The Neighborhood Listen - Free Grapefruit with Ali Ghandour
Episode Date: May 28, 2024Joan gives updates on HERLET and Sprune Fever, Burnt shares an odd fashion choice that he kept it up for a year, and we hear a round of ~*Doug's Ideas*~. Later, Beatriz (Ali Ghandour) stops b...y to provide the correct interpretation of her NeighborhApp post.Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus plan to unlock access to the entire ad-free archive as well as brand new exclusive BONUS ROOM episodes adventuring deeper into Dignity Falls!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your neighbor. Good. neighborhood listen knock knock who's there your neighbor good indignity falls you're never alone you've got the neighbor half app and us burnt and jode from coyotes to mail theft to weird things to
sell we'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well we'll chat about any posts you're missing
so just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen.
Welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen.
This is your look at the neighborhood of Dignity Falls, and we are your tour guides to residents of the neighborhood of Dignity Falls.
My name is Burnt Mia Payday.
I am a pharmacist here, and with me as always is...
Joan Pedestrian.
I am a realtor here. You went with the tour guides thing again, Burnt. I think it's really fun. I did. I feel like I'm here and with me as always is Joan pedestrian. I am a realtor here.
You went with the tour guides thing again, burnt. I think it's really fun. I feel like I'm refining
it. Oh, good. We go. Yeah. Just always chasing the perfect intro. Oh, it is. And you know what?
What I love about it is I'll never get there because it is the journey, not the destination.
That is true. And you know what? The day that we decide it's perfect and we stop learning, we've stopped living, right?
You mean like we just dropped dead?
That's terrifying.
Inside, maybe. Our souls do.
I can't hear myself anymore.
Oh, no.
What's going on?
I wish I could remember which my, I hope it's this one.
You stopped learning.
Oh, that's definitely mine.
That's yours.
I'm so sorry.
That was so loud.
I apologize.
Is that good level for you?
Yes.
Okay, that's me. There we go. I'm so sorry, Joan. This is fun. This is like live theater. It's why I love so sorry. That was so loud. I apologize. Is that good level for you? Yes. Okay, that's me.
There we go.
I'm so sorry, Joan.
This is like live theater.
It's why I love live theater.
Oh, live theater where they have to constantly adjust knobs and levels.
When you go see a production of King Lear and they start blowing the wind and it's like,
ah, it's too loud.
Turn the wind down a little bit.
And it's like, now I can barely hear it.
The Immortal Bard.
We mention Shakespeare a lot on this show.
We do, which I mean, I think that makes sense. We mention Shakespeare a lot on this show. We do, which I think that makes sense.
We mention theater in general on this show.
It's because of me.
I can't believe I haven't.
I was remiss last episode.
I didn't ask you.
How is Herlet going?
Oh, thank you so much.
That's right.
That was another thing that we had promised everybody that we would talk about.
And did we? No, we didn't. We didn't. had promised everybody that we would talk about.
And did we?
Hey.
No, we didn't.
We didn't.
Wait, first let's check in with Doug.
Hey, babe.
How are you doing?
I hear you in the background.
What is going on?
Where are you?
Oh, I'm busy.
Busy at work.
Okay.
That's not an answer.
Where am I today? We've never heard Doug say that before.
We've never heard him say he's busy.
I'm really excited about this one. He sounded very frantic say he's busy. I'm really excited about this one.
He sounded very frantic.
He says two words and I'm excited about this one.
Two words.
Actually, is it two words?
Oh, no.
Could you?
Two words, one hyphen.
Possibly.
Minigolf.
Oh, boy.
You've built a minigolf course in the house?
Is it inside or outside?
Building.
Oh, you're building it.
Hybrid. It's a hybrid. It's indoor-outdoor? Is it inside or outside? Building. Oh, you're building it. Hybrid.
It's a hybrid.
It's indoor-outdoor?
Indoor-outdoor.
Wow.
How many holes are you going to be doing the-
Full 18.
Full 18.
Does it start-
How is there going to be room?
I just don't understand.
Well, this is-
So does it start indoors,
then take you outdoors,
and then take you back indoors?
Yes.
Oh, that sounds fun.
I mean, it does sound fun,
but my goodness.
This is a wild shot in the dark.
When you're inside, is there
a haunted element to it?
I think there should be.
I immediately saw
that on my mind that there was a
darkened corridor you have to go down.
You have to make a shot.
I think it should be very
scary.
Are you... Like people You have to make a shot. I think it should be very scary.
Like people at adult levels.
Hired actors.
Hired actors.
Yes.
Physically grabbing you.
Well, you're thinking about Falls. So the ghouls can touch you.
Which is like Falls Golf, because Falls Golf is our mini course, and they do an entirely
a terrifying haunted one at Halloween.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I mean, it really is
just, honestly, people
there's really no boundaries whatsoever.
Because there's nowhere to really hide.
It's just people running around.
They chase you. Here's what bothers me.
It's not only do they scare you, but when you're trying
to make a shot, they just kick the ball out of the way.
Yes, they do. It's like, why do that?
It's more terrifying to some citizens
than actual monsters, you know. The worst is... It's mostly, why do that? It's more terrifying to some citizens than actual monsters.
The worst is...
It's mostly mind games.
Yeah, mostly the Falls Golf Halloweens.
Why would a werewolf care if you made a shot?
The most sadistic thing about that place.
It's just a werewolf standing and coughing right when you're about to butt.
Yeah.
A vampire going, miss it.
If they see you're about to hit a hole in one,
they wait till the last inch
and they run
and they hit it out of the way.
And then they run
and they kick it.
That's right.
Yeah.
It's terrible.
No refunds.
No refunds.
The thing I don't like
is the holes themselves
are just very lazy.
There's just no creativity
at all to the false golf.
What about the actual holes
that the balls go in?
I thought,
well,
how can a hole be lazy?
Is there anything lazier than a hole?
Literally just sitting there,
just collecting shit.
But I mean,
so yeah,
the design of the court,
it's like,
Oh,
it's,
it's sort of around the world design and you get to Holland and it's like,
there's a,
a chalk drawing of a windmill on the green.
It's not even, there's no obstacles.
A windmill has been murdered.
Yes, it's a chalk outline of a windmill.
And they say, can you solve the crime?
And there's no further information.
And then you just make the hole in the wood.
There's a lot of windmill on windmill crime in Holland.
People don't know that.
It's really true.
Almost sounds to me like you said in Nolans.
In Nolans?
There's a lot of windmill on windmill crime in Nolans. In Holland. I can see that. don't know that. It's really true. Almost sounded to me like you said in Nolans. In Nolans? There's a lot of women on women of crime in Nolans. In Holland.
I can see that. I can see that.
Do you think they get confused for each other a lot?
I do not, actually. Boy, are they
different.
But yes, thank you for asking.
Burton was asking about my
one woman production of Hamlet called
Hurlet, and I did a
Southern Illinois tour. That was why
we went on a little break. Three cities in Southern Illinois.
Three cities in Southern Illinois.
I know that that was
not intelligible. I'm sorry.
You still have a lot of sprune
allergy medication? Yes, we have
our fifth season here in Dainty Falls. It's called sprune
and I'm really deep in the thick of sprune fever.
Joan, you say no every time.
But if you want that really good stuff, I can give it to you.
Well, you know, I was really hopped up on my own meds last week.
What is this stuff that you've got?
This is a stuff that's not on the market per se.
I don't like those words.
It has been FDA approved.
What?
But they're waiting to unveil it.
But this is Falls Dignity approved, right?
Yeah, that's right.
Not the federal, not the Food and Drug Administration.
Falls comma dignity approved.
It's the town council and their stupid robes.
And they're like, yeah, that one's okay.
Yeah, that's fine.
So what is it again?
What is it called?
It's just extremely.
Why is it so controversial?
Because it is, it will absolutely remove your allergy symptoms
like you will feel completely normal
okay it will
shorten your life by 10 minutes oh my god
each time you take it
oh my lord
that's terrible
but I mean 10 minutes here 10 minutes
there
what are you going to do with that last 10 minutes
well but if you take it every day, twice a day, you could really rack it up.
But that's the beauty of it.
You don't have to take it every day.
Oh, okay.
It lasts a week.
Boy, I wish I could take a 10 minutes that have already happened and just erase it.
You know what I mean?
Of this podcast?
No, of my life.
Oh, of your life.
Like a 10 minutes I'd like back.
You know when people are like, oh, I'd love that hour of my life back.
Yeah.
Which is also kind of
a dumb thing to say
because...
It's stupid, yeah.
It's in the past.
It's not going to happen.
No, it's not going to happen.
And what were you going
to do with it anyway?
Mitch McNutt says that
all the time.
You know, reviewers,
that's our town critic
who's just so mean
and he's been mean to me
in my community theater shows.
Yes.
He's a true piece of shit.
He's a terrible person.
That's what 75 minutes
I'm never going to get back.
Yeah.
You know.
Sometimes he says it about...
Speaking of a lazy hole. Speaking of a lazy hole.
Speaking of a lazy hole, Mitch McNutt.
He'll say it's 70.
And he always says 75 minutes to matter the running time of the show.
No matter.
No matter.
It's true.
But you know what?
I keep Hurlitt at a tight 59 minutes because I want an extra minute for mid-show standing
ovations.
Oh, sure.
And how.
You never know what will happen. How those, sure. You never know what will happen.
You never know what will happen. None yet.
But I just want to keep the, you know,
I just want to keep the candle in the window for them.
That's beautiful.
Where do you think they would fall?
In show standing ovations?
It's on the nose, but after
to be or not to be. After that's a little quick, of course.
And after the tap break. Oh they have to yes i put it in because you know i can't sword
fight with myself completely so i've turned it into a sort of tap break right a tap fight if
you will you were experimenting with doing the two characters like i was sort of old carnival
but i already did that when i played um When you did Gypsy and Sound of Music.
Sound of Music.
And I played...
Maria Mamourose.
Yes.
Maria Mamourose.
Half Mamourose, half Maria, then none.
But I did have a Zoom meeting with Fargo Community Source Theater.
Community Source Theater?
I know.
I was confused, too.
What does that mean?
I mean, it basically means that you have to make your own sets.
They put on the show based on things they find in the community, including people, including costume pieces.
I mean, that's okay.
But that's how community theater works.
I know.
