The Nick DiPaolo Show - Biden's Deportation Pause in Peril | Nick Di Paolo Show #480

Episode Date: January 27, 2021

Biden gets push back as executive orders begin to stack. Senate shuts down impeachment farce. New wearable COVID test emerges.

🎵 All righty, all righty. How are you, folks? Welcome to the big show on a Wednesday in the state of Georgia. How you doing? A lot in the news. It's just painful watching this fucking sham of a president who's brain, every time he speaks and stutters, you're like, no, it just never happened. There's no way. There's no fucking way. That's what we're thinking. Meanwhile, the AOCs of the world are sitting there getting moist, going, look at him.

He's just an empty vessel. Let's fill him with his progressive green horse shit. Let's grab this country by the balls or what's left of their balls. It's really infuriating. It really is. I watched Tucker, and I didn't even watch him last night, but I don't watch any more Fox. They can suck my ass.

Bret Baier, what a disappointment. Anyhow, any he. Let's get to it. I got nothing to say. I got no fucking life. I mean, playing guitar all night by myself up in a tiny room. What am I, 11? Where's my bong, mom?

Anyways, the Senate voted yesterday 55 to 45. I had the House plus three. Senate votes 55-45 to hold a trial to impeach Trump. Republicans, five of them, jerk-offs, voted with the Democrats. Jerk-offs. I guess we'll show them later, right, in this story, the five jerk-offs. Trump's going, that's one. Rand Paul, he did something called a constitutional point of order

where he's bringing up, obviously, he's against this because this guy actually has some brains um is that a wig i've been fighting about it the whole time my wife says yeah i say no look at the guy in the back he's got covid look at that fuck i was opening a casket he's pale and unconscious uh ram paul yeah so he brought up a point of order basically arguing that this uh impeachment is a sham and unconstitutional if it's one thing this guy knows it's the constitution like his old man they're pretty good about it i kind of like rand paul um except for his foreign policies like his old man he's a little cuckoo but let's listen to what he had to say. Article 2, Section 4 of the Constitution says, The President, Vice President, and all civil officers of the United States

shall be removed from office on impeachment for and conviction of treason, bribery, or other high crimes and misdemeanors. Article 1, Section 3, Clause 6 states, When the President of the United states is tried the chief justice shall preside as of noon last wednesday donald trump holds none of the positions listed in the constitution he is a and there is the key he's not a goddamn sitting president i mean it can't be any clearer in the constitution yet these jerks you know and you do we did i discuss why they're doing this because if i guess you get impeached twice, you can't run again. And let me ask you a question.

Why are they so scared of Trump running again? If indeed Biden won cleanly. Why? Because they know. They know he fucking stomped him. Who's the blonde bitch in the back? I want to grab her titties. What?

You can't say shit like that. What is she doing? She's got a hoodie on. What? Oh, no, it's a scarf. I thought she had a hoodie on with an elephant emblem. Anyways, let Mr. Rand Paul explain to these jagoffs why they're wrong. Private citizen, the presiding officer is not the chief justice,

nor does he claim to be. His presence in the chief justice's absence, chief justice's absence, demonstrate that this is not a trial of the president, but of a private citizen. Therefore, I make a point of order that this proceeding, which would try a private citizen and not a president, a vice president, or civil officer violates the constitution and is not in order. You are correct, sir. Counselor. Counselor. Okay, he's not basically. It's a jurisdiction thing. They can't fucking, no more than, you know what I mean? No more than a judge in Arizona can come here and say, Jason, you're a whatever, blah, blah, blah. That goatee has to go. And it's under

Article 3, Section 4 of the Faggy Goatee Laws. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Good for you, Rand. The Senate rejected Rand Paul's move to declare Trump's impeachment trial unconstitutional. Imagine they're telling him like they know the Constitution. Problem? You're the fucking problem. You fucking Dr. White onking jam rag, onking spunk bubble. I'm telling you, H, you keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground. I promise you. Not this time.

The five Republicans who voted with the Demorats are Susan Collins, another man. Lisa Murkowski, a bigger man. Look at it. Look at the hands on her. She's like a power fucking, she's a power forward. White. Alaska. Who gives a fuck?

