The Nick DiPaolo Show - 117 - Zanies, Trump v Cruz, Muslims and Planes

Episode Date: January 18, 2016

Zanies, Trump v Cruz, Muslims and Planes

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riot there, folks. How are you? It's your friend Nick, back in town. Excuse me. Excuse me. How you been? What's going on? Fresh off a plane from Chicago yesterday. Great weekend. Great weekend in Chicago. That's two great weekends of stand up. It's rejuvenating me. Maybe that three weeks I took off in December. I don't know what it is, but let's get to that in a few minutes. More importantly, thank you to the contributors to this show. Aaron Calhoun. Thanks so much, Aaron, buddy.

Big AC coming up big with some donations, contributions. And then this guy just used like his email or whatever. Robes, 316, R-O-B-E-S, 316. I don't know what your real name is. I'll call you Rob. How about that? Thanks for the contribution, pal. I appreciate it very much.

And to all of you who have contributed to the Nick DiPaolo podcast, slash whatever name I'll give it. Maybe not. It might just stick that way. You know, somebody said, you know, you get enough of a reputation and people know, you know, they know your name and what's coming.

So why change it? Which is a good point, actually. But it was made by a 102-year-old man. But anyways, so thanks a lot, guys, for your contributions and for everybody who's subscribing. And the numbers are still climbing. We get a little army going here.

And I mentioned the podcast in Chicago at Zaney's. Boy, I wish they changed the name of that club because it doesn't do it justice. Both of them, the one in Rosemont and the downtown. But, you know, then again, that name has built up a reputation for great so that's why they don't change theirs uh but thanks uh thanks again and uh i'll talk about chicago in a second i just want to uh plug a couple things because you know how i am i forget this shit okay now where's my mf from date book you dumb MS fucking... I'm really losing my mind here. Anyways, I'll be at the Sports Haven in New Haven, Connecticut this Saturday night.

It's a great gig. It's like a casino in New Haven. And it's a great gig. Come on out to see me. Where's my goddamn date book, you sister's ass? Hold on a second. Let me go look for this fucking thing i just what the

oh the hell with it i really do need help oh my god I just went upstairs and got the goddamn thing. I am really worried about those early concussions in my career. Oh, there it is. I see it across the room on the floor. Nice going, Titmouse. Hold on. Oh, Canada, home and little land. Every little love and all of my... It goes out to my boy Ted Cruz, who I love, by the way.

I know that shocks you folks. I just mentioned SportsAid, New Haven, Connecticut, Saturday, this Saturday, January 23rd. And then also Salines in Wantage, New Jersey, January 29th. It's a Friday night. Then the next night, I'm at the, these are comedy shop gigs. The Regency House Hotel, Pompton Plains, New Jersey. That's January 30th. Then I turn 54 the next day.

How fucking sickening is that? The Music Hall in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, February 12th. And I want to say something about this gig. I've been plugging it for a while. And the guy that organizes it, who's the emcee and who's a great comic, Mike McDonald from Boston. I guess I've referred to Mike as Mike Donovan a couple times, who's another guy who is like Mike's age, or, you know, they're from the same comedic generation. When I was coming up through Boston, I looked up towards both these guys, two funny Irishmen from Boston, funny as hell. But this is Mike McDonald, who

puts on this event every year, the Comedy Extravaganza. It's the 15th annual Comedy Extravaganza. And obviously Mike will be there and myself, Christine Hurley, Paul D'Angelo, who's been voted like the funniest guy in Boston 11 times. I don't know why I'm following him and why he's not. I know Paul very well. And Greg Murphy, all very, very funny people at the Music Hall in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, Friday, February 12th at 8 p.m. The phone number is 603-436-2400 for tickets. Go to themusichall.org and get your tickets.

A portion of the evening's proceeds goes to support seacoast food pantry in crossroads house uh so uh which makes me nervous because uh you know me this is for a good cause and and uh i hope i hope mike mcdonald's not setting me up with my right-wing politics because he's i think he i think he's uh at the opposite end of the political spectrum, but he's a good dude. He wouldn't do that to me, would he? That's how paranoid I am. Maybe it's because I just smoked a big fatty while I was sitting on the toilet. No, it's a joke.

But anyways, yeah, I'm looking forward to that. Portsmouth, New Hampshire. I would live there in a second, by the way. That's about a half hour north where I grew up, right over the New Hampshire line. I would live there in a second, by the way. That's about a half hour north where I grew up, right over the New Hampshire line. And just a sweet town, a coastal town, and can't get more New England. Just love it up there.

So, again, it's Friday, February 12th with Mike McDonald as your emcee for the evening and one funny SOB. So is Mike Donovan, by the way. No disrespect to Mike Donovan. That guy used to make me cry. I'd laugh so goddamn hard. What other gigs? The Brokerage in Long Island, February 26th and 27th. One of my favorite gigs.

And College of Staten Island, March 5th. Holy shit, I'll get arrested there. Bananas in Hasbro Heights, March 11th and 12th. Holy shit, I'll get arrested there. Bananas in Hasbro Heights, March 11 and 12. Side splitters, March 31, April 1 and 2 in Tampa. That's enough for now, enough of the business. How's your tits, everybody? You all right? Again, Chicago came out in droves. I did five shows in Chicago, two in the downtown room.

That's the original room, and then three out in Rosemont, which is the bigger room. Sold out four out of five. And I think the only one I didn't sell, it was the second one Thursday night. And I swore to God there were like three tables maybe open in the back. So I was almost five for five. The clubs are run extremely well. Just great people. Nice people.

Bert Haas, who's been there forever, running the original Zanies, which is like a small room downtown. He had me do two shows on a Thursday night, which was great to kind of get that out of the way. And places packed. They come out in droves. Everybody, I take pictures with everybody after because, and I know you're thinking, you don't, you never fucking do that.

