The Nick DiPaolo Show - 100 - Debate, Emmys, Boston

Episode Date: September 22, 2015

Debate, Emmys, Boston

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Go check out adamandeve.com today. Select one item and get 10 free gifts, including free shipping when you enter offer code Nick. That's N-I-C-K at adamandeve.com. That's right, folks. Do it today. Well, the Pope is headed to town. believe.com that's right folks do it today well the pope is headed to town come to new york this week which will make i have to go into the city

like four times looking forward to that fucking nightmare the president's gonna be here the pope the un uh no traffic there, huh? Holy Christ, what a nightmare. I'm a very religious person, as you know. This is all... Oh, this goes out to the Pope. St. Dominic always said, Ophelia, the bony belly, Dominus, for this group,

and he's selling all his dominoes. That was from Cheech and Chong when I was a kid. A little Latin for you. Better watch out over that. I don't think there was like 11 or 12. Seven people shot dead within 24 hours in New York this past weekend. Be careful, Mr. Bob. That's all I'm saying. Again, that was probably in Brooklyn within a 12-mile radius, but, you know.

Yeah, that's going to be fun, going into the comedy clubs this week. Mama Sun. I guess the Pope's getting here on Thursday. I think he's taking JetBlue. He's sitting in the mint section. Last time they had trouble getting his hat, his hat wouldn't fit into that little bin thing that they have at the front. Before you're boarding, your bag has to fit into that middle thing.

Yeah. Oh, Pope Aruni. I don't know. I have no opinions on the Pope. I'm Roman Catholic and never paid attention to any of it, I've got to be honest with you. And I know this guy, you know, he likes to get into politics a little too much. Every time I pick up the paper, he's talking about climate change and, you know, all kinds of stuff. It's funny because, you know,

the left hates religion and hates, you know, Christianity and, you know, the far left, they should say. But this guy, this pope espouses a lot of what they believe in with the climate change and all that. You know, everybody should have free everything, shoes, food. You know, the pope's compassion is based in, you know, it's genuine compassion as opposed to the shitheads who just want to pretend they're compassionate to get that vote. Ha, ha, ha, you know, compassionate to get that vote mama so what's

going on kids i was in a boston laugh boston uh comedy club up there in in beautiful south boston which is uh which was kind of timely because black mass came out the whitey bulger story and you know he ran all of South Boston. Johnny Depp is playing him. Haven't seen him yet. Can't wait to. A few people I know and respect who know movies and film said it was pretty damn good. So, yeah.

But once again, I was told they butchered the Boston accent. And again, I blame that. Actors have trouble with it. The best, I mean, even Nicholson and the departed. He was fading in and out of that accent. And like I said, the best I've ever heard was John Hawks. He was in the Amy Schumer sketch with me. The movie The Perfect Storm, which is about Gloucester, Massachusetts, a few miles north of where I grew up.

And but John Hawks did the best Boston accent, Massachusetts accent I have ever heard. So much so, when I was watching that movie, I'm like, this guy's from Mass. And then I found out he's from Minnesota. He's just a really great actor. But Robin Williams, he butchered it in Good Will Hunting. He actually said Boston.

When you try to imitate a Bostonian and you want to actually say the word Boston, it's not, we don't say Boston. When you try to imitate a Bostonian and you want to actually say the word Boston, it's not, we don't say Boston. We say Boston, B-A-W, like Red Sox, S-A-W. That's the key to it. And you have to talk fast and run your words together. And in some words, we do pronounce the R and there's other words where we don't. And So it is a little tricky. But some of these movies, you see, they go way over the top. You watch like these made-for-TV movies. Although, you know who did a pretty good one? Martin Sheen.

I think it was a TV movie called, I think it was Missiles of October. He played JFK. He actually did a pretty decent job. He was a little over the top in The Departed, but you know, it's so funny because when people do a Boston character, they go right into, they do like a bad JFK

impression, whether it's, whether they're playing a character working at McDonald's in Massachusetts. You'll have the hamburger and would you like a lid on the top of that? So, yeah, South Boston, Laugh Boston, great club. Had a great time. Audiences were great.

And thank you for coming out, those of you who did. And those of you who didn't, go fuck yourself. Anyways, just kidding. But, yeah, it was good. It's a beautiful club. South Boston looks like San Francisco now as far as you know, it's right on the waterfront where this club is and

all these beautiful hotels and it really is like the sister city of San Francisco. Probably even more liberal for Christ's sake. But it was packed. Had a nice lobster. Had a lobster with some fucking tartar sauce on that side.

And at the Yankee Lobster Company. There's all these beautiful restaurants right on the water, legal seafoods. And I'm like, if I go in there, they're going to whack me for about $70 a pound. So I went to this little thing about the size of a deli. It was called Yankee Lobster Company, right at the end of where all the beautiful lobsters are. Like an ugly little duckling place. They had seats outside and stuff, a deli. It was called Yankee Lobster Company. Right at the end of where all the beautiful lobsters are. Like an ugly little duckling place. They had seats outside and stuff. A few seats. But you go in

and walk up to the counter and order like you're at a bodega almost. Still got whacked for 19 bucks a pound, but it was delicious. I'm sitting. Boy, how stupid did I look. Don't you hate when you eat alone in a restaurant? I feel everybody's watching. Look at the lonely fucking loser. Probably a comedian on the road exactly i'm sitting there with my lobster bib on like a mama luke

just sitting there facing the rest of the my my table's facing the rest of the restaurant you see people looking up going look at that jerk off so i'm on comedy central in 1926 and i'm just sitting there eating i got like a two and a half pound lobster and it was fucking delicious cup of chowder yeah right it was delicious and then uh yeah i just can't believe south boston used to be a real armpit it's like the one section nobody ever went to years ago it's even more built up than when i went there last year just gorgeous hotels seaport hotel i stayed at tremendous and uh and and a good comedy club too so um to my fellow comedians get up there and do it it's a nice room and they have another one the guy that owns it

john tobin has another club right gillette You know, they have a whole big mall and everything, like all new stadiums. But he has another comedy club that I'm doing in December in Foxborough, right? Right at Gillette Stadium, which I'm ashamed and embarrassed to say I've never been to. Can you imagine? What can I say, folks? The Pats have been on quite a run for the last 15 years. Not easy to get tickets. Although if I hit up Lenny Clark or Mike Clark, his brother,

they're in tight with the crafts. I think I could probably land the, probably sit right in the booth. But we'll get to the Patriots and terrific Tom. He's never looked better. He's got a real chip on his ass, I'll tell you. He looked great. But we'll get to that at the end. You know, I throw in a little sports. I don't like to do too much of that topical sports shit because again you guys could be

listening on this show uh tonight or fucking three weeks from tonight that's the thing i don't like about podcasts well maybe i'll get a real radio job someday could that fucking happen your mother's ass um what i want to talk about got to see my buddy i went up to see my parents in danvers and that was a painful five hours no and uh it's just scary man my dad's gonna be 80 in october which you know it's just fine i can't my mother's like 78 acts like she's 178. No. So got to see them. And I got to see my buddy Bob Murphy, who if you watch some of my specials, I put his name right in the credits at the end because he's one of the reasons I became a comedian. He was so goddamn funny in high school.

