The Neighborhood Listen - The Mail Biting Courier with Oscar Montoya

Episode Date: March 7, 2022

This week, Burnt shares his obscure taste in movies while Joan tries to understand Doug's new audio signals for the show. Plus, special guest JoJo (Oscar Montoya) explains why he insists on delivering the mail with his teeth.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock.

Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone. You've got the NeighborHalf app and us, Bird, and Jode. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell, we'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing, so just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen.

Hello once again and welcome to The Neighborhood Listen. Hello everybody. There we go. Oh, what'd you say? What'd you say? No, I was going to prompt you to go, but then you were going. Bert, I don't know that we have ever had a clean introduction to this podcast in three episodes, in three seasons. Three seasons, let alone three episodes. I think you're probably right.

And I wonder, recently I know we had a whole start over again kind of thing. Oh, we did, yeah. Yes, but that was because of my interruptions, which I did not mean to do. And then sometimes I did mean to do it. But do you want to start over again? And this time, why don't you, because I'm always the one, why don't you kick off the episode? I will not say a word. In fact, I will mute my microphone.

Oh, you don't have to. Sure, okay. You can the episode? I will not say a word. In fact, I will mute my microphone. Oh, you don't have, oh, sure. Okay. You could do that. I think what I, I, it's an anticipation. It's like waiting in the wings. You know what I'm saying? I get very, very excited and I get so excited that I forget how to act, which is why my acting career didn't go anywhere. That's right. Well, now this is interesting, Joan. Did you want to be an actor? We just talked about this recently. I know. I really, I feel like we talk about my, I feel like we talk about it too much. If I'm being honest, Bernd, we could, let's go back to what you were saying. You want to start over? You want to mute yourself?

I, yeah. Why don't you kick off the episode and then I will come in when you introduce me. Because I think, I think, I think that usually it's me starting and then introducing you. That is what happens. That is, that does happen a lot. Confirmed. In fact, I don't know that you've ever – we didn't even really establish it. You just always started talking.

And I just said, well, he knows more about this because he's in the world of being the one that people come to. And usually you speak first, right, at the pharmacy. True. But usually what I'm saying is, can I help you? Still, though. And then they are telling me quite a story. Oh, boy. But here's the thing, but Joan, because you are a thespian, you are an actor, I think

that it makes sense for you, and for the listener, because what people don't realize is the way each episode truly begins is we get the signal from Doug, our engineer. That's right, my husband as well. That the recording is going. And then there's a moment where Joan and I look into each other's eyes and nothing happens. And then I begin to speak. You know why I think there might be confusion? This might get to the bottom of it because each time the signal from Doug is different.

That's true. Sometimes it's an audio cue. Sometimes it's visual. There was one time that he sent a robot powered car through the room, through the kitchen. That's how we knew. It had a little flag. Hi, babe. Hi.

Hi. Was there confusion with the flag? Well, no. I'm just saying that was one time. This is merely a list. This time was interesting because it was just— We'll get into whether or not these were effective at a later time. Right, right.

There was just a loud knocking today, and it was in a rhythm. And I think I was so busy trying to figure out what the song was that he was knocking. And I got really distracted. I think that might have been what threw me off this time. Do you remember the singing telegram? I mean, in the way that I remember seeing it portrayed in movies and television? Yes, I remember. No, no, no. When Doug sent the singing telegram to tell us.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you just meant, do you remember the days gone by? Yeah, I thought that it was it was not part of our shared history one of those songs someone sings like do you remember when we had the singing telegram do you know that kind of thing it's always an old french man singing it okay do i remember the singing telegram yes i do how could i forget like i just did it did seem that you forgot i did i can't believe I forgot it. Yes, he had a singing telegram, and it was someone dressed as a telegram, first of all.

It was a singing telegram in both senses. Yes. It reminded me of the Schoolhouse Rock, I'm Just a Bill. Absolutely. So there was a doorbell ring, and I thought that was the clue. Right? So then we started doing, good morning, welcome to Neighborhood Listener, whatever it is you say, because I don't ever say it. And then I thought, well, no, wait a minute.

They kept on ringing the doorbell. Oh, I think there's something more. We opened the door. There is a sort of telegram with a face peeking out and arms, big white gloves. Yep. And then it proceeded to sing a song all about being a telegram. It did not give us any information about the show or when to start. And later, Doug told us that he had actually written the lyrics.

Sorry, babe, I don't mean to interrupt you, but I'm going to. It's good that it happened, though. Doug told us later that it was like one of those hidden messages, right? So the song was like, this song was, if I can remember, it was like, never before have I seen two cuties, right? It was talking about us. And then it was like, oh my, oh my, I love you. And then I know it started with a W, Y, O, Y, right?

So then the first letter, the first word was now, right? So if you thought, if you wrote out all the lyrics, correct, and what he was saying is now it's time to start. But the whole song basically went off of those first, the first letter of that was the first letter of every lyric. And it was really a lot of work, babe. And I wondered, because I didn't see you at all that week. You were like hiding.

And completely ineffective. We had to edit all that out and start over again. Right, So I think that's why we decided to go with simpler clues. But today you did a knock sound, but it was like a really involved rhythm and it threw me off a little. Babe, what were you knocking? Oh, I was knocking the rhythm of that telegram. I'm learning. Okay. You didn't like the lyrics. How was I supposed to know that? That was like three years ago now. When you say you're learning, Doug, what is it you think you're learning?

I'm learning the entertainment industry. Just in general. Just in general. Well, you know, we started this podcast and I wasn't necessarily experienced. True. True. At that point, you just didn't sound for your dad band. That's, yeah.

Right. And you just, I think you just push play on your, I think you just voice mellowed us the first time. Right. Yeah. But, you know, we go through this every time. We know we're, you know when burnt arrives we're going to start the podcast and i'm not in the room so i have to come up with a way for you to start i need to alert you that's right because he's always in a different where where are you

today babe i didn't pick i didn't sometimes i put him in a room and i assign him a room and then sometimes he just chooses he goes rogue are you in the rogue room? The rogue room? Yeah. Yes. That's exactly where I am. And Doug, tell me about the rogue room. The rogue room is where I get to go rogue. Oh, I see. I see.

Is it really going rogue if there's an assigned room? That's what makes it safe. That's what I say. It's a safe space in which to go rogue. So that's what I thought was really great about it. You know, after this past year,

I wanted a room where I could just break shit. Right? You know, that's actually a business. There's a place, there's a couple places

I know of where you go in and they give you a ceramic vase and you write on it, you know, my mother or whatever's driving you crazy.

And then you hurl it at a wall. There's one of Zachary Taylor and Pine. And it breaks into a thousand pieces. That's right. You just, you get to smash things. Thank God they changed that because Zachary Taylor and Pine was one of the grittiest, grossest ramshackle corners in this town. Voted worst corner five years in a row. 100%.

