The Nick DiPaolo Show - Beto Bashed, Biden's "Blunder," Cortez's Crying #137
Episode Date: March 18, 2019Beto's Bad Day, Meek Mill, a Made Man in Philly, Climate Kid gets Nobel Nod. ...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
We'll see you next time. Yeah! Welcome to the show!
Another week of Monday.
How are you folks? 833-599-NICK.
833-599-6425, the phone number.
This episode of the Nick DiPaolo Show brought to you by InfiniteCB.com.
Infinite CBD offers the cleanest, healthiest, and purest form of CBD available.
What's CBD?
It's 100% legal.
That's what it is.
It's a natural ingredient taken from hemp plants.
It helps keep your body's
endocombinoid system balanced. Basically, CBD gives you all the benefits of weed without getting
high. Sort of like decaffeinated coffee. Research shows CBD has helped people who have chronic pain,
inflammation, anxiety, insomnia, and more. According to studies, 42% of CBD users have
stopped using traditional medications. So go to infinitecbd.com, I-N-F-I-N-I-T-E, cbd.com.
They offer a variety of products to make sure you can enjoy CBD the way you prefer,
including capsules, vape juice, and my favorite, gummies. I absolutely love the
gummies. Do you like gummy bears? Who doesn't, unless you're a communist? And I have to be
careful. I start showing these things, forgetting that they're going to relax me. I don't want to
go into a sugar coma, but absolutely, if you're like me and you have sleep problems eat a couple of these it's like having a couple glasses of wine it's uh as you know i've been looking for a sleep aid
forever and this slows my mind down at bedtime perfectly i don't feel shitty the next morning
either so they have all kinds of things topical cream and and uh cbd pills with caffeine when you
want to focus this stuff really works really, really suggest you try it.
So go to their website, InfiniteCBD.com,
and if you use promo code Nick15, you will get 15% off any purchase.
Again, it's a great product.
I suggest you try it.
And we thank InfiniteCBD.com for sponsoring this episode of the Nick DiPaolo Show, which is jam-packed.
And by the way, it's Monday.
We're coming at you live on Facebook and YouTube and all the other stuff.
We'll do it live!
Fuck it!
God damn right we will.
I want all of you to enjoy your cake.
So, enjoy.
I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore.
God damn right.
Real quick at the top, I'll give you this one.
This one, you know, you guys heard about the first mob boss being whacked since Castellano?
Back in the day in front of the Spark Steakhouse.
Don't you move, you motherfucker. I'll blow your brains out.
day in front of the spark steakhouse don't you move you motherfucker i'll blow your brains out yeah the suspect in the slaying of mod boss francesco frankie boy callie showed reporters
the words united we stand maga forever written on his hand in the courtroom he wrote it in ink
so trump you got that going for you too you got a few cycle trump's like
jesus christ can i get a day off you got that terrorist asshole over in new zealand now anthony
camello 24 held up his left palm during a court appearance in new jersey prompting a court officer
to ask what he was doing this is how you can tell the guy's a psycho. He goes, why? I'm handcuffed. The words appear to have been written with a ballpoint pen,
as I used to do when I was cheating. I used to have it on my chest. I used to be opening my
shirt during a quiz. People, what are you doing? You got ink on your tits. Well, I'm trying to get
an A. Mind your business. Camillo also agreed to waive extradition to New York City and told the
judge he understood his Miranda rights during the hearing in the Ocean County Courthouse in Toms River, New Jersey.
I've been many times.
He answered yes, sir, each time the judge asked him questions.
I like how they get all polite at that point.
You have to fucking whack somebody, cutting somebody's head off.
Yes, sir.
No, ma'am.
A little late for that.
Camillo, a construction worker, is charged with gunning down Kelly,
head of the Gambino crime family outside Kelly's Staten Island home Wednesday night.
Listen to this.
Investigators suspect the slaying was revenge for Kelly, the dead man,
barring his niece from dating Camillo.
That's what the law enforcement people are saying.
And Camillo said, I don't know nothing about that.
That must be one hot broad.
I wouldn't,
I wouldn't punch a hot chick's cousin at a party that I wanted to fuck.
Imagine Wacken, not just a mobster,
the head of the Gambino family.
Do you understand that?
This broad better be 36, 24, 36.
Imagine, there's no pictures of her.
What if she's a, you know, 5'4", 360 pounds with a mustache?
Jesus Christ, she must be smoking.
I got nervous.
I dated my dentist's daughter in high school.
I did. That dated my dentist's daughter in high school. I did.
That was my first girlfriend.
I used to shit my pants when I went into the dentist's chair
because he knew, you know, I'd bring her home late and shit.
And I'm going, what's he going to do?
He's going to fucking pull my molars out with a pair of pliers
and he's going to give me truth serum.
And I'm going to say, look, she hasn't given me anything yet.
You raised her too well, you asshole.
So, uh, anyways, but the whole thing with the
Trump MAGA forever on his hand. Mr. Trump, wear it with a badge of honor, okay? These people have
a code like you do. Don't take no shit off nobody. But that's a, that's a fucking psycho holy moly holy moly Beto O'Rourke what a weekend for this
by the way after this weekend I as somebody on the right I feel as comfortable as ever about 2020
Beto O'Rourke the new bright shiny thing is just a shallow empty skateboard and you know how many
times I've said this on stage in new york city the comedy cellar
is in washington square park and uh you know it's 40 miles from my house every time i drive there
it's right near washington square park i would see grown men on skateboards with book bag i'd
bring it up on stage every night you're fucking 40 you're on a skateboard you deserve to die
fucking weasels and a book bag what are you going to fifth grade
carry a duffel bag like i do like a fucking boxer from the 70s i've had people laughing at me for
my duffel bag hey fuck you it says tough crowd on it it was for free but what a piece of cheese
this ass whip is yesterday uh look at him i just want to knock his fucking buck teeth. Yesterday was a day that a Democrat presidential candidate, I love Kennedy on Fox, calls him Beta O'Rourke.
His first swing through Iowa as an official candidate was marred by a joke about his wife.
I'm going to defend him on this one, though, that drew heavy criticism.
Well, kind of.
And the revelation by Reuters of his membership in a hacker group as a teenager where he posted a story about kids getting run over by a car.
He didn't post a story.
He fantasized about it.
I'll get into that, too.
O'Rourke was on the defensive most of the time, apologizing profusely for saying his wife Amy raised their three kids, sometimes with my help.
He also drew criticism as being incentive
to the challenge faced by single parents raising children. Shut the fuck up. He's actually,
you understand when you praise, when you say that I really didn't have much to do,
we all know raising kids is the hardest thing in the world. He's giving his wife praise in a
backhanded way, saying I'm a typical guy who's too busy with business and she's doing
the important work. And that got him in hot water because it might be insensitive to parents raising
their children and a single parent home. What? You guys have set a bar so high for yourself on
the left that you can't even fucking clear it. I love Libs. And he helped with his dumb left-wing politics. And to come out like
the spiny fuck that he is. Oh, I'm sorry. I'll do better. No, I was making a joke saying my wife is
10 times stronger than I am. Oh my God. O'Rourke said the criticism of his ham-handed attempt to
highlight his wife's work in the marriage was right on that's that's the criticism was right on i disagree the outrage mob was lying in wait for a rook and he gave them an
obvious opening with his self uh deprecating crack no he didn't that wouldn't even five ten
years ago nobody would have raised an eyebrow going oh he appreciates his wife as a you know
mother presidential candidates in 2020 are going to have to walk on eggshells because a generation
of cum guzzlers and uh lightweight pencil neck geeks weighing every word for its potential
insensitivity in this case activists complained that a woman couldn't make the same joke so was
it insensitive yeah no you know why because again most women are taking care of the kids
there's a lot of them in the workforce and And even if they weren't, and if a woman said what he said, the equivalent of what he said,
you know, my husband's done most of the family.
