The Nick DiPaolo Show - 085 - Progressive My Ass

Episode Date: June 15, 2015

Progressive My Ass

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo, how you doing? I don't know how long I'm going to last today. Got a respiratory infection or some shit. Swallowing phlegm at an alarming rate. Happens usually about a week after I fly. It always happens. You know, apparently your sinuses get all like dried and shit. And if you don't keep them moist, they become a sponge for bacteria.

So. That and me, I put the air conditioner on 60 and i have a fan blowing on me at night i think a combination of the two would give you aids if you let it but uh yeah my throat's like raw i was at uh red's last night in uh carlstadt Jersey, which is in the shadows of Giant Stadium. It was actually a good gig. I mean, you know, it was a bar slash restaurant, but upstairs was a function room.

And they set it up nice. I mean, it's not that hard to put on a good comedy show. And it was packed, and it was fun. I gotta admit, I gotta admit, again, if the money's right, gigs like this allow comedians to, you know, there's no pressure, right? I mean, you could throw out five new minutes at a time. You don't care if you're a bum.

Gives a shit. Eight alcoholics from Karlstadt. Jets and Giants fans don't like you. I mean, come on. But, yeah, but and I did like, I think, an hour and 10 minutes, and my voice was cracking at about the 38-minute mark. Mmm, yummy. Mmm.

Breaded clams. So, yeah, we'll see how long I last here. I'm going to try to bang through this quick but uh gives me that nice uh sexy voice of uh somebody who has throat cancer throat polyps hey nice ass baby what uh what the fuck's going on kids i don't know i'm a kind of one of these moods, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. a joke this goes out to hillary clinton and that campaign that's gonna go down like a fucking hindenburg

it sure is you fat pantsuit wearing liberal douche. You sure did, because somebody knocked the ice cream out of your hand, you tub of shit. We're all laughing at you, you lying cheese bag. But only seeing that the fucking joke was on my big, fat, wrinkled ass. Hey, ref. of my big fat wrinkled ass hey ref anyways before we get to her just reading the paper new york city you gotta the rest of the country has to be laughing at us although because of the policies of the current administration the rest of the country's turning into a third world shit all the beautiful state of maine now has you know gang problems and i was reading fargo north dakota actually has uh all kinds of uh problems big headline immigrant groups are battling it out

on the streets of fargo okay what was once pristine land has just been shed upon. Yeah, I don't know who it is. Like I said, it's bigger than left, right, but I don't know whose fucking plan it is to bring this country down to its knees, but it's working swimmingly because every third world idiot looking for a place to fucking lay his head is being allowed every chance to sneak in here.

They're actually flying them in on planes now you know you consider yourself a refugee or whatever we can only hold you for six months then ice has to let you go and and they're just settling everywhere and it's just uh it's just what patrick buchanan said about 20 years ago and everybody laughed them we're gonna become a nation of uh squabbling ethnicities that have nothing in common culturally living side by side boy if that wasn't right on the fucking money but you know idiots like joy behar laughed i like the speech when it was originally in german and all this shit's all coming to fruition thanks to fucking liberal douche fucks sure it is yeah a manhunt

is underway in fargo north dakota after two separate groups of immigrants from unknown countries can you imagine we can't even can't even say what country began waging what is described as a street war can you imagine this is in fargo against each ah boy two men uh home invasion armed home invasion wednesday morning blah blah blah unbelievable group of 70 people gathered uh when an altercation of some sort ensued this is just fucking priceless um yeah men affiliated with one immigrant group. How do they not know? Really? This is great reporting. You don't know where these people are from. Smashed out the window of a car with a crowbar.

The same men vandalized another vehicle shortly. Ba, ba, ba. Whatever. Details are important. The bigger picture is important. How about this? So the interview guy, the police, according to Valley News, while police have acknowledged that two immigrant groups are involved, they said it's not relevant what country they hail from. See, that's just another sign that it's rotting from the inside out.

It's not important. Even the cops, even the guys who we admire for being out there and risking their asses, but they've fallen victim to this politically correct horseshit. It's not relevant. Now, you wouldn't want to trace back to where they where they came in from. It's not not really not relevant. Fargo has a population of one hundred and ten thousand has seen four thousand refugees from thirty five nations come into the city over the past decade. It's beautiful.

five nations come into the city over the past decade. It's beautiful. Congratulations to the Bilderberg group or whoever the fuck it is that's organizing the demise of this country because it's going down just beautifully in Fargo, in New York City. Just fucking New York City is just a cesspool now. If I was from another part of the country, I'd be laughing too. You know, about living here. Because of, you know, Comrade de Blasio's policies.

