The Neighborhood Listen - Costco Coffins with Alana Johnston

Episode Date: October 1, 2024

Season 7 kicks off with Burnt recounting a harrowing experience on vacation, Joan's surprising update on the twins, and Doug teaching himself some new skills. Later, Kathie (Alana Johnston) joins the show to share some incredible deals she has discovered with the neighborhood.Want more TNL? Listen to our full length BONUS ROOM episodes by signing up at cbbworld.com for the Maximus plan to unlock access to all seasons ad-free, as well as brand new exclusive BONUS ROOM episodes adventuring deeper into Dignity Falls!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of The Bonus Room, go to CBBWorld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

And now, please enjoy this episode of... The Neighborhood Listen! Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good! And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen! Knock knock! Who's there? Your neighbor! Good! In Dignity Falls, you're never alone You've got the Neighbor Half App and us!

Bert! And Joan! From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell We'll cover it all And meet new neighbors as well We'll chat about any posts you're missing So just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen. And welcome once more to The Neighborhood Listen.

This is Stephen... Ben! Stephen? Stephen Seven. This is Stephen Seven. We've started giving the seasons names like hurricanes Yeah, Steven I can see this isn't being Steven this is season Steven and This is the neighborhood listen. This is the podcast that looks at the town of dignity Falls USA

That's where we are via us the two, the two hosts, who are residents here. My name? Well, it's burnt me a payday. And I am the pharmacist in chief at the Dignity Fallsmasy Pharmacy. That's right. And I'm Joan Pedestrian, still hawking houses here, still a realtor, but really trying to do some other things.

And we'll get to that later. And then of course, my husband Doug, still a realtor, but really trying to do some other things. And we'll get to that later. And then of course, my husband Doug, who is the engineer, just in case anyone's joining us for the first time here for Stephen and didn't go back to the other names and listen through those. Do we have to retroactively name the smoke? I think we should. I think our fans will, I think our listeners will expect that. I'm glad you corrected it from fans to listeners.

I think that's will expect that. I'm glad you corrected it from fans to listeners. I think that's wise. Yeah, I, you know, I immediately, I heard it and I went, nope. It does feel a little presumptuous. Certainly does. We know that people listen. We do not know if they're fans. We do not know that they're fans.

Perhaps they're being made to listen to it against their will. Oh, I hope not. Now, that would be terrible, right? If there was some sort of hostage situation and part of the torture, part of the torture was it, you have to listen to podcasts. I was just thinking a wife that maybe made her husband

listen to it sometimes, but I guess maybe some husbands see it as that. You think it's the wife that makes the husband listen to it? If I had to choose, yes. You think that's how it goes with podcasts? Ha ha ha ha. Come on, Ed, listen to it.

Yes. Ha ha ha ha. How many murders? That's exactly what they both sound like. How many murders? They're sure, boy, oh boy, sometimes I do think that's what I should get into next. I mean, I know, and we'll talk about, you know, my creative endeavors, but boy, oh boy, do women love crime podcasts and murder, murder, murder. And I'm not into it.

You're not in a murder? I wish I was. Apparently murder. And I'm not into it. You're not into murder? I wish I was. Joan! Apparently there's a lot of money in it. What about murder do you not like? I can't believe I'm having to even defend this. Name three bad things about murder. Oh gosh, painful, sad, violent.

You can do murder where it's neither painful nor violent. How do you know? How do you know? And it's only sad for the person who's murdered. And if they don't realize they're being murdered, then it's fine. But I'm slightly disturbed that you're arguing in the case of murder. You're arguing for murder. Well, I don't want to close you off to it.

I don't want you to close yourself off to a genre. Well, if it's a genre, fine, but certainly not the act. But for me, it's all intertwined. Anyways, I don't really actually know how Doug feels about murder. Babe, I mean, how do you feel about... We should find out how Doug feels about murder. I mean, murder, murder the genre. Oh, okay.

Murder the genre. Now Doug always records us from a different room in the home. He does. Yep. We stay in the same place, the kitchen island. Yes. And Doug is somewhere else. It's never been made clear to us as to why he says it's different and better in different rooms and he's on the hunt.

And it seems as if now we just build extra rooms simply so he has a new place to record. It does seem that way. And he has only said it's better for sound quality. It seemed that way for seasons mark through Ed. Absolutely. Oh no, I use Ed again. I can't come up with enough creative boy names.

Can some of them be lady names? Of course, we can go back and forth. Okay, can one be Veronica? I want season four to be Veronica. Ed can be a lady name, that's true, Doug. Sure could. Hey babe, where are you today? I am in the surgical center.

The surgical center. Now, if we're talking about a genre that my husband loves, first of all, we've talked about evidence. We know he has an evidence room. We know he loves those shows. He famously pitched his show called Evidently about a man named Lee who sees evidence. Who sees evidence. Yeah.

But another genre he loves is all the hospital ones. Oh, really, Doug? I did not know this. That's right. He's really good at doing all the jargon real fast. Go, babe. Uh, four... Four? Clear.

Wait, you would have thought I would ask. Wait, no. Four is golf. Four is golf. That's correct. He's got some work to do. It's like someone just asked him to name a bunch of podcast episodes. Four. I don't want to hear that in a hospital. Four?

Four of what? No, I did see one where a golf ball was stuck in the sky. Oh, of course you did. And then the doctor made a joke and was like, four. You know what really got him into it? Disrespectful. You've seen the show, it's not Rescue 911. That was a show in the 90s, hosted by William Shatner.

Oh, that's correct. Do you remember that one? He'd say, rescue 911. I do remember Rescue 911. And he was so dramatic about it. And I really loved that show. I don't know why I was into that show. Why did you love that show?

I don't know. I was fascinated with how they were able to save people. You know, I will never forget one episode. Sure. Please let me share it. Absolutely. This woman was driving, sorry babe, we'll get back to your jargon.

You're a girl into that. It'll give you time to look up some more. And she crashed into a picket fence. Right? And I'm not telling you this now for the squeamish. Why don't you just skip 30 seconds ahead? If it lets you, it wasn't a car. What did I say? Did I say she just said she crashed and I wanted to make sure she could have been just running and that would have been so bad. No, she was driving in one of this, like the actual

like pickets. I don't know what to so bad. No, she was driving in one of this, but like the actual like pickets, I don't know what you call it. Oh, what did they, came right through her throat. Okay. The last place you wanted. What they had to do was they had to cut it right here, just like, just so that they could get her out of the car. It avoided everything that was important

and she's totally fine. And it never left my brain because my God, what a thing to survive. That's a large amount of wood That's a large amount of wood that goes through your throat. Such a large amount. I know they're relatively thin. They are relatively thin.

It was just to the left of all the major. It's the width. Yeah, it's the width that gets me. But no. That's almost your whole neck. It's almost your whole neck. Is that still called a splinter? No, that'd be called.

That's a great question, Doug. Ultimate splinter. It's more like the biblical, what is it, the plank in the eye? Yes! She had a plank in the throat. Do not worry about the mote of dust in your neighbor's eye until you remove the plank from your own. The plank in your own.

They were really pouring it on thick. They really were. It was like, oh, you think this guy's bad? You got a board sticking out of your eye. Why don't you shut up? This woman would be like, it happened to me. And I was always judging my neighbor, so I really got, I got smote. Now, can I tell you about an episode of a show?

And I'm, Joan, forgive me. I may have shared this with you before. Okay, that's all right. But there was some show about deadly animals and insects and so forth. It was narrated by the actor, Stacy Keach. Okay.

And there was an episode where they told a story of a brown recluse spider. Oh, so dangerous. In a remote area that bit a young girl and they had to, you know, send a helicopter to take her to the hospital. And I think it was touch and go, but I think she made it through, but it was very scary. And then Stacy Keach closed

the segment by saying, the Brown recluse that bit Jessica was never found. Meaning the spider is still at large. Like he's a fugitive. Oh my God. You didn't tell me that story because I wouldn't remember that. Better shake out your shoes no matter where you are. What a chilling way to end the show. Nobody slept that night.

What identifying characteristics did this one have? I really don't. Is there a mugshot? Is there a wanted sign of just a brown recluse? Very satisfied looking spider, I suppose. Yes, very satisfied. So the reason I got to this, because what I meant to say is not rescue 911, I meant to say 911, that show.

This show looks insane, but Doug loves it. Okay, I just saw promo for the show. Do you know what it was? The bee-nado. Just bees. Insane. What is going on? And then the bees swarm and make the sign 911 in the sky.

I can't. Do you not hear me saying bee-n't. I do hear you saying be NATO, but sometimes you don't understand my brain needs to finish its thought and then I wrap around back to what you said. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't know if it's an actor thing or I just need to hear myself talk. But regardless, I'm sure Doug will have an opinion

on that one. Now you could forgive me because as an only child, of course, I am used to being heard immediately. That's right. It was me and two other people and that was it. That's right. You didn't have to go, mom, mom, mom. You just went, mom.

Yeah. What? Yeah. Exactly. Okay. So, so be NATO. Is that what they actually call it? They were saying be NATO on the commercials. Oh heavens. I mean, this is just ridiculous.

Anyways, Doug loves it. He really wanted to create a triage room. And I don't really know what his plans are, babe. Why don't you talk about it? Because we did interrupt your discussion about it. And I- Oh, discussion. Well, probably hadn't even made it that far yet.

And bear in mind, when you're telling us about the surgical center, let's all keep in mind that most businesses don't have a surgical center unless they're a hospital. So please tell us why this private home... Although sometimes a surgical center is what's referred to as the place where ladies go get stuff done to their face. You know, where it's just a surgical center, just a little in and out patient, a little moment, a little cute little office.

Is this the term everyone uses? Sometimes, yeah. If you go to a surgical center, you little cute little office. Is this a term everyone uses? Sometimes, yeah. If you had a surgical center, you're coming out, not with a total face change like I wanted a couple a year ago. I'm so glad you didn't get a total face change. I'm glad I didn't either. You know what?

That wasn't for me. But now that we have a surgical center, babe, right? Maybe so, Joan. Would we be able to actually, you're not thinking of starting like a side business, are you? Because that would involve a lot of insurance headaches. Since last season, you're not thinking of starting like a side business, are you? Cause that would involve a lot of insurance headaches. And you're not, since last season,

you're not a surgeon, is that correct? That would be nice. No, I wouldn't call myself a surgeon. I tend to be, you know, do it yourself. And I feel like I'm just, I'm just building up my skillset. So I mentioned splinters before, there's a lot of splinters. Our kids get splinters. I also know he just loves the X-ray props, the machines, you know, so he's putting that

in, you know, and like they can throw something up there and point to it, you know. Is this more of just a fun sort of thematic thing or do you actually plan to do anything in there? You're not... Removing splinters, removing bee stings, and then just moving my way up from there. I'm sorry. I get confused by that answer. Harpoons?

Harpoons, possibly. So anything that gets, that pierces a human body, that's going to be your specialty. Oh, I see. Yeah, removals. Yeah, but eventually maybe... Removals. Eventually implants of some sort maybe or other... Implant bee stings.

