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You're listening to Nick DiPato.
That time again. Man, a week goes fast.
I unplug all this shit. I'm like, well, that's done. I won't have to do that for a week.
And here we are
uh what went on since i talked to you last a lot of stuff we're gonna talk about obviously
the weather i just got down off my roof okay i almost broke my neck you know my wife's watching
tv and she sees like these stories going across the bottom of, you know, people's roofs caving in and shit.
And I'm like, well, yeah.
But this, you know, we did pay a lot of money for this house.
And I know it was built in 1937, but I'm sure they knew what they were doing.
Get up this morning.
There's water dripping down behind my television in the TV room.
It's a stone house.
But the ice is, you know,
we have a foot and two feet of snow on the roof.
Ice is melting.
And where one part of the house connects to the other,
somehow there's a lake dripping down
behind the armoire with the TV.
And I was up there two days ago,
shoveling, okay, sliding around.
I don't know.
I mean, you never know. It would be just like me to go, oh i don't know i mean uh you never know it would be just
like me to go oh don't worry about it quit you you know and then be sitting there watching
breaking bad and get a 60 pound icicle off the fucking head so uh had to go up there again today
and uh i don't know i gotta believe if i wasn't married i'd be living in a condo
or obviously you know in the city in a nice big apartment paying through the roof but uh i'm not
a do-it-yourself type of fella even though i need the exercise so i went up there and i don't know
the snow is about 400 pounds per square inch. It's the fucking heaviest stuff I've ever touched.
And I was up there for an hour,
and I made the mistake of doing P90X a couple days ago,
which I hadn't done in a while.
I woke up this morning, I felt like I was 106,
my hips, my shoulders,
which I had, you know, reconstructive surgery on back in the 80s.
And I remember them saying back then, well, you're going to feel this when you get into your 40s and 50s.
And of course, I'm like, who gives a shit?
That's 10 lifetimes from now.
Well, here we are.
So I get up today.
She's like, you have to get up on the roof.
And so I'm up there putting these salt tablets.
They're like white hockey pucks that you throw up in your roof and they supposedly melt the ice and whatnot.
But it's a mess up there.
But anyways, enough of this shit.
I used to laugh at people who ran to Florida like pussies.
Now I'm starting to get it.
Man.
But, you know, pictures and catches have reported, so we're almost there.
Are we not?
So I was, where was I?
I was in Wantage, New Jersey.
I was pronouncing it Wantage,
making it more classy than it was.
I don't know.
New Jersey's a huge state, man,
but that's where I was this weekend,
the Comedy Shop.
You know, basically it was a basement
of a nice Italian restaurant or something.
But it was actually a good gig.
I mean, you know, probably 150, 175 people Saturday night.
I was there Friday night too.
They came out despite the weather.
And, man, like I said, I can stretch my legs.
I can do as much time as I want.
The pay's decent.
And I'll do that before I jump on a plane to Sacramento I'll do
that every time I'm sorry sorry Sacramento I always point you out I just try to think of the
furthest point from here um so that's what I was doing on Valentine's night
which is funny in itself that guys came out a lot of couples there take their girlfriend to a nick to polish on valentine's i said on stage you might as well just give her chlamydia jesus christ because let's
let's be honest i don't do a lot of positive relationship stuff you know and uh i'm doing
stuff that you guys are going to hear very soon when when i finally get this DVD out, whether it be on TV or whatever, at nickdip.com.
But that's the act that they heard.
And it's a little bit of raunch in there.
It's a little dirtier than I'm accustomed to.
But I think you're going to like it a lot.
So I did that on Valentine's Day.
And I didn't know what to get the wife.
I was, you know, you run out.
I've been with her 20 years.
You run out of ideas. You know what I mean? I asked my buddy. He goes, well, why don't you go to, the wife. I was, you know, you run out. I've been with her 20 years. You run out of ideas.
You know what I mean?
I asked my buddy, he goes, well, why don't you go to like that Jared's joint?
So I did.
Cut to me the next day handing her a foot long tuna on wheat.
Hello, everybody.
That's right.
That was a Subway Jared joke.
She's expecting earrings.
She gets a salami on fucking white.
So, yeah. So a lot of couples in the audience it was fun they behaved i had a good time i'm actually blushing myself at some of
the material i'm you know i'm talking about like vaginal rejuvenation or asshole bleaching
and uh you know there's nice couples looking up there and the girlfriends are like
why do you take me to see this guy?
And I sit at the bar when I get there.
And this girl aggressively comes up to me.
And she's kind of cute.
But I'm married, so it doesn't matter anymore.
But she's like, oh, I'm a big fan of yours.
I promoted the hell out of this.
My sister's the bartender over there.
And she's like, decent looking.
And she's like, so where are you staying? They put you up around no okay is it all right if i ask that i'm like it's like oh too
bad this wasn't 20 years ago i wouldn't i wouldn't even have made it to the stage
and but i went let's go out my car i want to show you the new sound system i got
anyways and then her mother or aunt is sitting there and they're like let's take a picture
and uh the older woman i don't know if it was her mother or couldn't have been she looked too
but she goes uh you're much better looking in person and i look at the big promotion shot they
use and uh james the guy that runs the comedy shop pulled something off the internet from like
five years ago the one time i wore a suit and tie and i and i look like i weigh 270
it's just the worst picture i've ever taken she goes i said that's an old picture she goes well
then get a new one she lady like yells at me and i said i did i give it to my freaking agent
and i tell him send these out every time i do a gig and you know he he does it all agency yeah
no doubt i'll do it for you and then then hangs up
and goes boy this guy's a pushy prick and uh so you know i got old shit out there so uh anyways uh
went downstairs the gig was great i'm telling you it's a great way to my living folks i don't mean
to brag but it's beautiful but the ride was horrendous i go over the tappan sea bridge
then i get on 287 south for about about, I don't know, 10 miles.
And then I get on something called Route 23 North.
I could tell just by the number, 23, that it's, you know,
obviously it's not an interstate highway.
It's going to be.
I get on that.
I've been on wider, I've seen wider luge courses.
I swear to God.
It was, it starts out three lanes at Fulge.
Like, this isn't bad.
It's a little slippery.
My car is being pelted by frigging sand trucks.
You know, but I'm risking my life to play to, you know, 100 people in a fucking restaurant.
And then it goes down to two lanes.
And it goes through, like, small towns, you know.
