The Neighborhood Listen - Treehouse Terror, Toys from Burnt and Whisps Chips w/ Mitch Silpa

Episode Date: September 14, 2020

On the season finale of The Neighborhood Listen, Burnt and Joan discuss the terror of treehouses, pigeon posts and Doug's pyramid scheme. Plus, Nicholas (Mitch Silpa) visits the studio to explain his Whisps Chips "deal" and more!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. That our network is scared for us to name for legal reasons, but you know which one it is. All of the posts you hear our characters read are word-for-word real posts from this neighborhood website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets.

And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. This episode's guest, Mitch Silpa. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone.

You've got the neighbor half-ass and us. Bird. And Jode. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell. We'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing, so just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen. Oh, welcome once again to The Neighborhood Listen.

Hello, hello, hello. It's the holidays. It's so exciting. Are you excited? I love the holiday season in Dignity Falls. The town is all decked out. Everyone's in a good mood.

Mostly everyone. Some people are in terrible moods. And I have to know, are you going to be Santa this year? It's been a couple years. Listen, everybody, if you don't remember, Bernt was the best Santa. I have so many great photos down in Town Square. He could do the suit. He had

the voice. My kids loved him. I have all the pictures. And I don't remember why you stopped doing it. Well, the last time I did it, I decided to ramp things up a notch and to actually get into people's homes and deliver gifts

on Christmas Eve. Right. I think I heard something about this. Yes. And it went terribly wrong. Oh, yeah. Well, I didn't tell anyone because I thought, well, this is going to be. That was probably your first mistake.

Yeah, I suppose that's easy to say now. Yeah, I probably should have. I probably should have told the parents, certainly. Oh, absolutely. You know, here's the thing. I'm going to be letting myself into your home, and I'm going to be leaving gifts under the tree. You know.

All that sort of thing. Sure. Oh, I set off. Oh. I think it ended up being three alarms. The third alarm was the last one, and that was the end of that night. And those are loud. You probably have a little post-traumatic stress from that,

because those are damn loud. I definitely have tinnitus. But I thought, well, this is going to be, this is going to be wonderful. If the mythical Santa Claus can deliver the world's presence in one night, the real life equivalent would be

I can go around a neighborhood and put toys in everyone's home. You thought, what is the population of Dignity Falls? I mean, back then, I mean, weren't we already looking at about 49,000, I think?

Yes. That was very ambitious of you, because that is still a lot of, and a lot of people have kids. Yes, they do. We're a very fertile neighborhood. Yep. And I thought, I just really thought I could do it, you know? I really thought I could do it. Why?

Well, this is when, this is when you remember, I still had, before I was riding my bike everywhere, I still had that nitro-burning funny car. And I thought if I, I thought that thing really moves. And if I can, if I can figure out a way to quiet it down. Right. And you know, this was before the neighbor happened. But I imagine that night people would have been saying, what is that noise?

Because you did not tamp it down. But here's the thing. No, I did. That was the one thing I did right. Oh, you were able to. And it's still to this day. I don't know who owns it now, but it's whisper silent. I made that thing like a Tesla.

Like you would not hear it coming. And for a car that burns nitro. That's a real feat. Come by it again. I won it at an auction. That's right. Yeah. Well, I would love it if you played Santa again.

I'd love it if you put that. Do you think people want me to? I feel like there's still some bad blood. Oh, come on. Doug, don't you think it'd be great if, Doug, how are you doing? I feel bad. Where is Doug today?

Okay, I feel bad. In the ornament room. Oh. Now, this is different than the Harry Potter room of purpose. What's it called? It was the Room of Requirements. Room of Requirements. Listen, here's what happened.

This morning, I thought, you know how we've had sort of an Indian summer. It has been warm, warm, warm, warm, warm. And then this morning, just cold snap, it started snowing. We were going to do Doug in the treehouse, but it's freezing. And I just thought, there's so many spiders. And also, it hasn't been. The Horror Association. Yes.

With the hereditary, the haunting of Hill House. And listen, we have not refurbished it since the boys saw Blair Witch that many years ago, and so it is a, it's a nightmare scape in there. What did the boys make of Blair Witch? Oh, they loved it. Really? Oh my god. I would think it would be quite tame. They left straw figurines all over the place, scared the shit out of July B.

She was very young at the time. Sure. They put it in her bed. They'd go hide in the corner and just look like they were doing something in the corner of her room just to scare her. You know that weird thing at the end where someone's in the corner? Oh, it's terrible. I don't know. He just goes and faces a wall. Why was that so scary? I don't know. But just goes and faces a wall. Why was that so scary? I don't know.

But they were constantly doing videos of them, you know, like with their face up in the camera, you know, on our old camcorder. Yes. And just, they thought it was fantastic. But they, outside, I mean, there's just, there's, what are they called? Pentacles? Tentacles? Yeah, pentacles and tentacles.

I don't know. There's a bunch of satanic nonsense. Pentacles and tentacles your money's all spenticle oh see oh this is why it'd be such a great Santa because you think so quickly

you've got such a quick mind Santa is known for his quick mind well you never know what the kids are going to say when they sit on your lap you know it's very true

the kids say the darndest things as they say they really do one was like you know I want to have a hot air balloon for Christmas. Oh, my goodness.

Because he'd seen a movie or something and he got very excited about it. Cartoon? I don't know. Also, that's a privileged answer. One was like, I have leukemia. Can you make that go away? Oh, no, no, no. Yeah.

And, you know, what do you say? What do you say? Getting back to the ornament room, it is true. I did, you know, I have five bathrooms. That's right. Well, five and a half. Yeah. Five and a half baths.

And so I just decided to convert. I love ornaments. You know I do. I collect an ornament from every single place I visit. That's right. And I go on so many realtor conventions all over the country. That's correct. Mostly in the Midwest tri-state area. And I go on so many realtor conventions all over the country. That's correct. Mostly in the

Midwest tri-state area. And I always have to get a fun ornament, you know, or at the airport. And so we just ran out of room. We ran out of room almost on the tree, you know. So to be honest, some of them just get hung up around the house on houseplants because I'm running out of

room. I mean, as you could see, Doug's probably barely can move in there, right? Oh, yeah. I'm trying to move these man-sized candy canes. Man-sized candy canes. I went through a space where everything decorative was man-sized. Man-sized. Yep, everything.

Man-sized gingerbread man. That makes sense. Man-sized candy cane. Big Lots was having a sale, and it was just the thing that year, you know? You know those big blow-up decorations? Inflatables. That's right, inflatables. You know, you watch the Great Christmas Light Fight, and you learn all

about, it's a TV show. Oh, yes, I'd heard of this. They should come to Dignity Falls, because, you know, what's his name, Jerry Fotherton, who's over on John Adams Boulevard.

