The Nick DiPaolo Show - Biden Badgering A Witness? | Nick Di Paolo Show #1576
Episode Date: May 28, 2024In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Biden's badgerin, Walton gone, Up sh!t's creek and more! Like what you hear? Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of... Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com
Transcript
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🎵 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, hey.
Welcome to the show, boys and girls.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Those were some tough Jews.
I picked at that guy's face.
What's going on?
Did you have a good Memorial Day weekend?
Excuse me.
I did smoke weed.
No, I didn't.
I didn't do anything.
I cut the lawn.
I think that's the only time I went out of the house.
Believe that?
It was fucking beautiful.
I don't give a shit.
I'm watching the ID network and watching
14 shows in a row about
fucking murders that nobody
gives a shit about.
Those shows are fucking great though.
What did I do?
I came here and worked out. I came in
in the, it was 88
and I left it there. Fucking there. I was just stretching and my
fucking sweat was in my eyes. I was like, ah, fucking burning my eyes out. I hadn't even started
working out yet. And yeah, broke. I think, have I told you I broke under 200 pounds? 199.4.
Folks, I haven't been that, I don't know when Andy met me.
I don't know that I was under 200. That's 30 years ago.
My mother goes, well, you're going to get down to 180, right?
What are you trying to say, mom? I go, what the fuck?
No, she goes, my brother said that to 180. I don't want to 180.
I was I was a fucking sophomore in high school.
What are you talking about, 180?
Jesus, I wasn't even a fully grown man.
Anyway, so I told her, I'm not talking to you again, bitch.
That was it.
Tremendous hockey.
I wanted to call you guys and go, are you watching this?
Florida-New York Rangers
double overtime in game two.
The most hitting
for the whole game.
At one point, it didn't look like they cared
about the puck. They were just taking runs at each other.
And then they would go up
and down and goalies are fucking doing
headstands. It was as good
a hockey game as I've seen in five years.
No doubt about it. And then last
night,
what happened last night? It's not bad, my fucking man.
Oh, anyways. So the Rangers
are up 2-1, I think. Game 4
tonight. All right. Enough wasting your
fucking time here.
Biden badgering witness.
I feel like I'm forgetting something important
to tell you. Oh, yeah.
I'm dying.
President Biden paid a visit to his daughter-in-law's home Sunday night.
That would be Holly, former wife of late Beau Biden.
Why is he going there, huh?
Oh, that dirty cocksucker.
And this is the one that, you know, Hunter was banging after his brother died.
You know, his brother's wife.
The president's brief visit to Holly Biden's home also comes before she's expected to testify as a witness.
Oh, and Hunter Biden's gun crime trial next month.
The first son is charged with making false statements on a federal form when purchasing a firearm in 2018.
Liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, you know it.
The turd doesn't fall from the back.
That's gross.
A source with knowledge of the October 23rd, 2018 police report told Fox News that it indicated that Holly,
who was in a relationship with Hunter at the time, threw a gun owned by Hunter Biden in a dumpster and took the cannolis behind a market near a school.
She is likely to be required to testify in the upcoming trial.
Joe probably said, listen, you dumb bitch.
And then he pooped himself and goes, never mind.
I forgot.
Yeah.
He's talking to her.
Then in the background, he sees like a Bugs Bunny rerun. A reporter for NBC News
faced heavy criticism for pointing out her connection to the trial on social media. Can
you imagine? Guy states the truth and he gets, the left, you're just bankrupt morally, ethically.
Biden allies argued there was nothing inappropriate about the visit other than him getting a little
stink finger. What? The court in Hunter Biden's case met for its final hearing
before jury selection begins on June 3rd.
Jesus, these things take forever.
Fox News has previously reported that prosecutors
plan to use portions of his book and laptop,
the one that 50 former intelligence guys signed onto,
saying it didn't exist, it was Russian disinformationinformation to convince a jury that the first son is guilty of making false statements on a federal form when he purchased a revolver in 2018 while actively using narcotics.
Biden has pleaded not guilty to the charges.
Here is Trump's former attorney, General, General, General?
Attorney General.
Folks, it was broken up.
Former attorney, and then I went General Matt Whitaker.
No, Attorney General Matt Whitaker.
Here he is.
The defendant's laptop is real.
It'll be introduced as a trial exhibit, and it contains significant evidence of the defendant's guilt.
What's the impact? Well, I mean, first of all, the political impact is on the 51 intelligence professionals
that told us this was Russian disinformation. But for the case, it's going to demonstrate,
you know, some embarrassing information on the Biden family and Hunter Biden's longstanding
addiction to crack cocaine. But if you're the prosecution, that is a key element.
You have to demonstrate that he falsely filled out the application to purchase a gun.
