The Nick DiPaolo Show - Chappelle Accosted On Stage | Nick Di Paolo Show #1203
Episode Date: May 4, 2022Chappelle bumrushed. Pocahontas on war path. Ukraine Vs Ukraine in Brooklyn. The little laptop that could. Blood sport. Sony says no to China. Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â ...
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And just a few days ago, the Wall Street Journal quoted a young Hungarian fighter saying, and I quote,
without the javelins, it would have been very hard to stop the enemy pushing ahead, end of quote.
End of fucking career. I'm a man of my own Oh yes
Cause she believes in me
I never know just what she sees in me.
I told her someday if she'd be my girl, I could change the world with my dick jokes.
What a hoax.
And hello, kids.
Welcome to the Ellen DeGeneres Fashion Show.
Yummy, yummy.
What's going on?
I'm fucking tired. That's what's going on. What fucking tired that's what's going on
Nick stayed up to 3.20
watching hockey
after he prepared the show
and
just
and I awoke at
7.30 to plumbers coming into the
fucking house so I had a good solid
four and a half
fucking Christ.
I'm telling you, rent.
Rent. Rent.
Yeah, but the money goes, rent.
Yeah, but it just goes up and... Rent.
Rent.
Anyhow,
Mexicans, by the way, love them.
Fucking come in. This guy had
a tool belt on. I swear on my mother's
eyes, it had 31 pockets, like a utility belt.
His pants were being pulled off, just going in and out.
They don't stop.
Fucking love them.
I'm a big fan of the ones that work.
I mean, you know what I'm saying.
This world is going to, I don't mean to exaggerate. Then I, yeah, so I watched a fucking,
watched a hockey, a couple hockey games.
Very fast, very violent.
You should try it out.
It's delicious.
What did I want to say other than that?
I don't know.
I did something else yesterday.
I can't fucking remember.
Oh, yeah, I had three drinks at a bar.
Now I can't get on a fucking plane.
And again, it'll be fine.
I had the weekend planned.
You know, flying to New York, I have my opening act.
He lives in Brooklyn.
He can cart me around for the rest of the week,
for those two days, I should say.
But then my father-in-law is in the hospital.
He's not doing that well.
So my wife's like, I'm coming along.
Now we have to fly into fucking Kennedy, rent a car,
which was exactly what I was trying to fucking avoid
when Tommy brought the date fucking eight months ago.
I wrote down, stay away from the car, fucking ready.
My sister's
box. Alright.
I don't know. Dallas, what
did you do last night? I don't fucking
feel like doing this today.
Uh, well, we did
absolutely nothing. Alright.
Thanks for adding to the conversation.
This fucking guy never sits
still. I gotta ask him.
The one time
this guy wasn't plastering
was some fucking shit.
Anyhow.
Tarzan was one of our earliest swingers.
Did he ever actually marry Jane?
Well, if he didn't, you know what that makes boy.
What is it that writes and having writ moves on a meter made
how many men on a hockey team about half
we'll do it live okay we'll do it live fuck it do it live i can i'll write it and we'll do it live. We'll do it live! Fuck it!
Do it live!
I'll write it and we'll do it live!
Fucking thing sucks!
That's me talking about the Bible when I was in seventh grade.
What?
What?
What?
What?
Anyways, let's get to it.
Enough of the nonsense.
Dave Chappelle was bum-rushed at a show last night.
I have so many opinions about it. I don't even know where to begin.
First of all, I have 10 texts to me from people going,
please protect yourself.
Please bring, you know, I've had a knife in my back
in my fucking back pocket since I started comedy.
So don't think twice, you fucks.
It would be a gun too, but you know, I started comedy. So don't think it. Don't think twice, you fucks. It would be a gun, too, but, you know, I can't.
I'm not going to go through fucking
the airport, and you've got to check it in
separately, and it's a fucking nightmare.
So I'll just buy one when I get
the governor's. Or I'll... James,
the owner, probably has about 11.
I know Jimmy Boy.
So, yeah. So anyways,
Comedian Dave... And it's so funny because, look, you guys saw I got socked in the fucking eye five years ago.
I mean, this isn't anything fucking new.
God damn it.
Damn it.
I should have found this clip of Kenny Moore.
He was a guitar act from Oklahoma.
I think a Vietnam vet, somebody told me.
Some guy charged the stage. He busted
his guitar over the guy's head, pulls it back, and there's a hole just like where the guy's head was.
It's the funniest thing you have ever seen. And you can hear the kid on the floor. He goes,
that was unnecessary. He goes, I want my money back. It's the funniest,
fucking, you couldn't have wrote that.
Anyways, it's a big deal because Chappelle obviously
is as high profile a comedian
as there is today.
And, you know,
people think he's controversial
because he called up the,
I'll say it again,
if you're famous and black,
there's nothing controversial
about saying anything
about any marginalized group,
especially if you're black.
