The Neighborhood Listen - The Friendly Walking Thropal with Drew Droege
Episode Date: February 7, 2022The week, Joan continues to workshop her Mare of Easttown musical and Burnt reveals his standing with the handyman community. Also, special guest Kevin (Drew Droege) discusses his curious rel...ationship.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Look out, Canadian listeners, this one's for you.
Coho is a mastercard with an easy-to-use app that makes managing your finances easier.
Coho lets you earn cash back, borrow, build your credit history, and so much more.
Join over 1 million Canadians and sign up for your free trial today.
Download Coho on Google or App Store today or koho.ca for more details. Plus, for any basketball fans out there,
get a $75 e-gift card for nbastore.ca when you sign up with the promo code koho75. That's code
koho75. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character
using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.
Occasionally, we change the names of some streets.
And that's all you need to know.
And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your neighbor.
Good.
In Dignity Falls, you're never alone.
You've got the neighbor half-alf and us.
Bird.
And Joan.
From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell. We'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about
any posts you're missing. So just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen.
Welcome once again to the Neighborhood Listen. My name is Burnt Miopede and I'm joined as always by...
Joan Pedestrian. How are you, Burnt?
I'm very well, Joan. How are you doing?
I'm doing okay. I'm a little exhausted because we escrow, as you know, my dog who's a little bit older.
Yes, and in terrible shape. Is that correct?
In pretty bad shape.
It's pretty bad shape.
And so I'm just basically.
Just a basically a gravestone on four legs.
Okay.
I think that's a little harsh.
I didn't mean to go that far.
I apologize.
I'm going to describe that, an alien dog as that, to someone who's dealing with an alien dog,
because now I want to cry, Bert, and I'm just going to tell you I'm a little bit emotional
about it, and that's just going to happen, you know? Joan, you are 100% correct, and I do
apologize, and I think I got carried away. You brought this in. You invited this. You opened
the door to this moment of my emotions, and now I don't know how to close it. Do you understand?
moment of my emotions. And now I don't know how to close it. Do you understand?
I wish I hadn't said anything. It's just I do have this. It's almost like the guy on the cartoon island who sees his friend as a big hot dog. When I look at escrow, I see this just tombstone.
No! And it's shaped like a bone. I'm sorry. And it's still going.
Right? It's still got a wagging tongue. sorry. And it's still going. Right?
It's still got a wagging tongue.
It's a gravestone with a wagging tongue.
Listen, I want to go with you on this metaphor.
One part of my brain wants to go with you
and the other part of me is devastated.
I do apologize.
And I'm very sorry that you now wish
you could walk this moment back.
Doug says that to me all the time
when I start getting emotional.
Now, speaking of Doug, we haven't been sleeping in the same bed because I've invited escrow into
my bed because he has to be monitored at all times. He's having a hard time. We bought a
huge ramp for him. It's basically like buying a hospital bed. And it's there.
Escrow is not that big a dog. So how huge is this huge ramp?
No, he's well, he's a he's a golden mix. And so he's kind of, you know, he's gotten big.
Really?
He gained some pandemic weight
like we all did.
Okay.
And,
and so,
and perhaps his diet
got a little bit,
you know, messy.
Perhaps his diet
got a little messy
during the year.
Perhaps he had a few more.
A lot of takeout.
Oh, there's Doug.
Oh, he had a lot of takeout.
He had a lot of takeout.
And so he,
he needs help
getting down this ramp.
And it's a massive ramp.
I mean, it's like what you put luggage on at the airport.
It's very, you know, when it goes up, it's very big because it's rated for his weight
because he's, you know, he's heavy and the bed is very high.
I like a high bed.
Whereas when Doug and I started...
Are we talking princess and the pea high?
Well, not quite.
Not quite.
I don't need a ladder to get up to it.
But escrow needs a ramp to get up to it.
And trust me, Doug is probably loving
sleeping on the mattress that's
in the... Where are you, Doug, right now?
He's in the room where he's sleeping at night.
Well, it's escrow's bed.
We just traded beds.
You're sleeping in the doghouse.
You're literally in the doghouse.
I'm in the doghouse.
Literally in the doghouse. I wouldn literally in the doghouse. I'm in the doghouse. Literally in the doghouse.
I wouldn't say I'm loving it, but...
And the thing,
it's not that bad. I mean,
I've seen that doghouse. For people that don't know,
Doug and Joan have just remodeled their home,
and that doghouse is two stories.
It is pretty nice. It is.
It's just a little
too much room.
You just feel lost in there. It's just moved in. Yeah, the sound isn't great either. It's just a little too much room. You just feel lost in there.
He's just moved in.
Yeah, the sound isn't great either.
It's echoey.
It is a little bit.
It's like a bachelor pad that he's got going on in there.
And so I'm just not sleeping.
It's kind of like having a newborn and it's just tiresome just sort of getting up.
And I get up in the middle of the night and I think I hear him.
And it's like I go to nurse him and I'm like, oh, it's not a newborn, but I've had that moment. Cause your
mother instinct kicks in and yeah, it was awkward a couple of times. Isn't it funny? Isn't it funny,
Joan? How, uh, and I suppose Doug, how, uh, when, when they're, when they're on their way out,
there's so much like when they're on their way in, uh, the people and animals in our lives.
Much like when they're on their way in the people and animals in our lives.
It is very true.
There are so many similarities.
Open another door, Burnt.
You opened another door.
I do apologize.
You said it was like having a newborn.
I just ran with that.
I apologize.
It is. It is very similar in so many ways with mobility, with bodily functions. It really, listen, it's a real,
it's a real bookend moment, uh, taking care of a baby or taking care of an alien dog, you know?
But I, I certainly, I certainly don't see him as a burden and I absolutely adore him so well. I
don't, I really don't. We don't deserve dogs, Bert. All right. I wish that the ramp really throws off the feng shui of the whole entire room, I have to say.
It really does.
I wish that the ramp is a burden, not the dog.
That's a good way to look at it.
The cost of the casket is what I'm upset about.
Okay.
It's getting dark.
Why don't we move on, Bert?
That's a good idea.
How are you?
What's going on?
I'm very well.
don't we move on that's a good idea how are you what's going on i'm very well uh uh my murphy bed has slightly shifted so it's almost the the foot is almost touching the ground again which is a
relief this is this is not okay i have you absolutely had no one out to come to look at
this thing burnt there's no one i mean there there's there's very few people that still
service these things and and not not not many of them uh live in dignity falls i, there's very few people that still service these things. And not many of them live in Dignity Falls.
Okay, but I understand if you have like a vintage video game and servicing it really is complicated or a vintage car.
Is a Murphy bed something that is so complicated that it needs specific skill sets?
You know, I don't know.
I'm scared to look in there because I'm afraid it's going to make me think about things too much.
What does that mean?
Well, I'll realize where I am in my life and, you know, choices I've made or haven't made.
So I've reached, you know, I've gone online and tried to find a Murphy bed specialist.
And, you know, a lot of these guys are very suspicious and they think it's a prank.
See, I wouldn't look for Murphy bed specialist.
I would just type in carpenter or just, you know, just builder.
I would think that anyone who has building experience or just a handyman.