But it's like, okay, I, you know, Covenant is, I'm there eight times a year. I'm just saying people in chicago and i had no way to hide uh but um they couldn't have been nicer they're just chicago's a big town with a small town attitude people are just i can't describe and they laugh hard and they laugh at shit that i laugh at and i was saying a lot of heinous shit off the top of my head. And I did Man Cow, who's like the big morning guy in Chicago, who's been in radio forever and unbelievably good at it.

And thanks to him for putting me on. And he came out Saturday night, which, you know, that was kind of flattering because these morning guys, these radio guys, and I don't blame them. You do radio all week. I know how fucking hard it is, especially morning radio. But they always say, yeah, maybe I'll come out to see you. And they never do. And this guy did. Man, he's a big guy in Chicago. Listen to this.

He tells me after the show, he comes into the group. He was with, I think, some senator and somebody who's like one of the guys heading up Hillary's campaign. Hillary, could they think? Do you fucking believe it? Hillary's campaign. That guy had to sit there and listen to me. Savage her like I always do. And Mankow said they were laughing their balls off.

And, you know, they probably fucking, the guy probably hates your guts, even though he works for her. But, you know, I almost shit my pants when he told me that. But that's these guys, you know. So anyways, thank you, Mankow. That was great for coming out and for putting me on the show. And Steve Cochran Show and Jonathan Brandmeier. Great radio.

And, again, we hate that part of the job, comics. We've talked about this before. But those guys are like seasoned veterans. And I was on with Mankar for like an hour and a half. And as a result, again, I don't mind doing radio if you know it's going to result in something. But, you know, a lot of these gigs, they go, hey, we got an AM sports talk show for you at four in the afternoon. And you know it's not going to do diddly fuck,

but you do it anyways because you don't want to be labeled as difficult. Anyways, they came out in droves. So, and yeah, and Rosemont, which is like a 250 seat club, sold out all three of those shows. And the podcast, like I said, I mentioned it and it got a lot of recognition from the audience, which gave me a nice chub, which made it embarrassing. Because I was wearing those tight red leather pants that I do comedy in now. I don't know if you've seen them. And so it was a great weekend. That's two weekends in a row of staying. It almost revived my faith in this business. But

again, whatever. This is how it is. You get excited about something, then I'll get kicked in the nuts tomorrow. But that's life, isn't it? You just keep going forward, motherfuckers. I guess a bunch of young comics kept coming up to Mike McDonald and going, hey, you're not going to like this, but Nick DiPaolo called you Mike Donovan. I guess he's heard it a few times. I'm not the only one to make that mistake. But he told me in a text. Anyways, come out and see that show.

What the fuck else? Americans freed from Iran. this is the latest update uh what we know uh in the swap we got the americans that were freed were washington post journalist jason ruzain marine veteran amir hekmari christ Christian pastor Saeed Ebedini, and Nostro Tolo Khosravri Rotsari. Those are the three. And a hostage will be named later. We're looking for a closer out of Tehran, somebody with a good cutter. They were released as part of that big prisoner swap. And Rezian, I don't know how you say his name, he was the Post journalist.

He was detained in 2014 and charged with espionage and other crimes. And he's the Washington Post's Tehran bureau chief. So, you know, they're full of fucking shit, Tehran and Iran. I'm going to fucking blow those cocksuckers off the map. Can I say that without being... Hekmati was detained in 2011. He's the Marine. After arriving in Iran to visit his grandmother. So you can see why he should be detained, right?

According to his family's website. The former Marine and Arabic and Persian linguist was accused of espionage and other charges in 2012. Can we look at the transcripts? It doesn't work like that over there in Iran, where they hang people. They hang gay people from cranes in the middle of the city. Fucking backward suckers of Satan's cocks each and every one of you. Anyways, not everybody. The people are actually.

I don't know enough about the people. But. Abedini, an Iran native and convert to Christianity, was arrested in 2012 and convicted the next year on charges of attempting to undermine the Iranian government. Well, yeah, when you convert to Christianity, you're obviously trying to undermine their government. Oh, what a bunch of paranoid, sick, motherless, titless fucks.

Testing. Am I not, let me turn this up. Am I coming in all right? The light was a little, all right. So he was in prison for eight years,

Abedini. Who else was released? Matthew Trevithick, a student who was recently detained. He was released, but he wasn't a part of this prisoner swap, by the way, I guess. Anyways. Three of them arrived.

Rezan Hekmati and Abedini arrived in Germany on Sunday. Kosravi Roudzari decided not to leave Iran. It's his free determination. I said a White House official. He's going to stay in Iran. Well, I can see why. Maybe he has a summer home.

I don't fucking know if that's on the up and up. Now they have to be medically evaluated you know you come back from uh spending time in Iran you probably have rabies and shit some type of fucking fungus that the rest of the world has wiped out a thousand years ago that fucking place makes me depressed and you see it in movies the way it's depicted. It's not that backwards, but I mean, I'm just saying. The American Center for Law and Justice, dedicated to protecting religious and constitutional freedoms, reported that Aberdeen was tortured in prison

and was beaten by fellow prisoners in June. No, I don't believe it. He suffered injuries to his face during that incident. Hekmati suffered health problems, including weight loss and breathing difficulties, according to his family. Well, Marie Osmond suffers from both of those, doesn't she? What? You heard me, motherfucker. And who did we give Iran in return? We gave them a left winger out of Manitoba.

He had 11 goals last year in the Junior League. Now, in exchange for the American prisoners, we pardoned or commuted the sentences of an Iranian and six dual citizens of the United States and Iran. Obama called it a one-time gesture. I hope your fucking presidency is a one-time gesture, you mamalook. This guy's as dumb as a bag of cheese. Ugh.

