The Nick DiPaolo Show - Bongino Breaks Huge Trump News...Almost | Nick Di Paolo Show #545
Episode Date: May 25, 2021Hunter Biden frequent flyer. Libs eating libs. Liz Cambage calls out WNBA coach....
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Here we are again on a Tuesday from the great state of Georgia.
Oh, it was until Biden came into the scene, that dirty old fucking fart. How
you doing, folks? Welcome to the show. Glad to be with you. It's already getting a little
sticky out there. A little grotesque. Let's get right to it. I got a lot of shit to plow
through. Danny Bongino, I don't know what to think of this guy because he was part of
the parlor. He was one of the owners.
And they took a real shit and went belly up.
Now, they have, like, you know, hate speech things.
That was supposed to be the site where us guys could go to cut loose us right-wingers.
And I don't know.
I think there was some broad involved.
So that sucks.
I don't know if he's still part of that.
But I like you've seen him on Fox, if you watch Fox.
He was a secret servant agent.
He was a cop.
So he, you know, he walks the walk.
And I like his pit bull attitude.
And the guy's fighting cancer.
Tough guy.
But I'm a fan.
I actually threw him a shout out when I did that streaming show from Vegas last November.
He doesn't know who I am, but he will.
He will.
By the way, he's taking Rush Limbaugh's slot at noontime.
And he just debuted, I think it was yesterday, right, in that slot.
You wouldn't believe the money.
Somebody told me what they get as far as ads.
I can't even tell you guys.
I got to get one-eighth of that, and I'll quit everything.
I'll be on a yacht being blown by three fucking Asian hookers,
having a nice foot-long tuna sub with pickles and black olives.
That's my idea, paradise.
Why I said Asian, I don't know.
I'm not big on them.
Anyways, Danny Bongino breaks big news about Trump on his first show.
Popular conservative commentator Dan Bongino launched his new radio program on Monday
by airing an exclusive interview with the former president, Donald Trump,
asking whether he will run in the 2024 presidential election.
And I like what we're going to show you this clip he he
actually he actually starts to refer to Trump as man you know he caught himself because once you're
a president you're the president that's like you know Mr. President this which was my favorite part
of Trump being president he used to love to tell us stories and then uh and then a couple of
senators came up to him and said sir sir can we do this
sir can we do just letting us know that's the kind of respect he had uh anyways here's dan
bongino on his debut uh in the rush limbaugh slot and they still play clips of rush limbaugh which
fucking creeps me the fuck out and you know what they're still relevant and he's still right but anyways here's Bongino
me but I have to ask where are we with 2024 you we need you man we need you big time you
thinking about it are you leaning one way we'd love to hear it well I'll tell you what we are
going to make you very happy and we're going to do what's right and we've done a great job for
the country all All right. I guess.
Hey, everybody, we're all going to get laid.
I don't know if that's breaking news.
We're going to do what makes you happy.
He didn't come out and say, yes.
Yes, I'm right.
You know, yes, that would make us happy.
Why do I look so fat?
Is it because I ate a pizza at midnight?
The fuck is with this face of mine?
That's it.
I have to find a bulimic chick and find out how that's done.
I just can't waste good food.
Anyways, back to Trump.
So he said, yeah, we're going to make you do what's right.
Do what's right would be fucking arresting Joe Biden
or using the 25th Amendment to send him packing.
Dan Bongino took the time slot held by the conservative late great Rush Limbaugh,
and he said, Bongino, and this was actually, I thought it was very appropriate,
there's no replacing Rush, okay?
No, it's never going to happen, Bongino told the Fox News program,
Fox and Friends, and you can't really argue with that.
You are correct, sir.
But me being in that time slot, I really hope to do some honor to his legacy, Bongino added, which is, I hope he does.
That's your world. I just live in it.
I don't know why that's in there.
Bongino is a former Secret Service agent, a NYPD Department of Veterans, and best-selling author.
Bongino also faced lymphoma in 2020, but he's tough as nails.
You're going to eat lightning, and you're going to drop thunder.
He has become well-known for his outspoken podcast.
Who's more outspoken than me?
I'm so fucking outspoken, they won't even come near me.
Jesus H., here's the truth, the light, and the way.
Look at Dan.
Does he not look like a human version of a pit bull?
I say that respectively, by the way.
So he's known for his outspoken podcast commentaries,
even attracting the attention of Trump.
What do I got to do, jerk off his son?
I mean, I've had him on the show three times.
The new program airs on the Westwood One Audio Network.
And my old boss, named Chris, at DirecTV,
I believe he heads up that fucking whole thing now.
So I'll be calling him today going,
Anyway.
Anyway, so that was big news.
Let's stay in New York.
We go from one very conservative, patriotic fella
to the story about New York Times
blames Trump for media getting it wrong initially about COVID.
Monday, this is all CNN does.
Do you know they're crashing?
Do you know Don Lemon is trying all kinds of shit?
