Brenda, B-R-E-N-D. Yes. Like Brenda with no A. Exactly. Okay. That was actually when he came up to me, he said, hello, my name is Brenda, like Brenda without an A. Oh, this is how you met.

Where were you when you met? We, this is how you met. Exactly. Where were you when you met? Yeah. We were at a movie theater. I was working at the concession stand. He came up to me and he just introduced himself. He said, my name is Brenda. Wow.

Brenda, like Brenda without an A. And I responded, as you would, like Brenda Vaccaro. Yes, of course. As you would. I almost said that. And he said, exactly. Oh, and that's how you knew it was meant to be probably. Well, of course. As you would. I almost said that. And he said, exactly. Oh, and that's how you knew it was meant to be probably. Well, it was the beginning of something.

Sure. I gave him a free popcorn. How sweet. What size? Large. Okay. My man is large. Oh, okay.

Or he doesn't eat at all. Ooh. So he waited in line to just meet you. Yeah, it was a long line. Wow. Wow, but do you think he was going to order anything anyway? I was very curious what he was going to get. And well, he got popcorn for free.

I actually never found out what he was going to order. All these years, I never found out. But I like the idea that he stayed in line only to say hi to you, not to even get anything. That's what it sounds like, yes. Yeah, I like that. It was a double feature. Oh, of what?

We were re-showing Jaws. Okay. Sure. And of course, and Piranha. Wow! The 3D one? What else was there? John. You have to have Piranha. What a silly question.

Yes, if Piranha aren't swimming in your face while you're in the movie theater, it's not worth seeing. Wow, Jaws and Piranha. Gene Shalit's review said that. If a Piranha isn't swimming in your face, it's not worth seeing, Gene Shalaws and Piranha. That's what Gene Shalit's review said that. If a piranha isn't swimming in your face, it's not worth seeing, Gene Shalit. It sounds like something he'd say. Do we know if he's still alive?

I don't think so. I don't know. You don't think so? I don't believe he is. I sort of think he still is. Okay. I get him confused with Michael Musto. I just don't feel like Michael Musto.

Oh yeah, it's the hair. I think so. It's critics with hair. Yeah, critics with hair. Critics with hair. Critics with crazy hair. I think of Michael Musclemore as a weird shirt guy. Oh really? He always has a very busy shirt on.

I think of Bruce Vilege as a weird shirt guy. Well, because he has the t-shirts, the famous t-shirt collection. I'm extremely jealous looking this stuff up. Babe, is Gene Shallot with us? We have an update on Gene Shallot. I can't wait. This is my husband, he's in a different room. So many husbands.

Hello. Hi. In the different room. Come down to the staircase when you're done with this. He's making a gingerbread staircase. You don't have to. He hasn't thought it through. I love staircases. Babe, have you seen the staircase? Have I seen what?

The staircase? Oh, the movie? Yeah. No. Might change your mind about staircases. And owls. And owls. And owls.

Just like Harry Potter, staircases and owls. Oh, that's right. That's right. Is Harry Potter based on the staircase? So wait, is Gene Shaller alive or not? Gene Shaller is 98 years young. He's still with us. He sent you his soul.

And? You did. You sent his presence. His last name is spelled differently than I thought. S-H-A-L-I-T. Well, differently than I thought. Did you think it was S-H-L-L-O-T? Like the food?

Yes. Shalé. Oh, that's a good one too. Jean Chalet. That's a great missed opportunity though for a food, a food critic in like a Pixar movie, Gene Shalit. An opportunity missed that is. That should have been the name in Ratatouille.

Absolutely. Because it's on the very French, you're right. Thank you. So you get your husband. Oh, that's right. My husband. But now tell me, wow, it sounds like you had such a romantic meeting and had some, why now are you searching for company for him?

I would like to know though. So what happened after, did he watch both movies? Oh, good question. Oh no, it was the intermission, like between the films, with Jaws had just played. Everyone was terrified, even though they probably, most of them saw it. Wow, I was going to say they should be, yeah, okay. No, no, they should be aware that they were going to be terrified is what I meant. They should be. But maybe there was a few people who of them saw it. Wow, I was gonna say they should be, yeah, okay. They should be. No, no, they should be aware that they were gonna be terrified is what I meant. They should be.

But maybe there was a few people who hadn't seen it. Could be. But even people who'd seen it could be terrified. This is true. You can re-terrify. You can re-terrify. If you can get re-fired, you can get re-terrified. That's right.

Anyway, he went back in to see Piranha. I waited with bated breath to see if he was gonna to come out and come back up to me. Because I didn't know anything could have happened. The movie could have displeased him. The popcorn could have gotten lodged in his throat. He could have choked to death. This is the thoughts that were going in my head. He came out last. He waited for everyone to leave. He watched all the credits. Yes, and he said, are you free?

I wanna take you out for something to eat and I don't let a lady pay for herself. I said, I'm a man, but I like what you're saying. Can I ask you? Yes. When you're working the concession stand at a movie theater, how long do you have to stay there? Because realistically, 10 minutes left in the movie,

no one's gonna make, I know I gotta get some junior minutes. I think that's a wonderful question. Thank you! You're welcome. First time we've gotten that from a guest. Oh, true. Well, it's also like, you'd be surprised how many people ask me that.

It depends on the manager, but at the theater I worked at, we were not allowed to leave until the last guest left. Because on their way out, they might say, can I get a refill? Yes. Wow. And there's, how angry are you? And when you leave a theater,

I'm angry a lot of the time. That's great. I'm not sure he was actually asking you. I think anger can, what? No, nothing, go on. Anger can motivate. Yes. Gene Sallad also said that.

Anger does lead to fear, and fear does lead to the dark side. Oh, it is true. We should also point out that this clearly was not the other movie theater that we have at Divinity Falls, where you would definitely not be allowed to get a refill to take out, because you must consume every single drink and snack before you leave.

And if you just don't want to do that, you can pour it on yourself. You can wear it out. That is an option. Well, this theater that I worked at is gone. It burned to the ground. Oh, is that what I remember hearing about that? You guys remember the Ringo theater? Yes. Yes. It burned to the ground. Yes. It's really sad. We never found out who did it. Oh really? No. How strange, how mysterious.

There were rumors that it was the other movie theater. Oh. No. You wanted it. So never proven. Never proven. I've never seen Burn's mouth open that wide. I was, I love it. In like an ellipse, like an ellipse, like a.

Christmas miracle. It's a Christmas miracle. Just like my husband. So, okay. So what, do you just, do you went and got a meal after this? We got a meal. He paid, like he said. Like he said. Why do you think he thought you were a lady? I think it was a phrase.

