The Nick DiPaolo Show - Covid Charade Continues | Nick DiPaolo Show #374
Episode Date: July 2, 2020Tuscaloosa teen Covid parties. Covid, the new Viagra. Florida Sheriff to deputize law abiding gun owners during riots. Thank you Kel from Las Vegas, NV for your "Ask Nick!" question and for your conti...nued support on Patreon! FREE! MONDAY - THURSDAY 5PM EST #Trump #MAGA #ABreathOfFreshAir
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Hey guys, Nick DiPaolo here. As you know, my show exists because of viewer support.
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It's more important now than ever.
And I thank you for your time.
And we'll see you down the road. guitar solo Oh, yeah.
Tickle that 18th fret, bitch.
How are you? Welcome to the show.
It's Thursday again.
Thursday, last day of the week.
That's faggot stuff.
You want to call it by its name, that's strictly for fags.
What is?
Thursday?
You're a creep.
Get away from me.
Fuck you too.
How you doing, folks?
As far as next week, obviously I got to go to Boston this weekend.
next week. Obviously, I've got to go to Boston this weekend.
I think I told you yesterday. Wake Monday
service.
Tuesday, funeral service.
Flying back middle of Wednesday.
Not sure yet what we're doing.
Maybe one show on Thursday.
But we'll let you know
with social media or whatnot.
What's going on in the world today, huh?
The black takeover, is it complete?
Fucking white liberals.
I hope all your kids get some type of fucking virus
and it blinds them.
And I mean that from my little fucking black heart.
Anyways, coronavirus is really making a comeback it's
tremendous uh the united states notched more than 52 000 a new covet 19 case in 24 hours on wednesday
a tally by johns hopkins university who showed a new one-day record as infections surge.
It's a record, folks.
The Baltimore-based university tracker showed 52,898 more cases as of 8.30 last night,
bringing a total number of cases since the pandemic reached the United States, 2,682,270.
Let's have a fucking telethon.
Again, 98% of the people are over fucking 80, so if you're sweating your balls off, you're a big girl.
The university also recorded a further 606, 706 fatalities, bringing the total death to 128,028.
New daily case numbers have hovered around 40,000 in recent days with Johns Hopkins, who is this guy, recording 42,528 new infections one day earlier.
So they're on top of the numbers.
Hospitalizations are also increasing in several cities,
including Houston, Texas, and Phoenix, Arizona.
On Wednesday, Texas broke its daily record and reported 8,076 new cases of COVID,
nearly 1,000 more than the day before.
How about a hand for that?
Deep in the heart of Texas.
Ew.
Who gives a fuck?
It's a flu.
It's a bad flu.
Okay?
I don't care if it came
from a bat's ass,
a Chinese guy sneezing,
a laboratory.
It's a fucking flu.
Just like any other flu.
The surge in cases has seen several states pause their reopenings california on wednesday the biggest faggiest state in the country that gets everything wrong uh banned indoor dining in los
angeles as well as service in bars cinemasemas, and museums for at least three weeks.
Of course, that's Gavin Newsom, fucking Hitler out there.
This is, I don't care, I'm telling you, it's a fucking farce.
They want to keep cratering the economy so Trump in a few months won't have anything to run on.
And it's working beautifully, by the way.
Between that and Black Lives Matter being the fucking new game in town.
Look, I burnt my fucking arm cooking a couple days ago.
Look at that fucking thing.
It's like a third degree burn.
I had two here, but they actually healed up.
There's no scourge.
The governor of Michigan also closed bars in the northern state,
another Hitler disciple, while Oregon, Pennsylvania have fallen in
with other states, making it compulsory to wear a mask.
And to that I say, go fuck yourself.
A highly politicized issue in the country now is wearing masks.
Can we politicize anything in this country?
The wearing of masks now.
It's the same assholes wearing them.
Look it, I'm virtuous.
I sit on my front step smoking cigarettes,
watching cars go by with people in their cars with masks on.
You look like dickheads.
I'm not talking 70-year-old people either.
They're just signaling, look, I follow the news.
It's my gospel as the sheriff said in arizona quit being a sheep that guy should be president where the fuck is trump lately
is it me or is he am i not watching the news what where is he
let's see if he puts on a mask he said the other day it's good to put on a mask
as he didn't wear a mask
it's from china china a little mouth china i'm waiting for him to come out and go kung flu
ting now now i think now have mike pence come up
if you're gonna fucking piss these people off and they call you racist, let it fly.
You want to see his numbers go up?
He just comes out and goes.
Don't use that as the thumbnail now, Raz.
Fucking Raz grabs the.
Tommy says, you know, get him animated.
Yeah, I'll put my balls up on the desk.
Let's stay on COVID news.
Alabama students, they are shitting it.
They are so scared about COVID in Alabama.
Alabama students throwing COVID parties to see who gets infected first.
See, those kids know it's a bunch of horse shit.
Okay?
That doesn't take any balls.
Have a fucking, you know, have a gonorrhea party or an AIDS party.
Who gets that first?
Oh, whatever.
Even AIDS isn't anything anymore.
Students in Tuscaloosa, Alabama,
have been diagnosed with COVID-19, have been attending parties in the city and surrounding area as part of a disturbing contest to see who can catch the virus first.
A city council member told ABC News.
We did a lot worse shit up at Maine in the 80s.
I'll tell you that fucking much.
OK, Tuscaloosa City Council is Sonia McKinstry.
much. Okay. Tuscaloosa city council is Sonia McKinstry. Hey, are there any white people in politics anymore at the local level in any fucking state? Yeah. I just asked a question.