And then it would open up again. You could get up to, like, 60. And then you go back down to two lanes and it goes through like small towns, you know, and then it would open
up again. You could get up to like 60 and then you go back down to 25 and I get behind some
lady in her late seventies in a station wagon with a canoe tied to the top. And
oh, it was fucking nightmarish. I mean, I was, I was scheduled to be there like 20 minutes early
when I left my house and I was making great time until I get behind like this one broad. I couldn't get around there for like eight miles.
So, you know, I did what you do.
I knew I had to face that road on the way home,
so I had a couple drinks,
and I was blowing by people on the double yellow line.
And that's how I'm going to die.
I can just see it in my obituary.
Stand-up comedian, you know,
found dead a mile and a half from fuddruckers and camden but uh
that was that another glamorous weekend at showbiz but it was one show friday one saturday
like i said bing i'm home by midnight and i got to throw in some new material this is how the
process works folks trying to put away this this this shit that i've been working on for two
years because it's already on the dvd so i gotta put it away but you can't go up there with nothing
right so try to make a lot of stuff up off the top of your head and that's how that goes
so that was my weekend um comedy wise staying on the comedy uh subject um
tomorrow night city center here in new york city doing the second annual uh patrice o'neill benefit
a great late friend patrice o'neill one of the funniest MFers ever. Not just saying that because he's from Boston either.
Yeah, so I wasn't on it last year.
So, you know, I actually said to Billy Burr, I ran into him at the stand.
Hey, dude, what's up?
You know, I knew Patrice very well.
He helped ruin my career on Tough Crowd.
Because of the jokes I made about him and and and you know me
picking on a fat black guy on tv uh it didn't really help me let's be honest it helped me in
some circles but uh that's why i was playing you know blackstones in wantage new jersey this weekend
um so billy you know billy couldn't have been nicer he's like dude you're right dude i should
have had you on it you know he's doing a good thing he's organizing this thing so but uh you know me and patrice did uh shorties watching shorties and a tough crowd
together and just the guy there's about 10 people that make me laugh in the world he was one of them
just brutal i mean he's already got a chip on his shoulder because he's black and then he's from uh
you know a tough area in boston which makes it even just being a
bostonian gives him another chip uh but nobody did relationship material better than him and he would
be the perfect like valentine's comic um but i remember driving up to montreal to the comedy
festival probably five six years ago with him and his big escalator, whatever. Oh, my God. If we could have recorded that conversation and then given it to somebody,
he would have got a show and I would have been kicked out of show business.
But, you know, just racial animosity all the way up.
But in a fun-loving way.
I mean, we're making each other belly laugh.
Just four and a half hours of nonstop ball breaking.
Stuff that would actually help us in this country race-wise
by the way there were two more knockouts of white people uh they went after a disabled vet on a bus
i can't remember the town and then in cambridge mass some black kid stepped out of a coffee shop
and just sucker punched a white guy that was walking with his wife so i just want to say to
michelle obama you said when bush was the president it was a uh mean
country i just like your opinion now on what you'd call it anyways patrice would probably be enjoying
this and laughing his balls off and somehow justifying it i would love to hear his take on
this oh my come on man i mean this shit went on in 1850 you don't want to work time come on man
but anyways got the benefit.
It's going to be a hell of a show.
Hell of a show.
City Center's a big joint.
I know the second half of the lineup.
I know Voss.
I think Voss is hosting.
And I know Bob Kelly's doing it, obviously.
Jimmy Norton.
Colin Quinn.
Myself.
David Tell. Billy Bur it, obviously. Jimmy Norton, Colin Quinn, myself, David Tell, Billy Burr, obviously.
Dane Cook.
Yeah, Dane's stuff at any time.
You know, if you want to put asses in the seats, it never hurts to have Dane around.
And who else?
Talent.
And I'm forgetting a couple others.
I don't have the lineup,
but that's tomorrow night,
seven o'clock at the city center
in New York City
and for a great cause.
Patrice, we just,
go get Mr. P if you don't have his,
that was I think his last CD
that he put out.
I have it in my car
and I just throw it in.
I listen to it like for two weeks in
a row every night and actually burnt my cell phone on it but i put it in the other night i was
friggin belly laughing um you know so it's a great cause it's gonna be a killer show killer lineup
and that's what i'm doing tuesday night and uh
speaking of the late great Patrice,
let's play a little hymn.
I miss this guy a lot.
He's just so goddamn funny.
Listen to this.
I mean, black women are amazing.
I'm going to tell you what.
If you need to get money Back A refund
Talking about black women
You better get yourself
A black bitch nigga
Cause she'll get
A refund
I went in AT&T
With a phone
I dropped in the toilet
My bitch was back there I'm like hold on Let me talk to this guy Hey man I dropped my phone In the toilet I just want a replacement toilet.
My bitch was back there.
I'm like, hold on, let me talk to this guy. Hey, man, I dropped my phone in the toilet. I just want a replacement
phone. And he's like, well, I can't
do it. I had to put a hood on her head because she's back
there like...
I'm like, look, man, all I want,
I'll take a refurbished.
Sir, we cannot give you any phone.
If you drop it in the toilet,
we are not responsible.
You got one more
motherfucking chance, man.
Sir, I'm sorry Okay
This bitch come back with five phones
And I don't have to pay the bill no more
This nigga is in the back
Fetaled up crying.
I told you, motherfucker,
I wanted a refurbished replacement phone, asshole.
I mean, come on.
How friggin' funny.
That laugh of his, too, man.
I remember, uh,
hardest I saw him laugh,
I get in an argument with Jim David,
who's a gay guy, who's on,
and he's a good guy, I like him,
I mean, you know, but we're fighting about something.
I made an AIDS joke in the green room or some shit, and he went off on me.
He got right in my face.
He always does.
When Jim David talks, he's an inch from your nose.
That's the running game.
But he gets right in my face and starts yelling at me about not making jokes. And then, of course, I just got all fucking mean and bullyish and right back at him and
started, you know,
saying other gay jokes
that were even meaner.
Patrice was sitting on the couch.
He was belly laughing.
The meaner I got,
the harder he found,
I mean,
the harder he was laughing.
His eyes were like welling up.
Then he went into some theory
about me because I'm Italian
having black blood in me
and that's where I get that
and blah
i mean it was never a dull moment i had him up to my house a couple times he had this comedy
cookout i might have mentioned this on previous podcasts he comes up to the first one he starts
yelling at me because i wasn't cooking steaks i'm making like hot dogs and hamburgers italian
sausage you know mac and cheese i thought that was black enough. He starts yelling at me. You don't even have steak, motherfucker.
