The Nick DiPaolo Show - Bloomy Blames Bernie Bros | Nick Di Paolo Show #306

Episode Date: February 25, 2020

More of Biden losing his mind. More black Trump supporters. Trump correcting Acosta. MONDAY - THURSDAY 9PM EST #Trump #MAGA #ABreathOfFreshAir

🎵 I tell you, no fucking kiss. What? You want to go to the fucking wall? I'll fucking... Little cream aura. Hey, how are you, folks folks welcome to the show okay this fucking guy rest it's costing me two percent of my adjusted gross that's not penis you know welcome to the show ladies and gentlemen mr dipalo no one could be as nasty as as you pretend to be unless they they really wanted to be disliked. Yes, I've heard that.

You're being very negative, Mr. DePaulo. Oh, please. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? I am like God and God like me.

I am as large as God. He is as small as I. He cannot above me nor I. Beneath him be Selassius, 17th century. Welcome to the show. Oh, I love sound drops. Hey, shout outs outs right away we started at what time i was about 118 uh shout outs to uh matt montgomery hundred dollar contribution at nickdip.com i believe right these are all nickdip.com robert hill ten dollars david grounds ten dollars joseph veltry twenty The Grounds, $10. Joseph Veltri, $25. Anthony Guerra, $25. And two new patrons signed up. I can't tell you how much I appreciate this, guys, because as you know, we started as of yesterday giving this show up for free four days a week.

The only way I'm going to keep this going is to have financial contributions from you guys and hopefully sponsors because the numbers are going to go up on YouTube because we're going free um so um yeah i i can't thank you if the show's free on soundcloud itunes stitcher youtube you know so make it a regular part of your day like oat brand and screaming at your wife and you know uh also uh join uh on patreon exclusive content if you join on Patreon still. You'll get an extra story. You'll get to ask me questions. And we have over 300 shows that we've already cataloged. You have access to that. And please, again, go to nickdip.com.

Click on the contact button. And also the show, we drop the show now at 5 p.m. Eastern time. Okay? So 5 p.m. Eastern if you want to catch it when it first comes out of the gate. Send me a message at nickdip.com if your company wants to sponsor the show. All right? Looking for anyone and everyone who wants to get the word out about their product. To hardworking Americans who value free speech.

And that's what we do here. This weekend, I'm going to be at Zaney's in Rosemont on Saturday night, also the night before Decatur Civic Center in Illinois, Friday night. And then Maryland, I'll be at Magoobie's, that's in Timonium, Maryland, on March 13th and 14th. And don't let the name scare you. It's one of the most beautiful clubs as far as comedy clubs go and uh come on out we'll buy you a shot after the show take some pictures and whatnot you know i'm saying you're hanging up in your bedroom and you dilly yourself to it

if you're a 60 year old housewife from illinois oh goodness gracious guess who's giving us another gift just i want out of all the damn candidates running right now who gave us another gift yesterday um hey what the fuck man guess i don't have my air airport mode on that's i i'm just showing you how popular that was an actual text my first one since november. Anyways, Joe fucking Biden, Joey. What are we doing? What's going on right now? Biden.

I think he's tanking it. I've been saying this. After the day after he said he was going to run, he did a thing in New Hampshire, and you could see in his eyes, he goes, I made a mistake. This is hard. I'm telling you, how many gaffes have we played on the show? He is trying to tank this. I really friggin

believe that. You can't be this senile. My dad is in late stages Alzheimer's. He makes more sense than this mamalook. This guy should be in a diaper eating green jello and shitting himself. Holy shit. Yesterday he said he's running for this guy should be in a diaper eating green jello and shitting himself uh holy shit yesterday he said he's running for a candidate for guess what united states presidency no the senate

what are we doing what's going on right now what are you doing what's going on let me ask you something his son died a brain catcher do you think it came I think I'm not fucking you think I'm he might have something you know I mean he gave it to his son anyways here's what he said if you don't think he's not my name's Joe Biden I'm a Democratic candidate for the United States Senate look me over if you're like we see help out

if not vote for the other by give me a look though okay that's all I really got to say to you I'm about what does that fucking mean? First of all, he says U.S. Senate instead of presidency. But give me a look. That's all we've been looking at. You've been in Washington for 40 years.

And then we had to look at you for eight years under Obama. Now I understand why Obama said to him before he announced he was going to run. You don't have to do this, Joe. Only Obama knew that this guy's out of his cotton pick and mine. It's fucking, I really think he has to be trying to tank it. You know, he's in New Hampshire going, I love Honolulu. Look at the tree. What? Put me back in the truck. Biden's no stranger to making confusing statements on the campaign trail. They mentioned when he was in New Hampshire, he referred to it as Nevada. You can confuse the two.

You got hookers in Vegas and fucking ski lifts in New Hampshire. I can see why. The incident was one of several in which he appeared confused about the city or state. He's campaigning. Joe, you're in Nevada. I don't know nothing about that. No, you don't. Anyways, appearing Thursday at a CNN town event.