So, you know, but people, oh, you know, but he's a fucking legend. I love him. He's one of the best comics ever. And, you know, after the Will Smith thing put the seed in some nuts heads, it's a,
you know, copycat thing now. That's the only danger.
When it's somebody this high profile, that thing goes viral in a second.
Just like anything else.
Just like any other crime.
Some shithead's going to get the eye.
Hey, especially this generation that'll do anything to go viral.
That kid's famous now.
He saw himself on TMZ.
And that's what this generation after generation with such a media-driven society
wants. So you do have to think about, luckily, I'm at a stage in my career where it's 99% of the
people come to see me knowing, you know, it's different if you're fairly new in the business
or you're not quite well, you know what I mean?
You're not quite well known and people just go to a comedy club to go to a comedy club.
And, you know, you're fucking doing a rape joke or whatever the fuck.
You know, I think those are the guys.
But again, and I would, I would put a pistol right on the fucking stool next to my bottle of water.
If I could bring it all over the goddamn country.
Anyway, Chappelle was rushed and tackled by an individual.
That's not what he was wearing.
This is him, apparently, at, I'm trying to think, Pryor's Journal. I don't know.
Chappelle was rushed and tackled by an individual while on stage at Hollywood Bowl in L.A.
on Tuesday night during
Netflix first ever live comedy festival I wonder if it'll be their last how did it go net this is
probably a fucking stunt right the kid did look crazy though but uh anyways it's probably you
don't know who to trust anymore I mean Chris Rock was there and, you know, Chappelle, he's 48. I knew him,
he was a kid. He showed up at the Comedy Cell
a skinny, I mean a skinny
kid, kid!
He's only seven years older than me?
He's older than you?
By seven years. Jesus Christ.
You look five times older than him.
Oh, thanks.
No, it's just the beard.
He's got a, oh boy.
No, I know.
Yeah.
But I mean, when he sat down at the Comedy Cell table,
I think he was still in his 20, 19 or 20.
Fucking, where's, anyways.
And the identified individual appeared to tussle on the stage floor
during the Netflix is a joke fest.
See, they're getting the plugs in.
That's how you know.
Before the individual ran away behind a screen on stage,
security personnel then surrounded and tackled the person in the rear corner of the stage.
Some people, they were of the
opinion that it wasn't the venue security.
It was Dave's entourage
or whatever that did it. I don't know. Who knows?
We weren't there. But the guy took a
nice pounding, apparently,
which he should.
And again, my big worry is this is
going to plant the seeds, just like when
I got smacked. That was all predetermined
by that father and his
daughter, she probably didn't even know, the daughter was a little, and the father, you know,
New Jersey, fucking, probably left winger, hates my guts, comes up, stands next to me, has me,
and I get this, bang, and I and i mean it fucking if that was a guy
i would have probably went down um but i'm just saying this is the level that these jerk-offs
work i don't know why like other than to be famous you know no trans guy's gonna charge
the fucking anyways let's take a look.
Yeah, don't show the whole clip, TMZ, whatever the fuck.
Is that all they showed?
Why would you do that?
He got tackled to the ground.
Why would you?
Anyways, turns out they say that he had a fake gun with a knife in it.
A fake gun. You all saw him. With a knife in it. He had a fake gun with a knife in it. A fake gun.
You all saw him.
With a knife in it.
He had a gun.
Oh my, Chappelle appeared to run toward the altercation, saying the individual is being stomped.
He asks repeatedly for security to remove the person from the stage. Video
circulating online and verified
by ABC News showed the chaotic
scene outside the Hollywood Bowl
after the show as police and
medics loaded a person into
an ambulance who was
restrained and appeared to be the
suspect. Let's take a look at this.
Isaiah something It was a trans man.
It was a trans man.
Was that guy's arm backwards, Dallas?
Can we see that again?
What the fuck? I didn't notice that.
Watch. Ow. Ow. It was a trans man.
Just his voice.
It was a trans man.
He sounds like he's doing a white guy, but that's his voice.
Fucking quiz.
but that's his voice.
Fucking quiz!
Police sources told ABC News that the suspect had a gun.
Oh, my God.
Every article's different.
The other one said it was a fake gun with a knife in it.
Had a gun-shaped knife.
A gun-shaped knife.
Does that make any fucking sense?
In his possession when he was
arrested. The
incident occurred toward the end of the sixth night
of the 11-day Netflix is a joke
fest, which runs until
May 8th, get these plugs in, and
features more than 130 performers at various
venues across Los
Angeles, which is the worst place in the
world to see comedy
unless you're seeing a rocker, Chappelle. Comedian Chris Rock, who performed early in the world to see comedy, unless you're seeing a Rock
or Chappelle.