End up sending Voss to the supermarket. I think it was Rich went to the supermarket
and came back with steak. Patrice cooks it and doesn't even eat it. He's chewing my ass
out like I was being cheap by not serving, you know, I've never been to a cookout where
my buddies are serving, you know, prime rib and ribeyes but uh apparently that's what patrice does uh did and he was like showing
me out he was actually mad and then the funny thing is he comes up the next year and he's got
he's getting out of his car he He's got like five bags of Chinese food.
And I'm like, what are you doing?
No, you know, because of my health, I got to eat healthy.
And I think, I'm thinking he's using it as an excuse because he didn't like my food.
You know, the year before.
Made that clear.
So, comes up with a shitload of Chinese food.
I'm talking like 200 a whole story and he's talking yeah you
know i could eat healthy so he starts opening them i'm expecting to see cartons of steamed
chicken and vegetables steamed shrimp and steamed mushroom i'm opening orange chicken uh general
south sesame chicken ribs boneless ribs the most unhealthy shit you've ever seen in your life.
And I don't remember him even eating that much of that.
It was almost like he brought it up to bust my chops.
Oh, my God.
He was just fucking killing me.
But when we did Shorty's Watch and Shorty's would go, he introduced me to this Argentinian restaurant that served all kinds of steak and beef and pork, all kinds of meat.
They come over to you with like, it's on a spit, the whole meat, the whole roast is on a spit.
And they carve it off and it falls like right in your plate.
And you hold up these green and red cards.
When you want more, you'll put the green card up and they come right over.
You don't have to ask.
They just see the green.
He introduced me to that joint.
And me and him went there a couple times
after doing shorties, watching shorties
and just ate like animals.
And he goes, he just started,
after about an hour of eating,
his eyes would start getting half-masked.
And he just like about passed out at the table.
But what a ball he had doing shorties, watching shorties.
Which, by the way, people loved.
It was actually doing good numbers.
And then I guess the story, well, at least the story I was told,
the animator, the kid who did the animation,
got into some contractual beef with comedy central so that
went away uh this is the type of shit that has me playing wanted new jersey these little breaks
here and there but um yeah patrice we miss him so i think it's sold out i tell you to get tickets
but um the other patrice story I love,
I remember I was just sitting at the comedy cell one night.
He comes in and sits down next to me.
I didn't know him that well at this point.
We knew each other enough,
but we weren't as friendly as we were near the end.
But he comes on.
I'm the only one at the table.
He sits down next to me.
He goes,
I go, what?
He goes, you ain't shit.
You know that, right and and that was it and then he like ordered some food you ain't shit you know
that right uh and of course i came back because i'm not one and i said what do you mean i'm not
shit what does that mean i go okay if i'm white and i'm not shit where does that leave you and
of course then he went on to uh verbally
abuse me for the next hour and a half of the funniest jokes about my hair about my uh coat
my boots just uh just tear me an asshole he did that verbally he was like a triple black belt
and uh Colin Quinn said it best with Patrice he'd like uh
and uh colin quinn said it best with patrice he'd like uh
you know he'd be trying to think of something funny he'd be you'd be unloading on him and he'd be lining up shit mentally like 14 lines to your one but uh so yeah tomorrow night
what else comedy wise um oh interesting thing in the post the sunday post
yeah i read the sunday times too sometimes when i have a week and a half of free time you know
i can love the times read an article about global warming you started on sunday afternoon it's
thursday night you're just finishing it up the climate has changed by the time you finish the article um yeah there's a thing about comedy somebody did a study um about you know who were the
what makes a good comedian or whatever
it was uh who the hell did it not that really matters, but the gist of it was, uh, the people who end up being the funniest, uh, who have stuff to become a comedian are maladjusted, neurotic, aggressive jerks.
And if that doesn't, if that doesn't point the finger at me, I have all those qualities.
I should be more famous than I am, I guess.
But, uh, it's really true maladjusted
neurotic aggressive jerks is what uh is the ingredients for a good comic that's what they
come up with um because uh you know a joke is an aggressive thing i think i remember hearing
jerry snipe i'll say this in a book or whatever about being the punchline.
It's an actual, you know, because when you are making fun, and this is nothing.
No, we've known this, most of us that are comics.
You know, when you're making fun of something, when you tell a joke,
you're doing it at the expense of a person, a place, or a thing.
Somebody's getting kicked in the balls.
That's why Dennis Miller says, comedy's tough.
Bring a cup.
But, you know, I think we've known this.
They said other points found by the comedy research is less surprising.
For instance, studies show sense of humor is strongly linked to intelligence.
It's a function of intelligence.
It is when you think about it.
Because a joke is like a little riddle that you have to figure out that's why it's so fucking hard when you introduce alcohol on a midnight show you know people don't get the
riddle and then they're like you're not funny well you know you're drunk and kind of stupid but they point out in the article,
they get into the male female thing.
And of course the guy that did the study,
he starts to,
you know,
wait into that.
And then he chickens out.
Who the hell did this?
I don't even know who did this study.
Not that important.
But they talk about how,
like when Tina Fey hired
a bunch of writers for 30 Rock,
like eight out of 10 of them were men.
You know?
And again, it makes sense
because we're insensitive.
We're aggressive by nature.
And that plays well to funny.
I mean, there are exceptions.
Tina Fey being one of them, she's unbelievably talented.
But if she's sitting around a table of guy comics, I got to believe I'm going to out funny her.
But then you throw me in a room where you have to come up with 10 sketches.
She's going to fucking crush us all.
Fran Lebowitz, she said she was on to something which she said a few years ago humor is
largely aggressive and preemptive and what's more male than that exactly so that's why it's not an
insult if you think guys are funnier than women it's a kind of a left-handed compliment it really
means you're an asshole um so anyways yeah they talk about being neurotic and aggressive uh both groups of
traits of course strongly correlate with create excuse me uh correlate with maleness
maladjusted and in your face may uh may not be the adjectives you should use to describe
yourself on an average job interview,
but if you're trying to get a gig at a comedy club,
it's nothing that we didn't already know, but I'm just saying.
I think I have those traits.
People are going, eh, well.
I mean, I'll give you a good example of it, actually
What's really funny is
The fucking bank job away in Seacaucus
I have a lot of peshy in me
I'm resting
I hear you're resting
I know I'm resting
They pull me in, they start giving me all kinds of questions
You know, this and that
He says, oh, so what are you going to tell us, tough guy?
I said, my usual. Zero. Nothing.