In the Dignity Falls Superlatives. Which is a, it's a magazine, it's a sort of a little, what do you call it? A pamphlet? Yes.

That's put out every year. But yes, so that, that store, that store, do we call it a store? A business. Storefront.

It has been making, storefront. It's been, it it a store? A business. Storefront. It has been making, storefront. It makes a killing. A business. Well, regardless of what we want to call it, pop-up, whatever, it is making a killing. And I just thought, well, instead of paying to do that, I have so many extra rooms. Why don't I make one for myself?

And I can just, because, you know, don't you see in those scenes where, like, women up end tables and break the, it looks so like so much fun and it's good to get it out and it's a healthy way to do it. So that's what I built for myself. Right. That's great. You know, and you're saving some money because you don't have to go down there and, and, and pay for the hour.

That's right. And I bought my own kiln so that I can make my own ceramics. So then that, then we don't have to worry about that. It is very hot And I bought my own kiln so that I can make my own ceramics so then we don't have to worry about that. It is very hot in here because of the kiln. In the rogue room? That's my one thing. Yes. Are you in the... Yes, I put the kiln in the rogue room. I don't know why.

It was a bad choice. Right. Making our own pots and then breaking them feels kind of like more work than... More work than the functioning cigar shop in your, it's below your home. Well, I enjoy that work.

Oh, there's the difference. Yeah. That's the difference, you know, but here's the thing. If you enjoy your work, you're not working.

The clay pots are, if you can, if you can keep making them and smashing them, I think that's great because I went to that place at, at Zachary Taylor and, and, and pine. And I,

I don't, here's my frustration with it is they had a bunch of old tube TVs and they gave me a sledgehammer and I was able to smash those. But then I feel like I barely, most of the hour that I was in there was spent repairing the TVs for the next person. Wait, they made you do that?

No, I just assumed that you had had to do that is that not the case oh oh my goodness absolutely not certainly not especially since you clearly got the the super deluxe smash well this makes so much more sense i was like why do people enjoy this i'm on my hands and knees i'm like i have a television repair manual open i'm gluing the screen back together how would you possibly put that together? Well, I did as good a job as I could. Wow.

What did you use to put it back together? Did you know you were going to be doing this when you arrived? I used orangutan glue, which is like gorilla glue, but stronger. So I'm sorry. You arrived with a TV manual book. No, I snuck out and got one. You snuck out.

I snuck out. They had one window and I crawled through, I shimmied up and threw it. And then I went and went to the local library and I printed out a TV manual. And more than one, by the way, because there were multiple sets. Oh, Bert, this absolutely had the exact opposite effect it was supposed to. This is so stressful. So stressful. What did they say to you when you finished?

Oh, believe me. I said, it's all taken care of. And I ran out of there because I thought I did such a bad job that they were going to charge me extra. And then I never, I mean, I haven't heard anything. So I guess I did a pretty good job. Um, okay, I guess. But, Bert burnt you were just supposed to break stuff and leave get the energy out get the anger out yeah I'm understanding that now and uh yeah I wish I talked to you before well I welcome you to come to our room so that you can break stuff and you do not have to fix it

because really of course not but that's the whole point. So you are just breaking them and that is the end. Yes, that is the point. And then someone else cleans it up and they don't even put it back together. They don't? What I'm doing is I'm deciding to make a gigantic mosaic out back. I paint the tile and i'm putting together a huge huge mosaic of dignity falls of the town you know how in the movie beetlejuice he has a little model

of the town yes i do you there was you seem there was a pause i haven't seen it oh burnt i think you'd really like it because it's kind of macabre. And I think that you're into that kind of stuff. And it's about space. Nope. What did you? Oh, because you're thinking of that because Beetlejuice is also a star. Is that right? I can't remember. I just know it's a thing in space.

Okay. Well, Beetlejuice stars Michael Keaton in a fantastic tour de force role with Gina Davis and an Alec Baldwin who looks completely different. And, you know, they're basically ghosts, you see. And they decide to haunt this house that Winona Ryder lives in. And they get some help from a ghost that's living in the model of the town that Alec Baldwin has in the attic. And they call on him, but he's like a demon. He's supposed to exercise ghosts. I don't know why i just

said it like christopher walken is he in it as well no he's not but that's how he'd say it if he was he's like ghost um okay so so what happens is he's bad news right billy juice is bad news but they think that he can help them i can't't believe you never saw this movie. It's a very famous movie, I have to say. I mean, I, you know, I have some gaps in my pop culture resume. Okay. And there's a lot of films that I haven't seen. Used Cars, of course, is a favorite of mine, starring Kurt Russell. See, I don't know that one.

Yeah, and then, of course, the Richard Gere vehicle, Arbitrage. I remember seeing that title and I was like, I have to see that film. What a tremendous title. It hooked me. Arbitrage. And what is that about, really?

It's about an arbitrage. But what is that? I don't know what the word means. It's a legal term. Oh, okay. So. I don't want to reveal anymore because I don't want to spoil it. It's a terrific film.

Now, admittedly, I haven't seen a ton of films, but it's so good. So you, this is not surprising that you favor obscure films, it sounds like. Well, I'm not trying to. Sure. I don't think anyone ever is. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. Now, I do love that because that's a stage play. Is it really?

Yes, that's how it started. Well, I saw it as a movie. Did they make a play out of it? Well, another way around. That's generally what happens. Oh, I forgot that. Rarely do you see someone make a play of, you know, Rain Man or something after it was in the movie.

But isn't that... Isn't that what they're doing now where they take a movie and they make... Wait a minute. This Beetlejuice was made into a play. You're correct. It was made into a musical, believe it or not. I almost went and saw that. I almost made a trip to New York because I was like, how are they going to do space

on the Broadway stage? Instead, they did the underworld. They did the world of death on stage to music. Whatever you want to call it. The world of death. I can't remember what they called it in the musical. I think they called it like the nether world or something.

I saw it. That sounds about right. Because I love the musical. But yes, rarely do you see a movie turned into a play. Yes, A Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead was a play to begin with. Because, you know, it's obviously all about those two gentlemen that are in Hamlet,

but rarely are they talked about. I think it's called Two Gentlemen of Verona. Wait, do you think that that's where they're from? I don't know all the Shakespeare, but I do know that the actual, it's not the Two Gentlemen for Hamlet, it's called the Two Gentlemen of Verona. Wait, you think that Rose and Cranston Gillister

are from the play Two Gentlemen of Verona? No, I thought you were talking about a totally different thing. What's Hamlet? You know arbitrage and not Hamlet. Oh, arbitrage. Oh, you have to see this movie. A legal thriller.

Starring Richard Gere. Who else? Richard Gere. A Richard Gere a lady that sounds about right nope say no more that's all they got back then a lady done next how does it end so I think I think the arbitrage

is completed what a good third act absolutely well it begins it begins in that we have to have is completed. What a good third act. Absolutely. Well, it begins it begins with the we have to have an arbitrage and then the middle of the movie is the arbitrage itself.