Comedian Chris Rock, who performed early in the night, came on stage at Chappelle moments
after the attack and joked, was that Will Smith?
All righty then.
It's a good commercial for the thing, I got to say.
But that arm didn't look like no joke.
That's my shoulders when I used to dislocate my fucking...
They stomped that bitch.
Sorry, folks. One second here.
I was sitting on a spoon.
That felt delicious.
Prostates well massaged.
Yeah, they put a close-up on the guy.
There was a picture on the paper and he looked
I don't know he had cornrows
but he didn't look black he looked
that's LA it's just mutts
of 19 different
you know like same with New York
but I mean just
but again he got what he wanted
I'll take a beating but look at me I'm on TV
that's all I can think of
but yes my fellow comedians
protect yourselves
you should see me when I'm taking pictures
no I'm like this
every time the people get home
they look at the picture I'm like this
nice shot of my ears
and
my act is very
conducive to getting smacked if anybody's seen me.
But I don't care anymore because I'm married.
Let's move on to another person, quite angry.
I mean, I've never seen a squaw this pissed off in my life.
She's almost endearing to me.
I picture her being picked on in high school,
this titless wonder, Elizabeth Warren,
just a nerdy fucking... Anyways, Pocahontas on Warpath.
She spoke, I guess, to the Supreme Court yesterday.
That's what it said in the article.
I don't know.
Why would they let this bitch in?
Of course. I wonder what she was upset about.
It's unbelievable.
So I guess she spoke to the Supreme Court.
I would have looked it up, but they didn't, you know, fuck it, I don't care.
I just want this person dead.
No, I don't mean that, literally.
I mean, you know, I just, I wanted to disappear.
No.
So anyways, she had a chat with the Supreme Court.
Look, she's out there banging.
She's doing what she can do.
Let's take a look at that.
She's got quite a body on her.
Go ahead.
Senator, how are you feeling?
I am angry.
Angry and upset?
Angry and upset.
Pause.
Good question. Good follow-up. First first question are you angry then they followed it up with
are you upset too yes both i'm both wow breaking news look at her a little little
nerdy thing go ahead the united states congress can keep roe versus wade the ball of the land
they just need to do it i've never seen you so angry.
You seem to be... This is what
the Republicans have been
working toward this day for
decades. They have been out
there plotting, terribly
cultivating these Supreme Court
justices so they
could have a majority on the
bench who would accomplish something
that the majority of Americans do not want.
69% of people across this country, across this country, red states and blue states,
old people and young people want Roe versus Wade to maintain as the law of the land.
We need to do that.
And we have a right.
Extremists.
We've heard enough.
That's plural life is saying you're dismembering children.
And I don't know who the fuck the left.
I don't know who you think you are.
The fucking even people, even Ruth Bader Ginsburg said, I always call Ruth Gator.
Rudy Gator,
even she said that Roe v. Wade shouldn't have been in the fucking Constitution.
It's a state's fucking thing.
They're not saying you can't have a fucking abortion anymore.
They're saying leave it up to this. So anytime real democracy surfaces, they shit their pants,
yet they're the ones pretending. They always say, this is the end of democracy. Anytime the right,
you fuckers on the left, do you think you fucking own the planet of this country? I don't understand.
You've been killing babies for what, since 1973? Take a break. Let that knife arm ice that down.
Who do you think you are?
Oh, my.
And I'm not a big pro-life guy, folks.
I say it on stage all the time.
But I'm like, what the fuck?
They're mad because they can't kill.
And again, Liz says 69.
First of all, it's 63%.
And there's a ton of caveats that come with that 63%.
Like, they don't want anything killed after four weeks.
There's a million things.
You know, it's fucking weird.
They are...
See her fly off the fucking handle?
You stupid fucking blabbermouth cunt!
Take it easy.
She was mad.
We have... I think we have a... Take it easy. She was mad.
We have, I think we have a, it's her, her brother, Liz Warren's brother was there.
He was very upset about what the Supreme Court was going to do.
Let's take a look.
Yeah, that's Screaming Eagle Warren.
Where are we?
Quiet.
Cry like a bitch.
Quiet.
Cry like a bitch.
They should redo that commercial only.
Instead of trash at his feet, just a fucking fetus lands on his fucking sandals.
You guys remember that? My buddy Dallas here is so fucking...
Again, it's the gray beard.
I'm sure he looks only 59 when he takes it off.
But you guys my age remember that commercial.
My dad used to make jokes about it too.
My father was so goddamn funny.
What's he crying for?
Pick up the trash.
Shit like that.
Then there was a John Hancock commercial,
John Hancock insurance.
And the song was,
you put your John Hancock on a John Hancock.
My father would sing in Italian,
I go, what does that mean?
John puts his hand on his cock, my father.
