The Nick DiPaolo Show - 172 - AZ Protests ICE, Gender

Episode Date: February 14, 2017

AZ Protests ICE, Gender

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Well, hello, folks. It's the iTunes version of the Nick DiPaolo podcast on Monday, the free version. If you like it, you can subscribe to the Nick DiPaolo podcast at connectpal.com slash Nick. Connectpal.com slash Nick connectpal.com slash Nick you get two to three more shows a week for $3.99 a month not even a buck a week folks uh how are you um well you know I'm playing it like it's Monday but let's be honest it's really Thursday I was supposed to fly to Chicago this morning but we get hit with Nor'easter so by the time you guys hear this and uh you've given me feedback,

you say you don't care. You listen to the shows out of order, whether it's topical or not, you still enjoy them, so pretend it's Monday, and I've already gone to Chicago and L.A., and I'm back. But the truth is, I was delayed this morning. Delayed. It was canceled. And I have to get my ass up at, I don't know,

5.30 tomorrow morning, drive to fucking LaGuardia, and I have to change planes in Louisville. It's the very reason I don't want to be on the fucking road anymore, and anybody else wants to be on the road anymore. So play it the way you want. Anyhow, let's say last night I was at the Stan Comedy Club. Um, last night I was at, uh, the Stan comedy club and, uh, oh, by the way, if you want to advertise on the podcast, you go to, uh, you go to, um, what's the address, Nick? Uh, what the fuck is it? Um, contact Nick dip at yahoo.com.

Can you tell I slept three hours? Contact Nick dip at yahoo.com you can you tell i slept three hours contact nick dip at yahoo.com if you'd like to advertise on the show the monday show which gets uh gets a lot of uh listeners anyways i was at the stand comedy club last night with ron bennington and his lovely uh daughter gail and the staff and they did unmasked my version and it was so fun two chairs on a stage at a small intimate comedy club and I can't thank them enough Ron Bennington is a true pro killer radio guy never really got to listen to him much when it was Ron and Fez, but he was a comic himself. He's so quick-witted. He caught me off guard many times. It was like a, you know,

and it was funny. He was zinging me and getting bigger laughs than me sometimes. And it was killer. It was an hour. It went by like 10 minutes. And thank all you people for coming out to that. And they're going to,

they'll be playing that this week. I say this week, meaning if this is Monday, you're listening to the show. They'll be playing that this week. I say this week, meaning if this is Monday, you're listening to the show. They'll be playing it on my special on CISO. My one-hour stand-up special premieres on CISO, February 16th, this Thursday. And if you listen to Sirius Radio, the Bennington show, they'll be playing the unmasked version. And I said a lot of silly shit.

I had a few drinks in me. And, you know because let's face it it's the only time anybody's gonna pay tribute to me it's not like i'm gonna get a lifetime achievement award at the sag awards 25 years from now or the oscars or even the tony awards huh but it was great bennington is so quick man man. We were zinging each other. I made, I made, made a reference to a video store and he's like, really,

did he just say if I can video store? And, uh, later on he made a reference to, uh, you know, one of those movies, not ET,

the other one. And I said, you know, I just let it lay out there and let people, he caught himself though. That's how quick he is. And it was so much fun. I mean, we murdered for an hour. He goes, that's it. I is and it was so much fun i mean we murdered

for an hour he goes that's it i go to me i felt like we're up there 20 minutes so uh yeah it's to promote the cso special inflammatory is the name of my special it's on cso february 16th i will be out in la this weekend on billy burr's podcast fitzsimmons podcast and uh killer joe rogan's podcast on monday uh which would be today if you're listening to this on monday i don't know what the fuck i'm doing again it's a podcast you guys listen whenever you want and uh the difference with this one is i treat it like a radio show i do uh stuff that's in the news that day so but people tell me and my listeners uh they go we don't care we listen to some of them out of order.

Doesn't matter. And that's cool with me, man. So, like I said, go to connectpal.com slash Nick to subscribe. But thank you to everybody, Chris Stanley and Gail, Ron's daughter, and Ron and the whole staff that lugged in all that equipment. And thank you to the Stan Comedy Club for such a great night. that lugged in all that equipment. And thank you to the Stan Comedy Club for such a great night. And one of Ron's regular listeners

gave me a bottle of wine that they know I like. I drank it when I was on the show with Ron like a year ago and commented how much I liked it. And you guys are so good to me. The fans that turned out just so... I can't tell you.

As you get older, you appreciate that. When I was younger, you always hear, oh oh the fans mean everything and you know you'd hear superstars saying that you're like of course you put out an album you're gonna make seven million dollars in one day but uh loyal i have a little bit of a cult following okay not a commercial smash success by any means who knows though who knows Since we have a new sheriff in the White House who sort of runs parallel with my thinking, who knows what could happen? Right? Still talking to Sirius Radio. My agent is now. I put the pros on it and we'll see what comes of it.

Thank you so much, Doug Carley. I might have mentioned this if I repeated it last week, but thank you again doug carley and uh paul padone jr has contributed to the show if you're new to the show you can make financial contributions uh to the show if you're a subscriber that's really the lifeblood of the show thank you so much let's get right to the guy by the way the show today can be heard on riotcast.com and Stitcher and iTunes. Yeah, so I drove home drunk last night. What do you think of that, de Blasio? Ha ha, I got away with another one.

Ha ha. I made a joke on stage about de Blasio. How much he's just, he's like the Orwellian. Some people love that fucking view of the world. He's got cameras everywhere in New York. You can't fucking fart without somebody, you know. But meanwhile, he's telling the feds, we're not going to, we're not going to, you know, we're not going to participate. We're going to have sanctuary cities here.