I just think they added the word source so it would sound, you know, more civically minded.
Do you know what I'm saying?
I mean, I think it was.
The word community is in there. Listen, you're talking to civically minded. Do you know what I'm saying? I mean, I think it was... There were communities in there.
Listen, you're talking to me like I named it.
I didn't.
I know.
It's not my idea.
Of course, I'm not taking...
I don't mean to be taking this out on you,
but it does seem like there...
Just because I said it doesn't mean I came up with it.
Yeah.
Okay, Joan.
Okay.
Oh.
What, Doug?
What's going on?
You don't have to come in and give me a woe, okay?
Oh, jeez Louise.
I'm just worried.
Maybe you should take that 10-minute drug.
You want me, your wife, to take the drug that will kill me 10 minutes sooner?
That's suspicious, babe.
I don't want that.
I'm telling you it's not a good look.
But the problem is that-
You need that pill.
I want that pill.
The problem is the sprune-
Remember Limitless?
The sprune personality.
Now we call it
split personality.
Split personality.
You're talking about Sproon Joan.
Sproon Joan lasts more than 10 minutes.
And you won't even remember that.
You're just feeling bad for yourself
because we're on like week three of My Sproon Fever
and you know, it's like
My Sproon Fever.
You just, you know.
Hey, Rhubarb Caravan.
Oh, yeah.
Your band.
Your dad band.
You cover sprung...
My sprung fever.
That's a good song idea.
That would be a good song idea.
You're right.
It's got a...
I can hear it.
Like a Mustang Sally sort of song.
Got a cantilever.
Oh.
Got a cantilever.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
I think leave her would just be a good one.
He went cantilever, which is really nice.
And made it a verb.
Yes, he did.
I simply have to cantilever.
Anyways, the Zoom meeting went fine.
It devolved into me ending up doing the whole production for them.
And unfortunately, you know, it was one of those Zooms where it cuts off.
And so it cut off
right before I was going
to get to the final moment.
So I have not heard back from them,
which is not a great feeling.
So I don't know
what's going on with them.
I'm not sure if they're busy
or they're building their season.
And, you know,
I'm going to do a follow-up.
Don't want to look too desperate.
I'm going to wait another week.
And, you know, it's a dance. It's's just a dance this business is a dance right it's so true speaking of dancing yeah are you gonna go to sprun zune this this year sprun zune
yes that's where the it's in the uh the gymnasium of the high school and it's a silent dance party
uh where everyone is connected to one zoom oh that's right you right. You know what? I was picturing Z-O-O-N.
You're talking about Z-U-N-E, right?
The community Zoom.
Yeah.
Yes, got it.
It's the last one in America.
And they have a multi-jack.
This thing is wild.
There's so many adapters.
There's so many adapters.
There's so many adapters.
It's up to it.
I worry it's a safety hazard.
Sure. It still works, though. It rocks. It rocks.ters. I worry it's a safety hazard. Sure.
It still works.
It rocks.
It rocks.
I love it.
I love it.
I wasn't planning on it,
but were you going to go,
Bert?
I've never been,
and I thought I would try it this time.
Really?
Are you going to go to the gang?
Oh,
Gabby.
Yeah,
and the gang too.
Well,
but I wanted to ask you this.
So the gang,
we're referring,
of course,
to his buddies from CVS.
He doesn't work there anymore.
He works at the Falls Museum.
But now they all work at the Falls Museum.
Yes,
yes, yes. So CVS, we never have to mention again. Sorry, I didn't, I forgot. I'm not supposed to mention buddies from CVS. He doesn't work there anymore. But now they all work at the Falls Museum. Yes. So CVS
we never have to mention again. Sorry, I didn't.
I forgot. I'm not supposed to mention CVS ever again.
And a lot of times people
will find that if they've had a gang of friends
that they always see and hang out with.
That's right. I'm doing sort of a
lifting a glass of ale to my
friend. That's right. I couldn't think of the
word. Burton, you always have an old timey
word that I can't get. That's on the tip of my think of the word. Brittany, you always have an old timey word that I can't get.
That's on the tip of my tongue.
And I really appreciate that about you.
But I was making that gesture because a lot of times, sometimes a guy's friends roast him because now he's got a girlfriend and he doesn't hang out with him anymore.
Are you experiencing that or no?
Well, I think we're sort of past that age.
Okay.
Well, I don't know.
I mean, the other guys have, they, you know, they have spouses.
If you're never too old to fall in love, you're never too old to be razzed by your buddies about it.
That's very true. I mean, it's a mixed group.
So there are people with spouses and I'm kind of the only, I think I'm the only unmarried one left.
Oh, all right. So there was no change in any way with them, I'm assuming.
No, they didn't roast me for that.
They did roast me for that year that I didn't wear shoes.
Now, why was that?
Well, you know, I heard an interview with this
Thomas Jane, and he doesn't
wear shoes. The Punisher? Yeah, the Punisher.
And he, you know,
he was filming this
show, this show called Hung About a Man
with a Huge Penis. Oh, I remember
that. Yes. That was a show that happened.
Inexplicably ran for
multiple seasons, and I've
never spoken to anyone who's seen two seconds of it.
But there were pictures.
I remember seeing pictures of him because he said he doesn't wear shoes.
And there were pictures of him filming something in New York City.
And he's walking around barefoot.
Because I guess they couldn't see his shoes in the shot.
And so he's just barefoot in New York City.
Why?
Why?
Why?
What ever for?
Well, that's the thing. I wanted to know what it felt like. So, okay. Then
please tell me because obviously you liked it because you did it for a year. No, it was horrible. I did it for a year
because I thought it's got to get better. Oh, burnt. And it never did. And I gave myself
one calendar year. And then at the end I said that was a terrible experience.
Oh my gosh. I'm surprised that
I don't know. Pharmacy, that must not be named,
did not have a problem with the
sort of, what's the word I'm looking for?
It's not old timey, but
just the health
hazards of that, the health risks.
I skirted my way around that a little bit
by, I did
apply several
layers of self-tanner to my feet to the point where they were like a nice light brown.
That's also not good.
Yeah, so people didn't notice.
Didn't notice?
Well, because they blended in with that very dirty carpet with bloodstains?
All right.
Well, they did go to the maroon carpet to hide the blood.
Fair enough.
Yeah.
They darkened the carpet to cover the blood from um
from the many saber accidents that you had well there was just one but we thought well
could happen again definitely could happen again well um i find that shocking i don't
i didn't know you then of course but i you know that if you came into my house with those dirty
weird feet that were painted that shouldn't be painted and clearly must have had blisters
and all sorts of things on them.
Oh, everything you can imagine.
I would have said, you put on shoes right now.
We are not doing this.
Which usually doesn't happen in homes.
Usually it's the opposite.
People want you to take your shoes off.
That is true.
That is true.
I like when people ask, you know, they see that you don't have your shoes on in your
own home and they say, should I take my shoes off?
And I always say, I don't care.
I'm just at home.
Oh, I understand.
Yes, that's right.
Well, you know, Doug hates having to do that because he doesn't want to.
I love having, I love not tracking the day and the outside into my, into my house.
But Doug likes to have the shoes on because he wants to be ready.
And that's all he says.
He wants to be ready.
I don't know what ready for. An intruder? I don't know, babe shoes on because he wants to be ready. And that's all he says. He wants to be ready. I don't know what ready for.
An intruder?
I don't know, babe.
What do you want to be ready for?
You never know
when you just have to tear off.
Tear off?
Wasn't expecting that answer.
It's a great thing to hear from a spouse.
Especially one that wants to be dead
10 minutes sooner.
But Doug, I remember you also...
He can tear off
so that he can't be framed
for my pill murder.
I remember, Doug,
you also once said
you consider socks to be underwear.
I don't remember that.
Absolutely.
Because it's something you wear under your clothes, and so it counts in the underwear family.
Yeah, and where do you find it?
On the shelves.
Yeah.
Right next to the underwear.
It's true.
Well, you got me there, babe.
And so if you can see a little bit of sock between.
Even though I have bought his underwear and socks for the entirety of our 25. Have you really?
Yes.
No one.
No guy goes in and buys his own.
I mean, unless I guess you're a bachelor.
But I mean, that's absolutely.
I'm surprised he just knows where they're located just because I've been buying them
for so long.
Doug, have you secretly been buying socks and underwear?
Wait, have you been?
No, I just, I know where they're, I know where they are.
Okay.
And did you explore that aisle to get closer to Joan so you could picture her going there?
No, he explored it because he knew I was going to be gone sooner than later if I take that pill.
And he needs to know where to go buy his stuff.
You think this has been a long game.
I'm very weirded out about this.
I got to be honest.
I'm not going to let it go.
Babe, I did not mean it in any way like that.
Oh, okay.
I just don't want you to feel so bad.
To feel so bad.
Oh, translation is, I would like
this sprung fever to stop lasting. I already
have to deal with a period. That's
what he's saying. I'm guaranteeing you.
Doug, is this true?
No, it's not at all true.
Does that sound like me?
That a woman would take a pill that would eliminate her period for the rest
of time, but she'd get 10 minutes
less of life. They would all be
like, sign me up. Doug, are you working on your type five? No, but she'd get 10 minutes less of life. They would all be like, sign me up! Doug, are you working
on your tight five?
No, but I am.
What if you did...
What if you...
Wait, what did he say?
What did he say? I missed it.
He just started talking. I shut him down.
Okay, well, that's...
Joan, what if you did like a sort of a standup act as a man, you know, doing material about
your nagging wife or whatever?
Oh, that would be great.
I would like point counterpoint though, because you know, I love to play two people at the
same time.
So maybe I would do, you know what I would do?
Here's what I would do.
I would do, I would run it in repertory.
I would do one night, the guy and his stand-up,
and then the next night, I'd be the wife with the comebacks.
How about that?
What if you did it?
Because I don't even like pretending that I'm a man.
I don't want to write man jokes that are going to get laughs.
I would still want to come back as the female and have a comeback.
I say you do it same night.
That's a great idea.
First act, second act.
Two different sets.
Oh, I love it.
And they're married. Of course. The two second act. Oh, I love it. And they're married.
The two comedians.
Yes, I was already there.
With a minute for standing O.
With a minute for standing O. Which happens all the time at stand-up shows.
Yeah, he could be doing his hits.