I don't know why they abandoned him.
Let me ask you, apparently he's fucking plummeting.
Can I ask you something?
Why now?
You just realized he's full of shit?
This guy doesn't have shit coming out of his mouth.
There's a cock going in.
You just realize that he's a fucking
liar and a racist?
Literally a lying
cocksucker? You're just realizing that now?
Anyways, Monday
on CNN's New Day New York,
Times White House reporter, oh, she's still
around, Maggie Haberman.
There she goes.
Look at her glasses and her haircut say what?
I'm offended by everything because I'm a schlubby.
I don't have any muscle tone.
Never got laid, even when I was young.
Maggie Haberman weighed in on the, I'm sure she's a nice lady.
I'm just joking.
Maggie Haberman weighed in on the mounting evidence that suggests COVID-19 originated at the Wuhan Institute of Virology.
Dr. Anthony Fauci has even said he is not convinced then coronavirus developed naturally after first pushing back against that theory.
You know, the theory that Trump said.
The theory that Trump was right about again.
That he's always right about.
Why do you people admit you're not good at life? You're wrong about everything. As Anthony Quinn's son said in
Platoon, when Charlie Sheen's character said, I was wrong about it. Wrong, you ain't never been
right. Boy, was he overacting. Anyways, a lot of discussion about the lab leak, I think, was
clouded. This is Haberman talking. Early on, because there was a suggestion by some, he's not talking about Trump,
that it was somehow a Chinese weapon that caused this.
Host John, I'm a stupid fuck, Berman, posed to Haberman,
that's not what we're talking about here, he said.
We're talking about a lab accident.
But we've come a long way from people dismissing this as a conspiracy theory to a lot of people taking this seriously Maggie you're just coming
around to Trump's way of thinking how embarrassed to you why don't you
apologize to the nation every day for the last 30 years of what you've done
let's take a look at the video of these arrogant mama for mama boobers.
We have, John. And look, I do think it's important to remember that part of the issue when this was
first being reported on and discussed back a few months after the pandemic had begun was that
then President Trump and Mike Pompeo, the secretary of state, both suggested they had
seen evidence that this was formed in a lab. And they also suggested it was not released on purpose, but they refused to release the evidence showing what it was.
And so because of that, that made this instantly political. I think that it was, you know,
example 1000 when the Trump administration learned that when you have burned your own
credibility over and over again, people are not immediately going to believe you,
especially in an election year. However, that does not mean.
People are not immediately going to believe you, especially in an election year.
However, that does not mean.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially on CNN, who has a New York Times reporter on to get to the truth.
She's a fucking.
You pompous, stock up, snot nose, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, fuck face, dickhead, asshole.
Talk about an echo chamber.
Having a New York Times writer, super lib chick on CNN.
Wow, you guys really know how to mix it up.
Just say it, Trump was right once again.
Well, he didn't show the evidence and ba-ba-ba.
You know what he's calling it now, Trump?
The chink virus.
How's that sit?
Trump, you want to win 150 million votes?
Just say chink virus.
This country will go crazy.
Even the fucking Asians will love you.
I like him.
He tell truth.
He don't like Chinese people.
He tell truth.
Nick, that's horrible.
That's too easy.
Shut up.
I'll do that until I'm 100.
I'll be on my deathbed going, remember how you used to do the chink on your thing?
Anyways, here is, I should have her name up there.
I know it's Lee, Lee Hen Yan, something.
Hey Len Yee.
Now I'm just reading the left side of the menu.
I love this. This is a scientist who lived in Hong Kong and she's a virologist. Super brilliant.
Okay. I want you to keep in mind she just learned English about five minutes ago and she's on TV. And I'm not saying this in a sexual way.
I'm just saying she's such a little doll.
I don't know.
You know her IQ's through the roof.
And she's just, oh, the other thing I love about her,
she's got huge stones.
She was saying this shit when it first broke.
That's why she got out of Hong Kong.
Now, why wouldn't we listen to this woman?
Damn it, I should have her name.
If I'm going to call her and ask her out.
I don't want them to say it.
They probably do, you're right.
Where the fuck is it?
Wait a minute.
Here we go.
Oh, God, I don't have it.
All right, let's roll it.
But she's such a sweetie and so smart.
Like I said, full of courage.
Go ahead.
You could tell that this did not emerge from nature, that this was created in a lab?
Yes.
I have told that and I have proved it by presenting the evidence, scientific ones,
and also the intelligence evidence in my three published reports
And also what I can further explain to you today is
this kind of gain of function modification in this COVID-19 virus
is basically not for any good purpose
It's like you want to give a toy gun to your kid as toy
so you will remove the bullet and you will make it safe
for a kid but instead they make this so-called toy gun with bullet and also even with a sharp
knife and a missile on that then they give the kid that say it's for your toy so that
is means that after this kind of game of function things, you will see it become
very, very dangerous.