If you find that racist, kiss my European ball sack. Look at this pig face. Look at her. Just
her hair says, I hate white people. It's that fucking rust in your head. Are those real pearls? Look, she's got fucking a
dozen eggs around her neck. Slob. It's probably candy. Tuscaloosa, she's Sonia McKinstry, said
students have been organizing COVID parties as a game to intentionally affect each other,
while the contagion that has killed more than 127,000 people in the United States.
She said she recently learned of the behavior when she was at a party blowing a guy.
What?
She informed the city council of the parties.
She said the organizers of the parties
are purposely inviting guests who have COVID-19.
Yeah, we heard that.
How many times are you going to say it?
It's so stupid.
So much stupid.
I've read three paragraphs now
and all of them said they're partying in the...
Who wrote this?
Oh, it's ABC News.
Suck a bag of dicks and die.
They put money in a pot and they try to get COVID.
Whoever gets COVID first gets the pot.
So they spend it on testing.
It makes no sense, Mixin Kinst kinstry said as she wolfed on her
fifth donut. They're intentionally
doing it. Yeah, we get the point,
slob!
Tuscaloosa Fire Chief Randy Smith
told the city council on Tuesday that he has
confirmed the students' careless behavior.
What do we give a fuck what the fire chief has
to say about kids getting a fluke?
What, are you going to hose them down?
We thought that was kind of a rumor at first, Smith said,
told the city council members.
We did some research.
Not only did the doctor's offices confirm it, but the state confirmed.
They also had the same information.
In his presentation, Smith, who wore a face mask,
did not say what is being done to curb the behavior
or what schools the students
were from. Oh, I'm guessing the University of Alabama, maybe. Let me tell you, if you told me
a fucking co-ed right now liked me and she had COVID, I'd get right in there.
Fucking face first, right into that fucking nose of snot. It was unclear if the
COVID positive students infected anyone at the parties they attended. Well, that's kind of an
important fact, isn't it? Cheese dicks. It's nonsense, McKinstry added. But I think when
you're dealing with a mind frame of people who are intentionally doing stuff like that, and they're spreading
it intentionally, how can you truly
fight something that people are constantly
trying to promote? Yeah, sort of like
Black Lives Matter. How do you
fucking stop it?
Chaos. Marxism.
Fucking witch.
Chaz, I need to be changed.
Errol Sheehan, spokesman for the Alabama Department of Public Health, said the state's Safer at Home order explicitly states that people who test positive
shall be quarantined to their place of residence for a 14-day period.
Can I ask you a question?
How do you enforce that?
With thousands of people getting new cases every day, how do you enforce that they stay home?
Do you really enforce it?
How do you know?
This is all kabuki theater.
It's like when you fly and you go through a TSA.
That's all for aesthetics to make you feel better.
They don't know what they're doing.
They can't stop it.
through TSA. That's all for aesthetics to make you feel better. They don't know what they're doing. They can't stop it. Sheehan stressed that violation of the health order is a misdemeanor
and fines for each violation can be up to 500 bucks. Ooh. Ooh. How are you going to,
how are you going to bust people? As of Wednesday, Alabama had recorded 38,422 COVID cases, an increase of 10,696 in the last 14 days.
At least 947 people have died in Alabama of the virus.
And I guess they were probably in their late hundreds.
Why don't you do that research and tell the people that?
But you won't, will you?
Because you've got to keep the myth alive.
Fucking dog shit.
And I know I had it.
Remember back at the end of February, Raz, when I went to Chicago?
Came home and fucking teeth almost broke off from fucking shivering and sweating through my sheets.
And I'm fine.
Look at me.
No blood clots.
No four-hour erections.
Unfortunately. I might want. Look at me. No blood clots, no four hour erections. Unfortunately,
I might want to get it again. Four hour an erection. We got a story coming up. A guy got a four from COVID. The fuck? Get some 90 year old Chinese lady to kiss me right now.
Finally put a smile on the wife's face.
Boy, you fucked the shit out of me. You are good this morning. Yeah, I got COVID.
Oh, it's the next story. Good segue. Coronavirus patient. A coronavirus patient in France
suffered a four-hour erection due to a blood clot that may have been triggered by
the illness, COVID. Doctors warned.
What the fuck?
Good luck to him.
Oh, boy, you.
What are you fucking warning us for?
The 62-year-old man experienced a painful condition known as priapism while in the intensive
care unit at Le Chesnoy Hospital.
Doctors initially applied an ice pack to the area.
What?
The fuck?
But after four hours, his dick said,
fuck that, I'm staying out here,
no matter how cold it is.
I got a hat on.
Put an ice pack on my erection?
I'll fucking knock your fucking eyes out.
Using a needle, after the erection didn't go away,
they're using a needle.
They instead decided to drain the blood from his penis
and make several Bloody Marys.
They drained penis from his blood with a needle,
discovered that it was full of blood clots.
That is not fucking.
Yeah, dick humor a man goes to a party he gets a four-hour erection at the party they put an ice pack on his balls the clinical and laboratory presentation in our patient
strongly suggests it's either pre-epism or pri-epism related to SARS-CoV-2 infection.
Although the arguments supporting a casual link between COVID-19 and pre-epism are very strong in our case, reports of further cases would strengthen the evidence.
Okay, go to the University of Alabama and fucking get down with them, bitches.
Four- hour erection
you know
they say it's agonizing
I don't know I'd like to find out
four fucking hours
I could eat two bottles of fucking Viagra
give me about 20 minutes
because when I fuck
I fuck every Halloween
I don't know where I'm at today is the show almost over Because when I fuck, I fuck every Halloween.