I tell you, you fuck.
He says, no, you're going to tell me something today, tough guy.
I said, all right, I'll tell you something.
Go fuck your mother.
Bing, pow, boom, bang.
You saw the paper, Anthony.
My head was up like this.
So now I'm coming around, you know.
I start to come out of it.
All I see in front of me is this big prick again.
He says, what do you want to tell me now, tough guy?
I said, Bing, what are you doing here?
I thought I'd tell you to go fuck your mother.
A little aggressive, right?
I thought he was going to shit.
Pow, Bing.
I wish I was big just once.
We're the big cop.
You're really funny.
You're really funny.
What do you mean I'm funny?
Here comes the neurotic
and insecure.
It's a funny story. It's funny. You're a funny guy.
What do you mean?
You mean the way I talk?
It's just, you know,
you're just funny.
This is me with my wife when she says something.
What do you mean?
The way you tell the story and everything.
Funny how?
I mean, what's funny about it?
Tommy, no, you got it all wrong.
Oh, Anthony.
He's a big boy.
He knows what he said.
What'd you say?
Funny how?
Ha ha.
What?
Just, you know, you're funny.
You mean, let me understand this, because I don't even know.
Maybe it's me.
I'm a little fucked up, maybe.
See, he's fucked up.
I'm funny like I'm a clown.
I amuse you.
He's like a jerk.
He's aggressive.
He's neurotic.
I'm here to fucking amuse you.
What do you mean funny?
Funny how?
How am I funny?
I'm not just.
You know how you tell the story.
No, no, I don't know.
This is how I get when somebody's not laughing at me in the audience. How the fuck am I funny? You know how you tell a story? No, no, I don't know.
This is how I get when somebody's not laughing at me in the audience.
How the fuck am I funny?
What the fuck is so funny about me?
Tell me.
Tell me what's funny.
Waitress, drink, please.
Get the fuck out of here.
Tell me.
You motherfucker.
I almost had him.
I almost had him.
You stuttering prick, yeah? sense, doesn't it?
They say that religious people tell jokes poorly.
Conservatives and older people prefer incongruity jokes over nonsensical ones.
Incongruity would be like, and they give an example.
A woman walks into a bar with a duck on a leash.
Bartender says, where did you find the pig?
Woman says, this isn't a pig, you idiot.
It's a duck.
And the bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
See, somebody gets hurt there.
So that's why I think you see more guys than you do women.
It's not a, you know, socially constructed barrier and all that fucking whining. It's in our DNA to be a little insensitive
and asshole-like.
And that just
happens to be what you want to be
made up
of.
What the hell else?
Speaking of comedy, big night tonight,
right?
Big night tonight.
Tonight show.
Back to New York City.
Here's Jimmy.
That's so cool, ain't it?
First time since 42 years 42 years it's back in new york city i think that
is so goddamn cool and if i uh if i knew what i was doing i would have management which i really
you know representation already calling over there but i think this is good for a lot of young comics
i see here in new york You know? It's great.
Let's be honest.
And we're funnier on the East Coast.
I lived in L.A. for five years.
Life's too soft, sunny every day.
There's nothing funny about that.
You know what I mean?
Having to shovel your snow off your roof with your wife and having shit leaking and you see all that?
That causes angst and anger and neuroses and uh it makes for funnier
people stepping in homeless shit that's stuff that happens in new york city i remember i first
moved on from boston i couldn't stop writing one of the first things i saw was a uh homeless guy
at a payphone wiping his ass with a very uh very fine apple juice bottle not Not the bag that came in,
the bottle.
He was rubbing it up his ass.
He had his pants.
One of the first things
I saw in New York City.
There was a new
eight minutes that night.
And it's great
for the young comics,
you know.
So, yeah, tonight.
Starts at midnight tonight.
It's going to go back
to 11.35.
It's a normal slot
tomorrow night.
But because of the Olympics,
it's going to be at midnight. Jimmy Fall fallon i've done a show a couple times and uh couldn't
couldn't be a nicer guy and um it's funny they called me when he's doing late night they call
me you know like a couple years ago they call me like three in the afternoon asked me if i could
and i'm like i can't get a set together in a couple hours it takes me an hour to get into the city you know if i lived in a city i would have probably
you know said yes but uh to get there and on national tv and not have a set that you hadn't
gone over a couple nights or a week or so um so i had to say no a couple times they called me the
last minute now uh that was before we knew he was gonna be the host of the tonight show it's just typical of me always saying no at the wrong time
to the wrong people let that be a lesson to you but uh it's so cool man it's back in the very
studio that johnny carson did it in i mean how cool is that how freaking cool is that
that building uh we did a lot of shit in that building.
A lot of people don't know the show Tough Crowd started on NBC.
It was the Colin Quinn show.
He just got done at SNL
and Lorne Michaels gave him the shot.
And we did what, three?
Three or four shows live?
Right on the stage that they do SNL on.
That very same stage.
That building's just amazing.
A lot of history. And I did
like four or five Conans in that building
and stuff.
I did a couple of tonight shows
with Jay out in LA because I was living out there.
So that's cool, but it doesn't mean anything now.
And I just have to...
I don't know. Those sets are fine
for up-and-coming comics because it's good to get
national exposure,
but you really can't be yourself.
I mean, you sort of fool people.
You go on and you do your TV network clean.
You know, funny stuff, funny enough,
but it's not for everybody.
Then they come out to see you, you know,
at the Tempe Improv,
and you're dropping F-bombs and, you know,
my, so sometimes it's a little deceptive.
But guys like Jake Johansson, they were made for that, you know.
Christ, how many lettermans did he do?
But it's good for these young guys.
I'm excited for these young guys that are, you know, trying to get on TV.
So it's good for New York City.
Like I said, they can go outside with a camera, wander the streets,
and find more funny shit than, you know.
So good luck to Jimmy.
What the hell else?
Let's talk, what, Olympics.
Let's talk Olympics.
How about it, folks?
How about that hockey game?
Did you see it?
You probably didn't because the Olympics are so fucked up.
You know, they're a
continent away they're in russia and uh you know hockey's on at like 6 30 in the morning and you
got to cover your eyes during the news if you want to watch it later that day that's why i don't know
i'm sure you guys figured it out and you're on the internet or watching it but whatever um but uh great hockey game russia usa obviously everybody
harks back to 1980 miracle on ice they'll never be able to i mean we stuck it up their ass doesn't
matter if they we never never beat russia again in hockey they'll never be able to overcome that
so uh but every time we get together you know there's a lot of tension right now between
with our great president obama you know resetting the clock back to 1920
blame that on hillary the next president supposedly uh and and putin being you know kgb
thug that he is so the tensions are there and the whole thing in syria when he stepped in and
uh saved ob Obama's ass.
