The Nick DiPaolo Show - 067 - Are You Mad, Bro?

Episode Date: February 3, 2015

Are You Mad, Bro?

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Second and goal. Morgan sets up on the left. Late clock at five. Pass is intercepted at the goal line by Malcolm Butler. Unreal. Unreal. Unreal. Unreal. How sweet it is.

I didn't think I was going to be humble about this, did you? Yeah. Oh my God. The bad guys win again. Look around because you're never going to see a bad guy like this again. This guy's fucking Bradyady look at him amazing oh pete carroll you know got one thing to say to you phil and you blew it you blew it oh that poor prick hey look we can all second guess, okay? And yes, in the end, I don't care what the argument is, not the best call.

I don't know, is it as egregious as people are saying? I don't know. That's a high percentage play. That probably works nine out of ten times, but obviously no need to put the ball in the air. That's the argument. You got the beast, you know, you're a yard away. Oh my goodness, the poor kid. I woke up today, this morning,

and I had a pit in my stomach for Pete Carroll. It was like when you did something bad when you were drunk and you woke up the next morning in college or whatever or you got caught cheating on your girlfriend or some really horseshit decision you wake up the next morning and you it's the first thing you hear in your head and you blew it you blew it poor prick oh you know he faced the

music though with some class you gotta like him man but uh man. But, yeah, I don't know. I don't really know what they were thinking, man. I don't know. And the first thing that came to my mind was the first Super Bowl that the Pats lost to the Giants in, I think it was 2007. Nobody talks about this. I've talked about it on the podcast before. The Asante Samuels non-interception by the Patriots.

If you remember, with just a little over a minute left, Eli Manning throws a bullet right to Asante Samuel, cornerback for the Patriots. And if he catches it and just falls down, the Pats have another Super Bowl. But no, it goes right through his hands. And then, you know what happened after that, David Tyree, the whole blah, blah, blah. But when Malcolm Butler made that play, that's the first thing I thought of was, made that play.

That's the first thing I thought of was, oh, my God, a cornerback cost us a Super Bowl, and now a cornerback has won us a Super Bowl. And it was his first career interception, folks. How ironic is that? That's what it said. I almost, I don't know. I had to look at that step, but that's what it said. First career pick

and nobody's talking about what a great play that is how he read that yes i know it was not the right call but he still has to make that play and uh most of the time dbs don't catch a ball like how many times have you seen a db like asante samuel have a ball thrown right at him, but they don't make the play? And, you know, the announcers say that's why he plays defense. I mean, that was a, you know, a short rocket. And, man, I was in shock. I was in absolute shock.

And it's just, that curse catch, I'm like, you know, it's ironic the guy's name is Curse because that's what the Pats are apparently late in Super Bowls. When that ball, when he made that, I go, you have to be shitting me. You have to be shitting me. One of the greatest catches, it's not going to get talked about as much, but one of the greatest catches in the history of the Super Bowl. Right up there with Tyree oh my god I almost started crying I couldn't freaking believe it and you get you had a player for the Patriots a lot of we always talk about I talk about fundamentals did you see the defensive back jump over his name is Harmon he jumped over the play before it was over he thought the ball was you

know um butler made an unbelievable play to get his hands on that one too and this guy harman comes running across he had the db in the play and hurdles uh not even you know thinking the play wasn't over yet and thank god butler still kept his eye on curse who was laying on the ground when the ball landed on him. And otherwise, he could have got up and walked in. I mean, there were so many things that could have gone wrong right there. Holy Christ. And I got to tell you, when the Pats came out and pushed around the Seahawks in the first quarter,

I'm like, this could be a blowout. This might be a blowout. And then when halftime came and it was tied, I was sweating bullets. I'm like, holy shit, my worst nightmare. That would outplay these guys, but they'd have a couple of big plays because that's what Seattle does. And I'll tell you, my heart goes out to Russell Wilson

because I love him, watched him at Wisconsin in college. And, you know, again, he faced it with some class um which he knew he would and uh so did p carol but the rest of the seahawks defense and i don't blame him when the fight broke out at the end there how about gronkowski he's right in the middle of it this guy is fucking swinging at people tackling people and uh probably getting blown right now by by three strippers and probably hasn't gone to bed yet i mean what i i look that's what happens you know and again if the pats did that if it was the shoes shoes on the other foot the whole world be talking about how classless the Pats were, you know. But you can understand the frustration of Seattle.

And, hey, these guys, look, they play on raw emotion, man. And doesn't excuse it, but these are football players. They're warriors. And, man, were they fucking pissed, and who could blame them? But the whole thing was worth it just to see the look on Richard Sherman's big mouth. You saw what happened when Revis got burned for a touchdown. Sherman was right in the camera. Of course, NBC's right on him because apparently now when you're a trash talker, you're considered a genius.

And, oh, he went to Stanford. And, yeah, he's a bright guy, whatever. But sorry, I'll never find that as an endearing quality in anybody. So, he's pointing at the camera 2-4. What he was pointing out was that was Rivas' number. And he just got burned. That's what he was pointing out. So, when Butler made that pick to end the game.

Let's hear it again. I can't help it. I can't help myself. You guys, you might want to turn this off if you're not Patriots fans, but you knew what was coming today. Second and goal. Baldwin sets up on the left. Late clock at five.

Pass is intercepted at the goal line by Malcolm Butler. Unreal. Unreal. Malcolm Butler, who almost made the final play. Then wound up in Persia's arms. There are flags on the field for celebration. Amazing. And then you cut to the sideline to Richard Sherman. Are you mad, bro?

It's a far cry from Richard Sherman a couple years ago after the 49ers game. Let's send you down to the field. Remember this, Richard Sherman? Joe, thank you so much. Richard, let me ask you, the final play, take me through it. Well, I'm the best corner of the game. When you try me with a sorry receiver like Crabtree, that's the result you're going to get.