Graduated first or second in our class. He writes public policy up in Northern California for a company called SRI. Just a brilliant guy and is fucking funny and hadn't seen him in years. Brought his wife. Got to meet his daughter. He's got a kid playing football up in Northern California. His son is only like 15. He's a middle linebacker, which surprised me because Murph's up in Northern California. His son is only like 15. He's a middle linebacker, which surprised me

because Murph's up in Northern California is one of the places where people aren't letting their kids, you know, it's brainy, it's brainy elitist intellectual types who, and that's not what Murph is, by the way.

He's just a funny frigging Irishman is what he is. But they're like, you know, in that part of the area, I was talking to Murph, that's where they're not letting their kids play. It's football. There's hardly any youth part of the area, I was talking to Murph, that's where they're not letting their kids play. It's football.

There's hardly any youth football up there. So I was so happy when I heard Murph's kid is obsessed. He said he loves football. And, you know, with all the concussions and stuff, and I was talking to Murph's wife, said she read an article in paper, you know, there's hardly any young kids playing football in that area because apparently the mothers make the decision whether the sons are going to play football.

And to you fathers out there, step it up. Man up. What, do you want to live in a fucking soccer nation the rest of your life? Excuse me. That was the six pounds of melted butter I had this weekend. I got an ass on me like Hillary Clinton. I ate like an animal. Can't help it.

Room service, they can bring a lobster roll to my room. I'm fucking drunk. I'm not going to... Between that and this $8 Snickers bar? Come on. So, yeah, it was good to see Murph. Just a funny SOB and to meet his daughter. And I can't believe he's got a 15-year-old son.

And we'll all be dead soon. I i think i think that's the point the underlying theme of my podcast and my positivity don't you think so uh what else i want to talk about here um the debate last week uh didn't get to comment it until now and um it was interesting look i'm you know i like trump but come on i i think this debate started to show that he's again it's a catch-22 the fact that he doesn't seem as polished as all as all the other comedians not quite as knowledgeable only enhances his attractiveness to people who want an outsider it It's like a catch-22. They're like, well, he doesn't really know the fuck he's talking about, and he's kind of brash.

Yeah, exactly. But, you know, it kind of showed, I thought. But yet he's staying steady in the polls. What does that tell you? It's a real fuck you to the rest of the establishment politicians, his popularity. And people don't, they're like, yeah, we don't care if he didn't do that. Well, fuck you.

We're still voting for him because we hate you that much. That's all this is about. It's fun, isn't it? It's crazy to watch. But he looked like an idiot when he, you know, tells, you know, he got in trouble for making fun of Carly Fiorina's face. And then he, during the debate, he's like, I think she's a beautiful woman. That's where you're going to lose me, Donald. Just stick to your guns.

And Carly Fiorina is like, I think all the women heard what he said. She was kind of playing like the victim card, which is not the sign of a strong woman. She should be like, yeah, I'm not a pretty face. You know what that proves? It proves that I got to the top by my intellect you know i didn't sleep my way to the top with this puss did i and who's trump to be making fun of people's looks like i said on stage you know if jfk had donald trump's hair he'd still be alive today. I really believe that. No bullet could penetrate that fucking bird's nest he's got going. But, you know, he just showed a little, it's kind of superficial, you know.

And I know people on the left are going, they can't be serious about this fucking guy. But like I said, it's just a middle finger to politicians career politicians which i kind of like and i hope he hangs in there uh but yeah by no means really knows what he's talking about at this point but then again when you're the president you surround yourself with good people and that's what great CEOs do, and the company is just a giant corporation. So I hope he hangs in there. Real quickly, I'll go over the rest of the people that were in there. Chris Christie, who I'm not a fan of Chris Christie.

Comes across as a big whiny baby to me, but he's really good in debates, And he's a smart frigging guy. And kind of, I don't think he's going away. But quit frigging. Every time they show him, like, on the campaign trail, like, you know, in casual. I wish his wife would tell him, don't wear khakis and tuck in. He tucks in his shirt and it fucking just highlights. It's like looking at a planet, you know, the planets. It looks like a, his belt, his belt has to be 75 to 80 feet long.

And it just highlights how fucking, don't tuck in your shirt. Wear a big fucking fluffy Hawaiian shirt like that Mexican comedian. He just looks, whatever. What's that got to do with being pregnant? Whatever. And that's the other thing. All this nonsense about Carly Fiorina. They would never make fun of a man's look when it comes to being a president.

Bullshit. What the fuck are you talking about? Between Trump's hair and how fat... I've heard more stuff about Bobby Jindindal looking like a you know radio shack manager and and trump's hair and how fat christy is everybody gets all let's stop with that whole shit it's only women like it's only it's only muslim students who bring a bomb to school to get uh suspended you know we'll get to that in a few minutes um uh john cask he was all right they they you know he didn't get much time he's a little too establishing for me you know i don't know he's done a hell of a job with ohio and i

guess you have to consider that but he's a little too much of a regular politician um rubio is just to me had the best debate and he's going to be consistent. Guy knows his shit. Guy knows his shit. He's very steeped in all the issues. And he's very eloquent and says it with some command. And he's going to be there in the end. I love the fact that he's that young.

He's an impressive guy. Like I said, but if, you know, in the perfect world, I'd have somebody 2,000 feet to the right of Ted Cruz, but that guy doesn't exist for me. We have to balance out all the Marxist horseshit that's gone on the last six and a half, seven years. I want somebody really right way. And I do. I love Ted Cruz.

But he's got that weird voice. He didn't get much speaking time. And that's what CNN does. First of all, the debate, I thought it was all right. But they obviously, you know, Jake Tapper pitted Trump against, you know, for the first hour they were pitting one Republican. He said this about you. You said this about him. That type of horse shit. And you know they can't for the first hour they're pitting wanting republicans he said this about you you said this about him that type of horseshit and i you know what i find it entertaining i mean

it is on tv and people like well we'll be talking about we should be talking about the real issues well jesus christ it's a three-hour debate we'll get to it i like to see people called on their bullshit it's like uh donald you uh you know you said carly fierini who looks like mr ed what do you have to say to that and um who else jeb bush just sorry and i'm you know i know he's a great governor and but sorry he's to establishment and it's a weird moment when i don't know I guess Trump brought his wife into it, you know, just saying. And I guess Trump a few weeks ago said, or maybe it was a month ago, whatever, but talking about saying, well, if my wife was Mexican, I'd probably have a soft spot for the Mexican people. I don't even see why he'd have to apologize for that.