Oh, I would love it if the word arbitrage is said many, many times in the movie. You know, they could have said it more for my taste. Ugh, this arbitrage. How's your arbitrage going?

This is one hell of an arbitrage. And you really say it enough times, it has no meaning. But you know what? It didn't to me in the beginning. Yes, I know. I had to look up the word. I'd never heard it before. Oh, that makes me feel better. Yes. No, it's not a word you hear a lot, but once you hear it, you really have an ear

out for it. Arbitrage. You sure do. Especially when you say it. You should have done the announcement. Burns, I've always thought of this. You would be great doing the trailers for movies. You really have that kind of voice. Well, thank you very much, Joan. That's very flattering. I can't imagine what that would be like.

Well, could you do one? Okay, try one first. Give me a movie. Yes, give me a movie and what it's about, and I'll do the voiceover. Well, let's see. I just told you what Beetlejuice is about. Could you do that one? Yes.

Okay, take it away. Doug. What happened there in the rogue room? Oh, that was my signal that I'm recording. So we haven't been recording this whole time? No, we have been. I'm in voiceover mode now.

Oh, okay. I didn't realize you were in voiceover mode. Talk about going rogue. Now he's in voiceover mode now. Oh, okay. I didn't realize you were in voiceover mode. Right. He's gone. Talk about going rogue. Now he's in voiceover mode. I know. All right. Go ahead.

In a world where the ghosts have to go and there's a little model of the town. Only one place can house it all. And that is outer space. Beetlejuice, the film, also a play. Oh, Bert, you know what? So they could use that for both. Except it doesn't take place. Babe, are you okay with the maracas?

Could you maybe just put the maracas down? We're back into podcast mode. Okay, so that was tail slates on the book. It's over. There you go. Okay. We're getting it. Now we're communicating.

Wow. I felt real condescending there for a minute. Anyway. It wasn't not condescending. Burns, that was wonderful, tone-wise, but we still had that thing where you thought it was outer space. but we still had that thing where you thought it was outer space. But it doesn't matter because it's not like we were recording this for real, but because we weren't, but I mean,

Doug was in his own special way recording that in your special way in his own special way. Yes. Well, now that it's, and now that we've cut it, I mean, let's send it to Hollywood.

Well, we should just send it to the entertainment industry. And just to be clear, Doug, you feel that singing telegrams are part of the entertainment industry? Which industry are they a part of? Well, they're just a part of the industry that people who can't get into the entertainment industry work in. That's how they fit in. Very harsh, Joan.

Well, guess what? I slung a few jobs around that I didn't love trying to. I mean, that's the actor's life, isn't it? You sling a few jobs around. I stood outside, you know, those gals who wear the, they dress like they're in Chicago, but not. They're wearing like weird fishnets and a red cape and they look like they're supposed to be from a show, but they're not. They're from like an amalgam of shows and they hand out a brochure saying, come see a show.

I was one of those gals. It's a thing. They still do it. Well, they might not now post COVID. I don't know. But it was terrible. It's just three young girls. You could either be when I when I first when I first arrived or actually this was near

when I was about to leave, when I finally gave up, because I had a couple of years in New York. Oh, I didn't. Oh, I see. I didn't know where this was taking place. But this was in New York City. That's right. And I looked for jobs at only places, restaurants that were in movies, because I thought, how special. I don't want to work in the restaurant industry, because everyone told me it was just so hard.

But I thought, well, if I could do it where, you know, Diane Keaton and Woody Allen had lunch in a diner here, then I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind serving hash browns at a place where Diane Keaton sat. You know, that makes it more fun. You feel like you're on the set. Exactly. Well, that's it more fun. You feel like you're on the set. Exactly. Well, that's how I tricked my brain. Like in New Zealand, they saved those sets from the Hobbit movies.

Oh, I would love to go do that. You can feel like you're in the preserved set of the diner from Annie Hall. Yes, of the little circle door. Oh, I would love an Annie Hall world just with Diane Keaton. Not with Woody Allen. Because let's be honest.

I mean, it wasn't about him ever. Anyway, it was about her. True. I mean, if I could pull off that look, oh,

it would just be me and turtlenecks and high-waisted pants. Do you know that that's a look now? That's a TikTok look. July P just taught me about this. A TikTok look. Right. So fashion, there's a bunch of different fashions on TikTok.

One of them is called dark academia. I. So fashion. There's a bunch of different fashions on TikTok. One of them is called dark academia. I'm not kidding. There's dark academia and light academia. And I'll tell you what the difference is. Diane Keaton on a hot day or a cold day. That's the only difference. So it's either dark clothes or light clothes. Pretty much.

But they're all just her. It's all just it's as if they think they're doing it for the first time and she should be over there saying, give me a break. This was me first. So now now we're talking about a kind of a bitchy intellectual look. Now, I've seen Legally Blonde 2. You just skipped right to 2. I didn't realize there was a 1. You must have been a little confused.

Usually the 2 is the giveaway. Well, that's the thing. I saw that and I was like, 2? What is that? What's that all about? i saw that i was like two what is that what is that what's that all about did you only see look who's talking to well i've seen every movie in the look who's talking franchise including the dogs um so uh isoma blair was she i can't remember was she was there was there a young lady wearing a cravat in Legal Spun 2? It's preppy, right?

So it's, Light Academia is sort of like a preppy, it's a preppy look, but also it is very much like the Katharine Hepburn, the, you know, I'm going to wear a man's shirt with the cuffs rolled up to my elbow. That's right. And I'm going to have a high-waisted pant, and I'm ready for croquet. I'm going to have leaky eyes. What's the leaky eyes part? Well, you know, this is a bit of film trivia is that Katharine Hepburn filming a movie where she was

required to fall into one of the Venice canals. And of course, they're disgusting and riddled with bacteria. And it caused a lifelong eye problem for her where her eyes constantly leaked. That is terrible. What an odd thing to know. Isn't that just crying?

No, Doug. I think that crying is different than just a sort of constant wetness that's occurring. I think crying has an emotional component. You know what? Doug did that because, you know, back in the day, even just to this day, he's so proud of July. Like when his little girl's doing something that makes him proud, he'll make that joke.

You know, it's kind of a dad joke. That's where he gets it from. You know, my eyes are sweating because he doesn't want to admit, you know, the male ego. They don't want to admit that they're actually tearing up. I wasn't joking, but that's just how I phrased it. You weren't crying. You had literally a leaky eye issue? I thought it was all the same.

I thought my eyes were sweating. So you thought crying and sweating eyes, same thing. You know what? That's not a surprise. That's just not a surprise. A lot makes sense now. Oh, boy. Bert, where did we go?

