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You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 51, 52, 53, 53, 53, 54, 56, 57, 58, 59, 52, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53, That's a cherry song, huh?
Sounds like we're at a midget's funeral.
Pick that, really.
How depressing.
Kind of fitting.
Happy 2014, everybody.
I, uh, I don't know.
When I was younger, I enjoyed New Year's.
New Year's Eve, you know? Most of the time I was on the road, I was single, and, uh, you younger, I enjoyed New Year's, New Year's Eve, you know.
Most of the time I was on the road.
I was single, and you know what I mean?
I always eye that one waitress who's about 10 to 12 pounds overweight and kind of cute face.
And, you know, you do your gig, and you get off right before midnight.
You don't want to be on stage when it strikes midnight.
So they have the emcee come up and count count down and then you stand in the corner by yourself and then you know the chubby waitress comes up was kind of cute
and feels bad for you and gives you a smooch yeah it happened a couple times still like uh
where was it idaho is still the best the funny Funny Mountain, Idaho. That's when they put me up
in that old hotel
that was like a Stephen King hotel
with a octagon-shaped bed,
and I just gambled.
I had money on every game.
Not a lot, but enough.
Enough to make me
sweat my paycheck that week.
That was my,
I think my funnest
New Year's Eve.
And then there was a time.
I was doing Caroline's.
And.
They had it all cordoned off.
Naturally.
Because it's right in Times Square.
And I had to show like.
Three different cops.
My ID.
To get to my own gig.
That's how you.
That's a sign.
Your career is doing well.
When you have to actually.
Show your ID.
To get into the club you're playing.
Holy moly.
But that was a long time ago.
That was fun.
I don't. I don't get into it that much so like uh
and my wife's the same way like last night doing it struck uh midnight uh i'm lit i'm literally
down excuse me literally i don't say literally i get hammered for that somebody say somebody told
me on twitter i sound like a british twat i literally i got, I don't get into New Year's Eve, I say that,
but I was downstairs, my wife is upstairs, because she doesn't, she hates New Year's
Eve more than I do, so I'm downstairs, and I'm laying on the couch, literally with my
hands on my balls, watching Texas A&M and Duke, a replay of the game that I taped earlier,
and it struck midnight, uh I yelled happy new year
and she yelled happy new year downstairs and uh went up and you know she gave me a peck on the lips
was void of any emotion any love whatsoever we might as well we might as well go to a secret
handshake at this point it was just passionless and uh, it's a two-way street. I didn't
exactly, but we just don't, New Year's Eve doesn't really do it for us, you know? Who
gives a shit? I was going to order Chinese food. I didn't even have the energy to do
that. I couldn't get off the couch. You want to kiss with some passion, you know?
On New Year's Eve.
Well, like this one.
I know it was you, Fredo.
You broke my heart.
You broke my heart.
That's the type of kiss you want.
Now, that kiss means something. That'll be new york's next new york's new year's jesus can't even talk
next new year's eve with me in the way um yeah so i don't know why people get excited about uh
new year's eve first of all you're celebrating a year that you know nothing about how do you
know 2014 is not going to be on your headstone
you know i mean i'm sure uh last year at this time and you know nelson mandela had a party
hat on i was blowing a noisemaker you know i'm saying why celebrate a year you have
again this is my positive attitude coming through you have no idea what's going to happen i usually lean towards bad
i mean just read the headlines on the drudge report every day and it'll depress you to no end
um what was one of the headlines i'm not going to get into the story but one of the headlines
literally um boy gives aunt um head of uncle for Christmas gift.
Or her boyfriend or something.
Cut the guy's head off and gave it to his aunt as a present.
I'm not making this shit up.
You go, well, where did that happen?
Like in Nairobi?
No, it was right here in the United States.
We're finished.
Hope you realize that.
And more attacks on old white folks still going on
too so we found out who the real racists are anyways just watch the news
haha don't want to get into it's too heavy that's for later shows what did i do since i talked to
you last um did a couple gigs. Where was I?
Plymouth, New Hampshire.
Leave it to my agent to book me in a college town when the college kids are on break.
Although I got to be honest, I do better with a crowd that's older than college kids.
I'll be honest with you.
30s and up like me.
They have experienced the pain of life and they love my angst and my bitterness
and uh we had a pretty good turnout even though it was Plymouth New Hampshire that's where Plymouth
State College is first of all I accepted the gig when my agent brought it to me because I grew up
on the north shore of Massachusetts which means I'm literally a half hour not even to the New
Hampshire border and every time I've ever been on Hampshire it's maybe uh you know a half hour, not even, to the New Hampshire border. And every time I've ever been to New Hampshire, it's maybe a half hour ride, 45 minutes to where I was going.
So I'm like, yeah, I'll do it.
And of course, like two days before the gig,
I checked the MapQuest or whatever the hell,
and it's 113 miles north where my parents live in Massachusetts,
which made it about 300 miles from here, my home.
But it was a good gig it was a beautiful theater this is what i love about what i do for a living folks people ask why you don't get sick of because
i'm going to a place that i haven't performed before you know you don't know what you're
gonna face is it gonna be a a shitty little club is it gonna be a a nice theater an old
decrepit theater you don't and and you
and most of the time you're pleasantly surprised this was a this gem of a theater in in plymouth
and the people the audience was great i was a little rusty you know i haven't been working
on a regular basis and uh it was it was it was a nice it was a nice they put me up in this uh
little called the common man, right up the street.
