The Nick DiPaolo Show - Bibi Will Destroy Hamas | Nick Di Paolo Show #1469
Episode Date: October 11, 2023In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Netanyahu has enough, Obama late and more! Like what you hear? Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowde...r’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com
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🎵 Kiss my ass
Hello
That was the father in heaven
How are you folks?
Good to be with you on a Wednesday.
That's right, it's a Wednesday.
Dallas gets hitched tomorrow.
Dallas gets hitched.
But he's been to the rodeo before.
This is, right?
Just doing it the right way now.
Yeah, I keep forgetting.
I want to tease you and shit, but you've done this shit.
It's not fair.
So, what time's the wedding?
5 p.m.
5 p.m. Fucking
shit. Louisiana Tech, Alabama Southern.
No.
5 p.m. on a Thursday.
I like it. Don't fuck up the weekend.
Don't have it in August
when it's 117 in the church
like my sister did and there's 4,000
candles lit.
I went down. As the priest was saying in the church, like my sister did, and there's 4,000 candles lit. I went down.
As the priest was saying at the end, the very end of her ceremony,
I was standing.
Luckily, I was standing by a, you know where the priests go around that wooden thing,
going to the rectory.
My ears started whistling.
Went down to one knee.
Somebody had already passed out. This was years ago. I want to fuck around the thing. Just ran outside. Woof, woof, woof.
Anyhow, any he. Oh, people online going, Nick, Ozempic, it's going to paralyze your bowels and
shit. Yeah, whatever. Anyways.
Speaking of, you had your false start today.
I did.
I had a false flag in the bathroom.
That's what it does do.
I thought I had one brewing and nothing.
It's like a cap gun.
I was expecting fucking, what do you call it?
RPG.
RPG.
But yeah, look, that medicine's made for diabetics, okay, who take it
for their whole life.
And it would paralyze
their bowels. I mean,
it's your stomach. It slows down everything
apparently. I'm not saying this shit doesn't happen
to people. I'm just saying I'm rolling the dice.
I'm 202.
I've never felt fucking better.
Light on my feet. Bang out 25
pushups even with screws holding my
shoulders together. I couldn't do that at 229.
Ian, when I put that suit on
for Dallas' wedding
tomorrow,
yeah, I've been wearing
that suit for a long time.
It's a nice suit. I stole it from... well, I'll give you an idea how long ago.
I stole it from News Radio, NBC.
I didn't steal it.
Joe Rogan told me to take it.
It's $1,000.
That's not the one I'm wearing.
I think the one I'm wearing, I don't remember what I got.
But anyways, it's always, you know, you're at a wedding.
Fuck it, I always felt it.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Give me a piece of cake.
It's going to be 70 degrees, too.
Oh, 70 degrees.
Isn't that beautiful?
Holy moly.
So anyways, yeah, so I appreciate your concern, but when you get to be my age, I'm rolling
the dice, motherfuckers.
Still work out.
I jump around in here three times a week in a 90-degree room, or I walk four miles.
Whatever.
And you could be right.
In about a year, I could have a bag on my hip going, you fuckers should have said something.
Let's get right to it, shall we?
What a mess the world is in.
And I'll say it again, man.
Can you imagine we get this schmuck at the wheel?
Which we don't.
So we're relying on the idiots who prop him up.
Boy, we needed Trump so bad.
Well, he wouldn't have stopped.
Well, you know what?
He's a great negotiator.
And when he was in the fucking White House I said it yesterday
you didn't hear a peep out of the Middle East it settled down beautifully anyhow
people online are taking sides this country has a real auntie's jew streak in
it it's mostly young people in dumb Hollywood types and again understand the beef, but there's better ways of
going about it than murdering babies and fucking shooting families. And it is grotesque.
Bibi unloads verbally on Hamas yesterday. Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has condemned Hamas
brutal attacks against Israel, describing the assault,
I love this, he just had a phrase shit, in quote, a mistake of historic proportions.
That's what my father would say when I stole the boat that night.
What do you mean by that, Dad?
Here is Bibi, and giving, and it's so refreshing, as opposed to listening to American politicians
who have to sugarcoat fucking...
I know he's in a different situation.
He's had enough now.
He's done fucking playing.
I wouldn't want to be a hostage over there
in the Gaza... wherever the fuck.
Because he gave a warning.
He said, 48 hours if anybody's in the Gaza Strip
to get out of there before I turn it into a fucking pet store.
And those poor... you know what I mean?
And they must know.
The hostages know, Bibby.
Like, we're done.
Anyways, here he is, what he said yesterday.
Israel is at war.
We didn't want this war.
You don't say.
It was forced upon us in the most brutal and savage way.
But though Israel didn't start this war, Israel will finish it.
Once the Jewish people were stateless, once the Jewish people were defenseless, no longer.
Hamas will understand that by attacking us, they've made a mistake of historic proportions.
We will exact a price that will be remembered by them
and Israel's other enemies
for decades to come.
The savage attacks that Hamas
perpetrated against innocent Israelis
are mind-boggling.
