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You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Hey, hey, kids. What's going on?
Nick DiPaolo. Good to be back with you.
What's happening?
Last time I talked to you, I was leaving for Minneapolis
to shoot a new DVD, new hour of new stuff, new to the public.
It was awesome.
Acme Comedy Club.
Talked about it before.
It went down just as planned, if not better.
Three shows packed, and couldn't have turned out better had a crew there who had
four different camera angles they were great and uh just it's it's comedy mecca that club
i wish the other owners would call this guy and learn how to run a club i mean you're talking
three shows sold out everybody Everybody pays to get in.
None of this papering the room shit.
I get paid nicely and almost, you know, pays for the whole project itself.
Guy couldn't be more fair.
The staff is just tremendous.
During the shooting, you didn't even know they existed.
Just couldn't be more helpful during the day.
Anything we needed, just crazy. And, um, yeah, three shows, one on Monday
night, two on Tuesday, the first show on Tuesday, which is the second show of the three. It was
just, I might just release that one from beginning to end. You know, what happens when you record
three shows, you go into the editing and you can, you know, if this bit worked better on show one, you plug it in, you know, vice versa.
And it can become a real pain in the ass because you drive yourself nuts.
You're like, well, this has got a little bigger laugh.
And I said this much smoother this way.
But show three, you can go fucking mental.
You'll be there for two years doing this.
But show two was so good, I'm thinking about just running it from beginning to end i'll pick a few things here
and there there's always some ad libs that you know from all three shows that you might want
to throw in but uh just killer killer audiences you know why they don't judge you say something
off color they or that goes against what you know their, their politics, you know, like, ooh, fucking, New York is becoming my least favorite city to do stand-up in lately, I'll tell you.
And, I mean, I can't relate.
I was at Gotham, which is a great club last night, but on a Tuesday night, it's a different kind of crowd, you know.
But it's all like, first of all, everybody's in their 20s.
That's my problem.
That's who comes out.
But I can just see the makeup of the crowd they just you know
they're just college just college age kids who just fucking believe in all this horseshit
um this politically correct horseshit that they've grown up in i mean you do anything a
little bit off color they bristle at the most fucking mundane thing it's just like shocking
it's like don't you come out to hear some irreverent
shit do you do or do you want to hear shit you can hear on abc at eight o'clock on a wednesday
night you know from disney um it's just hilarious i i right in the middle of it last night at gotham
i go i i fucking have nothing in common with you i i don't know and i was doing all right but then
you know some of the all of a sudden it gets quiet and i think i said the word rape i looked at the uh the backdrop at gotham
it's a kind of an ominous painting of the new york skyline i go that just screams rape doesn't it and
it gets like you can hear a pin drop like i actually raped somebody on stage and then it
takes like a minute to get them back just from saying something off the cuff.
They get all fucking quiet.
And it's just you don't get that.
I don't know.
You get it.
And a lot of cities, people think because I'm politically incorrect in my angry white male point of view, they are people.
You must kill like in Atlanta.
And now those cities is just as politically correct.
Austin and and they're just so PC.
People have bought into this horseshit.
You'd think you'd come out to a club to get away from that.
But that's why I love this Acme Comedy Club in Minneapolis.
They don't bristle at anything.
You say something a little mean or off color,
and it gets just as big a laugh as it does.
And that's going away, at least with my act.
There's very few cities where I can, you know, cut loose,
and they just don't judge you there.
It's like comedy mecca.
They couldn't have been better.
They were just fucking tremendous.
And, you know, no cell phones out, nothing.
Just people sitting there.
I don't even see anybody whispering to each other.
Like, just totally undivided attention the
way it's supposed to be i called uh opie and anthony to uh to plug a gig last week um tarrytown
which was great too one of my favorite gigs i did that saturday night and uh i mentioned to jimmy
norton he hadn't been to acme yet and i said dude that's gonna be your next booking uh you'll want to be there 10 times a year so uh it was just the shows were killer all three of them but this i think the
second one was the best um as far as ad-libbing and shit the third one there was some good crowd
interaction but uh couldn't have come out better and i have all the stuff the editing guy sent it
to me i've watched all three shows i'm so tired of this fucking
material if you guys knew the process i mean i've been playing with this material for me you know a
year and a half and you're just so tired of it to begin with now to sit down and have to watch it
again um but i'm excited how this thing came out and uh while we were there um we actually shot
the cover that i'm going to use for the dvd um i'm gonna it's entitled
another senseless killing and uh yeah we shot the i had a had a couple of cops minneapolis cops came
in i became friends with this cop who apparently he's a big fan of mine minneapolis he got shot up
um about a year ago year and a half ago him and his partner got ambushed. He almost died. His partner killed the guy who was shooting at him.
And yeah, this guy was a big fan of mine.
And I got an email like a year ago
from another cop on the force in Minneapolis,
you know, saying, hey, this guy's a huge fan of yours.
Can you send him a note?
Which I did.
And then they came to the shows. And it was great.
Actually included them.
So it was just awesome.
Just frigging awesome.
And, yeah, we took a photograph, kind of a graphic thing.
And it came out just the way.
I don't want to give it away for the cover.
