The Neighborhood Listen - The Toenail Curse with Alice Wetterlund
Episode Date: January 31, 2022The Neighborhood Listen is back for Season 3! Burnt shares key takeaways from quarantining and Doug + Joan start a new venture in their home. Plus, special guest Alessia (Alice Wetterlund) ex...plains the terrifying toenail curse!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins.
And I'm Nicole Parker.
On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood
networking website.
Occasionally, we change the names of some streets.
And that's all you need to know.
And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your neighbor.
Good.
In Dignity Falls, you're never alone.
You've got the neighborHalf app and us,
Bert, and Jode. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell,
we'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing,
so just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen.
Well, welcome to The Neighborhood Listen.
We are back.
Hello, everybody.
Did you miss us?
I hope they did.
I hope they did.
I hope people said, there's been no Neighborhood Listen lately, and I'm very sad.
I do, too, because I was sad that there wasn't any, but boy, did things get busy.
Things got, you know what's funny?
Here's what's funny, Joan, is that things got busy and they got slow at the same time.
Isn't that, isn't that, isn't that interesting how life does that? I was going to say that and I have missed you in my life completing my thoughts.
Joan, it's been a while since I've completed anyone's thoughts. And I miss doing it.
I miss doing it.
Let's just catch everyone up.
So obviously, you know, we're still dealing with a lot of changes in the world.
I had a wonderful moment when I got to go into the pharmacy and Berndt administered my vaccination.
That's right.
Berndt, that was such a special moment.
It was the first time I'd seen you.
Bert used to come and hang out outside the glass and sit on our porch.
Yes.
And we would just rock and I would sit inside and we would just chat through the glass loudly.
We have very expensive glass.
So we had to shout.
I don't know why we didn't just talk on our phones.
I don't know why either.
Or we could have gone around the side where there was a screen.
Or I guess we could have sat outside with masks on.
We could have sat outside.
But you know what?
Better safe than sorry.
And I, yes, I proudly administered both doses of your vaccine.
And it was a special moment because I'd never seen your upper arms before.
Well, and I've been working on them.
Well, and it shows.
And it shows.
And you also saw the tattoo.
You broke the first needle.
You broke the first needle.
That's correct.
Couldn't get it in there.
It was just too solid.
You said you'd never seen that happen in your life.
And I pray to God I never see it again.
It was disturbing, I have to say. never see it again. It was disturbing.
I have to say for everyone else waiting in line as well.
I'm sorry.
Did Doug, did you say yes?
Oh, Doug, everybody.
You all know my husband, Doug.
He's our engineer.
Hello.
Should we back up just a little bit and introduce ourselves?
Because there might be people listening for the first time.
I think we should.
Okay.
You want to go first?
Is this?
Okay, Doug. We'll get to you, Doug.
Is this how I talk, Bert?
It's like I don't even remember. That's your voice.
Yes, absolutely. Oh, thank God. I was like, what do I
sound like? I think this is mine, right?
I'm pretty sure it's yours. Okay, good.
I mean, it feels like it. There's a sort of muscle memory
in my throat. That's right.
Joan, you go ahead. Well, my
name is Joan Pedestrian.
You probably have seen my face on benches and the sides of buses and those little pads of paper that I drop off all the time.
You know, not into tooting my own horn.
Although, I don't know.
Maybe after this year, maybe I'll toot it a little more these days.
But I am a top realtor here in Dignity Falls, and I just want to put you in a home.
A home.
A home that is like for a a burgeoning family oh
no our elderly listeners that came out very wrong
i am burnt me a payday i am a pharmacist at the cvs local cvs. And that is it for me.
I am single and not looking to mingle.
I am, I guess I'm a curious fellow,
according to what a lot of people tell me,
but I don't see it myself.
I live in an apartment with a broken morphe bed.
No, after this entire year.
I will get into it, but yes, it's still broken.
But anyways, that's who we are.
And I still have Connie, my ventriloquist dummy
with a broken job. And I still have
the twins
and I have a daughter.
Matt and Vickay.
Vickay? Matt and Vickay, that's right.
Those are their names today.
And then I have a daughter
named Jaliope who had to
do her last year of high school in my home.
And I just can't, I just can't.
Oh, I can't imagine.
And my husband, Doug, we, well, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what we've done.
One of the things that we've done over the last year is we redid all the rooms, all new themes.
Every single.
And we added some.
Wow.
What?
So guess what?
There's new rooms coming your way.
In fact, Doug, where are you today? I'm in the cigar shop. And we added some. Wow. What? So guess what? There's new rooms coming your way.
In fact, Doug, where are you today?
I'm in the cigar shop.
This is Doug, our engineer and Joan's husband.
And I take it from what Doug just said.
You now have a retail establishment in your home? Well, you know, I read that.
I read that great, you know, that book that plays based on
Barbra Streisand's book about how she had an
indoor mall underneath her home.
And I told Doug about that and he
just ran with that concept.
So is this underground?
Is this underneath the home?
Yes. It is. Deep underneath.
Yeah. Is it
below the wine cave then?
Well, yes. Diagonal from that.
Right.
Diagonal above or below, Doug?
Unclear.
I mean, we brought people in to
build it. We don't know all the details,
but that was... Well, I mean, but you know
where you are in space, right? So if
you enter this place,
then you have some sense of if you're above or
below the wine cave. Although, wasn't the wine cave the one where you did lose all sense of space and time?
I feel like there was one room where you just had no idea what was happening.
Well, it was pitch black down there, wasn't it?
Yes, that's correct.
Yes, it was.
And there were symbols and runes on the wall.
I mean, I could not tell you space and time once you get that deep.
Right.
But the cigar shops is really different.
It's so charming.
Different vibe.
Oh, completely.
Very comfortable.
Yes.
Different vibe than the mystical wine cave.
Would you say that, do you have employees there?
It's just me.
Okay.
So if Joan feels like a cigar, she would go down there and you'd hop behind the counter
and you'd sell her one? Yeah. I go down there as a customer all the time. It's real. Self-employed. So if Joan feels like a cigar, she would go down there and you'd hop behind the counter and you'd sell her one?
Yeah, I go down there as a customer all the time.
It's real fun.
I dress up in an outfit.
I choose a character.
Well, of course, Joan, as many will know, is Dignity Falls' number one community thespian.
Working on a point of sale system.
It's not completely together.
Doug's still talking about the cigar shop.
Don't go on.
It's very cute what he's done.
It's really beautiful.
It's fascinating.
And also very expensive.
And I'm not quite sure we have a really good,
we don't have a good business model at all for this thing.
I'll tell you what.
Well, you're just getting started.
