The Nick DiPaolo Show - Cohen Testimony Fails Bigly | Nick Di Paolo Show #1573

Episode Date: May 21, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Cohen's thievery, Costello's balls and Vegas' waste of money! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 That's fucking beautiful How are you folks? That's fucking beautiful Great to be with you on a Tuesday. All right. What's going on? Red Sox last night, real quick, for you people who don't give a shit. Rafael Devis did something. Hit a home run for the sixth game in a row. First Red Sox in history to do it. And that's saying something. Sox have had a scary over the years

between Ted Williams, Jim Rice, Collier Stremski, Carlton Fix, Freddie Land. I mean, they've had scary lineups offensively because of that park. No one has done it in a hundred and something years. Six games in a row. He's got a nine or 10 game hitting streak. It's so funny because like three weeks ago he was hitting 190

and he was kind of banged up. The great ones just, that's why they're great. And he's driven in like 13 runs in the last nine games. Some insane shit. Anyways, that was fun to see. And the Edmonton Oilers beat the Vancouver Canucks in Vancouver, Game 7. They will be going to the

Western Conference Finals. So I would say Edmonton versus Dallas. I like Dallas only because Edmonton's goalies seem kind of ugh. And then you got the Rangers and Florida. I have no idea.

Rangers are a fast-skating team. Florida's a physical team. I tried to pick that one. Rangers have been playing so good. Anyways. And what else? Nothing. I was just going to make a joke about American Idol, but...

I got nothing. What else? What did I do? Woke up again at fucking 545 this morning. I don't know what's going on in my head, folks. I'm going home right after this and crawling back into fucking bed. I think I'm dying. But you know what? And on the scale today, Dallas, 200 even. The lowest I've ever been was 200.5. So that four-foot dump today. Sorry, folks. Gross. Let's get on with the goddamn show.

Cohen, a real crumb. Why don't I turn this on? And I didn't even take aspirin last night to knock myself up. Cohen, a real crumb. Under another day of withering cross-examination, on Monday, former Donald Trump lawyer, we know he's the... Excuse me.

Fuckin' A. I probably blew their ears out with that one. Anyways, former Donald Trump lawyer Michael Cohen admitted that he stole 60 grand from the Trump. This is their star witness from the Trump organization. You're a real crumbum. Between February and December of 2017, Cohen was paid $35,000 per month by the former president. Manhattan DA Alvin, I'm fat brag, has suggested that Cohen was not actually retained to do real work as Trump's lawyer during that time.

Instead, prosecutors say Cohen was principally paid to reimburse him for $130,000 he had laid out in October 2016 to purchase the silence of a porn star, Stormy Daniels, which isn't illegal, by the way, who had threatened to go public about a tryst she says she had with Trump a decade earlier. Cohen also asked for a reimbursement of 50 grand. He paid a digital service company called Red Finch for assistance in spinning poll results. The Trump organization agreed to reimburse Cohen for the Stormy and Red Finch expenses and even double the amount so that Cohen would not suffer a tax hit. Wow, sounds like a real asshole, that Trump. Another $60,000 bonus was added for a total of $420,000.

One year of work, $35,000 a month. Yet Cohen conceded during cross-examination, this is the big one, that he did not actually pay $50,000 to Red Finch. He persuaded the company to take $20,000, and he pocketed the extra 30, and Trump heard about it and said, Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you. No, he didn't know about it. In fact, he pocketed more than 30 grand.

Remember, the Trump Organization doubled the Red Finch payment to protect Cohen from tax liability. Cohen is a convicted perjurer, fraudster, tax cheat, and now a goddamn thief. a convicted perjurer, fraudster, tax cheat, and now a goddamn thief. And Trump said this about him at the press conference after. I love that cocksucker like a brother, and he fucked me in the ass. That will be never more appropriate, that goddamn clip. Can you imagine? This is their star witness, folks.

What did they get out of it yesterday? That's a fucking he stole from trump how this judge doesn't come in and go that's it it's but the fact that he even let this go this far has to make you wonder right and again the jury was pulled from a pool of new yorkers that's not good believe, right? And they're trying to charge him with a federal crime in a state court, which makes no fucking sense. There's a million reasons why this thing shouldn't have gone forward, yet it did. That's why I'm not so convinced that he's going to walk from this. But if he doesn't, I don't know what the outcome will be. I mean, what do you do if you're on the right? Get out the muskets. Nick, why do you have to go there all the time? Judge, this is related, headline two,

judge versus witness in heated exchange. The prosecution rested Monday afternoon, and the defense called its first two witnesses, Danny Sicko and Bob Costello, who is a well-respected lawyer in New York City. You've got to be a good lawyer to be respected in that. Former President Trump's lawyer, that's Costello, finished the cross-examination of ex-lawyer Michael Cohen on Monday, meaning Trump's New York criminal trial is nearing its conclusion. That's Bob Costello, by the way. Trump's team has yet to declare whether Trump himself will testify in the case. Legal experts have debated whether it's a good idea for his defense. I think they've already said today that he's not going to, I believe.