That's the first word I was looking for.
It just didn't come to me, Bernt.
What came first was builder.
And what was the other thing I said?
Carpenter.
That's right.
You know, I've been sort of blackballed in the handyman community.
They won't come to my apartment anymore.
Only you, Bernt. Please
explain. Well, what would happen was the
guy would show up and he would say, you know,
I would say, I need this picture hung. And then
he would start to do it and I would say, oh, I see how
to do it now. You're dismissed.
Dismissed?
I would say, I
was probably a bit too brusque because
I was so excited with having this new knowledge.
And so the word got around.
Those guys will not come to my home anymore.
Wow.
It does seem like you get in your way a lot when it comes to help of any kind.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I want to dive into this more in this season.
Okay.
I hope you don't mind it.
But I just think, don't you feel like after what we've been through, don't you kind of want to shake things up a bit?
Maybe get out there.
Maybe change the course of your life or the direction you're going in.
Make some improvements inside and outside.
Not really.
I think I, you know, I'm not religious, but I am spiritual.
Right, right.
And I do believe that.
And you believe in ghouls. I believe, yes, I do I do believe that. And you believe in ghouls.
I believe.
Yes, I do not believe in ghosts.
I do believe in ghouls.
And I feel like just let things happen.
You know, just it's not up to me.
I'm not in charge.
I'm relinquishing control to the universe.
OK, well, I like that last part.
Let's hang on to that last part.
Relinquishing control to the universe.
So let's start paying attention to those signs, Bert.
If you feel like, you know, something happened and you think, oh, well, I'm spiritual.
That's just a coincidence.
That's not someone tapping me on the shoulder and saying, hey, look at this.
Maybe just, you know, listen, just have sort of that.
What is it?
Your third eye?
Sure.
If you say so.
Keep that open.
I had an aunt that we used to say had a third eye because
she had a mole that was so big and it was in the middle of her forehead. And I mean, it was just
so terrible. But like, doesn't everyone have that aunt, you know, with like a mole that looks like
an extra eye? Absolutely. Everyone. Would you say that the how how a coin size, how big was this mole? Oh, wonderful. It was a French franc.
I guess I meant American coins.
Oh, well.
The crazy thing.
I'm not as well traveled as you are, Joan.
I don't have a, I don't have a.
The crazy thing is Doug and I went on a wine tasty trip to France once and I got one of the little coins and I said, man, oh man, this looks just like Aunt Thyra's
third eye. Aunt Thyra?
Mm-hmm.
Is that short for anything or is that the full name?
I can't
imagine. Thyramine? Isn't that
a name of an instrument?
A theremin is an instrument. Thyramine
is very, it's
helpful in small doses. I am a pharmacist, of course.
Oh, yes, of course.
But you should not take,
you should not take it more than 14 days.
Oh, wow.
Well, listen, maybe that's what,
maybe thyroid took it for too long and that's why she ended up having that growth.
I used to think that my,
one of my sisters has a thyroid issue
and I thought that that's where it came from,
that it was connected to, that thyroid was sort of like a suffix of thyroid i don't know it just
sounded to me it sounded it sounded almost it sounded greek and at the same time it sounded
like a disease her name oh absolutely no thyra it's a greek disease it sounded like a greek
disease there is yeah and the diseases you have a just a skin flap that looks like it's
winking at you do you remember uh you know i i'm a big uh uh twilight zone buff and do you remember
that one episode where uh uh there was the two it was an alien and and uh he's in the diner and
everyone's getting paranoid and it's they sort of did this one already but they did it again
and everyone is just saying you're the alien no you're the alien. No, you're the alien. And then everyone goes off to, I don't know, kill each other. Is that the exact
dialogue, Bert?
I wouldn't be surprised.
And then at the end, there's
just two guys left. It's an old fella
at the counter, and then there's a guy, the soda jerk
behind the counter.
And the old fella's like, these
fools, they thought the alien was out there,
but he was right in here the whole time.
And he has a third arm, a third arm lighting a cigarette. And then the guy behind out there, but he was right in here the whole time. He has a third arm, a third arm
lighting a cigarette. And then the guy
behind the counter, he pulls back his soda jerk
hat, and he's got a third eye.
They were both aliens
the whole time. So it's an
alien race that either has a third arm
or a third eye?
These are two distinct alien races,
perhaps bitter enemies.
I mean, obviously, I have a lot of questions.
We probably won't be able to get to all of them.
We've got some time.
Go ahead.
I have not.
Shoot.
Was there a star in this episode?
You know, there was usually a star in the episode.
Do you remember who it was?
There was no star.
Really?
No.
Oh.
The one that I always think about is when Burgess Meredith, you know, he's got those glasses and he has a miserable life and he works in a bank vault and then the world ends, right?
And all he wants to do is go to the library and read and he has glasses and he walks around the rubble and he gets to the library and then he steps and he breaks his glasses.
What I always said is, well, then just go to an optometry store.
Maybe one of the glasses hasn't been broken.
You know what?
If you're the last man on earth, why not hoof it over to an optometry store?
Just start trying stuff on.
Get over there.
Yes.
Get right over there.
Eyeglass stores famously have prescription glasses on display.
And you keep going until you find yours.
You keep going until you find yours.
Isn't that right for everything?
Oh, it's so true, Joan. So true. See, these are the things I'm talking about, Burton. I until you find yours. Isn't that right for everything? Oh, it's so true,
Joan. So true. See, these are the things I'm talking about, Bert. I want you to embrace.
I'm going to bring over some motivational posters to put up on your wall and we're going to hang
them ourselves. We aren't going to call a handyman or a builder or an architect. Oh,
no. I know how to do these things. I know how to hang things now. Yeah. So I am glad to hear that
because when you told me you hired a handyman to come just to hang something up on your wall,
I was like, oh, wow. The eternal bachelor.
Now, Joan, how are things going musically?
I know you had an idea last time we talked.
You had an idea for for a new musical performance.
And I can't recall.
Listen, the whole the whole deal.
The whole deal is that, you know, TikTok July.
He got me in the TikTok.
You know, I don't know what
month of the quarantine this was but i just the reason that i got interested in it because i
thought well that's for you know children that's not for me and i don't want to make a fool of
myself and the terror of all adults correct and so uh but then she showed me no mom look there's
all these musical theater people on uh on uh which requires all the emphasis that I gave it.
Musical theater people.
And they're doing spoofs of musicals.
Bridgerton, people wrote songs for a fake Bridgerton musical.
Ratatouille, the musical exploded.
It'll probably be a hit on Broadway now.
All because people were very creative.
You're saying these are things that are not musicals.
They don't exist.
And then the people on TikTok are spoofing them.
And that's how they come into being.
Or not even spoofing them.
They're just creating musicals for these television shows that came out this year.
Tiger King got a musical.
What now?
I can do that.
So may I ask, what are you thinking of doing?
So what, so what, may I ask, what are your, what are you thinking of doing?
Well, so I thought, okay, even though I don't necessarily watch the things that the younger people are watching, I'm watching the more mature shows, if you will.
So the first one I took a stab at was The Undoing, you know, with Hugh Grant and Nicole
Kidman.
Yes.
