The Neighborhood Listen - Ding Dong Ditcher with Jessica Jean Jardine

Episode Date: June 4, 2024

On today's episode, we learn Joan's favorite tongue-twister, Burnt describes a new addition to the centerpiece of The Dignity Phallsmacy, and Doug brings the receipts. Later, Wendy (Jessica Jean Jardine) joins the show to explain her side as the subject of a recent NeighborhApp post.Want more TNL? Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus plan to unlock access to the entire ad-free archive as well as brand new exclusive BONUS ROOM episodes adventuring deeper into Dignity Falls!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of The Bonus Room, go to CBBWorld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

And now, please enjoy this episode of... The Neighborhood Listen! Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good! And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen! Knock knock! Who's there? Your neighbor! Good! In Dignity Falls, you're never alone You've got the Neighbor Half App and us!

Bert! And Joan! From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell We'll cover it all And meet new neighbors as well We'll chat about any posts you're missing So just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen. Welcome once again to The Neighborhood Listen.

This is the podcast that explores the neighborhood of Dignity Falls. I am one of your hosts. My name is Bert Miappede. I'm a pharmacist here in Dignity Falls and with me as always is. Joan Pedestrian. I am the top realtor here. Oh, already I'm the top realtor here in Dignity Falls. Again, whenever I don't warm up, you know, do my tongue twisters, I always run into trouble.

What's your favorite tongue twister? My favorite tongue twister is Mitch McConnell's milkshake madness. is Mitch McConnell's milkshake madness. Don't. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Try it. Ha ha ha. It's not easy. You're laughing, but it's not easy. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Oh dear. Oh babe. What is the, what is the, what is the origin of that one? Ha ha ha. Mitch McConnell's milkshake madness. He tried to start the conversation. Oh, babe. What is the origin of that one? Mitch McConnell's milkshake madness. He tried to start that whole campaign, didn't he? Yeah, well, by the way, that's my husband Doug.

For his reelection, yes. That's my husband Doug. Milk, McConnell, milkshake madness. He couldn't, he definitely couldn't say it. And then it kind of became a meme. Miss Marks, enjoy. Milk shake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake,

milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake,

milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, milkshake, just jumped right in with a fun fact. And I just was wondering where you were. He records in a different room every episode, of course. We remain in the same room.

Doug records our podcast from a different room because it's better. For reasons that are still really unclear to us. It's better for sound. I don't. But then there's never any more follow-up on that. But you know what? I can't engineer the podcast.

Neither can I. So few skills. That's not true. Well, sometimes I feel like it. You're a bit of a renaissance figure. Everyone's such a multi hyphenate now. Do you know what I mean? You gotta be able to do everything.

You don't think you are? You gotta be able to cut hair and drive a truck and. That's very specific. I wouldn't call that a multi hyphenate. Who are these? You wouldn't call that hyphenate? That's just commuting to work as a barber. But you're not doing both at the same time.

I should hope. Although that would be a bad, that would be bad Mrs. Mobile barber? I'm computing to work as a barber. But you're not doing both at the same time. I should hope. Although that would be a bad, that would be bad Mrs. Mobile, mobile, mobile barber. Mobile barber. Mobile barber. Mobile barber, mobile barber, mobile barber. Ooh, that's a good one.

Mobile barber, mobile barber. I got a bad bob from the mobile barber. A bad bob. Oh boy. Why is the barber driving a truck? I got a bad Bob once. Oh, you know, he did. Oh my gosh. How did you get a Bob? Oh, for the Ren fair. That's right. Doug loves the Ren fair.

We, you know, they stopped doing it. Yes, they did. They did. We had to go to one in a different County because people took Ren fair here way too seriously. Yes. Way too seriously. I can't believe we even had Renfair during the incident. I know.

Like while it was happening. I know. And there were actual duels and there were actual like deaths. There were actual deaths. And it was a real mess. Somebody tried to introduce the plague to the Renfair. I remember that. And who did that guy think? That's rude. That's also just bioterrorism really. Well, yeah, which is rude.

Of an old fashioned kind, which is rude. And so, well now I don't even know what we're talking about. The bad Bob, that's right. Doug's bad Bob. Doug's bad Bob. And basically he wanted to, because we would always dress up, you know, and he loved going getting the turkey leg.

That was really kind of like, honestly, 75% of it. The rent fair, let's be honest. It's a turkey leg delivery system. And he starts talking in an old time. He starts hazzahing like a week in advance to get in character. Huzzah, excellent. It's a zai. So when you would order the turkey leg, you purchase the turkey leg,

you walk up to the vendor, what do you say? Huzzah. Of course, start with a zai. It is. Do you want to do a warmup first? Yeah. Mitch McConnell's milkshake madness. One toky leg.

One toky leg? Did it get a little creel? Dr. John ordering a turkey leg. One toky leg. Oh, we don't mean to put you on the spot, three. Oh, we don't mean to put you on the spot, babe. It's okay. It just makes me emotional thinking about that. He's just sad it's not around anymore.

Yeah, I miss those circulation. Usually we put on really fancy costumes, really like rent some stuff and get wigs and whatnot. He didn't want to do that this time. He wanted to really go au naturel as he said. Nude. Just natural hair, not nude. But you know, just use his real hair. Or not a wig or one of those puppy hats.

So he grew his hair out really long so that he could get sort of this medieval, sort of like, you know, that sort of cut. I don't know how else to describe it. I don't know what the word for a sort of, yes. But they ended up just, what they did is they cut, but they, you know, they cut just above the nose and he literally just had bangs that covered his eyes.

He looked like a sheep dog. And I was going around everywhere like, does this look good? Does it look right? Cause I can't see. Yeah. And we hung some toilet paper on him and it was fine. Hung some toilet paper on it. Have you ever seen the cartoons?

They're these dogs, these like dogs in like, I don't know, Switzerland or mountainous places. They're sheep dogs. And it was like, you could call them, like you were being out an outhouse and they would bring, this is a thing. I'm telling you, there are so many cartoons. More than once this happened in a cartoon?

Where the dog fetches toilet paper. Instead of the whiskey. Yes, he's got toilet paper hanging around his neck. I swear there's even a far side one of that. I'll find it for you, Bern. I'll find it at the branch. I don't know if far side ever got that scatological. Not my far side.

But I mean, sheep dogs didn't carry it. They didn't carry the thing. It was St. Bernard's that had the cask of Brandy. Well, then maybe, oh, not the cask of Brandy. I'm talking about toilet paper. Maybe the joke was that this would never happen, but what if instead of Brandy. A St. Bernard wouldn't do this,

but you know who would? A sheepdog. Right, and instead of Brandy, it's toilet paper, because that's funny. Is it? Well, I didn't make it up. Okay. Certainly I'm not on trial, that's for sure.

No, you are not on trial. Not for this bit. But we haven't even asked, I almost called him Bob. That's funny. The boys called him Bob the whole time. They thought it was hilarious. My twins, my twins Matt and. Chunch.

Chunch. Matt and Chunch gave him the worst time. Ugh, there we go. Baby, it's a bad, bad Bob. Pfft. He sounded rough. That's a song you can sing, Bert. What? Exactly. Same note.

We've got a little repertoire growing. Oh, I can sing the beginning of that kid rock song. Oh, which one? Ba- can sing for your auditions? Just a bunch of little types of music, different genres. What are your go-tos? Because if you're not listening for the first time, Joan, of course, is very talented, community thespian here in Dignity Falls,

and puts on the most incredible one-person shows, very ambitious. That's what I admire about it, is they're always very ambitious. I mean, almost, I could take that maybe sounding not as a compliment, but sort of like a like maybe I don't really pull it off, you know, and here's the thing. Sometimes I don't. If a person's grasp does not exceed their reach, then how are we better than the common

ape? Oh, wow. That was so impassioned. Thank you for that, burnt. So yes, I'm not gonna look as. Thank you for that, Bernd. So yes, I'm not gonna look, it's been a really long time. I'm trying to write my own thing so that I don't have to audition and go in a room. Cause who, P.U., who likes that?

P.U. P.U. to auditions. But yes, well, my standards, my go-tos used to be, I would do, I'm in love with the Wonderful Guy from South Pacific. You know, just a classic Nellie Forbush. And then I would do, I had sort of a, a pattern song. Oh sure.

It was a pajama game song that goes really fast. Pajama, pajama, pajama. And then Master Puppets. Yeah. Is that the, the, Yeah, but I have a really cool, like I turn it into a ballad, it's Metallica. It's Metallica, yeah.

But I turn it into like a real, you have to hear it to understand it. Let's hear it right now. No, but I turn it into a ballad, it's Metallica. But I turn it into like a real, you have to hear it to understand it. But I don't, I... I... Hey Joan, you made the rules. You said I had to hear this. I would love to hear that again. You know, I need to familiarize myself with the lyrics.

So I'm going to do it at the, I'll do that at the break. I will have it for you when we come back, I promise. Beautiful. But speaking of the shows, yes, I realize that I haven't spoken, because I've been talking about my one woman Hamlet called Hurlett and I'm trying to get another tour going on. But the other thing we discussed at the top of the season

is my musical, my realty based musical, realtor based musical. And I think I've landed on a title because I think it's so perfect. Oh, this is exciting. But I'm nervous to say it. Why? Because you think it jinxes it somehow? It's very hard to be vulnerable.

No, I'm just afraid you won't like it. It is hard to be vulnerable. That's true. I don't like it. Location, location, location. Oh Joan, that's perfect. Of course. Oh good.

Three exclamation points. That's right. Absolutely. I just thought that's, you know, it already says musical that has an exclamation point. Exactly. It has three exclamation marks. Oh, Mitch McConnell's milkshake madness. It's not taking yet.

It's not taking yet. The beleaguered barber. On a truck. No. Baby, you didn't say what room you're in yet. Do you know? Are you scared? Are you in one? No, I know. Okay. Where are you? Oh, are you in an oven? Wait, no. Little tinkles. Does he want us to go? Are you in a dungeon? I'm in the vault. The vault. Oh, that was the turning of the combination lock.

This is such a classic one that he liked. Oh wait, did you lock yourself into the vault? Cause we heard the door open first, then we heard the combination turn. Why did you seal yourself in the vault? Is this a David Blaine thing you're doing? Doubles as a bunker. Okay, what do you know that we don't?

Should we be in there with you? I think the sound is actually fantastic in there. My God. It does sound crystal clear. It's really clear. He loves Ocean's Eleven. He loves Bank Heist movies and thought he could sort of live out those fantasies, but also that's where he keeps his most precious valuables. Sensitive documents? Yes, sensitive documents.

He's got, he's got- What are some of the sensitive documents you have? Well, he beat me at mini golf one time, and so he's got that scorecard. That's not in the sports room? Up in the rafters with the jerseys? Well, that's such a debate I had in my head. It was a debate.

He really went back and forth. Because it is a sensitive document, but it's also a sports memorabilia. Now, what makes it a sensitive document as opposed to just a memento? I just want to say I put the little pencil into the sports room. Oh good. No, it's C. I'm glad you had a chance to say that. Let me finish. Let me finish. Let me finish.

Little Ross Perot. Yeah, you're doing a little Ross Perot. Little Ross Perot. Little Ross Perot. Hey, that was a different note. That was good. Did I hit a different note? Yes, you did. Da da da da da. You did three notes.

Wow. Oh my goodness. Do you think I'm almost cured? Maybe. Well, I mean, I wouldn't say almost, but you're on your way. You're on your way. I feel like I'm on my way.

Oh yeah. So you wanted to know what he considers. Yeah. I mean, I think he liked, first of all, I think he just liked saying sensitive documents, right? You know, it sort of makes them sound more important. Sure, it's fun. Yeah, absolutely. So go on with what another one is that you have in there.