This is the headline in the paper today. 53 shot, 8 slain in a week. I looked at it and I think, they must be talking about Ramadio somewhere over there in the Middle East. No, this is New York City. Yeah. Gun violence raged across the city this past week. 13 people shot on Saturday alone. Between last Monday and noon Sunday, there were 44 shooting incidents.

44, folks. More than double the number for the same week last year. So how's that working out? You know, no frisk? How's that working out? No longer stopping and frisking people. How's it working out for you?

Murders are also up for the week. Eight people killed this year in this week compared to five last year. murders are also up for the week eight people compared eight people killed this year and this week compared to uh five last year it's a dangerous situation it's unbelievable because liberals stupid liberal fucking idiot policies yeah that's their dream to turn the country into a third world shithole and it's it's it's happening so much faster than I predicted when I was in college. It really is. You've got to give them an A for execution.

It's a Herculean effort on their part. The bloody 24-hour spree Saturday spanned four boroughs, sparing only Staten Island from the violence. That's how bad Staten Island is. Nobody even wants to kill anybody over there. That's where you dump the bodies once you kill somebody. There's plenty of landfill over there. Oh, my God.

Anyways, yeah, that's just in New York City. Any, you know, any city that's being run by liberals you're getting whether it's chicago or los angeles it's they're all starting to shit holes but we're supposed to ignore those facts listen to my voice sound like be author she be dead um but look who runs new york city here's a story right on the same page okay council city council speaker melissa mark viverito joined hundreds of thousands of people celebrating the puerto rican day parade on sunday while wearing a t-shirt in support of a convicted terrorist free oscar lopez rivera now that's what it says in a t-shirt he was a puerto rican he belonged to a group called faln they were terrorist group

back in the 70s and um he's doing 55 years in prison. You know, they blew up police stations in New York and they murdered like four people and they did a bunch of shit in Chicago. Literally a terrorist. And Bill Clinton back in the 90s actually offered him clemency if he would renounce political violence.

And he said, fuck you, I'm staying in prison. You got you gotta give him some props at least he believes what he believes but can you imagine in this douchebag this who's supposed to represent the city of new york this uh melissa marg vivarito another beautiful left-wing woman by the way got the face of a fucking detroit red ring from the 60s uh she you know she wants to free him because i guess they both have what hispanic blood in is is that the connection can you imagine she she's on the city council speaker and she wants to free uh unrepentant terrorists just explain that to me you fucks please i don't mean you out there i mean you people who new york city deserves what it gets i mean they vote in these scumbags. It's hilarious. This thing's going right back to the way it was when I,

thank God I don't live in the city anymore. I feel so much better up here. Gerardo and Patrice used to bust my balls. DePaulo's moving up into Westchester where it's all white people. Yeah, it looks like a good move at this point. City's turning into, it's going back to what it was when I first came down this point. City's turning into it. It's going back to what it was when I first came down.

When Dinkins was the mayor. He needed a ladder to climb over piles of garbage on the sidewalk. And there was riots. But that's how the lefties like it, I guess. I don't know. I'm not getting it. I just want to punch her right in her fucking face. Yeah.

Oh, I'm burning up. I'm sweating. I got this like little lamp on my... Just the heat from the lamp is making me... My nose is dripping like a cocaine addict. Look at her. There's a picture of her in the New York Post. I want to fucking smash his fucking face in.

Not to her, but it looks like a he. Who knows these days? Yeah, so it's all going to pot. It's fun. I'll be getting off the planet, like I said, right about the right time, I think. Let's be generous. I'll say I'll make it to 80.

That's about 27 years. Maybe 85, depending. If I keep doing shanty, and if I stay focused, and I stay within it, I get a few more months out of it. Yeah, it'll be time to get off the planet at that point. This country will be a third world shithole which is the goal of people like obama and people who vote for obama and fucking hillary the pantsuit clinton let's go to her let's segue to that dopey fat clydesdale ankle jesus does she make me angry because she's the most arrogant of them all she's the most air she makes fucking obama look uh you know like he's humble

humble makes him look humble we're humble john that's from a gaudy movie in the 80s on hbo we're wops john you're trying to make me humble trying to make it humble john he's talking about the feds um i'm all over the place just i understand that the feds um i'm all over the place just i understand that uh yeah so uh hillary she did her thing at roosevelt island here in new york city and just seeing the size of the crowd made me sick to my stomach there's that many dumb fucking people in the world still believing in this tub of cheese oh my god let's uh i got her speech here, and I haven't listened to it, so I'll listen to it with you for the first time, and we'll have fun picking on the pantsuit

pig face. Just makes me, makes me my blood curdle just looking at her. See if I can find the, uh, goddamn uh... Oh, that was delicious. That was a beautiful clam. Mmm.

