The Nick DiPaolo Show - Anthony Cumia #188
Episode Date: June 24, 2019Anthony Cumia joins the show. Liz Warren turns regressive with gay reparation bill. Trump turns down volume on war drum. ...
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🎵 Hey, hey, hey!
What's going on, ladies and gentlemen?
It's Monday again.
Me and Jason alone.
Rich and Deke, better things to do.
Ha, ha, we've done it before.
We'll do it again.
How are you?
Coming at you live.
Facebook.
We'll do it live.
YouTube.
Free.
We'll do it live.
Fuck it.
It's free, baby.
Do it live.
I'll write it and we'll do it live.
I want all of you to enjoy your cake.
So, enjoy.
Real quickly, this weekend, three nights from now, Thursday, June 27th,
the Quixotic World in Dallas, please come out.
Dallas loves me, okay?
I didn't do any press last time, and they like it politically incorrect like no city I've ever been in.
It's changed since I went there in the 80s.
80s, 90s, Jesus, I'm starting to age myself.
So that's Thursday night.
The next night, Friday, June 28th,
the Beltonian Theater, Belton, Texas,
right outside of Dallas.
So I'm giving you a couple of doses of DiPaolo.
If you want me to rip on the libs,
if you enjoy that type of stuff, come out.
It's not all political.
I got a ton of stuff about moving to Georgia
that's going to make you laugh your ass off.
I'm like my cousin Nicky down here. It's fucking weird.
Saturday, August 10th,
the Newtown Theater, Newtown, Pennsylvania.
Friday and Saturday, August 16th and
17th, Helium Comedy Club in Philly.
Thursday, October 10th, Levity Live,
Nyack, New York. Friday, November 15th,
the Cortland Repertory Theater, Cortland, New York.
Saturday, November 16th, Comedy Works, Saratoga Springs, New York. New Year's Eve, Tarrytown Music Hall, Tarrytown, New York. Friday, November 15th at Cortland Repertory Theater. Cortland, New York. Saturday, November 16th.
Comedy Works.
Saratoga Springs, New York.
New Year's Eve.
Tarrytown Music Hall.
Tarrytown, New York.
Friday, January 24th of 2020.
Ridgefield Playhouse.
Ridgefield, Connecticut.
Saturday, February 15th.
Kelsey Theater.
Lake Park, Florida.
Go to nickdip.com for your ticket information.
Don't forget to go to cameo.com if you want me to send you a personal video message,
destroying one of your enemies or saying hi to one of your friends, whatever.
I will make their day.
I will break their day.
People ask me to roast their, you know, people that they don't like.
It's a lot of fun.
Fill out the information at camio.com.
And most importantly, well done, Jason.
At the bottom of the hour, as they say on radio,
Anthony Cormier, one of my close friends,
one of the funniest bastards alive, smart,
don't read all the horseshit online,
gets kicked off Twitter.
He's got to be, it's got to be a record.
He's been kicked off Twitter, I don't know how many times.
And he'll be joining me at 11.30 a.m.
And when we get together, it's usually, it's, you know, it's two grumpy guineas letting it fly.
But it's always honest and relevant.
Speaking of relevant, I'll tell you who I hope isn't relevant soon, this titless wonder, Elizabeth Warren.
If you don't think these people have lost their minds,
L-G-B-T-Q and Americans have historically received unjust treatment by the U.S. government.
Bullshit.
But some politicians are now looking to correct past wrongs.
On June 20th, Massachusetts Senator Olive Oil, Democratic president, will introduce, listen to this,
the Refund Equality Act, a bill that will benefit same-sex couples formerly discriminated against through the U.S. tax code due to unequal marriage laws.
That's what she's working on.
Fucking quiz!
Oh, easy.
That was Trump's response to somebody on the right.
Didn't like it.
Really?
This should not surprise anybody.
Because as you know, LGBT and the feminists work hand in hand.
They grabbed on to the coattails of the civil rights movement about 40 years ago.
And they blew right past them.
Okay?
So this shouldn't surprise.
This is right out of the civil rights hand playbook.
And I love the fact that these progressives, that's what they call themselves, progressives, Liz Warren, if she's so progressive, why are they always looking backwards?
Reparations for something that happened in 1850, LBGTQ, they're always looking backwards.
I mean, the definition of being progressive is looking forward.
And they're living in 1955, 1855,
and they're just full of shit.
I'll get into the particulars.
If the act passes,
LGBTQ couples married in states where their union was recognized
before gay marriage was legalized
nationwide in 2013,
they could amend their past tax returns
to receive IRS refunds,
according to NBC News.
That's approximately $57 million in total owed to countless couples who weren't able to jointly file their federal tax returns prior to the Supreme Court decision,
which I don't understand because I've done both.
I've filed jointly, and I find it more expensive.
When you factor in your spouse's income, you get whacked over the head with a
big pink penis.
So I don't know.
I'm not getting this.
As Warren noted in his statement, her home
of Massachusetts
was the first U.S. state to legally
recognize same-sex marriage back in
2004. Yet because the government,
federal government's definition of marriage,
didn't match the state's, many married LGBTQ couples in Massachusetts, depending on their incomes and individual finances, were prevented from receiving refunds that they deserve.
She says, olive oil, the federal government forced legally married same-sex couples in Massachusetts to file as individuals.
Oh, the pain.
And pay more in taxes
for almost a decade. We need to call out that discrimination. And to make it right, Congress
should pass the Refund Equality Act immediately, she said. You stupid fucking blabbermouth cunt.
Oh, come on. Easy on the language. She's trying her hardest for all the downtrodden.
Let me tell you something, okay?
Total nonsense.
If this is going to go on, how about the people,
how about the Catholic nonprofit organizations that Lois Lerner and the IRS went after?
They had exempt tax status, and, of course, they changed that.
They tried to change it.
They went after these people's families.
They were tea party groups that they went after
that were tax exempt for religious reasons.
And remember Lois Lerner and the IRS?
They used the IRS as a cudgel
just to hammer these people over.
They went after their families on Facebook and shit
and all kinds of stuff.
So I'm just saying gay people get in line.
There's a lot of, you know, how many people have been wronged by the IRS?
Okay.
First of all, the whole notion of reparations for anybody is just fucking silly.
Try doing the math.
They talk about Trump being the divider and that he uses race and gender.