The men allegedly had been involved in exporting products and services to Iran in violation of trade sanctions against the country. They were accused of exporting goods ranging from electronic components, oh, see, and satellite services to marine navigation and military equipment to Iran. Now, I know, do you see the thing here? So we got back four or five people who really did nothing, trumped up charges. And I'm sure you're going, well, how do you know that? I fucking know, okay?

And we gave them back seven jerk-offs who actually committed crimes. And again, I can hear the fucking libs going oh really you're gonna trust the u.s government and how do you know those weren't trumped up charges uh i know i called ted cruz last night um so basically we gave back seven scumbags and got you, five people who shouldn't, who shouldn't have been detained in the first place. Anyways, who cares about their names? Afghaie Faridi and Mechanic and Nima Goslant were pardoned. Modanlo, Arash Garham, and Sabu.

Are you fucking kidding me? Just their names alone they're guilty. I know that's wrong to say, but come on. They all had their sentences commuted by the U.S. Justice Department. Guess what? The U.S. also agreed to drop charges against 14 other Iranians whose extraditions to the U.S. seemed unlikely. Well, once again, we get porked in the ass. Good deal, though, right?

Supposedly, all these prisoner swaps came after a year of secret negotiations and it helped accelerate the nuclear agreement which we all know is a fucking farce it's about protecting mr obama's legacy which is so fucking horrendous but you know what how about poor robert levinson he's been over there since 2007, this poor bastard. And I don't know if he's alive. Do they even have proof he's alive? The poor Levinson family. But anyways, just again, this all happens on the eve of us lifting sanctions and giving a nation that sponsors terrorism all over the globe

an extra $150 bill to spend on weapons and whatever the fuck else. It is such a farce. And I want to see Hillary talk her way out of this during the fucking elections. She's going to take credit for shit. She can also take blame for stuff. Yuck, poo. Right, Mrs. Clinton?

You big, thick-ankled. Oh, Hillary, just joking. Don't be crying, huh? Take it easy, girl. Down, girl. Throw her a fucking milk bone. Apparently, her husband good so that's what we know about that deal they asked hillary about this uh on one of those sunday morning shows i want i guess they asked her to comment on rubio's comment about obama you know and this iran swap thing and the whole but listen i want you to listen to hillary's answer the question is i think it's steph monopolist one of those guys asked her to comment on what rubio said listen to her bullshit for a good minute and a half and never answer the question again the question is what do you think of rubio's statement watch her do an end run that i it's fucking hilarious and i know you're gonna

go well i'll politician nobody does it more than her and more effective. She reminds me of me, like I said in high school, when I had an essay question to answer and longhand, and you just bullshit for the first, your first 11 sentence of your answer is just almost repeating the question and total bullshit. But listen to her, listen to the question, and her fucking never really get to the answer

and work in you know how great she was as secretary of state but listen to this first the news that the american hostages from iran are heading home uh this morning uh donald trump not giving the president any credit and marco rubio says it's going to create incentives for other U.S. adversaries to take hostages. Does he have a point? Well, look, I'm pleased, like I hope everybody is, that we have American citizens coming home this morning from Iran. They were unjustly there. Right there. I'd go, stop, that's not what I asked you. And I did a lot of work on these issues when Americans were being picked up, falsely charged, and imprisoned to get them home.

So I applaud the fact that that's happened. We still don't see Bob Levinson coming home, so we have unfinished questions in business still. But I think this is a part of what we're going to be pursuing, persistent, patient diplomacy. of what we're going to be pursuing, persistent, patient diplomacy. Today is also the day that we have verified the Iranians have followed through on the requirements under the nuclear agreement. They have shipped out the vast majority. I think it's up to 98% of their enriched uranium. They have poured cement into one of the reactors we worried about because of a...

Again, the question was, what do you think about Rubio's statement saying this makes an incentive for other regimes to kidnap Americans? We wanted to comment on his comment. Look, she's still going like the energy is a bunny. ... plutonium potential threat. They have destroyed centrifuges. So this is the kind of smart diplomacy I was proud to be a part of in the first administration of President Obama

that we're just going to have to be persistent with because we have a lot of problems with Iran. Their aggressive behavior, their destabilizing of neighboring states, their continuing military support for Assad and so much else. But the fact we've put the lid on the nuclear program, the fact that we got our prisoners back, I think is reason for good news. Okay, back to the question. So do you think it's an incentive for other rogue regimes to kidnap Americans?

Huh? That was the... And that's what Mr. Rubio said. What you come... Fuck you! Fuck you! Every time I see her. Oh, the shit I was saying about her on stage in Chicago.

And they were laughing. And I go, isn't she a Chicago person? So is Obama. Fucking Rama. Man, you give us some of the fucking worst people on the face of the planet. But how was that for an asshand run? Mank you. Unbelievable.

Oh, she can sling it. The answer to the question is, by the the way i'll answer it for her yeah it is it does make an incentive and you know how we know that it's already a story now uh iraqi security forces scrambling monday to locate several americans kidnapped in baghdad over the weekend there's your answer you dink weed. And you're going to go, well, maybe it happened before Sunday when she was on the fucking show. It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter. People have, people know what's going on behind the scenes and that we cut a deal. It's already happening. Okay? Alaa Al Saad,

a spokesman for the American embassy in Baghdad, confirmed Sunday that some U.S. nationals were missing in Baghdad. The U.S. embassy would only confirm that several, quote-unquote, Americans were missing. See? See? It's just proof. Iraqi forces were looking at two main scenarios. The first was that the Americans in the Iraqi interpreter's car were stopped by militants in military uniform in the neighborhood of Dora. There was also a possibility that the four were taken from an apartment in the same part of town.

Iraqi officials were also working under the assumption that a Shiite militia was responsible for the kidnapping. The two most powerful Shiite militias in Baghdad are Asib al-Hakh, that's A-A-H, and the Hezbollah Brigades, a third smaller militia. Saraya al-Salam is loyal to Shiite firebrand leader Muqtad al-Sadat. Yeah, there's some names for you. I think I saw them actually on my flight to Chicago. We'll get to that in a few minutes. We have a lawsuit.