How is that a provocative, outrageous statement? Why? Because a rich white guy said the word mexican george and jeb bush during the debate you should really apologize toward donald and he's like i'm not gonna apologize and that's and he shouldn't he didn't say anything wrong big fucking deal and then they i don't know then they would talk about something else and and they agreed on something but uh donald trump uh put his hand out like for a high five or a low five and like Jeb Bush smashed it with real anger. I was belly laughing. Very awkward. Ben Carson.

He's holding tight in the polls. Just a likable, smart guy. And I don't know if he has what it takes, but very thoughtful and, you know, kind of the anti-trump um brilliant guy but i don't know um do we really want to try another unexperienced black fella oh my god that's outrageous nick how can you how can you say shit like this exactly shut up thank you uh Huckabee they went to this is what now this is my take on it CNN you know they're really they try to hide their left wing fucking slant but they uh they're really threatened by like Ted Cruz that's why he got about four minutes

and Huckabee got about three and a half minutes. You know, really religious. Scott Walker, sorry, dude. Sorry. And you're an oppressive guy. You took on the unions in Wisconsin, but you look like you're stoned, number one. He's got that sort of Jim Brewer eyelids,

half-shut look. And he's just got no charisma. He's just a nice guy from the Midwest who wears pleated khakis on the weekend. And he's just got that poor male pattern baldness happening, too. Looks like somebody set up a cherry bomb in the back of his head. He's got that spray paint, that shit. He just doesn't have that charisma, I don't think. And he's definitely a smart guy with big balls or whatever,

but just doesn't, just blending in. So Rand Paul, Trump made fun of his. Trump comes out at the opening of the debate. I don't know what Rand Paul's doing. He's got less than 1%, just a sucker punch to open the debate i don't ramp all's doing he's got less than one percent just a just a sucker punch to open the debate and um ramp all's a smart guy but i don't know man surprised to me that he's not making more headway but he wasn't he didn't get that much i'll tell you i watched the undercard debate with at the children's table and lindsey gra, that psycho, that 60-year-old bachelor, he was frigging hilarious. He's obsessed, obsessed with radical Islam.

And he's all about the military because he's a military guy. But it didn't matter what they asked him. It was so goddamn funny, you know. Like, Lindsey, what did you think of the breakfast they had at the... Well, breakfast was delicious, but I hope it wasn't made by an Islamic extremist. Just no matter what you fucking asked him. Just obsessed. The economy, we've grown at less than 2% in the last three quarters.

Well, yeah. Goddamn Islamists. Didn't matter. He kept coming back to it. and he showed like a humorous side i can't remember any of the jokes but uh he was kind of funny i actually thought he won that debate and bobby jindal was pretty good though but uh poor bobby jindal he ain't gonna make it he's just too small and too small and thoughtful and but um anyways, that was my take on that. But then you had after the debate,

a few days later, I guess, Trump, I think it was after the debate. I can't keep my timeline straight. But he was doing something in New Hampshire and they did a question and answer thing. And I got a sound clip some guy stood up and you know talked about the president and Muslims and whether he was one it to me sounds so staged I had heard about it and then I saw it on you know Sunday morning shows they showed the clip

I'm telling you the guy was a plant it was just I don't know who planted him it's so convoluted uh but the guy sounded like a really bad actor he just emphasized we know you we all know he's a muslim uh just like really bad i'm telling you it's gonna come out it's gonna come out in the next few weeks that this guy had to be it was so fucking phony'm telling you. I almost bet my word on it. Let's. I got to play the clip. I couldn't. The usual way I get him off YouTube.

That wasn't available. The converter wasn't working or some horse shit. So the sound. It won't be as good as normal. But here's that. Here's that clip. The guy asking Trump. And of of course trump's taking all kinds of shit because he didn't really defend the president and he was supposed to say the politically correct

thing well of course he's a christian and of course but trump just left it sort of hanging so now he's catching all kinds of shit because that's where we are now if you don't even answer a question people get pissed at you you know know the answer. But listen to this guy. He sounds staged to me. He sounds like a shitty actor. Okay. We have a problem in this country. It's called Muslims. We know our current president is one.

You know he's not even an American. We need this question. But anyway, we have training camps growing where they want to kill us. That's my question. When can we get rid of it? We all know a current president is one. Did that sound phony to you? Fucking staged?

I'm telling you. It reminds me of like you know remember it happened when mccain was was running somebody asked him about it and you know he defended the president and you know they do they do so much research and polling they're like that probably you know that hurt mccain the way he handled it let's do that again it just to me if that guy is real, he came across as a shitty actor. And, of course, Trump, like I said, just didn't say, well, you're crazy. Of course, he just left it out there, which is actually a smart thing to do. Oh, my aching ass. So, yeah, interesting.

So Carly Fiorina was really good in the debate. People are going, well, she should have smiled more. She's come across very cold, which was actually, it's like, it didn't bother me. Likeability is the fucking most overrated trait that's coming from me, which is laughable. It really is. Whether it's show business, you got to be likable. Oh, fuck that. Be yourself.

She was like a cold-hearted fish, and I liked it. She was like Hillary, only with some fucking brains. I didn't mind her scowling and shit. And you know, but then her handlers will tell her, you got to smile, be a little more warm. She's like, I'm not trying to land a fucking sitcom on ABC at 8 o'clock. I fucking want to be the most powerful person in the world. Shut your fucking hole.

So, yeah, she was almost like, you know, kind of scowling at a few things, which didn't make me flinch in the least. That broad is smart. Really smart. And, of course, Trump is like, when she ran Hewlett-Packard, it was a disaster. And before that, Lucent,

that company's in the trash. Which is some truth to it, but there's two sides to the story. And then she went after him and his casinos and shit. I love this shit. I guess I'm more of a political junkie than I want to admit. there's you know two sides to the story and then she went after him and his casinos and shit i love this shit i guess i'm more of a political junkie junkie than i you know want to admit it's like fucking i couldn't wait to get home and watch it it's like watching sports i get a real kick out of

it right mr pope saint dominic always Ophelia me bony belly, Dominus for biscoom, Benny selling all his dominoes. Oh, God. I was like eight, ten years old when I had that album. I must have listened to it

a thousand times. Cheech and Chong. What the hell else, kids, that I want to talk about? Ton shit let's talk about the emmys oh just to summarize on the debates yeah i think uh i think rubio had the best debate and fiorina was second and i think ch Christie, again, who I don't really care for that much, had a pretty strong performance. I got to be honest here, I like them all.