Like this charming little place that had fireplaces in the room.
And it was nice.
It was really nice.
And Joe List, my buddy, opened for me.
He showed up with his girlfriend.
And they bring us down to the bowels of this building.
And it's a beautiful green room and uh people couldn't have
been nicer and uh i pulled up uh in my car in front of the theater you know a couple hours
before the show and the marquee read nick topalo colin quinn and paula poundstone this month
it made me laugh my ass off i didn't have my phone i was gonna take a picture and send it to quinn
and then when i told colin that he was gonna be there, like, next month, he had no idea.
It's the beauty of what we do, you know.
So that was a great gig.
And then a couple nights ago, Monday night, me and Bobby Kelly went to Mount Airy Casino in the Poconos, which is a couple hours from here.
He picked me up in his new Honda Pilot.
Apparently, Bobby's doing very good or he's selling drugs during the day.
He's a brand new Honda Pilot.
He's telling me about a fridge he bought that produces club soda.
And he just bought a house somewhere up here in Westchester.
So he's doing great.
We had a ton of laughs, just spewing hate all the way out there.
And I had never been to this casino.
I performed the Poconos before.
So, again, we don't know what to expect.
We get the beautiful little casino, sort of like a mini Mohegan Son of Foxwoods, you know,
set in the middle of nowhere, but really nice.
Rooms, everything there.
Everything looked brand new.
I don't know how old the casino's been there a while,'m guessing but i'll look redone i guess and uh the room
like a nice perfect size like 500 seats maybe and um i went on first which i usually don't do
i just didn't i'm just rusty right now i'm like i'm not going on bob kelly works every night he's
got his chops and i'm i don't want my ass handed to me.
But the problem with that is you walk out to a cold audience.
There's no emcee or anything.
But I like that.
I like walking out to a cold audience and not having somebody pollute the room before.
I have this theory that the audience only has so many laughs in it.
So I went out there, and I'm kind of winging the first five minutes in there.
I'm doing racial stuff, and people are getting quiet and then laughing under their breath.
It's so funny because people come out
and they think, oh, it's the holidays.
It's going to be a nice light show.
I'm sure they'll do Christmas jokes,
which I did a few, you know.
Then it turns into this, you know.
You know what I do.
But it was fun.
I bang up 45 and then Bobby goes on and does 45,
meanwhile he's on, I'm out and walking around the casino, checking it out, having a Stolian tonic,
and just, you know, killing time, and then I see Bobby's about to get off, I go back in,
I see Bobby's about to get off.
I go back in, and that's it.
Pick up, check, leave.
We had rooms.
We felt bad that we didn't stay because, you know, they gave us rooms.
But these people don't understand when you're a comedian, you've been doing it forever.
If you're usually within four hours of where you live, you usually drive home that night.
Nobody wants to wake up the next day.
It's a waste of that to have day driving so you know we were gonna lie to them and go yeah we're staying here because we felt guilty we had the rooms and all that shit but um we took pictures after which we weren't
gonna do i i blew it i wandered into the room right as bobby was getting off and one person
asked for a picture and then not that you know me and bob, me and Bobby are like Wayne Newton and Barry Manilow,
but we ended up, which is fun.
These people came out.
They took the time, but you don't always want to do that, you know,
because you get the drunken assholes who push you too far, and I'm not a people person.
But it was great.
It was painless.
The gig was painless is the point, and it was fun, and I'd love to do it again.
Both those places I'd go back to. Plymouth and Mount Airy.
And Bobby Kelly cracks me up, man.
Just the fact that he's got a new baby and shit.
And he has to get, you know, the next night he was doing Mohegan Sun like I'm doing in about a month.
And then he's flying to San Diego the day after today.
I'm like, oh, you got to feed the kid, I guess, you know.
I got to have to do that now because I have a horse to feed.
I literally, oh, here we go.
And literally have to feed a horse, not literally.
And so, yeah, it's like 900 a month to put a horse up in a barn, let it eat and shit.
So I'll cut the thing's head off before I do the funny bone in 19 states to feed it.
What else, sports-wise?
Interesting.
Oh, I didn't watch the UFC fight, okay?
And I do like that stuff.
But I've got to be honest with you, the last two or three boxing matches I've watched on HBO
were as good as anything I've seen in the UFC.
And I know a lot of you youngsters are going to laugh at that.
But I do like UFC, but there were a ton of, obviously, you know I'm a college football fanatic, and this is the time of year.
And so I didn't feel like paying the 60 bucks and watching Anderson Silva against Weidman.
Is that his name?
I think so.
This is the guy that beat Silva before.
Anderson Silva, probably the greatest ever, they say.
Anyways, I know you guys that follow this must have seen this.
Anderson Silva threw a kick at this guy,
and it hit the guy's knee, and his leg just snapped.