Some Muslims were kicked off a plane this weekend. I say, so what? But we'll get to it. Because I don't want to, you know, it shouldn't be unfair to people. So doesn't that answer the question, though, that now we have Americans missing in Iraq? Doesn't that pretty much confirm the fears of Marco Rubio saying, yeah, it creates an incentive to kidnap Americans over there? The answer to that is to yes, fuckface.

Talking to myself um you believe the shit do you believe it this guy makes jimmy carter look like reagan they are pissing all over us i you know you can refute it all you want, but if the American president is a weakling, the world, it creates a fucking vacuum, I know we're not supposed to be the world police, but we gotta flex our muscles a little bit, you know, it's a fucking evil world out there, it really is, is. Isn't it? Sure it is. So now we get, uh, we get the Americans missing in Baghdad. God. And how about that movie coming out 13 hours? I want to know how they finagle that. That's,

that comes out. That is not good timing for Hillary, is it? I don't know. I know the, what is it, Michael Bay, the director? I might have his first name wrong, but I think so. How did he finagle that? You know? Because that's going to hurt Miss Dogface's chances. I still say she's not going to be the nominee. I'm sticking to my guns.

There's so much shit on her. So good luck finding those vanished Americans. nominee. I'm sticking to my guns. There's so much shit on her. So, good luck finding those vanished Americans. Hillary, don't cry, honey. Don't cry. Come on. The fix is in. You'll be the nominee. This country doesn't have the balls to

have a woman this close to being the first female president and shooting it down. Even though I think hopefully she'll be but uh i'll probably be wrong because uh like i said it's about uh it's about uh identity politics the first black president the first woman there's already a young uh puerto rican fella running and uh we got a midget he's gonna be on the ticket missing a leg and a glass eye and uh that's what it's about in this country that's what's important and then we had the republican

debate over the week i didn't watch the uh dems last night tried to watch a minute actually got a i just it's that broken record it's the same shit it's the same oh income inequality bernie sanders is out of his fucking mind i like him because he's an authentic, grumpy fella. That I do like about him. But Jesus Christ almighty. But the Republicans had their debate. I think that was the Thursday that I went to Chicago. And Trump and Cruz had a little dust up.

And here it is. It was about New York values. I'll give you my take on it. I think most people know exactly what New York values are. I am from New York values. I'll give you my take on it. I think most people know exactly what New York values are. I am from New York. You're from New York, so you might not. But I promise you, in the state of

South Carolina, they do. That's why I love Cruz. And listen, there are many, many wonderful, wonderful working men and women in the state of New York. But everyone understands that the values in New York City Yeah, but the government. Not a lot of conservatives come out of Manhattan. I'm just saying.

Conservatives actually do come out of Manhattan, including William F. Buckley and others. That's one. Thanks, Don. That's one. Nobody said it wasn't. Nobody said they didn't. That's not what he was talking about i saw something that no place on earth could have handled more beautifully more humanely than new york there are two 110 story buildings come crashing down i saw them come down and we saw more death and even the smell of death nobody nobody understood it. And it was with us for months, the smell, the air.

And we rebuilt. Where's your hairspray, fella? And everybody in the world watched. And everybody in the world loved New York and loved New Yorkers. And I have to tell you, that was a very insulting statement that Ted made. See how Trump, he's getting to be like a good politician now he just took that and and and tried to spin it but i'm not buying it do you really does anybody believe ted cruz was talking about the first responders and the people who died in the attacks and and do you

really i mean that is just so silly to say about like Ted Cruz. If you look at his record, nobody can stand, you know, nobody's fought Obama hard on everything. Not that he has anything to do with it. I'm just saying, just I'm not buying it. OK, of course, everybody loved New York and their spirit and everything. But you can't deny that the fucking loony left politically correct horseshit ideas that have fucking ruined this country, in my opinion, don't emanate from the Upper West Side of Manhattan and Los Angeles, the two, the most elitist. I came to New York. I couldn't believe how arrogant people were when you got into talk. Again, I'm in showbiz, kind of showbiz, quote unquote.

talk again i'm i'm in showbiz kind of showbiz quote unquote but when you get into talking to i couldn't believe the arrogance how they just assume you know and uh i'm sorry the rest of the country feels the way cruised and i do too and i love new york i'd love the new york city it's it really is the greatest city in the world he wasn't attacking you know he wasn't attacking, you know, he wasn't questioning their courage or their integrity, New Yorkers, or their spirit. But, you know, the values, I mean, come on. de Blasio? Doesn't that fucking say it all? You elected de Blasio? Dog shit? Even the libs don't like him. Anti-cop idiot?

Dinkins all with shitty records it took Giuliani hardly a liberal and the most one of the most popular mayors if not the most popular ever so

it was a nice touch at the end it was very hurtful that sounds so funny coming out of trump who again i love what he's done with this whole process um but you know i think when it gets down to it i don't care i you can't lose man you can't lose anybody but the the you know hillary i was gonna say martin o'malley or bern. I don't really know if they have a shot. Although Bernie's like leading in Iowa. And more people in Iowa that are voting consider themselves socialists?

What the fuck has happened? Hoo, hoo, hoo. I can't, that one almost knocked me on my tits. But sorry, everybody's going, oh, Trump really won that fucking thing. Really? Well, then Cruz won that second thing. Really? Well, then Cruz came out and apologized. And this is what he said. Hillary Clinton and Andrew Cuomo and Bill de Blasio have all demanded an apology.

And I'm happy to apologize. I apologize to the millions of New Yorkers who've been let down by liberal politicians in that state. politicians in that state. I apologize to the hardworking men and women of the state of New York who've been denied jobs because Governor Cuomo won't allow fracking, even though there have been many high-paying jobs just south in Pennsylvania.