And so relations aren't good.
So people were looking forward to this, this matchup.
And the USA prevailed in a shootout.
It took eight rounds.
And we prevailed in a shootout.
I think it was T.J. Oshie.
Plays for the St. Louis Blues.
Young kid.
I didn't even know who he was.
But he's just unbelievable on breakaways.
And yes, we beat them 3-2, not without a lot of controversy.
Russia scored with like 440 left in the third period to go up 3-2.
But upon further review, they disallowed the goal and oh they did
not make the home the hometown crowd happy what what happened was the goal had been dislodged
in international play the minute it's dislodged I guess the whistle is supposed to blow or whatever
and it was it wasn't way off the moorings. It was just like a couple inches off the moorings,
but it was dislodged nonetheless.
And they scored on a shot from the point.
And the goalie for Miller, for the Americans,
told the ref that the net was off.
So then they review it.
It takes a few minutes.
Everybody's holding their breath because there's only four
and some change left in the game.
This could be the winning goal. Come back. And I thought it was going to be a goal. I didn't
realize, you know, that the net had become disallowed. I thought somebody might've touched
the puck with a high stick. Looked like two guys reached for it. They come back and the goal is
disallowed. And so it goes into a tie. They play five minutes of overtime,
which is how they should settle the game, by the way.
I don't like fucking shootouts.
They're gimmicky.
They're stupid.
It's like deciding an NBA game with a free throw contest
when your girl is stuffed in.
I think it's so gimmicky.
In a hockey game, you might be lucky to see one or two breakaways, right,
in a 60-minute game. Now that see one or two breakaways right in a 60 minute game now
that's how you're going to decide it i mean isn't that uh putting away too much burden on your
goaltender you know i mean that's not how the game's played for 60 minutes i know people think
it's exciting and shit when i was a kid they didn't uh you know they used to you'd never see
they didn't have shootouts but you'd never see a penalty shot.
You'd see two a year, maybe.
And now that they have the shootout,
it's like no big deal.
But this kid, T.J. Oshie, oh my God.
I mean, this kid's got unbelievable moves.
In international play, after the third round,
you can use the same shooter over and over again,
whereas in the NHL,
you have to use different guys, I guess.
So this T.J. Oshie was just twice it came down to him having to make the shot and score while the Americans go home,
and he does to prolong the shootout and ends up fucking winning it.
Oh, my God, Putin was not happy happy and some guy that works for the russian
government tweeted you know uh american referee how horrible it was clearly the fix was in i'm
paraphrasing obviously but just saying how how it was because it was an american referee
and which is not the case a rule is a rule the net was off the moorings or whatever but uh it reminded
me of um 1972 you people that are my age you know what the fuck i'm talking about uh the munich
olympics in basketball we played russia for the gold medal and uh we went up by a point with under a few minutes left,
under a minute left.
Doug Collins hit two free throws,
and we thought we had won the game,
and well, here's how it played out if you weren't around.
The horn had sounded,
and apparently they're going to move the clock back down
to the three seconds that was indicated was official.
Well, confusion reigns, but the United States still, they have that one-point lead, 50-49,
as a result of two pressure-packed foul shots by Doug Collins of Illinois State.
Now the clock shows three seconds.
Three seconds.
They put three seconds back on the clock for no reason.
Alexander Belov.
Between two American defenders.
Back there with him.
Jim Forbes and the felons.
And the Russian team has Bob, Alexander Belov.
What a shitty call.
And this time it is over.
And this time it is over.
The audio was a little rough there, the best I could find.
But, yeah, we were up by a point.
The clock runs out.
All of a sudden, it's like Russian-looking dude or German.
I don't know.
Definitely communist.
Comes down to the bench.
It looks like he had military garb on.
Goes down to the official scorers.
And for no reason, they put three seconds back on the clock.
So Russia inbounds the ball from under their own basket. They have to throw it like the length of the court,
which the guy does to this giant white center
who's being surrounded by two defensive players for the U.S.
He jumps up, catches it in between them, and then lays it in.
And we lose.
Some of the guys didn't even accept their silver medals.
They said, fuck you.
So what I'm saying is turnabout is fair play.
Even though I don't think that was the case,
it wasn't anything malevolent in the hockey game the other day.
I think a rule is a rule as opposed to what they did
and stuck it up our ass in Munich.
The clock ran out.
USA had won the basketball game.
Some guy comes down and they put three seconds back with no explanation
whatsoever.
It was the creepiest thing I've ever seen.
That was enough to make me hate the Ruskies.
So there was a little turnabout is fair play with the hockey game.
Unbelievable.
Oh, she.
And obviously the goalie Miller was was just amazing amazing the whole game
so uh i'm not a big olympics guy i i do like winter olympics over the summer um but it's
sucking me in a little bit you know we talked about downhill on the last that type of stuff and
bode miller who's like uh his late 30s, isn't he?
I think he's won the most medals ever in alpine skiing for an American.
He got a tied for a bronze last night.
It's amazing, though.
The alpine is crazy.
And what else happened?
Oh, that other sport, the skeleton the skeleton how about that have you watched that
it's like the luge only more dangerous they're laying on their stomachs and they go down face
first and they are literally their chin is inch an inch off the ice and they're doing upwards to
90 miles an hour one mistake and you tell me you're not a vegetable in a diaper for the next 50 years, if you survive it.
Have you ever been in a car, a sports car, that's like low to the ground?
When you're doing like 35, it feels like you're doing 75.
Can you imagine having your face an inch off the ice?
Doing 90?
I just, I got to know what that feels like.
That's, this looks like a blast.
Our speed skaters choked.
Is it Johnny Davis?
I don't know what his name is, but they were expected to go over there and dominate the
US in speed skating.
We were favored like in every event.
And I don't think we won any medals.
People coming in eighth that was supposed to come in first.
And then they were blaming it on the uniforms they wear.
They have these new skin-tight things that were developed by a defense contractor or something,
and they didn't have time to test them out in Italy.
It sounded like a lot of whining, like typical Americans, you know?
So they went back to the old things, the old suits that they wear, and that didn't help either.
So, but I guess they're in total disarray, the speed skating team.
They don't like each other, and there's not much unity there.
And, yeah, we choked.