And how many,
it's pretty stocked this
the cigar shop uh i would say it's less than stocked i'm working on the stock how many how
many you got one very expensive cigar currently it's in it's like the crown jewels it's it's lit
on a podium in the middle of the store so the cigar shop uh consists now of just the one cigar one cigar and then Joan
buys it and I buy it back
it's just we're working out
the kinks before we go public
does then Joan get behind the
counter as the salesperson
to buy it back? No that's more
of a barter or you know
just more under the table
he doesn't want to talk about it because it gets a little role play
and it's actually been fun but it's not appropriate for the podcast. I don't have to talk about it because it gets a little role play. And it's actually been fun.
But it's not something appropriate for the podcast.
I don't have to train you on the system and everything.
Yeah, you do.
Right.
Anyways.
Look, I'm sorry.
So, Bert, I want to talk really quickly about how you've been alone for a year.
And I would have thought this would have actually brought you out of your shell a little bit and want to mingle.
And you're saying you're still not itching to be with someone, huh?
Not not just not didn't didn't crave the human connection during this past year.
No, I didn't at all.
Isn't that funny?
I mean, I did.
We did have the occasional visit and that was nice.
But overall, I was there was there was a sort of peace that came over me where I felt like,
yes, this is right and good.
This is this is how things should be. And, uh, and, and when the, when the, when the, when the mask
mandate started being lifted and, and, uh, and the vaccines were administered, um, I wept. I, I,
I thought, I, I, I don't think this is right. And, um, you know, uh, I, I really struggled with it.
And, you know, I really struggled with it.
I really struggled with leaving my apartment and leaving Connie.
And I didn't know.
I forgot how to ride a bike, which that's not supposed to happen.
Oh, well, you're Mr. Bike Rider.
I love riding my bike.
Ever since I sold my nitro burning funny car, I, you know, I love to bike.
And my calves've deteriorated.
Oh, they were your best feature, Bernt.
They were, I, my calves were the envy of many.
But now I can.
I mean, you wouldn't have been able to get a needle through those back in the day.
I'll tell you what.
Oh, no, no, not for lack of trying.
If that fits.
But I did, I did notice that I have trouble walking now.
I sort of, I sink.
Well, because my calves have deteriorated so much,
I sort of sink down with each step.
So it's like I'm walking in sand.
Oh, Bernt, I need to know, what did you do? What did Bernt, me a payday, do every day during this time?
There was a lot of contemplative meditation. There was a lot
of just staring. I watched The Crown. I did start to hear voices and the voice was always the same.
It was some, it was my voice saying, this is your voice. This is your voice. And it was,
it was disturbing. And then it started to become comforting and
and i started to answer the voice back i'd say this is your voice i would say i know and then
we laughed me in the voice um and uh i remember i started to see things outside my window and of
course i live way up high uh in the building and uh you do in that medieval themed building yes
and it started it was sort of like a person hovering right outside the window.
And finally, after, I would say, 60 nights of this,
I finally went to the window and said,
Who are you?
And this figure said, You know who I am.
And I said, Are you me?
And the figure said, Yes.
And then we laughed.
So, and you wept when you found out all this was going to be over.
Yes. I had grown so accustomed to it and-
To confronting a voice after 60 days of haunting, laughing about it and starting the whole thing
over again.
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And of course, I loved wearing and starting the whole thing over again. Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
And of course, I loved wearing a mask.
I wore it at home.
Did you put one on Connie?
Yes, I did.
Yes, I did.
And it helped keep his jaw in place, which was which was good.
So I left it on him.
I mean, he doesn't breathe, so it doesn't matter.
He can wear a mask, not wear a mask.
He did get COVID, though.
I'm just.
I had to take him into i had to take him to the hospital the doctor said this is the damnedest thing we've ever seen this this ventriloquist is riddled with
the coronavirus um and uh uh eventually i i took him i took him back and I said, he seems fine now.
So that's a relief.
And it's a relief you didn't catch it because I know how close you guys are.
I never caught it.
Isn't that funny?
I never caught it.
And he had it bad.
That's, I've just never heard of something like that.
Nor had I.
Nor had I.
Wow, Bert.
Well, listen.
I mean, I think I took him to the hospital.
You think?
I have a memory of doing that. Or was it your voice that took him to the hospital? No, no, no. It was me. I mean, I think I took him to the hospital. You think? I have a memory of doing that.
Or was it your voice that took him to the hospital?
No, no, no.
It was me.
And then did you guys laugh about it?
Well, we did laugh about it after I took him back to the hospital.
But when I think about it now, the hospital was in the sky.
So that might not have been a real thing that happened.
Oh, Burns, I didn't want to say this.
I was afraid this is what you were going to say when I asked you what you did during your days.
These things exactly?
I'm scarily accurate. But I just want I just would love for you to take up a hobby that involves hanging out with other people, maybe getting a pet, something that pulls you out into the world.
Because what I'm hearing, you know, it makes me a little sad.
You know, the pet thing I've thought about so much,
but because of the show,
I've had second thoughts about it so much
because we read so many posts
about lost or missing pets.
Oh, this is true.
And I thought I couldn't bear it
if I had a pet and it got lost or missing.
What was the last one?
Missing.
Well, speaking of
post, Bernt, I
have one that
I just thought was, it's real blunt.
Oh, great. For new listeners,
what we do is we collect
social networking posts from
the NeighborHap, neighborhood
social networking site, and we read
them aloud.
That is correct. And you know, uh, sometimes I, the ones that mostly interest me are the ones when people, you know, it says like something's for sale or something's for free, but it's just,
it's really just someone trying to get rid of their, of their shit. And you know, I have trash
and I don't want to make a phone call for someone to pick it up. I haven't seen this nearly as much as during, obviously, this pandemic, because boy, oh, boy, when I would take escrow.
That's my dog for a walk.
The things that we would see on the side of the road.
I mean, you know, well, not escrow because she is quite blind.
Escrow is very blind.
Yes.
And but I still make her
very, very good gourmet
dishes. She loves...
I made her a budino just last night.
A butterscotch? I did!
Because I just
figured she might as well eat well.
You know what I'm saying? Absolutely.
If it's good enough for a cat on the Fancy Feast commercial,
why can't Eskro eat out of a crystal goblet?
Why not?
Indeed.
And so, but the things that I saw on the side of the road.
Now, I know, I guess you didn't leave your apartment at all, except for to take Connie to the hospital.
I think three times.
I'm curious.
Did you go to the pediatric ward or to the regular?
That's a good question. I was wondering where they would direct you. That's a good question.
I was wondering where they would direct you.
That's a good question because I didn't know for sure.
No doubt the nonplussed medical expert or secretary who saw you
would have no idea what to do.
And I'm just curious as to where.
You know what's funny?
The hospital secretary seemed to be expecting me.
I don't know.
Luckily, I haven't been in a year.
I don't think hospitals have secretaries.
I didn't mean that came out wrong.
But anyhow, I couldn't figure out the word because I haven't talked much.
I'm telling you.
Exactly.
Just me and Doug.