Let's listen to the fucking hack. I still say, by the way, I was on Greg Gutfeld's new show. We didn't get into this, but I still say Jonah Goldberg was on, who's a very, very bright conservative writer. And I just saw him in the green room before the show i go is she really going to be the nominee he goes yeah i think so and everybody else is telling me that and i still don't believe it i there's so many scandals and so much shit that they haven't even got to yet um when she starts to have to answer questions although i i don't know if the media

is going to be complicit in this whole shit all the way if she's going to be protected by the media which i guess she is maybe she'll never have to answer any of this shit what a sad state of affairs man let's listen to uh pig face uh excuse me even her laugh is funny it's forced listen to those idiots fucking thank you yeah thank you all thank you so very very much. Oh god, Jesus fucking... It is wonderful to be here with all of you to be in New York with my family and my family

and so many friends including some New Yorkers who gave me the honor of serving them in the Senate for eight years. Which begs the question, what did you get done while you were in the Senate for the state of New York in eight years? Clydesdale. Name some accomplishment. What did you get done?

Oh, my God. To be right across the water from the headquarters of the United Nations, where I represented our country many times. What did you do? To be here in this beautiful park dedicated to Franklin Roosevelt's enduring vision of America? Yes. Entitlements as far as the eye can see. Somebody should have shot him to the crippled fuck. The nation we want to be in a place with absolutely no ceilings. The whole glass ceiling thing.

If that is true, I used to do a bit about that, the whole glass ceiling thing. If there is truth to that, I wouldn't want to, if she was working, I wouldn't want to be working on the floor below Hillary if there was a glass ceiling. Looking up at that. It would be like me when I was a little kid holding the ladder for my dad as he cleaned the leaves out of the gutters in a pair of loose Bermuda shorts with no underwear. Just a giant pair of balls staring down at you. Oh, she's such a...

Do you hear the warmth in her voice? Can you really feel the warmth and the sincerity? Thank you! Here in New York, where I worked over in that building and did absolutely nothing and fooled you fucks for four years. I'm a carpetbag and thick-ankled pig face. I'm trying to stop that. I won't stop. Your freedoms are a testament to our nation's unmatched aspirations

and a reminder of our unfinished work at home and abroad. Speaking of abroad, are you abroad or are you a guy? Speaking of abroad, I saw your husband last night. Finger popping somebody at Nobu. Did you just hear the tone of her voice? How phony it is and shit? You can tell she's reading right off the... And inspired presidents who followed.

One is the man I served as Secretary of State, Barack Obama. And another is my husband, Bill Clinton. Thank you. They were and are two Democrats guided by the... She just had to bring up her husband who fucking humiliated her. And say, you know, with pride that she served under him. And Obama. That's not enough to make you lose. How do you feminists feel about that? Huh?

She really thinks this is owed to her. Oh my God. Stop! And lasting prosperity must be built by all and shared by all. President Roosevelt

called on every American to do his or her part and every American answered. He said there's no mystery about what it takes to build a strong and prosperous America.

Listener, like a robot. Equality of opportunity. Jobs for those who can work. Checkmark. of opportunity. Jobs for those who can work. Checkmark. Checkmark. Security for those who need it. Checkmark. The ending of special privilege for the few.

Oh, the ones you would hobnob in with the night before the speech, you tub of cheese. The preservation of civil liberties for all. Oh, my God. I'm getting a headache from her politically correct laundry list of diarrhea and constantly rising standard of living That's another crowd they're already waiting Yeah, it still sounds good to

It's America's basic bargain. Listen how stiff she is. It's embarrassing. Why don't you... Your husband gets ahead every time you step out of the Chappaqua house. Fucking dick. It's what kept my grandfather

going to work in the same scranton lace mill every day how fuck is she shameless talking about her did she say her father going to the same mill every day a father a grandfather i wasn't listening i was getting too excited um in scranton or whatever yeah she yeah and you can relate to that giving speeches at a half million a pop 250 000 a pop yeah you're one of you're one of them you're just like the people that go to work and factories every what a shameless do bag oh my god i've never seen any anything They are. They're shameless. God damn it.