Just to turn a phrase. Just a thing. He got used to it. He was trying to be charming. I never let a lady pay. And it was charming. Believe you me. You were charmed.

I was. We went to Coco's. Coco's great. Love it. It was the mid eighties. Right. This is the chocolate milk restaurant. Yes, because we don't have a Coco's, but this is C O C O A apostrophe. Yes. Yes. Cause we don't have a normal Coco's. It's all hot chocolate and chocolate milk and mushroom burgers. Mushroom burger. All you could get. All your endless mushroom burgers.

Endless mushroom burgers. It's as many as you want. It's as many as you can eat. And it's all like in a salad bar. They're all underneath a salad bar in heat lamps. You take your mushroom burger. They're all exactly the same. They're all the same.

All the same. Yes. And then you just wash that mushroom burger down with chocolate milk. Or hot chocolate. Or hot chocolate. My mouth is drooling. Well, you know what I like to do?

I used to like to dunk my mushroom burger in the hot chocolate. Oh, absolutely. Of course. You haven't lived. You haven't. And if sometimes some mushrooms fall off the burger and float around in the chocolate.

Who cares? Even better. Or Marry her. Because then there's chunks of surprises. Yeah, chunks of surprises. Healthy chunks of surprises. What they do at Cookoats, it's not a big, big like portobello mushroom.

No. It is a bunch of little mushrooms. Little button mushrooms. Squeezed together. Yeah, little button cremini. No fighting for their lives, these mushrooms. Squeezed together, please don't eat. What I like is on the bun, they poke little mushrooms coming out of the bun.

So it looks like it's growing mushrooms. Yes. Doug loves that part. That's a great thing to love. So you went to Coco's. They had a big boom business when the last of us was on. I always say I'll have one with no mushrooms and they get, I guess it's a big laugh.

That's the worst dad joke ever. It's the worst dad joke ever. Pull the mushrooms. Pull the mushrooms. Okay, so please, sorry, Jay. Tell us about, so you went to Coco's. Went to Coco's. One of those situations where you just talked

and talked and talked. Absolutely. We didn't, you know, cause that Coco's is open 24 hours. It's 24 hours, yes. 24 hours. We stayed there, you know, cause that Coco's is open 24 hours. It's 24 hours, yes. 24 hours. Yes. We stayed there for a good three weeks. So. So.

So. Talking. It is the only restaurant that has a shower in it. For that reason. And we really used it. That's true. We really, can I be honest? People had hoped it used to run truck stop.

They just thought it was part of what you had to have. Sometimes we went in, at first we went in individually and used the showers, then we started taking the showers. Oh! Okay, I like it, spicy. And then we said we had to leave. And then I moved into his place. After three weeks, that's fast.

We knew when we knew. You knew when you knew. We knew when we knew. Okay, we knew when we knew, we knew. We knew, we knew, we knew. What do you do for a living and what does he do for a living? Well, I don't do anything right now. He's willing to take care of me.

So you haven't gotten a job since the movie theater? Not since the movie theater, but I might have to start looking for one. Okay, and what is he, okay, what does he do? Oh, I'm sorry. You were gonna ask the question I was answering. I'm so sorry, I was being rude. Oh, not at all.

You were being inquisitive. Okay, thank you for that, Jay. Oh my gosh, it's Christmas. Let's give each other benefits. Let's give each other grace, pleaseisitive. Okay. Thank you for that, Jay. Oh my gosh. It's Christmas. Let's give each other benefits. Let's give each other grace, please. Grace. Yes.

Benefit of the doubts. Friends with benefits of the doubts. Not like insurance, babe. And I know you're confused. Okay. So the brand, I'm sorry, brand repairs window glasses in volvos. Window glasses in volvos. Like the glass, the window, in Volvo's. Window glasses in Volvo's. Like the glass, the window, like the glasses.

So if you have a Volvo and the glass of the window has broken. Or cracked. Or cracked. Or you're just bored. You want a new window. You just want new windows. Yeah.

He will install those. Ah, absolutely. Volvo repair, Volvo replace. Yes. There's a, you know, the Volvo is the most popular car. Oh, it sure is. It's one of the safest. Yeah. And it meant in Dignity Falls. Oh, sure. Dignity Falls. Right. Well, because it replaced, it finally overtook the Ford, the Ford Foundation, which was the car market exclusively to children. And that was the top

car for a very long time. But then yes, Volvo came through. Even though it was illegal to own one. Yep, yep. But okay, so it's a very cool job. It doesn't make a ton of money, but it's- It's a very cool job. Now that's what you said. And I would do-

Well, I personally love a Volvo. They're very, very safe. Sure. And they're very well made. His company's called Brands Glass. Oh, Brand or Brand? Brand. Oh, Brand?

His name is Brand. His name is Brand, but when he filed his paperwork, there was a misspelling. Oh no. And so it just fell out. Out of vowels? It was a misspelling, yeah, they ran out of a vowel. Like it's Wheel of Fortune.

It isn't everything. But so it's Brands Fortune. Isn't everything. But so is Brands Glass. Brands Glass. And I don't know if you remember the commercial. Oh, no you don't. But I was the one who sang the jingle. Oh, can you give us a little bit? Oh, could you do it?

I'd love to hear it. Brands Glass, did it break? Brands Glass, goodness sake, he's gonna fix it. Ho ho, you're gonna fix your Volvo. Brands glass, goodness sake, he's gonna fix it. Ho ho, you're gonna fix your Volvo. Brands glass. Oh, I love that. It's nice to hear that again. It's been such a long time.

That is sweet, that's right. It was like three little animated fairies and they're just, you know, like their little wands are fixing the glass. And then there was sort of like a cartoon character of I guess what is, now I'm learning is Brent, right? Must be Brent. Yes.

Brent, right? The one with. Yes. Brent, right? The one with the mustache. Yes, the one with the mustache. That's a huge mustache. It's a huge mustache. I remember there was something that was, I used to, I was fascinated by that commercial when I was younger because I remember the very realistic cartoon devil that breaks the glass was so scary.

Yes, there was a lot of discussion about that. He had a penis. He had a penis. Yes, a large penis. To match it, we needed something that... Can I explain why? Please. I never had such a question. We needed...

There was something so upsetting and off base about his mustache, my husband's mustache, that we needed something to counterbalance that. So the devil's penis is the exact size, if you measure it, of his mustache. Wow. That's so detailed. And it makes you feel balanced. Yeah. I guess I never thought of his mustache as being upsetting, but in comparison to that, very realistic devil.