But it involves some fake blood. Let's put it that way uh it's gonna be
pretty cool it came out just the way um we wanted it to and uh it was just great freezing there
friggin freezing the day we get there it's like i don't know maybe 40 you get up the next day it's
like 11 it was just hilarious um So cannot wait for that.
Look for that.
And I'm going to get into the editing thing with a guy this week,
and we're going to pound it out every night for probably, I don't know,
it's going to take a month or two, probably get it all together,
and, you know, and then shop it around.
And hopefully the same thing will happen that happened with Raw Nerve.
It ended up on Showtime, so we'll go to, you know,
we'll go to Netflix or whoever
Epic or whatever all those there's a million venues now that
Looking for content, but I think this is gonna be a doozy. I don't get excited about much folks You know me I'm a fucking real Debbie Donner sometimes but
it went down and
Yeah, then Saturday night I was in Tarrytown
at the Tarrytown Music Hall Theater right on Main Street,
which is one of my favorite gigs.
It's such a beautiful old theater and had a great time.
Crowd was great.
My buddy Mike Baker shows up, my web guy with Google Glasses.
He might have seen it on my Twitter account.
He comes in with google glasses
and it's like i don't know they they look cool and but i'm not a big fan of that shit i mean
there is no privacy left this this isn't gonna help it um my my buddy louis ck mentioned he had
already an encounter with a woman who was talking to him and he sees like a little light blinking on her glasses she was fucking recording him without telling him so uh i don't like that idea at all
you know where the when the fuck does it end man but um you know they are cool looking but uh
it's helping destroy us i think there's no there's no way you can go to do anything
i mean where's it end you can go to do anything.
I mean, where's it end?
You're going to be on a train or a bus. Somebody's just staring at you, recording you and shit.
Going to have to stay in the house.
Or then you look to the flip side.
You can record, you know, you can go outside and somebody can play that knockout game and knock you fucking silly.
And hopefully somebody have Google glasses on when that happens and catch the scumbags.
We'll get into that in another episode, okay?
Because that's another whole episode of the old knockout game.
And that we could spend two hours on.
But I don't want to get kicked out of showbiz quite yet.
Ha, ha, ha.
Oh, lordy.
So, yeah, look for that.
I think after all the editing and shit, that'll be out hopefully beginning of next year if everything goes well.
What has happened over the weekend sports-wise?
Well, you all saw the Pats game Monday night against Carolina.
And before we get to the controversial car, I'll tell you, Bill Belichick, this has to be,
it reminds me of what Girardi did with the Yankees this year,
having unbelievable amount of injuries and still keeping the Yanks competitive
up until the end there when they went in the dumper.
But what a job Girardi did.
And Belichick, you can compare this to one of his best coaching jobs ever.
I mean, the Pats are banged up.
Will Foer, okay, the guy's a perennial all-pro, gone.
Gerard Mayo, our best linebacker, best defensive player.
He's led the team in tackles like the last three years, out for the season.
Tom Kelly, another great defensive lineman we had this year, out for the season.
I mean, just, you know, Gronk for the first four or five games.
And rookie wide
receivers so uh i think it's been an unbelievable job by the very personable bill belichick
and uh brady too i mean uh carolina's a real deal no doubt about it but that that was a
fucking travesty i don't give a shit if you hate the patriots or not i'm sure i'll be hearing from
jets and giants fans but um that was the trap that wasn't interference that was actually a
mugging or a rape is what it was uh hilarious that they picked that flag up and then you got
that dumb old referee in the booth going the ball was uncatchable yeah it was uncatchable
because he was being mugged guy's six fucking five 245
athletic he can get to any ball within 10 feet of him and uh that was a travesty and i'm glad our
boy brady let the refs have it like that's all over the like internet and on the news like that's
like that's a big deal like he's not supposed to get pissed off.
And the refs are right next to him on the way off the field.
What, are you not going to let him have it?
But Caroline is good, but, you know, they don't scare me.
Good team.
And Cam Noten, the real deal.
He looked great.
Hold on, let me check my settings here.
All right, looked like the light went off.
Cam Noten, yeah, he was the real deal.
Guy's unbelievably athletic, can throw the ball, can run, crazy.
But the Patriots, you know what, they hung in there.
They hung in there, and we'll see what happens come playoff time i mean who's gonna
who they compete with fucking buffalo bills who routed the jets who the saddest excuse for a
football the jets have stunk for so long it's just unbelievable i mean how do you get fucking
beat up by the buffalo bills the whole league is, though. They show up for work one week.
They don't.
The Texans getting beat by the Raiders.
How do you lose to the fucking Oakland Raiders?
And then the Packers, huh?
What happens?
So your starting quarterback goes down.
You're going to, what, call it quits for the season?
Go up against the most mediocre Giants team in the last 20 years
and get your asses handed to you because Rodgers isn't there?
It's just a disappointing league.
It's just so much fucking mediocrity.
It's just horrible.
I can't figure out the 49ers either, man.
What their problem?
That was the other thing besides the Travis Deva call against the Patriots.
How about Brady getting them down there, though?
Like he always does.
They just, him and Belichick are creepy.
It reminds me of Tom Landry and Roger Starback.
For you people who were in your late 80s, like myself.
In the 70s, they were the unbelievable combination.
Or, you know, Chuck Knoll and Bradshaw with the Steelers.
