The Neighborhood Listen - Joan's Dark Musical, Burnt's Calves and Chaos Baby!!! with Shaun Diston

Episode Date: July 27, 2020

This week on the show, Joan figures out how the make her musical more woke, Burnt reveals his never cooked a thing, and concerning smells in the neighborhood. Plus, Jack (Shaun Diston) visits the studio to talk about bottle throwing, traffic-light reprogramming and his other chaos hobbies!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Look out, Canadian listeners, this one's for you. Coho is a mastercard with an easy-to-use app that makes managing your finances easier. Coho lets you earn cash back, borrow, build your credit history, and so much more. Join over 1 million Canadians and sign up for your free trial today. Download Coho on Google or App Store today or koho.ca for more details. Plus, for any basketball fans out there, get a $75 e-gift card for nbastore.ca when you sign up with the promo code koho75. That's code koho75. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. That our network is scared for us to name for legal reasons, but you know which one it is.

All of the posts you hear our characters read are word-for-word real posts from this neighborhood website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. This episode's guest, Sean Diston. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls,

you're never alone. You've got the Neighbor Half app and us. Burn. And Joan. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell. We'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing. So just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen.

Hello once more again. Now to a new episode of The Neighborhood Listen. I'm Burnt Mia Payday. And I'm Joan Pedestrian. I wasn't sure we were starting, Burnt. I wasn't either. Isn't that fun? Well, I was just kind of getting my spot ready.

I like to now have a mise en place, if you will, you know, before I start the podcast. I don't know what that means. It's like when you're in a kitchen and you sort of put together all of your pre-measured spices and your pre-chop. They call it a mise en place, you know, so that you can just reach for it and not do it. You do it all at once so that it's ready to go. And that's French, which is the language of cooking. That's right.

That's exactly right. Now, you know, Joan, I don't know if you know this about me, Joan. I've never cooked a thing. Not one thing? Not one thing. Oh, come on. I've never so much as made a sandwich. Oh, come on, Byrne.

Not a sandwich? I've never assembled food on my own. This makes me worried. Why? Well, because I'm already worried about you. You know this. I know. Because you've got this Murphy bed that you're getting trapped in every night.

Not every night. Have you gotten that fixed yet? No. Okay. But I have gotten used to it. That's a fix in itself. So why have you never made yourself a sandwich? What do you eat?

Do you just put stuff in the microwave? Are you that bachelor? I do put stuff in the microwave if it's cold and needs to be warmed. Okay. I do, if I consume food, it's food that I've bought. It's not food that I have assembled. So are you postmating? Are you having everything delivered to the house?

A lot of postmates, a lot of deliveries. I'll pick things up. I'll pick things up. Oh, okay. I'm above that. I'm not above that. you having a lot of postmates a lot of deliveries i'll pick things up i'll pick things up um yeah above that so i'm not above that sometimes it's a good excuse sometimes to get on get on my bike and uh and get on the bicycle put put pick up a meal put in the basket and then uh that meal is my companion on the way back home i love seeing you on that bike you know it is very sweet because

he has a basket in the front and sometimes he'll have flowers in it and sometimes he'll have uh i I think, I wish he'd get a little pet because I think it'd be very cute if he had a little dog in the front of it. Well, you know, I'm terrified to be responsible for another life, but I do like to, I do like to decorate it for the various holidays. That's right. I was about to get to that. Yeah. Yes. Fourth of July is coming up. Are you going to do sparklers?

Yes. Fireworks off the back? That's right. Yeah. Bottle rockets that are powered by, they're ignited by the pedals. I have a whole Rube Goldberg set up. Yes, yes. I know what you mean.

Well, you know, I just, it's delightful anytime I see you on the street because I love that you went with an old school bike. You know, you don't. I love a beach cruiser. You're not like those cyclists. No, I'm not those cyclists my thighs are normal my legs my calves are normal your thighs aren't normal but you don't think my calves are no but that's another story i don't want to get into it right now we will we will

get into it i actually could do a whole five minutes about your calves but well i bet you could speaking of of doing performances oh you're getting, what's the update on your theater projects? Thank you for asking. Well, right now we're kind of. Long time listeners will know that Joan is an amateur thespian. Thank you very much. Thank you. And yeah, well, you know, we're just kind of looking into whether or not, I'm not going to do anything half-assed.

Do you know what I mean? I'm not going to do it if I can't do it uh great you know as our comeback all right exactly right so what i'm really looking into is is because i really wanted to rent some some some proper costumes from like a um from a actual touring company or whatnot and we were toying with my fair lady i think that's still the plan it's just it's 2019 i want to make sure that it's um that it's updated that it's woke oh sure yes because that's a that's a that's a that's a thing want to make sure that it's updated that it's woke if you will because that's a thing that they do on Broadway that is a thing that they do

they either do a new musical and they make it very dark and at the end everyone's covered with blood or something and they're like Oklahoma and then they're covered in blood and people are losing their mind for it so I want to do something like that I don't know if we're going to do blood, but we're going to do something like that.

Just something to shake it up. You could do soot. Soot? Yeah, we could do soot. Comment on the environment. Exactly. Yeah. So, I mean, I think it's going to be really great.

I don't know. Maybe it's My Fair Lady in an insane asylum. I don't know. I'm just spitballing. I'm spitballing. I like that. And everyone is mentally ill. Everyone's mentally ill.

But at the same time, it's also going to cover the Me Too movement and it's going to cover Black Lives Matter. I think I can do it. I just you know what? It's just I've got it. I've got it. It's all in here. It seems like a lot. No, no, no, no.