Listen, this is another gap. He said, Biden said, deceased son, Beau Biden, who died of brain cancer, who served as the, he said he served as the Attorney General of Delaware. He was the, he served as the Attorney General of Delaware and Biden said he was the U S attorney general. Aye, aye, aye, aye,

aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye,

aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye,

aye, aye, aye, aye, alert, at what point do you say, I mean, it's almost sad.

The guy's senile. And what's that say about the Democratic field this year? He's still up there in the polls. Oy, oy, oy. So you got him. He's fucking brain dead, apparently. Who else you got? Bloomy, who made a real ass of him.

Debates tonight. Don't forget. Debates tonight. They're in South Carolina, I think, or Charleston, right? Whereas that's South Carolina, right? I still don't know my city's down here. I confuse Hilton Head and all that shit. Yeah, so watch that tonight.

Come on, how can't you? So Bloomy made an ass of himself. You got Liz Warren, who is just, you know, Bernie light. Bernie is smoking, lapping the field, even though he's a socialist slash communist. It makes for great debate. Amy Klobuchar, she just says, ugh, she just looks like a bitchy fucking mom. She's pretty smart and all that, but come on.

If I have a female president, she's got to have a nice ass and a face, not like Mr. Red. I mean, is that sexist? Nick, you sound like Harvey Weinstein. Well, let me tell you something about Harvey. He's in deep shit, too. Imagine being him.

Oh, my goodness gracious hell-o-ees. So, Biden, I suggest, seriously, you start looking into nursing homes. You know what I mean? Let's stay on the political. MAGA. We have a MAGA man. stay on the political uh maga we have a maga man he's in new york city a black gentleman uh who absolutely loves the president of the united this is what makes the dems very nervous he's got black support i like to see how we're doing so he had a butt into the debate tonight

in south carolina trump should just walk in we're right in the middle of it and go, I told you, what do you got to lose? You're all working. Huh? Anyways, catch a load of this guy. This guy thinks Trump is in office. I don't see my family no more because they got a job

and they too busy working and they too busy for me, which is a good thing because now my 401k is going up. My Roth account is going up. a job and they're too busy working and they're too busy for me, which is a good thing because now my 401k is going up. My Roth account is going up. Everything is going up. Thank you, Donald. I love you. First of all, now here's me being a little Ray. Would you ever guess this guy had a Roth account? I know that sounds racist, but I fucking love it. His Roth account is going up. His Roth account is going through the roof. My family don't come to the door no more.

Love him. Love him. He loves Trump and don't think a lot of other people don't. Then you listen to the Dems on CNN and they're going, the economy's not doing that well. The bottom, shut up about the bottom third. You people, it's the strongest economy in the history of this country. If you're not making money, you're saving a little.

I'm blaming that on you. You're just retarded and you're flipping burgers at Arby's. I said, well, what can we do for you? You can't ask for everything. That guy got a Roth account, man. You know what I'm saying? He's what, and you know who his broker saying? He's with... And you know who his broker is?

Rothschild. The problem is that Rothschild hasn't seen his family because they're all working. How do I work that out with my family? I see enough of them. They're all working too. But that is... That's just fucking...

That's going to give Trump a hard on him. You are correct, sir. I am correct, sir. Good for you, just fucking, that's going to give Trump a hard on him. You are correct, sir. I am correct, sir. Good for you, man. Keep that rough going. I just noticed that. I watched that clip five times and I didn't hear him say rough. Oh, my God.

Make me breathe. Trump be in the news a lot lately. Fucking Jim Acosta, that little Megatron. Remember if Trump had him barred from the... Remember he just grabbed the microphone from the reporter and just talks over the president. He has a hate on for Trump like more than anybody. He's just a little piece of shit.

Anyways, the president scolded Jim Acosta in India. In India. Wow, this was today breaking news uh he said he should be ashamed of himself and uh here's the here's trump getting laughs i wish i got laughs like this first of all i want no help from any country and i haven't been given help from any country. He's talking about the election coming up. You see what CNN, your wonderful network, said. I guess they apologized in a way for, didn't they apologize for the fact that they said certain things that weren't true? Pause. See, this is where Trump has to be more specific. They did apologize about intelligence they said was coming from Russia to help him in the last election. They said they overstated it.

I mean, he should know that a little more, have more of a grasp of that. But he's still going to let them have it. Go ahead. What was their apology yesterday? What did they say? He's turning on. I think our record on delivering the truth is a lot better than yours. Pause.

Pause. Fucking pause. Can you imagine somebody saying that to Obama? Huh? Well, they were sucking his dick for eight years. Excuse me. Our record is probably, as far as being honest, is better than yours, Mr. Can you?

Any president. Fucking zero respect, Acosta. But that's the beauty of this country. You can say that shit and not end up in the stockade. Although this guy deserves worse than that. Go let me tell you about your record your record is so bad you ought to be ashamed of yourself you have probably the worst record you probably have the worst record in the history of broadcasting as far as uh mcguire is concerned he's a terrific guy but you know on march 11th his time ended anyway so his time out. So we would have had to, by statute, we would have had to change him anyways.