We went so many different places. We've covered a lot in this first segment. And I don't know that we finished a single thought. I know I didn't. Oh, I can assure you we haven't. Why don't we take a break, and when we come back, we'll have a guest here on The Neighborhood Listen. I think that's a good idea. I think our guests will censure us more.

Why don't you take us to the break? Oh, okay. All right. Yep, I knew that was coming. I knew that was coming. I knew that was coming. Why? I heard a punching sound. I think Doug thinks now we need symbols and signs for every moment in the podcast.

I don't think that we do. I agree. I don't think we do either. Was that a certain rhythm that I'm supposed to recognize, babe? I mean, I don't. Is that the telegram? Sounds like a lot of things. Okay.

Let's go take a break. Let's go take a break. I mean, when you say it now, it does fit that rhythm perfectly and it does... It works. It works. Oh, boy.

I'll tell you what. You are a... You surprise me every day, babe. All works. Oh, boy. I'll tell you what. You surprise me every day, babe. All right. We're going to take a break. Let's go take a break. We're going to take a break, and we'll be right back with more The Neighborhood Listen. Backyard Wedding Hi. Would just like to let my neighbors know

that we will be have a party off Garfield off Weepin' Willow Drive. It's a wedding so please don't call the cops. If you're bugged by it please stop by and talk to the bride because she doesn't know how to

follow the limits I set on how many people to invite. Or come eat some food. It's on her. Welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen. I am still Joan Pedestrian. I forgot about that. I am still Burt Me a Payday. We're still the same people. Yeah. I mean, I know that no one was confused. I just thought it'd be fun to say. It is fun.

It's fun, especially when you know no one is confused. That's what makes it fun, because then you don't think you're sending someone into a psychotic break. And it's so rare that no one's confused these days. I'm confused all the time. Oh, it's confusing times. It sure is. It is confusing times. It's extraordinary times.

That's what I've learned from a lot of advertisements. It's extraordinarily confusing times. How about that, Burns? I'd like to hear that for Kit Kat. All right, well, we do. Are you referring to when I, when I tried to demo out

for the original Kit Kat jingle? Yes. Not original. Sorry. That was a long time ago. A while ago. And you gave us the original demo jingle for the Kit Kat bar, which they did not take. Did not.

They did not. But it did inspire them to come up with, give me a break. So you're welcome, Kit Kat. All right, Joan, we do have a guest right here ready to come over to the Kitchen Island. This is a post that was submitted by Rebecca Mayerson. And this was a person named Eileen

who posted, Mail delivery is the heading. Good morning, folks. Please be on the lookout if you have the infamous JoJo the Pith Helmet mailman. He just drove by my house with mail in his mouth. This is not new as far as his behavior goes. I have reported him dozens of times. just called the dignity falls post office to report this incident seeing as he is so protected i fear it will go nowhere as a nurse i'm livid he

is putting us in such danger please try to get it in film if you see this there are no excuses for his actions. Now, I talked to Eileen. Oh. And then I said, you know what? We have to go and get JoJo. We have to hear JoJo's side of the story because Eileen was very profane in her responses to my questions. Oh. And so I called up Dignity Falls Post Office and said, can we have, can we, who handles your bookings? Then we had a very protracted discussion about what that meant and then finally i was able to get a hold of jojo and here he is jojo the pith helmet mailman jojo welcome to the neighborhood i've been shot i've been shot by a

stray elephant it shot me it grabbed my rifle and shot me in the arms. Here's your mail. Oh, we just spit out an entire stack of mail. Wait, there's more. Jojo is, he's just sticking his head in his mail bag

like he's bobbing for apples and he's coming up with hunks of mail. Jojo, these aren't even mine. Yeah, these aren't even for me and you're saying you got shot in the arm? You have a package as well. Hold on.

Oh, how is he even gripping that? What a strong jaw. Honey, he's hinging his jaw. JoJo, JoJo. JoJo. JoJo. JoJo. JoJo. JoJo. Oh, Jojo.

Jojo, are you all right? Yes, yes, I'm quite fine. Yes, thank you for asking. Goodness, what an entrance. We've never had an entrance like that in the neighborhood. I'm just doing my job, my dears. Just doing my job. Jojo, you know, some people, we got to start here.

Some people are upset with your delivery method of putting the mail in your mouth and just carrying it around like that until you go to the next house. You can imagine we've been through a difficult time here in the last year. So people are even more sort of wary and careful about people might be even more germaphobic than they were before. Exactly. And so you can understand that part, I imagine, right? Yes, but, you know, if I carried it with my hands, birds could get at it, you know? I hadn't considered that. Are you telling me that's the only reason?

Children might run up and grab it from my hands, but they won't grab it from my mouth. Are you telling me the only reason that you are carrying this mail in these packages in your mouth is because of birds? No, of course not. And children. And children, of course. But there's other reasons. I do have a pith helmet for a reason

and it's because I 15 years ago, I went on a safari that changed my life. Wow, really? Yes. Tell us about it. Well, I went to a safari in South Africa, and we got in the car, and the man said, we have to be careful.

You cannot move because the lines might get at you. And I said, well, I'd rather go back home. Oh. And it changed my life because I decided I never want to do anything that dangerous ever in my life. You did just go back home. Yes. So it changed your life in that

you realize it's exactly the opposite of what you wanted to do. You have to understand, as a little boy watching the feature film Jumanji, nothing seemed more... That's right. You know, I was reminded of someone. You do sound like that guy from...

Actually, the new Jumanji is who you sound like. You remind me of him. It's that similar energy. Where are you from, JoJo? Wait, which guy from the new Jumanji? I don't know. I think he's a Kiwi actor. Is it JoJonas?

Am I JoJonas? No, but it's... No, Nick Jonas. One of the Jonas brothers. One of the Jonas's is in Jumanji. I don't know. I think he's a Kiwi actor. Joe Jonas? Am I Joe Jonas? No. No, Nick Jonas. One of the Jonas brothers. One of the Jonas's is in Jumanji. No, I believe it's the one who plays the avatar that's always in the video game. I think he's from New Zealand. Yes, yes, yes.

Nick Jonas. No, I don't know that it was a Jonas brother. Where are you from, Jonas? I get it all the time, darling. I get it all the time. Where are you from, Joe? I get it all the time, darling. I get it all the time. Where are you from? Uh, what? Where? What do you mean where I'm from? I'm from here.

Dignity Falls. I mean, Joe, that is a silly question. Of course, he's from Dignity Falls. No wonder he said what. No, he has an accent. I don't think I have an accent. You do have a bit of an accent. What do I really?

You do. Say the word coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Sounds weird. No, coffee. Oh no, it changed. It even changed. It's evolving. Ravine's after me. Corfu. Corfu? Like thefu. Corfu? Like the island of Corfu?