It's it's I think that I think you have to I think we have to do that now. If it's set in an insane asylum, are you going to cover health care at all? 100%. I'll do that, too. in the first act. Joan, this seems like a lot. I mean, look, you know more about this than I do. It's not my area of expertise. You know, Doug has the same worries about this. He thinks that's going to be, what he said is, could be terribly misinformed and disastrous.

Speaking of Doug, our producer, and your husband, where is Doug today? We can't see him? He's in the attic today. He's in the attic all the way up there. Yep. He's in the attic. And I mean, first of all, I figured he could, I said that I needed some stuff gone through. I have all these old photos and then he's so good at organizing. And I thought, well, maybe if he's up there, he can do both at the same time. But also we just keep trying to get the acoustics right for his sound.

The bathtub was pretty good. It was great. I thought that was. But his back, oh, he was laid up for like a week what happened i told you not to lay in the tub i told you to sit up i told you we had one of the old baby baths i told you to sit in but you laid back down and it i was tired and uh what you know i don't know what you're supposed to do in a tub other than lay down i mean he's got a point although although i sit up in the tub I don't know what you're supposed to do in a tub other than lay down. I mean, he's got a point. I sit up in the tub. I don't lay down.

Most people, I mean, there's only so far you can lay down if the tub is full. There's only so far you can lay down. It was a smaller tub, to be fair. Unless you're a person in a movie who must dunk your head under the tub water. I never. Like any horror movie. That's the only time it happens, right? Well, also dramas.

Yeah, dramas right after you've had a... Exactly, right? You have to go under to think about your life. If you don't have a swimming pool. Julypee's always doing that, going under. Really? Yes. I'm like, stop that.

She's at that age, right? She's moody. Yes, she loves to take dramatic baths. We're in a dramatic bath phase, right, Doug? I've heard that stuff. Oh, God, cannot get her out of, Doug? I've heard that stuff. Oh, God. Cannot get her out of that bathroom. I've heard that stuff. That was why we put Doug in the bathtub last time, right?

Was because it was finally to get July up and out of that tub. That's right. I was like, get the hell out of there. Well, now she's in my tub, which is the big, you know, you've seen, we redid our bathroom. It's gorgeous. How many tubs are you up to now? We're up to five. Oh.

And a half bath. And it's literally a half bath. You know when they say half bath, it just means a toilet. Just a toilet. This. And a half bath. And it's literally a half bath. You know when they say half bath, it just means a toilet. Just a toilet. It's actually a half bath. This is a half of a bathtub. Yeah, well, we had it for, we actually built it special for washing escrow, the dog. Sure.

Is it bisected by the wall like a sort of Winchester mystery house? It literally looks just like a shortened tub. They make them. They make them special. Oh, so it's a full tub, but it's a half the size of a tub. Correct. I was picturing a tub that ends at the wall.

Like it just goes right in there and you think, oh, this tub grew around the wall or something. That would be very whimsical looking. You know, I should have done that. It would be. That would have been more clever.

It's not too late. It's never too late. I love redoing bathrooms. I mean, as Doug, I've done it five times. I have redone five bathrooms. I can't get enough of it. They call you the Diane Keaton of Dignity Falls.

Oh, thank you. That is so, that really, do you know, that warms my heart. You should do one of those books. Which ones? You know, Diane Keaton did a book. She did a book? She loves to flip these houses and build butler pantries. That's right.

She did. Oh, I love a good butler pantry. Yes, I could do that, absolutely. Well, I got enough on my plate. First of all, I gotta do my woke, my fair lady. Your renaissance woman, exactly. My woke lady. My woke lady! Hang on, see, that's a good idea. Okay, Doug, we're gonna add that to the

dream vision board. Okay, it's in the... Now you have a dream board for your vision board. Of things that you eventually want to put for your vision board yes of things that you eventually want to put on the vision board yes they have to be like promoted if you will to the vision board right at first they have to cut the mustard on the dream board they sure do because you know what life's not a dress rehearsal right the dreams have to be that the dreams have to the visions have to be clear that's right and precise That fridge magnet did not lie. It did not.

It did not. Well, anyways, we're having a meeting next week. I'm having a meeting with Adam, who is our choreographer that we have done a bunch of benefits with. And he's done a really good job. And he's over at the Muni right now, which is a great, wonderful place in St. Louis where a bunch of Broadway people do summer stock. And he's, I think he's doing Kinky Boots right now. I love that show. And so once he's done with that, he's going to come back and we're going to have a, it is, and a real, it's a real hoot.

It's a real, it's so much fun, that show. So he's going to come back and then we're going to have a chat. We're just going to have a chat. We're just going to go and we're going to, you know, have a lunch and we're just going to have a chat. We're just going to go and we're going to have a lunch and we're just going to talk about all the things that we want to accomplish. Yeah, that sounds great. It's going to have a plan of attack. And Adam does great work.

You know, the stuff that I've seen. He does great work. He did great work with the lighting of the Christmas tree. He always does a great job with all those kids. All those kids. All those kids. 500 kids. Can you imagine? It's so many. It's so many to choreograph around a Christmas tree. It's almost a thousand. It's almost too many.

It's 500, but it looks like a thousand. But you know what? It might as well be a thousand. That's Adam's talent. That's Adam's talent. Because he can double the number. Now, Kinky Boots, the message is be yourself. Is that right?

Yeah. Just be who you want to be, you know? Right. And that's the lyric. Wear Kinky Boots, the message is be yourself. Is that right? Yeah, just be who you want to be, you know? And that's the lyric. Wear kinky boots. In the end, just be who you, just, you know, I think it's about being your authentic self. Yes, and this is a message that middle-aged, upper-middle class people need to hear. Absolutely.