Mitt Romney, a woman finally thrown in there. Look at him. He's getting crazier by the fucking, I used to think this guy was respectable. Look, he's lost his shit. Then you got Ben Sasse with his 1980s haircut from Nebraska and those horse teeth. He always hated Trump. All these people did. And this is why we're in the position we're in. You know what I mean? At least the Dems, as rotten as they are, they fucking stick together. And since I've been following politics, they don't give an inch. They goose step. Then again, it's easy to stick together when you're fucking cheating, I guess. Then we get finally Pat Toomey, who you could show a porn flick on his forehead.

Don't you just want to put graffiti on that like it's the side of a train? You got that giant head and it's filled with shit? Pat Toomey, you fuckstain. We should take these people out back and do this. Seriously, let's do it. Nick, that's a... You fucking people you have no idea how to defend a nation uh then ran paul tweeted this the senate just voted on my constitutional point of order

45 senators agreed that this sham of a trial is unconstitutional, that is more than will be needed, he said, to acquit and to eventually end this partisan impeachment process. This trial, in quotes, is dead on arrival in the Senate, is what he said, Mr. Rand Paul. Bye-bye. That's because they're Democrats. They think they can interpret everything their way, and they get away with it a lot of the time. Thank you, Rand Paul, for standing up. How's your ribs, by the way? That was pretty fucking ugly.

So here's another problem. I used to like this woman. Here's one of these people that always, you know how I said in the last couple years I've been fooled by a lot of these? I don't believe in Nikki Haley either. Except for if she takes her top off, you know.

Funniest line in Seinfeld's 10 years on the air. Remember the boy in the bubble episode? George and some woman goes to visit her and the guy in the bubble, first of all, it's Larry David's voice. The boy in the bubble goes, kick off your top. Oh, that struck me funny. She's a pretty cute. I know you people at home were young going, Nick,

Jesus Christ. But for a politician, Nikki Haley was quoted saying, not Trump's finest, meaning after when he gave the speech before the riot. Trump's actions since the 2020 election were not great and not his finest, the former U.S. ambassador to the United Nations acknowledged to Fox News, Laura Ingram, who actually let me sit in on, fill in for her on a radio show about seven years ago and never had me back. So apparently it didn't go that well. I wonder what I said. I don't know. But she said, yeah, so Nikki Haley said that it wasn't his finest moments. Who cares? Shut up. Shut up. Yeah, please. Shut up. Yeah, please.

Anyways, here is Nikki Haley basically saying that. I mean, they beat him up before he got into office. They're beating him up after he leaves office. I mean, at some point, I mean, give the man a break. I mean, move on. If you truly are about moving on, move on. The idea that they're going to do impeachment, that's not going to bring our country together. That's only dividing our country. Really? I could have told you that. But you don't have opening?

No. But why not? That's Nikki Haley's Indian husband trying to have sex with her. You don't have opening? But why not? You know what she's doing there she's playing politics because she's still in the mix to become president matter of fact that the republicans were smart they would have put her up there well in the future nobody's gonna top my boy donnie he made a real go of it didn't he folks but she politics. I mean, because she knows Trump's not going to go away.

Well, Crystal Chappelle tweeted, Nikki Haley, really? Nothing about the last few weeks bothered you? Which, of course, Nikki Haley replied. That's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it. Who is this broad? Who's this sultry?

Huh? I didn't bother looking her up. She just a person who tweeted. I hope so. Don't tell me this is what the female politicians tweet, right? She can't be a, is she a journalist? Oh, she's an actress. No wonder why I didn't know. It's not like I'm in show business. All's I know, she likes to fuck. Keep tweeting. Look at that bitch. That's how I do my tweets. I did.

That's why they kicked me off. I'm in that same pose, but I have a yellow Speedo on. Or tight red leather shorts that Louis C.K. gave me as a gift. But she said that. Nothing about the last few weeks bothered you. Accountability is important, no matter your political affiliation. Unity implies two parties willingly coming together. When one is denying abuse needs or basic decency to the other, we got a problem. She's defending the Democrats, obviously, because she's a Hollywood person saying,

really? You didn't mind the riots? That didn't bother you, Nikki? And listen to what she's saying. When one side is denying the other or abusing, she thinks, do you see how we're living in two different fucking worlds? Oh my God.

It really is frightening when you watch this and they actually believe that shit. Anyways, you guys should be watching Newsmax. They're a new fresher. I confuse them with One America News, but Newsmax, I think they were the first one to come out that they won't admit that Biden's won it fairly. So that's enough for me. And they have real pieces of ass on there.

What do you mean, Nick? Well, Emerald Robinson, Newsmax reporter. Look at her. Emerald Robinson. Nick, what's that got to do with it? Everything. I'm a man. I got my pride.

