The Nick DiPaolo Show - 003 - Politically Correct?

Episode Date: October 30, 2013

Politically Correct?

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, Riotcast.com. What's up, everyone? This is Rob Sprance from the Riotcast Network here to tell you that Riotcast is taking over Manhattan and the New York Comedy Festival with two amazing shows on Wednesday, November 6th at the Village Underground in New York City. At 7 p.m., it's a very special live episode of Robert Kelly's You Know What, Dude? with an amazing lineup of Jim Norton, Bailey J., Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez, Kelly Fustuca, and more.

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You do not want to miss out on an amazing night of comedy. Live YKW, dude! It's 7 o'clock. Riotcast Live, stand up at 9. Get your tickets now and I will see you at the village underground. Hey, hey, boys and girls. Long time no speak. What's going on? It's Tuesday, October 29th, I believe. That's the date of this recording. Who knows when you're going to listen to it. Probably tomorrow, hopefully.

What's happening? Looking at the cover of the New York Post, and it's so funny, it really is, what they put on the front page of the Post. You've got a dominatrix, this hot-smoking white broad who apparently went to school, like some rich school here in Manhattan, with Gwyneth Paltrow. But she's making like 300 bucks an hour as a dominatrix. I'd say she's underpaid. Quite a figure on that gal. Kind of an hourglass shape to it, as they said in the 40s. Hubba Hubba.

She's a hot tamale uh yeah she's a dungeon mistress never got the whole uh dominatrix thing somebody has to explain this to me i don't uh i don't get it i can see um i don't know hitting somebody out of anger and and getting pleasure out of it but when i lived in uh when i lived in los angeles there's a guy in my building that was I don't know, hitting somebody out of anger and getting pleasure out of it. But when I lived in Los Angeles, there was a guy in my building that was into this shit. And we were talking about it one day. I think I caught him. I think he was coming into our building with a bag. And I could see like a bullwhip sticking out of it and figure what the fuck else.

But I said, I don't get it, man. I don't get the. And he said, dude, what are you talking about about it's like a fine line between pain and pleasure really no actually you're right i'm always confusing a blow job with a bee sting i don't i don't fucking get it somebody help me here you get off like dominating somebody if you if you if that gets you off just get married you know there's uh days where i dominate my wife and then she dominates me you know mentally i don't i don't get it but uh one time i was making out with a girl and um she bit my tongue like real hard i I just met her. So, I mean, I, you know, I dug my thumb into her shoulder and she jumped away from me.

And I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? You know? I mean, it was like, she almost drew blood. It was like swollen. I don't fucking get it. Yeah, that's a turn on.

So I don't know if that's considered, you know, there's something there that turns people, people like to get choked when they're blowing a load, apparently. People have died trying to do that, which is hilarious to me, you know.

I've had my, I've been choked while I was masturbating because my wife caught me, you know. She walked in and next thing you know, her two hands are on me. Just, you know, masturbating to our wedding movie that we spent two grand on that we've watched once in 12 years. So I don't get that. Somebody explain to me when you have time the pain and pleasure thing. Also on the cover of the Post, Obama.

Got him dressed like a doctor. We will keep this promise to the american people if you like your health care plan you'll be able to keep your health care plan period he said that in june 15th of 2009 how the fuck's that working out liar liar i know he didn't know he didn't know we had to pass it to see what was in it imagine this is just fucking hilarious to me and there should be more outrage but basically lied not the first president to lie but this is a big one you know

it's one sixth of the economy just admit what it is it's you know a scheme to redistribute wealth and this is the best way to go about it. Just say that and I'll go along with it. I'll sign up for anything. Okay. Blue class, blue shield.

When you're in show business, if you want to call the show business, as I talked to you from my basement, you have to, you know, you belong to a union called AFTRA and you have to make so much money doing television or radio, whatever. You have to meet a certain threshold

and then you get covered, which I fell a little short this year, about 40 grand worth. Apparently they don't count the $25 they make at the comedy cellar every night. That has nothing to do with this, but that was the case, you know. So, but how's that working out?

Why don't you just admit it? It's not going to work. Ted Cruz, you're crazy and all, but come on, admit, just admit it? It's not going to work. Ted Cruz, yeah, crazy and all, but come on, admit it. He was right. He's right on the money. That ain't going to work. I just don't get it. I know it's cliche to say this stuff,

but I don't understand people who really want this much government in their life. I really don't fucking get it. Really. I mean, the DMV, people always point that out, but have you ever had a nice day there? I haven't. Fucking post office lost, what, $2 billion last year? Amtrak lost almost the same.

Just, can you point to something where it's good? And they always go, well, how about Medicaid, Social Security? Yeah, they're going fucking bankrupt. What else you got? Mamma mia. Anyways, I used to love to do political stuff. But now that you're on Twitter and stuff and people just go fucking crazy it's not even worth it you know

I like to fight as much as anybody but what the hell just let it all play out let it either explode or let it work I don't care too old to fight but you gotta admit it's been a disaster so far Kathleen Sebelius when's she gonna answer to somebody

or is there a quote the people that don't really like this don't i don't work for them anyways that would be the american people you douche all righty enough of that enough of it let's talk about stuff that let's talk about the toy department of life which is what that's uh sports folks there was a sports writer read something was it red smith i can't remember his name but that was his quote sports is the toy department of life and you know again it'll be all over soon new york fans uh the world series we're on the verge you know i'm a bostonian i can't i can't help it i've been following this team since spring training only because of the way it imploded with Bobby Valentine and all the commercials that ran all last winter on how they're going to change the culture and shit. And I was sitting there like everybody else going, yeah, show me them. Show me, please. And look where we are. We are a game away, folks. A game away from going worse to first. And I mean literally worse to first.

