The Nick DiPaolo Show - Biden Let's In 6.2 Million | Nick Di Paolo Show #1515

Episode Date: January 24, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Biden's border, Cali exodus and Nick's Bitchin' Kitchen Ep 4! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Mr. DePaulo, no one could be as nasty as you pretend to be unless they really wanted to be disliked. That boy is a P-I-G pig. Hey, take it easy on me. It's the dealio. Hey, welcome. It's a Wednesday, folks. How are you?

Great to be with you. Hey, don't forget, second half of the show, Nick's Bitchin' Kitchen today. Eggplant. I call them meatballs, and so does some people online, but they're eggplant balls because there's no meat in them.

So you can call them grippy balls. I don't give a shit. They're delicious. They're fucking delicious. Dallas tested them and he couldn't make up his mind after 31 or 32. He said, yes, I really...

He had to make sure. So you treat them like regular balls. You suck them and you bang them around, put a cup on them. You know. Anyway, they're really fucking good, especially with your vegetarian fags. But great Super Bowl shit. So, yeah, we got that. And I don't know.

I'm in Texas right now. I can't tell you. Or maybe I'm not. Who knows? What with that flight. All right. Let's don't know. I'm in Texas right now. I can't tell you. Or maybe I'm not. Who knows? What with that flight? All right. Let's get to it since I guess Dallas says it's a good 30-minute chunk, the cooking show. So we try to keep the show to 40 minutes here. That was instructions from the boss. Anyways, let's get right to it. Open border Biden. God, how many times have we said that? Would have been nice if I set the timer, wouldn't it? That would have been really nice. You've only done it a thousand

times, jerk off. President Joe Biden's deputies have let in, brace yourselves, 6.2 million illegal migrants. And that's probably low. I mean, because we were using that 11 million illegals in the country for like 25 years. They kept saying 11. So anyways, if you wake up one day and again, you thought you're, you think you're in fucking the Dominican Republic. 6.2 million illegal migrants emptied out of states under this jerk-off, according to the CBO, Congressional Budget Office. Biden's southern inflow is more than one migrant for every two American births since January of 2021. That's what they planned years ago. I mean, years ago,

when I first started following politics, they were talking about it then. The Dems want to let in half the fucking world so they can have power for the rest of their lives. What a dumb plan. Again, they don't understand. You will. More of those people are also being released

into the United States than previously. Generally, through the use of parole, authority, or with a notice to appear before an immigration judge, said the report, titled, The Demographic Outlook, 2014

to 2054. That's the outlook. Get ready to hear that above your apartment, below it, in the supermarket. You already are. But look at this. Look at that. It looks like the beginning of the Boston Marathon, only a lack of Haitians. I don't know why I say that.

They're already here. Yeah. Look at that. That one guy. And the sad part is that's not taken out of contact. There might be one other Border Patrol guy in the picture to our left. Do you believe this? Just on that alone, this is how you know the fix is in, folks.

That's a blatant disregard for the Constitution. You're supposed to protect us from foreign and domestic invasion. There you go. That's why it's all bullshit. It's all bullshit, at least for the Democrats. Now, I'm not going to be happy unless the next, and it will be a Republican president, I've got to believe. You hear all the numbers.

Hopefully Trump. But I won't be happy with him either if on day one he doesn't start throwing these people out. I mean going door to fucking door. You think they will call him a Nazi and a dictator now? Wait till then. And I'm saying maybe that's what we need. That's not even being a dictator. That's just protecting your country.

Because as Ronald Reagan said, I don't know what he said. I forgot. That's how I know I was in character. Because Reagan died of Alzheimer's. Well, if you don't have a border, mommy, where are you? Well, anyways, the 2023 inflow includes 900 grand, 900,000 migrants who were released after they walked up to official border gates, plus 1.1 million migrants who were released. How can you blame them?

Because most of them do live in shithole. I'm not saying they're in danger. I'm not saying every asylum request is real, but who were released after they crossed through gaps at the store, not gaps. There's so many. No. through gaps the store not gaps there's so many no uh through gaps in the border wall said the cbo agency which acts as an advisor to capitol hill legislate don't make me fucking laugh roughly half of those migrants 1.1 million have never heard of deodorant what no we're let into

the country by october 1st of 2023 via via Biden's use of the parole loophole. Don't even know what it is. Don't give a fuck. In border law, the CBO reported Biden and his Democratic allies are now trying to expand the parole doorway. The 2023 inflow also included, get this, folks, 860,000 gutterways who sneaked past Biden's half-built and lightly guarded border wall. And 400, the gutterways, we don't even know who, you'll find out. And 430,000 people who remained in the United States long after their visas had expired. Didn't the 9-11 guys, weren't a few of them, had unexpired visas? We learned a lot, didn't we?

Huh? Girl, I'm going to fucking smash his fucking face in. I'm telling you, man, I don't know who it's going to be, but you better start deporting. I don't like, even last night, Trump, maybe he's just tired or whatever. But on day one, he's going to seal the border. Don't seal it yet.