And I think that that's something that Dignity Falls needs to be, you know, pushed out of as their comfort zone sometimes, especially when I read some of these comments on our app, to be honest. Yes, on the neighbor app. On the neighbor app. So speaking of which. That's right. We got to get to it. We spent so much time catching up. We did. I mean, we didn't spend enough time on how you don't prepare food. And I am concerned about that. I do want to circle back. There's not much more to say. I don't prepare food. And that's just a cold, hard, fast rule. It's just, I don't

The idea of starting now just seems very daunting to me. I mean, I would start with a PB&J. It's so easy. What is that? Even Doug can make them. He made them for the kids all the time when they were little. I'm sorry. Give me some guidelines for that acronym. Oh, give me a break,

Burnt. Are you serious? Peanut butter and jelly. Oh, peanut butter and jelly. Come on. That's some guidelines for that acronym. Oh, give me a break, Burnt. Are you serious? Peanut butter and jelly. Oh, peanut butter and jelly. Come on. That's fun, PB&J. Well, you've never heard that? I think I've heard it, but I didn't know it was referring to a food. I have questions about your childhood.

Oh, I have answers. Okay, we'll get into it. Let's do it for another time. We'll get into it for another time. Absolutely. First up is a post that is really short, And I don't know what to say about this because I feel like sometimes people are just alone. And because we're in this day and age where if we have any question or any concern, we can just throw it right on the Internet. You know?

Absolutely. Because this just says weird smell. And it says anyone else in the hill. I'm thinking it means hills because I don't know what that means. Unless a hobbit wrote this. Could. Could have. Anyone else in the hill smelling something? I'm joking, of course. I know that hobbits aren't real. I know.

Well, for the listener, I know that hobbits aren't real. I don't want people thinking that I think that they're real. Oh, oh, oh, I don't think anyone thinks that. I know they're made up for fun. Oh, I know that. Okay. I think, and I think everyone knows that. I hope so. I just want to be clear. Okay, fair enough.

Anyone else in the hill smelling something weird outside? Smells a little like acetone or fingernail polish remover. Now, I'm just going to say that's pretty much the same thing, first of all. Right, right, right. So, is this a man? Is acetone a brand name? Yes, his name is Sean. A brand name?

No, not really. They're just two chemicals that, you mean, is there a brand name for a nail polish remover? Is that what you're asking? Well, no, no, no. I meant, is acetone a brand name for a nail polish remover? Is that what you're asking? No, no, no. I meant, is acetone a brand name? No, it's just a chemical. Those are chemicals used in, at salons. See, the thing is, if it was in the hills, we do have that one nail salon that Peggy runs out

of her house. Peggy's Hilltop. That's right. Peggy's Hilltop. Peggy's Peggy's Hilltop. Peggy's Peggy's Hilltop. Yeah. Well, it's because it was first her mother's and her mother was Peggy and then she took it over. So they just. That's exactly right. They added another Peggy in there. That's exactly right.

They really wanted to keep the memory of the first Peggy in. Yes. And they have. So Peggy's, Peggy's Hilltop. A nail salon and dog grooming business. And. But they won't do your dog's nails. Weirdly. Isn't that wild yeah it's wild uh and so i just

think that this person first of all if you're living in the hills i'm gonna add the s because i think sean is is he again it was probably probably typing hurriedly it's probably type really um but also that is not a concerning smell i have to say i say. I would prefer someone go on if they're smelling gas. That's a problem. Yes. Right? If we're smelling smoke. That's right.

That's a problem. If we're smelling pot, not such a problem anymore. It depends who you are. Right, exactly. You don't want to be walking past your life piece room and smell pot. Oh, God, no. But I have. So, anyway.

That is definitely a topic for another time. It sure is. So anyways, I think maybe I think this is this is going to be a thing I'm going to say. But I think, you know, there are I think it's the kind of thing where it's if it was a woman smelling it, there wouldn't have been an issue. But I think a man smelled this and just freaked out. And perhaps Sean is single. I'm not sure. But but but if he's married, that'd be surprising because you smell

that stuff. Because us ladies, I'll tell you what, we use a lot of chemicals. We use a lot of solutions. We have to. And Doug's always complaining. He's like, what is all this shit? And he's like, what are these smells? Who are we, the Curies? That's what I said.

He's very quick. But I say this is what we have to do to keep you from leaving us. You know what I mean? So if you don't want the house to smell. That is grim. It's just reality. That is grim, Joan. Well, reality is grim.

Here, here. I wonder if this fellow, Sean, was just smelling nail polish remover. I think, oh, you mean like sniffing it? I didn't mean that, but now you got me thinking. Well, no, probably not. Because, but then maybe at that point, he did think he was inside a hill. Maybe he was, maybe he was, maybe he was tripping.

Maybe, oh, he could have been tripping. He could have been tripping. Or a drug. He was in a hill. What if he was, maybe he has a lady friend or a gentleman friend who uses nail polish and was using nail polish remover. Here's what I think.

That's what I'm saying. I think that he literally just smelled it because someone opened a bottle. It was not any reason to alarm everybody in the neighborhood. He could have said, hey, to his partner, hey, what's that smell? And the partner says, oh, it's a nail polish remover. And then he gets on NeighborHap and says, anyone else smell that? This is what I'm saying. You know, use NeighborHap responsibly.

Use it responsibly. Now, here's one. Oh, okay. mine today is i think these people drop the ball oh and i don't like i don't like to call people out uh-huh but this is from mike okay mike the headline is weird people came soliciting now right away as a neighbor i my ears are in the air. Yes. I'm on guard. Yep. He says, these people, and he encloses pictures. People don't, I have to say,

right away, people don't look particularly weird. Oh, they don't? No. They look perfectly, they look just perfectly fine. Okay. They're just,

they're people, there's four of them, two. Four? That's a lot of people, though. That's a lot of people. I think maybe just the number is weird, to be honest.