You sound, you sound different. You sound weird. What if I told you, you all have accents? Well, we probably do to you because you sound different than we do. Well, you know, this, this was, this was the local accent a very long time ago. I'm just trying to be traditional here. Oh, I see. Oh, okay.

I see. Did you live in Old Dig in Old Town Dignity Falls by any chance? I did. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. That's why we didn't know each other from school or anything. Yes. I just lived in Old Dig.

I know there's a movement to keep the Old Dignity Falls culture alive. Indeed. That's right. Yes. I did go to the non-practicing Amish school and just grew up there. Yeah, that was just the outfits, but they had all kinds of electronics.

They did. Yeah, yeah. Of course, we don't religiously follow the Amish culture. We just go through the motions of the Amish life. It's weird to see them carrying milk, you know, on one of the sticks with the milk hanging from either side. But then they're taking selfies at the same time. Exactly. Exactly.

It's because it's Amishcore. It's actually it's a new one on TikTok. Yes, it's very. Yes, it's trending. Yes. I might be trending on TikTok. Well, now, Jojo, OK, getting back to your your your curious way of handling the mail. When did you start? How long have you been doing this, carrying the mail in your mouth? Well, I've been doing it for about three years now.

As I said, I went to the safari and decided that this moment has changed my life. Okay, I need you to link those two for me. Thank you so much. I absolutely need that too. I don't want to be in this danger again, so I have to put mail in my mouth? you so much. I absolutely need that too. I don't want to be in this danger again, so I have to put mail in my mouth?

That's the part I'm missing. Exactly. Oh, right, right. Okay, let me backtrack just a bit. Okay, so as I said before, I love Jumanji. Jumanji was a very formidable movie. Actually, it was the only movie I saw because you see- You've never seen Arbitrage?

No, I'm sorry. I missed it. Well, because- You've got to see itrage? No, I'm sorry, I missed it You've got to see it I think I must This is more publicity than that movie ever received In its life 100% true Did you work on the film?

I did not, I have no connection to Arbitrage other than being a fan Okay, alright Well, in my non-denominational rumspringer I went to see a A film called Jumanji and it changed my life. I said, oh, my God, I want to live like that. Like that man in that movie that shot those children. Oh, how exciting. And then I found out on my last day of non-denominational Romspringer that they go to Africa.

That's where the jungles are. That's where all the wildlife lives. And I've saved up all my money. And only three years ago did I, was I able to go to Rumspringa? You know, as a non-practicing Amish, uh, neo-Amish, uh, core person, I couldn't really fly planes. It's not really part of our creed. So I had to, um, canoe there, canoe all the way to Africa. So it took a while. And then I went and I said. It's amazing that you did something so wildly dangerous as canoe to Africa only to arrive. And yet the fact that I couldn't get on that little car and drive to see the scary animals says a lot. Here's what I think is that here's it.

Absolutely. a lot. Here's what I think is that here's, absolutely, and here's the key difference, I think, is that probably no one warned you that you cannot canoe to Africa. It's a very unwise thing to do. And you just did it. It's when someone puts it in our head that danger is present. That's when we get scared.

Yes, I didn't know. See, I didn't know about aquatic life at all. You know, they didn't feature it at all in Jumanji. Honestly, that's the only extent of animals. That is a good point. That is a very good point. Absolutely no sea life, no sea creatures in Jumanji at all. The pelican is the closest thing.

Did you encounter any pelicans on your journey? Thankfully not. No, no, no, no, no. No, absolutely not. So then I came back and as I was sitting in the, because, you know, I was a mailman for years and years before then. As I sat in the mail van, I call it a mail van. I don't know what the legal term of the vehicle is called.

Why don't you know that? Well, because we're not allowed to, you see. You're not allowed to know what the official legal name of the mailman is. Have you heard of the term ignorance is bliss? I have. I'm scared by information. The more things I know, the more things I know to be scared of. Oh, so you could know.

You just don't want to know what the name of the actual- Well, if I know the legal name of it, oh my God, will I ever mail again? Probably not. Probably not. Probably not. Now not. Probably not. And now, okay, so now we know how you got to the safari. We know what happened when you were told to stay perfectly still. Yes.

I'm sorry, can I ask one last question? Yes, absolutely. Are you telling me this canoe trip on the open sea happened and occurred without incident? No incident at all. Because that sounds like something we could spend two hours on. I think you're the only man in the world to have done this maybe i don't know it's quite an achievement i can't i've never heard of anyone else doing something like this it's just an odd thing to gloss over is all i'm saying ah you know

well i passed out half the time so i wasn't even aware that uh you know it was that way you could be ignorant exactly right so there could have been incidents you wouldn't even know about them i was yes yes who knows what would have happened i thankfully i passed out and every time i came ignorant. Exactly. Right. So there could have been incidents you wouldn't even know about them. I was, yes, yes. Who knows what would have happened? Thankfully, I passed out. And every time I came to, I was aware, I punched myself in the face for me to pass out. So I wasn't aware of what was going on.

So you just set your canoe course for South Africa and you... You know, to be quite honest, I don't even know if I landed in South Africa. I could have landed at Busch Gardens for all I know. Oh, do you think that's's where you were do you think you're maybe at a zoo i mean the man welcome to bush garden safari so uh and i was like oh bush there's bushes in africa sure and this whole land is a plentiful garden of of uh things so uh you know but i could have also landed in bush gardens i don't know. Oh, the garden of things.

Okay, so now here's what I still need, though, is the connection between. You speak so interesting to me. Your accent is fascinating. I could say the same, but I can't believe I'm from the same place. I don't have one. I don't have one. Oh, it's just that we're just going to go round and round burnt. I think we just have to skip past that part.

I need, I'm still searching for a connection from you realizing the safari was a danger you did not want to experience to putting the mail in your mouth. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. So as I'm sitting in the mail van, I think to myself, well, you know, immediately I'm transported to that terrific experience of being in the safari car they're very similar for the few moments before you were told to stay perfectly still then you left and i said you know this would be a very interesting way to for once in my life life Jojo to face his fears oh so you and I decided to live in the fantasy of every time being on a mail route being on safari and I couldn't quite get into the fantasy unless I imagined myself being shot in the arms by an elephant. Now, that's what you said when you first started talking.

You said... It just couldn't click any other way. Any other way? But what scenario? Any other way. I thought, oh, my undergarments have been stolen by a pair of chimpanzees. No, it just didn't feel right. Oh, my God, a toucan stole my toupee.

No, it didn't quite fit. I just got out of it. And the only way I could really commit, really ground myself is by imagining me on a safari, on a shootout, trying to take ivory from the most elegant animal that ever existed, an elephant. And the elephant knew, see, this elephant was very intelligent. Could even speak human language. In, he could operate a gun. Human language.