Don't you ever talk about me. Who was talking about me? From that to this. I had to have some fun with it. He's a hell of a ball player. Play with torn ligaments in his arm, and that's what they do, man. They're warriors. Well, I say the good guys came out on top, but, you know, or the bad guys, whoever you want to look at it.

I love the fact that they looked at his bad guys. I love it. I don't know. So, yeah. That was some game, huh? Where are my glasses at? Oh, boy. Goodness gracious, Heloise. But um come on tom brady our lord and jesus savior

got a few stats on brady and the patriots i should have called this um braggadocio this episode first uh super bowl quarterback to throw four touchdown passes to four different receivers. We had Gronk, Amendola, and LaFell, and Edelman. He was 8-for-8 on that final drive for 65 yards. It's the coaching, though. It really is the coaching. You got a guy that can execute like that, and you get talent, and the coaching.

They were describing it as a death by a thousand cuts, the Patriots game plan, and it was. Short dink passes, which that's just an extended run game. That's all that is. That's what the West Coast offense and Bill Walsh who invented it, that's what it was based on, you know. Little dink passes here and there, and then you burn them long if you can. That was the largest second-half deficit overcome in the history of the Super Bowl. Can you imagine if they're down by 10 with under 10 minutes left?

It was eight and some change. Are you shitting me are you kidding me i said to my wife this is we have them right where we want them this is why brady is a legend let's see if we can do it again third mvp ties joe montana fourth super bowl win ties bradshaw and montana only quarterback to start in six Super Bowls in the history of the game. Bill Belichick ties Chuck Knoll of the Steelers for his fourth Super Bowl win. Brady was 37 of 50 for 382 and four touchdowns. Two picks. I was like, that first one was like, this might be a tough day. But that's what legends are made of, man.

He shook it off. And 13 career touchdown passes in the Super Bowl, breaks Montana's record. Imagine breaking your idol's record. That's going to be the balls, too. 13 years. This was my favorite statistic. 13 years between Super Bowl, his first and his last Super Bowl win, which is he tied the biggest band

with Ted Hendricks from those dirty Oakland Raiders who I liked back in the 70s. So, what are you going to say? Best quarterback ever. That's what i'm gonna say uh what else boston it's our as far as the city goes i've been calling it title town for the last five years now uh it's the ninth title in 14 years as far as all four pro sports teams. Ranks number one in the new millennium.

Pats with the four Red Sox three-world series, and the Bruins and Celtics each had a championship in that mix. That's pretty amazing because I know the lean days. I'm old enough to see the list. So it really is. We are spoiled, rotten. But goodness gracious. And of course, the haters are still out there. Oh, yeah.

There'll be asterisks next to this one, too, and deflating hate and fucking people. But what's the latest on that? Even that's good news as far as the pats go uh now uh uh another story leaked from the i guess the nfl network only one of the 12 patriots footballs used in the afc championship game against the Colts was underinflated by a full two pounds. Several other balls were found to be roughly one pound underinflated and several more were right at or even barely beneath the correct inflation mark. So I'm sure, you know, what's funny is people know more about that than what's going on in Syria and the Middle East and ISIS. It really is.

Are we distracted or what? Me included. I try to follow both. But and sports is well, I'll get to that in a minute because it's a release from all that shit. But somebody should tell the people who make the commercials. And I'll get to that. I usually don't bother with the Super Bowl commercials. But because they've become such a, you know, everything has to have a message, a feminist message to it or whatever. You know, it's relevant to the story.

Also, as far as Deflateglate gate and i'm still saying hey whatever does it really matter though we addressed this last week does it really freaking matter because we know they corrected the the the air at halftime and the pats had a better halftime against the cold second half so i mean that's where the argument should end. But I really hope it falls. All this is true that only one of the balls, you know, was underinflated. And you know that young ball boy that went into the bathroom for 90 seconds? Turns out they have footage of that. It's an elderly employee carrying both the Patriots and Colts footballs into the bathroom for 90 seconds. And let me tell you, I'll speak as an elderly.

It takes me at least 90 seconds to piss because my prostate is the size of a fucking overinflated NFL football. It presses against my bladder and it comes out at a stream like a fucking broken showerhead at the Red Roof Inn. It trickles out. I can't piss in under 90 seconds. So that's interesting, too. This is just unbelievable. Do you understand the NFL? They can't go wrong.

I mean, it's already the biggest spectacle in the world, the Super Bowl. But you throw this shit in on top of it, it's like a soap opera. It's like a movie. It's just a money-making machine that can't be slowed down. Oh, man. So, yeah, we'll see. And we'll see how that turns out. But my question is there, okay, so who started the rumor that it was a young ball boy that went in there? And by the way, the Patriots turned over that footage voluntarily. You understand what that means? Before the league even asked for it, they turned it over. Okay?

Interesting. I don't give a shit. They were four pounds under. It doesn't change what Belichick and Brady and the Patriots have accomplished over the last 14 years. Sheer dominance. Doesn't matter. And go back and do your homework on Spygate, because that was ridiculous how that got blown out of proportion.

Anyways, yeah, so that's funny. A young ball boy is really an elderly man and uh 11 or 12 footballs instead of it being you know under inflated by two pounds now it's only one so i want to know who the fucking rat bastard and pat's hater was that started all that that's that's kind of a good question i wonder if the mr wells will come up with an answer for that oh i keep thinking about uh pete carroll Mr. Wells will come up with an answer for that. Oh, I keep thinking about Pete Carroll. Boy, you can imagine the pit in his stomach if he slept at all.