You're going to tell me she'd get in trouble for that? How?
How? You're making up shit.
She'd get praise.
She'd get praise, exactly, Ryan.
She'd get praise.
She'd get praise, exactly, Ryan.
O'Rourke humbly begged the world's pardon for his white fucking privilege.
There's your first mistake, begging for anything.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
CNN, not only will I...
He said this on CNN, of course.
Not only will I not say that again,
but I'll let her cut my dick off with a butter knife out in the cold.
What? I'll be more thoughtful going forward in a way that I talk about our marriage.
Yeah, maybe I won't praise my wife. Maybe I'll say she lays around watching Oprah eating bonbons,
whatever the show is, fucking the big black transvestite. And also the way in which I
acknowledge the truth of criticism that I've enjoyed white privilege.
You fucking puss.
No such thing.
But go ahead.
You're done.
By the way, he's done.
Can you imagine?
They hate this guy because he's a young white guy.
He's got a lot on the ball.
But to the left, you know what that is?
That's white privilege.
He didn't work for any of that shit.
They're eating their own.
Biden's too fucking old.
He's an old grouchy white guy.
This guy's a young white guy, so he's privileged.
So you guys just hate white guys.
You're fucking racist.
And you're going to end up with a transgender Puerto Rican with a hair lip as your nominee.
And Trump will stomp on the fucking...
He pointed out his ability
to walk away from two arrests
as a young man
without serious consequences
as an example.
My ham-handed attempt
to try to highlight the fact
that Amy, back to the wife thing,
has the lion's share of burden
in our family.
He's actually kind of saying,
look, this is what I really meant.
And you guys are wrong.
Bah, bah, bah.
That she actually works,
but is the primary parent in our family,
especially when I served in Congress, especially when I was on the campaign trail.
Should have also been a moment for me to acknowledge that this is far too often the case.
Women can make their own decisions. They get into the workforce or stay home.
I don't know, Beto, if you've checked out the family dynamic in this country, the nuclear
family and the meltdown of it, you might be saying saying what did I say that was so wrong she's doing the
right thing that's what you might say and not go oh this is too much the case where a husband
doesn't pay enough attention to the fucking family well in certain segments of the population
uh should have also been a moment
for me to acknowledge
that this is far too up,
not just in politics,
but in life in general.
I hope, as I have been
in some instances,
part of the problem,
I can also be part
of the solution, he said.
Oh, is that what you fucking,
is that what you said?
Problem?
You're the fucking problem?
You fucking Dr. White
onking jam rag
onking spunk bubble,
I'm telling you, H,
you keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground.
I promise you.
What, Jace?
Oh, it's just upsetting how he's kind of bowing to all this bullshit.
Yeah, and he's helping.
Spineless.
Spineless.
Okay, you don't have to talk every time he does, okay, Dick Cheese?
You're not Martin and Lewis.
I don't want him to one-up me.
Shut up.
You don't want him to one-up me.
That'll be hard to do.
A 15-year-old, this also came out.
He really gets smoked this weekend on his first day through Iowa.
A 15-year-old Beto O'Rourke once wrote a murder fantasy short story about running over two children with a car.
The details were uncovered in a Reuters report on the Cult of the Dead Cow,
a famous group of hackers credited with inventing the term hacktivism.
He should be disqualified just because of that.
Oh, Nick, stop it. The report also revealed that teenage Beto, in connection with the group,
wrote stories under the name Psychedelic Warlord,
which was my nickname in high school if I scored three touchdowns in one game,
which is a total lie.
These are writings that still remain online that Beto did.
One piece in particular detailed the narrator's murder spree
as part of his goal seeking the termination
of everything that was free and loving.
Well, there's DNA for a good president of the United States, huh?
Why would that be your target? I don't care if you're 15, 11, or 71. The piece described the
first kill as the murder of two children crossing the street. By the way, I take offense to that.
I was hit by a car as a kid when I was 11 years old, spent a week in the hospital by a person
who was high on weed, some fucking broad. And Beto,
you think that's funny? You think it's funny, do you? I'm not saying, you know, I don't like when
you go back to the people's past and shit, but I'm just saying, G.W. Bush, remember it came out
right before he got elected? He had a DUI. They talked about that nonstop for a month in mainstream
media. So if that's fair game, so is this.
Guy sounds a little psychotic, apparently.
One piece of particular detail of the narrator's murder spree.
The piece described the first kill as the murder of two children.
Then one day I was driving home from work.
I noticed two children crossing the street.
They were happy, happy to be free from their troubles.
Sounds like me when I see a guy whistling down the sidewalk.
They were happy to be from the trouble.
This happiness was mine by right.
I had earned it in my dream.
No, you didn't.
You're a white privileged male.
You didn't earn shit, motherfucker.
I've never fantasized.
Even when I'm drunk and driving around New York City and somebody's
taking their time crossing against a green light looking at this.
Okay, I lied.
I fantasized about running those people over so many fucking times.
Not kids.
I tell you, no fucking kids.
Anyways, as I neared the young ones, listen to this, I put all my weight on my right foot,
keeping the accelerator pedal
on the floor until I heard the crashing of the
two children on the hood
and then the sharp cry of pain
from one of the
two. Holy shit, that's detailed.
Little theater of the mind for you.
I was so fascinated for a moment that when after I had stopped my vehicle,
I just sat in a daze, sweet visions filling my empty head.
This guy, I don't know.
You're fucking crazy.
My dream abruptly ended when I heard a loud banging on the front window.
It was an old man who was using his cane to awaken me.
Turns out it was Bernie Sanders. Can you imagine the odds?
You slowed
the fuck down, you little...
He might have been a witness to my act
of love. Jesus Christ, this is
Manson-like. I was not sure, nor
did I care. It was simply
ecstasy. He's getting a hard-on
from running over kids in his car.
Where is this fucking
rooted?
As I drive home, I envision myself committing more of these acts of love.
And after a while, I had no trouble carrying them out.
The more people I kill, he's a goddamn school shooter who couldn't get a gun is what he is.
Not only, how about a pre-K school?
The more people I kill, the longer my dreams are.
I had killed nearly 38 people by the time of my 23rd birthday each one was more fulfilling than the last that's almost disqualifying
that's so psychotic look i've had these fantasies too you know how many times i've dreamed about
seeing a caa agent walking across one of my old managers and just fucking pancaking them with my infinity. But I'm a grown man.
And they fucked me over with their lazy work.
It's almost justified.
I got a super chat?
Do you?
I'm in the middle of a story here, Dinkweed.
Get a sense of timing.
I'll put the cock back in your mouth.
Anyways.