I'm open. Implant splinters. Yeah. Some bee stings are probably good for you. I mean, well, they do have these makeup products that are like called bee pollen. And you put it on your lips and your lips stink like crazy, but it plumps them up.

So I guess, you know, here we go youth. Here we go youth. So I don't know what I'm worried about. Joanne, when you're right, you're right. What I'm worried about is the twins getting in there and messing around. I don't want is the twins getting in there and messing around. I don't want you to put anything in there like needles or scalpels.

We don't need any of that because they already get into so much trouble. This is of course my twins, Matt and- Checkers. Checkers, Matt and Checkers. And by the way, speaking of television shows, you won't believe this. They prank us all the time, right?

This is a smooth segue. Thank you very much. I don't know if that was sarcastic or not. It wasn't. I'm just going to take the compliment. We were speaking of television shows. Wait, which is the segue? We were talking about 9-1-1 and then the television show. Wouldn't it have to be checkers related?

No way. So a segue can tie in something like three subjects that go. See, now I feel on the spot. Now I feel on the spot. You know what, Joan? I do too. And I just... Babe, initially we were talking about television shows so that you can say, speaking of television shows, right?

Right. Because I still don't, I don't know how to play checkers. I need my child after it. Still don't know how to play, which is a weird choice on my part. I don't think you're missing anything. You don't? Okay. That's the set.

That's the name of my child. I mean, I can't apply it to that. Okay, so the two of them have sold a pilot. Can you believe this? Madden-Jeggers sold a pilot? It's a, because they sold, they shot, remember how I told you that they had the cameras hidden everywhere when they basically,

they like hid, they hid from us, they were in the walls? Exactly. Well that they had the cameras hidden everywhere when they basically They like hid they hid from us. They were in the walls. Well, they had hidden cameras. They shot all that they edited together They sent it out to chick-fil-a streaming. They have really Oh, they were first are you kidding me they eat there every day Of course it's not day. Do they really? I don't know if that's healthy. Of course it's not. So now they're making a... I don't run a surgical center. They sold this pellet called prank your parents. And who do you think, where do you think they're going to shoot it? Is it the two P's? Pa-prank? It is. Pa-prank. Wait, no. Pa-prank your parents? Yeah, it is. That's good. They had to do that because there was a prank your parents from, I don't know, the 90s. And so they had to just make it different. It was almost by William Shatner. Yes. Pa- a prank your parents from, I don't know, the nineties. And so they had to just make it different.

But prank your parents. I can't do Shatner. I was, I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know. I'm still working on it. And listen, just one more thing about me. Okay. Then I want to know about you. Absolutely. I said that I get to the hurl it thing. As many of you know, I decided that my one woman Hamlet named Hurl it should be a musical. And over the summer I had a reading, okay. It was invite only, all right. And I know you couldn't go because you were in Mekanos

with Gabby and I do want to hear about that. Yes, absolutely. And so there were really only supposed to be just about 10 people there, okay. Can you excuse me one second? What honey? Mee-go-no. Oh my God. We're doing the recall of a drink?

Yeah. That's my husband. That's my dog. That's my dog, he can't help it. Oh boy. Wow, that was an incredible would you excuse me? But you. Ha ha ha ha ha. Anyone's free to get a would you excuse me.

Oh, you used your one time I think. Oh, if you want to like throw out a jingle or something like that. Sure. Would you excuse me? Yes. Keys, keys, keys, keys, on, my eyes. One of the songs that Bernd can sing

because it's on the same repeated note. We found quite a few in the last final episode of our series. It was very exciting. Very exciting. So here's what happened. You won't believe this. You won't believe it. Try me.

So I'm there. I'm very credible. I'm there. I'm in the theater that we built in our house, the one that is big enough. I really wanted the real space of a stage, but there was only room for one row. So the one row is full, and I'm performing it.

And Doug is sitting over to the side. And I'm realizing, Doug, I know where Doug laughs at all the lines, because he's heard this number. Of course. Would you believe Mitch McNutt? What? Disguised himself. No.

Like Mission Impossible style with a very expensive mask as Doug to sneak his way in. Disguise himself as Doug. The local theater critic who hates me to review this reading that was invite only. That's ridiculous. And I only did because I always hear what Doug laughed. And the way he got him distracted,

you know, what's the ET with the Reese's Pieces? Go home, yes. Yeah, he made a little trail for Doug. Mitch McNutt does love. No, no, no. Doug loves it. He knew that Doug would follow that trail. Oh, that's right.

The only candy that Mitch McNutt likes is black licorice. That's right, of course. Just like his dark heart. Doug, why did you follow that trail of Reese's Pieces? How could you not? I mean, for him, for him it's the game. Look what happened to E.T. He ended up gray in a ditch.

He had a hit movie. Went back home. Yeah. You think he was playing himself in the film? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That, for him, it's not only, it's both. It's the game. That was Nick Nutt. For him, it's not only, it's both. It's the game and the treat that he loves. You're not going to get him off of that.

You're just not. So I had to stop the production. I had to, I ripped it. I went over it. It was a little scary because I didn't know if I would actually be ripping it, but I had a feeling. I ripped it off. You pulled a Lupone.

Who do you think you are? Yes, I did. I got all patted Lupone on him. And, and you know, people really, they booed him out of the production. Who do you think you are? Yes, I did. I got all Patti LuPone on him. And you know, people really, they booed him out of the theater. I should hope so. Yeah, it was unbelievable. He still wrote a little blurb about it. That just seems unethical.

At the end of the trail, it led me into this basement. How far was the trail? How long was it? I would say, I mean, let's just say I got my 10,000 steps. So it was 10,000 Reese's Pieces long. At least. Yeah. They were exactly one foot apart. But at the end, it led me into this basement. And I, there was like, when you see that you're coming up to a basement, are you a little skeptical? I'm not sure he was looking ahead that far.

I wasn't, I was serious. He was looking at the next piece, that's right. And then I got to the end and suddenly there were no more pieces. There was just a little note and it said, you have fallen for my trap once again. Once again? So he's done this to you before?

He has. He has. Same thing? He's done it. It was, it was sort of, but it was actually, because this was when I was trying to do, I knew he's always trying to infiltrate me, right? So this time I had a reading in a forest. This was up two years ago. And so we did breadcrumbs, of course,

which just Doug loved because he's always, you know, he always thought that was really, I always thought there's a real candy house somewhere in a forest. But now, okay, if memory serves, the breadcrumbs were a bad idea in the story. Well, the breadcrumbs are- Because the birds came and ate the bread.

Yes. That's true. I guess you didn't stop to think about that, babe. You just picked them right up and ate them. Well, those were birds. You beat the birds to it. Yeah. Yeah.

But I picked up the note and then the note was tied to like a string that shut the door and then a hatch flew open and I slid out the whole theater. Wait a second. You slid out of the theater. Or the basement to the outside. Okay, I was gonna say. Yeah, we were just doing it in the-

Wait, if it just puts you outside, why bother with the basement? Listen, ask Mitch. You were already outside. This is a question for Mitch. And you know what? I'm not interested. I wouldn't cross the street to piss on Mitch

if he were on fire. Thank you. Bert hates him so much. And you know what? I don't want to know the who, how, why. Which is what he said when he wrote the blurb. He said, she's doing hurl it. And he said, wile it.

That's not even. Doesn't make any sense. Come on. Herlite makes sense. I want to know about you and Gabby and your trip to Greece. I'm not going to say it again, cause otherwise, you know, Doug's going to interrupt.

I already did an excuse me. Yeah, you already did it, okay. You already didn't excuse me. He's done for the, he's done for the episode. Yes, we went to, we went to Greece. We went all over Greece. I'd never been before. Gabby, of course, has been several times.

Oh, several times? Oh, people know her there. Wait, what? How is that? She's just one of those people. You know what I mean? She's well traveled and she makes friends everywhere she goes. She's very magnetic.

She's very magnetic. Everyone thinks she's cool. And I feel, it makes me feel pressure because then I feel like people are looking at me like, what's he doing with her? Oh no. Oh, I'm sorry. That makes you feel like that.

So I wore my pharmacist robe everywhere we went. I get it because it's a conversation piece and it's very fancy and you get to talk about what you do. It gives me stature. It was not great at the beach. I'll tell you that much. Oh yeah, wearing the robe at the beach. When that thing gets wet, it weighs so much more.

That's gonna pull you right down. Absolutely. Oh no. And I mean, I was only wading in up to my knees, but it was still like the water, it was soaking, creeping up. You must've looked like you were gonna baptize people cause you got that robe, you're in the water. It's very biblical.

I ended up having to baptize a couple people. Oh no you did. Yes I did. Why? Why did you just went through with it? Why do you want to hurt their feelings? They said we've been meaning to do this. We keep putting it off. Please baptize us, Father. That's a lot to have on your conscience. Oh, I don't care. I mean, it's all nonsense. Um, but we had a, we had a wonderful time.

Of course, Gabby talked to some, some firefighters over there and they swapped stories. Of course, because they've had a lot of fires over in Greece. Oh, so many. It's been a thing that really happened. And it turns out like a lot of the times the firefighters are setting them because they're bored. Oh, that is terrible. How can you be bored in Greece? Well, it seems like everyone's always having such a great time in those white houses on the cliff side.

Everyone's on Instagram bragging about it. Here's what ruined it, Mamma Mia. Oh, yes, that's right. And now everyone's, you know, jumping around singing. Don't forget Mamma Mia too. That didn't help. Exactly. And it's ruined, it's ruined Greece for the locals.

I see. Yeah, they hate living there now. Oh no, that's terrible. Sometimes the firemen would set fires just to smoke people away. Just to try, just when they were shooting Mamma Mia, was it maybe to stop the filming of Mamma Mia? Oh, they wish they had thought of that. Those, those ladies were having a really good time in those movies, I will tell you what. They were having a wonderful time, absolutely.

So what else? Okay, so the trip sounded like it was about 50-50. Like some of it was good, some of it was not so great. Well, other than my psychological issues, it was a great trip. And the occasional incidental baptism. There were only two. Okay, all right. I can bet it was a win.

Okay, okay, you can bet it was a win, great. Yeah, it was a lovely time. We did have a very harrowing plane journey back. No. Oh, Bert. I'm still kind of thinking about it. Oh my goodness. Constantly.

Constantly? Yeah. What happened? We had to do a lava landing. I have never in my life heard of this. Why don't they talk about this? Is this really how much I don't pay attention when no one's paying attention

when they're talking about the water landing and take a look up here? It's extremely rare. It's extremely rare. I should hope. Yeah. I love a landing. All right, walk me through this please.

Okay, so you know Mount Etna. Sure. Yeah, well it's active. Okay. And- So you didn't get far. This was on your way home? This was on our way home. We, it's active. Okay. And so you didn't get far. This was on your way home?