And part of that is that he said he was not a drug user.
A junkie lied.
And we'll show around that time that he was actively using crack cocaine.
Which is the best kind.
Yummy, yummy.
What?
A junkie lied?
Yeah.
It's like insulting when they ask you that shit.
Same when you're on a plane and you go into another country.
Are you bringing guns?
Yeah, plenty of them.
Check my duffel bag above my fucking...
In what is called a motion in...
Lemony?
Or...
Lemine?
The fuck?
All of a sudden they bring Latin into it.
Hunter Biden asked the court to exclude reference
to the child support proceedings in Arkansas
and reference to his discharge from the Navy.
This is in reference to the child he fathered out of wedlock
with ex-stripper, yummy, yummy, London Roberts.
And there's the little kid.
Not my dad. You also hear something ugly as fucking doodly.
Not my dad!
Cute little girl.
Acknowledging that some of the evidence prosecutors wish to bring forward may be relevant to the case,
including purported drug purchases, ATM withdrawals, and the purchase of the revolver.
Hunter Biden's lawyers said
other details like references to money
allegedly spent on adult entertainment,
online chat rooms,
or escort services
are not relevant to the charges.
Whatever.
Yet they can bring up all this other shit
on Trump's trial,
but no, can't do it here.
Exactly.
I mean, how many goddamn times
have I got to point out the double and triple standards?
It's fucking ridiculous.
Hey, guys.
I'm doing this a little early.
In the second half of this show, I'll be talking about another tranny, mentally ill, goes on a violent spree, this time using a knife, in my hometown of Massachusetts.
Also that happened in my hometown at a theater I played, which is a town that butts up against where I grew up.
This theater is two miles away.
All my relatives are in this town.
Beverly Mass, Richard Dreyfuss pissed off
a bunch of liberal pussies,
because that's what Massachusetts is turned into,
just with his words.
So we'll be talking
about that. Over hundreds of people
stormed out.
Fucking faggots. Anyways.
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Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
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soon. Well, well, well, Walton is gone. Bill Walton walton ladies and gentlemen this was sad because this guy was
full of life he was a hippie in a good way he was a hippie when it was you know normal look at
do you know do you know he attended uh over a thousand grateful dead concerts you think he
liked his weed at all he was the one he one-of-a-kind out there.
For you Red Sox fans, kind of in the form of Bill Lee, Spaceman Lee.
A good hippie, like a lovable guy.
And, you know, like most guys with brains who are hippies,
they smarten up when they get older.
Tremendous basketball player.
Understated.
He won, I think, three national championships at UCLA with John Wood. They get older. Tremendous basketball player. Understated.
He won, I think, three national championships at UCLA with John Wooden as a coach. And then, anyways, Hall of Fame center.
Two-time NBA champion.
He's dead at 71 years old after a battle with cancer.
That's too bad.
He's gone.
And we couldn't do nothing about it.
NBA Commissioner Adam Silver issued a statement regarding Walton's death on Monday.
He said, Bill Walton was truly one of a kind.
As a Hall of Fame player, he redefined the center position.
His unique all-around skills made him a dominant force at UCLA
and led to an NBA regular season and finals MVP.
How about that?
Two NBA championships, one with Larry Bird and the Celtics,
and a spot on the NBA's 50th and 75th anniversary teams.
Walton redefined the way centers played the game of basketball
as he dominated at UCLA under legendary head coach John Wooden.
Walton, who could pass as well as score,
which wasn't common back then for a center,
won three straight National Player of the Year awards from 72 to 74
before becoming the first overall pick in the 1974 NBA draft by the Portland Trailblazers.
He was the best guy around.
Look at him there.
That looks like a shot from Vietnam.
Best guy around.
Look at him there.
That looks like a shot from Vietnam.
Walton's impact on an NBA court was quick as the Trailblazers would go on to win the 1978 NBA championship where Walton was named Finals MVP and the League MVP for that season.
Here's a few highlights with some shitty music behind it.
I couldn't
find any without, but here he is.
Rejection.
Defense, offense, he could run the court past.
And he could bury it when he had to.
Nice.
Huh, for a white boy?
There he is with a Celtics.
Bang!
See how high he was above the rim?
Look at that.
Rejection.
Passes it out.
He was the best.
Absolutely, man.
And he was great as a color commentary guy.
Because he was always just,
he didn't take it serious, you know?
And he was a thousand grateful dead costs.
Man, that's probably what killed him.
40 million joints a day, I'm guessing.
Didn't stun his growth.
Anyhow, let's move on, ladies and gentlemen.
Rest in peace, Big Bill Wal uh up shits creek protesting in particular radical acts of rebellion are embedded in the french's relationship
with the government and also cowardice um and next on the list is their 1.2 billion euro state-backed plan to clean up the scene,
leather sign, whatever, in Paris. It's a big dirty river ahead of this summer's Olympic Games.