Go on with your best self. Anything that... I have, you know, receipts. I have some false... We're going to call us such as, obviously. Yeah, I need a such as here. I have some false messyipts. I have some false receipts. It has the receipts. We're gonna call us such as, obviously. Yeah, I need a such as here. I have some false messy receipts in there. Oh, well that's flattering.

Of course I work with the Dignity False Messy. Yes. Well, that you care enough to hold on to those receipts. Send them very much. Yeah, because we offer the shortest receipts in town. That is true. The shortest receipts, the most often stocked, the most well-stocked shelves.

And what, is there another feature that we haven't talked about that you have at the falls, Missy? They're adding something to the water feature. Oh, there is it again. There's this huge waterfall out front where they've got cliff divers. And inside.

Oh, and inside. Yes, yes, yes. I pictured it as like the lobby, just so you know. Even that's weird because what I mean is when we were first talking about it before I'd been there. Yes, of course. And now since I've been there. Now you know.

Now I know. It's the centerpiece of the fall specie, which of course is many stories tall. And we've added a little figure in a barrel going down the falls. Oh, that's fun. Yes, it's like a little cartoony guy, you know, in a barrel. And he goes down like every quarter hour. And the only complaint I have is they have

programmed in a blood curdling scream, which lasts the length of the fall. Oh, that's just so disruptive. Sorry. How often is it? Every 15 minutes. Good Lord. It is. It's loud. It chilling, and it gets you every time. Just a person shrieking, they know they're, it's like if you know you're going, you're meaning your death, and you have a long time to see it coming,

you know, you're falling from a very great height, and just a scream of just absolute despair and terror. That's awful, I just must have never been, oh, you're saying they just added that. They just added that. Okay, because I haven't heard that before, great height and just a scream of just absolute despair and terror. That's awful. I just must have never been, oh, you're saying they just added that. They just added that. Okay, cause I haven't heard that before.

I don't think it's gonna stick. I don't think so. I mean, you're gonna get some, have you had complaints? Oh yeah, nothing but. Oh, okay. We've complained. Does he say anything when he finally lands? And is like relieved?

I think he's dead, babe, when he lands. No, he's dead, he's dead. Oh, that's the idea, yeah. Oh. It's too great a height to survive. Even jumping in the water. Do you remember when you were a kid and you thought if you jumped into water, you would be fine?

You could fall from any height. Yes, I do remember having that thought. And then someone explained to me that, you know, no, it's like hitting the concrete at a certain point. It doesn't even matter. Every bone in your body would be pulverized. Every bone in your body would be pulverized. Every bone in your body would be pulverized. Every bone in your body would be pulverized. Every bone in your body would be pulverized.

Who knew we'd have so many tongue twisters today that just come up? Do you remember my pelvis? My pelvis has been pulverized. I know that he has, baby, you have one. He does have something up there in the safe that I know he is convinced is a dinosaur fossil. Really?

Doug, where did you find this item? I found it out in the park. Just in the park? Yeah. Just on top of the earth? Yeah, it was sticking out of the mud. Well, here's the thing. Sticking out of the mud.

Here's the thing, Doug. Well, there is a tar pit in the park. There is a little tar pit. That's true. And when it rains, then the, the some of, there are things that are peeking out. Yeah. It gets bubbly. They did find a body one time.

Yes. They're pretty sure it's human. Yes. Yes. The main reason for this is that Doug buried a little time capsule over in the park about like 20 years ago. And he's, you know, just,

and then a couple of years ago went to go look for it. Sure. It was just every, well, no, no, no, it was 20 years ago and he's, you know, just, uh, and then a couple of years ago, went to go look for it. Sure. It was just every 20 years ago and now just, oh, I see. Oh, I'm so sorry. No, I think it had been about 25 or about 15 years. I thought it was one of those things where like you start a journal and then you read it back too soon. And you're like, I hate this. I was never good at journaling because I just was too impatient

with the writing and that also, I couldn't even read my writing. I have very bad handwriting journaling because I just was too impatient with the writing and that also I couldn't even read my writing. I have very bad handwriting. As do I. Oh, that's one of the things that we bond about a lot. Bond over, bond about. Talk about bond over. Talk about bond over.

I can't do it. Mitch McConnell's milkshake. Bondo, bondo. Bindo. Oh, wow. I think we've really lost the plot. Bindo, Bondo, Bondo. Now we're all just saying gibberish. milk shake passes. Bondo Bondo. Beando. Oh wow, I think we've really lost the plot.

Beando Bondo Bondo. Now we're all just saying gibberish. Anyways, when he went to go look for it, he was digging up holes all over the place. And he really made a mess of the park. I remember somebody calling an exterminator. Yes. I was so far in the hole.

I was poking my head out. Yeah. And then when the exterminator came, dogs were going crazy. So many people sprained, so many joggers sprained their ankles, it was really bad. It was really bad. And then what he found was this, well,

what he claims is a dinosaur fossil. Right. And what does it look like? It's just a tiny bone. How tiny? About like a pinky finger. See, I think it's like, yeah, it is. But I mean, I'm like, that tiny could be like a tiny bone. How tiny? About like a pinky finger? That's small. Yeah, it is. But I mean, I'm like, that tiny could be like a mouse bone.

Some dinosaurs were small dinosaurs. Were they really? I mean, I don't know if that's a dinosaur bone. They were mostly huge, right? I mean, unless you found like a dinosaur's ear bone. Hmm. Do you think you did? What's an ear bone?

Well, there's three. They're the three of the tiniest bones in the body. What are the cochlea? The ulna, that's one of them. Is that in the ear? Yes, I'm pretty sure it is. I thought that was like the funny bone. Maybe it is, darn it.

I think it is. I thought I had it. I know there's cochlea. No, that's the actual- I think that's birds. No, I think that's, well, the cochlear part of your- Oh, that's coaca.

Of your, of your, of your, of your, of your, we're all just saying words now. I know. Okay. So there's parts of the year, there's the drum, there's the- Stapies, that's one of them. Stapies? Stapies is one of them. Yes, it is. Are you sure it's stapies?

100%. S-T-A-P-E-S, we're going to look it up and when we take a break. Okay. And I can't remember the other two. I used to know them by heart. I feel like I used to know them too. It had an S like engraved in it, in the bone. Oh, well then.

So it could be a stapes. I don't think that's actually. Well then that would mean it's just not a dinosaur. Yeah, the bones are not. I mean, I'm not a doctor. Unless somebody, an archaeologist dug it up previously, labeled it and then lost it. Put it back. Right. So I'll just leave this here.

I've never heard of, Burn, have you ever heard of an archeologist making a find of a dinosaur bone and then saying, I'll just put it back, like a fish? Not personally. Okay. Like a fish, catch and release. Or even anecdotally.

Well, you had a good life. Look at this, T-Rex, back you go to the earth. We don't need you. The archeologist with the conscience. Well, this isn't mine. I just wanted to see it. Also the catch and release of fishermen. It's like, you're still hooking them with a hook.

I know. You're not so noble. Unless you're a And then you're holding it for a minute out of the Oh, noodling. Yeah. Do you know what noodling is? No.

Noodling is, this is how you catch a catfish with no pole. Oh. You essentially, you stick your arm in the water. You just go into just like a mucky pond. No thank you. And you just wrestle a catfish. Sometimes they are human sized and they eat you. What, they don't eat you.

I don't think a catfish is eating a human. Let's not. I don't think so. Let's not get too crazy on this show. Do you like thinking the Bible when they're referring to the beast that swallowed Jonah was a catfish? It could be. The only fish I know of that could eat a human. Is it catfish?

What are you talking about? What about a shark? Not a fish. Yes it is. A shark doesn't qualify as a fish. I know whales and mammals. I think a shark is not technically a fish. Okay, what is a shark?

I don't recall. I don't recall. Well, between the lyrics to Master of Puppets and whether or not a whale is a fish, we've got a lot to research. A lot of research we have to do before the... We still have all those cliffhangers too. We do, we still don't know what that movie was

from two, three episodes ago. We refuse to look it up. We're just going to wait for it to come to us. It's got to eventually, right? It's going to. Of course it's going to. The movie escapes me. The motion picture has escaped my memory. No, it's not. It's not really a good one.

No. What do you want? Makes a good warm up. Well, again, like you have to it has to make your mouth tired. That's what it really has to do. Or it has to just be so difficult to say that you really have to use every muscle in your mouth to get it right. You know, I, that's why I think rubber baby buggy bumpers is honestly one of the hardest ones.

It's so hard, but if you speed it up at all, you're lost. It's very hard. It's very difficult. You know what else, else is a good one. Oingo boingo. Oingo boingo, oingo boingo. See, but like three times fast, really hard. Oingo boingo. Oingo Boingo. Oingo Boingo. See, but like three times fast, really hard. Oingo Boingo.

But that was slow. Oingo Boingo, Oingo Boingo. See? I couldn't even get through one. I know, it's very hard. It's very hard. Boingo Oingo. Do you think that's easier?

Boingo Oingo. Of course it is. Makes all the difference in the world. What if they made themselves that? They would have never made it. Burton's Batman by Oingo Boingo. Danny Elfman, of course. Yes.

Danny Elfman, not a tongue twister. When I was a child, there was a company, a toy company that made those slot cars, you know, that you would, there were remote controlled cars. You'd set up a track. Oh, okay. And then these cars were out. Oh, sure. Oh yes, now I know. It was exciting for the half hour that it worked. I just called them Hot Wheels, you'd set up a track, and then these cars were out. Yes.

It was exciting for the half hour that it worked. Hot wheels, you know, from my... Hot wheels, but hot wheels you had to do yourself. Well, no, not in the late 90s when they started coming out with ones where you don't really have to do any work at all. That's what the boys had, I know. But the company was called Tyco,

that was the name of the company. I remember. And then the commercials at the end, like That was the name of the company. Oh, sure. I remember. And then the commercials at the end, like they would show you these slot cars. You wanted this very badly. I'm so excited. And then at the end they would say, by Tyco, of course.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Which I- What's the matter Tyco? Why the chip on your shoulder? When I was a kid I thought that was cool somehow. That they were saying, yeah, you know us, we're Tycho, we make these things. Oh, I thought it sounded more defensive,

like, of course, no one else, who else would it be? It's us, god damn it, that's what I thought. I think both are true. Okay, I think both can be true. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're rubbing your face in it. Should we take a break? How long we've been going? I think we've been going on long enough, babe.

Do you have all your equipment in there? It sounds like it's taking him a minute. I'm trying. Ooh. He'll never understand this. Whenever we ask for how long it's been, there's several steps he has to go through to look at the time, but we've never found out why.

22. Oh, that's perfect. 22, that's perfect. That's really good. It really couldn't be more perfect. Oh! Oh, Huzzah, he gave us a Huzzah. That's really good. It really couldn't be more perfect. Oh! Oh, huzzah, he gave us a huzzah.

Bob is back. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Bob has boils. Ha ha ha ha. Bob has bubonic boils. Ha ha ha ha.

Bob's boils have become bubonic. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. We'll be right back with more of The Neighbored Listen, when The Neighbored Listen returns. Ha ha ha ha. more than ever listen when the neighbor listen returns. Hi everybody. It's Nicole. Uh, you know what? I love shopping with quince a summer is here and it's time for your wardrobe to get an upgrade. Okay. Instead of a flimsy fast fashion hall,

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Please do. And I appreciate you letting me know. You know, I've bought clothes from Quince and I enjoy them. I got a pair of chinos. Oh, is that how you say it? Sometimes. Where I'm pair of chinos. Oh, is that how you say it? Sometimes, where I'm from. Chinos. You don't know where someone's from until you've heard them say chinos.

That are a little stretchy, so comfortable. And I also got a pair of these very nice looking lounge pants. Ooh, lounge pants. That you could absolutely wear out in the world and nobody would be like, who are you, Nick Nolte walking around in pajamas? This isn't a lounge.