This was on our way home. We did not get far. Mount Etna blew her top and there's lava everywhere. It's so strange you couldn't divert someplace else. You just had to land. No, well, because it's like there was no warning. But what happened to the plane that made it have to land? It got the, it was the, it was the heat of the lava

caused a flock, and I mean a flock of pelicans. What? To dive for cover into the engines of the plane. You're kidding. Yes, so many pelicans. Oh boy, I wish they knew that was like from the, from the, from the lava into the engine, literally. Five per engine.

Oh no. Yeah, in perfect formation. So, you, almost seems like they were trying to take down the plane, not get away from the lava. Well, some people have their theories. Okay. But we did have to land on a bed of lava. How does the plane not completely disintegrate

and where do you go? Because I can't imagine that inflatable rafts would help. The thing is, the protocol for that is very simple. It's get on top, get on top, get on top. Of the plane, you mean? Yes. So you have to climb out the windows. Everybody scrambles up to the roof of the plane.

Does a ladder come out and appear? Are there, how do you get to, okay, all right. You have to human chain it? You kick out the exit windows, and then everybody just climbs up. How easy is that really? Everyone says, you know, mumbles, I'll do it. And then, you know, no one's ever really prepared. Honestly, it's so easy.

Oh, you're kidding. It's a miracle they stay on. I'm glad. In some cases, they don't. Exit row? No, I won't go in the exit row because I refuse to help and I won't lie about it. You know what? I appreciate that honesty.

I think most people are like that, but they're just not being honest. They just want more leg room. No, exactly. That's exactly right. So you had to scramble to the top of the plane. Scramble to the top of the plane and then the plane is sort of sinking as we're on top of it. And then we just wait for a helicopter to come pick us up.

Bert, I can't believe you didn't, I can't believe you didn't even tell me the second you got to my house today. I thought I'd save it for the pod. Oh, well you sure did, you sure did. So a helicopter just came, how quickly? Cause it must have been within minutes that you'd be in trouble. So fast. They have for this eventuality,

they have a swarm of helicopters. Oh goodness, much like a Bnado. Exactly, it was like a helicopter NATO. And I thought they're all gonna slam into each other. I heard you say a copter NATO. Thank. It was like a helicopter NATO. And I thought they're all going to slam into each other. I heard you say a copter NATO. Thank you. You understand. But I also appreciate and learn that it is possible to pause, acknowledge what the person said and continue.

You could have asked for an excuse me. I'm going to try to, I will. I'm going to try to. I think excuse me is just for jingles. I believe so. I thought we'd established that. Yeah, I think so. But in the future for the rest of Steven, I'm going to try to do that. Okay. Okay'd established that. Yeah, I think so. But in the future, for the rest of Steven,

I'm going to try to do that, okay? Okay. All right. Which now? Make sure that if I hear you, I acknowledge it. And then he talks. Please acknowledge the thing I've said. If I say it twice, acknowledge it.

If I say it once, you don't have to acknowledge it. Okay, got it. But if I say it twice, clearly I want to be heard. I get it. So yeah, it was the strangest, scariest, the warmest thing I've ever been a part of. Warmest thing, I mean warm is putting it mildly, I feel like.

How did Gabby handle it? I bet she snapped to action. Oh yeah. Gabby took out a pack of gum, offered gum to all the passengers once they got off on top of the lane. How was their time for that? And she said, we're all gonna be fine.

Wow, and did it help people? It did help people. People were blowing bubbles. once they got off on top of the lane. And she said, we're all going to be fine. Wow. And did it help people? It did help people. People were blowing bubbles. What a sight to see. The copter swarm said they'd never seen anything like it. The copter swarm. How did nobody, I guess there was no time

to get a TikTok video. Cause how did this not go viral? No one talks about this. Yeah, no one, I can't believe no one talked about it. I mean, we don't, there's so many, remember that time that everyone swore that there were aliens at the mall in Miami? Wait, was that the one where that little guy made out of rock?

Little guy lying on a slab. Oh, I loved him so much. Do you know the guy I'm talking about? I don't know that one. Was it in Peru? It was in Peru or Mexico. Okay. I can't remember.

What was this one? He was like, we found an alien, we have it. And it was this little, like clearly a carving that looked like it was lying on a little bed. It was adorable. Oh, that's sweet. Well, this is amazing. Bert, I'm glad you are okay.

Oh my God, it's not over. Gabby and I had the most incredible sex I think anyone's ever had. Wow. On the copter? I hope that... We waited. We thought that would have been disrespectful.

I think so, I think so. But the pilot of the copter said, if you guys need to have sex, I understand. Because apparently- Because you've just been through it's a very- It's been happening a lot. We kept in touch with all the rest of the people on the flight.

That's amazing, of course you did. Everyone had the same story. All had amazing sex that night. Yes. Some of them did do it on the copter because these guys have seen it. Because we don't know how our bodies can respond to trauma, you know, to surviving like that.

Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Wow, at least they had to take your clothes off and get it on. I'm sorry? I thought maybe it was the lava had some sort of property. Like a true property. Wow.

Like an aphrodisiac. No, I think it was the utter trauma of thinking they were going to die and then realizing now how much, how precious life is. But who knows? Maybe it is a deadly aphrodisiac. Could have been, could be. Maybe it was the pelicans that got all hot and horny and just went crazy in haywire, ran right into those engines. Whew. Okay. Well, I don't know.

There's no way to top that. So I think we should probably take a break. Dare I ask you, do you have a big clock in the surgery center? Because they usually do have to have a big clock. Oh yeah. If anybody dies, you have to be able to call the time. I was just thinking about death. That is not what I was thinking about.

But wow. That's the first thing I think about when I think of a clock in a surgical center. No, I suppose you're right. Oof. I didn't mean to. I suppose you have a different feeling of death now that you've stared it right in the face. Yeah.

Look at you, baptizing people and basically going to hell and back. What an amazing dream. I mean, that's a real soup to nuts here. A postcard can't capture all that. I was just thinking about giving a Pelican a piece of gum. A big, you know. I know. No, I understand.

Yeah. Would they blow an extra big bubble or would they have trouble? These guys, can I tell you something? These guys, what do they think they're doing? They're trying to put everything in their beaks. I know, I know. It's insane. Things that are four times their size. Correct. No, that's not going to work. Don't do that. What do you think you're doing? Who do you think you are? That's what LePone would say to them. Someone needs to LePone these pelicans.

LePelican. LePelican. We'll take a break. When we come back, more of The Neighborhood Listen when The Neighborhood Listen returns. ["The Neighborhood Listen Theme"] Nicole, hi. Oh, hi. Here's something, I know you didn't ask me this. I didn't, but I always want to hear what you have to say. Okay, well here's what I'm looking forward to as the weather turns cooler.

Okay. And these are in no particular order. All right. Football games. Is it, can I guess the next one? Sure. Pumpkin spice lattes? Oh my God, girlfriend, you ruined my mind.

But do you know the last one? No, I don't. It's slipping into a cozy sweater from Quince. Quince! Oh my God. You know Quince, you know what they're known for. Of course I do. They're known for their Mongolian cashmere sweaters

from $50, and it's not just that. All Quince items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. Yeah. And that includes beautiful leather jackets, cotton cardigans, soft denim, and so much more. Now, how are they able to do that? How? Here's my theory. Okay.

It's by partnering directly with top factories and cutting out the cost of the middleman, which passes the savings on to us. Oh, I want to be clear. That's not just. Just a theory. That's exactly you are exactly right That's how they do it. I nailed it And quince only works with factories that use safe ethical and responsible manufacturing practices and of course premium fabrics and finishes For that luxury feel in every piece now. I've gotten quince items. Have you oh my god I have I got sunglasses that I honestly think I'm just not cool enough for but they're so great I got my son joggers. They're like the nicest pants ever.

What if you've gotten your sunglasses? You got sunglasses and you got your son glasses. I got a couple pairs of chinos. I missed a real opportunity there. I got a couple pairs of chinos from Quince. Oh nice. I'm wearing this, one of them right now. Look at you.

So comfortable. You look very cozy and comfortable. Well thank you. You're welcome cozy and comfortable. Thank you. You're welcome. And I want people out there listening to get cozy in Quince's high quality wardrobe essentials. Go to quince.com slash tnl for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's right. 365 day returns.

That's quince.com slash tnl to get free shipping and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash T-N-L to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Say it with me. Quince.com slash T-N-L. Ha ha ha. Curb alert. Hello, it's Ida. I'm selling a set of two burgundy wingback chairs located at

Monroe and Rubber in Dignity Falls. I will remove this listing when the chairs are taken. Now these are beautiful chairs. How can I give them away for free? There's no cushions. I can't tell you what happened to the cushions. It's a very private story. But the chairs are not cursed. No one has died on them. Not while sitting. Not while when they died died they weren't sitting on the chairs. I can tell you that the chairs Who's to say if the chairs were involved in the death? In any event, it's really the cushion is the problem. So you're getting the part that's not cursed

the cushions are cursed tonight, and so I had to take them to a special place and perform a ceremony and dispose of them. And frankly, it's just... it's not a great use of my time, but that's what's done is done. And all I can say is, be careful. When you think a deal is too good to be true, it is. And, um, I, I, okay, full disclosure, I, I'm not sure it's the cushions that are the issue. I imagine that has to be the case. But you can't beat the price. I mean, I didn't get these chairs for free. They only cost a dollar each. And so free is even better. Free is just another word for better than a dollar each. Okay, this is IDA and this is the curb alert over. And we're back with the neighborhood listen.

I'm sorry. I am still not over this story. It is. What story? And we're back with the neighborhood listen. I'm sorry. I am still not over this story. It is. What story? It's burnt. Come on now. The story about your lava landing. The lava landing. You're still thinking about that. Oh, I see you're all already over it.

All right. Well, you can be smug about it. It was your story, not mine. It's fun to be smug. People don't talk about that. People do seem to enjoy it. The amount of people that choose to be smug. People don't talk about that. People do seem to enjoy it. The amount of people that choose to be smug, it must be fun. All right. Now we have a guest Joan.

Yes. As we do every episode, we bring in one of our neighbors from Dignity Falls to talk about something that's on their minds. And how do we do this? We scour the NeighborHap, the social networking application for neighborhoods. And we look for interesting posts people will talk to. And if you feel that we've missed someone and you'd like to send us an interesting post,

you can screenshot it and send it to us at burntandjone at gmail.com. Yes, that's correct. And are you going to read the post, Burt? I'm going to read the post. Okay. Great. And this was submitted by Miriam Barbarana. Oh. Bar, bar, bar, bar, Barbarana.

Hey, very good. That's another one you can sing. Thank you, Miriam, for submitting this. And Miriam, this is, Miriam, of course, not the person who posted it. The person who posted it is Cathy. Okay. This is in the recommendation section.

Kathy says, I don't know if people are aware, but Costco sells coffins and urns for funerals. My mother slash in-law just passed away and we brought a beautiful Lord's Prayer casket and it was delivered right to the funeral home. The cost difference was about $3,000. The funeral homes know about this, but don't tell you. They have to let you buy your own.

They cannot force you to buy one of theirs. We had used them two years ago from my father-in-law and just as good service and quality was beautiful. Just let her share because when I tell someone we got the casket at Costco online, they're not aware. And I guess she'd like to talk about it some more. Here to tell us about the Costco conferences. She just really wants to get the word out.