In your fantasy. In my fantasy. This was an elegant, intelligent elephant. Exactly. And it said to me, and it was wearing an ascot, a pair of really, really impressive slacks, a smoking jacket. And it turned to me and said,

not on my watch. Grabbed my shotgun, blew my arms off my body. That's an escalation of what you said before. I thought your arms were merely wounded and you couldn't really use them, but they were gone.

Blew them off my bloody body. And that's why you have to carry everything in your teeth. And I still had a job to do. How do you explain driving with your hands? I use my legs. What, you really? You said, oh Lord, knees up in the male's latin.

I have to be in the fantasy in order to face my fears burnt. I don't know how more clear I can make this. So do you go through all of life acting as if you don't have arms or at home? You have a job. OK, when I want my job. How do your co-workers react to my arms? Right. Oh, very good.

Absolutely. There they are. They tap in on the tabletop. Yeah, he's doing it. He's doing it. Oh, God might take that as a signal. I was going to say, let's take a break. So so how do your co-workers react to this?

Oh, they don't like it at all. But you see, you know, I, okay, I'm going to explain to you. Oh. Oh, this is getting very. I'm well protected in this town. That's what Eileen said. That's right. Oh, I almost forgot to ask about that.

Oh. I'm well protected, okay? Oh. It doesn't matter if people don't like me. Because I have people taking care of me. Burns, I just got a chill in my body. I did too. This is like all the president's men, the book.

Are we being watched right now? What do you mean protected? Friends in very high places i mean we will we'll cut this part out can you tell us who is it the birds well okay no is it birds is that what you mean not really we're not really gonna talk i'm looking right at you we are cutting it out aren't we how is he looking at me? I can smell you and I'm looking at the direction where the smell is coming from. Are you looking through the keyhole?

The keyhole of the rogue room. Yeah, don't worry about it. I think, I can't quite tell how much of this is just sort of a metaphor, but who's that's what I'm saying, is it the birds in the trees? Is that your protection? No, no, those are my enemies because if I use my...

They're going to snatch the mail away. I know. I know you said that. I just... Because that wasn't actually the reason why because now we've learned it's because you fantasize that you have no arms

because they were shot off by an intelligent, elegant elephant. Clean off my body! Sorry, I forgot that detail. I thought it did pretty good. You think I would bleed to death, but they caught her eyes immediately. The way you talk about it, honestly, it

sounds like you think it happened. It's very amazing. Well, otherwise, I'm right out of it. Joan, as an actor, you understand. You're right. I did experiment with method for a while, so you're right. It might be a good technique to try at some point.

Can I, can I say, Doug astonishingly asked a good question. How did the elephant pull the trigger? Where is he? He's in the room. Oh, sorry. Well, he won't know what that is, right? I don't even know what it, I wouldn't, I could, I could walk all around this house and never know which one is the rogue room. So how did the elephant pull the trigger?

Well, like I said, it's an intelligent, elegant elephant. It's hoes. Smoking jacket. What was that, Doug? Ask what? I just realized it's probably his hoes. His hoes? Do you mean his-

The trunk? The trunk? Oh my God. Doug, is your understanding of elephants solely from cartoons? They spray water with it. Oh no. Okay. Oh babe.

So what he does he says not on my watch slowly gets his hose around the gun it's an old dig term lifts the hose because you know elephant hoses

have the little snout at the end because it is a nose what what no they have hoses not noses hoses little snout at the end. You know? Because it is a nose. What? No, they have hoses. Not noses, hoses. So the nose is at the end of the hose. Exactly, yes. But hoses supposes

that hoses... You baby! I can't believe I did, frankly. I was slow! I was too slow. It must be an internet speed issue because there's no explanation for why I would be. Now, if I were an elephant, here's what I would do. I would.

No, I'm not. I'm not, though. Please. I would take my hose. I would wrap it around the gun, presumably an elephant rifle, which now has a different term, a different meaning. Sure, sure. And I would use one of my tusks to push the trigger against it. Oh, yes, yes.

That's insinuating that your hose is very weak. I can't believe we're still calling it a hose. Babe, I really, do you really think that's what it's called? Everyone's calling it that. Where? It's all over TikTok. Oh, wow. Boy, you know, you think you know someone.

You're married to them for a long time. We haven't talked about elephants in a long time. I know, but all the books. Horton, here's a who. I mean, all the books about elephants. The three children we had, at no point it came up. JoJo, Joan, and Doug have three children. They have their daughter, Jaliope, and the twins, Matt and Karush.

Oh, that's lovely. Yeah, well, thank you. Okay, so here's the thing. Yes. I still want to here's the thing. Yes. I still want to know what the protection situation is. Okay, all right. So I guess I can't ask anything more about it. No, you can't, but this is strictly off the record.

Of course, OTR, absolutely. Absolutely. John, that secretly also stands for on the record, so we're covered. Oh my gosh, that's so smart. Yes. What did you say? Sorry, Joan.

We were just having a legal conversation. Yeah, a little arbitrage. We were having a little arbitrage. All right. I'm afraid you are going to... Here's the bottom line. Eileen's very upset. I can guarantee you she's not the only one. I know, but I can guarantee you she's not the only one

I know but I can guarantee you she's not the only one You're gonna get written up I'm a registered nurse I know that that's not sanitary Oh Eileen Come on Eileen Exactly Come on E Eileen.

You understand. You understand. So if people are going to, they're going to complain. You know, some of these ladies in Dignity Falls, they love to complain. They love to write a letter. They love to send an email. They love to get a petition. A nest of Karen's.

Signed. That is, it's 100% true. See, I don't know that because I'm from Old Dig. I live in the Old Dig off of, you know, once you go past Carter and Cacao, that's where you get to Old Dig. Exactly. Not a lot of people go there because, you know,

that's where we live. Yes. And because so many deaths have occurred there. Yes. Most notably the barbershop quartet accident that we talked about. That's right. Recently. But now, Joj, so who are these people that are protecting?

Like if Eileen goes to the police and says, this is a health hazard. You know, I'm a registered nurse. This is a health hazard. Right. Who is the person that is or persons that are going to protect you? Okay. This is a health hazard. I'm a registered nurse. This is a health hazard. Who is the person or persons that are going to protect you? Okay. So.

I'm from Old Dig. Yes, that's been established a few times. We call it Digfa. Really? Even more so than Old Dig. So you gave it digfa. And back in digfa. Really? Even more so than old dig. So you gave it its own. You gave it an extra.

Well, that's what you call it because we're a very old fashioned. So you're the old dig. But we call it digfa, short for dignity falls, you know. Digfa. I did not know that. This is interesting. Digfa. Digfa. Da falls.

Yes. Oh, you're sounding okay. Yes. Yes. That's more of the normal way of speaking. Dig okay. Yes, yes. That's more of the normal way of speaking. Yes. Yes, Digfa. Digfa.

Da Falls. What? So in Digfa, unbeknownst to you all here in Dignity foes. Please go on. We have a king.