Or Don Shuler and Bob Greasy.
I remember watching those guys as a kid and just hating their guts.
Going, when are these fucking people going to go away?
They're so good every year.
And Belichick and Brady, it's just unbelievable
what they're pulling off.
But yeah, good for Carolina.
The 49ers game against the Saints.
That's the other one, that call against, was it Brooks?
What is happening to football, man?
The guy, the linebacker Brooks for the 49ers
tackles, you know, Breeze up around that chest area.
It wasn't a clothesline to the throat.
He hit him in the chest with his arm
and then slid his arm up.
And it looked more vicious than it was in my opinion. they used to be a good tackle in the 70s fred the hammer
williamson used to lay people out but uh that cost them the game they get penalized for that
next you know uh saints are in field goal position whatever but uh i'm with brooks man he was quoted
after the game saying i basically beer hugged him.
That's just how football is played.
I think this shit is bullshit football.
The way they call this stuff these days.
It's watered down.
It ain't real no more.
And he's exactly fucking right.
That's what lawyers have done.
That's what lawyers have done.
Because the league's afraid of concussions.
Jesus Christ, they guard the quarterbacks like they're 10-year-old girls with leukemia.
Let them fucking play, will you?
I mean, it really is.
It's just this, whether it's bullying in school, whatever the fuck,
it's just lawyers are so entrenched in our society.
Everybody's so afraid of getting sued that we're just taking the fun out of everything.
I would have loved to see Breeze's head come off his shoulders, you know?
It would have been beautiful.
Bullshit call.
I had picked the 49ers to win the Super Bowl at the beginning of this year.
I'm still not ruling it out, man.
They get some big, fast, athletic guys.
But, um... So that was. But so that was that.
That was that.
What the hell else?
I just picked up two dead mice.
I have traps all over the place.
I live in the woods, so when the weather gets cold, and I talked about this.
It was a bit on my album.
But, you know, you have to put down mice traps in your basement.
And my wife, you know, just totally scared shitless of mice.
I don't get that fair.
But anyways, so it's hilarious.
I come downstairs the next morning after I set them I'm like a fisherman
checking my traps and I have a method I take the dead mice out of the traps and I bring them
outside first of all you get them with peanut butter not cheese you put peanut butter I used
to do a bit was true my wife was putting imported parmesan reggiano cheese in the fucking traps
and I freaked out on it because that stuff's what 14 bucks a pound whatever the fuck was true my wife was putting uh imported parmesan reggiano cheese in the fucking traps and uh i
freaked out on it because that stuff's what 14 bucks a pound whatever the fuck but i catch some
mice i bring the traps outside and i i dump the dead mice out on like my patio which is facing uh
this pond on here yeah and i i have a hockey stick and i shoot the dead mice into the pond
and it's fun. So,
and,
uh,
then you see 12 Canadian geese out there.
I don't think they eat mice,
but I don't know what the fuck's going on,
but,
uh,
I had two,
had two today.
Mm.
Mm.
I don't know what the,
um,
what's so scary about a mouse.
You know,
the fucking wife freaks out.
It looks like every gerbil I had as a kid.
Well, they carry bacteria in. Yeah. yeah well i'm not fucking french kissing them jesus christ they're afraid of you you know every once in a while you might see one out of the corner of your eye when
you're watching tv at night again downstairs they don't make it upstairs thank christ because that's
where we do most of our living um but it's fun. I'll be watching,
like I'm watching the Bruins game last night
and I hear snap
and I go over by the boiler in the other room.
That's where I put the drafts down.
I think they have a fucking red carpet entrance over there
and snap.
I heard two within a half hour
and yeah, shot them into the pond
and haven't heard anything since.
Got more peanut butter.
Laid it on there.
We used to live.
This is a good segue.
We used to live across the street.
The people.
This family, they were called the Melvins.
I'll say the Melvins.
It's close to their real name.
They lived across the street from us where I was growing up in Massachusetts.
name um they lived across the street from us where i was growing up in massachusetts and they were um they were uh there was a lot of mental illness and it's kind of relevant today we saw the um
the senator from virginia a couple days ago his son stabbed him and then killed himself
cray deeds i think his name was his son was gus and uh mental illness is in the news every day. I don't know if that kid was mentally ill, but he had problems.
And the lady, you know, a month ago, the lady in D.C. with a car.
Remember the cops had to shoot her?
And then the guy that shot up the Navy.
Mental illness is running crazy.
Well, the Melvins were, they were a family.
They were incestuous.
They married.
There was two families, okay?
The Melvins lived right across from us.
And right next to them was the Banks's.
And they were related somehow.
Still not sure of the connection.
But they had been there since my dad was a kid.
Okay.
And my grandparents' house is next to our house.
So my grandparents lived across the street from the Banks's.
And we lived across the street from the Melvins.
And it was just a a they were mentally ill.
They were but they were funny.
I tell these stories.
Colin Quinn always requests these.
There was George Melvin.
He was like probably he was probably in his 30s when we were like 10 or 12 years old.