Dead serious, without even trying to be funny. I'm fucking shitting my pants. Dad, I go, what does that mean? John puts his hand on his cock, my father. Dead serious, without even trying
to be funny. I'm fucking shitting my pants. Dad, I go, what do you, what does that mean?
Got some, got some, got some, got some, got some. Well, mine is hand, got's is dick.
And he would laugh to himself. Me and my mother's like, what the fuck's he?
The late, great, big Nick. Jesus Christ. My dad, my closest friend.
Might have to get shot on stage.
I don't like it.
I remember when my parents were getting older
and their friends started dropping off.
I have a whole bit about it.
I said their friends are sliding off.
It's like a shelf.
They're like almost sliding off a broken shelf
and smashing on the ground. It killed in front of the 12 drunk people that were there. Anyways, let's
move on to some more, as the A4 mentioned, Ukrainian-Russian war. Ukraine versus Ukraine
this time. Where? In Europe? No, in a bar in Brooklyn, a karaoke bar. I didn't think they allowed faggy shit like
that in Brooklyn. An enraged Ukrainian man stabbed a compatriot, that would mean another Ukrainian,
for speaking Russian at a Brooklyn bar at a booze-fueled spat that's now being investigated
as a hate crime. First of all, if they're both Ukrainian, how can it be a fucking hate crime? Indril Malezhkov, who was born and raised in eastern Ukraine, he's the good guy,
and has a Russian mother, said he was at Signature Karaoke Bar. I brought the place down.
I did feelings. I did it in Spanish. Signature Kara, by the name of it, in Sheepshead Bay,
where my friend Colin Quinn grew up, celebrating a friend's birthday last Monday, when Oleg
Sulnya, 31, sat down at his table and started hurling profanities at him and his buddies.
I guess he hit a few flat notes when he was doing that.
Sister Christian. You look Russian, Sulnya, who was Ukrainian, sneered, according to the prosecutors. Maleshkov, 36-year-old truck driver who left the Eastern Europe locale and moved to
Brooklyn in 2015, insisted that he was Ukrainian. But Sulnya didn't believe him because he's crazy.
What exactly leads you to
believe the soviets were involved we switched to ukrainian this is the good guy talking we switched
to the language of ukrainian in order to calm him down but it wasn't it was getting more and more
agitated he started asking us to translate words to prove that we were Ukraine. You see what alcohol does? Nothing scarier than an alcoholic from fucking Ukraine or Russia.
Soumya demanded Maleshkov and his friends say the word palit...
Palitstia.
Palit...
Yeah, palitia.
That's right.
Well said, soldier.
Palintia.
A type of Ukrainian domed bread that native Russian speakers have difficulty pronouncing
because of its combination of vowels and consonants.
I had trouble myself when I grew up in L'Kiv.
According to prosecutors, that's what Moleskov told them.
First of all, Russians have a problem.
So if he said it right, he would have got smacked around. He would have killed him,
right? He was, if he said, well, he's a Ukrainian, he just speaks Russian. So he probably would have
said it right. Yeah, that's what I mean. I don't get the test. Anyways, if you get it wrong,
listen, here's a quote from Psycho. If you get it wrong, I'll have my way with you.
Maleshkov said, look, I ain't that drunk,
but we'll see what happens at last call.
Anyways, that's what the bad guy says.
I'll have my way with you once,
according to prosecutors.
What, are you going to slow dance with him?
Maleshkov, whose parents are currently hiding
in a basement in Zaporozhets to escape
the Russian army's onslaught, said the word. He said the
word as he attempted to pay the bill and leave the bar, but Somia just kept getting angrier and
angrier, the alleged victim. This is fucking crazy. I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to
take this anymore. Prosecutors said Somia grabbed two beer bottles that were on the table,
smashed them together.
An old trick I used to do.
Well, I used to use styrofoam cups.
It was a cookout.
Smashed them together and turned toward Maleshkov and threatened,
I'm getting ready to kill you.
Yeah, well, I think we picked up on that.
Maleshkov realized something horrible had happened
when he saw blood streaming down his arm
from slash wounds to his cheeks, ears, temple, and neck
that eventually required 17 stitches.
Look, they're already infected.
Smell in their green.
What the fuck?
smelling their green.
What the fuck?
Comrade,
here is something that might be of interest to you.
It's a domed bread.
Say please, nana.
I got lucky,
the guy said,
who got slashed.
The paramedics told me
it's my second birthday.
That's a thing in Russia they do
when you almost get killed, right? They look at it that way. my second birthday. That's the thing in Russia they do when you almost get killed, right?
They look at it that way. My second birthday because the wound that was on the left side
on the neck, it came really close to the carotid artery. Jesus. Maleshkov, it's the last time he'll
try to do Sinatra tunes. Maleshkov took Somia to the ground and then sat on top of him, putting his elbow on
his neck to stop him from attacking while he waited for the police. Somia, a construction
worker who lives in Brooklyn for more than 12 years, was hit with felony hate crime charges
and a slew of other acts, including menacing, harassment, criminal possession of a weapon,
murdering a Cindy Law platoon... Where did I get that joke?
