The Nick DiPaolo Show - Biden's Boilerplate Blunder at the UN | Nick Di Paolo Show #599

Episode Date: September 22, 2021

Biden's UN General Assembly Speech. CBS Anchor Criticizes Administration. Haitians Hijack Bus in TX.

Thanks for watching. Whether on social media or in our schools, on television, or from the White House, now more than ever our freedoms, especially freedom of speech, are being suppressed, and that's putting it mildly. That's why I do this show, and that's why I put it out for free. For those of you who are able, please consider contributing to the show in any amount so we can keep it free and maintain a forum where right-leaning, honest, unfiltered comedy exists. Just click on the contribute button on your screen or go to nickdip.com and click on the contribute button at the top. Thank you guys so much. Let's keep this freedom fight going. Hey, how are you folks?

Welcome to the show on a Wednesday. Great state of Georgia. No show tomorrow. It's a travel day for me. A few people want to see me live and I have to travel, unfortunately. That's right, I'm fucking driving tomorrow. I'm not putting a mask on, even for a fucking hour. That's right. That's how I made that decision. I can't play this fucking game anymore. Can't do it. I was just in a convenience store. Ten people had masks on. Not me. Nobody said anything. They don't give a fuck.

Let's get right to it. The greatest president in the history of the United States, Joe Biden. Cocksucker. He gave a speech. They call it the UN General Assembly speech. And I mean, he was terrific. He showed, you know, he was very presidentially, used all these big words that, you know, just don't mean shit and just agreed to suck everybody's dick all over the globe and we're not going to hurt anybody and blah, blah, bleep, blah, blah. Boy, did we miss Trump. I noticed the background at the UN.

It looks like he's passed out on a bathroom men's room floor somewhere in a nice hotel. What the fuck kind of look is that? But this guy just, he made it through with only two or three stutters. But he slurs his words. It's like Jill is putting vodka in his insure. But it was just that boilerplate left wing. We're all going to hold hands and sing Kumbaya. And I want you to do a shot of whiskey every time he says COVID.

This is the most doom and gloom. I remember Rush Limbaugh used to say, does a liberal ever have a good time? They can take the fun out of it. It really is true. Listen to the tone of this speech. Fucking waters are rising. Literally, we're at fucking stage 12 as far as the planet burning up.

And COVID, there's going to be more pandemics. Stage 12, as far as the planet burning up and COVID. There's going to be more pandemics. It's the most doom and gloom shit I have ever heard. And then he makes up a bunch of shit how we're going to prevent all that from happening. So I got about 10 clips here. I'm going to comment on each one of them. And feel free to play along at home. If this guy's president by the midterms, I will suck somebody's cock right on the show.

Bernie Sanders, come on down. All right, let's roll tape of not my president or yours, Joe Biden. Will we work together to save lives, defeat COVID-19 everywhere, and take the necessary steps to prepare ourselves for the next pandemic? For there will be another one. Pause. For there will be another one. He says that reassuringly because he was in on this one.

There will be another one because the first one actually got me elected here in the United States. So there will be another one, probably around 2024. It'll be the JB variant. I'll be dead then, but my douchebag Vice President Kamala Harris, the empty pantsuit who hates fucking white men uh she'll take over um but listen there will be another one that's great he just told you you're gonna be wearing fucking face diapers till you're 70 oh go go go go ahead joe or will we fail to harness the tools at our disposal question you're sickulent and dangerous variants take hold. When we meet the threat of challenging climate,

the challenging climate we're all feeling, already ravaging every part of our world with extreme weather. Pause. You guys on the left are the dumbest motherfuckers. Do you know extreme weather has existed since the planet cooled down? do you guys read at all we just happen to settle in

this part of the planet do you understand it's been going on forever you can't fix it first of all you're arrogant enough to believe you broke the planet. Suck another dick and die. I'm going to go home and cut down a banshee tree to make Sting cry. Okay, let's shit-faced talk some more. Will we suffer the merciless march of ever-worsening droughts and floods, more intense fires and hurricanes, longer heat waves and rising seas. Will we affirm and apply the human dignity and human rights under which nations in common cause more than seven decades ago formed this institution?