Don't need no woman to hurt me inside. I need love like any other. So go on, leave me. Leave me for now. This is, anyway, Emma Robbins. She, you know, she stumped Jen Psaki. Jen Psaki's the freckle-faced redhead who lies for Biden on a daily.

The press, there she is. She looks like she enjoyed a good laugh, huh? A ball of fucking fun. Dress like a traffic cone. Joe Biden has rescinded an executive order of President Donald Trump that was designed to prevent foreign countries meddling. Do we have her saying this? What I'm reading right now? Meddling with the United States power grid. See, Trump kicked the Chinese out, right, from working on a power grid,

which only makes sense. All right, get out. Trump's order specifically prohibited any acquisition, importation, transfer, or installation of a bulk power system, BPS, electrical equipment by foreign adversaries. But you see, Joe Biden's been sucking Chinese cock for so long, he doesn't see a problem with it. He thinks the future of this country is him doing business with China or us or whoever's in office after he leaves in a fucking heartbeat. Anyways, here is Emeril. And watch how Jen Psaki here is caught off guard. Her initial instinct is to say, I'll have to. And then she tries to make up some bullshit and then talks herself into a corner and goes, well, I'll have to get back to you.

Watch this. She had no idea. Given what you said about China today, why did he do that? Especially related to something so critical to our national security as the power grid. I'll have to. I think the president's view on our relationship with China, I tried to do my best to convey to all of you. I'll have to check on that specific piece and we'll circle back.

Tell you about fucking mumbling, stuttering little fuck, you know that? I'll have to, but I, and it's her, see her instinct is to put it back on, on the right and go, I've explained to you his perspective with Chai. But that wasn't the question, was it? No, it wasn't. I'll have to get back to you. I got to go back to my office and I'll have 11 assistants make up a good one.

Okay. Can you wait that long? You prick ya. You know you're a fucking mumbling, stuttering little fuck, you know that? Totally caught off guard. My girl McEnany, Kaylee, never, ever stumbled once. And by the way, why do I bring her up? She just signed a contract with Fox, which makes me happy and sad.

Why are you joining the enemy? I agree with a lot of people online. You should be signing. You should be working with Newsmax. What are you doing? Fox helped fucking take Trump down. Remember? During election night, they said Pennsylvania.

What? You remember all that? Mrs. McEnany, what are you doing? Fox can't help themselves, huh? With the blonde. It's ratings, folks. Why do you think people go to Hooters for the fucking chicken wings? I do. I'm that old.

Love their chicken wings. I used to go there when I was young and was on the road and I would, you know, have a smoking hot water and I kept dropping my spoon and going, Miss, can you get the... They're going to go out of business. Why? Because it's fun. It's what heterosexual alpha males like, sports, beautiful tits, and delicious chicken wings. Not in that order. Anyways, so Biden, as you know, has set a record for signing executive orders in the last couple days

he already had carpal tunnel from pulling his prick for the last 40 years in DC but now he's undoing everything Trump did which is this is good and bad because they're going at breakneck speed these mamalukes right it's going to be over in a heartbeat, I think. Biden, Biden deportation ban tripped up. Get this good news for us. By same 73-year-old law that hampered Trump executive orders, a federal judge said directive appeared to violate the Administrative Procedure Act for being arbitrary and capricious. In other words, they're like, yeah, you just pulled out of thin air.

You can't be, what's the matter with you? So finally, we got a judge that knows what the fuck he's doing. Hear ye, hear ye, the court's in session, the court's in session. Now, here come the judge. Here come the judge. I doubt he's black. The guy's name, U.S. District Court Judge Drew B. Tipton, stated in a Tuesday order that the director from acting Homeland Security Secretary David Pekesky that halted removing those who already had final orders of removal against them appeared to run afoul of the Administrative Procedure Act,

which governs how federal agencies conduct rulemaking. You can't just make it up as you go along, is the point. The same law was used to block a number of Trump's administration actions as well. But Trump was surrounded by enough smart people where we could get around it, you know. The court finds that by ordering a 100 100 day pause on all removals of aliens already subject to a final order of removal, it appears that the January 20th memorandum

is clearly not in accordance with or is in excess of the authority, according to the attorney general pursuant to obviously 8 U.S.C. 123-A. In other words, you can't do it, Joe. Heil Hill! Sprachen Sie Rosen! Ja, Spasen! That statute, not statue, says that following an order of removal, the attorney general has 90 days to have the individual deported.

Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton argued that the Biden administration's memorandum calling for the 100-day pause violated the administrative procedure. And he was right on the goddamn money, apparently, because it is not in accordance with the law. Okay? It exceeds the law. Okay. It exceeds the government's authority. 100 day. It's fucking written in there, 90. The Biden administration argued that the 90-day timeframe is not mandatory. Yeah, you keep moving the goalposts on this, too.

But Tipton disagreed. He noted that the statutory language says that when an alien is ordered removed, the attorney general shall remove the alien, shall remove the alien from the United States within a period of 90 days. And here's where the judge makes his ruling. He says here, the word shall means must, Tipton wrote. So Joe, put that in your pipe and smoke it. must, Tipton wrote. So Joe, put that in your pipe and smoke it. Bunch of Frito Banditos crying in their corn chips.

Can you imagine? Halt all deportees, even of guys with felonies, all kinds of shit. Do you guys need any more proof that the Democrats don't give a fuck, nor do a lot of Republicans about us? Huh?

Whether it's hiring, letting immigrants pour in and take poor black and brown people's jobs in this country or coming after us, people who voted for Trump, we're now domestic terrorists, possibly. Do they have a disdain for us that you can't even, you wouldn't notice it if you have a life and kids and family and you, you know. But for people like us who watch this each year, you're like, oh my God, they're sticking it in further with no jelly.

What the fuck did that mean? I don't know. You're not going to hear it on Fox. Additionally, the judge said that the decision to pause deportations for 100 days also appears to violate the Administrative Procedure Act for being arbitrary and capricious. Here, the January 20th memorandum not only fails to consider potential policies more limited in scope and time, but it also fails to provide any concrete reasonable justification for a hundred day

pause on deportation, Tipton wrote. The judge noted that the administration claimed that unique circumstances, so unique, it's been going on for a hundred years. Unique circumstances. In other words, that unique circumstances, we stole the election. We have a retard in office and we need time to make up our own shit. Unique circumstances necessitate the pause so that DHS can provide sufficient staff and resources as well as comply with COVID-19. It's always COVID. That's the new excuse, folks. Whether you go to the doctors, check it into a hotel,

they can bring up COVID if they're late doing something. It's the new, you know, my dog ate my fucking Chinese homework. Yeah, so there's 19 protocols. But they did not explain, the judge said, why a 100-day pause would help accomplish this. You got to back up your shit. You got to back it up.

You haven't explained why you put Biden up. Guy, I was thinking laying in bed because I'm obsessed with this shit lately. Laying in bed. You remember during the primaries when fucking Biden left New Hampshire early he did so bad you remember and then he went to South Carolina and they he won there even though we all know this is oh shit I can't even look at looking back at all these things I don't know I definitely know I'm never gonna vote again if they don't do something about the machines and if they fucking they have to do something about mail to vote again if they don't do something about the machines. And if they fucking, they have to do something about mail-in.

But if they don't, I'm moving, like I said, to Toronto with Patton Oswalt and Hillary Clinton. What? I meant Rosie O'Donnell. Anyways, some thick-ankled dog face. What else did Biden do yesterday to hurt the country? Well, Biden signs an executive order banning, oh my God, get this, buckle up, pouty your nuts, banning the term China virus.

This is what's on their mind. And people go, why? Well, I'll tell you why. They've been controlling the language for years, and apparently it's working, right? Because he's in office. This is just more of that horseshit. Do you really think that they think that offends, they give a fuck if it offends anybody? It's another way of control. If they control the language, they control your thoughts. And that's all this fucking is. You really think they give a shit? It's because Trump said it.

That's all he is. David Nakamura, I'm guessing Japanese, writes for the Washington Post. Of course he tweeted. I'm sure he's got a little tiny heart on about this one. Here's the section in Biden's executive action that obliquely ties Trump's China virus

in Kung Flu rhetoric. Kung Flu rhetoric, to increased abuse of Asian American, yes, I see Chinese people getting the shit kicked out of them, and Pacific Islanders. Biden's order mostly centers on ordering federal agencies to denounce and reject such language. Look at him. Do you believe this is what they're focusing on?

