The Nick DiPaolo Show - DeSantis Destroys Lefty Heckler | Nick Di Paolo Show #1409

Episode Date: June 5, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about DeSantis owning a lib, why companies go woke and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://NickDiPaoloShow.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 You can all go fuck yourselves. Hey, take it easy. Yeah, that's right. My fellow Americans, these MAGA extremists are now using sandbags to attack us. And these are not regular sandbags. These are racist sandbags. Donald Trump is now using ultra MAGA extremist sandbags against us. So I'm directing the FBI to arrest him before the 2024 election.

Thank you. You didn't think I was going to let that slide, did you? Because I haven't been with you guys since what, Thursday? Right? I mean, I'm like, this will be beating to death, but what, I'm not going to touch that? Is there a better symbol or metaphor for this nation being brought to its knees by this mummy, this fucking octogenarian puppet retard. Jesus. How you doing out there?

Good weekend? Hope you had a great time. A lot of shit going on. I don't feel like talking about it. I'd rather be out walking around today. That's how I know I'm old. I went for a walk and I was proud of it. God, is that gay. Jesus. How that passes for exercises beyond me. I mean a brisk walk. Two. You know. But that's after I had a normal workout on Saturday. So I moved around twice.

And I'm still eating like a bird but I'm stuck on like 211 and a half or whatever. I got down to 210 and a half. I don't know. It pissed me off, man. What am I supposed to fucking do from here? Get the old AIDS? That'll shed it. Nice brain tumor. Come on, South Beach.

Fucking eating like a parrot. Anyhow, speaking of that, Bob Kelly, a comedian friend of mine, you guys all know Bobby, who was almost morbidly obese for the last, I don't know, 10, 15 years. I think he got the bypass or whatever. Have you seen him? Fucking skinnier than me,

which is fucking great. Because, you know, I was, I get nervous with these guys. We make fun of them. We do fat jokes. But I, you know, I said to, remember the last episode of Tough Crowd, Colin asked us to predict where we're going to be in a few years. I said, he'll be dead to Patrice. You know what I mean? So we joke about it, but then you're like, what the fuck? Anyhow, I'd still rather be making pizza. I walk by that oven, it's like a snatch going, hey, over here, you're ignoring me.

It's like my wife. Hey, a little attention. What's that? Put it in me. Yeah, exactly. I was just thinking that. I was trying to do a pizza spitcher. Easy.

Never heard that. Anyways, what? You heard me. Where am I? What am I even talking about? Yeah, so what did I do? Oh, I don't know. Oh, I actually cut the grass. Here's another old thing. Holy shit. Why is that exciting? Because we had sod put down instead of this fucking jasmine shit. First of all, I don't want a grass named after a black stripper. Fucking jasmine. It looked like

outgrown weeds. My wife's like, that's what the fuck, it's popular down here. I go, yeah, so fucking your kids. I'm not doing that either. Oh, we don't have kids. That's not the point.

Anyways. What else? Ah, it was semi-productive. I did something else. It doesn't matter. You don't care, I don't care. That's all I got for today. Let me quit wasting your time and get to it. What do you say? did something else. It doesn't matter. You don't care. I don't care. That's all I got for today.

Let me quit wasting your time and get to it. What do you say? Make me a sandwich. Make me a fucking sandwich. Oh, goodness. In our make me a sandwich segment tonight. Look at that pig. Republican Florida Governor Ron, thanks. I'm glad they put Republican in there. Thanks for clearing that up. Who the fuck writes this shit? Ron DeSantis obliterated a heckler slash mouthy whoa who interrupted his rally by calling him a fucking fascist. Wow. That is breaking some new ground, huh?

That happened in South Carolina. That's how creepy it is. South Carolina could be the reddest state in the union, and you got some lefty woman. Again, we should have kept you from voting. Anyways, the incident unfolded along the campaign trail at an event in Lexington. Lexington, like sandwich. As DeSantis was explaining his policies on public education in curriculum transparency, here's a clip of the dummy yelling out and trying to heckle my boy. Fortunately, there's bad stuff that's getting into the schools. There's pornography that's getting into the schools.