You got to keep it open and push them back out. I want him to say on day one, I start knocking doors myself and throw people out. The figure is close to the partial data released by the Department of Homeland Security in early January. The CBO data does not include hundreds of thousands of migrants released since October of 2023. The report noted that CBO estimates that on net, the number of people immigrating to the United States was 1.2 million in 2021 and 2.7 million in 2022. So Biden's three years of inflows, 1.2 million, 2.7 million, and 3.3 million up to October of 2020, adding up to 6.2 million illegals.

That we know of. That we know of. Exactly right. And you don't think, just think, ah, I can't even go into it. That's why you have borders and security, to keep dangerous people out.

We're just sitting there. It's like the FBI waving people in the Capitol on January 6th. This way. Anyways, fuck you, Biden, everything you stand for, and the people that vote for him. May you die in a fire.

Any, finally, not finally, but here's another story for you before we get to the kitchen and the fire we had. Here's a nice tease. California dreaming. Los Angeles Times letters. Editor Paul Thornton. Where do you get a load of this fruit cup? Those are little dicks on his shirt, by the way.

Implored Californians leaving the state to stop criticizing it. He's upset because people who left California are bad-mouthing it after they leave. He says, stop criticizing it on the way out. Yes, Fuhrer. Now, can you please extend some goodwill to those of us who remain, Thornton asked,

like a typical West Coast dummy who lives in a fantasy world. He asked that in a Saturday piece headline commentary. If you want to leave, fine, but don't insult California on the way out. What a jack off. He went on to describe how staggering numbers of Californians are fleeing to other states. Of course, he didn't harp on that part of it, right? More than 800,000 Californians moved away in 2022 alone. It's almost a million people.

Hey, Gavin, nice job. And many thousands more left last year. Often the departees cash in hand for the sale of their $1 million bungalows feel the need to express disdain for their home state and even some anger too, he wrote. Oh, for you. What a bitch. They deserve to be angry. Because they lived there. Some of them were natives, probably.

And it was one of the most beautiful places on Earth. And then people like you who vote like you destroyed it. Year after year for the last 40 years. It's been one party basically run state. And look at the shithole you turned it into they have every right to now they have to force because they get kids they want to raise don't want to get shot on the way to school so there but they shouldn't be angry just don't this guy believes words actually hurt everything that's wrong with the fucking world Thornton went on

to describe his skirt he was wearing it was a to describe a relative of his who told him about having relocated to a small town in another state far away. But being warned against bringing, in quotes, those weird California ways to his new neighborhood. Exactly.

And this is what the guy who wrote the article, and which ways would those be? Thornton asked rhetorically. Then he goes, perhaps it's our embrace of LGBTQ+. Yeah, that covers about 100 people. Or is it our liberal politics? The same thing. Would the state Republican Party shrunk to irrelevance

after its vicious, vicious attempt in 1994 to marginalize immigrants with Prop 187. Prop 187, by the way, which passed by almost 60 percent, but was blocked by the courts. So in other words, once again, the people's will was stopped and the courts decide, no. They were already a fucking communist shithole. The courts, from ever going into effect, proposed denying state social services. 187, this is what it proposed,

denying state social services to illegals, which makes perfect sense. Why should the taxpayer be on the... Since then, California has expanded access, get this, to government benefits and services to illegal immigrants. In other words, you, the taxpayer. The Golden State started the new year by granting illegal immigrants free health care.

Not veterans, not you U.S. citizens. Free health care, despite the state's looming 68 billion dollar deficit you are a cunt i don't know why that came in it's for the next door ignore that folks um anyways uh do you believe that 68 $68 billion deficit. You notice he didn't mention that. This new health care policy will cover sex change surgeries for California residents without regard for their citizenship status. If you must leave California for Texas or Arizona, New England or anywhere else, don't be a person who trash talks the home of 39 million people, he pleaded.

And then I went... You are a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt. I hate that speaking cunt. Oh, yeah. Anyways, that's why they're mad and angry and leaving. You know, you cover the LGBT thing, which makes me wonder what's going on there. Anyways, in the second half of the show,

boys and girls, Bitchin' Kitchen. Bitchin' Kitchen is coming up. That's right. Eggplant meatball, one of my favorite things. Really friggin' good. That's exclusively beyond Mug Club, by the way. So join to get that at nickdip.com.

Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicker shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon.

Hi, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Nick's Pitching Kitchen. Oh, it's this way. I'm sorry. Today, eggplant meatballs or eggplant bowls. They look like meatballs. They feel like meatballs, but they're eggplant.

So call them what you want. Call them your dad's balls. They're delicious. And not for the fucking decals. It's an eggplant, not a bumper sticker. Jesus, it looks like a NASCAR. This is how I do it because I'm a pro.

Whoop. Pro, huh? I don't want to get in somebody's throat. Don't ever shave me. You find these in a meatball, don't hold it against me. They're delicious. It's biodegradable shit.