It's two gentlemen and two ladies. Perhaps they're couples. Okay. In some configuration. What age? They look to be in their 20s, I would say. In their late 20s. Okay. All right.

They just look like normal folks. Well, if they're in their 20s, they're not normal. They don't look like they just came from a carnival. Fair enough. So Mike says, weird people came to listening. These people were on Schofield Drive today. Anyone know what they wanted? Then he says, they said something about a missing person.

What? Well, now, I think I know what they wanted. Wow. They wanted to find a person who was missing. Good Lord. This doesn't seem weird to me, Sean. Or Mike. Mike. Well, I have a lot of questions. I do too. First of all,

let me tell you something. First of all, he says, does anyone know what they, yeah, exactly. We know what they wanted. So why would he ask that? And, and. And why would they just be going. Before you ask, I checked the comments. Okay. No follow-ups from Mike. None. None. None.

That's shocking. You can't put something out there like that and not stay on for comments and answer questions. Yeah. Because that is a follow-up question post if I've ever heard one. Yes. Weird people. This seems like a very judgmental and unhelpful post. And if I may, suspicious. Well, yes.

I feel like Mike knows where this person is. Oh, no. Okay, well, that's kind of an accusation, Bernd. We got to be careful. It absolutely is. Well, I left his last name out of it, even though he included it. I left his last name out,

but I think this Mike, I think this Mike has something to do with this person being missing. Oh, my. This is taking a turn. He's trying to hide in plain sight. What if this becomes one of those crime mystery podcasts in the, within, with inception, within our.

Like Missing Richard Simmons. Yes. Yes. Well, we might have to just get into this. If anybody also saw these weird four people, apparently. I mean, personally, I just think they're probably looking, you know. Look, do they look weird? I, you know. Do they look weird? I'll show you.

Do they look weird? They don't look weird. There's a lot of them. I don't like that there's a lot of them. I mean, it's not like... To me, I swear to God, they look like

July Bees friends. Some number that Adam choreographed. I swear they're looking for their pot dealer. That's what I would say. Joan, I'm surprised. I know. I know.

That feels a little judgmental. I know. Just because they're youngeral. But look, I know what- Just because they're younger than us. What kinds of kids Jalipe's hanging out with, and they look like the kids she hangs out with. I'm just going to say, but they seem, I guess, concerned. Maybe there's some concern on their face. Well, I think if they're going- So you think that they're just-

Here's my hope, that they also call the police. I mean, for God's sakes, if you're looking for a missing person- Sure. First thing should be call the police, not walk around the neighborhood. Call the police and then walk called the police. I mean, for God's sakes, if you're looking for a missing person. Sure. First thing should be call the police, not walk around the neighborhood. Call the police and then walk around the neighborhood. If only Mike provided some more information. I know. Mike, if you're listening, please, could you provide more information?

And please give us an update. Was this person found? Please, Mike. If you're walking with three other people, you might be one of the weird people. And if you hear this, then also come in and please tell us. And his avatar is the guy from Digital Underground who wore the fake nose. I can't remember his name right now. The Humpty Dance.

That fellow. So he's calling these people weird. What is it? Shock G. Shock G. Doug knows about that stuff. I don't know anything. He's got Shock G as an avatar.

And he's calling these people weird for looking for their missing friend. Yeah, Mike, give us a break. Give us a break, Mike. Our give us the break of the week award goes to Mike. And that brings us to our break. That's right. We're going to take a break and we'll be right

back with more of the Neighborhood Listen. Hello, this is Susan W. Giving away soiled rug. My cat peed on this beautiful rug and I had it professionally cleaned, but I still think I smell the pee and I don't want the rug anymore. Maybe someone can clean it better than the guy who I used, not an oriental rug specialist, but I'm just giving up. It's a synthetic material, not wool, but very nice and classy looking. It measures 9 feet by 8 inches by 13 feet by 11 inches. It's yours if you want it.

Now I know that this seems very wasteful, but it's like the telltale heart with that cat urine. I feel it haunts me. I can't have it in the house, but if you'd like to come by, roll up this big, heavy ass rug, have it cleaned yourself,

and then take the chance that it will still smell of cat urine, and then repeat the cycle, then more power to you. This is Susan W. saying so long until the cat ruins another rug. And welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen. Welcome back.

We have a guest today, Joan. We sure do. As we always do. As always, yes. This gentleman is, he's an interesting person. I am very curious to meet this person. We met on the street. You said this.

Yeah. I was locking my bike up. Yep. Out in front of the CVS. Yes. And I heard a noise and I turned around and I saw this gentleman engaged in the following activity. Now, this is a real find because this comes from Marcy. This was a post she posted.

So before this happened, we had read this post, right? Before this happened, I read this post and I thought, oh, I know who this is. Marcy writes this. Man throwing bottles is the subject line. At 4 p.m., a man on the corner of Nella Vista and Jimmy Carter Boulevard with a shopping cart full of bags and lined with cardboard, began pulling bottles out of a bag and throwing them into the street.

He was saying something each time, was with my young grandson, so didn't want to get close. It appeared he was aiming at the car tires, glass everywhere. I called 911 and went inside. 10 minutes later, we were walking to Hillhurst and he was at the corner of Jimmy Cartermy carter boulevard and observatory doing the same thing we hurried by called again

crossed the street the police drove by apparently didn't see him 9-1-1 called me back she puts a exclamation mark in parentheses here oh she was surprised by this i suppose sure i'm also kind of surprised i never heard of 9 calling someone back. That is shocking. It's shocking. Like, if you call 911 and they say, you know what, can I get right back to you? I mean, I've never heard of it.

I'm putting clothes in the dryer. As if I knew, 911 called to ask her if she knew where he was and they said they'd gotten other calls, have no idea if they found him. Well, I found him.

