The Nick DiPaolo Show - 205 - Al Michaels/Halloween Outrage

Episode Date: October 17, 2017

Al Michaels Joke and Halloween Outrage

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, Riotcast.com. Oh! How are you folks? Monday. Fucking yuck. On a Monday. Good to be with you. Full week ahead. Full week, five shows live. And then on Saturday, hey, we got Kendra Cunningham will be here, what, tomorrow night? Yes, sir.

Who was very funny. Catch her and me this Saturday, October 21st at the Westport Inn in Westport, Connecticut. It's a great gig. And November 10 and 11, Comedy Works, Saratoga Springs. November 17, Cary Memorial Hall in Lexington, Mass. November 18, the Cabot Theater in Beverly, Mass. Borders is the town I grew up on.

All my relatives are in Beverly, which means I get very uncomfortable when I go home to do those gigs. How are you, folks? It's Monday, and I want to thank Jonathan Keller for contributing to the Nick DiPaolo podcast. If you want to do that, you go to connectpal.com slash Nick, connectpal.com slash Nick.

$3.99 a month. You get five shows a week. Breaks down to, somebody told me 28 cents a show i was saying a buck a show it's less than that but uh connectpal.com slash nick thank you jonathan keller who's been contributed since i started the podcast three years ago we take the two hours here on serious radio boil it down to an hour and that's the podcast and uh if you don't have serious radio and, you know, you sign up for the podcast. It's delicious. What do you got up there?

Right before I go on the air, my crack producer goes, oh, yeah, Trump's. Should I read the whole thing or just the red? The red is pretty much the meat of it. No, I'm going to read the whole. President Trump routinely mocks Vice President Pence's staunch Christian faith and once joked that there was no point

in asking him about gay rights because he wants to hang... Oh, so he said this when? Years ago? Well, I thought he said it this afternoon. during this discussion about gay rights.

Well, this is when the story broke this afternoon. Hold on, let me finish. In a wide-ranging profile of Pence, the magazine pointed out that Trump likes to make sure his vice president

is always aware of who's boss. Good. I like that about Trump, too. I actually revel in his insecurities, folks. During... What are you doing? Highlight it again.

During a discussion about gay rights, Trump motioned to Pence and said, don't ask that guy. He wants to hang them all. When did... Is this When did this happen today? Yeah, the story broke today.

Oh, then get him out of office. Oh, goodness. He showed a sense of humor, which was politically incorrect in nature. So I think that's hateful language. That's hurtful language That's hate speech Throw them out are you with me gang That's what you'd hear on twitter

And facebook and all the other Fucking Portals for douchebags I'll get to Al Michaels In a second because oh my god What he said was outrageous. I can't believe he hasn't been fired. The fake outrage in this nation, the sanctimonious a-holes that inhabit social media.

Bill Hicks once said, remember Hicks said on stage, he goes, what's the average American emotional level about about eighth grade? I think he was two grades too high. average american emotional level about about eighth grade i think he was two grades too high but this new uh this new there was buzzing and it's gone now did you hear that it's nice and quiet now you sure we're still on the air yes anyways so trump he wants to hang him up. When did he say that, producer? Dude, I can't believe you. What?

This is my producer, Andy Fiore. When you read something like that, doesn't a bell go off? Hey, fucking this is perfect for the show. Yes. You're not working the Bomb Squad show anymore. What the fuck is wrong with you? It did, and I go, no chance Nick won't have this. And then I forgot.

Oh, now he's turning it on me you fucking villanova cocksucker now you're turning it on me i missed it sorry i was reading 19 other stories oh my god you are you just showed me something you should be working on wall street you forgot just like what was the other one, Andy? This is the first time. Andy, what was the other one? I went to Shithouse and I go, you're telling me this now? It was when Jay passed. Yeah.

And now he... I think we had already started the show and he goes, by the way, during the break. It wasn't. Jay passed. It was when we were chatting beforehand. By the way We're chatting beforehand By the way Christina Palombo

Working the phones From the Jay Thomas show Will now be a part of this show Right? Thank you Yeah for now I mean Yeah we're trying to make it work

What does that mean for now? I haven't been told anything else Oh is that right? Alright so I won't I won't you know Yeah man Fingers crossed But how about

Yes that's what it was Alright shut it Okay Shut it there You furry Villanova Fucking 2.8 hockey player How about You like that Palumbo

How about a Palumbo From Bensonhurst Brooklyn That's all I'm gonna say That's right I will treat her With the utmost respect You better My father's still alive so

And don't tell me... He doesn't have much of a neck either. Jesus Christ. I can picture the old man. He's like a Coke machine with a head on it. I heard you pet my daughter on the phone. I'll fucking break into... Like a breadstick up your eye.