It's so funny. The Democratic Party's always about diversity and all that shit. And who they got? They got Hillary, fucking Bernie Sanders, two old white people, and another old white guy about to jump in, crazy Joe Biden.

Wow, what a diverse feel. What a diverse feel you got over there. We have a Hispanic senator on the right. We have a black brain surgeon, a white businesswoman, a white billionaire, billionaire, governors, senators, Rand paul who's like a i don't know what you call him an eye doctor an eye surgeon um but uh no diversity on the other side that's how they like it no debates is that what you say it is that what you say uh say? Yeah, let's go to the Emmys last night.

And it's so funny. I watch shit like this and I realize how detached I am and such an outsider in the very thing that I do for a living. I couldn't give a fuck. Half the TV shows they mentioned, I didn't even know what they were talking about or who they were talking. Really, Game of Thrones, Of course, they cleaned up. And again, I'm sure it's a tremendous show if you're a Patton Oswalt lover. Oswalt. You know, I'm sure it's great and shit.

I just can't. Like I said, I watched the first five minutes of Star Wars. And I almost threw up blood blood i was so fucking bored i can't suspend my disbelief i guess just uh but um um andy sandberg hosted it and did a good job i mean again i'm taking it for what it is i know when i sit down to watch this shit that the jokes on the opening monologue are all going to be very liberal and pc and but they try to pull themselves off as you know you know kind of rebels when these guys host these things and the jokes are supposed to be a little edgy nothing edgy about it um especially in front of a very hollywood liberal crowd but is he the pacing was good the material he was he was very he was energetic and

he was good he was confident and he did it i thought he did a nice job again i'm judging this on a curve because i can't stand the the you know three seconds into it into the monologue they had to establish that you know donald trump's a racist and um let's listen to a little bit of uh the opening monologue and again it's so funny even when he delved into like jokes that are socially relevant you know political in nature or whatever even in front of a crowd that liberal, even with liberal punchlines or whatever, there's like a mediocre response. Do you know what I mean? Whether it's race or religion.

I'll give you a little example right here. But the big story this year, of course, is diversity. This is the most diverse group of nominees in emmy history so congratulations hollywood you did it how quick they had to applaud diversity fucking sheep yeah racism is over don't fact check that of course given our history being more diverse than ever, isn't always saying that much. I mean, I bet on the day of Jackie Robinson's first game,

the baseball commissioner was like, this year's Brooklyn Dodgers are more diverse than ever in history. You know, it's good. Nothing. Nothing. That's probably what he said. Even though it was PC. The wage gap between men and women hired for major roles in Hollywood is still an issue.

Wait, I'm sorry, I misread that. The age gap between men and women hired for major roles in Hollywood is still an issue. Wait, I'm sorry, I misread it again. It's both. Still both. So crappy on two fronts. What? Donald Trump, of course, is running for president.

To the delight of uncles everywhere. But I've got to say, sure, Donald Trump seems racist. What else? That was actually sort of, and I know my comedy you know that somebody i know somebody on the writing staff probably saw giraldo kind of did that to me during one of the rows there you go he goes and nick davallo's head and i you know some people say nick's just a big dumb guinea anyways uh it was sort of the same take um Same take. But, yeah.

So, there's some more. Side note, is it just me or does Bernie Sanders always look like his flight is delayed? Ah, the classic trick. That's the classic trick. That's the classic trick. They take a shot at Trump, and now we have to take a shot at somebody on the left. And that way it'll look like it's balanced and fair. But the difference being is they call Trump a racist. And then they make fun of Bernie Sanders' hair.

He looks like he's a mess, late for his flight. But if you if you look at the box score hey they took a shot at both sides that's a classic move in the politically correct world of Hollywood no he took a shot at everybody uh yeah but you call one of them a racist which is the worst thing you can do today but um it was funny enough i'm saying it was good for what it was i thought andy sandberg was pretty damn good actually um and i didn't and don't think i sat there through all three hours of the show i was watching uh packers and seahawks of course i dvr this and you know how it is it's just so and then you know viola viola davis you know how sometimes when somebody wins something they have to get a little preachy and uh she's a black actress very talented woman uh who won for i think she's the first african-american woman to leave you know

get uh best actress in a drama or whatever. And of course, she had to get preachy and horseshit and the type of stuff that really gets under my skin. But let's listen to a little of her speech. In my mind, I see a line. And over that line, I see green fields and lovely flowers and beautiful white women with their arms stretched out to me over that line. But I can't seem to get there no how. I can't seem to get over that line. That was Harriet Tubman in the 1800s.

It sounded like Rex Ryan in the 2000s talking about the Patriots defense. Why is that? Come on, that was a doozy, wasn't it? What else you got to say and let me tell you something the only thing that separates women of color from anyone else is opportunity and a 38 inch vertical leap very athletic serena williams that was a ser a Serena Williams joke don't get all upset apparently they're there you won one shut up

the writers the awesome people that have been sure. Paul Lee, Peter Nowak, Shonda Rhimes. People who have redefined what it means to be beautiful, to be sexy, to be a leading woman, to be black. sexy, to be a leading woman, to be black. And to my friends, the Kerry Washingtons, the Halle Berrys, the Nicole Baharis, the Megan Goods, to Gabrielle Union, thank you for taking us over that line. Thank you for the Television Academy. Thank you. the Television Academy. Thank you. Okay, nice.

But the whole speech implies that they're not getting enough opportunities. Do these people realize that the country is only 13% black and about what? One half of 1%? One one thousandth of 1% of black women are in acting?

I don't understand. It's like, I don't understand it's like i don't they're not gonna be happy until what tv is uh you know 80 20 black to white that's never gonna happen you're getting the opportunities it's not gonna get any better this is a white majority country people aren't not right can you you're actually overrepresented if you watch commercials and and i mean are you kidding me i don't understand they they really think someday you're gonna put on every channel and every show is gonna be 70 black i i don't know what she she brought up 12 black women who who were pioneers.

It's just, you know, it's not racism. It's a numbers game. I mean, Hollywood is the most, you know, politically correct as far as race goes. The friendliest place on the planet. So, you know, whatever. Jesus Christ, does it ever stop? Does it ever stop? Does it ever stop? But a talented woman, and I'm glad she won.

You know. Couldn't name the goddamn show if they shot it in my backyard. Be honest with you. Fucking hate TV. I can't, I flip through like HBO, and I just look at the titles of the movies and shit. Ooh, the green Hornet, uh, game of Thrones. It's like every kid that I beat up is fucking making the lineup out, which is nobody. Just a funny joke. Relax. You're motherless titless fucks. Anyways. Um, so yeah, quit your goddamn whining. Could you? I'm glad you won.