They had 69 wins last year. John Lester last night. Oh, you're probably hearing this tomorrow. Two nights ago. Just shut down the cards. Shut them down. All we've been hearing is about the great pitching of the cardinals but uh we find a way to get it done huh and uh the big story shane victorino with a bad back

he's got tightness in his back now this guy's a gamer so i'm kind of questioning this he was just having a horrible series at the plate really embarrassing himself i'm thinking they're trying to save face with him they sat him down and Farrell's just making all the right moves, regardless of how this season ends. This guy's a goddamn baseball genius. I'm telling you. Making all the right moves. And then Yui Hara comes in and throws that crazy wiffle ball,

and just, I don't understand. He's 110 pounds. He doesn't throw, you know know heat like the cards relievers and nobody can hit this guy it's just it's crazy anyways we're on the verge uh that will be tomorrow at fenway park i'm sitting here as i speak to you waiting to hear on tickets okay my agent knows uh somebody very important in the upper echelon of mlb ticket sales apparently this guy has got my agent world series tickets for a couple of series, and he's the go-to guy. I'll quote my agent. My agent said, if Joe Torre wanted tickets for Wednesday's game, this is the guy he would call.

But he told me that last night, and I haven't heard anything. So once again, life is working out perfectly. I'm sitting here biting my freaking nails. He's probably called within the last last hour i've been down here preparing for this show because i know it's going to be heard by hundreds and hundreds of people all in the tri-state area but uh yes so i'm waiting on news about tickets do you understand folks why is that a big deal because the last time the red socks clenched a world series it was a a little bit a ways ago. It was 1918 against the Cubs, I think it was. I'll say that again. 1918. That's 331 years ago. The last time they clenched at home. I would love to be there for that. I really would. So please pray for me. Then again, it'll be too late by the time you hear this.

really would. So please pray for me. Then again, it'll be too late by the time you hear this. But I told my agent, look, and this really put the fear of death in him. I said, our relationship depends on this. You don't come through and I'm starting my own agency. And he's like, well, these $1,100 in commissions I'll lose. So please, please, Tony, come through, please. And I will go up there and witness something in person and then drive back the same night. That is the plan. If this does indeed go down, drive. That's right, folks. Drive up to Fenway Park in the afternoon.

Get there. Time for the game. And then reverse direction back to new york city same night probably get home around 4 a.m and get up and get on a plane to buffalo what a wet dream huh this is the way i planned it when i get into show business this is how i planned it okay heading to helium great club by the way in buffalo great goddamn club it's helium. They have one in Philadelphia. The owner's a great guy, and I haven't played this one yet, but I used to do well in the Buffalo markets, which is I do well in Buffalo, Minneapolis, you know,

all the cities where it's 11 degrees in late July. And, yeah, looking forward to it. Thursday, Friday, Saturday night. So if you're in the um the buffalo area which is upstate new york and lower canada come to helium it's going to be a blast it's my last week of tightening up this hour before i shoot this hour dvd in minneapolis um yeah it's's five shows.

And then next weekend, I'll do Uncle Vinny's, put the finishing touches on it on Friday and Saturday night in Point Pleasant, New Jersey. And then I get up Sunday and fly to Minneapolis and shoot three shows, one on Monday and two on Tuesday. So that is the plan. And it all, I just, I'm uptight. I'm just uptight.

I'm just waiting to hear. I feel like an expectant father for his first kid waiting for that phone call about these tickets. I mean, I would really love to be there. And look, if they don't win it, I have to go to Buffalo anyways. And face a game seven, which will start at probably 8.07 Eastern time. I will go on stage. The show will start at eight o'clock. I'll go on stage about 8.35 in Buffalo.

I've been following the Red Sox since spring training. I watched the exhibition games. And I remember when my agent brought me this gig and I saw it was the end of October and I said this to him back in like June, I go, with my luck, the Red Sox will be in the World Series. I swear to God, that is an exact quote.

Who would have guessed? I could be on stage in Buffalo and I love you, Buffalo. So maybe we can change the show time. It's supposed to start at least 7.30. And that way I get to see, you know, most of the game when I get off stage. You can see I'm really focused on my career.

But ticket prices, obviously, just what you expect going through the the roof record prices for game six where are my fucking glasses hold on a second got 19 pair of them. I was sitting on them. Look at the fucking right ear pieces bent. Jesus Christ, I'm like the nutty professor here. Game six prices as of 10 a.m. this morning, according to a ticket tracking company, Tick IQ, $1,860. Bleach a seat of the game uh which could have been had for 300 last week are now selling for 1100 as as of this morning listen to this on monday night someone who wanted uh two of the best seats in the house paid 24 grand 24 large onubHub for a pair of tickets in the first row

and a dugout box between home plate and one of the on-deck circles. 24 large. If you get that kind of money, just buy the Red Sox. You can just shell out 24 large. God help us. The last two times the Sox won the World Series, 2004, 2007, they were on the road. Okay? We were known as chokers for years, right?