But yes, so we have a Palumbo from Benson. I can't believe Colin Quinn hasn't met you. Yeah, not yet. Only on the phone. Nobody adores spicy Italian girls. And he lived in Bay Ridge. He grew up in Bay Ridge. That's my home.

So, oh my God. Happy to have you. Happy to be here. Thank you. And we don't know. I won't say any more than that. For now. A Palumbo from Bensonhurst.

Oh, my God. Quinn always said, Colin always said, if you grew up in Bensonhurst, Nick, you'd be dead when you were 17. I go, okay, just call me a punk, why don't you? Quinn is out of, ooh, that son of a bitch has had to really sum up a fella in a few words. By the way, 866-969-1969 is the phone number. I know I'm all over the map. That's how I am on Mondays. I forget how to do radio over the weekends.

What did I do over the weekends? I made a giant chicken and sausage gumbo. Let me tell you something. Seriously. Honestly, I should enter this into a contest. It would win in Louisiana. You fucking wouldn't believe how good this was And then I made my own hot sauce with six ghost peppers You know what a ghost pepper is?

Yeah, that sounds insane It is insane I put two dots the size of a Not even the size of a number two pencil eraser I put it on my gumbo My eyes and nose are dripping I love it I've burnt my hot buttons out

i should have done that as a segment who's obsessed with i can't eat anything now i make eggs in the morning i hit him with a half a bottle of tabasco i don't feel it my wife goes you burnt out your hot thing you might ghost peppers folks jesus google ghost peppers they're from northern india to give you an idea how hot they are they use them to fight terrorists they actually they do they put them in like 866-969-1969 again i'm all over the place you're supposed to hillary fell down in london and broke her toe first of all she doesn't have toes, she has claws. So I don't believe that. She broke her paw?

Did she break her big, dirty paw? That thick neck, dog-faced ankle. Again, my producer should have been on that one. This is the first time I'm hearing this one. I know that.

That's my point. So Trump says, Pence says, yeah, hang them all. Yeah. Yeah, and then Hillary twists. You can't twist an ankle. That's like twisting a tree trunk on a redwood.

Broken toe. Can you imagine that toenail? It's like a claw, a big yellow claw on a black bear. Big hook. I can see that nail. Yeah, she ought to fall and break her neck. Do us all a favor. Are you with me, gang?

I'd like to see her in a wheelchair going off a cliffed. Cliffed? I always say cliffed. Cliffed. Cliffed. Cliffed. Cliffed. She'll be fine.

She'll be fine, folks. Again, her paws are made of fiberglass. Is it the same toenail she used to claw Bill's face when he came home and snatch on his hands? She's like, do you guys ever see American Werewolf in London? That's what her nails and teeth are like. Uh-oh. T-Ray from Louisiana already wants to bust my balls about the gumbo. I knew I couldn't get away with it.

All right, T-Ray, what's up? Okay, Nick. Yes, sir. You don't put anything on your gumbo. Remember that. Put it on your gumbo. Remember that. You put it in your gumbo. But, T-Ray, you're forgetting one thing. I have a wife who's a puss and can't handle any of the heat.

That's right. That's right. You don't put anything on it. You put it in it. You're right. You're absolutely right, T-Ray. But I'll tell you, T-Ray, I can make a rule like a bitch. Oh, God.

Okay, you know the Holy Trinity? Tell me what the Holy Trinity is. That would be onion, bell pepper, and celery. Oh, my God, my man. Get down here for an LSU game, my boy. Oh, I want to go to an LSU game. If I could pick any, LSU, to me, represents SEC football. It's just good. Oh, I want to go to an LSU game. If I could pick any. LSU, to me, represents SEC football. It's just good.

Oh, God. I am in my truck on the way to my house, and we got a black iron skillet full of cornbread, and my wife has got a pot of chicken and sausage gumbo on the stove. Oh, goodness gracious. Let me tell you. It was as good. Look, I'm Italian, half Italian.

It was as good as my Sunday sauce. Seriously. Just tremendous. I love Creole. I love all that stuff. But remember, the gumbo's going to be better if you got any left over. The more it sits in the pan. Yes. You got it.

Dude, it was so much better today than it was on Sunday. You're absolutely right. That's right. That's right. All right, boy. Good show, man. Thanks. All right, T-Roy.

Take it easy. Come on, folks. Thank you. Here's the beauty of this show. You got a half a guinea hare sitting here in New York. The other half's French, Canadian, and Scottish, by the way. You guys didn't know that about me. How about that, though?