You did? Right outside of work. Crazy. I talked to him, asked him if he'd come on the show. Okay. His name is Jack and we have him here in the studio right now. Please welcome? Right outside of work. Crazy. I talked to him, asked him if he'd come on the show. Okay. His name is Jack, and we have him here in the studio right now. Please welcome Jack.

Welcome, Jack. Chaos, baby. How you guys doing? Jack, thank you for coming in to the show. Hi. Hi. Hello. You, now when we met.

Oh, yeah. I was walking on my bike. Mm-hmm. And I heard the sound of breaking glass. You sure did. Broken glass everywhere everywhere i turned around and i saw you you were in the parking lot you were throwing bottles at the car tires wow is that what you think i was doing that's what it looked like

oh is that it was something different you were doing a different thing. No, I was just throwing bottles randomly. Not at the tires because I believe in chaos. Okay, now I want to ask you because you were saying something that I couldn't hear. Yes, yes. And I thought I would ask you and I thought, nope, save it for the podcast. All right. Oh, good. What is it you say when you throw the bottles? Each time I pick up a bottle and I aim any which away and I just throw it.

Are you aiming or no? When you aim any which away, technically you are not aiming. Understood. Which away is a specific. It's a specific type of aiming any which away. Yes. There's not a language. Okay, here we go.

So every time I throw one of these bottles, I say to myself, chaos, baby. I think you say it out loud, not to yourself. Maybe you don't realize that. Look, here's the thing. Nobody really hears it unless they get really close. It is interesting because both people, neither you, Bernt, nor the other gal could hear. I couldn't hear it. Can I give you an example of the auditorium?

And it's so loud now. Yes, please. Right now it's loud because I realize I have to project. Well, you don't. We have microphones. Oh, yeah? Well, but you could. I mean, I love it.

I sure hope we see you at auditions for My Woke Lady. Oh, well, bring me in. But I'll tell you, you're not going to want me. You're not going to want me in your play. I can tell you that right now because I love chaos, baby. We understand that. What does it sound like when you're doing it outside? Okay, it sounds like this.

Chaos, baby. And then I throw it. You sounded like you were very far away just then. Well, that's just the way I project. But in your mind, you're screaming. I'm screaming. In my mind, my throat hurts. Oh, wow.

Just from going, chaos, baby. And here's the thing. I'm taking up the mantle of the Joker and- What? The famous Batman villain. That's right. Famous just villain in general. Oh, true.

He's a guy in his own right. He's a guy in his own right. And I just feel like there's not enough chaos in town. Now, when you say there's not enough chaos in Dignity Falls, what does that mean? Well, I'll tell you what it means. First of all, traffic lights. Too much order with traffic lights. Now, sometimes what I like to do is I go to a traffic light and I will reprogram it.

Wow. I'm pretty good. What? My goodness. This has gotten way more advanced than just throwing bottles. Oh, yeah. Bottles are just my, that's what about fun chaos hobbies. That's just kind of blowing off steam.

I have many, many chaos hobbies. And another one is reprogramming traffic lights. That definitely seems like it would cause more harm. Now, people could actually die from that. Well, actually, what I do is I just make the greens and the reds last a lot longer than they should. So you might sit at a red light for five minutes do you know what i remember that happening i remember what happening at the corner teddy roosevelt teddy roosevelt i can never say it you're a t.r.b. t.r.b. thank you why don't i just ever

call it that shorten it i i am proud that we name so many streets after our president so many uh but i remember that it was a couple months ago. And dang it if I didn't sit there for forever. Was that you, Jack? You better believe it. And then you know what I did. And you know what? It is funny because when I said to myself,

I was like, this is chaos. Oh, yeah. I remember being on my bike and I was, where was I? I was going northbound on JQA. Oh, sure, sure. John Quincy Adams? Yeah. And the green light, I remember I was approaching the light and I thought, I'm never going to make it.

I'm never going to make it. Uh-huh. Yep. And so I stopped. At the green light. Then the light, before I got to, way before I got to the green light. That's pretty sick. I'm never going to make it.

Okay, yeah. You got to be safe on a bike. Sure. I stopped to adjust my trouser clip. Of course. And then when I looked up, the light was still green. And I thought, well, okay, I'll just sort of leisurely get there. I crawled through that intersection.

Did you have the light? The light stayed green. I kept looking at it. Well, that was Jack, I guess. Did you have the thought in your head, that's chaos? I don't recall thinking that. Oh, well, I'm not doing my job. Oh, no, no, no.

You prefer that people, when you pull these chaos events, you want people to think it's chaos. Yes. When I pull a chaos event, I want everyone to say out loud, that's chaos. Is that the inflection you want? Yeah, yeah. That's kind of what I did. I want them to throw it away. Is it really? Well, I said this's chaos. Is that the inflection you want? Yeah, yeah. That's kind of what I did. I want him to throw it away. I said, well, I said, this is chaos. I don't know if that makes you happy. Because

the red light was very long, you said, this is chaos. Yes, I did. I will appreciate the contraction next time. That's chaos. That's chaos. I mean, I think Did I do it? You did it perfectly. It was good.

It was really good. I loved it. So, I just want to be clear that, I mean, because these are kind of fun, but I just worry that if you say you want to take up the mantle of the Joker, you're not wishing harm on anybody here, are you? Oh, the Joker was a chaos agent. If people got hurt, people got hurt. Oh, dear.

But me, I'm kind of a Joker light. Oh, you're Joker light. My name's Jack. It seems that when you reprogram the traffic lights, you did reprogram the opposite traffic lights so that they were all, even though they were longer. Yeah, everyone was still very safe. But it was just, you sit in your car and you think, wait a minute, how long have I been sitting here? Exactly.