And we end up just quoting old movies all day.
We don't even talk in normal conversation anymore.
What are some of your favorite old movies that you quoted together?
Oh, gosh.
I just love.
Doug's laughing. What are some of your favorite old movies that you go to together? Oh, gosh. I just love...
Doug's laughing.
I make him do Top Gun all the time.
Oh, let's hear some Top Gun, Doug.
Maverick.
Play it again.
See?
He likes to play the Kelly... He likes to play the Kelly McGillis role.
That's right.
Who can forget her famous quote?
Maverick, play it again.
Her famous quote, Maverick, play it again.
It was cut from the last scene when the jukebox was playing.
And now, Joan, what movie will you quote to Doug?
Oh, well, I mean, listen, I love quoting Tootsie
I quote Tootsie all the time you know
I love to sort of hide in the closet
like Terry Garn pretend that I'm trapped
and then just say I have to
remember that next time in a scene where I'm
trapped she makes me laugh so hard
when she says that or when she
when she screams about the chocolates that aren't for
her and gets all mad
and she says I read the Cinderella complex.
I'm responsible for my own orgasm.
And it's fantastic.
I don't even know if I'm getting that right,
but I just remember her saying,
I'm responsible for my own orgasm.
And I agree.
I agree with her.
Oh, that was a movie quote.
I see.
Oh, no, Doug.
Did you think that was me talking to you as your wife?
That explains a lot that night.
Now this brings up something.
How do you preface these quotes? Do you just say them out of nowhere? As your wife? That explains a lot that night. Now this brings up something.
How do you preface these quotes?
Do you just say them out of nowhere?
Or do you say, here comes a famous movie quote?
I'm now realizing my mistake.
I just like to make an entrance with them.
I thought it was just so very clear.
Because we love all the same movies.
Yes.
But I guess I should have made it more clear.
But anyways, what I'm saying is when I'm out walking with escrow, we see all sorts of things on the street.
And this past year, just absolutely insane.
You see a car seat.
Fine.
You know, you see a bookcase.
Fine.
Right.
And you see like a whole entire set of sterling silver.
And it's like, what?
Wow.
I think it's because people just want to unload, you know, but you see.
Well, also people could be dead.
That's that's true, too.
But and books, books upon books.
I mean, it was like it was like a flea market was happening in our neighborhood all the time.
And and so and most of the time it was just for free.
I guess that's what I'm saying.
Stuff that you normally expect someone to ask you money for.
Nope. It was just out.
They were just like, take it.
I observed that, too, from from my window.
You know, I would look down and I would see everyone scurrying around
like little ants
putting the things outside
Birch are you okay? Yes
You went to that dark low place
for a minute. Oh I'm so sorry
I'm not aware when that happens so thank you for pointing it out
That's okay. It's good to keep a record
of these things
I'm just looking after you
I'm looking after your i
appreciate that well pharmacist heal thyself exactly exactly that's uh that's a true that's
a true um what's the word missive is that the word i don't think so like what's something you
would crochet a letter uh is that right uh? I think it was the other thing.
Could it be an idiom or
a maxim? Okay, that's right. Maxim. I think that's
what I was looking for. Maxim. Maxim.
Do they still make that Maxim magazine with the
sexy ladies? Doug saved every single
one. We actually have a Maxim room
and I said absolutely not.
A room! Yes,
but I'm not happy with it.
And it's just got Max's all over the floor and
one single damp towel.
No, no.
Here's why. Let me explain. I thought that
was going to be clearer. I didn't think we'd talk about
this. No, let me explain.
Let me explain.
Dying to hear the explanation. It's not what you think.
It's not. Dying to hear what it
actually is. It's not. Because as you know,
it was a joke. It was a joke. Let me explain actually is. Because as you know, it was a joke.
It was a joke.
Let me explain the joke.
Because as you know, Doug and I met in college.
Only man I've ever loved.
That's right.
And aside from the other 10 on our cheat list that you and I have discussed.
Yours are mostly video games.
Yes, exactly.
Yours are mostly video game characters.
Ian Flux, I believe.
Revenge.
Oh, no, from Red Dead Redemption 2.
That's right.
Sadie Adler, the revenge crazed killer.
When he lived with a bunch of college kids, all that I ever remember from a college guy's apartment is a bathroom that had a bunch of Maxim's in them.
And if you had to take a shower in there, all you did was you get out and there was not even a bath mat.
So you had to step on one of the Maxim's and grab what was a damp towel hanging in there because it was never a dry towel, God forbid.
And there was never any toilet paper
and there was never a bath mat.
So he did this maximum.
I'm like, well, fine.
If you do that, I'm going to hang a damp towel in there
as a little homage, if you will.
Hopefully that's the word.
Right.
As a little missive to what it was like.
So I'm very sorry.
I realized that sounded wildly inappropriate
and it was just a little in-joke that I remember.
I have to explain in jokes to our audience because I forget that that's not something everybody knows.
But Doug, you do go in there to masturbate.
Is that correct?
It's spacious.
You can breathe.
The number one masturbation complaint.
All right, Joan, I believe you said you had a post from the neighbor
to share with us? I do, I do.
This is from Barb.
Barb! Stranger things!
She's lost in the upside down.
And she's still managing to post
on the neighbor app.
Now, it just has a picture of
just a rock. It says
free garden boulder.
It says free two foot diameter boulder for your garden.
You remove. And that just makes me laugh. I mean, even just the way it's phrased,
not even could you please remove. And that's the kind of I feel like this sums up the whole year.
It's like she just put everything here in this. She put everything on the line, her baggage, whatever's going on in that house.
And she was like, I don't want this anymore.
You come take it.
And I imagine it was probably your husband whose name is probably, I don't know, Bill,
something like that.
Barb and Bill.
Doesn't that sound right?
Absolutely.
It does.
And she's probably like, why did he ever buy this?
He's never he just moves it around the backyard, never does anything with it, keeps talking about all the plans he's going to do with this boulder, you
know, his midlife crisis boulder, as you know. Yes. A lot of men do the typical midlife crisis
boulder and then didn't do anything. And she was like, probably about like mid-December last year,
like I've had it, I've had it and I'm just putting this. But also, I don't want to I don't I don't
want to have to do any work to get rid of it.
Right.
Just want something to come and get it.
You remove.
So I don't, I don't know if anyone removed this boulder, but Hey, if you, if anyone really
needs one, uh, then I guess Barb, you just go to her house.
Don't even knock on the door.
Don't even bother her.
Cause clearly she's going through her own stuff.
It is free.
It is free.
This is, this reminds me of me of how Stella got her groove back
where this is
Barb's equivalent of setting a car on fire
where she's saying,
you come and remove
this boulder that
Bill who sickens me has
placed in my life.
That is
a fabulous reference, Bert. And yes,
it feels right.
Like that is, that's exactly right.