I'm bonding with a guy from Louisiana over gumbo. I'm telling you, it was award winning. And then the ghost pepper hot sauce. I will throw that in a criminal's eyes if they come to my house. I mean, fantastic. Okay. I mean, fantastic. Okay, I was going to open with Al Michaels making, you know, making a crack off the cuff during a Monday night game, which I was absolutely fine with.

So I guess that makes me on the internet just an insensitive, cold-hearted, an insensitive, cold-hearted, politically deplorable, irredeemable asshole to those guys who are boo-hooing on Twitter and going, how could he say that? What's it like to have a vagina? And that means no disrespect to the girls who were victimized by that fat slob. And I hope he does a thousand years or at least 20 weeks. Andy Fioritas made a face. Okay. I don't believe that either. by that fat slob, and I hope he does a thousand years, or at least 20 weeks. Ha, ha, ha! Andy Fiordi's made a face. Okay, I don't believe that either, but what do you think he should do?

Anytime? He's naughty. I was making a face on one of the calls, actually. Oh, some of the calls? What, what? He just hung up, of course. Of course. Anyways, let's hear it.

Here's the, uh, first of all, I love Al Michaels. Why do I love Al Michaels? He always slides in jokes about gambling and betting during an NFL game, which you're not supposed to do. That's taboo. You can't mention betting for obvious reasons, but he always goes, somebody will miss a field goal at the end of the game. And he goes, well, I'll tell you right now, there's a, well, half the population that's watching this game is pretty angry. And he won't say why. And we all giggle at home because he's a guy's guy.

He was around with Rune Arledge and all these guys who started Monday Night Football. You know what I mean? He's a guy's guy. I love Al Michaels. And I think he lives on the West Coast, right? I think so, yeah. Which is amazing that he hasn't been damaged by all that PC horse shit. It never damaged him, which is even more impressive to me.

But last night during the Giants-Broncos game, by the way, Giants actually look like a football team. You know what the key was? They got the head coach McAdoo to go do other stuff. They put this guy Sullivan in charge, and they rearrange your offensive line, which looked damn good. And I know you were complaining. Absolutely, Andy. You were saying. Yep. But they rearrange. It's the same guys, I think. But this was Mike Sullivan took over the play calling?

Yes. And you know what? Big difference. But here's what Al Michaels said that has Twitter and all the other homes of sanctimonious assholes in an opera. But he made a crack. Let's face it, the Giants are coming off a worse week than Harvey Weinstein. And they're up by 14 points.

That's me at home. That was me on the couch just fucking belly laughing belly laughing and you're going why that sense that shut it that's what by the way it's not a great joke because he's not a comedian it was a funny off the cuff he was trying to describe and this happens in stand-up all the time and you'll be making a point the point will get lost based on the words that you use to make the point they'll glom onto these buzzwords that have become politically correct or whatever i say this thing about i bought a oldsmobile when i got out of high school a brand new like 1980 i said it fell apart quicker than a rape victim on the witness stand it's a fucking great reference but people go oh rape the victim

and it gets a lot and i have i have i have 11 of those a year that's just how i am i go for the reference and and it's actually al michael's actually showing some who had a worse week yeah than the giants harvey weinstein and then these jagoffs on social media this country just making me ill i don't even know what did this come from usa today this article i don't know but whoever wrote it for some unknown reason michael thought it was a good idea to compare the giant struggles to those of Harvey Weinstein. The Hollywood movie. For some unknown reason.

No, he still has a pulse. He still has a sense of humor. He hasn't been anesthetized by your politically correct horse shit. Let me ask you this out there, you people on Twitter who were so fucking upset. That's why I don't go on it hold on a burp hold on is that gumbo by the way he apologized later on on air apology he actually said sorry i made a reference earlier before i tried to be a little flip about somebody obviously very much on the news all over the

country it was not meant in that manner so my apologies and we'll just leave it at that good for him even that was you know i don't i don't like apologies to begin with but you know he handled it beautifully but then you get all these jack offs on twitter who want to let you know that they are more morally superior uh l michaels is probably the best play-by-play guy in history that's going overboard too you never heard of a guy named keith jackson doug farrar uh but boy that was a big lapse in judgment well maybe on social media where you guys judge everybody and you know with your knee-jerk reactions um l michaels made a harvey weinstein joke uh l there's another one l michaels was just the uncle that drops a joke that stops thanksgiving dinner dead in its tracks

that's charlie at charlie wisco yeah i'm that uncle too and you know what they loved me and if it wasn't for us it would would be no free speech. So kiss it, Charlie. Fucking. What? Oh, and guess who else weighed in? Al Michael. The giant had a worse week than Harvey Weinstein. Must be funny.