So no way it is for good purpose.
So this is purposely modified and to harm people, to target people.
I'm amazed that you could pull off an analogy like that in a second language.
I'm impressed.
And that sounds exactly right to me.
You told the truth about this early. You were attacked for doing that, not just by the Chinese government.
Apparently, you can't even contact your family back in China, much less go there.
But you were attacked in this country by Americans who should know better who were lying.
What has your life been like since you first came on the show?
Actually, yeah, there are a lot of attacks.
And also I keep working on the things,
keep providing evidence,
and many of evidence are verified gradually
by independent source.
And I'm happy to see more and more people realize
this is a lab-made virus,
come from Chinese Communist Party. this is a lab-made virus, come from Chinese
Communist Party. That is a good thing. And also what I want to say is now we really need
to call for all the society, the scientific society, medical society, and also government
people to realize this is very dangerous virus now, and this is a lie. I've made things since the things already proved, and then you will realize that there
are more things, more secrets, hidden in the virus.
Although you may not see the clear outcome immediately, but this is purposely modified
to target humans.
So we should give more pressure to Chinese Communist Party
to ask them tell what they have done
to manipulate this virus.
And also we need work together to study those random
and also intentionally result come out from the virus,
which gave the harm things to human.
We need to solve these things together.
We should not stay in the lies again.
Did you hear that?
Lab-made virus coming from the communist,
Chinese Communist Party.
You know, the ones that LeBron James loves
and Bill Gates loves and all the lefties love.
You know, China.
Joe Biden and his son have a duplex
in Qingflao Tuow County.
County, County. County.
Province.
By the way, you want to get depressed,
do what I do.
God damn it, have another cigarette.
I don't know what goes on with me.
After 2 a.m., I go to YouTube and go,
people being cut in half by chains.
I sit there until 3 o'clock watching.
I told you the other night I was watching Chinese people get hit by cars.
And you want to get depressed.
And nobody does anything.
They just drive around.
It's where we're headed.
Sort of like now.
Somebody gets shot in New York, nobody helps.
I don't know how I got to this.
I digress.
God help me.
Anyway, speaking of China, speaking of China,
our China-loving president, Joey Biden, his border,
it's a fucking joke.
Should have a big sign.
Welcome, child molesters, murderers, and rapists.
It's just a joke.
It should say video there, shouldn't it?
Oh, there it is.
My fault.
All right.
It's just a joke, the border.
Let me show you some footage.
You know, I saw this online, and they built it up like, oh, my God.
I was expecting like 1,000 people pouring over.
And it's like a one mexican family
like 35 people i don't know what the big fucking deal is but um let's watch this then i'll then
i'll tell you how i feel about the border and and how it's all a fraud let her roll take a look at
this crazy video showing a large group of migrants running away from border patrol as they cross
illegally into the united states appear to be a group of 30 running away from Border Patrol as they cross illegally into
the United States. Appear to be a group of 30 to 40 just scattering into an open field as Border
Patrol is pursuing behind them. Mostly single adults, men, no children with them. You'll see
a Border Patrol unit chasing them. Two of the guys appear to be handcuffed together as one
border agent, badly outnumbered, tries to chase them down in a pickup truck as that group continues
running through a field, over a bridge, through a stream.
It's a fucking ad for the Toyota Tundra is what it is.
What the hell was, you know, can I just say something?
Did you see anybody trying to start?
Two guys versus 40.
Turn out the lights.
The party's over.
They say that all Good things must end
All at night
The party's over
Ay, ay, ay, ay
I am a
Frito Bandito
I love Frito
Corn chips, I love them, I do.
I'll take my fucking
Fritos from you.
That's a nice racist song.
They asked these guys running across
the border, what's your philosophy in life?
And they said, run through a motherfucker face.
Alright, some black people running over
apparently from Seattle.
Can you fucking imagine?
Can you imagine? Can I just tell you how I feel?
This is, you know, even Trump, sorry, even Trump, who I love, and please, I hope he doesn't see this,
but we don't want to stop people from coming over here. Neither party does. Are you going to tell
me the greatest military this planet has ever seen can't stop 45 people like that running?
Seriously, just think about that for a second.
Why wouldn't you make a wall, which is silly?
Again, you don't even need it.
If you're serious about, right, you have drones that shoot people
or fucking lamb, however you want to do it.
Build a wall, even though it's all symbolism.
Make it, you throw a switch and it's 450,000 volts.
Seriously.
Or start shooting people. You think that might slow up the...
So every time they show you this, oh, we're doing our best, don't believe it. From Republicans,
Democrats, they all want the cheap fucking labor, okay? And they're coming over here,
especially the Democrats. They want the cheap labor and they want the power. They're going to
win every election for the next thousand years. They want to load this place up with black and brown poor people.
It's right in Alinsky's rules or George Soros.
That's how you break a capitalist country.
You open the borders.
You let poor people pour in uneducated, right?