And it's a lot of songs about crying.
And then I started watching Mare of East.
Now, let me tell you, on our first episode, I talked about how I thought
that was going to be a great musical.
Well, I hadn't finished all the episodes, Bert.
It is a very, very upsetting show and disturbing.
And I felt, oh, perhaps maybe it's irresponsible
to even talk about doing a musicalized version of this,
but it's also so very good.
And it's great because no one looks good. And it's so
refreshing. And everyone just looks comfortable and tired. And they're drinking beer all the time.
And their highlights have grown out. And it's very refreshing. But that's the only thing that's
refreshing. The rest of it is very disturbing and haunting and dark. But at the same time,
there are some good ideas for songs. So I think I am still going to pursue it,
but I just kind of have to just sit with it a little bit,
but I am,
I am,
I am beginning work on it.
And,
and Doug is helping me.
Oh,
what is Doug?
What is Doug doing to help you?
He's providing the,
he's laying down the tracks as they say,
but sometimes we have,
we sometimes we fight a little bit.
It's gotten a little punchy with me and Doug,
especially on this creative venture.
Cause we've never really done anything together like
that. Is that so? Other than this podcast.
It's different
though. It is. It is different.
It's different. This is a talk format
and what you're talking about is far more creative
and that's where I can
see how it would be a challenge for Doug because you're
the creative one in the relationship.
How now?
What's that? How now don't how now brown cow
are you is this your elocution time doug i apologize i think he's reacting to the fact
that he's very musical and he has his band i forgot about his band that's right and they've
really done a great job this year you know because they they were what they would do is they would
practice um across each person would would just be be in their own individual garage on the street and just playing.
Because they're all dads.
Right.
They're all dads.
And I challenge any one of us to remember the name of the band.
Oh, I don't remember.
Are you kidding me?
I can barely remember the name of some of my children.
Doug, what do you think?
What do you think the name of your band my children. Doug, what do you think? What do you think the
name of your man might be? Now that you mention
it,
we haven't talked about it in a while,
you know, because we're all in our
garages, so we just have to yell
at each other across the way.
And it's hard
to hear anything. Sure.
Sure.
And of course, the drummer,
he's like at the end of the block. I think we're the
electrolytes. That sounds
right. Let's call it that. Yeah. That sounds
good. The electrolytes. Yeah, that's great.
Anyhow, so anyways, I
am working on it, Byron, just to answer your question, but
the content was a little bit more extreme than I thought
and so I'm just taking some time. I see.
Yeah, that Mero Eat Town,
I think it's wonderful.
It takes this made-up story and it presents these people as just miserable wretches.
And you get the sense that, oh, the filmmakers are saying, this is what it's like.
We showed you the glamorous people with murder.
Now we're going to show you the miserable ugly people and their ugly
voices. Look at them. This is
the two sides of the coin.
Are you watching this too, Bert? Of course I
am. Yes, absolutely.
Yes, yes, yes. I didn't know.
I didn't know. I felt like I... Sorry.
I must have been... I was explaining it to you in a way
that I was not... Well, no. You had mentioned
it before and I said, I got to check this out.
No apology necessary, but I am. I'm all caught up now and boy, I just love how mentioned it before. And I said, I got to check this out. No, no apology necessary. But I am.
I'm all caught up now.
And boy, I just love how grim it is,
even though it didn't have to be
because it's made up
and how they write in
all this abuse and torture.
It does seem like not a single person
is allowed to just have a life
that doesn't include
some massive tragedy or conflict.
Exactly.
And you know, the one person
that didn't really seem to have much,
that was the guy.
Yeah, that's exactly right.
And then, you know, Mare herself,
I was thinking, wow, this character, she sucks.
And then, why is she so miserable?
And then you find out later,
oh, the worst possible thing happened.
And you're like, great.
Keep it coming.
Correct.
Oh, man. One more episode. Correct. Oh, man.
One more episode.
What are they going to pack in?
I can't wait.
I got to say, there was, you know, it didn't, there were moments it didn't scream musical to me.
So.
Well, Phantom of the Opera.
I mean, who would have thought that was a musical?
This hideous monster living in a sewer who kidnaps a woman.
I mean, that doesn't sound like a make it break into song.
This is true.
I suppose when you really think about it, nothing's natural about any musical.
So then they added a terrible chandelier accident.
I thought it was glorious.
It was glorious.
That's the magic of the purpose.
It was a terrible collision.
Did you think that happened only at the production that you went to?
I thought, oh, this is somebody.
Boy, they really biffed it.
I thought this is someone's way of quitting, like that JetBlue guy who stole the two beers and slid down the slide.
All right, Joan, I'm sorry.
We should take a break here.
We got to get going. We should take a break here, and should take a break here and then we will bring in our guests.
We do have another guest, as always, from from we've called our we book our guests from the NeighborHap social networking application from right here in Dignity Falls.
So we will be right back with that guest.
That guest.
Hello, my name is Dee.
The headline, ISO.
Spell that, ISO. Does anyone watch the TV sitcom Mike and Molly Show on CBS?
Possibly on DVD.
I would love to see
seasons without
the hefty price to
buy on many platforms.
Thanks.
Do you want to do the welcome back?
Oh, yeah.
Welcome back to
the Neighborhood Listen. I, of course,
am Joe Pedestrian.
Oh, no, I was just, under my breath, I was just saying excellent.
Was it good?
It was good?
It was perfect.
Well, of course.
I mean, Joan, come on.
You're a performer.
Like, this is in your blood.
This is second nature to you.
I mean, I feel a bit rusty.
That's all.
Absolutely.
I don't think, I think my voice is different than it was last year.
That's what I was saying last time.
I said, is this who I, is this who I am?
Is this what I sound like?
I think I went so long without talking to people that now I sound like this.
You're still repeating yourself a lot and doing that thing where you say a word a bunch of times before you move on to the other word.
Well, that's true.
That is never going to go away.
Nor would I want it to.
All right. Now, should we bring our guest into our world? Let me read you his post. I just this is one of those posts. I love these posts because
it's like sometimes we have a conflict, right? Sometimes we have a problem. And so we want to
bring someone in to fix it or it's about someone and we find that person and we want to know what
their deal is. This is the kind of post where it makes me just have a lot of questions.
Something where there's a lot of information and it all seems like a lot.
And like maybe something else is under it.
But I don't know.
So this is from Kevin.
Kevin says,
Hi, neighbors.
You can find my fiance, Marta, twin brother, Bradley, and myself most days walking our beloved Bichon Frise, quote, Chloe, around the neighborhood.
If so, please say, quote, hi.
And we would like to welcome him to the podcast right now.
Please welcome Kevin.
Kevin, hello.
Hi.
Thank you for saying hello to me.
I don't get it a lot in the neighborhood.
Are people not taking you up on your offer to say hello in the neighborhood?
Marta and Bradley and I are walking, quote, Chloe around.
And we are just desperate for people to say hi.
And they don't.
It is always the three of you and Chloe together.
Always.
Always. Always.
And why, I just want to know, of all the names in your post, is only Chloe in quotation marks?
Well, she's special.
And, you know, there are a lot of Chloe's out there.