Yeah. Can you stay categorical? You are fake news. Sir. Oh, my fuck. You ought to be ashamed. The worst record in broadcast history. And they're right.

CNN has become a joke, even for people who used to watch CNN. I went through it. I was watching The Scroll yesterday. Everything just negative. And they did a story on CNN.com about what Trump was going to eat in India. It was like a four-page article. He's just, you know, he lives on fast food, and he's going to be shocked because cows are sacred over there.

And it listed he had two steaks last week, and then he had meatloaf with the White House. This is what they're talking about the coronavirus every time a chinese broad sneezes on a plane 11 people die and they're talking about trump's fucking burger fetish and that he can't because cows are sacred in india you know it's all veg stuff oh my god this was it was like fucking two pages three pages four pages two broads by the way Nick, why do you say that? Because Harvey fucking Weinstein told me to say it.

I talked to him today. He's... But do you hear it, Costa? Our record, as far as being honest, is better than yours. You fucking disgraceful little rat bastard. Unbelievable. How's he still getting into the press conferences? Jimmy.

Jimmy boy. He cries every time Trump gives it. Here he is every time Trump speaks. We have a... Hey, that kid's got... All right. That was an Asian kid. That's Corona waiting to happen.

I got to get on a goddamn plane. This is the busiest month I've had as far as flying. I'm going to get on my third plane this month. How do you think I feel? A plane couldn't be designed better to give somebody a pandemic fucking virus. You're breathing recirculated air. If I see one Chinese person on that plane i'm gonna grab them by their face mask and go you could then i'll go viral i'll get them on a headlock

of some shit jesus raz i'm gonna come back here with a there's people here that we know we're not even prepared yet to to test people you know people, they go from China like to Europe, you know, then they end up at JFK. You go into the fucking toilet right after Ding Chao Fling leaves, sit on a seat that's still warm and that virus crawls up your ass. I am on a plane again this weekend. God almighty. You couldn't design a better way to get a germ out though by really and by the way they they're still talking about this being created in a lab and shit the chinese i'm sorry i just don't trust them i'm just saying a few of them the other six trillion they're fine but the people who run that fucking place i can can't even go into China Buffet now up the street.

I get hungry, you know, during the day. 11.50, all you can eat. All you can eat. They have kittens in there. They have Cocker Spaniel ribs. All kinds of shit. Oh, Nick, those are stereotypical. Yeah, shut the fuck up.

This coronavirus started in China. We have footage, right, of, here's the thing. Here's the other big thing. The stock market is crashing because of this, right? It's hurting. Countries like Italy, fucking North Korea, South Korea. Italy shut down a bunch of cities. It's really, it's getting kind of scary. And people are saying this might be a blessing for Bernie

because it's going to hurt the, it's going to go on for a while. They say the experts who they are, I don't know. It's going to go on for a while and it could hurt the global economy, which you're going to blame on Trump, I guess. And that will help Bernie if it's still going on. But my question is, Bernie is trying to do this single payer, you know, healthcare free for all shit, which is going to take almost insurance from 180 million Americans that already have insurance to put them on this.

So I don't think that's, that's my argument back. But they said, you know, if the economy is like this come November, you're going to blame Trump for that? Because some guy in Wuhan, Wuhan had fucking bat soup for breakfast and spilled it on his kid's lunchbox, however that shit spread. Have you had the bat soup at Applebee's?

Oh, my God. The bat soup with the jalapeno poppers, holy fuck. They fry the wings for you, deep fry them, nice. Oh, the fuck eats bat soup? Bat's a flying rat. I've had encounters with him in my house. You guys heard my album. Chased me around the house and touched my neck like I owed it $100.

I killed one of them. I feel bad now because they are good animals. They eat all the bugs and shit, but one of them was hanging upside down in our curtain. I took a mop to it. You could hear the bones crunching like I was eating a Poke Bowl. It was a big blood stain on my wife's curtain. Lick that up. You know who would lick that up?

Fucking Tyson Fury. You see that fight the other night? He was licking blood off Deontay Wilder's shoulders. That's a sick white boy up in there. Here we go again on Trump news and the I hate America crowd and like the people that walked out of my show, military guy who couldn't couldn't handle me making fun of Pete Buttigieg. I could have sworn he was in the military to defend my right to say everything. But here's another fucking this is about the thousandth example of violence against Trump supporters.

An Indiana couple swerved their car toward two teenage boys who had a pro-President Trump flag on their bikes. And listen, the idiots were caught after posting videos of the incident online. Karen Perry Jones, I still haven't figured out who the guy and who the girl is. Now, I said to Raz, Raz, that haircut, is there a black guy that has that haircut that's not a punk? Nick, that's not fair. Whoopi has that. It looks like a dog took a dump on his head. I don't know. And look at her. Look at the blonde-haired, blue-eyed devil. She looks like a hateful a dump on his head. I don't know. And look at her.