Hi Brett, hi. Hi. How long have you been there? How are you Brett? I'm here. Hiding in the shadows. Now look, I know you're wondering how they do it. Quince that is, not Brett.

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Now you might say, why am I getting rid of this mirror? I mean, look at it, it's gorgeous. And this is a very good price. I have marked it down. The reason I took a picture without my reflection in it is because, yes, does, does, when you stand in front of it, is there a reflection of an old lady clown bleeding at the neck?

Yes, yes, that happens, you know, but that's not why I'm getting rid of it. Honestly, I want something with more length. I want something that's longer so that I can stand and see an entire outfit. You know, is it annoying? Is it annoying when she reaches for me and seems to be mouthing the word help,

which makes even more blood spurt out of her neck. Yes, it's an inconvenience at most but what I really want is more length so I know that it's beautiful I know that this will not bother a lot of people the um the the length I mean not the not the ghost in the background but just do know that that will happen mean. Not the ghost in the background. But just do know that that will happen. And I just I couldn't I didn't want to put her in the photograph. And welcome back to the neighborhood listen. Well sometimes you really get me with that burnt. That time I was actively trying to get you.

Also he looks right at me when he does it and then just goes ahh and it's very it's well it wakes you up is what it does. Is it scary? Because I don't want it to be scary. Oh, it's not scary. You can never be scary, Burns. You don't think so? This is not a challenge.

I didn't want to insult you. If you'd like to be scary, I bet you could do it. I bet you've never scared me. No, I don't, good, I'm glad. Because I don't want to be scary. I want to be- A very calming presence. I hope so.

Yeah, absolutely. And that's why I love playing Santa Claus. Yes, but- At Christmas time. Right. The only thing is, it's just, okay, see the trick... Yeah, Bert struggles with the voice a little bit. It just never quite gets there. That's definitely not... I mean, it's a little closer. It's a little closer. Colder, colder. It all sounds the same to me. No kidding. I'm just doing different.

Are you serious? Yes. It all sounds the same. I'm just, to me, I'm just doing different pitches. Okay. No, there's also different accents happening. That sounds like a bird of prey. Which used to be dinosaurs.

That's right, yes, that's right. Well anyways, we have a guest here. Remember, I'm not good at segues. I'm just not good at them. No, that was perfect. There's no better segue than anyways. It's the perfect segue. Everyone knows we are moving on. I know, but it usually means an admission of like,

oh, well that part's over and now we weren't successful, now we have to move on to something else. I don't think it usually means an admission of like, oh, well that, that part's over. And now we weren't successful. Now we have to move on to something else. If I was to stand up and just finish something and just went anyways, that would be an admission of I'm not doing well. I think. I don't think it should be seen that way. I think it should be, um, um, uh, anyways should always be seen as end of old

business onto new business. Okay. Well, that's an optimistic take on it. I like when someone admits that it's over. Yes, when they admit it. Yeah, just admit it. The end. That last thing you were saying is over.

Yeah. But we do have a guest here. We do have a guest here. As we do every week, we scour the NeighborHap, the social networking application for neighborhoods to find interesting people from our neighborhood to talk to and share with you, the listener.

And this week is no different. If you see a post on the neighbor app that we may have missed and you think it's interesting, screenshot it, send it to us at burntandjohnatgmail.com. And maybe we'll read it. Which this post was sent to us by a listener. Oh, great. Do you know who?

I think the name, if you have it in front of you, I think the name is a tribute to the- Oh, right. Oh yes, okay, submitted. So this one is submitted by Wild Jody, J-O-D-E-E. Okay, Jody, get it up. Wild Jody. Wild Jody. Thank you for taking time out of drinking whiskey

at Deadwood to send us this. And so this is from, this was from someone named Hannah. And it says, it says ding dong ditcher on horse. Had a ding dong ditcher that ran away on a horse. Sounded like multiple people. Happened tonight at 11 p.m. Did this happen to anyone else? And there's actually a video.

Byrne's gonna play it and describe it to you. There is. Now the sound at first is not that interesting. We see the ditcher walking away from the door. Yes, you can see the horse in the background with eyes. Sounds like a big party happening. It does. And those are unmistakably the sound

of the clops of horse whips. The clip, clop, clip, clop. The clippity clop. Of horse hooves. You don't stop. Okay. So we have, we have, we have the ding dong ditcher here. Yes.

But we don't know her name yet. So I guess I'll let her introduce herself. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. How are you? I'm Wendy Waffles.

Wendy Waffles. Wendy Waffles. It's so nice to meet you. It's a big honor to be here. Oh really? This is really exciting. Oh my goodness. Are you familiar with our podcast?

Of course. Oh, well that's nice to hear. Yes. Oh my gosh. Of course. Yes. I have so many questions. Yes. Oh my gosh. Of course. Yes. I have so many questions for you. Oh my goodness. Go ahead.

First is Waffles your real last name or is that a sort of nom to ding dong ditch? No, it's my real name. Yeah. Really? Yeah, I know. It's an interesting name. I know. Yes.

It is on my dad's side. Okay. And it is Argentinian. Really? I would not have thought that. Nobody does. That's fun news for our one Argentinian listener. It sure is. We have one Argentinian listener.

Shout out. Whose name we have forgotten. I'll find him. Okay, great. And I'll ditch his doorbell. And now Wendy, you were riding a horse. I was. We could not see in the video how many people were with you.

It seemed that there was someone else with you. How many people were with you and what's the whole story behind this? Yeah. You can only see you in the video. Yes. Oh, I'm happy to clear it up. Absolutely. Oh, good. Thank you. Yeah. It's, it's confusing. Um, uh, so that is me and my husband. Oh, uh, James. Uh, he's in the background and that is me and my husband, James. He's in the background and that is our horse, Dimples. Dimples.

Dimples Waffles. Dimples Waffles. Now wait a second, just really quickly, Waffles is your maiden name? So unless you're married to James Waffles. No, it came from my dad's side, so he took my name. That's right, that's what you said. He took your name.

Oh, he took your name. Yeah, well that's the same thing with me and my husband, Doug, you can't see him, but he's in another room. He took your name. Yeah. The same thing with my husband, Doug. You can't see him, but he's in another room. Hi there, wherever. Hello. Yes. My last name is Podest. There's more.

Sorry, say again. There's more. There's more. About. No, it's not just Podest. Oh, I know. I just started laughing. Joan, Podestrian is my name and his last name is Korn, but he took my last name. So he's Doug Korn Joan Pedestrian is my name and his last name is Corn,

but he took my last name so he's Doug Corn Pedestrian. Oh, that rolls right off the tongue. It really does. That is beautiful. Never occurred to me to figure out what a maiden name would be for a man. Oh yeah. Oh well then, I mean I guess that's what it is. I guess Doug's maiden name is Corn.

Corn is maiden, yeah. Well no, I don't mean the name itself, I mean the term. What would you call it? Oh, I see. Yeah. Because if a young woman is a maiden before she gets married, would it just be virgin?

Is virgin name? No. I can't see any. Young sir. Anyone agreeing to that? I don't know. What is the equivalent of a maiden? Well, I feel like whatever we come up with

would be upsetting and misogynistic. Fair. Fair. Fair. Very fair. Very fair. So now. So let's just move on. I'm the one who threw a wrench into that.

No. So you, you, it was you and your husband and go on. And Dimples. Oh and Dimples, yes. And. Wait, what was James's last name? Oh, we didn't get that. James's Waffles.

Oh, he took your name. But he took mine. I'm so, that's how we got here. Oh, it is. I'm so sorry. It's totally fine. And what was his virgin name? So his virgin name was a Smithsonian.

Oh, wow. Yes. It's a grand name. Any connection to... I know. I was shocked too because I was like, you really want to swap Smithsonian for waffles. Right. Wow.

But that's my man. Okay. It was his choice. That's my man. Okay. It was his choice. That's my man. What can I say? And who introduced the idea of getting a horse? Was it you or James? Oh, it's my horse.

It's your horse. Oh yeah, Stimples is my horse. Okay, great. My horse is my best friend. Okay. Sure. Absolutely. And was this a one time occurrence or has this happened before?

God no. Oh, so this is a thing that you do. Really? This is a thing I do. This is a thing I do. This is a thing I do. I'm actually surprised there weren't more posts. I was sort of hoping for more posts, if I'm being totally honest.

I was sort of like, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, waiting. The other people might not have had a camera doorbell. Oh, that's true. That's true. Yeah. OK, so then are you a little tipsy when you do these? Or it sounded like you were, but. OK, wow.

All right, yeah. Is it part of the whole deal or? Yeah, it's sort of a Friday Tridish. Oh, every Friday you do this? I am surprised there aren't more posts because it's one thing to ding dong dish, but you've got a horse involved? You know, look, sometimes the clops are loud,

sometimes they're not. So it doesn't always get the attention. It depends on the shoe that I have put on dimples. Sometimes. Oh, okay. So are there softer horseshoes you sometimes get? Yeah, there's kind of nice slippery ones. Oh, I didn't even know that.

Like Slipper E, like a Slipper S. But they're still nailed directly into the hoof. Like an isotoner for a horse. Exactly. Okay, I didn't even know. You would think there would be a better way by now than just nailing it. Maybe there is and I don't know.

You sure would. No, no, that's how we do it. That's how we do it. It's a true hammer, hammer, hammer, hammer. I mean, I feel like glue has come such a long way. I do, I agree. I agree, but it's complicated with horses, you know. Yeah, it sure is.

Oh, I didn't even think about that. You don't want it, you can't bring glue around. What a terrible. That's the first thing I thought of. It's emotional for them, you can't. Yes. Well, of course not, good for them. You can't. Yes. Well, of course not. Good Lord.

No. I apologize. No. Apologize to the horses burnt. That's what you mean. Tell it to the horse. Tell it to the horse. Oh, of course he's referencing what happens

in Dignity Falls sometimes when we have therapy where a therapist will get so fed up with the client that they bring in a horse and say, tell it to the horse. Oh, I love that. And then it became an expression around it. I love that. It became an expression. I love that I can't believe I haven't heard it. That fool is mine for me. Well, wait a minute.

Were you born and raised here? Yes, I was. Oh, you were, okay. And when did you first fall in love with horses, horseback riding? When did that happen? Because I know for a lot of ladies, it starts very young. Well, actually for everyone.

There's the concept of the horse girl. Yes, there actually is. Absolutely. I am sort of the inverse. I got into horses last year. Oh, late bloomer. Just last year. Last year and honestly hated them.

Hated them, hated them. Really? They're so big, they're long. I can't argue with hair. They have such like, kind of too beautiful of hair oftentimes. An animal that has hair you can braid or style. That feels weird.

Was it turn off? It's just too much. I don't want to be in competition, hair wise, with an animal. So then how in the world did you get turned around? I'll tell you what, I was out walking. Okay. And I saw a horse farm in town.

We all know the one. Oh yes, that's right. And, Devonshire. Devonshire, exactly. And I was a horse farm in town. We all know the one. Oh yes. And Deventure, exactly. And I was strolling right by minding my own business and I locked eyes with dimples. Oh wow. Like you imprinted on each other. It was incredible.

Wow. It was incredible. And I found myself sort of just moving towards the fence. Cause dimples was sort of just had had his little head hanging over. And I went up and I said, uh, hi. Oh my goodness. You talked to him.

I felt compelled. It was like a meet cue. It was like a rom-com. It really was. And we're kind of locking gazes and I'm feeling a feeling I've never felt, which is true, utter complete love. Oh my. And can I ask, which is true, utter, complete love. Oh my. And-

Can I ask, I don't want to derail this, but when you're locking eyes with dimples, is dimples like her head facing you or sideways just one eye? I can never tell with horses. So dimples- They do have the eyes on the opposite side. You can't look them head on sort of.

