The Nick DiPaolo Show - Dems Threaten Violence Again | Nick Di Paolo Show #1273
Episode Date: September 15, 2022Rand Paul Vs. Fauci. Dems push MAGA victories. Hirono calls for "literal" violence. R. Kelly convicted. Kangaroo kills owner. Real life "Purge" law....
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Enjoy the show, yeah.
Hey. How are you, Ed?
Drop my spoon.
Great to be with you on a Thursday.
It's me and Ed's last night, and you guys have to get up tomorrow.
I understand.
Great show tonight, Ed. We got Jacqueline Brissett. She's got a movie out called
The Deep.
Guy with the Rope Jaws. Anyways, it's a good
excuse to see her tits. Have you seen them?
Mamma mia, puppity.
Also, Robert Conrad.
You guys, most people
know him from a show called The Wild Wild West.
He did that in the 1830s.
And currently he's on a show called Black Sheep.
You've seen him many times at a commercial.
He says, what a battery, a day to knock it up.
Thinks he's a tough guy.
Me and Ed will give him a real fucking beat when he gets out here.
And musical guest, and the kids are happy, David Bowie.
Ed, this guy's so talented, I'll tell you.
Everybody wants to know whether he sucks a dick or not, don't you?
It's a rumor him and Mick Jagger were caught in a sack together.
That's true.
It's actually true.
I love him.
I don't want to fuck him, but I like his music.
All right.
Let's go to a Palmolive commercial.
What?
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Anyhow,
let's get
to it since it's a
Thursday. Thirsty Thursday,
I call it.
Always thirsty Thursday.
Yeah.
Colin Quinn fucking makes me laugh so hard.
I go, what are you doing?
He goes, well, you might think it's kind of gay,
but I'm listening to Ed Sheeran and putting on moisturizer.
Just made it up, folks.
There should be an ASMR of that.
There should be what?
There should be an ASMR of that.
A what more of that?
ASMR with those ambient things where people listen to people whisper and just do things.
It's fucking weird.
God, I had no idea what you're talking about.
Still don't.
Let's move on.
Let's get to it.
Once again, Fauci on the hot seat, which is fine with me.
Seems to be a bit of a scumbag.
I'll give him credit.
He's like the devil because he's not aging
for a guy who's 82 or whatever he is he's got the skin of a 50 year old and he's still sharp
but he should use that sharpness for good not evil anyhow he's about to retire because of
interviews like ran paul once again boy this is like ollie and frazier isn't it? Rand Paul, who I think is smarter than Fauci, he's a doctor too, don't forget.
Rand Paul has had enough of his, and he makes Fauci look like a dope again,
questioning about ignoring immunity in children and how when they were pushing this vaccine,
they never even cared to tell us about natural immunity anyways here you go
but she's had the flu for 14 days should she get a flu shot well no if she got the flu for 14 days
she's as protected as anybody can be because the best vaccination is to get infected yourself
and if she really has the flu if she really has the flu she if she really has the flu, she definitely doesn't need a flu vaccine.
If she really has the flu.
She should not get it again.
She doesn't need it because it's the most potent vaccination is getting infected yourself.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
You're a real crumbum.
And then he goes on to say this.
Whether they've been infected, you're ignoring a vaccine, basically.
So you're ignoring a variable.
So what you're giving us is this.
Pause one second.
I don't know why it says monkeypox response.
It's not what they're talking about.
They're talking about COVID.
That's C-SPAN doing a bang-up job.
Anything that comes out of D.C. is garbage and wrong.
Any journalism.
That's probably intentional.
Right.
They're talking about the vaccine vaccine, the jab for kids and how they go ahead.
People decry vaccine hesitancy.
It's coming from the gobbledygook that you give us.
You're not paying attention to the science. The very basic science is that previous infection provides a level of immunity. If you ignore that
in your studies, if you don't present that in your committees, you're not being truthful or
honest with it. You hear that? What do you got to say, you dink?
I don't remember them pushing that either, saying kids are, oh, my God, greed, money.
In today's hearing, I showed a video of Dr. Fauci claiming natural immunity. This is from Rand's talking about what we just showed you on his tweet.