So the parents have had to blow the whistle in Florida. They've had to, yeah, well, thank you. Thank you. We're not going to let you impose an agenda on our kids. We're going to stand up for our kids. We're going to make sure to do it right. That's what we're going to do. Yeah. You fucking whore. Yeah, that's it. Go home. Get my dinner ready.

That's how I would have handled it. Not like him. That's me handling a heck of it. I'll say that again. You fucking whore. Yeah, that's it. Go home. Get my dinner ready.

I wouldn't handle it. Ron did the perfect thing, though. What you know, sometimes you have to do this as a comedian. You get the rest of the audience on your side and say, who thinks she's a douchebag? You know, that's if the audience is all your people. Every once in a while, they let a pig like that in. The governor is on a four day campaign tour through key primary states, including Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina.

Again, how those are the chosen as the states, I'll never know. DeSantis entered into the presidential race on May 24th. He's in second place in the polls behind Republican primary frontrunner, former President Donald Trump. After a glitched Phil announcement on Twitter, his campaign still, I'm talking about DeSantis, raised $8.2 million within the next 24 hours. So he's got the donors on his side. We talk about this like the fucking, you know what, excuse me, the primaries tomorrow. You know what I mean? It's going to change. Remember what they always say. A poll is just a snapshot of blah, blah. First of all, polls don't reflect how people vote. It shapes how people vote, my opinion.

You know what I mean? First of all, it's all bullshit. Here's my problem with the show. I don't believe anything anymore. It's all a goddamn script. Was it Shakespeare or was it the guy Sherwood Schwartz who did a Brady Bunch that said all the world is a stage? It was Shakespeare, was it? I thought it was, yeah, I thought it was Schwartz, Sherwood Schwartz. He said all the world is a

stage and Marsha has a nectarine ass and he was uh asked to be delicious delicious absolutely yummy yum yum hey guys um in the second half of the show I'm gonna be talking about a church in Massachusetts that was lit on fire and you're never going to believe who actually lit the fire. Stay tuned for that. Oh, goodness gracious, Eloise. On to story number two, why companies go woke. A lot of people ask, well, why would you do that? Why did Target do that after Bud Light? And, you know, there's, like anything else, follow the filthy money. Follow the filthy Luca. Luca? Yeah, Luca Brazzi. Woke agendas have cost Anheuser-Busch or Hauser and a target, and target the store billions in market value.

Dominant investment firms are strong-arming companies to promote progressive values. I'm going to go read this slowly because it makes sense. Despite alienating large swaths of their customer base, says Anson Frerichs, seen here, looking like a young Christopher Walken with better teeth, former president of Anheuser-Busch sales and distribution. So he knows what he's talking about. You just have to follow the money, Frerich said. You take a look at BlackRock, State Street, Vanguard.

They managed $20 trillion worth of capital. That's with a T, folks, trillion. Frerich noted that these impactful investment firms manage massive pension funds, such as the state of California's pension fund, the largest in the country. Frerichs said that the California, here the filthy politicians, wield influence on which companies these firms invest in. Are you following it so far? You're the fucking problem.

You fucking Dr. White, onking jam rag, onking spunk bubble. I'm telling you, telling you H you keep looking at me. I'm gonna put you in a fucking ground. I promise you in California for example, they recently have mandated those large pension funds that they divest from things like Fossil fuels so that so the politicians are sticking their politics where it doesn't fucking belong understand and here you have the fusion of government and politicians are sticking their politics where it doesn't fucking belong. You understand? And here you have the fusion of government and corporations, which Mussolini, who knows a little bit about fascism, said that's the definition. We're well on our way. Congratulations. Things like fossil, they want them to divest from fossil fuels, oil and gas. And then when Bill de Blasio, former mayor of New York, was there, he did the same thing.