People are now organizing a shit, this is in quotes, a shit flash mob in the river on the day that President Emmanuel Macron and Mayor of Paris,
Anne Hidalgo, promised to take a swim in it to prove that their efforts are not in vain.
We should throw Biden in the fucking river with Carmela and see how far they get.
The hashtag, je suis dans le Seigneur, 23.
Should be two.
Jouin, which translates to I shit in the Seine River on June 23rd,
began trending on X last week after she announced the date of her dip.
This is a commercial for Dairy Queen.
A website with the same name was also set up
where participants can enter the location
where they are planning to defecate.
Good for you.
That's a good thing.
Why let the authorities know, though?
I know, just do it.
I don't get that.
I don't get that.
Because after putting us in shit,
it is up to them to bathe in our shit.
A message sent from a German porn star. No, just a regular German. I'm kidding.
A message on it read, this is also the slogan for the campaign.
The protest, by the way, comes amid the ongoing efforts to clean up the sign scene so that people can swim in it again,
as was the case during the 1900 Paris Olympics.
A sewer, a lot of less shit back in 1900,
a sewer problem in the summer of 2023 led to the cancellation of a pre-Olympics swimming event.
First of all, can I just say something?
Are you asking for a terror attack?
Are you kidding me?
Paris, Olympics, the world's on fire.
Are you shitting me?
You bet I will, Macron told reporters when asked if he would swim in the same river.
I will do it, but I won't give you the date or you risk being there.
What?
Olympic open water and triathlon events are scheduled to take place in the Poupou River
during the Paris 2024 Games, yet the French nonprofit surf rider says more work
might have to be done to make some sections of the Seine swimmable by July
with campaigners finding concentrations of enter cokey e coli. Dallas had a
little of this over the weekend. In the river.
Oh, my God.
What a shitty story.
Yeah, I thought that, too, when I was reading it.
What are you doing?
Wait until they're in the water, then do it.
Drop it right on the hedge.
There was a picture, I guess I didn't include it,
of the, it had a bunch of toilets along the river.
I don't know if it was AI generated, but it was actually pretty funny if I should have put it in there.
That's that.
Let's move on to something I have a ton of opinions about, okay?
It's Pete Davidson's walk-off home run.
No, offstage.
Fans are coming to Pete Davidson's defense after he walked offstage Friday night over relentless heckling.
Bye-bye.
Good for him. The Saturday Night Live alum, who was in the midst of a prehab tour, abruptly exited his performance at Steelhouse in Omaha, Nebraska, after audience members refused to be quiet.
I have a ton of opinions on this, so buckle up.
Walk off stage because you guys don't understand that because you see crowd work on TikTok that you think every comedian needs to be heckled to the point that they leave the stage with one joke left.
Influencer, whoever the fuck she is, Caitlin Stivers said in a YouTube video.
Yeah, the crowd really should.
That's all you have to say.
Thank you.
She said, it's just absolutely absurd.
You're running, I mean, you're ruining it for the whole show, she added.
Stivers noted that while Davidson took everyone's phones per his tour policy,
she felt that was for good reason.
Yeah, we've already, we already know that.
There should be no tolerance. You need to immediately be kicked the fuck out, she said.
Reps for Davidson and Stalehouse didn't immediately return Page Six's request for comment.
Hmm.
Davidson's tour has been a hotbed for drama as he has canceled performances last minute.
Well, that doesn't help you.
That doesn't help your cause.
And even ditched his opening act
for controversial pal. Oh, he's hanging out with the real pretty boy, Matt Reif. And I'm not, again,
Matt Reif, I haven't seen enough of him to comment on his, you know, people are shitting on him just
because he's real. Girls don't want to fuck him. Matt Reif's Raider City Music Hall gig. But I'll
tell you right now, Matt Reif shouldn't have a Music City music hall gig without even seeing him. Okay. If that's the case, I should have had 10. God damn you, Matt.
Anyways. Hey, for those of you guys on Mug Club, stick around for the rest of this show. Everyone
else go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show, Steven Crowder's full show. And a whole lot more. A whole lot more. We're working on dates to put up on my website.
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And, you know, Red Bank is a good sign.
Having 850 people come out is a good sign for what's to come.
So back to the news.
Hi.
Good night, everybody. And I'm not gonna take it all lying down
Cause once I get started, I go to town
Cause I'm not like everybody else, no, no
I'm not like everybody else
I'm not like everybody else, well
I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else
And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else
And I don't wanna be destroyed like everybody else
And I don't wanna get a job like everybody else
Cause I'm not like everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else
I'm not like everybody else