I guess we're tied for second in medals, overall medals, with Russia.
I think Sweden, Finland's in first, or first or Norway you know one of those very very
white countries that I uh they all seem the same to me so I just jam them together
so uh yeah that was pretty good beating Russia and look it still could happen we might uh if
things turn out we get into playing I'm reading in the paper today we get into playing Canada
like on Friday for the qualifying game uh I mean this a lot of things have to happen and we could end up playing Canada, like, on Friday for the qualifying game.
I mean, a lot of things have to happen,
and we could end up facing Russia again on Sunday for the gold.
Let's hope that happens.
The rest of the shit is boring, man.
Figure skating, I can't do it.
Can't do it.
Chicks are pretty hot, but, I mean, come on, what are you going to do?
All right.
Derek Jeter. can't do it chicks are pretty hot but i mean come on what are you gonna do um um
derek jeter let's get on to jeets the jeets you know derek jeter the guy who makes uh
18 million dollars a year has a 50 000 i'm exaggerating, square foot house in Tampa. But he chooses to drive the Ford Edge,
apparently, according to the commercials.
That's how you pick up A-list pussy.
You pull up in front of a nightclub on South Beach
in a car with four cylinders and AM radio
and roll up windows
and the snatch just comes pouring out, apparently.
Anyways, he announced announced since you and
i talked last that he was retiring and um as a socks fan uh that's good news i have mixed feelings
about the jeets he uh look i'm not the only one saying this and i know you're gonna think i'm
being biased because obviously i'm a bian, but a tad overrated.
And I'm not the only one saying this.
I know a couple of friends of mine who are diehard
Yankees fans that grew up in New Jersey
and a couple of them agree
with me.
It's a close call. Look,
come on, if he was playing in Houston or
Milwaukee,
I mean, come on.
Let's be honest. He played with some great teams, but he also made them great.
Here's where I defend how great he is.
You know, with his clutchness in the playoffs.
The guy was just super clutch, whether at bat or in the field.
The play he made against Oakland, remember?
He cut off the ball and flipped it to the catcher.
That's his clutch of play you'll ever see.
And you've got to respect him because he plays balls off.
I was at the Yankees game that night.
He dove in face first and came up with a busted face.
Me and Artie Lang were in Artie's seats.
We were about 20 feet from that.
And you've got to respect how he played the game. And he's got
the statistics. But I'm just saying
if he wasn't on the Yankees
would it be
hailing him as this great a player?
You know what I mean?
I don't know.
The other thing that bugged me
I think he's a lot cockier
than he leads on or people believe
the cheater.
Somebody, who is it, Phil Mushnick?
Somebody, one of the writers, I don't know if it was Mushnick,
but somebody said he has a lot of Eddie Haskell in him.
If you remember Eddie Haskell from Leave It to Beaver.
Remember Wally's friend?
He'd come over and, you know, he's a real asshole, but it'd be real nice to Wally's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver.
How are you? Good to see you.
And then he'd, you know, something, say something heinous to Beaver two minutes later.
I thought Gita had a lot of that.
But who has had a better life?
And, you know, definite Hall of Famer.
I'm just saying.
Tad overrated.
Don't get pissed at me.
You're not going to find the more clutch guy.
And I'd just, you know, I'd give $1,000 to sniff his fingers.
I mean, look at the ass, this guy.
This guy.
Has he had them all?
Has he had them all?
This latest one, Hannah Day.
I mean, Jesus Christ.
He has great taste.
God, does he have great taste imagine getting so
much ass you're leaving gift baskets and soap and shit and and and limos for girls when they
come out of your apartment oh my god what a life what a life but uh you can't argue those stats man
right like 3,300 hits
and I don't know how many rings
he's got on his fingers
and he was in the middle of all of it
so you know
but defensively
nothing special
and I'm sure the Yankee fans will enjoy that
but and I'm looking at the paper today
you goddamn Yankees
I'm making me sick.
I see what's his name.
Jacoby.
Traitor.
He's dead to me.
And it's being introduced in his Yankee uniform.
I mean, you got McCann, who I love.
He's a fiery catcher.
Kind of a tough guy.
He's going to make mincemeat of that short porch.
And to share is healthy again.
We got to hope for injuries.
We've got to hope you guys have a bunch of injuries like you did this past year.
If you're a Red Sox fan, that's what we're praying for.
So Jeets is retiring at the end of the year.
That's the other thing.
We're going to have to sit through every time he goes to a ballpark.
They're going to be giving him, you know, like they gave Mo Rivera gifts at every ballpark.
Remember that Minnesota gave him a rocking chair made of old broken bats and what are they gonna give jeter blow up dolls
and you know fake tits and just all kinds of all kinds of penicillin free penicillin and condoms
and uh they could have a ball with him if they play with his reputation a little bit.
But we're going to have to sit through that now every game.
And guess what, folks?
You know what his last at-bats are going to be if he's healthy and even playing,
which I'm sort of guessing he's not going to be because he played hard, man,
and it takes a toll on you.
That's why he had so many injuries.
But Fenway Park, the end of September,
his last regular season game is in Fenway Park.
And the tickets are already,
the prices are already higher for that
than opening day at Fenway this year
when they unfurl the world championship flag.
People paying more money to see Jeet's last game.
Let's hope he's in the lineup at that point.
Imagine if it's a playoff atmosphere and the game actually means something.
Hoofer.
And knowing him, it will mean something.
And he'll come through.
He does have a flair for the dramatic.
But this is it for him.
It's going to be weird, isn't it?
What, 1995 was his first year or 96, somewhere in there?
It's incredible.
It's 19 years ago.
It's just frightening.
I remember him just being a rookie.
But as a Red Sox fan, good riddance.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Ah!
Yes, sir.
Ah, what the hell else?
That I want to talk about
um how about the
see the story in a post this weekend
about them killing that giraffe
I know it's about a week old this story but
the first I had
in Copenhagen
the zoo in Copenhagen killed a two-year-old giraffe
named marius with a oh with a bolt gun good to see uh they did that to prevent inbreeding and
then his body was dissected in front of school children and his remains then fed to hungry lions
that sounds like something you do to a mobster
if you caught one of your buddies wearing a wire.
Wouldn't that, you know what he'd do?
What the fuck?
To prevent inbreeding, how about this?
How about move him away from the other giraffe?
What was he, from Tennessee, by the way?
Inbreeding.