Bobby Kelly, I had heard about about it i hadn't seen it bobby kelly pulled it up on his uh phone on the way home
from the gig to show me i'm like is it as bad as like joe theismann or is it worse i was a basketball
player during march matters kevin where was that his name that that was pretty gruesome you know
and i'm like was his bet you know he's
like i don't know i don't fucking watch that shit dude and and and he goes this is pretty fucking
bad and he puts it on and it was the most gruesome it made the fucking kevin ware or the joe theismann
thing like it looked like a mild sprain this guy's leg snapped like a goddamn carrot it was the
grossest thing it it busted like right in the middle of the shin and it
wrapped around the guy's leg picture like a nylon filled with loose change the only thing that was
holding the lower leg together from from his upper shin was was the skin you know i mean and it was
twisted like a lady's nylon would twist you know i mean oh it was freaking gruesome and i enjoyed that shit i can be honest i
uh after seeing thighsman i'm like if i can sit through that i can sit through all of them then
you had the basketball play last year but this was just and and bobby kelly was telling me he was at
a bar and um everybody was watching the fight you know they pay-per-view at the bar and when it
first happened it happened so quick nobody can really see it.
And Bobby said when they showed the replay, like, people started filing out.
It was so gross.
So that guy's career is going to be over, man.
I mean, are you really ever going to want to throw another kick again?
Are you going to tell me you're not going to be good?
I know how tough these guys are.
And I guess they can heal that bone, you know.
They put plates in it, guess they can heal that bone you know they they put plates in and they can heal
it and and sometimes it's stronger than the actual actual original bone so i've heard but jesus i
would say i would think you'd think twice about even kicking a nerf football after that break
mother of god was that gross but uh yeah so weidman wins again but i i gotta believe that
might be it for Silva.
I don't know.
Maybe I'll call Joe Rogan and get the skinny.
That guy knows his shit, doesn't he?
He's the best, man.
Listen to him doing that stuff.
He is so on point.
Yeah, so that was pretty goddamn nasty.
What the hell?
Oh, NFL.
NFL football.
The playoffs are set. Let's see if I can find my sheet here. But, uh, I know everybody's in a hoot probably in Pittsburgh because, uh, the charges Chiefs game. Apparently the, uh, the guy for the Chiefs missed that field goal. Somebody was lined up wrong, whatever the fuck,
and they could have kicked it again.
And if the charges lost,
if the charges lost, you know,
the Steelers would have been in.
So that field goal fucked them.
The officials blew it.
So I don't think it makes much of a difference. The Steelers were, oh, they were coming on a little bit.
But again, it just seems so watered down to me, all of it.
But Patriots against, oh, LeGarrette Blount had a day against Buffalo, man.
He had like 200 yards rushing, then another, almost another 200.
He had 150 in kickoff returns.
That was terrific.
But people all excited.
I can't get excited.
By the way, in the football pool, I had 12 out of whatever, 15 or 16,
however many games I played.
My best score of the year last week absolutely means nothing.
What's the matchup?
Saturday, you got Kansas City, which is a five seed the chiefs
are at the colts um don't even know what the line is but that's a good matchup colts are starting to
get their shit together they kind of were a little disappointing this year but um and the chiefs are
kind of waning down i don't know if they had clinched early or whatever,
but they haven't been too impressive the last few weeks.
So I don't know.
That's got to be a,
I got to believe that's a three or four point spread maybe.
Maybe three.
I would give the Colts, since they're at home,
I think they would be a slight favorite,
just because they're playing better than the Chiefs right now.
Saints are at the Eagles.
Saints, they're just one of those phony teams to me.
No defense.
Yeah, Drew Brees can light it up, but that's about it.
Eagles.
I am becoming an Eagles fan just because I like Chip Kelly, man.
The guy's an innovator.
You know, he was an offensive coordinator at the University of New Hampshire.
That's where he, like, cut his teeth.
I'm proud of that.
Again, I played in that division.
So before he went to Oregon and turned that into a powerhouse.
But LeSean McCoy won the Russian championship.
So you got the Saints at the Eagles.
I got to believe the Eagles are favored there.
Right?
You saw them against Dallas.
Poor Orton, huh, Kyle Orton?
Guy played a heck of a game and then throws that bad pick at the end.
God, the Cowboys.
I love it because, like I said, I'm a little bit older than most of my fans.
And the Cowboys, I've hated because, like I said, I'm a little bit older than most of my fans. And the Cowboys, I just have hated them since I was a kid. In the 70s, they fucking dominated.
And they were just... People looked at the Cowboys back then the way a lot of people look at the
Patriots today. They just win every year and people are sick of them. But I love it when I
see Jerry Jones, multi-zillionaire, just fucking lose again.
But, you know, Romo was out on Kylo and did a good job, but he pulled a Romo at the end.
Let's be honest.
Did he not?
He pulled a Romo.
And when I say a Romo, you know what I'm talking about, with the game on the line and, and, uh, you know, he does this. Get a lot of mileage out of that one.
So, yeah.
Cowboys go home.
Eagles in the playoffs.
Then Sunday, you get the Chargers at the Bengals.
Chargers, they just snuck in.
They're not going to do anything.
I think the Bengals are going to light them up, to be honest with you.
Andy Dalton and that pretty good defense.
They weren't that impressive down the stretch either, though.
The Bengals didn't show too much mental toughness.
Then you get the 49ers on Sunday.
