The Nick DiPaolo Show - Biden Crime Family Busted? | Nick Di Paolo Show #1402
Episode Date: May 22, 2023In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about the Biden crime family, a hate hotline and more! Like what you hear? Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven ...Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://NickDiPaoloShow.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com
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🎵 Furthermore, you can all go fuck yourselves.
What? Why was that?
Hi, folks. Welcome to the show.
Just looking at the headlines.
You know, I have this theory the world's coming to an end.
Anyway, six people stung to death by killer bees
after bus plummets into hive.
Well, how big's a goddamn hive that a bus can hit it?
What in God's creation?
And then I like this one.
Longtime college coach,
Catholic's fucks comment will bust him plenty,
not just his job.
And one of my favorite killers of all time,
the serial killer just won't go away.
Criminal profile reveals infamous killer John
Wayne Gacy's creepy demands. I'm guessing one of them was meat lovers pizza.
Here you go. Mom of six-year-old boy who allegedly shot his teacher
says he felt like he was being ignored.
Well, that's how you get the attention.
And God damn it, butchered Florida woman charged
with killing a Kim Kardashian lookalike
with backroom butt lift.
Well, I kind of read that wrong, though.
Sounded like she sat on the woman's face with her butt.
But it was the lady with the butt lift that died.
Anyways.
Oh, God.
One more for you.
Bo Jackson says he smelled the ass of a porcupine to try to cure his year-long hiccup.
He had hiccups for years.
Smell the ass.
I don't give a fuck.
You could have told me it did and I'd go, no, I'm putting up with it.
A stripper.
Yeah.
Oh my
God. Unbelievable.
And our boy Santos, that crazy fucking Republican,
they're finally cracking down on him. Santos surrenders charge with fraud, money laundering, and using donor funds on designer duds. We are rotten from the inside out. Anyhow,
let's get right to it. I just like to read that. They get more depressing
every goddamn day. And the party's over. Call it a day. Let's get right to the big story. Biden
crime family busted. Biden crime. The House oversight. that's an insult, by the way, to Vito Corleone and the family.
Hunter, you're going to start with a script.
Drugs are dirty business.
I don't mind the whores.
Look what they did to my boy.
Chlamydia, monkey box.
I want you to use all your powers.
The House Oversight Committee revealed Wednesday
that more than a million dollars flowed from a crooked Romanian,
as opposed to Romanian businessman, to the Biden family, while then-Vice President,
this is when he was Vice President.
Are we going to get into this shit when he was President?
Then-Vice President paid lip service to cleaning up corruption in the eastern european nation this
guy's just dirty to the bone i don't give a fuck if he's mentally what are we doing oh he don't
what's going on right now we know what's going on you're in deep doo-doo the revelation which
committee chairman james coma republican kentucky will lay out at a morning press conference builds up, builds out public knowledge
of one of first son Hunter Biden's lesser known engagements with the dodgy associates in countries
where his father held sway. Here is Comer, the Republican from Kentucky, who's connecting all
the dots on this. I'll tell you my take on this.
You know, just go ahead.
Whatever.
First instance.
Shut up.
While Vice President Biden was lecturing Romania on anti-corruption policies.
Oh, God, Romania. In reality, he was a walking billboard for his son and family to collect money.
Hunter Biden and his associates capitalized on a lucrative financial relationship with a Romanian national who was under investigation for and later convicted of corruption in Romania.
Is that like Romania?
Received over $1 million.
A million bucks? Will you get to the good shit?
For Christ's sake, I made that much selling weed last year.
You suck, you Newt Gingrich wannabe.
Look how long it took for them to get,
like I said, we've known this shit forever and ever.
In a 36-page, Romania.
He, Romania's in a coma tonight.
In a 36-page memo, the committee cites subpoenaed bank records to describe how $3 million was allegedly transferred from Gabriel Papavicius Blandin Enterprise Limited to Robinson Walker LLC, controlled by Hunter business partner Bob Walker or Rob Walker.
Is that Rob Walker?
Huh?
Oh, that's popular. That's the
Romanian. That's Romanian. Look at it. He's a combination of Putin and Fredo. Looks like he
hasn't taken a good dump in six months. Between November of 2015 and May of 2017, again, this is
when shithead was vice president. He's only, are we supposed to believe now that you're president,
now that you got more Jews and your name's worth more,
that you just put that hobby aside?