Take away the devil's penis and you will be upset by the mustache. They always say a devil's penis is a big mustache. Scratch a bad mustache, you'll find the devil's penis. The Omen 3. Oh my goodness gracious. Wow, wow, wow. Oh, okay. Anyway.

It's such a happy sounding commercial. I forgot about that until you mentioned that image. Because the devil is the creature that breaks your glass. I broke your glass with his penis. It was fun. Those were fun days where you could do anything. I remember the devil smashes the window with his penis. And he says, I will make your Christ drink my piss.

That was my pitch. That was my pitch. That was my pitch. I didn't think it would get in, but you know, it did. Little word bubble. It's really hot in here. Like the devil. Like the devil. Like the devil.

Anyway, back to Christmas. Oh wow, okay, that was a real tangent. Back to Christmas. Back to Christmas. So, we lived together. Yes. It was a good 35 years. Yeah. So somewhere around Valentine's Day,

we were sipping sherry as we do. And he said to me- Is that a tradition? Yes. Do you have sherry in the house? Isn't that a common Valentine's Day tradition? Sipping sherry? Yeah, sure, why not?

I mean a little nightcap, a little sweet. I'm not saying it can't be, I'm just saying. Fair enough, fair enough. It's right before bed, we have our nighttime Sherry. That's nice. Thank you. Very charming. And he said to me, Ray, I have a confession to make.

It's been on my mind for a while. I would like to try being with a woman. Wow. Oh. I was shocked. Wow, I'm sure. It's a long time. Wow. Oh. I was shocked. Wow, I'm sure. It's a long time to keep that secret. Yeah.

Shocked. Shocked. Shocked. Shocked. I'm still shocked. It's shocking. It's a very shocking thing to hear from your husband. So is this something that he had been wanting to do

the whole time you were together and never told you? No. Okay. It was just the year before he saw Kate Winslet in Mayor of Easttown. Of Easttown, yes. Found her very attractive. Yes.

And said he wanted to find his own mayor of Easttown. Her name was Mayor? Oh yes, I believe it. I wrote a couple songs. She wasn't the mayor. I was going to make a musical. No, she wasn't the mayor. It was a fun play on sounds. It was a trick. Her name was mayor. Oh yes. I wrote a couple of songs. I was going to make a musical. No, she wasn't the mayor. It was a fun play on sounds. Her name was mayor. Yeah. But not the mayor. And I wrote a couple of songs. They're on TikTok. About mayor of East.

Mayor of East on the musical. She wanted to turn into a musical. I thought it really, I thought that the project really sang. I really did. Sure. I would see it. Yeah. Well, thank you. I'd sell concessions in it. Oh, that would be great. In it. In the theater. You'd come out of retirement? I would come out of, I sell concessions in it. Oh, that would be great. In it.

You'd come out of retirement? I would come out of, I've got to start working again. You definitely do. Yeah, you just said that. Because you just said that he doesn't make much. Look, I don't know if this is going to last, I want him to get it, I want him to sow his oats on this. So you're truly in support of this.

This is kind of amazing. Are you setting some ground rules? We have to get to that, but we did miss parts. So you're having a sherry and he says that you're having a sherry right before bed on Valentine's Day. I was taking off my clothes. Right. Getting into my nighttime clothes.

Oh, can I ask what your nighttime clothes are? Do you mean pajamas? Well, that's why I asked. Oh, is that what they're called? Oh, wow. Okay. The clothes you wear to bed. They're called what? Pajamas.

Oh, pajamas. It's potato potato. That thing with the matching pants and button down. Yeah, sure. Pajamas. Pajamas? Oh wow, he can't even actually pronounce it. Pajamas.

Oh, this is interesting. I've never heard this word before. P-A-J-A-M-A-S, pajamas. Pajamas. Oh, it's closer. It's closer, yeah. Interesting. Wow.

You learn something new every day. I just called it my nighttime. That's what my parents called it. Put on your nighttime clothes or you're not gonna wake up in the morning. Wow. Boy, oh boy. That is dark.

Oh, good heavens. They were fun. Anyway, I was putting on my pajamas. Okay. And he just says this to me. I mean, I was so shocked. I was putting on the bottoms of my pajamas. Start there.

I dropped them. Oh my. Like a comedy movie. Oh gosh, it was a real pajama dropper. And I said, what do you mean? And he says, this has been in my mind for a year and I'd like to try this. I love you, but I need to get this out of me. Well, it's now Christmas time.

Almost, well, tomorrow. And we've not acted on it. I think we could say it's Christmas time. And it's time that we did something. It's been Christmas time since late August. Because I said to him, here's the deal. You can be with a woman, but it has to be by Christmas. Oh.

Otherwise I'm leaving him. Wow. So we're really putting out a call here right now, I guess. There's something very Hallmarkian about this. It is very much so, yes. So he put this off. I'm not sure if he wants to do this. That's the thing.

Oh. Because I feel like. Well, you told him, did he's the thing. Oh. Cause he, I feel like- When you told him, did he seem apprehensive? No, he said, all right, but he hasn't acted on it. He's a very- I'm sure he is. He might be a little nervous. Maybe.

Let me ask you something. Yes. Because I'm rereading your post. Oh, please tell me what I wrote. He's not well off financially, but never lets a woman pay for anything. He has a great big heart, very honest and loving. Oh, I'm sorry. Here, it's the first sentence. Heineberg great big heart, very honest and loving. Oh, I'm sorry.

Here it's the first sentence. Heineberg is just wondering where a 62 year old man can find love these days. So is he looking for a relationship? Yeah, because that does make it sound like more than just a one off. He says that he's looking for love in a woman. And I'm, look, I'm just, I want to know if this is what he wants. So yes, I want, if this is what he's saying, I want him to have the experience of finding love in a woman.

That's why I wrote that. Is this confusing? Well, it just seems like a little intense just to even use the word love. I wonder, like, are you gonna be protected? You know, with you? Oh, you know what? I realize you can't, the neighborhood you can't say I'm looking to have sex. Oh, is that what it is? Is he really actually just looking? Is that what this is?

Well, let's find out. He wants to be with a woman is what he said. I think that means sex. Oh, okay. So not love. He wants to biblically be with a woman. Sure. You have that experience and if he falls in love, what can I do? Oh, well, but that makes me sad for you. That makes me sad for me, but I can't hold on to something and make him stay. This is a real, if you love something, let it go situation. Yes. Yeah, sting.

Let it go. Let it go. Have sex with a woman. Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go,

let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go,

let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, you out for dinner, then you spend three weeks at Coco's. Move in together. Move in together. Magical weeks. Magical weeks. Do you really think that he might all of a sudden start a new relationship with someone else?