And I can't wait to find out what kind of STD he's grok at last night. You probably won't see him doing interviews for the next, like, you know, next month or so because he's going to have, like, these giant open sores on his lips and giant cauliflowers growing on his face oh is he a character man is he a character he's still he's not as fast as he was i don't know if you guys noticed he's still unbelievable had an unbelievable year unanimous only unanimous all pro but you can tell with that brace on he's i mean he lumbers more than he does. He used to run like a frigging split out. But he was funny during the interview after. So funny.

And nobody gets arrested in Boston after the Pats win. That surprised even me, you know um nobody arrested one kid at umass on campus remember they went shithouse a few years ago after i was i don't know if it was the red sox or patriots when they went nuts but only one arrest at umass um cops don't play that game in boston Cops don't play that game in Boston. So I'll get to the commercials in a few minutes. But yeah, so this all started last Monday when we were supposed to get the big snowstorm. I went into New York to do a thing for ESPN and SportsCenter. And I still don't know.

I must have recorded all the wrong episodes of SportsCenter. We did a little piece. I saw it on, obviously, it was on the Internet. Me, Gary Gullman, and another comedian versus Nick Thune and a couple other comics from Seattle. They actually flew them in there's not much money espn has um and we did this thing at a bar in the lower east side it's a patriots bar and we did a two and a half three hours of banter talking about football and and you can see it on the internet whatever um that was really fun course, all the funniest stuff I said did not make the air.

But in Goldman and because they tell you beforehand, that's how TV works, folks. We're going to kick it around for two and a half, three hours. And they use two and a half minutes. And there was some funny shit being said that, you know, especially especially SportsCenter and ESPN. I mean, it doesn't get much more wholesome. I mean, you're going, what do you mean? Well, as far as sports, yes, and domestic violence and all that shit.

But as far as their programming, I mean, you can't, you know, they're not going to let you curse and they're not even going to curse and bleep it on sports. It's, you know, sports is family entertainment and Disney is the leader in political

correctness but um it still came out pretty good they did a great job and it looked good and so i went down there and then i was supposed to go do a run in fez and this is this is when the snow was starting to pick up on monday um i took a car service which esp ESPN sent, or Carmel. You might want to write that down so you don't ever use them. They brought me into the city, and then I had to get myself up to Ron and Fez, which is in the Ceres building. Got a cab. Snow's blowing kind of hard at that point.

I get up there, and I'm sitting in the waiting room and i had never met ron bennington ran into fez uh a couple days earlier than ever the first time he looked like ben davidson from the radius with a big white walrus must i was picturing a kind of old brian boy tano you know i mean sounds super gay but he didn't look at me look like somebody you see on the deadliest catch wrestling a giant fucking snow crap uh so ron i'm sitting in the serious waiting room for a while and uh i i i get a message to call the car service from carmel and of course they have me on hold for 15 minutes which is no excuse ever i don't what. To keep somebody on hold for more than a minute. And I learned that from Manny at the Comedy Cellar. So I finally get through.

And the guy confirms that there'll be a car waiting for me. I was going to do Jay Thomas' show right after Ron and Fez. But the snow was picking up. So I changed it at that point. So I clarified with them. And they said, yes, we'll have a car for you at whatever, 3.30. They confirmed it. They confirmed my name and shit. So I do Ron and Fez. Which was a blast, by the way. I clarified with them and they said yes we'll have a car for you whatever 3 30 we can they confirmed it they confirmed my name and shit so I do Ron and Fez which was a blast by the way

uh always listen to those guys you know I've heard them for years but uh sit in there was fun and um I didn't know Ron Bennington was like this you know Philly uh kind of like a uh it reminded me of Artie a little bit working class um and knows a ton about a ton of subjects and i didn't know he was like a i always when i listen to this show they're always talking about you know like nerdy movies and shit stuff that i really didn't like i i i be honest i never listened to him on a regular basis and uh he starts rattling off the oakland raiders of the 70s one of my favorite teams. And it was great.

And like Quinn told me, he goes, yeah, the guy knows a lot about a lot of stuff. And you can tell he's been doing it forever. So we were busting balls and having a great time. And we'd love to do that show again because it lit up Twitter. You can tell the shows that really have some juice you know and um i come out i come out and i check my phone okay and there's a message for carmel saying call us i call them and now this is it's freezing the snow is blowing the first i come out i look for my car and there's you know obviously 18 identical black SUVs or whatever

Lincolns. And, uh, I don't see my name on any of them. And, uh, and I, I call, then I call them or there was a message to call them. And the guy goes, yeah, we don't have a car for you. I said, I said, what? Can you repeat that? Yeah. We don't have a car for you. All our drivers went home. Nobody wants to go up there. Those are the exact words from the guy at Carmel, Car Servant. I go, really? That's how it fucking works? You drop me off in the city? I live 40 miles from here, and I'm fucking stranded?

I thought he was like, I was waiting for him to go, yeah, no, I'm kidding. But it never came. He goes, yeah, most of our drivers went home. And it wasn't, you know, it was blowing pretty hard at that point. And I go, well, what the fuck? Oh, we'll refund you, and it's not my money anyways. It's ESPN's. Oh, yeah, good, good.

So, yeah, if you're going to call a car service, and the weather is shitty, don't expect Carmel to be there for you. Prick faces. So then I walked on foot now it's really blowing and it's cold and uh i had to walk to uh you know what from sixth avenue and 49th which is where sirius is over to grand central station hopefully to catch a metro north train so i get over there i get up to the counter wait in line line, buy a ticket. I go to the lady. What track is, you know, the Chapico up in that area? One of those Chapico Golden Gates.

She goes, track 25. So I go running. That train's going to leave in about five minutes. I get on it, and the guy comes on the speaker. Attention and listen to this good. He names off every town in fucking northern Westchester but Chappaqua. He goes, anybody trying to catch the Chappaqua train? And that'll be on track 13.