I'm glad you won. It's the most fair, diverse place in the world. Hollywood. Those are all the clips I can play off my phone. Somebody get me a real fucking studio before i shit blood you know my favorite part of these award shows oh and let me just read off i should give you the results i guess you know if you're interested if you're real hardcore fans of mine you probably don't give a rat's ass but real quick i'll rip through them you know in case you didn't catch it last night and you were doing the american thing and watching this packers and the Seahawks have it out.

By the way, last week I was eight for eight as far as picks. This week I had four. I hate this league. What a down horse shit. I'll get to that in a few minutes. But Game of Thrones was the big winner. Outstanding drama series. That's like the biggest award.

Outstanding comedy series was Veep there's a surprise hbo julia louise dreyfus she needs another trophy huh if you're a committed liberal though they will fucking uh john ham madman finally the guy's been nominated i don't know how many times that's a series i did watch on HBO and fucking love. Was it HBO? I'm not even sure. Whatever it was. AMC. AMC. What am I saying?

Yeah, AMC. Mad Men. He was great, man. He finally won it. Viola Davis. How to Get Away with Murder. Jesus, I'm surprised they weren't picking. Why you got to give a black woman and why you got to call the show murder?

She was the winner, Viola Davis. She's been around a long time. Good for her. Outstanding lead actor in a comedy series was Jeffrey Tambor for Transparent. He plays a transgender person. Do you really think that wouldn't win? I'm thinking about having a snatch.

So it went to my back. Maybe I'll get nominated for something. Outstanding lead actress in a comedy series. Julia Louis-Dreyfus. She wins again. Outstanding supporting actor in a drama series. Peter Dinklage. That was the little dwarf guy.

Handsome guy. Game of Thrones. He was the little dwarf guy. Handsome guy. Game of Thrones. He's carrying the trophy off. I didn't realize how small he was until they handed him the trophy. It was like he was carrying off, you know, an actual adult person.

It's like three quarters of his height. Outstanding supporting actress in a comedy series. Allison Janney for Mom. Have no idea what it is. I wouldn't watch a show called Mom. I'm so tired of it. Outstanding supporting actor in a comedy series.

Oliver, excuse me, the winner was Tony Hale from Veep. Veep, again, HBO. Outstanding miniseries, Oliver Kitteridge on HBO. I wouldn't know if Oliver, oh, excuse me, Olive Kitteridge. How dare I fuck that up? I wouldn't, again, I wouldn't know anybody from that show, but they bit me in the taint. Outstanding television movie, Bessie, HBO. That was about a cornerback out of Southwest Texas State.

Outstanding lead actor in a miniseries or movie richard jenkins olive kittredge outstanding lead actress in a miniseries francis mcdormand olive kittredge i'm gonna have to google that make a mental note not to watch it again uh bill murray gets outstanding supporting actor in a miniseries of movie and that series was Olive Kittredge. Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Mini-Series of Movie. Regina King, American Crime. Outstanding Variety Talk Series. And this was no surprise since The Daily Show and Jon Stewart left.

They sort of paid homage to him last night. They cleaned up. The Daily Show got an Outstanding Variety Talk Series. Outstanding Writing for a Var cleaned up. The Daily Show got an outstanding variety talk series, outstanding writing for a variety series, The Daily Show, outstanding directing for a variety series, The Daily Show, outstanding variety sketch series,

Inside Amy Schumer, Comedy Central. And she was funny. She made a crack about, she said, I want to thank some girl that she went to school with and she was funny. She made a crack about, she said, I want to thank some girl that she went to school with, something for the smoky eye, which is frigging hilarious,

and good for Amy. She's a good, funny broad. Outstanding reality competition. By the way, I'll take a little credit for that win for Outstanding Reality Competition. By the way, I'll take a little credit for that win for Outstanding Variety Sketch since they said that the 12 Angry Men sketch was, uh, you know, land breaking, even for that show. Land breaking?

Mind blowing is what I meant to say. Landmark is what I meant to say. Um, yeah, so I'll take some credit. I was in on that, um, Outstanding Reality Competition Program, who gives a sweet fuck, the boys, the rest of them, I don't think you really give two shits about, um, Jane Lynch, you know, you know, it's the, they just, it's just a liberal jerk fest, it's so fucking funny.

Saturday Night Live, the 40th anniversary special. Outstanding guest actor in a drama series, House of Cards, Reggie Cathy. Outstanding guest actress in a drama series, Margot Martindale. I wonder any relation to Wink. Outstanding guest actor in a comedy series series that was the one that i almost got nominated for uh and i was hoping they'd show clips because paul giamatti get nominated for that you know i thought they'd show clips like they always do but of course not there was so not so many nominees like you know it was like five or six men and five or six women that they

just showed like a just a still photo of jimmy giamatti's face in the sketch i was hoping to get on tv a little bit you know they'd show a clip and i but uh let's face it i'm fucking finished uh so giamatti got uh nominated for that but bradley whitford won it for transparent and uh joan cusack won Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series for Shameless. Those are the only ones you really give a shit about, right? But Amy Schumer, nice going. Louis, they made a crack about Louis' show, which was funny at the beginning. They put the camera on him.

He's laughing with everybody else, and then he makes like a real serious fucking look into the camera and uh christ he's been there so many times i mean when he was writing for chris rock before i was writing for chris rock he had already won a couple when we went to his house there on thanksgiving he i think he had like six trophies it's just he's almost bored with the whole thing unbelievable but overall you know, that's the beauty of DVRing all that shit, right? You can watch an 11-hour show in nine hours. And that's what I did. And it is what it is. How about that comedian, folks?

Steve Renazzazzi, whatever his name is. How about that? Him lying about being in the trade center the day it was bombed. That all came to light. Holy fucking moly. What a psychotic thing to do. Psychotic.

He's on a show that showed the league. You know, it's about a fantasy league. He plays like the commissioner. Fantasy football. Whatever the hell it is. But, you know, if you guys aren't familiar with Renazazi, it's about a fantasy league he plays like the commissioner uh fantasy football whatever the hell it is but you know if you guys not familiar with uh ren azizi he um he uh yeah he's telling everybody for years that he worked at merrill lynch on the 54th floor of the south tower when the plane struck the North Tower. I was there and then the first tower got hit.

And we were like jostled all over the place. Right there you should have been a little skeptical. Really? A building gets hit near your building and it jostled you? Get the fuck out of here with it. He said that in 2009. He fled to the streets just minutes before another plane slammed into his building. And then he decided that very day life was too precious to waste. And he wanted to tell dick jokes in front of drunk people.