I'll tell you where. I wrote it for Colin
Quimley. He was on SNL.
Somebody got killed in a karaoke bar,
and I said, that's where the charges
of murdering two Sinatra...
It was a lesbian bar out here.
Oh, God. I'm having
such a good time here tonight, kids.
I'll tell you, I can't even.
I have Nick the pig as a friend.
Excuse me?
The fuck you say?
The fuck you say?
You suck your father's dick with that mouth?
No!
Anyways.
So that's Brooklyn.
I guess the motto of the story, don't be doing karaoke.
It's, you know, Brooklyn's supposed to be, well, Williams, right?
It's the hipster capital of the world.
So they, you know, something like that would be frowned on, karaoke.
But Sheepshead Bay is a different story still, I guess.
Anyways, let's move ahead.
As you guys know, I'm back on tour.
Makes me sound like I'm Zeppelin in the 70s.
Just as a quick update, my show this Friday
at Governor's in Levittown, guess what? It's sold out already. If you're in the New York area,
the only show left to get tickets for is at Peak Skill at the Paramount Theater on Saturday night,
so make sure to get those now. It's this Saturday, May 7th at the Paramount Theater,
and you can get tickets at nickdip.com and click on the tour button.
Also, for those of you who live down this way, I'll be in Myrtle Beach, May 20th and May 21st at the Comedy Cabana.
I had a great time last time.
They were very nice, the family that owned it.
You can get those tickets also on my website at nickdip.com.
Click on the tour button. Is it ever going to
end? The comedy,
the stand, is it ever? I mean, I love
it, but don't get me wrong. If I
could do it from the roof of my house every Wednesday
night for a half hour, I'd be
good.
Let's move on,
shall we? We're ripping right through this shit,
you know what I'm saying? The little laptop
that could. Is that yours? How about it? Dallas, name that one. Not bad, fella. The little laptop that
could. The Delaware computer repairman who blew the whistle on Hunter Biden's laptop, you know,
it was just
Russian op according to the left, filed a multi-million dollar defamation suit Tuesday
against pencil neck geek faggot Democrat Rep. Adam Schiff, CNN, the Daily Beast, and Politico,
saying they falsely accused him of peddling Russian dis-im-for-god-damn-mation.
And there's no doubt they did.
Gotta win that one.
The former shop owner, John Paul Mack Isaac,
decided to fight back after losing his business and being harassed for 18 months by big tech, the media, and Delaware locals.
What a bunch of left-wing douchebags.
You don't want to live anywhere near there.
Move out of there, fella.
And Delaware locals and President Biden's home state.
I think we have the fella talking.
He was selling cookies at the time.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
Bagger Vance.
Once the story was out and my name was leaked to the public, it's been a matter of, at first, running and hiding.
Now it's trying to just rebuild my life and do it in a manner that's not restricted by public opinion of me being involved in a Russian disinformation campaign.
Guy's life has been fucking ruined, and that's what they do to you, you know?
Still wouldn't wear a pancake with a caterpillar on it on my head.
But after fighting to reveal the truth, he said, all I want now is the rest of the country
to know that there was a collective and orchestrated effort by social and mainstream media to block
a real story with real consequence.
It would have affected the election.
Do you understand?
He should be pissed.
It would have affected the election.
Do you understand?
He should be pissed.
For the nation, the 45-year-old Mac Isaac told the Post,
this was collusion led by 51 former pillars in the intelligence community and backed by words and actions of a politically motivated Department of Justice and FBI, he continued.
And, you know, obviously we all know that Twitter buried the story.
It really had an effect.
I want this lawsuit to reveal that collusion.
And more importantly, who gave the marching orders?
The guy's got to shit together.
You picked the wrong repairman to fuck with.
Mac Isaac came to lig.
God, I hope they never find my
laptop. Jesus Christ.
It ain't me cooking. I'll tell you that much.
Mac Isaac came to legally. Oh, I made
meatballs. I'll give you the recipe after the show.
I mean, during the show, folks. Oh, my God.
I've been making them a long time.
I have to do what I did
yesterday, and I have no idea.
Legally on the laptop after Biden's son
Hunter dropped it off
at a store for repairs in April of 2019 and he never came back for it with all that shit on it.
You know how fucked up he must have been? The material on the laptop has raised serious
questions about what Biden knew of his son's overseas business deals during which he and
the president's brother Jim Bel, often invoke his powerful name.
Mac Isaac handed over a copy of the laptop's hard drive to the FBI in December 2019.