What? Now this is astonishing news. There's a secret monarchy. I'm sorry for yelling. I was so excited. I had no idea there was a secret hierarchy. Wow, I kind of love this. In Old Dig.

Yes, in Digfa. In Digfa. We have a royal family and everything. Really? Now, what kind of kingdom is this? Is this like a Game of Thrones, dark and violent? Intrigue. Of course.

Not as if any royal family has no violence behind it. But is it fairytale or is it dark and more Shakespearean? Well, at first it looks a bit fairytale. I guess the closest thing you could compare it to is the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland. You mean the king looks like the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland. You mean the king looks like the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland? Exactly. You know,

someone described the movie, because of course the only movie I've ever seen is Jumanji. Yes, of course. Well, now it's got to be Arbitage. It's got to be the next one on my list. You won't be sorry. Someone described the plot of Alice in Wonderland. I said to myself, they've been to Digfar, haven't they?

You're saying that Lewis Carroll stole. It was written by Lewis? You're in a first name basis? The Grand Traitor of Digfar? What? you're in a first name basis the grand traitor of Digva what in our Digva text of yore there is a man named Lewis Carroll who was a resident of this

world of this world well world yes it's bigger than you think what are you saying and forgive me if I'm going too far. But Jojo, are you saying that this kingdom is sort of interdimensional? Oh, boy. Well, and Bert, we were just talking about going to Hobbit Town in New Zealand,

and it turns out we might have something like that right in our own backyard. That's true. Hey, Jojo, would you excuse me? I just need to talk to Joan really quickly about some microphone issues. Of course. I want to see if I can stuff this envelope in my mouth. Okay. I bet you can. Oh, I just did. Joan. Try another.

Yeah. I think that Jojo might have some sort of problem. I mean, I'm just trying to keep him calm and engaged. Okay, so we're on the same page. Because I think it's best to just really go along with this and let him talk about it. Absolutely. Since he's already admitted to having a fantasy, it's hard to know where the fantasy begins and where reality, well, anyways, you know what I'm saying.

I think I know what you mean, yeah. Okay. Do you guys know who the king is? Oh. Doug. Doug. Oh. I beg of you, Doug.

Doug, babe, I think it'd be best if you just stay out of this one, because I think you might actually make it worse. You're actually exacerbating the problem. I think so. Yeah. So, yes, I think- Keep your hose out of it all right let's just let's so let's just well i think we should wrap it up yeah uh because otherwise we

might be here for a long time absolutely and i think what hey doug why don't you call yes 9-1-1 and just tell them that jojo is here and that he might need some assistance we just want to make sure that he's okay that That's all. That's all. Yeah, exactly. And out of the house. Call 911. Oh, see what they say. Oh, no. Oh, Bert.

You think the monarch of Digfar doesn't communicate with the entire Dignity Falls community? Jojo, I don't know what we think because we don't know anything about this. We've only just learned about this king. We don't even know his name. I put three envelopes in my mouth, but I can hear you all perfectly clear. I pledge fealty. I pledge fealty to the king. Doug! Doug!

This is not D&D, babe, okay? This is not... JoJo, this is real, okay? You heard us. Do you think that barbershop quartet just disappeared no no I will not listen to conspiracy theories about the barbershop quartet

it's been very well documented it was just unlucky saw that piano fall and who dropped the piano oh who who dropped the piano Jojo I can't say. Oh, you know what?

And at a certain point, this does become tiresome. I'm going to be honest. I'm not mad, Jojo. I'm not mad. But we brought you here to help and to try to, you know, look out for our fellow neighbors. And you're one of our fellow neighbors. But I don't feel like we're getting all the answers from you that we need or even the answers we need from you to help

you. Yeah, we invited you on here to give your side of the story and it turns out to be a bunch of Jumanji-spired gibberish. There's only one way in which you can help yourselves. Oh.

Very ominous and threatening. And that is to swear fealty to the monarch of Digfa. I told you. All right. You know what? Actually, Doug, do you know what? I have an idea.

Babe. Jojo excuses first. Jojo excuses. Of course. Yes. Why don't you put this magazine in your mouth? I have an idea. It's a Vogue.

It's a Vogue. Babe, Doug. Hello, Doug. Yes, I'm here. It's a Vogue. Babe, Doug. Hello, Doug. Yes, I'm here. Okay. I got scared. Could you just do, do you have sort of an effect you could do that's just like a distant drumming? Because if this guy is really into it, this might be the only way we can get him lured away from the house.

So if you could do that, babe, if you, you know, I've never asked you to do it. Does this have something to do with Jumanji? Rocking a beat? No, no. You know, like, like distant drums like it. Look, I can do it you to do... Does this have something to do with Jumanji? Rocking a beat? No, no. You know, like distant drums like it. Look, I can do it. I'll just do it. I'll do it under the kitchen island.

I can rock a beat. It's not about rocking a beat, I don't think. I think it's... That's pretty good. Uh-oh. Jojo. Do you hear that? What?

Those drums? The steady drums of the Serengeti are calling my name. I must away. Of course, absolutely. I must away and find what awaits me. Wait, what is that? Oh, Doug, we had him. What is that?

Now I have to stay and find out what that sound was. Oh, I must away. Oh, I must away. Yes. I must away. Extending on the Arakame. All right. Well, thank you, Jojo. Thank you for stopping by.

I've been shot by the elephants. Oh, no. Someone cut his hose off. Thanks for coming, Jojo. All right. We will be right back with more of Dignity Falls. What? No, the neighborhood listen.

Hey, this is Ryan. I have swan decorations for first birthday. As you can see, it's two plastic swans. Pretty cheap looking, so I'm just going to say $25 for both of them. Again, there's two. As you can see in the picture, my wife bought two of these for my daughter's first birthday. I don't know. So anyway, just if you come down, get these from me quick, because my

wife does not know that I'm selling them. So please come and get these out of my house. Well, welcome back to the Neighborhood Listen. Oh, that got a little scary. That was, I'm surprised that that was the first time that it's gotten we've had a few we've had a few doozies where we really don't know what we've gotten ourselves into but it's been a while it's it has and thank goodness i was able to uh to make my my quartz island somehow sound like wooden drums that was very stroke of genius stroke of genius but you know jojo i don't think was completely i didn't think it had to be too realistic because I don't think that JoJo is living in the real world.

Yeah, he's living in a bit of a fantasy, I would say. Absolutely. And he left all of this half-chewed mail, and I don't know what to do with it. I guess I'll just go deliver it. Yeah, we'll split it up. I'll take half, and we'll just go around. Hopefully, we can make out the addresses. Seriously, this is bite marks through all of them.

You know, I'll be on my bike. I might have to put it in my mouth. Burns, don't you dare. Use the basket that's on your bike for crying out loud. Unless Connie's in it. The basket. Put it in Connie's mouth. His jaw can handle it.