I think it's like a moment we're witnessing,
you know, one of those moments
that people had during this year,
putting that boulder on the side of the road.
She put more on the side of the road that day.
You know what I mean?
That's right.
And speaking of putting things on the side of the road,
we have to put a break into our show right now.
We sure do.
And we'll be back with a special
guest. We sure will. This is Jennifer. Pig's out again. This pig has gotten out before and it's out again. Just seen your Chester A. Arthur and Cedar.
Headed up the hill on Cedar.
Come get your pig.
And welcome back to the neighborhood.
Listen, we have a special guest here at the kitchen island.
We do.
We are back in person recording just in case
anyone was wondering yes uh because we're definitely not on zoom as you can tell we're
definitely not on zoom this is just the normal sort of when people are looking right at each
other and talk at the same time okay so uh here is the post we have. We have a special guest here, and here is the post that this person has posted on NeighborHap.
The title is Meaning or Bad Luck.
This comes to us from Alessia.
Hi, guys.
I am trying to get meaning of what's happening to me.
I feel like I am getting a string of bad luck or like someone put a toenail hex slash curse on me if that's a thing i have never
ever had a problem or accident that involved my toenails within one month i had the first accident
that involved my big toy nail get ripped off completely and now this morning i went to holiday
gas station and my toy got caught under the door and ripped off two more toenails that's three toenail
accidents within a month by the time summer ends i am not going to have no toenails i am in so much
pain what the hell is going on with me and here to discuss her toe troubles is alessia alessia
welcome to the neighborhood listen thank you you want me to come over here by you guys?
Yes.
Don't stand in the doorway.
That would be great.
Are you comfortable to come inside?
We did ask everyone prior if they were comfortable.
No, it's not that.
It's just my feet.
It hurts to walk.
Oh, okay.
Sweetheart.
I'll limp over.
Do you want me to?
I can come pick you up.
Bertha's very strong, even though his calves are depleted.
I'm limping.
Oh, okay.
Here she is.
Okay.
Alessia, welcome to the show.
Hey, guys.
First of all, we would both like to say how sorry we are for your toe troubles.
I know.
It's been a really tough time for my toy.
Right.
I did want to ask about that.
There's a lot of, I mean, I figured it was just a typo, but never assume, right?
So is it a, because maybe I thought, oh, toy nail.
Does that mean like an acrylic or I don't know what the kids call it these days.
It's the nail that it's like the nail that's on my toy beanie baby that keeps getting ripped
off.
Wait, it's like really a expensive toy and i feel like
somebody put a hex on it because honestly like i don't understand the meaning of like what happens
when you have a really expensive toy i mean i paid upwards of $75,000. Oh. Beanie baby, yeah, eBay.
And it was an OBO, so it said 80 OBO.
And I got $5,000 off, which I feel like is good.
But then like, it feels like there's a hex on me
because my toy, I'm sorry, my beanie baby,
snails keep getting ripped off
from just normal everyday activities.
And also, I have my toes hurt on my own body.
Okay.
Let me, I have a few questions.
Oh, me too.
Go ahead, Bert.
You've spent so much money on this beanie baby.
And why are you carrying it around with you?
I would think that you would buy it as a collecting.
It's like, oh my God.
Like you, it's like a Birkin.
Could I ask what animal it is?
I know they're not always animals,
but what is the... Sometimes it's Princess Diana.
Yeah, mine is of
Michael Richards.
Michael?
Really? Yeah. $75,000. Michael Richards. Michael, really?
Yeah.
$75,000.
It's rare.
I've never heard of it.
Yeah, I think it was like a collab.
With like some Japanese designers.
Between who and who?
Okay.
I don't know.
I should know because I spent $75,000.
I would think you would.
Yes, you would investigate it.
Is this the only beanie baby you own?
Yeah.
I own...
Well, straight...
Forgive me.
What an odd choice.
No, I have some from my...
I have one from my aunt that's green and it's a bear.
Your aunt is green.
I knew you were going to say that.
No, no, the bear is green.
My aunt is like,
she's kind of tan right now, actually.
As of this recording.
And yeah, and I have a turtle.
You have a turtle beanie baby.
You have a green bear.
And you have Michael Richards?
Yeah, and I have the Michael Richards beanie baby.
When was this made?
Because I feel like the
Beanie Baby fad ended
before Seinfeld even aired.
Right. Well, they were
concurrent for just a really short
period of time.
How short of a period would you say?
I would say like two weeks, and that's why it's so
crazy. So Seinfeld
had aired twice.
And they instantly, even though it was in danger of being canceled, its first season,
after the second airing of Seinfeld, this is one episode after the pilot, the Beanie
Baby people said, we have to cash in on this.
We got to get in on it.
So this seems like an important distinction.
Forgive me.
Was it billed as a Kramer doll or specifically a Michael Richards doll?
I guess it's like, it's like a Kramer doll, I guess, but it doesn't like have any Kramer. Like
it doesn't say Kramer and the tag or anything. This is the thing with these Beanie Babies,
because there is famously a Princess Diana Beanie Baby that it doesn't look like Princess Diana.
It just looks like a hippo or something like a purple. It's some purple creature. And then for
some reason, that's the, yes, I swear to God swear to god this is true for some reason that is the princess diana peaty baby
wow so the michael richards one is sort of like a lemur
oh so it's got animal qualities yeah yeah but the tag just says michael richards
um and can i so you're saying you carry it
everywhere you go?
Why was that again?
It's $75,000.
It's like,
it's like.
So you're afraid,
you're more afraid
that someone's going to
break into your apartment,
see that doll,
skip everything else
that might be there,
take it,
as opposed to you
carrying it around
where it could get lost.
It could get,
it could fall.
Its toes could get ripped off.
Its toe,
its toy,
toy toes
could get ripped off. Its toys, toy toes could get ripped off.
Its toys.
Its toy nails.
Ow, my toy.
Sorry.
It's this thing where if it, I have this other thing with it where it's like a voodoo type thing.
Where it's like the doll gets hurt and I get hurt.
You know how like when your phone is low on batteries?
Yeah.
Batteries. Sure.
You feel like you're low on energy. Do you know what I mean? It's like that, but with
my toe toy, it gets hurt and I get hurt. So I keep it with me after I discovered that
I have this sort of empathy sharing thing with it.
Right. It's like a Corsican brothers sort of thing.
Yeah.
So I'd rather have it with me than anywhere just at home where like one of my roommates could like stab it.
How many roommates do you have?
Yep.
Sorry?
Nope.
I just, Bert and I say it.
We share a brain even after all this time.
Yes.
Joan was saying like, good.
That is the question
that we needed to ask next correct i would say two and a half okay what does that mean well um
my roommates are a couple is one of them that little religious boy from two and a half men
no one of them no they're a couple that i live, and then they have a marionette doll. Wait a minute.
Burnt, so do you.
I have a ventriloquist figure.