On, hey, China, come help us with our power grid. But this story gets even better because they're so stupid about this that Biden contradicts himself like right in the story. The coronavirus is widely believed today to have been created in a lab in Wuhan, China, or Nancy Pelosi's apartment in San Francisco in a fucking kitchen sink. Biden signed the memorandum condemning racism. What's a memorandum? Do I have to follow it? Will I be arrested if I go? By the way, that was a good joke I had in Tampa. Did I do it yesterday?

They say, you know, they tell you not to touch your eyes because of COVID. I go, I never touched them until we got COVID. I found myself doing this a lot. You know, Chinese get it. They can't even touch your eyes. Good night, everybody. That's racism. Biden signed the memorandum condemning racism xenophobia and intolerance

against Asian Americans oh and Pacific Islanders in the United States and praising the communities for their contribution to combating the pandemic and how do they combat it when they throw poi at it will you shut up will you will you please shut up will you shut shut up? Shut up. Shut up, Mr. Biden. You love the Chinese. Biden Jitsu. Hunter Biden. Have you had the Hunter Biden Jitsu? Oh, my God. Yummy, yummy. Ari Fleischer, do you remember him? He used to work for George W. Bush. He was like a press secretary, too. Very smart Jew fella. Jewish fella. What? Nick, why are you going to say that? Because I like him. I like this guy a lot. Republican.

Very smart Jew fella, Jewish fella. What, Nick, why are you going to say that? Because I like him. I like this guy a lot, Republican. He said, this is his tweet. Wait a minute. After months of being told it was racist to refer to COVID as Chinese virus, the Washington Post refers to its new strains as the British and South African variants. You see?

So he makes a great point. He says, so you can use the name of the nation where it comes from so long as that nation is not China. Got it. That makes perfect sense too, doesn't it? How, you know, because Biden loves China so much. It's only China. He doesn't want you bad mouthing. Fuck the, fuck the Brits, obviously, or South Africa, whatever. Too many whites up there. They contradict themselves right in the fucking article. That's how obsessed they are with this poop. Here's Joe Biden, contradicting his edict by referring to COVID nations of origin for new strains of the virus.

Here he is just fucking pointed out a guy can use a very colorful term to say we're in a mask. I told him to kiss my ear. I'm not going to wear a mask. Well, guess what? Not very American. The fact is, here comes the old. Hey, if you don't wear a mask, you're not a patriot. Oh my, if you don't conform to what we say, you're not a patriot. It's just the opposite,

you shithead, and I know you know this. This country was born on non-conformity. Remember the British? You understand? We don't have to do what you say.

You cheesy, you hear how many times he's studded, but go ahead. You want to be patriotic. You're going to protect people and new COVID-19 variants are, are, are, are, are, are, we are instituting new measures to deal with these individuals flying in the United States from other countries. I can't take it. I can't take it no more. You hear him? You're not being very, well, the guy said, do you want to make me wear a mask? I say, kiss, kiss my ear.

Guy doesn't even say ass. And he goes, that's very un-american it's unpatriotic but he is his mind is shot it's almost it really is elderly abuse he you know he thinks he belongs up there i'm smart i'm like everybody says like don't i'm smart and I want the sticks! He's our president. It's fucking Jackoff. All these years of me growing up, I'm 58, but hearing how Reagan was so stupid, just a D-list actor and a moron, ended up, you know, arguably one of the greatest presidents ever uh you know it's just they were right with gw because he's a neo-conservative which i don't like but uh and then trump comes along and just fucking cleans he accomplished more than four years but he

he's unfit remember they were saying that in. They wanted to do the 25th Amendment. And then this piece of spaghetti. We're supposed to believe this cheese-eating cocksucker is fit to run the country. Can't even get a sentence out. Oh my God. Help us all. But you know what? Like I said, it doesn't matter. If you look real close, there's two hands up his ass. You got AOCs. Actually, there's three. Must be all stretched out down there. Pelosi and Chuck Schumer fisting him. It's like watching a Jeff Deniman peanut show. He's the fucking old grumpy man. Hey, I want to thank you people for keeping us up on the air with your contributions at thecomicsgym.com or patreon.com or nickdip.com. These people have contributed money since last night.

William Ferrari, Florida. Jeffrey Baumeister, Florida. Felix Verswelveld, New York. Manuel Juarez, California. Michael Smith of Florida. Sean Powell of Florida. Joey Juarez, California. Michael Smith of Florida. Sean Powell of Florida. Joey Boyle, Pennsylvania. Eileen Sudis, Missouri.