New Yorkers are denied the ability to provide for their families. I apologize to all the pro-life and pro-marriage and pro-Second Amendment New Yorkers who were told by government governor cuomo that they have no place in new york because that's not who new yorkers are i apologize to all the small businesses who've been driven out of new york city by crushing taxes and regulations

exactly exactly exactly doesn't mean it's not a great city. It's a great place. Love New Yorkers. I love New Jersey people, too. It's been great since I came down here from Boston. But I'm just saying, even they, you know what I mean? Even some of the people, I think, who voted for fucking Comrade de Blasio wouldn't argue with what Cruz just said. I mean, people are leaving.

Remember a couple episodes ago I mentioned I read a statistic out of the paper? What was it, 660, 670,000 New Yorkers have left the state in the last few years? Just because of the reasons he just mentioned? So, again, everybody's, oh, Trump. so again everybody's like trump uh but but but i think what people were saying was he he didn't get all he didn't get all uh hyper and loud and obnoxious he showed some like real it's the first time he showed you know quote unquote a soft side or whatever but so uh watch out if he becomes a good politician um but like i said i love what trump's done for the process man making all these other people look jeb bush oh my god i think i could debate him

and fucking win low energy jesus christ that's a that's an understatement he's all sweaty and i feel bad and they say he's a good governor i don't know probably was but his time has passed dude there's an angry electorate out there you know you're the last thing we need and he's doing just the way i thought he did with it with the bush name it's like having a having the bush name is like having a moderate to severe plaque psoriasis, a nice patch of red bubbles on your elbow as you're approaching the salad bar. That commercial, I talked about it on stage because the flight attendant had a rash on her arm

and I brought that up. But anyways, that's what the Bush name is like, having a nice patch, a nice patch of moderate to severe plaque psoriasis on your ass and you're at a nudist colony. You wonder why you're not doing well at the hot tub.

And Bernie Sanders was on Sunday morning show and they asked him about his past. They brought up some statements he made. I think it was Stephanopoulos, one of those guys.

Brought up some statements. It doesn't matter. They're all fucking horribly biased. But they brought up some of his statements he made back in the 70s. And this is when Sanders gets cranky. You know, he's known as a curmudgeon. I love when the people bring up, they want to point out who he really is, just a wacko leftist.

So watch him get his fucking panties in a, or I should say the pens in a bunch. In a campaign, past positions are going to get scrutiny. So I wonder how you respond to some of the things that are circulating now about your past positions. Back when you were running for governor of Vermont as a Liberty Union Party candidate in the 70s and 80s. You urged congressmen to give serious thought to the nationalization of the oil industry. And then you went on in the long run. Sanders said all utilities must go under public ownership and all necessity of life must be provided. Well, you know what, George?

George, George, you know, when that was a long, long time time ago before I ever was elected to anything. Before I? I've been in Congress for 25 years. You're right. They can go back. People can go back and look at the fact that Hillary Clinton, as I understand it, was a supporter of Barry Goldwater. Who cares? That was a long, long time ago.

I love that Brooklyn Jewish accent. I was the I. Who cares? Mr. Sanders, you said some crazy shit back in your day where you said this about the United States. And he's like, fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Fuck you. Man, does he get cranky when you point out who he really is just a far left fucking mama luke bernie uh you wanted to nationalize oil companies uh and you said uh all utility should be nationalized, and yes, I did, but you... I said that. Watch out, because I'm... Cocoa pop, cocoa pop, cocoa pop, cocoa pop, cocoa pop.

You also said this, too, Bernie, back in the 1970s. Hey, where are the white women at? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, goddamn. But again, at least he's authentic right those are people at least he's authentic yeah sure he is kind of anybody i mean standing next to hillary looks real for christ's sake for the love of jesus he gets cranky don't he of Jesus. He gets cranky, don't he? I'll tell you who can debate his tits off besides my boy Cruz, who's like a national debate champion at Harvard. I think he defeated a couple of

debaters from DeVry, a couple of sophomores in engineering. But Rubio, Rubio is a killer debater, man, he's got his shit ducks in his row, he prepares, and he took on Cruz, they got into it, and he gave Cruz a bit of a licking, everybody said Trump did, I think Mr. Rubio, and I'd be fine with him too, by the way, he's not far enough right for me, but he has good intentions, and I like him because he's never happy. He's kind of a, for a guy that young, he's like really serious. Listen to him ripping into Cruz. Let me clear something up here. This is an interesting point when you talk about immigration.

Ted Cruz, you used to say you supported doubling the number of green cards. Now you say that you're against it. You used to support a 500% increase in the number of guest workers. Now you say that you're against it. You used to support a 500% increase in the number of guest workers. Now you say that you're against it. You used to support legalizing people that were here illegally. Now you say you're against it. You used to say that... What I like is, and Cruz is funny, while they're saying this, they're on a split screen.

Cruz just smiles at that crazy fucking... I want to vote for him because he looks crazy. He would scare the shit out of the rest of the world. I want to vote for him because he looks crazy. He would scare the shit out of the rest of the world. And what's more interesting than a Canadian-born Cuban who lives in Texas, but he sits there. He doesn't try to jump in. When people are ripping him, he does a nervous laugh.

He's got those little chiclet teeth, but he just smiles. And they say he's unlikable and all this shit. First of all all the people who dislike him the people i dislike so that's a positive which is the rest of congress any anybody who you know if you're disliked by congress who has a minus six a minus six rating as far as favorability that means you're a good guy in my book but he just smiles and takes it well well fucking robio's ripping these off you were in favor of birthright citizenship now you say that you are against it and by the way it's not just on immigration you used to support tpa now you say

you're against it i saw you on the senate floor flip your vote on crop insurance because they told you it would help you in iowa and last week we all saw you flip your vote on ethanol for the same reason. That is not consistent conservatism. That is political calculation. When I'm president, I will work consistently every single day to keep this country safe, not call Edward Snowden, as you did, a great public servant. Edward Snowden is a traitor.