Will we apply and strengthen the core tenets of the international system, including the UN Charter and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights? No, we won't. Here's your answer, fuckstate. He's telling you right now it's a global, we're heading to global. Will we all just get rid of our borders and pretend that all ethnicities alike and we can live side by side peacefully when we know we have no evidence of that over the last fucking 10,000 years but let's pretend to because I'm smart enough to lead that char you filthy rotten go ahead

rights as we seek to shape the emergence of new technologies and deter new threats or will we allow these universal those universal principles of new technologies and deter new threats. What? Or will we allow those universal principles to be trampled and twisted in the pursuit of naked political power? Pow! You're talking about yourself, Joe. You're trampling on our rights for naked... You're talking about your party.

Does the emperor have any clothes? Just a diaper? He's not even wearing a mask. You fucking ass. Does he realize he's talking about himself? No, because he's reading it. I swear to God, AOC and Bernie writes this shit. Maybe Kamala and a few other left-wing whores like the squad.

Hey, when's Omar, Ilhan Omar, going to fucking die? What a hateful twat. We rescued that whore from, what was it, Kenya? Some refugee camp? Now she's pissing all over the country? Take you and your stupid hat and go back to your fucking camel eating.

Go ahead. There's a fundamental truth. You're a fundamental truth of the 21st century. Within each of our countries and as a global community, success is bound up in others succeeding as well. To deliver for our own people, we must also engage deeply with the rest of the world to ensure that our own future, we must work together with other partners,

our partners toward a shared future. Oh, is that right? How about this? We go it alone. Just the tone of the speech is, we're going to drop ourselves to everybody else's, although right now, we're below some drop ourselves to everybody else's although right now we're below some countries

as far as since he took over see Trump will be up there going we're going to lead we look for us look out for ourselves first which every country does what do you think Putin you think fucking Putin you don't think he's belly laughing watching this or the fucking head chink

what's his name Li Jinping? Fucking anything, wow. Ugh! Anyways. Then he went on to bore us with more drivel about having to work with others and right?

Now he's on to the... Oh, he's on to good. I'm glad that was over with. I was going to say. Now he's on to talk about, we're back in business with the World Health Organization. Isn't that good news? Go ahead. We are re-engaged at the World Health Organization.

We're working in close partnership with COVAX to deliver life-saving vaccines around the world. COVAX? Delivering life-saving vaccines around the world. COVAX? Delivering life-saving vaccines around the world, yet we're letting the world in as we speak and not testing them. Did you drop any off in fucking Haiti, hopefully, or Guatemala, Ecuador? Did you vaccine the ones that are pouring into our country? Refugees from fucking Afghanistan?

Over 100,000 already spread out. What could go wrong there? Not even vetted. I've never been happy to be 59 years old. I've never been fucking happier. I don't, I look at pictures, you know, my family sends me pictures of, I don't know, I don't even know who these babies are, my sister's son's, and I'm looking at the baby

going, oh, the poor thing. Ugh, is he done? Quack, quack. He's on to the military now. But can you imagine, can you friggin' imagine, World Health Organization, we already established they're a mouthpiece for China. They work together. What was the latest today?

I didn't even come on. Did you hear about the latest? They spread this shit during the military world games or something like that? Some type of, in 2019 or 2018 or something like that. That's the latest. But he's proud that we're working with the World Health Organization, who did their best to hide this thing for China.

He's all excited because he's got unfinished business in China, him and Hunter. Okay. I think this is just him fucking showing his command of the English language once again. This is now he's addressing the military not being a prayer. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm as dumb as he is. Yeah, he's talking about the military. Watch how, what a difference, what a contrast as far as how Trump viewed the military and how Dinkweed here does.

Go ahead. how Trump viewed the military and how Dinkweed here does. Go ahead. U.S. military power must be our tool of last resort, not our first. It should not be used as an answer to every problem we see.