This is an eggplant, also known as a moulinier's, or I don't want to say the word derogatory. Italian people, very naughty, used to call black people moulignons. That's a moulignon, and I don't use that language, at least around them. Anyways,

what I'm going to do is, I actually have this is like a real cooking show. I did preparation last night. You're going to dice up an eggplant. Very easy. You can't do this. You're retarded. About two this size. Those are like medium.

If you get a big one, two big ones, one and a half. But that's... I got two this size. I already diced one. I'll just show you how in case you're getting your semi-retarded. I'm fully retarded, by the way, so I'm not trying to retard that. Peeler, carrot peeler, onion, apple.

Look at this. Everything in life should work as good as this. Yeah, you're right. Including my cock. But it don't. I'm in my late 70s. Look at this. Honestly, whoever invented this nailed it.

I'm sure they'll change it. Some libs will go, I don't know. It's racist. How so? Works too well. Works too well it works that's right look for mediocrity look how easy was that reminds me of a bris I went to uh that's all you do a couple ways I mean you can cut it in half I do it like this some people cut in rings but you're going to chop it into squares right so I kind of do it like this. Some people cut it in rings, but you're going to chop it into squares, right?

So I kind of do it like this. I have scary spatial skills. You're going to want like a quarter inch dice. It's not even that important, honestly, because it's all going to get smashed by ribbons anyways, right? Right. So you do this.

It's all right. I go about a quarter inch, whatever. We're going to use these, so I'll keep going. Okay, this is kids' work. I find it relaxing instead of fighting with the wife or rubbing one out. Or watching, you know, Disney Channel. I do this. Makes me very calm.

Here we go. You're going to sauté this like everything else. It starts with sautéing and onion and garlic. And I'm using that. I'll show you in a second. Ooh, a white onion.

It's kind of racist. Very racist. Just changing it up. People go, oh, the red one's a sweetheart. Blindfold them. Give them a test. They have no idea. Exactly.

No idea. Like beer experts. Oh, don't tell me. I don't know, man. Well, you, you're not an alcoholic. All right? I'm not counting you in there Military guys Are pretty accurate

With their business But you know You got these guys That hang out at Oh no I need a nice German lager I blindfold them

And give them a bud light That's it Bingo Yeah bingo Holy shit Frank My cutting skills God damn it. All right. My cutting skills. God damn.

Trying to tear up? Yes. We'll do a dramatic scene if I cry. Can I break the news to these guys

about? Yeah, sure. Mr. Dallas and his beautiful wife Gianna, are expecting a kid already in September.

They're not having a baby. They're expecting a kid that they picked up at the mall and got away a few years ago. Tracked him down. Yeah.

Dallas caught some of his connections in Texas. They found the little prick behind a Sunoco station. Yeah. I would go, I don't know, I might use the whole onion,

I might not. I do everything by feel, folks. So if you're going, is that a half a cup? I'll, you know. When you cook long enough, I'm starting, that's how I know

I'm starting to get good. I do it by eye, especially meatballs. As far as moisture and shit. Yeah, because onions, man man they can be really watery and watered down yeah well that's true if you sweat them sometimes that's good that's what the recipe calls for this old italian guy where i saw this christ like he had a mountain of them so i went all right i call this again i might have this earlier, this is what the French call mise en place.

In other words, everything in its place before you turn on the oven. And it does make a difference, because when I first started cooking, I'd be over here doing, ah, where the friggin', I can't find this knife, and there's a six-foot flame behind me. Like Soprano, Tony Soprano's mother. Your kitchen's turning all black. She had a six-foot flamber. All right, these are fucking onions.

Okay, here's a trick for you. I don't know if I saw this on TV or I invented it, but either way. You think the guys in Goodfellas knew what they were doing when they wanted garlic? You want minced garlic? This is a micro planer. You've seen these right i think they're a wood product when you or you can use in the bedroom if you're sick right on the nipples yes um delicious it's delicious thank you

but look at this i mean you don't really waste anything. I'll throw those bits in there. See that? Let it build up. Scrape it off with a spatula. But when I call for minced garlic or sliced or whatever, I do this now. So that's work. Fuck yeah.

And that's what I'm all about, folks. I have the work ethic of, you know, a homeless guy. Meaning absolutely none. See that? And then you go, ah, my money! It's enough. You don't want to over, holy shit! It's enough. You don't want to over... Holy shit.

Here's more. I didn't know it was coming off. That's great. Anyways, here's my garlic. For those of you on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of this show. Everyone else, go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show.

Get Steve and Crowder's full show, which is the best thing going. And Brian Callen's on the Mug Club Network. The Hodge twins are officially in. And, of course, the huge Alex Jones on Fridays. Not to mention they've got a great undercover team that picked up where Project Veritas left off. So it's tremendous. left off. So it's tremendous.

And also, again, don't forget May 11th at the Count Basie Theater in Red Bank, New Jersey. Now back to The Bitchin' Kitchen. guitar solo Outro Music