I don't know where I'm at today.
Is the show almost over?
Jesus Christ.
I'm ripping through these stories.
Might have to babble for a half hour.
Rance, what'd you do this weekend?
Wait a minute, it's Thursday.
Let's take a break and make some money.
As you know, the supporter of thedonaldstuff.com has some great shirts that allow you to show and say exactly what we are feeling.
Shirts like this one.
Fun the police.
Ooh.
Blue lives matter.
What else we got?
Oh, defend the fun.
Yes, that's well done. Ooh we're a different color built trump tough
keep america great i like the colors on that one uh yeah that's some nice shit buy it could you
please help these people out help the show out uh when you visit the donaldstuff.com make sure
use the promo code nick and you'll get 10 off not just.com, make sure you use the promo code Nick
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Anyway, a lot of great stuff
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Go there, check out all the gear
and we thank them for sponsoring the show.
They're very loyal to us.
Hey!
Sweet tits Milano, back in the news. What a waste of fucking great tits Milano back in the news.
What a waste of fucking great tits.
Every time she opens her mouth, she might as well be a fucking Puerto Rican dwarf because she's so ignorant and stupid and left wing and silly.
But what a wreck.
Am I right?
Who's with me?
Anybody?
Raz? Anybody? Raz?
Hello?
Alyssa Milano is rejecting an accusation
she wore blackface.
Well, of course she is.
She's a liberal
and she only points out blackface
when other people that she doesn't agree with
politically are wearing it.
She's just a fucking self-righteous twat's own.
The actress posted Tuesday
in a response to an article
alleging she was facing backlash
over a purported
blackface scandal.
Bolano tweeted a photo of the headline from the conservative site LiveZet.
I think that's Laura Ingraham's along with her response.
She put, hey, assholes.
This is what she tweeted.
The below picture is me parading the Jersey Shore in Snooki's tan.
Snooki's tan, you know, oh, she is a sweetheart, by the way,
is worthy of parading as is Trump's tan.
What a little fucking, oh, you don't like it now?
Doesn't matter, because if it was a conservative doing it,
you'd be saying, I don't care if it's Snooki or not.
Now you're making fun of Italian slash Argentininians which is what snooki is that's what you'd do just take it like a fucking the man you want to be okay ah she angers me a she was a whore b
she was a whore milano who has been outspoken in her opposition to trump had tweeted days early
about what she alleges is a smear campaign against her because of her politics well how does it feel
bitch let's put up the video of her turning into snooki
get crazy get wild let's party get loud If you wanna have fun, then do something
If you wanna have fun, then do something
Get crazy, get wild, let's party, get loud
If you wanna have fun, then do something
If you wanna have fun, then do something
Woke in the club with no IP
Girls on my chakras and VIP
Your man can't do what I can do
What's your name? I'm Sky Blue
Well, I'm Red Food with the big-ass probe
Never wear lenses in my glasses, yo.
My first keyboard was a Casio.
Ooh, look at that girl on the dance floor.
Listen, man, I think you're on the good side.
All right.
Make me sick.
Funny or die.
I'd rather you die.
That was a real tits off.
Make no mistake about it.
But Melissa, you're making fun of Italian people, or whatever Snooki is, right?
I know you're Italian, so I guess it's okay.
But if anybody else does it.
Brown face, okay?
Whatever.
But she said, people are coming after me for my politics.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's all you do.
You've made a living out of it.
And she sells makeup for a living.
Impromercials at three in the morning.
Yanking my stem.
The right-wing trolls are using a still
from this Funny or Die video, she says,
where I parodied Snooki from Jersey Shore.
She tweeted Saturday, along with the 2013 video.
If you see the screen grab that they are using,
maybe you can shut them down
with a link to the entire video.
That's right.
Burn books.
Shut people down.
You're such a twat.
Cancer culture is being weaponized by the right.
How's it feel, fuckface?
By the right slash Putin, she says.
Can you fucking imagine?
May you get a yeast infection that kills you.
Can you fucking imagine?
May you get a yeast infection that kills you.
Cancer culture is being weaponized by the right.
Do you believe she has the balls to say that?
You fucking hypocrite.
Take notice of who they are targeting and what is trending, she wrote.
Are they trying to hurt Trump's most vocal critics?
Yep.
The misinformation campaign has begun.
Be vigilant in what you post on social media.
Truth still matters.
How the fuck would you know?
You can't handle the truth.
How the fuck would you know about the truth,
Miss fucking killer baby at any stage of life?
I'm not going to Georgia.
What do you know about the truth?
You're on the left.
There's two type of people in this world.
People who are for the truth and fucking Democrats and left wingers who have some PC bullshit alternative truth.
How many times do I have to say it?
Don't make me come through this screen.
Ah. What did I cook
my right elbow apparently
I was reaching in this shit oven
we still have the old kitchen
you know from this house we bought
so the appliances look like
something out of a 1958 sitcom
fucking got this much room
to reach in
I was pulling something
out of casserole
fucking
I've done this
three times now. Didn't do
it up in New York at all, so I know it's the
equipment. Fucking sizzled
my...
Do you remember I had a couple
here? See, there's still
a slight scar there. Fucking, what do I have to
wear? Fucking a hazmat suit to make
a fucking pizza?
I'm a real bitch.
White man confronts black woman
driving in her own neighborhood.
This is national news now, stories like this.
Okay, this is an interesting one.
It's in Massachusetts.
Massachusetts.
And there's somebody questioning a black woman in a car?
I don't believe it. The People's Republic of a black woman in a car. I don't believe it.