I'm not trying to do that. I believe that if we sprinted, the small business printing drapery fabric in Chicago could provide us with a middle-class life. And it did. When President Clinton honored the bargain, we had the longest peacetime expansion everyone else what the hell happened there what happened well instead of a balanced budget with surpluses that could have event instead of a balanced budget with a surplus are you she's like she's

reading through her car retarded kids. Oh, is she holding up a, I didn't see the speech. Was she holding it up and showing the pictures like they do in first grade? Your teacher reads to you, holds the book up

and goes like this from left to right. Oh my God. Inauthentic is not the word. I don't know how to stop that one, folks. The Republicans twice cut taxes for the wealthiest, borrowed money from other countries to pay for two wars,

and family incomes dropped. You know where we ended up. Except it wasn't the end. As we have since our founding americans made a new beginning yeah we ended up going to dirac which you voted for skip over that pig face postponed home repairs you figured out how to make it work and now people are beginning to think about their future again. Going to college. Going. Starting a business. Starting a business.

Buying a house. Finally being able to put away something for retirement. So we're standing again, but we all know we're not yet running the way America should. You see corporations making record profits with CEOs making record pay, but your paychecks have barely budged. While many of you are working multiple jobs. Yeah, we should all be millionaires.

We should all make the exact same money. We should all be multimillionaires. Everybody should be equal. That's how the real world works. You're a... You have to wonder. At the gym? It doesn't.

About five o'clock, Monica gets out I say now she's the fucking worst oh good it's over thank God you God

help me did you hear how phony she's reading I mean you gotta give obama one thing one of the most eloquent speakers and you know he's gonna have his teleprompter but it still sounds natural and it sounds like it's coming off the cuff she sounds like she's in a remedial reading class oh my god Good luck with that, folks. Dems, good luck with that if she's the nominee. And let me tell you, if the right can't beat her, forget it. This country deserves to continue on the path it's on if you can't beat this stiff.

I'm praying she is the nominee. Everybody else is saying that. I actually like the socialist Bernie Sanders. He's like a tough Jew from Brooklyn. I kind of like him. He's got a little bit of zing to him, you know? I can't wait till... She probably won't debate.

She probably won't have to, right? Oh, my God. Anyways. Can you imagine? Ugh. And then we had Rachel Dolezal resign as the NAACP leader. You know, the white girl out there in Spokane who's been passing herself off as black her whole life.

Oh, my God. No, you're not. You're white, y'all. You're white, y'all. You got blue eyes and blonde hair. You're white, y'all. You're white, y'all. You got blue eyes and blonde hair. You're white, y'all. Because I'm white and I'm fat. The cock will get it black.

Oh, my God. How funny is this story? To me, it's just a metaphor for this country. It's just perfect where we are. This is just perfect. It just represents how confused we are as far as the issue of race. You know, that's how racist this country is. A blonde-haired, blue-eyed white girl from Washington State just denied her whiteness and passed herself off as black. That's how racist we are.

Oh, you can't make this shit up. She's mentally ill, though. She's got a biological brother who she's been passing off as her son. You know? She's fucking cuckoo cuckoo and she fooled black people you know she fooled black people that work for the NAACP do you see her she looks like a white chick in in brown face it looks like a tan I can't believe people fell for this shit it's amazing what people will do, though, huh? To get money out of the government and go to school where they want.

She's a fucking phony. Just a lying. Oh, in the last, you know, five years, she's found like nine nooses in her office or at her house. Just total. She's totally full of shit. She makes Al Sharpton look straight. Just a race hustling piece of crap. Self-hating white person.

Just a product of, you know, of all the political correctness and horseshit that's been brainwashing people when it comes to the issue of race. She's a mess. I guarantee you, she stepped down today from her position. So, I guarantee you, in the next couple months,

she'll come out and say her dad molested her. She's played every other victim card that you can play. It's crazy. I'd be pissed. There was a black one from that chapter of the NAACP. What's nothing to do with her? Fucking priceless, isn't it? I guess her family adopted her. Mom and dad adopted like four black kids.

That's what she grew up with. I wonder if they had adopted like four Polish kids or four kids from the Ukraine. If she would have you know pretended to be polish a ukrainian she's probably not see because that wouldn't have got her anything any benefits or any but she's she's famous now she's happy please know i will never stop fighting for human rights and will do everything in my power to help and assist whether it means stepping up or stepping down or putting on blackface and tap dancing. What a douche.

It's about justice. This is not me quitting. This is a continuum. No, you're quitting. See, she's fucked up. She's cuckoo. No, it's exactly what you do. You're quitting on the very people you're pretending to help.

She was supposed to have like a press conference yesterday or this morning or something, and she just canceled it because she knows she's been caught in a lie. And there's no way she can justify the horseshit she's been pulling for the last, I don't know how many years. Unbelievable. How confused are we as a frigging country when it comes to the issue of race? Unfrigging real. She's the president

of the local chapter. She was elected about six months ago out there in Spokane. She also teaches African studies to college students. Yeah, no liberal shit

going on in college campuses. Just a white woman pretending she's black teaching white kids why their fucking culture is dog shit. But other than that, it's pretty, college campus is right down the center. What a mess. What do you say we have about 10 minutes left as a nation?