I'm assuming.
So he could come out and it's almost like
it would be an ask and an answer joke.
He would be like, oh, and she's always
changing her tampon. And then I would come out and I'd be like, oh, and she's always changing her tampon, you know, and then I would
come out and I'd be like,
well, I have to and I,
you know, I have to be
fast about it because
if a woman wasn't fast
about it, we'd lose
half of our lives.
Right?
Yeah.
Something like that.
I'm just workshopping.
I don't have anything.
This is me just in a safe space.
This is a safe space
for me to try things out.
And now do you think
saying if I don't change
my tampon fast, I will lose half my life
do you think that's a big, is that a big laugh
one? No it actually is true. All the women
I'm guaranteeing you right now because
people don't understand how fast women are able
to do it. I've watched people in shows, mid
show that I've been with and a woman's
out there singing her ass off
and no one has any idea that it's a car
wreck down there and she has to run off and
she has 45 seconds and she can shove that thing in.
Sorry.
And get back out there.
And you think, how in the world do they do that?
Well, if it took us forever, we'd be doing that for half of our lives.
I'm not kidding you.
Oh, I see what you mean.
I honestly thought there was some medical danger.
I understand.
Well, there actually still is for using
tablet. Again, you just can't win.
But no, what I meant is
if we didn't learn how to do that
fast, we'd be doing it half our lives.
We really tallied it up as much as we
sleep. All of this should be in the set.
Thanks, babe.
Because it's going to be half
men, so I will have to explain it. Also,
I realize I didn't make it clear, but again, this is me figuring it out.
You just gave me this idea.
I'm just running with it, you know.
Doug, how long has it been, by the way?
20 minutes.
Oh, okay, 20 minutes.
But that's a good time to take a break.
Yes, it is.
We need to stop talking about this.
Not a good time for a tampon change.
If you're taking 20 minutes to do it, you're losing half your life.
That's right.
We'll be right back with more of The Neighborhood Listen when The Neighborhood Listen returns.
Hey, everybody.
This is Richard.
I got a Punk LB Longboard Skateboard for $35.
It's brand new.
It's still a factory wrap.
It's 40 by 9.75 kicktail deck, look man, I
just got real high one night, I heard this thing, I don't know what I'm thinking, I'm
in my 50s, I got a bad knee, I've never skateboarded in my life, I just kind of thought, like you
know, my dad never taught me, I didn't have any brothers, I just kind of wanted to go,
I just kind of wanted to go do some kickflips, but my wife figured it out, she was like,
what are you doing?
I don't know.
She got, like, she was making a lot of weird noises.
I was real high.
She started yelling.
She was like, the kids just set a bad example.
You don't even, you've never even done it.
You don't even have elbow pads.
I don't know.
Like, I don't remember much of it. And, like, at one point, she, like, became, like, she was, like, she had, like, my mom's head with, like, a goat body.
Anyway, dude, someone's got to come take this off my hands because, you know, I'm sleeping on the couch right now, bro.
So just, like, anyone, just, like, DM me, whatever, because I got to get back in bed, man.
I don't know.
I got to take up another hobby.
Welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen.
We have a guest with us on the show, as we always do.
In case you're not familiar, what we do is we scour the NeighborHap,
the social media networking application for neighborhoods,
and we look for interesting people in Dignity Falls,
and we ask them in depth to get more in depth about their posts.
And this week is no different.
And also, if you happen to see a post on NeighborHap that perhaps we've missed, you think
is interesting, you can screenshot
it to us.
You can screenshot it, then send it to
us. I kind of
like screenshot it to us. You're still
learning. We're still learning. We're still alive.
That's what this means.
That feels right, doesn't it? Screenshot it
to us? Yeah, that could be a verb. Why couldn't
it? Screenshot us. It's kind of like... be a verb. Why couldn't it? Screenshot us.
It's kind of like.
No, don't screenshot us.
It's like you're going to take a screenshot and you're going to shoot it over to us. Yeah.
So you just sort of combine the two and you screenshot it over to us.
I like it.
Screenshot it to us.
Yeah.
At burntandjone at gmail.com.
And this week.
This week.
Here is our post that we have.
That we have right here for us today.
And it's a very short one.
It's a very short one. It's a very short one.
This comes from Beatriz. And Beatriz says, free grapefruit. Please bring your own bag.
That is it. Wow. And we have questions, but we're going to direct them to Beatriz because
Beatriz is here right now. How are you, Beatriz? Yes. Hello. Thank you so much for having me.
I appreciate the chance to be here. Beautiful voice. Great bass voice.
That's kind of you. Thank you.
You must get compliments on your voice all the time.
First time.
Really? That's surprising.
It really is luscious.
It's rich and resonant.
In school, my teachers
used to say, your voice is too smooth.
How is that possible?
Really? Who would say that to you?
What subject teacher said that to you?
Who said that? English, whenever I would have to read out of the page, Who would say that to you? What subject teacher said that to you? Who said
that? English. Whenever I would have to read out of the page, they would say it's too smooth.
That's an English teacher probably being like, I can't listen to that because that's right.
Exactly. Oh no, because you think, uh, don't stand so close to me. Okay. Possibly too.
Choral teacher at one point said, add a little squeak. Why don't you?
Add a little squeak. I think these people were jealous.
I think so.
They were jealous of your tone.
I've never considered that, but I appreciate it.
Well, no problem.
So, Beatrice, I do want to know, is this post purposefully short and sweet and to the point?
And without any information?
Yes.
Or is there any more you'd like to clarify?
Because I'll tell you right now, I would like to know how many grapefruits I could take.
I would like to know also where you live
because you didn't mention that.
I assume we could DM you if we want that information.
If it's serious inquiries only.
But, and also here's a question that's direct to ask
and you can answer all the other ones.
But have you done this before?
Have you ever offered grapefruits to the neighbors before?
Okay, these are all valid
questions. I know there was a lot of them, but that's the main one. This is why I'm here. I'm
happy to clear this all up because this is a major social justice issue that I think has been heavily
misunderstood. Oh, wow. I didn't know this. My artistic partner and roommate, Grapefruit,
has been locked away unjustly for over 30 days now.
We read this completely incorrectly.
Completely.
Well, I think it's understandable.
Yes.
Wait, read it again now, Berndt.
All right.
With fresh eyes.
Yes, with fresh eyes.
Now, here, this might help.
Put one fist up in the air as you say the first two words.
All right.
Okay, Berndt.
Free grapefruit, comma, Please bring your own bag.
Now, what does that part mean?
Now, grapefruit is a friend, a fellow.
Your roommate, you said.
A roommate, artistic fellow street artist with me.
Okay, okay.
And grapefruit had an incident with the Dignity Falls PD.
We were shopping at Ralph's.
Okay.
And are you familiar now with the policy?
We've had it in town now for about three months where they're trying to do this thing about saving your bags.
Or if you bring your own bags, they won't charge you.
Oh, yes.
We were one of the last towns to do this for a very, very long time.
And Ralph's is a men's clothing store.
Yes.
Yes.
And Ralph's big and tall.
And everyone knows we don't have the normal grocery stores.
We have a Trader Joe's. We do not have a Trader Joe's.
And Ralph's is a men's store. Yes.
And people, a lot of people,
they, it's a give
and take with this policy because
you can, you know,
you can discount if you bring your own bag, but then
you're getting like a nice suit and they stuff it
in a bag. Yes.
Yes.
So,
okay.
So you were at this store,
you were at Ralph's.
I was at this store.
I was with Grapefruit and we had just finished buying Grapefruit,
a new suit.
Okay.
And Grapefruit,
he,
Grapefruit's a man of the people.
So he began packing his own suit in the bags that were provided by Ralph.
So he started,
you know,
folding his suit into fours and,
you know,
by fours and stuffed it into the bag.
At which point the cashier asks, and did you bring your own bag?
Otherwise, that bag will cost.
Right.
Yes.
And Grapefruit did not have money at this point.
Because they're charging $50.
I heard that in other cities they charge $10.
But they charge $50 here if you want to get a bag.
$50 a bag.
Yeah.
Grapefruit did not have the $50 to pay that.
Who does?
And was immediately arrested.
Immediately.
Wow.
Immediately arrested.
Nothing else.
Now what?
This was the solution?
There was no, well, then I won't buy it then?
The suit was already in the bag.
So the claim against Grapefruit is that he has already used the suit.
That's right.
That's right.
Or used the bag.
Used the bag.
Well, both.
Both. Ralph has a very strict policy of what they consider using the suit. That's right. That's right. Or used the bag. Used the bag, used the suit.
Ralph has a very strict policy of what they consider using the merchandise.
Yes.
Yeah.
So Dignity Falls, they took Grapefruit away.
He resisted heavily.
Sure.
Didn't help.
Didn't help.
Was there violence?
I would say mental violence.
Oh, sure.
Yes.
Heavy mental resistance.
Heavy mental resistance.
Yes.
A real talking down of the officer.
Oh, can you give an example?
Grapefruit told the officer, I bet you couldn't fit in this snazzy suit.
Oh, wow.
That is a charge.
That's quite a charge.
That's quite a charge.
Okay.
So then here's my question.
And what's terrible about that, and I understand why he said that, because the Dignity Falls PD is famous for having all of their uniforms are one size too small.
That is true.
And they hate it.
The idea was to make them.
And they won't fix it.
No, they won't fix it.
And the idea was to make the policemen get more physically fit.
Yeah.
But now they went the other way.
It's a real one size fits none situation.
Yeah.
It's really bad.
They're aspirational uniforms.
They say you should work out enough
to fit into this one day.
And the officers resent it so much
that they actually put on more weight.
And then they're ending up taking that out
on other people, on citizens,
and it's not fair.
And guess what?
We're all paying for it.
That's exactly right.
That's right.
That's exactly right. That's exactly right.
That's exactly right.
And so here's my question.
How long ago was this?
This was three months tomorrow.
So you were saying three months.
You're saying that Grapefruit has been incarcerated for three months.
But I want to know, usually for something like this,
okay, you get called downtown.
You're put in jail.
Someone calls.
Someone bails you out.
You mean to tell me there was none of these were options? Does he have a lawyer?
What's going on? Bail was set at $40,000.
What? For this?
This is insane. Grapefruit is
in what he's described to
me in letters as a bit of a
Andy Griffith holding cell situation.