There are a lot of dogs named Chloe, a lot of people named Chloe.
There's a clothing design, a store.
When I've gone to the Galleria, there's a Chloe
store. That's right. So we're like, I don't know what you just said, but that sounds wild.
But I'll tell you, I thought I had this great idea to Marta and to Bradley. We were having
our lunch together. Of course, because you're always together. Always, always together.
Oh, so this extends to not just around the neighborhood, but at home.
And you all live together, is that correct?
We live together.
We do everything, everything together.
I mean, why wouldn't we?
Let's not be crazy.
Well, I mean, some people crave alone time.
Especially with your fiance.
This concept is foreign to you. You just blew his mind burnt wait what did
you say they crave alone time yes time where they're they're just by themselves or not with
other people well that sounds crazy those people need help those people need to be in padded walls
not us we do everything together we make group decisions you know, I just we had the dog and I
said, why don't we put quotes
around Chloe and call her quote Chloe.
And we laughed.
We laughed so hard.
We laughed until actually Marta got sick.
She laughed so hard.
She actually took to the bed so then
of course Bradley and I had to go get in bed with her.
She took to the bed.
Well, if she laughs too hard, it sends her into a very sick place.
What happens to her?
Exactly.
She can't stop.
She can't stop laughing.
So it makes her stop eating.
Oh, is it like a red shoe situation?
Oh, like the ballet?
Yes, where, you know, she can't stop dancing because these shoes are on her.
So she just can't stop laughing.
It's almost dangerous, right?
Ballet's a dangerous sport.
Sure, this is a bit of a right turn, but yes, indeed it is.
It absolutely is.
Have you seen Black Swan?
Anything can happen.
Sure.
I have to ask,
Kevin,
she laughs so much
that she's missing meals?
Yes.
We have to be very
careful around her. No
crack-em-ups at the dinner
table because she'll be in the middle of dinner
and she'll stop.
Stop consuming food and just start laughing for hours and hours and hours.
We have to.
Bradley and I have to go to either side of her and hold her down.
Is there a degree of humor that is.
We have to belt her to the bed.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
She appreciates it when she comes to.
It's a very painful laugh.
When she comes to, she's in like a fugue state.
She's in like, she doesn't remember.
Oh, she remembers.
She feels all of it, but it's not a pleasant feeling for her.
This is so dark.
Does this condition have a name?
Has she been treated?
Has she been seen?
Has she been tested?
Yes.
Or studied?
It's called CLABSI.
And she has CLABSI.
It's really bad.
It's really intense.
So luckily, you know, I have some help, my twin brother.
And, you know, she has a hard time sometimes, you know, telling the difference between the two of us.
I'm like, hello, honey, we've been married for 12 years.
But it's fine. How do we know you're not Bradley right now?
Oh, I will say Bradley's deeply unfriendly. So there's the difference between us. So Bradley
does not need people saying hi. I like it. I like when people say hi.
So then, okay, when you made that post, I'm sorry, Burton, you go ahead.
I was just going to say, do you think Bradley is giving off an energy when you're out walking together
that causes people to not say hi?
It was the same question.
There we go.
Listen, Bradley's a growler
and we've come to love that about him.
You know, we're all different.
We're all different.
We're all different creatures.
I'm waving frantically
and I get in people's faces
and say hi, you know,
so that should be welcoming. I don't
understand why. So sorry, you have
you waving high aggressively.
Your twin brother is growling?
Yes. And Marta is
potentially maybe, is she laughing uncontrollably
on these walks or does she not go on the walk?
Oh no, we know
not to trigger her, so she's usually very
quiet and just
staring straight ahead.
Unless she sees something funny
out of the corner of her eye.
It's very dangerous
when we go and walk. You should just show her
Mare of Easttown and she will calm right down.
There we go.
So, okay, I want to
know how you met Marta and
how you came to live with your
twin brother and does that ever get
complicated? Like Bernd said, sometimes you like alone time. You said you've been married for,
I think that's a non-starter. I don't think he, he seemed to, he seemed to reject the concept
of what I rejected the concept of what? Of alone time. I understand that. Yes. Okay. Fair,
fair, fair. Let's, let's skip past that. You said you've been with her for 12 years.
How long have you been engaged?
First question.
Follow-up question.
How long has Bradley lived with you as a couple?
A throuple, if you will.
We have been engaged for 11 years.
So we, you know, so most of our-
Why did I think that?
Most of our time together.
Yes, we met at our pop-up church and it was really wild. It's one of those,
just like, I've got, uncle's got a truck and my aunt's got some tarps and we just put up a church
and lots of people showed up and that's where I met Marta. Of course, Bradley was with me at the time and she was like, oh, well, you know, and, you know, he was he doesn't really enjoy speaking.
And I do. So, you know, so she she got she got both of us.
Does Bradley does Bradley enjoy speaking to you and Marta or just across the board?
He does not like speaking.
Oh, he does. He does. He does speak to us.
He does speak to to the two of us.
It's usually, it's usually in single words.
And it's usually about what he wants,
what he wants to eat or, you know,
the emotion he's feeling, which is usually.
Could you give us an example?
He'll just, you know, he'll just say fury.
And then we'll go, okay, we'll stay away.
We'll stay away from him, you know, but, you know,
you know, sometimes he's, you know, sometimes he'll say banana and we're like, oh, okay,
that's what he wants. He wants a banana. So we have a great relationship. It sounds like it.
When you go for these walks, is it, uh, do you, do you all feel, uh, uh, at the same time it's
time to go for a walk or is this a meeting situation where you have to discuss it?
We have lengthy meetings.
We have to go through it a lot. We have to work
out everyone's schedules and we do everything together
so it usually...
Right, so that is confusing
to me because if you do everything together,
do you have jobs and what jobs
do you have?
Can you walk me through that?
Oh, well, we all three sell skin products from home.
Now that makes sense.
From home.
You work from home.
We work from home.
Well, it is usually me because, you know, obviously Bradley is difficult on the phone.
Yeah, how does that work?
Does he just say, skin
dry, bye.
You'd be surprised. Some people
love the quick sell. You know, he
gets on and he'll say, dermis. And they're like,
okay, I'm going to figure that out.
You know?
So it does work. It really works.
What a choice of word
if you only have one. Well, he's
learned deep deep knowledge.
He gets to the point.
He gets right to the point.
Sometimes I ramble.
So all three of you are at different, I don't know, stations, consoles in different rooms making your phone calls?
Is that what happens?
Well, we get deeply uncomfortable when we're that far apart, even in the same space.
So we are in the same, we are
in the den. We're all talking. Sometimes
it gets very confusing because we're all on the phone
at the same time. I'm sure.
How are you even doing this podcast? Are they
in the room with you? They're here. Oh, they're here.
They're on either side of you.
They're on either side of me. Marta's just staring at the
floor, praying she doesn't start
laughing. And
Bradley is
gnawing on a
piece of bread.
He's gnawing on it?
It's hard bread. It's like a baguette.
It's like a hard, crusted baguette.
Sure.
That was such a quick agreement.
I just really, I wasn't there yet.
I wasn't that sure.
It's my favorite. I love a hard bread.
Joan, I just questioned you, Joan.