The Red Sox, the whole Buckner thing, 1975 against the Big Red Machine. We lost game seven. Do you understand? We swept four games, 2004. We swept Colorado in 2007. That's eight. We got three wins that's 11 so we have 11 wins out of how many games i can't do the math

14 or whatever that's crazy and big poppy i'd blow that guy tonight i'd make him wear rubber but uh he's hitting 733 can you can even do that when you're playing Xbox or whatever? So, listen, this is what's funny, though. Fans began buying tickets Monday night right after the Red Sox scored in the top of the first inning. Prices were going up $50 an inning. Bleacher seats that were $625 when the game started were 900 by game's end field boxes that were 1400 or 1900 by the time lester walked off the mound oh my god i wonder what i'm gonna have to pay i'm sitting here talking to my agent and i'm kind of just like assuming that uh he's gonna

give me the tickets which is stupid i wonder what this is going to cost me. Probably what I'm going to make in Buffalo. Maybe I should rethink this whole fucking thing. I don't know. It used to be so important to be there, man. What could be better though, huh? Since 1918. Say a prayer for them. All hail the Sox.

Be driving up with my agent that'll be fun what are we going to talk about my next radio gig i don't know uh what else is going on uh in the sports world uh jets showed who they really were against Cincinnati, who has a real team for the first time in about 25 years. And they just kicked the shit out of the Jets. Geno Smith looked like the rookie that he is. My Patriots looked like they took a big shit the first half against Miami. They literally look like one of the worst New England teams. It was like 17-3 at halftime or whatever. And then Brady comes out, works his magic.

But during that game, one of the Patriots, and we can't afford any more injuries, but Vollmer, Sebastian Vollmer, who's a big offensive lineman, and he's really good and really tough, real tough guy, he busted his leg. I saw it it i've been watching football for so long i have a trained eye i saw the guy roll up on him i thought i could hear a pop and because they have those giant microphones down on the field and they showed the replay and they showed the replay with with the audio and um well let me let me play the clip for you. You can actually hear, obviously hear him screaming after him pounding the ground. And you can tell just if you watch football long enough that something snapped.

But you can actually hear it pop, I swear to God. Listen closely. They've been in a long time. First and 15. And we'll do it. And Wheeler came up to finish it off after Starks got hold of first. Houston 15th. And Wigley. Wheeler came up to finish it off after Starks got hold of first. And it looks like Sebastian Vollmer.

Boy, you could hear him yell. Did you hear that? Yeah, you could. Did you hear that? Listen again. I'm going to play this like the Saprota film. It was great. You can hear it. You can hear pads crackling like you always do, but

you can hear a little before he starts screaming. And if you watch it on TV and play the audio, you see the minute the guy rolls on his legs, you can hear it. And you put the two together and it's pretty gross. They've been in a long time. First and 15.

And Ridley. Wheeler came up to finish it off after Starks got hold of first. Sounds like me when I open my wife's credit card bill. Snapperoni. Oh, it was freaking, he was face down and pounding the ground. You know how much to take a guy that tough, because he's liming at sick bastards. You know, i played at a small school up at maine but uh they were the sick fucks they were the toughest guys and to make a

guy and about six five three oh five scream like that i mean it takes a lot but uh you only scream for like 30 seconds and then then he sits up and they're putting the cast on him and we we're in i mean we can't afford this gerard mayo is out for the season leading tackle for the pats will fork all pro out to leave our cornerback has hip problems where we're uh we can't we can't have it uh it's no good and they commiserate and we can't have it it's no good so that was pretty gross and um i can't help myself though i have to watch it over and over again i'm one of those uh you know like the theismann thing i must have watched that a thousand times and then you get the one you had the kid in the march madness last year that was

that might have been the worst that's so in in basketball the cameras are so close and uh the mics are right on the floor that was pretty nasty so ouch it's a brutal game they say injuries are up this year it's just getting worse why are we surprised when a 340 pound guy falls on another guy's leg that it snaps like a carrot your joints weren't meant to take that much i'm telling telling you, if they wanted to make the game safer, and I don't mean to sound like a pussy, I don't think I'd watch it if they did this, but if you really eliminated steroids and HGH and pro football,

and I mean completely eliminated, come on. They know when the tests are coming out. But if you did, I mean, that's half the battle. Joints weren't supposed to hold guys that were 350 pounds, you know? And then you get turf. You know, your foot doesn't slide on regular turf. When somebody hits you,

at least on grass, you know, the mud gives out. There's a little give. This is just, it's a recipe for disaster. And you're going to see more and more of this shit. It's crazy what's going on.

How about, how about Merriweweather that defensive back i remember who he who plays for now but he's a real headhunter and um he's he's got uh fine you know for targeting the head many times and um he's i can't even remember who he plays but uh he said he's quoted now going, okay, I won't go high. I'm just going to have to ruin this guy's knees. This guy's like the most vicious fuck. So he's going to go after people's knees.

