The Nick DiPaolo Show - 153 - THE DEBATE, Terrorists on Borders

Episode Date: September 26, 2016

THE DEBATE, Terrorists on Borders

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Hey, hey, hey, Monday. It's Monday. It's the iTunes version of the Nick DiPaolo podcast. How are you, folks? And if you like the Monday version and you want to subscribe to the podcast, you go to connectpal.com slash Nick. Connectpal.com slash Nick. Connectpal.com slash Nick. You get two to three more shows a week

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So that's how it works. And go see me tomorrow night if you're in the New York City, the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge, which is above the Comedy Cellar Underground, where I've been working on this hour that I hopefully am going to shoot on October 28th in Riverhead, New York at the Suffolk Theater. Contracts are still being drawn up.

Is that all the business? Helium this week in St. Louis. I'll see you there Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night. And then October 8th, I'll see you at the Ridgefield Playhouse, Ridgefield, Connecticut. The brokerage on October 14th and 15th in Belmore, Long Island. Don't forget, I'll be on Sirius Radio the 17th through the 24th of October from like 11 to 12.

Just shooting the shit, being funny, and talking politics a little bit. Okay, that's enough for the love of christ go to nickdip.com five minutes of commercials um no commercials really quickly and thank you for coming out uh this weekend i did sacred heart university with kevin nealon was an alumni i guess and thank you guys for coming out uh i appreciate it justin thanks man um tell your bosses your superiors the check should have been waiting after the show i made this clear that's the beauty of what we do see comedians you tell the jokes you come off the stage jay leno you say come off stage get check there's no excuse and for some reason i gotta wait seven or ten fucking days and then it'll go to my agent and blah, blah, blah.

When there's no need of it. The date's been on the book for months. But that's how, you know, colleges, who knows? Maybe they thought I wasn't going to show up. I'm going to call Kevin Neal and see how he was treating me. But it was a great gig. Beautiful building. Brand new building.

I felt guilty dirtying it up with my mouth. But the crowd was great great it was kind of a sterile room but uh jesus they they weren't pc but i saw a lot of adults there so which is scary that means i'm an adult and my fans are in their late 70s now what the fuck and then i did that laughing up a kipsy on saturday night which uh good gig i suggested if my local comedian friends want to do a local grab some you know dough on the weekends if you're not flying somewhere uh so thanks for coming out there had a little incident with a guy right in the front with his cell phone on his lap and he had it on his lap right from the minute the minute i got on

stage and i could see him looking down and it's very fucking distracting so i told him to shut it off and uh a few minutes later i see him writing something and i don't see the phone on the table so i'm thinking it's still on his lap i don't know i can't see it and i tell i ask him again to start and he fucking snaps at me and like i'm in the wrong they tell you before the show to shut the phones off. This club said put them on silent, but they should say shut them off. And I'm sorry, but me and the kid, you know, the manager came over and took the kid to the back. I thought he was going to throw him. I said, don't throw him out because, you know, I don't know if he was if the phone was still on or not.

But the point being, it shouldn't have been on in the first place. But, I mean, the kid made good on Facebook, you know. But you're in the wrong there. If a comedian says that and your phone is on, the correct response is, you know what, you're right. Because we don't know if you're recording us or not. And that's already happened a few times to me. I was at a gig in Connecticut a couple years ago. I come home and half my shit's on YouTube.

And what that does is burns the material. So that's why we're, you know, it's just common courtesy, folks. And then another lady in the second show, her husband goes, she's saving lives. Really? I'd hate to be a fucking somebody who needs her help. And she's trying to save my life from Laugh It Up and Poughkeepsie while Nick DiPaolo's on stage. So shut the fucking phones off. I appreciate it.

And so do all the other comics. Because we don't know what you're doing. And don't give us this shit while I'm checking on my kids at home. Then you should be home with your kids. But this kid fucking screamed at me like I was in the wrong. And then the audience, then it gets all tension filled. And like i was in the wrong and then the audience then it gets all tension filled and it takes me fucking five minutes to get the audience back i do that by pulling up my penis and peeing into somebody's diet coke and boy do they love that

type of shit today uh so uh you know decent gig i don't know i've got some real issues with my agent as far as paperwork not being done not a good weekend for my agent i'll tell you that much not at all um let's get on with it huh annie palmer did talk about a guy who lived a great life 87 years old classy guy. He had a drink named after him. He invented it, actually. But classy dude. And a lot of tragedy in the sports world. Jose Fernandez, young pitcher for the Marlins, killed in a boating accident on Sunday morning. He hit like a jetty.

You know, probably, they said he was probably going full speed. Never saw it. no lighting near the water there and hits a fucking jetty and kills everybody in the boat including him just a fucking tragedy man 24 years old he defected here from cuba he tried to defect three or four times spent some time in cuban prisons get when he got caught defecting and finally made it over. And one of the times he was trying to, you know, defect, a lady falls out of the boat. He jumps in to save her. Didn't realize, he said he didn't even realize it was his mom at the time. He just jumped in and saw a lady.

Can you imagine? Drafted 11th overall by the Marlins about five years ago. Just an unbelievable tragedy, though. Horrible. Yeah, there was two other people in the boat, and a couple of them didn't drown. He was killed by the collision. Three victims between 24 and 27 years old.