Have you had fine French bread?
Have you had really fine French bread?
Joan, you must have.
Of course, I bought it with my Aunt Thyra Franks.
Your what?
I'm sorry.
That was a reference to something earlier that you couldn't possibly know, Kevin.
I wouldn't know that.
I wouldn't know what that is.
But yes, I have had French bread.
And so I can see what you're talking about.
So you're saying he's got like a nice, he's got a nice baguette is what he's eating.
Yes.
Oh, it's only the finest.
We have really fine food in this house.
We don't suffer.
I know.
You've got banana.
Banana, hard bread.
I know you've got banana, banana, hard bread.
And, you know, I think that covers that.
Let me ask you, Kevin, when you're let's say when you're when you're relaxing, the three of you.
Good luck.
When you work from home, it sort of feels like you're always at work. But do you, are you, are you, are you like, are you seated side by side?
Like you're on a couch together?
What do you do?
Yes, we're, we're on an ottoman.
So we're on an even smaller couch.
No, one day we're, we're going to have a couch.
We, it's on our, It's on our wish list.
But we sit on an ottoman.
We sit hand in hand, holding hands and just, you know, and sell our skin products.
You know, call a staffie.
And then we have meetings.
Then we have meetings about when we're going to go on walks.
And that's usually, you know, we usually decide that, you know, a week out.
A week? The walks are, a week out. A week out of this.
The walk is planned a week in advance.
Why is a couch a wish list product?
Why is it, I would assume you, that you all sort of pull in a nice income.
I don't want to be obscene and ask about your financial situation.
But are you, are you talking about it from a financial standpoint or does someone not want a couch?
We can't decide.
We can't decide on the right couch.
We need to have a couch that's big enough
for Marta to lie completely horizontal down.
And also we need belt loops.
Of course.
So that we can tie her into the couch.
For her clapsy spells.
For her clapsy, yes.
So it's way trickier than you'd think.
But money is not an object.
We also can't decide on anything.
You know, Bradley's a big fan of Jennifer Convertibles,
but it's just not really my,
it's not really my taste.
Sure.
Still what I think would be a fantastic drag name,
by the way.
Oh, absolutely.
As would, you know.
Those drag women, what are they called?
They run up and down our street all the time. I those those those those drag women, what are they called?
They run up and down our street all the time.
I see.
I think they're called drag women.
I also I was also thinking that Aunt Thyra Franks would be if if if Tyler Perry not created Madea, a Madea like character.
I think Aunt Thyra Franks.
Aunt Thyra Franks, who, you know, is, you know, it has even more wisdom than Medea.
Even more wisdom.
I learn all, I learn everything about the human condition from Tyler Perry movies.
So I can't wait.
It's all there in one movie every time. And I'm surprised you watch them because they're comedies.
And doesn't Marta avoid comedies?
Oh, she finds them deeply unfunny.
She does not laugh at them.
Marta does.
Oh, all right. deeply unfunny. She does not laugh at them. Oh, okay. Oh, all right.
Well, that's surprising.
It was a happy accident
because I was also very scared to put it in.
And she just, somehow she stares at the floor.
I also don't know that she,
don't really know that she always listens to TV
because she's sort of, you know, tuned it out.
When was the last time that she was checked out?
Just in general.
And I don't mean checked out
as in staring at the floor
like she is right now. I mean, like, physically
examined by a doctor.
You mean we go on walks and people, like,
look at her? Oh, you mean physically?
No, I'm talking about medical. A medical
procedure of examination. We're going to get around to it.
We're going to get around to it. Wish list?
Wish list. There you go. It's on our wish list.
Couches and doctors.
But French bread and banana. We've got that.
You're all set. You're all set. I wanted to ask, Kevin, what is what is Marta and Bradley?
How do they relate to each other? Do they like each other? Do they do they get along?
They get along great. Sometimes I get the sense that they forget that the other one's there.
But, you know, when they're aware, they're very, they get along smashingly. They don't want
much from each other. I'm usually the talker among the three of us. So, you know, they get
hella mad at me sometimes, but, you know. And you say you're new to the neighborhood.
Where are you coming to Dignity Falls from? Oh, we are, we're coming from Ratchet Hills in Iowa.
And, you know, so we just wanted to make the move, make the move to DF.
Do y'all call it DF down here?
People do.
People call it the dig sometimes.
Oh, sure.
I've never heard that first.
You never heard the dig?
I didn't hear the dig. Oh, yes. A lot of people are calling it the dig. I see never heard that first. You never heard the dig? I didn't hear the dig.
Oh, yes.
A lot of people are calling it the dig.
I see that a lot on Twitch streams.
I wanted to ask, no, did you have a question, Jo?
I just have a follow-up just because you work from home.
So I guess I don't mean to dig a little deeper, but if you're working from home,
generally a work change is what spurs you to move or perhaps, you know, your family gets bigger.
OK, now you need to move.
Was there really just it was really just a spur of the moment thing or was there something else that made you leave?
Oh, no, we were we were banned.
We were banned.
Oh, I see.
This is why I asked.
Oh, we absolutely were. We, well, you know, we were, I guess, the people, you know, where we come from don't enjoy it when, you know, we want to like welcome ourselves into their homes. Because, you know, I was like sort of tired of people not saying hello. So I was, I was wandering into some back doors.
Oh, I see.
But I've learned not to do that now. I've learned something called boundaries.
And it just took a banishment for you to realize.
It took a full banishment. We were literally
banished. That's the word.
Let's get into
Chloe. Quote Chloe.
Quote Chloe, please. And what type of...
She's a Bison Frigée? Bison Frigée.
And how old is she?
16.
We found her up in her years when we found her.
So, yeah.
Did you find her here or did you find her back in Ratchet Hills?
We found her back in Ratchet Hills.
And, you know, and at the time, you know, we, you know, she was already, you know, five when we found her.
So, you know, so that's, you know, we were told.
So when she's 16 now, okay, so you found her and you lived there for a while. You found her. So, you know, we were told. So, wait, she's 16 now.
Okay, so you found her and you lived there for a while.
You had her.
16 is very, that's old.
Oh, but she's doing great.
You wouldn't know it.
Oh, that's so good.
Yeah, what's great is she's in great shape. You wouldn't know it?
She's in wonderful shape.
Like, she doesn't need, like, a ramp or anything crazy
to, like, get up off the bed.
Well, now. She's doing really well.
Don't worry, I'm going to keep that door closed, Bernd, for right
now. This is our guest. It's not about me.
It's not about me.
Can I ask you, Kevin,
before, where did you
meet Marta? How did you meet Marta?
And what was it like introducing
her to Kevin?
Well, you know, it was pop-up church.
Oh, I'm sorry. We have covered that.
I do apologize. Well, we were handing out
tambourines and, you know,
and Bradley and I were in charge of doing
that together. So we were doing, we were handing out tambourines.
And, you know, I just,
I looked at her and I said, uh-oh, uh-oh,
this is the one, you know.
Right away, at first sight?
Right away.
Wow.
I knew right away.
Wow.
She had a very sensible haircut.
She was looking down at the ground.
I was like, oh, this is it.
And I was really worried that Bradley would also, I didn't know,
but like twins, do we have the same sort of attraction?