Kathy, Kathy, welcome to the Neighborhood Listener. Thank you so much for having me. Quick moment. Oh, oh, oh, oh Riley, auto parts. Okay, I'm back. Sorry about that, I'm sponsored. That's no problem. Oh, you're sponsored by O'Reilly Auto Parts?

Yes, after my- In what capacity? I'm sponsored. That's no problem. Oh, you're sponsored by O'Reilly Auto Parts? Yes, after my- In what capacity? I'm so glad you asked. After my coffin awareness went out, I was actually hit up by- That's what you call this post? Coffin awareness. You call it coffin awareness, okay.

I absolutely do. O'Reilly Parts reached out to me to do a CoPro where they give the parts for the cars transporting the coffins. So I am sponsored. The hearse. Yeah, okay. Got it, got it.

The car. The hearse, okay. Just fun fact, that sounded like another song that you could kind of sing half of, Berndt, which is kind of great. You could do the beginning of it. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, Riley, that's right.

That's why you lose me. Auto parts. You could almost do that, but you're very good at it. Thank you. Bert tends to only be able to sing on the same note many times, but it turns out that we've got quite a repertoire for him now. So here's the thing. Here's a note for you, Bert.

Get it together. Here's the thing that I- What does that mean? I don't know, but we're having a lot of- Kathy's very comfortable with us and it's great. We are having fun. I'm excited to be here. I've been dying, literally, to talk to you guys. Wait, are you dying?

Almost for these deals. We'll get into that. I think not. I think not. I get it. I get it. Now, Kathy, I wanted to ask you, you said your mother slash in-law just passed away.

What does that mean? Because later you refer to your father-in-law, there's no slash. No, not my father at all. So what had happened was I was born with a mom. I had a mom. Oh, sure. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. Very good. Very good. So something in common in the old hood. Yes. Yes. Um, so I was born with a mother and what had happened is she married a man who had a son.

Okay. We're getting 90210 vibes. Are you following me on this? Oh boy. I wish I was up in my 90210, but okay. Okay. So what had happened was... Can we just clear up the 90210 thing. So, so is this a reference to Brenda Walsh and... And Brandon? Kelly. Kelly. Oh, Kelly. And she lived with... She had a sibling, a step-sibling. That she wanted to date. Who was that?

Oh, I see. I don't remember that at all. Oh, in your opinion. Who played the step brother? Yeah, good one. My question? Good one, Joan. Joan, you're on fire today. I wasn't making a point.

I was asking a question, but sure. Hey, now who's landing on lava? Am I right? Oh, Cathy is on one right now. Hey, I end my name with an IE for a reason. Oh, you know what? I should have known that. When they end it with an IE. Because everything that I say gets a response of,

IE, yikes. Even though it says, it's Kathy. Yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh. IE. Yeah, it's fun. Okay, well hang on a uh-huh. Aye. Yeah, it's fun. Okay, well hang on a second. Now I'm a little bit confused. Sure.

Walking back very far to the beginning, actually. Yep. Sure, sure. You, so just talk about you. Let's just talk about you. Yes. Yes. You had a mother, so you don't know where your biological father is, right?

Is that what's happening? I know him. Oh, okay. You that what's happening? I know him. Oh, okay. You do know him. You do know him. Yeah, he's not my father-in-law who is dead for a deal. He is my real father. What had happened was my parents had divorced and my dad moved to a new apartment beside

the house. Beside the house? Oh, beside the house. Only apartment available on the street. Beside the house. Only apartment available on the street. Beside the house. In some ways you could think that's a pretty good situation because if you don't want to be with each other and be married anymore but still nearby so that you kind of get to see each parent. Yeah until my mom and my stepdad aka my father aka soon-to-be-in-law. Well that was a nightmare. Why? You think my dad

wants to see new rad dad in town? Get a grip you two. Oh, okay. New rad dad in town. And I'm not talking Aerosmith. So wait, you're saying your mother married this man that you consider your father, but then you also said he's your father-in-law?

That's what I'm confused about. They got a divorce. Okay, they got a divorce and I married his son. Okay. And then he became my in-law. Hence the 902-no reference because there was a stepbrother that Kelly wanted to date. Quite possibly.

And you ended up, right, so according to your interpretation, you ended up fulfilling that prophecy that you thought Kelly had in 902-no and you saw it through. Hey, I'm not the only one filling things. Okay. I don't understand. My husband filling me.

Doug gets it. Doug, why don't you sing about it in one note? Oh, Doug and Sakes sing several notes. He's in a couple bands. There's proof. Don't show off. That's three. Don't show off, baby.

Don't want Burn to feel bad. It's okay. I've made peace with my family. Oh, I'm sorry. No, it's okay, Doug. I love to hear you sing. Sing out, Louise. That was pretty good. Who's Louise? Well, it's a gy Doug. I love to hear you sing. Sing out, Louise. That was pretty good. Who's Louise?

Well, it's a Gypsy reference, speaking of Patti LuPone. Oh, sure. Yes, it's one of the things that the stage mother, the famous stage mother Gypsy says to one of her other daughters, sing out, Louise! I believe it's the first line that Gypsy has. Now, okay, so Gypsy is the mother.

Correct. And who's Gypsy Rose to me? Well, no, sorry. Gypsy is the name of the show. Yes. Mama Rose is the name of the mother. I see. Right. Gypsy Rose Lee was the name of the famous and actual stripper. Yes. Right. And this is the daughter of Mama Rose.

This is the daughter of Mama Rose. But people just hear Gypsy and then it does get confusing. What is this, my in-laws? I'm so sorry because we definitely tabled your discussion. It's okay, they're dead. We started talking about musical theater. I'm sorry, Kathy. Nothing to discuss, they're gone.

Okay, but see when people so quickly say that's fine, nothing to discuss, I really feel like it means there is something to discuss. No, absolutely nothing happened. See, I swear it. Okay, wait, wait. Did you explain why mother-in-law had the slash in there? We didn't get to that.

Yes, because of the Costco coffin deal, my mom loved slashed prices. So to honor her, I put the slash in. I see. So even though she's your mother, because she ended up being with your father-in-law, you just thought it'd be kind of cute or satisfying to her to say she's a mother slash in-law.

Am I getting this right? I don't know, I feel like I'm trying to understand physics. What happens is, when this is why, this is why divorce is bad. Look what it does to people. This is why. This is why, because of trying to track down who's marrying who.

Oh, you mean just for us? Like just explaining it to everybody? You gotta see me trying to regale this tale to the ladies. But you're, but Kathy, your situation, I think is, is unusual, wouldn't you say? In terms of everybody dying all the time that I'm kind of... No, now Kathy... Can I ask what people...

Oh, not the dead bodies. Can I ask what people did die of? Who's all dead in your family? Can we just get an account? All my in-laws? All your in-laws. All of them. So you're, your father who lived in the apartment,

I mean, you said all your in-laws. No, my real dad. Your biological father. My biological father is alive and well. He's alive and well. Is he in that same apartment? He's still in the apartment. But I haven't seen him in a couple of days. He could be dead.

Well, what a terrible conclusion to draw, but I guess given your history, and your mother died. Now think of all the people that I haven't seen for a couple of days. This is what I'm saying, give them a ring. My mother died, so sad. I'm saying, give them a ring. My mother died so sad. I'm sorry, may I ask how? Yes.

Okay, so I can ask, but I'm not gonna be answered. You wanted an answer, I would love that. Yes, I can give you an answer, absolutely. My mother had taken her own life to the fullest, lived a very full life. And that took a real twist. Yeah. I've got, I've've got whiplash.

She had taken her oath life to the fullest. Be by, joyous, long life. But sadly, at the end, it was her eyes that didn't want to see her living anymore. So she, I'm sorry, took some cancer and died. No, okay. She took some cancer. Now, what had happened was she had received,

she had received a liver transplant that had accidentally had cancer. Oh no. Why didn't they check for that? Why would they go to the surgical center in my house? What kind of clowns were these? I was upset as well. Well, I mean, beyond upset.

I was upset as well until I went to Costco. Oh, you can't tell me that the deal on coffins made it all better. I did not say that's why. There were so many deals at the Costco about all kinds of things. I mean, that is true. You're telling me you're going to walk into a Costco, a sad sack, and come out a sad sack? Who are you looking at? Frankly, you're going to...

I was looking for Doug. I'm trying to find Doug. I can't find the guy. Where's the surgical center? I need Botox. Oh, see, I told you. I told you, ladies know. Follow the Lisa's Pieces. Oh, gosh. Why, you do that too?

Oh, sure, if you want to find the surgical center. He is good. He's good. Are you talking about Cos Corporation? Yes, the Cos Corporation. Yes, yes, Cos. Okay. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Yep, of course. Listen, can I be honest? Costco always really stresses me out. I don't do well in all of that extreme overhead lighting. I get overwhelmed by the tubs of sweatpants just in the middle. It really... The Jigglypuff Balls one offers the... The what, babe?

The sweatpants like the... Like samples. Yeah, samples. They have a tray of sweatpants, like the, like sample. Yeah. They have a tray of sweatpants. They're passing them out. Yeah. You can try them on. Walk around the store. Yeah. I like Costco because everything's piled so high. I pretend I'm little.

Yes. What I like about- Well now I can see how that's fun. Especially the coffin aisle. Costco makes you think you're thin. Costco makes you think you're thin. Costco makes you think you're thin. Yeah.

Those aisles are so wide, you could get all the Rockettes in there kicking around, not hitting anyone. Wow. So wide. Why don't they do that? Oh, bless. No, wait, bless. I feel like, listen, there's so many threads here

that I wanna get into. Hey, and I'm the one trying to sew a shirt. Hello. Oh my God, I don't know what that means. Got you there, Joan. Got you there, I'm so sorry. Got you there, Joan. Got you there. I'm so sorry. Got you there Joan.

Got you there Joan and you know it. You walked right into her trap. Sure did. I do feel like I'm in a trap. But I'm trying to get out and I'm trying to figure out a couple of other things that you had mentioned in your post bit. I do want to get back to the several deaths in your family and I want to make sure that you're okay.

Okay. Because when someone so quickly says they're okay, I'm always very nervous about that. And I'm not saying that you're not being truthful, but it's my mother instinct, I sometimes worry. But you did say something about how the funeral homes can't charge you for what, they overcharge you for coffins, but they can't actually talk about that.

Because she's seeming to like spread a big funeral conspiracy here or something. Talk to me about that. Cause she's, she's seeming to like spread a big funeral conspiracy here or something. What talked to me about that. What had happened was when so much happened. You don't have to preface it by saying what had happened. Oh, so you don't want to know what happened. Well, I think she likes it.

Well, no, but you can go, oh, okay. Well, what I don't want you to be confused is if I say what is currently happening versus what's happening. I don't think that will happen. Okay. No, we're saying happened too much now. Oh, it's happening to me. Oh, happening.