Claiming natural immunity is the most potent vaccination.
He said that back then when they showed that clip.
Fauci tried to use the corporate media to defend himself, but words don't lie.
Anyways, now he goes on to question about the money aspect of this,
which we all, I think, drew our own conclusions.
Whenever there's evil folks, at least in the United States, and I love capitalism,
I'm an unapologetic, I'm just saying, though, when something doesn't make sense,
just follow the money trail. 99% of the times you'll find it. But this is a great question.
I didn't hear anybody pose this to him for the last two years. You know, whatever. He's got, if you read the books about Fauci, he's got patents with the fucking Pfizer,
with the, you know, big pharma companies.
Go ahead.
And furthermore, we've been asking you, and you refuse to answer,
whether anybody on the vaccine committees gets royalties from the pharmaceutical companies.
I asked you last time, and what was your response? We don't have to tell you. We've demanded them through Freedom
of Information Act, and what have you said? We're not going to tell you. But I tell you this,
when we get in charge, we're going to change the rules, and you will have to divulge where you get
your royalties from, from what companies, and if anybody on the committee has a conflict of interest, we're going to learn about it. I promise you that.
You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, fuck-faced, dickhead, asshole.
Why can't you talk like that?
Just to be fair, you know, his answers were 10 minutes long each.
That's why they put Fauci's in.
But I'll tell you, I'll paraphrase what he said about the first one about natural immunity. He said, you're taking that clip from C-SPAN out of context.
I believe she called in and what did he say?
Oh, she got sick from the vaccine.
Isn't that what he said?
What did he say? I can't remember what what he said but it almost doesn't matter i mean the words are the words and he said no that's why
yeah you're right that's why he took the video out and said this is what you said he tried to
weasel his way out of it saying he'd take it out of context that the girl um something about the
vaccine i don't know anyhow he he looked real dumb and on the money thing i don't know. Anyhow, he looked real dumb.
And on the money thing,
I don't even,
he didn't even give a fucking answer because he doesn't have to,
apparently, legally.
I don't know.
And who's the kid behind him?
Looks like, you know,
Rick Ocasek when he was in his 20s,
the lead singer of the Cars.
And look at the jerk off with a mask on.
You people.
Let me tell you people.
Again, old people, I'll give you a break.
Even then, I want to punch you in your osteoporosis faces.
But, yeah, I understand old people, maybe obese black folks.
But the rest is, yeah, but maybe they have some type of disease well they should be in
the house and be ashamed of themselves that's a compassion you get from me anyways uh that's
i think falchi's retiring because he's had enough of fucking ram paul
boy ram paul is because he's a doctor and he sees what this is all about it's not making a fucking Rand Paul. Boy, Rand Paul is...
Because he's a doctor
and he sees
what this is all about.
It's not making people well.
It's about money.
That prick's been lying
to us forever.
And I knew he was lying
the week after they said
COVID came out
because I was on a plane
and a guy farted
and went right through my mask.
I knew that didn't work.
Oh, my God.
It's like I had poop
on my upper lip
all the way to Dallas.
Anyhow, let's get on with it, shall we?
What's this?
Next story, fake bipartisanship.
Democrats managed to push two more MAGA Republicans to victory.
You hear what I just said?
They go out and they vote for what they think is
the more extreme person because they think when they have to face off against a Democrat.
So I guess they believe their own horseshit. They push more MAGA Republicans to victory in
Tuesday's New Hampshire primary. For all their warnings of MAGA threat to democracy, they see
MAGA candidates as a huge boon for
the Democratic Party.
I'm not sure I'm picking up on that.
It's almost they're out thinking themselves.
And so are Democrats' active support.
Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, seen here fresh back from his home, fucking scumbag.
his home. Fucking scumbag. Super PAC spent 3.2 mil on ads attacking moderate GOP Senate candidate Chuck Morse. It seems foolish to have all this money lying around. Oh, you'd
rather have it down at the bank where the Jewish guys can leer at it? What the kind
of... Yeah, money. By the way, that's Newt Gingrich in transition again.
Jesus Christ.
Newt Gingrich with AIDS.
With monkey pox.
Anything.
Or on a liquid diet.
Anyways.