Leave it in 12 minutes. So I go running over there and find track 13 and jump on there praying. But meanwhile, it's snowing like a mother now up in where my or i live i don't want my wife driving in this shit and uh i'm trying to send her messages of course i can't get a signal because i'm underground and then when i do get a hold of her she wasn't exactly pleasant about coming to get me i'm like hey i wasn't in the fucking city drinking with my friends you know if she had to go check on her horse's bad knee, she'd take a frickin' unicycle up the hill.

But she was right. My road was like a loose sled. Holy Christ. It's about three feet wide. Sheer ice. Even my SUV, my Infiniti, which is great in that shit. She, you know, came and got me.

And... But, yeah, so that was a wild Monday. Friggin' wild. I still can't believe that they left me high and dry like that. Those pricks. So, you know, I called the guy back. I said, listen. Fuck you!

Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck listen. Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! I'm trying to stop it.

I really am. I lost my page. Uh, yeah. Those car services are creepy. You know? Guy with the Bible eyes talking Farsi and playing. It's always this type of music when I get in the back of the car. And he's talking into his head.

He's talking into his head. Twin powers. What are you doing, my friend? You're going to Northwest Houston. We tried to build a mosque up there. Quinn calls that music the best of female circumcisions. Ah. So, yeah. Ron and Fez was great.

Let's go to the commercials, the Super Bowl commercials, like I said, because they have become so socially relevant. Again, I've been preaching this shit since the mid-'90s. It's all about getting that feminist message out. If you listen to the tone of these commercials, you'd think, honest to God, you'd think it was pre-1955. You'd really think they're so put upon.

Oh my God. These feminists, we have to fly them over to Afghanistan to show them, to put this shit in perspective. They've really lost fucking touch. They really have. And first of all, oh, and yesterday I get up. I watch my Sunday morning shows so I can get nice and angry for the game. I watch it because it's just hilarious.

I'm watching Martha Raddatz on ABC this week. She fills in for Stephanopoulos. I don't even know why his name is on the show. And she turns like this, and she over-enunciates everything. And they have to retire her, okay? Please. Her voice is like a fucking, never mind waterboarding, just make them listen to this bitch for 10

minutes oh they'll never come back to this country again but of course first of all they're talking about the measles okay they have a discussion about the measles and how they think it's being spread because a lot of parents don't want their kids vaccinated. Okay. But they know better. The asshole elitists. And so who she has. I know I'm getting off the football topic. I'll get back to it. But it all ties together with the liberal horseshit slant. Whether it's the Super Bowl ads or Sunday morning with Martha Raddatz.

Because it ties in. Because they did a nice hit piece on football. I'm getting to that in a second. But they do a thing on measles and they have the guy Tom Freed or Freedman from the Center of Disease Control. Remember the guy who blew the he botched the Ebola thing when it first happened, his phony message. And then you didn't hear from him from like two weeks.

They have him on. Of course, he's pro-vaccination. He knows best. They have another doctor on who's pro-vaccination. He knows best. They have another doctor on who's pro-vaccination. I don't have an opinion either way. I've read stuff. You know, people believe it causes autism. But of course, they state right in the report that has been debunked.

I love how the fucking, they always decide when the discussion is over, whether it's climate change or autism caused by vaccinations oh the science is in shut your dumb hole okay whatever you say so they have uh yeah the senate for disease control and another doctor and and who's representing the people who are against vaccinations some some some um house mom from like arizona but my point being that and that's it that that that's how that side was represented they really think we're fucking stupid and and again like i said i have no no uh dog in the fight but it's just i watch these shows it's hilarious the arrogance and the and then they have a you know a 10 minute discussion on that and whatever they don't mention

they don't mention anything about illegals and people pouring in from countries where they have diseases that we eradicated in this country 40 years ago. And there's no connection. There's no connection. They don't even bring up that. They don't bring it up once. How can you have a discussion about something like that and not bring up all the people pouring into this country? Fucking embarrassing. have a discussion about something like that and not bring up all the people pouring into this country fucking embarrassing and then she had scott walker on who won the iowa poll he's the head republican right now and and you just you can just see the fire in her eyes when she's talking

and how much tougher she becomes in her questioning and it's just fucking hilarious uh and she told me her voice it's like a drone uh and she's dried up throw alicia menendez in there nice young latino girl if you're gonna put a liberal in there who's a little bit sane is that her name i don't even know but anyways the reason i bring that show up then they went on to do a nice hit piece on football and on on how its future and they keep running this is about the eighth time they've covered this topic in the last year how the future of football might be in danger and how it would be a great idea not to let kids play football before the age of 10 or whatever which is you know i started football what youth football i was in what fourth 10 or whatever, which is, you know, I started football, youth football. I was in what, fourth grade or whatever. I don't know. And, you know, the whole concussion thing. And, uh,

of course they interview a mom and who doesn't want her kids playing it. And, uh, my fucking word. And again, in the discussion, they don't bring up how many, how many kids suffer brain injuries from skateboard accidents, which it's way more than them playing football up how many kids suffer brain injuries from skateboard accidents, which it's way more than playing football. How many kids have died? They didn't bring up any other, you know, dirt bikes or any other risky behavior. Of course, then they cut to the stock footage of soccer and little girls kicking that around. And this is where it should be headed, really.

This will probably be the future. And just, again, a de-balling and a defanging uh meanwhile the super bowl setting records uh football's never been more popular and they have to get like two players they get they get brett farb who you know said i don't know if i'd let my son play but and one other player and of course so which surprised me, Brett Favre. You know, he didn't say no completely, but I'm sure they had to search long and far. And, of course, the one guy who said it's a bunch of bullshit was Vince Wilfork, who stands about 5'10", about 376. And he said, it's all bullshit.