If you're sort of face to face with a horse, let's say. What do they see of you? So this is a- Which eye do you look at? Yeah, are they trying to see around their own heads to see you? So Dimples has a kind of a little fucked up face. Oh no.

No, no, you're allowed to swear. I just can't do it in my own home. Doug, it's very unhappy. Oh, okay, well I won't make you then. And I do make some people. It's perfectly fine. But I won't make you. You do make some people swear. You make some people swear.

Sometimes you can just feel when somebody needs to swear. You need to swear. Oh, you know what? Oh, wow! How did that happen? Look at it here! How did that happen? And how do you feel now compared to a moment ago?

You know what, I honestly feel great. See? It's a gift. I do feel like a tiny weight has been lifted. There you go. It's a gift. I can feel it. I can feel it. Oh my. A beautiful gift. It's a gift. I do feel like a tiny weight has been lifted. There you go. It's a gift. I can feel it. I can feel it.

Oh my. A beautiful gift. It's a beautiful gift. And I'm grateful for it. As are you now. I can't see. I can't see to know if you need to. Wait, do me, do me.

Well, you don't need to swear. Motherfucker. Oh, that was fun. Reverse psychiatry. It worked. That's another tactic of my gifts. Yes. So. Suck it, B-Doug.

Suck it, B-Doug. What? That, and how do you feel now? Well, I feel bad I messed up his name when I said it. Why'd you say it to me? I wasn't to you. You're not even here. I feel like you said B-Doug.

If Doug's name was Doug B- Badug, like Amelia Bedelia, it would sort of make sense to me. Doug Badug Badug Badug. Also that could work as a good little- It's kind of adorable. Doug Badug Badug Badug. Oh, are you talking about tongue twisters? Yes, I was really enjoying tongue twisters.

Oh my goodness, we love a good tongue twister. Have you ever heard Mitch McConnell's milkshake madness? It's a great warmup. No, and I will never not think of it every morning. Well it's a gift to everyone. You just, everyone just take it and go with it. A gift to everyone. Take it and run with it.

milkshake madness. See, really it works all of the muscles. It does. So now let's get back to this moment of clarity, profound, the day or life change. So yes, so to answer, and you can see it in the video, his eyes look forward. They're too close together. Yes, you can see those sort of raccoon,

they look like glowy eyes. They're very close, they're unsettlingly close together. So, but it worked for me in this moment because he could make eye contact. So it was profound, like I said, and I'm just sort of in awe. And then he starts nuzzling me, kind of nuzzling in to my chest.

And I was like, I'd never felt, I'd never felt this feeling. Just so that everyone knows, we talk about Devonshire, but our listeners might not know. Devonshire, you know, people have like petting zoos, whatever, this is a nuzzle farm. So what you are supposed to do

is be nuzzled by the animals, by the pigs, by the chickens. They're all in some sort of enclosure where just their heads are sticking out. Exactly. By the pigs, by the chickens. They're all in some sort of enclosure where just their heads are sticking out. Yes. I didn't pay though, is the thing. So this was a free nuzzle I got on the edge of the farm. Okay, got it. That is a little hack for Devonshire

is that if you go around the edge, you get a nuzzle for free. You get a free nuzzle. You don't have to, and a $30 ticket feels like a lot. It's kind of on the honor system, I guess. I guess it is. So there I was getting my free nuzzles. Don't tell.

Take a nuzzle, leave a nuzzle. And okay, now, so there we are, we're nuzzling. And then I hear and I feel, oh, I'm wearing a dress. That could be anything. It could be anything. That was a lot of, that was like quite a sound effect. Oh my gosh, thank you. Yeah, it sounded kind of juicy.

I'm just nervous about what happened. What came off? It was a big chomp. Oh! It was a horse chomp. It was a horse chomp. A horse chomp. Okay.

You're wearing a dress, you said. Uh-huh. He ripped my dress open. Whoa! Whoa! He ripped the center right out of my dress. Ripped the center out of your dress. What's this?

Wow! So there's still some dress on you. Well, it's open like two curtains now. It's open like two curtains now. And there are my, and I'll say it. Tits. Oh, okay. And I'll say the other one, vagina.

Oh wow. Okay. No underwear to speak. Calm down, calm down. No, I'm a nude girly. I'm a nude girl. I'm a nude. The waffles are nude. We're a nude. What part of the waffles in this? She's saying the waffles.

Yes. See your waffles. And they are crisp. I took it the same way. And they are crisp. Crill! Cris Waffles. Belgian. Belgian.

Look at the waffles on her. Yes, so the waffles are out. And I'm, before I can say anything, I'm- What would you say? What I would- Maybe ask for help, my goodness. Were you scared? Were you scared?

Honestly, I've never felt freer. Wow. I've never felt freer to be standing on a public road with my waffles out. And then I hear an old man, the man's voice, and he goes, careful, that one will eat your clothes. Was it Chet? It was Chet. Oh, it turned out to be Chet, yeah. He runs Devonshire. one will eat your clothes. Was it Chet? It was Chet.

Oh, it turned out to be Chet, yeah. He runs Devonshire. He runs Devonshire. But he appears out of nowhere. Exactly. I don't know how he does it. It's wild. It was incredible.

Because he can't be fast, he's an old man. No, he's very elderly. He's a very old man. No. And he speaks so softly, and it's almost more unnerving how softly he speaks. His overalls are rusty. They're actually rusty. I've never seen such rusty overalls.

I didn't know they could rust. I mean, their fabric rusted. I would think the rivets maybe, but the whole, it's distinctly rusty. But then somehow silent, all that rust and no squeaks. All of a sudden you think it'd be Tin Man style. Yes. Tin Man style. You think it'd be a horrible noise. I do think you need one of those like little oil cans

from the back when? 100, from way back when. From back when? From back when. But no, so he says. And what's the noise they make? Beep, beep, beep. Yes, that's right.

Yeah. Yeah. The oil can. They beep. Beep, beep, beep. In Wizard of Oz, if you watch it back, when they go to the Tin Man. There is a beep.

There's little beeps. And in Dark Side of the Moon. Oh my God, that's fun. That's right, that is fun. That's fun. So he says, what did you do? He says, he'll eat your clothes. Yeah, well he'll eat your clothes.

Right. And I said, I could have used that information five minutes ago. Yes, that's another thing that Chet always does. Exactly. Is he gives you some sort of warning or some advice or something after the thing has already happened.

Always too late, always too happened. It's like- It's unnerving, but we love him. It's fine. We love him so much. We love him so much. We love him. He's wonderful. And he's a philanthropist.

He's done so much. He sure is. He doesn't take a salary. No, no. And it's funny to be CEO of a snuggle farm and not to not. Yeah, he has a nozzle farm and he has a snuggle farm on the other side of town. He has both.

Oh, that's right. I bet he makes more money on the snuggle farm. Why do you think that? I think people- A snuggle is better than a nuzzle? Yeah, absolutely. Huh. A snuggle is better than a nuzzle.

Is it second base better than first base? I guess, so I guess a snuggle is a little more intimate than a nuzzle, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, I suppose that's true. Absolutely. A nuzzle could happen by accident. Yeah, yeah. I think nuzzle just has a connotation just the way it sounds is like a little more intimate than a nuzzle, isn't it? Yeah, I suppose that's true. Absolutely. A nuzzle could happen by accident. Yeah, yeah.

I think nuzzle just has a connotation just the way it sounds as like a little more, you know, well sort of what Dimples did to our friend over here. Yes. So wait, so now do you think that that was all it was? Okay, you say you liked it, but what do you think Dimples was thinking? Was he just eating clothes

or what was the look he gave you after that? Oh, he was horny as hell. Oh my, okay. It was obvious. I was a little worried. It was a little. It was obvious. I think I know what you mean. Okay. Okay.

And we're not gonna, nothing has happened. We're not going down that road. We're not a cat from the great situation. Very clear. This is just a bond between a human and an animal that a lot of people have. Chemistry pheromones. I'm not sure.

All right. Like pheromones, just connection. Did Chet say anything else or was that it? Then he was gone. He was gone. Well, no, so there I am, waffles out as we know. And I said, I have to have him. Oh, I must own him.

Own him. Own him, not have him. Because these animals are not for sale. That's not the idea of the nuzzle. Right, exactly. So yeah, how would that work out? Chet always reminds you of that. Oh yeah. After the fact. Not for sale. He's not the idea of the, the Nuzzle. Right. No. So yeah. How would that work out? Chet always reminds you of that. Oh yeah.

After the fact. He's when you're leaving. All of a sudden Chet's there saying, you can't buy this. And you're like, we know we're going home. We understand the function of the farm. We're not dumb. But there I was. But I love him.

Oh, he's so incredible. Love him. Can't get enough of him. Oh, so I, but I, him. Oh, he's so incredible. I can't get enough of him. Oh, so I, but I've never felt so compelled. It was like a lightning strike from heaven. And I said, I have to have him. And Chet said, they're not for sale. Kind of screaming.

Wow. I know. Unusual for Chet. So I said, Cause you beat him to the punch. Oh, that's it. You're so right. It was exactly that.

And I said, how about I give you my house? What? I'll sell you my house. Give you my house? I said, I need this horse today. It is pretty clear that he doesn't live anywhere. I think he lives at the farm. He's never, he's always there.

I saw him asleep in the trough once. Okay. Was he rolling around like a you know what and what? Well, he was asleep and it was a water trough, so he had a little straw that he was breathing. That's fun. Yeah, and he was snoring, which was cute, because bubbles were coming out.

That's cute. That's cute. I love him. I love him so much. He's just the best. He's great. But obviously, yes, was lacking in a... He gave me a noogie once.

Did he really? He did, yeah. Do you think he's opening a noogie once. Did he really? He did, yeah. Do you think he's opening a noogie farm now? I was gonna say. Do you think? Snuggle, nuzzle, noogie, come on. I think there might be problems with that one.

What happens at the noogie farm? Are there animals there or is it humans? Bullies. That's the thing, most people, I was gonna say. What is it? Bullies. Right, just so that they can maybe get out there. Bully.

Bully. Bunch of bullies in a pen. That sounds problematic. It does sound problematic. But you know what? I'd so that they can maybe get out there. Bullies. Bunch of bullies in a pen. That sounds problematic. It does sound problematic. But you know what, I'd rather have those bullies penned up. Yes? I hear you there. I hear you there.

And if that's what you're into, then fine, go where they are. I think sometimes everybody wants a little like headlock and a nuzzle and you know. Oh, agree. You didn't have a big brother or sibling, sometimes you want. Maybe you get wedgie there, maybe who knows. Gosh, I could just take the twins there, chuck them in. Oh God. They would be in hog heaven.

Oh, but the team of bullies is what's very scary. Oh yeah. We have a team of bullies that roams around the town. Yes. And the way they kind of put their fist in there. They do break into dance every once in a while. They snap. They snap. I can't believe there's nothing to be done about that. It's just weird. I know. They just roam. I think that some people weirdly like it.

It's not as they treat it like a parade. They kind of sit on the curb and watch them go by. Yes, that's true. The mayor said to just ignore them. And they wait to be surprised. Sometimes they go, ah, like that. And then surprise you and scare you. And then they just laugh.

Yeah, the mayor's saying just ignore them. Just ignore them, they'll go away, but they've just grown in numbers. That seems to be the mayor's solve for lots of things. Do you remember the last mayor, Joe, what was his name? Oh, I forgot his name. Oh, Pickpock. Joe Pickpock.

And he said his advice about the bullies was go up and hit them first. Yes. And that lost him the next election, I think. Yeah, definitely. Was encouraging violence. Yeah. It got nasty for months. Yeah, for months. It was so many brawls with teenage boys.

It really was. It was such a bad time. Yeah, adults hitting teenage boys in the face. Adults going up and hitting teen boys. It was really, it was bad. Before even finding out there were bullies. No, some of them were just groups of sweet boys. It was, it was adults camped out outside the high school.

