The Neighborhood Listen - Hidden Cemetery with Kulap Vilaysack

Episode Date: April 8, 2025

Burnt shares an update on his relationship, Joan recalls 8th grade biology, and Doug searches for his golf clubs. Later on the show, neighbor Cade has a land access issue to discuss.Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus plan to unlock this episode and ALL seasons of The Neighborhood Listen ad-free, as well as full length exclusive BONUS ROOM episodes adventuring deeper into Dignity Falls!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of The Bonus Room, go to CBBWorld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

And now, please enjoy this episode of... The Neighborhood Listen! Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good! And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen! Knock knock! Who's there? Your neighbor! Good! In Dignity Falls, you're never alone You've got the Neighbor Half App and us!

Bert! And Joan! From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell We'll cover it all And meet new neighbors as well We'll chat about any posts you're missing So just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen. Welcome once more to the Neighborhood Listen,

the podcast that looks at the neighborhood of Dignity Falls. I am your host, Burt Miapede, but you know what? I'm not the only host. Why, who's this? Hello, I'm Joan Pedestrian, and I'm a realtor here in Dignity Falls, the top one. That's right. And I'm a local actress as well.

That's correct, and I'm a pharmacist at the Dignity Fallsmasy, the pharmacist in chief. If we're going to be bragging about ourselves. Let's toot our horns. Yes, let's toot those horns. It's a new year, let's toot our horns. It's a new season. Are we calling it season Susan? Because I really liked that. I like season Susan.

Doug's pitch was season great. Season great, which I think is nice, but I don't think it's for us to say. I'm not sure. I don't think it is, but that is the quickest we've gotten to introducing ourselves in several episodes. I led with it this time. Yeah, you really did. And you stared straight ahead. You would not look at me. No. And it was like you were concentrating on a fixed point

just to get through it. Absolutely. Because I feel if I look at, you know, you have a very expressive face. Oh. And so sometimes- What are you talking about? And so sometimes when I, when I say these things and I'm looking at you, you're-

I do too much reaction. Well... I throw you off. Yes. You're not doing anything wrong. I don't think you're doing anything wrong. You know, have you ever had it? Well, this happens in theater a lot,

but I don't know if it happens in any kind of other way. And I know we did a mirroring exercise last season and it very much upset you. It scared me. Right, well, because I think I was trying to show you what a theater exercise is and then I think it turned into you think I was mocking you and I was over mirroring and I felt very badly about that.

I was also very scared that that's what I, that's how people see me. Oh no, it's not at all. It's not at all. But what sometimes will happen when like you're auditioning for a show maybe or if you're in acting class and you're doing something like voting or singing, the person who's the teacher, the director, they do it with you, you know? They sort of go through the motions with you and you wanna say, stop, just let me do it. I know how to do it, you know? And it's very, very frustrating.

That is, that surprised me because I would think that, look, I'm not an actor, of course. Right. But I've heard of actors who sometimes, if you are acting opposite this actor, there are certain actors who will be mouthing your lines. Yes. Yes. My mother-in-law does that. Doug's, Hey babe, hi. We haven't introduced you yet. My husband Doug is our engineer. Hello? Hello. Hello Doug. Are you there? Yes. Oh, whoa, whoa,

whoa. What's that? Doug, what is that? What are we hearing? I'm in the trash compactor. You're in the trash compactor. Oh, God. You're in the trash compactor. Oh, yeah. I'm looking for my golf clubs. And if you're asking, yes, it's modeled after the Star Wars one. And yes. Is there a bunch of water in? 100%.

Yes. 100%. Could be anything in that water. Oh, God. You know what's in it. You've rigged it to have, you know, something swim past. Do you put eels in there? This is as you could imagine, not one of the rooms that was my idea.

You know, my ideas are like the linen closet and the main room. I was going to say. I didn't ask for a trash compactor room. No, no. And it's so loud. We could use it. What do you mean we can't, we don't need it.

We're covered in trash. We're covered in trash. We are not. You make me sound like I run a dirty home. I run a very clean home. No, babe, I would never say that. Listen, your house is very clean. Most of the trash comes from my house.

Thank you. I do pride myself on this. I've only ever seen two rooms of your home, but those rooms are very clean. Okay, thank you. I appreciate that. They keep a clean space, but I see the kitchen and the mud room.

I make you go to the bathroom in the mud room. That's right. You've never seen a bathroom here. There's a chamber pot in there. I'm sorry. I should let you use the bathroom in the mud room. That's right. Somehow you've never seen a bathroom here. There's a chamber pot in there. I'm sorry, I should let you use the bathroom once in a while. No, it's okay. It's okay. It would be weird now to use it.

So Doug, you... We have surprisingly few bathrooms. It is true. We have like 250 rooms, more than that. And we have two bathrooms, right? Is that right? Two and a half. So it's a 250 bed, two bath.

And a half. It's not the half you'd want. Powder room. Yeah, we hate that. What does that mean? It's not the half you'd want. What does that mean? It's more of like a closet,

but I mean, you can go in there if you want. So there's no tub in there either? No tub. Okay. So it's just a closet. It's not a half bathroom. But it's got a low window to the outside. He doesn't know what a half bath is. Do you think half bathroom means half of it is the room

and the other half is the bathroom stuff? Well, I mean, if you take half of a bathroom, it could be any part. It could be any half of it. I mean, look, if I could just be the top realtor for the moment in the room, it means that you're not going to have probably a bath or a shower. Just got a half bath, not a toilet.

Which makes no sense because the word bath then probably shouldn't even be in the description at all because it is confusing. You shouldn't be in the toilet. I get that. You know, and he also thought it meant half bath, like half of a bath. So one time he did just put, bring in a half bath. He like sawed it in half and then he sort of like, what'd you use for the end of it, babe? The end of the bath? To cauterize it?

Yeah. I use a hot poker. Cauterize it. Okay. I think that that was the wrong word to use. In our half bath, which is basically a closet, there's a window position pretty low to the ground. And I will use that sometimes when the other bathrooms are filled. It's like a doggy door, I suppose is what he's saying. It's what he uses it for. That's terrible. But I was going to say our children do pile up a lot of trash in the house.

Well, especially because they're all here now. As I mentioned before, the twins, their pilot for the Chick-fil-A streaming network did not work. It didn't go. The prank pilot and they are- Parents prank pilot. They're really in a funk. They really are. They really are in a funk. And I think that's why he's building this because this is one of the things that the boys loved back in the day. In the bathtub, they used to play trash compactor, like the Star Wars trash compactor. They'd get like all the Star Wars toys in there Yeah, you know they get like they would be the compactor. Yes, or they'd be the compacted I mean it was a whole thing. They made a mess. There was no the compactor has become

All the water out of the tub, I mean it was a mess So he's trying to do something to make them happy because they're just in a funk and they are Doing kindergarten right now. Yeah. How is that going? Well, with that old, old man, the old old man there and he comes here just, everyone's very clear because it's not appropriate for them to Billy Madison it. We're not doing that. Um, they are, uh, they're, they're sort of regressing almost, you know? Yeah, they're, they're, they're not doing, they're, they're ours and they're L's now

all of a sudden. almost, you know. Yeah, they're not doing, they're the Rs and their Ls now all of a sudden. They're like, mama, I love you. No, they're 22. It's very weird. They hold their crayons like in a fist. And they're obsessed with poop.

Okay. And dinosaurs. And dinosaurs, sure. So it's a bit strange, although it's kind of lovely. I knew you were going to say that, Doug. It's what they put in Jurassic Park. It's actually been- They knew their audience.

It's been sort of sweet, to be honest. And I don't, I mean, I do, I don't, but I do want to bring up what happened last time when I spoke to you about Gabby, your girlfriend, and I asked you, and you said you're thinking about next steps. Yes. And then you said, it doesn't mean marriage or it doesn't mean marriage, and then you got you broken with full sweat,

and then we had to take a break. Yes, because we are talking about moving in together. Oh, wow. Okay. And, you know, it's obviously it's a big step and it's obviously very, very, very, very, very, very. Bert, are you okay? Yes, I'm good. I just, it does make,

I haven't shared space with someone in that way in a very long time. Yeah. And I'm a little, uh, apprehensive about it. Yeah, it does. Oh, wow. It does seem like it. It does seem like it. Oh, Bert just took out a beer. Is that okay? Do you mind if I crack a cold one? No, no judgment. But you should have gone into, you know,

Doug's beer room for that. You know, he's got the one that looks like the mountaintop beer in the Superbowl commercials. I didn't bring my parka. That's one of our rooms. And I just thought I'll bring this one. It is a hassle to go upstairs and do it. The cooler broke.