This guy can fight, can't he? And we get our hands on him. He is standing trial for treason. And one more point, one more point, one more point. Every single time that there has been a defense bill in the Senate, three people team up to vote against it. Bernie Sanders, Rand Paul, and Ted Cruz. In fact, the only budget you have ever voted for Ted and your entire time in the Senate is a budget from Rand Paul that brags about how it cuts defense. Here's the bottom line. And I'll close with this. If I'm president of the United States and Congress tries to cut the military,

I will veto that in a millisecond. Oh, my God. And Cruz sits there smiling. That's not him trying to rebut. That's somebody else trying to talk. But he's just smiling. I mean, how do you stand and listen to that shit? That's why i could never be a politician if somebody was sitting there rattling off shit about me my comeback would be like fuck you fuck you fuck you right in the middle of a debate to be cutting my microphone uh nick you can't do that during a presidential. People throwing shit from the audience.

I'm getting pelted. But Rubio is a black belt in this shit, man. And he would fucking destroy any of those nitwits that are running for the Democrats, especially the thick-ankled dogface who everybody seems to assume is going to be the nominee. He's going to open her up like a fucking piñata. Oh, goodness gracious.

He's got a little dirt on him, Rubio. Like, you know, he fucking owes money to a credit card. You know, built an extra room on his house and whatever. But, you know, it's so funny, so funny man he lays it he lays it out there i'm telling you i want two cubans on the ticket i want i want cruz's president rubio's vice president two cuban americans No, you're nuts. You're nuts, Nick. And then, you know, you make, you throw Trump in the cabinet.

For commerce or whatever. So what's next on the agenda? Interesting story here. Four Brooklyn men claim they were kicked off a flight for looking too Muslim. Really? Really? A flight attendant kicked four Brighton Beach. It's a part of Brooklyn. A lot of Russians.

Kicked four Brighton Beach men off a recent, unless they meant Brighton Beach, England, which is a place, which is probably, no, I think I mean New York. Yeah, from a recent flight from Toronto to New York for looking too Muslim. Yeah, sure, right. They're claiming their parents made the captain uneasy. A new $9 million federal lawsuit alleges this.

Oh, God. Oh, God. They were, the four men were among six longtime pals who spent several days in Toronto this December. They had originally booked different itineraries for the trip home, but decided to return on the same 2 p.m. American Airlines flight. Sean Anon and Fahmul Alam paid $75, and they paid it in hummus and camel shit. No, stop that.

That's not right. To switch to the flight, which WH and MK had already booked. The two buddies. WH and MK also changed their booking before boarding, paying $70 for an upgrade to business class. They were assigned seats in the first and third row, respectively. After boarding, Alarm and Anad switched seats with strangers so they could sit next to each other. That would...

That would... Let me tell you, you can't tell us to be prudent and then ignore something like that. Remember James Woods fucking spotted some nonsense and they turned out to be terrorists. I think it was Minneapolis flight or something, remember? But anyways, if you're being vigilant and shit, that should catch your eye. I'm not saying it's right or fucking wrong. I'll come to that at the end of the article.

But they're playing musical chairs to the ISIS music. After boarding, yeah, they switch seats with strangers. This is alarm and a nod so they can sit next to each other, which is understandable. Several minutes later, a white female attendant asked WH to get off the plane. The lawsuit, which will be filed Monday in Brooklyn Federal Court, alleges. The flight attendant then asked MK, who worked as a construction worker, to leave. Just the way this article is written. Really?

Get off the fucking, there's got to be more. Passengers surrounding Alam and Anand started making racist comments and clutching their children as if something was going to happen. See, that's where it falls apart and i don't fucking believe it that's their lawyer talking by the way really just like just like when white people are on an elevator black guy gets on the white woman clutches her purse closer right doesn't it all sound fucking erode um i ain't having it that's just my opinion okay sure they and i'm sure they uh they made the car i'm sure the other uh people on the plane made racist comments out loud right and started clutching their children right as if something was about to happen the suit charges

then we were asked to get our belongings, so I grabbed my pipe bomb and my hunting knife and my box cutter, and I got off the plane, said Alam. No. Then we were asked to get our belongings to get off the aircraft, said Alam. He's a general contractor who runs his own construction company. It's called Kaboom International. No.

Four of the six friends, two Bangladeshi, one Arab, and one Punjabi, were all ordered to get off the flight. These poor pricks never had a chance. The other two are Hispanic and Pakistani. They were not kicked off, they claim. They were told just to be peaceful, quote-unquote, just to be peaceful, making it seem like they were a threat, making other passengers uncomfortable and wanting to get off the flight.

And that was said by Tahani Abushi, who represents them. See, that sounds like bullshit to me. Okay, these lawyers know how to play the game. I'm guessing nobody said anything. Nobody was clutching kids. When they exited a jittery American Airlines agent, again, this is just my opinion, a jittery American Airlines agent, again, this is just my opinion, a jittery American Airlines agent told them they made the crew uncomfortable.

We have some audio of them talking. Somebody recorded it on their phone. I'm not sure what you're talking about. Of course, that was from one of Sacha Baron Cohen's movies or whatever his name is. Come on, that was funny, folks. You don't like that? You're dead inside. Ah. When they exited, a jittery American Airlines agent

told them they made the crew uncomfortable. Again, who would say that? Be stupid enough to say that. She said the stewardesses and the captain felt uneasy with us being on the flight. WH said there were inconsistencies in our behavior traveling as a group because two of us upgraded and two of us didn't. MK asked the agent if they were thrown off because of their appearance. Alam has a darker complexion.