Pause. When was it? When was it? We tried to fucking, yeah, nation-building Afghanistan. We are the most, what's the word I'm looking for as far as being a superpower?

The most generous, is that an actual word I wanted to use? Yes. Thank you. Fucking nine cups of coffee still ain't helping. The most benevolent superpower this planet has ever seen and he if

you listen to him it makes it sound like you know we were fucking germany um go ahead uh joanne world indeed today many of our greatest concerns cannot be solved or even addressed through the force of arms. Bombs and bullets cannot defend against COVID-19 or its future variants. To fight this pandemic, we need a collective act of science and political will. We need to act now to get shots in arms as fast as possible and expand access to oxygen, tests, treatments... Pause. You're the only one that needs oxygen

because you didn't get enough when you were born. This fucker will be pushing a tank on wheels like you see in Vegas at 3 in the morning. Some guy in his late hundreds at the fucking Wheel of Fortune machine putting his last $3 in. He's got the air... I've seen this.

6 in the morning, guy's got a heineken he's got a heineken or a hard drink in his hand fucking little tank next to him with the hose coming up into the i can't what makes that guy thinks he's lucky at anything um do you hear this you can't fight covid with but yeah you can actually you go after the country that created it and you fucking, there's where you use your guns. Yeah, but Nick will destroy the whole planet. Fuck it. I've had enough anyways. I'm tired. I'd leave this party now if I could, but I just got a new pizza oven.

I'm not going to waste that. You guinea. Go ahead. Lives around the world. That's it? Thank God. You can't fight COVID with guns and bullets. No, but you can fight the Chinese.

COVID is a tool of control, ladies and gentlemen. Isn't it just sad how people, that's what bummed me out about the last two years, how quick people were to acquiesce to so-called experts. And CNN literally fucking calling people out that don't get vaccinated. It's priceless. Stop believing everything you see on TV, unless it comes out of my girlfriend's mouth, Shannon Breen.

Anyways, what's next? Oh, we're going to stand up to... Oh, Jesus, I'm all over the place. Do I have to sit? Yeah, this is a little clip of his command of the English slang. I mean, this isn't even new anymore, but oh, my God. He sounds like a fighter that just got, you know, a fighter that just got a standing eight count,

and they sit him on the stool. Richard Lewis has the best joke ever. I've probably already mentioned it on the show, but the fight is all sitting on the stool, all out of it, and the fucking referee goes, who's Fred Travolina? He goes, I don't know.

Fight's over. Fred Travolina was a D-list impressionist in the 70s. All right, here's Joe with his command of the English language. And global health threat, and a global health threat council that is armed with the tools we need. You know you're a fucking mumbling, stuttering little fuck, you know that? And I'm chemical, arms council.

Oy, oy, oy. He's dangerous to the world. He's everything they said Trump was. Talk about a case of collective projection. That's what I'd call it. He looks good, though. He looks, you know, he's a good guy because there's no mean tweets. He's not an asshole. So that's why we voted him in. Hey, women, stop voting. I mean, the rich ones in the suburbs who, you know, and actually, I mean, everyone is good. Planes carrying vaccines from the united states have already landed in 100 countries bringing people all over the world a little dose of hope oh good one american nurse termed it to me yeah tell her to shut her yap she couldn't fucking turn a phrase if uh whatever anyways uh i wonder who said that

Whatever. Anyways, I wonder who said that. A little dose of hope. You need a little dose of your son's fucking cocaine. Pick up the pace. We have to stay friends with China because I've got undone business in China. Can you imagine? Here's what my wet dream is,

that the teleprompter goes down right in the middle of the... Trump would go... You know what Trump would do? He'd come down off the stage like a comedian and just start working off the cuff and loving it. This guy would shit his depends and would have to take an hour break until they fixed it.