Let's talk about, let's talk about Reds last night i already mentioned it but it was fun i already talked about it didn't i i can tell i'm burning up but uh kendra cunningham was with me again the blonde girl from i think her parents are from dorchester man real i you know real bostonian and they she does well everywhere I bring her. She's a smart joke writer, and she's a little sassy. And they were digging her last night, you know? They were digging her. And like I said, I'd do it again.

It's funny, man. I used my Waze app. I think I was bragging about that. And on one of the previous podcasts, um, I used it to get out of there. And, uh, it took me out a back way and, uh, into all this construction, uh, on these back streets. So where there was no traffic and road, every three feet was a road close high, but there was enough room for me to go around the road. You know what I'm saying? Usually they put up sawhorses or something so you can't get past,

but it just said road closed, but there was plenty of room, so I kept following it and listening to my Waze app, and I ended up in some industrial park in the pitch black with no street lights, and it's raining. It took me about an extra 20 minutes to get home and then i get to the uh henry hudson parkway uh you know where the tolls are and it's backed up for about a mile just red tail on a sunday night i don't understand where those people are headed why they headed north i don't get it unless the people that were in the Hamptons and going back to West, I don't fucking,

I don't know. Good gig though. I hope it stays alive. A lot of these things just disappear, but, uh, good one to, uh, have fun at.

How about, uh, what else is I, uh, Oh, by the way, I'm at uncle, uh,

uncle Vinnie's uncle Vinnie's, uh, not this Saturday night, but the following, which is the 27th. That's in Point Pleasant, New Jersey. And that's a good one. That's always fun to work out new stuff. And then July 18th, Ridgefield Playhouse, Ridgefield, Connecticut. Holy shit, am I burning up? Mamma mia. How about, oh oh here we go this is the we get uh we get two people attacked by sharks in North Carolina

yeah 12 year old girl and a 16 year old boy received life-threatening injuries after being bitten by sharks in Oak Island on Sunday evening. It's in North Carolina. Believe this shit? The first shark bite was called in at 4.12 in the afternoon. 12-year-old girl was about 20 yards from shore. She was waist-deep in water when she got bit. Her left arm was amputated below the elbow and she uh also suffered a tissue trauma

to her left leg do not smoke in here did you notify the authorities this was no boating accident you believe this shit? Yeah. So she loses her left arm below the elbow and damaged her leg. Then the second attack was about an hour and a half later, 5.30. A 16-year-old male from Winston-Salem lost an arm, Jesus Christ,

after being bitten by a shark. I'm guessing it was the same one. He was only about 20 yards from the shore, and he was in wasted deep water. God damn. Those guys, you're not going to, mentally, you're going to be a little fucked up after that. I know you had that young chick, that surfer, who had her bitten off and like a week later she's surfing again that chick man it takes some balls huh christ sake when i saw jaws i didn't go in the ocean i don't even like going in the goddamn

lake i always picture a giant snapping turtle taking my fucking foot off there's one of my pond by the way i told you it's about the size i saw the shell of it a couple years ago um there were two turtles giant turtles fucking in my pond and i'm telling you the the shell on this on these turtles were almost the size of like a trash can cover which means the turtle has a neck bigger than mine you don't see me in that pond i'll tell you that much but uh can you imagine that two two uh attacks and both both people these aren't you know superficial injuries they're gonna lose limbs you know i wonder what they're gonna do i guess they closed the they didn't have time to close the beach in between the first and second attack they said they couldn't get the message

in time typical government really you couldn't have somebody get out and get the fuck out of the water. So, uh, you know what they're going to have to do. They're going to have to hire somebody, somebody like this. You all know me. Know how I earn a living. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't going to be easy. It's not fish. Not like going down the pond and chasing bluegills or tommy cods. I like that he's eating like crackers.

Shaking. Tenderizing. Down you go. Dinging, tenderizing, don't you whoop. And we got to do it quick. I don't bring back the tourists. I don't put all your businesses on a paying basis. But it's not going to be pleasant.