And you almost, you know, what do they want these guys to do? They're going 400 miles an hour. You can't really pick your spots, okay? I understand leaving your feet. That's wrong, to leave your feet and take somebody's head off. But so he said that and got some flack on Twitter from other players. And was it Brandon Lloyd? The guy that one of the receivers that was known for hitting his wife said that Merriweather should be out of football if he does stuff like that. And Merriweather said, well, yeah, guys who hit their wife should be out of football.

does stuff like that and mary weather said well yeah guys who hit their wife should be out of football it's one of the most entertaining things and the best thing about uh you know social media is listening to these guys fight with each other on twitter but uh games getting more vicious man i uh i was thinking about they're talking about concussions uh this weekend again and targeting with a head and all that shit and i was trying to think back on how many concussions this weekend again and targeting with a head and all that shit and i was trying to think back on how many concussions i've had and i know of five again they weren't severe but they were concussions and um when i was a kid i told you 11 years old 11 to 12 i got hit by a car and i was in a hospital for a week that was a concussion for sure that's the first one but then i remember being knocked out in a game in high school returning a kickoff against salem um i grabbed this kid sean stone's belt buckle i was right

behind him he was part of the wedge and we're going right up the middle i stepped to his left and there's a kid for salem coming the other way I mean a kid who's about 245 I remember hearing a loud crack and then people unpiling on me that's all I remember I don't remember what happened in between and I I realized I didn't have the ball and I'm laying on my back and I see the ref blowing the whistle pointing in other words Salem recover the fumble uh so that that that was so I went to stand up, and everybody was crooked. The field was tilted, and my coaches were waving me over, and I went to step. It's like when you're drunk and you miss the ground.

So that was two. I was diagnosed with a concussion there. And then against Lynn English, which was this inner-city team. They always had a shitty record um they were the toughest kids they were the most physical they were brutal we it was uh you cringe when we had to play these guys they always suck we'd always beat them but they would knock the snot out of us and um i remember running an iso that's what your fullback is supposed to lead you into the line like in the a gap my fullback went the wrong way they hand me the ball and this defensive end this kid for

hitting me so hard that my my uh chin two pressure points my chin split and my forehead split same thing i look over the whole once again you look over all the bleaches and everybody in the crowd is like crooked or whatever. That was another concussion. So that's three. And then up at UMass, up at UMaine against UMass, the first time I carried the ball as a starter, I get drilled by their strong safety, who's an All-American. This kid Grady Fuller hit me.

I was dinged. I went over to the sid and and uh I remember the offensive coordinator asking me plays what do you do on this what are you doing that I had no fucking idea what he was talking about so they sat me down for a series but then my head cleared up and went back in so I don't know if that was a concussion or not and then the and the final one was a spring game up at UMaine that's right you play football in the spring and this uh this linebacker our captain dean ramsdell i ran like an off tackle and kid was holding me up by the legs he came in and caught me flush i mean crown of the helmet on mine i went down like a two-year-old girl and i didn't know where the fuck i was but this is how things have changed i remember

the uh trainer after that game wes that was his first name i can't remember his last he goes uh you know they give you this test this peripheral test they put like a bullseye in front of you and you stare at the dot in the middle of the bullseye and then they take it they they move a pin in from the outside the round part of if you're looking at like if you're playing darts they'd move this pin in from the outside, the round part of it. If you're looking at it like if you were playing darts, they'd move this pin in from the outside towards the center of the dart, and you had to tell them when you were looking straight at it when you could see that pin. That tested your peripheral vision.

Apparently, that's a symptom. You don't have any peripheral when you have a real concussion, and I failed that one miserably. But this is what he says. You're not supposed to go to sleep when you have a concussion either apparently that's dangerous but this is this is the advice he goes get a guy he was from maine with that accent get a couple of them that cute cheerleaders and a few beers and uh just stay up tonight and uh i got the beers uh no cheerleaders unless you count male ones but uh i got drunk You're not supposed to do

that either. That was his advice. Have a couple of beers. I have a concussion. He told me not to go to sleep, but to have a couple of beers. So that's five that I know of. And, um, I don't know, I'm 51. My memory sucks like everybody else who's 51, you know, it's not like I'm shitting my pants yet, but I don't think that's coming. But I did run into a kid who I played with up at Maine who quit because he had like eight or nine concussions. And he came to my show in Foxwoods a few months ago. And his attention span, I could just tell him. I'd be talking to him and he's just like,

and he said, yeah, I can't, he goes, I can't remember shit. He was nervous about it, you know? But the game is frigging, it's just getting more violent. It's, I mean, it's fun to watch. I don't want to watch a league with a fucking, like when Frank Gifford played, when the, you know, the offensive tackle weighed about, what, 206 back in the days in the 50s. That's no fun. That wasn't real contact.

We want to see some violence. But I agree with the headshots. You got to limit those as far as defensive backs leaving their feet. But I think you're going to see people getting their knees blown out. They're watching him like a hawk. Guy's been fined I don't know how many times. a hawk guy's been fined i don't know how many times uh speaking of injuries um what else did i want to oh uh my shoulders which are killing me now i have to i've been doing p90x for a long time as you know i talked about on the nick and harney show and um i gotta stop

i had reconstruct reconstructive surgery on my shoulders right after high school because i dislocated each one of them and i'm not exaggerating probably 20 25 times each they were so loose you could come up to me and uh just punch me kiddingly and they'd pop out and pop back in right away but with really horrible pain and that was all caused by the way by not knowing what we were doing with lifting weights back in the 80s wouldn't stretch just go in trying to bench with the linemen and it's what it does it stretches out all your all your ligaments everything that while you're still growing all those ligaments that are supposed to be tight that keep your keep your shoulders in the socket they get all stretched out and everything and then when you get hit during a game they come flying