So yeah, they backed whatever.
The more moderate GOP.
I mean, the Trump GOP.
That helped put MAGA champion Don Bolduc,
who was running out of money
toward the end of the campaign,
over the top.
Does he know he could help from...
Bolduc will face Democrat Senator,
oh, Maggie Hassan.
Yeah.
Hi, Maggie.
With that last name,
you don't look like a terrorist in November.
With an approval rating of just 35 percent, she's highly vulnerable. But a University of
New Hampshire poll, so it must be true, in April projected she'd still beat Boldik by a point,
but would have lost to Moss by two.
So boosting her chances by just three points was enough for Chucky to risk a win by 2020 election denying Boldik, who's right about the election.
Get this through your head, you.
Get this through your head, you motherfucker, you.
Hey, watch that.
I don't like that type of talk.
He is a fucking devil though you see him all in the front line when they were celebrating the uh you know inflation reduction
which was going through the literally the stock market was tanking while they were partying
literally and chucky's like you can't write it man it really if that was in a show like the west wing whatever that's a bad
example anything veep you'd be like duh they're not that stupid uh counting the new hampshire wins
democratic interference to the tune of 53 million has now aided a total of six victorious
MAGA candidates in GOP primaries.
Yet Dems, including most notably President Joe Biden himself,
claim these people are out to kill American democracy.
Do you see what a bunch of shit it is, folks?
Do you see what a bunch of shit it is?
You fucking hypocrite.
Oh, I don't like them.
So I guess their thinking is nobody's going to vote for a MAGA guy.
Here's my thinking also. I don't know if I brought up this theory yesterday. I thought
it was quite brilliant. We're sitting there going, why is the left for the last year and two years
been so far left and radical and just out? It's one of two reasons. One, they already know the
next election is fixed or the
presidential one after that is fixed, or they know they've gone way too far and have no chance of
winning. So let's get it all out there now. But I think it's the latter. I think they're like,
we stole the last one, motherfucker, and you didn't do anything about it. We're going to steal this one, right, Chuck?
Schumer and other party leaders either don't really believe their own claims
or are happy to feed the threat to democracy itself
just to protect their own power.
Either way, it's squalid.
Squalid.
Like my kitchen.
Squalid after I, uh, nevermind.
I don't know what to say.
Now go home and get your fucking shine box.
Who are you talking to?
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Make me a sandwich.
Make me a fucking sandwich!
In our
Shut Up and Make Me a Sammich
segment tonight,
Democratic extremism in the wake
of President Joe Biden's
dark MAGA speech heated up some more on Wednesday
when Senator Mazie Hirono, one of the angriest lesbians, I don't care if she's got a husband and 11 kids,
this is a man, in my opinion.
Mazie Hirono, Democrat Hawaii, said this on the Senate floor.
Do they put papers down for her when she's on the Senate floor?
She is a man-hating, angry.
A lot of people from Hawaii don't like the continental United States.
And I don't like her.
I'd like to give her a left hook, a right jab, and a knee to her balls.
Let's listen to what Pigface has to say.
When I hear my colleagues talking about how, you know, it should be states' rights
or government should not be telling us what to do,
the word hypocrites, it doesn't even go far enough to call them out on what they're doing.
This is an outright attack on women in this country.
That is how I see it.
That is how more and more women and those who support our right to make decisions about our own bodies.
That is how we see it.
And why?
Because that's what's happening.
Madam President, I yield the floor, but clearly, you know, this is a literally call to arms in our country.
Open your eyes so you can see.
You stupid fucking blabbermouth cunt!
A call to arms. Literally a call to arms. Do you know what literally means? Do you know what call to arms means Literally a call to arms.
You know what literally means?
You know what call to arms means?
Weapons, folks.
Okay?
Literally a call to arms.
Look at her.
It's like a kamikaze pilot.
Fucking poor eating pig.
Literally a call to arms.
This coupled with Joe Biden's rhetoric
and we're going to show some more violent rhetoric
from another senator today. Aren't we, Dallas? No, yesterday, Tim Ryan.
Oh, you were looking at me strange. I'm like, aren't we? That was yesterday. I should say
coupled with Tim Ryan's words yesterday. Wow.