The People's Republic of Massachusetts where everybody's so virtuous and there's not a racist
there. By the way, Lenny Clark, great Boston comedian, one of my heroes, one of the reasons
I got into stand-up. He had a stroke a few days ago, like 10 days ago. This guy, 10 years ago, 15 years ago, weighed over 400 pounds.
Now he's lighter than I am.
He's actually ripped.
Guy's like 68 years old, and this is the thanks he gets, a fucking stroke.
But he called me last night to talk to me about my dad,
and he was talking faster than I was and sounded fucking great.
Even that story he told me had me crying.
He had a stroke like in Martha's Vineyard or whatever.
The lady goes, the nurse goes, Lenny, you're having a major stroke right now.
He goes, I got shit to do this afternoon.
She goes, it's not more important.
We're putting you on a helicopter in 45 minutes, whatever.
He sounded fine last night.
His brother wrote me and said, Lenny had a fucking stroke.
He goes, but he'll recover.
He's not like Kirk Douglas' father.
That's fucking...
No, Kirk Douglas himself actually
had this stroke.
Anyways, I meant Michael Douglas' father.
A black...
I digress. I'm sorry. A black Massachusetts
woman shared a disturbing video i
didn't get disturbed by it i belly laughed oh it's disturbing you see the language we're using
now like she was fucking raped uh i'll show you disturbing video later on of a brown person
choking out a fucking 68 year old white woman black black massachusetts she had a disturbing
video of a white man following her and his BMW as she drove in her
own neighborhood, accosting her to ask what she was doing in the area. Accosting? Isn't it?
She says on, she tweeted, I just got Karen'd. First of all, I don't like that term. You're
referring to white women. We don't say when we see a black woman, I just got Tanisha'd.
white women. We don't say when we see a black woman, I just got tenacious. Do we? When they're misbehaving. She says, this man followed me home because I went to pick up dog food at somebody's
house. Julia Santos, 21, tweeted using the term for entitled white women. She's Hispanic.
Oh, I guess she's black. In social media, after the man stopped her while she was driving home in Groveland on Monday,
the driver of the convertible Beamer cornered her on a side street, began peppering her with questions.
This guy's an asshole, no doubt about it, okay?
He should just mind his own fucking business.
But my point is, it shouldn't be national news.
And at the end of the story, they refer to it as a tragedy.
I mean, are you fucking dicking me?
Yeah, this guy is an asshole.
No doubt about it.
Here's a clip.
So on my town page, someone said they had dog food to pick up yeah actually thank
you
you're concerned if you want to look on the town crier someone offered a bag of
dog food which I have in the back of my vehicle yep yep that doesn't matter no juniper terrace a very small
street you didn't stop i did i did i stopped i grabbed the dog food that is right there
and then i left and i saw you follow me all the way here and i turned up here because
i'm quite frankly i don't feel safe right? I don't feel safe with you driving around my neighborhood.
Why?
What a dick.
Why?
It's just too many people.
Too many people?
Yeah.
Or is it because I'm black?
Is that why?
No.
You sure?
I don't know what color you are.
Are you sure?
Pause.
What do you mean you don't know what color she is?
Unless she's light-skinned and he thinks it's Hispanic or whatever.
I don't know what color.
Look at him with his fucking 1980s
perm and his stupid sunglasses mind your fucking business i hate people like this but again and
you know what she's keeping her cool good there you are what color are you i just said i'm black
and is that why you followed me that's good you're black yeah congratulations uh-huh i have nothing
wrong with that okay so then why are you following me?
I told you because you were up our street.
Yup.
That's why.
And I don't believe you.
You don't believe me what?
I don't believe you.
Pause.
Our street?
Is it his street?
The fuck's he talking about?
Our street?
What's the fucking douche bag?
Go ahead.
You don't believe me what?
That you were in Juniper Terrace.
You saw me on Juniper Terrace. Okay, so what? Yeah, you didn't stop. You, you, I, I stopped. You don't believe me what? That you were in Juniper Terrace. You saw me on Juniper Terrace.
Okay so. Yeah you didn't stop. You you I stopped and I moved. I okay. After I grabbed the dog food.
After I grabbed the dog food. So you drove and you turned around up top and you grabbed some dog food.
I grabbed the dog food before I turned around. Yup.
Pause.
Here comes the virtuous twat neighbor.
I don't like that you're harassing this woman.
Get back in your house.
Mind your fucking business.
Go ahead.
I don't like the fact that this poor girl is being arrested.
Shut up. Mind your fucking business and shut up.
She has to come out and show how virtuous she is.
But that guy was a dick. There's no doubt about it.
I'm just saying it shouldn't be national news.
And the way they word it, you know, you think fucking it's just hilarious.
That's a clip that goes viral.
A white guy questioning a black woman. and he's wrong in the neighborhood you know that goes but when you show a white person being
a victim of something black it's usually a 68 year old white woman being choked out or a kid
in a bodega parking lot getting beat up by six other kids that's the difference uh anyways she
says uh santos told the boston globe she was still a little shaken up by the
incidents come on shake it up your tears are so yummy and sweet oh the tears of unfathomable
sadness i just think especially in this racial climate she says some people are walking on
eggshells meanwhile some people have just gone full racist mode. Yes, that would be the black people burning down the country, the looters and the rioters,
and white people, white libs.
But don't just act like, I love this notion that only white people can be racist.
It's the most hilarious thing ever.
They say, because you're the oppressor.
Great built-in excuse.
I'll show you a crime later on, the old lady getting choked from behind,
and I'll explain to you why it's a hate crime.