Douglas Larson of Colorado. Thank you guys so much. It is very important. And again, don't forget thecomicsgym.com. We need it because, you know, YouTube giving me the frat really hurt us in the pocket and elsewhere. We have a Patreon question. We have a Patreon question. All right.

Hey, Nick, check out these maps I got from the CDC website. One is the flu in 2019. The other, it's the flu in 2020. What do you think? Who am I? El Roca? Put it up, Jace. Who am I? El Roca. Put it up, Jace. 2020 and 2021 is on the left, right? That's the flu.

Look at 2019 and 2020. On the right is the far right. See the green areas? That's mild, not even, right? Just regular flu fucking. But they really turned it up a notch, didn't they? Last year, didn't they? And see the purple? Those are really bad states for, you know, Texas and Florida's in the red. That's not good. Meanwhile, Florida's doing better than anybody.

But you see, you see, was there even a flu? So you have two green states in 2019 and 2020? A couple of light green ones? That was it as far as the flu? You can interpret this in 19 different ways. One of them is, you know, the flu was baked into the COVID numbers. I don't know. But the point being, can I just give you, I'll give you an anecdotal. We have a guy up in Westchester County, New York. He's 85, 86, veteran. He is a electrician. We used him for the 15 years, named Vinny up there.

He's in his 80s. He got COVID a couple of weeks ago. We called him. We still, we're selling the house. You don't need to know that. But we wanted him to fixs he got COVID a couple weeks ago we called him we still we're selling the house you don't need to know that but we wanted him to fix something we called a couple weeks ago he goes no I have COVID and I said don't be a fucking faggot Vinny you fought the Japs get out there fix that lamp no so he had COVID so we gave him a couple weeks I guess my wife called him back yesterday and he says yeah he goes it's snowing right now, but I'll get out there today. 85. My wife asked, did you, he, he goes, I didn't feel anything. I didn't even know I had it.

It's a dictaphone. Hello, everybody. Good night, everybody. Um, yeah. So I feel like standing next to the map and pointing. Like, we have a low coming up from the District of Columbia and a gust of shit coming from the West Coast, obviously. So, yes, that proves that the numbers were fudged

and practically no flu because COVID is so much. No, it's whatever. Thank you for the question. Speaking of COVID, that was a nice lead in. Have you seen the new mask they have out? Tremendous. It looks like Jerry Chivas. He was a goalie for the Bruins in 1970. He used to put little scars on his mask every time he got hit with a puck. It's my favorite mask ever. I should have had you pull that up. There's a new mask out, and this one smells, too, of authoritarianism in my point. COVID mask with instant test strips. A research team, where else? University of California, San Diego, is developing a test strip sticker that changes colors when it detects covid in the wearer's breath or saliva yeah i'm sure these are going to be accurate the real tests aren't accurate right when you go to

a doctor they say they're not accurate but this is going to work slap it on the outside of the friggin whatever um take a look at what it looks like. Good luck getting laid with this on. San Diego experimenting with new wearable test strips that can detect traces of coronavirus in someone's breath or saliva. How about their ass juice? The strips are designed to be attached to masks. Researchers say people would be able to conduct the test themselves when they take off their masks.

They're only a penny? The strips are intended to be used in high-risk settings. What's the penny about? Like homeless shelters and prisons in order to stop. Pause. Oh, homeless shelters and prisons. Yeah, I don't want those rapists getting sick. Or those death row inmates.

Let's make sure they're first in line. How long before the cops use this for drinking and driving and shit? Right? Instead of blowing into the thing, they slap this on you. And if you're found drunk, you have to wear it for the rest of your life. And they make it in steel. Look at this.

Why do I have a feeling that's not going to work? Huh? Cops are going to use, they're going to, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Your breath or your saliva? Let me ask you a question. How come they don't ask us when we have a test, a COVID test, to just breathe or spit into something? Why do they stick a canoe paddle up into my sinus until they touch the speech center of my brain?

And then I end up talking Chinese when I leave. I don't know. I'm sick of the whole thing. I kill you. I kill you. That wasn't COVID. That was somebody had too many Heinekens and mixed them with Jägermeister shots. One on the outside of the mask over the mouth, the test strip has a blister pack beside it, similar to the medication packs where you push the pill through the underlying foil. While the two items may look a bit odd on the mask, a photo shows the blister pack being smaller than a penny. Oh, that's what that was.