So it's just the one cell
with a little bench. Just the one
cell. It's him and some other goofball in there.
They're sharing it.
Like a drunk guy who lets himself come and go.
That's how he described him.
Does the goofball change every week?
The goofball has changed every week so far.
Almost in an episodic kind of nature.
And is sometimes the goofball a little more serious than another goofball?
He's learned some lessons from the other goofball.
That doesn't sound so bad, actually.
At least he has something to look forward to every week. Sometimes you might get a goofball and this guy's a weirdo. He's learned some lessons. Oh, right. That doesn't sound so bad actually. At least he has something to look forward to every week.
Sometimes you might get a goofball like, this guy's
a weirdo. It's funny. And then sometimes you'll get
a goofball. I feel like I'm learning something
from this.
And does goofball have, sorry,
does Grapefruit,
my goodness, does Grapefruit
have a lawyer? Please say he has
legal representation. Please say this.
Grapefruit is currently
in line to be represented
by the public defenders
of Dignity Falls.
In line?
But I mean,
has he met them?
What is this?
An organ donor situation?
What are you talking about?
You're supposed to
immediately have
legal representation.
But there's hardly
any public defenders
in Dignity Falls.
I know.
It's a maximum of five.
Yes.
Which I don't get that law at all.
It's in the town charter.
I believe the motivation was
we don't want this to be
such a litigious society.
Exactly.
Maximum five public defenders.
Yep, yep.
Five private.
Fall in line.
Yes.
This is a really tough situation.
It's an injustice.
You can see why I made the post.
Free grapefruit.
Right, but I think
that part we understand.
I think with a bring your own bag
is still, who are you talking to?
Correct. This is
a bit of advice.
Because of the situation that grapefruit
landed in. It's a warning. I want the public to
know. Bring your own bag.
You know, I will say
I don't know how anyone could maybe infer
all of that information you just gave to us from
your post.
That's fair.
And that's a common critique.
That's very good. That's a really good point, Joan.
It's a really good point.
It's, again.
We at first thought it was grapefruit, the food.
Let me ask.
Have you received a lot of DMs asking you, oh, great.
I say, I love grapefruit.
Where can I come get it?
100%.
And I think that they come in.
It brightens my heart.
You invite them.
Because you think somehow they love grapefruit, meaning they love the street artist and they just want to come. Someone tells me, I love grapefruit. Where do you live? I give them
my address. I say, join the resistance. Oh, they show up. That doesn't tip them off. They show up
and they want free food. Yes. And I say, are you here to help support grapefruit against the
criminal justice system? Are you here for handouts? Okay. But then I, are you here to help support grapefruit against the criminal justice system?
Are you here for handouts? Okay. But then I'm sure it gets confusing. It gets very confusing.
We also have a legal fund going for grapefruit currently. And the way that we're raising money
for that is we are actually selling oranges, which makes us even more, even more.
How much money are you raising for a legal defense
with your orange sales?
Well, the orange sales
are a bit symbolic.
Oh, sure.
We're understanding that,
you know, we can't price
these oranges at market prices.
These are oranges that stand
for grapefruit's freedom.
This is a symbolic orange.
So we price them
at $1,000 an orange.
If we can sell 40 oranges. It's not about the oranges. That's the entire This is a symbolic orange. So we price them at $1,000 an orange. If we can sell 40 oranges.
It's not about the orange.
That's the entire bail.
I get it.
Can I ask what type of artist you say you both are artists.
He's your friend.
What do you do?
What do you do?
What do you do?
I just want to make sure all the inflections were covered.
What do I do?
I and grapefruit try to push the boundaries of street art.
Right.
So what does that look like?
This might have influenced a little bit of the famous stayed and dry as dust
form of expression.
Old as any art form.
We,
we,
this may have influenced a little bit of the, of the vagueness of the post, but we believe in
accomplishing a lot with few words, with a tight message. I believe that this has since been
cleaned, but I can bring up one example from town that you might know. The National History Museum
that we have here in town.
Grapefruit and I, at one point in the dead of night, 10.30 p.m., we managed to tag the end of National History Museum and write,
yeah, right.
You were the ones who did that.
So when you approach the building, it says National History Museum, yeah, right.
Doesn't that just undercut it? Doesn't that just undercut it?
Doesn't that just undercut it?
If I may.
This is Doug, our engineer.
Joan's husband.
Working on the mini golf.
No, it's like you're identifying
your newspaper.
Doug Kornpedestrian
working on the mini golf.
Yes, you in the front.
Mini golf.
I think you should have put a question mark at the end of that. Doug Kornpedestrian working on a mini-golf. Doug Kornpedestrian. Yes, you in the front. Mini-golf. Mini-golf Gazette.
I think you should have put a question mark at the end of that.
Because it just says, yeah, right.
And then I was, when I saw it, I shrugged and was just like, yeah, it is.
So read how you hear it in your brain with the, how you would like it to go.
In your mind.
Dignity Falls Natural History Museum.
Yeah, right.
No, you just said there should be a question mark.
So what would it say?
You mean you want it to be questioned, right?
Like, yeah, right?
That's how you meant it.
What?
What?
I believe I want to hear what your question mark inflection was.
I see.
What you're saying is you heard a question mark in how he said it,
but there wasn't a question mark on the building.
Yes, yes.
So now you're just hearing it right for the first time.
The way I read was...
You were demonstrating the part that did not need to be demonstrated,
which we already knew.
I know. Sorry, I had that wrong.
If it helps, the graffiti
is in italics.
Does that add inflection information for you?
I think it does.
Natural History Museum.
Oh, now he's all fired up.
No, that's how I read it.
Yeah, right.
And this is why we do art.
Art should create questions.
I'm so confused.
Wow.
I thought you wanted a question mark after it.
Why am I confused?
I do.
What's confusing?
The way I read it, the way it's written,
seems like it's confirming that it is the Natural History Museum.
Right.
So he's read it the way I'm suggesting.
Doug has now presented it the way he interpreted it.
Then he's presented it with an italic sort of emphasis.
But he has yet to deliver on how he thinks it should be.
Oh, yeah, right?
There we go.
I think that's all we were asking for.
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh, my gosh.
So the idea of what I was saying just could not be processed until I acted it out.
Well, oh, I think we've made him angry.
I think it...
I'm never angry.
Wow, that's quite a claim.
And I'm really sorry.
I'm only shut down.
We want to get back to our guest Beatrice here.
Sorry, Beatrice.
The opposite of the whole Beatrice.
Sorry, Beatrice.
Sometimes this happens and we get off on a tangent.
It's no problem to me because I believe art should create these kinds of conversations.
And we do want to be clear.
This was the Dignity Falls Natural History Museum, not the museum that we also have,
the History Museum that only goes up to the 90s, right?
Yes.
Yes, we have a museum in town.
Is it pre-1989?
Yes, it is.
That's right.
We talked to somebody who worked there. Yes, we did. We had a guest on town. Is it pre-1989? Yes, it is. That's right. We talked to somebody who worked there.
Yes, we did.
We had a guest on.
So this was different.
But, okay.
We have five museums of natural history.
We do.
We did go to the wrong one first.
Oh, which one did you go to?
We can't do this.
We love history up to 1989.
Oh, that was the one you approached first.
No qualms.
No qualms.
Absolutely no.
Natural history?
Things started to turn 1990.
Okay.
Yeah, that's right.
But yeah, there's five natural history museums and there's one dinosaur skeleton spread out over the five.
It is.
It's in a sort of a horseshoe shape.
These five museums, they're all close to each other, right? That's right. Because they have to be. Oh, you can do them all in a day. Because you could definitely do them all in a sort of a horseshoe shape. These five museums, they're all close to each other, right? Because they have to be.
Or you could do them all in a day. Because you could definitely do them all in a day.
When I was a kid, I loved visiting the pelvis.
Yeah.
It's fun. I wish they were
in a sort of order so that
you could go
through and you would sort of see if you ran
quickly through all the museums. That's right.
You could see, you could get a picture of the dinosaur. It's fun because
the pelvis is obviously inside the music part of the history museum.
Obviously.
And that's because it's Elvis.
Ha, ha, ha.
Next to the Elvis exhibit.
They thought that was really funny.
I don't think it needs to be 18 and over to see the Pelvis.
No.
It's titillating, but I think kids can handle it.
Can you give us one more example of something that you two, so do you always collaborate
or was that just one collaboration?
I don't know how it works, you know, or you branch off and you do your own thing.
How does it work?
I don't want to be too forthright.
You know, obviously I'm not a fan of the Dignity Falls PD, neither is Grapefruit for obvious
reasons.
I will give one more, you know, job that we did that I think has since been painted over. reasons. I will give one more job that we did
that I think has since been painted over.
Okay.
I see.
I'm not trying to out you in any way.
Sorry about that.
Not a problem.
Not a problem.
I haven't decided yet how I feel.
Okay.
And I respect that.
Oh, boy.
I do remember over at the Memorial Bank,
it's two streets north of here.
Do you remember what street that was on?
Oh, yes.
Monroe?
Monroe and Fig.
Monroe and Fig, yes.
And it's where the bank used to be.
Yes, where the bank used to be.
And they have the memorial to the old bank.
There was a memorial to the old bank,
and they have the ATM there.
Yeah.
So at the ATM,
Grapefruit and I, one night,
again, 10.30. Okay, one night, again, 10.30.
Okay.
Always 10.30?
10.30.
When everyone's sound asleep.
The witching hour.
Well, it's Sparoon.
That's midnight.
The lowest chance of being seen.
The lowest chance of being seen.
Okay.
We went ahead and added, at the end of ATM, hmm.
Now, that time, was there a question mark? I heard a question mark. at the end of A-T-M. Hmm. Hmm.
Now, that time, was there a question mark? I heard a question mark.
There was a question mark.
Okay.
Doug, do you remember that one?
Yeah, but I'm still so stuck on the last one
because I'm realizing that the question mark
doesn't make any sense.
Why is that?
So, I don't want to get into it,
but I take back my position.
Why does it not make sense to you?
Because if you're saying sarcastically,
yeah, right,
I guess there's not a question mark on that.
And this is sort of where we arrived on the night as well.
This was our original decision not to have a question mark.
Doug, you have the mind of an artist, but a little slower.