They don't think there are any alcoholic drugs involved but uh guy had a 30 not you know not this is important now but 38 and 17 record at 2.58 era and 76 starts i mean he was something else and he was going to be something else likable guy naturally um struck out at least 11 bad as a nine of his 29 starts this season he had tommy john what a shame what a shame man they did a tribute to him and like all all the games across the uh you know major league baseball yesterday and i was watching the socks big poppy was like bawling his eyes out i I mean, it's just horrible. Back in the early 90s,

a couple of pitches for the Cleveland Indians got killed in a boat, too. Remember that? Last guy's name was Cruz, C-R-E-W-S. I know Bobby Heater survived that crash. There was somebody else on the boat. Olin, I think his name was. They got killed, like beheaded. They hit something.

Again, at nighttime, they were flying. like beheaded. They hit something again at nighttime. They were flying, but anyhow, it's a dark world, isn't it? It's a dark, dirty world. And real quickly, to stay on sports, I have to, I'd be remiss without mentioning my Red Sox ripping off 11 in a row and running away with a division. They're like five and a half games up. The magic number is two.

11 in a row in September. I mean, they are poised. I'm still worried a little bit about the bullpen, but they are poised. It's all coming together right now. I'm hoping they're not blowing their load too early. My boy Pedroia hits a grand slam. I think it was Saturday or Sunday against Tampa Bay. And they are cranking on all cylinders. Tremendous. 11 in a row. Ripped off four against the Yankees at Fenway. Went down to Baltimore. Took, I

think, three there or four there, too. And then three against Tampa. I mean, holy smokes. there or four there too and and then three against tampa i mean holy smokes so the fuck else is going on the big debates are coming up obviously this is gonna be uh crazy i still say i don't see trump coming out looking good in these debates i hope i'm wrong. I just, again, just because she's done so many of these things, and he's a novice at this. Although the one thing that he's got going for him, like my brother mentioned, is he is a TV person, and Hillary sure in hell ain't, which is true. A lot of times she looks like Richard Nixon during the Kennedy debates.

Too much makeup and sweating her ass off. Don't you think? Yeah, I don't know. And, you know, so the cameras are going to, you know, Trump. That's not going to bother him like it did a Dukakis or some little. So but but again, like I said,ary's a freaking lawyer this is all she's done her whole life all she does is debate whether it's other politicians or what bill's hands smell like when he comes home from a golf outing i mean just that's all she does is debate and bus chops so uh i just don't see trump and again i i don't know i just don't see how he uh you know to say and i'll be yourself if he does that they go oh he's bullying and her and and he's

gonna have a command of the issue he's not gonna have a better command of the issues than she is she's been marinating in this shit but that doesn't matter we don't want more of the same that's my biggest fear that people uh they have a preconceived notion of what of what the these politicians should look and sound like in this debate. And I'm hoping enough people like, fuck that. We want something outside the box. They're going to persuade with this anyways. I mean, you know. But Trump, you know, they keep questioning, is he fit? Is he ready? Is he smart enough to be the president?

You know, that would be my first question as the moderator being, Donald, are you fit? Are you really, you know, people say that you just, you know, mentally maybe you don't have the chops to be the president of the United States. course he'll respond to things i'm smart not like everybody says like don't i'm smart and i want ah can you imagine if he did that it'd be fucking precious wouldn't it and then uh i'm just hoping i'm just hoping you know they they ask hillary her first question and one of those pubes comes up in her throat she pulls one of these excuse me

that's it and you'll hear the moderators clapping come on you can do it And you'll hear the moderators clapping. Come on, you can do it. Lester Holt. Too much to say. And then Trump just goes, You need to shut the fuck up. This is what you'll hear in the audience, too, at Hofstra. This thick ankle.

I'm choking on natal TV. That's been... Oh, please let this happen tonight. Please. Please, so I can belly laugh at home. Thank you, Hazel. Nice wet Ebola cough there. She has to be thinking,

that's got to be in the back of her head. Jesus Christ, don't let me have one of those coughing fits. How about if she falls on the way up to the podium? I guess she's got some type of special podium that won't make her look like the midget that she is because he's six two and she's 411 306

out of the university of texas she runs a 4540 ankles like a clydesdale it's time for football everybody but uh you know hillary how would you uh explain uh the serious situation and did u.s secretary of state have anything to do with the current mess in syria excuse me i didn't hear your answer i did not hear your answer yeah exactly sit down batch. So here's what I will say, though. I've been and you guys go back to the shows. What? Since May, I've been saying that Trump would be leading by October. Did I not make that prediction? Well, according to most of the polls today, they're all tied up everywhere. He's been gaining. She's been stuck in mud with her fucking Clydesdale feet. She's been stuck in mud with her fucking Clydesdale feet. And what did I say? He's been on the upswing now for three weeks. So if it stays this way, but tonight could change all that.

Again, it all depends on how much people put into the debates. Most of the times, these debates don't have an effect, they say, on how people are going to vote. Usually what people are thinking right up to the debates is how they end up voting. And these don't have much of an effect. But I don't know about that. About, you know, when fucking Reagan... Reagan had a couple of lines that really changed the, you know, are you better off than you were four years ago and uh you know shit can happen hillary could turn an ankle or have a heart attack

so uh we shall see i just don't i'll say it again i just because she's so so experienced doing this i just don't see him coming off looking that presidential. But I'm hoping he comes off looking presidential enough where people go, wow, he didn't throw a water bottle at her head. And, you know, he didn't snap on her and say something like, you stupid fucking blabbermouth. You know, he does that. It might hurt him. But no, if he does that, it could actually help him. I think since uneducated white males seem to be the they can't mention that enough, by the way, on the Sunday morning shows.