out and um i had surgeries on reconstructive surgery on both of them and they're just starting to bother me now and i remember back then i was what 18 years old i'm saying uh this might bother you later on in life and i'm like i don't give a shit you don't care but now it uh they they hurt in the morning they do and um yeah i had both of them i popped both of them out i did everything you could do to shoulders and i had surgery right after my senior year um had one done on uh one uh one in the summertime at uh yeah this guy lyle mckaylee was the doctor the guy still speaks he invented something called a bankart procedure that uh they take you they open your shoulders up okay and this guy did 30 to 40 of these a year and he'd been doing for 20 something years and he opened my first one said

it was the worst one he had ever seen he said um because they kept popping out and going back in that the what happens all the um the tendons stretch out like a rubber band. Eventually, our rubber band loses elasticity. That's what happens to your tendons and your ligaments. They get all stretched out. So they don't hold your shoulder in place. So what they do is they pinch those together. They pinch your tendons together and staple them with like permanent staples.

In other words, you know what I mean? So they're not so stretched out. But, you know, I haven't been able to do real push-ups since then, you know. I have to do push-ups like a broad. I can do about 15 normally and then I'm going to have to get on my knees. And, yeah, the bank car procedure. Guy still speaks on this. So I had the first one done in the summertime,

and then right before I went up to Maine, I can't remember, I'm mixing up my dates, I had one done on Christmas Eve, I know that, and my buddy came to the hospital, my buddy Greg Zook, he's a cop, he's been a cop down in Miami, but he was up here, and he snuck me out of the hospital. Got dressed and snuck out the night before the operation.

And I remember coming back in. I almost shit my pants. He was like a wild kid. He didn't care. But security got at the hospital shaking his head coming back in. think i had the little slippers on whatever the fuck and um yeah i had that done on christmas eve it was the only time i could do it because i wanted to play uh football up at maine yeah that was like my sophomore year that's right and uh so i wanted to at least go out for spring so i had to the only opening they had was Christmas Eve.

So I had my shoulder done at Christmas Eve. And I'll never forget this because when I woke up, I was on morphine or some shit like that. I can't remember what it was. I think it was morphine. But, and they told me this later on. I hit the nurse over the head with a styrofoam candy cane because it was Christmas.

They had the rooms, the hospital rooms are decorated. And just kiddingly, I broke a styrofoam candy cane because it was christmas they had the rooms the hospital rooms are decorated and uh just kiddingly i i but i i broke a styrofoam a styrofoam um candy cane over the nurse's head she was laughing about it i don't think i did it they said i was all fucked up what a buzz that is though i just remember feeling really good and i had a dream uh when they did my second show that I had a dream on the table that I died on the table. During the operation, I had that dream. I remember asking the doctor how it went, literally, and he's like, why? I go, because I had a dream

that they were pounding on my chest and shit. To this day, I don't know the truth about that. I'm sure he's telling me the truth. How would I know? How would we know? He wouldn't tell people, yeah, we almost lost you. To this day, that haunts me. It was so frigging real.

It still fucking haunts me to this day. So, yeah, I put my parents through hell with the shoulders. My God. I had the, I decided to finally have the operations. I remember the first one. I jumped off a quarry, Rockport quarries, Rockport Massachusetts, man-made quarries. Me and my buddies jumped off a 75-foot ledge.

And we know because the kids that used to jump off from Rockport actually, you know, measured it and spray painted the height on the, what a stupid thing. That's one of those things you do as a kid. You're like, what the fuck was I thinking? And I went up there with about seven or eight friends. And me and Mikey Zizinski and another kid was standing on this ledge.

The ledge stuck out over the quarry like eight, ten feet. But it was only a few feet wide. But you're 75, that's seven stories in the air. So it felt like you were standing on something that was two inches wide. And anybody made a movie like, get the fuck away from me. We stood up there for, I stood up there for almost 45 minutes. My buddy Mikey Sy, the fullback who missed the block that got my face split open, he jumped off.

You know, he took about 25 minutes to think about it and lands perfectly i'm up there with a couple other guys after about 45 minutes i jump off and my left shoulder came out that's when i finally got it fixed that was the last thing to happen before i had the first operation it came out as i was falling you know how you put your arms out when you're going feet first and um my arm snapped up it went in and went out went right back in right back out and when i told the doctor that story he said are you fucking nuts he he said both of my shoulders could have come out i could have went right to the bottom but you don't think like that when you're in high school you're you know you're invincible you're

superman and uh but that's when i had to have the first one done that was the final thing and um yeah so i had to wear a shoulder harness to keep my um arm in the socket that was real good having one arm strapped to your side you're trying to play defense you know retarded six-year-old girl could have went around me she's a little head fake and I fall over like a hummel. And, uh, the second one, I got my shoulder infected.

I went up to Maine. This is true. I had it done. I told you over Christmas break, go back up to Maine and, uh, I'm still in a sling. Listen to this again.

More stupidity. Uh, I know you people are eating out, eating this up out there. I think I'm an idiot. Anyways, uh, go back up to to main arm in a sling probably operation event two weeks earlier um first thing we do is get drunk like on a friday and go tobogganing there's this giant hill behind our school somebody built it like a six foot jump i'm in a sling with a sling on my left arm. I'm holding a beer with my right on the back of a toboggan

with two other guys standing up. We go down this giant hill over a jump. Of course, we hit like this out of the jump. Land ass over tea kettle. I feel like warm under my shirt. The surgery opened up.