It did, oh god. Let me ask you this in the trash compactor. Why would your golf clubs be in there? You know, I got so frustrated with golf. I was just, I swore it off forever and I just threw them in there. And I'm having second thoughts. By the way, he only did ever mini golf. He would bring the full set of clubs.

Yeah, I'd bring my driver. Now I understand that made them very mad. It made them so mad. He only did ever mini golf. He would bring the full set of clubs. Yeah, I'd bring my driver. Now I understand that made them very mad. It made them so mad. It made them so mad. And it wasn't appropriate because he was getting in, you know, it's like, you can have anger on the adult golf course, but not on a mini golf course, you know.

That's right. You can have anger, I think it's healthy. No, not in front of the little kids. Not for the kids, you got to show a good example. Oh, it never hurt the kids. Mini golf is only for people on a first date or with kids. Hold on, hold on. Doug, we never said you would hurt anyone. Oh, yeah, no, we didn't say that. Anger, it's not good to display that at a, you know, you're mad.

I would try to go behind the windmill and, you know, take it out on that windmill. But behind, you know, I try to hide from the kids. But the noise is, the thing's flimsy. And also, it's just, it's very dangerous. If you, no one brings a, you don't bring a driver to a mini golf course, you know, I try to hide from the noise. And the thing's flimsy. And also it's just, it's very dangerous. If no one brings a, you don't bring a driver to a mini golf course, you know, like you shouldn't be, you shouldn't be chipping from anywhere. It's all in the short game. That's all mini golf is. That's all mini golf is.

Short game. It's all putting. Literally all the short games. Didn't he fall as mini golf though? Some of the holes are pretty long. Well, now it is true. That is very true. It's a 60 hole course. It takes up more room than an actual golf course. It does. It goes underground.

It's all black light down there. There's an underground element. Yeah. There's the sewers. Part of it. Yeah. Yeah. And one is like a par 29, I think. It's really what it takes for some people give up at that point.

Oh, you know, one's ever done it. No, I didn't know. No one's ever done it. People it's by far the most frustrating hole and people just end up picking up the ball and taking it to the next one. It's almost straight up. Yeah, it's kind far the most frustrating hole and people just end up picking up the ball and taking it to the next one. It's almost straight up. Yeah, it's kind of impossible. Yeah, it's like one of those things where like you whack the hammer to see how strong

you are. It's like the ball's almost trying, you're trying to get the ball to travel almost vertically. And then go into a hole. Yeah. And then go into a hole. Yeah. And it has this crazy sort of like waterfall one where it's a trap door, but it's like, you know, how it'll go

through it like a castle and then it'll come out at the next, you know, sort of green over to the side. Right. It goes through a tunnel on a normal one. You know, you hit your ball into the castle or the trap door, goes through the little tunnel and lands.

Trap door. Oh, I guess I used to call them trap doors, but they really aren't. They're just entrances, I guess. The entrance to the haunted house, the entrance to the castle. What would you call it? A door. But the door moves. Yes, sometimes it moves. And that's why I call them trap doors, but they really aren't. They're just the entrances, I guess, the entrance to the haunted house, the entrance to the castle. What would you call it? A door. But the door moves.

Yes, sometimes it moves and that's why I call it a trap door. I see. I see. I see. Sure. Fine. It's just a... So you have to get it in there while it's open. Yes. But okay. You know what I mean though? It's going to go someplace else. It comes out at a different green. Yes. Okay. I'm not sure it's worth it now because that took so long to establish.

Joan, it's always worth it. It's always worth it. Well, they have one where it goes to the green, but goes in another hole's worth it now because that took so long to establish. It's always worth it. It's always worth it. Well, they have one where it goes to the green, but goes in another hole. Then it goes to another green. This is where you get frustrated on the course. Yeah, well, I stopped going because, you know, I'm not a great golfer, I'll be honest.

I'm a singer, I'm an actress, I'm a realtor, you know. I contain multitudes, but one of them is not mini golf. You know, I believe it was Craig on Southern Charm who said, I'm a lawyer and a storyteller. Huh, wow. Yeah. Those people just seem all terrible. They are.

I just can't get into it. What'd you say, babe? It didn't make any sense. Oh. Wow, we're really second guessing ourselves on this episode. I said, and I'm all out of storytelling. You're all out of storytelling. I'm a lawyer and a storyteller, and I'm all out of storytelling. You're all out of storytelling. I'm a lawyer and a storyteller and I'm all out of.

Oh, like I came here to kick ass and chew bubble gum. Was that a, they live, was that the first instance of that? Is that? I love that movie. What? Oh, here we are in a movie again. It never takes long to get us on a movie. This is coming a movie podcast.

And again, if you're listening for the first time, we are not a movie podcast. We just talk about movies a lot. Yes. They Live, is this a horror film? Cause you know, I do not like horror. Not really a horror film. What's it about? It's more of a sci-fi thriller kind of thing.

Really? Yes. It's about Starring Rowdy, Roddy Piper. That's right. And Keith David. And you know what it's really about? Zombies? America. To put it quite simply.

I've heard that. Got it. From me? America. To put it quite simply. I've heard that. Got it. From me? Yeah. I haven't seen they live. That's where I heard it. All right. Well, we've got that all squared away.

I'm not hearing it. I heard it. Oh my gosh. Okay, so I feel like we should definitely go way back. We should go way back. We should go way back. To where I really wanted to hear about you moving in together because this is what sent you into a spiral earlier.

So you want to hear more about that? Knowing that it sends me into a spiral. So I feel like you're telling me, please don't ask me that. I'm very anxious about it. With your eyes, you're very, okay. My eyes and my mouth are saying, please no. Yes, it makes me very anxious. I don't want to blow it. I don't want to blow it. But then what if I find out that we shouldn't be together? What if we move in together and it's

a terrible mistake? Bert, I'm just going to say this. It seems interesting to me that the two of you last year would have gone through a harrowing experience where you left Greece and as you were leaving Greece, Mount Antony exploded, erupted as we say. As we say. And you made an emergency lava landing. And you had to evacuate and sit on top of the plane. That's right. We thought we were invincible for a while.

And a squadron of helicopters came and picked you up. And then you had amazing sex after it was over. As did everyone else on the plane. And thought you were immortal for a while. And a squadron of helicopters came and picked you up. And then you had amazing sex after it was over. That's right, as did everyone else on the plane. And thought you were immortal for an entire year almost. That's correct. It seems strange that after that, what you're worried about is just moving in together. Because I can't think of anything more scary

than what you two went through. Maybe it's that it's so normal. Okay. That it'll make me look for relationship. Right, because you guys were really living on the edge for a while. And you also spent Christmas jumping into a fire with her father, stepfather, biological father. There was a cousin, I think her mother, her niece, sounds like a cult. Honestly, to me, if I'm going to say that makes me worry.

I know a little judgmental. Well, it just, well, it was a strange story. I'm just going to say, okay. And I love Gabby. I would say it's unconventional. Okay. That's a nice way of putting it. Yes, it is, well, it was a strange story. I'm just going to say. Okay. And I love Gabby. I would say it's unconventional. Okay. That's a nice way of putting it. Yes it is. Nice one and strange. I'm sorry. I apologize. All right. Well, I don't, I mean,

I don't want to talk about myself really, because I feel like I do it too much on this podcast. Can I just give one word of advice? Sure. Guy to guy. Sure. Guy to guy. Hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, h. Guy to guy. Hush, hush, I do I. What?

Oh. Oh. What? Pinball machine in the garage. You think that'll do it? Oh, smooth everything. Yeah. Yeah.

So if I'm ever feeling sort of trapped or claustrophobic, I can go to the garage and there's the old. He worked out a lot there. He had it, yeah, he had it rigged up so that you still had to put quarters in, but then you could just immediately get them back out. He worked out a lot in there. It worked out a lot of problems. I mean, kiss pinball. It was a kiss pinball machine. My favorite was it. There was a 60 minutes pinball machine that he used to love. And it would play clips from the show. It was all of the whole gang. It would be so that Mike Wallace, the biggest picture.

And then like around him, like a sort of, almost like a, like a sort of horoscope astrology kind of thing would be the heads of, you know, Leslie Stahl, Cokie Roberts, Morley Safer, Andy Rooney. And what's his name? Oh yeah, I can't remember. What's his name? Remember when he got an earring?