Donald Trump leads white uneducated men. They cannot say that enough. In other words, a so-called anybody who doesn't have an education would vote for this fucking idiot. They can't say it enough. Even those are the those are really the people who bust their balls, the working class that Hillary pretends to represent. And they can't mention it enough. But he's actually gaining in all like demographics. So any who, I just if I was a betting man, you know, i just uh i mean i'll be watching it like the rest is maybe not maybe i'll put on the falcons and the saints no supposed to be a hundred million people i guess they had 80 a few years ago but uh this but this is the Super Bowl of debates.

And of course, Robbie Mook, I call him. Robbie Mook was on the Sunday morning shows with the Greek midget Stephanopoulos, who again worked for the Clinton administration, can you imagine? And Lester Holt, by the way, supposedly a registered Republican, not that it matters, he works for NBC, so you can negate that.

And Martha fucking Radish, she's going to be at one of the debates as a moderator, not tonight's, but I think just Lester Holt tonight, or is there a few, I don't know. But out of all the guys at nbc i would say he's probably the least biased even though they carry obama's water for him more than any fucking network don't give a shit what you say and if you disagree with that you're just full of shit that's right god damn it but robbie mook was on uh this week with george stephanopoulos and

listen to some of the shit listen to what his biggest concern is uh one of his big concerns is the first clip uh about the debate tonight hillary clinton's going to do that what we're concerned about is that there might be some sort of double standard here you know donald trump can't lie on that debate stage and and win or even get a passing grade. Donald Trump cannot demonstrate that he doesn't have a command of the issues and get a passing grade. So all that we're asking is that Donald Trump show that he is ready to be president of the

United States. You guys have been pushing that pretty hard, this idea of a double standard and saying it's up to the moderator to point out falsehoods. But the debate commission has been pretty clear that they think it's the job of the moderator basically to get out of the way just you big girl well all the again all that we're asking is that if donald trump lies d d d d i was fucking belly laughing i was sitting watching this shit fucking belly laughing if donald trump lies if Donald Trump lies, that's his big concern? That's your big concern? Is that how you're going to go at it,

that he's a liar? How ironic is that? How can you look in the camera and even say that when Hillary is your fucking nominee and he's worried about Trump being caught in his lies you gotta be dicking me i hope that is the tack they take now donald you're just lying and he's just gonna fucking

bring up email after email after shit going back to the whitewater are you dog styling me that's your big concern that the moderator better call Trump out on his lies? I would think it would be Trump's people who would be concerned that the moderator doesn't call out the fucking thick-ankled dog face on her fucking lie. Have to lie. Have to lie.

It's unfair to ask for Hillary both to play traffic cop with Trump, make sure that his lies are corrected, and also to present provision for what she wants to do for the American people. I don't know what a debater is supposed to do. Well, I think Donald Trump's special. We haven't seen anything like this.

We normally go into a debate with two candidates who have a depth of experience, who have rolled out clear, concrete plans, and who don't lie. Frank Trump does. So we're saying this is a special circumstance. Are you fucking licking my... Talk about what she wants to do to make a difference in people's lives. She shouldn't have to spend the whole debate correcting the record. That's his concern? That Trump is going to be called out on his fucking lies like what oh my god this whole thing's a sham let me tell you if she wins i'm moving to maui that's right i'm staying in the

united states and i'm picking the most beautiful place in the world. That's the big concern, that the moderator's not going to call Mr. Trump out on his lies. That coming from the campaign manager, who seems a bit swishy, and just a really soft white fella. Pretty much represents everything right now in this country. Soft as a baby's bottom. Isn't it just, it's unfair, and we we hope oh the bar is set uh too low for donald trump too people don't expect much out of him uh oh i just on the news this weekend

with the shooting another killing in a mall five people outside of seattle guy from turkey of course they're ruling out terrorism right now. But every time something like that happens, it's just another, you know, another vote for Trump, I think. So I just think, folks, come November, you know how black people came out in droves for the first black president? I just think white people are going to come out of the fucking woodworks. And we do make up about 66% of the country still. And just they're going to be fucking overwhelmed

at the number of votes he's going to get. Unless tonight he takes a big dump. Like I said, I think he's going to lose the debate. But we have to watch out how the lib media puts that post game spin on it too even if he does well they'll be like yeah this is where he fucked up he's not fitting

but uh he continued with mr moke uh about hillary making a difference here's some more of uh robbie moke campaign manager for the leathery-nippled mustachioed Hillary, Mrs. Bill Clinton. How do you get over that huge hurdle right now, that overwhelming number of Americans who don't see her as honest? Forklift. George, first of all, I'm glad you asked this question because it's been out there a lot. Hillary has recognized that she has a lot of work to do to earn people's trust. I'm glad you asked this question.

Let's start that again. How do you get over that huge hurdle right now, that overwhelming number of Americans who don't see her as honest? Well, look, George, first of all, I'm glad you asked this question because it's been out there a lot. Why has it been out there a lot?

Why does the whole world see her as dishonest? I'm glad you asked that question. Sure you are. I'm glad you stuck your thumb in my eye and didn't piss to my face. Why do you think that perception's out there, Mr. Mook? Oh, because she's a lying sack of shit. Always has been. Always will be.

Nobody trusts her. Nobody. Hillary has recognized that she has a lot of work to do to earn people's trust. And as we were discussing, we think this debate is a fantastic opportunity for her to present not just uh what she is going to do to make a difference in people's lives but she actually has a long history of getting this done people can absolutely trust her to make a difference in their life really well what what difference has she made in anybody's lives what seriously as senator of New York, what did she do?