We have nothing in common with each other.
We're at each other's throats.
Put them all on welfare until the system collapse,
and then you can replace it with socialism.
Okay?
You're welcome.
My bless.
Fuck you.
Not you.
The people doing this.
Oh, yeah.
Look at the guy in a pickup truck.
He's almost doing 11 miles an hour,
being outrun by an 11-year-old girl from Guadalajara.
Okay. Don't use lethal.
I'll say it again.
Slingshots, whatever.
BB guns, pellet guns.
Just take an eye out.
Make them run with a fucking knife in the hand.
My parents always said that was dangerous.
Something.
They already have knives.
What am I saying?
But just don't believe it
when they tell you that you know it just
isn't true yeah but Nick but Trump but didn't he didn't he kind of slow down
yes he did slow it down didn't stop it like I said if you picked off a few of
those people and I get all that's in you may but they're just coming here for a
better life some of them have Nikes on, I notice. Fucking dressed better than I am.
Half of the broads, there were none there.
But when you see women, they're all pregnant.
That's right.
Dump it right here.
So let's go from one shithead Biden to another.
You know who Hunter is?
He made a little bit of news.
This guy would have got kicked out of fucking Motley Crue for drugs.
Hunter Biden, why didn't I use that fucking sound drop?
Nick, you're an asshole.
Hunter Biden apparently racking up the frequent flyer miles.
That picture's way too good of him.
That's cleaned up.
Never use that again.
According to Secret Service travel records obtained by Judicial Watch,
then-Vice President Joe Biden's son Hunter took, listen to this, buckle up, 411 trips across 29 countries between 2009 and the middle of 2014.
That includes 23 flights into or out of Joint Base Andrews, home to Air Force One and Air Force Two.
It was like a car for him that you leave in
the driveway. Oh, here's the keys, kid. What are you gonna do? I gotta pick up some coke in Columbia.
Go get it. Imagine 411 flights. Enough is enough. I have had it with these motherfucking snakes
on this motherfucking plane. These trips, which shed light on hunter's involvement with his father are revealed
in breaking the news exposing the establishment media's hidden deals and secret corruption a new
book exploring the corruption that drove the established media to cover up the hunter biden
scandal that could be it's actually a good book alex mar. I think he's one of the big shots at Breitbart. Despite this evidence that there was not an absolute wall between Hunter and Joe,
remember they said they never talked to each other?
Even when they were on the plane, they never talked about business.
What did you talk about with your dad, Hunter?
Did you say, Dad, look, you can't keep putting your shoes in the freezer?
Did you say, Dad, look, you can't keep putting your shoes in the freezer?
Dad, I saw you taking your leftovers and put them in the toilet.
There's a sink.
Anyways, remember they said they didn't talk to each other absolute well between Hunter and Joe.
That was a big.
When it comes to business endeavors, The establishment press has shown little interest in exploring whether Hunter was actually leveraging his father's power to enrich himself.
Of course, it doesn't fit their narrative.
In fact, quite the contrary.
I should have done a, think about this.
We'll do a reverse the party segment.
Imagine that was Trump and his son fucking yapping
and oh my God, I can't even.
The New York Times for example
published a story in 2020 portraying Hunter as a skilled artist who was mastering painting
I don't even remember reading that one do you
painting what garages the article headlined there's a new artist in town.
This is what they were putting up while the scandal was going on.
And Facebook and Instagram and fucking TikTok where he picks up young girls.
Snapchat, snap my nipples, whores.org.
All of them refused to cover.
Remember the New York Post broke this story?
There's a new artist in town.
This is what they were writing.
The name is Biden.
Unironically featured glossy photographs
of a relaxed and polished Hunter Biden
working away in his studio.
Can you imagine?
The American public has been told consistently
that Hunter Biden is a,
he's as pure as the driven snow that goes up his fucking nostrils.
Off of Budweiser mirror.
Joe Biden called his son the smartest guy I know.
He was the best guy around.
That's not a lie because Biden has surrounded himself with so many fucking idiots.
I actually think he's right about that.
Dr. Jill Biden, she treated me for, you know what, crabs.
Not Biden's wife, another Biden.
Dr. Biden here and there.
Dr. Jill Biden and Joe both expressed confidence that Hunter had done nothing wrong.
Why don't you fucking lick my salty, old, gray-haired, covered ballsack?
Which is shrinking because of this goddamn testosterone.
Did any of those in the media who supported the suppression of the Hunter Biden email story
investigate exactly where Hunter was going on these trips and with whom?
That's a sick question. You're sick, fucker.
I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it.
Well, you better, prick face. Not as far as I can tell. NBC News, The Washington Post,
The Washington Post, again, political, The New York Times, MSNBC, PBS, NPR, CBS News, CNN,
Rolling Stone, Business Insider, Newsweek, US Today, Mother Jones, Vox, and more all indulged the Democrat disinformation campaign
that protected the Bidens and the dishonest tech elite.