He was well into his sixties, he was like, earring time. Harrison Ford, same thing. Oh yeah, you're right. Because an older man, he's like, I'm gonna get an earring. And is Andy Rooney like at his own special feature like on the board, like is it just his thing? He rises up. Oh, I love that.

If you get the ball in a certain place, he rises up and starts complaining. I don't get it. They ask you hard hitting questions. That's right. To distract you. Yeah. Right.

And then as you're running out of time, it's, Yeah. Right. You just hear the ticking. Yeah, it's playing the whole time. Whoa, that's terrible. And you have to play it for a full 60 minutes.

It just keeps giving you the ball.. And you have to play it for a full 60 minutes. It just keeps giving you the balls. You don't want to play anymore, but it's like, there's something, I don't know, it's sort of a flesh magnet. It keeps your hands on the flippers. That sounds terrible. It is, but what a great machine.

It'll fry the circuit board if you don't complete the 60 minutes. That's right. Then the guy comes out and says, did you break my machine? Yeah, where was this? Where was it? That's right. Then the guy comes out and says, did you break my machine? Where was it? It was on the pier. Really? Yes. All right. So we'd have to explain this. We've never talked about the pier because there's like no water left. We never talked about the pier. It used to be so much fun. It used to be so much fun. We had a pier. Oh, I mean,

we have a pier still. And is that arcade still even operational? No. All the stuff is, it is 100% abandoned. Right. It was called Pier 62 even though there's no other peers. No. And it was, you know, it was a family place for a while. Yes. The peer family. And then there was a casino on it. Yes. It was the peer family that. Spelled differently.

Yes. Their name was spelled P-E-A-R. Yeah. And people called them the pair family. Yes, they hated that. And they would get so furious. Hated it. They're like, thanks, peer, without the S.

Yeah. That's what they would yell. But then they would, they had a picture of a pair on the sign. So confusing. Good riddance. But it fell into disrepair. It sure did. They would not fix anything. No, they just let it crumble around them. Yes. And then they lived on the pier to

live in the there was a mansion on the pier. Yeah. Very precarious. So precarious. Because the mansion was the width of a pier. We really need zoning laws. We sure do, Doug. You can't just build a house on the pier. We sure do. I mean, that's the one thing I would change

about Dignity Falls is put in some zoning laws. For sure. People can just do whatever they want. Absolutely. It's the charm of the place, though. It's some of the charm of it. It is the charm of it. I mean, it's allowed you to build an insane amount of food.

Oh yeah, no rules at all. Nope. He doesn't do anything through the city. But it's very tall mansion. It's a very tall mansion. It looks a lot like the Despicable Me mansion. I'll tell you a word for it. I haven't seen the film. Oh, you haven't? No, I haven't. Oh, they're fun. They're fun. Steve Carell's like, girls.

What's that? He says, girls. He's saying girls. That's right. But it's like 25 syllables. Is he addressing the HBO girls? No, he's not. That would be a weird crossover. I'll tell you what, that'd be very strange. Do you think they exist in the same universe? Absolutely not. Maybe Adam Driver does. Do you know, I have not seen those...

He's honestly a very despicable me. He's giving despicable me. I've not seen any of the despicable me's, but I heard so much about the minions. Yes. Oh God. So I said, I have to look up these minions and that my boys. Oh, and of course I'm talking about my twins. We do. I didn't discuss when I was talking about my boys, I'm talking about my twins, Matt

and Dippity don't. Dippity don't. Yeah. Matt and Dippity don't. Dippity don't especially. They're very into the minions right now. Because again, like I said, they't, Dippity don't especially. They're very into the minions right now. Cause again, like I said, they're regressing super into it. Yeah. They're just running around going, but banana. That's what they like to say. They love to say banana. Yeah. And so

you've seen the minions where? On, on, on YouTube. On YouTube. Yes. And I really enjoyed them. And I thought maybe I don't need to see these movies. I can just watch all these clips. Well, sure. But it's fun to give them context, you know. Is it? Is it more fun than what I'm already having? Just seeing these pills talking to each other? Pills. Is that what they are? They're pills, right? No, they're not pills.

I mean, they're shaped like pills. They're not pills? But as a pharmacist, of course you would see them as pills. They're not Neuprins? You know what, Jane? They're not Neuprins. Joan, you're right. Little yellow different.

Little yellow different. Remember when you ordered all that fake Dutch Neuprin? I do remember. You can never forget. It was a paralytic. You weren't even moving. I was in the half bathroom for about a week. Oh, that was a crazy time.

That was a crazy time. I forgot what that was. He ordered all that black market Neupren. Knock off Dutch Neupren. It was definitely not Neupren. It spelled like N-I-E-U-P-R-Y-N. I knew it had an expiration date? Newport.

I understand why you as a pharmacist in chief would see those things as pills. I didn't even make that connection. You're absolutely right. Yeah, because they're living, breathing organisms. They can't be pills. That's why I won't take Tic Tacs. Because they remind you of minions? Because they remind you of pills. Tic Tacs are useless, frankly. They're just the worst. They used to be so fun. But now it's like- What a terrible invention. They're for children.

They're for children. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Remember they made those orange ones that weren't even- Those were my favorite. I loved them. Of course I did too. And then they suddenly came to something at the end. They do nothing to freshen your breath. Nothing to freshen your breath. Just sugar. Yeah. When you're going through that whole real pills any day. I wish real pills came in the tic tac container. That would be great. But I think that people would do that. You know, I think they'd shake them all into their mouth like you

used to do with tic tac. You would take too many too quickly. And then everybody can hear you. What's that saying? Like she takes them like, like you take tic tacs, which means a lot. Yes. When they're talking about someone who does who does too many pills. Sure. Yes, when they're talking about someone who does too many pills. Sure.

Now, the only other sort of thing I can remember that had a container like that was... Okay, I thought you were going to talk about Despicable Me and the last thing you remember. The last thing I remember about Despicable Me is... GORLs! Ads. Oh, okay. Breath of Shore was the only other container that you had the little tiny flip up. Yeah.

And Breath of Shore was a, was a supposed to be some revolutionary breath thing where it would, it would freshen your breath from the stomach outward. Ew! That sounds terrible. That's disgusting. It was supposed to be plant-based or something.

I forget. I remember the commercial, the chlorophyll was in it. I can't remember. Eww. Ch chlorophyll was in it. I can't remember. You're chlorophyll? I'm terribly sorry. Well that sounds nutty. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? I didn't realize I was going to upset you both and I, I, I retorted. We really didn't have a big, Doug and I are on the same page when it comes to chlorophyll. I never thought when someone-

No need to go to the pinball machine for that one. I'll tell you what. When someone puts chlorophyll in it, it's like, oh, I'm going to get a pinball machine. I'm going to get a pinball machine. I'm going to get a pinball machine. I'm going to get a pinball machine. I'm going to get a pinball machine. I'm going to get a pinball machine. I'm going to get a pinball machine.

I'm going to get a pinball machine. I'm going to get a pinball machine. I'm going to get a pinball machine. I'm going to get a pinball machine. I'm going to get a pinball machine. I'm going to get a pinball machine. I'm going to get a pinball machine. I'm going to get a pinball machine. I'm going to get a pinball machine. I'm going to get a pinball machine. I'm going to get a pinball machine. I'm going to get a big... Doug and I are on the same page when it comes to chlorophyll. Yeah. I never thought when someone...

No need to go to the pinball machine for that one. I'll tell you what. When someone puts chlorophyll on your mouth, I never thought they were freshening your breath. I know, like we never thought about it. So we never had to go out to the pinball machine. Oh, no need to go to the... Sorry, what did you say, babe?

I'm going to go to the pinball machine. When you see someone put chlorophyll to someone else's mouth, I never thought they were freshening their breath. Definitely not. Although I suppose. But that's two different things, babe. Sorry, just so I'm hearing you, Doug. refreshing their breath. Definitely not. Although I suppose. But that's two different things. Just so I'm hearing you Doug, you said when you would see somebody put chlorophyll in someone

else's mouth, is that the thing? That was called chloroform. That's chloroform. To knock someone out? It's got to be. Yeah. Babe. And they don't put it in the mouth. Babe, we're talking about a sort of like a plant's like actual biological reaction to something. Are you talking about something different? You're talking about like a sort of like a plant's like actual biological reaction to something. Are you talking about something different? You're talking about making someone pass out. Oh, I must, yeah. Okay. How do you feel about-

Why do they name them so similar? You know? Well, are they? Chloroform, chlorophyll, that's pretty close. I guess, and you definitely know why I'm getting them mixed up. You have to admit that's pretty close. You don't want to get them messed up.