Of the latest revelations,
O'Rourke, told fox news it was stuff that i was part of as a teenager that i am not proud of today and i mean that's the long and short of it well
it may be true but you know what bye bye that was your first day out of the box they go for the light shit the first day out of the box
wait till they start digging into more stuff you're an empty fucking you're not even i was
gonna say an empty suit you don't even wear suits and trump's what what is all this shit
we're gonna be dead in a week. And the sun in... Ah, you're white privileged.
Your own politics are going to come back to bite you
in the ass. Ryan Superchat.
Patrick Dorr says, Beto is the media's guy
and it's creepy.
Beto, to me, has won nothing.
Let's see if MSM has the juice that they used to.
They got Clinton and Obama in.
Nah, he's not the guy.
He is right now.
Look, we're a year and a half away from the 2020 presidential.
There's so much shit that's going to go down.
I think it's a bad sign when you break
early big. You're that front runner. You know what I mean? And it's like a team that gets hot
in baseball in May. They rip off 14 in a row. And then by the all-star break, they're five behind
or whatever. That's sort of what he is. He's a young white fella, and they're going to see him
as privileged, even though that's all horseshit.
But he's just fucking he's got no.
He's not original.
And when you come out and apologize and bow and scrape to this horseshit, do you think that's how Trump got elected?
Do you guys hate Trump that much that you didn't take notes?
And hey, how this dummy beat us?
how this dummy beat us?
Hockana!
A little more on Dick Weed, Beto.
September 1988.
This is the police reports.
Detailed Beto O'Rourke's 1998 DWI arrest.
Even in this, you're like,
that's a DWI, and I understand that,
but it shows a little bit of...
September 1998, when the Democrat Senate candidate had just turned 26 years old,
state and local police reports, news show that O'Rourke was driving drunk at what a witness called a high rate of speed in a 75-mile-per-hour zone on Interstate 10, about a mile from the New Mexico border.
State 10, about a mile from the New Mexico border. He lost control, hit a truck, sending his car careening across the center median into oncoming lanes. The witness who stopped at the scene later
told the police O'Rourke had tried to drive away from the scene. O'Rourke recorded a 0.136 and a
0.134 on police breathalyzers above a blood alcohol level of 0.10, the state legal limit at the time.
He was arrested at the scene, charged with DWI, but like most people, completed a court-approved diversion program and had the charges dismissed.
Okay, are you going to say that's because of white privilege that happened?
That happens to a lot of people.
So that's kind of fucking silly.
But here's the one that's kind of ironic.
Remember, this is the guy that said,
I'll tear down the wall between El Paso
and the most fucking dangerous Mexican city
10 feet away.
That and a separate arrest for jumping a fence
at a University of Texas El Paso facility.
Have long been a matter of record at O'Rourke's Public Life, both on the El Paso City Council, Inc.
No wonder why this guy hates walls.
He hated them.
First time he ever tried to jump when he got arrested.
He's going to tear them all down.
Beto, it was nice knowing you, fella.
They'll keep you around just to make things interesting.
And, you know, to give Bernie a little competition.
But you're on a skateboard.
You're not very bright.
And they're going to, there's a million.
They could bring this shit up, which is petty, you know.
But they're going to come at you because you're a white privileged male.
I love it.
Stupid politics that you
helped create with your
left-wing...
Anyhow.
Nice knowing you.
Let's go on to some more
candidates jumping in, almost jumping
in.
I can hear a little...
I don't know what it is.
There's a hum today that I usually don't hear.
Do not touch anything.
Do you want to pull the iPad in and out again?
Do what again?
Plug the iPad in and out.
I don't think that's it.
No.
That's all right.
I keep bringing it up and I don't know why.
Here we go.
Joe fucking Biden. This guy. This guy is just an old fucking beto real dope
a verbal slip by the former vice president brought a crowd of democrats in his home state of delaware
to their feet on sunday his video of uh stupid there that's a perfect that's as intelligent as
he can look.
He looks like Don Cherry coaching the Bruins after they get called for too many men on the ice in a playoff game. Here's the video of Joe Biden announcing slash not announcing he's jumping in.
You make up your mind. I'm told and you're criticized by the new left. I'm the most
progressive record of anybody running for the United... Anybody who would run.
I didn't mean...
Oh, what a fucking phony.
Oh.
But anybody who would run...
Sit on ya, ugly bitches.
You know you're a fucking
mumbling, stuttering little fuck.
You know that?
You really think that was a gaffe
or he knew what he was doing?
Of course he knew what he was doing.
He just teased again.
He still can't decide.
Or he knows and he's just fucking...
And what's this?
Oh, he's drawing an attention.
What is that?
Oh, I... This is how calculated these guys that? Oh, I, I, this is how
calculated these guys are. Oh, by the way,
well, I got people laughing and loving me,
and I just refer to myself as
progressive as anybody. I gotta let the Catholics,
you know, the ones who probably wouldn't, I'll let them know,
but I still go to church.
That's how fucking calculated.
You really think that was a slip of the tongue?
It was planned.
Do you understand that?
He's just a dope.
But before Biden could finish his thought, a chorus of cheers broke out by the sheep in the crowd at the Dover Downs Hotel and Casino.
Oh, I played there.
Terrific place.
With attendees rising from their tables to cheer the former Delaware senator.
Four of the people rising from their chairs broke their hips and ran out of the room screaming.
You're not going to make it because you're not Beto O'Rourke.
You're old white crusty guy.
You're part of the problem.
Of anybody who would run Biden, he said he was the most progressive.
Chris Coons, a real fucking mental midget.
You're going to see this guy on TV.
His head comes to a point, literally.
He's bald.
He's got hair on the side.
He looks like a healthy George Costanza.
And he's the, you know,
he's a fucking congressman from Delaware.
Like that means anything.
You guys can't hear that?
Yeah, fuck it.
Chris Coons said to reporters early in the evening that biden
has told him that he is all but certain he's going to run and addressing the dinner ahead
of biden's room a coon said he is confident that 598 days from now we will together be celebrating
a new commander in chief and i say this to you Coons. You need to shut the fuck up.
He says, folks, I'm praying for that man.
And I'm excited to hear from him.
No, literally, I have a chubby
and my little tight Delaware made pants.
He's just a fucking,
I'm confident that our vice president,
Joe Biden, he has confidence in Joe Biden.
Look at his head.
Look at his head. Look at it. You
could open letters with it. You could cut fucking diamonds. It comes to a point. Delaware, you must
really have a lot of charisma. No offense, Delaware. I play a club and I like your college
football team, the Blue Hens. Finally, I'll take one more. she's not running because she's too young and boy did
she sound young this weekend you know who i'm talking about the yeast infection ocasio cortez
she exploded after polls said that her unfavorable ratings are skyrocketing socialist rep with horse
teeth and eyebrows like fucking saddam Hussein is pretty angry this week and
after the results of a new poll show the people just don't like her. Talk to Hillary about that.
She still made a career. And she blames white men for it and the NRA and Republicans and Trump and
everyone but herself. You know why that is? Because she's a millennial or whatever the fuck
and she grew up around here in Westchester County, New York,
where kids get trophies for fucking breathing in the morning.
She grew up in this fucking New Age psychology,
liberal fucking area of the country.
Nothing's her fault.