Boy, I'll tell you.
I need relief band.
Put it around my head.
Anyways, what an angry.
Again, this is about Roe v. Wade being overturned and whatnot.
And Harano's rhetoric follows statements from Democratic Ohio Senate candidate, oh, Nick,
you wrote this, why don't you know, Tim Ryan, who said his party needs to, remember this yesterday, kill and confront extremist Republican movement, fuck your mother, you guys are big
talkers, just like you are about being sanctuary cities, and now you don't want the fucking
people living there.
You're just all full of shit, Democrats.
Everybody sees through it.
I'll say it again.
If it's not a red tsunami come November,
it's already in the bag.
That's all I'm going to say.
I said to my wife,
because they were saying it might not be on TV,
and I said to my wife that she's changing a flat tire in the rain.
Put down the tire, Ryan.
I'm talking to you.
When would it be a red wave?
When would you say that?
After two years of what's been going on in this country?
Take into account the inflation, gas prices, half of South America living here now,
violence at every major. When would it be a red? Are you fucking kidding me? If it's not,
I'm not going to vote anymore. Dead serious. Really? Going to kill the movement, huh, Mr. Ryan?
As a great president said, okay, mediocre. Okay, one I didn't like said, bring it on.
Both statements followed President Joe Biden's infamous dark MAGA. All they say in my hometown,
dark MAGA. Look, it's a German Alex Trebek. I mean, Trebek must be German anyway.
I know he's dead, but this is him. Alex, I'll take dirty Jews for 400.
I kid about that.
You know I defend the Jewish people and Israel every day.
Doc Maga speech in which he portrayed Maga Republicans as violent right-wing.
Yeah, remember all those Maga people burning down stores and looting and shooting at cops?
Remember all that shit during the George Floyd? Oh my God, you filthy fucks. Republicans as violent right-wingers who
disrespect the constitution as he wipes his ass with it and seeks, yeah, because sending people,
FBI kicking down front doors, innocent people, that's constitutional. You know, he doesn't even
know what he's saying.
And seek to strip Americans of their most basic
rights. Give me some examples.
Basic rights?
You wanted to put a board
together. Hey, that went away.
Remember to police the internet
for hate speech and shit?
Again, you want
to take away our guns?
Who's against the Constitution?
Mr. Trebek?
MAGA Republicans do not respect
the Constitution, said Jerkoff Joe.
They do not believe in the rule of law,
said the guy who stole the election,
said the guy whose party is eliminating
bail for killers.
You can't even make it up.
They do not believe in the rule of law. They do not recognize the will of the people.
They don't believe in the, this is the guy whose son lied on a gun application and who does crack and fucks hoes on film. Some of it that's illegal. Some of it I enjoy.
Let me just say something, Mr. President.
You listening?
Your mother sucks fucking big fucking elephant dicks.
You got that?
I don't think he heard me.
You listening?
Your mother sucks fucking big fucking elephant dicks.
You got that?
What did you say?
You listening?
Your mother sucks fucking big fucking elephant dicks.
You got that? Do you realize
that's in a movie, the
Raging Bull? Do you realize
when they were writing that
they must have cried.
Said this is so goddamn but Joe Pesci made it so real.
Anyways, a poll found out the majority of Americans
believe Biden's speech only divided the country.
Wow, aren't we a country of detectives?
And did little to help unite the nation.
No shit.
That's the nation shooting at each other.
That's what I meant.
Brother versus brother.
Do you believe that?
He's out there.
They're wrong in the first place.
That's one thing, how far left and wrong they are.
But to be accusing people of what you're doing, which is what they do, it's priceless.
And I'll say it again.
How do they not win every seat that's available in the Senate and the House, the Republicans?
You know what I mean?
How do the Dems, you know what I mean?
First of all, they don't even vote in the midterms, usually the Dems.
Seriously, if this is not like the biggest bloodbath in history, anything less than that is a goddamn big lie, as they say. And that's the other
thing that if you say the election was thrown, you're a domestic terrorist basically. It's
creepy what they're doing, labeling us criminals. And that's how it starts. I was there in France when the shit went down.
I was there in Russia with the Bolsheviks.