I like the sweet boys. Just waiting for the bell to ring. Well, that was the problem. The sweet boys were just going out in groups too. The sweet boys were having a good time. And they'd just whistle. All they do is whistle. They were whistling.

They were picking up trash. They were looking for old ladies to help across the street. They wear a satin jacket saying the sweet boys on the back. Of course, you can identify them very easily. And they'd lick their lollipops. They were sweet as pie. They were short velvetllipops, they were sweet as pie. They had those short velvet pants. Oh, I miss the sweet boys.

I miss the sweet boys. Well, they were run out of town. They sure were. So, okay, so did you end up giving Chet your house? Well, you know, so he was. I forgot about that. Yeah, thank you. Thanks for getting us back on track.

You're welcome. I did it without it anyways. What do you think of that? I think that's wonderful. I think that's wonderful. I think that's wonderful. I think that's wonderful. As long as we admit that last part's over.

Last part's over. Yeah, we admit that last part's over. Last part's over. And we'll never speak of it. We might hear about a sweet boy. I'll freak out. Let's all forget that happened. I don't want to hear about anything we talked about.

Sweet boys are old business. So is that what happened? No, so we talked about. Sweet boys are old business. So is that what happened? Uh, no. So, so we, we, we know him. He's too sweet. Not of the previous. No, no, no, no, not a, yeah. No, just because he's, he's the best. He said, I don't need your house. He said, I'm not going to take your house. Wendy, Wendy waffles. I'm not taking your house. He knew me. He recognized me. Oh, how interesting. Yeah, which is crazy. I do walk around there a lot. But, and he says- And Chet does routinely search Google images for people's driver's licenses.

Yes. It's a little, it's weird. It's a little weird. Well, he's got a lot of animals to protect, you know? That's true. It's probably, that's probably it. I'm sure it's fine. Yes.

He wants to know people before they even come. Yes, or if they have moving violations, if they might drive their car into his farms. Yes. Exactly. Something really scary. He knows to make a model of everyone's come. Yes. Or if they have moving violations, if they might drive their car into his farms. Something really scary. He knows to make a model of everyone's car. Yes. Which is great because I don't have one. Again, he is, we can't reiterate just how we can't stress how fabulous he was. I wish he was the mayor. Why is he the mayor?

I wish he was his dad. I wish he was my dad. So he says to you, no, I'm not taking you out. So then what was the agreement? So he says, he says, look at him. He's got a fucked up face. He's he's he's a I'm not taking it out. So then what was the agreement? He says, look at him. He's got a fucked up face. He's a mess.

And I was like, wow. I'm surprised he said that. I'm just clearly newly in love with this horse. We don't need to be putting him down. He says, honestly. Definitely don't say that. No, oh yeah. We're not doing that.

We already talked about glue. That's right. We can't. No, not about my dimples. So he said, tell you what, just take them. No way. He said, take them. Wow, that's fascinating.

Give them a good life. That's lovely. He saw your level of commitment. Yes. He knew you would take care of them. Yeah. Keep in mind, I'm completely nude as this conversation. Oh, I thought you said curtains are gone.

Well, I mean, they're kind of just hanging on the sides and I've done nothing to cover myself. Why do you think that is? It's Chad. It's Chad. Let him see. Let him have a blast. Wow.

Free show, who cares? Okay, okay. How many years have you got left? I mean, I'll say it. It's not like I'm not rocking a bod. I'm happy to, I feel good, I'm confident. Good for you. I'm 60 and I look amazing.

You are 60? No. Yes. Wouldn't know it. You look terrific. Thank you. I feel good about it, I'm proud of it. You should.

Do you think a lot of it has to do with, you know, horseback riding and being outside and in nature and- No, I don't eat a lot. Oh, okay. And I work out a lot. Oh, okay. All right. And I work out a lot. Oh, all right. So you just, you know, you put a lot of work

into this body. So that's your secret. Yes, the secret is that I'm constantly in the gym. Okay. And I'm on a keto diet. So that's actually why. But I love the thought of that. Okay, fabulous. Yes, and ant fillers and a lot of lasers.

Okay. But so yeah, I do. You do you. But so anyways, I feel good. So wait, okay, great. I so yeah. You do you. But so anyways, I feel good. Okay great. I feel good. You look wonderful. And I want, I didn't mind him taking a look at the goods.

Okay. So it felt like if this moves this transaction along. Right. Who cares? I'm ready for that. I'm ready for this to be old business. Why? This part.

Anyways. So I got the horse. So you got the horse. So you got the horse. And then just, and then did you just walk home, walk me through getting home with the horse? And then explaining it to, I want to say Peter, and that's not right. James.

Because I would imagine given your history of hatred of horses, great warmup. Yeah, history of hatred. Horse, hatred, history. Horse, hatred, history. You have history. Horse hatred history. You have never ridden a horse. No. So I can't imagine just climbed right up on the back.

Well, I did. You did? Foolishly. No, I don't even have to stay. I went on backwards. Because you were stable, right? I was sitting backwards. It was so embarrassing.

I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know heads or tails of the horse, literally. Reverse cowgirl. Reverse cowgirl. Reverse cowgirl. Again, we're not connecting sex with my horse though. We're really not connecting any sex with my horse. It's just an unfortunate coincidence. So I switched to missionary.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. That is going to confuse our listeners. Okay. You just mean that you sat front, face forward, on the horse. Facing the head. Presumably is how missionaries rode horses. You think that's where that comes from? In the days of Martin Scorsese's silence. Do you think that's where that comes from?

Yes, I think it's where it comes from. I hope it isn't. I think it is. I think all of our sex positions are horse related. Oh dear, I really can't imagine. But again, we are not connecting sex and horses in this. We're not, and when we say you rode him home, we are literally just talking about the fact that you were on top of him.

It's how you rode him home. You're not talking about the fact that you were on top of him. You're talking about the fact that you were on top of him. You're talking about the fact that you were on top of him. You're talking about the fact that you were on top of him. You're talking about the fact that you were on top of him. You're talking about the fact that you were on top of him. You're talking about the fact that you were on top of him. You're talking about the fact that you were on top of him. Oh dear, I really can't imagine. But again, we are not connecting sex and horses in this. We're not, and when we say you rode him home, we are literally just talking about the fact that you were on top of him.

Oh God, this is hard, isn't it? This is difficult. Yes. Okay, so, you get home. Chad, help me out. I get on. You get home. I do get facing the right way.

Okay. He gives me a couple quick pointers, ride him home. Okay, wild. How long was that trip? Oh, right around the corner. How long was that trip? I rode around the corner, so it was a quick five minutes. Were you scared being up on the, you could have just walked him home actually at that point.

You didn't have to get on him half naked. But it's my horse, I have a horse. It's true. If you bought a car, if you bought a car, but the dealership was five minutes away. I wouldn't push it home, I suppose. Would you push it home? No.

Cause that's a perfect parallel. She's got you there. That's a perfect analogy. It is, I suppose. Would you push it home? No. Cause that's a perfect parallel. She's got you there. That's a perfect analogy. It is a flawless parallel. You would drive it. It's your new car. No holes.

No holes. Yes. So was your husband home when you arrived home with this horse? He was. Okay. Yes, he works from home. What does he do?

Good question. He works in tech. Oh, okay. Yeah. No further questions. Always such an umbrella answer. And how did James feel about horses prior to waffles? And how does he feel post-waffles?

Oh, so good question. No, your waffles, dimples. Dimples, I know it gets confusing. Give me. I think about when I take him to the vet. Dimples waffles? Yeah, exactly. That's a mouthful.

What a name. And again, we're not, it's nothing. Sure, sure. Of course. So I forgot about that practice at the vet. And do you think that the animals, they go to the vet enough to, to learn that that is their last name? It's my favorite thing when they, when they make give them the last name of the human. I think it's so funny. Seeing the word escropedestrian is really wise. Escropedestrian. Oh, that's a good one. The veterinarian will see escrow Pedestrian. Escrow Pedestrian. Ooh, that's a good one. Escrow's our dog, of course. The veterinarian will see Escrow Pedestrian. Escrow Pedestrian.

Dimpel's Waffles. Yeah. Dimpel's Waffles. Yeah, but does get my last name. Yeah. So he was at home doing tech. Also a horse hater, deep horse hater. Gosh, where do you think this came from?

Why did you both hate horses? I know, my word. Well. I would say at best I'm in different doors. Sure. Yeah. Sure. At the deepest level. You have to work to actually hate a horse. I feel like while we were both trampled by horses. No, that'll do it. But yeah, we were wearing soft shoes. No the hard ones. Okay. And they were sharp. Was this at the same time or individually? No, separately.

What? What are the odds? On different Hawaii trips, you know, they take you on, you can do the like, beach horseback riding. Sure, sure. Different Hawaii trips, we did not know each other. Okay. We both got bucked off.

Oh no. And those are docile, you know, those are meant to just take you on a little course. Bucked off, immediately trampled underfoot. Immediately. Immediately. It's interesting that there was trampling because generally they are walking at a extremely slow pace in a single file line.

Stomping grapes. Like a mat. It was like stomping grapes until we met in a support. May I just, so the horse would buck you off and then the horse would either back up or turn around and then start stomping on you. Again, in what is usually a line of tourists on very slow moving horses. With intention, with intention and malice in their eyes.

A forethought? A forethought, it felt absolutely premeditated, would have taken him to court if it was legal. And- Oh, I wish it could sue animals. Oh! The way I would have sued this horse, just to see him in court. Wearing a tie. Getting sworn in.

Watching him have to swear on a Bible, put a stupid hoof on a Bible. This, this, I'm sorry. I need to swear now. This motherfucker. Oh, wow. Doug, are you doing okay, babe? It's a lot of language. Totally fine with that. Really? You're good. Doug, are you doing okay babe? It's a lot of language. Totally fine with that. Really? Hmm, you're good.

Doug, do you want to swear? Oh. Jerk water. Turquoise? Jerk water. Jerk water? Jasper. Jerk water?

What is that? Huck you. Oh no. Huck you? Huck you. I don't think Doug knows how to swear. Yeah. I don't think so. I don't know.

I'm not gonna count that. Hunk, hunk. Now he's just talking. Hunk, hunk? Hunk. Hunk. Hunk. Hunk, hunk.

Hunk. Hunk. Hunk. Hunk. Hunk. Hunk. Hunk. Hunk.

Hunk. Hunk. Hunk. Hunk. Hunk. Hunk. it. Like a goose did get heated. Oh, yeah, yeah. Huck! Thank you. He's just making animals. Huck, act now.

I wish they brought, you know, remember that, when the Sully Sullenberger landed that plane. Oh yeah. It was a goose that flew into the engine. I know. I wish they could have brought that goose to justice. To court. Oh, wait.

They never said- I felt bad for that goose. I don't think that he knew what he was doing. Wow. It was one goose. It was one. Give me a break, Jones. You're saying this goose somehow missed

that there was a gigantic plane in its flight path? I don't know. I don't know what was going on in that goose's life. Do you think the goose was turning and talking to somebody and then like, oh no! On his little phone. What did the goose? On his little phone.

The goose was looking at his phone. Yes. Did he go head on into it or did he get caught up with the plane? I'm not sure that they were able to figure that out. I think the story is that the goose got sucked into the turbine. You are not gonna create a goose conspiracy

around that plane. I'm with you. It's a goose conspiracy. It's a goose conspiracy. Okay. Do you remember goose gossage? Of course I do. Who's that?

Harlem Globetrotters. Oh, okay, yes, right. Curly Neal. Anyways. Meadowlark Lemon, they have great name. Harlem Globetrotters. Oh, okay. Yes. Right. Curly Neil. Anyways. Meadowlark Lemon. They have great names. Those are so fun. My name isn't fun, Wendy Waffles.