She's a victim of white men, of white men who like guns.
She's actually a racist.
A new poll from left-Leaning Gallop
released Friday found that the increase in Ocasio-Cortez's unfavorable rating, by the way,
it says favorable by accident here. I'm sure that was a slip. Kyle Reyes, whoever wrote this,
I don't even know where I got it. Where did I get it from? I don't know. Anyways, a new poll from Left-Leaning Gallop released Friday found that her unfavorable rating in recent months has more than doubled her favorable rating.
Call the president and he'll help you with that.
You can turn it around.
Half, listen to this.
These are interesting statistics.
8-3-3-5-9-9-Nick.
8-3-3-5ICK, 833-599-NICK.
Half of U.S. adults were unfamiliar with or had no opinion of her in September
after her seismic primary went over the summer.
But that figure has shrunk to 29%.
But the increased visibility has not improved her.
In other words, she got more popular,
more people know her,
but her fucking favorable ratings, the more they get to know her,
you know, like a girlfriend.
The first couple weeks, you're like, hey, I like this broad.
And then she lets out
a 13-second fart when you're in the sack
and you're like, Jesus Christ.
Back
in September, before she doubled down
on things like getting rid of air travel,
eliminating
cow farts to save the world.
Her favorable versus unfavorable rating was nearly deadlocked at 24% and 26% respectively.
Now it stands at 31 and 41 respectively. Gallup went on to note that her favorable rating was
underwater among the majority of groups. It was only viewed as favorable among 50% of Democrats,
groups. It was only viewed as favorable among 50% of Democrats, but she's not running, so what?
But it's, you know, she's contaminating the pool because there's a lot of established people running who backed her fucking Green New Deal. The Congresswoman is viewed negatively. This is
what got her dirty panties in a bunch. The Congresswoman is viewed negatively by most
Republicans, of whom 73% have an unfavorable
view of her, up from 52% in September.
Ocasio-Cortez is also underwater in her net favorable ratings among men, minus 24, whites,
minus 24, and adults age 55 and older, minus 22.
And here's where she sounds like the child that she is.
If you want to know what subconscious bias looks like,
right out of the textbook of...
It's a headline saying AOC is underwater.
This is her tweet.
With every group except women, non-whites, and 18 to 34-year-olds.
Yeah, all people that don't know much about politics.
Whoop, did I say that?
Yes, I did.
I did. I did.
Because I'm a privileged white male.
So all the conservative white men are considered everyone,
and everyone else is discounted as an exception.
Yes, I'm glad you get the point.
Maybe she's not that dumb.
Wah, wah, wah.
Wah, wah, wah.
Everyone else is discounted as an exception.
She says cool in her sarcastic fucking way.
You stupid fucking blabbermouth, cut!
The reason people know more, she says,
is because Fox News has turned into AOC TMZ.
No offense, TMZ.
So awareness has grown with GOPers.
This is at Jane Mayer, the New Yorker,
has reported deeply on this propaganda machine.
It will be aimed at any Dem they want, Ocasio-Cortez continued.
Nothing changes that.
We can't be scared by that, she said.
But actually things can.
Liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, you know it.
Actually, you could change that.
You know why? By going on Fox News Channel. First of all, you'd have more eyes on you than ever. And maybe try to convince
the people, the old crusty white fellas who don't like you. But you know why you won't?
You'll get eaten alive by the likes of Bret Baier, Tucker Carlson, Martha McHaleall they will eat you alive and not in a partisan way
they'll be as fair
but they'll really expose you
for the young child that you are
and the leftists
and you should try to go on quick
because as you know
we only have 12 years
before the planet catches on fire
like a pair of baby's pajamas
so you know
why don't you go on
and be an adult and tell them where they're wrong
AOC
if you do you'll be DOA
as they say
these are the shows she hasn't gone on yet
refused to, Martha McCallum, Tucker Carlson
Ingram Angle, Life and Liberty with Levin
America's Newsroom, Fox and Friends
Outnumbered Overtime with Harris Faulkner
Your World with Neil Cavuto
Fox News at Night with Shannon Bream,
Special Report with Brett Baer, and the Daily
Briefing with Dana Perino. But she won't
go on there. Holy shit, she must have just
smoked a big blunt and she is freaking
out.
Look at that.
She's looking over at Chris Coon's head and goes,
holy shit, it's the letter A.
Look at the look
on her.
Mitch McConnell just fucking probably did something like spit up into his hanky.
She's like, ooh.
Look at the hate in her eyes.
Typical female minority growing up in the New York area.
Hater, hater.
At first I thought of saying, imagine being told your house of faith isn't what is this about this
is the shooting she's talking about this is the shooting just that she got she caught a bunch of
shit because she criticized the uh woman the the president of new zealand who said thoughts and
prayers after the shooting and ocasio-cortez I'm not a big fan of that phrase either, but she caught a bunch of shit for criticizing the prime minister, Hacienda Arden.
She says, this is what's her name, AOC, at first I thought of saying, imagine being told your house
of faith isn't safe anymore. We don't have to imagine. Jews and Christians are being slaughtered
all over the world. You haven't said anything about it.
But I couldn't say
imagine because of Charleston.
She brings up Pittsburgh, Sutherland
Springs. You know, for those
three, I could bring up, I don't know, about
500 where Muslims were doing
the slaughtering.
Where were you then? Selective.
What good are your thoughts and prayers
when they don't even keep the pews safe?
You're a cold fish, man.
This is incredibly...
She caught shit, by the way,
from people online for saying that.
This is incredibly insensitive
to my Muslim brothers and sisters
who were slain in cold blood
while they were literally praying
because they want to be closer to
their creator and they want
to become a better people.
Yes, the one way to show empathy, another person
said, for people murdered at their
place of worship is to mock prayer.
She took it
right in the bread basket
as she
should have.
She's young,
full of piss and vinegar,
but a bad weekend for her, too.
It's been a rough week for her
as there have been a number of complaints
filed against her and her staff
alleging they had potential campaign finance violations.
So she's got that to look forward to.
Welcome to the spotlight, honey.
And that goes for Beta O'Rourke, too.
It's real fun to be popular on Twitter with your followers and Facebook friends
and go on radio shows that are friendly and TV shows.
But see, when you get on the national level, you're in the big leagues.
Now you've got to stand up for yourself.
And when you say to Bret Baier or somebody on Fox News,
it's old white men like you that suck.
And the problem with the world, you're going to fucking look like an asshole.
To everybody, not just all white people.
Folks, don't forget Cameo.com.
Cameo.com.
Go there, click on my profile.
I can tell your next door neighbor
to go shit in his hat.
I'll tell your ex-wife that she looks bloated
and ugly and you never really cared for her. Or I can tell your Grammy happy birthday or your little
nephew that he's cute and he better watch out because you're kind of dangerous. All kinds of
shit. I can ruin an enemy's day. I can roast a friend of yours. All weekend, I woke up every day,
had two or three waiting for me in the bin. So I will make a little 15, well, what am I saying?
They go as long as they want.
I'll make a video for you on your behalf to send to whoever you want.
It comes in a text or email form.
And it's really fun.
I'm really good at it.
And if I could have it my way, I would just lay on my sofa and do these into my phone
from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. and call it a day.
Cameo.com.
Click on it and do it.