Have we stood up to the bullies yet? We're about to. All right, this is Joe again insinuating we're the police of the world still, yet he says the military isn't important really. So I don't know how you can have both those be true at once, but let's let the cheesy-ass fuck talk. Go ahead. We'll stand up for our allies and our friends and oppose attempts by stronger countries to dominate weaker ones, whether through changes to territory by force, economic coercion,

technical action. Pause. Yeah, like you did when China started rattling their sabers with Taiwan? The way you jumped in there? Joe, what'd you do? Send a strongly worded letter to Xi Jinping? You better cut that out. We'll fucking put tariffs on your General Tso's chicken. You're not going to help fucking defend anybody. You chicken chat.

You know what? He said that China's going to test him now. By the way, there's like Chinese boats going by. They're like 60 miles off Alaska and shit. They're water skiing behind them. Fucking booze cruises from Russia. There's fucking armies waving to them. Go ahead, Joey.

Exploitation or disinformation but we're not seeking say it again we are not seeking a new cold war chicken shit we never seek a cold war it seeks us Trump would have said

if you guys want to fuck with us I'll turn that Cold War into white heat. I'll push the button. I don't give a shit. Bunch of Chinese over there. Am I right? I was doing blow with Hunter. Lovely guns! Lovely guns. That was pretty good. God damn it, he's out of office here. Now I'm getting his voice. We're going to make a big, beautiful turn on Columbus Way,

a street I built with my own hands. Is there any more to that clip? Nope, that one's done. All right. This is terrorism, right? Yep. Oh, my God. Is there any more to that clip? Male Speaker 1 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 1 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office.

Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office.

Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office.

Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. Male Speaker 2 in audience member's office. and nipples. All righty. Imagine they actually said this is, do you remember? This is how psychotic these people are. Again, the biggest threat of terrorism, he said, what, about three weeks ago, was white supremacy here in this country. Let's see if he sticks with that opinion. Also remain vigilant to the threat of terror that terrorism poses to all our nations.

Whether emanating from distant regions of the world or in our own backyard. Oh, pause. Yeah. We know the bitter. Yeah. In our own backyard. You haven't named one group or one person yet. And you assholes that vote Democrat watch CNN sit there and go, yes,

all white people. They're the terrorists. It'll be very easy to be vigilant against terrorists because they're going to be living next to you guys. Right now, they probably have a U-Haul truck in front of their house. Because he let in, since, what did I, I gave a statistic yesterday, from August to September.

What was the number I said, 46,000? From Afghanistan. Not even vetted. But we're going to be vigilant against the, you know, in our own backyard. Oh, for the love of Pete, Joe. For the love of Christ. You shot an unarmed woman who was in the Navy. Is that being vigilant, you piece of shit?

Go ahead. Their string of terrorism. Their string of terrorism is real. You're real. You're a real fucking asshole. Nick, how can you talk? He's not my president. I still don't think the people on the right have been mean enough to this guy.

We haven't even scratched the surface as opposed to how they treated Trump. And this guy's given us every reason to. He has failed on a scale no president has in eight months. Guess it's all planned. Guess it's all planned. You fucking hypocrite. Oh shut it Carmela. Next he talks about what the government not serving the people? this is this is the classic emperor

has no clothes or something i never understood that story anyways but uh nobody really explained it to me but i was guessing a guy doesn't realize it anyways this is a classic am i right fellas i think this is him not realizing that he's talking about him let the uh jerk off talk one most important ways we can effectively enhance security and reduce violence is by seeking to improve the lives of the people all over the world who see that their governments are not serving their needs. Who would that be? Who would that be?

The government not serving our needs. That's fucking, let me think now. This is a representative republic. Have you guys done anything, we asked, in the last 40 fucking years? Not serving our needs. Trampling all over the Constitution. Hmm. Stealing an election.

Those are the big things. He doesn't even know he's talking about this country right now. Go ahead. That's the end of that clip. Oh, really? We are on to people not being happy with their government. People not being happy with their government, huh? There's one party that's for a big government, and it's not the Republican.