I see what you're saying.
Everyone really bought it, though.
Yeah, they did.
The important part is going through that process.
Going through that process is where art happens.
So this was ATM...
ATM...
And what is the statement you're making there?
It's interesting.
We want to take people's minds
and the natural cozy acceptance that we have
of all facets of society that we just take for granted.
I like that phrase, cozy acceptance.
That does feel like being put on blast.
What?
It sounds positive.
It is what we're challenging.
No, I understand.
They're challenging this nice thing.
No, I mean, I know that.
I'm not saying, ooh, cozy acceptance.
Yes, please.
I'm saying, oh, it makes me think.
It challenges me.
Oh, I'm thinking cozy acceptance sounds wonderful.
Well, there you go.
Two sides of a coin.
And we hope that we would recognize the benefits of, oh, a nice, soft, warm blanket of society to fold into.
But at the same time, every so often question it.
Yeah.
Think, oh, what is this ATM?
Maybe it's not just an ATM.
Is it the comforting presence that we assume it to be?
Exactly. Is the ATM that presence that we assume it to be? Exactly.
Is the ATM that blanket that we look for every day?
Is it the rectangular security blanket?
That spits out dirty paper?
Is this the only source of joy for us?
Yes.
And comfort?
And these monetized people are using cash more and more and more.
A.T.
Oh, yeah, we definitely get it.
Yeah.
I feel challenged and I like it.
Well, okay.
This is great because we've never really had, you know, I've seen, obviously now I'm learning,
I've seen your work.
I've seen Grapefruit's work and I've've seen other uh well can you tell me this is there sort of like um a community a street artist
community and is there a hierarchy is there a competition you really are stuck on that look
at no i like it now go ask them in fargo i don't know where they got it from it's not mine they
made it up they made it up they made it up they made it up. They made it up. They made it up. They made it up.
Not me. There is, there's a bit of an underground collective. You know, it's tough. The more organized you get, the more you get on the radar of the DFPD. So you try to keep loose networks
of organization. We tend to work in pairs, which is why I've worked with Grapefruit quite a bit.
Every so often a pair doesn't work out. You might break up.
You might date around for a new pairing.
Oh, that's kind of like how it works?
Yes, yes.
That makes sense.
When did you decide to pursue this lifestyle
and when did that happen?
And where were you?
And what do you do?
What do you do?
What do you do? What do you do? What do I do?
I remember it clearly.
I remember we were at, do you remember the building where Mervyn's used to be?
Oh, yes.
I loved that Mervyn's.
Oh, man.
I could get so many good sales there.
Magic shop.
Yes.
We were buying some Husky pants for me as I was a child.
Okay.
I was in line and my mother presented a coupon.
Yep, those coupons.
And the cashier looked at the coupon and said, this isn't the right brand.
And she said, oh, I'm sorry.
And she flipped through another page and she found another coupon. And she said, well,'t the right brand. And she said, oh, I'm sorry. And she flipped through another page and she found another coupon.
And she said, well, this one's expired.
And I was watching this transpire
and I was watching my mother's hands shake
and I was watching the line of people behind piling up.
It became very embarrassing.
It became very, very troubling
that this is what we do with ourselves
all for some husky pants for a young child.
And at that point, I realized there has to be a way to shake this up.
Yes.
There has to be a way to wake people from their sleep.
Let them know this isn't all there is.
Yeah, what are we doing?
What are we doing?
What are we doing?
What are we doing?
And what are we doing?
What are we doing? What are we doing?
What are we doing?
You know, I have been that mother.
I have been that mother in line sorting through my Mervyn's coupons.
I so identify with that.
That has such a ring of authenticity to it.
I got to tell you.
And I understand that. So then what, did you go out that day and do something? Was it something
with like the Mervyn's building or did you, or was it that, that was just the moment of origin,
but then you didn't start doing art. How did it work?
Yeah. I went home and I started sketching in my notebook. I didn't, I didn't have the courage at
that time to, to get out there as a young, as a young kid. I didn't have the courage at that time to get out there as a
young kid. I didn't have transportation either. I didn't have my driver's license or anything.
It's hard to reach some of these locations without the skill to climb a fence or vault
a wall or paddle out to a lakefront statue or any of those things. Oh, oh.
Any of the items you wanted to face are frequently beyond a child's hand.
Yes. It's true.
It's so true.
But I remember sketching in my notebook.
I said, I'm going to draw the Mervins and I'm going to draw what I would do if I were
able at this point.
And I wrote the letters out, M-E-R-V-Y-N apostrophe S.
Yeah. And I, with a red crayon, I crossed out that apostrophe in Mervyn's.
And I thought, take that, you bastards.
Just took away the ownership right like that.
With the swipe of a crayon.
Right like that.
What if it wasn't Mervyn's owned apostrophe that the apostrophe
indicates? What if it's just, oh, perhaps
it's multiple Mervins. A collection of Mervins.
A collection of Mervins. Yeah, right.
I have made your ownership plural,
you bastards. I see.
I get it. Do you think there's ever
in history been
two people named Mervin in the
same room?
I can't imagine that's so.
Well, I don't know.
It's a good question.
I remember learning about this.
Not the height of the Mervin name race.
Of the popularity of being named Mervin.
Do you think there may have been five in the world?
I do remember the theoretical physics experiment about this, too.
There are two Mervins in the same box.
Yeah, but if you observe it,
if you observe it, it becomes one Mervin.
You can never see it.
Well, you know, I do think that's very
insane. How old were you when you did this?
That was, I was so
incapable of doing anything.
I must have been 16, 17.
Oh, dear. Wait, you didn't have your driver's license
at 16? No, heavens no.
How come?
Heavens no.
Too husky?
I wouldn't think it was heavens no.
Oh, burnt.
Well, I'm trying to solve this riddle.
I would have no bearing
on whether or not
you're able to get
a driver's license.
If you're too husky,
you might not be able
to fit behind the wheel.
Oh, come on now.
You might have less confidence driving.
Well, I understand
the less confidence thing.
Oh, I wish that wasn't true.
Well, I personally always had a problem with the authority of the driver's test.
You know, that was a hard thing for me.
How do you think it should go?
I think they should sit there and observe you driving for 20 minutes, however you'd like to drive.
Oh, really?
And then just kind of say, yeah, you did pretty good.
As opposed to this turn left here, park there, turn there.
You don't think that would just lead to chaos, accidents.
I mean, people do have to stop and start.
There has to be a give and take when you're driving.
Otherwise, you know, really dangerous.
But, you know, they're making it work in India.
If you see those YouTube videos of just those intersections where it's just everything goes.
Yes.
Like schools of fish.
Oh, boy. I can't speak to that. everything goes yes like schools of fish oh boy
I can't speak to that
but I can
do I want to know
what it reminds you of babe
it reminds me of
burnt nitro burning
funny car
oh yes
I used to have a nitro burning
funny car
oh congrats
you may have seen it around town
but I stopped driving
I've definitely heard it
yes
oh you've of course
you've heard it
but turning
taking corners
was just too hard.
And so I gave it up after a while. I don't know anything about a different country and how they
drive, but I know that here in Dignity Falls, we really need to, um, uh, we have such traffic
issues. We have congestion. We have people who drive too fast. If we didn't have stopping and
starting and turning left and turning right, not doing whatever you want to, it would be very
dangerous. But what do you say to that? It would be.
And I believe that we, the people, should be the ones that dictate how much we want
the foot of the man on our necks.
Well, now, this is what's interesting.
And this is something I wanted to bring up earlier, is that the slogan for free grapefruit
is bring your own bag.
Please bring your own bag.
But doesn't that put, it sort of sets us against one another as opposed to saying the policy at Ralph's.
Oh, yeah.
That's what's wrong.
It's almost like he should say burn your bags.
Yes.
Right?
What about that?
Burn your bags.
What about that?
Burn your bags is a step down the line.
You know, we try to... What about that?
What about that?
What about that?
You see?
Sorry, you were saying...
This is important to approach it from many different lenses.
You said it's down the line.
You said that's just coming in too hard to say that first.
So first you say comply, and then you're going to say go against it.
I am going to say first there should be self-accountability.
First, you must equip yourself.
You should, CYA, as the parlance goes, cover your ass.
Oh.
Cover your ass.
Cover your ass.
And at some point-
It's covered.
When we are-
I don't know what that means, babe.
Doug just turned around and proved it.
This is metaphorically speaking. Doug came into the room. Doug walked into the room. He was fired around and proved it. This is metaphorically speaking. Doug walked
into the room. He was fired up by this statement, walked into the room, turned around, said
it is, and then walked back out. And I haven't seen those jammies with the little buttons
on the back for a long time. Oh, Doug loves those jammies. And he does call them jammies.
He does his best work in them. So that's why I guess he's building the miniature golf course in those.
Okay.
So you're saying start out.
You're saying start out by CYA.
And then,
and then what,
what in the hopes that,
I mean,
what do you want people to show up to Ralph's and, and follow the rules,
but only to a certain point or up until,
you know,
what,
what is,
what is it?
It does.
It does seem like you're adding a step to the resistance that doesn't need
to be there. Maybe. The compliance
step? Yeah, I would say that's the one.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. You don't hear
that as part of a lot of manifestos.
Right. First, go by the rules. First, do the rules.
Then, right. Do the rules that we hate. Yes.
Yeah. It's an interesting
approach, and I will
consider it, but isn't there something to that about
actually submitting to that? Isn't there something to that about actually submitting
to that? Isn't there something to
that?
Submitting to the rules as a way
to experience them and show
Oh, almost like a reverse psychology
We can do this. Right.
But then you'll see that you hate it and then
I would argue that's what's already happening
and
so now we're at the step where we go against those rules.
Then it's all on course, isn't it?
Oh, well.
You got me there.
Got you there.
He got you there.
The mind of an artist.
He's one step ahead.
That's right.
One step.
I would say one step on track.
One step on the same track that we've been on.
And tomorrow, one step ahead.
Whoa. That sounds. track that we've been on. And tomorrow, one step ahead. Oh, that sounds
that, now that sounds
back to sort of like an overlord type situation
of almost a big brother moment.
When you say tomorrow, one step ahead, it does
make it seem like you're not doing anything right now.
Do you not
remember all of the graffiti? I do know.
I do. I do.