Ask the people upstate. Who's fucking Main Street's drying up like Hillary's. What difference has she made? Oh, you know what? She has made a ton of difference in people's lives. Look at the people who are living in Aleppo. Their two-bedroom apartment is in fucking shambles. So she has definitely made a difference.

None for the good. Do I sound biased here? I hope so. She sucks. She's done nothing. If she had a dick, nobody would know who she is. The biggest difference she made was fucking marrying Bill Clinton. That's horrible, Nick.

How dare you say such things? That's just not fair. That's the, Nick. How dare you say such things? That's just not fair. Ah, it's the fucking truth. Anyways, she's make all kinds of difference. I can't trust Donald Trump. How do you get over that huge hurry right now, that overwhelming number of Americans? I'll just let the clip play. Sorry.

Well, look, George, first of all, I'm glad you asked clip play. Sorry. No, you're not! Not enough time in the planet. what she is going to do to make a difference in people's lives. But she actually has a long history of getting this done. People can absolutely trust her to make a difference in their lives. They can't trust Donald Trump to do the same thing. Yeah, he hasn't done anything. Only half of New York City is living in buildings

he's built and shit. And again, folks, I'll remind you, I didn't even vote for Trump in the primary. Just saying. It's not about being presidential. It's about people who can get shit done. And if you've fucking been in government your whole life, that's the last thing you're known for is getting shit done. Why do you think Congress, what's their rating?

Minus 11? Huh? When's the last time they had a positive rating? Congress. You know why? Because nothing ever gets done. Right? In Washington, you've been hearing that for how many years?

And she's a product of it. She's the face of the status quo. But she's made such a difference in people's lives. What fucking horse hockey? Ooh, strong language. Strong language. hockey ooh strong language strong language and then uh there was some gamesmanship you guys know right uh the uh the uh i guess mark cuban's gonna be there right sitting like right up front or whatever so uh trump tweeted oh yeah he goes dopey mark cuban wants to be sitting right over maybe we'll bring out jennifer flowers

imagine if he he could fill that stadium with broads who have fucking accused bill clinton of nastiness and outright you know shenanigans as they say he she i don't know why he doesn't put like 10 of them in the front row broad brick andick and Kathleen Willey and Jennifer Flowers and the one with a face like fucking Secretariat. And just line them up right in the front with short skirts on. We have vaginas. Look at us. Yeah, sit them right up front. Tight shorts.

So Mr. Stephanopoulos asked Mook about that. Here's what he had to say. There's been a little bit of psychological warfare going on. You guys invite Mark Cuban to the debate. Donald Trump responded with this tweet yesterday saying, if dopey Mark Cuban, a failed benefactor of fame, wants to sit on the front row, perhaps I'll put Jennifer Flowers right alongside of him. Jennifer Flowers has tweeted in the New York Times saying she's going to be there.

Yes. You know, this debate is supposed to be about issues. It's supposed to be about how these candidates are going to make a difference in their lives. It's a time for them to reveal their plans. If this is what Donald Trump wants this debate to be. It's not what Donald Trump wants it to be. You're the ones who said you're going to bring out Mark Cuban. It's not what he wants it.

It's what you fucking do. He's retaliating. Oh, what a cheese dick this guy is. I feel bad for him. That's up to him. He is a reality TV star. He's very experienced at providing television entertainment. The presidency is not about entertainment.

So you don't care if Jennifer Flowers is there? That's Donald Trump's decision. That's the other thing that keeps saying, oh, he's just a TV entertainer. Well, he didn't become a TV entertainer until after he was a billionaire developer don't act like he didn't do anything in his fucking life oh yeah yeah he's just a he's just a reality tv star ah it's so fucking tiring i don't believe a word of it i really don't i don't know how we can not break out not laughing we just want hillary to have an opportunity to explain her plans to the american people this week uh you know we just talked about

our poll showing basically a dead heat right now 46 to 44 and and hillary clinton was quoted this week uh addressing uh the listen to her beautiful voice here you want four or eight years of this listen now having said all this why aren't I 50 points ahead, you might ask? Well? Why aren't I 50 points ahead, you might ask? Even with the media on my side and the FBI and the Attorney General

and the sitting president, everybody lying on my back, why aren't I 50? Good point, you dink. The choice for working families has never been poor i need your help to get donald trump's record out to everybody does she sound like a fucking i need your help to get donald trump's record out to everybody i need your help i need your help. I need your help now. Why?

I honestly, go ahead. And I said this to my wife. I was watching that clip on TV. I go, I actually feel bad for her. She's got like nine different personalities, doesn't know which one to be. Yet the fact that she has a vagina might be enough to put her over the top because that's the country we live in.

It's all about gender. It's all about time for black and brown and women. We've had enough of fucking whitey. Even though the white male put together the greatest country on the planet with a lot of help from all kinds of people. Yes, but this is hilarious to me. This is hilarious to me. This is hilarious to me. But Trump better not, you know, if she's smart, she'll just try to piss him off and say,

well, how's those Trump steaks going? How about that fucking bottled water? You're selling it to your own hotel. Bring up Trump universe. And he has to just kind of, you know i know this because i speak from experience he's he'll take the bait every time he's kind of like an alpha male guy he'll be like ah shut up you'll need one of those steaks for your eye after i get done with you uh i i hope that's what it turns into I hope policy questions go right out the window

and it turns into just a personal insult. Just like a roast. They're roasting each other. It'll be fucking priceless. She's just making fun of his stupid hair. Why do you have fucking yellow hair? You're 87 years old. What do you fucking marinate your toupee in piss?