I do not have a marionette.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah, it's different.
It's really weird that you said that.
Well, I'm not sure it's that different if we're going to talk about the oddity in and of itself.
So they're a couple, and they have this fun relationship where I come home home at night and we all hang out and then we have some wine together.
And then the marionette doll comes out and then they start making out the couple.
And then the marionette doll kind of comes over to me and like puts its little wooden hand on my thigh.
And, you know, just whatever happens.
I'm going to stop you there for many reasons.
But who's operating the marionette doll?
That was my question.
I think it's the couple.
I'm sorry.
Why do you only think and not know?
I mean, we've had a lot of wine, girl.
Hello.
Listen, I understand.
I understand a lot of pain.
And then I come home to this.
I'm your girl for that.
But I can't say that I've ever had...
That is true.
That is true.
Joan does consume a massive amount of wine.
Well...
You have a wine cave, right?
I do.
Fan of the show.
We think?
Fan of the show.
Oh, long time listener, first time guest.
That's so great.
So, I'm... Burnt, you know what? I'm going to... Burnt, first time guest. That's so great. So I'm burnt.
You know what?
I'm going to burn.
Take the wheel.
I don't I'm a little turnt.
I'm a little turnt around.
Just like your bumper sticker.
She is turnt.
Let me ask you this, Alessia.
When you get into this wine state, you can retain some details. For instance, you retain that
you can see the couple making out
and you can see the marionette
coming over to you and putting its
hand on your thigh.
Can you not
look up slightly to
see who is holding those crossed
sticks with the strings?
I can, but it's like that would ruin
the magic. So you like that would ruin the magic.
So you like that this happens?
No, I just...
It's not that I like it.
It's just like, I like,
I feel like if I found out who it was operating in,
it would bother me more.
Okay, I'm so sorry, Leslie,
but here come the mom questions, okay?
All right?
Oh, boy, you've awakened the momster. Well, listen right? Oh, boy. You've awakened with a mom skirt.
Well, listen, I cannot listen.
I got a daughter.
She's reminding me of my daughter, and I just, I feel like maybe someone's not looking out for this girl.
She's reminding you of Jollibee?
Her voice.
Oh, I see.
Okay, I see.
I thought maybe there was some news about Jollibee I hadn't heard.
No, no.
There's, you know, there's a, listen, it's just a mom thing.
Tell me what your age is, honey, and then tell me where you're, let's go, listen, it's a, it's just a mom thing. Tell me what your age is, honey.
And then tell me where you're, let's go with your age first.
Okay.
I'm 49.
Okay.
So I was wrong.
I was wrong.
Yeah.
Wow.
I'm 49.
Well, I mean, I would say I had a birthday in the quarantine that was like, uh, I can't
like, I can't like go off,
you know,
certainly not.
You,
uh,
well,
you look very good for your age.
You look terrific.
It's retinol.
That's it.
Just that.
So much retinol.
My uncle owns a retinol company.
And so I get it for free.
Do you have a job?
Yes,
I do. I sell um you know just stuff i find
uh from next door i sell it on ebay you should try neighbor have sometime because uh there's a
lot of listings there right i heard about that from you guys' show. Yeah. And mostly I sell like clothes and, you know, stuff like that.
I'll go to the Goodwill or whatever and I'll like go and I sell on eBay and like Depop.
What's Depop?
You got to educate us.
I would say this because she's so young, but she's 49.
Yeah.
But I like Depop is for like any age. Oh, I didn't mean to imply it wasn't. I just simply don't know what it 49. Yeah. But I like, Depop is for like any age.
Oh,
I didn't mean to imply it wasn't.
I just simply don't know what it is.
Yes.
What is it?
It's an app.
And you can't actually even use it on a regular computer,
like a grandpa computer.
You have to use it on the app on your phone.
And it's sort of like,
just like vintage resale clothes.
So like a lot of this stuff right now is like Y2K.
And so I just like sell that stuff.
Like t-shirts talking about the crash that everyone.
No, like that's sort of referring to like early 2000s type styles.
Oh, that's just when it's.
Oh, sure.
Okay.
And what would you classify as early 2000s style?
I wonder about this all the time.
It's just...
What is it?
Like Britney Spears' Toxic.
Okay.
Album is when that was.
Sure.
Was everyone dressing like her?
Not yet, but they will be.
Oh.
Do you remember in the late 90s when people had those tiny backpacks?
I do because I'm 49.
So I was, a lot of the stuff I've already sold during the pandemic is my own stuff.
Right.
And I've made so much money selling my stuff from when I was in my late 20s just on Depop and stuff.
And like, it's crazy.
These kids are like so into it.
Can I mean, you've made enough money
to buy this extremely expensive Michael Richards beanie baby.
Can I ask you if it's not, if this is not a rude question,
how much do you make a month?
I'm pulling down honestly, like 30K. $30,000 a month 000 somehow i thought she was not gonna have a
problem at all with you asking that question i was correct it's sort of like that plus um
just sort of doing like cam like camming camming you mean like cameo or like just straight up well like an only what i think
it is okay sure sure yeah god juliap tried to do that here's my question oh wow really yes no
listen it's been a bit she was inside oh no doug didn't know about this oh boy oh god i tried to
keep it from him i'm sorry honey let's we'll talk about it later. She's not doing it. You shouldn't have to talk to me because like a lot of people think it's sex stuff.
And honestly, it's not.
It's just like me.
Like basically what will happen is like I'll just start like, you know, I'll do like a
makeup tutorial or whatever.
And then like the marionette will join me and we'll just talk.
And people really love that.
Again, now you are not drinking at that moment.
So who's operating the marionette in that moment?
It's the guy.
In the couple, it's the guy.
Okay.
So do you, extrapolating from there, do you think that, oh, is that how I pronounced it?
You're like a pirate.
I didn't mean to.
Sometimes my things just get away from me.
I don't know.
Sometimes I forget how words end.
So extrapolating from there, is it safe to say that it's the guy operating the marionette during your wine state?
Yeah, I guess so.
If I'm like going to be really honest with me and myself and you guys about it
that's what's happening but like kind of takes away the magic to be honest uh why do you not
choose to live on your own clearly you can afford to um well i didn't start me i started um yeah
that's kind of like a gotcha um Oh, I'm not trying to do that.
It was just honestly.
No, girl, you do you.
I can't turn my mom brain off
and I just keep on wanting to take care of you
because I feel like the situation you're in
is what I think is contributing.
No, you're serving me Barbara Walters right now
and I'm here for it.
Well, thanks.
I hope not because I sound like her.
No.
Well, I didn't start making, I started making all this amazing money in the,
like during the pandemic when I like realized that all my old stuff from, you know, my late
twenties would be so valuable. So eBay, Depop, RealReal, like all this stuff, I just sold like
all of my clothes and everything that I owned from
that time period. And I mean like beanie babies, I only have the turtle left and the bear, but like
I had sold beanie babies before and people are selling them for like 75 K. I mean, that's how
much I bought this one for. I'm not selling mine for that, but like I bought this one for that
because I sort of like to support small business.