Look at the blonde-haired, blue-eyed devil. She looks like a hateful little witch. What a couple. Remember Menace to Society, one of the best movies ever? The Hughes brothers made it. That kid reminds me of the – that kid was such a good actor in that movie. He made me very angry. It was his haircut.

That's the I hate white people haircut is what he's wearing. And she's got the look on her face. Hey, dad, look who I'm dating. Put that in your clan fucking pipe smoking. She could actually be good looking with makeup. He looks pissed from the beginning. This kid came out of the womb pissed like that girl we're going to show later on in Brazil. Seen that picture of that baby that came out with a puss on her face oh my god uh karen perry jones and kaylin smith she's the girl

i think she's 18 filmed themselves swerving this chevy malibu toward the fortune old boys as if they wanted to hit him with the fucking vehicle oh you want to go to war come on you want to go to war we'll take you to war okay go to war? We'll take you to war, okay? Okay. Tony, a caño. They yelled expletives at the teens, demanding they pull the flag down, eventually snatching one away from the boys and deliberately driving over it, leaving it ripped.

Y'all scared just like your president. America is not great. And it says expletive. Smith could be heard saying, which smith it's the girl right why she's saying y'all okay she's from the south i don't know uh she could be heard saying that on snapchat video police said they obtained uh i say this to you my friends fuck you fuck you the alleged attack happened on july 22nd but the investigation

was delayed as hobart police obtained the videos from snapchat perry jones and smith were charged last thursday with two felony counts of intimidation and criminal recklessness as well as theft criminal mischief having hateful faces and illegal hairdos. Smith was in custody, but Perry Jones remained at large Friday evening. That's the kid, right? That's the boy, Perry Jones? I still can't figure it out. What's he, keeping his maiden name? Online court records do not list attorneys who could speak on behalf of either of them.

This is an unfortunate event that involved two brothers expressing their support for Trump, Captain James Gonzalez told the paper. Our residents in Hobart should be able to express their support for any political affiliation without fear of any adverse recourse. Those are big words, officer, but you're right on the money. You are correct, sir. But, you know, you hear all this shit shit right remember right right when trump got elected oh all the violence at the rallies and

shit there's been hardly any from the right those are hateful kids hey real quick you can go to nickdip.com to get my tour dates and like i said uh this Friday night, I'll be at the Civic Center in Decatur, Illinois. The next night at Zany's Comedy Club in Rosemont, Illinois. That's if I don't pick up the coronavirus sitting in C21G. I'm going to wear a goldie mask that I had as a kid. Tony Esposito. I'm wearing that, putting my Pennywise mask over that, and then the fucking surgical mask. And I'm just going to ring my thing every time I see an

Asian president playing and just say to the flight attendant, they have to get off. Sir, that's not, they have to get off. Then I'll be, it'll go viral. I'll be racist. Sir, that's not, they have to get off. Then I'll be, it'll go viral. I'll be racist. March 13th and 14th, the Magoobies Joke House, Timonium, Maryland. March 28th and 29th, Skank Fest, Houston, Texas.

Can't wait. That's Jay Oakerson and Louie Gomez and the boys. They're catching a lot of flack for the shit they say. So they're welcoming me with open arms. April 3rd, the Morgan Hill Event Center in Herman, Maine. The next night at Jonathan's in Agunkwit, Maine. One of my favorite gigs. June 12th, the Ritz Theater in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

September 24th through 26th, my manager's club, The Comedy Works at the Plaza Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. Old school. It looks like a room that Frank Sinatra will be singing in. October 10th, stand-up live in Hunts Huntsville Alabama first time I've ever played Alabama October 11th is Zany's in Nashville Tennessee and so go to Nick dip.com for ticket information so many people came up in Connecticut after the shows and said we most of them it's women going my husband plays you when he's in the shower we have to listen to you when you go on road trips.

And I go, you complain to him? You've got a good man there. But yeah, a lot of people. DePaulo t-shirts. It took me 32 years. We finally get a grasp on this internet thing. I'd rather be doing fireside chats on the radio. Have my fans gather around like it's 1930.

All we have to fear is the big tech companies. Google, Jeff Zuckerberg. Yes, Raz. I have a question. Speaking of the good old days. Yeah. Daniel B. Nook Greenland.

Nook. What is the best lesson you've learned from your dad? A lesson that helped you best in life? I read these questions and I go, what's he trying to get at, really? Like, he could be a fan or he could be like, where did this guy get his fucking... They're trying to go, is your dad racist? Is your your mother a bigot is that what you're getting at danny or maybe not the best lesson you've learned from my dad um oh that's easy very easy you have to get a girl really drunk before you try anal he told me that on my fifth birthday i couldn't fucking believe he said none of that light bear shit you're gonna hit her up with sangria and then vodka shots god damn it if he wasn't right listen uh be honest that's what he

be honest work hard don't blame others so i did two other three i like to blame other people if my car doesn't start i yell at my wife or i can't find my socks that shit my dad was don't blame my parents for my fucking politics if that's what you're beating at you know i'm uh he's a good man i've seen him i saw an old lady slip in a parking lot he gets out of the car and helps her instead of laughing at her like i would have done donuts around her he was a marine he. He was just a good man, you know? And now he's got Alzheimer's. That's his, again, that's his thanks for being a good husband, good dad. Now he's crazier than Biden.