Eight months later, alerted then-President Donald Trump's lawyer, Rudy Giuliani,
who provided a copy of the hard drive to the Post,
when the Post's first story broke in October 2020,
just three weeks before the presidential election,
Twitter and Facebook moved to censor it.
You guys know.
Then Shift and 51 former scumbag intelligence agents labeled laptop Russian disinformation.
Shift is the devil, man.
Fucking people.
Fucking hate that motherfucker.
You have no idea how to defend a nation.
In the aftermath, Mac Isaac says his business and reputation were ruined.
Mac Isaac's, you know what you do, Mac?
That's what you do.
Move to fucking the Snow White fucking state.
Go to Idaho, Iowa, whatever, even though they're getting polluted.
Utah, Salt Lake City, open it there.
You'll get business just because of who you are, what you did.
Maybe I'll manage you.
I only want 4%.
Take off the fucking hat.
Mac Isaac said he's since endured false accusations of being a Russian spy
and a stooge for Russian.
See how the left is for Putin, which they said about Trump.
What exactly leads you to believe the Soviets were involved?
Exactly.
Why? Because that's all we have left.
We can't say racist bigot anymore. That doesn't work.
God, I hate that.
I am so sick of you motherfuckers.
Anybody, we're at the point now,
if you vote different than me, you're a fucking jerk
off. I would never say that before, but
it really is the devil and whatever.
Yeah, but Trump was mean.
His tweets hurt people's feelings.
Trans people were crying.
That lesbian, remember when she found out she was screaming on her knees?
Big fucking neck.
French bulldog face.
I love that that hurt her that much.
Because I know broads like that look at me and they want to punch me right in the face. I love that that hurt her that much. Because I know broads like that
look at me and they want to punch me right in the face.
Because I have the same haircut, only better.
And this shirt, this is a very lesbian
shirt.
It's from the Robin Roberts line.
Does anybody exude political
correctness more than Robin Roberts?
A female, black, gay woman with breast cancer?
Forget about the cancer.
But it makes it even worse.
But I used to cringe when she was on ESPN.
She just exudes that, you know.
And remember with Jussie Smollett?
She was sucking his dick.
Oh, just nodding at everything
he said. People make me sick.
You have no fucking minds whatsoever.
Not you people. You know what I'm talking about.
What the fuck, T?
Not for nothing. He dropped off the fucking
computer nine months ago.
Tell me what you do.
Here's a story.
We already had one bloody story,
and a Ukrainian cut another Ukrainian.
A lot of blood in the show today, folks.
What's the headline?
Blood sport.
Golf's world number three.
You see how they don't put women's?
It doesn't say women's golf. Golf's world number three you see how they don't put women's it doesn't say women's golf for golf's world
number three lydia ko i would have thought it would have been you know johnson or uh
lydia ko has been praised why would she be praised for her honest answer about being on her period, which left her interviewer lost for words.
She brought up her period during a post-sync.
Mother John is angry.
Oh, it is.
It is.
Well, hit that ball, girl.
It pissed off.
And she sliced it.
During the final round of the Palos Verdes championship on Sunday,
Ko was a co-leader.
Coe could be seen receiving treatment.
How do you treat a pear?
You put ice pack in your snatch?
Ice that thing down.
I'm leaking from my headless buffalo.
Welcome to eighth grade.
Seen receiving treatment from her physical therapist, Chris Wicker.
Good name.
For an apparent tight back is what it looked like.
Having completed her round in posting a one under 70 to finish tied for third,
the New Zealand player was asked by Golf Channel reporter Jerry Foltz,
I guess he gets all the great assignments,
about the trainer that was rubbing was you know rubbing her down
And if there was any long-term concern, and this is what who she's saying. I like her
I mean, I I love you know, I'm not it's just funny
I like the honesty and I'll give you my opinion after but here she is
Chris wicker to come out and give you a little physical therapy as well. Is that a concern moving forward?
I hope not. It's that time of the month. I know the ladies watching are probably like,
yeah, I got you. So when that happens, my back gets really tight and I'm all twisted. And it's
not the first time that Chris has seen me twisted, but it felt a lot better after he came. So
yeah, there you go. Thanks. I know you're lost for words, Jerry.
Guy got all flushed. I think the guy got all loopy, not about the period part,
but when she said he came and it felt, and it got better.
but when she said he came and it felt felt and it got better that's usually not how it works you come and it feels better what a weird funny you know what it's whatever i'm just saying it's such
a big but then of course i start reading articles they can't leave it alone the feminists why these
why is that an uncomfortable thing shouldn't they be able to talk about that?
Coe's openness about her period, a topic in women's sports that is often seen as taboo,
really, earned her a huge swell of praise on social media. Of course it did. Social media
is all leftist. And I'm not saying what, whatever. Maramimar Davidson, the New Zealand Greens co-leader, said on Twitter that period pain is definitely not acknowledged enough.