You know, he goes crazy every year with the lights. He does. Yes. He goes crazy. He's got things that are moving around, little robots and such. He's got a train going through the yard. He's got all kinds of, so many different nativity scenes. He's deeply in debt. He's got a train going through the yard. He's got all kinds of, so many different nativity scenes.

He's deeply in debt. He's, let me tell you something. He's tried to barter with me at the pharmacy. Well, because it's the electricity bill of this month that literally runs him into the ground every year and he never learns. Well,

because he starts, he puts it up after Labor Day. Right. Then he leaves it up till St. Patrick's Day. It's a bit much. It's... I heard that they're thinking of doing a Lifetime Christmas movie based on his story. Because his daughter, she lives in the city.

Right. And I think that they don't get along. And so to be honest, you're halfway there with the Lifetime movie. You know, she's probably going to have to come. Right. In the story, she'd come back and help her father who's destitute keep the dream alive at the Christmas house. Let me ask you a question about Lifetime movies.

Oh, please. I'm the expert. I love them. I've seen a ton. I've seen a ton. Because a lot of times I can't get to sleep because of the Murphy bed problems. Is that still happening? It's still happening. And I've tried my head at the bottom and my feet at the bottom, I've tried, you know, my head at the, at the bottom

and my feet at the bottom. I've tried sleeping on sideways, you know, with my head and feet like hanging over the mattress. You tried strapping yourself into it once. That's correct. I used, I tied a bunch of bed sheets together. Yeah. Made a makeshift sort of hospital bed. I've tried putting weights on the bottom. I was going to ask that. To pull it down to the floor.

Have you tried buying another bed? That's a crazy. Well, that's the nuclear option, of course. Okay. The last thing I did was the weights. And what happened was it did succeed in pulling the end of the bed down to the floor, but it did break the middle in half. So now I'm sort of sleeping. You need a new bed.

I'm almost Snoopy style. Okay. This is not acceptable, birds. This is not, listen. All right, I'm making a mental note of a Christmas list. Right. Right, all right.

So just maybe you're going to get something with a nice big red bow on it pretty soon. But you were going to say about Lifetime. I don't want another car. I can't find a nitro car anywhere. Don't worry. I can't match that. It's nitro burning funny car or bust.

How about lavender oil? Have you tried that? Doug has gotten into the pyramid essential oil scheme, and he really is pushing them hard this season. So you are, everyone's aware that it's a pyramid scheme. I keep telling him that, but he doesn't believe it. Oh, I see. He's just like, oh, you're too stressed. Here's some frankincense.

You know? He diffuses it all over the place. But you've made your peace with it. It's a pyramid scheme, and he's doing it. It makes him happy. I love him. What can I say? Here was my question about Lifetime movies.

Now, these movies are for adults. I mean, ostensible. I think they're for everyone. There's a lot of movies where Santa Claus is a real person. Sometimes children aren't in the movies. I think perhaps they're made for the child inside of us. How about that? No, that's an acceptable explanation.

I think that there's just something, I think that they've tapped into this idea that maybe we all still want Santa to be real. I don't know. Maybe we want to marry Santa Claus's son. Whoa, what? That's one of the, I saw a commercial for this one. Is that? Where?

Oh, that sounds great. The, the, the, the, the bow, the, the, the, the male one of the – I saw a commercial for this one. Is that? Where – Oh, that sounds great. The bow, the male part of the couple. The guy who wears plaid and jeans and boots. Yes, exactly. He's a terrific – apparently he's a terrific guy and the gal that's in love with him thinks he's great. He's got a secret though and that his parents are Santa and Mrs. Claus. And they are played by George Wendt and Shelley Long. Mrs. Claus doesn't have a first name.

What? Wait, Shelley Long and who? George Wendt. Fantastic. That's the role of Santa Claus. Almost as good as Cheers. And his Cheers co-star. Almost as good.

I think they're trying to recapture some of that Cheers magic. Yeah, that was always, all that chemistry that was always popping off between Norm and Diane. Norm and Diane. I want to see that. If anyone remembers one of the relationships from Cheers, it was the Norm and Diane dynamic. Absolutely. Yes, dinormic. I'm sorry.

It's right up there with the Carla Robin Colcord dynamic. That's right. That's right. In terms of classic TV relationships. Classic. So, yeah, so he's Santa Claus' son, and he doesn't want his girlfriend to know. Well, I'm going to have to DVR that. But listen, let it be known, I would like you to consider it.

We've got two weeks until the Christmas tree lighting, which is shockingly late. I don't know why they're doing it. It's extreme. What happened? I don't know. It used to be December 1st. I know. That makes sense.

Yeah. Well, Thanksgiving was very late, and maybe that had something to do with it. I don't know. Because first they do the ice rink, and then there was a whole issue there because they tapped into a sewage line. Excuse me. And then the ice was brown. It was awful. Yes.

But I am singing. It didn't smell as bad as I thought it would. Isn't that shocking? I know. Yeah. It smelled bad. Because it's frozen am singing. It didn't smell as bad as I thought it would. Isn't that shocking? I know. Yeah. It smelled bad. Because it's frozen, maybe? Maybe because it's frozen.

But I am singing at the lighting. So, I mean, no pressure. But I would love it if you and I got to do it together because you were Santa and I'm singing. So, I don't know. I bought a nice new dress. I'm just saying, Bernd, I'd love it if you joined me. All right.

Well, maybe Santa Claus could introduce you. Well, here's what's interesting. And then never be seen again. Look, I understand. It's if it's personal. And here's a post that's literally about this. Here's the thing. Perfect segue.

This is why I want you to do this, because someone, if you don't fill those boots, someone else is going to, right? I guess that's true. Someone else is always waiting to do that. I guess that's true. And here's this. Although it did not happen the last couple of years, and I took that as a sign as well, that people did not want this. I don't know. I would say that maybe since doing this podcast, and maybe perhaps you're a bit of a local celebrity. Oh, well, perhaps.

Well, this is a post from Anita, and this says, Santa suit. My Santa bailed due to death in the family for my not-for-profit holiday on this Friday. Desperate to put a husband in a Santa suit. I will pick up. Sorry, no budget to pay. All funds go to charity. Help. Please and happy holidays.