Are you planning on doing
a piece of art having to do with grapefruit?
Because you haven't mentioned that yet.
And again, I don't want to sort of like out you, but.
And will it again just be writing words on something?
We've commissioned a mural.
Wow.
Okay.
So this is also a more conforming step, right?
Unless I'm not understanding commission.
You are the artist, but you're commissioning a mural.
It's a crowdsourced mural.
We've already sold two oranges.
So we have two oranges, yes.
Wow.
We sold two oranges.
We had a couple people show up who said, yeah, I'd love some grapefruit.
And I said, what the hell are you talking about? Right. Explain the situation. Here are two oranges. We had a couple people show up who said, yeah, I'd love some grapefruit. And I said, what the hell are you talking about?
Right.
Explain the situation.
When they were understandably confused, yeah.
Here are the oranges.
We're raising for grapefruits, Bale Fund.
And we sold two of them.
So we have $2,000, which is enough for us to crowdsource a mural.
Okay.
And that mural will help build more awareness for the issue of free grape seed.
Can you give us a hint as to what the mural is going to be?
Yes.
Okay.
It sounds like it's not even a hint.
I think I'm going to get it.
Okay.
What we've commissioned.
What you've commissioned.
That's right.
So someone else will be doing this.
So yes, another artist, and you never have much control over this.
You know, you can commission it, and then they're kind of going to do their own thing.
I'm not sure if I should wait to hear what it's going to be first before I ask why would
he choose to commission it.
What do you think?
I want to know who the artist is going to be.
Do you know who the artist is going to be?
Okay, then let's ask.
Who is the artist going to be? It's going to be Banana Malone. Banana Malone. Oh. Okay. Okay, is that- Oh, Doug, do to know who the artist is going to be. Do you know who the artist is going to be? Okay, then let's ask. Who is the artist going to be?
It's going to be Banana Malone.
Oh, Doug, do you know who that is?
It sounded like he did.
There was a real O of recognition.
Absolutely.
I love Banana Malone stuff.
What's your favorite Banana Malone?
He does great
dice art
dice art
oh dice art
and his name is
Banana Malone
so nothing to do
with bananas though
no
just his name
no that's his name
it's like our cat
sure
bananas are cat
sure
have you seen bananas lately
never
I mean just never
this year
I saw her again
what
again
yeah yeah yeah
sorry we have a cat
a yellow cat
very yellow cat
named bananas we keep losing sight of but I guess we're gonna keep seeing her I saw her in a window and she? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. We have a cat, a yellow cat, very yellow cat named Bananas
we keep losing sight of,
but I guess we're going to keep seeing her.
I saw her in a window
and she was eating a chicken bone.
Oh my goodness.
You're kidding.
So wait a minute.
Just the bone.
Just the bone.
Just the bone.
Oops.
She ate the bone.
At first I thought she was a California condor.
This is sort of in reference to a post
in our last episode.
Oh, that's right.
Anyways.
So Bananas Malone is doing it.
Bananas Malone, are they local?
Yes.
Okay.
And what is the mirror going to be?
It's going to be, we'll incorporate dice, as Doug mentioned.
Sure, sure.
A lot with dice.
And of course, when Doug said dice art, we all have
a concept of what that is. Immediately do.
Yes. Classic. But bananas
dice art isn't that cliche
dice art that we're all saying.
He's shaking up the dice art world.
I'm going to clean this late in my brain. Okay, go.
The dice on
bananas dice art.
It involves a Dyson? There's a Dyson in the corner dice it involves a Dyson there's a Dyson
in the corner
there's a Dyson
air blade
in the corner
okay
and what does that evoke
evokes
frustration
hygiene frustration
yes
thank you
thank you
frustration
irritation
irritation
things not working
things not working
moving my hands
back and forth
because society's told me to do this
and at the end is anyone
clean
that's in the corner
the central mural
these banana
dice they
aren't like normal dice
they're not the cliche dice that you're used to
these dice don't feature numbers.
Oh.
They feature letters.
Oh.
Interesting.
Like a Scattergory's die.
Exactly.
Sometimes you see, I know one where you see the dice coming at you, like the guy's rolling the dice.
Right.
It's like a 3D effect.
On the dice, instead of a number, it says surprised.
Surprised.
And I think you could hear how that was said.
Could you hear the question mark in that one?
There was a question mark.
Oh, the question mark was actually there.
Is there actually something?
Okay, but that's a different one we're talking about, right?
If I'm clear.
That's one of Doug's favorites.
So this one is going to have a die with letters, but is it saying anything or no?
This one, it's political in nature, of course, because it's for Grapefruit.
And it's also a call to action.
So if you weren't familiar, there is an organization that we're hoping to get Grapefruit once he's out to be in charge of it. This is the Students Against Law Enforcement.
Right.
Students Against Law Enforcement.
This is SALE, S-A-L-E.
Yeah.
And so we're having these guys say grapefruit for sale.
Oh, dear.
I mean, should we... He doesn't hear it, does he?
I don't think he does.
I don't think he does.
Is there audio?
No, no, no.
I think that you're coming into...
The same thing's going to happen.
The exact same problem.
Yeah, yeah.
That people are going to think
you're selling grapefruits, the food.
How so?
Well, because I'm just going to say for me personally, if I see the letters S-A-L-E together, I'm not familiar.
Students Against Law Enforcement.
I'm not familiar with Students Against Law Enforcement.
We've only just learned of it.
We've only just learned of it.
My suspicion is that will be the case of many people.
You think that if people see a series of four letters, they're going to assume.
I mean, if I see
DFPD, I don't think this is some
word. I assume
it's DFPD.
Because there is no word,
so you wouldn't
have the opportunity to have that
confusion, but there is a word, sail.
That's a fair point. And if I may,
if I may, the word, sure,
or garage sale, house, I would argue that it's spelled wrong. Sure. Or garage sale.
I would argue that it's one of the most recognizable to actual pedestrians, people on the street.
The word sale is meant to be attention grabbing for a reason.
Exactly.
Because this is what powers the boat.
No, no, that's a different.
That's a different.
No, that's a different sale.
You mentioned garage sale.
Are you talking about Mr. Rutherford's garage that he put the sale up on?
Oh, well, that's one of them. Yes. Mr. Rutherford's garage sale, which was, I know.
Helped move his garage a couple inches over.
It wasn't worth it.
It wasn't worth it.
It honestly wasn't worth it. And he took out ads in the paper.
And I'm just worried that you're going to run into the same problem as people showing up at your house wanting grapefruit.
worried that you're going to run into the same problem as people showing up at your house wanting grapefruit. They are going to, again, they're going to have so many questions because
if it's just a sign and the Dyson in the corner is going to definitely throw them off.
Yeah, I don't know. What does the Dyson in the corner represent?
The air blade?
Oh yeah, we're talking about frustration.
Well, you're going to get them there. They're going to get frustration already, okay?
Yes, correct.
Oh, it's almost a sort of callback.
When they show up, they want to buy grapefruits.
They will be frustrated because they've misinterpreted this, if I may say, very poorly worded street art.
Not to their fault.
It's not their fault they misinterpreted it.
No, I don't take much offense to this because this is, again, we only commissioned them.
You're a banana mullet.
I know, I know.
Maybe he'll do it in a way that,
why did you decide to commission it?
Why didn't you want to do it yourself for your best friend?
Why didn't you want to do it yourself?
Why didn't you want to?
Why didn't I want to?
It's so difficult to make art about someone that you're so close to and worry about.
Oh, that's kind of lovely, actually.
I get that.
That's deep.
I get that.
I feel so invested.
And if I do it wrong, he could be in there for another 30 days with a series of characters.
But here's the thing.
I hate saying this.
It feels scary to say, but I think you are about to do it wrong with the mural you already have planned.
Oh, I'm not scared.
You are.
I would love to hear any pitch that you have that would be more powerful than what Banana has already come up with.
How about any illustration of Grapefruit himself as a person?
A famously unattractive man.
That shouldn't matter.
For a mural? For a mural?
Okay, you could say my friend
Grapefruit, who is a brilliant artist
is being held in an unjust
way. He's being held? That sounds nice
to me. It sounds like someone's in a house.
Okay, it's interesting you could poke holes
in our argument, but you don't see the problem with the word sale.
Cozy acceptance is negative, but being held is positive.
He's being held.
Continue.
Sorry.
Sorry.
In jail.
He is incarcerated.
Yes.
If you show a picture of him behind bars.
Yeah.
And then the word injustice underneath.
Injustice.
Fight the man.
I love it.
Burn your bags.
No more bags.
We're collaborating, and I love this.
Boycott Ralphs.
Boycott Ralphs.
Perfect.
Art should be a conversation.
I would say Boycott Ralphs is a little bit more doable with the number of dives that I know banana can paint.
Are you locked in?
I got held up for a second there.
I couldn't remember what the plural of dice was.
It's dice.
And are you locked into bananas?
Is there no way
you could change it at this point?
Did he sign a contract of some kind?
He has received most of the funding.
Oh, okay.
It's commissioned.
It's commissioned.
It's commissioned.
Okay.
And has he started work yet?
I believe he's doing sketches
on the Airblade currently.
Right now he's in the research phase.
He's just working on the dice. If you happen to run into Banana and he's in a restroom and Airblade currently. Right now, he's in the research phase. He's just working on the Dyson.
If you happen to run into Banana and he's in a restroom
and he has a sketch pad there, that's what he's doing.
Oh, that's right. I think we also tried to make him
plural. This is an urban situation.
You know what? Here's why.
I want to keep saying Bananas Foster
because that also sounds like a name.
I would say...
It's a delicious dessert.
I've never had it.
It's so good. I don't know's a delicious dessert I've never had it It's so good
I don't know what a foster is
What is a foster?
I don't know why
I don't know what the foster part is
Maybe that was the name of the chef
But all I know is
It's the original thing
Where the
There's a
Why did the word chef hang you up?
Ice cream chef?
What?
What are you talking about?
Are you thinking foster freeze?
Maybe
What's a Bananas Foster?
Is it prepared by a chef?
Is there flame involved with Bananas Foster?
Yes, it's prepared by a chef, and what I'm saying is it probably was a chef named Foster.
What?
Is there flame involved with the bananas?
Yes, that is happening.
Honestly, most of the dry was the original flame.
Like a baked Alaska.