And by the way, I hate them, too. I'm watching last night. I'm so cynical now, I can't even fucking... I don't believe anybody anymore. Whether it's Rubio or... Who was on last... Oh, the fucking Governor Abbott of Texas. He's another softie. You know what I mean? He doesn't sound like a Texan. He should

be out there going, you know what? Fuck you, Biden. He doesn't have to say fuck you, Biden, but I'm bringing in the National Guard. We'll take care of it ourselves. That would be a leader. He's up there listing all the things Biden's done wrong and shit. Shut the fuck up. Enough talk. Get your National Guard out there. Start busting heads. Seriously, we're at that point, folks. We're at that point. He's out there. He's up there sounding like a college graduate and shit. We're past that. Stop the talk. How about some action? I don't trust him. Jim Jordan, who I, you know,

every time you see him, he's making a great speech at a hearing, or Ted Cruz. You don't fucking get anything done. I know they control the House and the Senate and the fucking,

and the White, blah, blah, blah. But you don't, nobody ever gets convicted of everything, anything when Trump was in up so I don't want to hear it anymore you're part you're the Washington generals I've said it a million times okay what's now it's almost over folks and then we'll do a couple of obligatory stories and I'll go home and I got to get a workout in. It's very important that I have a nice ass. For who?

The mailman likes me, this guy, Dave. All right. Go ahead. I don't give a fuck what he's talking about. Go ahead. Around the world. Around the world. You're seeing citizens demonstrate their discontent.

He's drunk. He's slurring. You're seeing the wealthy and well-connected grow richer and richer. Taking payoffs and bribes. Operating above the law. Who would that be? Maybe lobbyists? Operating above the law. Maybe fucking Zuckerberg

and then... He's acting like he's talking about their... and back in the, you know, back a few years ago, you would be talking about other dictators and banana republics. Now you're talking about us. How you could even come out with all the shit that's going on on the border and sit there and talk like anything you say is going to be important to anybody is beyond belief. Okay.

Was that it? We got one more clip. Take it to the street. Excuse me. I just burped a tuna sandwich. I had a Sunoco station about a month ago. Final clip? Yep, yep.

Take it to the street. Right here, right here at the U.N. Assembly, a great friend of mine, a cocksucker from the Delaware area. How about a hand for Joe Biden? Final statement by Biden. There was like 10 more minutes and I said, eat my ass. People have taken to the streets in every region to demand that their governments address

people's basic needs. Give everyone a fair shot to succeed. Yeah, shut down another restaurant. God-given rights. He's talking about himself. Oh. You're a crumb creep.

You are a piece of garbage. Yes, sir. Hey, how about this? Biden's son, Hunter Biden. So that was Joe. We give him a round of applause that he did not shit his pants, will fall off the stage, or anything like that. He made it through the speech that AOC worked on for a year.

Anyways, let's move on, shall we? Enough of him. Hey, I'm back doing stand-up, if you want to call it that, this week in Florida. And I really want you guys to come out and fill these rooms. On Thursday, September 23rd, I'll be at the Palm Beach Kennel Club riding a Datsun in West Palm Beach. One show, 8 p.m. Then the next night, Friday the 24th, I'll be at the new Sidesplitters Comedy Club Room. Thanks for putting that in there, Tommy. At the Grove in Wesley Chapel. We just added a second show there, so get your tickets now before they're all gone. No matter which part of Florida you're in, you can drive to see me live this week.

Also, I'll be in Vegas on November 12th, opening for Frank Sinatra. I'll be in Vegas on the 12th if it's still open and the world hasn't come to. And the 13th at Tommy's Room, The Comedy Works at the Plaza Hotel. It's old school. It looks like a place where you'd see Sinatra. People love it. The Comedy Works at the Plaza Hotel and Casino. And I just added new tour dates.

I learned about them as I was reading them yesterday. In February, for all of you New York and New Jersey fans, February 3rd at the Sugarloaf Performing Arts Center in Chester, New York. February 4th at the Algonquin Arts Center in Manasquan. And then that's Manasquan, New Jersey. And Saturday, February 5th at Governor's, one of my favorite old haunts, Governor's Comedy Club in Levittown, Long Island. Get tickets to all these shows at nickdip.com. Let's roll.