All right, let me take this from present day. Okay. No, we're saying it happened too much now. Oh, it's happening to me. Oh, happening. All right, let me take this from present day. Okay. When my father-in-law had died, Okay. My, the first in law to go. And how did he pass on? Yeah, I know, I was gonna ask too. He ran away.

Oh no. He ran away and he got hit by a bike. Oh, a child's bike. What? Ran him right over, backed up, ran him again. Then his little bike friends came and they all just kept running him down. The children ran over him.

I have a hard time believing this. He was fine, but what happened, he went home, died in his sleep. That is the best way to go. Aside from that minor hiccup, a very peaceful death. I mean, not a perfect last day, but certainly a perfect death. Yeah, perfect death.

Yeah, just a bit of a hiccup. We all get them. We all get them. Oh my. So he's gone. Did anything happen to these children? Like were they assault at the very least? There was consequences. There was consequences.

They all lost their bike privileges. I want to say up to two weeks. That's not nearly enough. Up to two weeks. That is not nearly enough. If those were my boys, oh, God, I would have done a lot more than that. Well, they would have just set them on fire.

They wouldn't have. They are pyro maniacs. OK, so besides your mother and your father-in-law, who else has died recently in your family? And was it a spate? Did they all seem to die around the same time? Three of my cousins passed away within three days of each other.

Wow! One a day, one a day for three days. One a day like a vitamin. It was pretty bad. Okay, so tell me how. Well, I can't believe you said it already. You don't even have to say. Vitamins.

I'm gonna help you. What happened? What? It was vitamins. Okay, but I need you to explain that.amins. I'm gonna help you. What had happened? What? It was vitamins. Okay, but I need you to explain that. They all OD'd on vitamin C. They OD'd on vitamin C.

I didn't even know that was a thing. Couldn't pee it out in time. Good lord. You can OD on pretty much anything. Yeah, it's both true. Hey, water. You can do whatever you want. It's 20, 24.

Oh, well, I didn't mean it like, I don't think he was empowering me to be able to OD on it. But that was nice of you. But Joan, if you wanna do that. If you wanna do it, you can. Guys, I already have creative and actress tendencies. Don't push me towards anything, okay?

We already know I'm sensitive. She's right, labor of a. Although, if I gotta deal for you if you do go that way, but we'll table that. Okay, so how many people, okay. So your father-in-law died, he ran away, got run over by a bunch of vines. But then died in his sleep. Thank you, okay, the cousins father-in-law died, he ran away, got run over by a bunch of bikes and died this week.

Thank you, okay, the cousins, so three cousins of vitamin C. All of them. So that's five, one a day, and how else? This last one is probably the hardest one to discuss. Okay, and I'll set you up for it. What had happened was? My husband is totally fine, but his friend Kevin is gone.

Oh no. Missing. First of all, I'm so glad your husband's fine. Yeah, and what's his name? Pardon? What's his name? Chet, Chet, with two T's. I like that.

With two T's? That's why I had to say Chet. Fun to say. Chet, Chet, Chet, Chet, Chet, Chet, Chet, Chet, Chet. Oh yeah. Hey, there's another one. Oh, that's another one. Chachachacha.

We just keep racking them up for you, Bert. I love this so much. My husband's fine. It's his friend. Love that song. His friend Kevin. It's a great song. My yellow?

It is a great song. Wait, so- His friend Kevin. Went missing? Went missing. Uh-huh. They found him in a coffin, can you believe it? In a coffin, but wait, was he alive still in the coffin?

Dead, already dead. Perfect, ready to go. Ready to go. Ready to go. Well, ready to go. Where was the coffin found? You're not gonna like this. You're not gonna like this at all.

I mean, I think she's probably- Costco. What? Dead in a coffin in the Costco. No. Third shelf up, couldn't see him. Days. What?

Yep, too high up. Days, meaning him days. Yep. Too high up days. Meaning he'd been dead for days before they found him. Yes. He snuck in there trying to do one of those overnight things. We did not want to snuck in. One of those overnight things. He thought overnight thing in a Costco. Exactly.

But he was by himself. Yeah. So what's he bulking out for? That's what I want to know. Anyways, what's he bulking out for? Yeah. Why all the bulk? You mean like bulk items? Yeah, Costco's not meant for one person.

I never thought of it as Costco is bulking out. It's bulking out. That is a new phrase to me. I'm not familiar. You go in there with an empty cart, you come out with a bulk. Just so you know, she is inches away from Bernd's face. She got out of her seat.

I agree with you. She walked over to Bernd and she was inches from his face. I felt like I was an officer and a gentleman. I get my back up. No, it was like she was saying, did you order the code red? I get my back up when people start coming down on the Costco. Sure. No.

Okay. I get it. You love Costco. Do you get your glasses there too? The real answer is yes. They have a great optometry department. The real answer is yes. Of course. It is for me too. I will say the one thing I go there for is the optometrist. Is the optometrist. They're great. They know your name.

They know your name if you go there enough. It's like the cheers of sight. Yeah. Unfortunately though, because I don't have my glasses yet because I'm heading towards them. I don't know who's saying my name. Oh, I see. Cause your vision is very poor.

I'll have you know I'm financially doing just fine. That was a slow walk towards him. That's right. Okay, so hang on a second. Turned on our heel. Turned on the heel, that's right. So wait a second. So you're saying it's weird for a single person

to be just bulking out at Costco, but he went in and he just thought it'd be fun to spend the night. So he climbed up into a coffin. For fun. And what, he got trapped. he climbed up into a coffin. For fun? He got trapped, is that what happens? Yes, to scare somebody because a bulky pack of glue fell off the floor.

Not a bulky pack of glue. The coffin sealed in rain. Now why is the glue in bulk anywhere near the coffin? Elmers? You're mostly concerned about the brand, babe. You know. I'm trying to picture this. Are you gonna swear off Elmer's if it turns out to be Elmer's?

If you have to picture it, why does the brand member? I've never known Elmer's to do that. You know my imagination. Who is Elmer's number one competitor? Exactly. Gorilla? Oh, crazy. Gorilla and crazy.

Crazy got him beat. I wasn't going to ask how he got sealed inside the coffin. What I was going to ask was, if he wanted to surprise someone the next day, why did he climb three rows up? Thank you, thank you. You gotta ask yourself this. When you're ship shopping around, are you looking three rows up?

Surprise. Well, but how do you surprise? I mean, I'm so glad that you are confident in that fact that he nailed it or you nailed it. And to be honest, there's nothing you can say back to someone who was declared nailed. Honestly, it didn't make sense to me, but I do feel like I feel shut down. You feel like she nailed it.

I feel shut down. Correct, I agree. It is very effective. It's very effective. You with me, Doug or what? Wherever you are. Doug is absolutely with you. I'm so surprised that I'm, yeah, I'm gasping for air.

And you don't want a guy with a scalpel to be shocked. That's definitely not true. Babe, you did not put a scalpel in there. I told you not to. No shark bob-jacks. Four seps, okay? Okay, why? Why? Is it so you can ask for them? I bet you anything, they're just,

I bet you they're not four seps. They're just our barbecue tongs. Watch, they'll be missing if I go check in the kitchen in a minute. Okay, so, so all right. So this is bizarre, but he nailed it, I guess. He had the perfect surprise plan. If it weren't for the glue, you're saying.

If it weren't for that glue. But wait a minute, wasn't he like banging on the inside and like screaming, no one heard him? He was huffing the glue, past out. Oh, from the inside. Wow. That Elmer's, it'll get you. This is a very dark, depressing story.

They gotta stop giving it to kids. Except those bike kids. Good night. Are you talking about glue? I'm talking about glue. Oh yeah, okay. For the children, for the safety. So is that, so that's number five and that is it, right?

For now, please say that's all the people that have died. Well, I'm afraid. Any death planned? I'll say this. They've got a two for one deal coming up. I- On coffins? I mentioned to my husband,

should he know anyone that seems a little weak, let's just keep that in our back pocket. All right, now this is not to imply that you're going to push someone close to death just in order to get the deal, are you? No, no. It sounds like you're very excited by these Costco coffin deals.

No, no, no, We're buying them either way. Just we're gonna upsell them to the families. Okay, Cathy, can I ask you this right now? Yes. Can I ask you, on your property, Yes, I have property. or in storage, how many Costco coffins do you actually have right now? I'm gonna say, don't even limit it to brand.

Oh no, no, not limit it to brand. How many coffins do you have? How many coffins do you have? For real now, Cathy, for real. For real. And you have to tell us. Occupied or not limited to rent. How many coffins do you have? How many coffins do you have? For real now, Kathy, for real. For real. And you have to tell us. Occupied or not? Oh God, not the follow-up question I was expecting.

I guess break it down for us. Perhaps you've got- Well, the five that are occupied, I still own. They're just in the ground, but I own those. And they're on my property. Okay, you know what I'm talking about is- Oh, Graceland style. Graceland style, thank you so much.

I'm not sure that's allowed. I mean empty coffins. Empty coffins. Oheland style, thank you so much. I'm not sure that's allowed. I mean empty coffins. Empty coffins. Oh my gosh, Doug. If you must know. Hey, you did not do a gangman style reference. You didn't even say excuse me and you already used your one for this episode.

Well, if you use it on a jingle, it's a song. Yeah, it's a song. If you wanna sing a song, you have to say, I beg your pardon, gang style. Thank you, Cathy. I beg your pardon. That is exactly what he should have done. Because you should be begging, you know? He should be begging my pardon for that, I beg your pardon. Thank you, Kathy. I beg your pardon. That is exactly what he should be begging. You should be begging my pardon for that. I agree with you. I give

that a big aye. I speak speaking of eyes. I've got seven coffins now six regular two side by side in case somebody a little chunky dies. I'm sorry. Like a car on a motorcycle. Yeah, they're side by side in case somebody a little chunky dies. I'm sorry, like a tandem coffin? Like a sign car on a motorcycle? Yeah, they're side by side with the, both the insides are side by side shaved out. So it's just one. Never heard of this before. Never heard of this.

Well, I did it myself. Wait. You're hearing it now. She created a love seat coffin. It's a huge coffin inside it has compartments. Like when you travel, you have cubes for your laundry. So it's one there's first you get the little chunker in the middle.

I'm not sure that I endorse the phrase chunker but okay. What should I use? I don't know just say the larger person. Okay the large is in the middle them, around them is their belongings. Tiny belongings. Tiny belongings. Tiny, tiny belongings. That's the compartments.

Little drawers, little shelves. So it's not for two people. It's for, it's so much like a pharaoh. It's two people too. It's for one, it's for one excitable person. It's a new way to say large. I thought that was. No, that definitely, absolutely did not communicate that to me.

They're excited to be around and enjoy. Okay, all right. You're almost telling it to me. It's amazing how I can forget what we were talking about so quickly. I feel like she almost got there. There's like one piece missing. Seven coffins through and through, if you must know.