Hmm. First of all, I'm sorry about Santa's family. It's a shame. Yeah. It's a real shame. It's a real shame. Yeah. But I don't understand the part, desperate to put a husband

in a suit. It must be a husband. That's the part where it sounds like, is this for a non-profit holiday party or is this something that you like to do on your own time? You think the lady doth protest too much. I think a little bit. Also, what does that mean non-profit holiday party? She runs a non-profit or she's hosting a party and then she's not

going to profit from the party? Because everyone does that pretty much. It's so confusing. Parties are a loss. All funds go to charity. And I love how it's not indicated what charity that is. Nope. The charity could be it could be Anita. It could be the Anita charity. Do you think Anita is playing Mrs. Claus

and that's why she says, I need a husband to put in a suit. And if she puts it that way, I mean, what woman is going to let her husband go get in a Santa suit at Anita's house? This man-eater. Exactly. To me, I think this is a booty call couched in a non-for-profit ask, I think. Do you think that she would accept a widower? A widower.

Someone who has been a husband but isn't currently. Yes. That is possible. That's possible. Someone who has been a husband, but isn't currently. Yes. Uh, that is possible. That's possible. It's a, the holidays can be a lonely time. Um, which is also weird because then Santa, this Santa had to bail due to, due to the death. Yes. Also, I don't know. Well, that's, we're not going to touch on that because that's, that's hard. It's just a, it's an, it's an unfortunately comical sentence in my mind when I first read it. I'm sorry.

Oh, it's nothing but hilarious. I'm going to be honest. I spiked my eggnog a little bit for today. Sure. We are both drinking a delicious eggnog.

Mm-hmm. That has very high alcohol-proof whiskey in it. Yeah. It's grain alcohol. That's right. My twins made it at college.

And it is strong. I'll tell you what. Now I know why they don't return my phone calls. And they're failing their classes. The twins, of course, Matt and Kine. And they have become quite the mixologists at college. Yes, they have. Not my proudest moment, you know, because that's an expensive tab for learning how to mix drinks.

No reflection on you. No reflection. Oh, that's nice, Burns. Are they doing okay? Are they doing okay in their studies? I don't know. They talk to Doug more than me. What are they saying, Doug?

How did their mid-semester finals go? They said they've got B-minuses all around. That is a stone-cold lie. It sounds like a lie. Because it's too specific. You know what I mean? B-minus. Oh, hang on. My muffins are ready. My muffins are ready. I'll let you. We should take a break.

Muffins? They have whiskey in them, too. Oh, really? But the alcohol burns off, right? So you just have the great taste of green alcohol. Wink, wink. We should take a break. We should. And then when we return, we'll have a guest right here in the studio at the Kitchen Island. More when Dignity...

Nope. I mean, Dignity Falls is not going anywhere. It's the show. I told you. Is it like Brigadoon? Kids, we are a little tipsy. We're a little... We're drunk. We're drunk. Let's face it. We're drunk.

I'm shit-faced. More when The Neighborhood Listen returns. Hi, this is Ben. Please put this under your for sale or free section. It should read exactly like this. Firewood? please put this under your for sale or free section. It should read exactly like this. Firewood? And then the price is free.

And then my name is Ben. And it goes, first come, first serve. Just don't make a mess. Message me for address. Now I'm encl make a mess. Message me for address. Now, I'm enclosing a picture, and it looks less like firewood and more like I chopped up four dressers and just dumped them onto the sidewalk. But it looks like a mess. It's not. So if you make a mess, I'll know that it's different. Because what I, I've carefully arranged everything.

It's not a mess, even though it looks like one. There's a reason for the way it's just all splayed out like that. And so don't you make a mess by taking some of this away. I mean, you can have it, but it's gotta, you gotta preserve the integrity of my pile. All right. How do I stop like this? Welcome back to the neighborhood.

Listen, I didn't go anywhere. By the way, we're so drunk, we never said our names. Oh, guy, my God. At the top of the show. I just said, oh, guy, my God. Oh, guy, my God. Why hast thou forsaken me? I'm a burnt me payday. No, come on now.

Are we that drunk? No. I'm Joan Pedestrian, of course. And I'm, of course, burnt me a payday. And I'm only going to be a pedestrian today because I'm not getting behind the wheel of a car. That's for sure. Because these muffins. They are.

These are strong muffins. They're tangy. There's really a kick to them. They are tangy. Yeah. All I did was just flour, sugar, butter, whiskey. That's literally, that's it. That's all that's in there.

That's the food pyramid. They're very, they didn't rise too great. No, they're very low. They're all that's in there. That's the food pyramid. They're very, they didn't rise too great. No, they're very, they're very low. They're like, they're like drunk hockey pucks. Okay. So. Okay. Okay.

Okay, Don Rickles. All right. We do have a guest in studio right here at the Kitchen Island. This is, of course, we like to interview people from Dignity Falls about their posts on the NeighborHap. Yes. The network, neighborhood networking appliance that you put on your phone. Appliance. Yeah, that's right.

Is it short for appliance or application? Oh, application makes more sense. We're going to read the post and then we're going to introduce our guest. This comes to us from Nicholas. The headline, Wisps Chips. This is under the for sale or free section. Wisps Chips. Price, $1.

Nicholas writes, Wisps Chips for sale. Six bags of these are for sale on Amazon for $20. I have four bags for $1 each if you want some. Wisps chips. This is curious. This is very, I have so many questions.

So without further ado, let's bring in our guest. Here's Nicholas. Nicholas, welcome to the Neighborhood Listen. Hi, Nicholas. So nice to be here. Oh, Doug, we're not hearing. Doug, we're not hearing Nicholas. Very sorry.

There he is, there he is. Sorry, I tend to fade sometimes anyway. So if you don't hear me, it's we're not hearing. Doug, we're not hearing Nicholas. Very sorry. There he is. There he is. Sorry. I tend to fade sometimes anyway. So if you don't hear me, it's not the mic problem. What does that mean you tend to fade? Sometimes I just, I've met a series of people in my life or I say hello to and they don't respond. It's like I'm not there. Oh, dear.

Well, I see you in flesh and blood across from my kitchen, and I am so happy to have you here. It's a lovely kitchen. I just want to point that out. Oh, thank you so much. Thank you. Would you like a muffin? Who wouldn't want a muffin? Oh, okay.

What kind of a person would be offered a muffin and not take it? That's how I feel. People with gluten issues, I suppose? Sure, Mert. I'm sorry. I was just— That's a good point. I'm sorry.

No, no. I didn't mean to be offensive. There's no need to apologize, Nicholas. No one is offended. Thank God. Nicholas. Yes. Please explain to me, first of all, how you came into possession of these Wisps chips.