In our libs eating libs tonight. No, it's not too digangous. Jen Psaki taking it back after CBS anchor criticizes very bad behavior by the U.S. And, you know, Jen Psaki is one of the best liars in the world. You get that little red beaver

right up there in front of you. I don't think it's crazy at all. This is Gail King of CBS. This is beautiful. You can't get more liberal than a black female morning tv show host who leans left and this is how pompously by the administration she gets her fucking feathers ruffled but let's listen to the this little exchange that's not a good look neither is your haircut immigration in france now saying that

they've been betrayed by the United States. So I get that we have to look forward. But what are we doing to justify or explain what appears to be very bad behavior on our part now? We don't see it that way. We don't see it that way. We don't see it. Liar, liar, liar,, whore, you know it. Doesn't matter how you see it, stupid.

That says so much. Because they don't see it the way, like, we see it, the working class people in this country. They don't see anything the way we see it. They detest you. Don't forget that they literally detest you. That's not the way you see it? Well, how do you see it? What are you talking about?

France. How do you get pissed off France? These people, they shake in their boots at this fucking, if somebody sets off a firecracker, even they're telling the Biden to go fuck himself. We'll take it. We'll do our own shit. Get away from us.

You wiped out a family of 10 with a fucking missile. You've ruined your economy. You're radioactive. What's the beef with France again? I forget. Do you know Dallas? Yeah, we did not include them in the nuclear subtalks. Oh, that's what they're pissed at.

The nuclear subtalks with Australia. Australia wants some of our shit. So why does France button in those? We used to have an agreement with them. Yeah. And we broke it by going over to Australia. Yeah, we did, France. Because you turn those trillion dollar submarines.

What did you make? You made it, you know what, out of them. Potted plants. Decorative vases. What did you make? You made it, you know what, out of them. Potted plants. Decorative vases. What did you do with them? When we sell you shit, we want to see you use it. That's right. We ruffle their feathers.

They're not going anywhere. It's France, for Christ's sake. That's not the way we see it. We have a long bang. White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki was taken aback Tuesday. Oh, I'm reading what just happened. After CBS anchor Gayle King criticized her and said, where'd you get that haircut and that dumb red jacket? She said, kiss my grits. Anyways, there's been a spate of negative headlines at home and abroad for the Biden administration,

There's been a spate of negative headlines at home and abroad for the Biden administration, if you guys have been living under a rock. But, of course, she can't acknowledge that because that's not what they do. She says, we're still, Gayle King said, we're still getting hammered from the withdrawal from Afghanistan. What are we doing to justify or explain what appears to be Joe Biden shitting his pants in public. And the redhead said, That's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it. Yeah, but we don't see it that way.

Well, how do you see it? I'm just letting this fucking thing roll, this text. It's totally redundant to what I just said. Psaki was pressed on dysfunctional U.S. relationship with China, as described by United Nations Secretary General Antony Guterres, as a term the spokesman also denied. We do see the relationship through the prism of competition. Biden is a competitor, but it's not a country we want to have a conflict with. Are you kidding me?

They're crazy. They'll fuck us up. Have you seen how my boss treats our military? She said. Yeah. Anyhow, it was nice to see a little friction between the, you know, let's get back to the border crisis. By the way, the UN speech, all this nice distraction. I'm surprised Biden's not going to get caught like he likes to swim naked in the pool behind the White House. Remember they

said that just to make the fucking female Secret Service agents uncomfortable. Hung like a Flintstone chewable. You think you're scaring people? Anyways, let's move on to immigration. Haitian migrants, oh, is that what we're calling them? Revolt in custody and seize control of a privately contracted bus, they're not even in the country yet and they're causing some type of cucka. I'm not anti-Haitian, by the way. The ones that, they work hard, most of them, that aren't selling drugs and shit. But SNL used to do a sketch, if you remember, years ago. Remember, it was a Haitian guy, had like four jobs. It was really fucking, most of them are good people. But Haitian guy had like four jobs. It was really fucking, most of them are good people, but you know. Haitian migrants that were being transported on federally contracted private bus away from the border, they revolted during the ride.