Why do you have blonde hair at that age? And he's just going to, he'll be all over her, just going, oh, hey, is that blood clot stuck in your thick ankle? Has it gone to your head yet? Just, they don't even talk about policy. Wouldn't it be hilarious? That's what we want. Don't we want a pie fight tonight, folks?

Because I don't see Trump speaking, you know, getting real specific about policy shit, and he's got to be fucking nervous. He's got to be more nervous than her, I got to believe. Again, not because of the TV cameras, because it's just like I said, he's in uncharted waters for him. It's not the same as being on stage with 16 other people and going, yeah, you're a midget.

Lying Ted Cruz, you fucking greasy Cuban. You can't do that. You can't do that one-on-one. You know? And you can't really attack the moderator. So, I think I'm more excited about this than any Super Bowl. But you hear that voice? Just tremendous. You can do it, Donald. Nobody thinks you're too bright. You can do it. I'm smart? Sure you are. I'm like everybody says. Like, don't! I'm smart and I want the sticks! Then let then let your hair go white you'd look more presidential god damn it

what else folks but i was looking at some of the old clips of the debates it's so funny nixon he was sweating like fucking robert parish in game seven in the old b Boston Garden in like 19 whatever just pick a year 85 86 just wiping himself with a napkin and shit they said he had the flu and he had a knee infection Nixon and he refused to have the makeup put on me my Kennedy's over there look like he just looks like I just get off his fucking off his sailboat with a couple of chicks, all tanned and healthy. Oh, boy. This might be the two ugliest candidates we've had in a while. Think about that.

But the country's fucked, and every time I look at a headline on the Internet or whatever in a newspaper, it's like, okay, this will be more votes for Trump. This is from Breitbart, Texas. What do they have? Different. Leaked FBI data reveals 7,700 terrorist encounters in the United States in one year along the borders. Mostly in Arizona, actually, too. 7,700. 7,712 terrorists occurred within the United States in one year.

Encounters. And many of them occurred on the U.S.-Mexican border. That's not going to hurt Trump. that's not going to hurt trump the incidents are characterized as known or suspected terrorist encounters some of the encounters occurred near the u.s mexico border at ports of entry and some occurred in between indicating that persons known or reasonably suspected of being terrorists attempted to sneak into the u.s across the border I remember watching Bill Maher in real time, and he had some conservative on who brought that up.

And he was like, they're not sneaking over the border. That's such bullshit. Outright accused. I can't remember who he was talking to. It was probably, you know, it was probably Coulter. I don't know who it was. But just, I remember just him going, oh, that's such bullshit.

Really? Indicating the person's known or reasonably suspected of being terrorist attempted to sneak in across the border in all the encounters occurred in higher numbers in border states the states with the highest encounters are all border states texas california arizona all states with a shared border of mexico page three shows a map of where the encounters occurred in the state of arizona the majority from this map occurred in phoenix yeah that city might get hit a major destination point for people obviously who cross the mexican border page six of this bright bar thing shows a pie chart indicating that the majority of encounters in arizona were with listen to this this sent chills up my ass islamic known or suspected terrorists

both sunni and shia 89 encounters were sunni i think that's what saddam was uh 56 were Shia. 70 were other international terrorist groups or affiliates. And only 52 were domestic terrorism. For you people who say, oh, the border's fine. That's such, we've had more deportations under Obama. Bullfucking shit. And you're

still fighting for sanctuary cities. And because everybody's sneaking over is here, the Democrats want you to believe to to rake your leaves and clean your pools you know such fucking horseshit they're not at the gates they're coming in i'm fucking real that one sent the shiver up my ass though they can actually identify 89 of them as Sony and 70 as Shia. No, we don't need a wall. We don't. We just militarize.

You don't need a wall. Like I said, you put the military on. It's really a simple solution, but that would be racist, wouldn't it? Yeah, that's just prejudging people and cultures. All cultures are equal and everybody should be able to come here and we should live in a borderless society and all hold hands and jerk each other off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Under the category of more leftist, fascist, horseshit, Long Island teacher faces backlash over Facebook posting calling her students racist because they wore Trump t-shirts. Just a young chick. I looked it up. This is what's teaching our kids and you wonder why they're fucking brainwashed. You wonder why they wanted to blow Bernie Sanders.

Unbelievable. Long Island teacher faces backlash over her posting calling her students the halls of smithtown high school west echoed with the debate and heated conversation on friday as students reacted to the world the word language teacher social media posts a screenshot of veronica welch that's her name veronica wel, if you want to hit her up on Facebook. A screenshot was posted, circulated, which read, This week is Spirit Week at Smithtown High School West. It's easy to spot which students are racist by the Trump gear. They're sporting for USA Day.

Can you fucking imagine? Can you fucking imagine? That's a teacher saying that about her own students. What a dumb. Well, I don't want to break up the meeting or nothing, but she's something of a cunt, ain't she, Don? Yeah, absolutely. How do you mean that?