Who knows? I hope not. I don't know what I'm gonna do. Okay. But I need him to get this out of his system. All right, but now let's talk about the ground rules thing. Yes, yes. Because I think that would be very,

anytime you're gonna stray outside of your marriage, you have to have those ground marriage, you have to have those ground rules. And let me tell you something, they always work. Do they? Everyone always adheres to them. It's never a problem. Never a problem. Never gets messy or complicated. Never. Wow. As long as you stick to the rules. As long as you stick to the rules, that's the trick. So do you have any ground rules and what is he allowed to do? What is he not to do? What are there any things that you said, you can do this, you can't do this, I want to know about blank, you know? Number one, you have to tell me everything.

Oh, real? Everything that happened. I need to know everything that happened. I need to be in the loop. I'm being very supportive of you. You need to tell me everything that happened. Everything that gets said, everything that gets said, everything that gets touched, everything that gets felt.

Oh, that's number one. And touches are different than feeling. Feelings inside. Oh, feelings inside. I thought you meant the difference between touching someone on the knee and then rubbing the knee. Yes, that's number one ground rule. And I do remember that song, yes.

Everything else is just like, I guess I'm being bad about this, but like just kind of figuring out as we go. Well, but ground rules also fall into what the ground rules should be between him and her, right? And is she prepared to just, you know, what happens if she falls in love with he doesn't? Or like, you know, is it gonna be like,

we're gonna decide immediately after this if we're never gonna hang out again, or I have boundaries, you know, boundaries are what you really need in this kind of situation. That's right. Right. Well, he's definitely got to tell her the situation with me and him that this is what's going on. That's only right. Absolutely. It's only right. Yes. And I guess what happens after that if she's okay with it or like, I guess what happens after that if she's okay with it or like Look if he leaves me for her, what am I gonna do? Yeah, let me ask you this right is this is there any part of this arrangement that it also opens things up for you as well

Well, I guess just a one-way street. Did you ever have inclinations of that same kind like oh, oh, it'd be a what if situation? I've only ever loved him. Aw, this is kind of heartbreaking. Well, yeah. Yeah, it is. That's a bummer, John, that's a bummer. Well, but here, let me say, let me say, when did you put this, hang on, Bert, let's see, hang on, hang on.

Yes. I don't think we should bail. We gotta turn around. When did you put out this post? Can I be honest about one thing though? Okay. I've always had a thing for Hugh Jackman. Sure.

So if he came along, I'd be fine with that. I was like in the hall pass sort of situation. Hall pass. You know what that is, but pajamas was new. Wait, is pajamas? Pajamas. Am I saying that right? You're so close. Not really, not yet. You're very close though. Pajamas. You're giving the J way too much attention.

So it's the M I should be hitting? It's the om. Pajamas. Pajamas. Pajamas. That makes me sound like I talk like a real weirdo. That sounds insulting. Pajamas.

All right, I didn't sound quite like that. I'm trying to get it right. Pajamas. Pajamas. I did not do that at all. We're good? We are getting into semantics here. Now listen, here's what I want to ask.

How long ago did you put this post out? I put this out three weeks ago. Okay. No, listen. So wait, three weeks is a theme in my life. You had this conversation Valentine's Day. And then the deadline is Christmas. I know.

Right, but I guess you were really hoping it would happen around Christmas just like a movie. So you waited until Christmas. Can I really be honest? I was hoping this wasn't going to happen. I just am pushing the issue. It's like, it's gotta happen by Christmas. So what?

I'll just let me just say this. Maybe, first of all, no, if no woman has responded, maybe this is a sign and it's meant to be. And maybe Brent will also see, oh, well, I meant to be with you and only you. You know, if he'd received a flood, I'm assuming you have received no takers yet, right?

Cause you wouldn't be here. We've received one., I'm assuming you have received no takers yet, right? Cause you would be here. We've received one. Oh, well who was this? Her name was Virginia. Okay. And he just didn't like her. He said no to her. And what did she send in terms of, you know,

like stats or whatever to... Stats. She said... What were her numbers? You mean her age, things like that? Batting average, you know. She was 47. She was recently divorced. She said she was very angry.

And she said... She's clearly not interested in someone dating her because she would never have said share that. She wants a man who will give her a massage whenever she wants it or demands it. Oh wow. She has no tolerance for anybody who cannot say words correctly with the letters P, F, or L in it. She doesn't like fish or aquariums and we love those.

Oh, you do. Because you think somebody says they don't like fish and you think, oh, probably aquariums. And we love those. Oh, you do. Cause you think somebody says they don't like fish and you think, Oh, they don't want to eat fish. Yeah. And then we met, you love fish or aquariums. We met when there were two movies about fish. Yes. Yes. That's true. Yes. Fish is a shark and a piranha. So she really hates. Yes. She had really hates. She didn't set herself up. Yes. She had a list.

It was all things she hated. It was not one thing that she liked. Wow. So we learned a lot about her that way. It almost sounds like Jay might have set that post anonymously just to sort of like, you know, at least. Sorry. I was going to say, who's Jay?

I'm so sorry, Jay. No, Ray. I'm sorry, Ray. I didn't going to say who's Jay. I'm so sorry, Jay. I meant to say Ray. I'm sorry, Ray. I didn't mean to say Jay. Jay is actually my middle name though. You're thinking of pajamas. Is that true? Ray Jay.

Ray Jay. Ray Jay. But I was going to say Ray Day. Ray Jay. You can call me Ray. Or you can call me Jay. Or you can call me. Now that man must be dead.

Yes. I bet Gene Shallalet buried him. Here's what I wanted to say. We say goodbye to our legend. That was really good. Throw some dirt on the coffin. It's a great Jean Chalet. It sounds almost like something that Ray would make up,

you know, just to be like, well, see, here's one, but then just make her so unappealing. Let's ask him directly. Okay. Ray, we have a question. I heard everything you said. Oh no. And yes, I made it up.

I knew it! Ray! I knew it! I don't want this to happen. I know, but did he get dejected when that happened? Did you hear from anybody else, anyone real? Yes. Who?

It doesn't matter, because I threw him all away. You threw him all away? So there were more than one? There were more women. But they actually said letters? These weren't just comments underneath the post? No. What did you throw away?

We said letters. So people said letters? Letters. Wow. Mailed to our house. Wow. And I threw them away. And did you read any of them?

Yes. What did they say? They seemed like lovely women. Oh no. One was a nun who They seemed like lovely women. Oh no. One was a nun who didn't want to be a nun anymore. Okay. Wow. There were three school teachers.

They were lovely. Yes. There was a woman, a woman named Caress. Caress? Caress. It's kind of a beautiful name. Caress. Yes. Yes. And she worked at a factory that made trophies for people who needed them.

We're going through difficult times and just needed something, a trophy to, so they were winners. They could feel like a winner. You know, they probably give those out at the meetings of the group, people going through tough times that our last, a previous guest had. And I bet you that they use that service a lot. Anyway, giving trophies for people who giving a golden glove, golden glove trophy to a child in need. I never thought of a trophy, a factory that makes trophies.

Yes. So specific. A trophy. No, it's not for like winning a little league team. Or maybe I'd almost say they're not specific. They're just a generic trophy that gives you a sense of- I would imagine the place that makes the baseball trophy also makes the tennis trophy.

Do you know what I mean? The basketball trophy. Just people who need them. They're going through a hard time. Yep. Right. I won't lie, I would mind a trophy every once in a while. Sure.

A hang in there trophy with the cat. Oh sure. Whatever you need. Do you remember that little figurine that said, I love you this much? Yes. Because that kind of was a trophy. I mean, you could turn it into one.

If you made it into a trophy, that figure, it didn't. No, to answer your question, that was a- You could spray it gold. It was a figurine, not a trophy. Oh. And there is a difference. Don't you think? I think so. I understand. Although I'm not sure this is the most important thing about why you're here. No, but it's an interesting side topic.

Of course. That was the original lyric for Isn't It Ironic? Isn't it a trophy? Don't you think? Oh, isn't it a trophy? Are you sure about that one, Doug? Like the Lisa Loeb song. Like the Lisa Loeb song. So what happened is people actually wrote to, to uh, Brent and he doesn't know that you know, he doesn't know. It was a PO box. So please send this to this PO box. He doesn't know that you got rid of all these letters.

And that was the movie where that happens. We're like the mom doesn't know that you got rid of all these letters. And what's the movie where that happens? Where like the mom doesn't let you see any of the letters or doesn't know. The notebook. Is that what it is? I think the mom. Yeah, all the letters that never got to the doctor. I feel like that's a few movies.

We talk about the notebook a lot on this podcast. I think it's only been twice. Joan Allen hid the letters. Has it really? Yes it has. I think Joan Allen hid the letters from Rachel McAdams. And that was heartbreaking. How'd you feel watching that?

So heartbroken. Sure. So maybe. They cried in the rain. Remember that scene? That's the only thing that happened in that movie. It's not over. It's never been over.

And then they died together. They did. They became James Garner and Gina Rollins. And then they died together at the same time. Yeah. Is that true? They died together at the same time? I believe so. Spoiler At the end of the movie they died together at the same time. I believe so.

Spoiler alert. It's fine. I mean, the movie's been out for a while. Right. I think you might have to. Jaws dies at the end too. I heard. Yes, but then comes back in another form in Jaws 2.

Jaws 2 still pissed off but different. Again, you're doing a very good job of getting off of the topic. Sorry. No, it's okay. It's just that I think that we have to talk about the hard truth, which is you might need to come clean and tell Brenda this because this is kind of a big deal. You said you were going to do this for him.

You said you were fine with it. He's over there thinking no one's interested because that was a fact. Come on. Who doesn't want to meet that guy? What a fabulous post you wrote for him. Not really financially well off, you know, 62. Tiny amount of money he has goes up to you. This guy's a catch.

And he's thinking no one wants him. And yet people were interested. And that's, you know, I think you should at least give him the gift of knowing that he still had it. I hate to invoke the nuclear option here, Ray, but at Christmas you tell the truth. That's right. Actually, love. Love actually. here, Ray, but at Christmas you tell the truth. That's right.

Actually, love. Love actually. Actually, love. That's right. Yoda. Did you say Yolo? No, he said Yoda. Oh, Yoda. Is that how Yoda would say it? I believe so. Actually, love. Oh, wow. That was very good, Ray. That was terrific. That was really good.

Very impressed. Well, you do Gene Shalit, I do Yoda. That's what he would say if he was covering his bases. We should do a show called Shalit and Yoda. We absolutely should. No, I'm not a performer. Joan is a performer. No, no.

Can you do Gene Shalit? I'm not a performer. I just sell concessions. But we do do a really good impersonation of one thing. It'll be a shame to waste it. A doggone shade. I think you're- No, no, what are you doing here?

Here, I am standing next to you, I am. Both of you, stop this, we have work to do. I was Joan Allen. Oh, that was bitch perfect. That was a great joke. I thought she'd walked into the room. I really got startled. I was like, I haven't seen Joan Allen in so long.

Her signature line of dialogue, both of you stop it and you have work to do. And everything. She says that in every, I think it's in a contract. She said it in The Contender. She said it- Born Identity, Born whatever it was, the second one. The movie where the IRA killed her or whatever. She said it in- Face Off? Definitely said it in Face Off. Why am I blanking on the Daniel Day Lewis movie? Yeah, she was trying to mold his wife. Daniel Day Lewis movie. In The Name of the Father?

No! Lincoln? No. Gangster New York. Arthur Miller. What? The Crucible. That's it.

She said it in The Crucible. I can't think of The Crucible. She said it's all the goodies. That's right, she said it all the goodies. Yes, that's perfect. She said it as she was spitting in Winona Ryder's face. That's right. Sp's seen it all the goodies. That's perfect. She said it as she was spitting in Winona Ryder's face. That's right. Spitting in her face.

That was suggested to me as a Halloween movie by a streaming platform. Really? Because they're in costumes? Because witches are mentioned. Oh, witches. That makes sense. Everyone knows it was about the McCarthy trials.

It was not at all a Halloween movie. But OK, we really, really keep on getting off topic. Yes, no, I know I gotta come clean. I think it's gonna be a real test of your love for both of you. Would you like to practice what you will say to Brent? Great idea, okay. Who's playing Brent?

I think you should be Brent. Of course you should be Brent. Okay, I'll be Brent. Who are you playing? You're gonna be Joan Allen? Joan Allen. Hey. Is she our therapist?

Joan Allen is the therapist. We're in couples counseling. Joan Allen is the therapist. All right, all right, Jay. Now you in couples counseling. Joan Allen is the therapist. All right, all right, Jay. Now you have something that you want to say to Brent. Okay, miss. And Brent, I want you to listen.

Thank you. Both of you, we have work to do. Thank you, Miss Allen. What does Brent sound like? Go deeper. Brent, is this Brent? Brent's perfect. Thank you, doctor.

You do gene talent. Really low. We've got two characters for our show. I've got to think of a second one. Boys, we need to, come on, let's not do this. None of this. Okay. Stop this.

Sorry, doctor. Enough of this. Honey, I have to talk to you and look you right in the eye. Okay. Come clean about something. Okay. You received a plethora of letters from your ad. The one on NeighborHap about looking for love.

Yes. Not having much money, but never letting a woman pay for it. Miss Allen, this is so difficult. No, you can do it. You've already started the hard part. His voice makes me so coco-zorny. I don't share that or understand it, but I understand that's difficult for you.

You need to do this. You're telling me you've never been coco-zorny? Okay. That's what the showers are for. This is not about me today. All right, just keep it honest. Those letters from various plethora of women, I read them and I threw them away. I burned them.

Oh, you didn't know about that? I threw them away, took them out, and burned them in the fireplace like Hedda Gabler. Does anyone get that? No. She burns. Very, very, very boring Ibsen play. I did it at Northwestern. People keep telling, always trying to pitch that it's a good play. And then I did it at Steppenwolf.

Ibsen's boring. It sure is. We can finally say it, right? This is your space? It's not too late. Doesn't leave this room? Ibsen's boring. It sure is. We can finally say it, right? This is your space. It's not too late. Doesn't leave this room? Ibsen is boring. It is a controversial, it's an unpopular opinion for sure. She burns the manuscript and says, I'm burning your baby.

Doesn't she say that? I'm burning your baby. I don't remember. I do. Come on, you're getting off topic again. I burned those, I had a gablered myself on those letters. It sounds like you had a gablered me. Oh, I did.

Ray, why would you do this? Ray, you have to let him say what he's feeling. Go ahead, say what you're feeling Miss Allen says. I'm shocked. I'm hurt. I feel betrayed, let down, disappointed, and sad, and angry. So many things happening at once. Is there any nice feeling in there?

Or just those? It's comfortable in this room. The temperature? Temperature's perfect. Okay, thank you. I'm wearing a jacket, but it's not, I'm not warm and I'm not cold. I'll go with that.

I feel like I'm starting to sound like Obama. Well. I'm not trying to. It's your third impersonation for our show. All right, so, and then what you're going to say is, will you still have me? Knowing all this. Can I riff on what you said?

Or do I have to say it? Oh, absolutely, go ahead and riff. Riff away. Knowing what I just said to you. Yeah. And all the years we've spent together. Yes, where I very recently said, I want to try this thing. And you agreed to it.

And dropped my pajamas. Yes. Correct. Would you still have me? Would you still take me? Would you still be with me? I'll tell you something, Ray. Think of the Sherry.

This is, I do love the Sherry. Yes. Good, this is good, keep going. This isn't easy. I know. And we're gonna have some work ahead of us to repair this. Yes.

But of course I still love you. All I wanted to do was love a woman once. One? Wait a minute, I didn't realize it was just once. I can handle that. I should say at least once. If I liked it, I would've done it more. Okay.

But I just wanted to try it. And if you didn't want me to do this, you should've said so instead of going along with the scheme. You're right. I know I am. This is a good exercise and I'm really deep into this. This is, I feel like I'm teaching a masterclass, but I also want you to know that while it's good

to do this and to play this out, the answers that Berndt is giving might not be the actual answers that that Brandt is pointing out. Oh yeah, that's true. You might just say, I'm leaving you. It might end up being very fucked up like that. That Nate show where he made people do this and Nate Fielder.

Oh, Nathan Fielder, yes. What was it called? I don't know. The preparation? I don't know. It was so strange. I feel like calling him right now and just doing this. Well, do you want to?

Yeah. You're going to call Brent? Right now. OK, let's see. Let's see if he says all those things word for word or something different. Hold on. Speed dial. Ring a ding a ding.

Hedda Gobbler shoots herself in the head, by the way. No, she doesn't. Does she really? But she burns the thing. And Joan Allen was in Burn This. I'm Joan Allen. I'm right here. Oh, you're still Joan Allen.

Are you still Joan Allen? Oh, sorry. You're right. I'm out of Joan Allen. Hello? Oh, he's on the phone. I'll out of Joan Allen. Hello? Oh, he's on the phone. I'll put you on speaker. That's a good idea.

Hello, honey? Hello. It's me. Ray. Hi. Where are you? I'm at a... It's not important where I am.

It's Christmas Eve. I'm coming home. I should hope so. I have a surprise. I have a Christmas surprise. You found a woman for me to love. No. I need to come clean about something and I'm going to say it really fast.

I'm going to say it really fast. I'm going to say it really fast. I'm going to say it really fast. I'm going to say it really fast. I'm going to say it really fast. I'm a surprise. I have a Christmas surprise. You found a woman for me to love. No. I need to come clean about something and I'm going to say it really fast and just listen to me right now. You got a lot of letters from a lot of different women and I took them, I threw them away and then I burned them like Hattagabler. I need to know if you will still have me. Ray, I have something to tell you.

Oh. I also have a surprise for you. I have a surprise for you. I have a surprise for you. I have a surprise for you. I have a surprise for you. I have a surprise for you. I have a surprise for you.

I have a surprise for you. I have a surprise for you. I have a surprise for you. I have a surprise for you. I have a surprise for you. I have a surprise for you. I have a surprise for you. I have a surprise for you. I have a surprise for you, I have something to tell you. Oh. I also received a bunch of letters.

What? And I burned them as well. You did? What? I don't want to love a woman. Oh. Why did you tell me you did? I thought I did and then you were so willing

to go along with it, I thought you wanted it. No, I didn't. You seem so enchanted by Kate Winslet. Yeah. I don't know why that was the particular project. I don't know. It was one. No. Wait, this is amazing. Brent, really quickly, my name is Joan Podestrian. Hi, Joan. We do a podcast or it could also be Joan Allen if it helps. I was going to say you sound like Joan Allen.

Thank you. Jets of Jones. And so I just want to say that I didn't want it to be a surprise that someone here is listening but I and there's also someone else named Bernd here. Hi Brad. What? I was just saying hi to Brad. Oh you were saying hi to Brad. Great. So this is this is amazing. I feel great. Right? Yes. I don't understand anything that's happening. I will explain it to you tonight after we have our late night Christmas Eve Sherry and I will take my clothes off and give it to you. Oh, you... Real Coco's mushroom style. Tear those night clothes off of you. You know what I learned today? What?

It's they're called. Pajamas. She sounds so. You really took a real backslide there since we learned it last. It was a bit a while. Pajamos. Oh wow.

Yeah, that's how I said it. Pajitos. Pekushu. Pekushu. All of these sound like great appetizers. Papachan. Pajamas. Pujes.

Pujes. Pleches. Well you just get your sweet little heinie on. Oh boy. Well fellas, I couldn't be happier for you. It's going to have mistletoe. Merry Christmas, Brent. Find the mistletoe in my heinie. Merry Christmas, Brent. Merry Christmas to us all and to all a good night.

Well first of all, I want to say, how good was my impression of Brent? I mean, having never heard him. Yes, I nailed it. It sounds like he did great, right? That was good direction, Ray. I'm so happy. And I'm really happy, not only that, but that we have a possible show that we're going to do live

because we've developed three, I need to have more. I'm not sure that's going to happen. Because right now I have got Yoda. You've got Yoda. You do need some more character. I think you need a little more. Can I do a Matthew Broderick? I'd love to hear it. Sure, let's have more. I'm not sure that's gonna happen. Cause right now I have got Yoda. You've got Yoda. You do need some more character. I think you need a little more. Can I do a Matthew Broderick?

Sure, let's have it. Life moves pretty fast. I'm screwed. I'm really screwed. Is that good? That is actually really good. It's perfect. Thank you.

I've got to come up with another one. Just one more. You just need one more. I'm the wicked witch. Oh, okay. Just in time for Christmas. You just need one more. That's just a time for Christmas. Is that enough to get an audience?

I don't. Yeah. I mean, in this day and age right now, yes. Do you think they'll be confused as to who brand is? You have Jean Chalice, Yoda, the Wicked Witch, Matthew Broderick, and this man Brent. And you can't say it's the guy from the commercial because he'll go, you mean Brent? Well, can we have Joan Allen come out and maybe explain Brent? Oh, maybe, maybe. As the voice of reason.

I need to polish it up a little bit, but. Oh, it's perfect. You are Joan Allen. You became Joan Allen. This should be a, you are Joan Allen. Okay, I mean, I'm Joan pedestrian, but I don't want to. And I am become Joan Allen. You became Joan Allen. You are Joan Allen. Okay, I mean, I'm Joan pedestrian, but I don't want to. And I am become Joan Allen. All right, well, you know what?

I'm Ray J. I feel like it really was a Christmas miracle. You told the truth at Christmas. It was kind of like a gift of the Magi. You're gonna be okay, it sure was. It is the Mitch and the Magi. Oh, okay. Too many Martoonies. Oh, God, God. I was doing great until the end.

Ray, you are doing great. And I'm so happy for you and Ben. I feel lighter than ever. I wish you a wonderful new year and I think you're going to have wonderful adventures together. I think so too. Thank you. This was a wonderful time.

It's a wonderful life. Well, you know what? We finally helped someone. Finally. This is really, it's a nice way to close out the season. It really is. And it's a nice thing for Christmas. It is.

Yeah. Well, Ray, thank you for being our guest. My pleasure. And you should leave. Okay. We'll be back with more of The Neighbor Listen when The Neighbor Listen returns. I can't get out the door. Hi, everybody. it's Angel. This is a rare, beautiful green sheepdog cookie jar.

It is a vintage Doran of California sheepdog cookie jar. This is a lovely unmarked 1950s Doran of California green sheep dog cookie jar. Excellent condition, measures 10 inches high. The glossy finish on this adorable cookie jar will enamor all and it is for $65. May I mention it is a Duran of California. Now I have five children. I'm getting rid of this because only recently was it revealed to me that this cookie jar apparently haunted their dreams and it has horrified them from every angle. Speaking of every angle, I've made sure to take photos of this beautiful cookie jar, gazing into its open crevasse.

My children have told me that all of these angles are actually making it worse, but you know what, I don't care what they think. I tried to tell them that this is a priceless collector's item and my son said a booger collector's item because that's what it looks like mom it looks like someone collected boogers then threw up then shit all over themselves and their nose is infected and you know what that is so hateful to say about a Duran of California. So even though everybody thinks this looks like either a shellacked, plagued penis or a

sheepdog that was buried underground and survived a volcanic ash earthquake flood tsunami and then was left in the garbage for another century. I mean, I've heard it all everybody, so come with your best, come with your worst. I've heard it all about this lovely sheep dog from Duran of California. about this lovely sheepdog from Duran of California. And welcome back to the neighborhood lesson. Joan, I feel I feel terrific. I do too. I really feel I just I feel warm and fuzzy inside. I feel like a special connection was made at the last minute, you know, for someone.

And I'm sorry, I'm really struggling with my headphones. I have, you know, those like Reindeer Antler headband. Joan, how many martinis have you had? I've lost count. I just started drinking the Bailey's, you know, because I didn't feel like making them anymore. It's fine, it's fine. It's fine.

It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Hey, you don't have to pour this stuff in a glass. You can just drink it right out of the bottle. Life hack. How are the stairs doing, babe? They're doing great. Did you finish?

I'm almost done. And then I'll take my maiden voyage. And I know your dream is for like the kids to run down it, to see the Santa presents, right? I will separate it. Oh, babe. The Santa presents. I think you need a nap.

Yeah, I think you need to sleep it off too. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, a classic cartoon hic. Oh no, it's terrible. Bubbles came out. Your eyes are turning into X's. Well, all right, I'll come and take a look at it. I'm very hungry all of a sudden, so maybe there's something I can break off. And you're sure, you're sure that this is structurally sound Doug? Well, that's the foot the maiden voyage is all about.

So your foot may very quickly go through the bottom step. Are you starting from the bottom or the top? I have this in my head. Gingerbread, gingerbread, gingerbread stairs. Okay. And? That's it. Oh, gingerbread stairs.

There's gingerbread there. Oh. You walk up. Oh, there's more. You walk up. You walk down on pure gingerbread. Okay. Let's leave it there.

Take a bite, but watch your step. Then it repeats. All right. Okay. Stop actually. Wow. Okay. Bread with step.

All right. We have time for one more post. Yes. And this is in the, as you know, as a lot of them are, in the crime and safety section and This is posted by someone named Maria Maria writes headline man throwing rock Maria continues at my property when my child was outside with my dog

My dog is loud and he kept saying shut up. Oh making a police report. Oh Okay. Okay now I feel like she didn't so much bury the lead as did not elaborate on the lead. Correct. What happened with the rock? That's what I wanted to know. I felt like I missed something. No, you didn't.

Okay, great. The headline is Man Throwing Rock, which seems like, okay, if he threw a rock at you. Was he throwing it at the dog? Or the dog, maybe you could call the cops, but you can't call the cops if he just threw a rock, any old way. Right. That's true. Any old way. And then tell the dog to shut up. I think the police would be very angry that you wasted their time.