We keep pointing this out for, what, the last 30 years?
Anybody going to do something about it?
That there was hard evidence to the contrary didn't seem to matter
to the people who had an election to win in a public to misinform.
Un-fucking-real.
Why was Hunter Biden flying to and from an American military base?
I don't know.
I figure he's picking up boots.
Where was he going, and what did he do when he got there?
Shut up. Mind your fucking business and shut up i will not americans may never know and perhaps we have our pro-biden establishment media to thank
for that fucking unbelievable you wonder why trump lost honest to god the new york post broke
the biden story imagine oldest paper on record in the country.
And they blocked it all over social media.
May Jack Dorsey get vagina cancer.
And may his life partner have a asshole filled with AIDS as he gobbles it up.
There's more to that poem I was writing last night.
Well, this is why we do this.
Because Hannity can't.
All right, let's move on.
Ah, this is the one benefit of Biden and his shitheads being in power.
We get to watch him tear each other to shreds.
They keep talking about the Civil War and the Republican Party.
Ooh, Liz Cheney get booted from her position.
Meanwhile, you got the squad, or as I call them, the unfuckables,
fighting with Nancy. There they are, the unfuckables, fighting with Nancy.
There they are, the unfuckables.
That should be a sitcom.
Look at those unfuckables, except for the one on the far end.
You know, that's a bandage on Ilhan Omar's head. That's not even a burka.
Yeah.
Look at the hateful black one next to her, then Tlaib.
The squad versus Pelosi. Members of the so-called squad of progressive lawmakers nearly took down a bill backed by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi that provides $1.9 billion in
supplemented security funding at the U.S. Capitol following the January 6th riot.
So they need $1.9 billion to protect the...
Because of that riot, remember?
Again, somebody broke a vase,
and I think somebody spilled a cup of coffee on Pelosi's rug.
It was horrible.
We better fucking surround it with fence and barbed wire.
Meanwhile, a fucking border, southern borders, wide open.
Can you imagine?
1.6.
Democrat reps Ilhan Omar of Minnesota,
Cori Bush, one fucking racist black one, of Missouri,
and the most hateful of them all,
Ayanna Pressley of Massachusetts,
who wanted to, last year she was trying to pass a thing where shoplifting would be legal.
Not making that up.
You can look it up.
Voted against the bill.
So libs are going after libs.
Now, don't get all excited because they didn't hate the bill the same reason you and I do.
While New York Reps Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Jamal Bowman and Rep Rashida Tlaib of Michigan did not take a position on the bill.
Well, there's a lot of balls.
And voted present.
Two GOP members did not cast a recorded vote, and every other Republican opposed the bill.
It narrowly passed 213 to 212.
Wait till I tell you why.
You're going to shit corn.
A tied vote in the House means that
the measure fails, but it didn't. It passed by a vote. Following the passage of the bill,
Omar said, Omar said, I am frankly tired of any time where there was a failure in our system of
policing. The first response is for us to give them more money.
And you know what America says to you, stupid?
Who gives a fuck what you think?
All we have to do is get something to cover her eyes,
and we're good.
Get her those things you put on at the hotel
when you're trying to...
Look at that stupid...
Block her eyes.
She should put on sunglasses.
That would be hilarious.
Presley, Bush, and Omar,
boy, you couldn't get more hate on one stage,
released a joint statement
that outlined their objection to the legislation.
A bill that pours $1.9 billion into increased police,
this is what they're upset about.
It increases police surveillance and force without addressing the underlying
threats of organized and violent white.
You better start naming names when you're talking about white supremacy
or shut your fucking camel eating pie.
Nick, they don't eat camel.
I don't care.
Okay, you hummus-eating pie hole.
Can you imagine?
It doesn't address white supremacy.
You know why?
It doesn't exist.
Because if it did, we would be blowing,
we would be, they would be mowing down people like you.
Maybe it's coming. I got my fingers crossed. These two. La, we will be, they will be mowing down people like you. Maybe it's coming.
I got my fingers crossed.
These two.
La, la, la, la.
Violent white supremacy, radicalization, and disinformation that led to this attack will not prevent it from happening again, said the lawmakers.
And then they all went home like unhappy women and played with their cats.
went home like unhappy women and played with their cats.
Increasing law enforcement funds does not inherently protect our safeguard
or safeguard the Capitol Hill or surrounding D.C. community.
In fact, this bill is being passed before
we have any real investigation into the...
Are you shitting me?
Are you shitting me?
You already did a...
We had hearings on it.
And you know what we learned?
There were a lot of Antifa people, people that you backed that were in there.
And we learned that a woman, white woman, unarmed, a Trump supporter, a veteran was killed by a black Capitol police.
We don't even know his name.
Why do you look into that, you four clam lappers?
Jesus H. Christ.
four clam lappers.
Jesus H. Christ.
Into the events of January 6th and the failures involved
because Republicans have steadfastly
obstructed the creation
of January 6th commission.