Yes, exactly. Well, you're right. And to me, the small bits of chaos are the ones that are a little bit more jarred. Because there is some big chaos going on in the world. Global warming. To be sure. You know, global warming is the only one I can think of. But outside of that,

it's the little pieces of chaos. So what you're saying is you're just trying to break up the everyday mundane routine of life. Of course. You know, so that you have a little huh, that happened today. Do you want to know why I was throwing bottles? We really do. That's why we brought you in here.

We definitely do. I love the movie Die Hard. Oh. And in that movie, Bruce Willis steps on a bunch of broken glass. He does. Yes, he does. He does. That's the part I wish

they could have left out of that movie. Yeah, because it is really hard to watch. Hard to watch. It's horrible. It's so hard to watch. It's not great to think about. No. And it sort of started this trend

where every movie has to have a section where something's happening to the hero or someone that's like, why am I watching this? So that was great. And what I love about that is that little moment of chaos where you're like, should I get up? Should I leave the movie? Should I? No, you know what? I'm going to stay. I'm going to stay.

I'm going to just sort of not look. And he's going to have bloody feet for the rest of the movie, which is really going to bother me. But I'm going to love the plot because it's

perfectly structured. So as an homage to the movie Die Hard, it's perfectly structured. I throw a bottle, any which way, and I take that bottle to many different corners.

And I like to spread broken glass so that if anyone walks by, they go, huh, that's kind of like diehard. That's chaos. That's, hmm. It's a lot of steps. It's a lot of steps. It's a lot of steps.

And you're really counting on people seeing broken glass and immediately making a connection to the broken glass. You really are. I might think of the Annie Lennox song. That's what I was going to say. Walking on broken glass, which I just love. I will say, if anyone thinks of of that I'll take that too. Oh you will.

If someone sees the glass and goes it's like I'm walking on a broken glass I will be into it. I will say hey that's chaos. Because that's not

what you intended. Exactly. Oh that's how much you like chaos. Chaos coming back on me even I like. Chuck let's get into your origin story to follow the Joker.

Do you want to know how I got these scars? Yes, 100%. I felt like that would have been a very rude question. I'm so glad you did it. I'm so glad you did it. Absolutely. I have adult acne. And unlike many people who have the willpower to just get, you know, Accutane, not pick at their little pimples.

I pick on the pimples. So dismissive. Yeah, because the doctor said, well, you don't want to pick on the pimples because you might leave a scar. And I said, oh, baby. That's what you wanted. That's what I want, baby. And then the doctor looked around and he said, that's crazy. And I said, hold on. Say that again. That's crazy. Now, what's what I want, baby. And then the doctor looked around and he said, that's crazy. And I said, hold on.

Say that again. That's crazy. Now, what's like a synonym for crazy? I don't know. Like, that's insane. All right. No, no, no, no. Like, if a situation was insane.

This is all a conversation you had with the doctor. As in, if a situation was insane, what would it be? And he said, anarchy. Okay, okay. You're on the right track. Now, what if it was anarchy, but it was just not a little of chaos? Yes. Oh, and then your eyes lit up.

Did you know what you wanted him to say, or were you truly looking for the word, or did you know? That was really early on. That was when I was like, you know what? I think I like people saying that's chaos. So when he said it, you liked the sound of it so much. Now, let's take a sort of walk through your outfit.

Sure. Sure. I got these shirts from Uniqlo. I'm wearing two shirts. Which, again, is. That's chaos. Thank you. Thank you.

Was this inspired by Steve Bannon? The most famous two-shirt wearer I could think of. The Chaos Master himself. Indeed. He was a Chaos Master. He wanted to burn it all down. He wanted to burn it all down. He's like the Chaos Sith, if you will. Now, that's another canon of it. Two franchises. Two franchises mixing. Now, I

now I'm not, and I'm wearing a diaper because because I love chaos, because I love chaos. Sometimes I will rub Novocaine on my nether regions so that I never know if I need to go to the bathroom. So that you never know. Can I, I'm not a doctor, but I am a pharmacist. Yes.

but I am a pharmacist. Yes. And I, I, I feel as if the, the urge to voids one void one's bowels or bladder really happens internally. You'd be wrong. Oh, well,

how far are you putting, putting it up there? Just right around the like rims. Right around the rims. Plural. Just right around the rims. Well, I don't want to get into the nitty gritty, but look, I rub Novocaine on my nether region and it stops me from feeling the...

Oh. Uh-oh. Hold on. Oh, dear. And it's weird. He's got the diapers on over the tights. Yes. Definitely over the tights.

Let me pick up the tights. Okay. Well, that's chaos. That was considered second base when I was a kid. Over the tights? Yeah. Now, let me ask you. Of course.

You knew you were able to feel the sensation. Yes. Well, because basically. You can't feel the urge. I feel the heat still. Oh, sure. Power station. Thank you.

I'm feeling the heat still. Oh, sure. Power station. Thank you. I'm feeling the heat. And look, are we here to talk about my diaper? Or are you here to get answers? I hope you can understand why we were momentarily sidetracked by the diaper. I'm just glad you addressed the elephant in the room. I mean, now I'm a little worried about my teak kitchen stool. Well, don't worry about it. Teak is a very hardy wood.

I think it's going to be okay. That's why I did that. And he is wearing a diaper. Fair enough. And I'm wearing tights underneath the diaper. That's true. That's my concern. Which in a way probably negates the diapers effectively.

That was my point, which I thought was just more chaos. Thank you. Well, okay. It seems like the diaper becomes a firewall in this scenario. 100%. I will say I'm kind of, the bottle thing is wearing a little thin. You know, I'm moving around all night and I need some new chaos hobbies, I think. Do you have an idea of what your next chaos event might be?