I look. There's a hole like the size of a silver dollar it opens up and it gets infected like an idiot i thought it would just kind of close on its own not even a week later i i smelled this like rancid fucking it's like i had a piece of gouda under my shirt and uh i go to i go to the medical center up at the college and i had like staph infection and i remember this is the first time i fainted in my life i hadn't eaten all day i go to the doctors because i know there's something wrong it's like five in the afternoon this nurse these bright lights and making that humming sound i'm looking down and all of a sudden i remember her grabbing me i fucking i started to faint and uh i hadn't eaten a goddamn thing not a total pussy but uh the smell and stuff and the buzzing of the lights oh so i i still have that scar now

people look at it and go what did they use a popsicle stick to cut you open just just you know i butchered it and the arm arm is still not totally in the socket. When I do exercises and stuff, it's, I don't have that motion that I do on my right arm, which isn't much because that was the whole purpose of the bank card procedure, to limit me how far back I could put my arms. So that was, yeah, that was all because of, well, more because of lifting weights in the wrong fashion than it was football, but a combination. So what else is going on in the world, folks? San Francisco, let's talk about, no,

you know, I'm going to talk about the jimmy kimmel thing this is back on the news and apparently i mean he did this thing he does this ongoing sketch of this thing with kids on his show back on october 16th he did this thing where he asked like young like six and seven year old kids political questions and shit. Ask them for their answers. And they were talking about China and the amount of money we owe China. And he asked the little kid a question, you know, what we should do. And the kid gave a response, an honest response, as kids will do. That's what makes it funny. as kids will do.

That's what makes it funny. By the way, asking six and seven-year-olds political questions is just like talking to Congress today, isn't it, when we think about it? But, yeah, he was asking about the debt. Well, here's the clip. Question. America owes China a lot of money.

$1.3 trillion. How should we pay them back? Shoot Canaan, die the way over and kill everyone in China. Kill everyone in China? Yeah. Okay, that's an interesting idea. Hey, I think we should consider it. Only kidding.

Relax. Not that I'm going to get in trouble. I mean, who's going to hear this? But, yeah, big controversy now. Only kidding. Relax. Not that I'm going to get in trouble. I mean, who's going to hear this? But, yeah, big controversy now. This is the shit that's eating us alive as a nation, in my opinion, and as a world. I mean, you've got to be kidding me. This was back on October 16th.

Yeah, the kid said, kill all the Chinese. Obviously kidding. A White House petition by outraged Chinese communities, both in China and outside, to protest against a skit on Jimmy Kimmel's show. And let me just speak to this for a minute because Kimmel has one of the most, I mean, I don't want to say not edgy because that's an insult,

but his show is safe. It's a Disney show. I mean, I did it. I did stand up on it a couple times. And that was very tough, by the way. I had to do my act the first time I did it. I had to stand on the stage. This is how protective they were and afraid.

Maybe that was my reputation. I don't know. I had to stand on stage before the show you know with an empty empty studio with a woman from disney watching me talk through my act you fucking believe that i couldn't even remember the jokes because when you write jokes you do it in a certain uh cadence you know and and uh certain rhythm to them so when somebody asked you to talk it through i couldn't even remember the jokes hardly took took forever but that's how cautious they were and i know jimmy does some outrageous stuff with his cousin and stuff but nothing i mean whenever race or ethnicity is but we are really we really are psychotic in this

country about this shit it's just fucking laughable to me the uh yeah the skit originally aired on October 16th. And the petition, which called the skit extremely distasteful and that it was the same, here's where this makes me fucking mental and makes me the angry guy that I am. It was the same, and this is quote unquote,

same rhetoric used in Nazi Germany against Jewish people. Really? Okay. And the petition was created on the 19th of October. It since has garnered 55,839 signatures. It needs 44,000 more roughly to reach the goal of 100,000 before November 18th so it can be reviewed

by White House staff. Are you fucking kidding me? All people getting kicked off their fucking healthcare plans and this is what we're going to worry about? Are you shitting me? Come on. It was a kid who said it, like a six-year-old, seven-year-old kid.

Yes. He's a mastermind. And it's kind of ironic coming from China. They're upset about a kid saying this. China who aborts how many female babies a year? People have protested. According to shanghaiist.com, Chinese people have protested against a segment on websites like Sina Weibo,

with one user noting that the Chinese are probably the only people that the U.S. mainstream media are free to publicly insult. Oh, is that right? Do you really believe that? I'd like to talk to whoever said that. Really? Really, white European males aren't fucking open season? Are you shitting me?

Jersey Shore, anybody see the five years of that fucking nightmare? So you're wrong there. You're completely wrong there. And I'm a huge fan of the asians and the indians by the way because i think they're the future of this country they work their ass off and uh but uh they're starting to fall into this shit this l sharpton type shit and uh it's just ridiculous i mean um it's just ridiculous. I mean, it's just so funny, you know? Jimmy Kimmel,

it's just, it couldn't be, you know, he's your average white guy, and God forbid. And like I said, Disney, nobody plays at Savor then,

so. And I kind of can relate to this, because when I was at Free FM on the radio here in New York City, there was a show on before me, Elvis, this guy Elvis. And I forget the show. But JV and Elvis is what it was.