And then in cap, all caps, unless you have actually been a victim of assault, said Lisa Guerrero. Remember her? Yeah. Probably the hottest sideline reporter as far as tv but you know there's a little bitterness coming through unless you have actually so let

me ask you lisa guerrero uh let me do another one uh probably a worse week for harvey weinstein's victims having to relive the damage he caused upon them signed to everyone that was from xavier pope so you speak for everyone number one jerk off that shows how sanctimonious you are um and you have no sense of humor you take it literally because that's what you do when you lean left in your politics and you're politically correct so let me ask you a question if he waited a year would any of you people blinked what if he waited eight months or would those girls be any less assaulted then it's like when i used to tell when somebody dies and show when there's you know or a tragedy we make jokes about it the next night on stage and people go too soon somebody who died and i'll go are they going to be less dead a year from now

when you laugh your balls off? No, they're not, so shut the fuck up. I'm being honest. And that goes for this here. Al Michaels, I love you. Keep doing what you're doing. The girls will get over it. So we're never supposed to make Harvey Weinstein jokes again?

Ever? Huh? I had something weird happen to me as a kid and i could get quiet a lot of times but i don't i laugh still and choose to and i know a lot of girls who are victims of creeps who would still laugh at that crack because um you have to get over it but fucking social media has really exposed the lack of character hasn't it it's really exposed the underbelly the i like the people who are you know especially twitter when you can speak anonymously just i don't even. By the way, hit me up on Twitter if you'd like.

At Nick DiPaolo. And Facebook and Instagram. At Nick DiPaolo. Hashtag me too. My dad accidentally touched my nut when I was six. Soaping me up. Me too. You making light of that?

No, I'm making light of the people who are going after Al Michaels like he's some type of devil. Although he did hang with OJ a lot, didn't he? 866-969-1969. Jay the Angry Trucker, like there's any other kind on line three. Jay. How you doing, Nick? Good. Jay. How you doing, Nick? Good, Jay. How you doing? I'm doing pretty good, except I got

a problem. I'm an angry Canuck and an angry trucker. What happened to our two countries that got so pussified in the last 10 or 20 years. For the last 20 years. Yeah.

I blame the Clintons, first of all, for everything. I mean, it's just gotten to a point where it's like, get your balls, fucking polish them, do whatever you got to do to grow some balls, fertilize them, whatever. Enough's enough. Trump wins the election by a landslide, by a majority. Everything else, slaughtered Not really, but go ahead.

by a landslide, by a majority. Yeah, but, you know, he kicked their ass. Not really, but go ahead. Close enough. He won the election. That's the point.

Go ahead. But the point is, why do the Democrats still have such a voice? Why do the libtards still have a loud voice? I do the libtards still have a loud voice? I think you touched on it yourself when you said the internet with

Twitter and the Facebook and all that garbage. What's it going to take to shut them the fuck up and make them go away? Well, I'll tell you what, Jay, it's going to take taking back the mainstream media, at least in this country, and the institutions like college campuses and in Hollywood.

They have it all. They have the megaphone. And they've convinced people in this country that this country is liberal. And it's not. It's really not. The silent majority is probably center-right. But because we're such a media-driven society, people believe that this is how most people think. And they don't. That's why Trump won.

So, you know, but that's... The problem is he won, and the people said their voice, and they said their piece. We're tired of it. but they've gone silent since. Like, get louder and be more boisterous or whatever you have to do to shut shit up. I agree. Kill it down and kill it once and for all. I agree. Like in Canada, we're a libtard country.

Yep. Because we've got a liberal majority. We have all that political correctness and crap, which makes me keep my left nut up. So, you know, I think what you're going to see in Ontario particularly, because we have our own Hillary Clinton. Her name's Kathleen Wynne. She needs to go.

And right now she's playing with a 6% approval rating, which is going to get her slaughtered right out of the election. All right, all right. You're going off track here. Stick to there. Yeah, I just want to see. We're going into a conservative government. We need to change things.

Conservative, conservative, and get rid of this libtard attitude. You know, let the deplorables get a louder voice. I want to see a louder voice. I mean, that's the only way we're going to see change. Right. You know? All right. Just like in the NFL.

Get off, you know, start boycotting the game. If you want to play this politically correct, climb your river bullshit, then we start turning a deaf ear to them all. No, you're right. It's not enough to point out the double and triple standard. You're right. You have to take some action.