Again, this is January, Pip.
49ers are at the Packers.
That's kind of a good old matchup from the 90s.
Both those teams are very dominant.
Again, 49ers, for some reason, I picked them at the beginning of the year, and I still think they're going to win the 90s. Both those teams are very dominant. You get, and again, 49ers, for some reason,
I picked them at the beginning of the year,
and I still think they're going to win the Super Bowl.
No disrespect, Packers fans, but I really think the 49ers,
something about Harbaugh, man, and they're getting their shit together.
They can run the ball.
They're balanced.
Great defense.
And something tells me Colin Kaepernick is going to,
I mean, look what he almost pulled off.
Nobody talked about that last year, what he almost did in the Super Bowl.
So, yeah, people go, well, how are they going to get by Seattle?
I think they are.
I don't know why.
I just, I think Harbaugh gives them the edge,
although Pete Carroll's done a hell of a job.
And the Packers, you know, I don't know. I guess they're always dangerous. I think Harbaugh gives him the edge, although Pete Carroll's done a hell of a job.
And the Packers, you know, I don't know.
I guess they're always dangerous.
Now they had Aaron Rodgers back, and boy, didn't he come through.
A little rusty at the beginning, but he is legit.
He is legit, man.
He's just so mobile.
He can throw in the run like nobody's business,
and he made the difference, didn't he? i feel bad for robert now there was an article uh you know
rumors about uh aaron rogers uh internet rumors and roger says i'm not gay i guess he's a very
private guy you know i don't know what to believe in me. First of all, who gives a shit at this point?
I mean, does it really matter?
He sure doesn't throw like a gay guy.
Doesn't throw like a girl.
Doesn't run like a girl.
I'll tell you that much.
But he's aware of the internet rumors.
This is an article swirling this week regarding his sexuality.
He decided to squash them.
I'm not gay, Rogers said on his espn milwaukee radio show
i really really like women let me tell you something if you're accused of being gay um
you don't have to say really twice makes you look suspicious we believe it
but uh he's a private guy you know they always say always say this in this, you know, in the world of gayness,
which that's what our culture is.
I mean, especially for guys who get laid a lot,
you always hear it about, like, they always question the most macho guy.
I've heard it about Clooney, which is, I just don't fucking believe it.
Tom Cruise, you've heard it for years.
Tom Selleck.
Anytime a guy gets a lot of pussy, you know,
and we live in such a feminized society,
we have to question.
We have to pull him down a notch.
I heard he's gay.
Who knows, you know.
But like I said, who gives a shit?
If Aaron Rodgers is gay and I'm a scout for NFL teams,
I'm hanging out in Greenwich Village
looking for draft picks.
Okay?
Put on a pair of assholes chaps and I'd wander into the toolbox at 2 in the morning and go, hey, you want to play darts?
Just to see how the guy releases.
So I don't know what to believe.
But, you know, Aaron Rodgers was on that celebrity, that show.
They have a new version of the Hollywood Squares.
And I think they have a clip of Aaron Rodgers on it.
When a man falls out of your boat and into the water, you should yell, man overboard.
Now what should you yell if a woman falls overboard?
Full speed ahead.
Ah, that was Aaron Rodgers.
Yeah, sure. Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Dad, are you going to buy me one or not?
pride anger covetousness i can never say that lust gluttony envy and sloth are collectively known as what oh the bellarines Every time we get on the gay subject, I have to play Paul Lynn,
my favorite gay man of all time.
Funny son of a bitch.
So I happen to believe that Aaron Rodgers is straight,
and again, not that it matters,
but it'll make for a better game, don't you think?
Now that he's in the playoffs and they got him back?
I got to believe so.
49, he should be a little wary,
but I still think they're going to win
with that balance attack.
What else we got?
We got, oh, Coke drip.
And then the following week,
you got the NFC divisional round.
You know, whoever, to be determined at Seattle and somebody has to go up to new england i'm not going to break
it down for you that's not the we're not doing that show and uh that following sunday january 12th
nfc divisional round uh to be determined at the panthers and at the Broncos.
So, Peyton Manning lit it up again, huh?
Broke every record.
He's up to what?
50, I don't know.
I can't even count.
54 touchdowns?
53?
I don't know.
Threw for, I don't have the statistics in front of me.
What did he throw for? 5,600 yards? I don't know threw for i don't have the statistics in front when he threw for
5600 yards i don't know he broke drew breeze's record and brady's uh touchdown record he really
and he's sportsman of the year and deservedly so but there's something about that defense i still
say that can be exploited and my pats again i they're having a decent year but there's too many injuries
i just too many major ones i just don't think they have an i could be wrong who knows i just
the nfl so goddamn unpredictable
did i plug my dates for you uh this month january 24th, Uncle Vinny's in Toms River, New Jersey.
The following night at the Treehouse Mohegan Sun Casino.
That will be the 25th.
And the 29th, the Hammerstein Ballroom.
Me, David Tell, and Jay Moore.
We're doing a big, you know, it's kind of a Super Bowl gig.
It's the Boomer and Carton show that they put together.
That's on the 29th at the Hammerstein Ballroom.
That should be a lot of fun.
So this is 2014, which means I told my first joke on stage in public in the summer of 86.