Well, um, how about you couldn't put them somewhere else i mean that was the solution
that was the only option and i'm not a real peter person i'm not one of these you know
i think there's a more kids you know we should be worrying about kids that are being abused and
every day pick up the paper and some illegal immigrant nutcase goes crazy and stabs the
wife and kids i've seen that story about eight times in New York City.
But I don't get the part.
Why would you dissect them in front of school children?
It kind of reminds me of a movie I saw way back when.
Happy leg, huh? You're killing the giraffe
not the leg huh
I'll hear that again
happy leg huh
poor giraffe Jesus I don't get it that was the only option Poor giraffe.
Jesus.
I don't get it.
That was the only option?
I don't blame her.
I'm actually with the Peter people here.
What the hell?
Makes no sense to me.
People usually get more upset about animal cruelty than they do about children and stuff.
That's been sort of proven.
Although they did something at Northeastern University
to see, you know, people really care more
about harm to dogs than humans.
And they tested 240 students in Northeastern.
They had them read a fictitious story uh that depicted
either a puppy an adult dog a human infant or a 30 year old human being severely beaten with a bat
then the students were asked to rate how much sympathy and distress they felt for the assault
victims and uh results reveal a more complicated picture than assumed.
Rather than the species,
the primary influence on people being upset was age.
The human infant elicited the most sympathy.
Thank God.
Okay.
It blows my theory out of the water.
Yeah.
Human infant elicited the most sympathy
and distress
from our students,
but infants,
puppies,
and adult dogs
all got greater sympathy
than the 30-year-old human.
So there you go.
They figure like a 30-year-old
human can defend themselves,
I guess.
That's the fucking mentality.
I just,
first of all, he's a bolt gun?
The fuck?
You couldn't just feed him something?
Feed him a, like an egg salad
sandwich from a vending machine at LaGuardia?
That'll put him down.
Um,
and I, they don't explain why
they had to dissect the kid, the, uh,
the giraffe in front of kids.
I'm still trying to figure that one out.
Maybe it was punishment for the kids.
Thought that was kind of weird and unnecessary.
Not to be an old softy.
I used to, as you get older, you start to respect that stuff, you know.
I had a Daisy pellet gun.
It was BB and pellet gun as a kid.
And I used to shoot pheasants.
I think I told this story on a previous podcast.
But I used to go pheasant hunting.
We had a field in our backyard where I grew up.
And I used to shoot pigeons off my grandmother's house because they used to shit all over her house and shit down on her.
She had a greenhouse of tomato
plants in it and you know old school italians you know from the old country they'll kill anything
she's a she used to laugh when i'd shoot a pigeon off her house i mean this is a woman that killed
rabbits with her bare hand she used to snap the neck and then cook them by the way i don't want
you peter people getting upset i think she was making a hat for her husband but uh she used to uh kill rabbits with
a bare hand imagine that so uh yeah i used to shoot pheasants and uh one morning i don't know
if i told this or not they were building a house next door to my house and just the foundation was
up and one morning it was a school day and uh i hear a pheasant making a
and it just woke me up and it was fucking pissed.
And my gun was right there on a little gun rack that I made in Woodshop hanging in my bedroom.
So I opened the window.
I'm in my underwear and it's freezing out.
It's like November.
And I look and there's a giant pheasant walking along the foundation of the house.
He's doing that thing with his head.
So I line it up with my BB.
Sure enough, I hit the fucking thing.
I throw on jeans.
I'm in like bare feet.
It's freezing out.
Run out there.
The thing's flapping around.
I'm pumping BBs into it.
And then I carried it up to my grandmother's
because she used to cook the pheasant.
I don't know.
Doesn't it sound like 1856?
Sounds like a flashback in Godfather two.
Uh,
so I bring it up to my grandmother.
Yeah.
And I remember pumping babies because the thing wouldn't die instead of just,
you know,
probably stomping and putting it out of its misery.
Um,
and I remember going up to my grandmother's later that night and,
and there's the pheasant all plucked,
you know,
looked just like a chicken sitting in a pot.
And there was a pot next to it,
like a hundred,
like a hundred babies.
She thought I could recycle them um how crazy is that but uh yeah as i got older as you get older you know i have
trouble now i have trouble i you know there's a spider in the house I throw it outside or whatever. Kind of silly, ain't it?
Yeah, I'll pick up a moth and let it out the door
instead of stomping it.
But then again,
then I watch TV
and I go,
I wish that guy was dead.
So,
how did I get on that?
Oh, the giraffe killing.
Yeah.
I used to kill a lot of stuff with a BB pellet gun.
I actually had my buddy shoot me in the back.
I took my shirt off, and I said, just pump it a couple times, and I ran down the driveway.
My buddy, Jeff Sear, and I said, just, you know, pump it one or two times.
And, of course, I kept running, and I hear him pump.
And he hit me in the middle of the back, and the welt came out.
It must have stuck out two inches.
And I think he pumped it like four or five times.
No, five times it had broken the skin.
But, yeah, I had him shoot me in the back.
And his brother, his older brother Robbie, had a bow and arrow.
Never forget this.
We're having a rock fight up at his house, up the street.
I run across to the Desmarais' house.
I'm standing at a picnic table.
I see Robbie.
He was throwing rocks across the street.
I mean, he had a gun.
He goes in.
Gun as in not as a real gun as he could throw a rock 100 miles an hour.
He goes in his house, comes out with a bowing arrow, right?
I'm standing across the street at a picnic.
I'll never forget this.
He actually saved my life, although he put it in danger for no reason in the first but comes out with a bow and arrow he takes the he pulls the thing back he's aiming at me and then
he thinks twice god must intervene here i don't believe he he he's about to and then he decides
to take the tip it was a real bow and arrow bugs that you hunt with
he decides to take the tip off at the last minute and there i am sitting on that standing on a
picnic table and and and he pulls it back and he lets it go when you know that goddamn arrow hit
me in the throat and if he had left the tip i still think about this when i lay in bed
if he had left that tip on that thing would went
through my adam's apple and i would have been finished would have been done
i'll never forget that that day because then i threw a rock back at him and you know those
electric boxes on the side of the house they used to have you could read your electric meter it's
like a glassed in case-case thing. I remember
that breaking. Me hitting that as
his mother was coming out of the house.
She sees it, and I run down the
street for safety.
The good old Sierra Boys.
That's
about it.
Obama
making more changes to Obamacare without, you know, going through Congress.
This is just hilarious.
If this was a Bush or a Republican president, he would have been impeached by now, hanged by his balls.
This guy's just going right around the Constitution.