Okay.
That does explain you selling all your clothes because I was wondering, I was surprised to see you show up in a full length trench coat.
Yeah, this it's and this is from ASOS.
All right.
Now getting away from the beanie babies for just a second.
You also are having problems with your actual real toenails.
Right. So it's like a voodoo
type thing and that's kind of the other reason i spent this much money on the doll is that it said
it had magical powers and it was like it was sort of like you know in those posts like you see where
it's like dare you not to find out what this is you know and you're like i'm not gonna look you
know and then you're like not to find out what this is.
Yeah.
Like magical powers.
Don't mess with this if you're not like in totally trained in the dark arts.
And I was like, oh, fuck, you know, like I couldn't stop thinking about it.
So I just got it.
And this little lemur, Michael Richards came and it was like, you know, I first noticed when i accidentally sat on it and i felt crushed
you mean emotionally no like it was like i sat on his leg and my leg was like ah you know and
i'm like oh my god we like bonded right okay so can i just throw this out there okay you're bonded
but so then are you and i used to be like 20 before i got this doll i was like 22 okay now that's wait a minute how long ago did you get the doll in the beginning
like we're midway through the pandemic okay so you aged uh uh more than 20 years yeah when i
got the doll because it's a michael richards doll no i know that it is. I'm just going to go ahead and say that. That's just bad energy all around.
I agree.
Right?
But it's like energy, though.
But I would say, well, honey, you got to try some other kinds of energies.
My goodness.
It's like the old Hollywood missive, no energy is bad energy.
There's no such thing as bad energy.
Haven't heard of that.
Are you afraid that if you try to get rid of him,
then what? Like if you try to destroy
him that you'll somehow be destroyed?
Is that the problem here? Because if you want
my honest opinion, which you did not ask for, but
you are on my podcast and I am concerned about
you, I would get rid of
that doll. You have enough money. I know it was
a financial loss. Oh, you tried? You tried to get rid of it.
Yeah. Okay, now we're getting to it.
I put it on. Now we're getting to it. I put it on.
Now we're getting to it.
Yeah, I put it on all the apps.
And so the first thing I would do is I would try to like resell it. Because obviously I want to get my investment back, you know?
Yes, obviously.
I would describe the magical powers.
No hits.
Like nobody wanted these magical powers.
So then I lied about it.
And I was like, you know, first at a certain point, I was like, just trying to get half. Can I just stop you for just one second? I feel
as if you had just said Michael Richards doll,
you also would have gotten no responses. At least
I would hope. Okay. I don't even think
it's the magic trick. That feels like a dig,
but I won't take it that way because honestly
I've never been accused
of digs and gotchas, but I guess it's a new
year. My goodness. Maybe I should
be a journalist, Bert. You woke up and
chose violence and that's how it is.
So the thing is, is that nobody wanted it regardless.
So then I tried to give away for free.
No hits.
Not even on Nextdoor or on...
NeighborHap.
NeighborHap, which I posted on both.
Posted on both.
I've been watching Mayor of Easttown
anyway
so then I tried to burn
it like in Babadook and it just like came
back oh like also
it hurt when I burn it so obviously I'm like
you know oh dear I'm
I'm what's interesting though is
that up until then this time
clearly this is a curse situation but
it is only going after your toenails,
which I do find interesting.
No other part of your body or aspect of your life.
Right.
So I just want to make sure I got that right.
It's no, it's like anything that happens to it.
But like, I just think that the nails
of the like little lemur claws
aren't sewed on good enough.
So like, because that's the case i take it with me to
protect it from harm no we got and and like that is the thing that goes first is like the the nails
just like fall off or whatever it is killing how are you carrying the thing around are you are you
is it just in your hand sometimes it's in bag. Sometimes it's under my arm like this.
I should get one of those baby papooses for it.
I don't know that that's the solution here.
It's also probably too late.
Let me just point something out.
As I look at this post.
What was that, Doug?
A papoosa?
No, not a papoosa.
One of those Bjorns.
El Salvadorian delicacy?
No.
Oh, boy.
Doug, no.
Nope.
You've been told twice now.
Are you fiddling with the cash register again?
He loves to play with all the fake money in there.
We shouldn't have had you in the cigar shop because I think you're getting-
Oh, it's not even real money.
You're in the cigar shop.
No, because why? I mean,
you know, that's part of the fun.
Do you plan to get more cigars or is it just going to be the one?
It's up to Doug. If I can
sell this one, I should be able to afford
a bunch of them. So you're the buyer
too.
You should go to CigarCon in
Vegas. Oh boy.
Listen.
Wait, CigarTown? CigarCon in Vegas. Oh, boy. Listen. There's a, wait, Cigar Town?
No, CigarCon.
Doug!
CigarCon.
Honestly!
I mean, you go to CigarCon one time and you can become...
Joe Pantoliano is there.
Forget it, Joe.
All the best people.
It's CigarCon.
Elon Musk, Piers Morgan. forget it joe it's elon musk piers morgan
and like people just disappear in a cloud of smoke and you say forget it it's cigar town
that's right i just really wanted that joke to hit you did it jules burns okay okay let me just
point something out this post was four days ago.
Right.
There have been no comments.
Okay.
So listen.
I want to know,
what did you expect anyone to say or offer after this post?
You came onto this app.
You posted this.
You were looking for something.
It says,
what the hell is going on with me?
So I don't know if you want our suggestions,
but I'm just looking for what it is you want from us.
Well, okay.
So it is a string of bad luck.
It's a hex.
It's a curse, right?
Clearly.
And it's sort of like,
I didn't want to mention the doll.
You know what I mean?
Because it's like, you know,
people get weird about dolls.
And obviously-
Well, it's probably specifically that one. Thank you.
Right. On God. High five. Cause we're in person. That's right. I did it. That was my hand hitting
your hand. Oops. Sorry. I'm going to high five. I'm going to high five first. No, that's okay.
High five. Awesome. Way to go. Anyway. So I aged like 22 years and all this stuff and now i'm like
i'm trying to just like i don't know i just want to the the really the reality is like i wanted to
see if i could get a shaman and that you can't just ask people if they're a shaman it's like not legal so legal i don't think so like a hippo thing yeah
yeah well all right it's not pc either so like you just have to kind of find people who can
remove hexes and stuff and so i'm just sort of like trying to seed it on my social media post
to try to see if they'll come find me and also it'll and it'll manipulate
the ads so that i get shaman based ads that are like oh that's that's very marketed to me that's
very clever it's clever but it's all i can do but so so so far no shamans have contacted you
not that i know of because at the same time it's like how would maybe they did
and you're just not open to being contacted.