Are you shitting me?
Reparations for black people, reparations for gay. Who's trying to divide the country? Do you really think this is going to bring people together? It's going to make straight people
like gay people even more? And again, on its surface, I question it. But good Liz, that's
what she's doing. We have people pouring over the border.
We're almost in a war with Iran, and this is what she's focusing on.
How to look forward.
Jason, can you fix that clock?
It's facing you instead of me.
Why am I looking at it already?
Oh, yeah, that's perfect.
Fine.
What the fuck?
Somebody break in here and bust it up?
Roll back that clock to 19, I don't know,
whenever the Defense of Marriage Act was passed and blah, blah, blah.
So, yeah, let's do reparations for gay people.
That'll bring everybody together.
There'll be more gay bashing.
Only difference is the people doing the gay bashing will take their wallets.
There'll be hate crimes everywhere.
But that's your money, by the way, taxpayers.
Don't act like it's the government's money, which they do.
Just like reparations.
That comes out of your pocket,
even if you had nothing to do with the majority of the people.
That's all I got to say.
Fucking Boston, Mass.
My hometown.
This is who they elect.
Oh, and she's got traction in the polls.
Well, good luck to that.
Warren's new version of the bill complements the promoting respect for individual dignity and equality. What's that an
acronym for? PRIDE. Do they sit around for hours thinking they shit up? That's the act of 2019
that was introduced to Congress on June 18th by Representatives Judy Chu and Andy Levin.
If approved, this legislation would also allow same-sex couples married in states that recognize
gay marriage before the Defense of Marriage Act was overturned to file for refunds with
the IRS.
Chu said in a statement, for too long, discriminatory laws penalized same-sex married couples by
denying the ability to file jointly
and claim tax refunds they were entitled to.
Like I said, get in line.
Okay?
Warren also recently revealed that her housing plans as president
would provide reparations for people of color
who have been systematically discriminated against in the home buying process.
Can you fucking imagine?
Make me a sandwich.
Make me a fucking sandwich.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
So for the first, what?
So if she ever won presidency, which she's not going to,
but if she ever get in, her first whole term,
four years would be looking back and trying to make things right.
These are people that were bullied.
You'd think she was popular as a kid.
They can't let it go.
All their politics, it's victimology.
That's all they do.
They focus on the victims and why America is bad.
Okay?
They don't acknowledge the strides we've made as far as black people and reparations in
this country they don't they don't acknowledge as far as uh gay people and don't forget obama
was against gay marriage before he evolved on the issue so uh good luck liz part of me wants
her to get elected and people like her just to fucking see them get laughed off stage. For the love of Pete.
Interesting weekend politically.
Elizabeth Warren's foe, if she did become the nominee,
obviously the incumbent president,
who's been kicking ass despite the Russia hoax for two years.
But he did a little flip-flopping this weekend that even surprised me.
But this is part of him.
He keeps people off balance. That's what
he does. He'll come out with a policy. He'll rule on it. The media will go crazy saying,
what the fuck is he thinking? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, as you know, he was going to
start deporting people yesterday. By the way, these are people who already went to court,
had their day in court, and it was ruled that they have to get out.
Sixty percent of them have criminal records, by the way.
But when you listen to the media and you read the stuff, they refer to them not as illegals, as undocumented migrants, migrant families.
That's the new phrase.
But Trump said he's delaying the plan, enforcement action by Immigration Customs Enforcement,
to remove thousands of illegals who have court orders for deportation.
Here's a tweet.
The people that ICE will apprehend have already been ordered to be deported.
This means they have run from the law and run from the courts.
These are people that are supposed to go back to their home country.
They broke the law by coming into the country and now by staying.
He also said in another tweet, at the request of Democrats, I have delayed the illegal immigration removal process for two weeks
to see if Democrats and Republicans can get together and work out a solution to the asylum and loophole problems at the southern border.
If not, deportations start, Trump said in a tweet Saturday afternoon.
You know who called him and
made the request? That's right, Nazi Pelosi, they call her, called Trump and said, you got to stop
this. This is hurtful. This is blah, blah, blah, blah. And you know what he did? He punted it right
back into her court. Okay, if you don't want me to do this shit, get together with the Republicans,
because as you know, the Dems control the House. They aren't budging on this immigration shit. They've turned down
every offer that Trump has made. He's tried to reach across the fucking aisle. And he
kicked it right back into her court. Do you really think they're going to get together
after not solving this thing for 40 years? By the way, she's been there for the whole
40 years. You really think they're gonna get together with republicans and solve this all of a sudden uh i'm sorry i'm trying to you know i know it's very
newsy right now but what the fuck you want me to tell you so trump kicked it back into her court
but here's my other problem with trump why did you announce that you were going to do this anyways
i mean you take so much pride in the military saying we don't announce what we're going to do
we're going to tell people when we're going to invade, when we're going to get out.
I'm surprised that you came out and said tomorrow's the day we start kicking people out.
And the other thing was ICE doesn't have enough money and shit.
That was the other question.
So I think it's a two.
He kicked it back into her court, and he's waiting for ICE to figure out their plan.
So two weeks.
People are saying
you don't even have
it's impossible
we're talking about millions of people
what do you mean
we have Dodge minivans
caravan
I mean beautiful station wagons
with wood on them
plenty of room
you've seen illegals blow by you
on the highway
there's 11 of them
in a fucking Ford Focus
so I don't want to hear that
as an excuse
but he kicked it back
into the Dems' thing.
Enforcement raids have been scheduled to begin at dawn yesterday in 10 major cities,
drawing furious protests from local Democrat officials who vowed to fight deportation.
But Trump changed his fucking mind.
And you blew it!
You blew it.
Yeah.
Pelosi said it was heartless and a brutal action which will tear families apart and inject terror into our communities.
Jesus Christ.
Will you shut up? Will you? Will you please shut up? Will you shut up? Shut up? Shut up?
It's just the opposite. She couldn't be more wrong.
He couldn't be more wrong.
When you have a sanctuary city like New York where we had a terrorist attack,
the biggest on soil 19 years ago or 18 years ago, you dopes.
Some of these people are dangerous.
We don't even know who they are.
So how the fuck is it injecting terror? It would be removing potential terror from our communities.
You numbskull, leathery nipple old lady.
Get out of the goddamn business.
Go back to your fucking mansion
and step on human feces and a dirty needle.