Seven coffins all day. Thank you, we got you the answers. All day, all night. Seven coffins through and through. If you must know. Seven coffins all day. Thank you. We got you the answer. Seven coffins and they are, so you've bought up seven coffins. Well, I'm using some for storage, obviously. I'm storing things in there. Can I just say, I'm so glad you asked. Oh, I mean, I actually believe you. Why am I not storing in there? We're talking hoses, we're talking linens, we're talking tampons, we're talking grass. Do you have any space inside your house? Did you say grass? Yeah, grass. What do you mean?

Well, my lawn was destroyed by none other than the bike kids for real. No! That's because I ratted them out. But also probably destroyed by the five graves you had to dig. Well, those are in the front of the house. I'm talking about the back of the house. Okay. The graves are alive and well- Wait, the graves are in the front? So people can pay their respects. I don't want people driving in my backyard. I'm talking about the back of the house. The graves are alive and well on the front. So people can pay their respects. I don't want people driving in my backyard. I'm shocked that nobody has stopped from the city and inquired about this.

Everyone in the city stopping by to pay their respects. What are you talking about? Okay. Are they also leaving like slips of paper or notices or? A lot of notes. A lot of notes saying, gotcha. Kathy, I know which house is yours. Oh, you do?

And I assumed it was that you left your Halloween decorations up on your house. Yes. Wait, now I know the house is yours. And I assumed it was that you left your Halloween decorations up in your house. Yes, wait, now I know the one too. Oh, good. Oh my gosh. I was like, wow, that's really good. It looks like a real graveyard. And that's crazy because this is Elm Street, right?

Exactly. And that is why it's also so spooky. Yes. So you know the place. Okay. Yeah, it's the graveyard house. Now, I do have a question for you. Is that why? It is the graveyard house. Now, I do have a question for you. Is that what?

It is the spookiest tree. I do have a question for you. Yes. Because we've got the graves dug up. It looks a little Halloweeny. Was it too much for me to leave that 12 foot skeleton on the stoop? It wasn't real, was it?

Obviously not, but was that too much? Yeah, I think for, you know, Fourth of July was a bit bizarre. Checkers is in there all day, all night. The kids love it. Checkers was at your house? When? When is he not?

Okay, this is news to me. My house is so close to me. But Matt is not there. My friend, he's nowhere to be. Wait a minute, you know that they are twins, right? Identical twins, perhaps they have both been there. She doesn't realize. Oh my God, I just got sister sistered.

You gotta be kidding me. This is a nightmare. May I ask what they do when they go over there or what he does when he goes over there? Photoshoots right out of the gate with the skeleton. Everybody loves a photoshoot. And what they've been doing is measuring their height on the tall legs of the skeleton.

So they're doing the little pencil there with the height. Why does that sound so normal to you? You just said, oh, of course. Why, of course? Because he was in their noggin. Yeah, kids measure of course. Why? Of course. Because kids measure height. Thank you, Doug. Kids love to measure height. You know it's 12 feet.

They sure do. They've always, that's why there's so many kid shows about height. You'll be pleased to know checkers is up to the grind. Wow. I really- Can I call it such as? Sure. On what? Kids shows about height? No. Babe, I was... There aren't. There aren't any.

There was one. There was? Yeah. There was one. There was a local... Remember the days of local TV? Sure. Which they don't really have anymore. But here in Dignity Falls, maybe you remember this, Kathy. Okay. There was a show remember this, Kathy. Okay. There was a show called I'm Trying, and it was about a little boy who wanted to be tall. Oh, that's very sweet.

Yes, Douglas, Douglas, yes. Douglas, what would happen was. Oh, there's Steve, it's easy to do, it's fun to do. Douglas would find and lose a magic ring every episode that would briefly enable him a magic ring every episode. That would briefly enable him to be 17 feet tall. Whoa. And every- This is a show on local access television.

And obviously when he transformed at 17 feet tall, it was a man and they made everyone else that kind of crouched down to seem smaller. And Douglas's only thing was he would go and beat up his teachers. Yeah. Oh my God. Then it would be small again and beat up his teachers. Yeah. Oh my God. Then he would be small again and then end of show.

It wasn't all bad. He cleaned some gutters. Oh, he was nice. He did. He did. He would like walk out of the school covered in blood and then like an old lady would be like, Douglas, would you clean my gutters?

And then he would say, sure thing, man. Yeah. Of course, Mrs. Colery. And everyone just recognized it was large Douglas. Oh, they'd been through it, yeah. No, the show, it had a through line. Like, people remember things from episode to episode. Yeah.

And you see the teachers, some of them had permanent injuries. Oh, dear. From Douglas, yeah. Well, what occurred was that he would go there to meet up the teachers, and they'd be like, don't, don't. And he'd be like, you're done. And they'd go, please, I'm trying. Oh, that's where they got... Shrinks them right back down to size. Oh, I, you're done. And they'd go, please, I'm trying.

Oh, that's where they got- That's where they got- Shrinks him right back down to size. Oh, I'm trying, the phrase is what shrunk him down? I'm trying, yeah. Wow. And he would just- He would put the ring back on, he'd say-

And then he'd finish. And then he would grow again. So I'm trying- So he wasn't really trying at all, was he? I'm trying, Shrinks in. He wasn't really trying at all. Oh no, Douglas wasn't the one trying. No, no, everybody else.

It was the teachers, yeah. The teachers. Yeah, we're trying to not get killed. Wow, that's a chilling story about a show. That show went 14 seasons, did it not? 14 seasons with the same cast. Indication, can you believe it? With the same cast.

26 episodes a season. Wow. Hey, tall order. God bless him. Hey, tall order. Whoopsie! Douglas. Douglas had a great college fun then, it looks like, that kid. Oh, hey, God bless him. Hey, tall order, whoopsie! Ah, Douglas.

I thought it was equal. Douglas had a great college fun then, it looks like, that kid, whoever played him. I believe it was Tim Burton. Oh no, wait, what? It was Tim Burton, yeah. It was Tim Burton. Oh, it was?

Okay. Not the famous one. Oh, I see, yes. What happened to that Tim Burton? It looked like you said there's something bad happened. I think he tried to rob a bank. Oh dear. I think he did, I think he succeeded as well. Yeah.

And I think he got away with it. Yeah. Do you know that in Holland there's an actual bank called Robba Bank? It's R-A-B-A. Isn't that just ridiculous? Robba Bank. You're asking for trouble. I agree.

All right. Now let's get back to you and your story, Kathy. So that, that was wild. Hearing about that show was so upsetting. Buckle up. Oh, what's happening? What's about to happen? Oh, whatever you were going to say.

Well, I don't have anything yet. That's good. That's fine. Cause I'm, I better buckle up for the fact that I don't have anything yet. Kathy, I do. I have to ask you. So you, so you, you're, you're touting the virtues of these inexpensive

confidence calls and what a deal. And it also sounds like she's buying them all up. Well, that's the thing, but then you're going to upsell them to other people. Oh yeah, we do need to address that, that she was spread. Well, listen, I think dying is ultimately quite selfish. So you should literally have to pay the price. But you end up not doing that.

And to make a poor grieving family member pay the price ultimately and pay the higher price, that doesn't seem very neighborly. Why are you bothering to tell people that there's great cost and prices? But you're actually letting everyone know right now that you're upselling them. So that might be a conflict of interest. Who all listens to this?

Oh, well, we've established it's not fans. No, we have listeners. I guess I know you don't have fans. We don't have fans. We do have listeners. We have many listeners.'s not fans. No, we have listeners. Because I know you don't have fans. We don't have fans, we do have listeners. We have many listeners. Okay, in that case, I got something to say. This is heard as far away as Argentina.

Yeah, believe it or not, Cathy, we have a very loyal fan from Argentina. His name is Sergio. I mean, sorry, listener. I got something to say if everybody's really listening. Hey, Cheryl, give me back my 10 bucks or I'm gonna break your fucking legs. Wow.

All right, I'm back. First of all, nobody talks to Cheryl that way. Not on my watch. You know Cheryl? I do. Cheryl Teague, yes, she loves our show. Cheryl Teague? Yes.

Wanna know us? Yes. Oh, you thought I was talking about Cheryl Teague? I thought you were talking about the famous supermodel Cheryl Teague. No, I'm talking about the- Cheryl Teague. Cheryl Teague, yeah, who owns Teague Salon.

Yeah, I'm just talking about, you guys are weird. I was talking about Cheryl Teague. I knew who you were talking about the whole time. What you call us weird. I'm sorry. You're so defensive of Cheryl. You know what, Cathy's got such a fun sort of, I'm what babe?

You're so defensive. You're very protective of Cheryl. I love her. She's been through so much. I love Cheryl too, I just want my money back. What did she, I don't know what- I need that money for taxes for coffins. Tell us what had happened with Cheryl.

Tell us what happened. What had happened? I lent her... I lent her... Okay, we went out for lunch. It was a hefty meal. She ate more than her fair share. It was a hefty...

It was an excitable meal. We were very excited for the meal. Mainly Cheryl, and I don't need to say why for the touchy ones on the podcast. So we went out, everybody had a meal. What they felt was adequate for their bodies. When the check came, Cheryl said, I'm a little short. I said, well, you're hardly that. But anyways, she said, can you cover me? I said, she's quite tall. She's not her fault. Okay. Go on. She's not Douglas height, but she's not. No one is. So she said, can you cover me? I thought, again?

So I pay the $10, her meal was $10. She bought 10 $1 hot dogs. So her meal was $10, I paid for it. I said, okay, but pay me back by Thursday. I have to pay the mortgage. Pay me back by Thursday. $10 made the difference? Now hold on.

Do you have a coffin lined up for Cheryl because 10 $1 hot dogs seems like a difference to me. I have two coffins. What restaurant were you at? Definitely not Costco. No. I wish there were a dollar. Right?

No, but the place right next door sells them for a dollar. They should have cut it. We were not at Costco. We were at Best Buy. Cost no. Yeah, exactly. We were at Best Buy. Yeah, Best Buy's not known for their hot dogs.

I didn't even know they had them. They were doing one of those parking lot hot dog sales. Oh, one of those. The parking lot hot dog sales. The Geek Squad is grilling up hot dogs. This is the Geek Squad. And they're going, look how good our hot dogs are. Imagine our TV installation. It worked. I hired them. It worked. I hired them. That's true. That's fair enough. Anyway, so I need the $10 by Thursday to make the mortgage. I mean, I get $10. Make the difference. Hey, of course it does. Of course it does. I don't ask about your business, do I? I'm not asking about your mortgage. Absolutely, you don't. You haven't and you don't. You haven't and you won't. I would never. So Thursday rolls around. I text her, Hey Cheryl, how are the dogs?

I need that $10. She doesn't have dogs. Is that your normal greeting? Oh, I thought you meant the hot dogs. That Macon's small. I honestly thought it was the hot dogs. How are the hot dogs? How are the dogs?

Of course the Macons. I thought you were talking about the hot dogs. I know how those hot dogs are. Call Costco because we need 10 more coffins because they're dead and gone. Oh. You know how Cheryl goes with the dogs? Whoa.

The hot dogs. The hot dogs. Not real dogs. She would never. Cheryl. We're talking about the geek squad hot dogs. The geek squad hot dogs. Or the go daddy hot dogs.