He wore a leather jacket, but he had the mentality of a six or seven year old boy and you know he had like a leather jacket he was
missing his upper front teeth he always used to smoke camels he had like a scar over his lip he
looked like a scary dude but he was like the nicest like i said he had the mentality of a
seven-year-old boy he used to play street hockey with us god damn it i forgot to hang up the phone he used to play street hockey with us and um
you know kickball all this shit while he's smoking a camel cigarette just picture that it was the
funniest fucking thing he'd come up to me how you doing nicky rub dirty hands in my hair and rub my
fucking head smoking his cigarette and and then would you know would would get into like a a tomato fight
my dad had a tomato garden and we'll get into me and the neighborhood kids start throwing tomatoes
at each other and george would join in and somebody would drill him in the head he would
literally get pissed and run home and tell his mother picture a guy in his 30s telling his mother
and then his mom would come out on the porch they had this porch and stand there with her arms crossed
and fucking curse us out and then we'd start throwing shit at her but that was george okay
there's a whole family of them then uh then there was ernie melvin um he was i don't know he was
george's i think older brother anyways he lived between the Banks' house and the Melvins' house in a
self-built trailer that he built
out of wood and shit. Okay, picture this.
I know, what a beautiful neighborhood.
And he
lived in that trailer with his daughter,
Darlene. And
she
used to tell us that he
would have sex with her.
Isn't that fucking crazy and we're like what
are you talking about well you know and and yeah he used to use like a plastic baggie for a condom
with it with his uh with his own daughter mind you okay and uh you know we used to throw shit at the
at the um at the trailer all the neighborhood kids would throw shit rocks.
And Ernie was just crazy.
He used to ride his daughter's bike.
Picture this.
It's a lime green girl's stingray bike
with a basket on it.
He would ride that around town.
He was in his 40s or 50s at the time.
Just fucking insane.
And they'd been there since, like I said,
my dad was a kid
the melvins and then um one day i come outside it's around five six at night to play you know
with the other neighborhood kids and uh ernie pulls up in his falcon station wagon and there's
a pony a pony folks stuffed in the back of the station wagon a
fucking pony can you make this shit up a pony which you know he kept tied up in his yard
later on but um i mean what the fuck and the thing grew you know like into a horse and um
it got loose one day me and my buddy paul grant
were having lunch in my house we go outside to play street hockey in my driveway and we see
what coming right at us the fucking horse next you know the cops come down the street the horse
ran up the street and uh almost got hit by a car and all the shit. Ernie got in trouble for having,
you can't just have a horse anywhere, I guess.
I don't know the fucking rules, but just crazy.
Okay, now next to the Melvins was the Banks's
and they were somehow related.
And, you know, my dad explained that later on
there was some incest going on or some shit.
That's where the mental illness came i don't know but uh elsie and george banks i think was the name and um elsie was a lady
this is fucking hilarious every night when the sun started to go down she'd come outside in like
this creepy dress not even a dress like a like a nightgown like a dirty nightgown she had no teeth
she had greasy hair and she would sing the national anthem we could see it through the trees the house
had trees in front of it was just creepy and and she would sing the national anthem at like five
o'clock every night elsie we would just fucking neighborhood kids would just be out there laughing
our balls off you know would salute like when when they play the national anthem before a football game.
And Elsie would sing with the creepiest fucking voice.
And my grandfather hated these motherfuckers because he, you know, they had been there since he built his house there.
And he used to get into it with George Banks.
George Edward.
I can't remember.
I think it was.
I don't know but mr banks uh used to like um when it would snow and rain real hard he would direct the snow and rain
uh towards my grandfather's yard so i remember my grandfather going out there with a shovel and
them getting into like a pushing match my grandfather was in his 80s at the time
and them getting into like a pushing match.
My grandfather was in his 80s at the time.
Isn't that crazy?
But yeah, so just a creepy.
And then there was, so you had Ernie Melvin,
you had George Melvin, and then another brother, Johnny. He was the mechanic in the family.
And he would fix cars and trucks, and it was a pigsty.
We hated living across the street from him.
But every, after the first snow, after the first real snowstorm, cars and trucks and it was a pigsty we hated living across the street from him and but every
after the first snow after the first real snowstorm he'd come every year he'd come pulling
out of the back and like this fucking plow that he he built on his own with like a lawnmower engine
and shit and with plywood he would sit like five feet up high on it it was the funniest fucking
it was like a homemade sit-down snowplow
the guy was like a genius with his hands and you would never see him um but he'd come out and and
fucking plow the driveway in this makeshift homemade snowplow slash lawnmower thing it was
it would sit up he'd sit up like five feet in the air on this high seat we would just fucking howl and throw ice balls at him and and uh they were just it was the
crag and george was the friendly one but fucking ernie was crazy
and just just creeped it's just a creepy family literally what brought this story around was the
mice they used to have only they would have rats in their front yard and would be throwing rocks at the rats and shit.
Literally, Mrs. Melvin would come out on the porch and go, leave them alone.
It was like living next to the monsters.
She would scream at us for throwing rocks at rats on her property.
We thought we were doing her a favor.
Leave them alone.
Those are her pets.