Yeah, I don't quite follow that.
Maybe it's like the way...
I think she means in a spiritual way, right?
You mean contacted you in a spiritual way.
Is that what you're saying?
Right, exactly.
Like in my dreams, but I didn't remember it because I smoked too much pot.
Okay.
So that's the other thing I have to throw out.
I'm going to throw something out there, Alessia.
I think that a lot of your troubles are brought on by one uh you're
taking the the beanie baby around with you in public and uh not really protecting it in any way
absolutely number two i think that you have uh poisoned yourself with alcohol and marijuana
yeah that might explain a lot of the feelings that you're having. Well,
I don't,
I don't disagree.
Thank you.
But I also don't know if like,
you're like saying this stuff and I'm like,
yeah,
but also it's like,
what,
you know,
what do I do different?
Well,
I have some,
some suggestions, um, uh, that, that you know, what do I do different? Well, I have some suggestions that you may take to or you may not take to.
But I would say I would.
Can I move in here?
No.
Well, that's up to Joan.
I think I know what she's going to say.
But you can absolutely speak for me, Berndt, on this one.
I don't think you can, dear.
I thought that's what you were going to suggest.
And now I'm like mad. Dear, she's
I believe she's older than she
I mean, she's older than me. Well,
I mean, she was
20 technically. I mean, oh,
that's right. Okay. So then my senses were
correct. Yes, I think initially.
So I would say
the two things you could
do is
move into your own
place and also
at least
severely cut down on your alcohol
and marijuana intake.
I have to concur. So should I
go to rehab?
That's not a bad idea. Maybe it's going to be okay.
Maybe not. Maybe not. Maybe not, but
Wow, so we're divided.
No, no, I'm saying
maybe not be, I said it may not be a bad saying no i'm saying maybe not be i said it may
be not be a bad i might it might not be a bad idea is what it may be not be a bad idea again
i haven't talked to people in so long except for you know me too you're saying
just saying you could be my wingman anytime i mean these are the things that i say around the
house not real, actual things.
So maybe I should post a neighborhood-y, like,
does anybody know a good
rehab?
Does anyone know a good rehab?
Well, I think... Or you could Google
it, because you'll find
plenty of local places. I think there's a lovely
rehab in Dignity Falls, just right...
Yeah, I think it's at
James Buchanan and Poplar.
Right.
It's a rehab facility.
Canyon View, I think it is called.
Canyon View, yes.
Yes, Canyon View.
Just do Canyon.
It overlooks that ditch.
With, oh, right.
With the pipes that put the chemicals in the ditch.
That's right.
Right.
Or used to anyway, yes. Yeah, thanks. Right. Well, I used to anyway.
Yes.
Yeah.
Thanks for learning there.
So I think start there.
How about start there?
And I just, I wish you luck.
I mean, I'm really sorry.
I don't really feel like we helped, Bernt.
I don't know.
You know, honestly, it's like you're not the people that, you know, the first people to
suggest that I stop using like PCp but oh that was that's an
addition new ring oh you didn't know that i also use pcp you hadn't mentioned it before yeah uh
i forget but um but you're not the first people but sometimes it's like you're the right people
and so you broke through yeah oh i'm glad to hear
that absolutely fantastic and because honestly all this all that i just told you today it's like
super masked right but it could be just me on pcp it it very well could be wow very well could be
wow yes uh it feels like the one time I saw
this bad improv show
and the person
that was doing like
they just like
their justification
for their behavior
was like they're crazy
on drugs at the end.
And I was like,
so embarrassing.
Am I that guy?
You know what I mean?
I,
I,
I wouldn't be embarrassed.
I don't think so.
I think the seeds
were sewn all along the way. So I think you're covered. I would't think so. I think the seeds were sown all along the way,
so I think you're covered.
I would go get help.
And if you have that doll on you,
please get it the hell out of my house.
Yeah.
Okay, okay.
It is on you.
I'm sorry?
It is on you right now.
The doll's on me?
Yes.
I don't know what that means.
Well, he gets mad if you move.
Okay.
Doug, I need you to come up from the cigar shop, please.
And I think we should take a break,
Burnt, and I think we should
deal with this. Absolutely.
So, Doug, turn that sign around to closed
and come over here.
Michael Richards, come over here.
Alright, Alessia, thank you for joining us.
Michael Richards, don't bite.
Oh, we'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back.
Hi, this is Lisa.
I have a set of eight wishing horses for sale for $40.
It's exactly what it sounds like. They are eight 3-inch by 2-inch size white porcelain horses.
It's $40 for the set of eight horses, no flaws.
And I also have horse cards, $1 each.
You know, just horse cards.
I have one card that has a horse that's white with wings on it. I have another card that has a picture of what looks like a black horse,
a brown horse, and a brown and white horse.
But it's a darker brown than the other brown horse.
Oh, and the black horse has just a little bit of white on the forehead.
I love when they have that.
And then I have a third card here that is a brown horse with a white dot on his forehead.
Daytime pickup only.
Do not come near me at night.
And just for $40, these horses will make all your wishes come true.
And we are back.
Well, that was harrowing, Joan.
Yeah, she's gone and it's gone.
I pay the devil to replace her.
Remember, Hall and Oates?
I don't remember that one.
You know what?
I never thought about this until now.
He's not paying the devil to bring her back.
He's paying the devil to replace her.
So he just wants a completely new model to fill the space left by the woman that left him.
Doug, I feel like you could chime in on Hall & Oates.
What's your favorite Hall & Oates tune?
Baby, Come Back.
Isn't that it?
Yeah.
Yes.
Baby Come Back.
I don't believe that is a Hall & Oates.
Is it not?
I don't believe so.
She's gone.
Yeah, that's the one I was just talking about.
Doug is absolutely out.
So I can't pick the same one?
He is out to lunch today.
No, I mean, you're certainly, of course, you could have the same favorite.
I just thought, what I thought you were doing was saying they were the same song.
As if the song switches from the...
You denied my first choice.
The third person to the second one. To the second person.
All right.
I like Private Eyes.
No one asked me, but...
Good hand claps in that one.
Yes, that's right.
It's a fun song.
You know, it's really funny she mentioned Bear Beast Town.
I have to say, I don't know if you're watching that show.
Oh, that's right.
You don't even have a TV, do you?
I don't have a television.
No, I don't.
I don't currently have a television. I've had televisions in the past. I don't currently have one.
Uh-huh. Do you have a laptop? How do I not know this?
I have an iMac that has served me for many years.
You mean like the jewel tone one?
Absolutely.
What color is it?
It's the blue.
Oh, the blue.
And it is still kicking. I don't know how it's still in there.
I can't do a lot on it.
Sure.
And I'm still on dial-up, as you know.
But it's there when I need it.
Oh, well, I mean, listen, I haven't been over there in a little bit.
I'm going to come over there.