I was really worried that Bradley was going to go for her as well.
That's honestly something that has never occurred to me.
100% agree.
It makes sense, though, I guess.
In a strange way.
Yeah, we feel the same way.
But I asked Bradley and he just said sandwich.
And I was like, okay, he's fine.
So that makes me want to ask about Bradley's personal romantic life.
I mean, how would that work?
And does he go on dates?
Oh, he's all over the apps.
He's all over the apps.
He's always.
But, you know, the tricky thing is when he does that, we have to go with him because, you know, it's like a piece of a thing.
Of course.
Back to steel.
So we're always with Bradley on his dates.
So they usually don't last very long.
Sure, because I would assume the other person is a little freaked out by that.
That's a lot to take on.
I mean, I guess some people are weird.
You know, they can't handle it.
You know, maybe people may not be dog people or Marta.
So Chloe comes on the on the date as well.
One hundred percent. What else is she supposed to do?
Stay home and sleep.
Oh, what a boring life.
Well, he's got you. he's got you there joan he's got you there staying home and sleeping that is that is a boring life um can you can you walk us through the last
date that you went on with bradley oh uh well uh uh bradley uh met a woman named Denise. They were on Hinge.
And Denise was an assistant manager
at a Starbucks coffee company.
And she had like a 15-minute break.
And so that's when she scheduled the date.
We had to drive all the way down to Costa Mesa.
It was just a whole situation.
But we had to make it there
in the 15-minute window.
How is that
possible?
That seems...
So it involved lots of planning.
Sure.
And we did make it, but we couldn't find
You're talking about the Costa Mesa Orange County
in California, to be clear. Yes.
We were going down to Orange in California.
That is quite a drive. Our sister
city. Our sister city. Oh,
I didn't know. What? Oh.
Yes. Hey, welcome to
the dig. Our sister city
is Costa Mesa, California.
Well, isn't that
wild? Now I really
don't know why it didn't work out with Denise.
But why didn't it?
Well, we had to look for parking. It took
forever. And so by the time we got in there, she had
about two minutes left.
And she was coming out hot. She was in a
real mood. But I can see that she and Bradley
connected in that way. They both are just rangeaholics.
And I could tell they
just got on the apps and liked to scream about things
that made them mad. And so she came out
and she
threw iced tea down, like right at our feet um you know but i found it you know i found
it delightful uh but then she didn't apparently she didn't like love that we were there
quote chloe had to pee it was a whole situation
it is a long ride for a dog it was a long ride then we had to drive all the way back
sure and then you drive back and you're disappointed because it didn't work out
and we really didn't talk about it they didn't like you know we didn't really talk the whole
way just complete silence well i just i was just babbling the entire way back
you are the talker i am definitely the talker i mean i don't think anyone could deny that so i
would just i would just kind of talk along.
And I just like to talk about whatever I see when I'm driving with them because it just sort of distracts them.
I just sort of say, I'll be like, oh, tree, sign, sign, tree, whatever.
You sound like Bradley.
That's how he understands what's happening, what's going on.
Oh, so not only does he communicate that way, but that's the way you must communicate with him.
Pretty much.
You know, it's like that's why it's a very it's it's tricky in the dating scene.
People take them off.
It is anyway.
Absolutely.
If you take away most words, then boy, it makes it even harder.
I want to get back to this pop up church.
What denomination is this?
Oh, it's it's all it's it's Seventh Ecclesiastical.
So it's, you know, it's...
No, I don't know.
Oh, well...
I'm not familiar, yeah.
We love to sing.
We love to hold hands.
We stay together a lot.
Obviously, we wear traditional costumes.
We're always, you know, popping up in different places.
You know, we wouldn't imagine that we would be.
So sorry.
Hang on a minute.
You said very similar things about this religion that just pertained to your specific relationship. seventh ecclesiasticals also in sort of throuples, if you will, or tend to be couples that are living with a sibling or never going, never being apart and being.
It tends to be bunches of broken people that come together.
And, you know, when we live, we live together and, you know, and sort of just just cover each other's needs.
That's very much what it is.
Well, now, do you consider yourself and Briley and Marta broken people?
And I guess, quote, Chloe, for that matter?
That's what we're told.
That's what we're told by our grand priest who always tells us what our problems are
and tells us how broken we are and how we have to give.
We do make very good money, but we do end up giving a lot of it to Pop-Up Church.
Oh, like a tithing.
It's always a pop-up.
Oh, it doesn't have a set building.
I would be a little concerned about that.
That costs a lot of money.
We just pop it up wherever we can.
Just a truck and some tarps.
Sure, just the tarps.
We get the tarps out and pop it up.
Do you need a permit for this?
I've heard that.
Sometimes we have to leave because we don't have one of those.
But I don't, you know, I don't really believe in that.
How many members?
How many members of this church are there?
Oh, well, there are about, I'm going to say there are in the, like, the 20 range, 20-ish of us.
Just 20 people?
If you had to ballpark it.
Yeah, ballpark it.
Some people go missing for long periods of time, so it's hard to know. Just 20 people? If you had to ballpark it. Yeah, ballpark it. Some people go missing for long
periods of time, so it's hard to know. Sorry, what?
Well, you know, they just, they get in trouble.
They do some, you know, they're, they're, they get, they get,
you know. See, Bert, I'm very concerned.
I don't, I watch too many cult documentaries.
I get very, very nervous when I hear these
things. I'm so sorry. I'm not, I am not
trying to cast aspersions. I'm not trying to make- Oh, we're
not a cult. That would be crazy that you
would say that we're, we are not a cult. That would be crazy that you would say that we are not a cult.
It's just that there's broken
and there's broke. And when people get broke,
they get sent away until they can
come back to being broken again.
Where do they go?
There's some heated rooms
where they're fed salt
and just kept.
They're kept there until they...
I'm sorry. You said heated rooms where they're fed salt.
Is that correct?
Just want to make sure I heard that correct.
Okay.
That's exactly what I said.
Okay.
And am I hearing, forgive me, am I hearing church bells in the background?
Oh, that's just Marta.
She's ringing.
We have a whole handbell collection.
And she's
a table of handbells.
And she rings them whenever, you know,
just to sort of distract her.
To distract
herself.
To distract herself
from hearing anything potentially humorous.
Right. I understand.
Wow.
This is, I mean, we could go for hours on this.
Kevin, this is fascinating.
This is a very fascinating life that you do live.
I am a little concerned about this pop-up church.
I do have to say I just worry about the fact that you don't seem to have all the information.
I don't like when you can't get all the answers from your leaders in a religious situation.
Do you know what I'm saying?
And it just concerns me.
And I just want to put that out there.
It might be a red flag.
Just saying.
Oh, don't worry about it.
I don't.
Words to live by.
Well, Kevin, thank you very much for being here.
So nice to meet you both.
And I'm really glad that we're really close friends now.
So now that we're friends, we can look forward to lots of hanging out.
Oh, well, Bradley might bite.
I'm not sure, you know, but he'll he'll calm down after a few hours.
We'll get together and then, you know, leave your jokes outside.
You know, well, listen, I don't know.
I would say peace be with you.