She likes a rigged game, you know what I mean? They all do. She made a mistake, they asked some of the students' reactions, and one student said she made a mistake by putting the some of the students uh you know reactions and one student said uh she made a mistake by putting the school's name in it but she has a right to her opinion see that poor janet and the girl's name is uh oh they don't mention the girls the student's name but the poor young girl doesn't realize that the teacher is not supposed to be imposing her political views one way or the other another one another numb nut said it's her personal account too not like she went into school and wrote it or anything she has the right to do it another student said you can tell they've

already been brainwashed and leading probably to vote for hillary because it teaches like this just a young dumb broad at least one uh student had a little bit of brains and said it's not a good idea because then uh like she influences the students with the same ideas exactly that's not what she's supposed to be doing the school superintendent called the post in an extremely unfortunate incident and highly inappropriate she'll be taken out and shot on Sunday afternoon. No, Welsh was not in school Friday.

And, of course, the local TV station could not reach her at her home. She's probably hiding up in the woods somewhere, realizing what a dope. The original Facebook post was taken down, but parents continue to share their opinions. There's no reason for her to pass judgment on those kids on a social platform. The original Facebook post was taken down, but parents continue to share their opinions. There's no reason for her to pass judgment on those kids on a social platform. See, it takes a friggin' adult to put it into perspective. And then this other lady who looked like me when I was 25 said, I'm not big on social media, but I think that in the classroom they need to show both sides another said welsh remains employed by the school but has been on

administrative uh oh she's been administratively reassigned what do you mean sexually um can imagine now imagine it was a teacher going yeah you can tell you can tell who the uh american hating liberal cocksuckers are because they have Hillary t-shirts on. I'm sure that would stand, right? That wouldn't be automatic firing. So she's on administratively, but she'll be back in a couple days because I'm sure all her bosses and the whole school administration thinks just like her.

Really probably didn't have a problem with it, but they can't say that. Now, can they? No, they cannot. You need to shut the fuck up! That's what I told her. That's what I told her. How about this? Kansas City University bar...

You can't make this shit up. You can't make this shit up. Kansas City University, otherwise known as KU, the Jayhawks, bars gorillas from jungle-themed decoration due to masculine image. An RA at the University of Kansas was advised against incorporating an image of a gorilla into a jungle-themed decoration because the animal apparently represents a very masculine image. Oh, you know what they're talking about.

This is the McGillicuddy Gorilla Show, starring me and Mr. Peebles. In an email obtained by Campus Reform, a university employee with a school student housing department writes to resident advisor who wishes to remain anonymous to explain to him that he cannot use an image of a gorilla for a routine floor decoration. I think it would be best if your floor chose a different theme animal to be more inclusive,

assistant complex director Dale Morrow wrote in an email, he should be taken out and fucking flogged, at the start of this academic year. First, gorillas represent a very masculine image so when did that become wrong what the fuck is going on what the fuck is going on that represents a masculine image and i feel this would not be inclusive to all of our residents on that floor oh my god we are mentally sick this country needs a fucking shrink maro went on to add that images of a gorilla could reinforce and this is in quote stereotypes but fails to stipulate exactly what sorts of stereotypes he's referring to and i think we all know he's talking about racial stereotype second he didn't have the balls to say it that's what i love about these people that are so pc and hypersensitive they don't even have the balls to

state their case you know they're like you know what we're talking about wink wink so who's the fucking racist second this animal could be triggering to some people as there are stereotypes that surround this animal he continued noting that all the ra would need to change is the picture in the words you mean everything the whole poster this is again do you do you tell you're gonna tell me you don't have a problem with this people this hypersensitivity this fucking just just the fact that it's a masculine image that makes it wrong on that level i don't understand why okay put a female uh put a female monkey up there some fucking and then they bring the racial angle into it here's why i love

let me play a clip from shack did you see him this I don't know how long ago this was, but he was on, you know, it was during maybe March Madness. He does this Shaq gorilla dance, and he explains every time he goes to a zoo. This is him explaining it, okay? And there's nothing, this is why I like Shaq. He's just being frigging honest, and listen to what he says here. I have the features of a sexy gorilla and I like to dance. And every time I go to a zoo, Ernie,

it's a true story. Every time I go to a zoo, imagine this being a glass. Every time I go to a glass, a gorilla does this to me. Now he's doing like this. Yes, as Jerome. Every zoo in the world,

I go to a glass. I was like looking in a mirror. No, it is. No, they, and Ernie. 37 foot. And Ernie, the crazy thing is they look at me like, what's he doing out there? Hey, honey. Did you initiate it?

Did you initiate it? First of all, he says it to, there's a white guy and then two black, you know, commentators. This is like at halftime of a basketball game. And he's saying to Ernie, the white guy, this is what happens. And he does the gorilla. He says the white guy, this is what happens. And he does the gorilla. He says the gorillas come up to the glass no matter what zoo he goes to. And they like do this dance. And he goes, and you hear Shaq when I have gorilla, they think I'm a gorilla because I'm seven foot.

That's him. And the other black guy said that, yeah, because they think it's hilarious. And then the white guy has to just sit there and no no no that doesn't happen it's so you gotta live for these moments folks in a way i hate the politically correct world we live in but it makes for such fucking silly moments but i love shack for just going yeah the gorillas think i'm a gorilla i mean he's just being you know fucking honest and then this poor ra at this college wants to puts a poster up a cartoon gorilla and somehow people are going to read into that what and then you know it's that safe space

shit i said that at sacred heart college i said i go you know you guys uh i'm going to fill you with so much shit tonight that uh you're not even going to think about safe spaces for the next you're not going to hear any of this i said you're going to be on this spaces for the next, you're not going to hear any of this. I said, you're going to be on this campus for the next 50 years. You're not going to hear any of these ideas that I'm spewing out tonight on this campus. And they, you know what? Again, it wasn't a lot of students. I saw, well, there was, it was a mix of students, but people my age, I saw there was a lady in the audience.