We know what we're getting into when we put the helmets on. And he said, it's just bullshit. We know what we're getting into when we put the helmets on. And he said, it's just like a boxer getting into a ring, like you don't know what's going to happen to you. And I love this. How do you, oh, the NFL just didn't tell us. You know, they had the guy on Leonard Marshall for the Giants. And, of course, he wants his pound of flesh, and he thinks the league should pay. Really?

You really think they all knew about as much about concussions back then as they do now? Well, where's your evidence of that? How did the fucking NFL know? Well, you know, what was Pete Rozella a neurosurgeon? They didn't know. They know now. And they do have enough money to throw these guys. That's not the point, but I'm just saying. You can't say they knew. You don to throw these guys that's not that's not the point but i'm just

saying you can't say they knew you don't know if they knew or not yeah that's right i'm signing on the side of management again folks somebody has to everybody out for their fucking free lunch um but they just again and then I put on meet the press same thing what about football and concussions should the kids play no I think they should drink hot cocoa and let's give them all

Barbie dolls oh wait a minute Barbie dolls Barbie dolls not even they're not going to be selling those anymore because those are sexist and I don't know what to say I don't know where to fucking go but yeah nice hit piece and again football represent couldn't be because those are sexist and I don't know what to say. I don't know where the fuck I can go. But yeah, nice hit piece. And again, football couldn't be more representative of what we love in this country. Competition.

It's fast. It's violent. Competition is just a bad word with the left, you know. If I see one more commercial you know for youth football a punt pass and kick and it opens with a girl with a ponytail oh for christ's sake let it go for five minutes let me enjoy and that's my bigger point that's my bigger point can we i mean football there was a writer i want to say red Red Barber. I don't know. There's a sports writer whose quote was one of the most famous quotes ever.

I should have looked it up, but let's be honest. It's a podcast. I do it for nothing. His quote was, sports is the toy department of life. Amen. We use sports as an escape. Do you understand? From ISIS, from breast cancer, from domestic violence. Yes, and I know they meet at some point when your players are beating up their girls. I understand it has to be addressed. But with each year for the last 15 years, again,

the feminine influence, I'm just, and don't, and I don't want to hear, oh, he hates women. It's not about hating women. It's about hating militant feminists who try to speak for women. Because, I'll say it again, most of the women I know

agree with me on this shit. But we use sports as a escape from that shit. You know? That's what it used to be. It's the toy department of life

to get away from that horse shit. We already have cable news 24 hours a day around the fucking clock. Okay. We don't need it to spill in. Roger Goodell gave the state of the state of the union. I'm going to say that's how important the Annabella state of the league address. And I, I, I had to stop two minutes into it and they started getting into the domestic violence thing. I'm just trying to enjoy Super Bowl weekend. And then, you know, I flip over in a half hour, and there's a panel on ESPN, God bless them, Jamel Hill.

And she actually says this. They're talking about concussions and ownership, and is the league going to, as far as as domestic violence are they doing the right thing and she actually and i'm paraphrasing something about you know a thing's gonna change and she goes not as long and i know this came out of her mouth because i sat up not as long as all the owners in the league look like a good dell okay can you imagine could you imagine a white person saying, well, as long as all the running backs look like Stephen A. Smith, things aren't going to change, can you imagine, and they're just tearing down Goodell, every time he speaks, he gets his asshole ripped by a panel, Hannah Storm, I don't give a fuck what you think, former model. Okay? I mean,

who is she sleeping with that she has to be on ESPN for the next 30 years? Okay? Throw them out after they're 35. Sorry to be sexist. But you got Hannah Storm and Jemele Hill, you know, just tearing into Goodell. I guess it has nothing to do with the fact that he's a rich white guy in a suit, right? That automatically makes him a bad guy. Doesn't it? In today's, absolutely. Like I said, ESPN.

And I watch just like you do, folks. I have for years, but they're very PC, and it's just getting too much. The politics is bleeding into it. You know? Ay-yi-yi. But, yeah, I mean, a panel,

and just they're ripping him. I don't want to hear from you, I want to hear from former players, but it's, like I said, it's a release, it's supposed to be an escape, that's what sports is, it's supposed to be fun, enough of the cancer talk, and the, I want to see a commercial down the super bowl where it's just a fat guy who fucking i don't know let's say he had his leg chopped off at the fucking tire factory and he just said fuck it i quit i didn't get a fake leg i've been laying on the couch eating bonbons fucking doritos and footlong subs for the last eight years. Having shit in four.

And I'm not getting a fake leg, and I'm not going to be an inspiration. I'm going to lay here on my beanbag chair like a pile of fucking rotted leaves in November. That's the commercial I want to hear. Enough of the inspiration. Isn't it more American to be sitting in your recliner? I'm about 50 pounds overweight. Oh, God. What the hell else, kids?

Yeah, so that was quite a Monday. What else did I want to say uh let's go to the commercials i guess with a feminine feminine twist to them naturally we're making progress though because we did have a couple we got to give our props i think we're making and i'm taking some credit for it because i've been on this kick for 15 years 20 years we're finally making dove dove men care that commercial uh it talked about you know uh even the way they they put it in the post and they're almost snide about it it's beginning to feel a lot like june that's post, they're almost snide about it. It's beginning to feel a lot like June.