That would be funny. It would be funny in both cases. I'm forgetting what chlorophyll actually is. Well, I believe it's what is created in a plant from a sun. From a sun. So the sun is the plant's food. They love it. Isn't it in fact what, isn't it in fact?

I had to say it with my whole chest. I'm afraid I'll be wrong. Oh, I know I'm wrong. To be honest, I might be crazy, but I think it's also what gives it the green color. I believe it's what gives it the actual color. Well, no, let's take the word. No, chlorophyll is the word of the actual reaction, the actual thing that makes it green. This is terrifying. Plant eats sun. Then plant make chlorophyll. Women destroy man, dinosaurs and her... What? Diners drive ins and dives? Sorry, I was trying to do the part where Laura in Jurassic Park interrupts Jeff Goldblum and she says, dinosaurs kill man and women inherit the earth, but I got it all backwards.

You know, my brain got ahead of my mouth and it happens so often. Happens to us all. Oh my goodness. Just so people know, I do know some science because I am a pharmacist But I only need I only know the science that I need to be a pharmacist But chlorophyll wouldn't be in there chloroform would almost be to know more about absolutely because we have a lot of chloroform People coming in in a daze and they have a Prescription for that

You can get a prescription. Yes, that will that will shock you out of your chloroform haze and back to reality. You know, we should take a break. We sure should. I need a minute. When we return. I need a beer. Did you bring an extra one? Sure.

Okay, great. When we return, we will have more when the neighborhood listen returns. Nicole, great news. Today's episode is sponsored by Acorns Early. Oh! Now, April, as we've been talking about, is Financial Literacy Month, the perfect time to start teaching your kids the value of money. And Acorns Early makes it easy with their Smart Money app and debit card for kids. Acorns Early's Chores Tracker teaches kids that hard work pays off. You just set up tasks in the app, set a payment amount, and tick the chart off when it's done. Savings goals help kids turn savings into a

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New customers visit Huel comm slash TNL today. That's h u e l Comm slash TNL use our code TNL to get 15% off your first order plus a free gift. That is huel.com slash TNL. Get 15% off your first order plus a free gift today. Hi, this is Susan. I am selling a mannequin for $25. That's it. As you can see, she's photographed here. I am selling a mannequin for $25.

That's it. As you can see, she's photographed here. She is lovely. She is the epitome of impossible, achievable standards. Yes, my husband and her are having an emotional affair and it is time for her to go. But if you could come quickly because he does not know why I'm doing this, please come get her, I can't take it.

Oh, yeah, Joan. That was for me. That was for me, baby. Oh, can I join you guys? Sure. Oh, wow. This is gonna be a fun record. This will be a fun record.

All right. We do have a guest here on the Neighborhood Listen. Here's what we do. We scour the NeighborHap, the social networking application for neighborhoods, and we look at Dignity Falls residents, see if there's anybody interesting to talk to, somebody who needs to amplify a message, somebody who has a question, somebody who is in some sort of trouble. Oh, yeah.

Sometimes. Oh, God sometimes. Oh God. Yeah. It's okay. Sorry, this was a can of tomatoes. Oh my God. Why would it have an opening like that? Is it because you got it in the trash compactor? Yeah, well yeah.

Ew! That's so disgusting. It was unopened. It's also wasteful just to throw an unopened can of tomatoes. Not to mention, most cans of tomatoes don't open like that. No, they shouldn't. No, well this one has a lot of gas. Yeah, they don't hiss.

They don't make that sound. Is it expired? I believe so. It tastes fermented. And also, I'm very concerned that you got as far as actually drinking out of it and nothing else tipped you off that it wasn't a beer. Is there any light in there? Is it V8?

Wait, we have to introduce our guest. No, it's fine. We just don't want you to not. We want everyone to know who you are. It's probably good you did that. Absolutely. Thank you. We would have been talking to Doug about being in the trash compactor with no lights on for al-mighty. You saved us, but let's find out who we're talking to for everybody's sake. So what we do is we uh, scout with an ear, perhaps look for interesting people to talk to and this is no different. If you have one that you think we should talk about, why don't you screenshot it and send it to us at BurtAndJoanAtGmail.com. We have a listener that sent us this.

Michael Meerson sent us this post. And this is a post in the recommendations section. And this is from someone named Cade. The sort of headline is, Land Access. Good afternoon, all named Cade. The sort of headline is land access. Good afternoon all, Cade continues. I have a super odd question. I'm kind of a history nerd, especially when it comes to local history,

and there's a hidden cemetery located on the Falls Farms property that a lot of you probably don't even know about. It's pretty old and nobody has been buried here in at least 100 years and contains some of the earliest settlers in the Old Dig area. I'm interested in getting some photos of it for a couple genealogical websites and was curious if any of you had any good contact information that I could get in order to receive permission to access

the property. I hope you all have a good weekend! Cade signs off. And here to tell us more about this is Cade. Cade, welcome to the neighborhood listen. I'm thrilled to be here. Thank you for having me. Oh, our pleasure. Yes, yes, yes. So you're a history buff, specifically local history. I'm just interested in how people lived.

Oh, okay. Which is interesting because you were asking about a cemetery. That's right. Great catch. Thank you. So so what are can you give us an example of some other parts of Dignity Falls that you have explored history wise, some things that you have maybe found? Do you do you have like an Instagram account or do you have like a

substack? Where are you sort of like letting us know what you've discovered? I you know what? People have been talking to me that I should do a substack. OK. And I understand that it's sort of like only fans for writers. But I think that I am not I don't know if I'm there yet. I don't know how I would charge. But that is definitely you can do it for free as well. That is true. Why would you do that? I don't have a good answer for that. I suppose it depends on how civic minded you

are if you if you feel like this sharing this information is helpful to other people as well. I suppose it depends on how civic minded you are if you feel like sharing this information is helpful to other people as well. I do always feel bad when I read a sub stack and the thing pops up and it's like, do you want to join or what? And it's just something like, I'm bored or like, no, I'm not that interested. You have to click on something that's very mean.

Oh, I love those. Of course you do. And let me, I'm sorry, while we're stopped, babe, this is my husband, you can't hear him, but he's in a different room. Just, you know, sub stack, we're talking not about a sandwich, not about a big sandwich. And I know, I'm sorry, while we're stopped, babe, this is my husband, you can't hear him, but he's in a different room. Just, you know, sub stack, we're talking not about a sandwich, not about a big sandwich. And I know that's what you're thinking about.

He's picturing 100%. He's picturing a stack of submarine sandwiches. With like a gigantic five foot toothpick going through it. Is your husband Dagwood? No, oh my goodness. Wow. Oh, very good. Speaking of history.

Amazing. What would it have been like if he lived? Oh, wow, right? Oh, that's like an alternate history. Oh, I like this. What if Dagwood was a real person? Yeah, I like that. So, okay, so you're not sure you want to do a substack,

but tell us about some of the historical places you've discovered in Dignity Falls. Well, of course, all of the haunts that you all know, that's where we all start, right? The, you know, the town square. Oh yes, so much there. You know, I even have like, of course, like all of us interested in like various,

like murder houses. Yes, yes. Unfortunately, a lot of them. There's so many. Yes, it is unfortunate. But, but you know, the, the map at Halloween, the, that gets passed around all the murder houses.

I helped put that together and that really is, it actually is really, it's very informative. It's very whimsical and very, it's gruesomely detailed. It is. And some people have complained. The map bleeds. It bled. It's amazing. How do they accomplish that?

It's scratching sniff. It's very. How do they accomplish that? It's scratch and sniff. It's very visceral. Is it QR code that leads to pictures of the victims? Now, my part of it is some people don't enjoy as much. I get kind of lost in sort of the weeds of like, of just the tiles. The weeds of the tiles. So I kind of get hung up on that, you know? the tiles, the lumber. The weeds of the tiles. Right. Yeah, yeah.

So I kind of get hung up on that, you know? Okay. Because that's just so interesting. It's like, did, and for me, it's what's interesting about that is did that lead to the murder or is there any correlation? It hasn't yet. It hasn't. I haven't found it, but it's like, I, that's one of my thoughts.

So do you visit these murder houses? Is that what you're saying? Of course I have. Of course. It was accurate. No, yes. Cause I like in like a cold case kind of way. No, no, no.

And an appreciation of homes. Oh, and they happen to be connected to gruesome murders. Okay. Are you interested in homes that have no connection to a gruesome murder? It's just not what the public is interested at this time. I see. I see. So you're following what people are interested in.