Trump said these are people that came into the country
illegally. They've been served and gone through
a process of the courts. So Nancy Pelosi
and the Dems once again giving the finger
to law and order.
That's why we are fucking doomed as a nation.
The law is giving the finger to the law.
Trump says they have to be removed from the country.
They'll be removed from the country.
Trump told reporters on the south lawn of the White House,
oh, I think I see one over there,
jumping over the fence.
No, it's Ben Carson.
Trump told reporters on the south lawn of the White House Saturday morning while departing Camp David that, yeah, these people have to go because they've already had their fucking day in court.
He's right.
You are correct, sir.
Everybody that came into the country illegally will be brought out of the country very legally, he said.
Oh, my God, folks, we are at the breaking point here.
So you got two weeks, Democrats, to quit giving the cold shoulder to everything Trump and the Republicans suggest.
They're not going to be happy until they get total amnesty.
That's all they're looking for.
They call it comprehensive immigration reform.
It's total amnesty.
That's all they're looking for.
They call it comprehensive immigration reform.
It's total amnesty.
That's all they're looking for.
So anyways, cities that were going to be targeted in the raid included New York, liberal run, Los Angeles, liberal run, San Francisco, liberal run, Chicago, couldn't get more liberal, and Houston. All Democratic shithole.
I mean, controlled cities, and many of which forbid local law enforcement from helping ICE.
They're telling the local cops in these cities not to work with ICE.
If you people vote for this, I swear to fucking God, I hope your families are mugged every three days.
It's coming.
The Civil War is coming.
What if you're against these policies?
What would you do if your sister or your mother get raped or mugged by an illegal?
And that shit's still happening, too.
You have to go to Breitbart and other, you know, sources to get the truth about it.
Oh, we know.
But you know what?
These people create less crimes than actual American citizens.
Another false thing.
If you go on the FBI website, look up the statistics.
What is it?
Over 60% of our prisons are loaded with people from foreign countries.
All good people.
The action targeted 2,040 families.
Again, we can fit those in three Dodge Caravans.
It's been done.
The other cities on the list are Miami, Baltimore, again, liberal, liberal,
Atlanta, liberal, Denver, and New Orleans.
What do they all have in common?
I'll let you figure out.
I don't want to get kicked off YouTube by the people at Google.
A near impossibility given limited resources. ICE, which makes arrests, carries out deportees.
So they're saying, look, we don't have the bucks yet. Well, Trump will find that. That's easy to find.
How about all of us guys like me and people who voted for Trump pitching a buck? There you go.
How about all of us guys like me and people who vote for Trump pitching a buck?
There you go.
That'll buy a few canoes. The Obama and Trump administrations both targeted families in previous operations,
something you'll never hear from fucking Chuck Todd.
Guess what?
Guess who else is against what Trump's trying to do?
Comrade Bill de Blasio calling it a sick plot to tear families apart
and force immigrants into the shadows.
Into the shadows.
You stupid motherfuckers.
You were calling it a manufactured crisis a couple months ago.
Have we forgot about that?
Trump was making all this up.
Synthetic.
It was manufactured by Trump.
So you were wrong then.
Friggin' de Blasio never shuts his hole.
Who said that?
Bill de Blasio. Who the fuck said that? Comrade de Blasio never shuts his hole. Who said that? Bill de Blasio.
Who the fuck said that?
Comrade de Blasio.
Who's the slimy little communist shit-twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant?
Bill de Blasio.
Trump knows where he lives.
They're right from the same city.
You know who else weighed in?
Andrew Cuomo.
He thundered in a statement as his pantheons were in a bunch.
Trump's plans were shameful and wholly unacceptable.
I guess that's why it's so unacceptable.
That's why people are leaving your city in droves and your state, by the way.
Because you know what the fuck you're doing, but Trump doesn't.
This is coming from the governor of a state where we were hit on 9-11.
And he's for this type of fucking shenanigans.
Ignorant as the day is long
oh chicago mayor laurie lightfoot black and lesbian nick what's that got to do with everything
she said she's turned she has terminated isis access to chicago police department databases
related to federal immigration enforcement activities in response to threats of raids
here's where i could make a joke about, anyways, old white guys are best at running countries.
It's been proven.
That's all I'm saying.
A black lesbian running the Chicago mayor, because we all see the world the same way
she does, right?
They're unraveling what made Western culture great.
It's called law and order.
Trump will have to go to court with some liberal jerk off will rule against him or whatever but you got two weeks to straighten it up and the other thing
the other big story over the weekend remember anthony kumi coming up in about 10 minutes
uh the other uh flip-flop by trump you can call it a flip-flop. You remember he said he was going to bomb Iran.
It was a possibility.
After they blew up, you know, put a hole in the side of a Japanese oil tanker,
then they shot one of our unmanned drones out of the air.
For me, that's enough.
That's enough to, you know, turn Tehran into a nice parking lot, put up a Walmart there,
let the Iranian people see what it's like to buy stuff made in China for 11 bucks.
That should be it.
Anyways, so Trump flip-flopped on it, but he said, we thought, you know,
he reminded me of Reagan back in the day. Remember this?
We begin bombing in five minutes.
Reagan said that in 1984.
He was about to do a radio interview.
And he was off mic.
And it didn't go public until later.
Somebody leaked the audio.
But he was on vacation somewhere in California about to do a radio spot.
And that's why I love him.
And you know what?
It scared the shit out of Russia.
They put out all kinds of statements after that and stuff. But anyways, here's Trump on Meet the Press with Chuck Todd and his beautiful Pete Rose haircut.
So they came and they said, sir, we're ready to go. We'd like a decision.
I said, I want to know something before you go.
How many people will be killed?
In this case, Iranians.
I said, how many people?
Thank you for clearing that up.
A lot of people in downtown Detroit and Mexico City were shitting their pants until he clarified that.
And will you cut that goddamn hair, please?
Go ahead.
Will be killed.
Sir, I'd like to get back to you on that.
Great people, these generals.
Great people because they call me sir
do you really think he has
Trump you know I love Trump
he's the best thing to happen in this country in a long time
but his fucking ego
he got no love from his dad
I'm surprised we haven't seen him on this
600 pound life
he just got no
laughter
sir he has to say he has to let us know that he's in a job where they call him, sir, which probably happened to Trump, you know, his business, too.