Well, you heard him say in that speech, right? That, you know, to get stuff done,
if he has to do it on his own, he's got a pen and a phone. That's all he needs. Reminded me of,
well, here you go.
Got a pen and I've got a phone.
The only thing I need is this.
I don't need this or this.
Just this ashtray.
And a pen.
And this paddle game.
And a phone.
And that paddle game.
The ashtray and the paddle game, and that's all I need.
And this.
Remote control.
The ashtray and the paddle game and the the remote control. That's all I need.
It's Obama.
It's all he needs.
A phone and a pen.
It's unbelievable.
He's made like 30 changes to this law.
Illegally.
Nobody gives a shit.
It's crazy.
And that's not the stuff that bothers me. It's the stuff that's going on.
You know, I guess it goes on to an extent with all administrations,
but this administration, rewriting regulations, like, secretly, behind the scenes.
You know?
I mean, like, trying to change our society for what they think is the,
I mean, like trying to change our society for what they think is the, as it said in the paper, lefty advocates changing regulations with no input from Congress or the public.
And they're talking about stuff like schools no longer allowed to suspend minority kids who are bullies.
It's crazy.
Crazy shit. it's crazy crazy shit apparently they did a study
and proportionally
minority students get suspended
more than non-minority students
and that's because they're in more trouble
that's my opinion
that's statistics
that's why that happens
but of course let's not let the fucking facts get in the way
and they're trying to change that That's why that happens. But of course, let's not let the fucking facts get in the way.
And they're trying to change that.
The administration's pressuring schools to keep disruptive minority students in the classroom. The new federal guidelines call for a moratorium on suspensions now demonized as racist because they have a disparate impact on black students.
They also discourage school authorities from bringing police onto campuses, even in some violent cases.
Can you imagine that?
They're trying to discourage that.
Race discrimination in school discipline is a real problem today.
It's a quote from one of the pinhead advocates.
Unbelievable.
There's something called,
what are they calling this?
Dignity recommendation.
Dignity guidelines.
Recommendation that schools
enroll troubled kids
in restorative circles
and other culturally sensitive programs
instead of suspending them.
Under this positive approach, offenders are allowed to negotiate
the consequences for their bad behavior.
So in other words, kids are going to decide what their punishment is.
Have we lost our fucking minds?
Oh my God.
And they have dialogue sessions in which teachers join unruly students
in talking circles to foster greater cultural understanding.
Do you fucking believe this?
This is the type of shit.
And they're passing this stuff.
It doesn't go through Congress.
It's advocates that Obama hires.
New York City public schools recently adopted restorative counseling as an alternative to suspensions,
which are now banned as punishment for one-time minor infractions.
Listen to this psychobabble horseshit.
Taking a restorative approach to discipline changes the fundamental questions that are asked
when a behavioral incident occurs, the department says.
Instead of asking who's to blame and how they should be punished,
in other words, instead of getting to the bottom of the fucking problem,
it addresses underlying factors that lead youth to act out.
How do you fucking believe this oh my god
oh and here's the other one
uh forced integration of the suburbs and this is happening right up here matter of fact this
has been in the been in the national news for a couple years now. And the town I live in has actually been mentioned as one of the towns that they want to integrate.
This is social engineering by leftist fucking douchebags who think they know what's good for you.
Look, I'm from Boston.
I remember busing in the 70s, even as a 10, 12-year-old kid, watching the news and the shit that went on.
They want to do this on like a national scale, like every neighborhood.
Affordable housing zealots helped craft a sweeping new federal regulation
that created a controversial housing discrimination database,
which the administration hopes to use to reshape the demographics of every neighborhood in America.
It's part of an ambitious agenda to eliminate racial segregation,
zip code by zip code,
through systematic dismantling
of exclusionary building ordinances across America.
Who do they fucking think they are?
It started in Westchester County,
where HUD is withholding millions of dollars in funding
until the area relaxes restrictions on subsidized housing.
But that's just the beginning of a nationwide campaign to force suburbs to accept Section 8 and other low-income residents.
Good luck with that, Pinheads. Good luck with that.
Because that will be a civil war. It ain't never going to work.
Have fun trying it.
We got this guy, Rob Astorino.
He's a Westchester County executive who's been fighting this for years.
And it's crazy, man.
It's just it's just unbelievable, the arrogance and the pomposity of these freaking jerk offs.
The agency's 34 page of Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing, AFFH, mandate soon to be codified as law in the Federal Register.
That's where you put all the rules and regulations.
Is the brainchild of National Fair Housing Alliance, a radical leftist group based in Washington.
Really?
They're just eating the asshole right out of this country.
Good luck with that.
We'll see how this works out.
Just unbelievable.
Who says, why are you the arbiter on what's fair and what's not?
It's fucking, it's making me sick.
Huh.
huh nfha worked closely with sarah k pratt hud's chief of fair housing enforcement oh hud uses a network of crony advocates to help create improve and finalize new rules
can you imagine zip code by zip code they're going well your town's too white
don't people sort of
just congregate
with each other
and like to live around each other
I think they do
and we've seen
what is it
when you left
as douchebags
that you don't
you look at history
and just ignore it
whether it's
you know
socialism
in Europe
or
things that don't work
that's been tried a thousand times.
You know?
Busing in Boston.
No, fuck it.
We know better.
I'm glad I'm 52.
I'll be gone soon.
Well, I didn't want to end on a bummer, but that's about it.
We covered a lot, didn't we?
Upcoming gigs.
I have no commercials. It's kind of nice upcoming gigs obviously tuesday night
city center for patrice that benefit uh watch me on red eye on saturday night i'm taping it on
friday uh and then in march the 14th the suffolk Theater at Riverhead, New York.
And on the 15th, oops, just realized it's my anniversary.
Uh-oh.
I'm in Worcester, Massachusetts at a theater.
It's a Worcester Comedy Festival with Lenny Clark and a few of the other Boston legends.
So if you're in that area.
And then at the end of March, 26th through 29th, side split is in Tampa,
which is a great club.
Actually, 27th through 29th,
Thursday, Friday, Saturday,
side split is in Tampa.
That's about it, kids.
Tonight show tonight,
first one from New York,
starting at midnight.
Let's pull for the American hockey team,
the 3-0.
And I think we've covered everything love you a lot
keep supporting comedy
I'm 8 pounds
overweight and that's about all I got
until I see you next time
goodnight
until we meet again
adios au revoir I'll be to say Good night until we meet again.
Adios, au revoir, I'll be to say. guitar solo I'm out.