Anyways, the fact that a resident of our town could face accusation
and be followed around like a criminal should make everyone stop in their tracks
and consider how we treat one another.
Gillen, he's a police guy, told the paper.
I've met many of the families in Groveland,
including the victim's family.
So now she's a victim.
The victim's family.
And watch families grow here.
Our job as police officers is to not only keep people safe,
but also feel safe in Groveland.
Well, you're not doing your job, apparently.
She felt unsafe.
But that guy was a cheese dick, no doubt about it.
Mind your fucking business.
She's shaken up.
It was a tragedy.
I mean, right?
I mean, with all the shit that's going on,
a tragedy is, you know, that cop kneeling on the guy's neck.
That's a fucking legitimate tragedy.
A few housekeeping items, folks. Last night,
I signed up for Parler. Supposedly, it's like Twitter or Facebook, but without the liberal
slant. Well, I'll put that to the test, won't I? We'll find just how fucking, how open-minded
they really are, because I've heard this before. And what happens if, here's my theory on this,
and it's supposed to be for people, you know,
it's supposed to be for everybody.
So my question is if it's supposed to be for everybody
and you can say more shit openly than you can on Twitter,
aren't people who are on Twitter going to come too
and it's going to turn into the same sewer?
Isn't it?
Guy's probably like, yeah, but I don't give a shit.
I'm making money.
I invented it.
So anyway, I'm giving it a try.
It's Parler, P-A-R-L-E-R.
Please follow me at Nick DiPaolo Show.
We added over 20,000 new subscribers on YouTube the past four weeks.
Okay?
Thank you to all of you guys who have shared the show and helped us grow like
that. That's, that is impressive growth. I'll be taking a few personal days, as I told you at the
top of the show, beginning of next week. Maybe we'll do a show on Thursday. I'm not sure. Thanks
to those of you who chat live during the premiere of the show at 5 p.m. Eastern. I especially want
to thank those of you
who submit super chats like this one. This is from Baron Von Blair. Baron Von Blair, I say that.
He says, best part of the day. Love this community. Baron, I love you too, but don't use the word
community. That's what minorities use when they say, my community is giving me a lot of support,
meaning not white people, my community. It's not a community. It's a fucking chat room or a,
I don't know, call it a pig fest. But anyways, thank you. I'm suck it on the wrong end
had a nickel every time I heard that
September 17
September 17
through 90 I'm going to be at the Plaza Hotel
and Casino in Las Vegas
if everybody isn't dead from COVID
October 2nd Jonathan's in a
main October 10th stand up live in Hun gunk with Maine. October 10th, stand-up live
in Huntsville, Alabama. October
11th, the Zanies Comedy Club, Nashville,
Tennessee. November
19th, the Improv in Raleigh, North
Carolina.
Last
time I was in North Carolina doing comedy, Charlie
Goodnight's. I was only in the business about
four years. Single.
Oh, did I pick up a beauty?
Denim skirt, fucking legs.
I'll also be announcing dates in Charlotte and Florida over the next week or two. So be sure
to stay tuned for those dates, folks. Come out and see me live. I don't know what I'm going to
be talking about. I don't know what to do.
We're in this COVID period.
I haven't written a fucking joke since the first guy got COVID.
Because I don't know what to talk about.
You know what I mean?
I like to do a lot of political topical shit.
But, you know, that stuff gets old.
I can't write jokes about what's going on in politics now.
Because by the time you see me in the fall, that shit will be ancient. So I don't write jokes about what's going on in politics now because by the time you see me
in the fall, that shit will be ancient. So I don't know what to do. Maybe I'll do a one-man show on
my taint. I'll show you some viral video that, you know, should be called tragic or alarming or whatever they just said about the black girl.
I've been trying to keep these off because a kid I played college football with texted me and said, hey, asshole, either get eye surgery or fucking make big a font on your page.
He ripped into me. Paul Buckley, his name is.
Great guy.
Police have released disturbing video of a man putting a woman in a chokehold before robbing her in Manhattan.
The incident happened Sunday morning on East 29th Street in Kipps Bay.
That's a lower east side of Manhattan.
Take a look at this video. I don't want to hear anyone whining about white racism. in Kipps Bay. That's a lower east side of Manhattan.
Take a look at this video.
I don't want to hear anyone whining about white racism.
Video of a daytime assault and robbery on a Manhattan street.
It happened Sunday morning on East 29th Street in Kipps Bay.
Police say the victim is a 64-year-old woman.
She's approached from behind by a man who chokes her,
drops to the ground,
and then makes off with a bag containing her phone and cash. The victim suffered cuts to her
elbow and knee. Police are hoping someone
can identify this suspect.
Now let me ask you a question.
He's either Hispanic or
black, okay? I'll put my fucking money on it.
And why I think it's
a hate crime. Why not just grab
the woman's bag and run?
Like people do
for years. She's elderly. You snatch it out of her hand and go
why the chokehold why the physical that's a fucking hate crime why because she was an old
white woman that's why you heard the young black video of a daytime we take another look
what did he say for a defense i was given another heimlich assault and robbery on a manhattan street it happened sunday morning on east 29th street
in kipps bay police say the victim is a 64 year old woman she's approached from behind by a man
who chokes her drops to the ground and then makes off with a bag containing her phone and cash
excellent what's the hat say
what's who cares if he gets arrested for that?
Because he'll be out on bond the next day.
Because that will be considered nonviolent.
Is that disgusting? What a fucking sewer we live in.
I want to see video of, is anybody, any viral videos of white people choking out old black people?
I'm not saying they're not out there, but
I don't think they are.
That disgusts me.
Raz found that one.