How'd that work out? Frerichs added, but they also tell BlackRock, State Street, and Vanguard, if they're going to manage their money, they have to commit to things like ESG, diversity, equity, inclusion, and adopt firm-wide commitments that they therefore then force onto all the major companies in corporate America. Fuck you and fuck you. Exactly. Who's next? Frerich said he left Anheuser-Busch because large companies began engaging in politics and telling customers how to live their lives. You know, Mark Levin was ringing this bell, honest to God, 15 years ago,

and I used to listen to him on the radio, telling you what kind of toilets to use in your house. Westchester County, New York, if I wanted to plant the tree in my own, I would have had to get like six permits, that type of shit. He pointed to Georgia legislators, this is a good example, passing

election integrity laws. Remember that? You actually had to show an ID to vote. Then BlackRock, Coca-Cola, Delta Airlines, and MLB publicly opposed those laws that didn't directly affect them. It didn't affect their business. But because they were being told, but because they were being told, he added the big three also wield, that means BlackRock Vanguard, three also wield enormous influence when it comes to executive pay. This one will get you pissed.

According to one study, a shocking 73% of S&P 500 companies now tie, listen to this, executive compensation to ESG measures. If a CEO doesn't weigh in on the, you know, pride and all that fucking horse shit, the latest social issue quickly enough, his or her bonus could be in jeopardy. This is where the left is way smarter than the right. There has to be an equivalent to that when the right's in power,

but they're not smart enough to come up with it. Either that or they're in on it. I hate to be that cynical. You see what I'm saying? The left is just fucking way smarter when it comes to dirty pool. California, bitch. Sickle right up your... Frerichs wrote that political and cultural issues should be settled at the ballot box,

not in a friggin' boardroom. Yes, sir. Wow, what a fucking novel concept, huh? What a, ugh. Filthy, filthy, filthy. But now you get it, right? But my question is, did these politicians that are so left-wing shit, did they really believe in this shit? You know what I mean? Or is it just a way, again, for the government to become that more powerful, they rule over us peons? That's the end goal, right?

They sure, but like AOC and these idiots, they sure seem like they really are against fossil fuel, but they can't be. Anyways, it's never worked anyway. Good luck working here. Folks, I'll say it one more time. We have to get up our beanbag chairs and shut off the fucking Stanley Cup finals and hit somebody. Anybody see that game? By the way, Andy was hogging the TV, and I know you didn't want to wait until 11 to 30 to put on the game. That's why you didn't hear from me. And it was a

good one. Oh, it was nasty. All this series is going to get ugly in a hurry. After every whistle, punch in the face, somebody gets thrown down, stabbed with a stick. The way hockey championships should be. That's right. They play, white fellas play like it still means something.

You don't see anybody fucking lily-gagging like you do in the Super Bowl. I mean, oh my God. It's going to be a doozy. Both goalies are playing un-fucking-real. Matthew Kachuk is a menace to society. He got tossed with about four minutes left. He just

punched some guy in the head while somebody had the guy in the head. Right in the face. Because by that time, it was like four or five to two. It was closer than that score sounds, by the way, too. Anyways, you guys don't want to hear that. You're probably fucking biting your nails because the Nuggets and the way, too. Anyways, you guys don't want to hear that. You're probably fucking biting your nails because the nuggets and the whoever, what, Miami

Heat? They could be playing in my driveway and fucking shut it down. Get out of here! Go steal a fucking microwave! What? Don't say that. I'm just joking, everybody. You know that. Anyhow, yeah, so that's, I thought I'd let you in on that.

How it works and why the fucking wokeness goes it's really filthy and that's scary when the government's working hand-in-hand corporate America oh boy oh boy mm-hmm so I guess they don't care like when Target loses 14% of its value in a week or they don't give a shit it's the the end goal. Keep your eye on the ball. Keep your eye on the sickle and hammer. For those of you on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of my show. Everyone else, go to nickdapaloshow.com and join to get my full show here

and Steven Crowder's full show and a whole lot more. And while you're there, you click on the tour button to get my dates while I'll be performing live. I get a little bit of a break until July, I believe, unless something pops up. You know what I mean?

Like maybe a grand opening of an Arby's right here in Stink City Garden. I can never remember. Where this studio is, for some reason, the minute you take the exit, you can smell dead bodies and fucking propane. It's fucking weird. Right, Dallas? I thought I had a piece of shit on my upper lip when I came to the studio. Anyways, July 14th and 15th,

Arlington Cinema and Draft House. That's an old movie theater. It's Ballsy, Arlington, Virginia. I hope I see you guys there. I hope I see you. guitar solo guitar solo Bye.