Let me just say this about that.
Joe Biden is a big fag.
Let me just say this.
Anyways, I think I want to move on
to one of the greatest musicians of all time.
I have all his old stuff. Anyways, I think I want to move on to one of the greatest musicians of all time.
I have all his old stuff.
This guy had more talent in his giant black cock than anybody I know.
In the headline, I believe I can cry.
That's the headline.
Disgraced R and B star, R. Kelly, real name Robert Kelly,
not to be confused with my friend Bobby Kaelin, a very funny motherfucker.
Look at this jack off.
He goes, maybe I'll look like a decent human being if I put on a jacket and tie,
even though it's covered with my goddaughter's jazz.
Jazz?
Anyways, R. Kelly.
How long has this guy been going?
I'm not fucking.
Is it 20 years now?
I heard about this tape when I was 11.
And Chappelle did a whole thing on it in his show back when Chappelle's show was a thing.
There you go.
That's only been off the air for 40 years.
I mean, what the fuck?
Oh, he's a black, high profile.
They got to go easy.
Ay, ay, ay.
Hunter Biden's behind him.
Backing him up.
He was convicted on federal child pornography.
That doesn't sound good.
Finally, the word convicted.
Right?
Child pornography charges Wednesday for making videos of himself abusing his 14-year-old goddaughter.
Finally, a conviction. Bye-bye, dickhead. does he get to appeal again I it's fucking the verdict followed a month-long trial in Chicago
month long guys been tried 11 this is probably an appeal I don't even know I
don't follow them too busy molesting my own kids good night everybody just
kidding the verdict followed a month-long trial in Chicago, Kelly's hometown,
where jurors were shown excerpts of the disturbing footage.
I can't get any of it.
I've been fine.
And heard testimony from the victim, now 37 years old.
That gives you an idea.
She was a minor.
That's how long it's been going on.
Who was identified only as Jane.
Jane, and I sat there when I read it and said, Jane Pauly?
Jane Curtin?
Jurors deliberated for about 11 hours, which is about 10 hours too much,
beginning on Tuesday afternoon before returning with a guilty verdict on six,
six of the 13 counts that Kelly had faced, including three for child porn charges.
In Chicago, a conviction on just one such count carries a mandatory minimum sentence of five to
ten years. And he was convicted on six of them. Six of them. Here's R. Kelly, his first night in jail.
Bunked over an aluminum sink.
You like to fuck kids, do you?
This is him at the men's warehouse when he didn't have the right tie.
It comes on top of a 30-year prison sentence handed to the... I love when they do this, when famous people in an article, and you know, let's say
it was Stallone, whatever, when the Rambo one through six star, what happens if I get busted,
when the Comedy Central star in 1881, sentenced, handed the I believe I can fly singer in June
after he was found guilty of sex trafficking and racketeering
in a separate federal case in Brooklyn.
I can't keep them straight.
What do we got here?
Let's take a look.
I believe I can fly.
There he goes.
I believe I can touch the sky.
Look at him touching that sky.
Oh, R our Kelly.
That guy suffered.
He had the wind knocked on him.
Kelly, 55.
Oh, my God.
I'm fucking older than him, too.
Should I be out there trying to get that?
Look at his face.
Kelly was 55, was accused of videotaping himself,
having sex with underage girl.
Always put it on videotape so you have evidence that you didn't do it.
Underage girls, as well as of rigging his 2000 state trial on child porn shot is for which he was acquitted.
That boy is a P.I.G. pig.
Robert Kelly abused many girls over many years.
Assistant U.S. Attorney Elizabeth Pozzolo told the jurors.
She also.
I'll tell you this.
Hey, Miss Pozzolo, how you doing?
Put on some makeup, you dog.
Have you tried the Pozzone?
Is that the queen behind her in the picture?
Or did her mother win some type of homemade apple pie contest? Poizzolo told the jurors using the fallen star as full name. He committed horrible crimes against children. All these years later,
the hidden side of Robert Kelly has come out. The evidence against Kelly included graphic videos
of the Grammy winner abusing his teenage goddaughter testimony uh who gave damning testimony against
him oh quiet niece I mean goddaughter that child who had no prior sexual experiences in her life
was forced to lay on the floor while that man sitting right over there, Dallas, urinated, urinated on her,
Pozzolo said in a closing argument.