I'm going to check out what's going on.
I bet you it needs some cleaning.
I bet you it needs some refurbishing.
And I hope you'll accept me and
let me come over there and kind of do
some spring cleaning, if you will. Joan, you're welcome
anytime. I don't want to put you to work,
but if you want to assess the situation
and tell me what to do, I'll be happy to do that. I basically remodeled
my whole house this year. It's what I do.
Anyway, the other thing I've been doing is, you said
Mayor of Easttown. Well, it's a fantastic show.
It's Kate Winslet. She's amazing.
And gosh, everyone just looks so cold and dirty.
And it's based on a fake story.
Is that correct?
I don't know.
I sure hope so because it's real disturbing.
Yeah, I believe it's a novel and somebody just decided to put all these disturbing things in there.
Yes.
But, you know, I have,
I think you might have known this,
but I dipped my toe into the TikTok world a little bit.
And I've had-
You dipped a toe into the TikTok world.
I had to give in because you know what?
There is a lot of musical theater stuff on there.
Sure, absolutely.
It's a whole world.
People are turning every show into a musical.
So I'm working on Mare of Easttown, the musical.
This is great news. And so
this is, you're going to workshop this in TikTok
and then you're going to bring it to the stage here in Dignity Falls?
Correct. And I also just like to, I'm
having Doug lay down some of the tracks because you know how you
could just send it out there and people will sing to them.
I tried it with The Undoing
and I got a lot of hits on my
song Cry Without Moving.
That was
based on Nicole Kidman's character. character so uh it's it's a really
specifically it's her whole it's well it's the whole vibe and it's a real sort of dark sort of
haunting uh track and uh and i i just got a lot of response i just thought well now this is a kick
in the pants is what this is in in a good way this is what my mom used to say that means it means fun
it's a positive kick in the positive kick in the pants.
Yes.
And so it's just funny that she mentioned that because I'm,
you know,
I wouldn't keep watching it except for just thinking,
Oh,
that's a song.
Oh,
there's a song.
That's a song.
Well,
can you give us just a little taste of it?
Is there anything you have,
you have prepared or.
Well, I guess Doug dragged his drums into the cigar shop.
This is maybe my favorite tempo.
This is the track.
I do think it needs to be a bit... I think the tempo needs to be a bit brighter,
but we have been disagreeing.
Brighter?
Correct.
That's not a tempo term.
Oh, okay, Doug.
Do you mean faster, dear?
Oh, wow.
It's a musical theater tempo term.
I will have you know.
I'm used to colors being brighter.
It's like whiplash in here all of a sudden.
This is just, oh, well, okay.
Now that's, can we split the difference, Doug?
Okay, now see, this is,
because see I said she's always driving in her car, right?
This is like slower than the original one, I think.
I wasn't going to say it.
I thought it was just me.
You know, she's always driving in her car.
Mara is just, she's constantly driving in this big car and she's vaping.
And it's like, she's just trying to figure out how to connect the dots.
So I just figured it's this sort of thing.
But, you know, I want to incorporate the accent, you know, like Alessia was doing.
Like, I don't know where to go.
I don't know.
I don't know why he's insisting on the.
What is that, Doug?
Oh, don't mind me.
I was just I thought we were kind of give and take, you know.
OK, OK. Maybe maybe maybe this was a bad idea I thought we were kind of give and take. Okay, okay.
Maybe this was a bad idea.
Perhaps we should.
We'll have it together for you next time.
How about next time?
Yes, next week.
Next week we'll try.
I feel like things are getting a little heated across two rooms.
Oh, he's all the way underground.
Honey, thank you.
But babe, we're going to stop for now.
I beg of you to stop that.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
We have time for.
I tripped.
We have time for.
Almost nothing now after that.
One more post. And of course, it involves animals as our posts often do yes yes yes this is from franz and franz writes crows
omg is anyone else having to listen to crows cawing all day they are taking dates from my
palm tree over to my roof and then jumping around on it and
triumphing verbally or taunting each other with their seeming animosity. And it's driving me crazy.
There has never been a year even close to this intensity of cronus. What is happening? This is
as bad as helicopters. Edit. Thanks to the crow and raven lovers in this thread,
I have changed my attitude
and intend to rejoice in my avian neighbors,
even when they are noisily hopping on my roof
directly over my head.
I cannot promise great success,
but I shall try.
Knowing they are so family-oriented helps.
Wow, what a journey that post was.
Can you believe it?
I had so many things to say at the beginning, and I have almost none of them to say at the end.
That in itself was a journey.
This Franz is sort of like the Grinch of crows.
Indeed.
And, you know, I'm just thinking, because as you were talking, I said, well, what a way to sum up this incredibly tragic year as the worst thing happening being crows that were on his roof. And I can only imagine in the comments,
someone pointed that out to him and said, if that is the worst thing you're dealing with this year,
change your attitude, sir. Yeah. And it sounds like he did. Absolutely. His heart grew three
sizes. The one question that remains is I didn't know palm trees grew dates.
That's a very good point.
He said that takes dates from my palm tree.
Am I crazy?
Is this where dates come from?
Do you think this Franz is storing his dates in the palm trees?
What a ridiculous notion.
We'll take them.
And then he didn't think about those crows.
He's got many more problems than if that's what he's doing.
Why is that the place where you'd store your dates?
Exactly.
This frown sounds like an idiot.
All right.
I think we have to wrap it up.
Again, if you'd like to share your own neighbor have posts with us, please write to us as yourself and address it to.
Saved it. as yourself and address it to address it to burntandjone
at gmail.com
And you can follow me on TikTok at jontini.
Is that...
Just a reminder, when you're
following Joan, she is
new to TikTok and so
I would urge people to be
gentle.
I know that TikTok is thought of as a young person's, it's a Gen Z platform.
Careful.
I think, well, I know because a lot of times the Gen Xers get in there and they reply to the Gen Zs with their clapback videos.
I'm not interested.
I'm only interested in having fun.
Oh, where somebody is holding up something that a green screen is making invisible.
Well, it's so good to see you again, Bernt,
and it's so good to be doing this.
And I'm going to come over to your apartment soon
and I'm going to take a couple of hefty bags
and we're going to clear out some stuff.
Yes, it is wonderful to be back indoors
with another human being
and not just listening to the voice that is me.
So thank you. It's great to be back
on track and here's to a
great season of the Neighborhood Listen
and until then
I should say
until when I say until then I mean until next week.
Correct. Yeah. Sorry. I should
have said we'll be back next week and until
then I'm going to take that again.
We'll be back next week and until then i'm gonna take that again we'll be back next week and until then goodbye and bye the neighborhood listen is executive produced and hosted by me
paul f tompkins and me nicole parker our producers are brett morris and judith cardbo the show is
engineered by brett morris who also plays doug our guest today was alice wetterland the neighborhood
listen is an Earwolf production.