Wisps. Not a brand I'm familiar with. No, not at all. There's a picture, and so we can see that they are real. To be clear, there's Asiago Pepper Jack, there's cheddar cheese, parmesan cheese, and another Asiago Pepper Jack. Right. They're beautifully

arranged where the Asiago Pepper Jack is on the bookend. On your wooden floor, is that where you arrange them? Oh, yes. I put them straight on the wooden floor because I felt like I couldn't get a good lighting. The lighting was... They are beautifully lit, I must say. They're beautifully lit, yes. This took three hours to get this shot. It's like a herald.

Oh, thank you for that. Three hours, almost as many dollars as you're going to make off of this, which is only four dollars. I'm not in it for the money. Clearly. No, no. I'm in it for the... So, why are you in it? Why am I in it? Well, I came... This was a gift, these

Wisps Cr crisps. And my niece gave them to me. Oh, nice. Very nice. My niece is lovely. Lorraine. Lorraine, how old is she? Fourteen. Oh, fourteen? Yes. What a lovely teenager. Of course. Why do you think that she gave you these? Are they your favorite? Do you love them?

Well, she knows I'm a fan of crisps. Or chips. Well, do you love the British way of saying it? They call them crisps? Anytime I can say anything in a British way, it's just what I enjoy doing. Constable? Oh, my goodness.

I love doing it too. Controversy? Oh, sure. When you go to the hospital, you're in the hospital. That's right. Exactly. Or on vacation. No, holiday.

See? I've lived in America, but sometimes I'll say it the American way, but I prefer the British one. I just think they're kinder people. I agree. I agree. So you just like a crisp, and she found these. Were you familiar with the brand?

Not at all. It was I'd never heard of this brand before. Lorraine loves looking up new things. She's always trying to get me out looking up new things. She's always trying to get me out and do new things. So she's curious and inquisitive, but on your behalf. Right. I'm forced. I'm forced into her

curiosity. Are you someone who doesn't like to get out much? No. Okay. I like staying at home with my dogs. How many dogs do you have? Four. Four? That's a lot of dogs. Yes. But they're all different. One's a terrier. Four? That's a lot of dogs. Yes. What kind? But they're all different. One's a terrier. Okay.

One's a Dalmatian mix. They're all mixes. Okay. So don't push me on exactly what they are. Is that hostile? Adopt-don't-shop? No. No. It sounded very gently hostile.

Okay. That's fine. That seems British enough. And the other two are chihuahua mixes, but they are so different. One is so friendly, and one is, I would say, not. Okay. So you have a lovely dog family, it sounds like. And can we know the dogs' names?

Oh, absolutely. One is called Awake. Another is called Sing. Another one is called Claudette. And the other one is Colbert. Claudette and Colbert are my chihuahuas. And Awake and Sing are my other dogs.

All mixers. That's pretty lovely. Awake and Sing. Do you get the reference? Well, is it a Clifford Odette's play? You got it, hun. Well, I did dabble in theater. She is in the theater. Haven't we all, though?

Haven't we all dabbled in theater? Thank you. You're welcome. I find that very profound, a statement, Nicholas. I really do. I've played Santa Claus. And better do it again. As children, didn't we all play?

Very true. I suppose you can ask that question after anyone says anything. It seems like that's... We've all dabbled in theater. Sure. Nicholas, I feel like this is the elephant in the room. Yes. Why don't you just eat the chips?

Oh, right. Especially since they were given to you lovingly by Lorraine. Very lovingly. And instead you're trying to turn a $4 profit. Well, no. And you went on Amazon to find out how much they actually are. Correct. Were you trying to see if she-

Severely undercutting the market price. Were you trying to see if she was a cheap gift giver or what? I was curious. I didn't want to throw them out. I know I'm not going to eat them. Why? Because they just, look. Did you see the flavors?

Well, the flavors are- They sound fairly good. We got two Osteology. It's too much. Osteology, no. It's Pepper Jacks. There's too many things happening in there. We got cheddar. We sound fairly good. We got two Osteology. It's too much. Pepper Jacks. There's too many things happening. We got cheddar. We got Parmesan.

Nothing. There's cheddar cheese. Come on. Cheddar cheese is one ingredient. Non-threatening. Yeah, that's all you got. It's cheddar and cheese. No, no.

That is cheddar and cheese. Cheddar is a type of cheese. Is it? Yeah, I don't know why we say cheddar cheese. It's not like a mix like one of your dogs. It's just. I know you want to do a blank and blank. That's kind of what you love. This is not cheddar and cheese.

No, you could get two more chihuahuas and name them that. You live to 67 and you're always, you don't stop learning things. I have thought for my entire life cheddar and cheese were two separate things. You have not. I have two. Why would I start lying at this age? I've never lied in my life. Not once.

That's very British of you. Ray, you've never told a lie. Not that I'm aware of. Oh, that's an interesting spin. That is convenient. That is convenient. Absolutely. It's a convenient truth.

So, okay, I'm sorry. You thought that flavors were too complex to eat? Too much is going on. If I'm going to have a chip, I want it simple, bland. I don't want it. I just don't want to be surprised. Do you like any flavored chips at all? I just want a chip that's very...

But if you talk... But British crisps, I mean, the most famous one is salt and vinegar. Too much. Too much. Oh, wow. Okay. Too much is going on. You're really missing out because that's a fabulous one.

That's Doug's favorite. Is it, Doug? It is. How come? Did you hear him? out because that's a fabulous one. That's Doug's favorite. Is it, Doug? It is. How come? Did you hear him? He answered you in a British accent. It's his. It just came out of me.

I don't know why. No, he's Scottish. We'll save that accent for later. I'm afraid we might be the victims of a drive-by fruiting. Oh, a classic Mrs. Doubtfire reference. What's that? What's that? Who. What's that? What's that? Who asked what's that?

So now, let me ask you, Nicholas. Sure. Have you gotten any takers on this offer? Not yet, but I'm expecting some soon. Can I ask? Sorry, I think we're not clearing this question yet. Yes. Why such a low price?

Yes. Well, I don't want to. Why not give them away if all you're going to make is $4? Honestly. Oh, you mean just give them away to people? Correct. Because on this app, people are giving things away for free all the time just to get rid of them. It's true.

So what's the value of the $4 to you? I think it's more the principle of the thing. I don't want to, look, this was a gift, and I'm telling you off the bat, it's a gift. I don't want to profit off my niece's gift. Sure. But I keep a little jar in my house for gifts for my family members. I don't have a major income. A little jar.

A little jar. With coins and dollars. I'm sorry, to purchase gifts. Gifts for his family. I thought the jar had the gifts. No, no, it's for the money for the gifts. So you're going to make money off of the gift given to you by Lorraine. Lorraine, sorry,

I didn't mean to separate. Lorraine. Lorraine, she's from Krypton. Forget Nicholas, we're very drunk. No, that's alright. I am too. Oh, fantastic. She's from Krypton. Forget Nicholas. We're very drunk. No, that's all right. I am too. Oh, fantastic.