So he moved to L.A. with his girlfriend. That's what he said. He abandoned his New York desk job to pursue a career as an entertainer in L.A. I still have dreams of like, you know, those those falling dreams but he was confronted by the new york times this week with evidence that undermined his account mr ran as easy after a day of deliberation acknowledged on tuesday that his account was fiction you fucking believe it? Just a big fat lie. I can't believe the balls. That's like psychotic behavior.

Isn't it? Liar! Liar! Liar! Yeah. Actually, he had been working in Midtown that day and not for Merrill Lynch, which has no record of his employment and had no offices in either tower.

Jesus Christ, you might want to do a little research before you tell a lie that's going to ruin your life. So he said, I was not at the Trade Center on that day. He said in a statement provided by his publicist, I don't know why I said this. This was inexcusable. I am truly sorry. And he lost a Buffalo Wild Wings commercial because of it. At least they had some morals.

Of course, Comedy Central had a big decision to make because this came out last week and his special was going to air Saturday night. And guess what, folks? Just like I told my wife, my wife's like, no, they'll never show it now. I go, are you nuts? You don't know TV, do you?

The fact that they have all this heat on this kid that's just publicity there's no bad publicity even when it's negative and sure enough in true showbiz fashion comedy central just fucking came up with some excuse to play that special. Right? We are currently, this is before they aired the special comedy series, we're currently reevaluating our relationship with Steve, pending a review of all the facts. Yeah, this is how they probably reevaluated it. They got in the room, they went, hey, you know how much heat is on this fucking thing?

We're going to draw huge eyes. Anybody else there want to lie? Maybe we can get another comedian to say that he was in fucking WW2. Comedy Central expressed similar disappointment, said to it, had not decided, but they ended up showing it. And then, of course, FX Network, whose FXX carries the league. That's a show he's been on for like seven seasons. They said, well, Mr. Ranzisi's deception has been upsetting and unfortunate.

We're money-grubbing whores, so fuck it, we're going to show it anyways. It still would go forward with him as a character in the show's final season. We believe Steve is sincere in his apology and will do everything he can to make amends moving forward. I'm sure that would have been their take if it was like a competing show with theirs um unbelievable and you know just disrespectful that is to people who died that day and

families who lost loved ones and all that i mean that's fucking when When do you say... So when would you not show a guy special? Well, he raped a six-year-old girl, but I mean, she was... Come on, you see how she was dressed on the swing set? Just... That's all you need to know about TV, folks, and the people who run it. I guess Wild Wings.

They said, fuck this kid. Probably because some guy that works at Fryer later lost his cousin in the second tower. And they, I don't know, but good for wild wings. This is Steve. For many years, more than anything, he said, I have wished that with silence, I could somehow erase a story told by an immature young man.

Like as he's separating himself. That's what psychos do. Like after some psycho stabs his, you know, eight people in a school and they go, it was my alter ego. That's not me. I didn't even, I don't even remember doing it. They always separate themselves. First sign of a true psycho.

So it was an immature young man then, you know. So it was an immature young man then, you know. It's good timing, though, because Brian Williams is coming back to MSNBC tomorrow night. He's reading an article. So, you know, this is the week, man. It's the week of the liar. I guess Brian Williams is causing all kinds of shit over there already people are getting demoted and shit he wasn't the only one to be fair to mr ranazzisi there was a few people that have

lied about that since. There's a Spanish woman named Alicia Estevi Head who went by the name of Tania Head. She joined the World Trade Center Survivors Network Support Group and went on to become its president,

but her story of escape from the 78th floor of the South Tower was fabricated. She was believed to be in Barcelona on September 11th. So he's not alone, but some people do anything to get famous. Because he talked about it on Marin's podcast, too, you know.

You see, you know, he had a pretty good career. And trust me, folks, it can. Because the people that run this business, it's not going to affect them. It'll be forgotten in a week. But if he was like a staunch, staunch guy like me who wore his Republican, you know, right-leaning politics on his sleeve, he'd be fucking blackballed forever. he also noted in some interviews that his girlfriend also worked in the south tower on september 11th on 24th floor but said she had been delayed and never made it to the building and then in the article it says actually mr ran as easy got that wrong as well

mr ran as easy was scheduled to work as a temp on september 11th i mean mrs i'm talking about his wife now ran as easy mrs ran as easy was a temp scheduled to work on september 11th but in the world financial center nearby not in the south tower yeah we went up to the roof we smoked a joint then decided uh we were going to leave unbelievable huh he did finally come out with a statement saying after you know somebody blew his cover it was profoundly disrespectful to those who perished and those who lost loved ones.

The stupidity and guilt I have felt for many years has not abated. It was an early taste of having a public persona, and I made a terrible mistake. All I can ask is for forgiveness. Well, you're working in the right town. I wouldn't worry about it. We don't have any values anymore.

One cast member of the league, Katie Aselton, came to his defense on Wednesday. I love Steve, and my heart goes out to him and his family, she wrote, and my heart goes out to everyone he may have hurt.

This sucks all around. Her heart goes out to him and his family. Yeah, that's what I'm worried about. I hope Steve's family is not too hurt. Spoken like a true actress in fucking Hollywood nitwit. Interesting, huh? Only Wild Wings stepped up. I want to see if anybody else if there's any more fallout like i said i say no most likely what would possess you can you imagine what would you possess you fame i guess you are correct huh oh then we had the story about little,

again, I haven't talked to you. This is a week old or so, but I haven't seen you. Talked to you since last Monday. A little friend, Ahmed Mohamed, the student who brought the homemade clock he made to a school. I think it was in Texas somewhere.

And this one just fried my balls if anybody 14 year old kid he brought a beeping strange looking homemade concealed device turned out to be a clock and uh of course you know the cops overreacted and arrested him but uh the dirty little secret is he wouldn't give the cops any information little ahmed you know if he's a genius like you say he doesn't seem too bright to have a name ahmed muhammad and bring a clock to school that looks just like a bomb with wires hanging out i think he's fucking with our heads just like uh remember a few years ago there's like five muslims guys got on a plane in minneapolis and they started chanting and switching seats and shit just to just to fuck with people on the uh on the plane

and of course all the libs oh my god this is horrible they single them out because he's a muslim and that's stereotyping and it would never happen to a white kid and blah blah but which is so far from the god it's just the opposite actually a few examples um dyer county tennessee there was a a woman named kendra turner a woman a girl uh she was suspended for saying bless you after somebody sneezed and that her teacher told her that she'd have she would have no godly speaking in class. The school administrator in that situation said it was not a religious issue at all, but more of an issue a teacher felt was a distraction in her class.