And they did a prank where they called a Chinese restaurant. And, you know, did some stereotypical horse shit. It wasn't even that funny. But, you know, a dumb prank. And I remember the next day or two days later coming into work and i'm walking past this conference room i look in and there's a bunch of asian people around the table with suits on and shit and sure enough they got uh they're getting deep doo-doo can't they get canned did that get them canned i think it got them canned

eventually but uh it's so funny you know long as the as the perpetrator of stuff like this is a white guy, oh, hell. Oh, hell breaks loose, you know? That's what it is. There's always a double standard. You know, I remember Jamie Foxx hosting SNL when Django Unchained came out, and him doing a little monologue that included this

it's good to be black black is a new white I'm telling you black I mean how black is this right here nice and nice flying I'm saying Django Unchained I play a slave uh how black is that and uh in the movie I have to wear chains. How whack is that? But don't be worried about it because I get out the chains, I get free, I save my wife, and I kill all the white people in the movie. How great is that? Where were you fucking bloggers then? Where's the petition?

Ah, no. He's part of the oppressed minority he can't be racist i love that theory that if you're a minority you can't be racist because you're part of the oppressed that's hilarious to me i that that got a little bit of controversy for about what a day and a half maybe and again it was uh you know like um hannity or somebody had to bring it up some some conservative show um or you wouldn't have heard anything about it you know that's how it worked and it went away in about a day and a half this thing happened when came out october 16th and it's still in the news it's just it's fucking hilarious you gotta admit it's a double standard folks i don't care what side of the aisle you're on politically i mean it's there's double and triple standards it's just fucking hilarious to me yeah let's get a petition have the white house look at it shut the fuck up shit me

another uh webo user according to uh the south of china morning post i get that every day by the way it's a good paper called for all chinese living in the san francisco area together for a mass protest outside the doors of abc and they added there are millions of chinese out there but only tens of thousands have signed the petition everyone may be, but the point of being busy is to give yourself and future generations the chance to live in a society that understands and respects Chinese people. Please grasp this opportunity and sign the petition. Oh, my aching stem. Are you shitting me? On the Nick and Artie show, we got in trouble.

Jeremy Lin. We were making Jeremy Lin jokes or whatever show, we got in trouble. Jeremy Lin, we were making Jeremy Lin jokes or whatever, and we got in trouble. And I hate to see this because, you know, like the Asian people, but they're falling for the same horse shit. I'm a victim. Fucking Whitey's bad. Get right in line with everybody else.

Native Americans. Somewhere, you're going to tell me somewhere hasn't somewhere as a Chinese or a an Indian or a black person or a Hispanic

hasn't somebody famous bad mouthed a white person we have no evidence of that really it's just priceless to me it's a double standard my opinion it's just my opinion Jamie Foxx hates white people absolutely hates them Priceless to me. It's a double standard. My opinion, and it's just my opinion,

Jamie Foxx hates white people. Absolutely hates them. You can just see it in his eyes. That's just my opinion. Could be wrong. But how about the people sharing an SNL in the audience? When he said, I get to kill all the white people. That's great.

Probably a bunch of 22-year-old white chicks sharing. Fucking fucking brainwash drink the Kool-Aid so come on Asian people don't follow the road of Al Sharpton and all that shit see it's a country made up of many ethnicities this is going to happen okay I know you have this wet dream, this fantasy

where this will be eliminated. Jokes. Jokes by a seven-year-old. It's just crazy. It's political correctness. And again, it comes from the left. Don't come from the right. Don't come from me.

How about free speech? Anybody for it anymore? I comes from the left. Don't come from the right. Don't come from me How about free speech anybody for anymore, I mean come on yeah break And I get to kill all the white people so that's good So China has a lot more reasons probably to be pissed at us. How about the 1.7 trillion we owe? That they're probably never going to see, or whatever. No reason to piss them off anymore. So that's that. It's a double standard. If you can do a show like Jersey Shore, you know,

you should be able to make fun of everybody. Jamie Foxx should be able to say that. It's actually a pretty funny monologue. But a white person should be able to say the same. I like when Alec Baldwin, remember he hits a racial slur against a guy in the park a few months ago. Again, that story lasted about 30 seconds

in the mainstream media. Went away. Give me a fucking break. How do you sleep with yourselves? Honest to God. Ooh, coke drip from the early 80s. It's a good time

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first device purchase or 25 in service credit if you bring your own device you can also go to the riotcast.com page click on the nick de paulo podcast page and click on the ting banner ting mobile it makes sense do it anyways what else in the news ladies and gentlemen san francisco let's stay on politically correct because a lot of it comes from out of there you know that's when me and arty get in trouble with our show um great city by the way love it out of all the cities when i did do the road lot, it's the only one that I'd actually leave the hotel every day and explore the city. It's just, it's the balls. First time I've had actual real Chinese food, too.