I don't know nothing about that. Yeah, you do. Judge Juan Merchant has cleared the court amid a confrontation with witness Robert Costello. That's this fellow here who is testifying on behalf of former Trump, President Donald Trump, the back and forth began with Costello audibly and visibly responding with disapproval to Merchant, sustaining multiple objections from the prosecutor.

This guy's, it's just fucking rigged. Every time the prosecution said, you know, objection, he goes sustained. And this guy was rolling his eyes and going, from the prosecution concerning his testimony about Michael Cohen. he goes sustained. And this guy was rolling his eyes and going, from the prosecution concerning his testimony about Michael Cohen. The judge goes, I'm sorry, Merkin said to Costello after one reaction before clearing the court. I want you to discuss proper decorum in my courtroom. No, I mean, I want to discuss proper decorum in my courtroom, Merchant said, after the jury left.

You don't say strike it because I'm the only one who can strike it, he said to Costello. Merchant told Costello not to respond or roll his eyes or react in any way to his ruling. Yes, sir, if I am fucking coming on. way to his ruling. Yes, sir. Prior to the jury returning to the court, Costello looked at Merchant, prompting the judge to ask, are you staring me down?

I don't know what you're smiling at, watermelon. Merchant then demanded members of the press be cleared from the court, but Trump delegates were allowed to remain. The press and jury were later allowed to return before Costello's testimony resumed.

This guy, he's making it very obvious. What a prick. And you know, Costello, if he's got a good reputation, New York is a good lawyer, you know those were valid eye rolls and whatever the fuck. I am dying. This is going to be ruled on Tuesday, I think, they said, of next week.

This is great. This is crazy. Never happened to a former president of the United States being charged with a criminal. We've already gone over the nine reasons why this is so fallacious. Alvin Bragg is going to look like a jerk.

Again, unless a juror, you know, could be nine people saying this is ridiculous, eight, whatever, and one going, nah, you know, it's a fucking New York pool. That's what's creeping me out, boys and girls. Hey, guys, listen up. This is a little bit of a long read, but in the second half of the show, first of all, I'll be talking about why George Clooney's wife is pissing the world off. Get full episodes of the Nick DiPaolo Show and Louder with Crowder four days a week. Brian Callen and Mr. Guns and Gear weekly and exclusive live streams with Alex Jones for $9 a month or $89 annually. That's exclusively on Mug Club, so sign up now. You can do that at nickdip.com. And as of yesterday, for you listeners out there,

we are now uploading the complete audio version of the show in addition to the video. Watchers can still access the video version as normal. Also, in honor of National Military Appreciation Month, Mug Club recognizes the courage and patriotism of those who have served or are currently serving in our armed forces and would like to do something to thank them. For the entire month of May, Mug Club will be donating 10%

of all new subscriptions to military charities. Along with that 10% donation to military charities, Mug Club is also offering $10 off for all new subscribers throughout the month of May. So not only will you be supporting our incredible service members and veterans, but you'll also get exclusive access to my show and everything else Mug Club has to offer. If you'd like to support military and the Mug Club Network, sign up today with promo code military. Go to mugclub.rumble.com and don't forget to enter promo code military. Thank you for listening, everybody. Hey, boys and girls,

head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicker shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. On to the next story, boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, anything in between. Waste of money. Headline, in my opinion. The Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority announced that it will sponsor each player on the Las Vegas Aces. Oh, boy, I'm going to throw up blood.

Oh, I'm sick to my stomach. Did you hear that? Those Amazon women with the smelly jocks. Each player on the Las Vegas Aces WNBA team, this guy is going to sponsor each player for $100,000 for two years. Why though? The league is investigating whether or not this violates the salary capitals. In a video promoted by the city of Las Vegas, North Las Vegas mayor, Pamela Goins-Brown and Henderson mayor, Michelle Romero,

were joined by the tourism board to announce the deal with the players in the dressing room. Now this, I don't know if he's, is this guy, I don't know, is he the owner? I think he's the owner of the Vegas. Of the basketball team.

Oh, of the convention thing. He might be the CEO, whatever, fuck it. Anyways, in my take, once you see it, it's just a white guy, old white guy with plenty of money, who's virtue signaling. He thinks he's Abe Lincoln. This is so patronizing.

Anyways, here's the video. Come on in, let's take a look. Today we want to do something that is new. Something I don't think anybody's ever done before. And we want to recognize you individually. We want to put some money in your pockets. So we've got an offer for you. We think it's a great offer for us.

Buzz, what's all the nervous laughter about? Yeah, I know. Huh? Why's he doing this? Pure white guilt. That's why. Look at me. Look at me.

See, he believes. You know everything about this guy's why. See, he believes you know everything about this guy's politics. These girls don't make much money. You know why? Because nobody watches. So there's no ad revenue. That's why. It's not racism. It's not sexism. It's none of that shit. How many times are you going to say it? So this guy's going to be

Mr. Fuck and here's your gift of a hundred. Go ahead. We think it's a great offer for us. We hope you think it's a great offer for you. But we would like to offer each of you individually a sponsorship for this year in the amount of $100,000. Now explain to him what a sponsorship is. What the hell is that?