But they didn't mention, they didn't mention, I guess students posted photos that showed bless you on a list of expressions banned in the classroom by the teacher. And then you had the little kid from Maryland. Remember the seven-year-old kid? He chewed his Pop-Tart into the shape of a pistol and pretended to shoot students with it. Nothing more dangerous than a fucking loaded pastry.

Loaded with a nice fruit filling. Can you imagine? He was kicked out of school for chewing a pop-tart into a pastry. White kid. This kid's being invited to the White House, little Muhammad, naturally. Because his life is ruined now. Somebody hurt his feelings for 30 fucking seconds. So, jerk-off-in-chief is having him to the White House, little Muhammad, naturally, because his life is ruined now. Somebody hurt his feelings for 30 fucking seconds. So jerk off in chief is having him to the White House.

And shithead who invented Facebook, Zuckerberg, is like, you can work for me anytime. You guys are mentally fucking ill. You childish. Another example of a white another. There's another example of a white kid uh again they say this wouldn't happen if he was white alex stone a 16 year old white kid from somerville south carolina wrote a short story in which he imagined using a he imagined using a gun to kill a dinosaur for this his locker was searched and he was arrested handcuffed

charged with disorderly conduct and suspended from school for three days. So I guess it's only, you know, prejudging and stereotyping and hurtful when it happens to a person of color like little Mohammed. The cops did. Yeah, they overreacted a little bit, but that's because he didn't give them all the information once they started talking to him, you know, this kid knows what he's fucking doing,

it would be like me showing up, let's say in the 50s and 60s, if I was a kid, you know, I'm really Italian looking, me showing up

at the class with a zoot suit on and a violin case under my arm and a fedora, oh my God, you guys got to get over it. You fucking politically correct douches. You have to get over this. How is stereotyping a prejudging somebody? It became, it's worse than pedophilia. They look at it worse than pedophilia.

He's getting invited to the White House because somebody might have hurt his feelings for five fucking seconds. Unbelievable. Get the fuck over it. Most tolerant nation on the face of the earth. Unbelievable. You're so blinded by your hatred for this country, you can't perceive reality in it. You fucking lost it.

They just, they're looking for excuse since 9-11 to prove homophobia and the opposite is just the truth it couldn't be more welcome we still welcome them here even though they're setting up shop and trying to get muslim extremists that is not little muhammads but i'm just saying after 9-11 imagine if we knock something over in mecca the the u.s i know people are going well that's what they're doing our foreign policy it's all about that that's why terrorists are being created we have been so i think i just remember that one guy getting murdered. Some racist idiot like an Arizona shot an Indian Sikh because he had like a turban on thinking it was right after 9-11. But there's been no such thing. Huh? I want to know how many innocent Muslims have died, attacked because they were Muslim in this country since 9-11, which is 14 years ago.

You can count them on one hand, not even probably. But this kid's getting a front seat at the White House. Obama, you are just a hateful, hateful fella. You hide it well with your beautiful smile, in my opinion. Invite those white kids. Invite the parents of the girl who got shot in San Francisco by the the illegal alien no you're not gonna have kate stanley's i bet you he is now after this story broke yeah that one really got me did you see the fucking thing it looked more like a bomb than a bomb and it like 16 000 wires hanging out of it brings it in a suitcase yeah good idea why don't

you try to board a delta flight after school with it see how many people you can make look like an asshole and if the cops didn't do anything on the school authorities and it went off see there are you know there's cause and effect folks Jesus H

uh have I hit it all? The Pope. Oh, as far as the Emmys goes, and this is always my favorite part of these awards, you know, like in memoriams when they show the people who passed away? Why does that... I mean, I don't...

It's just, I think it's always really well done, and I get my eyes well up. I see all these people dying that... Now it's just, I think it's always really well done, and I get my eyes well up, I see all these people dying, that, now it's this generation before me, it's like, when I'm watching it, like, I'm on deck, you're gonna, at a blink of an eye, I'm gonna be, if I make it that far, but like, all these people, you know, people that I watched on TV, whether it's Leonard Nimoy in the 70s, or, well, I didn't watch Star Trek on a regular basis basis but i sure know who he was when he's on tonight show and and uh but uh i didn't know i don't think i knew that mo green died alex rocco originally from boston by the way did you know mo green died alec the guy alex rocco is the actor

ironically ironically we shot in the eye we're're getting a back rub at Jack LaLanne's health and fitness club. No, but yeah, I didn't know he passed away this past year. And Donna Douglas, Ellie Mae Clampett. Remember the blonde Ellie Mae, the daughter who I used to jerk off to while she was in her cement pond? She died. That one made me really sad. Those are all the shows that i grew up

with um oh martin milner one adam 12 the first cop show absolutely loved one adam 12 it was him and kent mccord they drove around in a cop car really cheesy they had some really cheesy lines but uh i wouldn't even get that on like nickelodeon i remember they were following my favorite line from that show they're following a drunk driver and he was weaving all over the place and martin milner looks at his partner he looks at his partner and he goes give him a ball of yarn he'll knit us both a sweater that type of 1970s corny dialogue but it was a cop show it was great one adam 12 see the man the corner of fight the power and die whitey avenue and of course frank gifford

that's what's creepy frank's gone dandy don's gone howard's gone all these guys i mean come on i was watching them when i was a teen my generation generation's on deck. Watch the NFL. And again, it backed up everything I said last week, why I prefer college football. I've never seen so many penalties. They must have set a record this week. I know the Buffalo, the Buffalo Patriots game definitely set a record this week. I know the Buffalo Patriots game definitely set a record. They had 24 or 25 penalties, which at that point

is over-officiating. I don't give a shit what anybody says. When you're into the 20s, it's over-officiating. But it's so sloppy. That's what I said last week. Why I love college football. It's a lot cleaner game. And hey, NFL,

I'm going to say this again and I'm going to keep saying it. I've said it on every fucking podcast. You have to change the push-in-the-back rule on punting and kickoff on any kicking plays.

You have to change the fucking rule. I'm going to say this again. I've said it before. Howard Cosell brought this up in the 80s. Over 60% of kicking, it's got to be up to 80% now, on kick plays is a penalty. On 68, Howard Cosell said this years ago. And he made a great point.

He was a smart guy other than just a loud mouth. He said that means there's something fundamentally flawed in the rule. And it is. You've got to change it. Is anybody fucking hearing me out there? Every punt yesterday. And it wasn't just the Pats game, which was so hard to watch. Both teams.