It's $60.
Some people charge $200 a pop.
They're more famous than me.
But a lot of them are washed up.
I could up the ante.
And, you know, maybe I will.
Get in now while it's cheap.
And I will tell you, you sister she's got huge
feet like a man can i pull in some super chats go ahead ryan let it fly so big bear hot takes
says hey nick i got tickets to your massachusetts show in june any chance we can buy you a drink
after the show uh not necessary i appreciate the offer but as know, comedians don't pay for their drinks when they're at work.
Unless you're a middle act from Ohio and nobody knows who the fuck you are.
I haven't paid for a drink.
Matter of fact, I went to the Comedy Cellar.
Went to see Colin Quinn's play on Saturday afternoon, Red vs. Blue State.
Just as brilliant as always.
Guy is just on a different level of smart and funny.
And I suggest you do too.
But I went into the Comedy Cellar.
And there's people there.
Like I've said this before.
Young people who I don't think I've met before.
I walk in.
And this is how well trained they are.
That they treat me like a fucking.
I'm sure they've heard stories from doorman.
While I made tables of people cry and leave the show angry.
But I've never, you know, there's a list.
I'm on a list at the Comedy Cellar of about six of us.
Most of us were tough crowd
because we helped the place blow up a little bit
and they take care of us.
It still shocks me.
There'll be a new girl or a guy behind the bar
and they know my first name.
And I'm like, seriously, it fucking,
I'm,
you know,
makes me happy
because I have an ego.
Go ahead.
Papa Lou 717 says,
wish Nick could have Patrice as a guest.
Have a whiskey on me, buddy.
Thank you for the show.
Well, I could dig up Patrice.
Yeah,
I would,
I would,
well,
he would be on every week.
I'd have him call him because it's always
racial shit but you know it bugs me a little bit oh i wish we we knew what patrice would have to
say about i feel like hold on a second it's the white man that's under attack today you should
want to know what i think about today's stories patrice would be you know with some of these
people on the left going yeah you motherfuckers deserve it fucking you know, with some of these people on the left going, yeah, you motherfuckers deserve it. Fucking, you know, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have him on every week because he's
brilliantly funny. And, you know, me and him are like putting a match to a can of gasoline.
So yes, it would make for good theater. And I miss the guy. I hear him on the goddamn radio.
But as far as, you know, wanting to hear, you know, a point of view of what's going on today, it's me.
It's me, the white older comic under attack.
It's me who can't get a Netflix special.
That's who you should be interested in hearing from.
And then I'd put Patrice on and say, debunk that motherfucker.
He'd try.
It would be a stalemate.
Go ahead.
It will be a stalemate.
Go ahead.
We have Charles who wrote the word $100.
He did not donate $100.
I believe our friend made a mistake, which is why I bring it up.
I don't know what you're telling me, Ryan.
You're slowing the show down.
Like, as is common, he wrote 100. Okay, but is he is he gonna pay it i think he messed up
what do you mean you think he messed up because he did not donate 100 i think he put it in the
wrong spot doing the super chat he donated a dollar you mean yeah go ahead i don't give a
shit we got the last one uh no let me hear what he had to say no that's what he said he wrote the word 100 all right in the wrong spot i think god damn it go ahead and then we got baxter who says what the
hell is your problem nick what is my problem my problem is uh your problem a person that doesn't
get what do you mean what is my problem well could you could you give me more detail baxter
are you too busy blowing your life partner, Teddy?
He did pay in Swedish dollars.
Yeah, that makes a lot.
It's the last guy that paid in Swedish dollars.
It was like 1,900 krones, and I got a pack of gum.
Yeah, it's $0.11.
Yeah, what is my problem?
My problem is problems like, where from?
From where?
Switzerland?
Swedish dollars, yeah. Yeah, Swedish dollars. Yeah, that's, your country is my problem, where everybody's From where? Switzerland? Swedish dollars, yeah.
Yeah, Swedish dollars.
Yeah, that's, your country is my problem, where everybody's on the dole, nobody works.
You get taxed at 90%, and you think you're living a good life.
Although I really would love to go over there.
I heard there's all kinds of whores.
I'm sorry, that was the Bronx.
Greta Thunberg,
have you seen this little
fucking scary, precocious
devil woman?
Greta Thunberg nominated
for Nobel Prize
for Climate Activism.
Why is this interesting?
Speaking of Sweden,
the Swedish schoolgirl
who's donated
4,000 crowns to the Nictabella
has inspired an international movement. Oh, now we're being inspired who's donated 4,000 crowns to the NICTA party,
has inspired an international movement.
Oh, now we're being inspired by a 15, 16-year-old girl to fight climate change,
has been nominated as a candidate
to receive this year's Nobel Prize.
Well, you know what?
If she got it, she'd be more deserving
than fucking Obama was,
who got the Nobel Peace Prize while he was at war.
Even he was laughing.
But this girl puts a chill up my ass, okay? First of all, she looks like Amy Schumer.
A little Amy Schumer. She's cute. I'm not saying, I'm just saying she looks like a young Amy.
The 16-year-old was nominated by three Norwegian MPs. 16 years old. Fucking baby.
If she were to win win she'd be the youngest
recipient since
Ryan Pahota
when he
discovered
fucking uranium
in his bedroom
I'd like to thank
the academy
boy can he suck
the life out of room folks
if she were to win
she'd be the youngest
recipient since
Pakistan's Malala Yousafzai, who was 17.
She came up with the odor eaters.
Miss Thunberg tweeted she was honored.
I hate the way the European spell honored.
To receive this nomination.
She says, we have proposed Greta Thunberg because if we do nothing to halt climate change
it will be the cause of wars
conflict and refugees
oh boy do you guys ever have a good day in your life
you just wake up
Norwegian socialist MP
Freddy André Oufskard
told AFP news
Greta Thunberg has launched
a mass movement which I see as a
major contribution to peace I see it as a major contribution to peace.
Do you?
I see it as a major movement where it keeps kids,
school kids, 15, 16 years old,
out of the classroom learning math, science, and English
and buying into this shit.
And they're activists.
And by the time they're 20,
they're obnoxious to be around,
self-righteous little twits.
That's what I see.
On Friday,
thousands of school children
I meant to do this the other
day. They walked out all over in the United States
all over the world to
strike against climate change in more than 100
countries, but they said it was too cold.
They ran back into the school an hour later.
The school
strikes were inspired by the Fridays
for the Future movement. Remember Fridays for the Future meant a wet t- fridays for the future movement started by remember
fridays for the future meant a wet t-shirt contest at the high school now it's oh i'm gonna get a
sunburn on my tits ah stop it the school strikes were inspired by fridays for the future movement
started by miss thunberg under the hashtag i haven't had my period yet. What? Who said?
No, whatever.
So far, there have been regular walkouts around the world,
including countries like Germany, Belgium, the UK, France, Australia, and Japan.
The Swedish teenager who on her Twitter page
describes herself as a 16-year-old climate activist
with Asperger's syndrome.
That explains it.
Actually, I know some kids,
and you can be super bright when you have that shit.
It's a form of autism.
I might be on the spectrum myself.
Life was like a box of chocolates.
First stage of school strike from the climate
in front of the Swedish parliament in August last year.
Since then, she has been missing lessons most Fridays to stage.