I mean, really, really good Chinese food. What's going on in San Francisco? San Francisco is to introduce soda tax proposal uh-oh more more nanny state shit going down here we go yeah soda tax proposal it's different than trying to ban soda let's get that straight but again it's still what does everybody have a clit secretly i mean you want to be a you want to be mrs doubtfire is that every fucking buddy in politics a can of soda could eventually cost about a quarter more in san francisco a proposed measure would add a special

tax to sugary beverages but the proposal is different than a similar ballot uh which failed in richmond apparently that's a place out there. It failed last year. The idea is simple. The bigger the drink, the more taxes you pay. It will be two cents per ounce for all sugar-sweetened beverages. That includes soda, sports drinks, energy drinks,

bottled Frappuccinos. Ugh. Who the fuck would drink a bottled Frappuccino? Scott Weiner, or Weiner, however you want to pronounce it, right away, you know he's a fucking nanny-stater. It's not a nanny-state at all,

he's quoted as saying. We're not banning anything. Weiner says the nation's rising obesity rate is what inspired him to come up with a proposal, which will ultimately need the approval of two-thirds of the San Francisco voters, which probably won't be a problem, I'm guessing. But, I mean, where does this stop, okay?

I see the logic. I see what you're going to say. Well, people drink this shit, and then they get diabetes, they get fat, and then they don't have insurance. We have to pay for it. Blah, blah, blah. It's risky behavior on their part. Why should we have to pay for their risky behavior?

Where the fuck does it stop? I like steak. I like red meat. You know what I mean? You're going to start taxing that? That's not good for you. behavior where the fuck does it stop i like steak i like red meat you know i mean you're gonna start taxing that that's not good for you that clogs your ass apparently stays in there for a decade and a half well i mean where do you draw the line you know well it's risky behavior okay people ride dirt bikes on the weekend you know they don't have insurance i gotta we're gonna start taxing dirt bikes.

I mean, I don't get it. Where the fuck does it end? Everything is bad for you today. Started with tobacco. It's just, it's okay. It's a slippery road,

folks. Fat people, just control yourselves, could you? For Christ's sake. Just behave. How about, uh, how about you're eating a woman and you're unprotected? I know you all heard the Michael Douglas story.

Right? About getting throat cancer, oral sex, if a girl's HPV positive. Okay, that's risky behavior. You're going to start taxing pussy? You know what I mean? Where does it end? Stop it! God damn it!

It's the beauty of this country. It's supposed to be free. Free to get as fat as you want. Free to be a vegan if you want to live like that. Ever been around a vegan when they fart? Holy shit. They're living on tree bark and fucking worms.

It's like having mustard gas fucking smeared on your face. Oh, it's horrendous. But that's the beauty of it, okay? You can eat as much as you want and pop like a giant zit. I don't give a fuck. Quit taxing everything.

I mean, is that the solution to everything? You're going to tax when you drive now? They're trying to come up with that? And put a box in your car? That counts how many miles you drive and you get taxed based on that? I mean, Jesus Christ. I don't know.

Some San Francisco residents have, you know, they get their opinions. As long as it's going to educate people on a healthy lifestyle, I think it's worth it. So-and-so said. Really? It's always under the guise of educating people. How about when their friends drop dead at 28? It's not like we don't see this shit reported on the news every day.

Every NBC nightly newscast, CBS or ABC newscast, ends with some horseshit chunk about health. Really? They still don't know the difference? Come on. Stop with that. Well, one woman disagreed and said,

I have an issue with just kind of taxing everything away, so I'm kind of on the fence. Well, get off the goddamn fence. They'll be taxing that. That's bad for you, too. Sitting on a fence, that's risky behavior. Then go right up your ass. Then where are you?

You're in San Francisco. Oh, don't say shit like that. Bloomberg tried to ban it outright. Then where are you? You're in San Francisco. Oh, don't say shit like that. Bloomberg tried to ban it outright. It's the same mentality, though. It's the same mentality. It's a chick mentality. I'll say this again.

It's a chick mentality. That does not come, that cautious try to make the world risk-free, that doesn't come from guys. We're too stupid for that. We've been hearing that all our lives. But it is guys who have given in to this political correctness, obviously. So, you know. I don't know.

Have a National Guard guy stand next to the soda dispensers with a loaded gun. Okay? You only get one, and it's 12 ounces. Is that the world you want to live in? I personally like fat people. I look at fat people and I go, I look at fat guys like my age and I go, God bless that motherfucker. He eats anything he wants.

Sure, he could be dead in about 11 minutes, but he's enjoying his life more than I am. I'm always looking at menus going, oh, no. I'm, you know, I've already had four Twinkies. That's enough. What am I? Let people eat and drink what they want. Will you stop with this horse shit? I think I've about covered it all.

Let me look around. There's a bunch of papers under my seat. Yeah, so I'm away. Here's the scenario. seat. Um, yeah, so I'm away. Here's the scenario. When I get done and say goodnight to you guys here, or good day. Good day, sir! I'm going to go in the other room, because I take the phone

out of the studio that I'm in here. And I hope the light is blinking, and it's my agent going, get ready! Pack your stuff! and I hope the light is blinking, and it's my agent going, get ready. Pack your stuff. And I'm headed to Fenway tomorrow night,

hopefully. Keep your fingers crossed. That's about it, kids. That's about all I got. Could go into, you know, the whole health care debacle, but like I said, I think the best way to handle that is let it play out on its own, huh? Just let it flop on its face.

It's fun to watch the media, which leans so fucking far left. It's hilarious. Try to be, you know, try to be objective here. But even they can't hide this debacle. It's really fun to watch. Makes me excited. All right. Good talking to you, Nick DiPaolo. Until next time, kids.

Next time I talk to you, I'll be wearing a Boston Red Sox World Championship shirt. I'm hoping. Let's pray. Take care of yourselves. Goodbye, everybody. guitar solo I'm out. Bye.