Something about the air freshener not being pine. They revolted during the ride, overtook control of the commercial vehicle before escaping. Ironically, they ran into Brian Laundrie, the most wanted man in America. He was before escaping, according to two law enforcement officials. So they're already raising a little bit of hell and they haven't even found a nice two bedroom. There's something wrong with the black man's mind. There's something wrong with his mind. A large white bus bomb. That's racist. Why a white bus? Why it got to be white? Why it got to be white bus? Why it ain't be black bus? A large white bus bomb for San Antonio,

Texas was overtaken Monday afternoon during the two-and-a-half-hour trip from the International Bridge in Del Rio. The migrants on board had been picked up from the makeshift migrant camp where thousands are waiting to be taken into custody, two federal law enforcement agents told the Washington Examiner. two federal law enforcement agents told the Washington Examiner. They did break out of the bus, and they did escape. A senior federal law enforcement official confirmed the Examiner on Tuesday. They broke out. What did you do about it? Don't you move, you motherfucker.

I'll blow your brains out. We were too busy focusing on horse rain that somebody said was a bullwhip. You people are as evil as a day is long. Brian, yeah, never mind. It's not clear which federal agency, Customs and Border Protection or Immigration and Customs Enforcement, known as ICE, was overseeing the transport. CBP initially apprehends transports and processes illegal immigrants, while ICE is responsible for longer-term detention and removal from the country. Neither agency responded to requests for comment. Really? They didn't raise their hand and say it was my fault? However, ICE told a local media outlet that several non-citizens attempted to flee the contracted buzz. Non-citizen. Oh,

God help. How dare you come to my country and cause shit on a bus. Next time, call Uber. Thing is, your cousin will probably pick you up. That's all. I was doing a bit about Uber. Remember, there was... What the fuck? I read about... Look, they put my tooth back. I get it knocked out making the movie.

Remember, a couple years ago, there were like three sexual assaults in Uber by drivers, like within a, within a spot ten month period in New York and I said if you're a fat ugly girl you can't get a date on a weekend just call uber there's more to the bit I can't even remember it because it's almost some you know two years old all right let's move on is this the final story? Yes! Guess who's back on the news, ladies and gentlemen? The guy that

Donald Trump used to call the pencil neck geek. Remember? Adam Schiff, who's mentally ill. He's as fucking bat shit crazy as Pelosi. Get this. The two nutcakes are working together on something. Look at her. Ugh. And look at something. Look at her.

Ugh. And look at him. Look at him. I'm so glad he gets the shit kicked out of him in fifth grade every day. I see that face and I'm for bullying. Can I do a pro-bullying PSA announcement? If your kids has a friend that looks like this,

let your son beat him silly with a fucking lunchbox. Take his fucking... Adam Schiff and Nancy Pelosi push Bill to limit presidential power with laundry list of Trump complaints. They are still focused on Donald Trump with all the shit that's going on. Another distraction, by the way. But they thought Trump threw around executive orders like crazy. So did Obama. So did fucking all of them.

House Democrats introduced legislation on Tuesday that aims to curb presidential powers by addressing a laundry list of issues and complaints that came up during former President Donald Trump's norm-shattering presidency. It's still bummed out. Oh, boy, you. Donald Trump made this legislation a necessity, but this is bigger than about any one particular president, said the fucking lying cocksucker, Adam.

He's a fag. Schiff, the lead sponsor of the protecting our democracy act they always give it that innocuous pro-american label and it's just the opposite he's so pissed that hey how'd the collusion thing work out

remember you said you had evidence Schiff how'd that work he's so furious that Trump was supposed to be a moron, made him look like the douchebag that he is, that he's still writing legislation to get back at Trump. The former president trampled, this is Schiff talking, the former president trampled many of our sacred norms and institutions, violating laws and breaking long-standing precedent with shocking ease, he said.