Maybe she just hates school, regular
protests. She continued
to gain international attention after speaking
at the UN climate talks in Poland.
They're hard to fool, those people.
In December, and at the
angry
call on line three from Warsaw,
at the World Economic Forum in Davos in
January, Davos.
On climate change, we have to acknowledge that we have failed, she told global economic leaders in Davos.
And if I was one of those economic leaders, I would have said, what are you, 16?
Sit the fuck down and finish your Twinkies.
I think we have like four clips of her.
Let's take a look at, i mean she's an impressive look she
reminds me a little amy schumer is what she reminds me of yeah ahead hello my name is greta
i am 15 years old and i'm school striking for the climate outside the swedish parliament
just the way she said greta made me stain my pants i actually drew mud when she said Greta. Made me stain my pants. I actually drew mud when she said, my name is Greta.
I dated Hitler's
great, great, great grandson.
Go ahead.
Adults keep saying
we owe it to the young people
to give them hope.
But I don't want your hope.
Hold on. She's playing the piano with her toes
in this one. This is how you
know she's like on the spectrum.
She's talented.
Go ahead.
I don't want you to be hopeful.
I want you to panic.
I want you to feel the fear I feel every day.
Wow.
Pause.
And then I want...
Pause.
Congratulations, parents of Greta.
You got her shitting her pants at 16.
Huh?
She's already filled.
She wakes up filled with anxiety and fear.
And she hasn't even been a victim of the hashtag MeToo yet.
Wait till the guys start trying to finger pop the kid.
You think she's filled with fear now?
All those psychos out there?
What is she doing with all those microphones, by the way?
Are those victims of networks?
She's collecting them.
Go ahead, Greta.
What I hope to achieve with this protest
is attention in the media
so that the media will
write about the climate
crisis so that
people will somehow
open their eyes and
see the crisis
and treat it like a crisis and do something about it. Thank you. One has to win. Second to win.
Third to win.
Fourth to win. Fifth to win.
Fifth to win.
Sixth to win.
Seventh to win.
Sixth to win.
Not questioning her.
She's obviously an intelligent little...
But it's not fair at 16
to have the weight of the world on your shoulders.
Do you understand that?
Is she going to have time to go to the prom?
Or is she going to be trying to assassinate
somebody that likes fossil fuels that night?
I mean, for the love of Pete, let the kid grow up.
La, la, la, la. La, la, la, la.
La, la, la, la.
La, la.
Let's go to Dave in Ohio.
Dave, what's going on, fella?
Hey, Nick.
Big fan.
Thank you.
You should be.
I'm great.
Been listening to you for, well, I just kind of found out about you a couple months ago
and been binging all your stuff lately and huge fan.
How old are you, Dave?
Can I ask how old are you?
37.
37.
And you didn't know me before this?
Sorry, man.
Not your fault.
I'm not the best marketing person in the world.
But, I mean, you're a comedy fan and
you're 37 and i'm guessing you're calling because you might think like me politically so
again it's more absolutely yeah absolutely absolutely all right as long as we got um
just oh absolutely uh kind of had this completely half-baked idea or theory.
I don't like – I'm really conservative Republican, actually from North Dakota, but – That's the idea.
I don't like giving the Democrats – I don't like giving the Democrats any credit or anything, but is it possible the Democrats didn't give Bernie the nomination on purpose
because they didn't want a socialist?
Yeah, well, no, definitely.
I mean, it was rigged.
It was rigged.
We know it was rigged.
Yeah, we know it was rigged.
Yeah, and they didn't, they wanted it to handle.
They didn't want to advance this.
Well, no.
Well, they wanted, more than that, they wanted Hillary in there.
Hillary is, you know what I mean, way more conservative.
She's considered a moderate Hillary in the Democrat Party,
and that's how you win elections.
So, yeah. So let's see. It's going to be
interesting in 2020 when it seems like they're all hidden socialists. But go ahead. I'm sorry, Dave.
No, yeah, that's that's what I mean is you think. Yeah, I guess.
Well, well, the left, I think, is completely gone. I think the Democratic Party is completely gone. But yeah, you've got to go with the most moderate candidate in order to win an election.
Actually, Clinton did the opposite.
He was kind of more liberal in his first term, and then he got shellacked in the midterm,
so he went to the center because he's a great politician, regardless of what you think of him.
But you make a good point.
Hey, Dave, thank you for the call.
I've got to move on here.
But you make a good point.
I don't think it was so much they didn't want a socialist in there.
I think eventually they do.
They're just like, maybe it's a little so.
The other thing is Bernie will be 112 next week.
So, I mean, maybe they want one.
You know, it's funny, right?
You get you get Bernie who could die at any moment. And then you get AOC with the same politics.
But she's too young to be the president.
You get to find one in the middle and there's plenty of them.
I'd rather I'd actually rather Bernie than fucking Kamala Harris.
She seems like a hateful witch to me
Bernie I could
you know
see him in New York
maybe on the sidewalk
I'll get a running start
and just fucking
blindside him
just like a New York
Jets quarterback
just knock the wind
out of him
you see he split
his head open
with his shower door
or something
he's got stitches
in his foot
I don't know what happened I opened the door cracked me in the head the blood started to trickle with his shower door or something. He's got stitches in his foot.
I don't know what happened.
I opened the door.
It cracked me in the head.
The blood started to trickle,
but it just inspired me more.
I'm a tough old Jew from Brooklyn.
That's not going to stop me.
And I think it might be karma for the sexual harassment
that went along with my campaign
the last time.
But again, I knew nothing about it
because I was out busy making the case.
But I will do better, and I might get one of those tubs that I see on Fox News Channel when I put it on once in a while with the door that opens up.
La, la, la, la.
Kyle in Detroit.
Kyle, what's up?
Keep it pithy.
Hey, Asalami Bacon, my brother.
All right, Asalami Bacon. How are you brother all right pretty good yeah a leak of shalom
anyway uh aoc beto hilarious first off this is quite the media blitz on beto hilarious tucker
carlson is a fucking genius comedically he cracked me me up a number. I don't know if it's his writing or what it is.
He is. He can write.
Yeah.
I figured it seemed like it was his words.
But fucking
you know, I know this is the thing that worries
me. Is that
Beto or AOC could win
but they're going to have to get married.
Like if they got married
and they did it like a game show
and they put it on the news
and it was like they might get married
and they rumor mill it.
Like anyway, it's just, it's fucked up.
It's really fucked up situation
because what I worry about is not Trump.
And I don't even worry about 2020.
I really don't.
You worry about after that?
What I worry about, yes.
Yes.
Your thoughts? Legitimate about, yes. Yes. Your thoughts?
Legitimate concerns, Kyle, after that.
But I take it one day at a time, like a guy who's trying to quit smoking and has failed.
And I don't really get your point about them having to be married, but yes.
No, that was just a bad joke.
It flopped. Move on. All right. No, I see your point about them having to be married but uh yes no that was just a bad joke move on all right
uh no i see your point and and yeah no when you think of the future of this country uh thank you
for the call kyle uh yeah what happens after even after even if trump wins in 2020 but let's not
forget uh they're loading up on him they're gonna go into his personal finances and, you know, the left has nothing better to do. Anyways, moving on here, folks. Let's lighten it up a bit. Oh, my God. Listen
to this. Here's good news. I'm glad the shooter in New Zealand didn't see this story. Maybe he
didn't. This is what set him off. He was obsessed with birth rates and white people not having
enough kids. A mom gave birth to six babies, two sets of twin boys, and one lot of twin girls in just nine minutes.