But I just did it that one night, and then I had to move to Rhode Island.
I was telling you, I was selling steak and seafood door to door.
So I really started my career in the spring, April of 87.
So let's see, 2007.
Come this April, it'll be 27 years.
I can't freaking believe that.
27 years that I've been gigging and loving it still love it still like it
okay it's fine um yeah never i still oh if you guys want to see where i started and stuff if
you're my fans and you give a shit um and i know i've
plugged this before um there's a movie called when stand up stood out it's a documentary about
the boston comedy scene a guy named fran salamita he was a comedian uh did this thing he was there
when i started in boston not originally from boston but what a job he did it's called when
stand up stood out go get it you'll see where I started at a club called Stitches um it's fascinating you don't have to be a you know
a fan of just Boston comedians to love it it's tremendous it shows Stephen Wright on on the
Tonight Show his first appearance and how he killed and it shows Lenny Clark who was a Boston
legend it opens with Lenny on stage.
He looks like he weighs about 170 pounds,
and he's yelling at a table of people to shut the fuck up at this gig,
probably in the late 70s.
And it's funny, at the end of the movie,
it cuts to Lenny probably 10 years ago when he weighed about 330,
doing the same thing, yelling at a table of people.
It's fascinating.
Lenny tells a story about all the coke he did one night.
He did 11 shows one night in Boston.
And he tells the whole story.
Him and his cab driver, crazy Eddie, he knew.
I get in the cab.
We have an eight ball between us.
He brings me to Nick's.
I close the show there.
I go to the second show at Playdick and Sam's. I do two shows at Stitches, go back to Nick's, close the third one,
go back to Playdick and Sam's, close the the second one he did like 11 shows it's fucking fascinating shows
Stephen Wright and and how Bobcat Goldthwait came to Boston he wasn't there five minutes he got the
Letterman show and all the local comedians hated him for it all the Boston comics treated him like
it's called when stand-up stood out and I suggest uh yeah and you'll see the club called stitches where i did
my first open mic and it's it's so well done it's i've watched it like seven times it's just
i can't believe it's been 27 years and i remember that that that gig in april the first time no that
that summer of 86 my first open mic i uh put my name in and found out like a few days before that I was going to be on on Sunday night.
I was at my parents' house drinking at a cookout, very nervous.
And yeah, had a bunch of beer in me and had to drive into Boston.
I remember pulling up in front of the old Stitch's Comedy Club on Comab.
And the marquee said, comedy hell tonight.
That's what it's...
And, yeah.
Can you imagine?
I was 25 at the time.
So do the math.
And where's it gone, huh?
Where has it gone?
So I went off track a little bit there but uh yeah so come see me at those gigs i'm in heaven because today's new year's day for me the best uh sports day of the
year because i'm i love college football love it i love both but let's be honest. Love college football.
Bowl games, they've been so-so.
A lot of blowouts.
It's usually how it is.
The less named, but you know what?
I've seen every one.
Because why?
DVR.
It's the best thing that's ever happened to TV, is it not?
Haven't missed a goddamn game.
I go out, I go about my day, and I set the thing for like five games.
And then you fast forward through the commercials.
Hold on.
I got to clean these reading glasses.
I can't say shit.
I'm a fucking old man.
Jesus Christ.
I think I got to get new ones.
I'm blind now.
Blind is a goddamn bat.
Yeah, so I loved today, man. It was more fun when i gambled i gotta be
honest but um there's uh i was watching a game a couple days ago it was navy and you're like you
really are a fanatic you're watching navy and middle tennessee and i was half interested in
the game but there was a guy named blunt b-l-u-n-N-T, a linebacker for Middle Tennessee, who was the dirtiest
son of a bitch I have ever seen.
Reminded me of me in high school.
This guy was, I don't know if he was coked up.
He was doing 12-minute dances after every tackle, pushing and shoving people.
He was crazy.
But then he'd get really, you know, really punk shit.
He'd tackle somebody. He had a guy down on the sideline and forearm them in the face. people he was crazy but then he got really you know really punk shit he tackled somebody he had
a guy down on the sideline and forearm them in the face and the refs don't see it i mean the
officiating is horrendous in both college and professional football they really they can't
keep up they just can't keep up i don't know what the fuck it is um yeah so this guy was he clubs
this guy in the back of the head while he's down. About five minutes later, the whistle blows to end the play, pushes this guy on top of the pile.
Refs miss it again.
And then he drills another guy who's already down on his knees and lays on top of him and like headbutts him.
And then there was one other, finally in the second half, they caught him.
He got a second unsportsmanlike. But he was so nasty that I wasn't interested in that matchup,
but I ended up watching it just to see how much shit he could get away with.
Even the announcers, Joey Galloway goes,
this, he goes, you know,
I have a feeling that this guy was trying to get kicked out of the football game.
He didn't feel like playing football today
because right from the beginning of the game,
he was taking cheap shots and trying to get kicked out.
That was his take on it.
That's how bad it was.
But he was also a good football player.
He seems like he was in on every tackle, you know.
But he definitely, I think Galloway was right.
He looked like he just wanted to get kicked out.