Pause. Was that a guy? He looked like it. We ain't talking to you, man. You got a dick. And he's like, so do half of these broads. Where are my 100 Gs? Go ahead.

We want you to just play. We want you to keep repping Las Vegas. That's all they have to do. And if you go to 3P, that'll be icing on the cake. So, that's it. Yeah, one person says thank you. The rest of them are like, we had that coming. That

reparations, man. Get the fuck out of here, WNBA. Here's an extra 100 G's. How about me? How about what I all did for the WNBA? I talk about them every week, how much they suck. You feel good about it? That's just virtue signaling. That's all that is. And people at home, well, not my fans, but again, Libs will be saying, what are you talking about?

They don't get paid anything, because you don't understand the free market work. The terms of the deal put forth by the city were simple. Yeah, it's by the city, not there. Just play and rep Vegas. The sponsorships appear to be coming out of taxpayer pocketbooks. Oh, so you're not the... Oh, there you go. I don't fucking...

And we'll provide $100,000 to each active player for the 2024 in... Wait a minute. Is that $100,000 a year or $100,000 to each active player for the 2024 in. Wait a minute, is that $100,000 a year or $100,000 total for two years? I don't know. I don't care. It don't matter. It don't mean shit.

They're going to drop it at the craps table in two weeks. In response, the WNBA said that it opened an investigation. Sure you did. Sure you did. Sure you did. The W did. Sure you did. The WNBA, like, they're going to go, well, you can't do this. Into the player payments to ensure that they follow proper protocol. Like, you're never going to say no.

And, like, lawyers wouldn't jump in and go, no, no, no, no. The LVCBA said it was happy to answer any questions from the WNBA and did everything by the book, which nobody does in Vegas, including contacting players' agents beforehand. Sports Business Journal lied to me, I reported. Of the 12 players on the roster, three of them are midgets, two are black, and one's a dink. What? You heard me. Of the 12 players on the roster, the sponsorship is higher than the annual WNBA salary

of six of them. So six of them, this is a raise. At the same time, the team employs two of the most popular and marketable women in the league.

They make an 11.5. Now, sent to Aja Wilson, seen here wearing Paula Deen's hair. She's kind of pretty, actually. Endorsement deals, except for that cock hanging out of her shorts. Santa Aja Wilson recently

received two massive endorsement deals from Nike and Gatorade. And again, you know, that's just, that's like reparations. Nobody knows her. Somebody's going to buy Nike sneakers that drink Gatorade because of her? The endorsements came following, yes, there's a lot of young lesbians, Nick, who love the game. The endorsements came following an interview during which she complained, here we go, that black female athletes were not seen as marketable and were often swept underneath the rug. Really?

You're saying that? And you got Nike and Gatorade deals? You know why sometimes you're unmarketable? Because most times when we see black girls on the internet, they're beating the shit out of each other at an IHOP at 3 in the morning. Nick, don't suck it and swallow the French toast. She also claimed that race played, here we go. She claimed that race, how long did this take?

She's only playing her third game. She claimed, this black woman, race played a huge role in the popularity of Indiana Fever star Caitlin Clark. Yes, because she's an anomaly. The same way Race played a huge role in Tiger Woods being so popular. Do you get it? Are you dumb? I don't think you are. You're just hateful.

You don't like white people. Caitlin will probably drop 50 on her head the next time they played. Either that or she'll foul out in the first quarter. She's having a rough time. Can you imagine? Should have reversed the races on that one. You know what I mean? Yeah, she's an anomaly.

Paul Pierce said it. Hall of Famer for the Celtics. You know what I mean? I take his word over yours. He plays real hoops. Anyhow, I want to get one of these, folks. This is an interesting story out of China. Yes, they send stuff over here that's gross, like diseases, but they're doing something to try to get more babies going. Apparently, can you imagine? That's what we need, more Chinese in the world. Louis C.K. had one of the best jokes years and years and years ago about how white people make fun of Chinese.

People say they have fucked up eyes. But he goes, one in four people on the planet is Asian, so we have the fucked up eyes. Fair. Huh? Fair. Yeah, well, that's Louis. It's always.

This is called the Sperminator. Despite over 50% of China's, it's not called the Sperminator, that's what Dallas calls it. It was pretty good. I was trying to think of a better one. I went, no. Despite over 50% of China's 1.4 billion, with a B, population being male, remember male. Remember, they only wanted male. Remember, you had a female, they'd throw it in a puddle, drown it.

The country fears a sperm shortage due to low-quality sperm. Well, fucking buying some of mine, man. I got a pillow that's worth $400,000. Hey, for those of you guys on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of this show. Everyone else, go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show, Crowder's show, and a whole lot more.

We haven't put up new dates yet. Tommy is on the phone as we speak, confirming these dates. It looks like the beginning of August, I'm going to be in Jacksonville, and then Florida, obviously, then Duluth, Georgia. We have a couple of venues I think that

we're on the verge of signing. So, all right? Okay. Hi. Good night, everybody. I won't take all that they hand me down And make out a smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else

No, no I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed like everybody else And I don't wanna get a job like everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else

I'm not like everybody else