Just one bite of that muffin and you're there. What was in it? Or did you arrive inebriated? I arrived inebriated, but that muffin took me to a higher place. That's what it does. What's in the muffin? Pure grain alcohol, some sugar, flour, and... Oh, is that okay? I think it's the sugar that got me, to be honest.

You are going to sell a gift given to you by Lorraine. Lorraine. And turn around and put that money into a jar to buy a gift for Lorraine? Or other family members. How do you think she's going to feel about you getting rid of... Yeah, Lorraine, not only are you selling her gift, she may not even benefit from the profit you make. But she may.

I just haven't decided. What goes into the, what are the criteria to decide, to determine who gets a gift? That's a great, well, it depends on what event is coming up. Like if it's Lorraine's birthday, the gift goes to her. Makes sense. Or if it's a holiday. Right, let's say Christmas coming up. How about that's Lorraine's birthday, the gift goes to her. Makes sense. Or if it's a holiday. Right, let's say Christmas coming up.

How about that? I have to get a lot of gifts. Right. So the money gets divided. How many family members are we talking? I have seven family members that are living right now. Okay. What are the family members?

What are the connections to you? Lorraine, obviously. Sure, we covered that. Obviously. My sister, her mother. Right. Her name? Her name is M. Like E-M-M-E? No. Oh, her mother. Right. Her name? Her name is M.

Like E-M-M-E? No. Oh, M here. The letter M? Like James Bond? Night Shyamalan, Shyamalan, ding dong? No. Her name is M, the letter M.

Like James Bond's boss? Oh, yeah, like James Bond. Right. Okay. My parents, she's born before me. They went alphabetical. M and then Nicholas, they gave me a full name. But they said M and Nicholas.

Oh, okay. And are there only two siblings? Just the two of us. They went alphabetical starting with M. Starting at M. Did they roll a die? Yeah. My parents were a part of a very small but strange religion.

They thought some letters of the alphabet were not appropriate to say out loud. And that was the letters A through L. So they started with M. But everything from N on is fine. Fine. Fair game. Fair game. Okay.

Yes. So my sister M, Lorraine, as I've mentioned, you want also. I love it. And then I have five cousins. Oh. Billy, Bert, Bob, Brenda, and Boniva. Boniva, like the medication that Sally Field sells on television for bones? Yes.

She is the inspiration for Poneva. Do you know what I mean? Poneva is 93 years old, and her bones are so strong. Oh, the medication's named after her? After her. Amazing! Oh, wow, that's tremendous. Poneva's the funnest person in my family.

She sounds like it. I don't feel uncomfortable saying that. That's not uncommon for people with strong bones to have a great personality. No, they go hand in hand. So your parents no longer with us. No longer. I'm sorry.

Their parents, your cousins, no longer with us. Gone. Wow. It was a terrible road trip. They all rented a minivan. Are you going to tell me they all perished at the same time? What happened? So sorry.

Thank you. It's been a long time. They drove over a cliff. What. They drove over a cliff. What? They drove over a cliff. But how? They sped up when they slowed down. It was the Grand Canyon.

And they wanted to see the edge of it. Oh, no. Give me a break. You get out of your car and you walk to the edge of it. That's what I thought. That's what I thought. That's what I thought. Look. How are all the adults on this trip with none of the children?

No, they wasn't. Look, it wasn't uncommon from. Did I tell you they were part of a small but straight religion? Yes, you sure did. And in this religion, they thought it was wise to leave the children alone to figure it out. Well, they took that to the extreme. You mean figure out life? Yes.

Okay, so at a certain point, the parents go away and leave the children to fend for themselves. In this case, die. Not for long periods of time, just a road trip. That is a long period of time. Yes, I didn't want you to think they went away for like years. It was like a week. Okay. Sure, that's still.

Is there a certain age at which this is appropriate to do with children? Oh, I think seven. Seven? Yeah, at the age of seven. So when you were seven years old, how much older... That's when you can reason. The age of reason, sure. Okay. How much older is your sister, Em?

She's about five years older. Five years older. So she's seven plus five is twelve. So she's seven plus five is 12. So she's 12. You're seven. Right. And the parents go to the Grand Canyon with their,

with I guess your father or mother's sibling. Exactly. Both. Everybody. So. Not everyone had children left behind. Are you trying to figure out my family tree? I guess I was trying to figure out

Are your father and mother related by something more than marriage? Yes Is that weird? Well, it seems like an odd thing to leave out It seems like an odd thing to omit Right It's why I never married Because you're afraid of the

Can I say? Yeah I think it's actually a very sensible thing to leave out. I guess. It's just that between the cult and between, you know... It was a religion, not a cult. I'm sorry. Small but strange religion.

My bad. No, it's fine. Yeah, I guess because we're doing a deep dive in him, I thought he seems okay sharing a lot of interesting details. It seemed strange. But you are right. I guess one doesn't run around town shouting out, my mother and father are related. I probably would.

I'd let people discover that. Sure. Yeah. Or hope they don't find it out. I would say, if they directly ask me this question, I will answer it. Otherwise, I'm not going to bring it up. I will tell people that. And if I've known you for a while, I'll tell you.

But if you ask me, I'll tell you. I'm not ashamed. I'm not proud. But I'm not ashamed. Just right in the middle. Right in the middle. Right in the middle. What do you do for a living, Nicholas?

I work at the library. I work at the library. I love the way you say it. It's library. It's British. Yes. Well, then that makes sense for your soft-spoken gentleman. You probably fit right in there.

I love books. Uh-huh. What's your favorite book? Tale of Two Cities, I think. It's a wonderful book. Oh, that's lovely. Best of times, worst of times. It's how it starts.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's like rain on your wedding day. Is that a lie? Is that not from Tale of Two Cities? I believe that's Alanis Morissette. Yes. Okay.

It's from Ironic. I only know this because July been loved. That's right. It's a black line, you're Chardonnay, which isn't necessarily that ironic. But some of them are. It's disgusting. Some of them are.

It certainly is gross. I'm surprised I haven't seen you because this is the library on Buchanan? Buchanan. Okay. James. James Buchanan. Okay. James. James Buchanan, that's right. Yeah, you know what?

I don't, sometimes I don't, I used to take the kids to the other one down on Main, downtown. That's the bigger one. That is the bigger one. But that's a lovely library, the one in Buchanan. Thank you. I should stop by.