And then there was another one we never figured out who this guy was if he was an uncle or whatever a taxi cab would pull up
this would happen a couple times a year a taxi cab would pull up this is 70s now okay mid 70s
to early 70s and the driver will get cab driver get out and you'd see him he'd take out two
artificial legs and carry him into the house and then carry this guy into the house with no
no legs they were like wouldn't make sure i don't know what but it turns out my dad told me
this guy was another part of the family i can't remember he was an uncle or what but he was an
alcoholic passed out on train tracks in in a town next to ours and and a train ran over his
legs that that was the story behind this guy but he was a relative of theirs but you see the guy
carrying these like plastic legs or whatever and then carry this fucking guy in with no legs
and and uh i don't know if he's still drinking at that time or what we never got his name my old
man would probably know but they were just like ge, like I said, we had fun with George,
but he'd get pissed at us and start hitting him with tomatoes.
And, of course, we were mean as kids.
We were throwing shit at their house at night and throwing, you know,
fucking rotten zucchinis from my grandmother's garden onto their porch.
And they're coming out swearing.
And then George wouldn't talk to us for, like, you know, a couple weeks at a time.
And then he'd be friendly again.
wouldn't talk to us for like you know a couple weeks at a time and then it'd be friendly again but just picture a guy playing street hockey who's 25 years older than the rest of us so like
with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth i mean just classic fucking classic um but she would get
pissed at us you know scaring her rats isn't that that very monster-like? Addams Family-like?
You can't make that shit up.
And then,
one day,
they up and left.
It was unfriggin'
believable. My dad saw a moving truck
and he goes, my dad goes, you gotta be
shitting me. It was like a Friday night.
He sees a moving truck
and he goes, i think they might be
and and sure enough they start packing this shit what the fuck was that
yeah it's my ipad um i'm a real tech whiz aren't i and all of a sudden they pack up the next two
days they pack up all the shit after being there for I don't know how many years, can you imagine, my grandmother had tears in her eyes, and yeah, they pull away with
the U-Haul with their garbage in it, and never forget, they pull away in a Falcon station
wagon, and me and my brother are throwing, George is waving to us out the window, the
back window like a little kid, you you know we're fucking throwing apples at
their car or whatever oh my god just up and left my uncle now has a house on that property
right after they we cleaned a bulldozer came down knocked over and another guy uh roofer
knocked over where the banks live and and and cleaned up the lots. There's two beautiful houses in it.
My old man was in shock.
I never saw my old man speechless in his life.
The fucking Melvins were gone,
and the banks were gone,
and most of the personality of the neighborhood was gone.
I'm surprised now.
I'm looking back on it,
that my parents let me and my brother hang out with George.
Today, that would never happen.
You don't know if the guy's a sex offender or not.
Parents didn't give a shit back then.
Yeah, go play with George.
Go play with the 35-year-old mentally ill guy who smokes camels.
You'll be fine.
What could happen?
Can you imagine that today?
Holy shit.
A lot of that stuff going around.
It's, man, that senator senator that poor bastard in virginia
got stabbed by his own kid and uh i don't know it's a slippery slope you can't uh
intervene on people's privacy you can't check out their records although with obamacare apparently
uh anybody can have access to your personal medical records now So that's another whole show that we won't get into
because I don't want to hear it from you left-wing douchebags on Twitter.
So, yeah, my grampy, that was Rocco DiPaolo.
That's my middle name, named after my grandfather, my dad's dad.
He put up with those idiots for his whole frigging life.
But what a character my grandfather was.
Mamma mia.
Rocco.
Give you an idea.
Typical old school Guinea.
I'm a kid.
I'm helping him in his tomato garden.
He used to have like 300 plants.
Even until the age of 89, he had that big of a garden. And one day I'm helping him. his tomato garden. He used to have like 300 plants, even till the age of 89.
He had that big of a garden.
And one day I'm helping him.
I'm 12 years old.
My grandfather falls and cracks his head open.
Okay.
On a rock.
And no little gash either.
It's like dripping in his hair
and it's dripping down his face.
And I'm like,
Grampy, you might have to,
you know, get some stitches.
Nevermind.
You get back to work,
you son of a bitch.
And he literally reaches down and grabs a handful of dirt and packs it into the cut on the side of his head to stop the bleeding.
And we go back to work.
And, you know, for the next couple hours.
And then we grew up next to my grandparents.
So I go down.
This is three hours later.
I go down for dinner, you know, having dinner with my family.
And I said, hey, Dad, Grampy fell down, cut his head.
You might want to go up there and check it out.
My father goes up there.
Picture this now.
He walks in my grandparents' house, my grandmother and grandfather at the table having supper.
And my grandfather sitting there with the dirt still packed in the side of his head.
and my grandfather sitting there with the dirt still packed in the side of his head and i remember my grandmother and my dad trying to wrestle him to the kitchen sink he's literally
putting up a fight i'm okay i don't need another and just uh you know they're trying to rinse his
head off with a hose in the sink and shit i'm friggin talk about old school oh he used to fucking he just uh didn't believe in doctors man he fell off a building he
was building uh the united shoe in beverly massachusetts which was a big factory at the time
he was helping build it and the uh scaffolding collapsed from like three stories and he broke
his back and legs and said that you know first they told him that he might not ever walk walk
again he's out of the hospital like less than two months and um you know walk with a limp for the
rest of his life but uh just a just a tough old bug man cut off the uh he cut off the three middle
fingers on his right hand so he only had a thumb and a pinky finger cut him off in a table saw
accident at the united shoe he went to work in the factory that he helped build.