And then she said, my husband won't do that to me.
No, she said, that degrading act is forever captured on that video.
That abuse is forever memorialized.
Back to Rob Bob and Kelly.
You're a crumb creep.
Jane, that's the goddaughter, I think,
or maybe whatever,
testified that Kelly had sex with her
innumerable times,
sometimes along with other teenage girls
that he had asked her to recruit.
Why would the girls go along with,
oh, he's a star and stuff.
You know, black girls get it going early in life.
Nick, why do you say that?
Because it's fucking true.
I'm not trying to justify this pig.
Kelly's attorneys, meanwhile, painted the
prosecution's witnesses as
perjurers, black males, and extortionists.
What a defense.
They're lying. They want
his money. Yeah, but we have a video
that he's like, Fauci, we got you saying
and doing this.
They're like, Mr. Kelly, is we have a video today. He's like, Fauci, we got you saying and doing this. You're like, Mr.
Kelly, is that your penis? Yes. Is that your
urine coming out of your penis?
No, actually. I borrowed,
I borrowed, I had a steroid
coming up, a test
coming up from my parole officer, so I got some
clean pee. So technically,
it's my goddaughter's peeing on herself.
What?
Nick, grow up.
Hey, guys, make plans to come and see me when I'm in Florida.
Here are my confirmed dates.
Friday, November 11th, Palm Beach Kennel Club, West Palm Beach, Florida.
Beautiful part of it.
Saturday, November 12th, Snapper's Gynecology Office.
No, it's Snapper's Comedy Club in Fort Myers, Florida.
God, again, I hope it's called that because it's seafood.
Sunday, November 13th, Sidesplitters Comedy Club, Tampa, one of my favorite clubs.
And at that Tampa show, I'll be doing a live Q&A after the show with VIP ticket holders.
So grab those before they're gone, and we can chat after the show live.
You can get tickets to all these shows at nickdip.com.
I'll also be adding shows in Kansas City and Arkansas and Louisiana.
I will, Tommy.
So keep your eyes open.
I will.
Remind me.
Ed, I did not know that.
Finally tonight?
Yeah.
Two more?
All right. Nick, get going.
This one's called Ruined.
R-O-O.
A 77, we thought it would
lighten it up at the end of the week. 77-year-old. A 77, we thought it would lighten it up
at the end of the week.
77-year-old man was attacked and killed Sunday
by Maisie Hirono, that angry Hawaiian.
No, by a wild kangaroo that authorities believe
he kept as a pet at his home in Southwest.
Boys, Australia fun.
In Southwest Australia.
That is beautiful.
Where do you keep something like that?
It's on the couch with you watching TV?
You're going to keep putting boxing on for him?
It's glued to the set.
Look at the guy.
Looks like he's banging it.
His death marked the first fatal kangaroo attack in australia 86 years
his wife said he didn't expect the kangaroo to have a knife on him no he's gone and we couldn't
do nothing about it a relative of the man found him with serious injuries on his property in redmond
a semi-rural area about 250 miles southeast of Perth. Investigators believe the kangaroo turned on him and attacked him
hours before he was found by his relatives.
We do have...
Oh, yeah. We got some
footage. Wait a minute.
This is the guy fighting?
And the... What?
It's not the guy. No, it's just a fight.
I just
pulled like a random one, right?
Is that what I did? Yeah.
I have to have Dallas explain to me what I sent him.
Wow.
Yeah, I found the clip.
But can you imagine that?
A guy was killed by a goddamn kangaroo.
I didn't know they were that.
But the hind legs, you can see.
They're like, you know, my wife puts on the Lee Press on nails.
Gets on her back and does this type of.
And I tell the guy to get an opera. Listen. Like, you know, my wife puts on the Lee Press on nails, gets on her back and does this type of shit.
And I tell the guy to get an opera.
Listen.
Anyways, let's take a look.
I thought I'd lighten up with some footage.
This is not the actual guy in the story.
This is another guy whose dog was being attacked by kangaroos.
And he's a crazy Australian.