Suck a bag of fucking nipples.
I don't believe it.
Look at this guy.
If I was going to portray a fucking Eastern European criminal in a movie,
because that's all we do now.
You can't have black criminals, you know.
Give me the money.
Give me the fucking money.
You hear me?
You hear me?
I got to come here and bust my body.
Give me the fucking money.
I have to hold the jack.
Anyhow, of the $3 million, let's break this down like any of it means anything.
Like fucking Jerkoff's going to go to jail.
Yeah.
What's the point of
being president of the United States and the president's son? Of the three million dollars,
the memo says roughly one third, that's a million, a million, $38,627 and eight cents.
Thanks for throwing that in. Was transferred to bank accounts belonging to Hunter Biden,
first daughter-in-law, Holly Biden, and unnamed Biden family member.
Must be the dog.
Who would that be, Dallas?
The big guy, maybe?
The procedure mirrors a similar division of a roughly $3 million haul.
It's like we're talking about Goodfellas.
Knocked over Lufthansa.
Hunter's listening in the shower.
$3 million in early 2017 from Chinese firm CEFC China Energy.
Remember that?
That was what Hunter said on one of those boards.
About a third of that amount was shared among Hunter, Hawley, first brother James Biden,
and a fourth, once again, unidentified Biden.
I'm guessing big guy.
I don't know. Maybe there's another Biden I don't know about.
According to oversight committee memo from March, here we are in what, May?
Chancellor? Chancellor!
Chancellor!
The unidentified Biden account or accounts receiving the Romanian responsibilities while in office, the new memo says.
Let me give you my take on this.
Okay.
First of all, we know from polls that nobody wants this jerk off to run again, including the Democrat National Committee. They don't want him to run again.
They know he stinks and he's old. You know how people always accuse Republicans and they're
all the same? They work in cahoots. That's what I'm smelling here. You know what I mean?
This is for us folks. So the Republicans go, look, we're going after
him. But the real, they probably made
a deal. They go, look,
we're going to go after Trump.
You know? Probably put him on the
sidelines while everybody else is running for
president with these fucking charges
from 27 years ago.
And you guys, you know,
you can dig up dirt on Joe
and they'll cancel each other out.
What do you say?
That's just my theory.
Not that crazy though, is it?
That's how it fucking works.
Are we supposed to get excited here?
You're going to make a jerk off to the perp walk
in his slippers,
fucking robe, shitting himself?
I hope so.
And then Hunter,
what are we going to do for news
if they put Hunter in jail?
This guy's a blast.
But, I mean, I hope there's more to come.
A million dollars, is that a big take?
Hey, in the second half of the show, kids,
I'll be talking about more healthy young people dropping dead of heart problems
and why it's the mainstream media's fault.
Also, a Catholic priest says God is a transgender person.
It's over.
Call it a day.
That's exclusively on Mug Club.
So join now to get it at nickdapaloshow.com.
So we move on in the show.
What is next, Jimmy?
Everybody knows you never go full retard.
In our West Coast, stupid tonight.
It's a really kind of, it's a special kind of stupid.
You know, look at Adam Schiff and look at Jerkoff Newsome.
And Pelosi.
Out of those three, I'd hang out with Pelosi for us.
What does that tell you?
California Governor Gavin Newsome. I'm glad they told us he's a Democrat, has launched a hotline for people to report alleged hostility against their actual or perceived identities.
Oh my God, the first time I read it, I didn't even, that didn't sink in. Perceived identity.
So Dallas, you could call the hotline and say, I'm a woman of color.
Somebody just called me.
Oh my God.
He's a hall monitor is what he was as a kid.
He's a snitch.
He's a rat.
This is Carmen as shit.
It's Stalin's secret police. It's Stalin's secret police. And he's a snitch he's a rat this is calming as shit yeah it's stolen secret police
it's stolen secret police and he's using fucking civilians
what in god's name california how do you anybody still live there or new york city
um this isn't let's stop calling them democrats like They're, you know, a crime organization. It's fucking,
they are a Marxist crime organization. You guys can't taste that or feel it? You know why there's
so many people, immigrants in California that had just got here five minutes ago that they,
they should recognize it before anybody, but they don't. Alleged hostility against their actual perceived identities.