Jay, thanks for the call, buddy. Drive safe. You too, brother. Take it easy. All righty. Let me take a sip of my Diet Coke. Oh, it tastes like real Coke, only with cancer in it. Can I say that?

They're not a sponsor, are they? If they are, I'm getting underpaid horribly. What? Hey, why no live reads? FanDuel go out of business? No, I think we have a few next week. Is Kamal Sanjanji not making a movie this week? Yes.

Actually, he was good on SNL. I kind of like that guy. He's kind of like a cocky Pakistani. I watched the movie. It wasn't bad. But the PC horse shit. He's always crying how racist the country is and how Islamophobic. And I'll say it again.

How many Muslims have been murdered since 9-11 in this country? What is it? Fucking three by accident. So stop with that horse shit, okay? Other than that, I like him. He's kind of a cocky guy. And he was on that set, me and Amy Schumer. All right, folks, should we stay on this?

A few calls here talking about Hillary fucking twisting that ankle. You couldn't twist that ankle with a monkey wrench and two bodybuilders, okay? Let's not kid ourselves. I'd like to twist that neck into a fucking knot. When we come back, we'll stay on the Al Michaels thing. And I'd like to talk about CNN. Still pushing the fucking Russian collusion angle. And you know what?

Pokemon Go is involved. We can hit on that and we can... All kinds of poo-poo here. Oh, Halloween on college campuses the professors are telling the kids what they can and can't wear good to be in a free country huh folks 866-969-1969 sit tight kid

you're listening to the Nick DiPaolo show on Faction Talk Sirius XM 103. Thank you. The Nick DiPaolo Show returns now. Yeah, welcome back. Final segment on a Monday night. 866-969-1969. I hope that last two numbers don't offend anybody out there, but I really enjoy that position.

And a nice, chubby young woman. That was Seasons of Wither, by the way. One of my favorites of all time. How are you, folks? Back to the show and the, I don't know. Started with the college. Colleges everywhere. Remember, it was a few colleges.

Remember Yale is where it started. Somebody, some professor was actually defending the students saying they should, you know,

they should be able to wear what they want and he or she got excoriated. That was a few years ago. Now it's just every. Here you go. A guide put out

by Northern Arizona University's Housing and Residence Life warns against African-inspired get-ups. A Pocahontas costume, Asian rice hats, and more. Can I go with the Asian chicken wing hat? Can you imagine? Warns against African.

You're warning me against it? What if I want to wear an African-inspired get-up? What's the... You're threatening me? Who's threatening if I want to wear an African-inspired getup? What's the... You're threatening me? Who's threatening... Other students are going to get upset? Or you as the administration? A Pocahontas costume.

Why not? Was she a real person? Yes. Can you believe this shit? Do you believe it? Again, let's not celebrate all these different ethnicities that make the country so great. Here's one for you. Meanwhile, a Not Your Festival Wear workshop is slated for October 24th

at Minnesota State University. Moorhead and Vanderbilt feminists will help to lead. Can you fucking. An event about cultural appropriation just in time for Halloween. Here's another one. A Halloween and cultural appropriation tab tabling at Gocher College earlier this month explained to students that the scariest thing about your costume isn't what you think and a cultural appropriation diversity workshop already took place at texas a&m on the 9th university of new hampshire went so far as to host an entire cultural appropriation

teach-in last week that didn't just stick to Halloween, but also included Cinco de Mayo and Dia de los Muertos, Day of the Dead. Oh, my goodness. Do you see what I'm saying? We really have too much time on our hands, and seriously, we need something to... I don't want another war but i don't know i don't know and by the way all this shit comes from the left

it comes from the left it's not the christian right it's the left and when you vote for pelosi and people like that you're giving a thumbs up to this horseshit. Let's go to Dylan in Canada. Dylan, what's happening? Hey, Nick, man. Big fan. Second time listener. First time caller. I? Hey, Nick, man. Big fan, second-time listener, first-time caller. I can't believe I got through. Good. Appreciate it.

Thanks for making the call. You guys, I love America. I love Americans. You got a lot of fans up here in Canada. The only thing I have to say about Halloween costumes is these companies are doing it to themselves

because they're putting out this garbage. I mean, yeah, it's fun, whatever, but it's garbage. It's these, like, trash costumes you buy for, like, $12. You throw them out the next day when you're hungover, and they're just trying to turn a buck. And then people with this platform, as that other gentleman said, they start complaining about it, about cultural appropriation, and they don't like it. Well, of course they're trying to turn a buck. That's what companies do.