Yes, you bring it out.
It wasn't the original one, but it was sure.
You put a little bit of alcohol and everyone gets excited.
Yes, Cherries Jubilee.
Sure.
Gordon Flambe.
So it sort of caramelizes the, what was that one?
Gordon Flambe.
Gordon Flambe.
Not familiar with that one.
What's that one?
The coach of our local youth hockey team. Oh,
right. I thought he meant that, yes.
And they did famously have a dessert after him.
Yes. Which was fish sticks.
It was just orange slices and fish sticks.
It was disgusting.
But it was his
two favorite things. They were like, we have to
flambe them both.
Orange slices for the soccer coach before he went to the hockey.
Fish sticks was what he did superstitiously before every game.
Yes, because they were frozen and they were playing on ice.
Yes, he ate them frozen for the superstition.
Oh, the noise of it was disgusting.
The hockey superstition.
There's something orange, something fried, something ice.
Something died.
It all went inside.
All right.
So I would say allowing Banana to complete this, if he's still just in the planning stages,
let him have his money.
It's the sunk cost fallacy.
Do this mural yourself.
Sunk cost fallacy.
That I don't know.
I know this.
Oh, good for you, Doug.
Well, the sunk cost fallacy, and correct me if I'm wrong,
it's, well, we've already spent money on this.
We might as well keep going.
Are you saying sunk cost?
Yes, what did it sound like?
It's sun cost.
I just wasn't sure.
The sun cost.
The sun cost fallacy is different.
That's famously when NASA was thinking,
what if we just bought the sun?
Yes.
Then we'd have control of it.
Then we'd have control.
Then we wouldn't need to go to the moon.
Oh, when that was declassified, it was wild.
What a wild story.
Those guys were embarrassed.
They were so embarrassed.
I can't believe they almost fell for the guy
offering to sell the sun.
What if we just bought it?
We wouldn't have to go there.
He left town before they could catch him.
His songs were so good, too. the song. What if we just bought it? We wouldn't have to go there. He left town before they could catch him.
His songs were so good, too.
His songs were so good.
So what I do think we're saying is if we can sort of, I mean,
we could go on and you're right.
Ours should be a conversation, but I'm not sure
Justice, you know, I'm not sure there's, that
seems black and white. You know, that guy is
in there. That's a conversation that should be quick. We need him out of there. We need we need action. So I, I don't want to infringe upon your artistic integrity.
What, babe?
What's the matter?
I'm sorry for interrupting.
No, you're not.
There is a Boycott Ralph's store that just sells cots for boys.
That's true.
That's true.
It was a very successful camping line that the cots were the real winners.
And they're just selling these cots.
But they had a hard time getting people in at first
because they did read those signs.
And it's a different Ralph.
Yes, it is.
And you want your children in a cot
that's the right size for them.
Absolutely.
Why not include everyone?
Why do they have to be just for boys?
Right.
Okay.
Well, now maybe I understand
why that's not what you went with first.
But I do think that having the word sale,
that right there, I think the word sale has to go.
I think you need a literal representation of your friend Grapefruit.
I agree.
I mean, in this day and age, why not have him make a video?
You know, have him make a video.
That's not street art. Introducing who...
Okay.
But I'm thinking that...
Street art is writing things.
I understand that.
But they haven't gotten anywhere doing that, you know, and I'm thinking maybe you need to crowdsource other ways of getting the word out if we want to keep using that phrase.
It's true. If you involve people, artists that work in other mediums, perhaps.
Yes, exactly. Exactly. Yes.
What types of mediums? You know, I'm trying to think of the other artists that are out in the collective. And it's a lot of finger painting.
It's a lot of, what is it?
Tie-dye.
Okay.
Sure.
I don't know of any other artists in our community that are quite as the rice.
Oh, I think he meant like content creators, maybe, you know, online.
Yeah.
Do you know anyone who has a phone in their camera?
A camera in their phone, I mean.
Phone in their camera.
Oh, no.
I wish I had said that.
You really shouldn't have said that because it's going to just spin them out.
Phone in their camera.
Phone in their camera.
Phone in their camera.
If you know anyone.
Yes.
I mean, you have a phone, right?
You're on Instagram.
You're on TikTok.
You're on these things.
Or maybe not.
I have a camera and it also allows me to dial people.
Oh.
Well, then it sounds like you have what you need.
My camera allows me to screenshot someone.
That's good.
Screenshot to someone.
That's good.
So maybe you can, and perhaps people, some street artists maybe use it to screenshot their own art, you know, so that that's one way of getting the word out.
I like these ideas and I feel that we're currently building community, which was,
you know, the point of my original post was you don't want to spoon feed the entire thing. I'm
not going to write some four page, here's my address, here's what the legal charges are,
here's how we're trying to get him out. You put a seed in someone's brain and that seed sprouts.
I don't know what kind of font you're using, but I don't think it has to be four
pages. It doesn't. And honestly,
people even currently in the
world right now have gotten such fast
results with a simple hashtag and
just about something that needs to
be done, something in injustice that's happening.
And boy, oh boy, millions of people are showing up for it.
You know what I mean? And they did it
without the word sale. Stop the steal.
They did it without the word sale. Sure, Bernd, that sure burnt that's one example i mean that was it's not the one i was thinking
it's the first successful hashtag that i thought the one i was thinking i'm not that's not an
endorsement it was just the first successful hashtag that i thought okay that i was thinking
of some other ones but uh that was of course to uh prevent the steel mill from coming into town
that's right yes yes we don't want it we don't Yes. We don't want it. We don't want it.
We don't want it.
So I would just go back to the
drawing board, as it were, as an artist
and maybe see
if Grapefruit is... Sorry, what did I say?
I'm not going to jump on drawing
board at all. I just may need to
sell some more oranges. So I would
put this out to your audience if anybody wants
to buy some more oranges in order to support this. Or to your audience if anybody wants to buy some more oranges
in order to support this.
Yeah, or we could just make it clear
and say you could just donate money.
You don't even have to have an orange.
You know, it could be symbolic.
Is that a deal breaker?
Oh, does it have to?
Do they have to take an orange?
Do they have to go to get an orange physically?
I feel that it's a bit of a handout
if somebody just hands me cash.
But if I can be contributing to the community
by giving fruit
and you give me $1,000 per orange. Sure. That's definitely not a handout.
I'd be happy to accept money. I understand the symbolic nature of it. And I mean to respect that.
So, okay. So yeah, let's just eliminate the word sale. Let's talk to Grapefruit,
see if he has any ideas, see if he is open to making a video, letting him know,
letting the world know who he is, letting people in on it.
And you can just do it with the touch of a button on a phone camera.
And how is he doing? Have you seen him lately?
Good question.
I visited him a couple of weeks ago and we were honestly,
we tried to catch up and we were just giggling so much
at that hiccuping drunk next to him.
Oh, because it was a fun one. It was a fun one.
We had a fun goofball.
Okay, it was a fun one.
I'm dripping drunk next time. Oh, because it was a fun one.
It was a fun one that one.
You had a fun goofball.
Okay, it was a fun one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
Well, Beatrice, we thank you so much for being here.
Yes.
And we do wish all the best to your friend Grapefruit
and to your efforts to free him.
And we can say with context, free Grapefruit.
Free Grapefruit.
Absolutely.
Hashtag free Grapefruit.
Yes, hashtag free Grapefruit.
See, that's a good start right there.
Although, again, we want to make sure that it's a person.
And so if you have the person.
Hashtag free grapefruit the person.
There you go.
Hashtag free grapefruit the person.
And listen, if you, I urge all of you out there,
whether you're in Dignity Falls,
whether you live somewhere else,
I want you to, on social media,
contact your local law enforcement.
There you go.
And just a simple message, hashtag free grapefruit. That's right. Yeah, wherever you enforcement. There you go. And just a simple message, hashtag free grapefruit.
That's right.
Yeah.
Wherever you live.
There you go.
The police always have an account somewhere.
Just spam that account with hashtag free grapefruit.
Do it.
I think that's perfectly said.
That's basically the whole deal.
So I would even say, tell them hashtag free grapefruit.
It's a good deal.
Well, oh boy. we were so close.
Yeah.
We were so close.
Beatrice, thank you so much for being here.
Thank you so much for having me.
Stop the steal.
Hashtag free grapefruit.
Please bring your own bag.
We will return with a neighborhood listen when the neighborhood listen returns.
Hey here, Steven.
Uh, I'm selling a Wilderness Pungo 120.
Sorry, it's just, I got it because it's such a funny name.
Wife hates it.
I actually don't even know what it is.
I got it because it's called a Wilderness Pungo 120.
And I have no idea what this thing does.
Maybe it's a kayak?
Pungo 120, two sets of paddles, car roof rack.
Uh, none of this makes sense to me.
And it really makes less sense to my wife,
so she wants me to get rid of it.
I was going to charge you $400.
Oh, that's my kid.
Hang on, hang on, kid.
Hang on for a second.
I got to do something for mom.
I want it out of the house.
No, babe.
I'm doing it.
I'm getting it out of the house.
$280.
Really sell it.
Really sell it to her.
Come get the Pungo.
Welcome back to the Neighborhood Listen. And boy, oh boy.
Wow.
It's hard when, you know, I genuinely liked him.
He was a likable guy.
You know, he's got a good cause, gorgeous voice.
And then it's just frustrating when you feel like you can't get through to someone, you know.
Yes.
After all that talking.
Yes.
And I also wonder, why has grapefruit been kept in that cell for such a long time?
Well, that doesn't make any sense.
I mean, obviously, it should have been.
There must be something else.
I don't even buy the $40,000.
Someone would have,
that should have been solved a long time ago.
Absolutely.
So it does speak to,
what's that?
Doug just had an idea.
Just had a great idea.
What's up, Doug?
I was thinking, everyone gets a golf cart.
Another great idea.
Doug, you're inspired today.
A garage for the golf
cart
everyone gets a golf cart
okay that's enough ideas
for now babe
another idea
alright third time's a charm
oh
wow
oh boy
Doug give us your final great idea great idea Wow. Oh, boy.
Doug, give us your final great idea.
Sorry, things got a little silly.
Final great idea.
You're putting while driving the golf cart for at least one hole.
Oh, that sounds like something that guys do when they're drunk. By the way, I completely forgot about miniature golf.