That's not a birth.
That's like taking a big dump.
Nine minutes, all that shit flying out of you.
Defying remarkable odds of one in 4.7 billion, Thelma Chiaka delivered her sex tuplets between 4.50 a.m. and 4.59.
That's a big hole.
They were just flying out of there.
On Friday at the Women's Hospital of Texas in Houston.
That's what they need in Houston.
The baby's weighed a pound.
Oh, my God.
I've eaten bigger sandwiches.
For Christ's sake, a quarter pounder.
The baby weighed between one pound, 12 ounces.
The babies weighed between one pound, 12 ounces to two pounds, 14 ounces.
For Christ's sake.
Those are like little, little mousy rats.
All six are in stable condition.
Thelma has named her baby daughters
Zena and Zuriel
after the conditioner and shampoo she uses.
But perhaps unsurprisingly,
she has been too tired
to name the four boys
by the time the news was released
on the hospital's Facebook.
Already she's a bad mom.
You got tired after naming two kids?
I don't
think she likes her boys already.
This is what I'm talking about.
They're going to grow up to be criminals. I'm fucking
kidding, but I'm just saying.
Why would you name two and say,
I'm exhausted?
You had the babies in three minutes.
You weren't in labor for two days.
And you don't have the energy to go,
that'll be Tyrone, that'll be LeSean,
that'll be Antonio,
and that'll be Tupac.
Look, I just named them for you.
I feel great.
I just took a 10-minute dump.
I feel wonderful.
La, la, la, la.
La, la, la la la la
I used to have a bit on
it was on my first album, I think, Born This
Way, about fertility drugs
because some lady had nine babies or some
shit. Here's the bit. We have the
audio.
Imagine that, man. She had seven babies at once.
Her vagina must look like the front door
of Chuck E. Cheese at closing time.
Kids, it is
filing out. Whoa!
Five, six,
seven! Where's the clown with
a pizza?
It's like a fire drill at a kindergarten.
Look at these kids.
Did you guys read about
that birth? She had seven different
umbilical cords. Seven different umbilical cords.
Seven separate umbilical cords.
Her placenta must look like the back of an entertainment center.
The doctor's like, can I cut this?
Does this go to the VCR, the computer, the television? Television?
I don't think you're supposed to have more than two babies at once, ladies,
because God only gave you two nipples to feed them.
What, do you have three?
It's not like when a dog gets pregnant
The stomach turns into an all-you-can-eat buffet
My dog got pregnant
She had more nipples than a Sports Illustrated
Swimsuit edition
Stomach like the underside of a bathtub mat
It sure did
That's a lot of babies
Staying on blackness
Robert Remeek Williams Known better as Rapper Meek Mill That's a lot of babies staying on blackness.
Robert Remeek Williams, known better as Rapper Meek Mill,
I got all his old shit, yo,
was honored by the Philadelphia City Council on Thursday,
and here's why we are going nowhere as a species.
It's not going to be long before you all kill yourselves because you're all crazy,
and you can project it back on me
honored by the 50 philly city council on thursday a council resolution described the 31 year old
entertainer raised in north philly as a critically acclaimed multi-platinum hip-hop artist songwriter
entrepreneur actor and criminal justice advocate i'm sure is, but he's a lot of other shit,
stuff that you might think twice about honoring him for.
The resolution said since 2007,
Mill had been entrapped in the criminal justice system
because of technical probation violations.
So let's read that again.
He was entrapped because of technical probation violations.
I go on to read the article.
I don't really.
Mill was originally convicted in 2008 for drug dealing and firearm possession.
So right away, I don't care if the probation shit was on the up and up or not, his violations.
He's a fucking drug dealer and owned a firearm.
So why are you honoring him at the city council
I want to know the race
of these city council members
if there's a white one
well there probably is
because it's fucking libs
I doubt it though
he spent 8 months in jail
then released on 5 years parole
subsequently he was re-arrested and jailed
for a parole violation in 2014 then you should have a second week for him he seems to be an outstanding
citizen and here is why this country's rotting at the very fabric okay yes i know i'm gonna read
some more he turned around and did good but you shouldn't be honoring him. So if I light my house on fire and put it out or call the firemen,
I'm the fucking hero there?
Fucking believable.
In 2017, he was sentenced to two to four years in prison
for again violating his parole.
There's something wrong with the black man's mind.
There's something wrong with his black man's mind! There's something wrong with his mind!
That 2017 sentence
brought accusations of irregularities
in the behavior of the judge.
What's that mean?
You can take a dump the whole two weeks here in court.
In 2018, Mill was released from prison.
Since his release, Mill has teamed up
with high-profile business owners and social
reformers to fight for changes in the criminal
justice system, which they say disproportionately impact people of color.
And you know why that is?
Because people of color disproportionately create larger amounts of crime.
That's a fact.
Okay, make up 13% of the population, but make up almost 70% of violent crime.
That's why there might be some, but let's not bring that into it.
That's just history.
He referenced his efforts for reform saying, as you know, the situation I've been through,
a lot of people didn't know when I came home, I was focused on really trying to give young
kids like me a fair shot coming up in the system.
Well, I'm okay.
I'm glad you turned it around,
but you have a history of recidivism,
so I'm glad you turned it around.
But, oh, guess what?
He's performing in Philly this weekend, two shows.
Maybe a little publicity. But really?
You're praising a fucking thug and a gangster?
Huh?
How about the average black, white, or any color,
working class stiff in Philly,
which is one of my favorite cities,
that goes to work every day,
pays his fucking taxes,
has kids just trying to put food on the table.
It reminds me of Dom O'Reary had a great bit years ago.
He saw somebody on TV going,
well, I think Michael Jordan
deserves that fifth ring
or whatever the fuck.
Really?
Tom's like,
really, Mike deserves a fifth?
Living in a mansion,
he's worth a hundred million,
but he deserves another ring?
Yeah.
How about the 68-year-old
cleaning woman at Denny's
at three in the morning
that's wiping up the slop
and thinks she might deserve a ring?
You're fucking unbelievable.
And we call this country racist.
Fucking unbelievable.
I'm glad he's doing good stuff now,
but you know what?
Do it under the spotlight.
Don't announce it
right before your album
or whatever.
Go ahead.
I got tickets to his show.
What?
I got tickets to his show.
Why does that not surprise me?
No, I think his music is shit.
Only you would know.
Is it shit?
I kind of like his old stuff.
Before he was raping Jim Pillager.
He had a fight with Drake in like rap battle or whatever.
He got wrecked.
Drake's a fucking Canadian too, isn't he?
Drake?
Yeah.
He played a fucking wheelchair kid in Degrassi.
I don't even know
what he's talking about.
He acted as a child actor
in a wheelchair.
Did he really?
He never actually needed it.
In real life, you mean?
I mean, he acted.
He didn't need the wheelchair,
but he pretended.
No, but in real life,
did he have the chair?
Nah, nah.
I'm a cripple.
Bill me a rip.