Well, it's about even. But yeah, he got a little mad at me. It's funny you asked that question, Dan, because I made an all-star team in high school in football, and they interviewed us in a local paper, and they asked me and two other guys from my high school that made the team, you know, who was your biggest inspiration? Both my buddies said their dad, and I said Jack Tatum, the most hated player in the NFL.

Even my father goes, what the hell? Billy and Mikey said their father. I said, Dad, maybe Tatum's my dad i don't know that really fucking pinched him but my old man was great same with my brother my brother got on my dad's jeans it's just a straight shooter fucking hard bro i don't know where i went wrong my mother messed around with one of the gambinos uh coronavirus let's get to it since i'll be contracting it in about 72 hours My mother messed around with one of the Gambino's. Coronavirus. Let's get to it since I'll be contracting it in about 72 hours. Coronavirus cases surging has potential to be a global pandemic. Apparently.

Son of a whore. Look at her. Isn't she cute? She'll be sitting on my lap on the way to fucking... I'm going to die in the name of Big Top Fun. It's going to be in my obituary.

He contracted the coronavirus on his way to Zany's. Fucking Zany's. Every time when I did the Tonight Show and let him in or Conan, every time they would plug your dates, you know, at the end of your thing,

it was never like a normal sounding club. Every time. I was at a place, I don't even remember the name of it, Grand Forks, North Dakota. It was called like the Three Rivers Casino. Jay's like, yeah, that's some real road work, I'll tell you.

I was always at fucking ha ha's. And it's so fucking embarrassing. You're on national TV. You're going to be at skid marks in Pittsburgh. I heard it's a good club. Have you done ball busters? That's a good one in Tampa. Oh, so fucking depressing.

Anyways, the new coronavirus continued i'm getting blind spread beyond china causing uh surging rapidly monday in italy iran and south korea the number of people sickened by the disease has now topped 79 000 globally again we have six billion people on the planet i'm not getting excited yet. Not until I get on that plane and I'd see somebody with the sniffles from Juan, Juan who, or whatever the fuck it's called. Where, Jews, I can't see today. When we put on these gay glasses Artie Lang's sister gave me.

These are not me. I look like something out of Carl Saul, don't I? i look like something out of call saul don't i nothing for you the past few weeks have demonstrated just how quickly new virus can spread around the world cause widespread fear and disruption said the head of the un's world health organization we'll call them who for now on tedros uhhebreyesus. Does this virus have pandemic potential? Absolutely, said Tedros. And then he went in the bathroom and threw up blood and came back out and finished the interview.

But he added, for the moment, we're not witnessing the uncontained global spread of the virus. In Italy alone, the number of patients rose from three on Friday to 229 on Monday when the death toll climbed to seven. Jesus. Too much pasta fazoola. Did you see?

They showed the cities. They closed down some major cities in Italy. They went to the supermarketsmarkets and they must be sick. There was like two cans of tomatoes left. Three boxes of ziti. That was it. Barella, by the way. Barella. They sell that over here. That must be good shit.

It was on the shelves in Italy. Come on. These grease balls know their pasta. We're going Barella. So they kicked up to, yeah, a dozen of northern towns, a dozen towns in Italy, in northern Italy, with a population of 50,000 were placed under quarantine. Oh, my God. They must be losing their minds.

In Iran, at least 12 people have died of the COVID-19 and 61 have been sickened according to the government who cares it's iran who the fuck nick that's not right the people about you're right actually the people are pretty good over there a representative from the city of quam qom it's right out of the fucking bible and then jesus went to quam somebody flipped over the money tables and jesus got in a fistfight with abdul mahaj ahmad amirabadi farani that's the guy's name said 50 people have died in iran from the virus but a health ministry spokesman insisted it was only 12 They're just lying cocksuckers. What are they talking about? Sports? War? Five neighboring countries, Iraq, Kuwait, Bahrain, Oman, and Afghanistan,

reported their first cases Monday. All people with links to Iran. Transmissions were widespread in South Korea, with authorities reporting 70 more cases on Monday, bringing it to 833. President Moon Jae placed the nation under red alert. Of course, it was red alert. Oh, that was South Korea. I'm sorry.

Along for an unprecedented powerful steps to curb the outbreak. The number of confirmed cases in the U.S. rose to 53 on Monday. 43 of those are at the Kowloon Gardens, where you can get free pork fry rice and, you know, massage in the back. Nice hand job. Nice. That must be killing the massage industry, too, right now. You know, all those horny guys that fucking slip into the massage pile are going to fucking rub one out. That included 39 people evacuated back to the United States from a virus-hit cruise ship in Japan and the Chinese city of Wuhan.