Oh, you were wondering where this was coming from.
I thought you meant like in town.
Like Oprah?
Yeah, everyone's guaranteed a golf cart.
Like it should be a right.
Well, there are a lot of golf carts.
There are people who would agree with you.
Garf calls.
Golf calls.
Garf calls.
That is, of course, a cult devoted to Garf.
It's what?
A cult devoted to Garf.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
I'm having trouble talking now.
Well, those were great ideas, babe.
Imagine the lasagna nights.
Great ideas, Doug. And thank you for
indicating them with the idea sound.
Okay.
I do feel like the golf carts
are going to cause problems in the home.
Yes, definitely. Well, that's why we get a garage
for the golf carts. So you're saying you need to add
an extra garage on our house for this mini golf
course? For the golf carts.
Yes, I understand. But then they'll For the golf carts. Yes, I understand.
But then they'll drive the golf carts inside?
Oh my goodness.
Yeah, like a golf, like a round of golf.
Do you have the space for that?
No, we don't have the space for a second sizzler.
Are you kidding?
No, we don't have the space for this.
Okay, I don't know how you're going to... It's going to be pretty small golf carts.
Golf carts are already small.
I know, but it's not mini, mini.
What am I saying wrong?
Golf carts.
It's a golf cart.
It's a small golf cart.
Alright, this is so much silliness.
Let's get to our
last post. How about it? Yes, how about it?
Because this one's a real quick one
and it's a real head scratcher. Ready?
Oh, I'm ready to scratch my head.
This comes from Vera.
No punctuation except a period at the end.
Oh.
I'm searching for a plumber.
What is Waterhammer?
What is Waterhammer?
Correct.
What is Waterhammer? Which almost sounds like one of Beatrice's pieces of art.
What is Waterhammer?
What is Waterhammer?
What is Waterhammer?
Am I right?
But what is Waterhammer? What is water hammer? What is water hammer? Am I right? But what is water hammer?
Did someone tell her, oh, man, that's not going to work out.
You're going to have to get a water hammer in here.
And is she thinking that means she needs a plumber?
And is plumber, is water hammer a fun colloquial phrase that people use for a plumber, a water hammer?
But she's asking, what is it?
She is without any punctuation but a period.
Is it sort of Jeopardy style she's saying?
This is what I need?
This tool was used.
It just says, I'm searching for a plumber.
What is water hammer?
Searching for a plumber.
There's no punctuation and there's no question mark.
Plumber what?
I'm searching for a plumber.
What is water hammer.
Now that, first of all, speaking of New Orleans, sorry, that was a loud noise.
I put my phone down on the bench.
On the wicker.
Keys, keys, keys, keys on the wicker.
Oh, I see.
I forgot already.
Wow.
It was only a week ago, Bernd.
I know.
What's happening to my memory?
Water hammer.
Still haven't discovered what the movie was that we promised three episodes ago.
Sorry. Sorry, everyone.
The cliffhanger continues.
Sorry, everyone.
But I wonder if Waterhammer...
By the way, I think Doug is just saying Waterhammer to himself over and over and over again.
What is it? This is reminding me of something.
It's like Rosebud.
It's reminding you of Whataburger?
Whataburger, maybe.
Whataburger?
Whataburger.
Okay.
Some chain in Texas.
Yes, I know.
I thought you said water burger.
Is water hammer perhaps a condition that you call a plumber for?
Did you say is water burger what you call a plumber for?
I hope not.
No.
Okay.
Then I heard it in my head.
And I hope that's not what I said.
That's what I wondered.
Is water hammer-
Like, oh no, you have water hammer.
You have to call a plumber.
That could also be it. Yes. Like, oh, no, you have water hammer. You have to call a plumber. That could also be it.
Yes.
Like, oh, I have tennis elbow.
Exactly.
What is tennis elbow?
I've been diagnosed with water hammer, and I need a plumber.
A doctor is not useful in this situation.
No, no.
It's water hammer.
So no one's heard of it?
No one's heard of it here?
No.
No.
That's wild to me.
No.
Should we look it up?
They're asking what it is.
They're definitely asking what it is. And we don't
know. I'm saying either someone
told her she has a case of water hammer
or she needs
a water hammer. Yes. She could also
be saying, what is water?
And then... Asking Wendy MC.
Sign off as hammer. I mean, no, let me take
that back. She came out wrong.
And meaning to ask MC Hammer?
Yeah. Another way of addressing
MC Hammer in the vein of please don't hurt him.
What is water hammer?
Please don't hurt him. Hammer, please don't hurt him.
What is water hammer?
Hammer, can God make a rock so big
even he can't lift it?
I'm putting in
the phrase water hammer and we're going to
see what comes up.
And I hope it's not something dirty.
Oh no, like Lemon Party?
Not looking that up.
So water hammer.
Okay, see this is what I thought.
It's a tool.
It is a tool.
Oh no, it occurs when a valve is closed quickly or pumps us down and causes the water pressure to rise and fall rapidly.
It sounds like someone hammering on a pipe.
It can cause damage.
Joan, there's something about you looking over the top of your sunglasses and saying emphatically to me, it can cause damage.
Oh, I wish everyone could have seen that image in their brains as I was seeing it.
Is it where now? I can't see you two, but is it where
the glasses are on the very tip of her nose?
The very tip.
Like an old woman in a
library helping the hero
discover something on a microbeach.
It is like a little kid pretending to be an old person.
That's exactly it.
Oh, my word.
Well, I was very surprised.
It sounds serious.
She does need a plumber.
She does need a plumber.
So it is a condition that happens.
What's interesting, though, is if you go to any sort of, well, I'm thinking of New York City, of course, but any place where you have radiators.
Yes.
And it just sounds like someone is banging a pipe and someone will just say, ah, it's just a radiator.
It's the heat.
But maybe every time it's a problem and it's water hammer. I don't know. Science is such a pipe and someone will just say, ah, it's just a radiator. It's the heat. But maybe every time it's a problem and it's water hammer.
I don't know.
Science is such a strange thing.
In a way, it is tennis elbow of the plumber world.
It's like, how is air making this noise?
I don't understand it.
It's so puzzling.
But in this case, you're saying it's air pressure or it's the water pressure is what they're saying.
Well, the thing is, they don't actually have water hammer.
They need a plumber to answer the question
what is water hammer?
That's how it's worded to me.
Yes, but she's asking because someone
clearly told her you've got water hammer
and now she knows she needs a
plumber. And she's tired.
And you know what? She also has her
glasses like this. Absolutely.
Her name is Claire
and she's like, I got to get a plumber.
What is water hammer?
Does anyone know what water hammer is?
I told I have water hammer.
I don't.
I'm sure I can't afford it.
And my husband died five years ago, and I don't know what I'm going to do about this water hammer.
He doesn't leave me anything about water hammer in the will.
I wish people could have seen Claire's final take
to camera
but this is an audio medium
but Joan became Claire
I did thank you
but here's how it reads to me
here's how it reads to me
is somebody that is so tired of this noise
and they get online and they say
of this life
can anybody recommend a plumber what What is Waterhammer? Yes.
There's no time for punctuation.
She's so put out.
She just needs the information. I heard
Waterhammer and now I heard I need a plumber.
Honestly, life is so hard.
This just sucks and this is the last thing I need.
And she's not wrong. It's the last thing I need.
what is Waterhammer?
That's exactly what she's saying
and that's exactly what it says.
I think also Waterhammer
is a great last name for Claire.
Claire Waterhammer?
Yeah.
Possibly.
I mean,
then that opens up
a whole new can of worms.
Waterhammer sounds so poetic
and then when you hear what it is,
it sounds dumb.
Well,
it also sounds expensive,
like an expensive problem.
Oh,
if you're calling a plumber,
it's expensive.
Full stop. Highway robbery. So it's the sound, it also sounds expensive, like an expensive problem. Oh, if you're calling a plumber, it's expensive. Full stop.
Highway robbery.
So it's the sound.
It's a word for a sound.
Sorry, you know what?
I renamed her.
It actually was a post by someone named Vera.
And of course she's named Vera.
Oh, Vera.
I named her Claire.
I forgot.
And I forgot that actually her name is Vera Waterhammer.
Vera Waterhammer.
Oh, I got to remember that the next time I want to do a night of characters.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Also, good name for fake review of your show.
If you want to write a fake review saying, I loved it, Vera Waterhammer.
Oh, right.
I thought you were saying that the headline would be, Waterhammer.
Somehow it would be a diss.
Yes, you're right.
By Vera Waterhammer.
Yes.
If I wanted to write myself a good...
Yeah, for sure.
Oh, yeah.
A wonderful dot, dot, dot show.
Vera Waterhammer.
I laughed dot, dot, dot.
Anyone else have the Fanta commercial jingle in their heads?
Water, water, water hammer.
Oh, you could almost get a two-tone going. Water, water, water hammer. Oh, you could almost get a two-tone going.
Water, water, water hammer.
Oh, I think we've found,
we're stretching your vocal cords a little bit.
Add that to the set list.
This is very exciting.
Keys, keys, keys on Van Nuys for our brand.
Yes.
And Fanta.
Oh, well, Vera, we wish you luck.
We hope you get your water hammer fixed.
Yes, absolutely.
And if anyone else is suffering from water hammer,
we hope that you have a speedy recovery.
Well, that's it for this episode of The Neighborhood Listen.
And we just want to tell you,
if you would like to hear ad-free versions of this show,
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They're completely different from our regular episodes,
and sometimes we're not even in them.
They feature other citizens of Dignity Falls.
That's true.
But it's a way for you to get to know our neighborhood better.
But also sometimes we watch movies,
which is a fun thing to do.
We have fun.
We've done Superman 2.
We've done Fried Green Tomatoes.
And we are thinking of doing a couple other ones.
That's right.
So stay tuned.
The Craft has come up.
The Craft has come up.
And Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
The Last Crusade has come up.
Yeah, boy, two very different movies.
We should just do them both.
We should maybe get four more, watch them all in one day.
All right.
Thank you for listening to The Neighborhood Listen.
We'll be back next week.
And until then, goodbye.
And bye.
All of the posts used in this episode were real.
Only some geographical specifics have been changed.
The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins.
And me, Nicole Parker.
And me, Brett Morris.
This episode's guest was played by Ali Gondor.
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