Well, his jaw's broken. His jaw's broken. But the package will probably fit. I don't know if he did. He can't clench, though. He can't bear down. All right. Well, we have time for one more post.

And this comes to us. This was submitted by a listener. This is Ted Stark. What a name. Talking about Game of Thrones. Yeah, a real TV name. Ted Stark submitted this. This is posted by Marissa originally.

And Marissa writes, scumbags. And then there's a phone number, which I will not read. Anyone recognize this number or know how I can find out who they are? Or maybe just have some free time to prank call. She's on a mission here. I am not a hateful person and don't like confrontation or disrespect. But this couple called me this morning about my missing husky and told me they saw my dog. Refused to tell me where after asking how old I was and how I'm doing.

Laughing the whole time. Then the man told me that my dog had a condom in his butt and peanut butter on his mouth and then made a joke about putting it there. Feel free to call or do whatever you'd like with this number please and thank you and then marissa repeats the number well now this is this is terrible because it is terrible someone someone sees a missing dog flyer and then they and then they call the person and antagonize them in this way so this man ted, he contacted her? No, no, no.

Ted shared the post with us. It was originally posted by someone named Marissa. You know what? I'm not looking at the post. Sometimes it's tricky. That's on me, Bert. I wasn't looking at the post. Okay, I see.

So it was his post initially. He's the one who's missing the dog. No, I'm going to go through this one more time. Ted found this post. He's the one who's missing the dog. No, no, I'm going to go through this one more time. Ted found this post. No, that's not right. Now, come on.

Ted found this post online on the neighbor app that was posted by someone. Got it. Got it. Got it. And he submitted it to us because obviously a lot of posts, all those are cracks. What was that last part? They fall through the cracks. Oh, oh okay uh so and then go on okay and then i read the post right that now here we are oh now we're just oh you

brought us now we're all caught up yes so this but this is terrible so this this woman marissa loses her dog and then uh this couple i guess it's a I guess it's a, I don't know how she knows they're a couple. I don't know either. Maybe they announced that. And of course, the crude things that they said, I can understand her being upset. It does seem strange that they refused to give any information on the dog until Marissa said how old she was and how she was doing. Yes, that is very odd.

I mean, do these people have nothing better to do? It really seems like they put a lot of energy. Well, prank call people obviously have nothing better to do. The twins used to prank call for a very long time. That does not surprise me. The funniest thing in the world. That does not surprise me at all. They thought it was hyster funniest thing in the world. That does not surprise me at all. They thought it was hysterical, but they did like, they did dumb ones. Like they were just stupid.

You know, they'd call like a restaurant and be like, hey, do you make copies? You know, and it's like, that's not, they thought it was hysterical to call a place that isn't known for whatever they asked for it to have. Like they call, they call Kinko's and say like, do you, do you sell French fries? And they always use that voice. They thought it was such a funny voice. I remember getting a call at the pharmacy a few years ago. No,

I, I don't doubt it. From what I assumed was a woman, but now I understand might've been a little boy who, who asked if we had any breakfast specials available. Yes. Oh gosh. And then there was, was there,

did you remember hearing laughter, but you just thought nothing of it? Yeah, I assumed that. Because that was Doug laughing, because by the way, he helped them do this. Oh, it was Doug, not one of the twins, it was Doug, Doug. No, no.

The twins would do it, but Doug would sit in the background and he would laugh. Wait, what'd you say, babe? It was me. He's very proud of himself. Oh, it was you? It was a fun day with the twins i mean when we called burnt oh just that one i did not know that you were involved in this

that was was it your idea to to call the pharmacy plead the fifth oh boy so yes and that explains why the very silly pranks. I mean, listen, I am grateful, given how the boys have been in the past, I'm grateful that they were such innocuous calls. You know, they could have gotten in real trouble. They just seemed confused, not even rude. And, you know, it's much preferable. Yes, but now I know why, because Doug came up with it.

Yeah. They probably wanted to call in bomb scares and do all sorts of that stuff. So I guess, babe, I'm glad that you intervened and just changed it to, huh? What do you mean? What? Better. Well, it's better than bomb scares. It is better.

I agree. That's what we're saying. Yes, Doug. Yeah, you're not in trouble, honey. Don't worry. I think it's too hot in there. I think you should get out of there. I think that's a good idea.

You're agreeing to things, but in such a way that makes it seem like the previous conversation did not happen. I think you're too hot. I think your temperature is elevated. I think you should get outside. Because of the kiln. Can you let me out? What? You're locked in the rogue room?

Well, that's the point of the rogue room is get my energy out. Right, but being locked in. To really go rogue, I have to escape the rogue room and take my rogue out of the rogue room. Absolutely. It doubles as an escape room. Okay, so then hang on a second. Let me get back to the, did the dog, so the dog was found? No.

There's no update? We don't know if the dog was found. This person merely wanted vengeance. Yeah, that is just, everybody, we talk about this a lot. First of all, please, you could all try, you know, we need to try better to not lose our pets. I know it happens. Stuff happens. But it does seem that it just is happening more and more.

So, and maybe the dogs and the pets are also like, we've been cooped up for a year. We need to get out. And so maybe they're just heading out and causing all sorts of mayhem. But if you do see one of these posts, let's just can we just get a can we just be kind and compassionate and only help? If you don't have anything nice to say about a missing dog, don't say it. Great rule. Great rule. You don't have to be calling people up and saying, I put a condom in the dog's anus. I mean, whose mind goes straight to that?

I mean, good Lord, what's wrong with these people? Can I ask, Doug, was this you? No, this was not me. Was it the twins? Now, it might have been Karush. Because that's classic Karush. It does sound like Karush. He's a little bit meaner than Matt. Matt, he might have been Karush. Because that's classic Karush. It does sound like Karush. He's a little bit meaner than Matt.

Matt, he is. He really is. That disappoints me. Well, I'll have to ask him. I'll have to ask him. I don't know where they are right now. You were saying the same level of mean. Well, I do.

Listen, Karush really does have an edge. And if I had my choice, yes, I'd love to bring that back. I'd love to bring him back from the edge. Right. To just stick to the fire stuff. Just stick to the fire stuff. Boy, that I can wrap my arms around, you know. Sure.

If they haven't been taught by an elephant. All right. Well, that does it for this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Thank you all for listening. We are The Neighborhood Listen on Instagram and The Neighborhood Listen, Burton and Joan at gmail.com if you want to send us some posts that we maybe haven't seen. Feel free to do that. Again, comment sections, not welcome.

Thank you very much for listening. We'll be back next week. And until then, goodbye. And bye. The Neighborhood Listen is executive produced and hosted by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. Our producers are Brett Morris and Judith Cardboe. And bye. Go to stitcherpremium.com slash neighborhood, select the monthly plan, and use the promo code neighborhood.