Pats had like 14 penalties, 12, and Buffalo had like 16. I couldn't believe but that's over officiating and the announcers in the booth aren't going to say that because you can't shit on the officials you have to be a corporate show for the NFL but that's over officiating some of these fucking guys are trying to get their SAG card that's screen actors guild card you get on camera enough you get a SAG uh just fucking embarrassing but every, Seattle Seahawks, every channel, I have DirecTV so I can watch them all. I'm flipping around, and there's a push in there.

There must have been seven different games I was watching. I saw at least two pushes in the backs on punt plays in three or four of the games. You've got to change the fucking rule. What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and over again expecting different results i mean what you got to change it okay allow one push in the back or something it's you got to get rid of the rule because the teams there's a certain protocol on

how you how you know punt return teams set up like a picket fence. And they're not going to change that, the way the teams return a punt. And it's incongruent to the rules. You've got to address the rule. It's been going on for, like I said, since the late 80s. 30-something years, you'd think somebody would go, why is there a flag on every fucking punt on every kickoff change it god almighty fucking smash his fucking face in that's right

good though um tommy boy brady he's got a chip on his shoulder this year it looks sick because he was throwing the ball like a young Tom Brady yesterday. I know it was Buffalo. That was supposed to be a big test. I fell for all the hype. You know, I was in Boston this weekend, and I did a couple of radio shows, and these guys are like sports guys, and they even said this would be a test. And then I watched a few local guys on TV, said yes,

because Buffalo, you know, kicked the Colts ass and they made all these moves in the offseason. Blah, blah, blah. 80,000 fans. It's going to be a real test. And they do play the Pats tough, you know, every once in a while. So I fell for that hype. I took Buffalo.

It was almost a pick-em. It was like a half-point difference in the stupid pool. But I fell for it. And the fucking Patriots turned out and just embarrassed them. I mean, it wasn't as close as the score. The final score was like 40 to 30, whatever, 32. But it wasn't even that close. But Brady was throwing darts.

466 yards passing. He's out to stick it up somebody's wazoo. And the Gronk looked like the Gronk, and Edelman might be the best slot receiver. Edelman has turned into Wes Welko for the Patriots. Just a fucking tough little son of a gun who nobody can cover. And I like that they have a pass rush. I loved Vince Wilfork, but he was great against the run because he was built like a Coke machine.

But now they have some athleticism, and they're really pressuring the quarterback, and they look really good. Again, who knows? It's so early in the season, the Bills could end up 2-14, but they were supposed to be good this year. And Rex Ryan, after the game cracks me yes bill belichick uh outcoached me and but but but he like do we even have to say that does he he mentions himself in the same breath as belichick it's fucking

hilarious but he goes yes we lost because i talked too much i I think he was being ironic. He is entertaining, but I'm sorry. Most overrated coach in the history of the game. Oh, and Frank Gifford. We lost him this year, too. Did I mention that? Yes, I did. That's about it. Oh, Alabama lost. I didn't really get into college, but Alabama lost

for the second year in a row to Ole Miss. Okay? In Alabama, folks. Ole Miss put up 40-something points on them. It's the first time in the history, I think, of that rivalry that they got beat twice or whatever. It's something crazy. But, yeah, Alabama.

If you follow college football, they are like the, they set the standard. Him and, you know, them and Nick Saban. And Ole Miss beats them in Alabama Saturday night. I was listening to it on the radio on the way home. Might have been a replay. It was pretty late now that I think about it. Maybe it wasn't. But anyways, so that was fucking crazy.

Crazy. But like I said, I enjoyed the college game. Just a little less, a lot less flags. A lot more discipline. And whatever. Did I cover it all? Seven people fatally shot in New York. You know, that's probably the out of boroughs.

But within a 24-hour period, yet de Blasio still preaching how safe it is. Good thing you get rid of that stop and frisk. What a douche. He is a one-timer if I've ever seen it. Oh, my God. Uncle Junior, what's up?

Guy comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. I guess I'll have to spread my legs now she says why he asks don't you have a vase i'll laugh at that till i'm 106 all right kids good talking to you again uh this weekend come see me at Governor's, Friday and Saturday night. And by the way, you were asking me about, I did the Marin podcast a couple months ago. It's going to be, I think they're playing it this Thursday, the 24th. That's what they told me. And don't look for a left-right political discussion, because we talked,

all we talked about, Mark was smart to keep me off that, I guess, all we talked about was comedy, stand-up, but it's very interesting because Marin was there when I started in Boston and we did one of our first gigs together at a place called Captain Nick's and talked all about the comedy scene

and he's a good interviewer. He really knows how to interview and yeah, I think you'll like it a lot. What the hell else? Talked all about the comedy scene. And he's a good interviewer. He really knows how to interview. And, yeah, I think you'll like it a lot. What the hell else? Yeah, so Governor's this Friday and Saturday night in Levittown, Long Island. I'm doing a Benefit Unite to Face Addiction in D.C. October 3rd. The Time Warner Theater, I think it's called.

So if you're in the area, check that out. And then the Gramercy Theater, which is a beautiful theater, small theater in New York City on October 17th. I'd love to see you there. Please come out to that one if you're in the area. You'd be doing me a big favor because I like to play that one once a year. That and I like to sell Coke to school children anyways kids this has been a ball uh november five six and seven magubis in timonium maryland and november 12 13 and 14 comedy club of jacksonville jacksonville florida 12, and 14. That's a Thursday through Saturday of November. All righty.

You guys are the best. And I guess I'll talk to you in a week or so. I don't know. Depending on when you listen to this. I keep forgetting that's how it works. Oh, and Hollywood, stop showing commercials. I forgot to mention this. I saw about, I'd say, five commercials while I was watching the game yesterday

of women beating the shit out of men, whether it's in a movie or a TV show. A lot of female feminist anger out there. And I tweeted it, and I had some young, stupid guys who don't know that they're being mind-fucked by the media. It's not their fault. They're young and stupid. And political correctness, they were born with it. They don't even know when they're being played. They were born with it. They don't even know when they're being played. But I mentioned, I go, you know, a lot of angry, you know, I said a lot of guys being knocked out in commercials. And one guy puts a tweet up of Homer Simpson, and it says he's holding a newspaper, and it says, old man yells at cloud.

He was implying that made me a young man for making an astute observation that so in his world, you know, women can beat guys up just as easy as men can beat women up he's he swallowed this i guess a whole generation has i don't know most of you have picked up on it and realize it's poop but i was laughing at the tweets i'm a dinosaur for pointing that out apparently all righty uh talk to you in a week or so. I love you for helping me to construct my life. Not a tavern. What the hell's going on out here? I love you because you have done so much to make me happy.

You have done it without a word, without a touch, without a sign. I'm gonna work out now. You have done it by just being yourself. Perhaps after all, that is what love means. And that is why I love you. And you blew it! You blew it. Peace. guitar solo I'm out. Yeah