Do you work there every day? Almost five days a week. Almost five days? No, almost every day. Oh, got it, got it. Five days a week. Almost five days? No, almost every day. Oh, got it, got it. Five days a week. Sometimes I don't finish sentences. Are some of the books at that branch, are they still wet?

Yes. Because remember that they had that? Oh, right. Because that's why we have all those ads of people giving books away that will let us know they are not wet in any way, shape, or form. It was, it was... That's right. That's correct. There was that... It was a cigar aficionado meetup,

and they allowed them to smoke their cigars in the library, and, of course, to set off the sprinklers. It was so much smoke. That's a terrible idea. Yes. Well... Because then all the books are going to smell like cigars, and now they just smell like wet cigars.

Now they just smell like wet... The books smell like wet cigars. Some of them smell like wet. The books smell like wet cigars. We've tried our best. We've tried our best. It's just hard to get wet out of books. Nichols, I'd like to ask you. And I do want to co-sign on that. It is hard to get wet out of books.

It becomes mildew. Have you done such a scheme like this before, selling bags of chips online or anything else. No, this is, I would venture to say the most dangerous thing I've ever... Whoa!

I wouldn't say it's dangerous at all. Would you, Bert? Well, I guess, I guess it's dangerous in that you don't know who's going to, somebody could take advantage

of you saying... You mean excitement? Like that kind of danger? Yes. Okay. Oh, isn't that, it's a roller coaster. Sure, this is,

who's going to get the wisps. That's right. Yes. I just, I felt I turned 65. I would have never said you were a day over 43. You look terrific. Thank you. You look terrific.

This was a gift from Lorraine for my birthday. And I thought, well, do something dangerous and exciting. I'm not going to throw them away. I'm not going to throw them away. I'm not going to give them back. I'm going to put them on the line. You're definitely not going to eat them. I'm not going to eat them. Too much going on.

One would argue that the danger would be trying the cheddar and cheese. It would be simpler. It's right there. It's right there. Baby steps, so please. Again, remember, still one ingredient. Start off trying to sell them online. Just please. I'm sorry. I don't mean to push. Start off trying to sell them online. Just please.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to push. Two counting potato. Is that the ingredient in the Whisp Crisp? Because I can't tell. You know what? I don't know. I'm assuming.

I know, but it sounds like they're airy. Are they gluten-free? Can we see the picture? They're pure cheese. Doug, can you pull up the ingredients of Whisp Crisp? I've got to leave. Stop looking at this Hustlers image. Doug, why aren't you watching that?

He just joined Apple TV. He's doing the free month trial. Oh, he just joined? He just joined. Hustlers, what's that about? I believe they're just actually baked cheese discs. Yeah, see, I don't think that there's any. There's pure cheese.

It's cheese and air. Yes. But this zoomed in pixelated image, it doesn't help anything. Trying to figure out... No, that's worse. It's worse. Doesn't help anything.

Wisps are made from just one delicious ingredient, cheese. Can you move the whole cheese? Our master cheesemakers craft every artisanal wheel to perfection. Let's calm down. Let's calm down. Let's calm down. Let's calm down. I'm plenty calm. No, not you, Doug.

We're not talking to you, honey. No, no, no. Have you also had some eggnog in a muffin? Oh. Three muffins. Oh, boy. Oh, no. Doug.

Sir, you are cut off. It takes a while for him to get there. Seven eggnogs. Seven? Oh, my word. He's got a high tolerance. So there's just air and cheese. But look, what is this?

Asiago? That is... Okay. Beautiful pronunciation. Thank you. That's gorgeous. Asiago. Asiago.

It is just another type of cheese, Nicholas. It's what kind? I've never heard of this word. Is it Spanish? I don't know. I don't know what the origin of Asiago is. Maybe Italian? I'm not sure either. Could be. I don't know. I don't know what the origin of Asiago is. Maybe Italian? I'm not sure either. Could be. I don't know. Pepper Jack?

Everyone knows Pepper Jack. I don't. Really? You've never heard of Pepper Jack? It's a little spicy. I don't want that in my chip. Little spice dots in there. I think you need to dip a toe into the world of flavor a little bit. Here's what I'm going to say. I'm going to go crazy,

okay? How about this? I will give you $4 right now if you – Doug, do you have any singles? Singles, yes. I will give you $4. Many, many singles. $4. Consecutive.

What? All right, first Hustlers. Now he's got a bunch of singles. You have many – I don't know. You have many consecutive singles numerically. Yes, the brand new crisp singles. You went to the bank and got how many singles?

5,000. Jesus, Doug. Your allotment for the month from me every month is only $500. Where did you get the 5,000? Where did I get the 5,000? That's what I just asked. That's what she just asked yes

well I'm buying time to answer that's gonna cost you another 5,000 I've been selling wisps on the side that's a married man ladies and gentlemen

no no maybe he has a jar too maybe he has a jar maybe he has a jar I will give you four dollars right now do you have the wisps

on you? I assume you brought them. I keep them in the trunk of my car. Okay. At all times. At all times. Just the four bags. I can't leave them at home because if Lorraine comes over, she'll know I haven't eaten them.

And she's not on the neighbor app, so she can't see this app? She might be. Her parents do not allow her to be on any sort of an app. Oh, is that part of their religion as well? No, they're just very controlling. Oh, okay. I will give you $4 if you try the Asiago and Pepper Cheese Crisp now. Okay, $4.

Well, all right. If we're talking about me taking a risk, I'll do it. This is very exciting. This is thrilling. This is an exclusive. It's very, very exciting. All right. Are they in this box?

Yes. I brought the box in from my car. I'm just going to open them up. Oh, you can smell that. Oh, they smell very good. Yes, yes. Now, that's two different cheeses, right? Asiago.

Yes, it is. Now, this is two different cheeses. Asiago. And pepper jack. Technically three. Three? Well, Pepper and Jack. Well, Pepper is the third.

Doug, we're trying so hard to get him to eat these. I'm very nervous. I'm very nervous. Pepper is not a cheese on its own. It's Pepper Jack cheese. Okay, so I'll still get the $4. No one says Pepper Cheese, right? Do they?

I don't think so. I believe there's hot peppers in the cheese. In the Jack cheese. That's right, but hot peppers are not a cheese. I think we're getting wrapped on the axle a little bit, guys. Let's just have him try one. Let's try an Asiago and Pepper Jack cheese roast. Okay. Clearing my palate.