Are you kidding me? Wendy Waffles? You think so? It's fun. You think so? Okay, I didn't mean to beat you into it. No, no. But I think we really are missing

a lot of key information here. Oh, so yes. So I got trampled by a horse in Hawaii. I'm on a message group for a support group, an online support group for people who've been trampled by horses, wish to bring them to justice. Can't. No matter where it occurs.

Wish to bring them to justice, can't. That's what it says at the top of the page. Hahahaha. Comma, can't. And an exclamation mark. Right. Talk about those exclamation marks. Yeah, because you're frustrated about that. Yeah, absolutely. Okay an exclamation mark. Talk about those exclamation marks. Yeah, because you're frustrated about that. Okay, I get it, and that's how you found each other.

Can! That's how you found each other. So if there's a musical in there somewhere. Oh, I don't know, I'm nowhere near a thespian like you. Maybe I'll toy around with it, but I gotta work on my own stuff first. Don't forget Mastro Puppets. I will, don't worry, I won't.

And what was I supposed to do? What was my homework? There was an ear piece. I'm not sure. Oh, the ear bone names were Malleus, Incas, and Stapes. I was right, Burbs. That's right. Also the names of the three wise men.

Anyways. So you get home, I want to really live out this moment. So I understand now how you meant that. Makes sense, You get home. So then does he freak out? Cause now there's a horse in the house and he's still afraid of them. He's livid.

He's livid. And I mean, I mean to imply he went into the house, but why do I feel like he went right into the house with him? Oh, that I came brought dimples into the house? Yeah. Absolutely. I mean, he's my new best friend. Of course he comes in the house.

Cause you come in the house. It's so scary to think of a horse in a house. A horse in a house. Yeah. It was a mistake. I immediately regretted it. Oh, people talking about bull in a china shop. I'd love to see that. But a horse in a house. A horse in a house. Forget it. Holy hell, a horse in a house. A horse in a house, yeah. And it was a mistake. I immediately regretted it. Oh, people talking about bull in a china shop, I'd love to see that, but a horse in a house is true.

Horse in a house, forget it. Holy hell, a horse in a house. That's what he said. Oh, that's what he said. That makes a lot of sense. That's what Jane said. Yeah. So he's, I mean, he's out of his mind.

Oh dear. And please keep in mind, I'm still relatively naked. Yeah, yeah. Oh, is that true? I keep forgetting it. I haven't gotten clothes yet, you know? I haven't forgotten it. I mean, can I tell you the most freeing feeling?

Galloping through this town, mostly naked. So you galloped when you went home? Yeah, well, I wrote it was five minutes, but it was a strong gallop. Okay. And so yeah, I'm sort of like, I'll have lots to explain here. I get it, I get it. This looks crazy.

And he's like, no, I don't want to here. I get it, I get it. This looks crazy. And he's like, no, I don't want to hear it. He's mad. Of course. He threatens divorce on the spot. Oh no. Because of the horse. Yeah. Horse divorce.

A horse is a horse, divorce, divorce. We all know the phrase. We do, we do. We all know the phrase. And can I We do. We all know the phrase. And can I tell you, it was always my worst fear to hear that phrase coming from my own husband. Sorry, it's emotional. Even though you knew that you both hated horses,

you somehow thought in the future you might get a horse divorce. It was my worst fear. Well, think how we met. Here we've met. It was my worst fear that something horse related would divide us. I guess that makes sense.

It was my worst fear. I mean, you divide us. I guess that makes sense. It was my worst fear. I mean, you got to imagine 90% of our conversations are horse related. Oh, no, that does interest me. Cause you think you wouldn't want to talk about them. Well, we're obsessed. Cause we never got justice. So we, you know, and it's not like-

When did you start getting obsessed in a different way about horses? You know, if you talk about something 90% of the time, you probably start to have interest in it, not just rage about it. I guess they're just fixing it up. Well, you know how it's like when you and your partner hate the same person,

and you sort of love to fill each other in on what stupid thing they did so you can judge it. Yes. You feel better, yeah. It's your bond. But it doesn't make you like the person anymore. No, I guess that's true. Okay, fair enough. I think it was our bond.

It was really our connection. And frankly, we didn't know a lot about each other otherwise. Okay, fair enough. I think it was our bond, you know? It was really our connection. And frankly, we didn't know a lot about each other otherwise. Oh, really? How long have you been married? 10 years. Wow. 10 years of just horse discourse.

Horse discourse? Of course. Half a score. Yes, yes. Oh no, it's a quarter score. Quarter score. Oh yeah. Yeah. Wait, is it? I always get's a quarter score. Quarter score. Oh yeah. Wait, is it?

A quarter score. I always get very confused. The score is 20 years. Okay. 20 years. Yes, half a score. Maybe that's your homework. Don't get a poor score.

To make sure. So he's upset, he's livid. He threatens divorce. He threatens divorce, a horse divorce. Yes. Horse divorce. A horse divorce. Yes. Horse divorce. I'm absolutely terrified. I beg him, literally on my knees.

I beg him. I said please. Okay, so now at this point you've dismounted. I've dismounted, yes. And you are begging on your knees. I'm on my knees, which is a big high to low. Yes, of course it is. Huge high to low.

Oh, here's Eskro. Oh, hi. Hi bud. Eskro heard all the. He can't see you. Hi. No, he's very old. Oh my God, that's okay. So am I.

He's blind deaf. I think he's lost his sense of taste. That's okay. He's such a good boy. What a sweet. So I found him in the vault. I had to let him out. No, that's great.

That's not good. But you've been in the vault this whole time? Yeah, I was gonna say, what do you mean you found him? How big is the vault? Oh, I mean, you can walk around. You can breathe in this thing. Well, I should hope you can breathe in it. Breathe in it.

What are you talking about? We assumed. Well, I should hope you can breathe in it. Breathe in it. Breathe in here. What are you talking about? We assumed. All right. I'm sorry, I don't know you well enough to be chastising you that way. I'm really, that was not a line. It should be breathable.

You're not wrong, Wendy. All right, so then how did you eventually get him to come around? I said, look. Now this is complicated. That's compelling already. Absolutely. Are you still on top of the horse by the way?

No, I've gotten down. Remember she had dismounted. I've gotten down. I'm on my knees. She's begging. Which I was saying is a very big high to low. Nude begging. So I say, I say, listen.

I hear you. She says look, listen. Look, listen. Look, listen. And I say, now this is gonna sound like a phrase. I say, look this horse in the eyes. It's not looking a gift horse in the mouth. It's look a weird horse in the eyes.

And I say, look this weird horse in the eyes. Feel what I feel. Oh, feel what I feel. Just trust me. Oh wow, okay. And he does. And I watch it all. I watched the whole moment. I watched it happen again. What an intense moment. That. And he does. Uh-huh. And I watch it all. I watch the whole moment.

Oh, wow. I watch it happen again. What an intense moment. It must've been powerful. To see it. I mean, I'd experienced it first time. Sure, sure. To see it happen. Yes. Wow.

Was really beautiful. So it just happened the exact same way with him. There is something about dimples. Come over. Please come over. I mean, I guess. I got to go look at this horse, I guess. I'm intrigued, I have to say. There is. I can't. It's not for everybody. I, as a former horse hater, yes. Former horse hater. No, that's a good one. Um, it, I get it. I get it. But something happened. Something changed. We have to be open to change in this life. I did. And I did. Uh, he fell in love. We fell in love. It, he's both of our best friend. And now do you just, uh, do you actually like ride him for exercise for like going on trails and stuff like that? Or does he just know he's just our bud.

He's our little seat. I'm afraid to ask, where does he live? In the house. Oh boy. He's got a big, big bed. Oh, well, okay. That wasn't my first, I mean, I wasn't concerned about that, but I mean, where, like, is he in a whole separate corner? They need a lot of space. I mean, does he run around in the yard, in the bathroom? Our house is huge. I can relate.

Yeah, our house is gigantic. Cause I don't know how you guys, well, I'm from town, but you may not know. Shut up. Real estate's so cheap here. Yeah, I, well, cause my family, I'm an ice cream heiress. Are you really? With the beef?

What flavors? Oh, wait a minute, waffles. You dream it, we make it. Whatever flavors you can think of. I mean, you guys have heard of diamond ice cream. No. Yes. You are the diamond ice cream heiress? Oh my goodness.

I thought you were missing. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Well, I was for a while. And that's why-

Yes, and then people thought she faked her own abduction. Yes. Wow. Yes. Can you tell us now- So wait, your father is Walter Waffles. Yes. Oh my god.

I should have made that connection. How do we not make that connection? Waffles, ice cream, duh. No, it's not. Diamond ice cream, Walter Waffles. Walter Waffles from Argentina, don't forget, a famously Argentinian ice cream brand. Famously Argentinian ice cream brand.

Yes, one of the only, actually. And yeah. So what happened? Where did you go? To Argentina, just to connect with family and stuff like that. I see, oh. Just sort of get back to where it is. So it was way less dramatic than people made it out to be.

I mean, I committed a lot of crimes. Oh dear. In Argentina or here? There, when I was there. Cause extradition is difficult there. So it was, I needed to, it was my like rum springa. I needed it. It was after the horse trampling.

My rum springa was in Argentina. It was after the horse trampling. My brother was in Argentina. I needed it. I was very, I mean, you have to imagine how fucked up I was after this course. Of course, I get no justice. Yes. I get no, I get nothing. I just have to go on the rest of my trip in Hawaii, be a normal person. I'm very injured. Yes. very injured. Yes. Injured. It's crazy. Very injured. Very injured. And I, so I needed it. I needed it. And it

was rather than saying like, I'm all fucked up. I'm a public person. I just faked with the fake, the whole missing and went there, lived out what I needed to live out. You couldn't, you couldn't have just said you were going on a vacation. Oh my God, you're right. Oh, but wait, how old were you at this time? I also feel like this is a bit of a rebellious moment against her father. Well, let's see, it was, yeah, I was 45.

So- A classic time to rebel against your dad. Yeah, because I met and then married James and we've been together for 10 years. That's right, that's right. Yeah. They searched the tar pit for you. They drained the tar pit. No. They drained the tar pit.

No, no one told me that. That's embarrassing. They poured it in a little above ground pool. I thought no. It's all right. They put it all back. They put it all back. And the bones and everything.

And all the bones where they found it. And they wouldn't tell anyone what bones they found. Wow. That's fun. Yeah. It was, it was kind of fun. I mean, I hate to have put everybody through all of that, but that must've been fun, that's fun. Yeah, it was, it was kind of fun. I mean, I hate to have put everybody through all of that, but that must have been fun. It was fun.

I mean, it was something to talk about, you know, on a Saturday night. Yes. I'm going to be talking about it this upcoming Saturday night after I doorbell ditch all Friday night. Okay, now. Now we get to it. How did this start?

How long are you all three living together, cohabitating with this horse before randomly you just start ding dong ditching? Well, I mean, honestly, Dimples is just a goof. He's just a funny guy. He's our best friend. And he's a goofy guy. Yeah, you say that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I just wanna- But you haven't provided any examples. Should we call it such as? We have to call it such as here. Okay, on this podcast, sometimes we ask for an example. Okay.

Call it a such as. Sometimes he swings his little tail around and he shakes his butt. Okay, I guess that's goofy. Okay, sure. He doesn't read his goofy to you? No, I, yeah, I don't know. Reading, we might have to read it. Well, it just seems like a thing a horse does. No, I don't know. Reading, we might have to see it.

It just seems like a thing a horse does. Right? I guess, okay. I mean, it's like he's... I was thinking you were going to tell me he like plays pranks on you or something. Yeah. Oh, yeah, he does that. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, sure. We have to call another Such As. Yeah, let's hear some of those pranks. Such As on the pranks. Okay, so he loves jumping out, jumping out where I'm coming out where I'm in the shower because we let them loose inside the mansion. Right. I don't understand how it's a filthy mess, but okay, go on. We have a lot of cleaners and a

lot of money. I don't know. I guess he's not. Can you house train a horse? I'm not sure. No. Okay. He's got a big diaper. Oh. Which we all hate talking about. Yeah. I think I do too. I get that. So I think we won't.