Yeah. But of course we have a lot of interesting architecture. I'm looking at Doug, but he's not in the room. But you're referencing him. He can always feel it when people are gesturing to him. There's very interesting. It's uncanny. There's not a lot of mid

century modern here. That is true. We skipped over that period. Yeah, we really, really did. It's just mainly what we call Franken Victorians. Yeah. The pier, the pier's house, the pier house. Right, of course. On the pier. I just don't know how to say it. It's a real Hotel Transylvania. It really is. It really is. Oh, Bernd, that's another great one. You've got to watch Adam Sandler plays a vampire. It's great.

Wow. I've never seen that. Oh, it's fun, baby. You love it. Watch it with the boys. They'll love it. Anyways, sorry. The boys beating Tony and my friends.

Your children, babe. What? Wow. You say the boys. Okay, you're right. The boys. We've got our boys back in the house. So, baby. What? What? Wow. You say the boys. We've got our boys back in the house. So, yeah, anyways, I'm so sorry.

They are. Yeah, they are. I don't want to talk about it much. Oh my goodness. But they loved your murder house map. Let me tell you, boy, oh boy, they would have just gone crazy for that as kids. They would have really loved it. Um, but okay. So, so you are in the houses and how often would you visit these houses?

Would you say, I mean to make, to help complete that map, I probably spent upwards of a year. Wow. But just, just to really see how people walked. I'm interested in that way. How did they live? How they walked within the house? How did they breathe? Oh, so you're literally in the house. Wait a minute. This is how can you even determine that? I'm a history buff. I don't know. Is that what it is? Could there be that much difference between how people breathe then and how we breathe now? I like to immerse my yes, of course course. There's environmental factors, I'm sure.

Okay, okay. Maybe socioeconomic factors. Sure, in breathing, absolutely. Maybe, you know, they use the makeup max factor. Oh, yeah, if it was like back in the 80s, max factor is definitely a factor. Dental. And dental.

Different dental.. And dental. Different dental. It includes dental. You know you're born with all of your teeth ready to go stacked up. It's so creepy. That creeps me out. I don't like thinking about it. It's amazing.

It is. I guess it is. Amazing. So now I want to know what you're interested in is that in the cemetery. It's amazing. It is. I guess it is. So now I want to know what you're interested in is that in the cemetery. It's not sexual. Oh, wow. I didn't mention that at all.

I just wanted to get it. I wouldn't have thought that. But now I have a lot of follow up questions. It's not. And the murder house is not sexual at all. I just want to get ahead of that. What was the first thing that wasn't sexual? The cemetery.

The cemetery, okay. And now the murder houses are. Why do you feel the need to get out ahead of it? Yes. My ex-husband, when I told him about this, he was like, because this is like some sort of kink and I kept having to say no, no. But that was his first question? Yeah, but he's just trying to hurt me. And as we always say, we do not kink shame on the show.

Never. That's our policy. Not on Mike. And his name was Murray? Murray. Yeah, Murray Leonard. Okay. We still live together.

Oh, really? What's that like? It's not great. And why is it? Is it just a financial situation? Absolutely. Sure,ity, absolutely. Okay, sure, sure, sure. Absolutely.

And I think it's really tough to find a roommate. What necessitates you still having to live together? I don't make a lot of money. Okay. Oh, that's why you're saying that. Because you don't have any way of making money for your, you know, you didn't get paid for the maps, you didn't sell them. I did, but it's just, it's not a lot. It's not, you know, and I did try.

See, someone just handed one to me. I don't know where I got mine, but I didn't know who was selling them. No one ever knows. Is that part of the mystique? You just wanted it to feel like it just came into our hands. Sometimes I dress in a ghillie suit and I just, every Wednesday I dress in a ghillie suit. If people don't know, a ghillie suit. And I just, every Wednesday I dress in a ghillie suit.

If people don't know, a ghillie suit is one of those, those things that hunters use and snipers, where it looks like you're a big grass monster. I love those. Yeah, they're great. But oftentimes- Very comfortable. I don't, I don't try to pretend like I'm a monster. I'm more like, oh, it's a bush that hands you a flyer. The idea of them is not to pretend you're a monster. That's just a pleasant bonus that

you can do. Yeah. I'm just trying to sort of blend in and observe and also just have a little whimsy on a Wednesday. I love a little whimsy on a Wednesday. So do you do this at Gilly Park? I do. I do. I do the Gilly Park. And then it is sort of like a nude beach of ours, except for everyone there. Everyone there. It's where a Gilly's

But the trees seem to move. All of the natural occurring greenery there also looks like ghillie suits. So it's really a perfect match. It's mainly there's less trees there and more just sort of hedges and shrubs. Yeah, yeah. And of course, you know, the maze. People put their dogs in ghillie suits too. That's a very sweet moment.

The maze is treacherous though. That could be really, we've lost a lot of people. There's so many people still in there. Yeah, that's right. It's like that movie, the corn or whatever. I saw some movie where I saw some. The children of the corn? It's about tall grass. Literally a movie called the corn?

I think it's called The Tall Grass. You're kidding. And it is just tall grass that people get lost in. Oh no, that's ridiculous. And time and space shifts and all that. Oh boy, terrifying. Don't bother. Don't bother everyone.

So, okay, so then if you would- It's 2019. You looked it up fast. Faster than he can tell us how long we've been talking. How is that possible though? I would have guessed that was in the 60s or something. No, that does sound like a sort of a, yeah. It makes actually a lot of sense.

People weren't paying attention to the 70s in 2017. Oh, this is an easy accent. Is that Clint Eastwood? Am I a moan kid? My dad used to always yell at us. Get out of my yard. What did he yell at you? Stay out of the tall grass.

Okay. Back to our guest key. Hello. Yes, yes. Yes, yes. So I want to get to the cemetery of it all. Yeah, just this idea. And I know you're in real estate. I am.

And that's why I agreed to come on. Oh, great. I guess first to just go ahead of that, it has nothing to do with sex. Okay, you keep saying that. Oh yeah, this is the part that we- An intimacy or any of that type of stuff. Okay, intimacy, what an extra detail.

It has nothing to do with that. Because now, I have even- I never, even if I thought sex, I never would've gotten intimacy. You would've gone right to intimacy. Absolutely not, absolutely not. Isn't that the edges of the same sword? Mm.

Sex, intimacy. Would it, sex, intimacy? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Double-edged sword, yes. For the listeners, I'm pretending that I'm holding a scalpel. Scalpel. Yes. You're really, you're doing well giving it the weight. Yeah. Yeah. We're giving, we're seeing the forge by Merlin. Oh, well I can tell you a little bit about the cemetery. You know about it. Yes. Well, yeah. But here's the thing. I guess, I guess I thought that I discussed this on the podcast, but maybe I haven't because people weirdly don't know this. And when you become a realtor, they tell you this. It's kind of like when you

become the president, they tell you where like the aliens are. You know what I mean? Oh yeah. You get files. So when I was sworn in and there is a swearing in when you become a realtor. Do happens at a day spa. Do they tell you about area 54 here in Dignity Falls? There's an area 54? Yes. Some people say it's a disco. Some people say it's where aliens are. Some people say it's both. What it really is is a silo for salts. You know, it's where we store the salt for the summer.

Boo. No, no, no. What I mean is it looks, it appears to be that on the outside. Oh. But this is why it's very, you know, cause when do you ever look inside those things? Never. So that's what I'm trying to say. That's obviously what its front is.

I've only ever seen- It's fronting for assault silo. Sure. I've only ever seen the inside of a silo in the movie, Witness. Oh yeah. Or someone is, I think it's Danny Carter. Lots of the fraught looks in that movie. Lots of fraught looks. Is this a movie podcast? I think it's Danny Carter. I forget. Gosh. Lots of the fraught looks in that movie.

Lots of fraught looks. Is this a movie podcast? No, I knew you were gonna say that. I'm so sorry, Cade. It is not a movie podcast. We always have to explain that. I'm so sorry. You came here for information about that cemetery.

So what I was told was, and most people don't know this because they think it was a studio, that is the cemetery where Thriller was shot. What? Yes. What? Yes! What? Yes!

I have been in discords, in message boards, in... Gorgs. Engorged. What, babe? Engorged on the board. Doug, that was perfect. What did you say? You know, I did say engororge Dugna's tone has merged.

Wait, that was you, Bert? What? Who said Gordz? I said I did say Gordz. Why are you so upset about that? Because I heard discords and message boards and I just I panicked. OK, I understand. Oh man, I panicked.