God bless you.
I don't know.
What is it that you say in the pop-up church that what's the equivalent of that?
We say you're wrong and there is no answer.
Wow. That is, boy.
I don't know if I want to sign off with that.
And you walk out from that tarp tent.
Oh, we love it. We love it. It just depends on how you look at it.
Sure. Good. Fair enough. All right, Kevin. Well, thank you for joining us.
We do have to take another break and we'll be back with more Neighborhood Listen after this.
Hi, this is Donna.
I'm giving away wedding dress and accessories for $350.
Worn once by mistake.
I said what I said.
And welcome back to the Neighborhood Lesson. Well, Kevin was a fascinating character.
He was indeed. I mean, this is what I love. Listen, I love meeting new people. I love this
podcast brings these new people into our lives. And you just never know. You never know who's
going to come in here and what they're going to say. We wanted to get to into our lives. And you just never know. You never know who's going to come in here
and what they're going to say.
We wanted to get to know our neighbors.
And boy, are we doing that.
I had no idea.
Boy, are we doing it.
I had no idea that Kevin and Marta and Bradley
were walking amongst us with, quote, Chloe this whole time.
With, quote, Chloe.
Getting in people's faces.
With Chloe.
Chloe.
Now that's cute.
Thank you.
That's a fun name for a dog.
I should have told him that.
You should have. But you know what? It might have made Marta laugh, and we don. Thank you. That's a fun name for a dog. I should have told him that. You should have.
But you know what?
It might have made Marta laugh, and we don't need that.
That poor woman.
Oh, I still couldn't get a handle on it.
Like, is she laughing for literal days that the missing meals is an issue?
Byrne, you're in sort of the, you know, you deal with a lot of disorders, people coming
in for different medications.
Have you ever heard of something like CLABSI before?
I looked it up during the break, and's it's it's very it's archaic.
I mean, there hasn't been a case of CLABSI in the United States probably since the 1800s.
So this is very rare.
All the more reason that she should submit herself to medical study.
And I'm not saying it's got to be like an E.T. situation where, you know, she's sort of kidnapped against her will.
But I think that a horrifying third that... Horrifying third act.
Truly a horrifying third act,
which I didn't realize.
E.T.'s terrifying. He's all gray and shriveled in that ditch.
Real bad.
Real bad.
The men coming through the windows,
it's just really upsetting.
It's a children's movie.
It's a children's movie,
but it also does contain the phrase penis breath.
So what are you going to do?
All right.
I do worry that Kevin said that we were best friends now.
That is a little alarming.
You should be.
I think you should be.
I am.
Are you saying you are as well?
A little bit, yeah.
Because I, you know, while he seemed delightful,
there's another part of everything he said that was very disturbing.
Absolutely.
And he does know where you live and he knows the layout of your home.
He does.
I did let him.
Perhaps we maybe go back to not having people come in the home.
I don't know.
We'll have to figure this out because there's going to be a problem.
Maybe we can get him banished.
Well, and it makes me worry it's not the first time they've been banished from a neighborhood.
I have that same feeling.
And I did want to ask,
but I,
I,
I think we're on the same wavelength here.
Well,
anyway,
we'll see what happens.
We'll see what happens
and hopefully if we're back next week,
we're still alive.
Okay.
I have,
I do have a post
as we close things out here.
This is a post from Jenna
and she asks,
this is the,
this is the title.
Is anyone else being eaten alive
by invisible bugs i never get bit by things and the last two days i'm covered in bug bites
is it mosquitoes is it fleas any tips and she encloses some pictures of her of her bites oh
there's bites on her legs. No.
And one on her arm.
And they do look like mosquito bites to me. I don't.
It seems very strange.
I guess she's one of those people that has been lucky enough to not attract biting bugs
before and seems very mystified by it.
But the invisible thing seems very strange to me uh yes
i mean it can't obviously she probably just means invisible to the naked eye of course right there
it's hard to see uh it's hard to see a mosquito now we of course if you can remember back to i
don't know if it was from the first season i think it was doug can speak to this a lot because remember
one time he was recording out that's right on the patio and he was literally covered in thousands of mosquitoes he was wearing a velour tracksuit from what i remember and uh
is that what i'm doing wrong i'm attracting them well you're super sweet honey i will say that's
the thing i hate it seems to be the conversation just after the every every single summer you know
it's like a whole useless conversation oh do they love you oh well mosquitoes love me oh yeah well
boy they're not interested in me and then it's a whole talk about blood and this and that. And
it just seems it seems like we have it every year. It comes round and round and round again.
And these blood conversations, I can't stand. I just can't stand. And I get enough of that at
work. Right. Exactly. Well, what we did try is, you know, essential oils are I don't know where
you stand on that burnt as a pharmacist.
Do you sort of are you annoyed with all that? Because it really is just a bunch of white women trying to do something in the second half of their life.
I don't dismiss it entirely. I don't dismiss it entirely because, of course, there are a lot of medicines made up of things that are found in nature.
Because, of course, a lot of medicine is made up of things that are found in nature.
So, of course, before modern medicine was invented, people had to take care of themselves.
I will say that I oftentimes will prescribe putting mud on things.
Oh, no, I have heard that.
Yes, because sometimes people get sticker shock with the price of medications.
Is that an actual condition?
It is.
People will say, people will find out how much the medication costs. They'll say, oh, I don't know if I can afford that.
And I'll say, put some mud on it.
You just point them outside to a mud
puddle? Well, they know where outside is.
There's not necessarily
a mud puddle nearby, Doug.
People can find a way to make mud.
It's not that hard to do.
See, I always thought sticker shock
sounded like an actual medical condition.
Oh, is that so?
Yes.
As a kid, it took me a while to learn
that that's what sticker shock meant.
Like, I go into sticker shock
and then I break out in hives
because I touched the sticky part of a sticker.
Can you imagine?
Oh, that's what...
Oh, I see.
Okay, so it took you a long time
to realize it's just being very... Shock at a just being very surprised and disappointed by how much something costs.
You thought it was if you touch the glue of the sticker, you would have you would go into anaphylactic shock.
Maybe not that, but yes, absolutely. A lot of a lot of a lot of red bumps.
Now, I'm not going to look at the pictures because I cannot look at pictures like that.
I hate pictures of like here. Look at this horrifying thing that's happening on my skin. And I know you're fine with that, Bernd, because people
probably walked in and shown you all sorts of crazy things. What's the craziest thing anyone's
ever shown you in the pharmacy, Bernd? Oh, my God. Someone got stabbed by a cutlass.
The car? No, no, no. A pirate cutlass. And they were, I guess there was some,
No, no, no. A pirate cutlass. And they were I guess there was some was it was it was it that summer that the troubadours were going around town and they were just like doing these pop up shows on the streets and they were doing scenes from various shows.
And I remember you were very against this because you said theater, if it's going to be outdoors, it's got to be in a park and there's got to be a band shell. And it was also spearheaded by one of my ex-boyfriends. So this is the whole problem.
And he's a, what is it, a theater stunt coordinator? Oh, these guys.
They're the worst for what I understand from you.
They're like, here's how you do a handshake. And it involves like a flip and like a whole
harness thing. It's just a handshake.