But good. They said came back, said, sir, approximately one hundred and fifty.
And I thought about it for a second. I said, you know,, or MacArthur would have said, 150 Iranians, that's equal to maybe what?
One American?
Fuck it, let's do it.
Who gives a shit?
150 warmongering theocrats, psychotics who are living in 12 AD?
Blow them the fuck out of the water.
All I want to see is, I'd like to see a pair of army boats with
smoke coming out of them.
150
pair of boats. Go ahead.
They shot down an unmanned
drone,
plane, whatever you want to call it.
And here we are sitting
with 150 dead people
What's your point? That would have taken
place probably within a half an hour after I said go ahead.
And I didn't like it.
I didn't think it was proportionate.
Pussy!
Is that it?
Didn't think it was proportionate.
It was exactly proportionate.
One American life, you go 150 Iranian lives.
It was exactly proportionate.
But here's the thing.
You remember Trump ran on what?
He wants to get us out of all these fucking wars.
And now you think the media would have said, some of them did say on the left that he did the right thing.
But there was also a ton of media on the left saying what?
He doesn't know how to make a decision.
This is a big decision.
He should have went through with it.
Some people call him, now he's dovish.
Before he was a warmonger.
Remember what they said when he was running for president?
Would be in a World War III in the first term of his presidency.
We have a ton of footage of people saying that.
And now they're shitting on him because he didn't do it, some of them,
because they have no moral compass.
But he made a promise.
He didn't want us to get into these.
I personally am a little more hawkish.
I'm more of a neocon.
I say, well, we're the only superpower left on the planet. Let's not waste those fucking guns and all that
money. I'm serious, folks. I'm tired of the mullers. And they were chanting in the parliament
in Iran, they were chanting death to America this weekend and death to fucking Israel.
We're chanting death to America this weekend and death to fucking Israel.
They'll never change.
Anyways, we backed away from that.
So you know what we're doing now?
Cyber attacks. Two officials told the AP that strikes were conducted with approval of Trump's cyber attacks.
Military cyber forces launched a strike against Iranian military computer systems.
And we blew up two Super Mario programs.
And what's the other?
What was that Pong game they played?
It was Pong.
It was Pong.
Thursday, as President Trump backed away from plans for more conventional strikes.
Anyway, so we're going to go cyber on their ass.
The cyber attacks, a contingency plan developed over weeks amid escalating tensions,
disabled Iranian computer systems that controlled its rockets and missile launchers,
specifically targeted Iran's Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps,
were provided as options after Iranian forces blew up two oil tankers earlier this month.
They're just warmongering pieces of shit, you know.
Al-Azhar! Al-Azhar!
Iran has hardened and disconnected much of its infrastructure from the Internet
after the Stuxnet computer virus, widely believed to be a joint U.S.-Israeli creation,
disrupted thousands of Iranian centrifuges in 2000.
So, I don't know.
We're going after them.
What are we going to do, go off to their grid?
Now nobody over there has black and white
television with antennas on it.
So he's
getting grief. I personally, I'm sort of
with John Bolton. Let's do it while we're strong.
I know,
I know, you're a warmonger.
Anyways, the bottom line in this whole story,
do you know why he's in this mess to begin with?
Jerk off Obama, the Iranian
nuclear deal. He sent $150 billion to Iran, the world's biggest sponsor of state terrorism.
He lifted sanctions on Iran.
He encouraged investment in Iran.
So Trump is cleaning up his mess.
You can blame him, fucking Obama for that.
You can blame him, fucking Obama for that.
Anyways.
National Security Agency would not discuss Iranian cyber actions specifically,
but said in a statement to the AP on Friday,
there have been serious issues with malicious Iranian cyber actions in the past.
So they've come after us.
This is not a remote war anymore, said Sergio Caltagione,
Vice President of Threat Intelligence at Dragos.
This is one where Iranians could quote, unquote, bring the war
home to the U.S.
Bring it on, bitches.
Bring it on.
Because when the going
gets tough, the tough gets
going. But under Obama,
he made a deal with the U.N., right?
The U.N. was supposed to inspect these sites
over in iran remember they wouldn't even let him in a couple times then let me look around so i can
ease the un's collective mind are you breaking my bars here are you breaking my bars do you want
inspection respect that you butt fucking piece of shit. That was basically Iran's response to the whole thing.
The uranium deal.
I mean, the Iranian fucking nuclear deal.
So, Trump's cleaning up Obama's poo-poo.
That's all there is to it.
What else?
We got Anthony?
Oh, my God, ladies and gentlemen.
What perfect timing.
This guy has no opinions whatsoever.
I'm surprised they even have him on the show.
Never has anything to say.
He's such a negative guinea.
He's one of my favorite people on the planet.
And I really enjoy his appearances when he does Gutfeld show and shit.
He sits there quietly like an assassin and lets it fly.
One of the most honest people on the planet.
And, again, they have a bust of him at Twitter.
He's a good kid.
There he is.
Anthony Comia.
What is going on?
Is that your house boy in the back?
Oh, no, it's your girlfriend.
My house boy.
I couldn't see her.
I could just see.
I thought I tuned into Jerry Sandusky's kitchen for a minute.
That's Anthony's girlfriend, right?
Is it?
Yeah, yeah, that's Missy in the back.
She's doing something, you know, like they should be in the kitchen.
Oh, my God.
Cormier's like the perfect, he's like Elizabeth Warren.
He's always looking back at the good times.
That is so hilarious.
She's back there doing that.
And here's the thing I love about Cormier.
We Skype with a few people, right?
Nobody knows how to do it ever.
Anthony's been doing radio forever.
He knows how to do all this shit.
He's sitting there waiting like he's supposed to.
I try to.
I have Johnny Sack on the show, and he's got his nephews and nieces trying to build a headset for him as we're interviewing him.
That's hilarious.
And Bo Deedle. You've got gotta know how to use this garbage so and what's the big uh what
do you think that first of all give me your feelings on uh elizabeth warren and reparations
for gay people because you know they were tax wise they they couldn't file jointly this is uh
any of the reparations uh garbage is hilarious elizabeth warren is one of the reparations garbage is hilarious. Elizabeth Warren is one of the funniest candidates to watch.
The pandering, the shameless pandering that goes on with these idiots.
I cannot wait for the debate.