You bunch of...
Oh, please God, send them lumps on their armpits.
Please.
The Democratic lawmakers also said the bill does far too little
to address the unspeakable trauma of the countless officers,
staff, and support workers who were on the site that day.
Really?
If they were so traumatized, we
wouldn't be seeing them on CNN and MSNBC. They wouldn't be at the hospital with a
camera. I think one of them did get a scratch. And the one that supposedly was
beat to death with a fire extinguisher. Remember, he actually had
like a stroke or a heart attack. So you're all lying whores. Nobody likes you.
Go back to your third cerebral shithole country.
Dedicating 50 times more money
to the creation of a quick reaction force
than it does to counseling.
Oh, my God.
Oh.
Oh, boy, you.
Counseling.
The law, what are they going to do
when there's a real insurrection?
Seriously, when there's actually weapons involved and somebody does get hurt.
Did you guys address the guy, Bernie Sanders fan, that shot up the baseball field a few years ago?
Do you know you guys just declared that domestic terrorism about two weeks ago?
How do you feel about that?
Oh, my God, right now.
I have a, anyways.
There's a beat of sweat right down the crack of my ass.
The lawmaker said they could not support this increased funding
while many of our communities continue to face, oh, my God, they're like a broker,
police brutality while marching in the streets.
Really?
Yeah, yeah. Police brutality while marching in the streets. Really? Yeah, yeah.
Police brutality.
And while questions about the disparate response
between insurrectionists and those...
Are you listening to this?
They're complaining that the cops went easy on the Capitol.
Listen to this fucking logic. They're saying that we went harder on the people who protested the
cops did than the people on january 6th because they were white meanwhile those white people that
were there on january 6th they've been solitary confinement since and not charged with anything. And you whores were bailing out,
our vice president was bailing out criminals in Minneapolis while the rioting was going on.
You are the dumbest fucks. I will debate you here, now, anywhere. They just, they're making it up.
They're not dumb. They're fucking evil. You know, they always call Republicans evil.
They are fucking Satan.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Those protests in defense of black lives go unanswered.
You gotta be dog- Problem? You're the fucking problem?
You fucking Dr. White onking jam rag-arking spunk bubble.
I'm telling you, H, you keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking
ground. I promise you. Not this time.
People are still in
jail from January
6th without being charged.
Where's all the civil rights
groups? ACLU, haven't heard from you.
The poverty, southern
poverty law center. Oh, that's right.
You guys are left-wing terrorists
is what you are.
Oh, my aching stem.
I just can't take the hypocrisy.
I'm going to go
get a pizza after this. I'm so upset.
Let's move on to
dumb. I just called, they used to call
Republicans evil and dumb. Well, here's one that's a little,
I don't know, dumb fucking Republican.
I wrote, Rep. Ken Calvert, Republican, oh, California.
There's no Republicans in California.
Anyways, that's how I look after I eat Chinese food the next morning.
Rep. Ken Calvert forgot to cast a proxy vote on behalf of Rep. John Carter,
who's a Republican in Texas, seen here.
There he is.
Nothing to see here.
It's the Southern Leslie Nielsen.
Anyways, Calvert forgot to do a proxy vote
on behalf of John Carter,
which ultimately would have killed
the $1.9 trillion capital security funding bill that passed by one vote on Thursday, according to a report.
Now, how bad does this poor bastard feel, huh?
Oh, my aching stem.
Where are my fucking buttons?
Uh-oh, retard alert.
Retard alert.
Retard alert!
Carter submitted a letter to the clerk of the House of Representatives dated May 14th, giving Calvert authority to cast his vote by proxy due to the ongoing public health emergency.
The final vote for the bill was 213 to 212.
Naturally, that's something that would happen to me.
I'd blow it off.
A no vote from Carter would have tied the vote.
A tied vote would have sunk the bill in the House
since it would have blocked it from passing.
The House cannot break a tie.
You know, it's not like the Senate.
You can't break a tie.
It's tied.
It's tied in the House.
That's it.
You can't break a tying vote like in the Senate
where a vice president can vote when the votes are tied.
Who came up with this shit?
How did these founding fathers, man, what the?
According to Just the News, who first reported on this,
Carter had successfully voted by proxy on the motion to recommit earlier in the day,
just not the final vote on the supplemental security bill.
A spokesperson for Carter had told Just the News the congressman
would have voted against the bill if his proxy vote was counted for the final vote. Additionally,
the spokesperson said the congressman included a statement in the record that would have voted no.
I'm not even, I don't even believe them. How about that? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm not even one I don't even believe them how about no no no no no no no no no I want to believe this I don't believe anybody anymore on either I I don't trust anybody no I I just I mean
I guess they should always view politicians like that but there was a point you know but after
seeing what they did to Trump for four years and the media and this election being stolen, and yes, it was, it's all coming out, don't worry.