Well, you know, right now I'm sort of in a lime scooter space. Oh. They finally come here. They finally come here. We heard about them and now they're here. They're here. So what I think I want to do is start a lemonade stand. Okay.

And then just take the lime scooters, put them in cups, pour some sugar on them, and sell lemonade. Okay, wait a minute. How are you going to put actual scooters in cups? These are huge cups. They're huge. I honestly can't believe that that's the answer. And honestly, I'll say,

until I get huge cups, I'll just tip over the scooter and put the handlebar in the cup. No, Jack. Come on now. Are people going to know that you've put the handlebar in the cup or are they going to assume you put the cup on the handlebar? I don't think people are going to know anything burnt. Because, again, people will walk up and say, oh, I'm thirsty.

I want to get a drink. And then I'll say, oh, would you like a lemonade? And then they'll say yes. And then I'll hand them a big scooter with a cup taped to the handlebar. But now it's taped to the handlebar. Now it's not in the cup. Well, if I'm going to hand it, and then I'll lean it over,

put it in the cup, and I'll say, there you go. And then they're going to say, I don't understand this. They will say that. They will definitely say that. And I'll say, okay, all right, keep going. What do you mean, keep going? Elaborate on what you don't understand this. They will say that. They will definitely say that. And I'll say, okay, all right, keep going. What do you mean keep going? Elaborate on what you don't understand. Well, this is a confusing proposition. And then three or four minutes later, I'm getting them saying that's chaos, and I'm happy as hell.

You don't think they might be tipped off by the line of lime scooters behind you with Dixie cups taped up. I'm going to have to have a big sort of like curtain. Right. Right, right, right. And I would suggest, I don't know why I'm giving you hints, but if you had on the table, if you had a pitcher of some lime looking drink. Oh, yes. To throw them off. It'll be pee pee.

Oh, dear. Okay. But it'll be labeled. This is taking a turn, yes. To throw them off. It'll be pee-pee. Oh, dear. Okay, well. But it'll be labeled. This is taking a turn, Burns. It will be labeled pee-pee. Of course. Pee-pee?

Unlabeled pee-pee. I mean, that's just friggin' insane. I guess that's one word for it. Yes, but when you label it, well, that's chaos. Have you ever thought, are you on social media, Jack? Oh, yes. Would you like to plug yourself? I figured. That's chaos on Instagram. I only really do

stories and they're mostly retweets of memes but it's still fun and I'm also on Twitter as Jack the Joker at at Jack the Joker. And a lot of my, I basically just tweet the same thing every day. Which is?

I tweet the same thing every day. What's going on with this president? Hashtag that's chaos. Hashtag that's chaos. Right. Every day, that's chaos one, that's chaos two, that's chaos three. I number my tweets. Oh, you number the tweets.

I'm on that's chaos like 89 right now. Is the number part of the hashtag? Yep. So every time you click it, it's sort of, there's only one. It's a unique hashtag every time. It sure is. And you are a unique individual, Jack. Yes, you are, Jack.

Thank you for being here. You're a fascinating person. Thank you for being here. You're a fascinating person. Thank you. And you are really shaking up, in a very small way, a normal life here in Dignity Falls. And I would like to, I did bring you guys something. Oh, this is. Oh my, this price. All right, I'm going to pull out my wallet. Here's $20.

It was in his diaper. And here's $20. Thank you. We get money? Yeah. $20 each. Well, thank you, I suppose. This is a little wet.

Yeah, that is a little wet, huh? It's damp, yes. It's damp. I would probably describe that. I don't know. How would I say that? Oh, well, I think. To randomly just receive $20 for that video.

One, two, three. That's chaos. Oh, yes. All right. Yes, that, yes. All right. Yes, that'll do. All right. We have to take a break. We sure do.

And we will be right back with more of The Neighbor Who Listened. Hi, y'all. My name is Faye. I make delicious homemade banana bread with walnuts made by order. You decide if you want the walnuts or not, if you know what I mean. And it's time to wrap things up here on The Neighborhood List. And boy, Jack is a fascinating character. I am a little worried about him, but I guess that in the end, as long as he sticks to

activities that are fairly quirky and whimsical, I guess it's okay. It's a pretty contained chaos. It is a pretty contained chaos. You could do a lot worse, I suppose. Sure. I mean, you know, I guess the lesson is if you see him around, don't be afraid.

He's not trying to hit you with a bottle. No. But I think keeping your distance is still a good idea. He is aiming any which way. Any which a way. Any which a way. And you might be in a line of fire and not even realize it.

Because he certainly doesn't. It's true. Yeah. It's true. So keep your distance. But if you're wondering what he's saying, now we've definitely answered that. He's saying that's chaos. That's chaos.

Yep. All right. Wow. All right. So we just have a couple of quick posts to read. I'll go first. Mine's very short. Okay. This comes from Johnny.

And the title is, the subject line is driver's license. And the post is, Kevin and I have your license. Contact me. I'll get it to you or drop it by your house. But this is not addressed to anyone in particular. And I guess he's counting on someone who has lost their license, just combing through the lost and found section and contacting them and then providing the information. I think that's right.

But isn't that odd that you wouldn't even put the name? Now, I understand maybe not taking a picture of the ID because that's putting someone's personal information out there. Of course not. So that's fine. But you could use a name. You could use just a first name, couldn't you? And then when they contact you.

Mike, we have your license. Yes. Oh, I'm Mike. Oh. Yes, that's right. And then I'll contact them. Right. I'm like, no, you're Bert.

I'm not telling you that I'm Mike right now. Right, right, right. Mike is at home saying, I'm Mike. Yes. Yes. And then. And I didn't even realize that I was missing my license. Yes.