Go ahead. The reigning, the standing,
welcome to fucking outback fight day here we have a human charging into battle like he's william wallace he wants to save his dog from a kangaroo the kangaroo says steady on mate we're in love
we're just having a bit of a hug in the bush what's the problem mate come on oh but the human
viciously throws a punch now he looks like he instantly regrets it the dogs are running around
saying we're not coming home with you you abusive cunt.
Oh my God.
You know what I love?
The minute the guy did this,
the kangaroo's like, let's go.
Oh my God, it's adorable.
I guess don't be, let him kick you.
That's the rule.
God, that was fucking beautiful.
Put him up, Put him up.
You abusive Kent.
God, I love that accent.
Except when it's coming out of that little Geico,
like a fucking stomp on its head.
When officers and paramedics
arrived at the man's home,
the killer kangaroo
was laughing his balls off
and waving a bloody shirt around.
Look what I did. The killer
kangaroo is preventing them from reaching its injured owner. Oh my God, he kills the guy and
then says, you ain't fucking taking this body's evidence. So cops shot it dead. I don't like that.
I'm sorry. Oh, that's overkill. And the kangaroo went, I couldn't shoot it.
I mean, I know if I'm a relative of the guy,
I might have felt differently,
but this thing's doing what he does, right?
The elephant's like, no, I'd kill that motherfucker.
I'd field dress it.
Why does that kangaroo have the face of a cute dog?
And then it's on the body of Arnold Schwarzenegger when he was 26.
And got the arms of Aaron Pryor.
Holy shit.
The kangaroo is posing an ongoing threat to emergency responders, police said in a statement.
Couldn't you tase the motherfucker? This man died at the scene. A coroner will record his official cause of death.
Western gray kangaroos, which can reach up to four foot three inches tall. They say that like
it's tall. And weigh up to 119 pounds and known for their powerful kicks. Male kangaroos can be aggressive and fight people the same way they do amongst each other
by kicking opponents with both clawed hind legs, naked chokeholds, and the kimura.
The last report of a person being killed by a kangaroo was, ironically, Mr. Kangaroo on national TV
when he mouthed off to his friend in Australia was in 1936. That year,
William Cruisank, 38 years old, died in a hospital in Hillstead, New South Wales
state on the Australian East Coast from injuries he suffered in a kangaroo attack.
Did not know there were such pricks. Finally tonight, purge equals surge in crime.
A U.S. state, this is remarkable.
This, folks, a U.S. state, it's Illinois, is making history by becoming the first past a controversial law dubbed by some as the Purge Law.
The law has been associated with the action horror film The Purge,
a movie in which all violent crime is legal for just 24 hours every year.
Well, that's true in every lib city.
I mean, what the what?
Are you interested in the real story?
Yes, I am.
Why is Heidi Klum in the movie?
The SAFE-T Act.
Oh, my God.
These libs.
It's like they're rubbing it in.
SAFE-T Act.
S-A-F-E-T Act.
Standing for Safety, Accountability, Fairness, and let's call it an acronym.
Equity Today.
Well, there's the word equity right there.
There's the word.
Translation.
George Soros and his liberal appointed fucking attorney generals and district attorneys are sicking dangerous people on you,
the unsuspecting, hardworking, taxpaying public.
That's all this is about.
They're declaring fucking war on you.
Will come into play, this new law,
in the Midwestern state of Illinois on January 2023.
I hope I read that right. The new law is aimed at reforming Illinois cash bail system. But correct me if I'm wrong, Chicago's in Illinois. Let's do something
to make it easier for the criminals because they're not doing very well right now. You only
have 20 people shot every weekend on Lori the dumb hoe Lightfoot.
Reforming Illinois
cash bail system.
I guess by looking at New York
and other places that have it, you go, wait, it's
working. Philly.
We want our city to look like Nam
in 1962. Cash
bail system by removing cash bail
for almost all crimes
in the state.
You've got to be fucking kidding me illinois's new law will also limit who can be arrested and held in custody depending on
the crime they are supposed to have committed the this is under the banner of equity like people
are getting arrested for doing nothing the new pass law will waive cash bail for 12, listen to this, non-detainable offenses
with a lot of them being very serious offenses.