Kips Bay.
I lived in Manhattan for years. I didn't know that's what they call
that area.
Here's a black sheriff that I fucking love. What happened to that black sheriff that used to
be on Fox News all the time? Remember him? I wonder what he did wrong. Maybe he grabbed
Martha McCallum's ass or something. I don't know. What was his name? Clark. Wasn't his
last name David Clark or something like that from Milwaukee.
What happened to him?
He was fucking great.
No nonsense.
I bet once the Murdoch's kids took over Fox News, he was probably too right wing for them.
As you know, it's moved a little more to the center left.
But this guy, I like this guy this guy he says you've been warned
clay county sheriff says he'll deputize every gun owner if deputies can't handle protesters
clay county sheriff daryl daniels no stranger to making viral videos appealing to tough on crime politics, released a video Tuesday that said he will make special deputies of every lawful gun owner.
I love this idea in this county.
If he feels the county is overwhelmed by protests, let's take a look at my sheriff.
And I'll make special deputies of every lawful gun owner in this county
there's other actions you could take rather than just deputizing every law-abiding gun owner
here comes the white coward the spineless white guy to fuck i don't even know who he is do we
know who he is i don't care i'm sure he's a politician in this county there's other steps
you can take like Like what, bitch?
Fight fire with fire.
And I like how the sheriff had a white hat on, you know, because he's the good guy in the Western.
Go ahead.
Law enforcement expert Mark Bobman says it's important to keep order, but deputizing citizens may be crossing the line.
And they feel like they're emboldened to take some action and that could potentially lead to violent action.
Yeah, it could lead to results. Taking action, something you don't do as a politician.
All you do is fucking yap. Why would you be against that?
People coming to ruin your town. You saw the McCloskeys in St. Louis defending their shit.
Go ahead.
Or hurt someone else that they're taking the action against. Sheriff Daniels says he posted this video in response to constituents asking how he would handle rioters.
And today, he stands by what he said.
It means everyone bears a responsibility to keep their communities safe.
Daniels says this doesn't mean a gun owner can just jump in the ring at any time.
He says it would only happen if necessary.
No, that does not give anybody the authority to act independently.
Don't backpedal, Sheriff. If I need the help from a citizen
to do something,
then I'm going to ask for that help.
Mmm.
Love him.
Love the idea.
He says, and if you come to Clay County,
you think for one second we'll bend our backs
for you. You sadly mistake it, he said.
I know it happens
when lawlessness prevails. And in this day and time, God is raising up men and women,
just like the folks standing behind me who will have strong backbones and will stand in the gap
between lawlessness and the citizenry we're sworn to protect. Daniels, the county's first black
sheriff, is himself, of course course they have to put this in
under investigation by the Florida Department of Law Enforcement related to an affair he had with
a fellow officer back when he was at the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office and a subsequent
false arrest of that officer oh no I don't know nothing about that. I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
Sounds just like Clinton, doesn't he?
Love him.
Can you imagine every legal gun owner?
Goddamn right.
Deputize him.
He can give him a little fucking pin like the old West.
Remember they used to deputize?
Sheriff would get shot at like a high noon and they'd grab the next guy in line.
You're the deputy, Sheriff.
I want to thank you people.
You guys are,
you showed your true colors
when this COVID shit hit
and I went out to Baltimore
and you showed up.
And Tommy says,
I'm the only comedian right now in Vegas
still selling tickets
because of this COVID shit.
Those are DiPaolo fans.
Not going to let some Chinese fucking cough take you down.
Come out and hear me sling some shit.
I want to thank one-time contributors.
You can go to nickdip.com, contribute financially, or patreon.com.
You can subscribe, become a monthly member.
These are daily contributions uh tim
hersheet again i'm recognizing some of the same names ohio john eckard pennsylvania
mark ambiglotti ohio freddie anguiano california salo galba jesus christ i'm getting
i'm getting a heartburn just reading some of these.
Salagabo.
I love that name.
New York.
Salagabagool.
Scott Farrell, Massachusetts.
Charles Malloy, New York.
Stupidazo.
Stupidazo.
North Dakota.
Lou Sasso, Iowa.
Lou Sasso, got it? Mark Field, Alabama.assel, Iowa, Lou Sassel, get it?
Mark Field, Alabama, Ross Peterson, Nebraska, Anthony Wynieski, Ohio,
Stacey Smith, Mississippi, Edward O'Leary, Michigan, Michael Smith, Florida,
Sabrina D'Ambrosio, New York, Dave Anderson, Nevada, Tim Hershey, Ohio,
Eric Steinmetz, California, James Stoltz, Texas, The Ghost of Frank Rizzo, Pennsylvania, you crumbum.
Mark Cassier, New York.
Kenny Cummings, North Carolina.
Mark Marriott, Illinois.
God bless Nick's dad, Illinois.
Thank you.
Oren Debutt, Michigan.
Oren Debutt.
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John Vassar, Virginia.
Paul Dalton, New York.
Mother of God.
Listen to these.
Now, these are Patreon members signing up.
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He increased his contribution. Patron since 2018. Thank you, David Balsamo. He increased his contribution.
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The third.
Mike Walsh, Jason Romano, Scott McVicker, Justin Whitcomb,
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That's mother of God.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen this is a record 15 60 17 monthly subscribers can't thank you guys enough because twitter i
mean twitter um huh youtube sorry is uh you know they're fucking with me i i some shows are limited as far as monetization
even some shows that they already approved were fine they went back and changed the classing of
so the super chats become very important to us and the contributions and patreon because uh
now they're you know we're on their radar so it's a bittersweet thing. That means the show is growing,
but they're pulling their left-wing horse shit.