Yeah, no, I mean, I don't have anything against that, but, like, look at costumes from, like, the 1920s and stuff. You see pictures of that. They're cheap, and they made them at home with, like, burlap socks, but you see the pictures, and, I mean, they're spooky looking, they're scary. I mean, in this day and age, I'm like, hey, that's some scary shit. I probably would keep my door locked. Yeah, I just, I'm completely disillusioned with society

and how far left we've gone. Even as a Canadian, this is coming from a Canadian, I'm disillusioned with how... You're saying even as a Canadian, this is coming from a Canadian. You're saying even as a Canadian, Canada is as politically correct as anywhere. Oh, dude, it's PC as fuck up here. I know. You said even coming from Canada. I hosted

the Nasty Show up in Montreal for a few years and did it 10 years I think as an actual. Each year was getting more frustrating frustrating I mean the billboard would say nasty show which everybody knew because it's a it sells out the quickest up there ironically but with each year and I remember the last couple years I did I didn't enjoy myself people are actually getting offended at a show that I mean that was built on hey we're gonna say it says nasty show and people hissing

and moaning and and again mostly broads but uh even a few fellas you know i i really want to know what happened to the cultural ideology i you understand this is you're a new yorker right i'm a bostonian okay well even then you would understand this even You're a New Yorker, right? I'm a Bostonian. Okay, well, even then, you would understand this even more. Don't start nothing, won't be nothing. You know, keep your eyes down and just move the fuck along.

Like, leave people alone. Hands off. Like, this is my personal space. Just let me do my thing. Keep your mouth shut and keep walking. You mean, live and let live is what you're trying to say.

Man, exactly. Just, you know live and let live is what you're trying to say? Men, exactly. Just, you know... Yeah. I'll tell you what happened. Bunch of... Well, and again, I don't want to blame... Again, I don't want to sound anti-woman.

I don't want to sound like... But the more feminized a society becomes, the more sensitive. The political practice is not in the DNA of men. We're insensitive fucking goons we always have any if anybody ever talked to you that possibly could have turned into the biggest raging feminist possible it would have been me because i grew up in a single parent home with a

mom right two sisters right so men that grow up in that environment are predisposed to be like that or sympathize with them and understand them better or whatever I do. But I'm not a feminist at all. You know, I completely disagree with this whole third wave thing, whatever. Even my prime minister says he's a feminist. The guy's a clown. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, again, that's part of it we really it's all based in sensitivity and i'll say it guys have bought into it thanks for the call dylan about it guys have bought into it you know i mean politicians you gotta get you know you do what you do to get the vote and when we meant it to blame ultimately because we acquiesce to this shit but isn't it based in sensitivity when we talk about political correctness basically isn't it inherent to the conversation sensitivity and that doesn't come from that's not in our dna now it's drilled into these guys like he said it's drilled into your head and look some of it we do need some refining in some areas but it's it's it's going to levels that are just fucking asinine. And not all women

agree with this shit either. I mean, I know a lot of people that, my sisters, and they don't buy into this shit. We gotta go back to the old days, like my Grammy, Matilda, who would grab a nice little rabbit by the neck and snap its neck with her bare hands and throw it in a pot try picturing a woman today doing that somebody's offended by cultural appropriation god damn it every time i look up the yankees are doing something silly what is for nothing they're all excited they're going to get their hearts broken but let them pretend for now ah oh i'm just a kid len in idaho len welcome to the show

hey nick how you doing man pretty good thank you all right hey all these all these uh politically correct snowflakes yeah man how are we gonna fight win a war i don't want a war i'm a fucking i was an infantry soldier okay and uh luckily i served under the man ronald reagan wow I didn't have to fight because, you know, I was in West Germany and we had them scared to death. But how are we going to fight when a war with people who are so sensitive

that they can't even take, uh, you know, you know what I'm talking about. Yes. Um, it's actually a legitimate question because this stuff is being handed out. Luckily, but luckily, I'm hoping there's enough young people who have had enough of this. I see them after shows. This might uplift you a little bit, Len.

People in their 20 twenties come up. You have had enough of this nonsense. Uh, and they, they're becoming cops and firemen and, and, uh, you know,

I'm hoping there's enough of those, but you're right between what goes on, uh, indoctrination wine on college campuses, even in middle schools and stuff. And, uh, and they grow up entitled and,

and, um, you're right. I would hate, you know, it makes me nervous to think that if the shit goes down you know who who is gonna right you know i got a question for you you know i i love your show and i love your political views it has it cost you anything on the road? I mean, you know, being a conservative. A little bit of pussy. A little bit of pussy.