You're telling me.
I wasn't going to come in today.
My nipples are sensitive.
ESPN journalist Zania Dukanja.
Jesus, these names suck.
Dukanja.
Oh, my God.
It's this close to cunt.
We should normalize women in sports talking about periods like this.
It's not an excuse or an embarrassment.
It's just a bodily function.
Yeah, you know what?
So is diarrhea.
I don't want to hear fucking Phil Mickelson when they say,
why'd you blow that two-footer for the fucking green jacket?
Well, I was at Applebee's last night swallowing jalapeno poppers.
It's a bodily function.
Yeah, so is shitting.
Why'd you hook that into the woods?
What, are you kidding me?
I got shit pains from that shrimp.
Delicious.
Thank you.
Thank you, big boy beef stew
that's my
in high school that's what my friend would call
going down on his girlfriend when she had a
big boy stew
what the fuck is that
earning your red wings
that was very unoriginal
but yes earning your
no I know
here she is
after a double bogey on 17.
We have a picture of her, Miss
Coe, and there she is, very upset.
Oh, somebody
get her a sandwich.
No, a sandwich, not a sandwich.
Anyway...
I couldn't find one with a girl like that that had a putter in her hand.
Anyways, what's next on the agenda, producer?
Voicemail.
Oh, we got a voicemail.
We brought the, can I give out the number, Tom?
Would that help?
What the fuck are you doing?
I'm going to fucking do everything myself around here this would be
a good time to give out the fucking phone number
is it a phone or are they texting
you it's only for people that subscribe to the
patreon okay but they still
need it
anyways we got a
voicemail segment
am I supposed to read this
first or take the call
get a first paragraph and then we have the audio thanks to everyone who continues to voicemail segment. Am I supposed to read this first or take the call?
Yeah, first paragraph, and then we have the audio.
Thanks to everyone who continues to leave voicemails on the Ask Nick line,
my mother, my cousin, two guys that went to high school.
I got this one from Dave yesterday in upstate New York. I want to play this and respond to him.
Here is Dave's question.
Hey, Nick.
What's going on?
This is Dave in upstate New York.
Just wanted to question, had a question for you.
Wanted to know if you heard about what Anthony Cumia had said about Bill Burr.
Supposedly they met, I think it was out in Los Angeles, and they had a meeting together. Bill Burr even told Anthony that he felt uncomfortable even being there.
Supposedly his wife told him he can't work with Anthony anymore.
I want to know what you think about that and what do you think about Bill
basically telling Kumia that he can't work with him professionally anymore
because of that incident with Anthony.
Something happened in Times Square a few years back.
All right.
Anyway, I just want to get your thoughts on that.
And a big fan, as always.
And love you.
Take care.
You got it, brother.
Kind of a good question.
It kind of touches home a little bit.
I know both the guys very well.
Anthony Comia
was part of the Opie and Anthony show
which was huge
in New York and he was always
there for Billy Burr and me
in the comics when we needed to plug
something blah blah blah years ago
probably going on eight years ago
maybe even more Anthony's in Times Square
at like two in the morning taking
pictures and some like trans woman thought he was taking a picture.
I don't know if it was a trans woman or a black woman, I think.
She thought that he was taking pictures of her or whatever.
Maybe.
I don't know.
But she fucking tried to smack him.
So Anthony said something about savages the next day, which got him in a bunch of hot fucking water.
So you become radioactive, you know.
But I still did his fucking show, because you either believe in free speech or you don't.
Now, as far as Billy goes, twice I went out to LA.
I was doing other podcasts, Rogan's, and he told me I was going to do his.
And twice, at the last minute, he told me he couldn't have me on.
My immediate instincts were that has to be his wife.
He's married to a black woman who's very nice, by the way.
She worked at Tough Crowd with us.
She's a fucking sweetheart.
But she seems a little to be getting caught up in this.
I'm telling you, you stay in California long enough,
you'll stop believing this shit.
But so I, that was my assumption
that his wife said, you can't have Nick on.
Again, I don't know that.
That's just speculation of my part.
But after hearing this, I think I might be.
And for Billy to say that,
I don't feel comfortable even being
in the same room with Anthony.
That's fucking, that's dog shit.
You know, you either believe in free speech or you don't.
But Billy's way more liberal than he leads on.
He called me astoundingly ignorant because I made the point that a lot of the social ills in this country are from black illegitimacy rights, meaning poverty, crime, blah, blah, blah. And he called me astoundingly ignorant for saying
that because, you know,
in his version, it goes back to slavery
and blah, blah, blah, which to me is
racist. I expect the same from black people
as I do anybody else.
I mean, what's the shelf life on that fucking
excuse? You know?
And there's enough successful
black people to prove
that that ain't the case anymore.
Again, in my opinion.
I like both those.
I love fucking Anthony.