They're going to be falling over each other to try to appease some minority group, no matter what it is.
Warren is funny, but G DeBrand was even funnier
during the Pride week
or month. Are we still in Pride month?
It's Juneteenth, they call it
now. Oh, right.
I don't know if that's for blacks or gays
or transgender. It's Juneteenth
for black people.
That's when you pick up a gay teen.
What is Juneteenth?
I have no idea.
Ask the girl behind you.
Listen.
Juneteenth.
Go ahead.
Sorry.
I'm fucking too much coffee. Well, Elizabeth Warren is terrible.
Jill LeBron, do you see her at the gay bar?
She's got a shot.
It looked like they literally held up a cue card and said, just yell gay rights.
She's there dancing.
There's some gay guys in the back.
And she goes, gay rights.
Like, they can't.
They don't know how to do this at all.
Trump completely exposed what phonies these pieces of shit are.
Just phonies.
And they're trying to be active on social media, but they don't know how to do it.
They can't be honest for
a second what are you talking about elizabeth warren looked very natural opening that beer
as her husband walked by on a dolly behind them i'm gonna get me a beer like i'm gonna uh uh boy
they're gonna love me the trump people and it they don't know how to do trump figured out at
in his 70s he knew how to use social media better than anyone i know they don't know how to do it. Trump figured out in his 70s, he knew how to use social media better than anyone.
I know.
And they don't realize you can't imitate that.
The only reason Trump is good at it is because every time he goes on, he's Trump.
He's not trying to be a politician or someone else.
They are incapable of being honest and telling the truth.
So their lies, the more you see Trump,
the more it exposes them for the bullshit artists that they are.
How about when they all lined up and kissed Sharpton's?
That's the closest that Elizabeth Warren or who else?
Who's the other female that was in it?
The closest Elizabeth Warren's coming.
They lined up to kiss Sharpton's ring.
This is who they, Beto O'Rourke gets in there, you know.
They're like, are you going to sign the reparations pledge?
And they walk up with their chest out.
You're damn right I am.
Oh, yeah.
And they're all, whoo, just go crazy.
And it's so dishonest.
Like I said, Trump blowing this whole thing out of the water.
You think for a second, if God forbid, any
one of those clowns got elected,
the next day,
there would be no talk about
reparations. They'd start all their
usual bullshit liberal programs,
but reparations
and we're going to fix the board,
that all goes to shit while they try to
figure out a way to make even more money
and get their cronies and pals in.
Are you saying they're not sincere about this?
He's just to get votes.
He's just empty promise.
Is that what you're saying, Ant?
You know, it's I'm going out on a limb saying this because I know it's not what a lot of people believe.
Of course it is.
It's such bullshit.
And I'll say it over and over again.
Trump exposed them.
He exposed the news.
Whether you love Trump or hate him, you cannot deny that this guy ripped the cover off all this shit.
And you can't go back to this guy.
And I believe that we will.
How do you go back to that after you got the guy going, sleepy Joe?
He's a sleepy guy.
Where the fuck is he by?
He makes Jeb Bush look like a meth addict.
This fucking guy, he gives a speech.
It's like he's talking at a cancer benefit.
Just a solemn.
And let me ask you another question.
Why, every time he gives a press conference,
are there 40% of the crowd is 12-year-old girls?
Has anybody questioned this?
The fuck?
You can't get in there unless your hair smells like pert.
They're on his guest list.
They're still bringing young girls in.
And when he goes, yeah, your brother's about to look out for you,
that's just cold for you.
You've got a nice ass.
And they all applaud.
Uncle Joe wants to touch Jan's titties.
It's just Joe. It's Joe being Joe. Like the guy
gets a pass for literally molesting children in front of their parents. What a gimmick.
Yeah, but he tried to clear that up by saying, you know, I work with segregation. Some are good
people, which I was actually on his side on that one. But that's not the point. If it was a
Republican who ever said that,
they'd be drummed out of office.
Oh, absolutely.
That's the one thing that Joe Biden's done
in the last few months,
and I actually, like, he was in his driveway
wherever they ate.
He goes, apologize for what?
It's kind of refreshing.
They don't understand.
He's one of these old codgers, you know.
He can say whatever he wants,
but when you try to make
him apologize for something he doesn't think he should apologize for that old codger comes through
again he can't play himself off as one of these aoc type liberal douchebags right so because he's
still he's still a old school politician uh so he doesn't want to apologize. Did you did you see this latest thing where Bowling Green College, they want to pull or they're going to pull off the theater name, which is the Lillian Geish Theater.
She was an actress back in the silent film days.
Did why in a yearbook picture in 1868, she in blackface or something?
It's not. You know what? I wish it was that sensible.
What did she do? Yeast not. You know what? I wish it was that sensible.
What did she do?
Yeast infection?
What got her in trouble?
In the year of our Lord, 1915.
We're talking over 100 years ago.
What did she do?
She was in the film Birth of a Nation.
The film about, you know, where the Klan rides in and saves the day kind of a thing.
Yes.
And because she was in that movie a hundred and two or five years ago,
they're pulling her name off the theater on the college campus because some of the kids are a little triggered by it.
Well, in fairness to the school, she was terrible.
I've seen that film 11 times, and I'll tell you.
I put that up there with Goodfellas, then Birth of a Nation,
then I get Godfather.
No, I've actually never seen it.
But that's it.
And then, you know, you get guys in the – what's his name?
Bird?
He was actually in the Klan.
Not always in the Klan.
He was the Cyclops, whatever the term is.
The Grand Master Flash. I don't know what.
Yeah, but I love their priorities when it comes to tearing down American history and trying to save the kids from being triggered.
Un-fucking-believable.
Yeah, yeah.
It's going to a place where
I didn't think it could go.
And, you know, let's talk
about the other... Iran
was the big story. Were you
surprised, first of all, that as far
as, let's go to immigration, the raids were going to
happen, and then Pelosi
called. She was sitting on the toilet
and called Trump
and said, please wait um a couple he said
i'll give you two i think this is brilliant on trump's part he threw it back in her court
if you guys can get together with the republicans you've been stonewallis on this shit uh fix it in
two weeks otherwise these fucking people but were you surprised that trump called it off
uh i would be disappointed yeah i'm a little disappointed i would i mean here's my hat i wear
uh here my border patrol i thought that i thought that was a nick and arty hat i couldn't read the
some of the great uh people at the uh border uh patrol uh sent me some swag so uh uh bless them
and the job they're doing down there what What do you mean, they're separating families, Anthony?