But thank you guys all so much.
Listen to this.
Here's one that fried my fucking acorns.
Citing racial bias, San Francisco will end mugshots release.
San Francisco police will stop releasing the mugshots of people
who have been arrested
unless they pose a threat to the public as part of an effort to stop perpetuating racial stereotypes
the city's police chief announced on Wednesday gotta be why is everyone so fucking stupid
why aren't more people interrogating like me?
Do you know why most of the mugshots that are released,
I'll get into this, it's a little more complicated than that,
but black and brown people commit a disproportional amount of crime
as compared to how much of the population they make up. That's why.
In almost every major city, that's true. So they literally can't handle the truth. San Francisco
police chief, I get, you know, my buddy, I always bring up the cop. He was a cop in Miami for 33
years. Now he's a lawyer. When he was living in miami i remember him telling me this 20 years ago on the local station they would put up every week like on monday the top 20 people that were wanted
in in miami and they will you know it might be one white guy and they were all black and brown
for the most part so they stopped doing it in other words you can't even handle the
fucking truth san francisco police chief bill scott and outside police experts said they believed
the department would be the first in the nation oh good for you to do so based on concerns about
racial bias of course fucking quiz the booking photos taken by police when a person is arrested
for a crime are often made public whether or not the person is prosecuted for the alleged crime
i don't care they still were doing something wrong and i'd like to know who and with today's
standards where we see violent felons getting off at at least in New York, I'd like to see that guy's face in the paper.
That can undermine the presumption of innocence and help perpetuate stereotypes, the experts said.
You need to shut the fuck up.
Large cities like L.A. and New York already have policies against releasing booking photos but make exceptions.
For example, the New York Police Department, the nation's largest, releases information on arrests but doesn't put out mugshots unless investigators believe that will prompt more witnesses to come
forward or aiding in finding a suspect. Georgia and New York stopped releasing booking photos
in an effort to curtail websites that charge people
to remove their picture and booking information. That I can understand, but not because it's going
to perpetuate racial bias. Oh my God. Jack Glazer, a public policy professor at the University of California, Berkeley, who researches racial stereotyping.
Is that what you do for a living, Jack?
And whose work Scott consulted said data shows black people who are arrested are more likely
to have their cases dismissed by prosecutors.
That may be just part and parcel of the same issue that police will stop and search blacks
at a lower threshold. In other words, search them more of suspicion in the first place.
And so their arrests are more likely to be unsubstantiated, Glazer said.
I don't believe a word. He's lying.
Why don't you give the real statistics?
And the ones that have stopped, I want to know how many.
Where's that number?
How many have actually committed a crime or something?
Can you give us that?
Even if it's not the majority, even if it's over half,
I'm for putting their faces in the paper.
We've been doing it for, what, 100 years in this country.
It's worked out pretty well.
But in 2020, in the world of Black black lives matter now it's a problem numerous websites post the mugshots
regardless of whether anyone was convicted of a crime then charge a fee to those who want their
photo removed which is fucking wrong the phenomenon prompted california's attorney general to charge
one of the biggest operators with extortion, money laundering and identity theft.
Scott said that that contributes to Americans making an unfair association between people of color and crime.
That's not why, because they commit a disproportional amount of crime.
Disproportional. I can't get so much caffeine in me.
That's why.
God. Adopting the new policy is part of an effort to stop spreading negative stereotypes of minorities. Something that Scott, who is black,
said he's experienced when he's not in uniform. You walk into a department store, he says,
and you get followed around. The security's looking at you suspiciously.
I've experienced that.
Now, why is that?
I'm guessing they're following
you around because you have freckles.
We don't see too many
black guys with freckles.
Dennis Johnson on the Celtics
in the 80s.
Why do you think black people
get followed around?
Answer yourself that honestly.
For a Democrat, people get followed around answer yourself that honestly for a democrat for a democratic society we're very cavalier about people's rights and the presumption of innocence we are with it with the most fair fucking system in the world
we take people's freedom away and ruin people's reputations before anybody's ever made a decision
as to whether or not the person committed the offense. Well, I suggest, this guy's really
fucking irritating me. Don't say a fucking word to me. I'll get up and I'll bury this telephone
in your head. Well, if you're going to take care of that problem, you should look online at people
who, guys who are accused of sexual assault
that didn't do it
and their reputations
are trashed
or even women,
their reputations
are trashed online
for something that
people make up
a bunch of lies
and it catches fire.
You should look at that too.
I think it's even
a bigger problem.
I could be wrong.
Razimataz?
I have a question.
Yes,
I'm Irish and Italian and Scottish so this
one goes along with the video you can just tell me when to stop the video and
I'll leave a link to it all right Kel from Las Vegas Nick I just wonder how
the hell did the conversation move so far away in the last 20 years you know
that Chris Rock made this sketch today he'd be cancelled immediately we're
gonna show you we're not to play the whole thing.
It's way too long.
But this was one of the funniest.
If you guys remember, Chris Rock had a great show,
which I wrote on for a couple of years.
I think this was before I, no, I was there,
I think, when this happened.
But this is a funny fucking sketch.
Watch this.
Have you ever been face to face with a police officer and wondered, is he about to kick my ass?
Well, wonder no more.
If you follow these easy tips, you'll be fine.
First, obey the law.
Laws are made for a reason.
Think of them as hints.
You've heard people say, man, I wouldn't do that shit if I was you.
Well, here's some of that shit.
Carjacking, armed robbery, arson,
selling drugs, buying drugs, stabbing, shooting.