I'm hoping I'll see him at Governor's.
And Billy Burr is as funny and, you know, I think I might have had that success if I didn't go the route I did, dropping the C-bomb every three feet.
But, you know, Billy Bird's a good fucking guy.
And so, Anthony, I don't want to get in between it.
But I just don't want to hear Billy talking about free speech
and people pointing him out to be like he's some type of, you know,
pushing the boundaries.
That's all.
That's all I say about it.
Good question, Dave.
Maybe I'll see you in Peekskill.
Bring your sister.
Not Patty, the other one, Eileen.
Not the one with the fucking club foot, the other one with the hair lip.
All right.
Let's move on, shall we?
Again, if you're a monthly subscriber, you have the voicemail line.
So leave me a message and I'll respond.
And if you don't have the number
and you subscribe monthly, send me an email
and we will get it to you.
Aye. Aye.
Finally tonight,
like David Copperfield,
Chinese
want Lady Liberty to disappear.
Sony reportedly refused the Chinese
government's demand to scrub the
Statue of Liberty from Spider-Man No Way Home.
Oh, God.
Still making these childish shit.
You fucking nerds have ruined cinema.
I love what's-his-name said.
You know, Goodfellas director.
Scorsese.
Said that ain't filmmaking.
He came right out and said it.
According to Puck.
Who, Peter Puck?
There was a, there was a, anyways.
According to Puck on Sunday, citing multiple sources,
the Chinese government requested the Statue of Liberty
be digitally removed from the film.
Who the fuck do these motherless fucks think they are?
You know what?
I deleted the rest of my soundbites.
Fuck. Ah. Ah. Ah. You know what? I deleted the rest of my sound. Despite its inclusion in a pivotal scene in the movie,
Sony, guess this, rejected the request.
I'm guessing.
I'm so cynical.
We know Sony.
Remember they got hacked?
Hollywood goods.
It was Sony who got hacked by the Chinese, right?
Anyways, so maybe they did say no.
I thought this might be another.
Meanwhile, they'll do business with him some other way.
The Chinese government then asked if the Statue of Liberty could be,
according to Park, minimized in the sequence.
If Sony could cut a few more patriotic shots of Tom Holland standing atop the crown or dull the lighting so that the Lady Liberty's visage wasn't so front and center.
Sony considered the request but declined.
Good.
Good for you.
I mean, who the fuck do they think they are?
What the fuck do they think they are what the fuck huh
it's funny listen and again the left probably is fine with this that's the other thing about
take away from what's going on right now with the supreme court thing being leaked
and they're they're already threatening violence and shit and And they make fun of Trumpers ending democracy.
They are fucking truly insane.
Sony's stance comes as Hollywood has come under fire for censoring,
making certain edits at the request of the Chinese communist government.
Yes, they have been for a long time.
But they stuck to their guns.
One example includes the 99 iconic film Fight Club, according to the New York Times. Instead of a successful plot to destroy a series of buildings, the Chinese version of the cult...
Is that what it was about? Apparently it wasn't a panic. was looking at brad's abs chinese version of the cult classic
starring brad pitt and edward north ends with a note to viewers this this is on the chinese version
folks this is what it says at the end of fight club they give a note to viewers saying that the
police rapidly figured out the whole plan and arrested all criminals successfully, preventing the bomb from exploding.
Oh, my God.
Do you fucking believe this?
And I don't know why we're laughing, because if you let the Dems do what they want to do,
they will be doing the same thing.
It's about control and power
over you. They look
at the goddamn Chinese
communist government, that's
a prototype for them. It's a fucking
I'm not fucking joking
folks. It's getting really creepy.
As for Pitt's character, the note says he was
sent to an asylum.
Now that's when he married Angelina Jolie.
And later discharged.
Never mind that the character is actually
a figment of Norton's character's
imagination.
Anyway.
We have video too. Oh, that's right.
This was the answer by
Sony. They said, fuck you.
And this is what they sent them.
David Popovich.
Yeah! Yeah. Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
We'll do it live.
We'll do it live!
Fuck it!
Take that,
you Chinese motherfuckers!
The president of Sony said this.
Kiss my ass.
That is it, folks.
That is it today.
Don't forget to sign up monthly, please,
at thecomicsgym.com
or patreon.com,
nickdip.com
for touring dates and merchandise,
and cameo.com if you'd like me to roast
a friend or relative.
Go to cameo.com. They'll tell you how it's done.
I'll make a little video zing-zanging them.
Hope to see you guys Friday or Saturday night up in the New York area.
That is it.
You guys think it, I will say it.
You're very welcome.
We'll see you back here for the final day.
Is that right?
Tomorrow's Thursday?
Final day of the week tomorrow.
Not for me.
I've got to work all weekend.
What the fuck?
Anyways, take care. Oh, yeah guitar solo Outro Music