Yeah, no, I don't want to. But since you're in the shower and he does what? So he loves to kind of jump out and go, nay! And it's a funny nay. Just for the listeners, it was a very Rodney Dangerfield moment. It's a funny name.

That she recreated. It's a very funny name. I saw a tie, a loose tie immediately around the horse's neck when that happened. Yes, I can picture that. So that's an example of being goofy, I think, for me. Okay, I think that's good. Are you good, Bernt, on the goofy examples? I'm good on that.

Yeah, that sounds pretty goofy. I feel like the way they eat apples is pretty goofy. I guess that's true. But I don't think they're trying to be goofy. No, it's just how they look. Goofy requires intense. A what? Goofy requires intent.

Yeah. Well, I think, yeah. I think it's a personality type than yes, but some people just look goofy. Yeah, some people just are goofy. That's kind of his deal. He's kind of a little mix of both. He's a little mix of both.

Hey, did we have the word goofy before goofy the character? Never stopped to think about him. Well, we have to have. Because he is pretty goofy. Otherwise, why would he be named goofy? What is goofy about goofy? I guess everything. Well, because we probably...

Have you heard him? Yeah, he's on his skis going like, you know, like... Or what does he say? He's being a goof when he skis. He's not primarily a yodeler, but he likes to say gorge. He says something funny when he skis. When he skis. Oh, I know what you mean.

When he falls, he goes, yeah, hoo hoo. That's it? That's kind of yodely. Good job. Thank you. That's what I was thinking. Very specific. Is it just when he's on skis?

Any time he has a fall. What does he say? He goes, yeah, hoo hoo. This is so validating. Doug's going to find it. Have you never heard of this part? No. This is brand new to me.

Oh, it's the classic Goofy Yelp when he is about to fall to his death. The only Goofy cartoon I've ever seen was a drunk driving PSA that Goofy did. Oh no, you're kidding. Yes, this is a 100% real and searchable thing that there is a PSA, an animated PSA that the Walt Disney Company did for some reason,

aimed at adults where Goofy is at a party, a cocktail party, wearing a coat and tie, and he has too much to drink, and then he gets in his car and he gets in an accident. No! What? Gosh. What, he drinks?

Yeah. Goofy drinks? Oh no, and did they book him? I can't remember if he's- I'm picturing a Goofy headshot, that's horrifying. I can't remember if he's... Picturing a goofy headshot, that's horrifying. I can't remember if he's arrested. No! Well, that would be an animal getting justice.

That would be an animal getting justice. We would love to see, even if it's Goofy, but if he broke the law... Is your support group the reason why there was that horse lawyer with those TV commercials that tried to get it to be a thing? Yeah. It's like, have you been trampling on a horse? Yeah, yeah, oh yeah. Because obviously, I have some-

Barry Spurs. That's right. Barry Spurs. I'm Barry Spurs. I'm Barry Spurs. Have you been injured in a trampling accident? Have you been to Hawaii? Do you hate horses?

Saddle up with me and I'll get you your money. Do you need a horse divorce? He might have coined the phrase, I'm not sure. Can't remember. Yeah, no, I do, I think so. Yeah, no, we funded that because obviously have some resources, horse resources. The commercial always ended with him shoving a horse.

Yes. He would shove the horse out of frame. Get out of here. Then he'd cross his arms. Call me. Then he'd cross his arms. That's right. And then he had the slowest fade out of any commercial I've ever seen. Yes. With his eyes narrowing like he was like, he couldn't see.

And I remember at the time, It was getting dark. At the time, that image burned into people's screams. Yes! Yeah, that's right! Because the fade out was so awful. The old tube. You could still see it like an old pack.

That's why we all remember. So, it spurs so well. Yes. Here we go. Oh yeah, listen Bert. It is so named because of its peculiar sound. This is peculiar sound. This is the sound.

Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. A lot of skiing sounds. I know. He's gonna.

Ah! Oh, all I, all I did was I just didn't do enough of the hues afterwards. That is so close. That was pretty good. It was pretty good, but that is, the real thing is much worse. Yeah!

It sounds agonized. It's a lot like the the real thing is much worse. It sounds agonized. It's a lot like the barrel that you were describing. At the fall's mercy, yes. Imagine that going on for five full minutes. So it's every 15 minutes, but it takes five minutes? That's correct. Every 15 minutes takes five minutes.

That's not going to last. That is not going to last. It it's pretty. That is not going to last. Yeah, because it sounds nonstop. It does. Pretty much. Basically what it is nonstop. Very tiny respite from the sound. So I do think it's funny.

We barely talked about the Dignite Ditches, but I would love to know how the first one happened. Oh, easy. Oh, goodness. Thank goodness. I didn't want it to be difficult. Yeah, thank you so much. I was terrified it it to be difficult. Yeah. Thank you so much. I was terrified. It was going to be difficult too. Absolutely frozen with fear. Um, no, it was easy cause it was my ex. Oh, that you were going to ding

dong ditch. It was my ex from before James. But you had, but, but you had never ding dong ditched. You had never ding dong ditched in the past. No. So what's happening? You're hanging around. This ex used to tease you about your fear of horses. You nailed it. Brittany nailed it. I get it. I can see the whole thing. Oh, do you want to tell us?

Because both, well, correct me if I'm wrong. No, go, go, go. So you and James, of course, now you've more than overcome this fear and hatred. You now love, you both have this bond with symbols. Bonded and united. And probably you get to talking about how strange it is that you used to despise horses so much

and now you love Dimples. And then it got you to thinking about this ex. Oh, and then can I go? Yes. Oh, and then you start saying, you know, wouldn't it be great if we could get him back? And Dimples starts nodding. Okay.

I didn't see that coming. That's exciting. Twist. That's exciting. That is, I mean, are there cameras in my house? Cause this is crazy. There probably are at your house. Yeah, yeah, actually there are. There definitely is. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's 30,000 square feet. That you put in there. Yeah. Okay. It's enormous. So, so you, you kind of, you kind of get the sense that you kind of get the sense that Dimples is sort of on board. Absolutely. So you all decide, and had you been drinking,

is there a little bit of alcohol involved? Absolutely. Okay. Three sheets to the window. Oh boy. And by this point do you just- Oh, Dimples as well. Like Goofy.

I'm not sure that that's- Oh, I don't know about that. I'm not sure that's safe. Not a lot. Oh, grow up. We're big animals. Okay, Bernd, I guess it's fine. Let horses drink.

I mean, if a dog can drink at a frat house, you know what I mean? What? Oh, right. But I don't like it's fine. Let's just drink. I mean, if a dog can drink at a frat house, you know what I mean? What? No, right. But I don't like that either. It's not a lot. We're there. We're keeping eyes on him. Okay. And then, so how far away was the first? But you're also drunk.

Absolutely. You know, we're keeping eyes, all of them. Hammered. So, how long did it take you to get there? Did you ride, did one of you ride the horse? Did you both ride the horse? We both rode together, which it was romantic. Sure, sure.

That's a moment. Yeah, it's nice. It's about, you know, my ex lives on clearly the other side. So it was like a 45 minute. Where does he live? Oh, he's on Franklin Pierce, which we know is a nasty street. Sketchy parts of Franklin Pierce. Nasty know is a nasty street.

Nasty street. There's no street lights. It's because it's all bachelors. And so it's just disgusting. It's basically, it's like a frat row, but worse. It's called Little Batchelor Town. Little Batchelor Town, which we know is where all those bullies. That's the real estate term.

I can't even imagine trying to sell a house over there. I can't even imagine. to sell a house over there. I can't even imagine. When it comes in, I'm like, oh, who wants a Libba towel property? Libba towel? Which is crazy because the houses are gorgeous. They used to be.

They should be. It's just a bad vibe. There's just a lot, like the yards are littered with just damp towels and you know, dirty magazines. Dirty filthy magazines. If you look in any of those windows, it's lawn chairs and the biggest TV you've ever seen.

And a poster scarf. And a gut. And gatorades. Gatorades. And gatorades galore. But you can get jungle juice over there if you want. Which is cool, because it's banned elsewhere. So you're just like, you're riding into Libertou.

We're galloping over together. And we're feeling great. Sure. Feeling no pain. Absolutely. We get over. His name is Chad, my ex. Horse.

Of course it is. Horse is a horse. his name is Chad, my ex. Of course it is. Of course it is. Horse is a horse. And we get to Chad's and we are, I mean you can see it in the video. Yeah. Sure. It's the most fun. Oh, so wait, doubt post was at Chad's house?

Yeah, Hannah is his wife. Oh, but wait a minute. I thought, oh, so he's living in Libertas with a wife? Exactly. Oh, that's gonna be a scandal. So he's not even allowed to be there. Exactly. The HOA will gonna be a scandal. Exactly. The HOA will not be happy about that.

You're not allowed. You're not allowed. The Libertas HOA will rain holy hell down on him. It's not allowed. So frankly, I'm so glad the post went up because I assume there's consequences to be paid. But yes, that is me, absolutely out of my mind. So happy, drunk, bonded with my husband.

We are, and a horse, our best friend in the world. He's our best friend more than we're best friends. Wow. Yes. Yes, we both feel greater connection to him than each other. Not romantically, nothing weird. Very interesting relationship this is. Can I ask you, Can I ask you, Joan, can I ask you,

how that you have gotten past your hatred of horses, do you talk about other things more, have you gotten to know each other more? What a great question. Thank you Joan, you can see why I had to get it in there. Yes, I mean yes, so you didn't need to talk to me like I was a 1940s housewife, but, I'm so glad you asked. Yes.

Yes. It has actually really moved us beyond. That's wonderful. I have learned so much about my husband. Oh, that's lovely. Where he's from. Oh, this was new info.

New info. Where is he from? So he's from Hawaii. Oh, yeah. So he's from Hawaii, which is amazing. But you can do tech anywhere. So it was easy for him to move to the US.

Tech is mobile. No matter what kind of tech it is. It doesn't matter. There's no need to be really anywhere. So yeah, so I learned where he's from, kind of his whole family, that he has one. Oh, okay. So many cool things.

Well, that's wonderful. Likes, dislikes, shows he likes to watch. Okay. So many cool things. Well, that's wonderful. Likes, dislikes, shows he likes to watch. Wow. It was, it was really profound for us. And we, I mean, because we had, we had tried couples counseling, we just couldn't figure out a way to get to know each other. The counselor, what did the counselor have to say when you showed up together and said, all we really talk about is how much we hate horses. And you know what? She couldn't do that. Counselor is saying, tell it to the horse. Oh, that's true.

But she probably wanted to. I'm assuming it was a woman for some reason. I said woman. Oh, you did. I did. You said she. OK, that's where I got it. Well, the counselor. Play back the tape. Counselor. She will be to be very to be honest, she didn't let us finish the counselor. Play back the tape. The counselor? She, well, I will be, to be very, to be honest, she didn't let us finish the session. She was not. Yeah, well I understand.

Wow. She said, this is absolutely my nightmare. You broke the counselor. You broke her. She said, this is my nightmare. Wow. You are. You're not from a counselor.

Can you imagine? She went straight to her therapist after that, I guarantee you, for an emergency session. Oh, sure. Oh, yes. Imagine a therapist saying to you, for an emergency session. Oh, sure. Oh, yes. Imagine a therapist saying to you, you are my nightmare. You are my nightmare.

It hurt. It hurt. Sure, absolutely. Oh, that's terrible. Yeah, where do you go from there? Oh, boy. Well, nowhere, as we said, well, we tried. Back to horses, and so we can't.