Sorry, I didn't mean to throw a wrench in the works. OK, So you've been on all the boards and all of the chat rooms and people have been trying to discuss that. The reddits, but no, no one's brought up. No one's brought up any sort of connection to the late and rest in peace. Michael Jackson, Vincent Price also was flown out. He stood there and did the monologue, right as everyone was coming just off camera. They were coming out of, I know, but they were like,

they were like, this is gonna make it iconic. It'll help the dancers. It'll help the dancers. It will help the zombies. And grizzly ghouls from every tomb are closing in to seal your doom. The funk of 20,000. I hate that part.

That's my least favorite, but the funk of 20,000 years. It's awful. No, no, thank you. No, thank you. Oh, Kate was doing the dance. She had the dance down. I have some, I have some moves. You have some moves.

I've got... So what is really, the reason why no one really talks about this is because they did exhume some bodies in order to make space for people to get in there and climb back out. They also made some of the body stance. What they did was, you know that thing where you have a pole and you could put dummies on the pole. There was no AI back then. This is what they had to do.

And use of a mannequin seems not realistic. Well, as John Landis was the director and he really wanted to do it this way. He's a real sicko. Yeah. Rest in peace. RIP. He's a real sicko. He's a real sicko. Rest in peace. Eventually. So it is, it is, I think that's a lot of the reason why people, they don't let people back in the cemetery, I would guess. Well, yes. I mean, I think they're trying to keep the secret, which this is why I feel weird about,. I just cut this part out. But while I'm trying to just sort of keep the secret of that, because the realtors keep the secret where the where the cemetery secret keepers, you're the oath keepers. That's right. The body keeps the score and the realtors keep the secret.

Wow. Yeah. But so I think that like, but I think if you go there, people say there's still some remnants of like the evidence of people being, of people being there, of the set having been there, of the production team having been there. You might find some crazy things if you went there, some fun mementos, maybe a shoe, maybe there's one of Michael's shoes. Maybe a shoe, maybe a glove. Oh, I don't know. That's hoping for too much. Do you know if the bodies that were exhumed were put back or were they what happened to the bodies? Oh, I don't know. That's hoping for too much. Do you know if the bodies that were

exhumed were put back or were they what happened? Oh, I sure hope so. Although I don't know. Maybe they made it big because that was their big break. They got more work. I think so. Do you think they got representation from that. I bet they were theft heart lead. Some of those corpses are in the union now. The screen actors killed. Yeah, absolutely. A couple of, yeah, I mean, it was a day rate, but who knows the shoot and famously.

Oh, day rate. The shoot famously took two months. That was a close one. And they had to do it in the dark of night, you know, every night. So I don't, word is that like they were all living here in town, you know, while they were shooting it, but no one knows where they stayed.

Would you be another great thing for you to find out? Like where did they put up Michael Jackson? Well, that bed and breakfast, obviously. I mean, it seems obvious. It does seem obvious. We don't have that. Yeah, the beat it Airbnb does seem obvious. And that's the beat it family. It's a bit Airbnb.

And that's the beat it family. Yeah. They say it's Airbnb. It B E E D I D. That's right. Beated, beaded family. And that, that was the family owned it. They called it way before. Yeah. It was a bed and breakfast.

It wasn't because of Michael Jackson. I thought they were trying to lure Air Jordan. Why? But they got Michael Jackson. How would they have been luring it with the word, with the name Beated? Air. Beated Air? You said Air, Beated, Beated.

But you said that it was before Airbnb, Doug. Are you okay, man? Air Jackson? Oh boy. Wow. I think we got a, I think this tomato. Yeah, that's fine. I bet it's off.

It's gone off. Yeah. It has gone off. It definitely has gone off. That's for sure. Socade. I know. When I say titillated, I don't mean it's sexual.

Of course, or intimate. Or intimate in any way, in the way that you think of it. You don't think of it as sensual. Essential, but I will say you're describing... Okay, I'm going to be come clean. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. We do love honesty. You can say whatever you come clean. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. We do love honesty. You can say whatever you want here. Yeah, yeah.

It's a safe space. I guess I just have a bee in my bonnet and an idea that I've been thinking about. I mean, you've heard of like, you know, like improving your gut biome. Oh, sure. Yes, I have. Right? And how some people will put like babies poop and they'll clean like a douche. This is true.

It's true, Bern. This is true. Have you heard of this? No. And I wish I could remain that way. Do you know what I gotta say? I've never seen Bern's eyes bigger than they are now. When they say people's eyes are like saucers,

this is actually true. Your eyes are bugging out of your head. I'm trying to figure out how this would improve anything. Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein

Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein Bernstein in this case it's feces. One man's waste. That's right. And the man's wealth.

Wealth? That's right, that's right. And it's something to do with babies? Well, sometimes they use it to help the babies. This is so true. I don't like the sound of this. So you put it in sort of like, you know, what I- It's hard to say it in any other way.

Yes, exactly. You put it up your butt. You put it up your butt. You make it juice. Or you can take it in pill form, which is actually terrifying to me. Apparently. Is this what adrenochrome is? Oh, I don't know. I don't know what that is. Tell me about it. Is that the new Christopher Nolan film? Boy, I wish I hadn't said that. Because now you have to explain it. Well, this is the thing that certain people believe that the wealthy elites are extracting this from children and drinking it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

It's not that this is not. No, no, no, no, no, it's not this. There's actually some regular people. Yeah, for a moment I thought it sounded gross. Well, I mean, now they're regular. Well, I'm a little nervous to keep going. No, please. We've already passed the shop.

I apologize. I apologize. And I'm here to also corroborate this for you. This is a thing. Yeah. So you put like, let's see, maybe. We've already passed the shot. I apologize. I apologize. And I'm here to also corroborate this for you. This is a thing. Yeah. So you put like, let's see, maybe I don't know where it's going.

Re the cemetery and dead people. But I appreciate that you're going to accept anything that I say. Great. I'm ready to do it. That's what I hear. So the, I have a reputation. A grandmother might say, Oh, let me put a little bit of my grandson's dookie. Perhaps a grandmother.

Can I have a little bit of his dookie? Okay, okay. And I put it in sort of a douche and I shoot it up. That's right. This grandmother shoots it up. That's right. This grandmother shoots it up. This is true. And it helps with her microbiome. That's right.

I'm interested is what, okay. I'm in my mad house. This is the part I'm waiting for. Right? I'm like, oh, oh, okay. A baby who's alive now, but what if like a hundred year olds. No, wait. Cause like when you die, right?

Don't you like, like you get rigor mortis and then you shit, right? I think it's the other one. The second one first. But wait, please say you're not talking about, can I jump ahead to where you're talking about putting anything of a dead person in your body? That's exactly what I'm saying.

Oh dear. I think this has gone beyond what we've, our scope, our realm of this podcast so far. Yeah, and I have to say. Oh, so it's okay for Michael Jackson to exhumed these, these getting really upset. It was John Landis. John Landis. R-I-P-E.

John Landis. Eventually. Right. Right. John Landis used these settlers from our beautiful town treating them like other extras he would use later as you know, play things. Then for me to just like take a little bit. What is it that you want to do? What is it you want to do with them?

You said is it wrong for me? You haven't said it yet. What is it you want to do with them? You said, is it wrong for me? And you haven't said it yet. What is it you want to do? It's just to take a little bit of their, their dead poop? Yes. And put it in you. Why do you think that would be any better? Because I'm interested in how people lived.

I started this up. Oh honey, I don't know that that's going to teach you that. It's why people do the paleo diet, right? I have to be white by now. Cade, I have done it. No, babe, I would actually just say, we said before, stand down, Doug.

Stand down and stand by. Stand by. Are you thinking about how dog poop used to be white? It gets petrified and turns white. It is still in Dainty Falls. We're the last place that has the white dog shit. But I'm not interested in putting dog shit. Cade, may I have to say two things to you?

Great, here we go. First of all, while this may not appear sexual, it definitely appears intimate. Oh, I agree. Number two. Okay, but I did say, just I want to hear number two. Yes. Just before you get to number two,

it's just I said intimacy as you are thinking of it, which that's what I did say that. And so I, but you said it was not that fair enough. Go ahead. Number two, number two, although the, the, the, the, uh, process of one's, uh, bowels, bladder voiding upon the moment of death, they don't typically put it in an urn like the Egyptians did with like their organs. Right. Or bury it with the people in the graveyard. Yes. That happens and then it's taken care of and then they're laid to rest. That usually happens at the point of death wherever they died.