They include second-degree murder, aggravated battery, arson, drug-induced homicide, kidnapping.
Now they can't even say we're only letting the nonviolent.
They can't even say that.
Kidnapping.
Now they can't even say we're only letting the nonviolent.
They can't even say that.
Burglary, robbery, intimidation.
Aggravated fleeing and eluding.
They can't even chase.
In Chicago, the cops aren't allowed to chase people now.
Aggravated driving under the influence.
Drug offenses.
Threatening a public official.
How would you like to be a cop?
They could threaten you now.
The SAFE-T Act would also allow suspects of these crimes to become eligible
for bail. Who the fuck do you think you are?
Who the fuck do you think you are?
Who the fuck?
Who the fuck do you think you are?
Who the fuck?
Lori Lightfoot.
Courts will only be able to provide suspects bail,
though if prosecutors don't present clear and convincing evidence that shows that individual person is a threat to specific person
and or the general public.
Many members of the law enforcement community have raised
concerns over the pass of the Safety Act and believe it will worsen crimes in Illinois. Well,
you don't say. Where do you get that idea? Oh, New York, LA. DuPage is a county in the state,
and its attorney, Robert Berlin, shares that view. He says, I'm very concerned about an increase in
violent crime, which is the last thing Illinois.
But again, I do want to stress there is still time to fix it, he said.
There is?
And the state's attorneys are working very hard, as we have been, for the last year and a half to fix this.
Well, you've been failing miserably.
No offense.
The law has been called for by some for many years ahead of illinois becoming the
first state to pass it literally sick and dangerous people on you your children that's it's
fucking insane They say that all good things must end Here is the fella who agrees with me.
There is nothing just, and there is nothing promoting safety
about allowing individuals who choose to break the law
to threaten and to hurt innocent people,
allow them back on the streets to do it again.
That's the opposite of justice.
And that's the opposite of promoting safety within our community that's from a guy named daquan he heads up the uh
concerned communities of whatever but okay insane and you know who's first to be victims of this
type of poor black people if you talk to poor black I mean hard working black
you can't get enough cops in the neighborhood
it's true
they always say that
well minorities and women will be hurt first
when they pass a law
but with crime
I mean they're not living in Bel Air
again it's intentional
you people should be taking this personally
anyways that's enough for this week Again, it's intentional. You people should be taking this personally.
Anyways, that's enough for this week.
My God, I'm sweating my ass crack off.
Ellis is like, come on, let's get on with it.
Don't forget to sign up at Patreon.
I get thank yous, right?
God damn it, help me, will you?
I got no memory.
Pretend you're like my visiting angel.
Your producer, alright?
I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not stripping in front of you, Nick.
No, but god damn it.
Before I go, let's do thank yous, right?
Thank you
reads, it says. I'm like Biden.
Thank you reads. Repeat line.
Our Patreon family is growing, and I want to thank all our new members.
This really is exciting.
This is the way it was.
Fred Foster, Anthony Migliorelli, Terry McPolin, Kurt Weber, Jeremy Frank, Hank Himanen,
Jeremy Frank, Hank Hemanen, Kurt Kresser, Brandon Beecher, great name, Dean Acuff, Mr. Scuffles.
For those of you that want to support the show with a one-time or automated monthly contribution without signing up a Patreon, you can do that at nickdip.com forward slash podcast and click on
the contribution link. You can use a credit or
debit card, PayPal, Cash App, or Venmo. Again, thank you guys very much. And thank you to
Robert Hitt, Edward Fox, our buddy Paul Sagnella, Joseph Weish, Wade Sabatini for your generous
contributions. And seriously, guys, it's coming around, and I think the show's as funny as ever, and we
need it more than ever, and blah, blah, blah.
Don't forget cameo.com.
If you'd like me to roast a friend or a relative, go to cameo.com.
Click on my profile.
And again, sign up monthly at patreon.com.
That's it.
You guys think it, I'll say it.
You are very welcome
you have a great weekend and we'll see you on monday bye I'm a man I'm a man
I'm a man
I'm a man
I'm a man
I'm a man
I'm a man
I'm a man
I'm a man
I'm a man guitar solo Outro Music