That's the epicenter of the... I wouldn't get on a cruise ship 10 years ago. My wife's best friend went on a cruise ship, came back with a flesh-eating bacteria because she went in like a hot tub of some shit. Every other cruise you see on the news, people are puking off the... I would never because you're in a enclosed area. He gets 2000 people touching the same doorknobs and shit. What are the odds you're going to get sick? Uh, the number of confirmed cases in the U S rose to 53.

Uh, I just said that China still has the vast majority of the cases and deaths at 77,150. I would say double that. That's like asking a girl with how many guys she has slept with. You got to at least double it. Oh, six. My ass. Six. Please.

Your private parts look like a 70-year-old catcher's glove. Don't give me six. So, yeah, vast majority of cases and deaths, 77,150 and 2,592 deaths. But there, it says, good news is they've been recording lower levels of new infections. You're not telling us the truth, China. I don't trust anybody, my loving. I got to get on a goddamn plane. That is gonna fucking make me sick.

Son of a whore! Gonna make a living, yo. Coronavirus may be disease X. You guys remember when they called it disease X? World Health Organization expert warns. The deadly coronavirus is looking a lot like the theoretical disease X. That's in quotes.

That officials have long warned could spark a dangerous pandemic. A World Health Organization expert said Marion Koopmans. She's very good. Marion Koopmans, a member of a call who World Health Organization Emergency Committee said the virus is the first to meet the criteria of the so-called disease X defined as a quick spreading, which is is an unpredictable illness caused by a previously unknown pathogen. So, Ms. Koopman's usually on that shit. You can't,

she ain't lying. If that's a fact, tell me, am I lying? I don't know, you Chinese. Oh, what?

World Health Organization gave the name Disease X in 2017 to a serious international epidemic caused by a pathogen currently unknown. The not yet identified illness was added to a list, this was three years ago, of nine diseases with a capability to cause global health crisis. Was gonorrhea in there? Or chlamydia? Had that many times when I was a young man.

The new coronavirus has now proved difficult to control since it appears capable of spreading from those who show no symptoms. It's like herpes.

That's when I was glad I was out of this single game. Remember the herpes they used to say well you know if you get on a guy and his prick looks like it was put through a meat grinder he might have herpes or a girl's vagina had bumps on it now they're saying you don't have to show any symptoms

Raz you know you got that twice didn't you the death toll has risen across the world to more than 2,600 people, including health professionals, working to fight these poor Chinese doctors. Within 24 hours, two Chinese doctors were killed by the new virus in the Hubei province, the center of the outbreak. Dr. Huang Wenjun, very good. My mother had him as a foot doctor, 42 years old.

And Dr. XIA. Can somebody pronounce that? XIA. CC. 29. Both died from the virus over the weekend. Treating infected patients. Take this job and shove it.

Wow, they sound very American. Would you, do you see how they're dressed? Have you seen footage? Did we show it? Let's show that footage. This is what it's going to look like if, uh, this is what's going to happen if Bernie gets in as president. Bring out your, bring out your dead.

Bring out your dead. No, I didn't order orange chicken. Look at this. This is what the United States is going to look like under Bernie. What's that? Oh, they're building a new stadium for the Chinese football team and the XFL. Look at all the beds. Look at this is an airplane.

Look at the size of that. Look at that. Make a great prison, this is an airplane. Look at the size of that. Look at that. Make a great prison. How about working with this shit? Huh? I'd be squirting at people. Squirting at you. Can you imagine going in

knowing you're fucking playing with that shit? You sit down, you knock over a cup, some of it gets on your lip. And you're fucking finished. Anyways anyways let's hope they contain that I have a lot more gigs this year I'm not going to die in the name of stand up comedy let me pound home again folks Patreon

these shows are all free now I need you to go to nickdip.com make contributions to keep this going we're leaving the Patreon set up you can stay on Patreon because you'll get extra story you can ask me questions and whatever else we come up you'll get exclusive stuff if you stay on Patreon

some people contribute through Patreon don't even care if they listen or not they just know this is a cause it's about free speech think of it as a telethon. It's all a little, bring out little Timmy with no tongue. He'd like to say something. So, yeah, and we drop the show now at 5 p.m. Eastern time. What else did I want to tell you?

If you have a small company, any company, you want to be a sponsor of the show, hit me up at nickdip.com. That would be great. That's what we're counting on, the YouTube to go up and anyhow uh roger stone damn it we forgot to pull that clip you know roger stone's a big friend a big fan of mine um he interviewed me on uh info wars when he was hosting oh look at that raz Raz. Look at Raz producing. As far as Stephen Colbert is concerned, that's right, Stephen. That's the way it is.

So, you know, as I said in the movie, Get Me Roger Stone, which unfortunately Robert Muller watched and thought it was entitled Get Roger Stone. Oh, he's right. I revel in the hatred of these leftist retards. They're not talented. They're not talented. They're not funny. Trevor Noah, not funny. Nick DiPaolo, now that's funny. Oh, my God. He said I was funny before I have to mention an unfunny black dude.