And he cut those off.
And, yeah, and they put them in like the back.
They didn't even try to sew them on back then, you know.
He had them, though.
He had them in a piece of paper in his pocket.
But just absolutely loved the old Rago.
We used to go bowling.
We'd walk a mile and a half, two miles to a bowling alley.
Guy was in his mid-80s at the time, okay?
And he used to get pissed because he couldn't,
I'm talking Candlepin.
That's bowling that was very popular in New England.
The ball's like the size of a softball.
And he used to take me and my brother bowling.
Everybody loved him.
He'd bring tomatoes from his garden and wine that he made to the bowling alley.
And they wouldn't charge him to bowl.
They were so in love with my grandpa, they'd let him fucking bowl all day, not charge him anything.
And he's trying to throw a ball with a thumb and a pinky finger, you know.
And half of them went in the gutter, and he'd start cursing, you know.
And a lot of times he'd beat us, too.
What a character, man.
Yeah, made his own wine.
Used to still have a grapevine.
My sister now lives in the house.
They re-gutted it and built my,
my sister lives with her family
right next door to my parents.
And there's a grapevine in the yard still
that my grandfather brought over from Italy
that we
still have cookouts on there and eat on there and um used to make wine in his basement and i used to
step on the grapes you realize i was so italian did you folks i'm only half actually french canadian
english on my mother's side my dad's all the time but uh yeah, used to make around Easter time. My grandfather would make wine from the grapes that he grew and grapes that he bought also.
And yeah, we would step on them, not in our bare feet.
Okay, that's hack.
We had rubber boots that were sterilized.
My grandmother used to boil them and some shit.
Because you step on the shit in your bare feet, you'll have purple feet for the next 10 years.
And yeah, you let the you step on the chicken your bare feet you'll have purple feet for the next 10 years and uh yeah you let the kids step on the grapes and one easter my sister came from church my sister donna fell in the grapes in her easter dress my old man lost his
shit it was the funniest thing i ever saw in my life i don't know how the fuck she get close enough
to fall in it but uh made his own wine and used to drink uh two to three glasses usually two and i'm talking like
16 ounce glasses with his meal and then uh one night we're having dinner me and my family down
at our house my grandmother comes down and she's crying and she has red marks on her neck and my
father's like ma what happened you stupid a father he drinked three
glasses why and he wanted to dance my grandfather wanted my grandmother to dance with him and she
refused and he tried to choke her he was 89 years old at the time the passion was still there folks
my father had to go up and chew him out. Apparently, he drank almost a whole bottle that night.
What's funny is he told us, my grandfather told us that's what kept him alive,
and it was so good for you, which is so funny because he was way ahead of his time. I mean, that's, you know, you hear that now from doctors to have a couple glasses of red wine,
antioxidants and all that shit in the grapes, and who knew?
We used to go, the old man's fucking crazy.
And my grandmother, Matilda, another character.
Here's why she was a character.
When she laughed, she used to go,
Ha!
Ha, mama!
And I always used to say, me and my brother used to say,
and my sisters, you know, I think Grammy smokes cigarettes
because she has that, you know.
And my father would be like, what are you, crazy? We live next door to her. sisters just uh you know i think grammy smoked cigarettes because she has that you know and and
and my father would be like what are you crazy we live next door have you ever seen her with a
cigarette like no and and and uh my uncle al used to say the same thing my uncle al used to accuse
my my grandmother of smoking that was my dad's brother and we always used to you know me and my
brother thought he might have been right and my dad dad's like, you're crazy, and my sis is.
And, you know, we never caught her smoking cigarettes and shit, and so we didn't really have any evidence of that.
But she had that raspy thing.
Anyways, she passes away in 1988, I think it was.
And my old man's going through her stuff in her house down in the basement and shit, you know, finding old pictures and recipes and stuff and uh what do we find down there like uh 10 buck 10 cartons of uh marble lights
okay she's like olivia soprano old school gangster she had us all fooled no doubt she smoked
michael alzheimer i told. What did I fucking tell you? She was a smoker.
Never smelted on her, never anything.
Doesn't say much for us, brains-wise.
But it was great living next to those two.
She died in 88.
My grandfather died in 1978.
He was 93 at the time.
Lived till he was 93.
Was always healthy.
Even with sticking mud in his head.
Yeah.
Lived till he was 93, 78.
We were up at camp.
It was a very sad day.
We were up in,
we used to go up to a camp
in New Hampshire
on a lake
and go water skiing for the week.
You know, that was our vacation
for a few years back then.
And
sure enough uh when we were up there he passed away it's the first time i saw my dad
actually cry and um you know it was uh we packed that stuff up and and went home and uh
he was the balls man ro. Rocco DiPaolo.
He's just quite the guy.
What the hell else that I want to talk about?
Let's talk about, oh, my boy Alec Baldwin.
This guy.
Do you feel like we're coming apart as a society?
I mean, the shit that's going on is just fucking... But I got to be honest with you, with Alec Baldwin,
who, yeah, yeah, he's a liberal jerk-off,
and I hate his politics, and he's a hypocrite,
because, you know, he'll shit on anybody
who doesn't think like him politically,
but then he's snapping on people using gay slurs.
But as far as the paparazzi thing goes, I'm almost on his side.