Well, that's probably skank anyway. You know. I love how he soaps up. Actually, he's right. No, on the road, you mean career-wise? It doesn't really...

That's the only facet of show business that it hasn't really touched yet, although that's changing too, Len. I see clubs now, comedy clubs, are being run by people who have come of age with this PC nonsense, and they've ingested it. And I've heard of a few clubs out west,

and I know a comic who got sent home uh did some rape bit or whatever and the next thing you know they're giving him some bullshit excuse why he had to go why they were replacing him but yeah that which yeah that's that that makes me because guys like you served in the military to defend uh uh as a comic i that's the one thing i don't take for granted is the first amendment because i make my living, shoot my mouth off, but yeah, that worries me. Well, I'll tell you what, you're a goddamn expert marksman when it comes to shooting your mouth off. Thanks, Len.

You tell it like it is, and you don't give a fuck, and that's so much appreciated. Well, thank you, Len, and we appreciate you being in the military too, so thanks for the call, and thanks for your service. Thank you, sir. You got it. That was Len. He didn't sound, I didn't think, he didn't sound all that to me,

to serve on the reg, and me. Then again, but, um, have you But Andy, have you experienced any of that? Comics, some of your contemporaries. Yeah. They have, right? Yes. And I know exactly what you're talking about and what club.

I've been lucky. I haven't had to deal with that too much. It's still, what you said, it's still pretty safe from that in my experiences. Well, you're doing jokes about toaster ovens and pop tarts. Right, so, you know, I'm not too controversial. I'm kidding. I was trying to get you going.

Son of a bitch didn't fall for it. Oh, look at Rachel Maddow. I just want to... Just want to... She's got my hair that I had in high school. She's got my hair and... Christ, she's got my forehead and eyes. Joe in New Jersey, welcome to the show, Joe. Yeah, what's up, Nicky?

Joe, do you got kids? Joe, do you got kids? Joe, do you got kids? Yeah, I got kids. And of what age? Like middle school, high school? No, my little girls are three and five. And were you going to take them to this movie on Moana or some horseshit Disney? Oh, they love that movie.

Believe me, dude. I've heard that. I know the songs by heart. Oh, is that right? Yeah, man. Give us. Believe me, dude. I've heard that. I know the songs by heart. Oh, is that right? Yeah, man. Give us a few bars. No, I'm good. Well, you know, listen, dude.

I'm 100% Italian, so I guess being cultural appropriate, my costumes are very limited. I could be Mario, Luigi, you know yeah some some great painter or something yes like it's fucking bullshit dude i i mean my little girl has actually i think she went as moana last year no kidding white little italian irish girl honest to god she loves her she doesn't it's not there's not an ounce of like anything bad about bad about it. She's, like, it's crazy. They're fucking, they're putting this shit in people's heads. Because, like, I see my little girl has, like, she doesn't even look at somebody's colors. She just wants to play with everybody.

Right, right. You know what I mean? So they're the ones who divide everybody into all these little groups. Because if we never told our kids shit about race, wouldn't know shit about race right right just a bunch of but listen to my we're going to trunk or treat at my kid's school next week trunk or treat all this trunk oh yeah yeah everybody pulls their cars up in a circle and so you don't have to knock on anybody's door the kids just walk around in a big circle in a parking lot and get a bag full of candy. Holy. Trunk or tree?

Hey, Joe. Joe. Joe. When you open yours, you should have like a Frank Vincent cutout from Goodfellas. And have your daughter stabbing it with a plastic fork. They said one of the kid's parents parents complained last year so nobody's allowed to decorate their chunks in anything spooky are you fucking halloween oh my god oh and no and no masks because they want to be able to see everybody's face i'm telling you you should open it up and

have your two daughters in there tied up with tape over their mouths, covered in ketchup. See how that sits with these bitches. All right, Joe. Great call, man. I love you, brother. Take care. Holy Christ.

Trunk or treat. Yeah. Have a baby Ruth that's been sitting in Prestone. Daddy! Have a baby Ruth that's been sitting in Prestone. Daddy, this clock boss tastes like Sunoco SU-2000. Shut up and finish it, you little cocksucker. Why does this apple have motor oil on it? Ah, quit your whining. I'd dress my daughter up.

If I had a fat daughter like in fifth grade, I'd put whiskers on her and put a suit on her. Dress her up as Harvey Weinstein. That's what I'd do. Just to send everybody in a goddamn uproar. What has happened to this country, ladies and gentlemen? I'll tell you. Is that Judge? Three-run shot, finally.