Slaughtering families in their homes,
massacring hundreds of young
people at an outdoor festival,
kidnapping scores
of women, children children and elderly, even
Holocaust survivors.
Hamas terrorists bound, burned and executed children.
They are savages.
Hamas is ISIS.
And just as the forces of civilization united to defeat ISIS, the forces of civilization
must support Israel in defeating Hamas.
He was the best guy around. Well, he's back in charge. All right. Too bad Trump wasn't,
like I said, great negotiator, but there ain't no negotiating there. I wonder what Trump would
have said if this, I'm saying it might not have happened, but it probably would have. They've
been planning. By the way, here's my biggest point, and I thought it was brilliant also.
You know, Kamala Harris and you Democrats, you're big on,
we're going to get to the root of the problem.
Well, the root of the problem is Iran.
So blow that fucking place off the map first.
God damn it, I had a great fucking point to make, and I got to load my throat.
My bad.
That was the groom, folks. That that's right he's married a woman dude that was the fucking funniest thing you've ever
said Oh delicious um yes you know I'm saying though it's so clear Iran funds
all this shit well we fund Iran when I say we, the Democrats.
You guys should just shut your
fucking mouths. Either come out
and
just fucking disown Hamas
or anything to do with them
and your whole Palestinian apartheid
horse shit, or shut your fucking mouth.
Because you financed this shit.
Obama, I believe, has blood on it.
Remember he sent the pallet of cash when he was in office?
Everybody was talking about that.
And then jerk off who's in the White House now,
frees up all that money, all those sanctions.
Billions, by the way.
Yeah, I wonder where that money went.
So either shut your hole or come out for Israel.
And the fucking Hollywood.
I laugh, but they, like Kylie Jenner.
She's like the hottest one now, by the way.
They are the most vapid, useless humans on the fucking planet.
Other than they're made for, they're cum dumpsters.
I wouldn't mind hopping on one, give it a nice ride.
Take it out like a fucking Mercedes.
They just fuck.
Anyways, but Kylie Jenner, she put something out supporting Israel and caught so much shit.
So she replaced it with like this bland meme, you know.
Not that we care what Kylie has, but I'm just saying.
Hollywood, you fucking guys are so retarded.
Nick, you're just saying that because you didn't get your own show.
What are you meaning? No. Huh? No. No. Uh-uh. Nuh-huh. And the porn star, Mia Khalifa,
who I had never heard of until she came out and defended Hamas. And you know what? I almost changed my
mind. Her tits are so nice. I'm kidding, ladies and gentlemen. Some Americans have been slain
in the deadly attacks, according to a statement by Joe Biden. The statement also indicates that
Americans may be among those who have been taken hostage by Hamas. Well, I don't know if you're
going to see those people ever again. I got to to be, if they're not already dead now.
Because, you know, if you're an American over there,
you might as well be fucking Israeli, Jewish.
That's how it works, unfortunately.
Hey, guys, in the second half of this show,
I'll be talking about Dinkweed Obama.
He weighs in on the situation
and why you'd want to hear from him about this and think he's
actually sincere. It's beyond me. And a disturbing trend on the border. The drug cartels are using
American teens as Uber drivers. Could anything else be wrong on the planet? Anyways, it's exclusively on Mug Club. To get that, you got to go to nickdip.com
to sign up. Nickdip.com. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats,
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that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. You are correct, sir.
You are correct, sir.
Headline, related story, obviously.
Israeli death tally blamed on O'Malley.
Good time for me to go all fucking, what's the black poet, the woman?
Mary Lou Rutten?
Maya Angelou.
Thank you.
Just the Lou confused me.
That's when you get to be 61. Lou Piniella,
who said that? Lou Holt said that right before the Michigan game. He said, listen,
let me tell you something. These fucking savages, we're going to go out here, I'm going to run a double tight end. I'm going to penetrate that fucking tunnel. The Biden administration
form a special envoy.
You know, I hate the word envoy.
What's it, French for jerk-off?
Envoys never do anything.
They fucking have dinner at the UN,
then they fly to where they're representing,
then they stay.
Please.
The Biden administration
form a special envoy to Iran
who was placed on leave earlier this year.
Well, always on leave, never canned,
for allegedly mishandling classified materials.
Wow, that costs.
Trump might go to jail for that.
Should face extensive scrutiny for his permissive stances
towards the Tehran regime after it aided Hamas and Hezbollah, or as they say in the Middle
East, Hezbollah, in carrying out terrorist attacks against Israel. Critics said that on Monday.
Rob Malley deserves extensive scrutiny. There he is, probably at Columbia. Yesterday, today,
no, Rob, somebody said Rob Malley deserves extensive scrutiny yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
Daryl Issa of California said that in the Wall Street Journal.
Reported officers of Iran's Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps, or as Obama called them, corps, remember?
Planned and signed off on this weekend's atrocity
that killed at least 900.
Yeah, that's called the root of the problem.
I think
I made a great point. I haven't even heard on
TV yet. Blow up,
I ran. And you don't really have to worry
about hostages over there right now.