Ripping children from the arms of their parents.
I have not seen one still photo, a Zubruder film-type fucking shaky video of any child literally being ripped from their parents' arms.
But that's what they want to say.
I say this about the Dems.
literally being ripped from their parents' arms,
but that's what they want to say.
I say this about the Dems.
They hate you ripping an arm from a baby from a woman's arms, but they don't mind if you rip it from her pussy.
Oh, that's it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It could be a year and a half old.
Grab it by the feet and pull it out.
You can take it out in pieces if you're taking it out by the pussy.
They sell the pieces like a chop shop in
brooklyn like like a stolen fucking mazda border they're just cutting up the babies and shoving
them back through the slats in the wall would they have a problem with if we did it that way
i don't know yeah so so i was a little surprised at trump but when you know trump as well as we do
because we we we are students of donald trump you understand, no, that's one of his moves.
He goes right up to the line, pulls it back, and then goes, well, let's see what you do now.
So you can't bitch about what I'm not doing or doing.
No, everything is a deal.
And that's how he treats issues like this.
He looks at it as a negotiation.
He punted it right back into the—and you're right.
And he keeps—it's like with stand-up. What I try
to do on stage, I try to keep people off balance.
You don't know what's coming next.
You've seen enough of me. But that's
what Trump does. He... The media...
He'll put out a statement. The media
will go crazy. The mainstream media
fucking excoriate him.
And then, you know, he'll do this to them.
Now, half of them will call him a dove.
Another half will call him too hawkish.
Remember they said he was going to have us in a World War III in his first term.
They said that before he was even elected.
Yeah, they said that about Reagan too, you know.
Yes, they did.
I actually played this.
I don't know if you can hear this.
We begin bombing in five minutes.
Reagan, we begin bombing in five minutes. We begin bombing in five minutes. Can you remember? Reagan, we begin bombing in five minutes.
We begin bombing in five minutes.
Let's get to, let's get to, oh, so the Iranian thing he called off, too, the bombing thing.
And Schumer doesn't know what to do with himself.
Do you know damn well if he dropped the one bomb on Iran, they would be screaming about what I see.
I told you he's looking for a war.
He's this.
And then he decides not to.
And they're like, ah, he doesn't know what he's doing.
He's backing down.
He's doing it.
Doesn't matter what he does.
I don't know who doesn't understand this at this point.
They don't care what he does.
Whatever he does will be the worst fucking thing ever because they're trying to win an
election well not only did he change his mind at the last second i love his logic for he said i
asked you know how many people be killed this hits them right where they breathe because anytime we're
in a war and there's any collateral damage you know of three iraqis a kill with collateral damage
we're the most evil superpower on the planet. So he broke it right down to that.
He hit them right where they fucking breathe.
They said 150 people, and it's an unmanned drone or plane or kite.
He doesn't even know what the fuck they're called.
But he says 150, and he goes, you know, and nobody, he goes, it was disproportionate,
which I agree with.
I said one American life, 150 Iranians equal one American life.
So I think it was. Yeah. Which I agree with. I said one American life, 150 Iranians equal one American life.
So I think it is. That's what that's what the drones are for.
That's why they don't have people in them so they can get shot down and not make this big international incident.
And then you got people like that. Fuckin Maxine Waters.
That I haven't seen. Wait a minute. I haven't seen her for a month.
Where are you hanging out?
She popped up and talked about how,
why are we flying drones
over other people's countries?
It's like,
does this fucking idiot
know how countries have acted
in the past century?
We spy on each other.
We look at shit.
We have machines.
She was taking the Iranian side on the whole thing.
Because, again, better that than ever, ever support Donald Trump in anything he's done.
Well, you know what?
In that case, she just hates America.
Yeah, yeah.
Maxine White hates this country, and so do all the Dems.
I'm watching the news, and I'm listening to these Dems.
They're out there saying what they're going to do, reparations, all this shit,
that Trump is a danger, he's unfit.
And meanwhile, at the bottom of the screen, it's going by greatest economy
and how many black unemployment record.
It's going to look so silly.
And then when they start attacking each other, wait till the debates start this week.
The Dems are going to rip each other limb from limb.
I don't know who's going to be left standing.
Fucking, you know, maybe Sleepy Joe.
But I go, he's got the hottest economy ever.
He did all this with his hoax on his back.
Now, do you agree with me on this?
He has to do what he did in Orlando last week.
Every time he gives a rally speech now,
he has to bring up the investigation that's coming, that William Barr is doing.
You have to keep bringing up what they tried to do.
Don't you think he has to keep reminding people?
I think so.
First of all, it riles the base up like crazy, and it's a great look.
Him standing in front of 20,000-plus people. There's a chant every five minutes.
Lock her up.
And it's it's fantastic.
And he does have to keep letting people know, look, once he's reelected, I think he's going to go forward with with these investigations.
I love it.
I love the Orlando rally was fantastic. He when he came out and said, we got to make America great again and keep America great.
We're going to I want applause. And I'm sitting there going, this is the president.
He's doing an applause contest with 20,000 people.
And then none of these clowns, Democrats can get 20 people together to agree on anything.
And they admit to it.
Well, as far as the crowd, when 150,000 people request tickets to an event,
I think you and I learned this on election night, 2016, you know, when Hillary was supposed to just walk all over him.
But when 150,000, that's like Rolling Stones numbers.
This fucking guy's a rock star.
I put on CNN the next day, and even they had some, you know, some of their unbiased people on saying,
there's nobody on the left right now that can do that.
So, yeah, no one can even come close.
And then even in a state and a city like New York York where Trump just doesn't really go because it's useless.
There's so many libs in this terrible state.
You've got out of it, thank God.
Oh, hell yeah, boy.
Just terrible.
But Trump could go to Madison Square Garden and sell that place out like Billy Joel.
Trump could go to Madison Square Garden and sell that place out like Billy Joel.
I honestly think even in New York City, Madison Square Garden would be packed to see Donald Trump.
It's just a phenomenon.
There's no politician, a president two years, over two years into his term, is still packing arenas all over the country.
It's unprecedented.