So I should put a penny next to my cock the next time I do a dick pic is that the I do dick pics I send them to myself and I just sit and discuss and go Jesus Christ were you robbed David Tell used to have great bits about that he goes I take the I put little army men around my, makes it look cute. As the person wearing the mask breathes protein molecules after he blew Lindsey Graham, protein molecules produced from a COVID-19 infection goes through the test strip. Don't worry though, nothing shows up on the test strip automatically. To see the results, the user must remove the test materials from the mask,

then squeeze slash push out the contents of the blister pack onto the test strip. If the test strip turns a specific color, you got to have a little baby Chinese kid. It means infection molecules are present if it changes color. It's a fucking, you know what. It's a pregnancy test thing. And I don't know. 我们之前说过91号是谁手上有。 No, I disagree, Xing Flao Jing. I disagree a thousand percent.

What? 我们之前说过91号是谁手上有。 No, that's not what I ordered. I had the cocker spaniel and mushrooms. Jesus Christ, Nick, you're really bringing up. Yeah, shut it. A spokesperson for the university says the test would be similar to that of a home pregnancy. I just said that you motherless wonder with an example of what a positive results look like.

And the strips are not meant to replace standard testing, but will indicate if testing protocols should be done. Some of the questions posted on Twitter included how long the test strip had to be worn to work and whether it could detect any of the variants of the coronavirus. Yes, I'm sure. Jesus Christ. Another good question was, if I pee on it, will it give me a baby? What? Another good question would be why the blister pack has to be worn on the mask. Jesse Jokeshurst, professor of nanoengineering and lead principal investigator of the project, said the strips will be tested on positive COVID-19 saliva samples before being used in tests on healthcare workers and patients.

Whatever. You guys got a feeling that we're going to have to go through this hoax for another fucking I don't know how many years? Huh? And the minute we get a handle on it, even after the vaccines, they're going to go, and why wouldn't, what did I say when this first happened a year ago, folks? I am prescient sometimes. What did I say? Remember I said, why wouldn't China be working on another one right now? Or Iran or Tehran? They found the way to bring us to our

knees. Or did they? Did it take the Democrat party to be in sync with them to agree to this? And was it all a pretext to keep people away from voting machines so they could mail in the ballots and steal the election? Questions you might want to ponder while you're watching Three's Company tonight. Anyways, let's lighten up, go to a little sports news. After, you know, this show is sort of a guy, testosterone driven, whatever the fuck, regardless of my shirt. I talked to Sunday night when I came home from Tampa. If I didn't work hard enough, I had to get on the phone and call in. And I was glad to one of my sports heroes, Curt Schilling. And can I just say this? I liked him before he was a Reds. I liked it at Arizona. I liked them with the

Phillies. He was a Philly, right? Thank you. Jason's a Mets guy, so he would know that. Kurt Schilling, who I love. I love him even more now when I heard his politics and how honest he is. And that's all it is. But you being that high profile and being honest politically, if you don't lean left, you're fucked, right? So I called into his show. And why am I talking about him? Well, they voted again on the

Hall of Fame yesterday. Nobody get in. Kurt, the last time they voted a year ago was a red pubic hair away from getting it. You need 75%. But what you don't understand is some of these journalists, they're just like the jerk offs at work in news journalism. They're lefties, overeducated, and they think he's a bit of a troglodyte. Curt Schilling has had enough, though. On Tuesday, the outspoken MLB pitching great shared a letter he wrote to the Baseball Hall of Fame after coming up short in voting for a ninth straight year. Let me just tell you about him. In playoff games, he's 11-2 with a 2.23 ERA. Not to mention the bloody sock game.

That should have put him in the hall. Do you know he's 15th on the all-time strikeout list? Over 3,000? That's not enough? Suck a bag of cheese, where's your motherless... He said, and I quote, I will not participate in the final year of voting he wrote in the message shared to facebook i am requesting to be removed from the ballot i'll defer the veterans to the

veterans committee and men whose opinions actually matter and who are in a position to actually judge a player they asked me when i was on the show him and his partner starkey starkey said what do you think his odds are getting in tomorrow because i did this sunday or whatever in a couple days and i said it was because of his political shit you know i said not in this environment i don't know i it'll be very tough you didn't have to be a genius to know that but you thought maybe you know he i mean i swear to, this is how mean they are. They let him get this close and then they back off. They'd fuck with his head for the next hundred years if they, you know, the hall of fame board said it would consider Schilling's request. I

hope so. Schilling along with Roger Clemens, we know he was a steroid monkey, Barry Bonds, please, uh, were the top three vote getters in 2021 with none reaching the 75% voting mark on the BBWAA ballot. Schilling was closest with 71.1%. The 54-year-old who pitched for five teams over a 20-year baseball career, winning the World Series titles with the Arizona Diamondbacks in 2001 and then with the Red Sox in 2004 and 7. He won 216 games, 3.46 career ERA, racking up 3,116 strikeouts, good for 15th all-time. But where he stood out, and we all know this was in the postseason where he compiled that 11-2 record in 19 starts, including a 4-1 mark and a 2.06 ERA in seven World Series starts. Again, not overwhelming. I'll even say that.