Huh?
Nice target. Maybe it will.
Maybe that's part of Bibby's plan. Who the fuck knows?
You know? We got enough firepower. Or do we? We're probably spending that money.
It's all in Ukraine.
Yeah. We're spending that money on fake tits for some guy in Ukraine who's pretending to be an
admiral. What a fucking... Malley and others created an incredible permissive environment for Hamas, see, jerk off, I guess, for Iran to State Mike Pompeo, that would be the Trump
administration, said Malley and his negotiating team purposefully funneled billions of dollars
to Iran through lack of sanctions enforcement and provision. See, they do all this under the radar.
We're all paying attention to Biden falling down the stairs and then something like this happened
and provision of sanctions relief that has given them somewhere between,
oh, I don't know, 50 and 80 billion dollars over the last two and a half years.
I think you can buy a lot of fucking machine guns and RPGs and what's the quarterback?
RPG3.
You know, so we're actually funding something we're pretending to be mad about.
I shouldn't say we, again, the Dems, the left.
You really, you're evil people.
A lot of money involved.
Give me the money, understand me?
Give me the fucking money, you hear me?
You hear me?
I got to come here and bust my balls with you.
Give me the fucking money.
Take it easy, Hamas leader.
A senior House Republican aide told the Post that the cash influx followed an even more
generous — listen to this — payout of $1.7 billion that the Obama administration
made to Iran in 2016.
That was the pallet of cash.
They literally cashed on pallets they sent over there.
But no, I'm supposed to believe Obama has the United States, but this is all a show.
Everything's fake.
I'll report on it anyways.
I've got to feed my kids.
My dog.
Anyways, yeah, Obama sent them cash in 2016, eventually contributing to Saturday's attack
that triggered the Jewish state's first
declaration of war in 50 years.
Only difference is now, that's 50 years of trying to be nice.
And I said it on Tough Crowd.
Did I already talk about this on Tough Crowd?
I said it to you before the show.
On Tough Crowd, if you can look it up, my memory's so bad.
Did I already say this on the show? Anyways, but I said to Colin Quinn,
let the fucking Israelis and Palestinians
take the gloves off.
Let's stay out of it
and watch Israel destroy them.
Absolutely, because they have firepower.
I just said, let them go.
Let's finish it.
Enough of this fucking tit-for-tat shit.
And that's what I think is going to happen now.
Good Lord.
There is a straight line from Obama's giveaway to Iran,
to Biden's enriching of Iran,
to Iran's war on Israel, the aide said.
And I think he might know a little bit about it.
Here's a video of something.
Where was this?
Apparently at a carnival in Oklahoma.
This is a...
Look at this shit.
It's in America, ain't it?
No, no, I hope not.
That was Dearborn, Michigan.
No, I don't know.
Durka, Durka. Muhammad Jihad.
Haka Sherpa Sherpa.
Bakala.
Sherpa Sherpa.
Aren't Sherpas the guys that lead you up the mountains?
We got Bakala heading up the mountain.
Norona also noted the Biden administration had allowed for,
this is a guy that knows, he's on the inside.
This ain't no bullshitter.
Had it allowed for an enormous deterrence failure
by understanding just four operations.
Undeterring. what's it say?
Under, I can't even read it. Under something. Anyways, just four operations against Iran-backed terror group Biden has led after allowing the regime and its proxies to carry out 83 attacks
of their own against United States forces since Biden took office.
So you guys, again, I don't know what else to say about this guy. I want to say worst president
ever. First of all, he didn't win. I don't know. Worst thing to happen to this guy fucking ever,
whatever. I wish he had all his marbles so we could blame him, then he could understand it.
This is like yelling at your dog when it chips on the rug.
so we could blame him then he could understand it. It's like yelling at your dog when it shits on the rug.
Looks at you with those dumb eyes.
I didn't do it, that's fucking dog poop, not human.
God.
And again, that guy's from, that guy knows.
All this shit's been going on, you know,
and all kinds of protests in this country, pro-Palestinian
all over the country.
Mostly again young stupid people coming fresh off those indoctrination campuses.
But whatever.
Who would be taken hostage and executed immediately if they were ever in those places.
That's what they don't understand.
It's like white libs that defend Black Lives Matter.
Your fucking throat be cut first.
And that's the other creepy thing that Hamas said.
Every time that Bibi hits a civilian site over there,
they're going to execute a hostage.
On camera, audio, and video, they said.
Well, this time Bibi's probably like, what do you want me to do? Seriously.
Every time he hits a, well, don't, you got to, they are sleazy motherfuckers. They put that,
they shoot their missiles and shit from schools, elementary schools and hospitals and go,
this is civilian. They use women as fucking human shields sometimes.
Just, you know, good people.
People who would vote Democrat.
Speaking of the, oh, by the way,
good time to tell you that,
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every friday brian callan the hodge twins um god damn it i feel like i'm i think they're working
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um they already did a sting i don't know if he's there yet so i won't say
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Speaking of the, anyways, go to nickdip.com if you want to see the full show. guitar solo Outro Music