I value my neck a lot more than 3,000 bucks, chief. I'll fine him for three, but I'll catch him. I'll kill him for 10. And you got to make up your minds you wanna stay alive and ante up you wanna play it cheap be on welfare the whole winter

I don't want no volunteers I don't want no mates there's too many captains on this island ten thousand dollars for me by myself for that you get the head the tail

the whole damn thing. Thank you very much, Mr. Quint. We'll take it under advisement. Oh, I should have played the last one here. Chief. Mayor. oh i should have played the last time he chief yeah ladies and gentlemen that robert shaw gives me chills he was so good god damn i saw a clip online about richard drive is being interviewed in some british talk i think was british talk show and um the guy was asking he got to he he get to meet uh robert shaw's great-granddaughter i think in the green room and he started crying like and then when he was telling the story on the show he starts crying again about how much he loved robert

shaw he was like break it up and then and the and his the granddaughter was in the audience, and she's like crying. Very weird. You know when some people get older and they start crying a lot? I noticed that. If I see a good tampon ad, I will tear up. Or a good dog food ad if I'm in the right mood. Yeah, that's not true. Remember George Steinbrenner?

I always think of that. Remember? He was going around in the golf cart, bawling his eyes out. That's probably because he found out he couldn't sign somebody from the A's or something. But that's what happens. You get all mushy and shit. I thought when I was young, old people didn't realize. I thought it was, you know,

it's so funny as you get older, but when I was really young, didn't you think old people, like born old, they were always old and they know they're going to die and it didn't bother them, but it's not true.

You're well aware of your mortality and people get depressed about it and shit. That's why I'm going to start doing drugs and having fun. You know what I mean? I'm going to start mixing

cocaine with my Lipitor and my Crestor. Start visiting strip clubs again, you know? I don't think the wife will mind. Huh? Sure, no. What else did I want to talk about? Yeah, but all these things, except for the shark attack story, have one thing in common.

Fucking dummies who live in a fantasy world that we're all gonna that's the other thing makes me nuts do you see how they work these phrases into society all of a sudden you're hearing them every two seconds income inequality it's never supposed to be equal it's just fucking if you're buying that you're just a dumb motherfucker you don't understand the free market and a capitalist society. Some people are gonna saw higher than others Okay, and don't give me this shit. Yeah, but the gap is getting bigger and bigger Our poorest people in this country have more than any other nation Poor slobs have three fucking DBRs and two cars in the yard and a flat screen. Food, free food from the government

and everything else. So I don't fucking hear it. I'm supposed to hate Mitt Romney because he studied hard and made something for himself. Fuck you. So tired of this shit. Let's free the fucking Puerto Rican terrorists.

Look at her. So, oh, by the way, update on that lady from Fenway. They get bopped over the head with a bat. She's out of the hospital, I guess. They said she's going to be shining shoes at a bowling alley the rest of her life. But no, I think she's doing good. I was watching uh let's stay on the liberal wet dreams and they live in a world of theory and not reality i was flipping

through the channels and i came across another pompous ass who i can't stand bryant gumbel on uh you know real sports that show they let's look for racism at the uh you know the hockey puck factory and uh they were talking to uh ronda rousey that uh you know the ufc champion chick who i like by the way and i admire because she's a she a badass, no doubt about it, and sexy enough. But once again, got to take it too far. That's why I have my most problem with the feminist movement out of all this shit. I mean, at least, you know, NAACP, civil rights, all that was like, okay, they definitely had their hands tied for a long time and treated horribly in this country,

had a lot of grievances that are legit. But then when the feminist movement jumped on the civil rights coattails and tried to portray themselves as, you know, victims. It's just so disingenuous to me. And I'm watching, I'm flipping through and I stop in Real Sports and they're talking about UFC and Ronda Rousey. She's everywhere. You know, she's in movies now and stuff. But they have to go too far. Just like, I guess this is a commercial.

I haven't seen it yet. Somebody asked me about it on Twitter. Where will you be? The commercial asks, where will you be when the first woman throws out a throws a pitch in a major league baseball game or whatever and i you know i tweeted i'd say i said i was gonna be you know three inches from my flat screen pointing to the outline of her dick and her pants or something and boy didn't that cause a stir um but uh we but they take it too far. I mean, yeah, she's a badass and shit.

But just listen. They go too far. Here's a clip of the guy. Sports Illustrated said, pound for pound, you are the best UFC fighter, man or woman. It makes me feel way better than if someone told me I was pretty. If I was voted... Man or woman. It makes me feel way better than if someone told me I was pretty. If I was voted... Man or woman. Gee, if there was only a way we could test that theory out, huh? Boy, if there was only a way that we could get a guy that weighs exactly the same as her

and has the same level of experience, that's the key, and have them fight. And has the same level of experience. That's the key. And have them fight. How can you make that statement with a straight face that pound for pound, male or female, she's the best fighter in the world? You can't. That's total horseshit. Because somebody with the same experience, a guy, would beat her. Badly. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that.