WH has a beard. Yeah, so does Ryan Seacrest. Her name is Kelly Smith. MK, Alam, and wh are all muslim yeah well what are you gonna do it's a bad time well bad time folks to be dark-skinned muslim and flying uh you can't blame the people for being uh kind of jittery ananda is a Sikh who wears a turban and a beard can't you fucking do you have to really i mean i don't know can't you like uh replace that with a Mets cap while you're flying then you'd have to be leave by Yankees fans uh the agent said their

parents did not help really they're gonna have to sit down uh American Airlines and talk to the fucking employees and go, look, stupids, what are you saying this shit for? So the flight took off, leaving the four men behind. Later on, they were, the captain of the flight that an armed and alarm had originally booked agreed to take the four men to LaGuardia. on the flight that anon and alarm had originally booked agreed to take the four men to la guardia they're each seeking a million bucks in compensatory compensatory damages in five million impugnative punitive damages see what i'm saying really so the lawyers you see what i'm saying with such a litigious society lawyers are such scumbags the so these guys should be set for life financially because somebody might have hurt their feelings or prejudged if they did indeed do that um do you see what i'm saying and i know you libs are all for that type of horse

shit but it is not the worst thing you can do and if you're a good muslim living in america you go you know what i can understand why people are or whatever but um five million on. And if it's American Airlines, if, you know, again, an apology. You know, OK, maybe a little bit of money. Even that goes against, you know, it's like it's like, sorry, guys. You can understand the times we're living in. We're a little, you know. Nick, but what if they would have Italians? They did do it to italians when the mafia was

fucking kicking ass and they always got profiled italian people just uh it's part of you want to live in a diverse country you're gonna have to put up with some of this shit what are we supposed to just walk around blah it's that mentality like the libs go yeah you're walking down the street at one in the morning here comes a five black guys on the side. If you cross the street, you're a racist. Oh, suck it. Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!

Fuck you! Yeah, so they want a million dollars and then five million punitive damages. Oh, yeah, you should be set for life because somebody hurt your fucking feelings. I said that on stage in Chicago. Give me a break. Give me an effing break. Apology is due if, again, if they were unjustly kicked off the floor. Boy, are these, there's an actual picture. Is, are these the actual guys? I would have been nervous. But they're like younger guys, and one of them's got the turban thing on, but he's got a tattoo on his arm. Doesn't look overly religious, but the other guy, whatever.

Again, it's not the worst thing that can happen. I just saw an email pop up on my screen from my sister Donna, and it said something about after taxes. I guess she's talking to my brothers and mother and sister or whatever. It says after, and I'll tell you what this means. I'll be stuck in this conversation. You know when people include you in a group text or email group, whatever. I'm going to be, the next hour they'll be going back and forth,

something I don't know what they're talking about. But she said, it's only after taxes, but I'm happy. So maybe she, maybe she hit a lottery ticket. She doesn't need it. Sister did pretty well. Husband, husband went to Wharton Business School. That was after he was an engineer, went to Cornell and got bored with engineering,

went to Wharton Business School, That was after he was an engineer. Went to Cornell and got bored with engineering. Went to Wharton Business School. Graduated first in his class. One of these Ivy Leaguers that's so scary smart it makes me angry. So you four Brooklyn fellas, I hope, you know, again, maybe you get a few bucks, but come on. And again, if this is indeed true. But again, an apology, maybe a few bucks. Give him some of that. What's that homicide love so much?

That's so brus. What are you going to say now? All right. Real quickly, we always sort of end it with sports. And again, I don't know when you guys listen. I don't do a ton of sports because you guys listen to these shows whenever you want. But I do treat this like a radio show. As you can see, I hit on these current events.

I'll get to another story tomorrow about Portland Community College and what they're doing. They're devoting an entire month to something that's going to fucking infuriate you if you have an ounce of balls left. NFL, real quickly, kids, and once again, this time of year when I'm on stage, it's always playoff time. I'm always in a green room somewhere,

and literally the Packers and the Cardinals are on in the green room at Zaney's in Rosemont, and I said like in the third quarter at Zanies and Rosemont and it's I said like uh in the third quarter or second quarter I think I said this is going to get interesting right when I have to go on stage and sure enough that I miss a doozy right remember I told you a couple weeks ago last weekend the Bengals and Pittsburgh game I was looking at the TV the Bengals are up by a point with whatever, a little few minutes remaining.

And I said, oh boy, what do I do? And I left. Anyways, this weekend, what happened yesterday? Oh, Panthers, Seahawks. Panthers come up and put up 30.

It's like 31-0 at halftime. And then the Seahawks come storming back, but come up short 31 24 and um makes me wonder about the panthers defense which is supposed to be fairly good um because remember the giants giants came back they were down 35 to something in the third quarter against the panthers and they tied it up. But anyways, the Panthers held on.

And the Broncos over the Steelers, 23-16. Steelers were up there driving late in the game, and a guy fumbles for the Steelers, a poor bastard. Big-ass fumble. Peyton comes in, bing, bang, bang, who looks all right. He is not the shadow of what he had for an arm. But anyways, the Steelers handed it to the Broncos. Steelers played really well.

They always do just enough, usually. I'm not that impressed with them. But they always find a way, the Steelers. And Roethlisberg was hurt, but he played great. And they really did. Steelers kind of deserve that. But they fumbled it away. Manning comes in and does what good teams do.

They stick it right in your wazoo. So they went 23-16, which means the New England Patriots, my favorite team, has to go back to Denver. But how about the game that everybody's talking about? Obviously, the Packers-Cardinals. Packers-Cardinals, you know, a couple weeks ago, Rodgers against the Detroit Lions, like on a Thursday night, throws a Hail Mary at the end of the game. Remember that? I played the clip for you, I think. Well, anyways, comes down again.