And you know, horse therapy is also very much a thing, and it's weird that that's what ended up working for you. That horse really brought you all together. Truly, truly. It's a really, it's actually incredibly beautiful love story. And I'm so grateful that you came here today to tell it to us.

That's why we're so excited too. And this is why we love meeting new people and hearing new stories. Definitely haven't heard a story like that. No! And I would hope that as people around town get doorbell ditch, ding dong ditch. Okay. Now they have some context. Can they come out and say hi to you? No. Okay. Oh, that's not, okay. So I guess, I guess just be aware everybody. That is a very happy trio of an odd, I guess, not an odd couple, but an odd trio.

An odd throuple. An odd throuple. It's an odd throuple. Yeah. It's a, I think it's beautiful. And I wanted to share that. So I really appreciate having the opportunity to give people a little insight. It's not, we're not pranking really.

We're not being mean. We're not like those bully boys. You're kind of healing is what you're doing. Yeah. That's just harmless. Yeah. Some people get very upset about ding dong ditches and I don't think it's that big a deal.

I think it's- Yeah, well I don't think older people like to be made the fool and it was usually kids who would do it, you know. Oh, you're right. Right. Have I turned you back around on it? Yeah, yeah.

Okay. Well don't ding dong ditch Bert, okay? I will not. Well, Wendy, is there anything, we loved having you on here and is there anything you'd like to say to people that might potentially get ding dong ditch Burge, okay? I will not. Well, Wendy, is there anything, we loved having you on here, and is there anything you'd like to say to people that might potentially get ding dong ditched by you, James, and Dimples?

I'll say what my favorite comedian said to me. Me? Her favorite comedian, of course, being Dipples the horse. Sorry, I can't not plug my horse. Oh, that's fine. That's a plug for Dipples, everybody. You can follow him. Does he have an Instagram handle? Absolutely. Of course. At ding dong dimples. Okay, follow him at ding dong dimples. Makes a lot of sense. Yeah. Thank you. All right. We will be back with more neighbor listen when the neighbor Hi, this is Dan.

Recommendation for doctor for food going down slowly slash painfully. Hi team, have you had this? I have usually like more dry food like chicken etc. and go down so slow and painful like I'm a snake. Also, food comes back up occasionally, and it's not acidic, just a chance to chew it up more and swallow again usually. Thanks. John 14.6.

And welcome back to the I Had to Do It. Oh, perfect. There was a moment and I just went for it. We locked eyes. We did. Like Wendy and Dimples. Oh boy. And then-

But I'm fully clothed. You knew, as am I. Just to be clear. Yeah, we have not eaten each other's clothes off. And then you, I think we communicated that you would do it. Yes, I think we did. We psychically agreed. We psychically agreed.

Yes, and you did a great job. And we're back, thank think we did. We psychically agreed. We psychically agreed. Yes, and you did a great job. And we're back, thank you so much. And that was a fascinating story to hear, a horse tale. It was a horse tale, Joan. It really was, it really was. You're nailing it left and right. Thank you. I thought she was fascinating.

What a delightful person. She really was a delightful person. And I can't, you know, I almost kind of wish they'd come and ding-dong ditch us, but she said we can't, you know, I almost kind of wish they come a ding-dong ditch us, but she said we can't answer. Cause then it ruins it for them. So I guess, you know, we'll just, we'll just admire them from the window. You could, exactly.

You could peek from an upstairs window. You could do that. Yeah. Yeah. I think you would hear the clip clop. You think you would hear the telltale clip clop. Sometimes the soft slippers are nailed into the feet. Yes, that's right. Apparently there's nothing we learned

that there are soft slipper horseshoes. Okay. Nice to know. Horse slippers, I guess. Horse slippers. Yeah, horse slippers. Horse slippers. Horse slippers.

Horse slippers. Horse slippers. And just to make good on my promise, because I just needed to familiarize myself, I haven't been in an audition in a very long time, but what I did with Master Puppets, if you must know, was sort of make it like a very Tori Amos sort of moment. So it was like-

Oh, I love when you make a song a moment. Master, master, master of puppets and pulling strings. You know, because you have to have a pop voice now to get in a lot of musicals. Oh yeah, master. I'm, yeah, master. to get in a lot of musicals. Oh yeah, mastoy. I'm, yes, mastoy.

To where you don't recognize the word anymore. But people love it. Yes. I don't understand it. Exactly. There is something about that. I mean, I feel like finally singing has been fixed. You think?

Yes. I wish they would go back and just redo all the old classics with that voice. Yes, exactly. Oh, like, I just wanna have fun. Well, how about that? Well, what song was that?

That was Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. Oh. Didn't even recognize it. Goyles. Ha ha ha. Tokey-lady. Remember? Goyles is one of them.

Do you think, do you think City Lover, she was doing a medieval accent? It would sound like Goyles. I wasn't trying to do medieval. I mean, I wasn't trying to do Cindy Lauper. No, I know you weren't. Okay. We're talking about three things at the same time.

And it's exciting. Yeah. I like it. One Toykeelig's name. Oh boy. There he is getting ready for the Ren Fair again. That does not exist anymore sadly. Bangy is tankered on the Ren Fair again. That does not exist anymore. Bang is tankered on the table.

Yes. The oak top table. Well, we have time for one more post. We do. And let me tell you, this is a quick little post that just caught my eye because it just, it made me laugh. This post comes from Gina B. Gina B.

Gina B. One name. Now how about this? No, I'm sorry. I guess I should just say Gina. It's okay. I mean, it's just, it's just B period. B period. Gina B. One name, it's one name? No, I'm sorry, I guess I should just say Gina. Oh, it's okay, I mean, it's just B period. B period. Gina B period. So this just says, ready?

Looking for a post of someone finding a wallet. The end? Does that, the end. Period. Does that just indicate she's looking for a wallet, but not one that's hers? Yes. I mean, the way to word that would be, has anyone found my wallet?

Yes. I'm Gina B. Correct. I'm Gina B. And perhaps if you're smart, put your full last name. Cause if you really have lost your wallet, let's really get confirmation. But instead this makes it sound like she wants to find a post of someone looking for a wallet.

She will go hunting for that wallet. Exactly. Never give that wallet back. Yes. She's going to say, she's hoping. Here's what I think is happening. Okay, here we go. She's hoping someone's going to say, yes, I did find a wallet. Oh, but I've, but the person whose wallet it is, is named Mark Hampton. And then she'll say, oh, that's me. Gina B is just my screen name. Oh, you're right. Cause it Gina B is just my screen name. Oh, you're right. Cause it's not someone looking for a wallet. It's someone finding a wallet.

Yes. I'm definitely Mark Hampton who lost a wallet. With just a finger as a mustache over, oh, it's me, I'm Mark Hampton. I'm doing it for everybody that can't see it. But now is this when she shows up to collect the wallet? I mean, I don't mean that it's really going to happen. I just thought that'd be silly. I don't think it's really going to happen.

Goofy. Goofy. Goofy. Woo hoo hoo hoo. Predates the character by the way. I looked it up. Right, well that would make sense. It does predate the character. Of course that would make sense, yeah.

All right. What do you never know? He started out as Dippy Dog. That's right, I did know that. Why didn't they stick with that? It's better, it's better than Goofy? Remember the like, we can't kiss this word. I actually do think it's better as a name.

Really? I would rather my name be Dippy than goofy. Maybe they were trying to get the word Dippy going and they're going, this isn't catching. They're really trying to make Dippy happen. You know what, he's more goofy than Dippy. I think he's just calling him goofy. Oh, we'll fly on the wall.

Well, Gina, I mean, best of luck to you finding someone else's wallet. Very specific scam. Or maybe it really, really is a specific scam. It is bold because it just feels very obvious. It's like looking for anyone finding a wallet. If you find it, it's mine. Let me know. In fact, just send it to my house. No questions. No questions asked. License is not the same as the address. No questions answered. No questions given. So sometimes there's just really fun things like that

on this app. It's just so, it's just, this is why we do this. Joan, you're absolutely right. Sometimes there's just really fun things like that. There doesn't have to be more to it. No, there really doesn't have to be more to it. No, there really doesn't have to be more to it. Why are we tying ourselves in knots? Well, I thought also this particular episode

needed just a short and sweet post because we really got into it. It was a real deep horse dive. We really, you know, like- Do you remember that movie about horse diving? Of course I do. Of course I do. Was that not Wild?

Wild spirits can't be broken or something? Wild hearts can't be broken. Wild hearts can't be broken. Boy, I had such a crush on that. Was it Paul Sheffield? He also was in 16 candles. Mark Hampton? No.

He was in 16 candles? He's the guy. He was Jake in 16 candles. So he did two movies. He did two movies. Wow. Yeah. And Cliff Robertson was in this and Gabrielle Anwar,

who was famous for the scent of a woman tango. That's right. They really all just did. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. And it was a real thing. In fact, she was a real person.

Yes, there was a real, on the steel pier in Atlantic City, there was a real person who would ride on the back of a horse, jump off of a platform. So many feet up, by the way. Into a pool. Into a pool. How did that ever come to be? Who even thought of it? Was there somebody doing this before and then she was the new hire? Yes, the idea was she did it. It was.

That's true. Well, in the movie. It was an existing thing. In the movie, it was Penelope and Miller first. Why are we focusing on this one person? Well, we should be focusing on the person who had the idea to do this in the first place. The reason why is because she went blind, remember? She had her eyes open and she had a different horse, got spooked right as it was running up to jump. So they weren't in sync and she had her eyes open and it blinded her and she continued to horse dive after she was blind, everybody.

Now I'm sorry, that's the story. Yeah. Wait, what'd you say? Sun cost fallacy. Sun cost fallacy? Sun cost fallacy. Why can't I understand what that is? We went through it last episode, I think. Joan touched her hand to her headphones

to make sure she was hearing it correctly. As if there was a sort of booth that could explain her. Hang on, I'm getting something. Hang on, they're telling me it's a sun coast fallacy. It's called sunk cost fallacy. I think there might be a delay. You're breaking up. It's you're saying, you know what?

I've already been blinded by the horse. I might as well keep doing this. But can you spell it? Is it sunk cost? S-U-N-K. Okay, got it, got it. Yes. Did we really already talk about it

on the very last episode? We did. Well, I feel the fool. You've already Do we really already talk about it on the very last episode? We did. Well, I feel the fool. You've already put a bunch of money into it. And so you feel like, I guess I better keep paying money because I did this already. Good money after bad. Good money after bad.

When it's really like, just say that you, it's cut. Your loss is just say you lost that money. All right, well then say that. Yes, don't keep pouring money into it. Now I've been taken down by this phrase twice. I'm embarrassed. Although it is a good tongue twister. Sun cost falsie. Thank you. Fuck. Dangleberry. Dangleberry. I forgot that he doesn't know how to swear.

Scallion. This is why he does. Scallion. Is that even standing in for anything? Not sure. Is that standing in for onion? I think so. I don't think he knows what a scallion is.

Onion and polite company. Dirt head. Dark town? Dirt head. Dirt head. Boy, you really nailed someone to the wall with that one. Sounds like Doug is regressing. I think this is getting worse.

I never realized, I can't swear right. And this is why it bothers you because you just hear it and it just sounds wrong to you because you don't know what an actual swear is. I like us all to get along. Okay, well I don't think that's on the table as an argument. I think we all want to get along. Well, if we were all swearing all day.

I don't know if we'd get along. I bet we would. Of course we would. We would get along a lot better because I would swear and you wouldn't say, Joan, darling, you know, whenever you give me a. Uncanny. Yeah. That comes with married life, I suppose.

It does. You can do flawless versions of each other. All right, well, we have to go and goodbye. Oh, and bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker.

And me, Brett Morris. This episode's guest was played by Jessica Jean Jernan. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World. Go to CBBWorld.com to unlock the entire history of the show, ad-free, as well as brand new full-length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maximus subscribers. Your support keeps the show going.