We're going to let people stay. We're not going to listen to what the feds tell us and whatever. You know, basically a lawless society, you know. So that's his view of the world. And then last week I get a thing in the mail or about 10 days ago, a picture of me in my car taken from one of those traffic light cameras. I'm in the bus lane trying to make a right in Manhattan. It was just a warning. But meanwhile, you get unvetted people, you know, that'll be living here and putting everybody in danger. Not all of them.

I realize that. not all of them i realize that not all of them but let's not make out like every refugee and illegal that comes here comes here to to clean bathtubs and rake leaves okay and i just find it funny that he'll let that shit slide but if i if i get in the bus lane again i'm gonna get a fine fucking dick no way he's gonna have a second term in New York City. If he does, oh my goodness. It doesn't really matter because the Dems, you're becoming irrelevant. I hate to get too cocky, but when you see Maxine Waters and fucking Nancy Pelosi with their saggy tits leading the charge off the cliff,

it's a lot of fucking fun. Oh, we'll get to that in a few minutes because they're still in hysterics. The left, they're just losing their fucking minds that there's a blonde haired, blue eyed, white, straight male billionaire who likes pussy running the country. That is everything they they hate. They can't wait to get whitey out of the way. They can't fucking wait. And Obama made some big strides towards doing that but now he's windsurfing with white billionaires so you can tell he's a man of the people get out of here anyways i like to start the news with some i've been talking about how dark it's getting the world

and and just yeah a couple days ago i read a story about a lady that went to a goodwill bin like at two in the morning to put either put clothes in the bin or take clothes out i don't know how it works but she was a good samaritan and the bin fell on the bin cover fell on her arm she was standing on like a little footstool and it busted her arm and wrist so she's trapped by her arm hanging from the, and freezes to death. I mean, how creepy kind of shit is that? That's like, that is, that's that devil fucking omen Damien type shit. Well, I got another one today.

Because we get hit with a big Norrisa. It's still coming down as I speak to you. Or maybe it's Monday and it's not not i don't know how to play this anyways an upper east side doorman here in new york city was killed in a freak accident thursday morning while he was shoveling he slipped and fell through a glass window and the glass slit his throat. Miguel Gonzalez, 57, was clearing the steps leading towards the lobby of an East 93rd Street building near 1st... Holy shit, that's where I lived!

I lived on 91st and, uh... 1st Avenue, years ago. That's my old neighborhood. Yeah, he fell... Can you imagine? He fell down a flight of stairs, crashing through the window. I mean, what kind of...

Very sad, very sad. But, you know, and then the lady in the bin and shit, of course, de Blasio says, I reminded the people, be careful when shoveling. Thank you, nanny, granny, banny. I'm sure he was throwing caution to the

wind this guy this is why you got to take life uh one second at a time it's just you know we really think oh i'll do it on thursday i'll do it two weeks from today there is no it's only right now and uh i don't know after the fucking goodwill bent story and this, it's like, oh, for Christ's sake. Is there a God? Is there a God, for Christ's sake? If he is, he's a bit of an asshole, isn't he? I don't mean to be blasphemous, but for the love of Christ.

That's how you die though. I don't know. It's just I have a whole bit. I've already started a new hour. And I get parents who are ones and my mother's in her late 70s and my dad's 81 and not the healthiest.

So I have a whole new bit on you know how people pass away because a lot of their friends are passing away now and it's it's not like tv in the movies where you're surrounded sometimes it is you're surrounded by loved ones and shit and always in the movies they're waiting for some you know relative to get to the hospital to say their last goodbye some estranged daughter or some shit but a lot of times it's just those like those life alert commercials. You're a lady in your late 80s, and you raised eight kids,

you got 42 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, and God's up there going, hey, Peter, watch this. Gail's going to catch her toe at the top of the stairs and goes into a fucking death slide or a barrel roll down the stairs, and that's how they find her. And I'm finding out there's a lot more of that kind of death.

I don't know. I don't want to give away the whole bit. I'm sure it'll go platinum when I put it out. But, yeah, it's just a dark, I don't know. And you fucking crazy-ass leftists calling for the destruction of this country. You know, you're making it a lot darker. What? Meh. Speaking of, I don't know, you're making it a lot darker. What? Meh. Speaking of, uh,

I don't know, cuckoo. Speaking of cuckoo, last night, I'm not a big NBA fan, but Charles Oakley, former New York Knick, uh, got into it. He was sitting behind Dolan.

Oakley's one of the great Knicks of all time, but he was always kind of a thuggish, you know, left it out on the court court But a big, angry, thuggish Fucking And you're like, oh, how do you know that? Well, I know a girl She was a flight attendant on a private jet That the Knicks had or something

And she was telling me How Oakley and a few of the other guys Used to grab the stewardess' ass and just, you know, shit that. Again, if you're white, you'd be in jail. But he was at the game sitting a few rows. He bought tickets with a few of his friends sitting behind Dolan, who was the owner of the Knicks. They never really got along, even when he was playing. He was the owner of the Knicks.

They never really got along, even when he was playing. And next thing you know, you see pushing and shoving and Oakley showing that temper he was known for. And he starts to put his hands on, like, security guys, just trying to ask them to leave. And he starts slapping their arms on. He grabbed one guy around the, started to grab him around the throat. And just really embarrassing. And look, this is coming from somebody, you know,

I have, like, a fucking horrible temper too. But I bet you alcohol's involved here too. I might be wrong. Oakley said on Thursday that that would be today or it'd be a couple days ago. He tried mending his fractured relationship with Dolan many times but has been rebuffed by the Knicks owner on each occasion. He don't want to meet with me, Oakley said.

Man won't even shake my hand. Oakley's been critical of the Knicks over the years, specifically taking on Dolan's stewardship as owner at times. But Oakley told the undefeated, that's the name of the publication, he was really hurt, he said, when Dolan refused to shake his hand when Oakley approached him in the 2014 All-Star Game in New Orleans. Now, why was that? Am I supposed to believe that Dolan just said, I'm not going to, you know, you're going to tell me there was no reason for that? Since then, they say the relationship's even more acrimonious. Whenever I go to the garden now, he says security's been told to inform him immediately, Oakley said.

Last year against Charlotte, I went to a game and a bunch of security people came up to me right away, told me not to walk around, stay where I am. He just doesn't want me in the building. Well, Oakley was arrested and charged with three counts of assault the other night following the altercation in the stands near Dolan. Oakley was particularly wounded by the team's statement last night about the altercation and his arrest. The statement ended with, he's a great Nick and we hope he gets help soon. Wow, how horrible.

He says, though, Oakley says, right there, attacking my character like that, not making it about the moment, but something bigger. That's what's wrong with me? I couldn't believe it, he said. I don't know how you do that. I don't. See, but I'm sorry, but I'm just judging you on your past actions. And, you know, come on.

The incident occurred during a stoppage in play where Porzingis was shooting free throws in the first quarter against the visiting Clippers. A police source told ESPN Oakley had purchased a seat a few rows behind Dolan and was making comments at the Knicks owner, who eventually had security escort him from the arena. Now we're getting to the truth, okay? I'm telling you, I bet you he had a few in him. He says, what happened to me and four friends uh what happened is me and four friends went to the game that night to watch the knicks and the clip is we sit down trying to have a good time next thing i know i was asked to leave the building now does anybody believe that for a second that's like a comedy club hecklers when they're asked

to be to leave the comedy club for fucking up the show we were only laughing why are we being thrown out for laughing you fucking get out of here nobody believes that we were just laughing at the comedian yeah now you're throwing us out that is such No, no, no, no. No. No, no, no, no. Oh, God. Yeah, so, you know, and whatever. According to the NYPD, Oakley, 53, punched three male MSG employees, all of whom suffered minor injuries, refused medical attention as he was being escorted out. He was charged with three misdemeanor counts of assault, all third degree, one count of criminal trespass, a third degree misdemeanor. He's given a desk appearance ticket. counts of assault, all third degree, one count of criminal trespass, a third degree misdemeanor.

He's given a desk appearance ticket. Be required to appear in front of a judge at a later date. He played for the Knicks from 88 to 90, and he was. He was one of the great Knicks. But that doesn't excuse the behavior, okay? And I'm not buying it. We're just having a good time. That's where your story falls apart.

And then Frank Isola, who I like, writes a story in a New York paper saying he was treated horribly. He's a great Nick. And this generation just fucking, I don't know if you're raised differently than me or whatever, treated him horribly. I saw him put his hand, first of all, I read a couple articles before I even went to the videotape. And of course, none of them mentioned that he started to put his hands on people, the first couple stories I read. And but, you know, I mean, and so and I know I guess I saw her knows him well and stuff.

I'm just saying you can't fucking you can't. Nobody gets thrown out of anywhere for doing nothing. I'm sorry. All right. And like I said, he's had a history so and he could have went peacefully and you know and then he like falls to the floor they didn't push him to the floor first of all the guys he's a foot taller than everybody trying to escort him out of the arena and about 50 pounds bigger so stop making him out to be the victim and here's why we are destined to fail as a species. I go online and start to read the comments after one of the stories posted about what happened.

And you got these fucking knuckleheads. One guy goes, and I know it's the Internet and everybody has a voice. But even for this, even for that low bar, kids like, that was horrible how they treated him. They should be ashamed. He was one of the great. Some sports fans are the most retarded. They're blinded by their, you know, fanaticism of their team. Horrible how he was treated.

And then he ends it with, this is Trump's world. He brings Trump into it. Oh, my. And he was dead serious. And luckily, about 11 people attacked him for being so fucking but the fact that somebody is that retarded yet smart enough to use a computer and have a voice in our society is what democracy is all about i guess oh god imagine trying to blame trump because a guy gets thrown out of a basketball game for putting his hands on security i am

looking out the window right now, folks. Again, it's not Monday. It's really Thursday, February 9th. And the snow is blowing sideways. And, again, when you listen to this, it'll probably be 71 and sunny on Monday. But this is a real nor'easter, because you know how there's certain requirements that have to be met for it to be an official Nor'easter. And the temperature has to be like below 35 or 30. And it is fucking freezing.

Usually when it snows, it's not that cold. It is freezing and there's a wind. And this shit, I actually thought I was going to fly out of here. Till I got a text from American Airlines last night saying, your flight's been canceled. We're going to book you on another one. And then they always come back eight hours later with a nice, we got you one at 5 a.m. If you leave your house in 11 minutes, this is why nobody wants to do the fucking road. At least I don't.

I was talking to David Tell on the phone last night, which doesn't happen very often. Me and David had a nice, like, 45-minute chat. telling the phone last night which doesn't happen very often me and dave had a nice like 45 minute chat and uh i brought this up and even he who was a road animal is really tired he said so mother of jesus but i can't wait to get the rosemont or i had a great time in rosemont however you want to play it uh zany's it's a fucking great club good people at zany's. It's a fucking great club. Good people at Zany's. Good people. Good people at the stand last night, too. And I did a set after the Unmasked episode, which was fun. I tell you, I really enjoy that stage.

That, the Comedy Cellar, and the Fat Black Pussycat. If you guys come to New York, those are the clubs you want to hit. Go to connectpal.com slash Nick if you want to subscribe to this podcast. Anyways, Oakley Fuman. Looks good, though. He's got gray hair and big, handsome fucking guy. But angry as the day is long. Always has been.

What are you going to do? It's a dangerous situation, Christopher. But you got to behave. You got to behave. Like, I had a few on me last last night and I woke up this morning going, what happens is I'm doing that unmasked thing and you forget I'm so comfortable on that stage at the stand,

I forget this is going to be aired and I'm treating it like I'm doing my live standup. There never is a facade because I'm too fucking dumb to realize. You should maybe bite your tongue on this one. No, no, no, no, no, no. That's boring. Is it not?

Sure it is. Sure it is. What have we got here? Well, Americans trust Trump administration more than news media and new Emerson College poll. Of course they do. They have fucking had enough of the CNNs and the NBCs and the ABCs

and the CBSs and all the other fucking dog shit. People are sick of it. I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to write. I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know you to riot. I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad.

You've got to say, I'm a human being. God damn it! My life has value! So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out and yell, I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore! Okay, let me open the window. Yeah, that was a window being open i'm i'm pissed off i'm not taking this shit anymore i've had enough i am pissed off shut the window because it's snowing out yeah emerson college that's where like dennis lart, Mario Cantone, Eddie Brill, a lot of my comedy friends.

You won't find a much more liberal school than Emerson College. Doesn't matter, it's a poll. 49% of the voters believe Trump administration is more truthful. Only 39% feel that way about the news media. How do they get a 39? That's how fucked up this country is. How do they get a 39? When we caught them fucking lying in cahoots with the DNC and all this shit?

How do they get 39? That is the problem. That should be a two or a one. I'm dead fucking serious. It's why the country is split. There's a bunch of jerk. And here's what I say, folks folks when they ask me about my political beliefs um i go i watch the same shit as you do the same news mainstream media but i'm bright enough to

know that they have a real fucking liberal slant but most of the country isn't bright enough are you saying you're smarter than them or not really um i'm just, you people on the left who fall for that shit, that's what you have in common. You think the same way the media does, and they do you. And I'll never understand it in a million fucking years. The poll also notes that 89%—I'm just saying, I know how to think on my own. It just seems like you're not making up your own mind. You're letting fucking hack news anchors feed their talking points to you. We know how it works.

The New York Times gets the talking points from the White House, and they hand them off to all the other. Read Bernie Goldberg's book, Bias. Either one of his books explains how it works, because he worked in there. Anyways, the poll notes that 89% of Republicans approve of Trump, while 81% of Democrats disapprove. That even sounds low to me. Conversely, 69% of Democrats find the news media truthful. There you go.

That just proves you're dopey. While 91% of Republicans consider them untruthful. Independents split the difference. 42% call the Trump administration untruthful. 45% say the news media is. The nationwide Emerson College poll was conducted February 5th and 6th. Also find 39% have a favorable view of Trump senior advisor Kellyanne Conway. That's not that good either.

35? Christ sake, I'm at 17. Anyhow. But how do you watch it and just go, what? Really? You know, they lie to you about the fucking polls during the election and shit and uh it's my favorite thing about trump him calling them out and how fucking dishonest they are and have been for about 30 40 years now that's why we're splitting down the

fucking middle some people still believe what this country was founded on what it stands for and then there's people like charles sch going, this is an American to turn people away. Shut the fuck up. And we can see that your hair is thinning through the top. Every time you lower your fucking nose to look over your glasses, we can see that you're balding. You're one of the few Jewish people that should be wearing a yarmulke. What? I don't even know what the fuck.

Just hide your hair. Now, yeah, anyways. I had mentioned this on the last show, but I fucking, I didn't have the clip ready. You know, Elizabeth Warren being told to shut her fucking stupid, fucking far left leaning yap. She's from my home state, by the way. Ugh.

Just fucking gross. Well, she was told to fucking shut it. Don't we have some music for her? I think we do for Elizabeth Warren, the senator. Yeah. Well, she was told to shut her yap by the senate this is from vox vox and just from reading this article i'm guessing they to the left of my mother's ass uh only warren wasn't criticizing sessions in her own words she was quoting the wife of reverend martin luther king jr caretta caretta king was married to him for about 15 years so that makes it right because it was caretta king

his words how dare in 1986 when sessions was being considered a federal uh for a federal judgeship caretta scott king wrote to the Senate to urge them to reject his nomination. She did not mince words. In a letter obtained by the Washington Post, King took on Sessions' record as a federal prosecutor, particularly the faulty charges he pursued to go after a local civil rights activist who signed up black voters. And this is Coretta Scott King's letter.

She said, anyone who has used the power of his office, this is back in 86, as United States attorney, to intimidate and chill the free exercise of the ballot by citizens should not be elevated to our courts. Oh, he was going out. She's saying he was going after black civil rights activists who signed up black voters king wrote mr sessions has used the awesome power of his office in a shabby attempt

to intimidate and frighten elderly black voters this is the same guy and we're talking about the same jeff sessions who uh put a clan member to death and who marched along with John Lewis, civil rights icon we have pictures of, and who several black politicians have backed even now for this reprehensible conduct. He should not be rewarded with a federal judgeship. In the 80s, Sessions prosecuted a guy named Albert Turner for allegedly voter fraud after Turner helped. OK, black voters register in Alabama, earning the nickname Mr. Voter Registration. So he wasn't doing anything illegal. Is that what you're telling me? He was just helping. That's how we know this Vox thing is. The charges fell flat with a jury deliberating for less than three hours before finding Turner

not guilty on all counts of mail fraud, altering absentee ballots and conspiracy to vote more than once. This moment's very telling. These kind of court challenges will be tried time and time again by conservative lawmakers and prosecutors, even in 2016.

Really? Total fucking bullshit. To stop black voter registration efforts. By what? Asking them to show an id you're fucked you are so just anyways elizabeth warren got more music for her i think we do uh you know she was calling him a racist also on, basically. That's the point she was trying to make.

And she was told to shut it. Yeah. Oh, this song is just offensive. Well, she said she was 1-100 Cherokee or some shit. That's how she got into Harvard. Uh. 1-100 Cherokee or some shit. That's how she got into Harvard. Listen to this article again by this left-leaning piece of shit.

But Sessions has long been an opponent of voting rights protections. He previously said that the Voting Rights Act, which allowed the federal government to oversee elections in states with histories of racism, is a piece of intrusive legislation. But they don't go into detail why he said that the Voting Rights Act, which allowed the federal government to oversee elections in states with histories of racism, is a piece of intrusive legislation.

But they don't go into detail why he said that, what his explanation was, because you guys aren't going to fucking. And when the U.S. Supreme Court struck down part of the law, Sessions argued that Shelby County, Alabama, where the Supreme Court challenge came from, has never had a history of denying voters and certainly not now. Even and then the person who writes this you know adds even though the county like alabama generally oh you're generalizing about people huh oh it's alabama that's right you can generalize about white people uh has a long long history of discrimination of all kinds again you might want to add a few examples right there in the article. Anyhow, here's Elizabeth Warren.

Don't tell me. Here's her reading Coretta Scott King's letter. And then I think it was Mitch McConnell. You know Mitch McConnell, the guy with no chin? He's got the big glasses. He's like a human. Elizabeth, sit your flat ass down. Here's the the big glasses. He's like a human. Oh, well, Elizabeth, sit your flat ass down. Here's the whole fucking interaction.

Our mothers, daughters, sisters, fathers, sons, and brothers. Mr. President. They are. Mr. President. The majority leader. Senators impugn the motives and conduct of our colleague from Alabama as warned by the chair. I call the senators to order under the provisions of Rule 19. Mr. President.

Senator from Massachusetts. Mr. President, I am surprised that the words of Coretta Scott King are not suitable for debate in the United States Senate. I ask leave of the Senate to continue my remarks. Is there objection? Object. I appeal the ruling. Objection is heard. The senator will take her seat. And you blew it. You blew it. Now she's being made out as some martyr, you know. How dare you somebody's reading a a letter from uh Coretta Scott King Martin Luther King's wife how dare you tell her to shut up oh my goodness they are so so lost their minds over there and this is who like the face of the party is right

now at least for the next five minutes. Six foot eight, Elizabeth Warren with her stupid glasses and her fucking Shemp Howard haircut. Good luck to you. I think Pelosi is actually more popular. But that's how far left that party has gone, so good luck to them.

I don't know. I don't. I don't know, kids't I don't know kids What to tell ya I think we need a little Something to cleanse our palate You know what I mean Cause there's so much

Acrimony in the country Let's bring in our friend from India I think it's India Catchy tone, huh? You are the love chaser You are the love chaser You are the love chaser You are the love chaser This is a song that got my wife to go out with me and I requested it from Casey Kasem. You are my love chaser You are my love chaser

You are the love chaser You are the love chaser You are my love chancer You are the love chancer You are the love chancer You are the love chancer Synthetic shitty keyboard solo. Hit it! I love, love you love You are the powerhouse love Very, very tasty your love I agree. Enough of that. Enough of that nonsense.

There is no love in the world. As Chaz Palminteri said, love uh doesn't the world doesn't run on love it runs on fear something like that i'll look it up after the show anyhow oh the big story today folks the big one when i woke up everybody's in a tizzy mother taken into custody after decades in the united states seven arrested in phoenix protest after trying to block her apparent transfer this might be the first trump uh deportation shame on these people are so misled they don't realize that they live in a country of law and order and it's why we became a superpower and it's why people sneak in here by

the zillions and here these fuckers are just you know tearing apart the very shit that holds us together as a people um god for four years federal immigration authorities have given guadalupe garcia de rejos a pass to remain in the U.S. rather than deport her back to Mexico. That changed Wednesday. Right there it proves it's not a racist country. That changed Wednesday when Garcia de Rejos went to check in, as usual, at the Santo Fenix offices of immigration. That's ICE, Customs, blah, blah, blah. Instead of being released, she was taken into custody while her husband, two children, both U.S.-s born citizens and a group of supporters watched

in tears because they don't understand what you know how it works and by wednesday night her case become the latest epicenter of the national debate over immigration enforcement before midnight after hours of protests outside the ice office in north central avenue and this is in phoenix federal vehicles left the facility possibly with with Garcia de Reos inside. Well, maybe you want to find that out before you write the article and turn everybody into a Nazi. Her family and supporters fear Garcia de Reos, 36, may be deported quickly to Mexico. That they say would make her among the first casualties under a shift in policy by ICE under President Donald Trump. And it couldn't come sooner enough, in my shitty little opinion.

And again, nothing against Mexican people. And really, Mexicans aren't the problem, right? Central America, that dummy in chief, and I mean the last dummy in chief, was busing people into cities. People coming from Central America, he was busing people into cities. People coming from Central America. He was busing him into cities without even notifying the mayor and shit. Oh, that's constitutional. Just flooding jurisdictions without telling anybody. Can you fucking imagine?

Hope he drowns while he's windsurfing. He's the one who's turned this place into a fucking nightmare. Early protesters had gathered at the ICE office in an attempt to block federal vehicles from leaving the grounds after 9 p.m police officers are masked on the south side of the facility as protesters continue to block us access chanting justice power to the people the same shit they've been chanting since 1956 the effort was organized by who puente arizona the group known for blocking roads surrounding donald trump rally in Fountain Hills last year. You know, probably funded by fucking Soros or La Raza or whatever. The crowd Wednesday peaked at an estimated 200 people with a number of protests dwindling after the cops arrived.

Yeah, let's call law and order. And then the scene remained peaceful past 10 p.m. But as some pros testers continue to block vehicles several people were taken into custody seven people were arrested uh garcia today and here comes the gist of the story folks garcia de reyjo's husband does not have legal status and did not want to be identified but he said basically we are americans what do you what do you mean by that don't want to get picky you want to be too literal basically we're american this is our country we were abroad

here when we were teens so so your parents broke the law is that what you're saying yeah okay so you gotta go no you don't even have to go unless you have some type of record, criminal record. And here's where you get to it. In one of his first acts in office, Trump signed an executive order, January 25th, instructing immigration authorities to ramp up deportations, in part by broadening priorities to include undocumented immigrants convicted of any crimes or charged with any crimes. And you're saying, well, what did she do? Of course, his order is a major departure from President Barack Hussein Obama's deportation priorities, which focused primarily on deporting undocumented immigrants.

That would be illegal aliens, by the way. Convicted of serious crimes and allowing those with long ties to the u.s and no significant criminal background to remain in the united states but here is uh part of the story that you know he is with a law and order comes in a statement ice official said only that garcia de rejos was detained because of her prior conviction which stems from a worksite raid almost 10 years ago. They did not comment on whether they diverged from the previous check-in, specifically because of the recent executive order. It has 100% to do with the executive order, said Ray Maldonado,

a Phoenix immigration lawyer who is representing Garcia de Reyes. Her case is no different than the last time she checked in. The facts are 100% the same. The only difference is the priorities for removal have now changed. Yeah, exactly. Glad you understand it. Glad you understand it. Of course, the media is going to focus on this. It's one of the first cases and, you know, it's got the... So, in other words, in a written statement, ICE officials confirmed Garcia de Reyes had been detained based on a prior removal order issued by the Department of Justice Executive Office for Immigration Review

back in May of 2013. Relevant databases indicated Ms. Garcia has a prior felony conviction dating from March 2009 for criminal impersonation. She pleaded guilty to a charge of criminal impersonation, a class six felony, the lowest level. As a result of the charge, Garcia de Reyes was then turned over to ICE, Maldonado said. She spent six months in ICE custody at the Alloy Detention Center. at the Lloyd Detention Center. In 2013, God, I'm just giving you all the facts,

an immigration judge found Garcia de Reyes had no legal stance to remain in the United States and issued a voluntary departure, instructing her to leave the country. Voluntary, oh, God. That's what Mr. Maldonado said, the lawyer representing her. After Garcia de Reyes appealed the voluntary departure, ICE gave her an order of supervision,

instructing her to check in yearly and then every six months, Maldonado said. Garcia de Reyes was scheduled for a six-month check-in Wednesday, but instead of being told to come back in six months, was taken into custody

because there's a new sheriff in town named Donald Trump. Whether you agree with it or not. He also pointed out that she had been just a few months too old to apply for Obama's DACA, you know, Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program, granting deportation deferments and work permits to illegal immigrants

brought to the United States as children. Well, tough luck. Bad timing. Her felony conviction, though, most likely would have disqualified her from the program. Then why bring it up? She built a great life for herself. I think this is Maldonado talking.

And her children and her kids want her to come home at night. Here's where we're playing on the heartstrings. Her kids want her to take them to school, to be at the parent-teacher conference, to see them go to prom, and to see them graduate. And more than anything else, she deserves to live the life she has built. Oh, is that right?

How about the people who did it legally? The Mexicans who came over legally and all the immigrants who have come over legally and stuff. Don't they want those same things too? See, not everybody can live here. You can't always get what you want. Oh, kick in the Stones tune right now. I can't.

There's no producer. Anyhow. So let me translate that for you. She built a great life for herself and her children and her kids want her to take them to school to be at the parent-teacher conference.

No, but no kid wants their parents to go to the teacher conference. To see them go to prom, see them graduate and more than anything she deserved to live a life she has built. Translation, she fucked a guy while she was here, got pregnant, got away with it for breaking the law so many years,

so we might as well let her go. She broke the law, but that was a long time ago. You know, that was a long... Yeah, I beat this guy's head in with a monkey wrench, almost killed him, and I got away with it, and then cops caught up to me. But, you know, that was like 10 years ago. Do you understand the concept of law and order?

Again, in your left-leaning, wet-dream world, we're all going to hold hands, and there should be no borders. Because that's what this is about when you peel away all the fucking fancy language. You don't want borders. It's a childish way to look at the world. It can't fucking work. Why don't you take a It's a childish way to look at the world. It can't fucking work. Why don't you take a look at Europe, by the way? You know, it just doesn't work that way. We'd all love for it to work that way. Again, it sounds good in theory. But you know what I mean? You know what I mean?

You got to grow up, as Tony Soprano said to his kid. But you know what I mean? That's who he's going after. And they're going nuts, the media and the left together. There's a guy in office who's actually doing what he said he was going to do. The campaign promises. He's keeping them. And you don't know how to handle it.

And like I said, we'd all love to think we can all live together and there should be no borders and a perfect world. But you can't fucking look around the world telling me that's going to work. You know? And it's not just

good people coming over ask Kate Steinle's family I know that's a different thing but again he was here legally again go to connectpal.com slash Nick to subscribe to the show two to three more shows a week

get $3.99 a month it's well worth it it's gonna get me a radio show on Sirius, it looks like. So somebody's liking the damn thing. Oh, come on, Nick. We had a funny night, man. What else? By the way, I had a great time in Chicago at the

Zanies in Rosemont, both Friday and Saturday night. It was terrific. And then I had a great time in Los Angeles. This is the part where I'm making it sound like I'm home from the trip. It's now Tuesday of next week. Had a great time with Billy Burr and Fitzsimmons and Joey Rogan. And they were plugging my special called Inflammatory, which you can catch on CISO, February 16th, which is in a couple days.

It's this Thursday. You remember a guy named Michael Sam? Hell of a football player. He came out first NFL player to announce that he was gay and whatnot. Do you remember that sure you do um tough guy handsome son of a bitch too I gotta be honest with you I'm looking at the uh picture of him you know how good a football player have to be how tough to uh be named like defensive player of the year in the SEC. He played for Missouri or whatever. Anyway, he's out now kind of doing the blame game,

saying he always felt like an outsider in the NFL. He said he's always felt like an outsider, period. The deaths of his two older brothers, the bullying he endured by other family members, even his mother's religion, Jehovah's Witness, made him feel apart from his peers. That's how I feel in the showbiz industryiz industry i don't feel i have nothing in common uh you know louis a friend of mine but uh he's you know he's more artsy and uh but he's a boston guy and uh i like it that you know he's a little rough around the edges and Colin Quinn who you know Quinn's from Brooklyn and fucking

just so goddamn funny and uh but other than that I can't relate to a lot of these people you know I mean sorry I didn't have low self-esteem and I wasn't bullied and shit I'm not punching up like you're supposed to who came up with that fucking dumb rule anyways back to the story so yeah he felt a little uh outside uh like an outsider but nothing made him feel more like an outsider than being gay in the uh the nfl which i believe i believe absolutely i mean the the NFL is predominantly black. Can I say that without catching shit? And black dudes, again, I'm going to generalize. Yeah, they're pretty homophobic. I mean, Patrice O'Neal, my late great buddy, and Keith, they wouldn't deny that.

We used to laugh. And, you know, especially in the NFL, these motherfuckers that you talk about alpha alpha alpha males so i bet he did feel like that but you know what you know what was going on you wanted to play but he's doing a little bit of playing game here a little bit too much he said i had to prove myself to show that i was one of the guys yeah that's what you tell uh he spoke on tuesday night in albany part of sexuality month at the University of Albany. Jesus Christ, do you guys talk about anything else? Do you fuck anybody?

Calculus, the chain rule, the power rule. He says, I was cut from the Rams, even though I was in the top five in sacks. Yeah, but those sacks are in your mouth. That's a whole different. What? You can't say shit like that. Excuse me. You can't say it.

You blew it. I said it. You blew it. Then I went to the Cowboys. Had to do it all over again. And then I was cut there. And I always felt like an outsider looking in. Yeah, that's like me watching people half as funny as me get a fucking TV deal.

So I feel like an outsider. Nick's a misogynist and a racist. He likes Trump. We can't have that type of shit here. But Michael Sam, you know, he wasn't that, like, big physically and shit. Which, you know, in college, that's what was amazing. He's an All-American. Southeastern Conference Defensive Player of the Year.

And he thought he was going to go in the third or fourth round, but he says his prospects plummeted the day after he announced he was gay. He wasn't drafted until the seventh round from the St. Louis Rams. Oh, Tom Brady didn't go until, was it the sixth or seventh? The greatest football player ever, period. Bar none. Go fuck yourself if you disagree, and I hate quarterbacks, by the way, I, Brady, you know, and I played in a little bit, you know,

I played in high school, a little bit in college, and, you know, we always hated the quarterback, we always, the pretty boy fucking, and Brady, he embodies all that, uh give me a break uh anyway so that's what he's saying he's kind of blamed he's in the attention what he believes is the sports discomfort with homosexuality ultimately destroyed his career i'm not buying that not buying that at all i i i agree that they you know he probably felt like an outsider and shit but that didn't fucking you weren't you know he then he went up to fucking montreal played in the Canadian, he got cut up there, so come on. Canada? Come on, they're open to all kinds of fruitcakes. What's that supposed to mean? I don't know. Lena Dunham, all those bitches that were going to run north when Trump got elected. Anyhow, but of course the NFL is

homophobic. You know, it's christic it's like a prison with uniforms and shit i mean there's some nasty dudes fucking queers that's what you're probably here in a locker room but uh and there's a lot you know a lot of gay guys have played the nfl kept their mouth shut not that i'm saying that's how it should be i'm just saying don't blame that for you not having a successful football career but i give the guy credit because then he says look everything happens for a reason that's why he's giving motivational speeches i wonder what he's getting paid i'm sure it's not hillary thick-ankled dog-faced clinton money but i'm sure he's doing well

the guy's a hunk that's the second time I've said that, but I'm just saying. He looks like a... I'm just picturing some real effeminate gay guy loving this guy, because this guy, I've got to believe he would be on top or behind or on the side. I don't know how it works. I quit that lifestyle a few years ago.

Anyhow, finally tonight, I was just flipping through and looking for shit to talk about, and I put something on Instagram. I said I was going to go make a snowman. And then I said, I mean, a snowwoman. I mean, a cisgender.

I mean, fuck it. Just tell me where to put the carrot. And, you know, and then it dawned on me. How many phrases are there? How many definitions of how you can, you know, LGBTQ vocabulary definitions are there? So I started to look them up. And this is true. I'm printing out. My machine ran out of paper. Excuse me. Well, you're like Nick that says more about your, you know, not having enough paper on the machine when you start it than it does how many terms there are.

Okay, good point. But there's a ton of them. You get agender. A person with no or very little connection to the traditional system of gender. No personal alignment with concepts of either man or woman. And or someone who sees themselves as existing without gender. Jesus Christ. When it's convenient.

Ally. Person who supports and respects members of the LGBT community. We consider people to be active allies who take action on and support and respect. Androgynous. These are old ones. I'll get to the gender expression that has elements of both masculinity, femininity. Androsexual slash androphilic, being primarily sexually, romantically, and emotionally attracted to some men, males, or masculinity. So andro slash androphilic, that's when you're attracted to men or some men.

That's funny because it was an all-girls dorm it was called andro scoggin hall up at maine across from my dorm it was an all-female dorm andro well that makes sense doesn't it because they would be attracted to men okay uh aromantic that would be me not a not two different words aromantic like a guy who brings champagne home for his wife and chocolates from the CVS. That's how I define it. A romantic, aromantic, one word adjective. Experiencing little or no romantic, you know, like asexual. Little or no romantic attraction to others and or has a lack of interest in romantic relationships.

Well, that would be me. I just wanted to get fucked. I didn't want to be in a relationship. Aromanticism exists on a continuum from people who experience no romantic attraction or have any desire for romantic activities to those who experience low levels. Oh, for Christ's sake. We're splitting pubic hairs here for crying out loud. Asexual, that's the same.

By gender, person who fluctuates between traditionally women and men gender-based behaviors and identities depending how long uh the line is it the shitter i just added that by curious a curiosity about having attraction to people of the same gender slash sex i just and i'm not trying to be super fucking Joe Alpha male. I don't even see how women want to fuck us with our hairy ass cracks and, you know, just hygiene not exactly the top of our... I don't understand hairy backs. You guys are smooth and curvy, you girl. And you smell good. I sound like Mitch Fattel right now.

Biological sex is one. A medical term used... Oh, fuck. Biphobia. A range of negative attitudes. Fear, anger, intolerance, invisibility. Where are the good ones? Butch.

A person who identifies themselves as masculine, whether it be physically, mentally, or emotionally. Butch is sometimes used as a derogatory term for lesbians. I like the term butch. If I was a dyke, I mean a lesbian, I'd like the term butch. I had a dog named Butch is sometimes used as a derogatory term for lesbians. I like the term butch. If I was a dyke, I mean a lesbian, I'd like the term butch. I had a dog named butch once. It had a mullet and it wore Timberlands. Cisgender.

A person whose gender identity and biological sex assigned at birth align. Oh, that's fucking odd. A simple way to think about it is if a person is not transgender, they are cisgender. The word cisgender, is that me? Sissygender. You get the idea. I'm not even, there's 14 more pages. I'm not making it up.

Constellation, cross-dressing, demisexual. That's a nice glaze you put on a piece of beef with a red wine reduction. Little or no capacity to experience sexual attraction until a strong romantic or emotional connection is formed with another individual, often within a romantic relationship. That seems to me more of a female thing, you know? And right there, that's probably sexist, misogynist.

But it just seemed to me when I was in the dating scene, you know, guys just wanted to snatch that night. And girls, once you treated them nice and showed them you weren't a scumbag and they made an emotional attachment, then they'd give it a tug in the backseat of your dad's Continental. Anyhow, folks, I better wrap this up. Dyke is one referring to a masculine presenting a lesbian. Wrap this up. Dyke is one referring to a masculine presenting a lesbian.

While often used derogatorily, it can and is adopted affirmatively by many lesbians. See, that's the thing. That's where you lose people. Okay? Don't tell me, okay, I can say it's acceptable, but you can't because you probably mean it. I don't. I mean it in a positive way because I'm reading this, and I understand that you don't mind being called it by other dykes, so why can't I jump in? Then we have the big one, faggot.

Derogatory term referring to a gay person or someone perceived as queer. That sounds more derogatory to me, queer. Occasionally used as a self-identifying affirming term

by some gay men at times in the short and form fag. Again, in other words, I can say it because I blow people and you can't. And like I said on stage last night

when I was doing Unmasked, and I've said it at my stand-up, I use the word faggot all the time. I've never used it in a hate... I don't think I've ever called a gay person a faggot. I've called all my comedian friends Louie, Bob, Kelly, Norton,

yeah, you faggot. And I said that on stage. And this is why I love Ron Bennington. And he goes, and that makes it okay? And I went, yeah, actually it does. You guys are making up these silly rules where words actually hurt.

I don't buy any of it. Anyways, that's enough. I will shut my dirty yap. I'm not the problem. I'm doing a show here. I'm not the why onking jam rag arking spunk bubble. I'm telling you, H,

you keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground. I promise you. Not this time. What the hell's going on out here? I don't know. All right, kids. Again, go to connectpal.com slash Nick

to sign up for the podcast. It's still growing. Still growing. People are loving it. And I'll keep you up to date on serious talk, serious radio. And like I said, up to date on Sirius Talk, Sirius Radio. And like I said, had a great time in Chicago this weekend. Or I could say I'm going to have a great time in Chicago this week, depending on when you listen to this.

But this is the Monday show. I think I've touched on everything, haven't I? Boy, can I yap, huh? With a couple lines of, oh, I had a funny line last night on stage. It was some Indian girl, Pakistani up front. And I go, very cute. I go, and I said, you know, I feel bad for they probably mutilated her clitoris when she was 11. And that gets like a nervous giggle.

And then I go, you know, I've mutilated clitorises, you know, not intentionally. Did an eight ball of coke. I went down on a chick once. And that got a huge laugh, which surprised me in politically correct comedy club world we live in. And even she was laughing. So that makes it all right.

All right, kids. I think I fucking said enough today. Talk to you real soon. I saved the world today And everybody's happy now The bad things gone away And everybody's happy now The good things here to stay Please let it stay Hey, hey, I saved the world today

I've been talking for this guitar solo guitar solo Bye.