That's what they're implying, Father's Day. With sunny scenes of fatherhood and what it takes to be a man. Real strength, it says. This is in the paper. That was, yeah, Dove, man. That was actually a good commercial. See, I think they're finally realizing it

because we're getting out there, voices like us, going, hey, enough of the fucking feminist horseshit. yeah dove men that was actually a good commercial see i think they're finally realizing it because we're getting out there voices like us going hey enough of the fucking feminist horseshit can can you can you portray men in a positive light other than wife beaters um yeah and nissan did a thing that was a good commercial the young kid the dad's like a car racer and he's never home for him and the son kind of you know follows his dad career from afar and falls in love with cars that was pretty good that was pretty good gotta give him props gotta give him credit but of course the first commercial obviously and again i i don't want to come across as you know

raining on this girl's brain amy purdy she's a u.s paralympic team athlete um and yeah she is inspiration and i'm just saying i'm just saying it's backing up everything i've been saying for 15 years that that was called how great i am it was a toyota commercial and uh it was the narration was done by ali they took some old audio of ali and laid it over the top that was pretty cool and uh she is an inspiration but again i'm trying to watch a ball game don't make me all sad um and then of course right after that so we follow the the inspiration amy purdy um you know and we get to follow that up right away with the the whole thing about domestic violence no more that's not gonna go away is it okay so it's two minutes into the game first

quarter and i've seen a girl with para you know, a Paralympic athlete with no legs and a domestic violence thing. You know, just trying to enjoy the fucking game. Just trying to enjoy the game. I get plenty of that stuff. Like I said, six days a week, 364 days a year, seven days a week, I should say. I'm just asking. Let us escape for a few hours. What the hell else?

There are a couple of them. The commercials. Where the hell's that other one? Here's where I need a, you know what, a producer. So we had that. We had Danica Patrick,

who I like, by the way. I like a lot. We had her on the Nick and Artie show. And she was really cool. But they had to, they had to do a thing with her about being the only woman in race car uh driving and you know and how she's a pioneer but she looks at it i'm just a great driver um it has nothing to which probably is true when it comes to car racing because i think that would

be uh you know a sport if you want to call it where women could succeed on skill which i think she's doing and stuff but you know there are the a lot of other places in society where women do get ahead just because they're women interview some firefighters or some cops and see who's getting promoted lately so it's not all fair, okay? Okay. But in that commercial with Danica Patrick, they show tweets. They put up these tweets of like when things are going good,

and they show the tweets of people complimenting her. And then, of course, they have to show like five tweets where, you know, the tweets are just sexist and she can't drive, she's going to get the guy, she's going to get the guy drivers killed. And they leave those tweets up there a little longer than the positive ones of course they can't fucking leave it alone for a second so it was the whole thing about her being a pioneer again i'm watching this going is this 1962 jesus christ you're not that put upon ladies sorry and again most women i would say agree with me it's the uh you know it's the young ones on the college campus who are being brainwashed by this

horse shit but you see how uh pervasive it is as far as the media goes it's beautiful they do it beautifully under the guise of you know whatever but the, whatever. But the one that really got my blood up is what I'm talking about. Where's that paper? I listed the goddamn commercial. The Toyota, How Great I Am, we mentioned. Oh, the Coke commercial, stamp out cyberbullying. And I've said it before as far as cyberbullying goes, not the epidemic they're making it out to be. And if I, you know, if I had a choice,

I've said this on stage, bullying's always been around. If I had a choice between being bullied in person and bullied over the internet, you know what I mean? I'd rather have somebody write something mean on my wall than put me through a fucking wall. So Coke is trying to stamp that out. And then you have the McDonald's paying for your food with a hug.

Yeah, and what? I'm going to get head lice from the guy who works at Fire Later so I can have a free apple pie. Get out of here. Yeah, get out of here with that. Horseshit. And of course, it's the old white guy in the commercial.

Can you just tell me how much it is? The old curmudgeon. That was really a dumb. I really did not like that. Then you get Budweiser. You know, the horses find the puppy and whatever. Marketing is really kind of creepy. And how effective is that?

It's like, okay, the the Clydesdale save that little puppy that means Budweiser they're good guys as opposed to the people at Michelob who are grinding up kittens that's fucking evil shit man it's evil shit so yeah um Danica Patrick, the only driver. But here's the one. Here's the coup de grace. The maid just makes me dizzy. I still don't even know what the company, what it's for. It's a website. I looked it up. It's, you know the one I'm talking about, Like a Girl.

Apparently when you say, you know, you throw like a girl, run like a girl, that's a negative thing to say. Majority. Right? Like a girl. They want to turn that into a compliment. But they just won't stop. Let me explain something to the people at the website Always. I'm even going to give them a plug so you can go to their thing and read this.

www.always.com forward slash en-S forward slash like a girl. I still don't even know what they do other than promote girls. They sell tampons and shit. I went on their website and it was making me so mad. I blacked out and I banged my head on the desk. Well, I'll play the commercial first, the audio. Hi, Aaron. Show me what it looks like to run like a girl like this show me what it looks like to fight like a girl

so the guy's throwing his arms like like a girl now throw like a oh so do you think you just insulted your sister? No. Can you imagine? Yeah, insulted girls, but not my sister. My name is Dakota, and I'm 10 years old. Show me what it looks like to run like a girl. And she runs like a girl.

Different than a guy. They can't get over this. Throw like a girl. Throw like a girl. Fight like a girl. Fight like a girl. Different than a guy. They can't get over this. Throw like a girl. Throw like a girl. Fight like a girl. Fight like a girl. Yeah. And the kids acted out.

What does it mean to you when I say run like a girl? It means run fast as you can. It means Ray Rice is chasing me. We're on a hotel lobby. Listen to the serious music. Again, you militant feminists who want you to believe there's no difference between men and women. Just keep that in your head when you watch TV, movies.

There's no difference. Other than the socially constructed ones, there's no difference between them. Even biologically, there's really no difference. But the truth of the matter is, girls do throw different than guys, and not as well, because physically, their shoulders put together different. Okay?

You can look it up. That's fact. They want the world to be the way they want it to be instead of the way it is. And you can't wish that shit away. You can't wish biology away. Okay? I guess it's just a coincidence

that it's been all men pitching in pro baseball for 100 and something years and there's been no pro women football players in the nfl i guess it's coincidence i mean if there's no difference if that's what you want us to believe like i said they used to they used to um acquiesce on this point as far as physical differences, but now even that barrier is trying to be torn down. It's fucking laughable. Ah. They can't leave it alone for five minutes.