No one has seen this. No one will see it again. We will look back at this time in history as one of the most prosperous for this
country. And I honestly believe Trump will be looked at through nostalgic eyes as one of the
greatest presidents we ever had. I really believe that. Well, depending on who writes history,
but and if we're still around, I think there's a civil war coming before that i know you looks bad i know you're well armed but uh but like
you said trump couldn't do madison square garden because three minutes into his speech he'd get
hit in the chest with a full heineken and uh you know not a milkshake did throw booze at him
but uh no you're exactly right uh in my lifetime i I mean, he's a, and I'm taking shit online, you know, people,
when do you become a bootlicker and you're supposed to, you're punching down when you,
what the fuck?
I'm punching.
I heard that, yeah.
Punching down?
Some guy wrote an article about my special in The Observer,
which is a left-leaning paper in England, and that's saying a lot,
how some of my shit was punching down because some of it was
Islamic, you know, I'm Islamophobe.
Really, you have
places, you have neighborhoods you can't walk
into in London.
No go zones.
You still think the English are the bullies?
Punching down?
What are you fucking talking about?
Maybe he doesn't know what's funny because he can't
tell if people are laughing when their faces have been burned by acid.
See, it's very hard to tell if someone's really laughing when they're burnt by fucking acid.
That's a thing.
That's a thing in the UK.
Throwing acid in people's faces.
And that comes in a far distant second to stabbing people.
Yes, stabbing people.
Longshanks is rolling in his grave.
He just wants to throw another
pofter out the window.
And the whole fucking country
has gone bullshit.
Before I let you go, Ant,
and you're great as usual,
now what's the latest on this
bra that looks like Diane Keating
wearing a fucking cab driver's hat?
This E. Jane Carroll, who I wouldn't fuck with my dad's dick.
She's saying that Trump raped her.
You know, what is it?
What's the store?
Goodman's.
Bergdorf Goodman's or or bam burgers or a burger joint yes she she says
conveniently again they always come out during a nomination or an election they never you never
hear them they come out of the woodwork when yeah somebody is trying to uh attain uh an office of
some sort whether it's the supreme court Court or Donald Trump literally had just announced.
We all knew he was good, but just announced that he was going to run for reelection.
And she comes out of the woodwork saying he was trying to fuck her in a dressing room.
A fitting room.
It's so bizarre, such bullshit.
And of course, the Democrats, especially the feminists, how many
times does this have to happen
before you impeach and throw them
in jail? I don't know.
Yeah, I was going to say, let's take a look at Clinton.
I think it's 11.
And what's next? You're going to be telling me Mitch
McConnell tried to finger pop somebody at JCPenney
in 1958. I mean,
for the love of fucking God.
Now, can't Trump sue this bitch i mean you
can just come right out and and if somebody did that to you i mean can't yeah that's at some point
though this this lawsuit is more attention for these people than they get in like she's done
already she had her shit and people are already starting to back down on her dumb ass story because we're not buying it anymore.
She's selling a book.
Yeah, no shit.
She's selling a book.
I'm coming out.
I should have put that in.
I should have put that in fucking permanently suspended.
My book.
Donald Trump tried to fuck me while I was doing an air conditioning job at the Trump fucking marina.
Let's go to the footage. Let's go to the footage.
Let's go to the videotape.
No shit.
Hey, Ant, I can't thank you enough, man.
One of my favorite people on the planet, brother.
And like I said, I love the fact that we tune in and you're all ready and you got your girl from behind you doing the dishes.
I'm old school, Nick.
Now that we've done this also also we could pop this up anytime i love doing your show nick you you're one of my favorite guys never my comics or shows
or anything and and the show i've been watching it looks and sounds great you're doing an amazing job
that georgia fucking air has really uh revitalized you Look at me. Look at the fucking, this is, look at the color on my face.
I went out to get the mail this weekend and this is what I got.
Fuck.
I'm going to have a forehead like John McCain.
I'm going to have anyways,
and you are the bet.
Yeah.
Throw this out,
put this all over your media or whatever.
People think we compete for shit.
No,
I'm on the same team.
So I love your brother.
We'll talk to you soon.
Absolutely.
Take care, man.
Have a good one.
All right.
Bye.
The great Anthony Comey.
And that guy makes me – he made me laugh so hard when I did opening in a few years ago, making fun of Italians.
The guys from The Sopranos had a radio show called I Don't Wise Guys.
And they were describing how to make chicken parm.
And he went into this hacky Italian accent that literally I had to take my headphones off and fucking walk out of the room.
I couldn't catch my breath.
He's as funny as any stand.
And he comes out to see me every time I'm at Governor's.
A lot of people say they do that and they don't come out, you know.
So what the hell else before? Well, you want to do the uh well we do have some
super chats we got some super chats all right so daniel scott and robert monger both donated two
dollars didn't say anything but uh money what daniel and who robert monger robert monger and
daniel thank you guys so much uh you know, I need the cash. Let's be honest.
Look how I'm dressed today.
I look like a foreman on a fucking loading dock for UPS.
Look at this fucking...
I'm Home Depot.
You can't find flower pots?
Follow me, bitch.
Anyways, let's do this one story real quick, and we'll do drive-bys.
I had to get this one out here
because,
I don't know,
this is as funny as anything I've seen.
Man accused of impersonating Uber driver
arrested while wearing fake penis.
He says it was a stick chip.
Nobody believes this fucking guy.
His name's Tommy Beard.
Gets weirder.
Arrested in March,
charged with two counts
of kidnapping
and impersonating
a transportation network company.
Oh, is that what we're calling Uber?
They really vet their drivers at Uber.
They get people
that have been in the country
five minutes.
They're like,
do you know how to drive?
I had two donkeys
in Mexico City.
Close enough.
Do you like scaring
the shit out of drunk girls?
Here's your fucking license.
Tommy Baird.
Impersonating a fucking Uber driver, which is fucking...
He's lying.
He's accused of picking up intoxicated college women from Tuscaloosa Bar.
When he was arrested, they found photos on his phone of unconscious clothed women
in his back seat that focused
on their breasts and crotch area.
Well, naturally. What do you think? Did he see elbows and heels
in the picture? The guy's
a sick bastard. If I was a girl,
I'm scared shit at Uber.
I mean, every day you read about a sexual
molestation, or not every day, but when I
lived in New York, almost every other day.