That was some heavy racism. I met Trevor Noah at the comedy cell. It couldn't be a nicer guy, but I have yet to fucking see anything funny come out of his mouth. But that's not his fault because he's got, you know, a staff of 3,000 writers. It's The Daily Show. They should have given it up when Johnny left. Anyways, Roger Stone, our friend, I think he's going to get it. It doesn't matter.

All right? Let's be honest. Trump's going to fucking pardon him. And if he doesn't, I'd be very upset at Trump. The lead juror at the Roger Stone trial, you know, he just got like four and a half years. Right. They wanted to give him nine. Remember?

And then this judge, Berman Jackson, this woman who's a definite fucking lib sticking it up his ass. The lead juror at Roger Stone's trial said in a written questionnaire, this is a black woman, Tamika. She was a lead juror at roger stone's trial said in a uh written questionnaire this is a black woman tamika she was a lead juror she's had a questionnaire she was not sure whether she posted online about the rust russia investigation though her twitter feed shows that she posted multiple stories um about the probe you're. And you're a piece of shit. Tamika Hart's responses on the jury questionnaire, a portion of which was obtained

by the DCNF, are at the heart of Stone's request for a retrial. Stone was sentenced to 40 months in prison last week. Stone alleges that Hart, a former Democratic congressional candidate, wouldn't that disqualify you right there?

It should. We all have political bias everybody's denying that you know even after two and a half years of all the fbi and all the shit the deep state and yes it is real uh people all have political bias biases um she uh stone alleges that her a former democrat congressional candidate withheld information during the jury selection process regarding her views of stone and trump the lead juror at roger stone's trial said in a written questionnaire for prospective jurors that she was not sure whether she posted online about russia investigation or stone and that she may have shared an article on social media on the topic, according to a portion of the document reviewed by the Daily Caller News founder.

But Tamika Hart's Twitter feed shows that she indeed posted multiple times about Russia probe and at least once about Stone. Stone's lawyer filed a motion on February 14, alleging that Hart's social media activity shows that she was biased against President Donald Trump and Stone. Trump also criticized Hart during a press conference after Stone was sentenced. Here he is doing another set at a comedy club. And what happened to him is unbelievable. They say he lied. But other people lied too. Just to mention Comey lied. McCabe lied. Lisa Page lied. Her lover, Strzok, Peter Strzok, lied. You don't

know who these people are? Just trust me. They all lied. The forewoman of the jury, the woman who was in charge of the jury, is totally tainted. When you take a look, how can you have a person like this? She was a anti-Trump activist. Yeah. You know. Hart, that's Tamika, who ran for Congress as a Democrat in 2012, commented negatively about Trump on Twitter, circulated news stories about the Russia probe.

In one in August of 2019, she called all of Trump's supporters racist. You didn't look this shit up before you make it the format of the jury. What the fuck? Of course not, because Judge Amy Berman Jackson was in charge.

She presided over Stone's case, said last Tuesday that she would decide after Stone's sentencing whether to grant a retrial. Jackson did not comment directly on reports about Hart during Stone's sentencing on Thursday, but did say that the jury in Stone's case acted

with integrity. What? Liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, and you know it. How the fuck do you say that? Jackson on Sunday rejected Stone's request, filed Friday, that she recuse herself from the retrial decision because of her praise of the jury. Stone is arguing that Hart gave misleading answers during the jury selection process. Leslie McAdoo Gordon, a criminal defense and security clearance attorney who practices Washington and D.C., said that Hart's responses on her written jury questionnaire paired with her answers verbal interview during a process known as voir dire, Latin, I guess, are enough to warrant a retrial. I think he could satisfy the Supreme Court test for requesting a new trial, McAdoo said.

She said that it appeared that Hart downplayed her awareness of the Russia probe in her written question. If she lied on the questionnaire, you'd fill out to become a juror. That alone would not be enough to merit a retrial, she said. But Hart's comments about Trump supporters and her failure to disclose those views during the filling out of the questionnaire are enough to satisfy the Supreme Court's requirement. If that information had been presented to the judge that she thought all supporters of the president were racist, the judge would have excluded her. that she thought all supporters of the president were racist, the judge would have excluded her.

She minimized her answers, and she was not honest in answering the question about whether she could be impartial or not. She's a little whore and a little piece of trash. Here's a couple things. August 19, 2017, she posted, this is hard, again, the juror, the lead juror, referred to Trump as hashtag Klan president. An apparent reference to the Ku Klux Klan.

Thanks for clearing that up in the article. Second one, co-signing and defending a racist and his racist rhetoric makes you racist, point blank, she wrote. She's a hateful black woman who hates Trump. She ain't crazy about white people either. She's got a chip on her shoulder. But she's the lead foreman. During her Voir d'Air interview,

Hart said that her political views would absolutely not influence her opinion about Stone at trial and that she didn't pay close attention to the Rust investigation. In response to a question about whether she watches the news, Hart said not regularly, but said that she didn't pay close attention to the Rust investigation. In response to a question about whether she watches the news, Hart said not regularly, but said that she followed CNN's Anderson Cooper

and MSNBC's Rachel Maddow and Chris Hayes. So she likes... Fucking bitch. She only watches gay fucking anchor people, apparently. Anyways, that's enough of that. Bottom line is a retard could see that she had no business being the lead juror. And this will be an outcry. I don't think it matters because Trump's going to pardon him anyways.