Calm down.
You don't need to take me through a five step process for just a handshake.
Why are you here?
Exactly.
And they're very egotistical and very just it's all about ego.
And it's all about, you know, how they can do things without it's right before parkour,
by the way, before that became a thing.
That's what they were doing.
They're very into it.
They always were wearing, you know, lowing cloths and carrying swords.
These were the kinds of guys that were very into all that role play, you know.
Doug knows.
So just the fact that he started doing that made me so angry.
Because you're right.
It wasn't proper theater.
Now, hang on a second.
So someone stabbed himself with a sword and went to the pharmacy.
Yes.
And this, Joan, I cannot tell you how much this happens.
They think, a lot of people think they're going to, they're going to cut out the middleman
and they're just going to go right to the pharmacist to get a prescription for something
because they think the doctor is where all the cost is.
And they say, I'll just go to the pharmacist.
I'll show him, I'll lift up my shirt and show him this.
And then he'll give me a prescription for Oxycontin.
Was he bleeding profusely?
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And we had to change the carpets at the pharmacy.
Oh, a carpeted pharmacy.
That's why we have that maroon pharmacy.
That maroon rug.
That was difficult to say.
Yeah, so he was stabbed by a Cutlass.
They were using real weapons.
They were doing a scene from Pirates of Penzance.
And they were doing a comical sword fight.
And yeah, that's the thing.
They were all sort of action scenes.
There was hardly any dialogue.
Of course, because that's all they want to do.
They just want to hop, hop.
Yeah, exactly.
And so you'd be walking along.
And then all of a sudden, you thought like some time travelers got into a fight.
Oh, gosh.
It's a gigantic eye roll for me. No, thank you. So what did you do? G.E.R. I told him he needed to go to
the to the doctor. I said, the best I can do for you right now is give you some gauze, but you will
have to pay for it. And that was probably a problem for him. It was a problem. He was very indignant.
He turned around and then he dropped dead. Oh my god!
What a
way to bury the lead on that story.
He died of blood loss. But when he showed me
that wound, I was like, this is the craziest thing I've ever
seen. Then it's really grim that you chose a maroon
carpet.
Well, because we assumed
other guys like this were going to be coming in.
You were just ready for it. You're like, we're just going to
double down on the bleeding
out. Yes, we had that
sort of turquoise carpet
and then
I don't know why we're the only carpet at CVS.
Everybody else has tile.
That's the point I was making.
A carpeted pharmacy. It's like a
carpeted kitchen. No thank you.
I've brought this up again and again and again
and they won't listen to me.
But now we do have that maroon carpet.
And I got to say, it hides blood like nobody's business.
Oh, dear.
That was me doing a stunt scene.
Anyways.
Harrowing.
All right.
So then what I can just say is that what we did try on Doug's Bites.
This is for, what was it, Bethany?
What was her name?
Who posted?
Oh, there.
What are you doing?
Joan, what seems to be happening?
My name was Jenna, by the way.
My hair is very slippery.
I just can't hang on to these headphones.
You know, I could prescribe if your hair is very slippery. It just can't hang on to these headphones. You know, I could prescribe, if your hair is too slippery, there is a supplement that
you can take or just put some mud on it.
That's your answer for everything.
You be surprised at how many things mud fixes.
Too bad you couldn't put some mud in that kid's wound who bled out on the floor.
I mean, that was where I was going next, if he didn't move.
You were on the way to the-
He did almost leave.
So
anyways, Jenna, if you'd like, Lavender
has helped Doug when we put it on his
mosquito bites.
And just as long as he forgets to rub his
eyes. If he doesn't forget to rub his eyes.
I mean, if he doesn't. As long as
he forgets to rub his eyes.
The key is forgetting to do that.
You have to forget to. Just like Marta forgets to rub his eyes. The key is forgetting to do that. You have to forget to.
Just like Marta forgets that things are funny.
Not remembering not to do it, but forgetting to do it.
No, you'll get tripped up if you try it that way.
Doug, what is your strategy for forgetting to do something?
I like to do, I'll come up with a math equation
in my head that takes a long time to work
out. Okay.
Otherwise,
it just comes flooding back.
You just start going 24 plus 8 plus 9 minus 10.
That might be too easy.
But if you keep going.
Yeah, if you just keep adding on
numbers, plus 14
and a half.
Plus 0.7.
Plus 13.
Plus 9.
See?
I've forgotten everything.
Right.
And then...
Before you know it, you've forgotten to rub your eyes.
That's right.
That's right.
But now the memory is flooding back in.
Don't do it.
Don't do it, though.
Don't do it, babe.
Don't do it.
Because it is mosquito season, so we're going to have to be on high alert.
So Jenna, get some lavender mud and hopefully that will help.
I mean, I would say I would suggest that to anyone.
If you're going to put mud on it, throw a scent in there.
Why not?
Yeah.
Some people like the earthy smells, but you can throw a scent in there.
That's not that's not not forbidden.
No, no law against it.
I think that's fine. Gosh, I swear. See, this is the kind of there. That's not forbidden. No law against it. I think that's fine.
Gosh, I swear.
See, this is the kind of thing.
This is the universe.
I'm telling you.
I feel like you could.
What's going on?
Somebody behind Doug.
July P's.
Oh, it's July.
Oh, July P.
Yeah, she's home for Memorial Day weekend.
She was gone.
She went to Joshua Tree for a month with some friends.
Oh, she must have been so disappointed.
Burning Man was canceled this year.
Yeah, but they still took a lot of pictures
for Instagram and did a lot of TikToking
and it's fine. I thought you were going to say they took a lot of
something else for a second. They better not have.
July B, she's gone. Of course she is.
Listen, I was thinking that could be a side
business for you, Burnt. You could make
essential muds.
I mean, I
am facing the last half of my life, so why not?
All right.
Well, I think that does it for...
I'm going to get in trouble if some of my relatives listen to this.
I think that does it for this edition of The Neighborhood Listen.
If you would like to share your own posts from NeighborHap with us, you can email us
at burntandjone at gmail.com.
And we are going to, we've started an Instagram account and we're going to be posting the posts that we get, of course, with the names
protected. And so you can, you can read the posts that we discuss here on the show. But we'd love
to, we'd love for you to share yours with us. Again, we're not as keen on extensive comment
threads. Those don't really help us out too much but if you do find an interesting
post go ahead and send
that but if you find a
medium interesting post with a lot
of interesting comments that does not
help us so just
keep that in mind and thank you
very much and I guess that's
it for this episode of the neighborhood listen
that's it for now you do take
care Burns I'm going to come over there and hang some motivational posters in your room And I guess that's it for this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. That's it for now. Do take care, Burns.
I'm going to come over there and hang some motivational posters in your room.
Well, again, I can handle that myself, but it certainly would be nice to see you, Joan.
All right.
Until next week, goodbye.
And bye.
The Neighborhood Listen is executive produced and hosted by me, Paul F. Tompkins.
And me, Nicole Parker.
Our producers are Brett Morris and Judith Cardbone. The show is engineered by Brett Morris, who also
plays Doug. Our guest today was Drew Droege. The Neighborhood Listen is an Earwolf production.