He was doing shit right out in the open,
and I ended up watching the whole game. You don't do that against, first of all, you know,
you shouldn't do that period, but I mean, it's even more egregious against, you know, when you're
playing a military school, you know what I mean? You don't, you're playing guys that are going to
be, you know, putting their neck on the line for you, going to battle some of these guys, probably
being shipped right to Afghanistan. You know, you don't fucking taunt them and stand over them like you're playing fresno state
against you know gang members he was a he was a real fucking punk good football player but he was
really punking it up i'll tell you i don't know if anybody saw that uh what was some of the good
ones that i watched yeah like i said a lot of them were blowouts Syracuse over Minnesota
of course that's the one I didn't catch
that would have loved to have seen
Oregon kicked the shit out of Texas
Mack Brown is done there finally
seems like a class guy
but his time was due
I think people in Texas are probably happy about that
but Oregon they run that same offense but his time was due. I think people in Texas are probably happy about that.
But Oregon,
they run that same offense.
They snap the ball every 14 seconds.
You have to have the lungs
of a fucking triathlete
to play offense at Oregon.
Unbelievable.
What was another good one?
Notre Dame over Rutgers.
That was cool
because it was in Yankee Stadium.
It wasn't bad.
Today's games.
Real quickly.
I'll get off this.
Because I know most of you are more excited about the Chargers.
Or the Saints and the Eagles.
Or the fucking Chiefs and the Colts.
Of course, I've been following college football since, I don't know what, late August?
And I'll be traveling
on the night of the national championship
in Florida State and Auburn.
Go head-to-head, okay?
Wet dream matchup,
and I will be on a plane somewhere, I think.
Gotta check my calendar.
Not sure.
Do you believe that shit?
Mm-hmm.
Gotta make a living.
Gotta pay to feed that horse.
Today, Nebraska, Georgia.
It's probably already started at noontime.
That could be interesting.
They're both like eight and four.
And Georgia, I think they're like 22nd in the country.
I got a feeling they're going to kick the shit out of Nebraska.
I don't know
about nebraska don't know about them they're not what they were here's a good one today folks
capital one bowl okay it's a no it's a florida citrus bowl wisconsin versus south carolina that
is a good one wisconsin you know four yards in a cloud of dust.
And then, of course, South Carolina.
The old ball coach.
That's going to be, I think that's going to be a good one.
All right?
That's at 1 o'clock today on ABC.
Why am I telling you this?
You're going to fucking hear this thing tomorrow or tonight.
Well, these are the matchups I'll be watching.
I'm acting like I'm doing live radio.
Iowa LSU, very interesting.
The best matchup in college bowl games this year,
it's going to be the Rose Bowl, Stanford and Michigan State.
That is going to be the game to watch. Mark my words.
That's going to be better than the national championship game.
You get Stanford, just unbelievable running game.
Just big, big, angry, mean line.
Michigan State, best defense in the country.
That's going to be a bloodbath.
People are going to get knocked on.
You talk about concussions, watch that game.
That's going to be all kinds of physical.
What else is left?
University of Central Florida at Baylor.
And if you guys want
big college fans like who the fuck the university of central florida the campus is like bigger than
miami's in in florida and florida states uh they're playing baylor who you know they put up
like 70 points a game oklahoma alabama oklahoma alabama and the old Allstate Sugar Bowl.
Oh, I'll tell you, the Crimson Tide will be mighty pissed after getting their asses handed to them by Auburn.
They are going to take Oklahoma apart at the joints, as Ralph Cifaretto would say.
That's going to be a fucking beatdown.
I got to believe.
You could go, well, Alabama might have a, you know,
emotional letdown after they lost Auburn.
All the wind
is out of their sails,
but I don't think so.
They're going to come out
really pissy
and put a fucking hurt
on Oklahoma.
What else?
Discover the Orange Bowl.
Clemson and Ohio State.
That's a good one.
That's a couple days from now, or probably when
you hear this that night. Ah, podcasts. I got to get back on radio. Jesus Christ, I'd like to
release this in five minutes. The Cotton Bowl, Oklahoma State, Missouri, January 3rd.
And Florida State, Auburn. Those are the good ones. There's a few more on there that don't even thrill me.
So what the hell else, folks?
Banished words.
Salt St. Marie, Michigan.
There's a school, Lake Superior State.
They have a great hockey program up there.
They always put out every year the 30,
they put out an annual list of words
that they want to banish from the English language.
This year they have selfie, twerking, and hashtag.
I'm all for that.
Selfie.
How fucking stupid is that?
I'd like to add a few.
What else do they want out?
As far as politically themed words, they want to ban.
When I say ban, they're just tired of these words.
Intellectually, morally bankrupt.
That's why you always hear when you're watching political pundits yelling at each other.
Oh, Obamacare
they want to banish that because it's really the affordable care act how about obama don't care
act here's a good one here's some words i want to fucking banish just a couple i don't ever want to
hear diversity again i hear it it makes me want to punch a indian in the face i'm just why pick any minority i'm just saying
i'm just it's such a smokescreen diversity it's such an overused word oh it's and we have very
diverse this and diverse it's it's such a it's it's such a fucking smokescreen supposed to be
like oh the college is good because it's very diverse um faculty and very diverse um you know
student body and and it's good being why like well it's good to the kids learn how to to interact
with people with different cultures and like i'm gonna you know show up my freshman year and there's
gonna be a black guy chasing a zebra through the student union. And I'm going to go, I didn't know they do that.