And if you don't believe me, go on the internet. I remember this years ago. Oh, man, my chest is like raw. Ooh, there's a piece of lungi on the microphone. I remember years ago, 1976, I think it was. And I've been telling this story for a few years, but I had the wrong guy. I thought it was Superfoot Wallace. He was like the first kickboxing karate guy back in the 70s.

He was a real badass. I thought it was him, but it wasn't. It was a guy named Joe Hess, another guy back in the 70s. He was a real badass. I thought it was him, but it wasn't. It was a guy named Joe Hess, another badass back then. He fought a woman from Oklahoma. Her last name was like Buzzy. Beth Buzzy or something like that from Oklahoma. She kept bragging on the papers that she could whip him and knock him out. And he was the male champion, this guy Joe Hess.

He might not have even been the champion, but he's one of the top guys. And so on Wide World of Sports, I'll never forget it. I went online. Well, here's the audio of it, but you've got to go online and Google Joe Hess versus a woman kickboxer. Here's what happened. Get that for a moment. This match took place in Madison Square Garden, 1974.

And the commentary you hear is by Frank Gifford and Buddy Rich. Buddy Rich? What the fuck? Buddy Rich is a famous... He's dead now, but he's a famous drummer. And cocaine head. real rock head. There's audio out there. You guys have probably all heard of him chewing out his band on the bus when he was all coked up, cursing him out, challenging him to fist fights.

And just you must have heard it. It goes on for a half hour just out of his fucking mind. I'm trying to I'm trying to figure out why they would have him sitting alongside Frank Gifford to do this. Anyways, it's an exhibition of the woman kickbox champion fighting Joe Hess. And he's about he's way bigger than her. But here you go. Beth is really overmatched. She's very, very brave young lady, I'll say that much more.

She is. She's giving away 100 pounds. Right. It's not really doing it, Justin. Getting ready now. Just listen. Best kick to the head he missed. One to the stomach right hand.

Was that a deliberate miss, buddy, on his part? No. Oh, look at that. That wasn't. Oh, well. Oh, well. She's hurt. Yeah, she's cold now.

She's cold now? He caught her with both hands and a kick. She is really hurt. And I think that ended a fight. It was a roundhouse kick, but it got her like on the side, like right where her liver is. And she had like a delayed effect. And then she went down like unconscious the side, like, you know, right where her liver is. And she had like a delayed effect.

And then she went down like unconscious from the pain. She went out like a light. And what amazed me when I was watching is she's out like a light, and the guy's jumping the ring, the medical, the doctor, whoever, and grabs her like a piece of meat. You know, she could have had a neck injury or something. He could have paralyzed her or killed her. He just sort of like grabs her by her head and rolls her over. She's like fucking unconscious from the pain.

But if I remember correctly, that was the final blow. But if I remember correctly, and they don't even show this, unless it's a longer version, she came running out right at the beginning. I don't think that was the first round. I thought she got knocked down a couple times, unless I'm thinking of another one. I don't think that was the first round. I thought she got knocked down a couple times, unless I'm thinking of another one.

But the point being is, there's these, there's differences, okay? And you can't, you can't wish them away. You can't, you know, you can't legislate them away, okay? And I gotta believe somebody,

there's a guy out there, a guy around the Rousey size in the UFC that would fucking do the same thing to her. As bad as she is. And I know there's guys out there who she could beat, but not with the same amount of experience and blah, blah, blah.

That's the key. It's not like when Bobby Riggs played Billie Jean King and Billie Jean's like 75 years younger than Bobby Riggs. It's like, oh, that proved a lot. You know what I mean? There's fights you can look at on the internet where there are UFC women beating up guys,

but it's guys who aren't even close to it, you know, as experienced. So start with your fantasies, okay? Just like you're not going to see a woman pitcher in baseball for another hundred years. I'm going to go out on a limb and say probably never ever. Okay? There's physical differences that you can't wish away or legislate away. Stop with your fucking wet dreams. Yeah, that was Joe Hess.

Big guy, mustache. Then he's like hugging her after, you know, and the crowd's booing him because he knocked the shit out of her. What was he supposed to do? I guess stand there and take it in the face like Bobby Riggs. But they always go too far. Male or female. No, she's the best fighter in the world. Pound for pound as far as the females go.

Hmm. Um. Goddamn. Yeah, I did Gutfeld, Greg Greg Gutfeld show, his new show. And it's in the infancy stages, you know. It'll work its way up. I've talked about this before, though. You can't really, you're not going to be able to do a comedy show on a news channel.