The go daddy hot dogs. She says to me, I don't have the money yet, but I'm good for it. Well, Cheryl, the only thing you're good for is a bad perm. Am I right, Teague Solon? Oh, now, Sean, this is... Shots fired. I told her to go to Chad's games right, Teague Solange? Oh, now, shot. Wow. Teague, I told her to go to Chad's game. Absolutely, shot's fired.

This is incendiary, Kathy. I'm not shooting anything. Doug's the one with the gun collection for all we know. Wait, I'm sorry, what? I said for all we know. What do you know? Potentially, there could be a gun collection. Babe.

I guess for all we know is a thing you could just throw out there. You could just say that about anything. You can't use her for all we know is a thing you could just throw out there. You could just say that about any of us. You can't use her for all we know against me. Hey, you might not agree with me for all we know. Well, I'm not sure I like this phrase. It really is. It's upsetting. It really puts you on your heels.

A little so we know? Yeah. Cheryl's perm is insane. You have to. Her perm is insane, yes. Her perm is insane, but I think she does nice work. I've been in this scene before. I don't think it's more of a position you have. You have to. Her perm is insane. Her perm is insane, yes. But I think she does nice work. I've been in this seat before.

Exactly. I think it's more of a position you're in. She's so tall and she stands on the apple box. Well, she had to get the extra seats, right? You know, they push you up, but like they had to do like elevator seats because it would take forever for her to go... But she stands on a crate to make herself extra tall. Let me just care. I don't know why she does that. She does that because it's more comfortable for her to bend over because of the scoliosis that she had

when she was a kid. Oh, God. Now, you say you like Cheryl. Nothing that you said has made that clear. I'm sorry asking Cheryl about me. See what she says. If I didn't like Cheryl, why would I be getting hot dog lunches

with her in a parking lot? But it doesn't sound- Great question. I'm not sure it is. Not only did I get in my car, I picked her up. So I had to rent a tall bus to do that, a party bus. Oh, you're kidding me. She's, is she that tall?

No, but she had heels on. I said, Cheryl, of all the days. You rented all the days. She says, I'm in my heels. I said, I'll go get the party bus. I rented the bus. The party bus. She could just take it.

I know, but it went with her outfit. You could just sign it out. You could just go get it. It went with her outfit. You can just sign it out, you can just go get it. It went with her outfit, what are you gonna do? But if you're in the car, no one can see your shoes. I saw, well I saw. Oh, you know what, fair enough. I was looking.

Fair enough. Yeah. All right, well I feel like we have spent much too much time on Cheryl, because I feel like we're really hitting her hard. And Cheryl, if you're listening, which you probably are, I'm sorry about this, I'm sorry that there was some confusion about the hot dogs, did you ever get your $10 back, Kathy?

Did you ever pay your mortgage? Yes to both. Cheryl, when I came at you saying I wanted my $10 back, that was from a week ago, but I wanted you to know how upset I was. I acknowledge you gave me the $10. Thank you for that. Okay, so-

Oh, I think that's good that we cleared that up. We cleared it up. Okay, thank you for that. We cleared it up. Okay, all right. It's almost like it didn't need to be mentioned. Oh, for sure, that. We cleared that. Okay, all right. It's almost like it didn't need to be mentioned. Oh, for sure that. Yeah.

Huh. So now, Kathy, I think we have to let you go pretty soon. I think probably, but we should really sort of... I guess what... So what would you like to tell people? Do you want people to know about the Costco deal or would you rather they didn't know about that so that you can buy them and then upsell them to other people?

Okay. I am glad you brought that up. Thank you. When I originally made that post, I was trashed. Trashed as in trashed? Trashed. Okay. I was in some trash.

Yeah. No, no, no. In some trash. This is why I asked specifics, Bernie. You can't assume. I was in trash. For all we know, she could have been drunk. For all we know, she could Are you in some trash? In trash. This is why I asked specifics, Bernie, you can't assume. I was in trash. For all we know, she could have been drunk. For all we know, she could have been drunk. I was in trash.

And- What does that mean to you? That you're just in some trash? I was standing in some trash. I was looking for my wedding ring that I threw out because I was mad at my husband. When you say trash, should I read it as trash? Trash.

T-R-O-S-H, trash. Is this like what people call Target Tarjet, like my mother? So you just like to call it trash? I call it Tarjet. Okay. So you're just someone who likes to give a word, a different sort of pronunciation. Hey, if you think it's a mazing, so do I. There it is. Okay. So the answer is yes.

The answer is yes. So I'm in the Trosh. It's a very Moira from Schitt's Creek sort of accent. Absolutely. Yeah. I'm in the Trosh and I get the Daily Costco email that I subscribe to with all the deals. I see the deal. I'm so, so sorry. Are you in a dumpster?

Are you in some sort of receptacle? I dumped out my trash and stood in it. You're in your home standing in your trash. Yeah, to look for the ring I threw out because I was mad at my husband. I mean, I feel like it's weird that we don't ask a follow up about the trash and stood in it. You're in your home standing in your trash. Yeah, to look for the ring I threw out because I was mad at my husband. I mean, I feel like it's weird that we don't ask a follow-up about the fight and what in the world was the fight that made you throw away your wedding ring?

That's kind of intense. You know what? I'll keep it quick because I know we're running out of time. The fight was he wanted a baby and I said I couldn't find one. So there you go. That was the fight. Wow.

You want a baby, I said I can't find any. I don't know what you want from me. Yeah, but you knew what he meant though really, right? That he would like to have a baby with you. Like not for you to find one. Yeah, exactly. But I couldn't find it in me to do it. Okay.

So that's one way I'm saying it. That's an interesting way of saying like I can't find one. It is an interesting misleading way of saying it. Yeah. But yeah, yeah it is. Okay. I don't know if it's misleading. It sounds very final to me.

Well, that's fair. So he says I'd like to have a baby with you. He says I can't find a baby in my bag. Okay, in a final, in comes the coffin. I see the deal in the email. I get so excited. I go, I got to tell everybody about this. I make the post.

Well, when you know it, right after I make the post, it dawns on me, hey, Kathy, you could do this yourself. You could buy all these Costco's, Costco coffins. You can't even say it. It's hard to say Costco coffins and you could sell them and finally make that mortgage and no longer worry about being $10 short every month. Can I just ask a question? Um, what do you do for a living? Do you have a job? Great question. Thank you. Well, first of all, I used to have a job. I quit once I got the sponsorship from O'Reilly Auto Parts.

Okay. Wait, wait, wait. But I did used to have a job. I did used to have a job. Okay. And I forgot, what is, what do they sponsor you to do? Oh, I still can't understand it. The parts on the hearse.

For the hearse. Okay. The make, the coffins, so the funeral. So they're on board with your scheme of buying the Costco coffins, selling them at a profit. I'd hardly call it a scheme, it's an idea. It's a plan. Okay, well we could, the source this all did. We sure could.

Okay, so I make the post, I regret it immediately, I try to take it down, I can't, my thumbs are so covered in trash, I can't even touch my phone. Your thumbs are covered in trash. Because I'm rooting for the ring. Did you find it? No. So divorce is on the table. He's quite upset. Oh no. Wow. He's quite upset.

So this was not just trash. It was also garbage. It was garbage. It was trash. It was recycling. Recycling. Recycling. Recycling. Oh boy. This is, I mean, I am, I, I, my brain is tired. Do you know what I'm talking about? I'll wrap it up.

The post is still up, but I'm still doing the plan. Okay. I mean, you heard it here first folks and Cheryl. So I guess, I guess to our, to our listeners, certainly not the fans, if you are in the market for a cheap coffin, you better get to Costco now before Kathy buys them all up. And whatever you do, stay out of that third shelf. Yeah, because- Oh, definitely do.

The glue is very unstable. And they should really move the glue away from that. And the body, yeah. Oh, no. They shouldn't be in the same aisle, right? Did you hear her say the body's still in there? This is one of those moments where we have to stop talking and saying what we're saying and go back to what she just said.

One of those. No, no, no. It's one of those. Like from earlier, like I said, you know, when you were talking, I wanted to be heard. Yes, that needs to be heard. I was, I just was making one of my new standup jokes. I've been writing some standups.

You know what? This makes a lot of sense. This makes a lot of sense. And it didn't go well. I told you, it makes a lot of sense. I've been writing some stand-ups. You know what? This is very late in the game, Kate. This didn't go well. I told you, it makes a lot of sense. I used to have a job. It was a stand-up. You used to be a stand-up comedian. Well, volunteer. Okay, well, I mean, that's pretty much it. That's all of them.

That's how it starts. That was a volunteer stand-up. I never thought of it that way. I know. Which makes it sound like you're doing a community service of some sort. Exactly. Oh, that is where I did my shows at the community service center, yes. Oh, okay. Well, that makes sense.

For the community. Okay, because you did have that sort of tight five energy, you know, that you came in with. So it makes a lot of sense that you had. I wonder, I was gonna ask you. Oh, I'm tight for more than five. See, there it is. There's that standup sensibility.

Bert has a very stone look, stone face look on his face. There's something about him. I didn't understand that. Not going for it. Oh. Not happy. Just that my body's pretty tight. She walked over to him again.

Got really close. That was, I'm blushing. That's how close she was to me. Burton, you asked for it. I did. Well, that makes a lot of sense. Cause I was going to ask you if you had a little standup in your background.

Because you had that kind of energy, you know, that confident energy. Yeah, I'm here for fun. Well, and for coffins, apparently. So some people call me the lava landing of comedy because I'm hot. Hey. But you're not doing comedy anymore.

No, because I don't need to. You're just sponsored by O'Reilly's Autobots. Yes, exactly. All right, well then, I guess what we want to say to our listeners is maybe search for coffins elsewhere, because if you're gonna buy them from Kathy, you might be overpaying.

Yeah, try Costco first. Try Costco curse and strike Costco curse. Actually, I think. Don't get one off the third shelf. That is the cursed one. Yeah. That is the cursed one. And buy parts from O'Reilly, I guess. Is that what you want us to say?

That'd be fantastic. Okay. Kathy, any last, any kind of shout outs or anything? Any plugs you want to give before we let you go? Absolutely. Please follow me on social media. My Facebook page is Kids for Kathy, and it's run by a local group of children

that are just advocating for people to be friends with me and get involved with me. It's not the bike kids, is it? It's not the bike kids. They it? It's not the bike kids. They have their own page called Bike Rights and that they have the right to bike. It's not the grocery boys. Oh, it's not the grocery boys.

It's not the grocery boys. They are knee deep in baloney. Don't know if you've been following the news. But I don't know how they're gonna get out of this one. But I'll just say Wonder Bread is not the answer. They always do though. But yeah, I just want to plug the page and thank the kids for rallying around me. I appreciate it.

And if anything goes down with them, you can fit up to 15 little guys in there. Any one of you, what were you gonna say? What is it that makes the kids rally around you, which you said? Oh yeah, I'm so glad you asked that question. The kids took quite a liking to me. I put in the front yard before I put all the coffins in there,

I left the open holes, filled it with water, called a couple of pools. The kids were going crazy. Called it a couple of pools. The kids, we called it a watering hole. It's hard to call it a pool, not even just a puddle or something more modest, but called it a couple of pools. Hey, that's six feet down.