Unless they... It's not like the second you put the dirt on them, they go, oh no! And then everything comes out. Well, the Egyptians, they would take their organs out. They would put it in an urn so that you could have it as you crossed over. Once they did the whole, away your soul thing. Yes, yes.

They're like, also take into account, this is how much the shit weighs. Oh. Because when you're in heaven, you want to be made whole. Yes. Yes. Right. They put that right back in. And now I know we have a large Egyptian community here, but I don't think-

Sydney Falls, Diversity Falls, am I right? Oh, that's really nice. No, you're not wrong. We have all kinds of people here. It's a wonderful community. Yeah. And it's called big Egypt. It's called big Egypt because it's so bigger than Egypt. It's called big Egypt.

There's more Egyptians here than the country. More people of Egyptian descent living in Degri Falls than there are in Egypt. That's right. It's wonderful. It's wonderful. It's wonderful. I love it. It's one of the things I love about this town. But I don't think that you're going to find what you're looking for in the cemetery. And I also think even if you're granted access by whoever holds the keys to the cemetery in that land, I don't think they're going to let you, especially after the John Lantus thing, I don't think they're going to let you dig up more bodies.

And there are keys. And a lot of them went to Hollywood. A lot of them went to Hollywood because, you know, it's hard to not chase that dream even in death. But isn't there something to of like act first and then apologize later? Isn't that something? Oh, better to ask for forgiveness and for permission. Yeah, sure.

I mean, that is a thing that people say, but it is... A lifestyle for some. For some, yes. And it sounds like you do have access, Joan, and you... Well, no, it's not. I was... Listen, we were taken on a tour one time and never to return again because it was... Again, they just...

Is that what they tell you? And that's the thing, you can only visit the cemetery once wow and you don't get a key like a Gramercy Park situation no it is a one-time only thing and Jebediah who is the no last name who is the share that's it sorry just like share just like share yeah I mean honestly he's an. And he's been through a lot. And his autobiography is amazing. But he has all the keys. And there are so, and you know,

there are keys to each grave. That's why there are so many keys. Right. Because they don't want this to ever happen again. And he did tell us on the tour that this is a very special exemption that apparently the sellers that they did exhume had wished for that to happen.

And it was very weird. They had actually somehow, it was written in a book where it said, shall the event ever come to pass that a celebratory musical festival may happen on these hallowed grounds. Dig me up. So not only, they're not just saying it's okay, they're saying do it. They're saying please. Was there anything about microbiome or sort of any? And see, I don't remember seeing any of that. It doesn't mean it's there, but it also doesn't mean it's a good idea.

What is it that you think is going to happen? That's a great question. Yeah, we never got to that. I think, I mean, do you think it's going to do more than what normal practice of this gut biome exchange is? I think so. Do you think something extra is going to happen? What is that?

I don't have any grandchildren. I've always, I don't have any children. You have any children? Oh, OK. What a place to start. So. What a place to start. So then I was like, let's think outside the box. Wait, no, wait a minute. You're not talking about this getting, we're not talking about this as a fertility thing,

are you? No, no, of course not. I'm beyond that. It's not, it's not sexual. Well, it's not even for pleasure. It's, it's just, I'm, I'm wondering if it would unlock something in me, sort of like the limitless pill, but coming from a different orifice. Oh, wow. I mean, I would just do something like go to like a retreat or like go to like a yoga

class. I feel like that's going to give you more sense of self than injecting old dead tissue from someone into your body. Interesting. I guess I, I'm just, I'm just curious. I'm curious. And I think that's what keeps me young, but I'm also interested in this idea that I have, perhaps could keep me. Okay. So, so you're thinking it's like a Holy grail sort of sort of fountain of youth situation. Yes. And this cemetery is my El Dorado. Okay. Wow. So you feel that this will sort of halt or even reverse the aging process? Possibly.

Possibly. Possibly. She might be telling the truth. There's nothing sexual about El Dorado. I don't know. It's not sexual. No, that's true. That's true. So that's one thing that's possible. But it's possible. Right. Are you considering any other possibilities? Like it could be fatal?

Oh, yeah. That's my concern. Not once have I thought that. I would listen to Bernd here on this. Not once. I can't guarantee you. I am a pharmacist. I can't guarantee you that it would be fatal, but I think the likelihood is high. Oh. Yeah. Why? Because I, well, I mean, famously dead bodies aren't, there's a lot of things going on in that organism.

The worms crawl in and the worms crawl out. Right. And there's- You can't change that. You can't debate that. Which one you can't debate? It's not up for debate. Worms crawling. The worms crawling. That's not up for debate.

Doug is putting his foot down. That's not up for debate. Doug is putting his foot down. That's not up for debate. Doug is putting his foot down. A hundred years ago, people didn't eat food with preservatives. Okay? Yes.

They had cleaner lifestyles. Wow. That's true. You know, there wasn't, they weren't eating Captain Crunch all the time. That's true, but they weren't dying of dysentery. And if you gave them one. Dysentery though, that means there's probably a lot for me to harvest. Diseases and viruses were on the air like feathers. It's not sanitary. It doesn't make any sense.

There's nothing about this that's good. Have you ever thought- Against the laws of nature. Look, we're grossed out about the grandmother putting the grandson's dookie up, okay? Well, burnt was to be fair. I already knew about it. If you gave one medieval peasant- That's disgusting too, right? It is. So? If you gave one medieval peasant, right? So if you gave one medieval peasant a crunch Berry, yeah, what would happen? That's what they say. I'm curious about that. He never follows up on the day. Who's they? Are they with

us now? No, no, I'm not losing my mind. We're on the same reddits. That's not what I meant. They're on the same reddits. What's your handle on Reddit? Oh, that's a good question. Kade the Spade. Yes. Does that sound familiar, Doug?

What's your handle on Reddit, Doug? Not Doug. Okay. So are you sure you guys haven't crossed paths? It's possible. I'm on so many. Yeah. It's so much. Yeah.

It's like, Doug is on Reddit all the time. Oh, that concerns me. All the time. Mainly on like home improvement. Sure. You know, subreddit stuff. How to build a trash compactor in your home.

But every Reddit is going to, it's going to start one way and it's going to devolve. Yeah, they really do. That's just, you know, that's just what it is. So I just want to, I don't know if you realize this because I think you're grossed out by poop and that's like an issue for you. It's not my favorite thing. But please continue. There is a Netflix documentary if you'd

like to educate yourself on this. Okay. I'll watch it. What is it? It's about this whole thing. Is this the Tony Hinchcliffe special? It's not. This is truly a documentary that Netflix paid for. So that means it's absolutely good. Yeah. It means it's gotta be legit. Probably isn't two episodes longer than it should be. Probably not something could have just been 90 minutes at most. That's right. I'm just saying I lost my train of thought. What's it about? I think that you're right. Yeah. What she's talking about putting it in your body. Yeah. The poop douches. Not from dead people, but that would be a great thing. People on CBS,

but the dead people. Tim Allen. That's of course sort of my sort of idea. That's kind of what I'm bringing to it. And the only way I can know is to do it. Like I would never, you know what I mean? Like I wouldn't do it to somebody else. I wouldn't sneak do shit on Doug. So it's like, I'm not gonna sneak do shit. So it's like, this is- Does your ex husband who you live with know about this?

Does he know all about this? Yes, and that's why Murray was worried. That's why he wanted- Thank you, Murray. He was like, this is sexual. No. Well, he said this is sexual. Now why does he say that? Because he's just riding my ass. He's just, there was a reason why we got divorced. What an odd way to put it. I just,

well, I mean, the fact that you're ready anyways, there seems to be a lot of sexual sexuality and the things that you choose to say. Why we got divorced is that we weren't sexual anymore. So, you know, I mean. I just keep thinking, is this something you think is gonna like save your marriage? Maybe you just need a marriage counselor. I don't wanna be married to him.

I don't even wanna live with him, but it's just what I know. Oh, I understand. So this all came about because you're a history buff. I'm a history buff. I'm so interested how people lived. How did they walk? How did they breathe? How did they breathe?

Specifically murderers. How were they killed? Does that correlate to tiling to roofing? Well, I mean, this one has me stumped because usually there's a suggestion we can make in this case, my suggestion would be, don't do that. What I hear, I have gotten a lot of information from you today, Joan. And what I'm understanding is, is that I need to take that super simple test that makes you a realtor. I need to- It makes you one. Yeah. You're bestowed.