And like I said in my special, if you're a fat unattractive girl and you can't get laid you call uber on the weekends it'll
be a haitian will show up to your house on bath salts take you to your cousins and you'll wake
up on the sidewalk with your skirt above your head uh court records show when he was 62 years
old beard was arrested he was wearing a fully erect artificial penis watch out because i'm
not only weirder than that they searched his car they found a loaded gun and a bottle of
hair conditioner apparently he was headed to joe biden's house i think they give him away now to
the girls at the uh uh that is that is the suspect and suspect, and he reminds me of somebody.
Who does he remind me of?
Holy shit.
Larry, you should be ashamed of yourself.
Oh, my aching stem.
A fake erect penis.
Why do you need a fake erect penis when you're taking pictures of college girls passed out,
and you still can't?
That's not enough?
That says everything.
Ah, just smashed my elbow.
Anyways, let's do a little, we call these drive-bys.
It's the first time we're trying it, but Jason went out in a park around here this weekend
and got some footage.
I like to comment on people.
I'm a people watcher.
You sit in New York, you develop these skills.
And I like to comment on what we see.
And this is what Jason found.
Holy shit.
Danny Glover looking for a sandwich.
Now, that's a two-live crew guy, isn't it?
What the fuck's he doing?
I don't know if he was throwing something away
or looking for something.
Look at the cop pulling up.
There you go, racial profiling.
The cop's like, get out of there.
That's the white trash can.
Fuck you, man.
So unfair.
Go ahead.
Hillary Clinton launching a comeback for 2020.
Or is that Pelosi?
A little doo-wop.
Why is she dressed like the Gorton's Fisherman?
I like to break that Casio over her fucking head.
Remember Belushi in Animal House?
The guy's playing guitar on the steps and just smashed it to ribbons.
Good for you, Hillary.
You go, girl.
She's lost a little weight.
Look at that.
Next.
Oh, it's Danny Glover Sr.
Still waiting for a cab.
He's been on that corner since 1998.
Look how sharp that guy's dressed. I'm making
fun of him. Somebody give Lou Rawls a ride, goddammit. That guy is trying to get a cab.
Discrimination still exists. See those bikes behind him? No, I'm not going to say anything.
Next. Holy shit.
I don't know what to say.
This broad just fell off a gay wedding cake.
What is behind her?
A picture frame?
She's been waiting for a horse and buggy.
That was Uber in 1856.
Look how beautiful the self is.
I'm sure she's transgender.
I don't know. What's the basket? In 1856. Look how beautiful the self is. I'm sure she's transgender. And, uh...
I don't know.
What's the basket?
What's the thing on the fucking...
Jason, what's the thing in front of her?
That is if anyone wants to donate money for her.
Oh, that's a money bucket.
I thought she was going to squat and pee in it.
You can get away with that.
I love the picture frame.
It says everything.
She has no life.
Why is nobody...
She's so frightening, nobody's even going near
her.
I'm pretty sure that's a man.
Go ahead.
That shit is
racist. This guy does this every time an Italian
person walks by in Georgia.
Some racist shit. I don't
play... What do they play?
Dixie?
It's
Prince Spaghetti Day here in Georgia.
That guy's pretty good
actually.
He's got a Kawasaki shirt on.
Anything else? That is it?
Well. Go ahead. Say something. We'll get more. anything else that is it well go ahead
say something
we'll get more
yeah
we need more than
four seconds of footage
Jason
hate to make you work
but
I get nervous
when I'm out there
looking at people
and then they look at me
and catch me
and I turn away
oh fuck that
you might meet
a nice gay fella
and uh
you should have
hit up Hillary
on our fucking
Casio there
what a
dummy
uh
boy I got like nine other stories
I didn't get to.
We do have a couple other super chats.
Oh, tremendous.
CrashHard says,
your news analysis is the highlight of my day.
Keep it up, Nick.
Great stuff and funny too.
Crash, that's the best compliment
that you can pay me
because, you know, it is news
and we keep it entertaining
and that's the key.
You don't want to get too fucking preachy.
And the fact that it makes your day scares me a little bit
but I just watched
a marathon of my 600 pound life
and
I just pictured you
when you said it makes your day laying
in a bed immobile for the last two years.
The skin on your back
is growing into your couch and they can't
separate it but thank you.
Who else?
Bunny Galore says, you and Jason are not really alone.
And then she sent a cricket emoji.
Oh, Bonnie, Bonnie, Bonnie.
You're right, actually.
Rich Wood is bombing at his real job.
And Deke, I can't.
We have Deke.
I know he's an intern.
He doesn't get paid.
But Jesus Christ, this guy's busier than Trump.
What's he doing now this weekend?
He's in the Keys, I believe. He's in the Keys. Oh, that's
terrific. I'll have to hose him down before
he comes into the studio. Nick, what kind of
80s AIDS reference is that? I don't
know. Anyways,
anything else?
Just Texas this weekend.
Texas this weekend, ladies and gentlemen.
Thursday night.
Read it, will you?
I can't.
I throw it.
You know.
Oh, yeah.
This Thursday night, June 27th, Quixotic World in Dallas, Texas.
And then Friday night, the Beltonian Theater in Belton, Texas.
Both right in the Dallas area.
Can't wait.
I had such a good time at the last Dallas one.
And the crowds were killer.
So go to nickdip.com for that. And don't forget cameo.com if you want me to eviscerate one of your friends
in a little mini roast.
I'll send you a video.
Go to cameo.com and fill it out.
I think that's it.
I've got a bunch of stories that I'll probably save these for tomorrow.
Don't forget Breath of Fresh Air, by the way.
We're going to hit a half million views, I'd say, in another couple weeks.
We're going to hit a half million. Now, usually when you see a clip out there, it to hit a half million views, I'd say, in another couple weeks. We're going to hit a half million.
Now, usually when you see a clip out there, it's got to have maybe it's been out there for a year or two.
And the response has been overwhelming.
So get a breath of fresh air, and you'll really enjoy it if you're for freedom of speech.
That is it, ladies and gentlemen, for a Monday.
I thank you for tuning in.
Remember, you guys think it, I will say it.
You're very welcome, and I appreciate your support.
We'll see you guys.
Patreon.com, you subscribers.
We'll see you guys tomorrow. Take care
of yourselves. © BF-WATCH TV 2021 ¶¶ Outro Music.