You can get any kid in there. Six feet down. That's true. What's the difference between a pool and a hole? The hole and the griffin. Cement. Cement, right? Exactly.

It's cement. Well, guess what? You nailed it. You nailed it. You really did. That's the only way to keep them in there. Coffins. Kathy, thank you so much.

Thank you so much. Oh! Wait. We'll be back with more than ever listened to when the never listened returns. Good evening. I mean, hello. This is Ron over at Creekside. Yes, I am trying to sell the Uline medical cabinet

For 50 dollars. It is never used. Surface scratches from moving. Yes, that's what they're from from moving Cash only. I included all of the measurements Did I mention my name was Ron? Yes, normal human name Ron. Yes, we have never had the use for it. It is strange. My whole family, we don't seem to get hurt or get wounded. Never seem to bother us. So we've truly never cracked the thing open.

Haven't used it all day all night. Definitely not day. I've said too much. Just come and get it please. And if you'd like to stay for a little bit, you can. But please come and be our guest at our home. Our very normal American human home. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

And welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen Well. Kathy was. I had, just so you know, I had to go take a nap after. This is like, we're talking now an hour after that interview because I had to go down stairs and take a nap in the basement where it was just dark and quiet and I just sat here. Are you ever going to finish that basement do you think. Now I've been. Question is for you.

I've been. A question. Been listening in for the last hour and Bert you didn't even make a sound. Well I don't want to wait. You didn't even walk anywhere. Why, because I thought my footsteps- It is strange that you just sat there. I thought my footsteps would wake you up.

I didn't wanna- No. I tried to be a good- Fred, you didn't, okay. I mean, you didn't have to do that. I mean, thank you, but next time if it ever happens- I wish you told me that before. I'm sorry. Jesus. You know what, Bert?

Sorry, I'm a little cranky. Okay, maybe you need a nap. I do need a nap. You need a nap now. Okay. I was jealous. Well, we have time for a, also. What's the big, no, oh God. Are you pretending that you just- We lost another one.

Oh, geez. Another one what? He's in the surgical center, remember? No, I remember that, but when you say we lost another one. You don't, well, maybe- Another fingernail. I'm clipping my fingernails. You don't, well, maybe. Another fingernail. Another fingernail. I'm clipping my fingernails. You're clipping your fingernails and then you're attaching them to an EKG machine?

Well, yeah, I'm trying to, you know, it's surgery. It's considered surgery, minor surgery. So then what made the line go straight? What made the tone go, what? He's saying that clipping your fingernails is considered minor surgery. Do you, do you co-sign that? I absolutely don't.

That's why I was trying to further poke holes in his logic by saying, well then what- He's trying to poke holes in this. What was the flat line from? That's what I, that's what I was saying. If it was just clipping your toenails. A fingernail died. You did not have it hooked up to wires

or to any kind of- Also fingernails technically already dead. Correct. That's why they're working their way out. That's scary. It is scary to think about, isn't it? Yeah. The dead stuff on our bodies,

it's trying to grow and it's trying to get out of there. All right, babe. Well, you know what? I don't really understand what's going on in there, but as long as you're happy. Thank you. That's very, Joan, that's a. I know, I know. As long as you're happy, it's slippery. I know it is. All right. Well, we have time for one more post and this comes to us. Oh, I should say before we. What happened?

What happened? Joan, your reaction. You seem so concerned. It just caught me off guard. Okay. I just thought, oh, it's probably something important we didn't mention. It reminds me of this, you know, I have a friend who, uh, his wife is, uh, she's just on a hair trigger at all times. And so any noise, no matter how benign the noise is, I know people like that too.

It's hard. She'll respond with what? Oh, sometimes the noise something. Oh, she'll be like, what happened? Yeah. It should at least be a sound that is generally a noise. And sometimes the noise is something like, aw. She'll be like, what happened? Yeah, it should at least be a sound that is generally

alarming or associated with danger or panic. I mean, that's maybe go too far. But I tell you what, if you heard somebody go, huh, would you think that was cause for alarm or panic? Listen, you're talking to me. You know what my boys are like. And I'll tell you that any mom, if like a phone rings or someone wakes them up at the middle of the night,

you're like, what's going on? Who's bleeding? What's going on? That's right. So we are ready for crisis at any moment. Exactly. All right, go on. All right, so I just wanted to say just a little bit of housekeeping.

If you would like to write to us again, you can write to us at bernandjohn at gmail.com. And if you would like to get access to our bonus room content, these are extra episodes that we do and sometimes other people do and it gets stuck in our feed. You can go to the cbbworld.com, sign up for the Maximus tier,

and then you will get access to this special bonus content. Yes, well done. I thought it was important to do that now. No, it was very important to do it. It had to be done. It had to be done. It had to be done. And now we have to go out with this final post. This comes to us from Lynn.

Lynn. This is in the general category. I'm gonna submit it by Andrew Thompson. Thank you, Andrew Thompson. Lynn writes, anybody know you makes nutstrudel? And that's exactly how it reads? Yes. Anyone know you makes nutstrudel? And that's exactly how it reads? Anyone know you makes nutstrudel?

I just love ones like this. I mean, what does that even mean? This is like the horse will be short all over again. Correct. Because is she accusing you? Yeah. Saying, I know your secret. You make nutstrudel.

What I want to know is, how does someone type that in and look at it, you gotta look at it, right? And go send. How in the world does someone say, yep, that's exactly what I wanted to say? Sorry babe, what were you gonna say? I was just gonna ask for one more read through. Okay, yeah, let's have it.

Anyone know you makes nut strudel? Anyone know you makes nut strudel? Anyone know you makes nuts strudel? Anyone you know make nuts strudel. That's probably what she wanted to ask, right? Yes. Anyone you, does anyone, do you know anyone who makes nuts strudel? But also, why is that your question on this board, on this app? Why?

I guess she's exhausted her personal contacts. No dice. You know, we get all sorts of- Not a nut strudeler in the bunch. We get posts about missing dogs, you know, do your gunshots. There's a coyote, watch out. This woman's only thing that she came onto post

was about nut-strudel. Yeah. And by the way, what is nut-strudel? Thank you to me. I have no idea. What the hell is nut-strudel? Never heard of it. I was gonna say, I guess she doesn't want the store

but nut-strudel, but maybe since none of us have heard of it, it is something you can only get if someone makes it. That's right. I don't know much, but I know I've never heard of nut- strudel, but maybe since none of us have heard of it, it is something you can only get if someone makes it. I don't know much, but I know I've never heard of nut strudel. I've never seen it. Never, never been in that aisle of the grocery store. Nut strudel doesn't, doesn't sound good because a strudel is usually like a, like a pastry sort of like a very, like a cinnamon-y or it's a, I'm thinking frosting and I'm thinking war. I'm not thinking a bunch of nuts. Maybe sprinkle on the top. Maybe sprinkle on the top, but you would give them pride of place

and call it nuts? Yeah, name it after that. Does strudel have like a icing on it? Yeah, like usually it's... Is that the strudel or is the strudel... It's like a Danish, but along the same order of that. So is it an Entenmann's raspberry Danish law? You know I can't picture that.

I love to picture that. Oh, he can't picture anything. Oh, I forgot. His imagination is like the flat line of his thumbnail. I was hoping it was something that he'd seen already and that he could conjure it up from his memory, but apparently not. Anybody know you makes nut strudel?

Anybody know you makes nut strudel? Could there be a shop called you makes nuts strudel? Well now you know that Dignity Falls is an odd little place and I wouldn't put a pass. I wouldn't put a pass. Yes, exactly. You makes nuts strudel. And then this person is asking, Lynn is asking,

do you know this story? Ha ha! Does anyone know this story? Wait, wait. Anybody know you makes nuts strudel? Even though you've said it so many times, I still don't have it memorized. Anybody know you makes nut strudel? Even though you said it so many times, I still don't have it memorized. Anybody know you make nut strudel?

Anybody know, she got the syntax all wrong. Is, boy oh boy. Is, is, is. Is she okay? Strudel something that happens to a nut? That's what I'm thinking. Anybody know you make nut strudel? Maybe with a nut with icing on it? No, I don't think so.

I mean, I wish. What if it really is that something? Beautiful. Maybe that's all it is. Put some frosting on it. Maybe that's all it is. Nutstruddle, bam. There you go.

Nailed it. How many do you want, one or 50? Would you like a handful of nutstruddles? Oh, wow. Well, Lynn, no, not Lynn. Would you like a handful of nut strudels? Oh wow. Well, Lynn, no, not Lynn. Who was that? Lynn, yeah.

It was Lynn. Lynn, I hope you're okay and I hope you found what you were looking for. You're okay. Well, because who writes that sentence? Lynn, I hope whatever crockery fell on your head, only broken a few pieces so you can glue it back together. Anybody know you make nut strudel? Anybody, anybody? Anybody.

Anybody? Anybody knew strudel? Anybody knew strudel? I think this episode really melted my brain. Oh no, Santa. Oh no, oh he's trying to do Santa again, oh dear. The time is coming upon us, what are we gonna do? I know, Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat. Yes, yes it is coming upon us. What are we going to do? I know Christmas is coming.

The goose is getting fat. Yes, yes it is. Getting excited. That's what they say. Excited. Very excitable. The goose is getting excited. We do have a goose in Dignity Falls, a Christmas goose.

Yes. And people think it's inhumane, but the goose is not killed. No. But he is fattened up. He is, I mean, they pack him to the rafters with food and he gets so big by Christmas Eve. Then they have to put him on a diet for half of the year

so that he's not unhealthy. That's when he knows Christmas, 1201. I just think that, I think it is cruel. December 25th. I think it is cruel. Just an avalanche of pellets and stuff. It's like, you know, asking Renee to do another Bridget Jones diary, for the love of God,

she was a perfectly normal, healthy person when she was supposed to be obese. Absolutely ridiculous. I know, but that goose gets so fat. And then- Please get me in the spirit. You know, Christmas, first, first of all, our business Christmas day is, of course, they put in front of the goose a plate of cottage cheese

and melon. All right. And a grapefruit. And a grapefruit. Well, I think that's it for us. That's it for us. Thank you so much for listening. It's wonderful to be back. Looking forward to season seven. Season seven.

Steven. Steven. Even Steven, even though it's not. What do we say at the end? Anything else? It's pretty much over. Okay, all right. I didn't know if we were missing anything.

Doug, any last thoughts? Nope. Well, goodbye. Doug's got nothing. And bye. Bye. Bye. Bye missing anything. Nope. Doug, any last thoughts? Nope. Well, goodbye.

Doug's got nothing. And bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. And me, Brett Morris. Kathy was played by Alana Johnston.

The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World. Go to CBBWorld.com to unlock the entire history of the show, ad-free, as well as brand new full-length bonus room episodes, exclusive to Maximus subscribers. Your support keeps the show going.