I suck cock and I love it. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy. Did he really? You don't have any problem with Biden and fucking vaccine mandates and destroying every restaurant and bar across small businesses? That's all right. Right? Passports like Naziany and all that yeah boy he did huh trump did all that we had the best economy in the history of the united states we had the lowest unemployment in every demograph you can

mention we scared the shit out of isis in minutes. These are all facts, Adam. Go home and jack it in the tub with your kids. Sweeping reforms in the bill adjust requirements and restrictions regarding compliance with congressional subpoenas. Listen to how, this is a power grab by them, Congress. Listen to the things that change, subpoenas and pardon. Listen to the things that change. Subpoenas and pardon, the independence of inspectors general and transitions in presidential administrations. They're changing all that. Meanwhile, Trump's the one who got spied on when they were transitioning into his.

Among other measures, almost all the bills, many provisions have some connection to a scandal or frustration that surfaced during trump's presidency he's so far in their heads i am your voice the bill would make the president and vice president eligible to be criminally charged taking aim at long-standing department of justice policy stating that the president cannot be indicted while in office. Who's at benefit? The Congress. That made impeachment the only remedy to punish Trump after he was accused of obstructing Special Counsel Robert Mueller's inquiry into Russian meddling in the 2016 election,

which also was another false charge. Problem? You're the fucking problem. You fucking Dr. White onking jam rag, onking spunk bubble. I'm telling you, H, you keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground, I promise you. Not this time. Presidential and vice presidential candidates would be required to release 10 years of personal tax returns under the bill,

something Trump never did, because he didn't have to. And if he did, you wouldn't understand to write off anyways. Shut it. It would also prohibit presidential self-pardons, a topic that Trump reportedly explored. And in aiming to curb pardons being used as a form of bribery, it would define a pardon as a thing of value. There they go. Once again, they're the ones who decide what a phrase means. There's no objectivity.

It's all with that. Oh, my God. Again, benefiting who? Congress. The Department of Justice would also be required to provide Congress with materials relating to presidential pardons of relatives or face charges of contempt of Congress or obstruction of Congress. Do you see how it's all, all the powers that they're changing will end up in Nancy? Well, she'll be dead, but, you know, whoever's running the,

they sound like they're playing it on a door for a while. And in response to the Trump administration stonewalling President Joe Biden's transition team as the former president fought to overturn the election, which is not done yet, by the way, and he should, the bill would require the administrator of general services to treat each eligible presidential candidate as a winner if no winner can be ascertained five days after the general election until an ascertainment is made or a winner is certified by congress all's i got to say to that fuck you fuck you fuck you you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!

Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Congressional Democrats communicated with the White House while crafting the Sessions version of the legislation and made some changes accordingly.

We made changes, for example, to some of the provisions that version of the legislation and made some changes accordingly. We made changes, for example, to some of the provisions that individually penalized people for refusing to comply with congressional subpoenas. Again, more power to the Congress. Presidential Biden has acknowledged the central importance of these kinds of reforms, both in his campaign and during his presidency. And when they asked Joe about that, if that was true, he said, what are we doing? What's going on right now? Schiff said he expects a vote on the bill sometime this fall, but demurred when asked about his communications with Republicans. See?

And the bill's chances of getting support from 10 Senate Republicans in order to overcome a filibuster in the upper chamber. And dinkweed, pencil neck geek, rosacea sufferer, Adam Schiff said, one step at a time. And then he gobbled goo. That is it, ladies and gentlemen, for the week. Travel day for me tomorrow. I hope to see you guys down in either West Palm Beach or Wesley Chapel, something, is that what it's called? The Grove? Well, that, no, then the next one's the next one's near Tampa.

Anyway, Sidesplit is the second room they have. Don't forget thecomicsgym.com. Tell your friends about it. This show's not going to go away from it. Don't forget nickdip.com. Click on my tour dates for future dates. And cameo.com. I don't

think I'm advertising enough, because Cameo.com, if you want me to roast a friend or relative, go to Cameo.com. Tell me about the person. I'll make a video on my phone and we'll have fun bashing their brains out verbally. It's a lot of fun. That is it for the week. You guys think it, I will say it. You're very welcome. We'll see you back here on Monday. Have a great weekend. Bye. Oh, yeah guitar solo Outro Music