I just fucking hate these people that can get into your face like that.
I think there's got to be a better way of doing it.
But he went off on some woman reporter.
Well, here it is.
You're the one that almost hit my wife with the microphone in the face.
I asked you a question.
You want to apologize to her?
I asked you a question.
Get the f*** out of here.
I do want to press charges against her.
She assaulted my wife.
Johnny, it's a car.
That's where he loses me when he says, I want to, you know, press charges.
Assaulted my wife. This lady put a microphone in his wife's face and uh you know didn't hit her didn't make contact
but these fucking pomperanti i know they have a job to do but really this six years have to get
with an inch of his car and shit i mean get the fuck out of here and they're hoping what they're
hoping one of these famous people pops them in the mouth and then they can get a nice payday once again the lawyers make
life just fucking miserable but uh yeah he's a hypocrite and and you know using gay and finally
msnbc came around you know after uh you know fucking lynching paula dean and how horrible
person she was um you know you heard nothing
how many times has Alec Baldwin said shit like this and got away with it so it's finally to
the point where even they had to uh boot him off his he supposedly suspended from his new show on
MSNBC but um I don't know I like people with tempers and people get in your face like that
I don't know in the perfect world you should be able to smack them without getting sued so uh but uh did you hear what he said he calls a guy a
cocksucker and a faggot and he goes i said fathead oh my god come on alec just say yeah i lost my
temper and i said it what what is this this This is getting ridiculous now. So the F word is the new N word.
Is that where we are?
Are there any words left that white heterosexual males can say?
I mean, Jesus Christ.
So, you know.
So MSNBC had the boots.
It's going to be hilarious.
Eventually, there's going to be nobody left to do TV shows, radio, or anything.
Because we keep taking words away.
They're only fucking words, folks.
You're giving them way too much power. They't hurt you they really can't unless you're a mental midget
and a weakling they're fucking words okay you say shit when you when you lose your temper and
you're in an argument or fight yes yeah you want to say stuff that's hurtful.
So you're going to, right?
It's the beauty of this country.
You used to be able to get away with it.
We're going to become Canada?
I mean, how about Canada?
I mean, there's a,
they have speech codes up there.
Some comedian a few years ago literally got arrested
for picking on lesbians at a comedy show
who were yelling shit out and he zinged them back like he's supposed to,
and he got arrested for it.
And we're fucking headed that way.
That's what it looks like.
As long as the left-wing douchebags are in power,
because that's where political correctness comes from, by the way.
And this knockout game, it's not a brand-new thing.
They're all acting shocked and shit.
It's been going on for a couple fucking years,
but the media, the cowards in the media have been ignoring it, so don't act like it's a brand brand new thing. They're all acting shocked and shit. It's been going on for a couple fucking years. But the media, the cowards in the media have been ignoring it.
So don't act like it's a brand new thing.
All right?
But as far as Canada goes and speech goes,
how about was it Mayor Ford of Toronto?
The crack-smoking mayor?
Holy shit.
Even Miriam Barry was a little more low-key.
You didn't see Miriam Berry running over people.
Did you see him running over that lady?
They were in some, whatever the House of Congress is up in Canada.
He runs over some councilwoman.
Oh, God. Chris farley was alive bobby moynihan you're doing a great job with it but farley was just you know come on they were almost like twins but um how about him going yeah she accused me of
eating her pussy i uh i have enough to eat at home the guy's actually funny he's he's he's saying
he's not an addict but it sure seems like it's like he's an addict that's unraveling right in public, you know.
Which, hey, it's fucking entertaining.
I think he lowered taxes like two years in a row up there and shit.
So the people like him.
He says he's not going anywhere.
I don't know.
But I hope he sticks around for a while and uh coke drip um
the hell else yeah i was gonna do this podcast yesterday but i'm so bad with computer i'm not
computer illiterate okay but i'm pretty damn close with some shit. I sat down yesterday at like 2 o'clock in the afternoon to bang this out,
and my mouse doesn't work.
And, you know, I'm like, huh.
The light's on. It's not blinking.
Does it have a battery?
If I can push this little trapdoor open on the mouse, there's no battery.
I don't know how the fuck it works.
It was just, I don't know.
I'm there for a half hour trying to play with my mouse it's not doing anything then he stuck a pen in the reset button
that didn't work and then i'm getting really getting upset went upstairs and had a cup of
coffee which makes me more angry came back down then i'm trying to pull sound clips you know and
just shit that somebody who who knows even a little bit about computers could have
figured out, and I had like a sound clip, well, this is a clip, you know, what the hell's going
on out here, that's from my show back in New York on Free FM, I had that clip somewhere in my
iTunes, I could see it, but I couldn't move it to where I wanted to put it into whatever the fuck,
and just played with
that for like an hour and a half as that's going on i'm getting emails from the guy who's gonna
help edit my stuff he's sending me the shows i start watching them i go back to this i can't
figure out the toolbar is gone i'm trying to convert a youtube clip all of a sudden i can't
find the fucking the toolbar where you put the link in to convert i mean just minor shit that again if there's a 12 year old next to me could have figured out
probably in 10 seconds i look up it's like six o'clock at night so i just ended up watching
all the shit that they sent me from minneapolis and uh so this this show would have been out
should have been out by last night. Trying to release them.