Hey, go see me, ladies ladies and gentlemen you can get these at
nickdip.com uh friday march 29th that's coming up not this weekend but next weekend decatur civic
center decatur illinois the next night saturday march 30th delmar hall st louis missouri i'm
excited because i haven't been there for a while friday april 26th steel stacks bethlehem pennsylvania
friday and saturday may 3 and 4 side Sidesplitters in Tampa, Florida. Friday and
Saturday, May 10 and 11, The Governors in Levittown, New York.
Friday, May 34, The Jonathans at
Gunquit, Maine. Saturday, June 1, Whites of
Westport, Westport, Mass. Saturday,
they have to change Whites of Westport. That's
just a racist name.
Call it Privileged Jerkoffs at Westport.
Saturday, August 10, Newtown
Theater, Newtown, Pennsylvania. Friday
and Saturday, August 16 and 17, one of the fewtown, Pennsylvania. Friday and Saturday, August 16th and 17th,
one of the few clubs I still do because it's great,
Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia.
Friday the 18th, the Ridgefield Playhouse, October 18th,
Ridgefield Playhouse, Ridgefield, Connecticut.
Friday, November 15th, the Cortland Repertory Theater,
Cortland, New York.
And then back at the Tarrytown Music Hall on New Year's Eve,
Tarrytown, New York.
Go to nickanddip.com for your ticket information. in New York, and then back at the Tarrytown Music Hall on New Year's Eve, Tarrytown, New York.
Go to nickanddip.com for your ticket information.
A secretary for a Connecticut public school district resigned from her job after she was caught on a viral video berating a man and calling him the N-word during a fight in a
grocery store.
and calling him the N-word during a fight in a grocery store,
the school district said,
here's the video of this saucy little Italian out of her hand. Fuck you, nigga.
Chill, chill, chill.
Motherfucker.
Chill, chill, chill.
That's like stumbling across a, you know, a mama black bear with her kids and fucking.
So let me read on.
And then you guys tell me what's wrong here.
Corinne Tironi, who worked for the Hamden School District, I can see in the video shouting at the man,
repeatedly calling him the racist term at ShopRite, blah, blah, blah.
Tironi then spits after the racist tire of the video shot.
The Hamden School District investigated the altercation after the video went viral,
and Tarani promptly resigned from her post.
Hampton Public Schools.
The language the employee used in the video is in conflict with the values.
Really? You're not teaching that at a Hampton Public School system?
I think you're failing our kids.
The district said in a statement,
someone who will use that sort of language in any setting,
whether public or private, is not someone we want anywhere near our children, they added.
Tironi could not immediately be reached for comment.
Okay.
What's missing?
Anybody?
Anybody want to take a crack out there?
Tell me what's missing in the story?
Guys, want to take a crack?
What's missing?
What incited the incident?
Thank you very much.
Do we get to hear her side of the story?
And I can already hear the liberals at home
and their little faggy heads going,
oh, but that doesn't justify ever.
Yeah, it does.
Yeah, it does.
When you get in fights or arguments with somebody,
you say the most hateful shit.
You want me to believe?
I want to know what she has to say. Nice reporting, New York Post. And this is considered
the right wing paper in New York City. Nice reporting. Did you ask her what provoked this?
We don't do that anymore. Automatically has to be the racist broad. Is that what you're saying?
I'd like to hear what she has to say. I am here.
I have things to say.
You want me to believe she wasn't provoked, right?
Is that what you're asking me?
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Where's the whole story?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say she was provoked and probably justified in her horrible fucking language.
Because language doesn't scare me.
That's what you do.
You're in a fucking fight with somebody fat,
you call him a fat fucking twat.
Somebody Mexican, you call him a spic.
Somebody white, you call him a cracker fucking piece of, whatever.
That's what happens when you get into altercations.
And the fact that you can't get the white person,
this goes on all the time, by the way.
You know it and I know it.
You really, you want me to believe a mother
that was shopping at Rite Aid with her kids
started shit with a black guy or a black woman
just out of the fucking blue?
Really?
I ain't buying it.
Let's go to Joe in Philly.
What up, Joe?
Yo, Nick.
Yes.
What's up?
I'm just not sure why you're showing that video, man.
I just explained why, Joe.
Were you listening?
Yeah, I was, but it's just not even funny.
I mean, listen, in and of itself, and on its face, it's just not even funny I mean listen in and of itself and on it's face
it's horrible
I mean
well I'm glad I can educate you Joe
first of all
what am I supposed to get from hate
oh my god
what did I just say Joe
what was the lesson in the video
see if you can think a little deeper
than just the words and what you saw.
I miss you.
I was talking to the producer.
If you had a lesson, I missed you.
But, hey, I also wanted to ask you.
No, no, no, no.
Joe, Joe, Joe.
Hold on, Joe.
Hold on.
What's up, bro?
What's up, bro?
Relax.
Relax.
I'm going to hang up on you.
I'm going to fucking educate you i just show it for a reason first of all every video doesn't have to be a guy getting hit in the balls with a golf ball and be funny
because this is a topical news show i showed it because there's the video and then there's a story
in the new york post and there's one piece of information missing that's very relevant to the
story what provoked her to go into that rage?
And people like you don't even ask that.
You just assume she's a white racist.
That's why I showed it.
Goodbye.
Now you know.
It wasn't even funny.
I don't show funny shit.
I show fights.
I show...
This isn't the fucking...
Guarantee votes Democrat. If not, I'm ashamed. That's why
I showed it to demonstrate the media bias and how they cherry pick racial stories. You get one side
of the story. Did you not ask yourself that? Maybe Joe didn't read the maybe didn't get the article.
You don't ask yourself, but now you will. But now on. You'll go, well, here's another video of a white guy losing his
shit on a black person. And then your next question, I wonder what the black person did.
Maybe he did something, maybe he didn't, but let's find out both sides of the story.
But I'm so out of line for fucking playing that. Well, I'm glad I could school you.
so out of line for fucking playing that.
Well, I'm glad I could school you.
Alrighty then.
Yeah, go ahead.
Alright, so we got a super chat from Baxter, and he says,
honestly, I'm not just going to sit here
and take all these insults towards
Sweden.
Look, I love Sweden.
I mean, I heard it's terrific
over there, and
I apologize. I'm sure it's terrific over there, and I apologize.
I'm sure it's a great place if you want to live on the dole and be taxed outrageously.
Obama loves it.
They always point to Sweden and Switzerland and all these countries with 11 people in it and go, that's why we can have health care for all.
Anything else?
I've got to wrap it up here.
Wheels 845 says, shout out to all the gimp rappers.
All the what rappers?
Gimp.
Gimp.
Okay.
Shout out to all the gimp rappers.
A lot of them have limps and shit.
And then TheRealBambunga says,
But the gimp's sleeping.
All right.
The gimp's sleeping.
I don't know what you guys are talking about,
but I'm glad you paid to say it.
I'll just repeat your words.
The gimp is sleeping.
Shout out to the Gimpers.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, boy.
All right, that is it, folks.
Remember, you guys have been thinking of it 30 years.
I've been saying it.
Glad to do so.
You're very welcome.
And I will see you guys, some of yous, most of yous, tomorrow.
Take care of yourselves, everybody. We'll see you next time.