I mean, especially our police because they barely, I mean, even a, even a murder can't get them to hurry up to the house. You know what I mean? No. And they have a strict no dogs policy as well. They do. They say if a dog's involved in any way, we will not come. They don't even use canine dogs. They use guinea pigs. Yeah.

And- Remarkably ineffectual. You can't get them to do anything. No. They don't have great sense of smell. But there they are, riding in the back. Yeah, they're little uniforms. There's a little vest on. Do not pet. Don't worry about it. No, no thanks. Yeah. Yeah, that is, you know, these are what I just, sometimes I wonder if a person who made that post, and I know I'm saying this under the influence,

but I think sometimes people are missing the whole story because from their end, things aren't quite on the up and up or it happens in the middle of the night and this is what they remember. Sometimes they think it's a dream they had. Do you really? Sometimes. You think sometimes these people are waking up from a dream,

they swear to themselves that it happened and they have to put it on a nap. Listen, you've read these, you've seen these posts. Some of them are outlandish. I'm not, this is the part, sometimes I turn into a very aggressive drunk. You get a little bro-y when you're drunk. I get a little bro-y.

Come on, stop buzzing my balls. Come on, stop buzzing my balls. How, if someone threw a rock at you and told escrow to shut up. Oh, well now that would be- What would you do? The thing is escrow doesn't, he's mute and deaf and blind now. So you won't have to tell him to shut up. Yeah. He's just a weird husk.

Oh, he's not weird. He's my boy. He's my, no, stop.k. Oh, he's not. Carrying around a useless boy. He's my, no, stop. First of all, he's not the scarecrow. Scarecrow makes noise. I would get, if someone just dared to even say anything unloving to my poor dog, I would, I wouldn't file a police report though. Right. I'd fucking punch him in the face.

Maybe a guy who's you'd never been born. What was that Doug? They would see another side of me. Oh, that is right. Which side is that? I say buddy, your toast. I'm buddy, your toast or buddy, your toast. I'm buttering your toast. What did you say? I got butter your toast or buddy your toast. I'm buttering your toast. Neither. What did you say? I'm gonna butter your toast. You better start running. I knew about the butter your toast.

Oh. Oh. Well, that's exactly. I like it. I'm not mad about it. Would you hit him with some of your famous profanities, Tug? Oh, absolutely. Which one do you think he'd get? Probably, he'd probably get a jerk water.

Justified. Jasper. A Jasper, just Jasper. Call him a Jasper. Say honk you. Oh, sure. That's a classic, Doug. Honk you. I mean, that one's really direct. Not to be confused with honk shoo. No, that's a classic Doug. Honk you. I mean that one's really direct. Not to be confused with honk shoo.

No, that's sleeping. That's right. Well, I don't know what to, who is this person who posted it? Maria. Oh, Maria, I think you dreamt this. There you go Maria, this didn't happen. And you should be embarrassed. I don't want to gaslight our listeners, I'm sorry. This didn't happen. And you should be embarrassed.

I don't want to gaslight our listeners. I'm sorry. You should be embarrassed. Never mind. That you posted that. Listen, I suppose I'm beyond, I feel like I used up all my energy on the Joan Allen impersonation and helping out. No, you're fading fast.

I'm definitely, I'm like, I'm tipping. You're a shell. You know what? I am tipping. Well, no, that only, only, only Maximus people will get that. I am tipping over like Tim Roth and arbitrage I think that's universal. Yeah I'm at an angle. I'm at an angle that is not usually used by you. You are almost at a Tim Roth and arbitrage

I'm at a Tim Roth angle. Yeah, it's precarious. So I want us to have a lovely safe holiday I'm gonna cut myself off right now, which means we've probably cut the podcast off. But I want to say thank you to our listeners for another season of listening. And we- Season Steven. Season Steven.

What a great season Steven this has been. And we bid it a fond farewell. And thank you all for staying with us and listening to the show. If you'd like to hear more of the show, including ad free episodes and our bonus content, you can go to cbbworld.com, sign up for the Maximus here and you get so much more stuff and some of our wonderful sister shows on CBB World. What's the catchphrase Doug? Buh. What? The season. Good programming period, something like that?

No, incredible programming. Incredible programming. Incredible programming. Nothing gets better is just what he said, which was, buh. I just wanted to also point out, the bonus rooms don't stop. They don't stop.

Season Stevens stops. So there is one coming. Between, you still get a bonus episode every month if you're on the Maximus tier, no matter, regardless of whether our season is in full swing or not. And can we say about if we're going to be live? Yes, you can see us next month at SketchFest. We're making our triumphant return to SketchFest in San Francisco. To the Gateway.

The Gateway Theater, or it's just Gateway Theater. I just love it. Just Gateway Theater. And let me get the exact date, because that's important. But come out and see us, please. Yeah, it's gonna be a lot of fun. Will I be there? Of course, baby.

You better be there. We need you to record the show. Last time you weren't even, was it the first time around? You weren't even in the theater. The first time we did record the show. Last time you weren't even, was it the first time around? You weren't even in the theater. The first time we did a live show. The first time we did a live show. Yes. At Trouble Finding Parking.

That's right. All right, here we go. It is gonna be, I almost have it here, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. Kaboom! Sunday, January 26th, 4 p.m. at the Gateway Theater. There you go. So it's come to the show, and then you can have a night out

afterwards. And if you're old, you can go to bed. This is your night out. And if you're young, you can go to bed. Boy, that's true, Joe. You can do whatever you want after the show. You absolutely can. But during the show, no talking.

And we don't want to know about it. Do whatever you want, that's your business. You don't report to us and we don't report to you. Well, happy holidays, burnt. And happy holidays, John. Happy holidays, babe. I'm gonna come up and try that gingerbread. Happy holidays, John.

I'm not gonna eat that gingerbread. Please try the stairs. And good luck with jumping into the fire with Gabby. I can't wait to hear about it. Thank you. It's gonna be one hot Christmas. Maybe come to a Christmas carol tonight. I don't know, just maybe just think about it.

Okay, I'm gonna see if I can get somebody to cover my shift. I have to go put, I have to go get my prosthetics on. I know that takes a long time. It takes at least an hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. You're gonna make yourself look like Patrick Stewart. Yeah.

All right, everybody, take care, thanks for everything. We'll see you back with season eight, yet to be named. Yes. When the Neighbor of Listen returns, until then, everybody. Take care. Thanks for everything. We'll see you back with season eight, yet to be named. Yes. When The Neighborhood Listen returns, until then, goodbye. And bye. And me, Nicole Parker. And me, Brett Morris. This episode's guest was played by Mitch Silpa. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World. Go to CBBWorld.com to unlock the entire history of the show ad free as well as brand new full length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maximus subscribers.

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