You know what I mean? There's a reason The Daily Show is done on Comedy Central, because you can get away with a lot more. You can't. Fox News is a news. It's a brand. It's like the most powerful name in news. You're not going to be able to say anything off color.

You know what I mean? Not on Fox News channel, you're not. So that, like I said, comedy, the comedy world has been, people have been just conditioned to get, they've been getting comedy from a liberal side for the last 60, you know, since the first episode of SNL. And because political correctness is the status quo, if you're doing anything that goes against that, people, like I said, people who like my comedy, you know, they're afraid to laugh at some stuff because they're going to be stigmatized as racist or sexist or whatever.

So I don't think you're ever going to see it in our lifetime. That doesn't mean you can't try, but I'm just saying, if you really want to mix it up, Tough Crowd was the show. Where both sides got their licks in. You know what I mean? But I hope, I wish Gutfeld well, you know. He did a great job with Red Eye. I didn't think that. The first time I saw that, I'm like, this is going to go away like a rash. But, you know, you got to give him his props.

He's a smart guy. We talked about Seinfeld and, you know, the college campus thing. And my only point that I came up with with I was sitting in the green room I was thinking about Seinfeld um who's liberal in his politics it's no secret but um I said to Greg on the show you got to give him credit when Michael Richards had that meltdown which was inexcusable on what he did on stage but when he had that meltdown jerry didn't like disassociate himself from him he went on let him in with michael richards and said this is my friend and then that's not how he really is so i give uh sam fall props for that you know but don't i also said stop voting democrat if you don't like political correctness. And that one's always lost on everybody.

And when I said that on the show, I said, I said, political correctness has one sole purpose, to shut, really to shut down the speech of white heterosexual Christian males. That's how it came about. And Greg goes to me, oh, poor white guy, can't speak his mind. But what he was doing, he was mocking. That's the knee-jerk reaction you'll get when you're having a discussion with liberals about this shit

like i did with larry wilmore oh yeah poor white guy can't speak his mind they always come back with that knee-jerk reaction totally ignoring the point i just made being that a black comic is less likely to get in trouble for making fun of white people. A gay comic can say anything about straight people. A woman comic can say anything about a guy. It's really about shutting guys like me down. But now it's starting to spread. It's getting too stifling, which is good. When you see guys like Jerry, who, like I said, is liberal in his politics,

when it's starting to bug him, and it's good when a guy that high profile complains about it, because then the story takes on more of a life of its own, and it gets more, it's to a point, it's crazy. I did, like I said, I did at Clark University in the early 90s, which is a liberal school in Massachusetts, and it's the only set that I didn't finish. I got off about eight minutes early. They were so uptight and hissing and moaning and everything.

That was my first real, you know, coming face to face with that type of fucking leftist fascist bullshit. But, yeah, I bailed like eight minutes early. I did some joke about a Middle Eastern guy not being able to find my dipstick under my hood and then some some some guy in the front row a girl i can't remember goes what are you going to talk about next abortion or whatever that's why i did about six minutes of abortion off the top of my head they were actually booing and uh yeah i got off early but that was christ that was early 90s like real early 90s so mean, it's only got worse since. So, but I like it.

You know, they're starting to eat each other. When Chris Rock and Jerry, you know, when they're complaining about it, it's like, okay. But it's not just colleges either. I mean, you know, it spreads to comedy club audiences because most of those audiences are college-age kids at least in new york city you know and uh it really takes the fun out of it it's unbelievable you read the arrogance though of these college uh students we don't need anybody who's just going to be provocative or uh crass for the sake of being crass. Who are you to decide what's provocative? Go run to your safe zone, pussy. Can you fucking imagine?

Anyways. Well, I got to wrap it up, as you can tell. Starting to sound like Jack Klugman in the last few years of his life. Felix, my, my. Did I cover? Covered about everything I wanted to. Go to nickdip.com. Get another senseless killing.

Let's get it back up there on the charts. It's in and out, you know, but I want it to stay up there. People are loving it. People that get it really like it. So I'm not far from putting another hour together. Maybe I would say by early winter. Maybe shoot another one. Hopefully.

I'm working on it. Come see me at Uncle Vinny's the 27th down on Point Pleasant. And the Ridgefield Playhouse, July 18th. And in between all that, I'm usually in the city. I haven't been to the Comedy Cell in a while. I put in there, though, so I'll probably be there next week. And the stand, obviously. It's my other hangout.

That is about it, kids. Can't think of anything else. And make out a smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else No, no I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else. I'm not like everybody else. I'm not like everybody else.

Good day, everybody. We'll be right back. guitar solo I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm