The Nick DiPaolo Show - 2020 Mail-In Mayhem | Nick Di Paolo Show #1497

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about 2020 Mail in mayhem, Gay the thief and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 La, la, la, la, la, la. If you want to talk like a fucking millennial, we'll send you to Slippin' Falls School. Hey, take it easy. You know where that is? That's right, Savannah, Georgia. Every three feet, the lawyer. And I've asked many people, they go, oh, slip and fall. And I'm like, okay. But I've yet to see a black lady fake it

at Publix, falling on her face. I usually push her. You know, I'm kidding, folks. We get along swimmingly, actually, down here. If you want to see how integration's supposed to work. Not like up north, I'll tell you that goddamn much. Anyways. Alrighty then. Hey, what am I doing? Getting on a plane right after this show.

Heading to the Dallas, Texas area to be on Crowder tomorrow morning. So, you know, it's nice. Put me up at a nice Hilton and there's four or five bars within walking distance of a, and you know, by eight o'clock tonight I'll be throwing up on myself in the Delicious. Hey, it's hot in here, Dallas. What the fuck? What else? Nothing. Let's get to it. I don't know.

Belichick. Billy Belichick. Well, that's kind of the worst kept secret, I guess, that he's on his way somewhere else. Why? If I'm him, I guess I'm just lazy. Get that money and all that fucking, you can't prove anymore. That shows you how much

these guys love this shit. I'm golfing the rest of my life. You know what I mean? That and chasing young boys by the pond in New Hampshire. You know what I mean? Don't you? Same with Brady and these guys. How about Brady with all that money he made in football,

and he did commercials while he was playing football, and then he steps out of that into a $375 million Fox contract. I go, what the fuck? Can you imagine? Here's the one guy who could get divorced 80 times, he'd still be rich. It's fucking insane guy could get divorced 80 times he'd still be rich. It's fucking insane. I get it, but holy moly, spread some cheer.

Yeah, that's a white privilege entitled man whatnot. Yeah, you're right, he didn't work for that. Shut your fucking hole, all of yous. Anyways, let's get to it. 2020, mail-in and mayhem, meaning the 2020 election. Heartland slash Rasmussen poll. One in five mail-in voters admit to committing at least one kind of voter fraud during 2020 election.

Okay. So, uh. Are you interested in the real story? The poll of 1,085 likely voters was conducted from November 30th of this year to December 6th. Among those surveyed in the poll, 33% were Republicans, 36% were Democrats, and 31% were other. 32% were 18 to 39 years old, 46% were 40 to 64 years old, and 22% were 65 or older. So I get, you know, everybody now goes, well, it was rigged, but not as far as votes go, as far as them suppressing news and stuff. That's how it was. No, the whole fucking thing was rigged. According to election data,

oh, Nick, why do you believe this? Because. Why would these people come out and say this? Oh, they're probably going to tell you, shut up. Detroit had cardboard over the windows at the polling centers, all right? Shut up. Trucks pulling up at 6 in the morning. Anyways, and a thousand other things I could mention. According to election data, more than 43% of 2020 voters cast ballots by mail.

You hear that? 43%, highest in history. 17% of mail-in voters, and you wonder why they're trying to repeat this, 17% of mail-in voters admit that in 2020 they voted in a state where they are no longer a permanent resident. 21% of mail-in voters admitted that they filled out a ballot for a friend or family member. Again, illegal. 17% of mail-in voters said they signed a ballot for a friend or family member with or without his or her permission. All right. Dirty cuck sucker. But he won,

but he got more votes than Obama. Suck a bag of perennium meat. 8% of likely voters say they were offered pay or a reward for voting in 2020. Now, they didn't cheat. Further, 10% of all respondents, not just those who said they voted by mail, claim that they know a friend, family member, or co-worker, or other acquaintance who worked at Popeye's Chicken, who has admitted that he or she cast a mail-in ballot in 2020 in a state other than his or her permanent residence. Taken together, the result of these survey questions appear to show that voter fraud, again, 2020 election, was widespread, especially among those who cast mail-in ballots.

That's all the talk of this triple-demic coming. Apparently the flu, it's a three, COVID-19, the flu, and some other thing I can't even pronounce. A lot of people right now going to the hospital, respiratory problem. You know what state leads? Georgia. I looked at the head of thing. Georgia and South Carolina, as far as this new... And where was it?

Goddamn, I'm going to forget. One city is making people put masks on when they go inside. And again, if you guys acquiesce to that, you deserve it. I will fucking get in a fist fight with a fucking nurse before I ever agree to put that fucker on again. Why a nurse? I don't know. I like nurses.

Hey, guys, thank you for your overwhelming response. We decided to extend our Christmas merch sale until December 17th. So head to nickdip.com store now and use promo code STNICK, that's S-T-N-I-C-c-k for 15 off hoodies t-shirts caps mugs artificial breasts signed dvds or cds our last day of shipping is december 18th so do it now unless you trust the post office to get it there in time for christmas or what with all of

the mail and ballots coming sonia uh that's promo code St. Nick. So hop to it, my friend. Headline number two. Gay and anti-semi. That's gay and, not and. Gay and anti-semi and a thief. Well, who are you talking about? Well, the gay black woman is the president of Harvard. And who better to choose than a gay black woman?

Because they don't have any issues with American society in general. They see through the same lens as everybody else, right? That's the whole idea, Nick. Yeah, no, it's not. Harvard University covered up a high-level investigation into whether its controversial president was a plagiarist. And you, i repeat that they covered it up and use an expensive law firm to threaten the new york post over our own probe

you believe this shit at this campus this year we're going to grab the bull by the balls and kick those punks off campus that's what we need a dean warmer not a black gay fucking woman uh the college announced tuesday morning that it had investigated claudine gay over whether some of That's what we need, a Dean Warmer, not a black gay fucking woman. The college announced Tuesday morning that it had investigated Claudine Gay over whether some of her academic work was plagiarized and had cleared her of breaching the college's standards for research misconduct. There's Stevie Urkel. I don't want to say it, and I won't, but again, you're a black woman, you're immune to anything,

especially if you're literate and, you know, fairly bright on the curve. Yeah, you can do anything. You're the president of Harvard, and they proved it by fucking not canning her. They came out and backed herrafted all this shit because they would look so stupid if they fired the first black female gay, again, triple threat. That would make

the people that run Harvard have to admit they've been wrong about everything. Kinda, in a way. At least the way I look at it. Instead, it said that she would request four corrections in two publications to insert citations and

quotation marks that were originally admitted. So she gets to go back and go, you know, I'll put the quotes around them and then it's not plagiarizing. And they're like, that's good. I'm sure they'd do that with a white fella. Jesus Christ. If you want to learn how to plagiarize, talk they're like, that's good. I'm sure they'd do that with a white fella. Jesus Christ. If you want to learn how to plagiarize, talk to Biden.

Guy mastered it back in law school. Before I go on, second half of the show, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to be talking about what Dana White's telling you to drink, which shocked me, and why NH stands for Nikki Haley, not just New Hampshire.

Ugh! That one shocked me too. Back to the, anyways, if you want to see all that, it's exclusively on what? It's on Mug Club. That's right. So join now to get it at nickdip.com. Let's move onward. But the Post can disclose that Harvard spent weeks failing to come clean about gay being under investigation, staying quiet even when she was hauled in front of Congress for disastrous testimony

on how the Ivy League, anytime one of these libs, radical fuckstains gets in a debate with a right-leaning person, a conservative who actually has brains, it's a disaster for them. 10 out of 10 times. Go online and Google Jordan Peterson takedowns or Douglas Murray. He's on Gutfell a lot. He's a gay, I think he's openly gay, brilliant guy from the UK. He does the same thing. He goes around and destroys and just go ahead every time. Because again, in theory, this shit sounds great. But see, we live in reality, the people on the right. Anyways, I'm sick of fucking saying it.

There she is right there, point guard for the Pistons. What? You heard me. Hates Jews. Sure does. Hates Jews. Harvard only disclosed the investigation when the university's governing body, Harvard Corporation, I don't know why that cracks me up.

What are you doing now? Well, I'm in sales for Harvard Corporation, said it unanimously stood behind her despite a firestorm of criticism for her evidence to Congress. Harvard's public statement on the allegations of plagiarism came a day after a conservative activist posted questions on X about citation in Gay's 1997 PhD dissertation. See, once you do some digging, Gay had vigorously defended her academic record. What else is she going to say? In comments to the Boston Globe, another left-leaning rag, after the dissertation questions were revealed and said, I stand by the integrity of my scholarship.

Oh, do you? Don't get hit by the shit falling on you. Throughout my career, I have worked to sit next to Asian people and steal every motherfucker. Now, I have worked to ensure my scholarship adheres to the highest academic standards, which just goes right in the face of everything we just told you. And you're a piece of shit.

So you hate Jews, you're a thief. Tuesday's statement issued to members of the Harvard community said that the probe began in late October after Harvard became aware, I'll repeat, became aware of allegations about gay. But the statement did not tell the full story, including how Harvard called in bulldog attorneys to protect this thing. It's just, right? It's everything that's wrong with the world. Attorneys, fucking academia, left-wing horseshit, white fucking cowards backing it. And here we sit. and here we sit. Take it easy.

All right. I like caffeine. It's a good thing. I'll go here. I hope I get to the... I almost called you last time I told you. Last time I left here to go to the airport, I put in Waze, and it sent me to the fucking...

What do you call those jets? Those private jet... Jet stream. Which is on the, yeah, Gulf Stream. It's on the campus of the airport, but four or five miles from it. Excuse me. Like I said, I was so excited because when I leave here, it's 15, 16 minutes to the airport. Cut to me 48 minutes later, I'm sweating, going, I can't miss this flight. How am I going to tell people? Like I said, I was so

stubborn, I kept going back and said, I must have missed something. Anyways, I'm not going to do that again. I'm hitchhiking. What? You heard me, Ching Flo. Well, some good news out of the Middle East. Some really important hamas guys were blown to smithereens headlines say hi to the virgins for us the brothers of the northern hamas commanders oh they're the good ones they were eight and all this year on the gaza strip away from home no not that good by israel uh they've been captured and are now feeding information. That's right, they're ratting it out. They're talking. They are enjoying hummus and jubilant

and are now feeding information to Israeli authorities, including about the October 7th terrorist attack. That's right, they're singing like birds. Fucking rat anyways. Whole family's all rats. Would have loved to be a rat. That's right, They live in tunnels. Don't you love?

I covered, right? Yeah. Israeli pumping water in them tunnels. Jesus Christ. I'm surprised they hadn't done that earlier. I know this might still be hostile. What are you going to do? Fuck water. I'd use Goulden's mustard. Something.

Israeli Defense Minister Ya'av Galat told reporters that Israel is currently interrogating the brothers of Ahmed Gondor, special teams captain, the former commander of Hamas and Northern Gaza Brigade, who died, how? In an airstrike. He died. He go, Right in the middle of this. And he still finished it.

Durka, Durka. They are already telling us a large part of the stories of the murders of October 7th. Among other things, he said, the Jewish fella, touting the interrogations

as yet another victory in Northern. You guys out there who are calling the seat, you don't understand. They're not going to stop, and they shouldn't, until completely erased from the earth, and they're running the whole show. If we can just step the fuck out of the way, I think they would have already accomplished it. Gandor was among five top Hamas officials confirmed dead. They found a pair of sandals on fire.

Because among five top Hamas officials confirmed dead, they found a pair of sandals on fire. I used to work a comedy club up in Montreal called the Comedy Works, and my buddy Jimbo ran it. I think he taught me this trick. Yes, he did. He got behind the bar and he goes, hold on, I'm going to show you something. And he bends over and he's down there for a while. Then he puts his two work boots up on the bar and there's smoke coming out of them. And he goes, hold on, I'm going to show you something. And he bends over and he's down there for a while. Then he puts his two work boots up on the bar and there's smoke coming out of them.

And he goes, what's that? He goes, it's an Israeli waiting for a bus. He blew cigarette smoke into the fucking... What a visual. Again, I didn't like it because I'm pro-Israeli, but I thought it was very funny. See, I can laugh at that. You could have said a fucking Hamas guy waiting for a bus. whatever. Black guy in Detroit, it don't

matter. Anyways, among the five Hamas officials confirmed dead last week after Israel investigated a tunnel system that was destroyed by an airstrike last month. Yeah, it sounded better last time. Last month. Man, it sounded better last time. It was the same tunnel Gando and his deputy, Wael Rahab, were pictured in while enjoying food. Is that the, that's the picture right there? There it is, folks. Look at them all smiling.

We're doing pretty good. Ahmed, pass the, pass the Jews blood, please. Anyways, that's them inside the narrow rooms enjoying their last meal. Little did they know, right? Along with Gondor Rahab, the airstrike killed the leader of the Begrade's aid battalion, the head of military formation, and the officer responsible for observations in the north. That's what Israel said. And God damn it, why wouldn't you believe them? We got some footage of, and again, folks,

I know I've plugged this show a million times, and a few of you got back to me and said it's unbelievable. FAUDA came out a few years ago. I'm sure you can find it now. F-A-U-D-A, that's the Arabic word for chaos. And the guy who wrote and starred in it was an actual IDF guy doing this stuff, hunting down terrorists in Gaza. And it is so good.

He is so good. And it's more relevant than ever. Anyways, here's some actual, this isn't from Fata. This is real footage of what's going on over there. That's where I'm staying, by the way, in Dallas.

Can you imagine? Dallas guy. All right. I think we get the idea. I said to Dallas, how do you decide who goes in first? And he surprised the shit out of me. He said, rock, paper, scissors. No, he taught me something.

Because there's a line of like five or six guys. And it makes perfect sense. The second guy opens the door if it's a pull-out door. What if it's a revolving door? Or any door. Or any door. Any door. It doesn't matter.

And again, it changes all the time. It's all about fluidity. No, I know. but you still have to have an order, right? It's an art and a science. Okay, he's not giving anything up. I'd be like, I'm not going first again. The fuck? Or second?

You go. Anyhow, there you go, folks. That's real, the real deal. Israel Defense Forces said Gando was responsible for the direction and the management of all Hamas terrorist activities in the northern Gaza Strip. During a meeting with IDF's 162nd Division on Tuesday, Galant reiterated that Hamas' hold on Gaza City is breaking with Jewish forces taking on the terrorist group deep underground in its 300 mile long tunnel system beneath Palestinian enclave. Drama in the Turkish parliament. Oh, next story, no headline? What's that? Oh, I did. I wanted to tack this on. Yeah, that's right, because it was related. It's kind of related, because it's Muslim-like,

and Turkey, I don't trust Turkey either. They're two-faced. Anyways, drama in the Turkish parliament yesterday. That would be their form of government. It's like having a congressional here. The member of parliament, is that what it stands for, I'm guessing?

Hassan Bizmet, good guy, met him bowling, spoke out strongly against Israel and shouted about Israeli suffering the wrath of Allah. Seconds later he had a heart attack. You talking about karma? Check this out. Allah'ın gazabından kurtulamayacaksınız. Still not as funny as Rand Paul's dad. I know. Stroking the fuck out. Why can't I ever remember Ron Paul's name? Why? Hey, for those of you

on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else, go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show, Steve and Crowder's full show, which I'll be on tomorrow morning, and a whole lot more. And while you're there, get tickets to see me live. Go click on the tour button on my site. May 11th, I'll be at the Count Basie Theater in Red Bank, New Jersey. It's a huge venue,

so I appreciate you. Again, go to a woman's shelter, get a bus, whatever you got to do. I'm not fussy. Let's fill it, will you? That's all I'm asking. I'm near the end of my career. Or just the beginning. I don't know. How do you know? guitar solo Outro Music