I'm trying to release some folks on the same day.
That's the way to do it.
Makes it easy on you guys, I guess.
But sometimes life gets in the way.
Your schedule doesn't allow it.
And I love you people on Twitter that are going, hey, your podcasts are getting better. And I appreciate the encouragement.
But I did have a radio show okay in new york city right
and i had no sidekick or anything where i i just did it myself for three hours taking phone calls
and talking politics okay in the biggest radio market in the world so i i do not have broadcast
but like i said this is just the beginning of the podcast where uh eventually we want to do
this stuff live and i'll have more to play off of you know we'll have you guys calling in and
yeah we'll have a live
phone line and you know eventually
have guests and stuff so
there'll be a lot more going on
and to play with but I appreciate the encouragement
but it's not the first time I'm behind
a microphone
so
yeah
I appreciate you.
And apparently a lot of people are already subscribing.
So, we're going to have fun.
It'll get more controversial as we go on.
Well, you know, I'll get into more topical shit.
I just get tired of fighting with people on Twitter.
And, you know.
But, uh, it's getting crazy out there, isn't it?
With the whole, I don't know, the whole knockout thing and Obamacare.
And have we ever been more divided as a nation?
It's just fucking crazy, isn't it?
What the hell's going on out here?
I don't know.
I don't know.
What the hell's going on out here?
I don't know.
I don't know.
But if you had listened to,
if you were a fan of my Free FM radio show back in 2007, that's what we did.
We talked a lot of topical stuff, a lot of politics.
But it's so hard to do now because everybody's so divided.
I mean, we weren't exactly united back then, but now.
Holy fucking moly.
I think you're either a fan of government or you're not.
I say we all revolt.
Let's get rid of it, as much of it as we can.
I just read this today, a little disturbing.
Some driver in Fort Worth, Texas,
there was a roadblock, police roadblock,
directing people into a parking lot.
They were asked by federal contractors
for samples of their breath, saliva, and even blood.
It was part of a government research study
aimed at determining the number of drunken
or drug-impaired drivers.
Yeah, sure it was.
Get the fuck out of here.
Do you believe, you know how wrong that is,
pulling you over for nothing, randomly,
pulling you over and taking saliva?
Why would you say yes to that?
They were interviewing this woman, Kim Coper
her name was. She says, it just
doesn't seem right that you can be forced off the road when you're not
doing anything wrong. No, it isn't right.
You know?
Just say, no, I'm
not fucking doing it.
She said once she was parked, she couldn't believe
what she was asked. They were asking for
cheek swabs. Are you fucking kidding me?
What is going on?
You get $10 for a cheek swab, and they take your blood, they give you $50 for that.
All in the guise of studying, you know, drunken or drug-impaired drivers.
Bullshit.
If you believe that, you're fucking crazy.
So if anybody does that, just refuse it, okay? there's no way you're not going to win that
lawsuit well who knows today but uh talk about the government up your ass they're doing a review of
all the police actions uh of the the personnel of the fort worth police department sure they are
sure they are this This is, uh,
they're going to do this in 30 cities across the country
in an effort to reduce
impaired driving accidents.
Hey, we live in a fucking world
with this risk, okay?
You're not going to ever have a risk-free world.
So can we stop with the horseshit?
The taking away of trans fats
and checking my saliva for fucking
alcohol in the middle of the day.
What the fuck is going on?
So I can't wait.
I hope that goes to court.
I hope she takes it all the way.
This is getting frightening, isn't it, folks?
So fuck the government is what I say.
That's about it.
I'm tapped.
Got to sit down now,
and again,
look at a lot of footage from Minneapolis,
can't hear these jokes one more time,
I'm gonna poop,
but,
it was successful,
look for it in a couple months,
thanks for,
tuning in again kids,
I'll try to get these out to you,
every Tuesday or Wednesday at the latest in again, kids. I try to get these out to you every Tuesday or Wednesday at the latest.
Again, based on my ineptness of technology.
And I will see you.
Where's my next gig?
Parsippany.
This Friday night at the Comedy Shop.
Don't have really organized.
This is why I never was a big marketer friday
the comedy shop parsippany new jersey off a route i don't know 702 706 or some shit
um what else do i have coming up that's about it for now and i'll see you in the city if you
come into the comedy cellar or any of those but i'm doing less of that because i'm not interested in doing uh 15 minute sets anymore if i can't be on stage for a half hour
it's almost not worth it you know takes me 15 minutes just to get warmed up on stage so uh
gotta be doing less of that gotta gotta find a place locally where I can up here.
I don't have to drive 45 minutes into the city where I can cut loose for a half hour to 45 minutes.
You know, that's how you get work on new material.
It's hard to do it 15 minutes at a time.
It does work.
And if you live right in the city like I used to, it's a lot easier to jump in a cab and go to a club.
Two seconds later, you're there.
But, yeah, there's a million ways to jump on a cab and go to a club two seconds later you're there but uh
yeah there's a million ways to skin a cat folks nick dipolo uh nice talking to you guys
and uh i will talk to you uh next week all right so uh in the meantime go paint a bicycle
goodbye everybody Go paint a bicycle. Goodbye, everybody. guitar solo Bye.