I'm very nervous. He's sweating like- If you want- I'm very nervous. He's sweating like If you want, if you want, if you don't want to crunch them, if you want to just put them on your tongue, it looks like they might just

melt like cotton candy. His face is flushed. I'm so very nervous. This is exciting. Oh, don't, don't, don't, you don't have to take your shirt off. I do. Oh my goodness,

no you do not. Please. Oh, you have hives, you have hives all over us. Oh my word, no you do not. Please. Oh, you have hives, you have hives all over us. Oh my word. I want to work through this. I want to do this. You're only 65 one time.

You don't have, do you have an EpiPen on you? No, it's all or nothing fellas. Oh wow. I mean you're going to live and die. Hang on a minute. Sorry.

I talked old school for a second. All or nothing fellas, here it goes. I'm in, I'm jumping into the pool. Just one, just one, you haven't even school for a second. All or nothing, fellas. Here it goes. I'm in. I'm jumping into the pool. Just one. Just one. You haven't even.

Take a bite. It's right on my lip. It's right on my lip. You're so close. So terrified. You got this. It's in. It's in his mouth.

It's in his mouth. It's in. All right. He's chewing. Chewing. He seems to be forcing a swallow. Yeah. Oh, he's, are you crying?

Yes. He's, tears just streaming. This is. Oh my God. What have I missed? Oh no. Oh dear. Oh my goodness.

They're tears of joy. They're tears of joy. What have I missed in my life? Oh, it's like those, those, when you see the videos of the kids that get the cochlear implants. Oh, my God. You're hearing for the first time. I did not watch those. I feel like I'm tasting for the first time in my life.

Oh, Nicholas. This is like a Lifetime movie when you realize that Stan is real. He's not. Please don't overwhelm me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, honey. I don't overwhelm me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, honey, I'm so happy for you. Nicholas, congratulations.

Is it good? It's so good. It's so wonderful. Congratulations. What is... I want more. Well, you got... Lucky for you, you double bagged Asiago and Pepper Jack.

There's a whole nother bag. I'm going to eat all four of them tonight. I'm going to have a glass of vodka. Okay. Full of vodka. Nothing else. Okay. And have these.

Thank you both. Oh my goodness. You are so welcome. Nicholas, thank you. This was what a wonderful experience to have on this by default holiday episode of our show. A holiday episode. And $4 is still going into the holiday. Oh yes, Doug will get that.

Doug will get that for you on your way out. And Lorraine's gift is now redeemed? Yes. Lorraine's wonderful. Oh. I never had a child, never wanted one. Okay. Why would I?

Well. Why would I? Well, we can't answer that. I don't know. I couldn't take, I couldn't, you can't. They're wonderful, but. But you have Lorraine. I have Lorraine. I couldn't take, I couldn't, you can't. They're wonderful, but. But you have Lorraine. I have Lorraine.

And she's really, at a young age, opened up my world. Oh my goodness. And you too. Isn't this wonderful? Here, here's a tissue. More than Lorraine, but thank you. Well, you know what? This calls for another toast.

We're going to do a round of just straight whiskey shots, and we'll be back. That sounds great. In a minute. All right. Let me start pouring these out. Be right back. Hi, this is Savannah. Two free guinea pigs for $50 or best offer.

Come with one bunny cage that fits two guinea pigs, water spout, two food buckets, two houses for them to sleep in, and a hay bin. I'm in college and don't have the time or money to take care of them. I also don't have time for punctuation in this post, and I want them to have a good family who can. I mean, seriously, like, I was not even, what was I thinking? Like, the intense day-to-day responsibility of caring for guinea pigs. It's like nonstop.

I can barely come up for air. How am I supposed to also do finals? Please come take them from me. Or, I mean, give me money for them. And we are back with just one final segment here on The Neighborhood Lesson. That's right.

Whew. This has been, what a lovely holiday episode. I feel, I don't know how I feel. My whole body feels languid. I feel like, what an experience that was to witness. I feel like I swam laps. Oh my goodness, that's a good way to put it.

I'm exhausted, but I feel great. Yes, and Nicholas is still here with us. He's trying Flaming Hot Cheetos right now, and I think they're rocking his world. I have my pants off and I'm eating them. He has taken off an item of clothing with each new flavor he's tried. Different man. I think he's a little superstitious and he feels like, okay, this is part of the experience.

Took off my shirt. Right. I have to do that in order to, yeah. Which you'll learn you don't have to, but for now, you do you. One step at a time. That's right. Exactly. All right.

We have another animal-related post to wrap up with. This is from Darlene. Headline, two men trapping pigeons in cages. I was parked in the Jack in the Box parking lot on Jefferson Boulevard when suddenly two suspicious-looking men in a white unmarked pickup truck pulled in and trapped a whole bunch of pigeons in a big cage and quickly drove off. They saw me looking at them. They looked nervous happened so fast.

I didn't have time to take a picture. I wonder if they are protected by law and wondering what the hell are they going to do with them? I assume she means the pigeons. Yes, probably not that these, these men have diplomatic immunity and they're above the law. I notified the manager of the Jack in the Box

and asked if perhaps they hired them. Oh boy. She said, no, they do not. That some of her employees witnessed it as well. I told her to report it and check their cameras. This is cruel. Luring them with food and then suddenly trapping them. They took at least 50 of them.

Whoa. Wait. Okay. Person one. She did say there were two men. She's going to describe them now. Well, she only described. She says person one.

Hair, black. Bottom, white pants. Age, middle age, around 45. Sex, males. Physical build. M age, around 45. Sex, males. Physical build, males. Physical build, regular. Other, dressed in civilian clothes. So she did person one and then other.

And she skipped a lot between the hair to what he's wearing on the bottom of his body. There's a whole torso and face missing. I took other to mean that other interesting facts include dressed in civilian clothes. I understand. Sorry. I'm not reading as you're reading, so I'm hearing it differently.

Right. It's person one, and then she goes on to describe really a person and a half, and then some, like, trivia. Yeah, trivia. Dressed in civilian clothes. Sure. There's a lot going on here. There is.

First of all, 50 pigeons? 50 pigeons. How would you trap 50 pigeons? And it happens. So quickly. They trapped 50 pigeons so quickly, she couldn't take a picture. That's the first thing that jumped out at me. Also, I do think pigeons, I've never done it.

I bet they're pretty easy to trap. I bet you just put some food in that cage And they walk right in there I suppose so They don't seem like the most intelligent bird Also I don't think And I hope people aren't going to get mad at me Okay

I don't think this is necessarily cruel To trap pigeons Yes You don't love pigeons Well because they're not They're not fighting them Do you know what I mean? They're just

They're keeping a coop of pigeons. Fighting them. You mean like an illegal fight ring? Yeah, it's not like cockfights. Okay. Do you know what I mean? They're pigeons. And I think what they do is they keep a coop and they feed them.