So I went to the website, always, www.always.com, and it says here, published on January 29th. By the way, my birthday was Saturday, and I spent it at Bananas and Hasbro Kites and had a blast. I'll get to that in a few seconds. Published on January 29th, 2015. For young girls, confidence plummets during puberty and many never fully recover. You could say that about boys, too.

You think I was a ball of confidence with zits on my forehead and chick already had tits that I was in love with. Always is on an epic battle to end that by changing the meaning of the phrase hashtag like a girl from an insult to mean downright amazing things. It's inspiring to us knowing that our original film started to change perceptions.

But that's not enough. Listen to them. They even come right change perceptions. But that's not enough. Listen to them. They even come right out and say, that's not enough. It never will be enough. We need to reach more girls, women, boys, and men to spread the word big time. Here it is. Fuck! What the hell happened? Fuck!

What the hell happened? Super Bowl XLIX is the perfect platform. Look, they're right out in the open with it, allowing us to brainwash you, you idiots who fucking don't realize you're being conditioned. Your collective unconscious is being tainted. No, it says Super Bowl 49 is a perfect platform allowing us to reach more than 100 million people.

That's not the perfect platform. I'm trying to enjoy my day. Take your shitty agenda somewhere else, okay? Let us fucking have a day to ourselves and to ask them to join our cause. Together we could all empower our young girls and change the meaning of hashtag like a girl to be the ultimate compliment

well i've said it many times you you you cook like a girl that's a compliment you iron just like a girl why is that not a compliment of course i'm kind of busting chops there you you run like a girl like like a or a gay fella you run like a big puss and you always will because you're built differently. Don't cry. Take a stand. Join our movement. Together, let's make hashtag like a girl mean amazing things. Keep pushing it, ladies.

Keep pushing it. For the past 30 years, Always has been empowering girls globally, bringing puberty education to millions of adolescent girls. Really? I didn't know it was such an enigma, puberty. I think we figured it out 50 years ago. You start to bud tits at 11 or 12.

And you start to get an attitude at 18. You run the world between the ages of 18 and 26. Just because of your physical appearance. You own the world. And then your ass starts to get fat and your tits start to sag. And us guys who you made us look like dicks when we were young,

now it's the great equalizer. It's called aging. And, you know, we've known that. And all your social engineering and horseshit messages aren't going to change any of that. Katy Perry's got a pair of tits on her, huh? Mink ya. Anyways.

Wouldn't you love to watch a game without all this horseshit? Huh? Wouldn't it be great? And the other thing, just the sheer number of commercials. I find it hard to stay interested in the Super Bowl. I don't know, there's got to be another way. Can't the advertisers cut the Football League a check? If we know the spots are, I don't know, what was it?

$4 million, $4.5 million for 30 seconds. Can't they just cut the nfl a check and we'll run we'll run it some other time it affects the game folks i played a little bit high school college and and you know i can't imagine because i went to the superbowl with the nick and arty show and and you know the players have to stand around for those four minute commercial breaks you're trying to get a rhythm going. And I understand, but they really make us pay a price, don't they? God.

I don't know how they do it. I don't know how they get a rhythm going. Maybe they don't. Somebody come up with something. Could you please, where we can eliminate the commercials and pick up the pace of the game? It was very difficult. They had to jam them in because the Pats are running a no-huddle offense. Anyways.

Some of the ads were funny. That ad, the Brady Bunch ad there, that one had me cracking up. It was for Snickers. That guy, Danny Trejo. Tough looking Latino guy. Takes a turn as Marsha Brady. And Bashimi played Jan. I thought that was pretty damn funny.

And the avocado one where they're doing a draft pick. Mexico picks avocado as the first draft ever. That was cute. Some of them were really good. Yeah, some of them were damn funny. But I really didn't. The McDonald's thing was like, what the fuck are they talking about?

Just let me give you a hug. You don't have to pay for food if you give a hug. Give you two cheeseburgers for a hand job and that's how it worked honey i'm going out for a happy see you in a couple hours i don't forget a few other ads here superglue that was pretty funny I don't forget a few other ads here. Superglue, that was pretty funny. Loctite, Superglue.

Then the guy in the Bud Light ad getting caught in the Pac-Man machine, that was kind of cute. And the Victoria's Secret ads near the end of the day, that was cute. And spent an hour with a thing of Ajax cleaning down my recliner. And you blew it! Yes, I did. You blew it! All over the handle. Anyways, kids,

have I covered everything? Yeah. Let's make sports fun again, okay? Ray Rice, you really fucked it up for us Not that it was They They at the beach before that Have I covered pretty much everything

Meet the Press And that show Doing their hit job on football When there's like I said A thousand other activities That young kids are doing With their suffering brain injuries. Nobody wants to pull up those numbers.

I always thought it was an American thing to choose. Politically, real quick, Romney out. And I got to be honest, he's not right-wing enough for me, to be honest, but he would have made a great president. I mean, if what you're clamoring for is somebody who's kind of moderate but leans right, most of all, he's a decent man. Have you ever seen a politician that high profile that has no skeletons in his closet? What's the worst thing they came up with this guy? Remember, he held somebody down and a frat brother gave him a bad haircut. Remember, they tried to pin that on him the first time he ran?

So, I mean, he's a good and decent man, a great family man, but that counts for nothing in politics. He already had his turn. And again, he's not even far right, my first pick. He's not even far enough right for me. But he already had his turn. Really? That's how we're going to dismiss him?