Do you, Raz, your thoughts? All right, real quick, let me get to one more. This came out a day or two ago, but very interesting. I know it's been all political. These people aren't saying, you know, I picked all these stories, but I got nothing last night from a few people. Vandalism hits Bloomberg campaign offices around the country. You see that?

At least seven of my, look at that. First of all, Bloomberg, that's the best you do. You're a billionaire and you get your staff working in that? Only what? Only anorexics can work in your office? That is the skinniest fucking shoebox I've ever seen. Look, that looks like a gig I did 10 years ago in Philly. What are you trying to read it?

It says fuck Bloomberg. Of course, they blend that. I thought it said it will care on the side, but it says Mike. Oh, yeah. That's what they should have done. They should have fucking crossed out the I put the L and get rid of the E. That's a beautiful building, isn't it? Who the fuck designed?

What the fuck? I'll be playing there in about two weeks. It's in Pittsburgh. It's right on College Street. It's called the Shoebox. Come in and get a few yucks. At least seven of Bloomberg's campaign offices have been vandalized over two weeks. Campaign officials say in a string of instances that Bloomberg campaign is blamed without evidence

on Bernie Sanders supporters. Oh, that dirty cocksucker. And the latest case discovered early Monday morning in Chicago offices was graffiti with the words racist, sexist, and oligarch. Spray painted in red

on the windows of the building. Other vandalism at offices in Ohio, Michigan, and Tennessee have referenced Bloomberg's wealth and his stop and frisk policies. So, you know, fucking, if I had to bet,

they're blaming, you know, Bernie bros, right? Let's do process elimination. It ain't Trump. He wants to fucking match up against Bernie, okay? But this is what I'd say if I'm Bernie, because Bloomberg saying he's not denying it enough. He's not telling he did in the last debate. He said, I we have a small amount of people that are hateful.

I just almost but he did say that Bernie did. And if I'm Bernie, I go, what they're saying, Bloomberg's people are saying, what Bloomberg's people are saying is, well, they're using word terms like oligarch and, you know, one percenter and all the shit that Bernie's. Yeah, but if I'm a Bloomberg guy and this is politics, right, they fight very dirty all sides. Maybe one of Bloomberg's guys spray painted that shit and then you can blame it on, you know what I mean? Like the fake noose on the doorknob or whatever fake hate crime you know jesse simulet that type you don't know who did that but if i had to bet on it i'm going bernie bros these guys don't sleep they're out there pushing for bernie uh anyways so your guess is as good as mine. Who said that? Me. Who the fuck said that? I did. Who's the slimy little cop in a shit twinkle? How fucking dare you? I'm a right winger.

Who's the slimy little death warrant? Kevin Sheeky, Bloomberg's campaign manager, called the incident an act of hate. Oh, will you stop with the act of hate? Jesus H. Well, we do not know who's directly responsible we do know Senator Bernie Sanders' campaign have repeatedly invoked this language and this word

oligarch specifically when discussing Mike Bloomberg and his campaign Senator Sanders' refusal to announce these illegal acts is a sign of his inability to lead first of all he did denounce him okay and I'm not voting for Sanders, folks.

Don't get the wrong idea. I'm just saying. Aren't there cameras all over the streets everywhere? You're going to tell me you don't have footage of this? You know what I mean? So Bernie fought back, and he said this to Bloomberg. Get this through your head, you... Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker,

you. We call that Jewish on Jewish crime. No direct evidence has emerged of any involvement from Sanders supporters in the battle. And Sanders' campaign has not commented on any of the incidents. They're saying that Bloomberg's taking a risk here because if it's proven it wasn't them,

it's really going to hurt them. I think we have to watch the debates tonight, folks. Get excited. Let's see if is Bloomberg in this one? I don't even know. I'm guessing. Or did I read he wasn't? Or am I making that up? I can't remember. If he shows up, he's going to have band-aids and a chipped tooth from the last debate. He's going to have a walker like Weinstein. Stop with the big gulps. That is it for today, ladies and gentlemen. Again, don't forget this show drops at 5 o'clock Eastern time.

And again, you can sign up at Patreon still if you want, if you want exclusive stories. And you can ask me questions directly. And if you have a company that you want to become a sponsor of the show, go to nickdip.com. Anything I'm forgetting, Rez? Click on contact at nickdip.com. You can make contributions, financial contributions, which is going to keep this show up. I need it. I can't fly every weekend.

You saw it. There's fucking people sneezing all over the place. I'll be dead. Please send money now. Remember, you think and I'll say you're very welcome. I'll see you back here tomorrow. Have a good day, everybody. guitar solo I'm out.