We know.
Okay, the country's been multicultural forever.
We know how to interact.
Stop with the fucking diversity.
Stop with using that as a plus.
I just don't fucking buy that shit.
How about the school is, you know, a great business school with great teachers.
It doesn't matter what color they are.
I'm so fucking tired of that.
And I said it before, you know.
If the 50 best coaches
were all black or Puerto Rican,
that's who all 50 coaches
should be in the NFL
or whatever.
Let's start doing things on merit.
Okay?
Can we please do that?
That's the way the country got great.
We're all past it.
Okay?
Yeah, so the word diversity.
I don't mind the word.
I'm saying the word.
Community, I'm sick of that one too.
Yeah, I'm going to graduate and help my community.
I want to just help the world, okay?
These are the people that want a colorblind society,
yet they divide us up into communities.
Oh, the word hate.
That one's overused too.
But you know who.
Obviously, the far left.
Every time you say something, they disagree with it.
Oh, that's hate speech.
Everything's fucking hate.
I told the kid to shut off his cell
phone at a comedy company and he goes i didn't know he's a gay kid he was oh don't be a hater
and i went i don't hate you because you have your cell phone on i hate you because of that
fruity voice but uh shut off the fucking phone okay doesn't make me a hater for asking you
okay doesn't make me a hater for asking you um the word wonderful it's my least favorite word i always fantasize that i'd go on that show the actor's studio with that pompous ass i forget his
name and he'd go uh what's your what's his name james lipton uh your favorite uh word and i go cunt uh your least favorite word is wonderful
because nothing is think about the word wonderful it's just so nothing is wonderful
is it maybe a blow job from a toothless homeless woman um
what other words do they want out of there?
The school said it's also managing the phrase on steroids used to describe
something being improved in a suffix is suffixes.
Again,
in apocalypse,
which are often used to describe events ranging from snowstorms to sales.
which are often used to describe events ranging from snowstorms to sales.
The list also indicated people are sick of hearing about adversity.
Ooh.
Faced by sports stars, as well as the support of their fan base.
See?
Once again, it's that anti-jock mentality. We're living in a nerd-run world,
you know that. And see, they don't like the word adversity when jocks use it. Because,
you know, people in real life face real adversity. You know what? I think we should use that one more if it bugs them. And that's who it bugs. Why can't you use adversity when it relates to sports?
The people who hate that word, you know, in relation to sports, never played sports.
That's why.
Fucking home.
D-B-R-V-B-R-Big Bang Theory.
What else in the nose?
That's about it, oh,
I was going to make predictions for 2014,
Red Sox repeat,
I know that's a tough thing to say,
coming out of me,
although the Yankees are really,
once again trying to buy another flag,
I know the Red Sox do that too, not like the Yankees are really, once again, trying to buy another flag. I know the Red Sox do that, too.
Not like the Yankees, though.
I say the 49ers are going to win the Super Bowl in February.
I don't know who's going to do it a year from now.
I can't look at it.
Miami Heat will probably three-peat.
And I got the Anaheim Ducks winning the Stanley Cup.
My Bruins, man, I don't know.
They got a ton of talent, but they can't hold the lead.
They get fat and lazy.
Got beat by the fucking Islanders last night in Boston.
Had a 3-1 lead, and the Islanders scored four unanswered goals.
Tuukka Raska, I don't know.
He's looking very human this year.
He's got good numbers, though.
As far as baseball goes, you know who?
Puig, you know, our favorite Cuban.
Puig for the Dodgers.
Yeah, he got arrested last week going 110 miles per hour in a 70 zone.
It's the second time this year he's been arrested.
Back in April, he got busted in Tennessee for doing 97 miles per hour in a 50 mile per hour zone.
Somebody's got to smarten this dummy up.
This guy's fucking out of control, you know what I'm saying?
I told you, no kids.
Look at you now.
He seems to be a bit of a punk, man.
I mean, he's young and immature.
What's he, like 21, 22?
We all drove like maniacs, but come on.
They're paying you zillions of dollars, all right?
Your life went from shit
to you're at the penthouse, man,
and you're going to kill somebody
if you don't smarten the fuck up.
So he got popped.
What else did I want to talk about
before I wrap this up and lay on my ass
like a sea elephant.
There's an actor.
What's his name?
Lillo Brancato.
You know who I'm talking about?
He was in Bronx Tale.
De Niro found him like on a beach, Jones Beach. I think that's what I read.
You know who I'm talking about, right?
The guy in Bronx Tale, the kid.
That's where De Niro found him, on Jones Beach.
When he cast him in Bronx Tale, and then he went on to play Matthew Bebelacqua on The Sopranos.
He had a great role on there.
But anyways, you know, he went to prison.
He was with a guy one night, and they went to a strip club, and they were doing drugs,
and they were high, and they tried to bust into one of the guy's friend's houses to score drugs.
Cop showed up.
Cop ends up in a shootout with these.
And the guy that Broncato was with shot the cop.
The cop shot the guy.
The cop died.
Broncato's friend is in prison for life.