But why? Well, that gets into a larger question. Okay. And truthfully, truthfully, Joan, I don't know what people get out of having pigeons. But it is a thing that people do. I'm not a fan of pigeons, I have to say. Why? They kind of creep me out.

In what way? I just feel like they carry disease. Is that wrong? I don't think it's wrong. They're so dirty. Well, they're street birds. Yes. And they love being on the street.

Right. They love it. What's the difference between a street rat and a. And they love being on the street. Right. They love it. What's the difference between a street rat and a street pigeon? I just want to know. It seems like people make the distinction and they feed the pigeons. They do feed the pigeons. Well, the pigeons are right there because the pigeons are, but rats are always scurrying about. Yeah, that's true.

If rats were just in the gutter, just hanging out, walking around, picking up this and that, maybe people would feed them. I don't know. You don't think so? I don't know. They're just garbage birds to me. They are garbage. Well, it's true.

They are. Why would you? So why would you take 50 and you're going to keep them in a coop? Did they lay eggs? Can you eat pigeon eggs? Is this a stupid question? I imagine. No, I don't.

I don't think it's a stupid question at all. Nicholas, did you have an insight? You've never eaten a flavored chip. Do you know if people can eat pigeon eggs? I hope not. Well, he works at a library. He might know lots of weird trivia. Can I tell you my first thought?

There's egg on my face, pigeon egg. My first thought was courier pigeons. They want them to deliver messages. That could be. Also, I remember the movie On the Waterfront. And didn't he keep pigeons on the roof? I think that he did. All I know is they call the loons.

The loons? Yeah. You know how she does that? Isn't that the movie? On the Waterfront? Are you thinking of On Golden Pond? Yes. Shame on you.

Shame on you. Shame on you. They are very different movies. They both have water in it, correct. But one's on the waterfront and one's on Golden Pond. They start with on, I guess. I did. Oh, no.

But shame. Put a fork in me, Burns. I mean, I can't believe I made that mistake. Which one's on the waterfront? Is that like Marlon Brando? Yes. Oh, that's wildly different. Right.

I'm going to invite you to movie night at the library when we show a different old thing because you need to increase your movie history. And you're doing a month where you're showing movies that begin with prepositions. Is that correct? Yes. Yes.

In cold blood of human bondage. You're doing a month where you're showing movies that begin with prepositions. Is that correct? Yes. Yes. In Cold Blood. Of Human Bondage. Into the Woods. Under the Rainbow. Do you remember that movie? No, which is that one? I'm afraid to guess because I'll just get it wrong. Under the Rainbow.

Wasn't that with Chevy Jase? That's right. Chevy Jase and Carrie Fisher. Carrie Fisher. Oh, really? It was a movie set. It was a murder mystery. Breath?

Set against the, set around the filming of- The Wizard of Oz. The Wizard of Oz. Oh, that kind of sounds fun. It's what went on with all the actors who played the Munchkins at that hotel. Oh, the one where it's supposed to be the one hanging in the background, that whole thing? I don't know if they mentioned that, but- Oh, okay.

You know what? I'm just going to shut up. Same world. I'm just going if they mentioned that, but same world. I'm just going to sit here and drink my fourth whiskey. From here to eternity. Clearly, there's enough for a month festival. Yes. You'd be surprised about prepositions.

To live and die in LA. Is that one? I'm forgetting what a preposition is. Oh, you guys. This is just, it's going off the rails. I think maybe at this point we call it quits and we wish everybody the happiest of holidays. Indeed. You know what, Joan?

Here's what might be nice. You know, you were talking about the singing earlier. And maybe if we close this episode out with a song, the three of us. Oh, that's nice. Do you sing, Nicholas? Well, I'll try. This is a day of firsts for you. Yeah, well, I mean, you're the music expert.

So do you have a song that we could sing, or should we make up a song? Which would you like to do? I have no preference. Okay. I'll follow your lead, no matter what you do. You know, I just, I love, is it okay to do the Christmas song, or is it too, should we not be doing any, because not everybody celebrates Christmas. Yeah, it's true, but we're so far in where we've only talked about Christmas. I think by this point, if you celebrate something else, I mean, hey, good for you, but.

We could do a generic carol that is for anyone at the holidays. Sure. Yeah, just things that are nice at the holidays that have nothing to do with religion. My favorite... You know, it's how that song from Sound of Music became a Christmas song. That is correct. Just because of one line. So this is like our own My Favorite Things.

What is this now? Oh, it's Doug. Doug has his electric guitar in the ornament room. Doug, did you run and get it, Doug? Doug playing an unplugged electric guitar. This is perfect. Well, this is truly a good episode to remember. He is really analog shredding over there.

Oh, that's a nice key. All right. That's sort of like an, oh, Christmas. Mm-hmm. You know, what's funny about a chord like that for Christmas shows, it could be anything. True. It came upon a me heart, the hererald Angels, the chestnuts roasting on a... Sigh.

That's right. Okay, so these are things that are nice that have nothing to do with religion at Christmas. I'll start. Sure. Holiday cups at Starbucks. Snowflakes on your tongue Seeing all the children So cute and so young Holiday vacations

Leave you in the lurch Cause you get cabin fever If you don't go to church Everything is quiet There's fewer people running around You can get to where you're going faster Anywhere you go in town. Kisses and sweaters.

Good! And hugs and love. These are all good. Why don't you join me in heaven above? Oh, word! Oh, my word! Well, these are mostly the things that have nothing to do with God. Oh, yeah.

So we all can join in fellowship on the pod. That also seemed like a veiled threat. And it's a time for everyone to have each other's back. A time of fellowship and trying new things like Asiago and Pepper Jack. That's what I did. Asiago and Pepper Jack. Asiago and Pepper Jack. Asiago and Pepper Jack.

Asiago and Pepper Jack. Asiago and Pepper Jack. Asiago and Pepper Jack. Really, both of you really just hung on to the same note. That was good. You know I do my best. I'm not a great singer. Happy holidays to all of us. And, you know, we're going

to say goodbye for a little bit. You know, we're considering this our first season of The Neighborhood Listen. Yes, yes. But we do have our lives to attend to. We do. We have a lot of things. So hopefully we'll be back before too long. But thank you all for listening.

It means a great deal to both Joan and myself. And I ran out of things to say. Oh, we're looking forward to a new year. Yeah. And we will be on the NeighborHap looking for all the newest posts and all the latest news of the town. And bless you all.

Bless you every single one. Every one. I'm already getting like a pre like a hangover. It's okay. I'll give you a couple Motrin. Okay. Bye. And goodbye. Bye.