I don't believe anybody.
This guy, really?
Why don't you show up and vote?
Oh, that's right, COVID.
You think, how about that?
I'm not giving you the benefit of the doubt.
For some reason, we'll find out it was beneficial to him.
I apologize ahead of time if I'm wrong, Mr. Calvert.
Just the News had asked a spokesperson in Calvert's office
why the proxy on the final vote on the $1.9 billion was not counted.
The spokesperson answered,
Rep. Calvert had been voting by proxy for Rep. Carter throughout the week.
That's why I don't believe it either.
So you forgot on the day of the vote. Throughout the week
you're using the gun. The spokesman
had also added Rep. Calvert
made a mistake and simply forgot to cast
Rep. Carter's vote.
I don't believe any of this.
It's a story.
It's a story.
It's a story.
The record shows Calvert
voted in person on the final vote.
According to the House clerk who keeps the records of all congressional members using proxy voting,
published rules allowing them to use the right pursuant to House Resolution 8,
the 117th Congress and House Resolution 965, which is my favorite,
116th Congress, they were terrific, that allows the
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi to wash her filthy ass in public. Good night, everybody. Allows Nancy
Pelosi to designate certain times members are allowed to vote by proxy. Who comes up with this
shit? During the pandemic, Pelosi has given representatives the option to vote by proxy
or in person. Breitbart News reported last week that Democrat Rep Jared Golden,
Maine, had used proxy voting to help Pelosi pass the bill with the one vote margin after he had
previously pledged not to use the boating style for family responsibilities.
Good to see you. You're from Maine, huh? Good to see you. How you doing?
That's the prettiest girl in Maine, by the way.
I'm kidding, folks. Just a joke. Maine's a lovely state.
A lot of the girls had 48-inch ankles. I can't tell you how much.
I think we need something to lighten up the mood, huh?
It's one of my favorite
lines in the movie, Gotti. By the way, I've been
telling you people for years to watch.
Did you ever see that one, Matthew, on HBO?
I love it.
Matt fucking has good taste.
Amina Santi as John Gotti.
There's been no...
Then they try to do it to Volta.
They might as well have Nathan Lane as Sammy the Bull.
But there's a line in that.
He's drinking cappuccino.
Then he gets all arguing with his brothers and shit.
He's got a heavy wool shirt on.
He puts on his leather jacket.
He's going to go bouncing.
He goes, I smell like a fucking animal now.
I do that when I put on deodorant.
I'm very immature.
Why am I talking about that?
Well, men in speed stick.
Excuse me.
Get a load of this.
It's always India or New York.
Doctors in India are warning about a peculiar hazard.
In a new case study this week, they detail having to remove a can of aerosol spray deodorant from a patient's rectum.
That's your world.
I just live in it.
Holy moly.
I've stuck a lot of shit up my head.
I was hoping it would be like a speed stick at least,
but this is a big round like an aerosol.
It's an injury made even more potentially dangerous
due to the risk of fire or explosion.
Well, I did this once.
I put a can of, you know what, a can of, I think it was Raid,
and I lit a Bic lighter.
I was trying to give it that Batmobile with the flame coming out effect.
It didn't work.
But there's a risk of fire explosion should the offending object
be removed using a cautery or any energy device they write.
What do you mean, like, six-hour energy drink? What are they talking about?
Why would you stick deodorant up your ass? Don't tell me. Well, it stinks. No, no, no.
If I would do that, you know what kind of deodorant? I use Secret.
I just thought of that. You can tell. According to the authors of this new paper published Monday in BMJ Case Reports,
they are the first doctors to report finding a deodorant aerosol spray can inside a patient's crapper, pooper.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, don't care if it was Cool Whip. You don't put cans up your ass. Flammable chemicals,
there's a real risk of explosion. Well, that's the fun of it. Should the can inadvertently be
punctured or deployed during removal? What's it, an airbag? What are you talking about?
According to the scant information provided, though, the doctors did successfully yank the object out from their patient, seemingly without disaster.
While this may be the first case of deodorant rectal insertion ever formally documented in
medical literature, these doctors were actually prescient in warning others about the risk of operating under these conditions.
Last year, get this, according to a national database on injuries recorded at emergency rooms
in the United States, at least one person inserted a deodorant spray can into their own rectum,
apparently to help with constipation.
Wink, wink, Shepard Smith.
While another person inserted some kind of aerosol container.
Remember, this case happened in India.
The doctor's looking in the eye going,
But you don't have opening?
Yes, in the back.
But why not?
Let me spread my cheeks. You don't have opening? Yes, in the back. But why not? Let me spread my cheeks.
You don't have an opening?
But you don't have opening?
No.
But why not?
The guy's all depressed.
No.
Finally tonight on Face the Dirty Nation, Liz the Twat Cambage.
You should not know who she is unless you're a big fan of dog shit basketball.
She calls out a WNBA coach.
WNBA all-star Liz Cambage will never let her.