I don't think I ever said it was super simple. No, but we all know that real retest are super simple and it takes five seconds to pass. You know, Joan, I didn't even know there was a test. There sure is. There's an exam, but I mean, half of it is an eye test. Being able to see is a big part of being a realtor. Big part. It's true. There's feeling and identifying fabrics. That section. You have to say curb appeal. Baking. You have to learn how to bake. You have to bake cookies. It is very, very intense. I'm

telling you. They really put you through it. Yeah. And so, and then you do that. Do you do the oath and then you get one visit to the cemetery. One visit. And you keep saying it like she's going to try. There you go. She's saying it like she's not going to take just one visit. Do not bother Jebediah, okay? No one knows how old he is

and no one knows when he's going to die. And I- Your idea is to become a realtor. Yeah. Go to the cemetery. Get access to the cemetery and harvest as much corpse shit as you possibly can. That sums it up.

I don't think you're going to be able to do that. I think they're going to stop you. I do think you will be stopped. Listen, live your life. Go for it. We need more realtors in town, although I don't really think you're going to be doing anything with realty, actually. No, I won't be.

You're doing it just to get access to the cemetery. That's right. I'm no interested in that. Well, it would be good to have a job. Sure will. On the side, I do a home organization. Really? Just on the side.

It's like, that's just to make a little bit of money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know. And what does that entail? Oh, that's just, you have cereal boxes. I throw away the box and then I put it in a plastic thing. I mainly, what I mainly do is I label. I love to label.

Right, right, right. I'm really into sort of stationary. I like to express myself through the pen choices that I do to label. I like that because it does make you feel like you're living in a hospital, which is fun. That's right. All right, well, Kate.

Okay, yeah, no, you're right to wrap this up. Yeah, I mean, I don't know what to tell you other than don't do this. I think, yeah, I do want that to be our strong message. Three questions then. And also just to tell you other than don't do this. I think, yeah, I do want that to be our strong message. Three questions then. And also just to listeners at home, don't do this. Three questions, okay. Real quick, real quick.

All right, rapid fire. Rapid fire. Jebediah, you don't know how old he is? Do not. Could he be immortal? I have considered it. Okay. And I'm afraid to say that

because I think it'll draw you even further to him. Oh, 100% it will. Yeah, well, this is rapid fire. I didn't have any time to- Question number two. Okay. Will you give me some of your poop? Oh, she's pointing to burnt. That's a flat no. Okay.

Now it's to you, Joan. Same question. No, Doug, don't answer. Do not answer. I have three questions. I'm gonna honor the three questions. Doug is ready to give you his, okay? He just drank expired tomatoes, so I wouldn't do it.

I don't want it. I don't want it. I don't want his. All right, Kate, well, we wish you the best of luck. And thank you for joining us today. Thank you. More When the Neighborhood Listen returns. Nicole. What?

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365 day returns quince.com slash TNL. All right. First of all, don't use my name. Here it is. it's a coffin. For the title, it should be, No. And then I'm asking $1,250 for it. That's $1,250. And then for the description, just put, Yep. Now if anybody sees the picture, I want you to know,

I'm not selling the space heater. I'm not selling the tiny fan. And I'm not selling the hospital tub. Not selling the red curtain either. I need this coffin out of my living room. No. Yep. Co. Yep. Coffin.

And welcome back to the neighborhood. Listen, how are you doing, Burton? You have you are pale. That was a yeah, that was all of that. That was hard. Sorry about that. Unsettling. Yeah, it was. I think that Kate is a strange person. I don't think she should be allowed in that cemetery under any circumstances. I might even just go, you know, talk to Jebediah and just give him a heads up that she might

be coming by. How often do you have audiences with Jebediah? Like, where, what, what? He's really mysterious. Jebediah is his brother. Oh, okay. How often do I have audience with him? Well, I mean, what do you call it?

He seems like a very sort of, you know, mysterious figure. Yeah. Well, you definitely have to, like, if you want to meet with him, you have to go out there, you have to leave an offering. I mean, it could be anything, you know, it could be a yo-yo. He's not picky about the operas. He's incredible at yo-yo. Yes, babe. How are you doing by the way? I'm also concerned about you. What are you eating now from the trash compactor? Get out of there.

It's a, oh God, he's waiting through it. I'm still looking for these golf clubs. So many cans. The problem is this place is, it's closing in. Oh, yeah. Of course it is. It's compacting. Oh boy.

It's compacting. It'll crush you completely. Oh boy. You shouldn't be in there. You shouldn't also have it so that it could ever fully compact. That'll powder you. Yeah. Yeah. It also shouldn't be a walk-in compactor. For sure.

Uh, I think. How much trash do they have at that Death Star? No kidding. Right. And if you really look closely at it, you know that it was just, well, I just throw some stuff in there, but if we really look closely at it, it's like, what's all that from? Where's that coming from?

How did a living thing get in there? I know. It's, it's, it's not a planet, it's a manmade thing. Yeah, and to be honest, it really is out of the, for that first movie, I know this is probably gonna get a lot of people upset, just feels like an almost out of the universe sort of creature, right?

Almost from a different world. Like, maybe not once you get through all of the films, but that first one, is there anything really like that? I don't know. I shouldn't be waiting in a Star Wars movie because it's not my world. Okay, fine. You know what?

It's settled. I take it back. I take it back. There is Lucifer himself in the cantina. That's right. The devil is there. A werewolf is there. Lucifer himself.

Oh my God. But I mean, there's also like a, just a mouth that is in the desert. Well, no that, but that's later, right? Then it makes sense. Sar-latch? Is that what you call it? Sar-latch.

The Italian pronunciation. Sar-latch. That's what it is. Sar-latch. All right, well, listen, we have one last post. Yes. And do you want to say about, did you already talk about if you wanted a descendant post? Did you want to do that? I did. Well, listen, we have one last post. Yes. And do you want to say about, did you already talk about if you wanted to send in posts?

Did you want to do that? I did. Okay, great. Then we don't have to worry about it. Okay, so here's just a picture. Here's a picture of a rainbow. These posts. Very pretty. These posts always kill me though.

Is it double? It's a very tall rainbow. It is a very tall rainbow. It doesn't look like it's an actual bow. No. Right? It's like a rainbow column. It's like a beam, a column up to heaven. And Loretta says, did

anyone else see this beautiful rainbow? And that's always interesting because like this room is almost gone. You know how you can see that sort of like, how's anyone going to see this in time run out in the entire skyline has changed. Also, if you, what do you get out of, what do you, what response do you want? Yes, I did. I feel like I could more understand, I more could understand just here's a beautiful rainbow. Exactly. Is opposed and I don't know why I get so worked up about this, but because this app is like, you know,

so much a part of our life, I've developed a lot of little pet peeves about it. Sure. And this is one of them, which is just why, you know, why, like what you said, what are you expecting in response for this? Because it's, I don't mind if someone wants to just share a pretty picture of nature.

Of course, great, love it. But there always seems to be some sort of, you know what? These people are hungry for engagement. Or is it a little smug? Like, did anyone else see it? I saw it, here it was, I had eyes on it. Pix, it did happen. And Loretta, you're probably a lovely gal.

So I'm really sorry. I don't mean to come for you. I'm not coming for Loretta. She're probably a lovely gal. So I'm really sorry. I don't mean to come for you. I'm not coming for Loretta. She could be a disgusting monster. Well, Brent, this episode is really, is really a- Maybe I'm unsettled by Cade. I think so. And also Doug, eating expired food

in a trash compactor that's built human sized. You kind of get used to the tomatoes. No, no, no, we're not going to do that. You mustn't. No, Doug. What are you? This is like alienation with the expired milk all over again. Never watched that show. Have no idea. It was a movie. First on that series. It was a movie. First thing I know it was a movie first with Manny Potenkin and James Kahn. Did we talk about that on this show? No.

They and their heads look like Dutch crunch bread. That's right. Which I got in San Francisco when we went for sketch fest. Yes, that's right. And you share with us a picture of both the bread and the head. The bread and the head. And were they similar? Oh yeah.

They're very similar. Almost identical. We're going to have to look it up. Pretty close. Okay. Well, we squeezed in another movie there. We did, we managed to. In our non-movie podcast.

Thank you so much for listening everyone. Everyone. Oh, that's how Matt says it now. Yeah, everyone. They both say, everyone. They call it out of house meetings. Yeah, everyone please come down here. Come into the TV room.

All right. Thank you all for listening. We'll be back next week with another episode. And until then, goodbye. And bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins.

And me, Nicole Parker. And me, Brett Morris. This episode's guest was played by Kulab Vilajsak. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World. Go to CBBWorld.com to unlock the entire history of the show, ad-free, as well as brand new full-length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maximus subscribers. Your support keeps the show going.