You know, you probably won't get your ass kicked
if you just use common sense.
If you jump a subway turnstile,
you might just get off with a warning from the police.
But if you jump a turnstile carrying a loaded gun and smoking a joint,
then maybe you need your ass kicked.
Look at all the white pop.
We all know what happened to Rodney King.
But Rodney wouldn't have gotten his ass kicked if he had just followed this simple tip.
When you see flashing police lights in your mirror, stop immediately.
Everybody knows if the police have to come and get you, they're bringing an ass kicking with them.
Here's a no-brainer.
If you're listening to loud rap music
Turn that shit off
Blast and fuck the police
While you're getting pulled over by the police
It's just ignorant
When an officer approaches your car
Be polite
Is there a problem, officer?
And stay in your car
With your hands on the wheel what the fuck you want
want to give a friend a ride not so fast your friend might be crazy
now before you let your friend in your car ask them these questions Your friend might be crazy.
Now before you let your friend in your car, ask him these questions. Do you have a gun? Do you have drugs? Do you have any warrants?
And in case you do get pulled over by the cops...
License and registration please.
Remind your friend to do this one thing.
Shut the fuck up.
Man, don't give him shit. What the fuck you want?
If you have to give a finger ride,
get a white friend.
A white friend can be the difference
between a ticket
and a bullet in the ass.
Here's a tip you should never forget.
If your woman is mad at you, leave her at home.
Because a mad woman will say anything.
He got weed!
He got weed!
If your woman is mad at you, there's
nothing she'd like to see more than you getting your ass kicked.
That's right, shit!
He's gonna take it out!
He's gonna take his wings, too!
He got wings!
He got wings!
Now, let's review.
Obey the law.
Use common sense.
Stop immediately.
Turn that shit off.
Be polite.
Shut the fuck up.
Get a white friend.
And last but not least, don't ride with a mad woman.
If you follow these simple pointers, you probably won't get your ass kicked by the police.
That was a really funny show. And that's like the only sketch where I wasn't a cop in or whatever the fuck.
First of all, that's so relevant, that sketch,
even today. Do what the cops say.
That goes for George
Floyd, Eric
Garner, anybody.
All those guys would
still be alive today if they did what the cops
said. Cops don't just come
up and kill you.
Same with Richard, what's his
name? Brooks in Atlanta.
So that's what
Kel from Vegas was saying.
And she or he, Kel, probably
a guy, said if Chris Rock made that sketch today,
he'd be canceled immediately. I disagree with that.
He'd catch a lot of
shit from Black Lives Matter and white
liberals or whatever, but he wouldn't get canceled.
Because Chappelle has said some
controversial shit and was, you know,
rewarded with another $40 million deal from
Netflix. So
if it was a white guy in a white
show, oh, fuck you. They wouldn't let you
air it. Don't forget that
double standard. I can't stress it enough.
But he would
catch a whole... He caught... Chris
caught flack from a lot
of sketches that he did because he was
showing the truth, you know, about black people and white people. There's one, there's one that
I was played a cop in that they, we, we should dig up if we don't get flagged because it's HBO,
but we did one where, you know, I was a cop and two other cops. It was right after a shooting
and it had something to do with the, you know, the guy interviewing us pulls out a shooting and uh it had something to do with the you know the guy interviewing us
pulls out a banana and he goes what banana not banana banana and says uh what is that and you
know all this cut well that's a fucking gun it's a gun yeah there's a picture
got fucking long the pants are fuck wore those will chamberlain
uh anyways yeah you can go online and Google Chris Rock Show police sketches.
Some of the shit is so goddamn funny.
And anyways, Rock doesn't like Whitey either, by the way, as much as I like him.
But he's honest about it at least.
DePaulo, you fucking.
He wanted us to go see Bill Cosby. Like when we were working fucking, he wanted us to go see Bill Cosby.
Like when we were working,
the whole staff was going to see Bill Cosby.
I didn't want to go
because I didn't like Cosby.
Didn't really dig his fuck.
I can appreciate his comedy, whatever,
but I didn't,
not enough to go see him.
Everybody else went,
DePaulo, you fucking racist.
You don't know what you missed.
Fucking busted my balls uh i got black cred because i told you chris rock in an interview on reddit uh said there's a white comic out there
who's definitely racist but definitely hilarious so i i texted rock this was months ago and he said
were you talking about he goes damn right to follow and he goes it gets better i was at uh he was at uh i think arsenio hall's house and fucking eddie no eddie murphy's
house he was at eddie murphy's house arsenio was there uh jamie fox was there and uh another black
famous black comic and they all agreed that i was fucking hilarious, but racist. Well, you're racist for calling me racist.
Yeah, a racist
is going to work for a black guy in any capacity.
Fucking love rock.
How do I
understand Cosby?
Calling me
racist because I want to see Bill Cosby.
That's it,
folks.
That is it. Again, thanks for all the support
and all the condolence letters
about my dad.
It's going to be a tough weekend
and I'm shitting my pants
about this eulogy.
I've been fearing this day
since my dad turned 65.
I always,
because I remember my,
one of my friend's dads
died pretty young
and he had to do with you
and I was going,
oh my God,
I'm going to have to do that someday.
I swear to God.
I've been shitting my pants about it for 25 years or whatever, 20 years.
You can only be so funny in a church.
I don't know.
But anyways, again, thanks for all the support.
Not getting back to the middle of wednesday afternoon um so
i don't know we'll let you know on social media possibly a show thursday um all right uh that is
it you think it i will say it you're very welcome i'll see you back here maybe next week all right
thank you Thank you. guitar solo I'm out.