Guy's a great businessman and the economy is still in the shitter don't listen to obama and his fucking acolytes when you figure in the people the 40 something million that have quit looking for jobs whatever it's like 13 unemployment so don't don't fall for the happy horseshit that we're out of the weeds and he would have been perfect for that and he's forgot more about foreign policy than hillary and obama now combined okay he's a very bright man and a decent guy and uh again like i said not my first pick but uh mussolini's not running this year so um anyway he's out and i i don't really think that's a great thing, to be honest with you. But only because, like I said, there's nobody.

But I do like Walker, Scott Walker from Wisconsin. He's won, remember they had a special election, tried to throw him out when he took away the collective bargaining agreement with the unions. Remember they were storming the Capitol. So he's won three elections in four years in a blue state, Wisconsin. And he's a Republican, so he's doing something right. And I really do believe you've got to have a governor.

Governors actually govern, you know what I mean? And not a senator like Obama who do nothing. You know? I think the governors make better presidents. And Walker is, he's a sharp dude. Not much charisma there, but again, we already had our rock star moment, didn't we? Fucking Hillary, give me a break.

So yeah, he's out. And by the way, the Obama administration declared the Taliban's not a terrorist group. They just mowed down 132 schoolchildren, but they're not a terrorist group. They're an armed insurgency. Can you fucking imagine? This guy is, it's become an embarrassment. And they beheaded their Japanese journalist, by the way. And those five Taliban guys we let go remember we traded him for for

traded uh him for a beau bergdahl we traded those five taliban members you know beau bergdahl who by the way is it's become official that he's uh well not official yet but everybody knows that uh he deserted the U.S. military. And that's who we got back for the fight. They could fuck up a cup of coffee, honest to God. So that's it. Real quickly, as far as the Republican Huckabee, nice guy, but sorry. I don't think it's going to fly.

He's a little too religious. Again, I don't think it's going to fly. He's a little too religious. Again, I don't mind. I think we need a real right wing to balance off the left wing radical horseshit we've had the last seven years. I do like Marco Rubio because he's got that perspective from a minority and an immigrant, you know, and he's pretty sharp. And I do like what Jeb Bush. Come on. That name Bush is not going to help that is I'm sorry it's helping him raise a ton of money right now and I can't believe a lot of people you know and he's a good governor if you ask anybody in Florida he's a he's a great governor he's got a great record but he's way too liberal for me on immigration and and uh common core that whole system they put in that everybody hates. Chris Christie turns me off. He could only be considered a Republican in New Jersey. He said that on stage.

Rand Paul I like, but his foreign policy is isolationist. I don't know if that's real. Part of me likes that. Like I said, I've said it before on this show. Part of me likes, hey, you know what? We're going to bring everybody home. We'll do business with you, but we're not going to help you any other way.

I do like Ted Cruz. I know everybody's going to laugh at that. He's a fucking wacky T. Yeah, my ass. He's not any more radical than fucking Obama. Okay? I would like to see somebody like Cruz or even more right wing. How about that? Rick Perry, I'm sorry.

I think he fucked up. You can wear all the new glasses and the new frames you want, Rick. I know you got a stellar economic record in Texas, but I just think you kind of showed yourself as a lightweight last time. Could be wrong, you know? But yeah, so right now I do like Walker and Rand Paul.

Those are the guys I like. And real quickly, go to nickdip.com to get my new, brand new one hour special, Another Senseless Killing. It's only eight bucks and it's moving really well man it's going to be released i think in the middle or to the end of uh february on itunes and amazon but

you'll pay more then as opposed to getting it now and like i said it's in the top top hundred and pre-orders on itunes So people are digging it. And I brought a bunch of them. And I never do this. I told you I brought a bunch of them to the show at Bananas in Hasbro Heights this weekend where I spent my 53rd birthday. And the people were great. The shows were packed. Two out of three was sold out.

And the third wouldn't miss by a hair. And sold a lot of shit afterwards it was so funny right i was right in the middle of of uh doing a transaction with a kid and the uh security guy comes up that works the club and goes sir uh sir could you give me could you take that candle out of your pocket and this guy this kid gets a sheepish look on his face he was trying to steal a candle from the comedy club as he's giving me money cash for my dvd i don't know what it says about my fan base but i was friggin belly laughing he goes all right you got me and uh yeah so i set up a shop thanks to denise at bananas and uh she helped me because i wouldn't stand out there by myself and i it's just fucking horrible but uh then the second the first show

saturday night which was the most packed one a bunch of people come around the behind the table where i'm selling the shit to take a picture with me and there's two women grabbing my ass. The thing was, I couldn't even tell which ones because there were so many behind me. I couldn't tell if it was the ugly broad to my left with a big nose or the kind of hot one to my right that was under 70. And one of them was poking their finger

in the middle of my ass. And then one who had a face like Art Donovan said, are you wearing a th like Art Donovan said, yeah, you wearing a thong? I'm like, Jesus Christ, no. But they were wild. But they bought a ton of stuff. And I thank you.

And I thank you for all the birthday wishes too. Fans of the balls. I do, I love you. You are the balls. Well, that's it, kids. I love you. You are the balls. Well, that's it, kids. That is it. Katy Perry, I'm looking at her picture now. Nice cans.

But it was a good weekend overall. If you're from New England. And not if you're Richie Charman. All righty. That's it. I will talk to you next week. Doing something with Amy Schumer's show that I'll fill you in on next week. But there's some big names involved in the sketch, like real actors.

And, yeah, things are picking up. All right, Liberace, take us up. I'm really butchering the audio today, aren't I? I love you for helping me to construct of my life, not a tavern, but a temple. I love you because you have done so much to make me happy. You have done it without a word, without a touch, without a sign. You have done it by just being yourself. Snowing like a bastard, by the way. Got another eight inches last night here in Northwestchester.

Perhaps after all, that is what love means. And that is why I love you. Good day, everybody. guitar solo I'm out.