They're down by a touchdown. Last play of the game. And goddamn Aaron Rodgers. Aaron Rodgers does this it's all about 5 seconds they're going to bring pressure well they did the last time too which I thought was pretty smart they got Rodgers

backpedaling he resets Starks they are going to bring pressure again. Rodgers is going to roll away. Throws it up in the air. Says a prayer. And Janice does it again. Oh, stop it.

Oh, please. What a catch. That's insane. Oh, my. That may be one of the great throws ever. Watch out because I'm. Go, go, go, go, go, go. Unbelievable.

Go, go, go, go, go, go. What? They're talking about the throw, which was amazing because he was rolling to his left and threw to his right. But the catch, that Janice, the vertical leap on this guy, there's two Cardinals right next to him. And then he comes down. That Janice, the vertical leap on this guy, there's two cardinals right next to him. And then he comes down. And the thing, it was like wedged in between his chest and his right arm. He didn't even really, it was crazy.

It wasn't like he was squeezing it. It was stuck in there. And then some guy punched it out at the last second. But they ruled he already had possession. Uneffin' believable. Why did I say effin'? It's a fucking podcast. You big girl curse it up. I don't like to rely on it,

but are you shitting me? Are you shitting me? Of course I missed that. I come in, I go, so what happened? And, and the other committee is like,

you're not going to believe I go get the fuck. He was telling me, I thought he was making it up because I've explained to him how I always miss the ends of great games. Are you shitting me? Are you shitting me? But the Cardinals, I'm sorry, man. Carson Palmer is a choker.

At least up to this point. He's a choker. He threw a couple of horseshit interceptions. And he's done it before. And there's a reason he has a shitty playoff record if he even has one at all. So you've got the Cardinals and the Panthers, okay? So the first time in history you have two Heisman Trophy winners, a quarterback going against each other.

How about that? Cam Newton versus Carson Palmer. I take the Panthers in that one. Cardinals, I don't know. They're a good team, but I don't know. Again, because of Carson Palmer, I give the edge to the Panthers. And then my Patriots, you know. They're a little bit healthy finally.

I think they're healthy. They went on to beat the Chiefs at 27-20. And if you're going to beat the Patriots, you know, you've got to stop this combination. Third and seven for the Pats. Trying to get on the board first. Four receivers set. Brady, slings it. Touchdown!

Gronkowski! The Patriots open with a bang. Then again later in the game. First down to the 16. Brady perfect on the drive. Brady delivers. Touchdown, Ron Koste. Who else?

But here's the thing. I think Collins got hurt again on defense, and I know Gerard Mayo got hurt. I don't know this status. I haven't checked it before I went on the air here. But you can't go to Denver and have two of those guys. Two of the best defensive players on that team. You gotta be a little bit healthy, which they were

for the Chiefs. And you see the difference. Edelman was dropping passes the first five minutes. I guess he was rusty as hell. But then, as soon as he got that rust off, and that's what you're gonna have to do, right? You gotta either stop if you stop Gronkowski, then they're going to fucking throw the Edelman.

You stop him, they're going to throw to Gronkowski. You stop them both, they'll go to Amendola. It's a dangerous situation. Anyways, my Pats are back in it for the fifth straight year in the AFC Championship.

Are you shitting me? Only the Oakland Raiders did that back in the 70s. The team that I was in love with as a kid because they had that bad boy image. And I... I can't believe it. I can't believe it.

Fifth year in a row in the AFC Championship. The rest of the country must be sick of us. And I love that. I love it so much. So we got to go to Denver. And again, depending on the health of that defense and Belichick, good luck beating Belichick when you're playing him a second time or whatever. But Brady always gets the best of Manning. Manning is not.

And that's when Manning was healthy and good. Okay. Brady's still playing like he's 28. So again, we got to put pressure on Peyton. It's not going to be easy. Anytime going to Denver. Always hated him. They were always tough.

And so that's going to be a good matchup, huh? How about that? So I see the Patriots getting by Denver. I know that surprised you, but I do. And so do a lot of writers. And then I see them going against the panthers in the super bowl and i see us eating the panthers for lunch like we did the last time we played them in the super bowl but that's just my take folks don't get too mad at me okay Could they play that more?

All right, kids, that is it for today, I guess. UFC, I watched that last night. My boy Joe Rogan does such a good job, such a good job on that UFC. Sunday night, it was the TD Garden in Boston, and the big fight was, you know who, Dominic Cruz versus TJ Dillashaw and Cruz hadn't fought in like four years he's had like three ACL he hasn't been in the ring in years and then he was suspended or something but never lost his title in the ring and nobody expected him to come back fresh or whatever but he beat TJ Dillashaw and in a decision a close one could have went either way

I thought Dillashaw was more aggressive. But, you know, some people weren't happy with the decision. But it could have went either way. And, yeah, so Dominic Cruz, after having three ACLs, a torn groin, and he was stripped of his title, and only fought like 61 seconds the last four years, he's got the title back and in the other uh fight uh that people really cared about eddie alvarez eddie alvarez and a split decision over anthony pettis uh that shit is entertaining man i can see why people it's really

good stuff all right kids that's it from here I'll talk to you tomorrow. Am I forgetting anything? I don't think so. I got to go work out. I say go work out. I have to jump over my desk. I'm in my bathing suit right now and a Van Halen t-shirt. I'm going to do some deep knee bends. I'm going to do this guy. It's workouts like this that I smile about because I know if you push to the max, you can get the body that you always wanted. The body he always wanted is a 14-year-old Cub Scout. Ah, I'm just busting balls. That's Sean T. All right, kids. I'll talk to you real soon I won't take all that they hand me down And make out that's a smile

Though I wear a crown And I'm not like everybody else. Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck! I'm not like everybody else. Good day, everybody. guitar solo I'm out. Bye.