And Broncato was sentenced like 10 years.
I think he did
eight of it.
And
yeah.
What a way to fucking
waste a life, man.
Jesus Christ,
De Niro throws you
in a movie
when you're like
12
or 18.
And then
you get a nice role
in The Sopranos
and
life is good drugs.
Just hanging out with some puke, I guess.
And anyways, he did eight of the ten.
I don't know how you don't get...
I mean, when you're an accessory to murder,
when you're with somebody who murders somebody,
you're supposed to get life, too, aren't you?
I know that's true in a lot of states.
I'm not sure of the is in New York, but
and I don't blame the cop's family. He's kind of, they're irate, actually, that he's out of jail
already. I always thought you get like, you know, you got life. But he was great on The Sopranos,
He was great on The Sopranos as Matthew Bevilacqua.
If you remember his role, he was hooked up with another guy.
They were mob guy wannabes, another young kid named Sean, I think the character was.
And they ended up shooting Christopher Maltesanti.
And Christopher's almost dying and Tony's at his bedside.
And Tony swears, I'm going to find out who did this.
And sure enough, they get word.
And him and Big Pussy, who at that point, Big Pussy was, you know, wearing a wire.
Tony didn't know that. And if Big Pussy gets busted committing any crimes when, you know, when you're a guest of the government, then you go, you know, right to jail.
So he has to be careful.
Yet he has to, you know, convince Tony that he's, you know,
he's still part of the gang.
So sure enough, they find out where Matt Bevilacqua,
who's hiding out in some fucking, like fucking tool shed out in New Jersey or whatever.
And Big Pussy and Tony track him down.
And it was a great scene, man.
The kid actually pisses himself.
He's so scared because he knows.
Well, here's the audio for you.
Are you sure nobody else was involved?
Take a minute, think it over.
It was Sean all the way.
All right.
You're a good kid.
I'm thirsty. See if you've got something to drink. You're a good kid.
I'm thirsty.
See if you got something to drink.
What can I get you?
You want a phantom?
Something like that?
I mean, you sure you want a diet drink?
You don't want something with some sugar in it?
Kid's tied up.
He's all beat up.
It was only diet.
Bleeding. He's all beat up. It was only diet. Bleeding.
It's good.
You finished?
Thank you, T.
Because that sugarless motherfucker,
the last fucking drink you're ever going to have.
Fuck you, God.
Bobby. Bobby, please, God, Robbie.
Robbie, please, Tony, please. Are you sure you got him, Tom?
I think he maybe just knocked the wind out of him.
Great scene.
And he was great in it, you know?
So, yeah, he's free.
Imagine since they shot that scene.
I mean, James Gandolfini has died.
This kid just got out of
prison like yesterday god life is fucking weird isn't it and that was probably the worst thing
right 2013 well we lose gandolfini i mean it's fire showbiz obviously and uh yeah but um And, yeah. But I'm watching Breaking Bad, which is just fucking awesome.
It's got me hooked.
But it is no Sopranos.
Make no mistake about it.
It's really, really good.
But it's not the Sopranos.
Come on.
In my opinion.
Okay?
Just my opinion.
But it's really goddamn good.
Brian Cranston and that, what is his name, Aaron Paul, the kid that plays Jesse?
That kid is just unbelievable, and it really is addicting.
But nothing, nothing will top the Sopranos and the work Gandolfini did and Edie Falco and all of them.
Anyways, kids, that's about it.
I'll talk to you next week, I guess.
Snowstorm.
You'll probably be listening to this.
I don't know.
Maybe we'll release it today.
I don't know.
You get it tonight.
I don't know.
I sent it to my boy, Bob Sprantz at Riotcast.
And he puts it out there.
But, yeah, apparently the storm's heading this way for tomorrow.
And it could be huge
so uh buckle up enjoy new year's day and i'm telling you if you're just a pro football fan
and you don't have anything better to do put on one of these games today and just watch
the ferocity it's like i mean think about watching like laurence taylor when he was 18 years old
in his physical prime or any of your superstars that you love.
It's just a blast.
All these guys, you're going to see them next year or two in the NFL.
Not all of them, most of them.
Johnny Manziel, that quarterback for Texas A&M, that Duke game.
Did anybody see that last night?
I forget what the final was, 51-48 or something or 48-42.
I don't know.
But they were down by like three touchdowns, Texas A&M and Johnny Manziel.
Listen to this, folks, before I go.
Johnny Manziel, Johnny Football.
He's the kid who won the Heisman as a freshman at Texas A&M last year.
Total offense in two seasons, just under 10,000 yards
between throwing the ball and rushing.
He had 30 touchdowns, I think, on the ground.
Can you imagine?
And threw for like over 7,000 yards.
Almost 10,000 in total offense in two seasons.
I got to believe he's coming out to the pros.
That's the big question.
But, yeah.
So, if you're around and you're at home, put on one of these games and watch these kids.
It's just tremendous.
And Michigan State, Stanford is the one, the Rose Bowl.
That one's going to be something else.
All right, kids, until next time, do what you got to do, you know.
Base to Turkey, shine your shoes.
Nick DiPaolo signing off.
Good night until we meet again.
Adios, au revoir, auf Wiedersehen. guitar solo Bye.