If you're Mike, what's the address on the license. Yes. Yes. And then. And I didn't even realize that I was missing my license. Yes. If you're Mike, what's the address on the license? Yes. Then you've established who you are. But this is just, this is, there's, I don't know. It feels like there's something a little extra needed. I agree. Just throwing it out there because it feels ominous. Because then it feels like.

Kevin and I is also ominous. Yes. It feels like. We don't know you. Who's Kevin and I? It feels like extortion. We have your license. Oh, let's. Who's Kevin and I? It feels like extortion. We have your license. Let's hope not.

Kevin and I have our license. Lately, you've been reading a lot of darkness into some of these posts. I should... Yeah. It's probably my bed. I think it really is. I'm not getting quite asleep. That and the fact that I just don't think you're getting good nutrition.

But again, we are going to dedicate a whole section to you making food. I don't want it. A whole section. I think so. They're not that long. All right. Okay. So here's something wild, okay?

I normally wouldn't, and I'm not trying to even make light of it. It's just this one caught my eye. We have a lot of missing pets, and it's so sad. A lot of missing pets. So many. I mean, constantly. So many. Every day. Cats, dogs, gu it's so sad. A lot of missing pets. So many. I mean, constantly, every day,

cats, dogs, guinea pigs, chickens. I don't even feel like guide pigs. I don't feel like I even see that many animals in the neighborhood to justify the amount that are running around loose. They're running around. They're not being walked by their owners, so maybe that's why we don't see them. Can I say this this i never see loose animals never coyotes of course sure sure that's different but no one's saying missing my pet coyote no one's missing any coyotes exactly so unless you know there's the other coyotes probably have their own do you think the coyotes have their own have their own uh neighbor hap i wouldn't be wouldn't that just be so funny to read you You are being very human spotted.

You know, I don't know. Something like that. Anyway. So this says Eileen says, has anyone seen scamp? And it's clear that scamp. It's clear that scamp is the is the picture is in the in the picture as a cat. This is a kitty cat. But here's what's weird.

It says, has anyone seen Scamp? And then the very next sentence, Berndt says, especially Perlita and Laclede folks. Oh, those are those two brand new, those are those two brand new condos. See, I don't deal with condos. Those are those two brand new, very fancy townhouses just on the outside of town that they just built that there was such a fight over.

Don't you remember? Yes. Oh, all the meetings. Yes. Yes. That's right. I didn't realize. Okay.

So this it's though it's those people. Yes. Now, then she's still talking about scamp. He went out for a pack of cigarettes five days ago and hasn't come back are we what what why is she serious so this person the cat went out for a pack of cigarettes oh i don't think that i think that what she means is you know that's it's the old uh uh you know my my i didn't know my daddy went out for a pack of cigarettes one day he never came back do you think that she's making that sort of joke not joke but yeah i do think she's pretending as if the cat said

i'm just gonna go out for cigarettes i'll be right back and then ran away yeah i i mean that that to me is more believable than the cat actually did have a nicotine addiction that required it to go out and purchase cigarettes i mean if you look at this cat it actually looks like it would be up to no good it looks like a smoker? A little bit. What's amazing about that is that she posted this five days after the cat's been gone.

This is what we're saying, people. When you have missing pets, you need to post that date. We cannot tell you how many we read of days after the fact, weeks after the fact. Better to delete. And the damn tortoise was three months after the fact.

That tortoise. I mean mean that sort of it's a is appropriate because tortoises are slow yes i said yes i guess so appropriate you feel like you have some time he went out for a pack of cigarettes is she trying to be funny i mean missing pets it's not it's no laughing matter. It's not. But I guess if you're posting five days later, you're saying my cat's probably dead. Why not have some fun with it? I guess. I guess so. That's looking, that's trying to make lemonade

out of a really lemony situation. Oh gosh, don't you mean limonade? Limonade? That's not going to work. No, no, that's not, that one's not going to work at all. That one's not going to work at all. That one's not going to work at all. So you heard it here. That's going to happen.

You're going to see a lemonade stand. Excuse me. Oh, my goodness. Are you okay? Well, no, it's just that I was, I've been so hungry lately. Really? Yes, yes. It's very hard. See, that's why I always eat before the show.

I wish that I had. I wish that I had. But we, I was dealing with, I was dealing with jalape. It was a whole thing. I can't even get into it. It was just, you know, it's like, I can't get her to eat and I can't eat enough. You we, I was dealing with, I was dealing with jalape and it was a whole thing. I can't even get into it. It was just, you know, it's like, I can't get her to eat and I can't eat enough. You know, we're at odds. She's not eating.

And then Doug is just left to his own devices and he's just been raiding the kitchen and barbecuing everything. Like literally everything. What does that mean? He barbecued strawberries this morning. Barbecued strawberries? Yes. Delicious. Have you had them? I haven't had them,

but I gotta admit, I'm curious. He's very into grilling right now because right now I haven't, I've been very busy with getting... You barbecued noodles? Noodles. He did. He barbecued noodles. What kind of rub do you use on fruit and pasta? What kind of rub? I just

brine and some salt water. Brine and salt water. Brine and salt water. So it's good. So brined salt water sodden strawberry. All right. Sweet and savory. Listen, I've been very busy at work.

I've been very busy with the kid. I've been very busy with this podcast. So he's just been making up his own culinary inventions. He's been making up the slack the best way he knows how. Well, he's doing better than me. So next time I will eat, we will both eat properly before this podcast. But I think the bottom line is just please, please watch out for your pets. And if they go missing, please put a post on the app right away.

Right away. Just right away. Better to delete a post you didn't end up needing than put up a post in vain. Well said. Yes. So in the meantime, we wish you well. We hope you have a wonderful week.

Thank you so much for listening. We will see you next time. Absolutely. Bye. And goodbye.