She was Pakistani or Indian. I don't know what she was, but she looked like she was in her sixties. Her hair was thinning, but she was definitely, you know, a foreign immigrant and belly laughing at everything I was saying. It's so fucking funny. It was funny. But then there was another guy who looked Pakistani, who was sitting like 20 feet to her right and two rows in front of her. And I go, are you, I said, are you like a Middle Eastern guy and that's your wife and you're making her sit two rows behind you? And he just had his arms folded staring at me like I was a fucking parakeet the whole set.

But it's just unbelievable, this hypersensitivity. And I got to give Justin props, the guy that booked me at Sacred Heart, because he says he didn't mention it till the end. He goes, he goes, that was great. I brought you up here to kind of dirty up these safe spaces and to let these students know it's all right to laugh at certain shit. And he goes, I don't agree with half of what you say, because this kid's really liberal. And I feel like saying to him, anytime anybody says that to me, I want to sit down and go. So, OK, so you're for open borders, you want higher taxes

and the government should fucking tell you where to piss and where to plant a tree in your yard, not to have guns and to keep your mouth shut and to redistribute wealth. So that's what you're for because that's all I'm against.

It's fucking hilarious. But you know what? I said, you're a classic liberal though, I said like in the good fashion, because you're open-minded enough to have me do a show at your school, which he was, so I give the kid thumbs up. But how funny is that? Shaq doing a fucking gorilla dance and saying that that's how they react to him

every time he goes to a gorilla's you know in the cage react to him like that just it was priceless to watch how uncomfortable the white guy was because that's what world we've created and now we've created a world where if you put a poster up in a college if you're having you know jungle night that somehow can be racist and people go wait till these college students get into the real world they're going to be in for no you don't understand that that is the real world now they are already graduating this mentality isn't new on college campuses it's already the world is already becoming this it's fucking crazy especially if you're a white straight heterosexual male

just your very presence offends people on the left. Well, kiss my grits. Wah. Fucking wah, you big baby. Oh. That should be the national anthem. And more confusing news tonight, ladies and gentlemen.

Hmm. This headline caught my eye in the World News Daily Express. Transgender man gives birth to his own baby in world's first. Really? I don't even know how to navigate this shit anymore. I'm torn on this. They almost got me convinced first of all about sexuality but because

I think it's not a binary thing. I think it really is a spectrum. They might be winning me over here. But you see, you know, you see girls who are real manly and then you see girls who are a little bit manly and then you see guys who are real manly, and then you see girls who are a little bit manly,

and then you see guys who are very effeminate, and some guys are less effeminate, but they're still effeminate. So it kind of is a spectrum, don't you think? But that still doesn't change the fact that a fucking guy gave birth. He's calling himself a guy, but you have to have a vagina, or as we say at the kitchen table on Easter, a pussy. It's, uh, I don't know. I feel for these people. Fernando Machado.

I wonder if he's related to Manny. Manny Machado, the third baseman of the Orioles. The most macho. He's got the word macho on his name almost. Fernando Machado used to be a woman. Met Diane Rodriguez. He used to be a man on social media two years ago. And this is why I stay off Tinder.

This shit can happen. And started a relationship. Okay. years ago and this is why i stay off tinder this shit can happen and uh started a relationship okay ms rodriguez made headlines in ecuador in 2013 when she was the first transgender candidate to run for government now i'm looking at these people there's a guy but it's really a girl but holding her belly he's dressed like a boy with a shirt rolled up. He looks like he's 14 in this picture. So it just looks like a teenage kid who loves fucking Heineken. But that's a girl. Because you can't get pregnant

unless you have a vagina. Am I right? Or is there some hole I don't know about? Somebody help me out, you motherfuckers! The couple decided to be just as public with their relationship, sharing pictures on Facebook. The couple have not yet decided on the name of their baby. How about confused? What?

Then they decided they wanted a child, and Mr. Machado soon made the discovery he was expecting. Let me repeat that sentence for you people. Mr. Machado made the discovery he was expecting. Let me repeat that sentence for you people. Mr. Machado made the discovery he was expecting. Now, here's where I get confused because if you still have, to me, if you still have the plumbing down there, you still have the vagina, you're still a chick. I don't care how you part your hair and what kind of fucking wife beaters you wear. You still have a pussy. I'm very confused. Somebody help me out here. The couple were able to have a pussy i i'm very confused somebody help me out here the couple were able to have a baby because neither had undergone corrective surgery exactly uh they've shared their journey

on facebook mrs rodriguez who was born a man named lewis said we don't have a name yet or rather we do we are just waiting to announce it being a mother was never something i thought i would do because i am transsexual the law before before demanded that to be recognized as a woman, you had to be castrated. We are the same as other families. That's where you lose me. No, you're not. Because neither one of you can teach a kid how to throw a baseball.

Am I right there? You know what I mean? That's my litmus test. Even though we might not have the same rights we're the same uh you're not i'm sorry but i do agree it's more of a spectrum uh sexuality and uh and it's gonna be tough man i wouldn't uh you know my wife said it to me as i was poking fun at caitlin jenner one night and he she goes, picture how you feel now, you know, as a guy. But you, you know, you feel like that, but you wake up and you have to put on a woman's clothes. And I said, what are you talking about?