Not overwhelming. I don't know if it's me, but this goes for all sports. Lately, they seem to let a lot of people in. Jay, are you with me? Jason's younger than me but you feel that way i can't hear you talking to the mic chilly i am it wasn't on baseball is a little bit stingier but for the i think it's been like almost 10 years since nobody's been voted in so they've been a little more lenient lately yeah and it seems that way in all sports though i don't

know everybody who has a decent year, you know. So even Schilling, I think he says in his articles, Schilling's post-baseball life has been controversial. Here's where the left-wing horseshit comes in. And I'm going to say this again. As far as I understand the controversy around letting somebody in who did roids, right? And Barry Bond, so stupid. He didn't even need him. When his head wasn't like this, he was a great hitter. And I'll say this, even when he was on juice, he was the most date. You still have to hit the ball. Creepy. Okay. But again, home runs and Clemens, you know what I mean? This guy didn't do any of that shit, so you're going to hold his... Ty Cobb is in there, isn't he? And by the way,

if you read about Ty Cobb, he wasn't that racist either. His dad was like a politician. Anyways, he was suspended from ESPN, a Little League World Series gig, after he compared, get this, this is dangerous, Muslim extremists to Nazi-era Germans in a tweet. Can you imagine how outrageous, huh? I'm not a man! I'm not a man! How is he wrong there? His later Facebook post about transgender people caused his firing from the network because it's run by a bunch of stone cold lefty jerk off fags. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. A day after the attack on the U.S. Capitol, he wrote on Twitter, you cowards sat on your hands, did nothing while liberal trash looted, rioted, and burned for Air Jordans and big screens.

You sat back and watched folks start a confrontation for shit that matters like rights, democracy, and the end of government corruption. Bingo, right on the fucking money. And I said to him on the show, they question his integrity because of his views. I go, what has the definition of integrity changed? He's for the truth. Somebody who has integrity doesn't bow to peer pressure or to, you know, what's popular today. They try to stand for the truth. That used to be integrity. Now, according to the left and journalism and media, you have to go along and conform to the left-wing horse shit. That shows integrity, which that's how backwards I said, that's how upside down the world is. Ballots had already been due by the time of the attack. In recent years, he has railed against the media, whom he believes has painted him unfairly.

The media has created a Curt Schilling that does not and has never existed, he wrote. It's one of the things that has allowed me to sleep at night. Not an ounce of that is to absolve myself of sin. Lord knows I've committed my share and will do so again. Never malicious, never to willfully or intentionally hurt another person. I was 100% accountable and still am. Even the thought of responding to claims of Nazi or racist or any other term so watered down and rendered meaningless by spineless cowards who have never met me makes me ill. I know the feeling.

In modern times, responding to such a dribble somehow validates the claim. Boy, he's right on the money, man. Fucking lost it. All right, folks. That is it for today. And Schilling, Kurt, baby, I don't know, like you said about the Veterans Committee. I don't know how that works.

I don't know if about it. But in my opinion, and even he said in the articles, he goes, I don't really think I'm a Hall of Famer, but that's not for me to decide. Such a bad guy, huh? And I said on his show, I said, I'd have John Rocker on the, I'd give him his own wing. That is it. Again, don't forget thecomicsgym.com. That'll be my new home, is my new home, where you can watch it for free or sign up as a monthly subscriber. You can still do

it at patreon.com, right? And don't forget to watch it at Nick Dip. Don't forget cameo.com. I have a couple waiting for me. If you want me to make a personal video on my phone, roasting one of your friends or relatives or some lib you fucking hate, or you want me to say happy birthday to your brother, whatever'll make a video send it to him you go to cameo.com and click on my profile uh that is it you think that i will say it you're very welcome we'll see you back here for the final day of the week tomorrow have a good day everybody guitar solo I'm out.