I am so tired.
And I remember my buddy saying this.
Honest to God, my buddy the cop, he said this to me 30 years ago. He looked at me and he goes, I am so tired of this
I'm a strong black woman fucking horse shit.
That was 30 years ago.
And I am exhausted of it now.
Listen to this fucking
pituitary creep.
She ain't gonna let
no man disrespect her.
The Aces Center
in a series of Instagram stories she can type,
accused Connecticut Sun head coach Kurt Miller
of making a lewd comment about her weight.
Y'all fat fuck, look at you.
Cambage, said Miller, told the referee,
come on, she's 300 pounds,
while arguing a call in the Aces' favor
and the Suns' eventual 72-65 win on Sunday night.
Miller has since, like a white man with no spine,
apologized instead of saying, fuck you, you giant pig.
Miller has since apologized,
admitting he made an offensive comment about Cambridge's weight.
Let's take a listen to this strong Nubian princess with a cock bigger than
shacks. Let's hear what she has to say. If there's one thing about me is that I will never let a man
disrespect me. Ever. Ever. Ever. Especially a little white one. So to the coach of Connecticut,
I'm sorry, little sir man, I do not know your name.
But the next time you try to call out a referee, you know, trying to get a call being like, come on, she's 300 pounds.
I don't want to hear any more what she has to say, especially a little white one.
Again, let's reverse the races and have a white girl saying that about a black coach.
See, you're angry. She's like 6'8",
by the way, 235.
Of course she's angry.
And she's
ugly, and she has a bow in her hair.
You fat, nasty, black bitch.
She was born her
first words were this.
My vagina's angry.
It is.
It's pissed off.
You don't got no vagina up in there.
Where was Don Imus when you need him?
Miller issued an apology to Cambridge and the Aces organization on Monday.
That's faggot stuff.
Sure is.
You want a call by its name?
That's strictly for fags.
I made it
inappropriate.
What am I doing? I made an
inappropriate and offensive comment
in reference to Liz Cambridge's
height and weight. I meant to say
7'9", 812 pounds.
No.
His statement read, according to ESPN,
I regret what I said. Boy, don't
ESPN eat this shit up, huh?
Just another case of an old white sexist guy.
I regret what I said in the heat of the moment
and want to sincerely apologize to Liz
and the entire ACEs organization.
Matter of fact, I will give her a handjob behind a dumpster.
I understand the gravity of my words
and have learned from this.
Why would you say that?
Campage, who has yet to acknowledge Miller's apology,
of course she's a hateful black broad, finished the game with 10 points.
Imagine being 6'8 in the WNBA and you only get 10 points.
You suck.
She had four blocks in 21 minutes.
Her latest social media call-out comes less than two weeks after her Twitter spat.
See, she's just a twat.
She had a Twitter spat with Australian basketball alum Andrew Abogat.
She's just a hateful, you know what.
She's a malignant cunt.
All right, you took the words out of my mouth.
WNBA is just, it's a quality sport.
I can, you notice they never put up the ratings?
Who's what?
Never.
And you notice they keep the cameras at about court level?
Do you know?
Because the first three rows are filled and then it's empty.
And it's being subsidized by the NBA, I believe.
How does that make you feel, feminist?
I'm talking to you, you fucking pituitary freaks.
Listen to me.
I don't understand why the ratings are so.
Let's take a look at some highlights of the WNBA.
And roll them.
La, la, la, la, la, la.
Oh, beautiful shot. Oh.
Look at these.
Jesus.
Have an air ball, why don't you?
My God.
Even Hillary's laughing at you.
Oh, my God.
Anyways, that's enough for today.
I've spread enough hate.
How about that, huh?
I'm not going to let any coach, especially a little white one,
just hate them because she doesn't fit in.
She doesn't fit into any car they make.
Nor society. That's enough, ladies and gentlemen. and fit into any car they make. North Society.
That's enough, ladies and gentlemen.
I'd like to say, again, thank you for tuning in.
Don't forget nickdip.com.
That's where my shows, I think they're always there, right?
And you can click on the tour button.
You'll find out where I'm doing stand-up.
I'm in Myrtle Beach.
Where's that, Matt? South Carolina?
Huh? I don't even know.
Probably right in Georgia. Anyways, it's a three and a half hour drive from here. I'll be doing that, not this weekend, following weekend. I can't wait.
And don't forget thecomicsgym.com.
That is my manager Tommy Nicky site where this show
is permanently
they can't touch me there
apparently it's like playing tag I don't know why
and
cameo.com if you want me to roast
one of your friends or relatives go to
cameo.com click on my profile
tell me a little about the person I'll make a personal
video on my phone and send it to them
for a small fee,
and we can make or break their day.
So it's a lot of fun.
You guys think that I will say it.
You're very welcome.
We'll see you back here already Wednesday, tomorrow.
Have a good day, everybody. guitar solo guitar solo you