Oh, my God. They're killing him. I hate nothing. Judge just hit a... Holy Christ. The Yankees! Last night, the Giants! He was due.

He had struck out about 20 times in a row. I guess the fuck he was due. Somebody pitched him underhand last night, and he struck out. Did he get all of it? I'm doing a little play-by-play, folks. Bear with me here here Aaron Judge just finally made contact with a baseball as we look at CNN they're reporting

88 86 percent of Puerto Rico still without power 20 and there's a picture of Trump sitting in a light bulb so I don't know who they're blaming they really Aaron Judge can we have the replay tonight for the fucking love of God? It's another thing I hate.

Guy hit the home run four minutes ago. Thank you. Oh, hi. Oh, my God. Right in his wheelhouse. I bet you he killed... Probably killed whoever... Oh, my God.

That left us bad at 211 miles an hour. It cuts to a lady in the stand. There's just a hole in her forehead with smoke coming out. 11 miles an hour. It cuts to a lady in the stands. There's just a hole in her forehead with smoke coming out.

Okay, a fat ball guy. That's fucking less offensive. Oh, my God. 8-0. It's only the fourth. Don't count Houston out. Who's pitching?

Mr. Harashima Tanaka? CeCe. Oh, God. The big angry black fella. He's had a great year. Yeah. Tim in New York talking about his college days. Tim, what's going on?

Hey, Nick. I love the show, man. Thank you. Where'd you go to school? Awesome. Where'd you go to school, Tim? Well, I went to school in Maine, and then I went to a college in New York, St. Thomas Aquinas. Where did you go to school in Maine? I went to school ininas. Where did you go? School of Maine.

I went to school in Maine. I went to Thomas College in Waterville. So you only go to schools that word Thomas in them? Shit. And then I graduated Tommy Cumlaude

and I ended up making Tommy guns for a living and I got two sons, Thomas and Tom Mooney. Okay, go ahead. Sorry to interrupt you. I was just, I want to say, you know, when I was in college, we had like the most offensive costume prize

and the most racist costume prize. Yes. You know. When America was good. Yes. Yeah, man. I bet you had the same thing, you know. No, no, no. we didn't, but...

What? What do you mean? Well, we weren't allowed to. What, uh, what... Go ahead. I don't know, like that night, you know how many Weinstein, you know, passions would show up and how many rapes would occur that night? No, you're exactly right. And they still should.

I blame it on people who get cowed by this shit. Go out there anyways. Fuck them. I think it started 10 or 15 years ago when we pushified our kids, and now they're finally in college. Oh, before that even, yeah. No, absolutely. You've got to invite the whole class to your birthday party,

and no baked goods, no slapping Jimmy in the head during dodgeball. How about trunk or treat trunk or treat dude i had to do it last year with my kids what i was like what the fuck is this trunk or treat trunk or treat my wife and i had an all about blowout over that man uh i got divorced over i i believe you i believe because and you're making a good point for me, when I say this PC is sort of, again, it's a feminist trait. And again, I know there's people going wild out there, all three chicks listening to this show. But I can see a guy getting almost divorced over something like this

because it wasn't in your nature growing up. But, you know. It drove me nuts, man. It drove me nuts. So I took them out to houses later on that night. They were happy. Good for you. I got to pull a Friday night

anything goes on the Apollo show here tonight on Monday. Fucking Friday evening. I have to admit, I was watching Grace Under Fire. It's a chick show or whatever. And I'm sure you've brought it up on the show. But, dude, I had no idea. And when you started showing up in that show, oh, my God, dude.

That is way out of your performance. Well, first of all, it wasn't a chick show, really. It was actually a tremendously well-written show. But I played. I love it. Okay, but don't act like I played a fucking male exotic dancer. I was fucking... No, you were good. Oh, I can act my balls off, but not on that show.

You were great. All right, Tim, you got a good shot in there. I'll let you go. All right, buddy. Thanks, Nick. You got me. All right, thanks. Take care, man. Bye. Wait till you see me on Suddenly Susan. I'm going to get into a beef. I'm a moving guy. Did you give me the one minute?

30 seconds. Oh, Jesus. All right. That's it for tonight. Tomorrow night, Kendra Cunningham. Yes. Kendra Cunningham, she will be with me this weekend, by the way, at the Westport Inn, Westport, Connecticut. So come see her. She's very funny. She'll be here live. And think Thursday, maybe Robert Kelly.

Yeah. We'll talk about him like he's Elvis now. So we'll see you kids tomorrow night. Wash those filthy butts. Bye-bye. guitar solo Outro Music