I do that like fucking three times a month when you're out of the house. And I run around the kitchen dusting shit. Oh, yeah. So anyways, this guy's pregnant. That's the world we live in. This fella's pregnant. Again, I say he's still, I say he's a woman because he still has a vagina

and the other one has a penis. But that's not the rules anymore, so I'm very confused. Glad I married a hooker. Anyways, back to the show. Back to the wacky world. This is why I'm not crazy about flying anymore. And you might want to call the airport ahead of time

before you try something like this. A woman was stopped in an Austrian airport with a bag containing her husband's entrails. You know, his inner plumbing, his stomach and intestines and whatever else. Fucking heart, liver, lungs. What are you like, Henry? The lungs and the fucking liver.

I'll repeat that. She had her husband's entrails. How'd you like to be behind her in life? Excuse me. You can't bring small intestines through here. And please take your shoes off. And is there shit in the intestines no well that's over two ounces of shit you can't the package belonged to a moroccan national who suspected her husband had been poisoned he died during an operation in

morocco proven once again um the woman was traveling through graz airport in the south of austria but was reportedly stopped by officials after they smelled bratwurst. No, after they observed her behaving suspiciously. You know, little things tip them off, like she had her husband's large intestines wrapped around her shoulders like a shawl. When speaking with the officials, the woman said she wanted to have tests carried out on the remains in order to investigate her suspicions around her husband's death. However, a doctor summoned to the scene said a proper investigation could not be carried out without the full cadaver, which she pulled out of her duffel bag three minutes later. Now, Austria's finance ministry, which is responsible for all customs issues, confirmed the unusual find. Austria's finance ministry, which is responsible for all customs issues, confirmed the unusual find.

So remember that, ladies. If you're going to bring your husband's guts to the airport, you've got to check that shit. Put it in the bag right under your blouse and your shoes. That's kind of creepy, huh? It's good, though, if she brought them on a carry-on, you know, they run out of snacks. Sorry, we're all out of roast beef. We ran out at row 14. Why don't you just chew on your husband's fucking liver there for the next hour?

We're almost there. Finally tonight on Meet the Press with Nick DiPaolo. Oh, I just wanted to mention that horrible shooting at a washington mall about 60 miles north of seattle lone suspect held in the killing of five people he goes into to a macy's and shoots up the fucking makeup counter can you imagine talk about a soft target. Killing, you know, four women, anywhere from age 16 to 90. One of them was like 90-something years old. Can you fucking imagine? Naturally, this jerk-off is from fucking Turkey. What's going on in the Middle East? How about a moratorium? And somebody, it's so funny, this will be considered racist. A moratorium on all immigration.

For the next 20 years, nobody's allowed the fuck in here until we assimilate the cretins that have already snuck in here. Really? That's outrageous. We want to live in a borderless world. I mean, what the fuck goes on in the... Of course, he was, you know, he uh an american but uh immigrated here from turkey arkansas 20 facing five counts of murder hasn't been formally charged yet of course back in his country he'd already be dead four women and one man died in the shooting friday night at macy's

cascade mall in burlington the victim's identities have not been released. Satan. Let's call him Satan. It's C-E-T-I-N. Satan. I call him Satan. Was taken into custody Saturday night after nearly a 24-hour manhunt. Authorities arrested Satan as he walked down the street near his home in Oak Harbor.

When officers confronted him, he didn't run. He just froze and complied said nothing fucking psycho he looks like every picture of every francis said the suspect was calm and collected last night when he was arrested of course he was he's fucking psychotic he emigrated here from turkey and is a legal permanent resident of the u.s well that's good yay for diversity let's get some more fucking nuts into the stew. It's unclear when he moved to the United States. Why is that unclear?

You don't know that yet? Of course. What's that tell you? State authorities said it's too early to rule out terrorism or any other motive because their investigation is in its preliminary stages. Before the suspect's arrest, an official with the FBI had told reporters there was no evidence at this time of a link to terrorism. We have to get that out right away.

Because, you know, we don't want a massacre of Muslims in this country. He wasn't even Muslim, probably, but I'm just saying. They got to rule that out because that would just more panic. They'll slip it in on page 14 in about a week, you know. Thing is, though, he had an ex-girlfriend who worked at Macy's, but it's not known if it was the Macy's at Cascade Mall. Why is that not known either? It's just fishy, this whole report. So far, authorities haven't been able to find any link between the suspect and the victims. Opened fire with a fucking rifle. They found him. Eventually they identified his vehicle by matching information received from a tip with

surveillance footage obtained from local business. He's been arrested once in the past for simple assault. But, uh, like I said, too many... We were not sure when he came and really

exactly exactly Trump's point anyways folks that is it again if you like the podcast it's free on Mondays

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connectpal.com slash Nick contributions have been pouring in subscriptions have been going through the roof thanks probably to the election it doesn't hurt but we talk about everything here you know i like to keep it fucking light we're not gonna get into the weeds and uh that is it i thank. Again, go to, if you want, I'll be shipping out the T-shirts and hats. One more time, I'll give you how to do that. Click on the subscription button. This is going forward.

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and come see me tomorrow night at the fat blackcat Lounge where I met my wife who is a hooker from Detroit. No, stop that. Anyhow, that's it. Watch the debates. Get some popcorn, maybe a quart of vodka. You and your wife or girlfriend can choke the shit out of each other when it's over. Right? Bye-bye, everybody.

Hey, hey, I saved the world today. And everybody's happy now the bad things gone away. And everybody's happy now the good things can stay. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you

Hey, hey, I saved the world today guitar solo guitar solo I'm I'm I'm