I am Sammy Davis, man. Somebody call me
a, you know, a Jew.
But he has given
no clear indication of
what the state will do with
the complaints. Oh my God.
Jew or communist?
Huh?
How do you like it?
They tell you all the time what to do what to think what to feel
on every corner bullshit you want to work eight ten fucking hours you own nothing you got nothing
sounds like a podcast career do you want a chivado on every corner man looking after you
a chivado on every corner looking after you. That's what we're talking about. Somebody look up Chivato quick.
The project dubbed California vs. Hate.
In other words, literally, the state vs. your opinion
or your words or your language that we don't like.
He couldn't make it any clearer.
Probably get a tattoo of Stalin on his tank, this fucking jack off.
The project dubbed California vs. Hate was conceived as California's response
to the nationwide spate of anti-Asian violence.
Yeah, you could have stopped that by going to every black neighborhood and say,
cut it out.
Sorry.
It was launched after a 2021 bill by Democratic lawmakers mandated the state
to create an online reporting system for victims
and witnesses to report a hate incident. In other words, anytime whitey looks at you the wrong way,
whether you're gay, especially white straight males, whether you're gay or trans or brown or
black or yellow, it's only leaving out us by, you know, omission. Hate incident against any
group in a safe, anonymous manner,
particularly those who may
face language or cultural
barriers or who are
undocumented. In other words, who are illegal
themselves. Let's protect them
first and not the citizens of the United
Nations. Newsome, I hope your ass
pipe rots out.
I think that happens.
Leave it out in the rain.
Leave too many loads in it.
The Newsom administration defines a hate act.
Look at this jackoff.
He's like the Joker.
As my late great buddy Greg Zuckertz, he's a shapeshifter.
He's Elizabeth.
He is Al Pacino and the devil's advocate.
A hate act vaguely.
This is how he defines it.
As a hostile expression or action that may be motivated by bias.
You see all the room for subjective, motivated by bias against another person's actual or perceived identity.
Examples include derogatory name-calling.
There's going to be a hotline
if an adult calls another person an adult.
And what do I say about bullying
when I hear adults using the word bullying?
There's something wrong with that.
We're a nation of adult children, fucking.
Bullying, hate mail.
Who's going to decide what?
And refusing service. When's the last time that
happened?
According to the website. So this
this dinkweed, the governor
is excited about this hotline.
It's unclear
what the hotline will do.
Potential call is, oh, I would have a ball with it with crank calls.
Wouldn't you?
Just go, I'm a one-legged Puerto Rican with a headdress on.
Somebody just tip me out of my wheelchair and call me a spick.
Come get me.
Potential callers are assured that the state will only involve police if specifically requested. In other words,
they're telling you this is for new immigrants and shit, you know, and that the offenders are
going to be Native American, you know, not Native American, you know what I mean, us Americans.
The hotline's primary goals, according to its website, are finding help for people in communities.
Hey, how many times, and I'll say it again, you can't say communist without communities.
How many times have you heard the word communities
in the last 25 years?
And gathering data
about hate incidents and crime.
Yeah, that's what they did.
We're just keeping statistics.
Don't worry about it.
We're not going to, you know.
You hear how they're trying
to make it sound so innocuous?
The state will only involve the police
if a caller specifically asks.
In other words, if you're an illegal, don't worry about it.
You're not going to get busted.
We're not going to.
And special attention is paid to illegal immigrants.
You do not need to disclose your immigration status.
When you report with California versus hate, how about I hate California?
with California versus hate.
How about I hate California?
The website says,
hotline services are provided for free regardless of immigration status.
And look at the evil.
Does he not have an evil?
He's got a joker smile on the mug.
You're a wormy cocksucker, you know that?
You talking to me?
Shut up, Paulie.
Anyways, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. For those of you guys on Mug Club, stick around for the second
half of the show. Everyone else, go to nickdopaloshow.com and join to get my full show
and Crowder's full show and a lot, lot more. And while you're at my website, click on the tour
button and to see where I'm performing live, May 19th and 20th, Hyena's
Comedy Club in Dallas. How about that? And then July 14th and 15th, Arlington Cinema and Drafthouse,
Arlington, Virginia. I'll see you guys there, and I'm queer. Good night, everybody. guitar solo Outro Music